A Lot On Your Plate - Ep 2: Mid life crisis, floppy tits and a whole lotta shite advice

Episode Date: August 9, 2022

This week on A lot on your plate podcast we talk about the pressures of society, our fear of becoming a mum and our complete lack of knowledge about breast feeding 😅 Lets fuck lifes “rule book” together, chat utter nonsense and attempt to set the world to rights!Follow us on IG @alotonyourplatepodYour HostsJess (@JustJessFood)Zoe (@ZoeQuinnnn)Produced ByCobalt Creative (@cobaltcreativeuk) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the chart topic The Best podcast in the world We're just kidding Welcome to episode two We're back, we're recording How are you Jess? I'm fabulous, thank you Zoe, how are you? I'm wonderful

I'm absolutely brilliant today And why is that? Because I'm here recording with you And I just love it I love it as well Hello everybody Hope you all doing well Thank you so much again for listening to

Episode 1 I hope you loved it and had a good laugh We found it absolutely hilarious It was so fun Yeah we really enjoyed that one It was really good That was a good laugh But today we thought

We're going to have a little bit more Of a deeper chat Not too deep We don't want to be too serious here But just you know A nice chat Getting to know one another And getting to know you guys

we've had lots of things been sent in and we would love to discuss them because I think we have some very similar opinions on a few things and I think we should be white vocal about it. Yeah, and I just want to talk about relatable, real life situations. Correct. And one of them being the big difference between Zoe and I, which doesn't really seem that apparent when we're together,

but I am now 32 this year and... 26 this year. 26, yeah. It's hilarious actually, and I know a lot of people probably feel the same, but when COVID obviously happened, I think I was like 28 or 29, I can't remember, when it all kicked off. You must have been 29 because I remember it was your 30th during it? Yeah, because I climbed Achille in 2019 October and I climbed that on my 28th birthday. Yeah, it was 29th birthday. 20th. 20 that we're done. Yeah, we got COVID, yeah. That's right. And I feel like, obviously I had all these big. plans and a lot of people did for those my 30th birthday celebrations and everything got upcoming as well. I think we were going to go to Miami weren't we actually and so many things got cancelled it was just bad times but I also feel like I'm quite grateful for a few

things that happened with COVID so there's a lot of it to thank for but I do feel like there's an element of missing out or time has been lost and even though it hasn't it's just been different to what you planned I do think it was like panic stations when I turned 30 and now all of a sudden and I'm coming into 32 and I'm thinking, shit, am I behind in life? Yeah. Am I at the right stage where I need to be? And I think people just feel like they have actually lost two years of their life. And then that, like, see if you were graduating uni in that time or leaving school or anything like that,

you then have lost the first two years or you've lost what it should have been like. Yeah. In their two years? I imagine if you'll just turn in 18 and you couldn't even go out until you're 20. Yeah, exactly. You've missed all those, like, years of partying or being young. So it's like setbacks even for just like. the fun stuff that you want to do.

Never mind, like the big life things that people then get stressed about. And it's also sort of like cemented in your personality, like we were just saying before we started this pod, but how unsociable we feel like we've become since beforehand. So many people are the same.

And yeah, we just think there's a lot of pressures from society and social media when it comes to, not just women, men as well, but a lot of women when it comes to obviously reproducing and marriage and things like that. So we thought it would be quite interesting to start this topic and I thought we could just start it by speaking about how you feel about it and how I feel about it and then we can go into everybody's suggestions and we can just discuss

I think my feelings on it have changed with some things because obviously I grew up with a split family which to me is just normal because it was before I was even I was in the womb and also even if I wasn't my brother was too so he doesn't remember it'd been any different either so for us like it's not an issue never was actually it's got to perks because it was like you got two of everything when you were younger like two christencies two birthdays like all that kind of stuff so it's not i just don't see it's a negative at all and also like i've got an amazing step mum like i have more brothers and sisters because of it as well yeah i did just to say like i don't want to get married like what's the point like it doesn't last i don't want to be like mom and dad

but even though there's nothing wrong with my mom and dad it was just more like what's the point getting married when it might not last but that was quite a young opinion i would say because now i want to get married but i'm not desperate to yeah like i think i will get married I'm not against it but I'm not like they know people say they've got their Pinterest boards and they've thought about it since forever and they know what dress they're going to want I'm like that I don't have any of that I mean either like that's not I've never been like that like I could tell you what kind of like

vibe I would want my wedding to be like but I couldn't tell you what dress I want no anything like that nothing I also think there's nothing wrong with that I just feel like I don't know if it's the way I was when I was growing up but for me I again was from a split family my parents split when I was 18 months and I was an only child so I was an only child till I was actually 18 when my dad remarried and had my little sister. I've always had this idea that marriage wasn't workable. I'm not going to dish out the number on this pod, but there's been multiple marriages between my parents. Bill, that's exact same for me.

Yeah, a lot. And not that that's a problem, but I feel like if you were bought up in a household where your parents were together growing up, I do feel like you do have maybe more of an idea of this happy-ending, lovely marriage. Like, I always think this is well as I don't if you're the same. and it's not like my parents dislike one another because they do get along but if I had a wedding at the top table for me that whole thing

no that's just cringing for me that's just not a normal scenario to have I know I get anxious or I feel like I'd rather just not put myself through that position and plan a wedding I'd maybe rather elope and just do it with us too because the idea of having all family under one roof it's just no

you can't do it I know I think it's I think more of like when we're older and you picture, like, I remember being places and you have both sets of... Parents. Well, both sets of Graham. Parents would have been there

if your parents are together. But now it's like, once you're then got a partner, you've then got your set and their set. So then if it's a split family, you've actually got three sets of people. Yeah. So it kind of just, it becomes a bit unbalanced. Yeah.

But actually for me, I don't actually think people necessarily think about the happy ending thing because their parents are together because a lot of the time they're probably miserable. Yeah. Yeah, that is true.

Like you do hear that as well and then that puts people off because they're like... Well, my parents are together for years but they're not happy. And they're then under the impression that once you're married it's so hard to get out of it

when actually that's just not true. And also my mom and dad are so friendly like it's the ideal situation. Yeah, that's good. I just don't have a negative thought on it but I know that's not the case for everyone because it happens to you later on in life which it has to like a few of my friends

they then struggle with like the parents getting new partners and stuff because they're so like, everyone else should still be their priority and I'm like, but we're adults now so it's not really like they need to go live their life now too. Yeah, for sure. So it is like a... It's different for everyone. Yeah.

And I just think as well, me me and Richard have been together for eight years now. The question that is asked not just to me but also to him a lot is when you get anything and you're thinking in and it's a fuck off. Yeah. Number one I actually don't find it offensive

when anybody asks me these questions by the way I'm just going to say that I understand that it comes from a place of just you know they're just interested and they want the conversation yeah and they that's sort of this thing it's normal to ask that sort of question I guess it's okay not to want to get married and I think that's something that should be discussed more

not everything is with a rule book you don't you're not born and then you have to then go to school you then have to go to university you have to pass your driving test then you have to go and get engaged married babies mortgage all that bullshit it's like why does it have to be in that order why can't people just live their life how they want to live their life why is there this rule book that if you don't do it you failed and i think that's what and i understand that's maybe a lot of like elder people's not maybe not elder people like my parents or grandparents mind's just old-fashioned like

tradition really isn't it exactly but i just feel like that needs to stop because that puts people under pressure and let's say for example you know you didn't want to have children which i and i'm going to be honest on this pod. I don't know yet if that's what I want and I'm 32 and I do have this pressure constantly, your time's ticking, rale, blah, like I do have polycystic ovaries as well. So that is another thing for me that I think people are saying, but you need to hurry up because you've got that. Like my nan says that to me a lot and I understand she only means it being genuine but actually then I think, well, if I do leave it a bit later, will I struggle to conceive or will I even be able to conceive? Yeah. And will I then regret it later in life? Which I, how do you

know it's so much pressure to understand if you will regret a having a child which some people would probably admit yeah or be would wish i had them i think it's just a big like i don't really feel it at all obviously because i'm a bit younger yeah and i moved in with jason pretty quick didn't you yeah like well we moved in just well about a year and a half of being together so that was quite quick but there's no that was just because like the way it happened and it worked and that was fine but it doesn't I'm not now like okay on to the next thing engagement and then it wouldn't be onto the wedding

then it wouldn't be on to the kids like it's just not I think now people are so aware that what difference does saying your husband and wife actually make it doesn't really like I know financially and all that it ties you in in ways but see if you've already got a mortgage with someone that's a big commitment I've got two cats as well I mean that's a baby like what would be what would actually be married to Richard make no difference it wouldn't change anything

I could change my surname by Depot if I really needed to. Yeah, no. And I could put a ring on this finger if I wanted. But you've got to understand, I'm not a religious person. Yeah, well, I'm not either. If I got married, I wouldn't get married. I wouldn't get married, I wouldn't get married in a church because I am christened, but it's just not what I want. Yeah.

And, you know, when I do, I absolutely, by the way, love weddings. I don't know if you feel the same. I love them. I love them. I even don't mind the church part. I'll sit there and sing flipping, come by you, my lord. that if you want me to. I like the hymns. Well, I like, give me oil in my lamp, keep me burning.

Yeah, that's good fun. He's got the whole world in his hands. He's got the whole world. And I'm singing and I love it and I'm happy for them. I remember doing at school. I sang it all at school. But I'm not, I don't think I'm christened or anything like that. But my dad's side of the family are Catholic and my mum's isn't. But did you know you can't get married in the church if not one of you's christened? I'm not sure. But no, you definitely can't get married in a chapel. You can't do Catholic if you're not. Is it? Okay. If you're not careful.

Yeah, so I do love all that. But when I've been to a few weddings this year, actually, and when I was stood there, and it's funny because me and Richard both said the same thing on me left. We were like, that was beautiful. But all that, what they talk about there, I don't understand it.

I don't understand. It also makes it so much longer. And it then becomes, it actually becomes really like impersonal because they're not talking about both of you. They're talking about what God thinks of marriage and what marriage means and all this. It's not actually about you to getting married.

so even a lot of religious people don't have a religious wedding you just want to speak nicely about the couple and then kind of get it over with and then go out of the good part I have actually been to wedding like that though where they had I don't know what it was called it's called something a humanist that's it

humanists and they actually just spoke about their life and I loved it I was so interested listening to both of them and why and how they've been in love it's kind of the same as funerals though because that's a lot of people want to get specific people to read or will kind of conduct the funeral because they'll only talk about that person's life

and you tell them like the key parts that you want them to talk about so that you can see if you go to just to kind of support someone if I came to one with you or whatever I wouldn't know that much about that person so it's actually and then you feel quite nice you think oh they actually had such a great life yeah and also I think you forget your grandparents were once like this age but but my mum had me at 26 yeah that's like me having a five-year-old now yeah I just can't see it I know but then again I've got friends that had babies young and and then I look at them

I think fuck you know when I'm older and I'm having a baby if I can you've done it at 35, their kid's going to be 10, they're going to be able to have this reborn life again when I'm already, it's just, oh, this is what I mean, it wrecks my head. It wrecks my head, and I just think, just, can I be asked? I'm not sure. Birth. No.

Any mum's out there, how do you do it? How do you give birth? Because, no, I got the ick thinking about it. I can tell you how, if you want. No, thanks. I just, honestly God. I can tell you the signs. The whole thing, the birds and the bees.

I just, honestly, can not. get my head around how people go through that. And then just bounce back and then you see them and they look the same again. I'm like two days ago you had a massive... Yeah, not everyone. Well, not everyone. But I would, like, I know for a fact.

I don't bounce back. I'd be a big deflated balloon. I would blow up. Inflated the balloon. I would be swollen from the hair particles on the top of my head and the hair particles in my big toe. Like, I would be swollen from the get-go.

Yeah. I just know it. Water retention at an all-time high. Whereas like my technically sister-in-law who just had a baby even when she was pregnant with her big bump she was still so slim arms. It was just like a bump. It was just the bump. She just looked great.

And even after it when I went up to the hospital to meet Millie, she was like, look at the state of me. I was like, no, you don't understand. How good you look? How good you look? And even when we left, Jason was like, can you imagine what you would look like? But just thinking that like, she hadn't washed her hair yet. Like, obviously it's only been not even 24 hours, but

I'm like a frizzball. So even I wake up in the morning and I've washed it night before it's mental so I'm like I would just look awful you know when I was young grown up people who say to me are oh you've got such childbearing hips sorry what the fuck does that mean that's like wide hips basically mean I've got wide hips they're ready for you to give so a baby can just be

stored in between gusting no I can't have that to me wrong I can't have that so yeah things like this give me a lot of pressures but actually terrified not even having a baby having a baby or being able to conceive actually physically having it I'm terrified terrified of it and also I've got a bit of a phobia of not having control of like you know like through COVID people were losing taste smell like I had it I think at the very very start when that wasn't really a known symptom so I wasn't overthinking it but then when people started to talk about how they weren't getting it back properly see my fear is not having

control of that so like see see I couldn't smell I would feel freak out about that to be like how can I... Why you were having a baby, you mean? No, this isn't related to being pre- well, that's where I'm going to get to but I would like panic that what if I don't ever get it back? And see if I was trying to smell like a candle

and I couldn't, it would frustrate me so much. So see, the thought of having a bump and like it just getting bigger and bigger and just having to deal with it and then you know you can't do certain things, you can't eat certain things, you can't lie on your front obviously, I'm like, that frustration would drive me mental.

But on the flip side, And then actually... How absolutely amazing is a woman's body to be able to do that though? One minute there's just at that full-sized baby in it and then, honestly, five seconds later, it's wrapped up like a wee burrito. I'm sorry, but somebody actually grew you in their tummy and you right now are this human being.

It's out there. Like, that's mad, don't you think? Yeah. It's bonkers. It does free... The world is a wonderful place. Yeah, so basically, we asked on our story yesterday what pressures from society, social media or coming of age are you feeling at the moment?

And we had tons of responses, probably, I would say quite similar thoughts and feelings, how we feel. Obviously, we have people out there that are married and do have children. And obviously, we're very happy for you. We absolutely love it. But if that's not what you want, that's also okay. And I think the problem that we have is the questions that are asked, and I'm constantly being asked by family. when am I having a baby, when am I getting married, as is Richard and I'm guessing Zoe, now you've moved in with Jason and you've been together, you know, a longer time, you get asked that question. Yeah. And neither of his mind as such, but there are people out there that, A,

can't conceive naturally or are struggling or probably just don't want children, that is fine. There could be so many reasons, like one being the big one, which maybe they can have kids, so that's a really touchy subject for people. Yeah, absolutely. And also, maybe they've like lost parents young or whatever and they don't feel they've got that support system like there could literally be a million reasons and you don't have like who are you to ask and see as well like someone could just be having a really bad day and then you've brought this back up to them and it's just a big thing to put on someone sure another pressure I think I feel as well is I obviously live here and I'm away so far away from my family yeah and I would love them to be in the child's life

but I'd also need that support I've heard from a lot of friends and family like oh you need your parents or you need somebody there to help you and I don't have any of that so that is another reason as to why it does not appeal to me yeah at this moment in time because you also don't really want to move back home as such either I also don't want to be stuck in a flat with the baby if I'm being honest with you I don't know but in terms of where you live you're not like desperate to move home home no no I love it here obviously I love it here this is another problem I wish I could plonk everyone from Leicester and Glasgow up here I know great time we've got a lot on the kind of marriage, kids thing

and it is just a few of people saying they can't conceive naturally as well but then there is some as well it's like pressure to have kids I'm 22, I'm 24 I'm like that is so young you've still got your whole life to live that's mad why are people asking you

at the age of 22 when you're going to meet someone in my opinion that must be like elderly grandparents or strangers because they obviously did have kids so much younger like back in the day or they would get married really quick then of kids really quick so it must be that.

Someone's also said that it makes her really sad when a girl's only ambition is to get married and have kids and then they force that mindset on, like, other people. There's so much more interesting things to do in life, bar that. That is so true. She's like, sounds a tad harsh, but it's my honest opinion. And I do agree. That's not harsh at all.

There is so much more better things to do than get married and have a kid. But I also think the problem is... Sorry, Rich. No offence to anyone. But no, but it is, though. Why does that happen? This is what I feel like I'm repeating.

myself but why does that have to be the only role book to success? Well also what I think is some people are kind of oh you need to do one or the other no you don't you could actually you can actually do both like why does getting married mean that you can't go their girls trips anymore you can't go nights

out anymore now I'm married no one's stopping me going on my girls trips. Never? Never never never but I think that's the problem and that's why people like talk about it in that way because it's like oh once you do that that's you're wifed up yeah what do you you're already like right now I would say well yeah I'm wifed up because I'm not available for other people

I do think on the flip side it's quite important to talk about like there's a lot of girls that maybe are married and have a baby and maybe stuck in a bit of a rut where they feel like they've they couldn't have time to keep in touch with their friends because that is probably what happens so I do feel like it is very important to try and not like lose yourself

make sure you do have some close-knit friends around you do have time for yourself self-care go out occasionally don't just put your all into it obviously unless you want to but I do think it is important to still have an element of your old self pre-baby. And also your kids are eventually going to grow up. Yeah. So see when all that happens.

Then you're not having to look after them from morning until night every day. Sure. Or not at all when they're actually adults. So you still need people around you at that point. But imagine in COVID as well, people that had a baby in COVID in that beginning and they've had two full years of hardly any support. It must be so hard. especially for the child and the mum

no support no social activity for the child that's probably all they're used to now because it's embedded in their personality pretty much. You do hear quite a lot of mum's saying or who have like newborns or young children through COVID that they found it really hard to like go into nursery and all that kind of stuff

because they're so, they're not used to social situations that's horrible because it's even stupid things like you couldn't actually really go to the shops at one point. Mad. Like you couldn't go to just or you couldn't even go to just or you couldn't even go to a park because they all blocked off all like the play parks so even things like that yeah you don't think that your kids socialising as such at that because they're running around on their own but they're

they are seeing what's going on around them yeah whereas if you're stuck in a house they're not seen anything but yeah and also can you imagine how tough it is how it would have been and I know we've got a few friends that are in this situation but being single in COVID and obviously people asking you this question must have been extremely difficult I met Richard on Tinder and you met Jason in a bar so organically and night out of but if people there's a lot of people out there that do not like dating apps yeah fucking hate them back then eight years ago Tinder was I was on fire it was like a game to me every night I was loving life and obviously you would make that a game it was fantastic good when you lose yeah bye and then basically I think there's a lot of people out there

that want that whole organic connection and meeting people in a natural way and they couldn't physically do it and now they're suffering social anxiety going out and a night out bloody hard work yeah because then you're not wanting to go out as much how were you ever going to meet someone and the problem is people put the pressure on you when you're out like is there anyone

in here it's like see when I was single and I wasn't ever like desperately looking really because obviously I was young anyway so there was no pressure there to be with someone but it would be like I'm out with my friends to enjoy my night with my friends I'm not out to look for a boy yeah so it's trying to find a balance that you're just kind of hoping you stumble into someone

or you fall onto their knee and start kissing them in a bar which is what happened to me. You didn't even really like it that much at first, did you? No, I didn't text them back the next day. Savage. Then six months later I met him again in the same bar. Oh, that was it. That was it. And then we started speaking that time.

We said that I stared at them all night. I absolutely didn't. I would never do that. I bet you did. So yeah, a lot on the kids in marriage. And then there's quite a few as well about trying to get a house like wanting to own your own house rather than renting. But remember now if you cancel your Netflix

you'll be able to save for a mortgage according to the government, motherfuckers. Ridiculous. Ridiculous. So yeah, to buy a house. Impossible to save for a mortgage while paying rent like buying a house but also just getting on your career path so you're not in a strong enough career yet

to be able to save for your house so it's kind of like a catch 22. I guess in your career that's a hard one that one isn't it? I think when you're trying to save like I think the thought of saving is quite overwhelming like I think the thought of the end result that you think can kind of put you off because you almost think how am I ever going to save that amount

but it's a lot of money what I would advise is to have a number that you can afford every month to save like don't over save because then you're just going to leave yourself skin and you'll end up tapping into your shavings all the time but see even if you start off you can afford to do it even if it's £100 a month it will eventually build up

and then you can maybe say oh could I actually do it 200 and before you know what you're maybe doing 400 a month yeah there's a few things like ices and things that like help to buy ice schemes out there isn't they yeah well i i used a help to buy but that has a limit on it jason has all the bank and stuff because he works for a bank so he then looked into in a lifetime ice is actually quite good because that's still got a limit but you can put in as much as you want every month whereas a help to buy it was like 200 pounds a month so what i was finding is i was saving in that and then saving the other half

or whatever of my savings that month just in an account that you get nothing for so then when you can put it into the lifetime ISO even though you'll get to your limit quicker maybe it's all building interest in that you're getting the benefits from it where to see if I stuck to the help to buy

I wouldn't have got that much benefit from that because I couldn't have saved enough in it true I mean I was terrible with money growing up I lived in London yeah I'm so bad for me I was 24 to 26 couldn't I was living off 150 pound a month for a year it was awful my rent was 916 pounds i still remember that to the day and that was just for a bedroom

by the way not even a house it's a bedroom with an onsuit that's whale and um i racked up four credit cards four so i had four credit cards by the time i left london richard obviously moved up here and i moved up and he massively helped me like sort my money situation out he didn't give me money but he definitely supported me like if we went out he would pay for things back in the day and he said to me right every month you're going to pay chip away to chip away it and i actually eventually ended up paying off it was the best feeling ever paying off those credit cards and then he said right now you've not got that out going every month so that was the most like because i was initially just paying off the interest he's like chip away at it and then

i ended up paying off that but he said to me let's set up a joint account and that's where we put in and i don't be honest like i was looking in the sense that i had somebody to save with and i know there's a lot of people out there that i see more that want to buy in their own and it's it is difficult especially in this day and age like say this day in age but even when we bought the house two years ago it was easier to buy than it is now yes can easy you just know it was skyrocketed in that flat as well and I only got my flat because it was the last day of the first day of lockdown where they stopped house viewing so if we put an offer in that day we would pretty much would have got it and that's what happened so I just think definitely save

and obviously whatever I put in he put in and we completely put 50 50 down the middle and if it wasn't for me meeting someone I don't think A or would have been strict enough with saving money, but B, have been able to have afforded enough as quick as I did. So I am very aware that I'm quite grateful in that aspect, but... I think that I was never a good saver either. And what I realised was it does become so much easier if you make it like a realistic target. Yes. Like obviously if the end result needs to be a certain amount, even if you find that the thought of it too much. Yeah. You need to work out how much you can actually afford to save a month. It doesn't leave you. Absolutely skin.

You still have a good time and live your life. And then if you saved that, how long it would take you to get to your target? Yeah. And then you just need to do it consistently. Yeah. Whereas if you try put 800 away one month, you're obviously going to lift that again because yeah. Well, depending on what you earn, obviously.

But that's a lot, that's excessive if it doesn't need to be like that. I just think so obviously people pay a lot of rent. So they're probably thinking it's so hard for me to save for a house when I'm paying so much rent. And obviously having a mortgage is a lot cheaper than having rent. Yeah. I'm saving a lot. But let's also. say that having a mortgage is absolutely not

the be all an end or if you don't have to have a mortgage if you don't want to you could rent for the rest of your life no one's judging you see actually in Scotland we I mean I'm not going to get into statistics I don't know them but we've got like a big you need to own your house culture whereas even in England it's not as much

and it's definitely not abroad even in like rents the what people do like that's just what you do because then you can have it you can get up and move like you don't ever buy like it's not a thing in London I suppose London it's mostly renting isn't an issue

and also I think if you are renting but you want to buy if you've got a space that you can move in to like say you could move back to your parents or whatever I've heard a lot of people do that recently as well like friends of friends who already live together like partners

or even on their own and they've moved back in someone so that they're not being the rent anymore on the topic of precious of society they're thinking that that's going backwards so they're thinking I don't want to move back in my parents because maybe they have

got them seeing someone or they just don't want to be seen that they're going back and that's unfortunately that's kind of like what you have to decide I guess if you want to save money and move out then you're going to have to do these things and bite the bullet but yeah exactly a lot of people out there don't have the luxury of moving back in with their parents I mean I don't have

that if I needed to there's no room for me there she's got two step kids now I'm out my mum would love a fucking back yeah she would around the joint yeah another thing Another big thing that people have spoke about is a appearance.

On the one hand, there's been such a shift towards accepting all bodies, but it's now so common for Botox fillers, etc. And young people to grow up. Yeah, I mean, I do feel like there's a huge shift, especially on social media with the whole being your true self-body image, especially in the past, I don't know, three, four years. It's definitely been a good shift in that. But also, fillers, you know how I felt about that,

Botox, I was completely against it, like, on a personal level for, until I was 30. Yeah. And then I had baby Botox when I was 30 because I, well, I don't know, I just, again, if I'm being honest, probably precious from society. It probably felt like, you know, I did have, like, movement in my head. I didn't like it. My makeup wasn't going on smoothly. And I knew somebody that I trusted that could do it quite subtly.

And I loved it. And I'm not against it. And I really loved the resort. And I've had it two or three times since. but it's not, I do feel like if these things make people feel better and they do go to professional and they do their research beforehand, I don't think there's anything wrong with it, to be honest. Yeah, me too.

It's your body at the end of the day. But I do feel like when I see young children, like my little sister, if she like edits a photo of herself or does talk about things like that, that makes me sad. I think I can't believe you, this is affecting you so young. And that is social media for you, unfortunately. I know. I do think if younger people is kind of like a different kettle of fish because they're not going to come off of social media and they're just looking, you do just copy people when you're younger especially when you're just in high school or coming out of high school, you just do what everyone else is doing around you. If you're older and you still feel like you can come away from what people are doing and you feel like you need to do them and like you should come off social media or should. Or take away the people who are doing that, unfollow them or mute them or whatever. It's making you feel like, I obviously have loads of people on it and I'm like, oh, I wish I had that body, I wish I had this, I wish I had that.

But I kind of come off that and I forget about it two minutes later. Yeah. But a lot of people do get really consumed by it. So I'm like, if you do, you need to have the control to either unfollow these people and stop looking at what it is. It's making you feel this way. Because the people that you're probably looking at also have their own insecurities as well. And that actually is probably the case. It's probably have more insecurities than you do.

Yeah. You and I do. And obviously I've always looked at people on socials and think, oh my, my. God, like especially on holiday, like this holiday I've just been on recently, I definitely didn't feel comfortable in a bikini, but I knew that I could do something about it and I knew it was all my own actions. And I think I've come away thinking, listen, I don't want to have a washboard abs. I actually know that's not achievable for me. And the lifestyle that I would need to have that isn't really what I want to do. Yeah. I still want to enjoy

and have the balance. It's all about balance. I just think if there wasn't social media, back when I was 18, I didn't give a fuck what I looked like when I was going on night out. I did. Yeah, no. You had your little portable camera going on a night out and you developed the photographs and it was just the best thing ever and I don't know, I just think there is a lot of pressure for people to look a certain way

and there's so many apps out there, editing apps now some of them are terrifying and they look nothing like the person and that's only resulting in pain for that person themselves rather than you really because you're never going to learn to love yourself if you're editing yourself to an inch of its life I know exactly.

I know we've all probably been guilty of that but it is sad that they feel they need to do that. I also think like all loads of influencers and like people have a presence on social media anyway. They now are really honest about what they've done in the past now they don't do it and you do see a difference

in people. Yeah. And also they've learned to love themselves a bit more. You don't, it's not all like perfect bodies anymore of what people think are perfect anyway like there is just such a mix now. But yeah I think if you really struggled you should try and come away from it as much as you can. Sure. And also

comparison is the thief of joy. If you constantly comparing yourselves to others, you're never going to find joy in yourself and there's no one like you, is there really, I guess. Oh, so you actually just, see when you think about it, this is quite deep, right? Here we go. Here we go.

How can you compare yourself to someone? Like, there's so many things that are different about everyone. Yeah. Like nobody, like, oh, we're so similar, we like the same things, like we dress the same, all that, but you're a completely different person. Like, see, actually in your head, you will think completely different things.

Yeah. Like, because everyone goes away from someone, thinking, oh, don't agree what they did or didn't actually like that necklace. Like the smallest things, so you're not, you kind of compare yourself to someone and your own person. Another one that I think a lot of people could relate to is 26 is the age. Right. And just out a five and a half. Me this year. And just out a five and a half year relationship, still living at home because it's very expensive and feel like I'm failing because it feels like I'm starting from

scratch and the pressures are coming from family and comparing social media life is just about to begin that is iconic age to be single and just start afresh yep i think that anyway i i had the best years of my life like between 20 24 and 26 was unreal yeah i really did as well actually well probably like 21 to 23 4 um and she's also said it just it's hard when it feels that you're behind failing compared to everyone the same age. But this is, people are putting like age brackets on things. But that depends what you look at. You know if I looked at someone who's 26 and they were married and with children, you have to have that mindset. That's not what I want. Yeah. Doesn't mean I'm failing. I don't want that. I'm happy for you. But that doesn't

mean I'm behind. They've chosen to do that and that's what they wanted. I don't want that. But also I just think like people hate being single late 20s, early 30s, right? But I'm like, well you would rather be single right now than be with someone who you're not happy with or have stayed with someone who you weren't happy with to then be single again like 30 8 because then you're going to be in another panic

if you're the type of person who thinks you should be doing certain things at certain ages then it's only going to work if you're happy doing the things because then again you're going to yeah exactly like it's just going to happen later on so wouldn't you rather wait and find the right person

like my mum I know this not what people people probably want to hear, but like my mum and dad met their husband and wife at the time now in their 50s. And it's like, I know you don't want that, but they are so in love and it's like Yeah, like it is going to happen again. Yeah. Like it's always going to happen again for you. Like, you just need to, I don't know, honestly, I'm such a believer of when you're not looking to come. That's so true. Like, I really don't think you should search for someone because you will end up just settling for less. Yeah. And when you've got the mindset of like, I'm happy being on my own, independent.

I can do whatever I want. Like, I don't need to think about anyone else. Yeah. You end up meeting someone. It's all about the law of attraction. I had that mindset for literally a month. And then Jason popped up. I was like, oh, could have got me longer, Jesus.

I do genuinely believe that, you know? You know, if you don't go out and look chasing for something or you believe it's going to come to you, it does happen. Yeah, I think that's real. In a lot of things. Because you end up just, people start to, like, lower their standards, settle for less, just because they so want that. And they panic.

But it's like, what is that you want? Because you don't look around you and ever want someone else's relationship because that's just weird because you don't obviously. Yeah. Unless it's like someone's still obsessed with an ex or something. They're like, no, I do want that person.

But if it's not that case, like I wouldn't, like I love both you and Richard, but I wouldn't be like, well, I want to be you. I want to have that. It's weird. Because it's weird because they're your own person and they have their own things that they do and that's not you.

So I don't think you can look around and compare to other relationships because also every relationship It has its bad days too. So you don't know, and you also don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Very true. This is a good one. I think, I don't know if you said it, but to have a career figured out early on, I think

is one thing that I've always baffled me at school. Like, you know, when you're 18, 16, 18, you have to decide at that point what you want to do in your career. I didn't even know. I'm obviously working, I have a food page, which was a hobby. This is now my job. But back then, when I was younger, Instagram wasn't even a thing. So how would I even know back then what I wanted to do?

do I think I wanted to be a vet at one point so I realized you had to hurt animals and then I you know in a helping them way and then I wanted to be an actress I wanted to be famous wanted to be everything you could possibly think of and then I'm like no then I went into fashion and I went into beauty and then now yeah I'm sitting here on a podcast for you what the fuck well here we are but well I remember my high school did it different because they gave us like two years to do your exams when it was actually one but that meant that you started choosing your subjects and all that nonsense a year early. So after

first year at high school we had to choose our like eight subjects that we wanted to do so you're literally 13 years old and you're choosing between Spanish and Italian you're choosing between biology and chemistry or what that's what I don't even remember and you're like how mine was like a non-existent result

what is it an F or something but you're actually deciding that at like 13 and then you also need to do it again when you're doing your hires and then you need to do it again if you're choosing to go to college or uni and my school is known for being like this good school apparently right but they only focus on the people who are succeeding already because they want obviously to shout about the good people yeah let's go in their office there before why why you're not helping the people who are struggling like they're not that academic but they still want to do well I also feel like in schools they needed to teach you about finances

mortgages. Why did they not tell you to start saving or, not that they, not that they can say start saving now, right? Like you don't have money when at school. You're at school, obviously, you're not working. But to have some sort of idea. They don't tell you anything about how to mortgage, bank accounts, bank accounts, anything financial. And they also don't tell you about there was something else. We were talking about the other day. Change a light bulb. Just life. Breastfeeding, where you should do it and when to stop. I mean, me and Zoe are probably not the person to speak about that. I have no idea on this and it wrecks my head.

But I do, you do see people say, like it used to be a big judgment if you didn't. Yeah, that is I see that. Yeah, because it was obviously so much more natural and it's supposed to be better and everything. But I think now it's maybe different because obviously, you know, your partner

could things have changed, like this, what would you call it, like the solutions you can make up the milk that you can, like that'll be also advanced compared to even 20 years ago. So I don't think it's as, like, frown upon now to not breastfeed, but it also gives the dad, like, the bonding as well

because everything, the mum needs to be everywhere at all times. Yeah, I've got a friend who's breastfeeding and her babies are really needed for her. Yeah, and you can, like, you need to do all the night feed, you need to do all the day feed, you can, if you go out for lunch, you need to make sure you've either pumped it out and I bought. But I also think, as well, in the upside to it, I mean,

I don't know an awful lot, but is it, like, the nutrients and also the ease of just flopping your tit out. I think it's just, I've got a sterilised bottles stuff. You sterilise your tit and sit. Yeah. But also it's meant to be so sore. Yes. But at all

Sean, I could actually be sick all the floor. Get off my ankle. But also good to lose the baby weight. Well, somebody's wrote here, pressure to lose baby weight. That is another thing. I know it's quite, what's the word? Not materialistic. Narcissistic.

What is the word? Like, vain. Vane. Apologies. Vane. to not want to have a baby simply because I probably think I'll be a right fat bastard but I do think that is another thing, pressure to lose it like oh she didn't snap back or we're not going to feel yourself at all are you

once you're just to the baby? No. You've got this like yeah your stomach does go down but it's going to be obviously untoned and whatever but I'm like well you just created life in their hands I was untone before anyway so what I'm agreeing about you're wrong? I do think that is very true but also I think in these

situations like you're just having you've literally just given yourself full responsibility for a life so don't take on the pressure of your body as well yeah that's too much it's just not important another one here also engaged well they've put kids i've never wanted them but everyone keeps telling me i do like fuck off if you don't want them and someone's telling you that you do that's annoying it's when because people because i've always said i'm not that keen and i don't know if i would want to i would never like say never but I've never ever said oh I know I want kids like that's not my mindset but and then people like but you might change your mind you probably will change your mind I'm like well maybe they will but I'm like well well I how do you know she's pretty adamant in

this message and then she followed it by saying also engaged and so she's engaged and the pressure of everyone and on their opinions of your wedding and when you're going to get married that's yeah keep it all to yourself yeah don't share your plans well obviously um that was another thing that happened to me i got asked to be a made of honor oh yes you did very important job congrats abby congrats like she was like finding it overwhelming because she's like being engaged now isn't my personality trait like you can talk to me about other things yeah like i still like abby's so ambitious so she's like there's so much more i want to do in these two years leading up to my wedding than just planning a wedding it's not all i want to talk about

like it's not my only focus yeah and also she was saying that a few people have said to her about quite traditional things like oh so and so needs to do this on the big day and like this needs to happen she's like does it need happen because it's no happen yeah like says who's wedding is it yours or mine exactly and says who who says it needs to happen um the pressure of paying never-ending bills wish they taught you these things in schools just reverting back slightly obviously we've got some crisis going on at the moment my electricity bill is 300 pounds plus a month for a two-bed ground floor flat no wonder you never have that heating on i'm allowed banned but I just think that is

bonkers, that is a lot of money and thank, honestly, this is what I mean if I didn't live with Richard and we shared that half, £300 for, that's not okay. Well, people just simply can't afford it, that's the problem, so they're now having to choose between that

and, like, how much food they can buy. That's so sad. Like, it's horrific. Horrific. I think we're going to go into some sort of... Yeah, there's going to be a big thing happening, I'm assuming. But also, I saw, you know,

you get news notifications on your phone, phone and it was talking about British gas or... Oh, and they'd made something, something billion. Yeah. It was like billions and you're like... No fucking wonder, matey boy! But I'm also like, see even the news that's just not good like announcing that because people are really struggling.

Like yeah, yeah, read the room. Read the room. Read the room. Read the room. Fucking Sky News. Like it's just bizarre. I don't know. I think it does get... If it's your first kid I think if you leave it till like late 30 early 40s, you can struggle. but if you've had one and then you have another, like my mom had Ben really. I was going to say really old.

It's not old, but, like early 40s. But because she'd already had two kids before, they still say there's dangers, but you can still have a baby. And also, let's not forget, you could also adopt. Yeah, exactly. You can foster. There's so many other ways now.

Oh, not have one. Or just live your life. But also, I think if you know you want kids, right? I think if you just educate yourself on the age kind of thing, because I'm, like, I'm totally clueless at what age you should really try and have it before for it to have no complications, like to guarantee. This is what, I mean, I don't even want to know that information. Yeah. That's just too much for me.

Don't need to know it. Don't want to know. I don't care. I think it's a lot if you, but if you're so certain you want them, you just need to know these things so that you make sure that you don't miss the boat if that's even a thing. Yeah, of course. And there's a lot of people that have also hit this stage with the life. I think, I'm not even seen the world and they want to go off travel. for two years like just do it do I know there's a bit of complications at the moment we've still COVID kicking about but if you really want to go and travel the world do it now don't

do it till yeah later on in life well you obviously you can do it later on in life but if you have the freedom to do it now just keep putting off and then yeah because you never know it could happen you might end up accidentally falling pregnant or accidentally meeting the love of your life and then you've not done these things there's a lot of people just obviously saying things like you know there's somebody here that says you know I want to get married and have children but I cannot conceive naturally and that's also something that I think people just need to be aware of when they're asking this question that there might be people out there that are later on in their 30s and they have a husband and they have this family and then you ask the question did you not

fancy kids then you know they probably a didn't want them or be they couldn't have them yeah they're going through IVF or struggling just need to be a little bit more mindful I think but like I say I personally don't mind the question being asked it would be a different story if I knew I couldn't conceive I think yeah that would probably be quite hurtful because you would just have this anger that you would want to say we don't even know my situation yeah why asking like if that was me I think I would just it would just be a trigger like if anyone asked I would just feel yeah and also important to mention that well not all these responses here by the way are women there is actually guys in here saying saying the same thing to have a house and marriage kids by the age I'm 30 I'm just looking at

what's on people's plates this week and I'm laughing at this one deep breaths only I'm to be skinny. Less of that. That's me until my holiday. But what I do like is a barbecue. Barbecue, not barbecue weather today. I'm jealous if you've got a nice weather. But I do love a barbecue.

Love him. I just love how you can have so many different things, like in the one. It's kind of acceptable to really mismatch your food. I love having a baked potato. Yes. With a barbecue. But when it's in foil.

Like a burger. Yeah. But then you might have a chink. of a pepper on it and then you've got your salad and then my dad does hot dogs I do have a barbecue not that I've had many up here

I'm not gonna lie yeah we don't get the weather enough that's why but also my dad has invited us over for a cup of barbecues recently and then we go and he just makes all the food in the oven because he's like easier

I'm like somebody wrote here hello fresh you know hello fresh asked to work with me not long ago so basically just to be short and sweet on this one

I used to love hello fresh Hello Fresh was phenomenal back of the day and there's a lot of people that still love it out there and I ended up getting it again because I couldn't be bothered to think a few things and oh my God the quality of the products went downhill massively every week was so bad, so bad

and they ended up emailing me asking to work with me and I thought fuck sake and I said I actually pure Karen replied to them like I'm used to love you but now you're shit I didn't say that

you've actually went downhill Whole Fresh sorry no I just said it would be wrong of me to promote your product because I don't... You don't like it anymore? No, I don't think it was good and it's a shame because I genuinely used to love it. Maybe it's hit and miss

think people don't ever get it wrong but I had three consecutive boxes that were shocking. The quality of the meat, no. I understand that's what happens when things get really big and popular, but... Yeah, but I also just think it kind of defeats the purpose of what you do. It's like you kind of come up with...

Recipes. Quack and easy ones, majority of the time, of things that you probably have in your cupboards. My style of recipes probably quite similar to hell. Hello Fresh, you've got the whole pictures and stuff. You don't need Hello Fresh to tell you what to. Yeah. Like I get the benefit because, especially if you are really busy, it just all comes.

You've got exactly what you need to pair this, pair potion, like all of that. We got it a few times when I still lived at home. And it gives you ideas because then you can maybe do it for a few months. And then you've got like 10 new recipes that you love to make. Yeah. Somebody's having JJF Cajun pasta, the one with the Philly. I have it every, almost every week. Good choice, darling.

I've not had that in a while, actually. I made it when you first. Oh, so good. Brought it out. of it JJF recipe? Probably still with sausage pasta. Oh, my God. Remember he did the live?

That was so fun. You should do it in our life? Oh no, I know, but I was, I'm too nervous for stuff like that. Everyone write in and tell Jess who needs to do a live. Yeah, but no one will do it with me now because we're not in lockdown.

Yes, they will. People love their house now. People don't like going out. It's not a thing anymore. Everyone stay indoors. Let's have a little... Remember, we got so pissed, didn't I? I had that 19 crimes wine and had the whole water.

So did it? Everyone was pissed on it. so much fun. Listen to the Magic Soul. Great times. Great times. Okay, so I think that's everything we have on this week's part. I really hope you've enjoyed it. If you've got any opinions or you would like to elaborate on anything that we've said, we would love to hear from you. Our messages are always open. We're all with you. We hear you guys and we're in the same boat.

And please also don't take anything we say is gospel because we are just your chat and shit. We have no idea what we're talking about. And given our opinions, which could be absolute nonsense. You can send us DM on our personal pages or on our At a lost on your plate pod on Instagram We maybe will try and get set up an email if we need be But you could always email me at Jess at just jestfood.com Little wee plug there

Don't email because I won't email you back Yeah, so thank you so much for tuning in We cannot wait to get rolling Or do you hear my stomach rumble then, I'm starving Yeah, I'm starving as well What's like what you're having for dinner tonight? I don't know, it's a Sunday, I love a Sunday roast Me too

I can't be asked to cook one And you guys can't do it on my pier So fucked it No, we can, it's just not up to your standard Listen, somebody said to me one time they're like, had this debate and they said to me you haven't tried a Sunday road until you've been to blah blah blah blah in

fucking Perthshire or whatever it was they sent me the picture. Number one it was on a chopping board that's too fancy for me and it had baby corn and munch two on it. No. No. But also... Not interested. The only thing I can eat off a chopping board which I do in the house is like a homemade burger and then chips in a little dish.

A little dish, yeah. I can't eat anything else off a chopping board like it's not. And washing them is horrible. go kind of soggy. It's horrible. I think that's the only thing I will slag Scotland for. But you know what when I said it? And obviously people like, what do you mean, it's just a Sunday rose? There is multiple people that were Scottish, a lot

of people that now live in England, they message me saying, I know exactly what you mean. It is just different. Same as your Chinese takeaway up here is elite. Maybe that's just in Glasgow, and your Chippies actually. Yeah. Maybe not. Chippies are good, like down south near the seaside. Yeah, like the be traditional ones.

Yeah. But you do a Chinese takeaway like no other. I know, I want a Cheney's. Same. Can't. Deep breaths only. Deep breaths only to hold it. Okay, well thank you so much for listening and we will be here next week every Tuesday.

See you next Tuesday. Bye. Bye.