A Hot Dog Is a Sandwich - Whole Foods vs. Trader Joe's

Episode Date: March 8, 2023

Today, Josh and Nicole are taking on another food establishment duel, this time in the form of popular grocer brands: Whole Foods vs. Trader Joe's. Who will reign supreme? Leave us a voicemail at (833) DOG-POD1 Check out the video version of this podcast: http://youtube.com/@ahotdogisasandwich To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. Which grocery store would you rather be stuck in during a snowstorm? Whole Foods or Trader Joe's? Um, we live in Los Angeles. It's a figure of speech. No, it's not. Snowstorm is a... This is a hot dog is a sandwich.

Ketchup is a smoothie. Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what? That makes no sense. A hot dog is a sandwich. A hot dog is a sandwich. What? Welcome to our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. I'm your host, Josh Ayer. And I'm your host, Nicole Knighty. Nicole, the asthma breather. I literally got my breathing checked today and they're like, your lungs are gorgeous. They said your lungs are gorgeous. That's the

creepiest thing a doctor could ever say. I have good lungs. I don't have asthma anymore. Good for you. Suck it, Trebek. Suck it. A doctor did say something about my, never mind. I had a hernia and the surgery is down there and he made a comment like, wow, this looks beautiful.

And I was like, thanks, doc. Anyways, we're internet chefs over at the Good Mythical Morning. We're internet chefs, apparently. Yeah. Over at the Good Mythical Morning and Mythical Kitchen channels. Yes. Maybe you have heard of them. I don't know, man. Yeah. Over at the Good Mythical Morning and Mythical Kitchen channels. Yes. That's right. Maybe you have heard of them? I don't know, man.

Anyways, we're also here. We're bringing you the internet's biggest food debates. And today we're taking on a real doozy, Nicole. The biggest doozy of them all. The biggest doozy because there are two grocery stores, by my estimation, that have bigger cult followings in America than any other grocery stores. And we're talking Trader Joe's and we're talking Whole Foods. I'm acting like I don't know, but I do know the prompt.

Yeah, because we talked about talking about this. We talked about talking about it before we actually talked about it. And we were like, ooh, we know we're going to fall on different sides of the aisle here because I've been vocally not against one of these. But I have personally said that I never personally shop at one of these grocery stores. Which one is that one? How about you just say which one you're for? Okay. So let me get this out of the way.

Okay. I'm a Ralph's man. I'm a Kroger man. Hold on. We've taken Kroger money on the Mythical Kitchen YouTube channel. We have. We've done some really incredible integrations with Kroger. And the reason I felt comfortable doing that is because I've shopped at Ralph's my entire life.

Every single Sunday I go to Ralph's. However, there's one store, Nicole, that when I go to, ooh, I feel like I'm in Disneyland, except I don't really like Disneyland. But I feel what people feel when they go to Disneyland. What's that? Man, that's Whole Foods, man. Really? Ooh, it's a nice little treat.

When you feel like spending, I don't think it's a whole paycheck, but for real, I mean, I go there and a grocery trip is probably 60% more expensive than when I go to Ralph's. Sure. Probably 75. Yeah. Yeah. But that is part of it is because their food is just more expensive, right?

And then the other part is that I get real excited. Ooh, I saw a $9 bottle of like harissa paste and it had real nice branding on it. And I was like, ooh, I'm going to make some Tunisian inspired food today. And so I love whole foods. I love whole foods because I'm someone, when I cook at home, I cook with a lot of fresh produce because we are eating generally a lot of kind of packaged goods here at work, you know, really horrible. When I go home, I want to have like really dang fresh produce, really good quality meat. Whole foods has cuts of meat, Nicole, that you can't get anywhere else. You go to Whole Foods, they sell chicken spines.

You know that? You go there, you can get a chicken spine. You're like, I want to make stock, but I don't want to waste the meat. And I don't like when the meat is all just like shreddy and super overcooked and stock. You can just buy the chicken spines. You can get fresh chicken livers. You can get chicken feet. I guess I'm just impressed that they do a whole chicken.

Yeah, I know. You can get skin on pork belly, Nicole. They got three kinds of marinated bacon. I've had blueberry bacon from Whole Foods before. Was it good? No. But their other bacons are pretty good. They got fresh sausages.

And sometimes, Nicole, the butcher man who runs the Whole Foods butcher case, he'll just make little experimental sausages just because he wants to. He'll do a little bourbon sausage in there, do a little smokedbon bratwurst that's a fun time they got lamb they got mary's chicken breast i bought a whole goose from whole foods once the shrimp at whole foods allegedly are not caught by slaves most of the time look up npr did a really incredible piece on on how most of your shrimp are caught by slaves but the ones at whole foods allegedly are not that's fine you can believe in it also their shrimp tastes better they got black cod nicole they got sable fish they got you ever go to their smoked fish section and whole foods oh my god there's salmon candy oh unbelievable smoked white fish where else you

get in whole smoked white fish costco when i tried nicole last christmas because this is how julie and i celebrate christmas Christmas We made a seafood tower Yes I know We're like We're gonna spend $300 On our own seafood To make what would be A $1000 seafood tower

At a restaurant Okay And we're just gonna drink Throughout the whole day And just eat like kings Because we don't have to Buy gifts for anyone Because we're Jewish

And we don't have friends Okay And when we tried to get Our seafood from a specialty Seafood supplier Santa Monica Seafood Co Uh huh They had a line

200 people deep So what did we do We went to a Whole Foods And we got the single best Alaskan King crab legs that I've ever had. Whole Foods, it is all in one,

you know, your daily market where you can go in and you can buy just a $9 protein bar if you want to. But, Nicole, you can also get $300

for the crab legs and then really regret those choices that you made in life. And that's why I love Whole Foods. That was very nice. Did you practice that at all? Jeffrey Bezos.

Did you practice that at all? He'szos. Did you practice that at all? He's jacked now. Is that just stream of consciousness for you? Just stream of consciousness. I was really just, you know, a couple, like two weeks ago, I was like a little, some people complain they talk about drinking too much, which I don't know. It's just weekends, you know? Live a little.

Live a little. But that's what I'm saying. Don't be puritanical about this. But anyways, I was like a little hungover and I needed a treat to sort of rouse myself out of that hangover. Got it. And my treat was just doing a full shopping run at Whole Foods that's wonderful and it was great I went to that one in West LA off like Barrington you know a small parking lot a lot of the parking lots are pretty tough does it look kind of like post-colonial

kind of yeah yeah exactly it's it's like white yeah it's not one of the new fangled cool Whole Foods not yet like no not yet they had to it's like if you see somebody that has like one of those houses that they like added four different rooms on and all the rooms are in random parts sure you're like oh this is the baby's room in art studio and it's just like in the backyard and that's horrible do not put your art studio with your baby's room the fumes will be bad for the baby that's what this whole food's like it's like you walk in and you have to like walk through the bakery and the cashier is just in the center of it. I've never been to that one.

Because Whole Foods used to be a really small chain of health food stores. It was very niche. Yeah. And then especially after the Amazon acquisition just blew up. But tell me about why I'm wrong. Well, do you know how you said when you walk into Whole Foods, it's like Disneyland for you? Yeah. When I walk into Trader Joe's, I'm at my funky Grandma Carol's house, which I never had.

So when I walk into Trader Joe's, I live very close to Trader Joe's, and it's very convenient for me. So whenever I'm coming home from work, I just do a little detour, and I just go into the parking lot, and I see the beautiful graphic signs, the beautiful signage that is just so inviting. And I'm like, all right, this is comfort. I just walk in, and I'm like, all right, this is comfort. I just walk in and I'm like, this is comfort. The first thing you see, beautiful plants, just the most beautiful plants you've ever seen. And you're like, I could be a plant parent. If they can do this at Trader Joe's, I can do this in my own home. They have the most stunning bouquets just hanging out. They have flowers that I've never seen before, maybe at Bristol Farms, but who has Bristol

Farms money? So I'm just going through. Bristol Farms has a poke bar. I like that. Yeah, I went today actually. I went today actually and I had a poke bar. Ahead of their time. Yeah. But besides that, when I walk into Trader Joe's, I feel very comfortable and I know that what I'm getting, what I pay for, which is very nice. And what I pay for is reasonable in comparison to Lassen's and Whole Foods.

And what is that really fancy on? Air One. I mean, when you think about those grocery stores and there's $26 water bottles and an avocado can be $3. I mean, it's just not sustainable for my personal lifestyle. And, you know, I want to buy a house one day. And I'm trying to, you know, I'm trying to save money where I can. And if that means, you know, I'm going to buy some apples that might not be the most incredible apples I've ever had in my damn life, they're going to be good apples. And I'm going to buy those apples. I'm going to put them in my car and I'm going to give them to me and my husband

in the mornings. I'm going to juice them with some celery. And that's all that matters. When I walk into Trader Joe's, when I go through the frozen food section, I don't feel bad because I see all the things there and I'm like, hmm, cauliflower. Okay. String beans. All right. Ooh, is that zigzag butternut squash? Sign me up. So I do, I do think that Trader Joe's, I know when I just walk into a Trader Joe's, I just feel really comfortable. And the way that the shelves are all designed, I just think it's beautifully organized. They're really smart. Trader Joe's is an incredible exercise in understanding what people actually want and what people actually buy. Sure. There's a crazy stat,

not to cut you off, but there's a crazy stat that Trader Joe's stocks something like 15% the products that a mass market grocery store stocks. Yes, that's true. I think whenever I was doing my research, it said about 80% of their stuff is all their own private label. And I think that's cool. Is it? Oh, the private label stuff weirds me out. Why? Okay.

So one, I give Trader Joe's massive props. I do not ever shop there. I went there once in the past year solely because I love to cook at home and I don't need like frozen convenience meals. I would rather, and you've seen me do this, just like scramble two eggs and grab a fist full of ham and put a handful of spinach in there and call that a cheap, easy meal. Yeah, work. As opposed to like, you know, microwaving Trader Joe's chicken soup dumplings that are going to be 75% as good as an actual soup dumpling. But to me, it's going to not satisfy my actual hunger craving at all because I'd rather just have a great soup dumpling. Yeah.

But that said, they're incredibly smart about what products they choose to feature. Of course. And they are always, I'd say ahead of the cultural moment. But what they are is they're more ahead of the cultural moment than other mass market grocery stores. Like, and a lot of people talk about cultural appropriation with this. And I know Trader Joe's, they called, their Italian stuff is called Trader Joe's. I have the whole list.

Would you like me to sound off? Read off the list. So, yeah. The Mexican food is Trader Giotto's I have the whole list Would you like me to Sound off Read off the list So yeah Okay The Mexican food Is Trader Jose's Yeah Baker Joseph's Is the flour and bagels

Trader Giotto's Is the Italian food Giotto's Giotto's Trader Trader Joe-san's Is Japanese food That one just sounds racist

Like Trader Joe-san Come on Trader Ming's Is just Asian food I've seen this list But what is Asian Is Japanese food not Asian food? I don't know.

I guess it's anything other than Japanese. Yeah. Joseph's Brow is beer, and Trader Jacques is French food and soaps. Yeah. The Trader Joe's, it's so weird because they're both ahead of the times and behind the times constantly. But they were the first that I saw have their own private label Szechuan Chili Crisp, right? Which is good. I use it.

I bought it like four times. It's a staple in my house. I always have it. Everything bagel seasoning? Have it in my house. Right, incredible. What do they have? Cauliflower gnocchi.

Cauliflower gnocchi. Got stacks of them, mofo. That's big. But the origin of Trader Joe's is really fascinating to me because I didn't realize that it was a pun on like Trader Vic's. Which was a restaurant. Yeah, the legendary tiki bar. Yeah.

Right. That invented a lot of monotiki cocktails. That's right. And so literally the origin of Trader Joe's was like we are trying to take this tiki aesthetic that was all post-World War II boom, right, after the annexation of Hawaii and statehood and all that. And they were like we have a more educated workforce coming back off the GI Bill. People are more traveled now on account of the war. And so we want to sort of bring them more worldly grocery items that they couldn't get in a mass market store.

Kind of cool. Which is very, very cool. And as much as if anybody wants to flame them for cultural appropriation stuff, they have Flame them. Flame them. Flame away. I got no problem if you want to do that. I have no problem with

with admitting the fact that Trader Joe's doing that is wrong. I will admit that. But I love their products and I love what they do. Aside from that, they make some great products. Yeah. The interesting thing. So the fact that you said 80 percent of all Trader Joe's foods are like their own private label. Yeah. They any distributor they work with. So what happens, right? You go into a Trader Joe's and you say want to buy their chocolate covered peanut butter pretzel nuggets, which are delightful. They're great. Trader Joe's, the grocery store does which it's owned by Aldi now, right? They don't necessarily own a pretzel making factory and a peanut butter making factory and a chocolate making factory. And they certainly don't own a chocolate peanut butter pretzel

making factory. What they do is they go to a company that owns a big factory could be con agra which is this massive massive food you know conglomerate uh could be con agra and they go hey we want to put our own label in our own bag on this product we'll test it make sure it's quality enough for our stores and then you factory can tell nobody like they're under contract to not tell anybody where their food comes from that's like what everybody does it's what everybody does that's what everybody does i know costco famously does it as well like everybody knows their what the kirkland brand vodka you don't think 365 does that i don't know 365 i mean everybody right like they're not all owning their own means of production. Have you seen those?

All their milk comes from, I have the floor, I'm talking about milk. Can a man talk about milk? All their milk comes from family farms. You might wonder who owns a farm if not a family, right? Anyways. Okay. It's like when places say farm fresh produce, it's like, where else did you think it came from? We're going to inform you all produce is indeed grown on a farm.

What are you saying? I'm just confused why you're so mad at the fact that Trader Joe's does what everyone else says. You're just calling Trader Joe's out. I'll tell you why I'm mad about it. What's the problem? Because people think, oh, this is going to get in a whole wormhole. Oh, here we go. Josh acting all crazy.

People think that Trader Joe's is like healthier and better for you. And they feel better about buying Trader Joe's than they do a mass market brand like, say, Kellogg's. I don't agree that it is better for you. But I think you feel better buying it because you think it's independent as opposed to buying a major brand. I think you do. I don't. I don't. I think, Nicole, when you walk into trader joe's you

feel better about your choices because when you when people come visit you in your home and they see a bag of trader joe's pretzels they're gonna think you have a higher status than if you bought rolled gold that's not true at all why'd you say i don't know man i kind of forgot about rolled gold yeah pretty good they're fine snyder snyder snyder's are snyder's have better flavored they have the good little nuggets that are flavored I like the rods I like gold what is it rolled gold

I like roll gold rods they got good regular pretzels but they do the fake butter flavored ones I like the regular rolls gold sticks I'm all about but the flavored Snyder's sign me up what I'm trying to say is I don't agree with you I don't like that. I like the regular Rolls Gold sticks I'm all about, but the Flavoured Snyder signed me up. What I'm trying to say is I don't agree with you.

I don't need to virtue signal with my chip bags, Josh. I live in close proximity. I go to Whole Foods, too. I love walking through a Whole Foods. My dream one day is to be a mom and to have two kids right in the front with a beautiful bouquet of flowers, okay? They're also going to be twins.

I'm rolling through the Whole Foods and I'm going everywhere. I'm buying mother-freaking echinacea pills. I'm getting elderberry syrup. I'm buying three bottles of kombucha. I'm buying it all. I'm buying Parsi that's $2.79 just because it's organic and I don't care.

That's my dream. Railing lines of ashwagandha in the bathroom with all the employees. Yeah. Named like Ryder. And then you see a girl you knew from high school and you're like, you know what I mean? Like, that's the dream. I get that. What's up, Meadow?

Yeah. I didn't go to school with anyone named Meadow. That's a weird name. I just, it's just, at this point of my life, Trader Joe's does what it has to for my lifestyle. I have a kosher kitchen. You know this. I go to, Trader Joe's has kosher meat. It's incredible.

I don't eat a cheesesteak inside your home less than two weeks ago. Josh, shut up. Hold on. No, I know. But no, let's see. We have rules. Okay, you want to know what my rules are? Yeah, what's your rule? What's your rule?

Okay, I'm allowed to give people food. I can't cook it myself. I can put it on a paper plate and serve it and use plastic forks and spoons. We did use plastic forks on a paper plate. That's correct. But like my own home things cannot touch it. I took home a sack of meat the other day and I couldn't heat it up on a pot, so I had to microwave it. It's ridiculous.

It's absurd. I know it is. No, it's your culture and it's beautiful. It's absurd and I know it, but you have to make loopholes for a modern age you live in. And this is my loophole. Like, whatever. I have to do what I have to do. But I still have to buy kosher meat in the house and I have to cook it.

That means I don't have to go to a dam. I don't have to go to Pico. Have you ever driven down Pico and Robertson? Don't you put this. Don't you put Pico Robertson up? Have you ever driven down Pico? Yes, I've driven down Pico Robertson. I live very close to Pico Robertson.

It is so stressful. Let's get into our local L.A. street politics. Okay, it is so stressful for me to go to one grocery store and then have to go to another grocery store to buy things from that grocery store that I can't buy from this grocery store. It's a tough area to drive in. This is where all the kosher markets and grocery stores are in LA, to be clear. Trader Joe's is my one-stop shop and it does the damn thing for me. Wait, did you go to the one by the CVS?

I can't tell you. The listeners will know. It is, I love Whole Foods, but at this point in my life, going to Whole Foods as a regular grocery store is not in the picture for me. It's just not. It doesn't make sense for me. And it doesn't make sense to a lot of people.

People don't have the financial capacity to pay that way. Don't pay me. I'm not saying you should get all your groceries organic from Whole Foods. I'm saying personally that I find it a better shopping experience that more fits my life. And again, I do not shop there. I disagree. I do not shop there. You don't shop there? I don't know. I don't shop there. I don't shop there. It's like a daily lifestyle. I shop there as a treat. Then why are you defending it so much?

It's like how I love... You go to the grocery store as a treat? What's an expensive brand that I love? Nothing. I don't wear anything. I know. It's like, oh, I love... Are your glasses Warby Parker? Yeah. Are they? Yeah. I don't think I love any expensive brands, but I was trying to say, because there's expensive brands that I can say they're nice, but I don't wear them every day. I don't drive an expensive car.

Do I think Audi looks cool? Yeah. I think Audi looks cooler than a Tesla. I see someone in a Tesla, and I just immediately think I wouldn't like you as a person. Have you ever test driven either of those cars? No, neither. Okay, so who are you to judge? But I can still have preferences.

You can have your preferences, but you can't sit on a podcast. No, because somebody in a Tesla cuts me off every single, without question, I drive 20 miles to work across LA freeways. You are going to get cut off

by a Tesla. Within like three years, Tesla drivers overtook BMW drivers. They're going to be the Prius drivers. By far, by far, the biggest a-holes on the road. Oh, you think BMW drivers are worse? They used to be.

No, no, it was always Prius. It was always Prius drivers. No, Prius drivers are the worst in a Whole Foods or Trader Joe's parking lot. That's where we coincide. Oh, the parking lots. The parking lots in both of those places need to be obliterated.

Nightmares. They shouldn't exist. The parking lots just need to be a continuation of the store and tell everyone to get street parking. That's it. If I'm spending $300 for a week's worth of groceries at Whole Foods, you should send an Uber. That is crazy. You should send an Uber black car.

That is crazy. Oh, dude. Okay, wait. $300 a week if you're shopping at Whole Foods? I spent $300 last time I went to Whole Foods, and I'll tell you what happened. That's not sustainable. Okay. No, and I don't do it.

Listen. You said a treat. I'm a bad person. You were going back on what you said. You said, oh, I don't think it was a treat. And now you're spending $300 a week. You lied. I went for a weekly.

Nicole, can we calm down? I feel like we got here on a level. And now we need to get here. And I need you to understand where I'm coming from. I went as a weekly treat. I don't know. It doesn't seem like it's in the cards for me right now. I went as a weekly treat.

I was like, I want to do all my grocery shopping here because I had something very specific I wanted to make, right? I was making like a very kind of Spanish, like gambas a la Rio kind of thing. I love gambas. I want a shrimp with garlic and I want a good quality garlic. I want good quality shrimp. I made a romesco sauce. I want to make sure those peppers were firing.

I want to make sure everything was good. I wanted a $9 bottle of sherry vinegar. I wanted Marcona almonds. I was going to make myself something nice instead of going out and spending $95. You know who has Marcona almonds? Don't tell me Jada does Marcona almonds. Everywhere has Mar $95. You know who has Marcona almonds? Don't tell me Jada does Marcona almonds. Everywhere has Marcona almonds. Not everywhere has Marcona almonds. Get out of here. You can't get Marcona almonds everywhere.

I got Marcona almonds from... I got Marcona almonds. Are you Dennis now from It's Always Sunny? You can get Marcona almonds from Ralph's. I've gotten them before more than once. You can get them from pavilions. You can get them from anywhere. You just like to shop at Whole Foods because you feel better than everyone. You feel good about yourself.

You feel better than the population when you go there. Yeah. Oh, the produce. It's so bright. Oh, they got black radishes there. But can I tell you something? You know who cooks with black radishes?

Zero people. I hate black radishes. They are throwing away every single black radish in that freaking store. I'm the only person who's ever bought a black radish from Whole Foods. You know what I did with it?

I threw it away. Because black radishes are terrible. They are borderline inedible. I tried boiling them. I tried roasting them. I tried pickling them. Every single thing, terrible. I found out if you grate it raw and treat it like grated daikon in Japanese food, it's fine.

I don't need that. I'd just rather buy the daikon. Then get a damn daikon. Yeah, I'd rather just go get daikon. Where were. I don't need that. I'd just rather buy the daikon. Then get a damn daikon. Yeah, I'd rather just go and get a daikon. Where were we? Oh, so wait, this one time at Whole Foods, the only time I've been

so incensed at a price that I straight up was like, I'm putting this back, was I got a bag of grapes and I thought it was like a $4 bag of grapes and then I rang it up and they were like,

that's a $21 bag of grapes. It was like a four pound bag of grapes, but it must have said like My mom would throw It must have said like $4.99 per pound. I didn't realize that. I had a $21 bag of grapes. It was like a four pound bag of grapes. But it must have said like 4.99 per pound. I didn't realize that. A big old stack of grapes. But I would probably eat that today.

Because I eat like Paul Bunyan. Just eating grapes. What is with you and grapes right now? I love grapes, man. Every podcast we've talked about this year and 2020, we've talked about grapes. I love ice cold grapes. I like to watch my Netflix while eating just ice cold grapes. They're refreshing. It's like it's hydrating you at the same time. They're sweet. I don't know what to tell you. I love ice cold grapes. I like to watch my Netflix while eating just ice cold grapes. They're refreshing.

It's like it's hydrating you at the same time. They're sweet. I don't know what to tell you. I love grapes. Anyways, and I was just like, I will not stand for this. I was misled. And I brought them back. Good.

Okay. So I'm learning to stand up for myself. That's really important. I like that. I'm glad. But I will say Trader Joe's has better snacks than Whole Foods. Trader Joe's has better snacks. I foods trader joe's have okay well i got puffed lotus seed snacks at whole foods get wrecked that sounds disgusting yeah that's right

it's called asha pop and it was like uh cacao and like i don't know black cardamom i got i got chocolate covered but uh uh peanut butter crisps and they were really good i don't think it's that whole foods makes me feel better than people but not going to Trader Joe's does make me feel better than people. Oh, oh, we forgot to mention the way you're treated at Whole Foods versus the way you're treated at Trader Joe's at Whole Foods, they're like,

toy, you come into my space, toy, toy. I disagree, I disagree. I have gotten nothing. One, at Trader Joe's they're trying to seduce you. Every single employee at Trader Joe's it is just one big bisexual you know fest in there and it's great it's kind of awesome I feel the energy no I love the Hawaiian shirt I love the Hawaiian shirts are so bisexual and but when you're buying like a spicy tahini wrap and someone just goes like oh that's a great choice yeah you're gonna have such a good time with that spicy tahini wrap. You know, like, I don't know if I need that energy.

That happens to you when you go to Trader Joe's? I'm just trying to buy a tahini wrap, okay? When you go to Trader Joe's, they do that to you? And I don't care if my outfit is distracting to you. Josh, answer the question! No, I don't actually, but people have made a lot of jokes about the sexual tension with Trader Joe's employees. I don't feel any. I don't feel any

at all when I go there. I feel so comfortable. Maggie, am I crazy? Do you know what I'm talking about? I feel like they're all my friends. I'm like, where do I get this validated? And they're like, come follow me. I'll show you where it is.

La, la, la, la, la. You're so beautiful. Ha, just kidding. Not that kind of validation. The other day, I was looking at the cards, and they had really cute Valentine's Day cards. And then the cashier goes, those cards are so cheesy. I love them. And then I pick up one with pizza, and I go, this one's the cheesiest one.

Right? And then we just started laughing. That's sexual tension, Nicole. You just don't notice it. Was it? Absolutely. Are you kidding? You're, like, laughing about Valentine's Day cards and cheesy?

That's how you're just acting all coquettish? Just like, ooh. Oh, I thought we were just being friends. No, absolutely not. No, no, no. They're trying to seduce you into upcharging you for Just like, ooh. Oh, I thought we were just being friends. No, absolutely not. No, no, no. They're trying to seduce you into upcharging you for like a more expensive, I don't know, like $6 Portuguese wine. They can't upcharge.

I'm at the cash wrap. They're just nice people there. I bet you grabbed a thing of mints off it. You're like, ooh, I'm just going to give you a little more money. No, I didn't. No, I didn't. I never do that. You know, I am never seduced by that little, I'm never seduced by the candies and I'm never seduced by the gums.

You want to know why? Because I got enough of that at home because I have a shopping list and I adhere to it very strictly, very strictly. You should see me at the grocery store. I'm like, bim, bam, boom. Oh, I'm always. I have wasted thousands of dollars on $4 kombucha at the cash register. No, I don't. That's my retirement plan done because of that.

Nope. I, I, you should see me sometimes. I'm going to tell you something and you're not going to like this about me. If there's ever like free herbs, you know what I do? I take like, like, like that are not packaged, like herbs that are just free. Oh, you know, they're not free to buy. Like they're, you have to pay money for those herbs. No, when I say free, I mean like unpackaged herbs.

Loose herbs, like a loose cigarette. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If I take like a parsley bunch, and I want a cilantro bunch, but I just want a little bit of cilantro. I take like two pieces. Oh, yeah. You love Trader Joe's so much that you just shoplift from it? Trader Joe's packages are mostly packaged, so I can't do that.

So you like Trader Joe's Because of their anti-theft devices Because you can't just steal from them It makes me feel more structured I'm not as crazy when I go into Trader Joe's When I go into Trader Joe's I know what I'm doing I know what I'm getting I'm in I'm out I'm done When I go to Whole Foods I want to be there for hours And just buy everything

But my lifestyle does not allow for that And I don't allow myself To be put in those situations. Josh. Trader Joe's employees are smug because they tell them because this is how you know. You don't think whole foods? They tell them. Have you ever gotten a bottle of medication from whole foods?

No, because I don't take medicine. Oh my God. I'm a Church of Jesus Christ scientist believer. Josh. Mary Baker Eddy. Jesus heals all that ails you. Okay. May I say one thing?

I don't buy medicine. May I say one thing? I do CrossFit. I don't need medicine. May I say one thing? Go ahead CrossFit. I don't need medicine. May I say one thing? Go ahead. I go and I'm like,

oh, I'm feeling low energy. My doctor told me to take vitamin D pills, okay? And then they're like, vitamin D? Vitamin Ds. They go, they go, vitamin D won't do anything for you. And then they give me

like 12 supplements. They're like, here you go. And I'm like, no, I can't do that, Greg. I can't do that. I don't have the financials for that, Greg. They always want to upset you on Whole Foods. I stay out of that section.

I don't know what section you're going to. Well, I know the section. It's in the middle of the store. And I've never, I've wandered into that section once looking for like soy lecithin or something because I wanted it for cooking. Okay. And then they were weird and I just wandered out. So weird.

I ignore that part of the store. It creeps me out. Yeah, that part of the store, bad. But that part of the store doesn't even exist in a Trader Joe's. That's fair. They have the one little thing of soaps that don't work. Yeah, I don't go there. I actually bought their retinol night cream and I'm really excited to use it.

So Trader Joe's employees, they're literally trained at the cash register to go like, oh, I love that thing. That's a great choice, right? I don't know. That's the thing. That's why they do it all the time. Are you sure? Do you have their trading manual anywhere?

No, I don't have the trading manual. What's the bell about? They ring the bell. Tell me what the bell is. I don't know. That's the thing. That's why they do it all the time. Are you sure? Do you have their training manual anywhere? No, I don't have the training manual. What's the bell about? Tell me what the bell is. I don't know what the bell is. There's only one Trader Joe's in America that does not have a bell, and it's in Toluca Lake, which is close to Burbank. And they don't have a bell because they're so close to a neighborhood that the old rich NIMBYs, the not-in-my-backyard folks, complained that the Trader Joe's bell was too loud, which I just think is a hilarious aside.

What do the bells mean? They have a featured item. They're like, oh, our Butternut squash pasta sauce Is this month's featured item I have that And anytime people buy The butternut squash pasta sauce They go hey

And they ring a bell And everyone goes hey It's like you're my best friend And we're all at the Chili's Watching the game together At Whole Foods They're like You mean to tell me

You didn't buy the organic Sarsaparilla No I never get that They're horrible One They don't sell Sarsaparilla If they sold organic Sarsaparilla root I would It wouldn't have been Sarsaparilla And I would I never get that. They're horrible. One, they don't sell sarsaparilla. If they sold organic sarsaparilla root,

I would have wanted to sprout sarsaparilla and I would buy it if they had it there. But no, sometimes I get burdock root, Nicole. You got a problem with that? I have a problem with you. I will. I have a huge problem with you because you are not acknowledging the fact

that Trader Joe's does good work and it makes people feel good in like a suburban area where there's so much noise and there's so much human and there's so much sidewalk all you want to do is just go in somewhere that makes you feel good they wear hawaiian shirts they're cute they're nice the signs are nicely drawn on you buy peanut butter you buy jam you buy some fideo for some reason they just have it there and you just have a good time i like the Joe's. I like the little bags of Faro. Yeah, the 10-minute Faro.

The little bags of Faro. The 10-minute Faro. I have three bags of that at home. You don't have to boil it for 40 minutes. And it's in such a small bag that you don't have to buy it in bulk. You can just say like,

hey, I've never really tried. Turn on the air conditioner. I've never really tried Faro before and I really want to see what this is all about. Like, you know, maybe they have a little bag of Free Cannex

and you don't have to. It's like, it's $2 so it's not a big investment. That's right. But the thing is, at Trader Joe's, the employees are trained to tell you they love stuff. That's fine.

One time, I went and I bought food, and you could tell the employee was new, and they forgot to compliment something. And then the last thing I was buying were just oranges, and they just went, oh, I love orange. And I was like, all right. And they were like, yeah, okay. And that was it. But at Whole Foods, this is the thing that I love.

Whole Foods is an indulgence for me, and that's what I love about it. But I feel like the people who work at Whole Foods, especially at like the butcher counter and in the produce department, which are the places where I'm spending 90% of my time, I'm not getting vitamin D pills. I'm not buying snacks because I just eat gigantic meals and all I snack on are grapes, apparently. Grapes and beef jerky. But I go to Whole Foods and like I will buy a cut of meat and the butcher will very earnestly, Nicole, they care.

They'll go, hey, what are you making? I think they care. I can sense when they care. I've been to that counter, the exact counter you're talking about. And I have been, I have been, I have been disrespected. I have been, I have been ignored. Well, because Oscar could tell that you didn't like Whole Foods. You didn't pay respect to Bezos.

I've been treated poorly. And no, I disagree with you. I think the customer service at Trader Joe's is better than Whole Foods, but I will still go to Whole Foods sometimes. And I think that's the most important thing. I go sometimes. Trader Joe's has these cashews. Yeah, they're so good. The roasted ones.

The roasted ones. Yeah, salted. It's like a Thai green curry. Oh my gosh, yeah. The lime leaf on it. I actually do the almond ones because I think the almond works better than the cashew. Yeah, that makes sense.

Anyways, I actually, okay, okay, in summation, in summation, in summation, Whole Foods to me

is an absolute guilty pleasure and I think it's generally probably bad forces. I know, what they're trying to do is like a good thing, right? More,

better produce, organic for the people. They started Whole Foods 365 markets, which they promised were going into low-income areas and they're going to end food deserts and bring produce to people.

And boy, do I not trust Jeffrey Bezos to fulfill that message, nor do I trust, what's his name, John Mackey or something, the founder of Whole Foods to actually do that. So I don't think there's merit in Whole Foods. I do wish people had access to better produce.

I do too. Whole Foods is doing the opposite of that. They're just running in and everything's expensive as all hell. Trader Joe's, I do think, does a really good job of curating their products and also making really convenient products for people to

eat on a day-to-day basis. Personally, it doesn't fit my lifestyle for weekly grocery shopping. Shout out, Ralph's. It's great products at a great price point. And I'm in, I'm in, I'm out, and I'm in there 30 minutes. I do a full week's worth of grocery shopping. No dilly-dallying. I know what I want and I'm in, I'm in, I'm out and I'm in there 30 minutes. I do a full week's worth of grocery shopping.

No dilly-dallying and know what I want. I'm there. So you're team Ralph's? I'm team Ralph's ultimately, of course. Well, you gotta do this again. Oh, shout out to Bob

at Pavilions. We're pleased to announce that we're dropping some new content over at the Mythical Kitchen channel. Heck yeah, we are. We're calling it Aprons Off, our chance to stop cooking and just hang out.

We'll be swapping stories, giving advice, tasting foods we've never tried, and tons more. That's right, Josh. The first episode airs on March 10th, and we're ranking our school lunches from childhood. Josh's lunch will make you feel some kind of way. It is depressing, Nicole. Anyways, come support our new stuff. It's airing every Friday on the Mythical Kitchen channel. We're really excited about it. We worked really hard. It is depressing, Nicole. Anyways, come support our new stuff. It's airing every Friday on the Mythical Kitchen channel. We're really excited about it.

We worked really hard. Yeah, see you there. All right, Nicole. We've heard what you and I have to say. Now it's time to find out what other wacky videos you want to know. It's time for the segment we call... Opinions are like casserole. What the hell?

What was going on? All right, Nicole. I think you were trying to make me laugh and it worked. Yeah, I was. You didn't laugh as hardly as you normally laugh, though. I kind of lost my touch. Not everybody not, not everybody is on their A game all the time. I'm rocking it like a beep,

like an 87 average right now. That's generous. Teetering from a B to a B plus. My nephew told me he gets Bs in school and he's 12 and I said, you better get As.

Why? Why put that pressure on him? He's 12. He's like, sixth grade is really hard but seventh and eighth grade could be so easy and I'm like,

if you don't get at least one A, you're in trouble. No, grades are utterly useless. I can't wait for our post-institutional education society where it was like, you either learn how to use a lathe or you don't. And that's it. Who's a lathe? Down with all kings except King Lud.

Who's a laid? Lathe. Are you lathed? No, a lathe is what you use to, a lathe was initially what you used to sew, but now it's used in a lot of metal work. It's like a spinning... Anyways, yeah, look at a lathe.

Looks like a cotton gin! Anyways, Nicole, you ready to get into some opinions? So ready! Hi, Josh and Nicole. Hi. My name is Kim, and this unpopular opinion is actually from my three-year-old daughter, Erin. Oh, I love the three-year-olds.

I think it's mostly your fault, Josh. I accept full responsibility. I listen to the podcast quite often. And every time you say hot mayonnaise, it's probably way more than you think. I know exactly how much. It's the funniest thing to her. I know exactly how much. It's the funniest thing to her.

But now she has this thing where she will just eat a mayonnaise sandwich. Yes. Just mayo on bread. No meat, no cheese. You're welcome for that. Or anything. Yeah, so I blame you, Josh. Uh-huh. But she's still cute anyway.

You want to say hi, Aaron? Say hi. Say hi, Josh and Nicole. Say hi, Josh and Nicole. You don't want to say hi? Okay. That makes sense. You can't train kids like you used to.

I will pay for your child's first therapy session. No. What did it cost? $10? No. $20? No. What?

That's really cute. I'll pay for $20 for your child's first therapy session for any way that my videos have messed them up. I think that's fair. I knew a girl who ate mayonnaise sandwiches in school. I knew a boy who ate mayonnaise sandwiches in school. I knew a boy who ate mayonnaise sandwiches. His name is me. You?

No, me. Get it? I drink a lot of sparkling water. I'm so sorry. Stop. I didn't mean to. Don't do that anymore. I know.

I'm a role model for the kids. Yeah. I know. Mayonnaise is a better condiment on bread than butter. I've said that. Oh, ew. Why you? Why you? It's just egg and oil. I know. Mayonnaise is a better condiment on bread than butter. I've said that. Oh, ew. Oh, ew.

Why you? Why you? It's just egg and oil. Because butter tastes better than mayonnaise. But then why you? Why you on mayonnaise? Why is everyone all you on mayonnaise? And nobody is you on butter.

Butter has like the same puss-like consistency. It's not pussy. It's not pussy. How do you spell pussy? P-U-S-Y. Pusey? No. not pussy how do you spell pussy p-u-s-y p-u-z-y no what do you p-u-s-e-y i don't think that's just p-u-s-z-i-e that's the polish last name i think pushy hello my name strongest man in all of poland um i'd love man, you put, give me a nice toasted piece of bread, some mayonnaise spread on it, maybe like a bit of olive tapenade, and that's a great sandwich. Mayonnaise, versatile, you can eat it by itself, you can put it on things.

Your baby's living. Babies deserve access to mayonnaise. That's the political platform that I'm running on. More mayonnaise for babies. Don't use the term baby mayonnaise, though, because that means something else. Don't say that one. That is stupid. You're a stupid man.

All right, next one. Hi, love the podcast. Thanks, man. I just wanted to say that Starburst is basically better Laffy Taffy. Yeah, correct. And if you don't agree, I can take it. Oh, no, I don't. I'm a pacifist.

I'm with those out there, though. What? Laffy Taffy is just Taffy that comes with jokes. Girl, shake that Laffy. Oh, I can't sing? Girl, shake that Laffy Taffy. That Laffy Taffy. Nicole, I will shake that Laffy Taffy. Oh, I can't sing? Girl, shake that Laffy Taffy. That Laffy Taffy. Nicole, I will shake that Laffy Taffy. That Laffy Taffy.

That Laffy Taffy. Girl, shake that. And I'll do it. Laffy Taffy. Nicole, I will shake that Laffy Taffy. That Laffy Taffy. I don't like Laffy Taffys very much. I do love Starburst.

It's like Laffy Taffy plus citric acid equals Starburst. There's a lot of citric acid in Laffy. If you get the grape Laffy Taffy, a lot of citric acid. I hate grape Laffy Taffy plus citric acid equals Starburst. There's a lot of citric acid in Laffy Taffy. If you get the grape Laffy Taffy, a lot of citric acid. I hate grape Laffy Taffy. I like banana Laffy Taffy. That's a hot take that I also love because I love artificial banana flavor because it tastes like the smell of gasoline. I love the way fake banana tastes. Same.

Banana runs, banana Laffy Taffy's all about it. Banana runs. So when he says Starburst serves better Laffy Taffy's what he's saying is Starburst sits at Taffy because the Laffy and Laffy Taffy Nicole is that

they write jokes on the inside of the packages. Would you like me to speak it again? No, no, no. Please don't. Mr. Bubblegum.

I do not want you to. Oh, Mr. Chico Stick. I want a da-na-na because you're so thick. Those are the lyrics? Yeah. Girls call me Jolly Rancher

because I stay so What? What's the word? For a Girls call me Jolly Rancher because I stay so... What? What's the word? For a long time. Oh, my God. You don't know the lyrics to Laffy Taffy? Oh, my God. No, I just want to shake that Laffy Taffy.

You don't know the lyrics to Laffy Taffy? And I mumble along to the rest. I just didn't know. I know that song by heart. I know all the lyrics to that song. Yeah, yeah. I mean, Laffy Taffy, Starburst is even wrapped in paper, which is like you know, historically part of Taffy. So yeah, they're pretty naked about their

ambitions, but Starburst has somehow become a very modern candy, whereas... Citric acid. Citric acid. It's citric acid. Kids love it. Kids love it. Red dye number 40 makes them hyperactive like the beta fish. They fight. Next opinion. Hi, Josh and Nicole. This is Sammy from Michigan. I was just calling to let you know that I think that the best way to eat a grilled cheese sandwich is just using sharp white cheddar and slicing up green olives and putting it inside.

All right. Bye. That's not the best way, but it's a very, very good way. This is a person that could share an entire pickle plate with you. Yeah. You go to a restaurant and they'd be like, hey, they got a this they got a pickle plate wait you don't go to restaurants with pickle plates what's it i've never had a pickle you go like a frame you get used to get a pickle plate you go to a deli i went to a deli in uh in what's where's julia from a great neck new york

me and jake her brother we just shared a pickle plate. Look, Maggie Googled pickle plate. Oh, just a plate full of random. Plate full of pickles. But they'll have like random pickles. It's like a charcuterie board without the meat or the cheese. Which I don't need because I'm there for the pickles. I do like that. Green olives, sharp white cheese. That is a grilled cheese with a point of view.

And that's what I love about it. That's really, that's a beautiful way to say it. She was like, green apples. I'd be like, meh. But I mean, this person, I've never heard of that combination before. Nice. And I love that she has, she knows what she wants and she's going out there to meh. But I mean, this person, I've never heard of that combination before. Nice. And I love that she knows what she wants and she's going out there to get it. Good for you, girl.

I was really into the fact that you said point of view of this person. Yeah. And I'm going to start using that. And I'm just going to sprinkle it in. And you're not going to expect it, but it's going to happen. That's a charcuterie board with a point of view. I like it. I like it. I like it.

Hey, Josh and Nicole, this is Callahan. Call my birthday. My family and I are going to a like hot pot. I live in like around Kansas city and we just got our first, you know, Korean hot pot place is called K-pot. And at least I think it's Korean. And this isn't really opinion, but what should I get? I've heard you guys talk about it before, and I've never done it before. And, you know, the parents are paying, so I'm going to get whatever you guys say. So thanks.

Okay, so hot pot refers to a lot of different things, right? That's right. There's, like, you go to a Japanese restaurant, they're likely calling it shabu-shabu. Or sukiyaki. Or sukiyaki. Or sukiyaki. Yeah, yeah. Correct, correct. All the hot pot that I've had is mostly Chinese.

Also like the ethnically Chinese Singaporean family. Okay. My ex was really two weeks ago. They're house for hot pot all the time. Cool. My favorite spot is a, how is it? From Shanghai, Heidi Lau. Yeah.

But it's a Chinese chain that is open in Los Angeles. Meggie, you a big fan? Yeah. Dude, Heidi Lau is some of the best places to go to open in Los Angeles Meggie you a big fan? Yeah Dude Heidi Lau Is some of the best places To go to I like it too I've been once or twice

And I've had Korean hot pot before Which if you conceptualize it It's Korean barbecue Except you dip it in soup Instead of grilling it But I kind of love it Because you get all the Korean panchan with it

So you get like the Spinach with the sesame Sick You get the fish cake You get the kimchi And that's the one thing I really miss from Chinese hot pot Is all the cold pickled vegetables That cut through the meat. As far as what to actually order though,

beef. You got to do beef. Beef on beef on beef. Underrated. It's fun to get a lot of different shrimp balls if they have it. And you sort of like fish cake, fish tofu. Always get fish cake if you're going to a Korean spot where you have to cook your own food. Yeah. The fish cake is what makes it that beautiful, unique flavor that is specifically Korean food. 100%. Fish cake is one of my favorite things. Make sure if they have it on the menu,

just get some sort of green, especially if it's a green that you've never heard of. Yeah, like yachoy. Yeah, like yuchoy. There's something called achoy that I just really love. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like Chinese broccoli. Really super fun stuff. I love mushrooms and hot pot. I do love mushrooms and hot pot. That's a big thing. But again, the menus are probably going to differ. If I had to guess, this Korean spot's going to be very focused on the meat because they probably, if I levitate another guess, this place might even own a Korean barbecue spot that's really popular. Like close by?

Exactly. No, for real. And so they'll have the sort of supply line so you'll be like, well, we can open up a hot pot space next door. So they're probably getting a lot of the same products but to me Korean barbecue and with hot pot you're going there

for the beef for sure other things are fun you get some pork belly let it sit in the broth for a long long time that's cool but I mean

get like the thin sliced brisket is one of my favorite things brisket's always good love beef tongue if they have it on the menu beef belly what's the other one

it's like not very striated. It's more of like a lean. It's a lean one that's like super thin. It's not brisket. What are you talking about? Short ridden? Maybe I'm just not thinking of it correctly. You guys have kind of different cuts than me.

It's okay. Bottom round, top round. Oh, top round maybe? Maybe it's top round. Top round, I like the good top round. Okay, Adam Sandler. I echo everything Josh says, and also happy birthday. I hope this gets to you when it is your birthday or almost your birthday, so you have time to plan. If not, well, you got another happy situation coming up, I'm sure of it. Call us back and tell us what you ordered.

Yeah, let us know. Even if you went before you actually heard this podcast, which is a definite possibility. But call us back, tell us what you ordered. Yeah, let us know. Even if you went before you actually heard this podcast, which is a definite possibility. But call us back. Tell us what you ordered and how your experience was. Because I think Heidi Lau is probably the restaurant

that I've been to most in the last six months. That's incredible. For hot pot. I can't go more than once a year because of the Sichuan that I get. Oh, like the chili oil? The mala.

The mala. Yeah, so you can get four different soup bases to dip in, but I'm no longer allowed and and it's for my own safety, to get the spicy oil mala base. It'll ruin your night. Because I was a little litty, and I kept dipping really absorbent stuff in the spicy chili oil. You can't put mushrooms in there. Only for the meat.

You can't put noodles in there. Only for the meat. Can't put tofu in there. No, don't. And so I'm having the time of my life drinking a beer tower, right? And I'm just sucking this down. It tastes so good. And then the next day

I was absolutely ruined but it was because of my own hubris. And Julia does not trust me to order it again and frankly, she's probably right. But you get the spicy pork,

you get the mushroom broth, you get the, they have tom yum broth. That's what I get. I get the mushroom, the tom yum, I do clear and mala. That's what I do.

You cook the freaking, the fish, the sliced fish that they have. I never got the fish. It's like my favorite thing on the menu. Do you get the fish next time? I will. Or you get That's what I do. You cook the freaking fish, the sliced fish that they have. I never got the fish. It's my favorite thing on the menu. Do you get the fish next time? I will. Or get the seafood sampler plate.

You get the fish, you get shrimp, you get calamari. I said calamari. I'll just get the fish. I'll just get the fish. If you can't tell we're hungry, I am at least. I am so hungry. I had sushi from Bristol Farms. Was it good?

For lunch. No, it was wet. I'm saying Whole Foods makes good sushi. The Bristol Farms sushi I had was sopping wet. Where'd the wetness come from? I don't know. You just spritzed it down with some Windex? No.

Well, on that note, thank you for listening to A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. If you want to hear more from us here in the Mythical Kitchen, we got new episodes for you every Wednesday. If you want to be featured on Opinions Live Casseroles, you can hit us up on Twitter at MythicalChef or Henny's on it. Or you can call us at 833-DOGPOD1. Once again, that's 833-DOGPOD1. Josh?

Yeah. Oh, thanks. What? Did you want to say anything more? We'll see you next time? Yeah, I guess. Thanks for listening. Thank you for watching.

No, thank you. No, no. Thank you for supporting us. Yeah. Thanks for being. Thank you for watching. If you don't come back, thank you for supporting us. Thanks for being yourself. If you're not being true to yourself right now, why not? Why not? Just think about that next time.

Because it comes from in here. Because here's the thing. Why would you want to be like anybody else when you are yourself? There's only one of you. So why try and be like anyone? What's that saying? Got it.