A Hot Dog Is a Sandwich - What's The Correct Way To Eat A Bagel?

Episode Date: February 23, 2022

There are plenty of ways to eat a bagel, but which is the hole in one method? Today, Josh and Nicole are discussing: what's the correct way to eat a bagel? To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. There are plenty of ways to eat a bagel, but which is the hole-in-one method? Open-faced? Sandwich-style? Whatever those heathens in St. Louis are doing? Yeah, Nicole, we're coming after St. Louis again. This is A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. Ketchup is a smoothie. Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what? That makes no sense.

A hot dog is a sandwich. A hot dog is a sandwich. What? Welcome to our podcast, A hot dog is a sandwich. A hot dog is a sandwich. What? Welcome to our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. The show where we break down the world's biggest food debates. I'm your host, Josh Scherer. And I'm your host, Nicole Inaidi. And Nicole, today we're talking about bagels.

I love bagels! I love bagels! I love bagels! Big bagel fan over here. Like, you're a fan of large-sized bagels. No. You're a big bagel fan. You're a small bagel fan.

You believe bagels should be tiny. I'm an average bagel. How big are your bagels? I don't like mini bagels. Actually, no large sized bagels No You're a big bagel fan You're a small bagel fan You believe bagels should be tiny I'm an average bagel How big are your bagels? I don't like mini bagels Actually no mini bagels are gross Do you know mini bagels you get from the store? Yeah like the little Sara Lee ones I hate those

The weird thing to me is They're good to throw They should be stacked in a can like Pringles Oh But they come in a sack Huh It's a misshapen sack of mini bagels No because

Because bagels come in like Stacked on top of each other Why not the minis? That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I know. I agree with you. I'm on your side. I thought we were going to fight.

I guess, does you ever have that happen with your partner where you think you're going to fight, but you're agreeing with each other? No. And you're both just really sleep deprived? My communication style is very direct. All right, so we're talking about the best way to eat a bagel. This is, I mean, one, toasted or untoasted. Oh, that is a huge, huge debate. Should we save that

should we save the real controversial stuff for the end i don't know try and keep people titillated i don't know the word titillated makes you uncomfortable i like the word titillated it's like a ran of titmouse titmouses get titillated on my titties all right so okay first off first off first yes go ahead sandwich style versus open-faced. I have very strong opinions about this. Really, I hate you. I hate you so much. You're the worst person in the world.

Your bagel preferences define your moral value, and it is poor. Okay. Do you think I care what your opinion is of me? I should hope so, Nicole. I'm your best friend. And my boss. You're my boss before you're my best friend. Let me just say that. I like to think they happen

at equal times. The first day you were here I was like, Nicole's my best friend. Why do you like it sandwich style? Because I have very specific reasons for eating it. Well, I believe that whenever you eat an open-faced bagel, things fall apart. A la The Roots album, one of my favorites. But it falls apart.

It falls apart, Josh. It falls apart. The capers, they go bleh, and then the onions, they go wee, and then... But you're not sucking hard enough. You gotta do the mouth... No, hold on, hold on. Wait, wait, you hold on. You hold on. No, you hold on. No, you hold on. I don't suck my bagels. Well, you're supposed to.

No, you're not. No, anytime you eat an open-faced sandwich, you gotta do the bite and suck. You gotta bite, and then you gotta hoover it. What am I, a vampire? Chomp, chomp. So that way all the feelings get out. That is not how you eat an open-faced sandwich, you got to do the bite and suck. You got to bite and then you got to hoover it. What am I, a vampire? Chomp, chomp. So that way all the feelings get out. That is not how you eat a bagel. If the caper is going to want to start to run, I don't think that many people are out there eating capers on their bagels. What?

I think like in terms of percentage of Americans and bagels eaten, what percent has a caper on it? I'm saying less than two. This conversation is premature. I think we need to go back a little bit and talk about what our favorite bagel is and how we eat it. How about we do that? Okay. That's a good one. Okay.

You can go first. Favorite bagel. I will alternate between sesame and everything. I think everything bagels are great. Occasionally, they're very overwhelming, though. And if it is a heavily sesame-se seeded bagel then that is generally my favorite okay i do not prefer it toasted i prefer it sliced just but as long as it's kind of fresh yeah like warm but like latent heat uh-huh like like 40 minutes out of the oven warm where there's just

like a touch of harsh warmness okay you know what i mean and still very crusty on the outside a little bit of crisp on the outside but that nice leathery chew sliced in half. And then if I'm, you know, feeling like I should drop $13, $14, I will get either a plain or a scallion cream cheese schmear. I will put lox on it with tomato, red onion. And then, you know what? Maybe a caper, too, Nicole. You got me there with your gotcha journalism. And yours is open-faced.

Served open-faced, yes. But most places will serve it as a sandwich, but I will ask them to not cut it in half. And then I will flip it open if they're serving it as a sandwich. And then I will construct my own open-faced delights. Interesting. Yeah. So you just have control issues is what you're telling me right now. I'm like typically the opposite.

But to me, it's one of those foods that is, it's like a burrito that hasn't been grilled or like wrapped. I see what you're saying. It's like one of those small steps that I think makes the enjoyment of the food infinitely better. Yeah. Well, my favorite, you're going to laugh at me. My favorite bagel is very me. It is a Nicole bagel. And I like the fact that it's me in a bagel.

It is a jalapeno cheddar bagel. Jesus Christ. That's strong. That is a Nicole bagel. And I like the fact that it's me in a bagel. It is a jalapeno cheddar bagel. That's strong. That is a strong start. Stop it. I just started. You're already judging me and I just started. Okay. It is a jalapeno bagel, jalapeno cheddar bagel. I remove some of the middle. Wait a second. Let me finish. I remove the middle and then I put it in the toaster and I let it get lightly toasted.

Not brown, not black, just lightly toasted. A nice gold, a nice light gold. I retrieve it from, I retrieve it from the toaster oven.

I put on some cream cheese. If it's black pepper cream cheese, I'm a happy girl. Is that a common product? I don't think so. I think I just kind of make it myself. I used to love whipped cream cheese. If it's black pepper cream cheese, I'm a happy girl. Is that a common product? I don't think so. I think I just kind of make it myself. I used to love whipped cream cheese, but now

I've evolved and I love a good block of Philadelphia. I put that on there. I scrounge a bunch of pepper on it. And then I do it on both sides. And then I take avocado. How hot is this bagel while you're spreading the cream cheese? Hot! Piping hot. So you let the cream cheese melt into the bagel. A little bit. A little bit. I do. This is so anti-everything that I the cream cheese melt into the bagels. A little bit. A little bit.

I do. This is so anti-everything that I'm about when it comes to bagels. That's fine. I know. We don't have to share the same preferences. I don't care. And then I take avocado.

I slice it. I take cucumber. And then I put salt on the cucumbers. And then I put tapatio or Cholula hot sauce on there. And if I want to, I add lox And I add red onions And capers If I want to When do you want to?

I thought this is the whole Thing with preferences I don't want to Always have Well that is my That is my ultimate Easy bagel I make it

I get out of the door I'm done okay But whenever it's like Oh it's a Sunday Me and David might You know Go on a walk Or like to an open house

And then like We just like eat a bagel with lox in it because it's going to sustain us longer because it has more protein in it. Yeah so you're talking about a bagel that like you are procuring the bagels from a bagelry and then you are getting the fixings yourself. Yes. You will make a sandwich when you do that. I love doing

that. I don't like getting my bagels pre-assembled I just get the bagels and do it at home and actually we do that with David's parents all the time like on Sundays we just go over they get like just get the bagels and do it at home and actually we do that with David's parents all the time like on Sundays we just go over they get like half a dozen bagels we go over and we just assemble all our beautiful like sandwiches and we enjoy it's very communal yeah yeah but whenever I like go to like the

bagel factory or something yeah I get a sandwich I do I used to get pizza bagels you ever do pizza bagels oh I love pizza bagels St. Urbain's pizza bagels I love you so much St. Urbain's pizza bagels what is St.'s pizza bagels it was a pizza it was a it was a bagel shop in beverly hills right next to where 9021 is and um they were the rudest people ever they were so mean they just had the worst attitudes ever but they had the best damn pizza bagels and then alfred coffee like procured

it but it's not the same thing it's not as good as it was when I was, like, 17. And I'm mad. I think, though, speaking of bagels, the Yeasty Boys bagel truck, I think, parks outside of Alfred Coffee. They are a good bagel. I will say. It is a good bagel. There are different levels to bagelry, right?

Sure. So when we're talking about preferences, like, my ultimate bagel experience is getting, I did this recently with Courage Bagels, which is a very good. You know, I've never been and I've driven by a lot. It's a very good new school bagel in LA. They're like kind of wetter, I'd say, than most bagels. A little bit more, you know, sumptuous chew to them. Very high gluten development in them.

But like a lovely, lovely crust. It's really a fantastic just marvel of baked goods structure. I really want to go. It was time to stand in that line. I did once. I woke up like 630 on a Sunday. really a fantastic just marvel of baked good structure i really want to go it was good it was time to to stand in that line i did once i woke up like i woke up like 6 30 on a sunday and i was just like screw it i'm gonna go wait in line of courage it wasn't that bad it's like 15 minutes okay uh i had cured my own salmon like a couple days before nice and so i did a little like it was like a med scott or no maybe like a smoky scotch cured salmon with some smoked salt

because i didn't want to smoke the lox myself. I put a bunch of aromatics and dill and all that stuff. To make it smoke. Yeah, yeah. And then I just sliced that fresh. I got the bagels that were still warm and cut them open. So like I said, there's just that latent little kiss of heat there. And then just took some cream cheese, non-whipped, no scallions even, and just spread that on with the lox.

And then to me, actually the red onion has to touch the cream cheese first. Okay. Yes. And then you put a nice thick slice, not a thick slice, a wide slice. A tomato. A wide slice of beefsteak tomato. Yes. I'm seeing it in my head.

I'm building it. Salt and pepper on top of the tomato. Okay. And then a single draped piece of lox, like a long. A single long piece of lox. You ever like see the, was it Zabar's fish cutters? I've seen them, yeah. And they're like slicing on the bias.

So you just get these big old thin translucent sheets. But what happens when it's not the long piece? Well, then you just eat the snacks. You just eat the snacks. You eat the snackies on the side, but you save the long good pieces, right? You ever get the smoked salmon from Costco? The three kinds of salmon. It's the peppered and the dill and the regular.

Yup. I have that in my house every there is not one day where i do not have that lox sampler in my house yeah it is important to have in my house i don't reckon i've ever turned my bagel at home into a sandwich on my own volition i don't think i've ever done it i always leave it open because for me for me the proper bagel right like it has that lovely crusty exterior. Okay. Yeah.

That to me, if you put it in a sandwich, it shouldn't hold together. You should have to put so much force into that crust to get through that everything should, especially the best bagel toppings are slippery, right? Would you consider yourself to have a small mouth, Josh? Is this what the problem is? Can you just not unhinge your jaw large enough to just like get it? Nicole, grab a caliper.

I'm opening my mouth. What's a caliper? What's a caliper? Look at my mouth. Is it small? I'm staring at it. Yeah, it's small. I think I got a little bit of TMJ too.

I have TMJ, but I don't care. And still, you just attack the bagel. You know what's one of the best bagels I've ever had? At Wexler's Deli, they had a smoked sturgeon bagel that I still what's one of the best bagels I've ever had? At Wexler's Deli, they had a sturgeon. They had a smoked sturgeon bagel that I still think about to this day. I believe it was $20.

And I will never, ever, ever do that again. But holy cow. And you ate it as a sandwich. It came as a sandwich. Or maybe I just put it as a sandwich. There's a picture on my Instagram. Just like scroll all the way down to like 2018. You'll see it. I think I made, I think it came as a sandwich. Yeah.

But what about the people who don't believe in locks? What about the people that eat a bacon, egg, and cheese? What about the people that, you know? I don't believe bacon, egg, and cheeses should be on a bagel. I'm like pretty opposed to non-cream cheese based things on a bagel. Really? Well, the number one popular bagel style, according to Grubhub, is bacon, egg, and cheese bagel. Number two is steak, egg, and cheese.

Number three is avocado and egg. Number four. What the hell study is this? Who's getting steak bagels? Read the context, though. You're just. Most popular bagel sandwiches in the country. How do they?

What's their metric? Steakums. Steakums. I don't know. Let me finish. How did they gather their data? Number four is tofu cream cheese bagel, and number five is lost. This is, what a meaningless study.

We have no idea their methodology. Well, I like to believe them. This is like one of those just insane polls. Like, it'll be like 99% of Americans agree that Lysol is not indicated in widespread crime. Study brought to you by Lysol. It's just like, what are you talking about? Who is putting this study together? Grubhub.

I know, but what did they ask? What were the questions that they asked? USA Today said probably like, what's your favorite bagel? Doom. And this is what's- How many people? What are their options? I didn't ask.

This makes no sense. No, I'm pretty opposed to normal breakfast sandwiches on bagels. Would you rather have a breakfast sandwich on, say, a Kaiser roll, an English muffin, a bagel? What's a breakfast sandwich on like say a Kaiser roll, an English muffin, a bagel? What's your breakfast sandwich go to? Well, my breakfast sandwich is on sourdough bread. Yeah, agreed. No, I love that.

It is on sourdough bread. Yeah, I actually, the other day, like went out to get all of the ideal things to make my best breakfast sandwich. I got the avocado, the tomato. I made a little spicy aioli kind of thing. Got some really good quality bacon. Baked that off for a long time to get it super rendered. Made some nice like fudgy soft scrambled eggs.

Toasted the bread super hard in butter. Put it all together. Wrapped it to let it steam for about two minutes. Unwrapped it. Sliced it in half. What a time. What is the difference between that and a bagel though? What is the big diff? What's the big diff? Tensile strength, Nicole. The tensile strength of the bagel to me

is the opposite. Like the toughness of chom strength of the bagel to me is the opposite. Like the toughness of chomping through the bagel. It's not that tough. Good bagel should be tough. I think a good bagel should be tough. Maggie, Maggie, you're the third Jew in this room. Stop looking at Maggie for advice. This is an A to B conversation.

I think to me, like, that's why, I don't know, I'm thinking of like French bread pizza, which I really enjoy. I don't care for French bread pizza. I enjoy really enjoy. I don't care for French bread pizza. I enjoy it, but I don't enjoy it as pizza, right? Yeah, it's a snack. Because pizza to me has to be dense and chewy. That's like the point of pizza dough. For me, the point of a bagel is having that sort of dense chewiness, but like enough sort of fluff, but also a ton of gluten to where the fluff yields to chew.

That is what I enjoy. And it's not something that I want with, say say fluffy scrambled eggs. And that's why I don't like whipped cream cheese either. I used to love it. Now I understand why. What brought you away? What brought you away? I'm smart and I grew. I made mistakes and I grew from my mistakes. That's very big

of you to say. I know. I'm an evolved version of myself right now. I love whipped cream cheese with matzah because that's what I was raised on. But like at this point in my life, bagel needs a whole block, not a whole block, but a whole like section of like block cream cheese. You're telling me that you ate a $20 smoked sturgeon salad or like. I think so. Yeah, it's kind of mixed with mayonnaise, kind of like a paste.

I think so, yeah. You're telling me you ate that whole thing without any of it squeezing out the back? No. You want to know why? Because I cut it in half. Yeah, it's kind of a mix of mayonnaise, kind of like a paste. I think so, yeah. You're telling me you ate that whole thing without any of it squeezing out the back? No. You want to know why? Because I cut it in half. Yeah. And I opened it, and I knew how to attack it head on. But you didn't suck either.

You didn't do the mouth hoover. This is, I don't understand the physics that are going on in your life, Nicole. I don't understand. I have a large mouth, and I can fit it. I don't need to suck. It works. She said it, folks. For real, I feel like this is a problem that plagues me.

Unless I do the hand butt cup. I cup my hand around the butt of the bagel. You ever do that one where you have stuff falling out the back? And instead of like, I don't know, trying to scoop out the filling from the back, you just shove your hand against the butt of the bagel? No. My bagel construction is really good. Also, shout out to my friend Talia.

She taught me that salsa on bagels, fire. The hell are you doing? What kind of salsa? Pace. Pace. The big ass handled one. Yeah, yeah, the Costco pace. Yeah, shout out to Talia.

She taught me that and I appreciate her for it. Shout out to Deep for figuring out that. Shrikhand. You've heard of Shrikhand? Is it the sugary, like, paste? It's like a really sugary yogurt. It's like a, so it's a strained yogurt that you mix with sugar, and then you, like, add little drops of, like, saffron in it at the end, so the saffron just swirls. It's beautiful.

Dude, it's great. We used to eat that on toasted Sara Lee bagels, which, this up another thing. We're talking about the levels of bagelry. Like I have my ideal, which is open faced. And then I have like I was in New York a couple of months ago getting the Babish tattoo. Yeah. And I went to a place called Essa Bagel. Oh, it's huge. I know all about it. I thought it was Issa Bagel. It's Issa Ray Bagel. Issa Ray, Essa Bagel. Both great at what they do. But I mean, Essa Bagel, they're churning out tons of bagels. They don't literally have time to like wrap an open-faced bagel. So everything's a sandwich.

And I didn't take it out and deconstruct it. I just ate it as a damn sandwich. And it was really good. But it wasn't my ideal. There's a more ideal version. And I also got that at a place called Seydel's where I did the open-faced. Did you love Seydel's? I did.

I don't care if everyone in New York thinks it's like overrated now. You know, I don't care. I don't have time for that BS. It was a great bagel. What about Russ and Daughters? How was that? Didn't go there. Line was long.

Line was long. Long lines. We should talk about long lines. I prefer to have like a fish plate and sandwich, but I still will enjoy the sandwich. And then there's the Sarah Lee bagel where you can desecrate any way you want to and I will never take a second look. Like, that is totally fine. Like, I will just, you know, put whatever else.

The whole chicken pesto, whatever. Microwave jelly on it. I think you're right. That's for you to use because it is so far removed from what a great bagel is. And at that point, it's just delicious, sugary, round hole dough. I think you're right. I think you're right. I think whenever you get a grocery store bagel.

What about the grocery store deli section bagels where they're making it in the pavilions? I will tell you the appropriate – I grew up on those as well. The appropriate way to utilize a grocery store deli bagel is you get the sweet bagel, which is generally either blueberry or cinnamon raisin. Okay. And yet sometimes they'll sell the little packs of like cream cheese. Oh, honey. Yes. And you get strawberry or honey walnut cream cheese.

And that is the way to do a grocery store bagel. I never have ever eaten a blueberry or cinnamon raisin. Wait, not once? Not once. No way. It does not appeal to me. Not even with the sugary cream cheese? It doesn't care. No, I don't care about that.

Savory bagels only. Interesting. Solamente savory. Solamente Interesting. Solamente savory. Solamente sabor. Solamente sabor. It's all I want. I don't know what sabor means. I think it means flavor.

Yeah, it is. I literally don't want a sweet bagel. You know what's funny? I don't want it. Probably the most often context that I've eaten a bagel in in the last several years has been office bagels. We have office bagels. Like pretty often.

Like someone will bring in bagels as a treat, right? Oh, we also have Dave's Killer Bagels. Oh, dude, I haven't had those. Are they good? Are they better than Sara Lee? I like Dave's Killer Bread, but I imagine they're kind of going to be sugary and squishy. Yeah, got him. Got him. Got him.

Because Dave killed a gay. But again, great company that really does a lot to hire offenders. But anyway, most of the time having a bagel, it'll be like a Noah's Bagel or an Einstein Brothers or a Brugers. I hate Noah Bagels. I don't like any of them. They're all owned by the same conglomerate that has Nazi ties. It's a whole thing. Oh. They don't like any of them. They're all owned by the same conglomerate that has Nazi ties. It's a whole thing. They don't have current Nazi debates.

Just Google it. It's a crazy story. The company is a German conglomerate. If there's a company that was once owned by Nazis or Nazi sympathizers, I will call it out. Fanta Soda. Wild history. Check out Fanta Soda's Nazi past. Anywho, what I'm saying is.

You like bialy's, Josh? What's a bialy? a bagel without the hole? The onion on the top I'm saying you're typically eating like a stale bagel It's been out for three hours and the cream cheese Has also gone up to room temperature, what's your move then? How do you treat those bagels? I rip it and I dip it in the cream cheese

Yes ma'am, that is the only correct answer I like when you're proud of me I stepped on my beads that I take off because they rattle around. I thought it was like an open water bottle. Bialy's. I like Bialy's. I don't know that I've ever had a Bialy's. Oh my gosh. That's really weird. They're onion-y. They're like

flatter, not as large of a hole, but I think you still have a hole. Look up Bialy's. Show Josh what a Bialy's is. I know what a Bialy's is. Show him. I think they're Hungarian In origin maybe B-I-A-L-Y I just somehow I think that's one of those

Weird foods that slip Through the cracks You never had a Bialy? I love Bialy I don't reckon I've ever Had a Bialy You know what I love? Jerusalem bagels

Jerusalem bagels are fun I love a good Jerusalem bagel I love I just like all bagels Other than sweet ones Tell them about Jerusalem bagels Jerusalem bagels are like Oblong Is that theels are like oblong.

Is that the proper use of oblong? Oblate. It's an oblate piece of sesame bread, and it's so damn good. Yeah, they're like hella long. Looks like a racetrack, like an Indy 500 racetrack. It is so good. And they're covered in sesame seeds. And they are crusty and hard.

I can't eat that with cream cheese. They are so hard, Nicole. I can't eat that with cream cheese. How are you supposed to eat a drizzle on bagels? Just dip it in hummus or like butter. Salted butter is a good. Hummus on a bagel. That's a nice combination.

Hummus on bagels. No. No? No. Interesting. No. I guess, yeah. Pita, like there's foods that are meant to be eaten with certain foods that like.

Yeah. Being able to swipe a pita through hummus. Yeah. And catch it. The only way you could do hummus on a bagel is if you had like a veggie sandwich with sprouts and carrots on it. Does that make sense?

Which is pretty common. Yeah. Like one of my favorite, I talk about trying, like wanting these fantastic, perfect bagel experiences with the fresh sliced fish and the way it's, you know,

constructed and all that. My favorite bagel, like maybe to this day is from, oh my God, it's my like college bagel spot. Western bagel? Like Isla Vista. No, no, no to this day is from, um, oh my god, I'm not, it's my, like, college bagel spot. Western Bagel? Like, Isla Vista. No, no, no, this is at UC Santa Barbara. Uh-huh. It was just called, like, Ivy Bagel or something like that. Nice. Um, but they would

do these, like, open-faced melts where they would just take a bagel, they'd slice it, and then they'd top it with, like, the most random assortment of ingredients. It'd be, like, pesto, cream cheese, turkey, gouda, tomato, and then alfalfa sprouts and lemon pepper. That is something I would happily eat open-faced. Yeah?

I would happily eat. How funny, Common Ground. The melt concept has to be on an open face. But the cold, no. The cold, no. Interesting. You want to know why? Why's that?

The heat congeals everything together, so it's easier to eat. I need some video proof here, and I want to run this down like they do in football games with the teleprompter and drawing little circles of me eating a closed-faced bagel and you eating an open-faced bagel, because we seem to have fundamental differences in how our mouths work. I've got a big mouth. But is that really it? But then why, for you, Nicole, are all these toppings falling? Is that you don't have the core stability to hold a bagel upright? It might be because I have

possibly arthritis. I don't know. What answer do you want? What do you want me to tell you? I know how to hold food. I can bite into foods. My mouth is big enough to bite. You see me eat big ol' hamburgers on the show. Really?

Yeah, but you suck on them. Yeah, but I suck. I suck my food. You suckle on the burger. It's weird. On the burger. I get the juices in. That's why I'm doing my bagels.

Yeah, it's weird, dude. Okay. St. Louis. Yeah, screw. What are you doing, St. Louis? What's going on over there? Slicing them. Someone needs to go check on St. Louis.

Can I tell you something? Aside from St. Louis. Go ahead. Bagel chips yes sir no pita chips um bagel chips were everything bagel chips i enjoy no i like bagel chips that you get from like jerry's deli oh like actual yeah like you think i was talking about everything bagel well they started there was like a brand called like new york's finest it started selling them in grocery stores within the last decade like i'm talking about like jerry's deli when you go and you get a it's like a ball soup and you just scrunch all the the dried peanut the dried chips and you put them in your soup i like those that's great nicole i'm so i'm so happy for you i i love that you have things that you enjoy i have so many things i enjoy things that sort of give your life context and meaning thank you How do you feel about rainbow bagels?

Can we talk about St. Louis bagels? Because I promised in the intro that we were going to crap all over the... We've gotten in trouble with our St. Louis sisters and I'm not going to pretend like I'm ever going to apologize

to your godforsaken city. Have you been to St. Louis? Yeah, I think the Gateway Arch is just one of the worst monuments in the United States. I think they really did a poor job. I think the Rams were right to leave your city and come to Los Angeles. Albert Pujols was right to leave the Cardinals.

There's a reason no prominent athlete really wants to be in the city of St. Louis. It's because their pizza is bad. It's on unleavened crust. That is a tragedy. It's on matzah. And the way they slice bagels, Nicole, I actually have nothing against. I'm watching videos of it. St. Louis, it seems like a lovely city.

I grew up for a little bit in Kansas City, Missouri, on the opposite side of the... Point is, what they do is they slice their bagels through the top as if it were sliced bread, but never minding the hole. You know what I mean? They neglect the hole. The hole, it just gets sliced into multiple different things.

They neglect the hole. Yeah, they're neglecting the hole. It's something that you shouldn't do. I mean, it should be a conversation what you do, but they're slicing it through like it's sliced bread. And it's called a St. Louis cut bagel. And when this first hit the internet, I thought it was a joke, you know,

because it seems so improbable that anyone would see a bagel and come to the conclusion that that is the best way to slice it. Like your body naturally tends towards symmetry and you're just like, let's cut this in the most asymmetrical way, Bob. What's going on? Josh, I know you. And the way Chicago

cuts their pizzas into squares. Josh, I get it. It doesn't make sense. Some things bother you and you have your sensitivities and I understand that. Let the people of St. Louis do what they want. Are you losing sleep over the sliced bagel? Yes. I'm not. Every night, Nicole, I lay in bed awake. I am a Jewish woman. Hear you roar. And I am looking at this sliced bagel? Yes. I'm not. Every night, Nicole. I'm a Jewish woman. I lay in bed awake. I am a Jewish woman. Hear you roar. And I am looking

at this sliced bagel and it doesn't anger me as much as I thought it would. It's annoying. It's a little screwed up, but you know, whatever floats your boat, baby. What do you do with the hole? What do you mean? What do you do with the hole? You pass by it. You sleep through the hole. You pass through the hole. You're just neglecting the hole. The hole isn't important. The bagel's important.

You know what? No, hold on. Now that I see the St. Louis bagel, they're like turning it into little- Crostinos? Yeah, a little like crostinos and putting kind of the schmear and the fish and like a single caper on it. Oh, that seems nice. Yeah, I get it. Yeah. All right, no, St. Louis, you're cool in my book.

Yeah, it's not horrible. Like, it's fine. Like, do whatever you want to do, man. Rainbow bagels. What? What's going on? What the hell is a rainbow bagel? Someone's got to check on these unicorns out here. They're out here pooping all over the bagels. They're going on check on these and these unicorns out here they're out here

pooping all over the bagels they're turning in rainbow colored and no one seems to know what's going on uh no that was a really weird trend i think it's a very cool we made them before right um i bought them before i refuse to make them do you think i have time to oh you and i made jello rainbow bagels oh that makes sense that's whenever you were still hanging out with me more than you are now. Yeah, before I sat at my desk. I actually got to cook food. You still cook. Of course you get down.

I used to be more. You're down with the clown child. I used to be more. But no, rainbow bagels, that was a big thing that took over New York like, what, eight years ago? Yeah, and they put like confetti cream cheese in it with sprinkles. It was just desiccant. It's that point that, like, bagel fetishization really started sweeping the world. And it's kind of a huge bummer because then it came to my favorite bagel spot growing up, Bagels and Brew.

Out in, like, I don't know, it's, like, off Alicia in, like, Mission Viejo near, like, Ladera. Shout out to the South Orange County crew. Maggie knows what's up. There it is. We used to ditch school and go there before we go to the Saddleback College driving range instead of chemistry class. Maggie knows what's up. All right.

So. Oh, my God. Maggie's like, I'm T-Y-V-C. What up? That's Irvine Valley College. Point is, they became like the West Coast hub of the rainbow bagel. And I was always a little bit disappointed. I was always like Bagels and Brew. I thought you could just get by on your delicious California-style omelets with the jack cheese and the avocado and the bacon and the tomato.

And you're perfectly fine. Drip coffees. And no, they want Rainbow Bagel. I have definitely purchased their Rainbow Bagels before. From Bagels and Brew? Yep. No way. Do they like ship them?

They ship them. Dude. I mean, one shout out to the owners of Bagels and Brew. They opened up a couple locations. No way. Do they like ship them? They ship them. Dude. I mean, one shout out to the owners of Bagels and Brew. They opened up a couple locations. Very nice. Super great people. And I cannot stress how good of a hub for truant children it was in my youth.

But yeah. Have you had a rainbow bagel? Yeah, I did. I ate one. Did it make you feel any type of way as a Jewish woman? No. No? I just didn't like it because I was consuming a lot of food dye.

Yeah. I don't like it. There's a a lot of food dye yeah i don't like there's a level of food well there's foods that i want to be dyed like what hawaiian chicken wait i want my tandoori chicken to be violently red i was thinking like you're gonna say like some candy no no tandoori chicken that's one of those things that I like very very highly believe should be red food guide. Yeah, yeah. That's mostly the one. Why is this making me laugh so hard?

Hard left turn into tandoori chicken. I don't know why this is making me laugh so hard. And jalapeno cheese bagels. Get the heck out of here, Nicole. Jalapeno cheese bagels are so good. You don't even like bagels. You're heck out of here, Nicole. Look at your cheese bagels. They're so good. You scoop out the bagels. You don't even like bagels. You're scooping out the bagel. I am making more room. Your first step.

I am making more room for the condiments. That's why it doesn't spill out when I eat it, Josh. Your first step in making a bagel is remove the bagel. That's terrible. My first step in eating a pizza is I just suck all the cheese off and throw the rest away. Whenever you eat a pizza, you don't take the oil off of the top? No, my God. Oh, my God. You blot the crust. Oh, my God. She blots the crust. Yeah throw the rest away. Whenever you eat a pizza, you don't take the oil off of the top? No, oh my God. Oh my God,

you blot the crust. Oh my God, she blots the crust. Yeah, I used to. You think, no, I suck it off with a straw, Nicole. I take a bowl of straw

and go... You need to tell me health conscious Josh doesn't put... Health conscious me. I just ate raisins out of the trash. You can see me

eat trash raisins. In summation, I think we need We need a sports science expert To analyze the ways that our jaws hinge To figure out why you and I Have such bagel eating dysfunction Listen I know the way that I eat bagels

Are unorthodox But that's what makes me me What the hell are you talking about? Nicole, I've heard you and I have to say It was a lot, certainly But now, Nicole, it's time to find out What other wacky ideas are rattling out there in the Twitterverse We mostly source these from Instagram It's time for a segment we call

Opinions are like casseroles Instagram, it's time for a segment we call Opinions Are Like Casseroles. Nicole, my first controversial opinion is that you should listen to Trevor's podcast. Rebuttal, why don't you support Trevor? I love Trevor. I'm so proud of Trevor's podcast. Trevor talks too much. He talks to some wonderful people, some internet celebrities, some streamers, some gamers, some music professionals.

Some of your favorite celebrities who are out there. Yeah, he does the damn thing and we're so proud of him. And he talks so much. Trevor talks too much. But so eloquently. Very, very well done. But not to an alienating degree. No, he does a good job. Appropriately, but eloquently.

He's learning how to make friends. He's learning, which is very exciting. And he's doing a great job. And, Nicole, I heard that there's a very special guest coming up. Oh, yeah? Who's that? Oh, I don't know. I just assumed.

I thought you would know. No. How would I know if you don't know? I don't know. There probably is, though. Yeah, there's always... How about this?

The point of the podcast. There's always a special guest. Every guest is special, but also the same. In their own special, but same way. First up, we got at Hannah Acosta 919. I love eating black olives and

raw mushrooms as snacks. You would just love to be on the assembly line at a pizza hut, wouldn't you? All the black olives and raw mushrooms you can eat. Hannah, you'd just go to town there, wouldn't you, girl? There's num num num num num. That is so funny. All over that. Yeah, this is weird as hell to me. You're so funny. All over that. It's weird as hell to me.

You're so funny. I like black olives, but I like the sliced ones. You know what I mean? Like, if they're canned, they have to be sliced. The whole black olive? No, it's too rudimentary. No, no, no. What I like about it is the whole black olives in a can explode with metal flavor.

They taste not even like olives anymore. It tastes like metal. How do they do that? Well, I think the metal just infuses into it naturally because it's packed in metal for years. But isn't that like bad for you? Sure. I love it. Yeah, it's one of my favorite things.

I like raw mushrooms in a salad. I don't know. I feel like I need to give raw mushrooms more of a shot. I like them like in a salad, like a big veggie salad with like bright veggies, like a little bit of raw mushroom. A little bit of raw mushroom just to cut you down a little bit and bring you back down to earth. It's nice. I get it.

Okay. Michael Grelich says all these cauliflower substitutes are whack. I agree. They are whack. They're not substitutes, right? Cauliflower steak? Okay, okay, okay. Cauliflower steak should not be a substitute for steak.

Cauliflower steak should be a substitute for cauliflower cooked in another presentation. Cauliflower wings? That's what I feel. Cauliflower steak should not be a substitute for steak. Cauliflower steak should be a substitute for cauliflower cooked in another presentation. Cauliflower wings? That's what I feel. Cauliflower wings, it's just deep fried cauliflower. It's simply deep. Why have you turned into Jerry Seinfeld? What's the deal with all this cauliflower stuff? What is it about the bagel conversation that made you into Jerry Seinfeld?

It just turned me into a super Jew. I've gotten the eye of the Jew, like Fink from Beer Fest. Great movie, by the way. I love that movie. Great Jewish representation. I love that movie. I really love cauliflower as its own thing. I think it's a beautiful vegetable.

I just roasted a head of it the other day and then dipped it into ketchup because I'm trash. Cauliflower wings. You don't really need to call them wings, but fried cauliflower doused in buffalo-y, buttery sauce. That is a delight. Cauliflower crust pizza. That's a travesty. That's not a good thing.

Cauliflower rice. Ooh. I like just a big old base of cauliflower to eat. Cauliflower puree. I like cauliflower puree. My mom makes a really good cauliflower where she cooks the hell out of it, and then it browns and it turns into mush. And it's so sexy. And then also my mother-in-law makes this beautiful full head of roasted cauliflower with tahini.

Yeah, that's a nice dish. And like sesame seeds. It's just beautiful. Maybe I do think all these cauliflower substitutes are whack. Because I had like, anytime you're comparing it to a meat dish, it just kind of sucks. Like I've had a fair amount of like cauliflower al pastor tacos. And it's just like, bro, just make a good cauliflower taco. Like you don't have to cook it on the trompa. It doesn't add anything. The pineapple isn't good with it. Yeah. Some people

just need that hook. Yeah. I know what you mean. That makes sense. We do a lot of food marketing things around here. That's the thing with making these especially vegetarian substitutes is that it's not a one to one, right? Yeah. al pastor to me really works because it's spicy marinade on fatty pork with sweet pineapple yeah it makes that works you need to substitute that vegetable with some fat of some sort yeah douse the cauldron pork fat and you're fine oh here we go okay no we're gonna keep running with michael grellich here rain is the superior energy drink what What is rain? So rain is a it is a competitor to bang. So when Nicole

do you mind if I feel this one? So bang energy came out and basically convinced mass market population. So not just like athletes or bodybuilder types that they should be consuming 300 milligrams of caffeine in one sitting.

Is that legal? Along with a fair amount of creatine. Yes. FDA considers 400 milligrams per day toxic. That said, in a Starbucks Venti Blondros, you'll be having about 450 milligrams of caffeine. How can they sell that? You just do it because it's just a drug. And we just don't regulate any of that.

Even though you've seen me get caffeine intoxication. It's pretty brutal. I went blind for a sec. I hated it. too syrupy. You just do it because it's just a drug. And we just don't regulate any of that. Even though, like, you've seen me get caffeine intoxication. It's pretty brutal. I went blind for a sec. I hated it. It was really scary. But that said, yeah, Bang comes out, kind of changes the game on what America wants from energy drinks. And then Rain comes out after that being a competitor. Rain sponsors a lot of athletes. Bang sponsors a bunch of young kid YouTubers. And then now like Rockstar, all the other major competitors are having to make 300 milligram caffeine energy drinks to try and compete with their macros.

Same thing happened when Quest Bars dropped their macros to 200 calories for 20 grams of protein. Then you see Think, One, Pure Protein all follow the same macro breakdown. So that said, I think Bang has a great panoply of flavors. I think Rain does a very good job. Frankly, I like the branding on Rain better. So, Michael, I agree. Nicole, rebuttal. I have no rebuttal.

I refuse to have my lips touch energy drinks. Unless I am drinking alcohol, I might have a sippy sip of a Red Bull. But that's if and only if I want it. It is just a sippy sip. I red bull but that's if and only if i want it it is just a sippy sip i don't like energy drinks they taste bad yeah but that's just because all the poison in it that's all the yeah that's the only reason all right um next up this is gonna be a crazy crazy opinion are you ready corn on the cob is better than off woo this is by Matt Neff uh corn on the cob yeah I say

I say leave it on man give me the bone in corn you know that's what I feel that's what I'm about Nicole Jenna Marbles if you're listening we love you we miss you uh I like I like the act of eating the corn off of the cob. But when I was a kid, I used to rip that stuff off with a knife.

Yeah. Yeah. Whoa. I couldn't be bothered. Crazy. Shut up. What would you do with it after that? What do you mean?

You get it off the cob. I would give the rest to my mom. It's like a dog chasing a car. I would give my mom the rest. Or a car chasing a dog. What do you do? What do you do? What do you say? You're stripping the corn, Cob? Are would give the rest to my mom. It's like a dog chasing a car. I would give my mom the rest. Or a car chasing a dog. What do you do? What do you do? What do you say?

You're stripping the corn, Cobb? You're giving the corn to your mom? Yeah, she used to eat the outside. But you didn't want the... Oh, you'd give the cob to your mom. Yeah, I'd give the cob to my mom. No, what'd you do with the corns? Eat it.

Just like, just normal? Like with a spoon or what? Yeah. Crazy, Nicole. That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I'll tell you what. Right now. Anytime I have corn, I like es esquites versus elotes, right?

Esquites are off the cob in like a little cup. Anytime I eat loose corn, I'm just like, I wish this was all held together by one central structure so much. And I'm mad that it is. I like a cup of corn. I'll eat a cup of corn. I'll eat a cup of corn. I just love corn. The band.

Here we go. At Man Like Ack, pasta is amazing. Yep. Yeah, all right. eat a cup of corn i'll eat a cup of corn i just love corn the band here we go uh at man like act pasta is amazing yep yeah all right okay jackson grist says why are we not talking about how good it is to eat a sausage with mustard wrapped in a tortilla you're right oh yeah no this is a great opinion but you know what kind of tortilla you need? Huh. Those, those, they're like the red package. They're the flex tortillas that are like 13% protein that has seeds in it. I know what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like the flax seeds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It tastes really good with like sausage and like hot dogs and mustard. I know because I've done this before. Yeah. No, this is a really good food though. Because there's a lot of times where you'll get like a sausage in a roll and the roll is kind of a bit obstructive

there's kind of too much roll per sausage oh this one extreme these guys these extreme ones you have ever seen these before yeah yeah yeah they're the best

like ole extreme wellness that is the best I actually had a sausage roll the other day for the first time I made it what is this accent it's like

Lindsay Lohan like she kind of fled from the public eye for a couple years and comes back with a weird accent she's in Dubai that's what you talk like now.

Thank you. She's in Dubai and she converted to Islam. When I did the parent trap, it was just kind of like. She does not sound like that. She converted to Islam? Yeah, she did. That's more of like a Madonna thing. Like Madonna kind of talked like this a little bit.

Is she not British? Madonna is from New Jersey or New York. No way. Did you not know that? I thought she was a British lady because she talks like that. No, dude. She's from MI, which is Michigan. Bay City, Michigan.

Okay, yeah. Ah, the England of Michigan. Look at that. All right, we got Ximena Xin. Chicken wraps are sad American burritos who know they can't wear a sombrero because it's offensive. Yeah. Ximena. Yeah, no, you're right. You're right. But also they're good. a sombrero because it's offensive. Yeah. You meant a.

Yeah, no, you're right. You're right. But also they're good. Yeah, also I'll gladly eat one. I ate a lot of those Trader Joe's wraps. A chicken Caesar wrap on a tough day is a good thing to eat. Ice cold straight out of the fridge, baby. Chills your teeth.

Though here, though, we find ourselves in the burrito wrap continuum, right? Mm-hmm. Where does Chipotle fall in there? It's a burrito. But it depends what you're getting, right? If you're getting, like, lettuce, pico, but they don't even call it pico. They call it mild salsa, kind of putting it in wrap territory. You know, I feel like Chipotle kind of walks that line between burritos and wraps.

No, it doesn't. It depends what kind you get. Well, who just goes there and gets chicken, lettuce, and tomatoes? A lot of people. And not just chicken, lettuce, and tomatoes, but like white. Like I've known people that will literally get like white rice, cheese, chicken, tomatoes, and lettuce. Maybe sour cream.

Right? It's hard to even look at that through like a Mexican lens, especially in terms of what Well, the rice has cilantro and lime. Yeah. The chicken is cooked with a blend of beautiful adobo. Chivola's grilled chicken really does hold up. It's really good grilled chicken. But they've done so much on the menu to, like, divorce it from

Mexican-ness. That's, really? You think that? Well, yeah, but now they're trying to, like, reintroduce it, right? Like, it's really interesting the way they blend it, right? They call their shredded beef barbacoa and their shredded pork carnitas. Okay. Right?

Which, like, I don't think it's actually cooked like carnitas, but anywho. But then their steak is called steak. But then they tried to introduce something called carne asada, which was just, like, steak with cumin on it. Yeah. And grilled steak, which they already had, is literally carne asada in Spanish. And so they've done, like, a lot of things to sort of, like, divorce it from Mexicaness, but also try and keep certain trappings of it, which I'm really fascinated by. Yeah, I'm sure they have someone that like does that for them. Yeah.

Anyways, chicken Caesar salad wrap. Yeah, kind of like a sad American burrito, but also a delight. Also delicious. Yeah, it's like sugar-free jello. Like it's sad, but I like it. Drewson Donuts says the process, skill, technique, and resulting textures and flavors of a good donut are incredibly underrated. I guess you like donuts because donuts is in your name.

But yeah, I mean, donut making is an art. I think a lot of people don't realize how hard it is to make a good donut because there are so plentiful. And I mean, over any city, there's just donut shops in every corner. So people don't realize how tough it is to make a really dank donut. But it's difficult. I think donuts and bagels are kind of similar to me. They're cousins. Where like 80% of the donuts and bagels that I'll have are between like a six and a half and a nine out of 10.

You know what I mean? Sure. Like a bad bagel, I still really enjoy. So I've been confused. A bad donut, I'm still gonna have a pretty good time. I've of course had really bad donuts and really bad bagels that I find unvaluable. And then it's like finding those really exquisite ones where it's like, Oh damn, you did the thing. Yeah. You know, good donut is really special. Yeah. Agreed. I kind of want to, that might be, it might be my thing. My like

retirement thing. Okay. Like when I retire from retire from this job you know at say like age like 32 um how old are you right now 29 yeah going on 30 um i'm gonna be 30 flirty and thriving but i've always had this fantasy of like i'm gonna pick one food and just try and make it better than anybody in history has ever made it that's the thing not that i think i'll succeed but you know it's a nice dream something to like devote your time to. And I think donut making, I really enjoy donuts. You can do it. Thank you, Nicole. You can do anything you set your mind to. Pat figured.

Oh, it's your turn. Pat figured. Ah, Pat. Lettuce sucks. No flavor. No, I don't eat salad. I'm okay only living to 50, though I do admit BLTs are dang. Sounds like you do eat lettuce, Pat.

Huh? Yeah. Eat more. Pat, eat lettuce. It, Pat. Huh? Yeah. Eat more. Pat, eat lettuce. It's good. There's flavor in lettuce. You know what it tastes like? Pat, lettuce. Lettuce has the lettuce flavor. You know why? You think BL Teaser Dank has got some lettuce flavor in there?

Mostly bacon, though. No, but like the lettuce accents it. Lettuce accents the bacon. Bacon accents the lettuce. It's a delicate balance. Because the bacon is crispy, but the lettuce is also crispy. But it's wet crispy. Yeah. Fresh crispy, cooked crispy.

And tomato? Squishy. Neutralizes it. And then there's like mayonnaise. Yeah, I like the mayonnaise. Which is what? Squishy. Squishy.

Okay, last one. Hit them with one more, Nicole. This is a very important opinion. Hannah 081. I eat Weetabix topped with a thin layer of margarine slash butter and sprinkled with sugar. I love Weetabix cereal. It's just a brick of meal, and I love it. It's my favorite cereal aside from grape nuts.

Where does the butter go? On top of it. She eats it. Like's my favorite cereal aside from grape nuts. Where's the butter go? On top of it. She eats it. Like dry just with butter and sugar? They eat it with like, they just chomp into it like a biscuit. Wait, is Weetabix a single brick?

Yes, it is. I don't think I know what Weetabix actually is. You don't know what Weetabix is? No. And you're South African? Oh. And you're South African?

Don't they eat this in like the Commonwealth countries? Dude, maybe. I don't know. I didn't grow up with South African culture maybe i don't know i didn't like grow up with south african culture i did not know i thought weedabix was like shredded wheat in it turns to shredded wheat oh my god you make it yourself oh this sounds good this looks like a food i really enjoy it's a big old cereal raft it's so good and then but it's really messy if

you just chomp into it but if you put like hot milk over it, you can basically make your own like gruel. I love gruel. I know you do. Oh, gruel is my favorite food group. I'm in it. You sold me on that, Amanda. I'm going to start. Her name is Anna.

Also, my name is Nicole. Oh, Noreen, that's adorable. Anyways, thank you so much for stopping by the Hot Dog is a Sanders podcast. If you want to hear more from us here in the Mythical Kitchen, we got new episodes for you every Wednesday. If you want to be featured on Opinions or Like Casseroles, you can hit us up on Twitter at MythicalChef or and HandyZada with the hashtag OpinionCasserole. And for more Mythical Kitchen, check us out on YouTube where we launch new videos every week. And of course, if you want to share pictures of your dishes, hit us up on Instagram at Mythical Kitchen.

Send us your bagels. We'll see you next time. St. Louis, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, baby. Come back.