A Lot On Your Plate - Ep 15: Carb Queen, Frog or Rat & Pissy Pants Is BACK!

Episode Date: November 8, 2022

We have lots to catch up on this week. Zoe discusses what’s been a lot on her plate, quite literally and Jess gives her honest feedback on Tenerife. Be prepared for the fits of giggles and find out who has come back into Jess’ life!- - - - - - - - - -Follow us on IG @alotonyourplatepodYour HostsJess (@JustJessFood)Zoe (@ZoeQuinnnn)Produced ByCobalt Creative (@cobaltmediauk)For Business Enquiries - [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the chart-topping show-stopping best podcast in the world. We're just getting to it. Hello everybody. Welcome back. Welcome back. We've got a fact of the giggles, so that took us 10 years to entry in there. Literally 10 years. Jess is back from gallivanting once again.

She is, but she was meant to be gallivanting for longer, but my trip, you know my trip I said about last week? Oh yeah, when you explained to everyone. Yeah, it's not happening. And I said, didn't I, that I didn't want to say where it was because I didn't want to jinx myself. And you drink, she'll. And I jinks myself.

So basically I was packing for three trips, Tenerife with my family, Lanzarotti with some friends, and then I was flying back to, Heathrow and then I was going to Barbados with the tourism board which is obviously insane and they fucking cancelled on me You got patched

No so I was sitting there one morning in Tenerife And this is just my look My suitcase was lost wasn't it I forgot all about that by the way because it feels so long ago And I thought this can't be happening to me Only this would happen to me I've arrived in Tenerife my suitcase didn't arrive I also the trains for me to get to Manchester Airport

to fly with my family got cancelled that evening and then I had to then book a whole new flight for the next day which obviously wasn't cheap when you're booking it literally 12 hours before so I was having just a palava got there my suitcase was lost, had three lots of holidays in that one suitcase then a couple days later I did get my suitcase back

thank the Lord I got an email saying they were extremely sorry but the trip was no longer going ahead they want to reschedule so that's good I hope they actually do though and also I want to know that actual reason me too getting nosy with this kind of stuff Obviously, I won't say too much what it was for, but hopefully I get a plus one, because I didn't have one on this one.

I was going long. I'm looking at me. Exactly. I'm looking at you, too. You stop moaning. I'm just tired after a day at work, okay? No, she's not shut up that she's got a full-time job. We get it, Zelle.

We get it. I'm a grafter. You are. I go just from one job to another. Yeah, I mean, you do, to be fair. I just don't stop. Anyway, can you tell me about your holidays because I've actually not heard much?

It was brilliant. Well, I'm sure you all want to know my thought, us on Tenerife. Yeah, I'd like to know the details. Okay, honest opinion. I genuinely did feel like it was a bit of a dump. Yeah.

And I don't understand the hype around it. However, after a few days into it, the weather was gorgeous, much better than Lanzarotti's weather, considering they're both Canary Islands. And I was like, this is amazing. No wonder people come here in October. There was a lot of kids.

It was October week, though. Yeah, I know. October week, it was full of Scottish. people. I couldn't believe it. I think maybe the Scottish English school breaks different, but it was every single person in my hotel and everybody we walked by that was British was Scottish. I told you. Scottish people actually think it's the Bahamas. And they go all the time. That honestly makes me angry. And my stepdad used to work there back in the day, used to work at Linnekers. And so he loves it there. My mum used to also have a timeshare there. So when I

said I had never been, apparently I had a lot when I was younger because my mom had time share. And this hotel that we still went back and stayed in. Creature of Habits, my family, they don't want to do anything different. And I feel like it had been updated since the early 1990s. But it was, it was did the job. All he wanted to do and mum, bless their heart, was to stay around like the strip of Costa Adeki. It is colourful picture menu heaven, which is my idea of hell.

Oh, and you've got all the different pictures of the pizzas and pastas and all that. It's just not my kind of thing. Kids everywhere. I was like, no, this is not it. However, I then suggested, God forbid, you nearly had a heart attack, that I hired a car for a day. And let's actually explore, Tenerife, for what it probably truly is. It is stunning. Stunning.

I swear on my life, you saw my pictures. I loved La Caleta. Now, that was just like maybe north, slightly north, like 10 minutes from Costa Adecki. Las Americas is like a budget Vegas. And then we went up north to Masca Valley, one of the most beautiful. things I've seen. I went all the way around the north at the top of the coast, all these other little towns, seaside villages. I've never heard

of any of these places, but to be fair, you could make a bag of shit look good. This is what I just want to say to people. I have nothing against, obviously, if that's what you're into. I'm just, with my personal opinion is I'm not into that. I actually like going places where I don't see anyone that speaks my language. Yeah, more like, authentic,

the local places. What's the point of me travelling all that way, but I want to see what's actually about? So, my advice to anyone is, because I get a lot of questions, like, How do you find all these places? It really is. Just actually go and research it for a start. Look at places where locals go.

I understand that. Don't get me wrong. I still did the Brit abroad bit part of it. And I was on the strip of Veronica's for three nights on the trot. Absolutely living the dream. Did you get all the packages that they offer you? And it's like you get like three drinks and three shots

and a big jug in the middle of the table and all that. Loved it. But that's when my friends came and joined me. But I think for as a family holiday, I wanted a little bit more. And also all the nice restaurants that probably probably a lot of people recommended to me. You needed to book weeks in advance.

And I just not, I can't, that's just not it. But did find a few. I did get into a couple, and I will post about it on my Instagram. I will go back for the weather, but my advice to anyone is if you want to see more beauty of telling me facts, you just get out of your comfort zone. If that's what you like, then fine.

I think the weather is the big thing that makes people go quite a lot. Yeah. Especially at this time of year. Yeah, but I just don't see myself there. But even my mum, she was so excited. Like, when I took her out of what she's used to with my stepdad, And she was like, this is actually so beautiful.

Like, I would never have ever have done this. All we do is we come here, we go to the same bars, we eat the same food, we stay in the same hotel, we speak to all English people. But people like that, and I totally, that's fine. I think it is for people that are quite, like, creatures of habit. Yeah, but that's not me. And it never has been me.

I just can't sit around a pool. I wish I could. Wish I could sit and read a book. I think I read two pages of my four books that I took. Why did you take four books? Do you know what? My hand luggage was fucking heavy as well. And I was like, this is all my box.

you are never going to read a book never mind four four books for a week four books all self-help books right live love laugh no I just can't do it Zoe why you still pretend just give up

it's not going to happen oh I know so then we flew over from Because my trip was cancelled, I was always going to go to Lanzarotti, but when that was booked, I was going to go Barbados. So I told my friends, like, I can't do the Lanzerati part of the trip anymore. They obviously understood, because Bavadus Lanzar. I was going to say, I imagine.

Sorry, I can't come Bermas. You should have stuck with Lanzarote. And I flew over to Lanzarotti. Again, gets a bad rep. People called Lanzagrotti. I've gone and found really beautiful parts of it. And it's one of my favourite places now. I love it so much.

But I also still love a bit of the Britta Board, bit of that. But I spend most of my time in a bar called Heineken, as you can imagine. It is a shithole, but it's so fun. All Spanish music. Anyway. Went there for a few days. And had a great time. But I have something to tell you.

I hate me do this because it makes me nervous. No, but I think I've already told you, but I'm not told gee. Pissy Pants is back. Oh, no. I was on double doubles, double jins, double parked. I'm so embarrassed. This was actually when I was in Tenerife with my mom, my little steps is. and we took her out

and she was so drunk that I had to carry her home bless her heart how did you manage to carry her home if this was then the result of the state of you this is what I mean and she was sick

all down the side of the bed I was holding a hair bag and I was like shit this is like my 18 year sister she's her first like girls holiday with me we did have an amazing time this was in Veronica's

me for your snagging Britaboard holiday and here I am piss in the bed after spending a top of the strip Anyway, I went to bed that night, put her to bed, and I woke up for a wee, surprisingly, and I was like, summer toilet, I was like, why are my shorts swamps?

I went back to the bed and it was freezing. You know, because I got out of the bed and the aircon was on. I was like, the bed is freezing and I was like, is this cold or is it swampt? Splish, please, please. Honestly, it was sodden. So I had to then go and see one on the sofa. My mom, so me and Ellen get up the next day, God knows how we did. My mum comes in, as you can imagine, she comes into our room.

There's sick all on the bed. There's piss on the bed. And she was texting me like, I have just stripped your bed. The maids don't come until tomorrow. I'm like, yeah, by the way, mum, I pissed the bed. She went, you're fucking not kidding. I was like, I can't believe I've done it. But again, it's only when I'm not in my usual surroundings.

Oh, yeah. You said that last time, actually. I don't really do, well, I don't think I've ever done it in my own bed. So I must have just been that coyote. At least your sister spewed all over the bed and it wasn't just you causing that disruption. She even spoke with them morning and she walked in. She went, I feel fresh.

While I'm on the sofa and I was like, yeah, because you spew all your guts up on. So yeah, all in all, actually, I loved Tenerife, but the aesthetic part of it, you know. I did like your little reel you put up. That did make it look nice. But they were the parts that, yeah, I just explained, yeah. Yeah. Like Aletta was beautiful.

You know, all the restaurants near that? You told me near the fountain. They weren't... What was it? The harries and all that, like, Oriental. There weren't... A lot of people recommended those to me. They weren't what I expected when I turned up there.

I was like, oh, this isn't how I pictured them to be. Mm-hmm. But they were all packed, Bianco's Oriental Chinese place. Is that the one that's behind the shops and stuff, the Chinese place? Because I think I've been in, it actually was good. Yeah. And like I say, I couldn't get into them. So Empire Steak.

They're all meant to be. amazing but I couldn't get into any so I was recommended to download an app for anyone that is going to Tenerife I'll put it on my stories and that's what you need to book all of them because all the same chain apparently same group people right right so yeah anyway enough about me how are you I'm fine I've not really been up to much to be honest I was at my cousin's wedding one weekend last weekend I don't think I did anything at all I just had the girls over on the Friday got Chinese we actually wanted to get a takeaway from salt oh yeah I saw they do that Because now they have a takeaway, but we spent so long deciding what we wanted,

and by the time we phoned up to order it was shut. Ah. What? Tell me what takeaway shuts ate on a Friday night. I know. There's a few round near where I live that do that as well. Yeah. I don't know if it turns any more, like... But it's a restaurant though, isn't it? I know. But they've actually got a takeaway now. Oh, maybe they're sold out. I don't know. I know.

I know. Everyone that doesn't know, salt is like a unbelievable sushi restaurant in Hamilton. Yeah. Near where Zoe lives and me. Yeah, and it's quite unusual for that kind of thing to be, like, in a town. Yeah, a small town, I suppose. But, um, so anyway, we ended up just getting a normal Chinese, but it was nice, and a couple has had some wine. Can't really say no, a glass of wine these days, you know?

I know, there's always a potty animal these days, everyone. In fact, not. I need to tell you about that Sunday. What, Sunday? Oh, my God, the Sunday! I was at the Scottish Imphalancer Awards, because obviously I'm such an influencer now. No, I'm kidding, that's not why. because my boss was like presenting an award so he had a table and he invited some of us to go

and I went with obviously everyone from work and it started at 12 yeah I thought it was a day thing yeah so and it was sponsored by whispering angel right so I thought ooh that's very boozy by the way I know but when I'm out drinking I'm one of the people that is quite conscious

of not wanting a hangover and knowing what I'm doing not all the time but I'm a bit more mature in that aspect these days right but anyway all their thoughts completely like they were gone. They were non-existent. I know from all the selfies I received. So you go in and they were giving you a glass

just to like wait till everyone was there to go up to the meal. Of Whisper an Angel. Yes. You go up and it was all like round tables on the Radson Red Rooftop which is quite strange to see you up there because obviously it's usually like quite relaxed bar. On the rooftop of that? Yeah, that's where the lunch was. So and it was sponsored by that Lings or Lange Duelers.

Yeah. So there was a ring in the middle of the table just getting spun. on a thing, so obviously I had it on on my engagement finger. Of course you did. Desperate. Sending selfies to Jason. Actually, I'm not that bludder with that one.

A wee bit of ban on it. And then we were having lunch and there was a magnum of Whisperin Angel on the table. A magnum next to me. All three. All three. And like an ice bucket thing.

Also a big bottle of champagne, you know that fancy Vuv or Reeve or whatever we call it. VIV. V. and they were quite aggressive with the top-ups like you would literally take a sip and the wait do you want the top-up and I'm like, where? Where do you want to put it down my gut?

Anyway, so then we had the lunch. The lunch was quite like small like the food wasn't that great so no one had you really eaten much so then obviously you can see where this is going. We go down for the awards and then obviously I meet my nail tech, Kirsty. Yes. Which is your friend Rebecca Cook's sister so they were there because she was up for an award. and they were right next as coincidentally so I thought here we go

because I know they're wild so anyway they're really are wild then this is where the top-ups got aggressively actually too far everyone had like two glasses of wine in front of them again two big bottles in the table you would honestly sip

and it was like you know the kind of cheap round glasses that aren't really that enjoyable to drink out of but anyway and you would sip it and they'd be like you want a top-up no thanks two minutes later anyone for a top-up eventually you wear someone was like where like where do you want to put it. It was too much. And at this point

you're like, no one knows how much they've drank. None of that. You probably had a few bottles each. I know. So then I started looking around all the work, people and I thought, oh, everyone's getting a bit drunk. And the awards weren't even like started yet. Anyway, that all happened. You went back up to the rooftop for like the after party. It was from four until eight.

Bear in your mind, we're talking at it's half three in the afternoon at this point and it feels like half three in the morning. Yeah. Because everyone's gone. So you go back up and then eventually we took the two big bottles away. with us obviously because it was free and then the shots came in with three rounds of shots that no one actually got a shot off. They all got spilled a million times by Rosie because they literally got spilled every time they were on the way to the table.

Then because it was so much shots spilled all over the floor one of the girls absolutely decked it in the shots. So she'd get like dragged up and taken to the toilet to make sure like she was okay because I think a glass smashed it. I actually think she kind of fell into Jilly's mum which was kind of funny because you can imagine she was like what is going on here. And then I was just dancing around with like Rebecca and everyone outside that was actually pouring around and we were still standing outside

everyone was absolutely steaming people started like dropping off and going home I get picked up at half past eight flipping hell that's a sish in the evening honestly it did feel at 3 o'clock in the morning I must have been sleeping for like 10 in the next morning I woke up

had to go to work obviously and I was sick in the office all day you were actually vomiting yep I had the sausage roll from Greg's my breakfast and I speed it all back up No Zoe It was horrendous Did you pee your bed though?

No, I didn't actually Thankfully Did you get to pass it back? Not that either Is your toilet on block yet? Yeah, obviously that was like 10 weeks ago I don't know No, I'm still shitting bags

I'm like a dog now I take poo bags of me Imagine pretending he needs your dog shit But you know that way the next morning like I didn't actually have the fear from people at work because I remember everything with them but I get more the fear with like my dad picked me up

and I know that I was just talking absolute shite to him he'll listen to this and then tell me everything I was saying probably but I know I was just been like like him not getting a word in and then thinking of what I was like in the house because Jason next day was like whoa what was going on and he was like you were fucking stinking of wine

I was like well I drank honestly 40 gallons so I'm not surprised It's strong stuff that And then I did Zambucushot I do love a Zambuco shot Do you? Yeah, quite enjoy it Zoe, you're a new woman Now you're famous

She was getting stuck in the toilets as well Weren't you Oh yeah, I had a fan So shout out to you I remember her name That one fan I love it Yeah it was good

But that was quite wild And obviously I was saying your pictures Because I was with your other best friends Get lost Which definitely prefers me now Which is interesting And then what else I've been up to? This week I've just been recovering from that night out, to be honest.

I've been tired every single day. You're on a health kick? I couldn't be on less of a health kick. I've actually eaten console lunches every day. I'll tell you what I've had, right? Yeah. So on Monday I had that sausage roll from Greg's at 9 a.m. We're not talking rolling sausage, by the way.

We're talking sausage roll, something you'd have for your lunch at 9 a.m. Like the pastry rack thing. Yes. With a bottle of apple juice, I think that was a problem. It's quite acidic. Yeah. And at one point in the office, obviously not try to hide that I was hung over in any sense of the word I had. Apple juice, a can of coke, a big bottle of lucid and a big bottle of water.

All the fluids when you hold over. None which have made me feel any better. And then for lunch I had weird, this was a weird choice. Prawn fried rice from that katsu across from work. Oh yeah. With a side of katsu curry sauce or curry sauce, whatever. More acid. And then it was sharing like a big thing of salt and pepper chips.

so that was Monday and then on odd dinners I missed that a huge part of the story my nail tech Kirsty who was at the event was also doing my nails on Monday night oh so she was so we both were severely sick and then I had to go see her after work

obviously I just wanted to go home because I was actually dead and when I go to her and you get like a train back into town and then another train home so when I was waiting on my train to come home and it turned to Blue Lagoon outside Central Station and I got a rolling chips

with brown sauce and I ate that walking one on the pod that's not Scottish what Blue Lagoon is because people listen are not all Scottish they won't know what Blue Lagoon is it's not a thing where I'm from Oh it's a chippy? Yes but it's like an iconic chip isn't it Yeah it's quite an iconic one And they've just like refurb it all outside Central

and you can sit in and all that now Really? Yes actually quite nice Anyway I didn't sit in obviously because I had a train to catch And I bet I bet to get in it But I walk through Central Station Shoving that rolling chips in my mouth as I felt was invisible to the world

so if you've seen me no you didn't but anyway then on Tuesday what did I have because I've been eating that all week oh I had to bake potato with beans and cheese for lunch I know it's not the worst but it was from like one of the

wee places that do everything and anything and it kind of stinks and when you're eating it you can almost taste like everything else the dirty oven yeah anyway and then the day after and I had spaghetti meatballs

from dinner that night right carb queen all right come fat fat shaming that was quite sad for me to be fair

they're like hmm carb queen I didn't say it like that so and I had like three bits of garlic bed if you want to look at me weird for that as well

no and then the next day bearing of mind I don't really have breakfast So it's okay, right? Then I had a chicken teaca, you know, like the one that's like mayo-y though. She loves curry. From like sandwich shops.

Right, like a cold chicken teak. Yeah, I had a roll. Yeah. So that was actually okay. Now I had salmon from dinner so that wasn't that bad. And then today I had a chicken teca pinini. I had an Empire Biscuit. God, Queen!

No, I've been absolutely living. And say usually the week leading up to Pada, you're on like cup of soups and that. Yeah. Like pasta and sausage. You're on like... You're not. You're on what's left over in your cupboard. I've been dining out like a queen.

Love it. Little sandwich places. Babes, you do you. The one I've been going to now is called Charlie Browns in town, but we've decided to call it chachas in work. Obviously, to just make it sound less. It makes it sound like authentic. Well, I'm absolutely coughing my guts up if you can't tell,

because I've been wheezing. I've been telling she and Terry this, right? And I've had a little bit of a... They gave me a bit of a strong word before we did this. podcast because I am an ambassador for Castor, which is a premium sportswear brand, and they have given me a challenge for November, and I've got three options. Number one was to wake up every day at 5am. Now, we all know, I've been listening to me on this podcast for many weeks now, that categorically will not happen. So that's no. Number two was go vegan for a month. Now,

that isn't that I don't want to do it. Well, yeah, it is. I don't want to do it. Yeah, to be honest, I don't want to do it. And number three, now you're all going to think I'm fucking mad because I am, but I've agreed to do run 25K a week. A week. And G just sat there and was like, Jess, like that is 100K a month. Do you understand that this? For someone that doesn't run, like me, it's quite an excessive amount.

No, you're saying it's someone who sporadically runs out in 177 months. And she is also my fitness coach, so he's like fully concerned for my health right now and my knees. I just think, yeah, I don't know why I said yes, but I'm going to try it, okay, and I'm going to be documenting it on my stories. I did get into running quite a lot two years ago. And I lost a significant amount of weight and I put a significant amount on. So I think maybe, I'm not actually doing it for that reason, to be fair. I'm doing it because I did actually enjoy getting into it. But I'm going to try it.

I think it's a ridiculous amount a week, I know, but hey, let's see how I do. You never know. But anyway, I'm wheezing because, right, so the podcast recording decided at six. I used to be able to run 5K in 33 minutes. Well, my fastest time ever is 27, but that ain't happening. And so I thought, right, I'm going to actually leave at 25 past five. That means I've got to get to the studio in 35 minutes. That means I cannot stop.

Was I ringing Zoe, 3K into it saying, please pick me up? Yes, I was. So she was like, well, I've not got a car. And I'm like, shit, Richard's teaching. He can't pick me up. So I had to ring another friend and she was like, you're in look, because I'm just driving by the Barwell Bridge now and I can fetch you. So I didn't have to do the extra two and a half K.

I'm such a fat bastard. No, I don't think you understand that if I try and run on a treadmill, I want to get to 30 things and I'm done. Yeah, it's not it, is it? But what I will say is, guys, I listen to a podcast on the 3K, and I really liked it. Must have been a short podcast. Must have what?

Yeah, I thought you said that. Yeah, it was a short podcast. It was a bonus episode of a podcast. But was that better than music? Why have we got the giggles today? No, it wasn't better than music, but my mind was. sort of switched off. I would love to be a good runner,

but I think it's time except I'm just never going to be. Yeah. I've always found it really a struggle. I'm just really wheezy. Yeah, I love that for honestly two hours. If I even try and run. 50 a day.

Maybe I smoked too many vapes in this. Remove from the pod. Banana rice, best flavour. Joking. Joking! So, yeah. Good luck, too. I can't wait to see how you got on, but I simply won't be supporting and joining in any form of the word.

No, but we are going to be in a healthy conference, though. We're trying a new meal prepping company. I've not actually ever had meal prep, so I'm really looking forward to it. It's kind of what you need when you're, you know, when you're just a 9 to 5 working girl, full-time position, a lot of responsibility, and you're also very busy. Yeah. You just need your meal prep's done for you, Jessica. Called myself a food blogger, I'm getting someone to cook for me.

But you know what? It's called comp shopping. I'm doing it for everyone else's benefit. Yeah, we'll see how we go on, but I think it'll be good. Yeah. I have been meal prepping myself, but I'm going to try this. But let me tell you something, I cooked the most unbelievable dinner last night and had it getting for my lunch today.

Yeah, what was that? Because that looked like something out of a five-star restaurant. Okay, I cooked that. But I saw the recipe on TikTok. I don't know. I'll find it and post it, because I'll... I sort of changed it slightly but I think I'm just going to post it

and obviously just credit the guy that I found it from because I think he's from America or something but all he did was got some salmon and he spread Dijon mustard on the top he then put a chili lime seasoning now I think you pronounce it Tajin I've posted it on my story before I've got it from that Lupe Pinthos

in Great Western Road Mexican shop it is like a really amazing dehydrated like chili lime seasoning so so good if you put it on like corn and things so you put Dijon mustard he put that on it but I put that other one on it then chili flakes he put Aleppo pepper or whatever right

I don't know what half of things are but just keep going Dijon mustard you know what that is I just know what mustard is okay then chili lime seasoning and then chili flakes that's it I just do a sweet chili sauce from a bottle but probably why mine doesn't look like yours and then I air fried it for 18 minutes

then I serve it with sticky rice how'd you make the rice sticky it's the vacuum packed one what's the brand called begins with V they are elite I don't exactly what brand you're talking about. They do all different flavours. So good, anyone.

Stand by. Let's recommend it because it's very good. Viti. It's called Viti sticky rice. It looks like that. If you see them, Richard had them in his meal prep as well. They are, oh, look, lots of five-star ratings.

It's so, so, so good. So sticky rice. I then served it with sliced cucumbers, radishes, spring onions, and then you mix seracha with mayonnaise, or you could have just normal sarachi mayo, with half a squeezed lime and a little bit of rice vinegar but I used white wine vinegar

because I didn't have any rice vinegar mix it up, pour it over black sesame seeds oh half an avocado I need to know how you cut your avocado It's good isn't it? With such grease So how you do your avocado is you cut You slice it in half

Twist it Yeah The one without the stone You just gently peel it away At that point So you peel it off Rather than like get the spoon and took it out Just peel it

It needs to be perfectly ripe and then you slice it all the way around and really thinly and then you get the knife and you press it down so it all falls like dominoes and then you put your knife under it and lift it up and rest it on

that was the bit that was really impressive yeah how it was stayed in shape but that avocado looks wonderful yeah I agree so yeah I will post that on my Instagram I like when you post stuff like that but obviously I never make it so I would rather just made it for me but it was so easy Zoe the rice was literally one minute

the cucumber that you slice up you mix the sauce together and it's that when you're air-frying it for 20 minutes. I still don't have an air-friar. And also mixing all these different sauces. I just want it in one. I just want one sauce. You stick with your boring food with Jason then. Don't come to me moaning.

I just thought of the patience. I need to go to patience growing lessons. Patience growing lessons. Yeah, I need to grow up the patience category. Or note that one down. Another thing is I was been eating. When I was in Tenerife, I tried a steak and it was like a, I think it was called a bollock.

Not a bollock. I ate a medium rare, bollock. No. I think it's a bollock cow. And we googled it and it means basically old fat and shattered. So, like this restaurant, it's meant to be amazing for the sake. And let me tell you, it was so fucking good. And when we were in the restaurant, it was so fucking good.

And when we were in the restaurant, it was meant to be amazing for this sake. restaurant. We're asking I was there with three Scottish girls and we're asking them how they want it cooked and we're all laughing about how you Scots say medium medium rare why do you say like that medium? Chetting how do you say chicken? No I say chicken chicken you do not you say I don't say it that way I'm not Glasgow region I have to go chettin check check I say chicken but I do say medium medium it's got a D in it A lot of people... A lot of people do say medium.

How it's meant to sound. Yeah, but I mean Scottish people as well, but that I think... I don't... Medium. I think I say medium. What do you say G? Medium. You do?

No, I'm going to D. But you just wouldn't say anything wrong. You're just so perfect. You just wouldn't it not... Just wouldn't say anything wrong. Now, in Canarian Islands, most things are served with canarian potatoes, which you all know that I fucking don't shut up about. Have you ever had them?

No, but I remember you talking about them before. I wish I knew how to cook them. I'm going to learn. It's just like there's sort of like dehydrated new potatoes with like dried salt. What do you mean by dehydrated? They haven't got any sort of moisture in them. It's hard to explain. Maybe it's just like salt baked potatoes, I'd imagine.

So, but it's the sauce. It's the mojo sauce and the salter verde. What are you laughing? I don't know. So I've bought some of the sauce. No, we're really giggling today. Bought some of the sauce in the airport. And I'm going to recreate it.

You go, girl. You go, girl. So that was my plate rates this week. Our food has really been on completely different skills this week as what I'll say. Listen, I ate some shockers as well in that Las Americas. Some shocking restaurants. Did you go to the hard drop cafe, T-in-Denny can get a T-shirt? No, I did go in there, though.

Why? Because you wind me up? because I could hear a really good music coming from it as me and my sister were walking by. And I was like, well, let's go in there and I was like a really good rock band on the stage and we'll listen to it and it was great. Didn't eat there, I was watching them dancing away.

No, no, that's a shame. I was hoping. I should have just got that for you and just piss you off. I know, actually, I don't. I've got one more story about Tenerife. So I always thought this, if anyone else does this and send us a message if you do. Me and my best friend Holly,

when we used to go away on holiday to Vegas, because we used to go there quite a lot, when we're young. You know what Americans are like, they're very like, um, over the top. And when they try and chat up, chat you up, we had this thing called the Escalibur language. Now, I have no idea what Ascalaba means, really. But we just go, we just look at each other when they were trying to talk to him. We just go, Ascalaba. And she'd go, Ascalabar.

And then I'd go Ascalabar. And these Americans would be like, one language is that. What are you talking? Are you Swedish? We'd be like, Ascalabah! And we just keep saying they were an escaliber in different ways. Have you ever done that? but anyone listen

and you want to get someone off you back do the escaliable language. Have I ever done that? I know no one else has but has anyone ever had to pretend that you speak in a weird language just to just get these boys off you back.

You know what I mean? No what I mean? No. Maybe people aren't just like fighting off all the boys like you are. Batting them off, batting them off. Listen, I think that's a great tip. It really is.

The Ascalibur language needs to go viral. Anyway, I'm taking that it came back in Tenerife. Is that what we're going to say? What? Oh, yeah, sorry, yeah, it did. Sorry, yeah. So in Tenerife, I said to my sister, listen tonight, if anyone tries to talk to you, you don't want them,

we're going to do something called the Ascalibur language. She was like, but you're all right. Oh, my God, one more. Sorry. Right, stick to her story at a time. But I'm... This is chaotic. Okay.

That story's ended. Now I'm going to do another one. I take it. No one had to say Scalibor. No, we didn't. We never had to do it. We were just chatting up all the boys so we didn't need to bat him away.

Right. We'll sit around the dinner table and she said to me, did you know... Is that you're 18 year old sister? Yeah. Right. That everybody looks like either a frog or a rat. I was like, right.

And she went, you're a frog. Mom's a frog. Dad, you're a rat And I'm a rat And I was like Shit, that is so true I think you're like a ratgy And I think you're

And I think Zoe you look a bit ratty as well I'm definitely a frog All like is your nostrils That's what I mean Like people with big features Are like ratty Froggy

And people with like pointy Like petite features are ratty I have the biggest nose Big eyes And quite a bag mouth Yeah maybe you are a bit of froggy then and quite a square face also but I'm not sure what I drowish

I'll just take the rap for now another day in the life of Jessica Ted's pointless fucking stories I'm like when I was literally thinking about it it is true everyone even does

like Richard's a rat it seems to be all the men in order of rats all men of rats I actually have no words for the conversations we have discussed in this episode. This is absolute chaos. You know, my Alexa was flashing today right.

She was flashing yellow and I says, Alexa, why are you flashing yellow? She went, you have one notification. I was like, read me out the notification. Do you know what she said? Don't know it for word for word, but she was like, this is the tip of the day. To improve productivity, I suggest that you buy a journal for gratitude and you can write your journey every day

and I was literally in the kitchen like Richard, Richard are you listening to this? And she was like, what's she saying? I was like, someone's listening to me. If you would like me to continue these tips, please let me know. And I went, Alexa, thanks for that. And she went, thanks for your feedback. I swear, I swear, she sang it to me.

And I was like, what's going on? That's psychotic. I swear, I really wish I could record it. But she's giving me flipping self-help tips now. Alexer even knows I'm in pain every day. What's going on? I need to get that journal out, ASAP. Oh, forget the journal.

Right, anyway, moving on. Ignore me. Right, well, a lot of people wanted to know about our food habits, but I think we've kind of covered them. Covered them. I've been absolute Koonzel for a week. You've ate like a queen in Tenerife. And next week we're going to be health queens.

I'm getting back to everything next week. Well, you're meal prepping yet, and you're going to do your new 25K one with me. Not true. see when you first discussed doing this I thought maybe I could do it and I'll get like skinny and that as well

and then now we've had that whole discussion and I've thought absolutely no fucking way but I'm going to go well I have I did go back to Pilate's other week so I'm going to keep doing that and I'll get my steps in and maybe I'll go to the gym and do some weights and we'll stop talking because you're all judging me

across with one and we're like mm-hmm mm-hmm shite shite anyway so let you know on our meal prep journey and how we get on with that can I just say Zoe keeps saying to me that wrapping up an episode with me is the most

painful procedure ever because when she wants to end the podcast apparently I just go one more thing no because I like the structure yeah and then I'm like right last but not least I'll just do one more and then I'm like thanks for rating blah blah and you're like oh I've got another one like like Fucking shut up, and I ain't cut out anyway. Have you noticed that, Jay? There's a lot of cuts at the end. Anyway, I'll wrap it up on that note.

I'm staying silent. Thanks so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed that chaotic episode as much as we did. Thanks for your feedback. I don't know why we've been laughing this much, but I hope it cheers you up your wonderful Tuesday morning. Have you got anything to say, Jessica? See you next Tuesday.

Bye.