A Lot On Your Plate - Ep17: Tasty Toenails, Playground Punting & The Famous McCrispy

Episode Date: November 22, 2022

This week we talk about  Jess’s Black Friday bargains, the pressures of Christmas and all the things you guys done as kids but would never admit too and wow, you’re all vile. Lol, enjoy!- - - - - - - - - -Follow us on IG @alotonyourplatepodYour HostsJess (@JustJessFood)Zoe (@ZoeQuinnnn)Produced ByCobalt Creative (@cobaltmediauk)For Business Enquiries - [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the chart-topping show-stopping best podcast in the world We're just getting to get it. Hello lovely people, welcome back. Happy Tuesday. We are really getting in the run up to Christmas now. You're feeling festive? Absolutely. Are you?

As soon as Halloween's over, I'm there. That's it. It's time to thrive. Yeah. I'm starting to put little things out. Just wee Christmas candles. The pumpkins have gone back in. The pumpkins are gone. The trees are out.

It's great. You're going to get a big Christmas tree? Because this is the first Christmas in your flat, right? No, well, I had last year, but all I had last year was a tree. Whereas this year I'm going to have big garland across my shelf, my living room, stockings hanging, big wreaths on my front door, everything. Love it. I'm going big.

Mm-hmm. Are you going big? Yeah, I think so. Big tree. I'm going to get to do a homemade wreath from mud. I do them every year. Yeah, I'm going to do that too. Also, you need to do your fireplace.

I know. Did you just remember mine from last year? Yeah. But obviously it's nothing like our friend Jilly's a fireplace every year. But yeah, I'll need to just try and decorate it. Because I wish I had one, but I don't. Yeah, I will think about that. I'll try and do a nice little theme.

Because it does not cute when I do it, to be fair. Well, we're ready. Have you seen any of the Christmas adverts that have come out yet? Yes, I've seen them all. John Lewis. Aldi. Remind me. Asda.

I saw the McDonald's one, that was lovely. What was that again? Where the little boy was writing a Christmas list and it was so, so, so, so long. And he loses it. I'm not saying that one. Oh, that's lovely. You'd like that one. Okay, I need to watch that.

I loved the John Lewis one. We spoke about it in our group chat and Zoe was like a cold-hearted little bitch. He was like, guys, I don't even know why he found that sad. And I'm like, shut up. Right, let me clear it up. It's not that I'm co-hearted. I think it's a lovely advert.

I think it's a really important topic. And my heart goes out to anyone in that situation. Not that I don't think that. I just, I feel like the actual advert part until the writing comes up. It wasn't Christmassy enough, or you didn't really know why... It just wasn't a tearjurker for me. But I think that was the whole point.

It was like the shop factor. You didn't really know what... So basically, if you're not seen it, it's a guy that's learning to skateboard and his wife's on the phone a lot saying things like, we're really excited, and he comes home and he's always disheartened because he can't quite grasp to...

And he's, like, hurting his respirating bones and all that. And he's at work and his cool centres, like watching YouTube's on how to skateboard. And at the very end, the doorbell rings, they're making dinner and his eyes lit up and they look at his wife and they answer the door to a foster, I think it's a foster child or adopting her. I think it's foster. And she's got a skateboard in her hand and he was learning to skateboard because he knew his new foster child

liked it on. And then she looks at the skateboarder as she comes in and she like does a little smile because she thinks, oh my new foster fan. No, he's skateboards. No, I do like I feel like warm and fuzzy when you're talking about it but it just didn't. And I was with Jason's mom who does cry anything and she didn't cry either. I just thought, where we would just Just not in the right setting was, I just, I don't know. I just didn't get the tears going, but I found it lovely. What's all sort of the big adverts? Coca-Cola adverts.

I've not seen that one. No, me neither. Because that's when it's officially Christmas. But also, was it not last year that was quite controversial? Why? It was the one, remember, was it Kate Garrowy that was kicking off because it was about your dad being home for Christmas, mind? It was like, he was in the war or something like that,

and he came home, and she was kicking off because, you know, her husband was in hospital for literally two years from COVID or something. Oh, yeah. And she was, like, kicking off about it. And I'm like, oh, come on. Oh, come on. Yeah. Clutch and it's rosy.

I mean, obviously, if people don't have her dad home for Christmas, it's sad, but it was just a lovely, like, feel good advert. But I've also seen the ASDA one, which is about elf. Oh, yes, somebody told me about that. How did they manage to do that? It's just obviously, like, pure tech stuff, pure fancy, like, technicalities. Yeah. But that's good. Because everyone loves Elf, obviously, so that was a good one.

And all I thought the whole way through it was, they must. must have paid a fucking fortune to get that. Yeah, yeah, one million percent. Like billions to use that stuff. Was, in my opinion, the rock bottom of the supermarket chain at one point, maybe a year ago or two. I then went in there, I know, past six months and I'm like, wow, this has transformed. Whoever's the new food buyer, they have the best vegan range I've ever seen. Out of all, even like Waitrose and Sainsbury's, they've got, obviously they bought in, they

I saw it first or misguided or something, so all the clothing range and stuff. Oh, yeah, the big ones. have, I think it's misguided in it. And just all the selections of stuff they've got, I think. I don't like the fridges in there, though. It freaks me out. Why do you put fridges in a supermarket everywhere? Yeah, well, it's just a new thing and I can't find anything. I mean, we mainly shop in Aldi, but you need Asda for, like, see if you are looking for,

like, a dairy alternative or, like, vegan or whatever. Aldi and that don't do. No, they don't. Or they don't do the same levels asda. I was actually in Azda last night getting Asda pizzas. Yeah. People love that. Yeah, they do, yeah.

I actually get the little, I've seen the tiny wee round one. kids one it's just margaria and it's honestly tiny that's what i get and then jason gets like one from the counter i just like a wee bit with some like wedges or something yeah you're such a kid it's literally it's literally 90pence and see when they've ran out i'm honestly so upset i think that's why as to have got a big budget this year because somebody in the head office needs her eyes somebody's done bits somewhere they've done bits it's good but um just talking on the coca-cola topic so we know we're talking to other episode a few whatever few weeks ago and we're talking about, yeah, you laugh, Gee. Diet Coke and Coke Zero, right, and we're saying Coke Zero is elite.

Gee, their messages in our group chat was like, just to let you know, Coke Zero and Diet Coke are the same thing. Shut up, gee. You were saying it like it was a, like it was a fat, factual information. It's simply not true. I hate Diet Coke. It's, I could be honestly like about to die from dehydration. I could not drink it. I think it's horrible. I think it's a more soda in it. Then, yeah, that would make sense. I don't really like that. They've literally got the same ingredients. obviously, but maybe not a percentage of each. There's something different. Somebody please fight, G.

I'm marketing. You've been told it's different. Right, so what we're going to do and what we were going to do this episode, but next episode, we're going to blindfold G and we're going to do normal Coke, Coke Zero and Diet Coke, and we're going to say, right, you tell us

which is which? But I won't be able to tell you because of the same. Because they think it's the same? You should do the test. And you tell me if there's the same. Okay, fine. Let's do that. I think they're the exact same thing.

Okay, that's fine. I'd probably be better when my taste has come back a bit and then we can do it. Yeah, okay. Think about it, right? Diet Coke, 90s, 2000s, women and offices, guys with their tops off cleaning windows. That's what Diet Coke was.

Then they thought, well, we're missing out 50% in the market. So then along comes Coke Zero. Who sponsors it? Messy, Ronaldo, football, it's cars. It was Diet Coke for guys. Seek of him being right all the time. It was all male-dominated advertising because guys were scared to drink Diet Coke.

in case some half-naked woman would have come into their office. Right, well, I think I could tell you what's what? I think so, Zoe. I could also do it with Pepsi, though, as well. God, imagine if we get it wrong. We'll be never going to hit the end of it. I could almost tell you that you'll get it wrong. No, I know, I will.

Giving it big licks, God's sake. And it's Black Friday this Friday. Dum, dumb, do. Right, so you tell everyone what you've got to offer. Go do your sales to do it. I do my sales pitch because I've got a lot of codes. My usual, who I love working with, I Love Paradise, are giving me a humongous 50% off discount code.

So just check my Instagram today or sometime this week and definitely take advantage of it because it's huge. Grow gorgeous. By the way, have you been seeing my stories recently. I've put my hair up right now, but I'm obsessed with my hair. I'm obsessed with myself. But I think my hair is transformed in the past few. It does look at it.

Maybe not right now it's up because I've got my short bits out, but genuinely feel like. it's really making a difference. I understand that you need to be patient with hair products because you're not all these like adverts where it's like you see a difference in a day, like load of bollocks. You genuinely have to try it for a couple months.

But I'm noticing the thickness of it. Like my hair's shiny. Normally my hair's quite dull because it's the bleach. I just feel like it's just growing at a faster pace. I feel like I'm really aggressively staring at your hair. Yeah, but don't. I know, but when you say shine, I'm like, oh, is that quite shiny? I obviously a little bit like I think it's a combination

between my hair dryer as well. I love that Dyson hair dryer. I've also been in scalp massages on my hair dry because I've been reading on TikTok that's meant to be great for hair stimulation and scalp. And then I've been using the thickening shampoo conditioner, the mask and the intense serum. Just all of it.

From Google. Consistently, I believe the hype. You are the hype. I'm living proof of the hype. And they've given me a discount code. I don't know what it is right now, but I think it's 45% off they're going to give me, aren't they? So I did post when this podcast goes out like a couple weeks ago.

and just basically said, wait and hold off, don't buy it, because genuinely it's such a big saving, so use it, take advantage, and it works, get it, it's a stocking gift or whatever. Oh, so not I was just thinking when you were saying that. Your hair's great, though, by the way.

I know what that's full of news. What I was thinking about when you're saying that is, see, really, you do need to give it time because the growth comes from the scalp. Yeah, it's sort of rubbish. But I do think the ends of my hair, like, because I've been putting on the cereal, it just feels a bit more moisturised.

Like usually that would feel like strawberry, but it doesn't. Yeah. And I know, my hair does snap and it's been in quite bad condition from over the years, sadly, but it's getting there. I actually had a bit of a moment

another week where I thought I'll need to get good hair stuff because I use 90 pens I'll be a little bit of salam shampoo and conditioner and that needs to stop. I use no heat protection or nothing. It's just because I stopped drying my hair.

You're so lucky. No, but it's just because I stopped dying it. Okay. But I've now died it again. Right. So I need to look after it. Anyway, I really like Grogorgeous to the mask. Yes, nice.

But I also. used the Philip Kingsley one. Oh the elastasizer, amazing. Unbelievable. Amazing, amazing. My hair didn't get greasy written for like three days. Yep, that is amazing. Alastasizer. That was really good. And then I'm going to try the girl gorgeous shampoo but in the meantime I'm trying redkin. Great stuff. Love that as well. Yeah, love it. But I got like a, you know, when you buy two and I thought it was shampoo in condition and it's just two shampoos. The redkin bottles are really confusing for that. Yeah, they're kind of funny shape. They both say shampoo as well, but you have to look at some weird word underneath it. So mine actually

might be shampoo and conditioner. Yeah. But I'm thinking it's both shampoo. They both say shampoo on it to be there. No, they say shampoo, then shampooing both of them. Yes, they do, yeah. So it's one condition. One of all the conditioner.

Right. Someone fix their marketing team. That's shocking. It is awful, yeah. But the Dited Hair dryer, I don't think I've gave a feedback on that. I absolutely love it. And that's smoothing, adapting thing on it. If you want anything for Christmas, definitely get that.

Because, wow, it's life-changing. So you're not disappointed? It's not the, you're not up anymore. Gee, you did the right thing by telling Richard to get it. the hairdry not the air wrap because it was the best thing he's got me and I think that's help him

all do you want to say right now is obviously I'm right and you know one more thing I got at that look fantastic event Christoph Robin is one of their brands is how you pronounce it Christoph Robin yeah I know who you mean

and they sell bore bristle brushes on look fantastic which is meant to be amazing for like not snapping your hair are they the big mass of round ones that's yeah that's what I've got Oh, is it you, let's get that? Yeah, but it looks kind of huge.

The bristle, the bristle is bought bristle, but it's in like a paddle brush this one and it is like what Rapunzel would use to brush a hair. But I think it's 90 quid a hairbrush. That's just not happening for me. When I saw it on the gifting table, I was like, fucking in my bag you go. Honestly, it snapped it up straight away.

I was like, no way am I buying that. Straight in my basket. Yeah, but it's great, straight in my basket, but yeah, it's really nice. What are the feedbacks on products that we mentioned recently? The VIV stuff you got me from birthday. I really like it, but I don't like it.

as much as my Becker Primer, sadly, I'm sorry, but it is nice. I think these are Beck, I want to do fun. No, I'm using it. But I was told that it was similar to that, but I don't think it is. It just does something different for me, but it's still nice. You can still know a bakers to the company that's not a thing anymore, is it not? Yeah, right, but Smashbox have bought over a few of their products except the backlight primer.

Make it make sense. It's in demand. Can't. But we've also got sent niche Browco. new product, didn't we? Yeah, and I actually got it right here, so I'm going to educate it on Julie's podcast. She was talking about her favorite eyebrow product,

if you guys remember. It's actually a small Glasgow business, and the lovely lady reached out to us and sent me and Zoe some for ourselves. And the packaging is amazing, isn't it? It's bloody stunning. Go you. So what we've got here as...

Have my one, please. We've got the same colour. We do soft brown. We have soft brown, and it comes in this nice little pack. This is great for a Christmas present, by the way, because you've got their new brow gel and their soft brown pencil. So it's the pro definer which is the pencil

and you can get shade, top, Auburn, soft brown or dark brown. Wow, look how thin that is. And then the signature brow gel comes in dark brown, medium brown and ash blonde. That's like the refi one, how thin it is. Oh, I can't bloody wait to use this. Feels so nice quality. So yeah, and she put a little note in our parcel and she's giving us a discount for you all.

She did. She said, hey Jess and Zoe. You always come for. as what I've noticed. OBS. It will change. It's changing. I'm only kidding.

So excited for you to try a signature collection. Signature collection. Sounded Irish. Honestly. I've realised recently I've got quite a strong accent. Some people have been struggling and understand me. Why'd keep whistling when I say the letterness?

Anyway, loving the weekly pods. It's the highlight over Tuesday. We've all created a discount code for your listeners so here you go dun dun dun plate 20 sweat a percent off love it get that as a wee secret Santa Prezzi by the way because that would be stunning imagine you received that wasn't very much anything else you've been using that you love what you don't treat yourself to black Friday you know what you need to buy yourself a friggin' air friars erie see buying like homely like important homely bits it just does

not it wasn't maybe excited yeah but it will change your life I don't have space no that's fair it's huge it is my one's huge I know I've seen it another week and I was like You went, is that your air frown? Yeah, she was like, oh, absolutely not then. It's so big. I mean, I could find space, but I don't know. We'll see, I'll see what deal I can get. Yeah.

Because usually you see them for, like, not that expensive. So are they shit ones then? No, it's not like that, no, it's not like they're shit. It's just that they're less powerful, I think, or space. So the ninja one that I use is a grill, air friar, dehydrator, an oven. So it's like a multifunctioning one. So it's a little bit excessive.

I've obviously only used the air fry thing. I mean, it might dehydrate some. oranges for Christmas but I mean you're going to be dehydrating your potatoes mind yes great shout by the way your dehydrated tatters yes maybe that'll work also I forgot to mention whenever we were last recording

I went to out for my mum's birthday dinner and we went to you know how Teentl Tapas in unxton yeah but they've got one in Hamilton called Sangria oh didn't it was a different name yep and so it's the canary and potatoes the salty ones you're talking about potato bravis here no I'm not Oh. We had potato's breakfast

and those canadian potatoes so I'd like to ask you are they salty and there's still a bit of a sauce in them, tomatoy sauce? Yeah, but the sauce comes on the side though so it's like a red sauce and a green sauce and they just come out serve

like new boiled potatoes but sort of dry salty. Yeah, my papa was eating them I didn't have one so I don't know what the point in this story is but you could get them there and it did look nice. Did not know that?

And I wondered if that's what you were talking about but totally slipped my mind obviously until now. And it's nice in it. there. Is it? Yeah, we had honestly 20 tapas, all this potatoes, bravass, garlic bread, cheese and meats, everything. I think there's nothing

better going to a restaurant where you're with people that are willing to share. I unfortunately go out with someone that is just so anti small plates, so anti, everything. He's like, I'm going to a restaurant and I am getting a main meal to myself, you're not trying it. But I'm like, let's have, we'll go half and half. Yeah.

Do I mean? I love half and half friends. I'm anti-share when it's a situation that it's not that comfortable to share. For example, if I'm like away with work and we go out after like a meeting or whatever, like that's a bit more awkward because you kind of just want what you know you like and then if people are all picking a different bit, you're not, as I'm very comfortable in that situation. You're just awkward as hell. Do you know what I said to Zoe the day? I was like, I'm going to get you a spit or swallow when I come back from Lisbon and she went, Jess,

no, she went the thought of that even being on the plane, bringing it home on the plane, I don't want it. I was like, are you okay? I'm not going to bring you a pastry from Lisbon. in a bag I know but what makes me feel ill is you know how you get a bottle of water for the plane see as soon as you're off that plane that water needs to go

that needs to go in the bin and you need a fresh water because it's been on the plane it's been all blown up it's no the crumbs on the tray it actually makes me ill

you're not okay honestly it's disgusting anyway we're digressing let's get into this this week's topic

which is things you did as a kid that you'd never admitted to. Right. Do you have any? Not that I know of, apart from like maybe stealing the odd few pound coins here and there,

maybe a couple of notes. But not excessively, no. Just... I know, I'm not really sure I do either, but I do have a story that no one's admitted to, but like I am wholeheartedly saying it was not me. Was in my Nana's house, there's a room that if you ever stayed,

all the kids stayed in this room. and any time my cousins were up from like England they would stay in this room and she's got a lamp in it and there's a shape cut out in the lamp shade what shape? It's kind of it's like a love heart I'm sure but it's quite a shit one so I'm like it's quite evidently one of the boys so there's two girls four boys now but at the time there was like see like Ben probably wasn't a thing at that point but no everyone says it wasn't them like everyone is like no I swear it wasn't me so still to stay no any of your family admitted who did it maybe it was your aunt

no but who someone needs to tell me who that was it's going to the grave but what annoys me it's like see if it was me I would have just said it by now yeah like we're old and my nan and papa also she still got the lamp yep they also just don't really care like it's turned around you can't even see it like they would just laugh about it they wouldn't be like annoyed at you so you don't I mean to get that out of someone this Christmas I know I'm going to try because I think everyone's going to be there so I'm going to

we do talk about it all the time and they might listen to it on this podcast as well they're like right now's the time we're going to admit I know I know another thing that isn't as a kid but no one still no one knows who done it is you probably heard this story when I had a party in the house when I was 14 and there was about 50 people

there and my mum was in London and she ended up finding out that I was having it because one of the boys that were there used the house phone to phone her instead of the taxi company but anyway know who that was but at this party someone shot on the floor what a human shit

was outside my bedroom on the landing floor. A human, a human, species, was on the floor and what makes it worse as someone slipped in it.

Someone slipped in it and their elbow. It's like a shit mud slide going down your whole way. And their elbow, like as they slipped, went like that against the wall and smashed the picture frame

that was on the wall. Sure it wasn't like your dog? Dog wasn't there. And also, there's just a difference. Yeah, I mean, yeah. And also like, don't think Bailey was there. Even if he was, it wouldn't have happened.

But I actually don't think he was there, which is why he ruled out. But there's been speculation of who it was because there was like a guy there who just thinks things at that were funny or like one of my friends was so drunk because it was maybe harm, like what, it fell out of pants.

Someone must have went and did that but I don't know how, because there was so many people there that someone would have saw. It's a proper scheme party. It actually was. There was so many people. And also people were just being sick

on the landings like everywhere, but to this day no one knows for a fact who shat in that floor. No one would admit that, sorry. I'm just able to admit about pissing the bed. I know. I know. This is just not okay.

But like I will not feel satisfied in my life until I know who done that. Because what made it even worse is because my mum found out, obviously I got in like huge trouble because I was actually really young and everyone was absolutely steaming and all that in our house, right? And it was a mess. There was like holes in the walls. There was like handles ripped off. The blinds were ripped off.

It was a disaster. Because of the shit situation, obviously people were, eventually my friend cleaned it up because I was like, no way. but before that or at some point people have maybe trampled a wee bit on it right so then there was like on one of the only rooms with carpets we mark so my mum made me clean that out with a toothbrush

like she made me scrub until it was clean with a toothbrush yep and I also thinking I was smart wrote on a Facebook status saying um like thanks to whoever phone my mum and got me caught I am in the shit and then did dot dot dot literally well but she's seen it and that just made it even worse

Oh no, Zoe. But yeah, don't know who done it. Let's hope they admit it, ASAP. I know. Maybe they should have wrote in. I was the person that's shat on your mother. Anyway, quite a common one that people wrote in was like stick and chewing gum, like under the table.

Oh yeah, I'll do that all the time. Like on the trains, like in the house. Oh, no, maybe not the house. I feel like I've maybe done it on a train at a severe emergency, but I wasn't massive for it. I wouldn't now, I always asked for a paper napkin, but yeah, I used to do that all the time when I was a kid. I'm glad you went now, you're...

No, never. Eight my toenails. Yeah, but I used to put my feet in my mouth. No, that's just... Literally chew every single toe. And then, but can you tell me... But can you tell me, are you swollen the toenail? Yeah, I loved it. I loved it, Zoe.

Oh! And do you know what else I used to obsess with eating? The back of the Sky Remote rubber bit. Do you know where the battery pack? I know exactly what you're talking about, yeah. And I'd bite it and my mum would come in and she'd be like, Jessica, about her backs of Sky Remote she had to buy because I was obsessed with that skin.

I'm basically like Hannibal Lecter. I was obsessed with skin and... I do like kind of like biting around my nails and stuff but I don't swallow Or any time I've bit my nails I've never swallowed it Yeah but now I don't bite my, eat my nails But I eat my skin

I don't know what's worse to be honest Apparently it's like literally The dirtiest place ever probably Yeah worse in a toilet seat My toilet seat is quite clean but I mean That's throwing me somewhere I don't want to be Picking your nose and eating it

Yep I'll be all did that No but what someone said I have to find it Wipeed my bogies on the side of my bed for years Had to face a wall of bogies when my mum decorated my room Oh my god That's disgusting

Back of bed frames and stuff I've done that before Right, stop I had a field day in my nostrils, bloody out I had to put them somewhere I do still notice you pick your nose a lot Really, you notice that? You do that all the time You notice that, do? I scratch, but yeah because I've got allergies So I'm always like just scratching

in case I've got the old, listen They're like caves. If I had a bogey, everyone would see it. True, I'm glad you're quite on it. Yeah, of course. Because I would hate to say, Jessica, got a baby. Oh. Someone said,

A girl, by the way, had behind my shed and stood up to pee to see how it felt for a boy. But, how was she aiming? Can't? Did she get a she-wee? I think she just done it to see what happened, I'm imagining.

Do you know what though? It is so easy for guys just to whack it out. isn't it? I always think that festivals and stuff. They can just go and pee. I know. I'm having to queue in that long ass cue. That's honestly what puts me off festivals. Someone said, cut up a shit with a knife and threw it out of the window because it blocked the toilet.

So what we're getting a knife down? Then... No, I'm going to be sick. I'm going to be sick. Pushed my brother down the stairs and pretend to catch him so my parents thought I saved him. That's like mental shit. That is literally psychopath. It is psychopath.

It is psychopath. By a long. at the shop, suck it and then wrap it up again and go back and pretend they picked the wrong flavour. What, because they didn't like the flavour? And then someone else is going to buy that. Oh, no. That's how COVID started. Fuck the bat theory, is that?

That's awful. Steele sweets from the corner shop and sell them on at school, made a fortune. Clever. I don't know that I... Really stole the sweets when I was young. No. I'm probably more likely now to say, fuck it, just go. Diffing my sister should brush in the toilet water

when she was annoyed at me. I'm really trying to think about it. I think I did a lot of things when I was young but I don't know if it was anything different to what other people would have done maybe I know but I'm just not sure I didn't really do anything like that I didn't really have that like fighty like really fighty relationship with Adam yeah and then by the time everyone else came along I was a bit older so I wasn't really thinking that way whereas I think we were more just like arguing and then we would like storm off where I didn't really I don't think I was mischievous

yeah I sure was because I would do it now couldn't be arse going to stop your street couldn't be asked going to the toilet in the middle of the night so we'd just pee on the carpet that is so something I would have done but I need to know what happens next because it would stink and you would see it surely

yeah true push my brother off the top bunk bed I think when you are a kid you want you just become so lazy of things like you just can't be asked that your mum would shout you to come downstairs and do things you'd just like oh whatever like dishes and things

you would shove them under your bed or whatever just to try and like keep her off your back but now I would never put a plate under my bed or something were we not talking about this before peed in a display toilet and being Q when I was seen I'm so proud of myself but my mum was mortified. Yeah, loads of kids do that, don't they?

Yeah. But also, I must say, I know this is so stupid to think but I would never have even thought it wasn't an actual toilet. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Because you're just so used to it being used. Imagine turning around there and your son

is literally having a pee in the middle of the showroom of being cute. Because I need what happened to show on? No, no, I die. Did Richard write this in to take the piss? What? Shit my PJs four times in a night and try to throw the last pair behind the shed.

No, that would have been true. That one million percent is true So he had the balls to say... You've just owen him as well I love that So he had the balls to say... We promise he's anonymous

Please write in I never even thought of that So I need to know He had the balls to tell whoever three times That he shot himself in the middle of the night But he thought fuck I can't he do it four times I'll just flung him behind the shed

He one million percent Would have done that as well Oh my God Such a little shit I think this one's quite funny. I used to pray before I go to bed, like sit on the carpet, face my window, looking up to the sky,

and I must have been between seven and ten years old. Parents weren't religious at all, and I didn't ever go to church, so fucking knows why I prayed. What? That's quite cute, though. I know, I bet they were like, I pray that I get what I want for Christmas.

Yeah. Oh. Rub the soap bar on my little brother's toothbrush when they annoyed me. I've never obviously had this brotherly, sisterly revenge before, so I can't relate, but I'd love to know what people's,

like, worst things they've done to their brother and sister. Maybe I've just got a bad memory But honestly, I can't think Have you got any brothers and sisters, she? An older brother But you used to fight and stuff like that Oh, that, it's only 18 months between us

Why? My God I think I would have enjoyed that to be fair And I think when you get older Especially that age gap with you and your brother You'd be quite close, wouldn't you? Yeah Well, it's same as that, there's only two years between us

Yeah But I just think, I don't know I just don't think we were either that bad And I think a lot of people have said to me They'd expect maybe like a wee shit when I was young But I actually wasn't, you know No Dipped my McDonald's chicken nuggets

and chips in my strawberry milkshake No That's a thing though I'm not here for the Not's the chips and ice cream Yeah that's it I'm not here Chips and McFoury

Not here for that People love that I think that's a severely Strange combination Chips and ice cream But isn't it just like a Like a sort of waffle With ice cream

Sort of taste No No Not having it Used to eat around the jelly On a Jaffa cake And then cover it With icing and sell them

Right listen She sent a message in after that said she wanted to like go into further as to why yeah right so I found her message and she said I need to add to my comment on the story I used to eat round the jelly in a jaff cake then cover the wee jelly and ice and sugar and sell them to my neighbours as treats so mankey but also very entrepreneurial if you ask me that's fun of saying you said you should do all sorts of this I also sold S Club 7 autographs in the playground but that's another story but obviously they weren't

S Club 7 autographs must have not been but I need you know tell us I bet you they would have tasted quite nice Jaffa cakes with the icing over it, just the middle bit. Wait, no. The middle bit is just the jelly bit? Yeah, so it is. Yeah. Oh, I don't know about that. I don't know.

And what she say to her neighbours, like, I know. I bit around these, or what does she say, like, she... She must have been doing it as if, like, I made the jelly bit. Yeah. Like, this is, like, my own recipe. I bet you everyone loved it. I imagine... No, imagine someone's bit about something that you eat it.

I can't. I can't, like, see, even if you said try that, it was on a fork, I'd think twice about it. I don't like that. I don't like, I've got a thing about saliva. It really throws me somewhere. Saliva, people, crumbs, just everything. So who's got to think about everything? I do. Scraped the full length of my mum and dad's brand new car with my bike, handlebars and kept cycling by taking the paint off further. I didn't realize the paint was coming off and she just thought it was marks that would drop off. The car's paint work was totally wrecked and I denied it and blamed it on the other innocent kids in the street. That's a shame.

I thought they were going to say something like they ended up colouring it in and in. felt it pen or something that's something I'd do if it was a black car I'd be like right get that Sharpie out oh god I'm sure I get pain on something once I get out or something like that and I thought do you shoot yourself when you're younger and something like that happens doesn't it when you spill anything or mark a pair

makeup on carpets curling ones on the carpet and they burn it still to this day actually there's a few marks in my spare bedroom in my flat currently from curling ones and I'm still blaming it on my sister when she visited and Richard's like I know it was you Well, it's out now.

Well, I don't know if it was, but I'm blaming it on her, because it might have been me. Probably was. Probably was. Right. This one's actually quite stressful. I once got a small bouncy ball lodged in the bottom of the dishwasher. I was hitting the ball off the bottom panel below the dishwasher,

and instead of the bouncy ball coming back to me, it got stuck, which resulted in it breaking and flooding the whole kitchen. I was never found out because I actually managed to get the bouncy ball out and ran upstairs before anyone noticed. This resulted in as having to get a brand new kitchen. No. You could never. I wouldn't make that.

So they, no, never. So they thought it was just a flood. And it's... No, imagine you said you'd be in that room grounded for weeks. I do think as you'd get older, you could definitely... There's a set of things you probably couldn't tell with your parents. You could be like, you know when I was 10, that was me? They were like, no.

Yeah, I agree. Oh, I was going to ask you, did you ever get grounded? All the time. Like, is that a thing? Yes, all the time. See, I actually didn't ever get grounded until I had that party I was talking about. Right. How long did you get grounded for that?

I think it was a month. and I had no phone, no nothing. But obviously I go between my mum's and my dad's, well, I did when I was younger. So when I got to my dad's, I was obviously allowed to go out because he was like, it's not my house, you fucking trashed. So on you go. And like I got to use my wee sister's iPod and it,

speak to my pals. Yeah. So it wasn't really that bad, but I remember at the time thinking, because I'd never really, I just hadn't really done anything that bad to be grounded before. No, I'm trying to think what,

I think it was maybe like school reports or if I'd done something at school and I had detention, then maybe I was. would have been in trouble back home. But yeah, my sister, actually, when she came to stay with me recently, she'd done something bad.

And my dad sent her up to Scotland and was like, right, Jess, I'm sending her up without a phone and without an iPad or whatever. Oh, yeah, remember that. And kids, they stay and age, that is the worst thing you could possibly do. She doesn't even know how to watch,

even television. It's not even a thing. She's like, I do like watching a few movies. I was like, well, we'll sit and watch films. She was so bored. So I would imagine if they got grounded now how they'd feel all these kids. TikTok's their life.

True. By the way, great timing because our listeners just replied with the more information on S-Corp. Oh, the S-Cub sent with an autographs, right, tell us. So I met S-Club 7 and I was about 8 in the airport, Starstruck. Tears the lot. Got their autograph in the back of my diary wall. Got home from her trip, proceeded to scan it in on our ghetto computer and then printed off copies. Sold on the playground for 50p a pop. Yes. My mum phoned the school when she found out, when she found all this change in my school bag thinking I'd stolen it or something,

Nah, just flogging them off at Playtime. Brilliant. She sent a picture, said diary. Brilliant. Wouldn't you post that in the stories? Yeah. Oh, that's amazing. I wonder what she does as a job now.

I bet you she's quite business-minded. I'd love to know. Yeah, no. Let us know more about you, please. And the signatures are with the grape. Let me see. The grape gel pens. Yes.

I love that. The Spelly grape. To Emma love Rachel. What was their names again? Joe, Rachel. Oh, I can't remember. I see, obviously I can't understand the rest of those signatures because just squiggly squigs.

And it says SC7. Do you remember, but S-Cub Juniors as well? Yeah. They were good. Frankie. I love this. Like, can you look to be famous now? Do you think there's people stood out there

that ask for people's autographs or is it just like, can have a pick? I think the selfie's a new autograph, isn't it? It's better, though, isn't it? A selfie. But there must be people there with pen and papers still. I was thinking the selfie's weird, though, because the signature you actually had it asked

and you just stand down and getting to do it, but now you see people will take it. taking a selfie and almost don't interact with the person. No, they don't. Can I get a selfie? Stand next to them, selfie, then run away. Whereas, I think if I met somebody, I'd rather just be like, how are you, like, nice to meet you?

That is true. But it's like, grab the picture away as if it never, oh, I've got the picture now, I'm good. I bet you that's why people really don't like it. Because they don't actually really give a single fuck about me. You just want a picture to say, oh, look who I'm in. That's what they do to Richard. You know, if we ever go out in, like, Asdo or ever,

and he'll get stuck. So obviously, there's a lot of, like, younger lads in football. and they'll go, Tatey, can have a picture. But it's not even like, hi, Tatey, how are you? Like, oh, my God, I love... And I just sometimes think that is the most strangest social interaction ever. Like, I would definitely be like, oh, I love your high. At least high, but it's just like, can I get a picture?

He's like, yeah, make sure. Quite sad, actually. That is what happens to me now when I'm out. People just ask me for a picture, and they don't even speak. I think it's honestly so rude. Couldn't imagine someone asking for a picture. is it can I take editing sent me back. Zoe, I cannot wait for that moment

when people start asking you for pictures. Right. No one's asked me for pictures. No, it will. Sorry, it's going to happen. No, this is everyone's warning and it's a very stern warning. If you see me, I just want a nice chat and honestly, you're lucky I even want that.

I don't want any sort of photography. But what is if you do become really famous, you're going to have to say yes. Zoe, I still can't wait for this moment. It's going to be the best together. What? I used a towel to wipe my bum at Friends House as there was no luro left.

It was a brown towel so no one would have even known. Wait, as in poo bum? Yep. So then you've been in after. No, they're washing your hands in one minute. No, you would act. It would go on your hands. And the smell.

No. I'm actually going to be sick everywhere. That is quite simple, disgusting. On that note, I'm making the decision, executive decision, to move on to what's been on people's plate this week. Yes, I'm intrigued. What's been on everyone's plate? Give me some physicals. Food.

New McDonald's, McChryspy, a winner. I'm still waiting to try this. Apparently it's meant to be really good. But why is it so good? Why is it any different to a KFC chicken burger? Or why is it any different from a McChiccan sandwich? Because it's like a... Like battered rather than bread.

chicken and it's in a sourdough bun. Right, okay. But apparently you have to ask for extra mayonnaise and put sweet chili sauce but I think I'd go for curry. Sweet curry. Sweet curry. My sauce at McDonald's is sweet and sour by the way.

Is it? A bit weird, isn't it? Yeah, I'm a sweet curry girl. What are you, Jay? I don't eat that much with balance. Usually the barbecue sauce. Cause he fucking doesn't. God's sake.

I almost never said that because I know that's fun. Too much into fitness and health. Whatever. He said he would. We came in this morning and he was eating a big pinnini and now he's been tucking in some turdux caramel wafers. He's not perfect.

I know, I just don't even bowl, was that? To be fair, I think McDonald's have up their game as well, a bit like Asda. They've up their game recently. Their marketing is elite. More options. More options, yeah. There's just something about they're doing a lot,

they've always done a lot for charity there, haven't they? If you go on their Instagram, they've got some great people. But then have you watched, I can't tell you what it's called because I can't remember. But have you watched the TV show about... The guy, the founder, the film? Yeah, but it was actually the two brothers, and then he, like, stole the idea.

Yeah, it's on Netflix. It's called Founder, isn't it? Yeah, it's meant to be really good. And when I went to, oh, shit, where was it? Somewhere in America, we found the, there's some places that's still the original restaurants with the Big M. And I was like, what the hell? Where was I?

They should have just all kept it like that. Was it in Australia or America? I can't remember. Probably America. Pennsylvania, that's where it was. They should go back to that. Yeah, because it's cool, isn't it, retro. Someone said that bags of dairy milk being 1-25 and not one pound anymore.

Oh, wow, it's like Freddos, isn't it? They used to be, what, 15 pens, 10 pens? 5 p? 5 p. Yes. You're showing your age. You're showing your age? I'm sure I said that in someone's like they were never as low as five.

Well, they're not? I don't know. They're 10 p for a no, 5 p for a night. Definitely 10, they're only 10. Yeah, maybe not 5. Hmm. Prawn and cod fish cakes with a sweet chili centre. That's just, I've read that in a bad day.

Oh yeah. PTSD. I actually do really like fish cakes. Same. To be fair. I like codfish cakes. Someone said I'm obsessed with Cardiff mum's for heatables. Is that a thing?

Cardiff Mum is a girl on Instagram. Yeah, she did some of the stuff for Aldi. Is that a bit of competition, yes? No, because I'm not a mum. No, she does food. She's like a mummy blogger, but she does a lot with Audi. I've seen it before. And they do the, I can make five meals for whatever for this.

Right, okay. And yeah, she does some good stuff for families. I only came across her recently, actually. That's how I know. Someone said I cannot go over the rat versus frog thing. Every one I look at, I can peer now. I can't unsee it. See? Go on, give me that, give me your phone.

So often response, I had to take the phone from Zoe because she is just howling with laughter at all your poor expense, right. Okay, wow, we've got a lot of people's things a lot on your plate. Put her exodus on and had to turn it over a bit too early. Couldn't disagree more. Couldn't disagree anymore. I've not heard a Christmas song yet.

We put in work the other day well-loud. I say we, I would have Christmas music on from November. on but we put one on just to left the spinets and it really worked yeah it was just one song off and it was great but i would i would put the radio on now yeah okay so a couple of christmassy things we've got here so oh my god too many nights outs why do they all come up once and why can't i say no now i read a very good book once called um the magic of not giving a fuck now i'd recommend that anyone out there that really struggles to say no which ironically i am one of those people even though i've read the book but it helped me a lot i would used to pay

letting people down so I'd make up not a lie but I would make up a very ridiculously long-winded reason as to why I wouldn't go and quite frankly I should have just said I'm not coming I can't come I can't afford to go I've got too much on and you know what the weight that was lifted off my shoulders

when I just said to people just a short I'm really sorry I'm not going to make it people you get in your own head so much that you think people will care but they don't they just probably want a straight answer so I think to that answer is look at your nights out that you've got and maybe just if you are stressed about it, unless you want to go to them in fair,

but just be like, right, I'm not going to make this one, but I'm going to go to this one. And it's a great book to read, by the way, to learn how I have to say no more. Maybe I should read it again. And then just kind of tie it into that, the thought of how expensive December is going to be nights out, presents, bills the fear.

It's hell, isn't it? Coming up to Christmas. I do also think, and I was trying to be this other day with the present thing. Like, see, if you buy, like, someone like a ticket for something to say. Like, I quite like getting, like, concert tickets or whatever if there's something appropriate. And I'm always like, and then I'll just get a wee candle, and then I'll get, I'm like, the wee things don't need be involved.

They don't. I overbuy every year, because I'm not far too generous, and I buy from my stepbrothers, this, and I'm like, oh, why are we doing this for? I actually said last year to my cousins, and it was not out of, like, badness, but we don't see each other that much because they live in England. I'm like, yeah, we know enough about each other to obviously have, like, a good family relationship, but I'm like, we are just buying for each other things that nobody needs. Yeah, pointless things. And we've all got loads people to buy for it, and I just said last year, can we stop the presents? And what we did instead was everyone took either, like, a bottle to Christmas Day. I know you would usually do that anyway, but I mean like substantial, like a big bottle of gin

or a big bottle of vodka, or you bought a game to take. That's nice. Which quite good. Richard's family, his brother and his fiancé, they do this thing with their side that they do a secret santa. So they put in quite a higher figure more like 50 quid maybe. And they'd be like, right, they pick out of the seven people that are there. And they just do that. It's just a 50 quid cap.

They all buy for the little one But I think that's really good And I think I'm actually got to that age now I'm really I don't think to Christmas I can't wait to see what I get I couldn't give a shit I love giving

So I think But then the person that I'm giving to Is always more bothered About what they're giving me And I think everyone feels the same way Unless you're a little kid You don't care I know

You just want to be with the people that you love I actually just like it for Like no one needs to get me anything big I'm like get me a couple pairs On your jammies and a nice candle And I'm happy Like a personalised mug And I'm like shitting myself

of excitement. Put my cats on a mug and I'm like, wow. I know. A key ring. Richard can't be this key ring, honestly, it's the most fourth thing and I'm going to tag it. It was a Kodak film.

You know, just the... And it honestly was the cutest thing ever and you pull it out, the film reel and it was all pictures of us and you scan it and it had a Spotify code and it was My Girl song. How nice is that? It's quite romantic.

But what a cute little stockin filler is that? You can just put five little pictures. It's a key ring. How come you don't put it? with that in the chat when everyone's side, can you get it, I know. Do you know what? I forgot, I forgot it me a few days ago. What? It only gave it me a few days ago, yeah. It only gave it me a few days ago, yeah. It's not even for my birthday, he just got it even the post and I was like, that sounds like something you would propose me. Isn't it? Look, by the way, that's a great

idea, isn't it? Anyone listen, that's a guy or a girl, you want to propose, I'm going to tag that because it's probably costing maybe a fiver. Most thoughtful thing ever. And he was like, you'd never do anything thoughtful like that. I'm like, yeah, but I haven't done this year. also have that thing, Jason got me one and it's a kind of like a plastic, just like a thing you would have on like a table or something, like a wee decorated thing. And it's a vinyl? And it's like what you would have on Spotify, like the picture of the album or like, and you scan that and it plays the song. Love that. But you could even do, you could even make yourself a Spotify playlist and get your own unique code as well. So you can make a whole playlist for someone.

I think what people should do who are about worried about what they're spending on presents should go on Etsy. Yes. And just get, yeah. And it's cheap. And more thoughtful. And just get someone, one nice, wee thoughtful thing. Yep. And that's enough. Nobody wants big fancy things anymore. And hopefully by the time this podcast is out,

you know what my track record is like, but I am going to put together my small business gift card if you are interested in supporting smaller independent businesses. Or if you want to be part of it, then let me know and I can share your business. But, yeah, I tend to find that they always do really cool, unique little gifts as well each year that a bit different. I love it, so.

Yeah, it is great, isn't it? Or someone said I got engaged, he-he-he-he. Congratulations. Love that. We're like, congratulations. Commensurations. No, we aren't. Only joking.

I think that's lovely. That is lovely. Can I out retchard again? Go on. What's sake. He said hair loss. Oh, by the way. It's getting bad.

I know what you should get him for Christmas. Turkey. A fucking flight to talk to me. Oh, no, but I don't think it's really... He doesn't give a shit. He doesn't want to. He's like, I am, like, admit in defeat. This is a natural process of...

my life. And if I'm going bold, I'm going bold. But I'm like, yeah, you are. I've never really noticed it, to be fair, but it's happening. It's sad as well. It's a shame to he's here. I know. I think he could pull off bald.

You can do whatever he wants. I know. He's got like enough of a look about him to be bold. He'd look like a right hard note, though, wouldn't he? Yeah, I feel bad for him on that one, but you know what, baby, he flaunts it. He does. Actually, I'm surrounded by quite a lot of people in this problem right now, selling a house and buying another.

I cannot believe the house prices. I know. selling's good right now but then if you need to buy which chances are you do that's not good good to the car situation as well as she you could sell your car for more than what you had

but then you were to get another one you'd be pointless I just think I was actually looking on right move because I always love looking at it if anyone else loves to look at me too but you guys don't understand how lucky you are to live in in Scotland how cheap

I was looking in a house price in a Leicester Why have you done that? Just looking at I was just seeing of the interest like what you would get if I sold my flat I would literally have a shoe box So I was looking for you right now, thinking I'm leaving.

To ask you something like 400 grand for a little terraced house. I'm just feeling the entry shouldn't even be a thing. I'm just intrigued, okay? But why? If I wanted a second property one time. Not that I'd ever be able to afford that, but you never know. So I was just honestly, I was looking even in Manchester right, and for a flat in Manchester City Centre,

it's £450,000 for a flat. That's wild. No, I'm never leaving, Luddingston. gonna wrap it up here guys Zerry's looking at me like right it's time to stop but we just want to let you know that we have a very very exciting

competition coming up our Christmas countdown for the pod all for you honestly it's going to be amazing we've got some incredible prizes that you're going to be so shook

we're going to tell you a little bit more about that in the next episode but yeah get excited make sure you keep an eye out on the podcast page Instagram page and we'll let you know all the details soon

but we would love you to enter because we really hope you win. I actually might enter under a secret name. No, it's not allowed. Okay. And we're going to have a very special guest to announce the prizes. Live on cam.

We haven't secured this yet. We haven't even told that person but we're going to make it happen. It'll happen. We'll force them into it. Them, yeah. Okay, well, have a lovely rest of your week. And please share, Ray, everything you know,

and we'll see you next Tuesday. See you next Tuesday. Bye, bye. Thank you. Thank you. I. Thank you.