A Lot On Your Plate - Ep 6: Dating Dilemmas, Pissy Pants & “Cereal” Killers

Episode Date: September 6, 2022

On this weeks episode we compare our wild vs chilled holidays, weird and wonderful dating stories from our listeners and realise we both have the same bad habit 🌚Kiwi & Co Website - Use code PLATE20 for 20% off 😁Kiwi & Co InstagramOku hotelCheck out The Ibiza Key Concierge - @theibizakeyconcierge- - - - - - - - - -Follow us on IG @alotonyourplatepodYour HostsJess (@JustJessFood)Zoe (@ZoeQuinnnn)Produced ByCobalt Creative (@cobaltcreativeuk) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the chart topic Show topic the best podcast in the world We're just getting Just get it Guys we have our first ever sponsor We are fucking big time We are big time our favourite local Glasgow business, Kiwi and Co.

We are long-time fans, aren't we, Zoe? Yeah, we love it. We absolutely love it. We are so excited to be working with them. I bought some stuff from there maybe a couple years ago. Do you remember that jumper I bought for the NT 500? Yeah, well, I bought it after you had wore it on that trip. I feel like the whole of Scotland bought it as well

because I went to see them the other day and they said it is still not stopped selling. It's my winterstaple like I wear it all winter and I'll do it again this year. Absolutely. And you look really good today. Just my new jumper, Kiwi. I am an influencer. You are an influencer now.

If you are not sure what Kiwi and Ko are, they are an unlike retailer which are really fun with standout pieces, and if you will be watching us on the podcast, you will be see that we'll be wearing the pieces. I'm wearing a matching jumper to Zoe. She's wearing cream and I'm wearing brown. It's so cosy, isn't it?

Yeah, it's like so soft and fluffy inside. I absolutely love it. Perfect for autumnal months. Yes. They have kindly given us an exclusive code just for you guys. How good is that? 20% off.

That's a lot of money, isn't it? Yeah, if I see 20% off, I'm buying because you're shaving a good chunk. Absolutely. The code is plate 20 and it will give you 20% off, full price on the website. Their new collection will be out very soon. In fact, I think quite a lot of the pieces are out now, actually.

I saw it on the Instagram, did you see their latest photo shoot? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I love it too. I bet you wish you had it before you went your holiday. I know, I was got it to be fair. Although I did take a few bits on holiday and you took a nice few bits on holidays, don't you?

A little partnership. shirt I had. Yes. So you should use the code plate 20 to get you 20% off. And please make sure you let us know what you buy. We love to see it and then you'll be like one of us. Part of the podcast. And if you've been following me for some time, you'll know that I absolutely love to support small local businesses and this was just so perfect for me and Zoe because we've already loved the brand and it is a small local business in Glasgow and we are so happy to have them involved on the pod and also they all love the podcast too so it's a win-won. Really good. Hi everyone. Welcome back to the pod.

Welcome back. We're back in the hot seats after both having a well rested for me break, but not for you. Absolutely not for me. But we're back, refreshed and ready, kickstart again. Mm-hmm. You look so tanned and bronze today's Oz. No, you do. No, this is fake. This is Isle of Paradise. Always in forever. Well, it was just in holiday for ten days.

I know you got little freckles on your nose. Wee freckles. We freckles. Cuteness. And I'm bummed up. I actually used to hate the freckles but you just need to learn to love what you've got, you know. Absolutely. So anyway, tell me about your holiday. I'm not spoken to you. I want to know everything. You've actually not

and she's been severely jealous, may I add. I was. I was having a great time on my holiday as well. Like I would have been worse if I was at home but I still was jealous because you did do like the key Ibeather things. This was probably my first Ibeather trip where I partied hard. Yeah. And I don't think I had, I know people won't believe this

but I genuinely don't think I had that much of a hangover because we were in bed reasonably at a decent time. I love day drinking, you know that. So I think for me it was just a lot of drinking, a lot of partying and we just, yeah, I think I feel rough now, but at the time I was just like back up, get up, back on the savisa, and I was loving life. But it's the excitement, like see when you're away with your pals,

you do just get up so much easier and get back on the drink. Yeah. Whereas at home, you're stuck on your bedroom, like you don't need to, where you just need to get on with. Exactly. The sun makes sense. everything better. And I just want to do another little shout out to Ibiza Ki Concierge, who I mentioned last episode, they were, this is not paid by the way or anything

like that. They were just so brilliant and they definitely savours every time. They booked all our taxis, every single restaurant reservation, day thing. It was amazing. It was flawless from start to finish. I went to Destino this time, which is like a, it's a hotel beach club, but it's also a nut that has like events on it. It had Solomon, which is a DJ who's quite hardcore house for me. But I still loved it. And I love the yacht day. We all a yacht, it's quite cheap when you divide it by so many of you. I went Formintera, that was so good. That's the one thing that I've never done.

What you are? When I went to Ibith, I've never went to Formantera. Oh, I really recommend it. And I've been like four times maybe. Definitely, yeah. I think it's better when you go for a group of you because it's cheaper. If not, I went with my mum and I did the ferry. And hell no, she was spewing a guts up because it wasn't the fast ferry.

Do not recommend it. Definitely do that if you go and get the fast one. And also, Oku, that hotel that I said, I'm going to give you an update. Guys, it was. Unbelievable, worth every penny, because before we stayed in Cubanito, which was, by the way, next door. Yeah, and it was next door. Was it? Yes, we just literally walked two minutes with our suitcases in the last two days, which was really handy.

But you can just tell the differences, like you had no room service in Cubanito. You couldn't even get a coffee in the morning, which is not terrible, but there was no drawers or things to put your stuff in when you were unpacking. Just a few little things that were annoying, but for the price and what it was, it was perfect. I feel like Oku, is that what's called? Ooku, yeah, I don't know, yeah. I feel like that's suitable for, you know, how more, people say Ibethas for an older, adult, well, like late 20s, early 30s, probably more than like early 20s, that's a hotel that suits that.

Yeah. Whereas a lot of the Ibetha hotels are still really that young vibe. Million per cent. And that's why you can't get like your coffee in the morning or a good breakfast and like that. But it was just, I would say, five star and above, the service was phenomenal. There was a family pool on one side, so it was kind of split in two, two different buildings. So kids can go there as well? Yeah, there was two different buildings, but the kids couldn't go in the, the, other

the main bit where we were and on the Sunday they had like a live band you'd have loved it like guy playing live music then a DJ did like instrumental sort of house that was only on Sundays I had the best asai bowl I've ever had in my entire life I saw that in your Instagram actually chicken Caesar salads just the service honestly everything the bed was so comfy I really recommend it okay if you listen to give me discount code and send me back for free please but honestly it was so damn good so if you can afford it you got any budget even just for a couple days because it's so worth it. Looked bloody, wonderful.

Yeah, so anyway, enough about me. Tell me about you. Well, my holiday was great. It was more chilled vibes, but it was absolutely roasting. Like, see, when you were going for breakfast... Where did you go again? Roads.

I was on roads, everyone. I was there for 10 days. Yeah. And even when you were going for breakfast in the morning, it was like the heat that you expect at like 2pm, like peak heat. So we just ate at, like, inside in the hotel, so obviously it was air-conditioned, whatever.

But it was nice to be out in the heat, but you had to have shade breaks. And that's not like me. Usually, I just worship the sun. day long and Jason's the same but we had to do shade breaks and play cards yeah that's nice though and we went to the beach a few days um I fell in love with the sea yeah I've noticed after the last time we were talking about that I was saying I'm not the massive fan well we went to like a beach club one day and the sea was like crystal clear I loved it I was in it constantly um so I went back

another day and that was like to a different beach and that was more like rocky so I wasn't as much of a fan but that had the big blow up obstacle course thing in it so that that was a laugh because I just couldn't stay on my feet. And there was a bit you could climb up to go down a shoot and I just couldn't get up. I tried ten times and four-year-olds were actually going past me and I couldn't go up. And they were all laughing at me like all these foreign kids. I was like, right?

I'm an adult. Jesus, it's harder. Jason's like, you've got no upper body strength. I'm like, all right, big man. Look an hell. So I just gave up. I kept just jumping in the seat at my own leisure rather than doing the shoot in the sea, so that was great. And then we went on one of the

it was called... Obstical courses. No, that was obstacle course. We went on a UFO which is what you're... Oh, that's the thing you're attached to the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we'd went on one at the previous beach to have, right? That was fun, quite like bouncy about, but like you weren't feeding for your life. This one, well, we're on it, and obviously you've got a life jacket on,

but you're not strapped in it, and you just hold on with the handles. So it was quite rocking, you're bouncing up and down, and it's splashing everywhere, but it started going on to, like, its back, like, tipping right back. So my hair was down, so I could feel it catching in the water. That's how, like, on your back, you. and my legs were literally flinging to my head my whole body was coming off it I was holding on for dear life I've seen these pictures and I am 100% going to post him on the on the Instagram page because it is too funny well this woman on the boat was taking pictures and I was

thinking what happens with these pictures because I would love to see them but also it's kind of annoying me now because I'm actually scared so then I could see Jason look at me as if like he was kind of being that way like I okay because it went on for so long that the problem was I was worried I was going to lose my grip because by this point my hands were like in a cramp from holding on so tight and sore and eventually we were going so far back and it was so bumpy that Jason started whistling to be like stop right stop we'd calm down a bit and it wasn't like I love like I love thrill things like that but it was just more that I thought if I lose my grip I am off because see if you did you would just fly off the back of it and it's not the going into

the water that scares me it's it coming back down and like hitting you on the head or something that's my fear of like getting an injury in the water you don't know what's in there so anyway he had to whistle eventually the guy stopped and he was all apologising and all that and I was like no it was great I loved it but just went on a bit longer he was absolutely loving seeing you fared up but in the photos there's one of that as well and it's like Jason you can tell he's whistling in it and I'm like if you're screwed up face like stop what say soz so that was really fun and we just went to great restaurants yeah what was that place that my mum kept pestering you to tell you to go so we didn't actually go there that's down like the very bottom of the island that so

Rhodes is more kind of like Ratan, like behemian vibes I would say whereas obviously Mekanos, Santorini and all that are the kind of white. Yeah, everything's white and blue but like all the pink flowers and everything. So Lindos is basically like a chunk of that but in Roads.

So that's why a lot of people like to go there and there's like big trips and everything there. So I was really keen to go but it was like an hour and a half from us drive and the boat trips you could do unless it was like a yacht which for two is just so expensive. It was like the big group ones

which I'm happy to do but it took because they do stops it takes you four hours to get there and see in that heat I was like I can't sit on a boat

and then sit back because once you've been in the sea you're just frying like with salt water so I mean we did that last year in Malta we were just roasting

like coming back in the boat and it just ended up that way you were like this is miserable so we ended up not going but yeah your mum did reply to every single

one of my stories on she is a past I was loving for it I was loving the recommendations and you were saying don't go to her recommendations but she wasn't telling me

like If she listens to she'll be feeling but no but she wasn't telling me I'm like everyone block my mum off Instagram she wasn't telling me

like specific restaurants and stuff she was just saying like she'd definitely go here like it's so nice like as in areas like places to visit so I really appreciated her recommendations

thanks Polly but yeah that was me that was my holiday I love that I'm sad to be back but I'm also ready for Christmas see I'm not

I'm not ready for the dark night it's dark mornings, like I'm never into that. But once I've been my holiday, it's actually more once my birthday's over in September, that's me, or tumult, and I'm getting my pumpkins out. I'm actually off on four more holidays. What? Well, no, listen, listen, listen.

Right, I know about one of these. Yeah, so two of them are actually joint. So the first one is I'm going away with my mum. Lord help me. I'm going away with Polly to Tenerife. I've never been to Tenerife. I know everyone in Glasgow seems to love it. Well, they do, don't they?

Well, everyone in Glasgow seems to love it, and I will offend people here, but there is more places to see in the world. Yes. So can you please stop going to Tenry February here and have to go elsewhere? Okay, you hear that? Like that's you at all, so listen. Well, my mum seems to love as well, and it's all where she goes. So we're going, she's taking me to Senoree for my step-sister's 18th birthday,

so I'm taking her out. So we're going to out. There is a strip. Yeah, that's where you're going to see me. You're going to see me in the big Brit-A-Broad strip. Whoop-whoop. So I'm going there with my 18-year-old sister, and then a few friends are flying over. And then we're going from there flying over to Lanzarotti for the weekend

because we absolutely love Lanzarotti and we're going there for just the weekend because it's 45 minute of direct flight for 20 quid. So we're going to do that. So is that two out of four or is that one out of four please? That's two out of four, okay? And then Richard has a very unheard of break in November because it's the World Cup which means it's going to be just to let anyone know out there that your boyfriends or anyone into football are going to be obsessed with football

in the run up to Christmas because it is just all around Christmas. sound like the whole of December so that's going to be fun for us but the World Cup is um which means that people that play football have a couple of weeks off this time of year which they never normally do it's always May and June as you know so we are going to he's actually going to do his level two crossfit anyone doesn't know graham in this room it's also rich's boss so uh I'm glad he knows that so he's going to do level two crossfit in Barcelona so he's found it today so we're going to go Barcelona he's going to do a two-day crossfit course I'm going to have to sit and relax on my own. Oh, what a shame. I know what's shame. And then we're going to fly over from

12 quid, this was, 12 pounds to fly from Barcelona to Lisbon. I'm not having you going to lesbian. In fact, you're supposed to go there. Oh no, but COVID happened. Well, I'm going. I'm going. I'm sad too, but we'll go again. I'll check it out because I've never been to Lisbon. I've actually never been to Portugal. And then we're going over to Lisbon for four days and then just to have our time together. And that's it, Zaz. That's all I'm doing. Okay, that's fine. That's okay. I've approved. So yeah, it's four holidays, but it's technically too. Yeah, but Lisbon will be amazing. No one's got a bad word to say about that place. I know. And also Portugal, for me, as kind of underrated. Like, see, when I went, the first year of COVID,

like, I managed to get away. I was like, I don't want to go there, mind of supposed to go Croatia. And then I had to change it the day before. I was like, Portugal's just kind of like another Tenerife, like, in my eyes, but it actually really isn't. It's such, like, a beautiful place. Any recommendations for Lisbon, please tell me. And, you know, I've been to Barcelona quite a few times, but I also have Barcelona. I feel like I want to just do different things this time. I went on a girl's trip with loads of my school friends years ago

I don't even know what age we were must have been like 19 or something and it was in October time though so it was quite just nice weather because the problem is if you go in summer at Barcelona and you want to walk around oh that's too hot so it was like perfect

you still didn't need you were just dressed like summer but it was nice and it was just such a good place I think it might be quite nice in November yeah probably be the same but apart from that haven't been up too much today I had a meeting at STV Studios

which is Scotland's ITV for anyone who doesn't know that it's English about something really exciting coming up in November. You're going to be just too big time for me. No, I'm not. It's actually a charity event. It's a really nice thing that you will love that I'm doing. So that's going to be fun.

I've got a really exciting photo shoot campaign tomorrow with a lovely gin company. Oh, yeah. I think that's it. I've been up to. Busy? Yeah, busy. I've got a few things coming up next week.

Lots of new recipes coming up. That's about it for me, I'm busy girl. Well, I'm off to London tomorrow, so I'm busy over the weekend. And then we're spending all day together on Monday. aren't we? We are. Oh, do you know where I am going on Sunday? Isla Sky as well. Everyone's sick of me. Nobody likes you at this point. They don't do they. Yeah, but you know how I get away with it? Because I tell everyone every inch of detail. It's not like I'm selfish when I go on these holidays to enjoy

for myself. I'm thinking of everyone every inch of the way. I'm writing in my notes like, oh my God, I know people would love this. I'm going to write everything. No, but I'll think to myself, like, Lisbon, to give that an example, right? Oh, I've seen someone go there. I'd really have to go next week. I'm going to Lisbon. all right you enjoy that bitch I'm sorry

I promise I'll give you tips anyway let's dive right into our topic for this week we digress we had a lot to catch up on but people like to talk listen to talk shit so it's fine

so our topic this week is dating stories good and bad good and bad so I'm just going to put it out there and say I wasn't a massive date I'm far too awkward for that it's not for me

I don't want to ask people all about them they can just tell me that in time and I don't want to speak about myself feeder so that's quite frankly why I didn't do it and also walking up to someone you don't know like I just can't with it but anyway I think you should start with one of your stories to kick it off I'm where to wait again and also I think we should just hope that there's no dumpings from this there may be one but anyway it was around Christmas time I'm talking literally 12 years ago okay I used to go out and get absolutely smashed things don't change but you know I did and I met this boy

and he was so gorgeous and I met him around the Christmas time and everyone used to go out and it was party season and everyone goes out and has a great time everything's a bit like lovy dovy

because everyone gets a bit carried away Christmas I think and I feel so awkward because if anybody back where I live listen to this podcast and remembers this

they will be like oh my fucking God they definitely will be because they will be this boy won't anyway anyway so I really liked him

a lot at the time tables turned years later and I ended up getting so so drunk every time went out because I was just so nervous and then I ended up going back to his house. Okay, don't it stop it?

Yeah, but we've seen each other for a bit. Okay. And then I can't really recall if anything happened, okay? I don't think it did at this point. Anyway, I woke up in the morning next to him and the mattress was swamped. You peed the beds? I, well, I then tried to blame it on him.

I have a tendency to piss the bed. when I've had far too much to drink. Do you know that I'd do that as well? Do you? What? I have also done that. Okay, but have you done it more than ten times? Jess, I used to do it every time, I've done it next to my friends. Really?

I used to peeve, like, honestly, if I did it now, I wouldn't be shocked. Oh my God, okay, thank the fuck for that. Well, you know I've got bladder issues. Yes, well, she'll pee the bed. Not sober, I don't ever pee the bed sober, I'm just been out there. Because all my friends still take the make out of me. I haven't done it for about five years, thank God. No, not as long as I actually, maybe two.

Okay, thank God then. Mine's been about five. Sorry, I had done it once in Scotland But obviously I was so upset Remember, I was so obsessed with this boy And I didn't think he liked me that much as it was And I pissed the bed So much to the point where it went through the whole mattress

He tried to flip it, it was all through the bottom I was like, I'm really so, I don't do that, I don't do that That's just not me It's just not me And the whole time I ever walked by any of their friends Obviously it's fair to say he did not want to see me again Every time I saw him in town all of his friends shouted,

Pissy Pants. No. And my nickname was Pissy Pants for so long. Bless me. I can't believe in there, know that. No. I cannot pee in front of people. So, you know,

when you go to a bathroom with a girlfriend or whatever. I have to get my friends to sing. I can't believe I'm dishing out all my secrets. I have to get all my friends to sing to me. And I have to go, la, la, la, la. And then when I'm sitting on the toilet on my own, let's say Rich who comes in and has a shower. Gee, I'm so sorry for this.

I then have to sit there with my tongue sticking out like this. I swear, so I even have to go, la, la, la, la, la. I'll have to go like that. And if I stick my tongue out, the pee starts flowing. What's the tongue got to do? It must be something to do with your brain and, like, the way you can concentrate. It's like somebody has to sing.

It has to take my mind off things. You know how people have to turn a tap on and the flowing thing. I have to even stick my tongue out, so anyone picturing me on the toilet. I'll be sitting there with my tongues don't cut. I know this is too much. But I have to say one thing what I was going to say

to make you feel better. I have also peed myself next to someone in a house, like a hired house full of people. No! Honestly, hand in my heart I have as well. And also, see when I've done it in my own bed. I've only ever done it drunk, by the way, too.

Like, it's not a soap thing. Yeah, yeah, same. And see the flip and the mattress thing, not an option. Like, you do not realise when you're on the toilet how much pee comes out. Yeah, a lot. Like, you don't realize until you pee,

the beds. Oh my God, I'm mortified. I'm not, are we cutting this bit out? Because I think we've took it too far. I'm not going out. I love what I've seen up for this. But yes, sorry about that. So that was one of my, that was my first dating tragic story. Now the second, I'll try and be quick on this, but this is possibly the worst thing that could ever happen to me. As we've obviously discussed, my mother is, and she just has no filter whatsoever. So let's just, let's just set the seen. I had been single for two years, probably after I pissed that guy's bed, that I didn't, I couldn't get a shack again. So basically I was single for a long time. Very wet, very dry. Very fucking dry.

Oh my God. And then, so I'm single for two years. I started to download Tinder. I met a guy on Tinder in the September in 2013. So this is how long we're talking, okay? And he was, he was gorgeous and I'm not going to say any names and he lived fuck knows where at the time. Anyway I finally decided to go on a date my mom being my mom was like that woman off me and I was like I'll get the candum. She was just like let him stay over. I was like no mom so anyway ended up coming over and he stayed but we've been speaking each other for quite a long time and I really didn't he wasn't like his

photos he wasn't like how he seemed on text he just I just really wasn't feeling it at all okay but I had been speaking to him for for a long time and I thought I was quite gutted, actually, that I didn't like him when he turned up. Right. He stayed over. Thank God, nothing happened. I just didn't want to. Just whatever.

And he ended up going, and we spoke a bit afterwards, but it faded out. And then, let's fast forward, seven months. I finally go on. My second date on Tinder was Richard, okay? Then my mum says the same thing. I'll get the condoms. And she says, I'll stay at Paul's house. So I'm like, no, Mom, don't, don't.

Like, you don't have to stay out. We're just going to go on a date. But anyway, he did end up coming up. over. He stood there at the door and I had this like muted glass front door and when I saw him I was like holy motherfucker he is so fit. Wait so you hadn't

seen him before this point? No I just seen him on Tinder and also anyone Scottish were listening to this I remember the first time he called me I remember saying to my friend who I lived at the time like oh no he's fucking Scottish I hated the accent but now I absolutely love it anyone that's not Scottish like I hate you but

so anyway he came into the house we had a lovely lovely chat now I've missed a certain part here. When I ended up following him on Instagram, I saw he had one mutual friend. I was so excited to the fact that I could find a guy out of Leicester. He was away, he lived in Cambridge at the time. I thought, thank God, I finally met someone that had no mutual friends. He had one mutual friend. Who was that mutual friend? That mutual friend was the guy that I had the date with seven months prior. I'm like, no, this can't be happening. How? How? How? How? They worked together. So I'm like, hmm, fantastic. I thought, how am I going to

telling this. Not only does he know him, they actually receive to other every day. But as soon as I saw him, I thought, I know I really like you, you're so sexy I can't, I cannot cope, you're everything that ever dreamed of like, I'm obsessed with blonde people and he was just perfection. And then anyway, he comes up to my bedroom, make him a cup of tea and we sit in my bedroom. Doorbell rings, doesn't it?

Doodoo do, do. Here she fucking comes, I told it not to come over. She struts up the stairs, she sits and knocks the door, tap, tap, tap. She's at the edge of the bed. She sits at the edge bed, right? And the first thing she goes is, she goes, oh my God. your eyes so blue you're so gorgeous

and I'm like shut the fuck up mom she's like isn't it gorgeous like your tattoos how many have you got can I just say one thing that that's you that is me but she's me time I'm sitting there thinking shut the fuck up I shut the fuck on mom she's like oh my god he's so gorgeous it's me and then she goes so

she could put his hand like that she goes so have you told him I go what have you told him yet this boy has been in my company for five minutes with his hot cup of tini's hand My heart is even raised in saying it now. I'm like... I can't with us.

What are you talking about? You've not told him yet. Do you not know? And I was like, get the fuck out of my room. So she goes out of the room. Richard's obviously sitting there like, what is this crazy cow I'm sat next to?

What is she got to tell me? So then I go into her room which is next door. She goes around and was like, don't you? Obviously Richard's sitting there can hear this. Don't you ever fucking embarrass me ever again? Why you say that? It's when you've been here for five minutes.

rah rah let me tell him in my own time and then she's like okay fine fine so she goes anyway guys I'm going back now have a lovely date she fucks off we sit there in silence and I'm like this is just her awkward she's not even said what it is she just came in and started a pot and then left that is exactly what she did

and then he takes me to turtle bay and he sits there and bless his heart he was so lovely but I think in his back of his head he's admitted it to me now he was thinking how the fun do I escape oh no like what is his person So then we sit there at the dinner table and I put my hand on this time and I'm like,

listen, I've got something to tell you, but I promise it's not as bad as it seems but six months ago I went on a date with someone that you know and he's like, who? So I told him and was like, right. And I'm like, oh no. And I'm sitting there thinking, what happens if this guy tells him

that I shagged him or something? Because you just don't know what these people's lad say? And they're probably more likely to say even if it didn't happen. Yeah, exactly. But thank the heavens above that he went to training. in the next day and he did say

I've heard you went on a date with Jess and he was like lovely girl, she's so sound we just didn't, we just didn't get on and this is what my mum was like, thank God, like can you imagine? I should never have told her but that was my modifying dating story

on my first date with the person that I've been with for eight years thank God. Well I mean it didn't stop him. He probably's now back to regretting but some guys wouldn't probably wouldn't continue dating you would they? No not if they know so. I think it's just It depends how... See, because that was only one date

and he only had nice things to say. Yeah. But if you'd maybe slept together or something, then yeah. Thank God I didn't. Maybe we'd change things, but... Or maybe I did. Kept your pants on that night. Makes a change, huh?

Oh, we're joking. Right, anyway... Enough about me. Let's get into the juicy stuff. I'm actually gone like so red and hot even just thinking about that scene again. It was awful. It's all right.

It's still, I think I'm doing. Right, so someone's wrote in. and said on a first day and he ordered all my food for me and cut up all my food for me like I was a wee baby Shut! Imagine your plate coming over

and you're going, come on, knife and fork the way your mum used to do for you. That is so weird. Like, that's, see to me, that's like serial killer shit. That is serial killer vibes. Like, there's something not right in your brain. Oh my God.

Blind date, Guy produced a plastic bag with two hob knobs and a tomato in case I got hungry. Hobb... It's the thought that counts. No. Hob knobs, no matter. What you doing with that? Was it like a big tomorrow? You brichita biscuit?

That's just not one. My worst dating story ever, I was seeing a guy for over a year that I really liked and we became exclusive. I was meant to see him one night but he cancelled last minute saying his best friend had come back from Australia

and surprised everyone. So he was going out, fair enough So I saw him the next night We were in bed literally in the middle Of having sex And for some reason something caught my eye on his bedside table Because it was shiny Couldn't have been that great

If I was getting distracted, ha ha Anyway, it was a pair of earrings on the bedside table That were not mine I was furious but somehow managed to finish Oh my fuck I immediately went to the bathroom And was going to ask him when I came back who they belonged to. When I came back to the bedroom,

they were gone. He had seen me see them. I asked him who the earrings belonged to and he said, I don't know what you're talking about. You're lying. He's such a lie. I walked out the second and never saw him again. The cheat. That is disgusting. What about this? I was seeing a boy when I was at school, tall, dark

and Italian. So my dream, we were kissing on the sofa and without any warning, he pulled back and said, could I have a bowl of cereal please? Absolutely mortified. Like who the fuck asked for a bowl of cereal like that? You're kissing someone in the pool back and go, can I get a bowl of cereal please? Why is that on your mind?

Men are so fucking weird. I've got a nice one here. Best date story. He pested me for months for a date and I finally said yes one time because I had nothing to do. Took me to a cute bar, went to a club and danced for hours before getting on a yacht. Wow. We went out, had a few drinks, watched the stars and chatted for ages. It was the best day I've ever been on and I don't think anything will ever top it.

Totally outing myself, but I don't normally kiss and tell. But let's just say I totally got swept away in the moment and couldn't wear tight jeans and short a few days. Too far. Whoa. Too far. I went on a walk day and his mum came and got him after. Sorry.

Look at that again. Repeat. Repeat, repeat. Someone said, I went on a walk date. So they've just went out on a walk and his mum came and picked him up afterwards. What, to walk him home? You'd be sick everywhere. You'd actually be instantly sick. Oh, see, oh, soul.

No, it's not, because mums, see if mums only have boys, they're weird with them. They are weird. So that, I'm thinking that's that. I went to spend on a first date with a guy. He worked in Topshop, so I thought he was the coolest ofs. He took me to the cinema. Just do not ever do that on the first date.

He sat with his arm around my neck the entire film. It was just weird, actually looking back on it. I was in agony, but didn't. actually have the heart to all the balls to say to tell him to move. Oh my God when I got out there

I couldn't fucking move I think he gave me nerve that he gave me what? Nerve to do it Oh my God anyway it's safe to say

that relationship didn't stick just binge the episodes of your podcast just oh nice thank you my God what about this first date

a guy picked me up for dinner with no shirt on. Has he, those he dear, but creases. He's got your shirt hanging up in the back of his car. I mean, nobody loves a crease, right? No one's aiming for having a crease shirt, but just put the shirt on. Oh my God, that is fucking funny. Got a steamer out his boot.

So I went on a date with a doctor who had lived in Glasgow his whole life but had Indian heritage. We went to the Corinthian and he insisted on ordering for me. I didn't like what he had ordered. When the waitress came over and asked if I was finished, he said, no, she isn't. Then he told me to eat it as they were starving people in his country. Oh, I forgot to mention he bought me a gift, a pair of Perspex stripper heels. Cereal killer.

Fucking hell. Oh my God, this one's funny. I went on a date with a guy to a theme park. He got a drink which came with the straw. He asked for two straws. Weird. At any point, my back was turned to him. He used the other straw to blow in my ear.

his breath was fucking violent I think that's a like see the breath thing for me I can't like yeah I hate people breathing on my face it's horrible especially like in the morning went a second date to a guy's house putting brackets red flag already question mark

I'm like yep I walked into a family dinner with his mum dad and two sisters no no no no imagine that they're all sitting around the table like hey I'd do a three sexting walk straight back out that house. It'd be so embarrassing. Oh my God, this is quite a long one. My dating story, I wasn't too sure on the guy I had arranged to date with.

I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and still go along. Beforehand, I had changed my friend's name on my contact list to mum and set her photo as my mum. As the night got on, I wanted to escape. He was pissed and wanted me to stay the night. I went to the toilet and told my friend to call me in five to pretend something had happened at home. Five minutes later, my mum called, and I told him I had issues at home and ran for the hills. Oh, that was it. Bye. That was it.

Picked up a boy to go on a date and he was so stoned that he fell asleep within two minutes. And I was just driving around with this person sleeping in my front seat until I had to take him home. Oh my God. First date, he booked dinner at a well-known chain restaurant and made a point of ordering an expensive bottle of wine. He had zero chat by offering to pay half at the end as you do. Two minutes later, after I left, he said, sent me a barrage of abuse about how I didn't deserve him and I was a spoiled brats. What the fuck?

Stood up at the end of a first date to go to the toilet and head putted the pendant lamp above the table. When I came back, the bulb was out and we sat in darkness. That is brilliant. Being on a couple of dates with a guy, I should mention that he's absolutely gorgeous. I had not prepared to go back to his at all, if you know what I mean. But against my better judgment, I accepted his invitation. I get back to his I started getting to the crucial moment

a la Bridget Jones I have huge spanks on and not as smooth as I'd like down there I asked to use his bathroom all I remember is using his face razor down there and falling in his shower trying to balance on one foot

on the side of the bath absolutely pissed cue him outside are you all right in there apparently I was gone for ages but was so drunk I didn't even realise I wake up the next day and I cannot find my spank's

anywhere. I decide I'll just have to leave without them. A few hours after I'm home, he sends me this photo of his friend who had found them hidden behind the toilet bin and a picture of his friend holding these big spanks up to his face like, ah! I know. This is why you need to get laser hair removal, girl. He's life changing. First date with this guy, he was a few years older, had his own business. He had asked his mom to find a restaurant and book the table for him. He then proceeded to kick off in the restaurant loudly when he found out. his mum had booked it under his full name rather than his preferred shorter name

Jonathan rather than Johnny he then asked me what I thought he should order to eat and drink God help me he is a diva lucky escape what about this basically I'd be speaking to this guy texting for a week we went on a walking date to the beautiful Cumbernauld so obviously sarcasm

had a good time kissed and after four I was walking around a park he told me he'd fallen in love with me I'd only spoken to him for six days. Sorry, I'd be dead on the ground. Anyway, I got home and he ended things the next day saying it was too much too soon. You have just told me you love me, sorry. Pardon?

The next day, he then said the regretty decision and wanted me back. What do you mean, wanted me back? You weren't even together? 10,000 red flags. To finish the story, sent me a bunch of flowers on a box of grenade protein bars with a message saying, sorry for the hassle. I wonder if they're still together.

No, they're not. Sorry, can we go back to the grenade protein bars? Solid gift. he's like marian went on a first date who planned dinner and cinema little did I know it was at TGIs dump dump Dumped I'm not going And he phoned them ahead to arrange them to sing for me

Oh do you remember when they do that Oh no While I was making everyone wear a balloon hat In front of everyone I couldn't leave as he was My was my lift home which was 40 miles away I would have left that situation ASAP Don't even ask me why

but I agreed to a second date and then fell asleep through the whole of it. When he asked if I was sleeping, I just said, no, I'm just chilling. Sleeping where? Maybe there was cinema or something. Do you think he was doing that singing to sing as a piss take?

Like, to wind it up, because if so, it's quite funny. Because then I'd be like, you've got a bit of a sense of humour. Here's another one. First date with a guy, went to Pisano, solid start, proceeded to take me to five different bars across the West Ten to have different drinks. Was a freezing night in Jan,

plus I was working the next day. But I bought a few rounds, and he made a point of telling me the rounds that I had paid for were cheaper than his. He wanted to take me back to his to try some gin, in quotation marks. He gave me a tour of the flat and introduced me to his brother and his girlfriend. We had said gin. He then put on

some grime slash rap music and started rapping to me. Swift eggs after that and I go see the rest of his messages. Most cringing out in my life. That sounds like I do. Get a bit storms yon and everyone's. Went on a couple dates with a guy I met on Tinder. I really like. And after one of the dates, I brought him back to mine.

And he says, I've been in this building before. And I joked about how he's had a one-night stand with one of my neighbours, lull. I get into my flat, he says, was this way out too? I'm getting deja vu. But none of the flats in my block are the same. I asked when it was. And he said, about two years before, I'd been living there for four years. It was my flatmate.

He'd come back with her out and night out, and he had ghosted her after it. No. Oh, my fucking gosh. I was out for drinks with my family and this guy kept looking to me from across the bar next minute he orders a cocktail for me and my new sister-in-law and gets the bartender to send it over and say this is from the guy with the white top

he looked cute from a distance but my brother then grabs the bartender and says can you order a beer back for him and say that's from her big brother quite like that when that happened he deceived the beer and started laughing so I thought it'd be nice to go over and introduce myself and say thanks

I get chatting to him and find out he's 308 I am 26 so it is a bit of an age gap and it kind of gave me the ick Next minute he makes a choice to say Why don't we go and sit with your family altogether Orders everyone drinks and also shots And then makes the move to ask my parents If he can take me out for drinks tonight

Even though I'm 26 and could decide for myself Quite polite though We went to the bar next door and he was way too forward Trying to kiss me and touch my legs Which was weird considering we'd just met one hour ago I had my phone unlocked and he grabbed my phone To put his number in it My big brother texts me saying I should leave the guy

And go meet him and my sister and offer drinks at another bar So I said to the guy didn't feel comfortable anymore and was going to the toilet then leaving to go meet my family. As I came back downstairs from the toilet, I found he'd already left, thank God, but then the text started. She sent screenshots. Oh, God.

You said, you're going with your brother. I was with you at the table and you told me to do one. Where are you? Two missed calls. Where are you? I'm back in my hotel and town. Let me take you out. Thursday, absolutely gorgeous.

Hey, sorry, you're absolutely gorgeous. Let me take you out on Sunday, please. As much as it was carnage, I wanted you. What? What? I'm back home now. Let's go out. This is then, I think, the next day. No, this is an hour later. Let's go out Sunday just does. Hey, hey, hey. Hope you had a good night. Let's go out on Sunday night. Me and you just have a good laugh. Absolutely gorgeous. Is he alright? Every second message is absolutely gorgeous. She must have been absolutely gorgeous. Love her eyes. She's not applied to one single thing of this. Then it's just her. You block this contact. Good girl. Good girl. The people know it's not normal to send all day texts. Like that's the abysed. I'm actually quite shocked of those guys like that.

But then what she said at the bottom was boys could never call us girls cycles ever again. Yeah, correct. Ran over. Me and my man met at work. Like it was proper chemistry in the first look at each other. We became really good friends and ended up accidentally spending a lot of time together. I had a... I know.

I had a long-term boyfriend at the time. Five-ish years, we'd been together. But we were young and no hate, but we weren't just really right for each other at the time. And we split up. The problem I had was that I had actually booked my ex a week's holiday in Vegas for his 21st birth. birthday roughly two months before we split. So now I had a holiday to Vegas with no one to go with. It was too late notice for any of my girls to come, but my dad had offered to come with me and I had hummed and hoard over, over it, but I was like, okay, yeah, cool.

It's not the biggest famous. No. I was telling my handsome work friend about my evening and somehow stumbled on the fact that he used to play poker. And that left us with no other logical conclusion than me telling my dad to get to fuck because a man I hardly know who's coming instead. I found the hotel and made sure there were two beds in the room and we went So our first date Right, pause a second Who are they kidding?

Two beds in the room Yes, I know And our first date was in our hotel room On the Las Vegas Strip Watching an electrical storm on the balcony With McDonald's from the lobby This was our third This was third of September 2017

And we have just bought our house together Best First Day ever How cute They pushed their fucking beds together They did Oh that's lovely Lovely little story. Lovely one to end on.

Yes. So this week, obviously every single week we like to end our episode on what's been on your plate physically and emotionally and I have a really good physical plate this week actually. This week I tried the national dish of Brunei I read about it before visiting

and thought there is no way that's going in my mouth. However, in the moment I gave it a try made from the trunk of a palm tree it resembles wallpaper paste. What? Think clear. Gloop, served with jurean sauce. They tell you not to chew it and just swallow it whole. The staff recorded me for my reaction because they knew it would be entertaining. My gag

reflex simply could not. Strangest food ever. Wait, I've got a video. Yes. I won't say I've been too brilliant for this, but... Oh my God, it actually looks like... I don't want to say it, but... I see, okay. I want to capture it. Hold on. Let's wait for the gag replay. I have to shoot. No, Zoe, just look at that. That reminds me of one thing, and one thing only. That is a big plate of jizz.

That is a big plate of sticky jizz. Not all that video reminded me, as with me with the oysters that time. That's making me feel of a bit sick. So did you say if it was nice? No! No! She's not, she's gagging.

Of course she is. For our dilemma this week, we have quite a big one, so I'll go for it. I have just finished my probation in a year as a teacher and have been trying to get a job for this school year. I had secured a temporary contract, some distance away, and accepted it at the time thinking something else would come up. Fast forward a few months, and I haven't secured anything permanent or closer to home. I have withdrew from the temporary jobs.

I had a gut feeling it wasn't right for me. Feking out about something closer to home, not coming up, as I watch all my friends go into new jobs. Any career advice? how you got into your jobs. I don't know how it works with teachers when it comes to this because how I started to get a job in the industry was interned and then once you've got that you've got a foot in the door whereas I don't know if there's any sort of opportunity with that teaching. Could you not be substitute teaching or ask to sit in a classroom? Is that how it works

for teaching? You can do like teaching assistant but that's like a completely different job role essentially. Yeah that's a difficult one because I actually don't know how that works but Anyone that is probably in the same boat that is struggling to get into the industry that they want to, I would definitely suggest offering your free services or interning in that place. That's what I did. I went into a fashion admin office and basically was pulling staples out of files for about a week. And then I ended up working there for years. I think once you've got a foot in the door, then if a job comes up,

it's almost an expectation that you would go for that anyway if it's like a junior role that you would first go into. So that is the best way to get into it. But I think if anyone is a teacher and can send us some advice to pass on, please do. Because I'm just not clued up. When it comes to accent, the only things I do know about it is it's all very official. Because even if you have your teacher degree, you only really apply to certain councils and then they'll delegate where you go to. So you don't apply for a specific school as such.

And you have to do teacher training for a couple years, don't you, before you're even allowed to look after your own classroom. Well, I think whilst you're studying it, you do placements. So that's like what you do. because one of my friends is a teaching assistant but she's now back at uni doing her degree so she can be the actual teacher and you definitely don't get to pick

specifically where you work it's like councils you apply for even though you didn't want to move further from home it might be worth trying that again just to get your experience under your belt and then apply for something else when it comes up closer to home because once you get there you might get used to it

and start loving it and adapt to new lifestyle somewhere else but the thought of it will be scary Yeah, it will be. That's my wise advice for today. I would like to know what's been on your plate this week. I can't stop thinking about that asai bowl in Oku, and I just ate a lot of delicious food in Ibitha. Can I just discuss this bowl thing?

I also had chicken dip as beans and wedges last night. That's up there for me. But see, this bowl thing, right? It's just, right, it looks really lovely. It's very picturesque. It's very healthy queen. It's not really that healthy. I'm an Instagram gala, that nonsense, right?

Nobody wants all the different things in the one bowl. I can't accept that. I do. I love nothing more than different textures. Crunchy, sweet, salty. Are you telling me you enjoy seeds? Love them, Zoe. No. Love nuts seeds.

They get stuck in your throat. They get stuck on your throat. No. Like the seed, I can go nuts. Like I like putting nuts in things, but seeds are too small. Stuff are not supposed to be there? What, like cheer seeds? Not supposed to be there.

They belong on the ground. No, they do not. Everyone disagree with it, please. Everyone probably does, but that's just how I feel. And I would love to enjoy it. I love, like, how nice to look. But this was more the texture of the actual mixture because sometimes they're just like smoothie bowls

and that's crap. This was like a creamy, fit, delicious, fruity. It was the best thing I've ever had. Maybe I just need to work out what I like in it and what I don't like in it. Because I suppose that's the same when you're making porridge with stuff. Seeds in that freaks me out as well.

I would like to discuss what was on my plate when I was in holiday and it was fried, Fetter cheese With honey Need say that And like sesame seeds Yes

I'm just talking about seeds But I like sesame seeds I'll take that back But smaller seeds too far That was unbelievable That sounds delicious Like it was unmule Obviously the intolerance thing

Out the window And holiday And it's still out the window And I'm actually suffering But that was great And I also got one question to ask you I feel like we should do this more on the podcast

I know because a lot of females listen to this podcast But what was your number one holiday product That you couldn't live without Mine probably was I've said it before but I absolutely love my Isle of Paradise Water but I do put some of the Factor 50 on my face

so it doesn't match but I would say I can't live without my Isle of Paradise green water and also my iconic makeup drops it just gives me the extra glow and sunscreen face sunscreen. You've always loved these drops actually I would say my product is I really love the ruffai creamy bronzer

oh yeah you like that but I also love the Charlotte Tilbury Tullberry Blusher and I think on holiday that's good for giving you like as if you've got a bit of a glow as well. A natural little burnt nose. Like I like that. Yes. You like that little burnt look. I think I would say the bronzer over the blusher though. The rify bronzer? Yeah. Better than the Chanel.

Oh yeah. Really? I still use the Chanel to be fair. Like see the first few nights I put that on my chest and things like that before I'm like tanned. But refi's, I think refi's better for your face because it's a bit more of a bronzer. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. See Chanel, I think that's an all over thing. Okay. It refi's more like a face bronzer.

Right, I'm going to get onto that then. I'm using the Charlotte Toolborne at the moment. I'm not loving it. hyalonic, trying to be like the Chanel bronzer. But then what I will say is, I could never not have my eyebrow gel. Yeah. So maybe I take all that back. Have you tried the got-to-be eyebrow gel? Is that the one that you can get on the aeroplane?

No, it's in the yellow tube. It's life-changing everyone. But has it got a tint? No, clear. I'm almost albino, so I need a tint. No, okay, we don't have a tint. So it's not for me. Anyway, a few product shouts out there, because I know we all love one of them.

When I listen to podcast and they talk about a product, so I'm like, oh, my fucking God, I need to buy it. but the got to be eyebrow gel it's about £3.49 Amazing. Great for sideburns as well. What? You've got a few sideburns

What do you use? It's like like them back. You know, do my tight pony and just do my sideburns and my baby hairs. I could be doing with that. I do sideburns as well. See you also talk about eyebrow gel. I would like to take this open opportunity

to speak about the one I use. And it's Rimmel, dark brown eye gel and I cannot rave about it enough. People ask me what I use my eyebrows a lot and I'm not getting a big head about it, but they are quite good. So I think everyone needs to buy that, especially if you do have light hair

and see when you're needing them tinted, it's just perfect. Because it goes on dark. I've got Michael Bladed Browse, so I don't need that darkness. Not everyone has the different beauty treatment every week like you do. Anyway, let's wrap it up

because this has been a long podcast, but I hope you enjoyed it. And remember, our discount code is Plate 20 for Kiwi Inco. Check out their new collection and check out all of our lovely cozy jumpers that we're wearing. and hope you've absolutely loved the pod and if you've got anything that you want to add

or anything we've missed and in yours on their mess and it's on your plate we'll answer them in a few weeks coming. Anyway, thanks so much for listening. Love you. Bye! Bye!