A Lot On Your Plate - First Date Etiquette, Scented Love Letters & Friendship Break-ups

Episode Date: March 31, 2026

Hey piggies 🐷💖 This week we’re kicking off with a proper catch-up - everything we’ve been up to from workouts to dinners and planning ahead for summer. Then we get into the big debate�� who should pay on a first date? Do you split the bill? Would you offer a round of drinks? Would you expect your taxi paid for? We share your opinions as well our takes on first date etiquette. Of course, we finish with some dilemmas including one of the strangest date stories we’ve ever heard, how to navigate drifting friendships, and if it's a good idea to text your situationship.Got a story or dilemma you’d like to share? Pop us a DM on socials or email [e-mail]!And remember you can sign up to Patreon for an extra episode every week plus bonus vlog-style content, competitions, group chat, early access to tickets and looooads more! See you there piggies 💖 patreon.com/ALotOnYourPlate Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Obviously Zoe has to intro this week's ep and she fucking whispers. Oh it's just to be a joke. Happy. Fucking in. Cup of tea to share the tea today because we are... What's on today's Epp, Zoe? Don't whisper this one. God, great.

Quick catch up, very brief catch up because we talk too much. We talk or to shit. Right? Then we're doing first day finance etiquette. We've got a lot to say about that. We have. From you guys. Not even from us this time.

No. Then we've got some juicy, juicy dilemmas. We've got a good one, I think. Yeah, we've got a good amount of juicy dilemmas is ours. And some of them, I've only read the top lines, I think, nope, stop. Don't read any further. You reminded me of that Maddie Grace Jepson there. She's funny, isn't she?

She's lulls, back in me. She's lulled. Anyway, we were just on the drive here, and Zoe was giving me a phone. I was browsing through TikTok and all the things that I've missed. Giving a wee burst of TikTok. All my friends, because she's like, oh, Jess, sharing them. one of our friends and some of the content she's been sharing. I was like, I've not seen that.

She's like, oh no, it's on TikTok. I was like, what? I know, and I forgot you weren't on and you weren't seeing it, and you weren't enjoying it. Getting to enjoy it. It's a shame that. I'll tell you my catch-up really briefly. Go for it right now.

Number one being Siena Spirals sold out and disappointed. Fuming. I love her so much. I'm really upset about that. Don't you dare slag her off like you didn't live your dean because I want these tickets. No, I won't. I wasn't, that was just, that was a slag but then also a compliment.

But you know what's really, affecting me. Well, it's not affecting me at the moment, but well in later life. She's singing my way at the moment. Have you seen that? You might have not because you're not on TikTok. So she's doing Frank Sinatra My Way cover and that's my papa's song, right? I've seen it because she's wearing a

t-shirt on stage. Unbelievable. And now everyone else is covering it and I just need that to stop until like it's a bad time in my life because I just can't watch them anymore. That would be so sad. I already watch and thinking that's a shame like he used to get up and be able to sing that really well. Now he's a real.

I did it my way. So good at it as well, his favorite singers' faction, Asha. Anyway, we went to the Lagree class that we spoke about. We did. Guys? I need everyone to know that

from that on Saturday, I went to a class Monday morning at Space in Glasgow and then I did that PT session today that my body's in bits. Yeah. Should we maybe explain what the degree is

because when we went in there, she was basically explaining, by the way, I sound so bunged up and I'm fuming that it's just hit me before. We don't know where it came from? No, I think it's hay fever because my actual nasal passage up here feels swollen.

It's actually, I'm getting pressure in my eyeballs right now. I'm really sorry, this is just going to be awful for you to hear. But anyway. There used to be, you were like a few seasons. Do you remember that season one and two? But that was because I was ill. Ew. I was full of the leg, wasn't I?

Yeah. That's actually weighing. Isn't it? Ew. Anyway, she basically said that people aren't really sure what it is. and the best way to describe it is it is essentially a reformer machine but it's got a few more

little numbers and grids on it it's reformer and slow it down times 10. Yeah. It's time and detention and there's no breaks in between the transitions of the exercises. So as you're about to go into the next exercise, she's telling you whilst you're doing, while you're literally dying

doing the other one what you're going to a side plank and she's telling you that are about to go into a lunge at the side of the bed. And it's very much like in 20 seconds going to do this and then it's like in 10 in 9. But I do think after a couple of them you do kind of get to grips with with the structure of it.

I agree. And it is really hard but what she was also saying is if you do go and you think, well that was so difficult I couldn't do that, I can't go back, then please go back because you will get used to like the format of it. Yeah, you do. Like we're absolutely going back. I know you've been a couple of times but I'm absolutely going back.

You're going to come on Saturday with me by the way. Yeah, I'm going to come on Saturday. I just wanted to remind you that you can use the code Jess and Zoe 10. for a wee dissey if you're thinking about it it's Jess, then the word and then the word sow it and then ten By the way, my classes when I think I might be our own code

to buy a block of classes I could take to you. I could benefit myself from being on here. Anywho! We also went to Errol's Pizza at the weekend with the wee girls' night out which we don't do enough

that was in the chat anyone freeing Saturday to go out for dinner a few of us could make it I reckon loads of girls are going to be the same darling here that when you hit like your 30s, almost so, I mean, it takes four good months to plan a pizza night with your friends.

It's like... But what I need to know is why, because I know that most Saturday nights I'm doing fuck all, you're doing fuck all, the other girls are mostly doing fuck all, it's like you just don't see it. Yeah. It's that you kind of just assume everyone's busy

but also I know you're not. So true. I know obviously you need to think about childcare and stuff but we're talking a girls night. Yeah, but... A dad's there. Do you know what I? So it's actually not, it's not difficult.

I've never been more free in my entire life. Like, to be fair to us, and especially myself, like, two years ago, I never really ever had a weekend free. You like, you like always bansom to me in the chat, like, I'm going to be making months for Jess. And now it's like, I don't have any plans. And I've never been happier. I keep my weekends free to do things, but I don't really do things. I just, I love to have a wholesome weekend. That's my, but going out for a day.

I like that as part of a wholesale meeting. And also it was casual. We didn't have to dress up. It's cheap. No drinks. Just drive there, driver's cell phone. It was good. Yeah, it was really good.

It was lovely. We'd recommend. And that's all I've got in my catch-up for you. So I haven't really got that much to tell you. I went to Brett on Thursday on a date night. Very nice. Reopened. I got invited in.

I love calling the head chef. He's incredible. But he's basically revamped the restaurant. It feels a little bit more like intimate dining. Nice. It's got a nice table. cloths now on it. The bar is open kitchen area as well which you could

sit at the bar, the kitchen before but it wasn't as open plan. It wasn't as intentional maybe. It feels a bit more of an experience. It's really, really nice guys. I definitely recommend the menu is very foody. If you're into seasonal plates, lots of

different meats, fishes, some vegan dishes. I don't know what anything was that you posted. It was fancy versions of things. Like the fish and chips was layered potatoes with a scallop with a Bloody vinegar powder, crispy kale. It was excellent. I mean, fair enough.

Excellent. Temporous scallops. Nice. Yeah, that sort of vibe. An ice-by date night. The glassware, I've always thought this at Brett, though, because it's really good for a wine bar. But the glassware in Brett is to die for. I'm so obsessed when I get served a glass of wine and it's just perfect.

I was actually more fascinated by that than I was the food, to be honest. And Colin gave me the detail, so I'm actually going to get myself because I'm obsessed. Anyway, then I went to Clucking Rogue. It's a pop-up at Loveable Rogue, East End. Very, very nice, indulgent Sunday roast. Three courses, £39 per person, start a main dessert. You have to have all three for the pop-up. Wasn't crazy about the dessert, but I loved the starter.

It was like chicken caeser chicken croquettes, sorry, chicken caeser croquettes, which was delicious. And then the roast, it had pulled, spicy chickens stuffed in the Yorkshire. Wow. And it had stuffing, chicken, what's it called, like, hispy sort of braised cabbage. Very different, very delicious. Carrots. The most very flavoursome chicken gravy. It was full of flavour.

Everything was full of flavour. Even the bloody roasties had like chicken season on it. Nice. So it was quite chicken incense. Enjoyable. But I loved it. So check out. their Instagram for pop-up dates because I don't have any idea.

I just saw it on my Instagram. I saw it was like a viral video going around. Maybe I mean once a month thing or something. What the actual fuck? And they happened to have a table. I was like buzzing. My friend actually texted me. She was back from Dubai.

She was like, I really want to go for a roast. She said she had a terrible roast down in England in Wokingham. She was down there. She said it was terrible. So I want a good once. I thought. Well, the hell we've never heard.

I know. So anyway, I took a form. And that's it really. I went to Locke Lomond, went to SeaWorld. We took Jensen there. It was nice. It was a nice casual weekend.

Chittal, it's all so much. That's all to tell you really. Yeah, no other further updates really. I think we're wholesome queens now. Yeah. Trying. Although I'm getting ready for my hot girl summer. I'm getting fucking ready.

I am, my algorithm is showing me Ibitha songs. I'm like, get me fucking out there. Get me two stepping. Doof, do, do, do. I can't wait. Bill, we're going to be hot girl in a... Hot... Girling.

It's like the universal as we're not because you can't speak. Hot girl Summering and the south of France. Can we book that? I'll assume please. Yeah, we're going there for my 30s. Yes.

Oi, oh it. I'm going to a girl's trip to Barcelona. I'm not going to Sardinia now with my mum guys. I think I told you that last season. That's not happening sadly. It was a nightmare to try and get there. I think I'm not,

I don't know if I'm going to go away with Richard this year. I think we're just going to try and save as much as we can to try and do the house up and get it into a point that we want, are happy with. I'm wanting to do some nice UK staycations. I want to go around more of Scotland. I want to go down. I want to go to the Cotswold.

I want to go down to Brighton. There's so much of the UK I want to see. And do you know what? To be fair, it cost-wise, it's probably not really that much difference, really. Maybe not. When you add it up. But you don't have to go for as long. Like it is okay to say, right, I'm going to go for one or two nights.

You probably wouldn't do that. You'd go for like minimum three, four. go for like a city break or further afield. So we're just going to, we're going to pause on that. Rain check. I mean, as long as you have you to get a girl trap, it's fine. Oh yeah. Oh, they're fine.

They're happening. They're staying. Rich is going away actually. She's going to Malaga with two of his friends. Not allowed, sorry. Yeah, bye. How dare he? How fucking dare he?

So me and my mom are looking for somewhere else to go. I was thinking Budapest. But yeah, suggestions welcome. Somewhere I'm taking Jensen with me, obviously. So just easy with a flight somewhere where I can fly from Glasgow or Edinburgh and she can fly from Birmingham. Easy, easy because Sardinia, it was not working with Jensen. I was like, no, I'm not doing that. Yeah, no, it's not enjoyable.

And the place that she'd booked was like an Airbnb, it wasn't in, like near the airport. It was like two out drive. No. We need ease. Yep. We need simple steps. And then I actually looked at going to, was I telling you this, Geneva? Was it Geneva?

Yeah. Switzerland? She was born or something. Yeah, she wanted to go to a, she's desperate to go to the Lint factory, a chocolate factory. Swiss chocolate, classic mother. And I was looking at it on Instagram or TikTok at the time, I can't remember. And it was basically saying like, I don't know I shouldn't believe everything I read, but it was like, it's not really very good for kids, it's boring.

There's not much to see after you've seen like a couple of days. So I thought, okay, well, that's me put off then. Fantastic. That's a shame. I mean, if anyone's been tells us with that's load of crap. Yeah, let me know because I don't want to just have one person's opinion, but hey-ho. Right, well, we'll get into first date finance etiquette? Yeah.

Quite an interesting topic. And should I tell you how we got onto this? Absolutely. Right. So, a male friend of mine said to me, Jess, I'd like your opinion. I've been on a few dates now with this girl. I like her. I offered her out on a first date

and I paid for the full date I also paid for a taxi home because wanted to make sure she got home safe but I think that his taxi came first so he made, he'd already paid for it because it was an Uber and he said you just go in it sort of thing

second date really nice date again and then a third date really nice but not once has she offered a round of drinks and he said to me Is that normal? What are your thoughts on that?

Yes, the first date was totally on me. I invited her out. Second date, again, I paid for it all. And third date, still nada. Thoughts. And I was like, ooh, okay. Wouldn't be me personally. Yeah, I get a.

Even on the first date. And I'm going to be totally honest with you. I would, if I'd be asked out of, on a date by a guy, I would probably expect that you would pay for my meal. I'd hope that's what the intention is, right? However, when the bill comes, now this is where I think people are different, I would still say, do you want to go halves or let me pay something? Or let me leave the tip.

If they said yes to agree to go 50-50, now that's a red flag for me. Do you know what I mean? I'm just going to be honest. I think I'm like, okay, that's strange. You just agreed to it. Not sure. Now, if we went out afterwards, I would then be like, look, you got the dinner, let me get the round of drinks. And then the next date, if you, depends what we did.

If it was something like an experience or, I don't know, mini golf, I would probably like, I'll book it, I'll pay for it. And then on the night, I definitely would be going halves with that way. But I think on the first date, if I was asked to go out, I would hope that they would pay for the meal. Correct. What's your thoughts, Zoe? Right, so if I was asked out, I'm expecting you to pay for the meal and I'm not offering at the meal. Are you not?

No. Okay. So when that bill comes, are you sitting there to put your fingers awkwardly or are you just like, go for it? I'm fucking awkward. That's part of the reason I'm not offering then because I kind of get it out my mouth. But I also do think, no, I'm expecting you to pay for the meal. You asked me out. Yeah.

But then when Sliver. if we go for drinks after the meal, I would say, you got the dinner, let me get the drinks. Would I expect him to say, no, honestly, I asked you out, yeah? Yeah. It's almost like a bit of an empty offer. It's kind of like out of common courtesy, I feel, on the first date that I would then offer to get some drinks.

Yeah. But I'm still expecting you to get it all essentially on the first date. I'm not bothered about a taxi home, no, I'm happy to get that myself. Yeah, same. I think that's a really nice thing to do. I think it's nice, though, that they make sure that you get home, though. Yeah, 100%. Like if you leave separate ways

and then you'd just be saying to him like, oh, my bus stop or my taxi or whatever is a few hundred yards away, I would probably, it would feel really lovely if they walk me to there. Correct, yeah, I think that too. But then by the second day, I would definitely be, also to note, I actually think a guy, a lot of guys, I don't know if being offended is the right word because that's quite strong. No, I think you're right though, Zerwe.

Guys do get offended by. I asked you out, why do you want to pay for the dinner? Like, I asked you out, I can get it myself. Some guys are affected full stop if a woman ever pays. Yeah. They almost like that. Yeah. But I think for the second day, I would definitely be pushy about it.

Like, I would be saying, look, no, you got the dinner last time. I don't want you to get this time. Like, can we go, I don't, I would rather pay for it than go halves. The half thing, because, like, I've not got your bank details around. And I've also not got cash. And also, we don't need to be half in it. Yeah, like, you got the. you got that. Do you know what though? It's a telltale sign if it's ever happened.

Do you know that that guy at the first date said, yeah, let's go half so you don't like me. You don't want to see me again. He's probably thought, I ain't paid for you. I don't like you. I know. And I do think people are just quite strong on it. Like, a lot of women think I don't want to pay for me. Like I don't want him to feel like I owe him anything. Like I can get my half you can get yours. But it could be a bit of a stance where it's like, you know, I want to show this guy that I am an independent woman and I can pay myself. enough. I quite like that though. I think if you have that mentality as a woman where you want to pay,

I think on the first day I'm talking, I think that's great if you're okay with that. But I do think there is some sort of old school gentlemanly way where it's sort of drilled into us that, and guys, that's kind of what happens if you ask somebody out. Male or female, if I ask the guy out, if I asked a guy out,

which doesn't happen that often that way, but if I did, I would hope that he thought that I would be paid for that because I asked you out. Yeah, I know. I do agree. I think I definitely stand with, I think it's nice for a guy to treat a girl first day or a hundredth date. Yeah.

I think to not get that experience or gesture from a guy as a bit of a red flag. Like even now I expect that at times, obviously, if Jason takes me out, I'm like, well, you plan to take me for dinner, so I'm expecting you to pay for it. Yeah. Obviously there's times I'd be like, oh, that's a bit much, like, let's go half on it, because we know each other's financial situation.

Of course. But, yeah, I definitely think the first few dates, I'm still kind of expecting them to cover the majority of it, but let me buy your drink. Yeah. Like, I want to offer to buy your drink, because you'd be nice enough to take me out for a couple dinners now, and I want you to let me because I'm more than capable,

like I've got more money. I can buy you a pint. Yeah. Yeah, I don't need to buy the steak dinner, but I can get you a pint. Uh-huh. And I just think you need to let them. But yeah, absolutely wouldn't offer for the first meal.

But it's probably more out of awkwardness than anything. It is awkward, isn't it? And honestly, if they say, can we half it, I would say, don't bother, I'll get it. And then I'll probably have straight to them again. I'm not half in it. We're not half an it. I wouldn't even half a meal with you. Yeah. You would just get it or I would just get it and then the next person does the next time. Or you would forget about it the next day.

Like, just the halving thing for me, I hate it. Yeah. I even hate that now. I know. I think it's different though if you're no. a big group of girl situation though. You can't do it. Oh no, definitely.

I can only pay for six folks dinner. No, of course not. But also everyone around that table has got different financial circumstances so they can't. I think when you're out, your pal's easiest thing to do if there's a big group of you has

just to split the bill. Yeah. And I think that's fair enough. As you said, everyone's got different finances and yeah, why should one person pay for a group of friends? You know what? That might be a good question to ask all of you girly pops

and guys listening. What's the situation? We can talk about this episode. But you know when that situation arises and you are in a group or you're on like a hendu stag do, big meals, because, you know, this happens a lot when I'm out and you're all around the table and seven out of eight of you agree to split it. But one of the, one person isn't happy with that or they didn't drink as much as somebody else. What, I would like to know what everyone's stance is on that. Like, how do you feel? Are you someone that itemizes the bill and you

would split it that way? Or would you evenly split it? Or if you didn't drink, you don't care, you're happy to just split it between everybody because I know that's quite rare. Yeah. But or you'd just be like, no, I didn't drink or would somebody else flag that around the table would be like, no, they didn't have a drink? Or they would expect you to still split it?

Because I think that could cause quite a few riffs in friendships, don't you think? I can. I think as a group we're quite good at the same way you don't have any drinks. Yeah, but we're aware of that. We also have a vegan in our group who, quite frankly, at times, eats about 1% of what we do at the meal and I think we're quite vocal about that as well. Yeah. But she wouldn't let us though. She still wants to split it.

Because you maybe go somewhere and get, like when we were in Ibiza we got a big massive fish one night that was literally like 150 euros. Yeah. And we were like, well, you're obviously not paying for that because she didn't even eat it. Yeah. So I think you need to be quite thoughtful of it as friends. If you notice someone's not drinking or a couple people aren't drinking and maybe just say, take a ten and off there to it or whatever it is.

But I would never sit and itemise it, no. I just hate money chat like that We've all agreed to come for a dinner So we've all came out And we're spending money So can we just spend it? Yeah But again

I'm coming from a place of I've never been Like I've always just spent money Whether I've had it or not Yeah And people aren't as careless as that So maybe that's why people obviously watch it more Which is so fair

And maybe got kids and Of course It's difficult one And also that night out that the having might be there first and only night out in that whole And then you need to watch your money Quarter of the year I know I guess friendship groups just know who that person is though as well

Yeah I feel like if you've got some in your group that you kind of need to be waded of or you know they're always going to do that Once it happens once you're thinking about it Do you what I mean? Yeah Right so we asked you guys Gileys your thoughts on this right So let's dissect because we have some quick fire answers

And we also have some long answers I don't know. This may be controversial, but I'm a 50-50 girl. I'm a strong independent woman. I don't need no men to pay for me. But in saying that, I do love when my boyfriend pays for things. He-he princess. That's so contradicting. Boys pay food. I'd be happy to buy around and would never expect them to pay my taxi. It's nice if he offers by always go with the intention of splitting 50-50. We are both there on even ground looking for the same thing. So why should one person shoulder the cost, in my opinion? Also, she might earn more than him, right? Do you know what's something to note here, by the way,

which would change things for a lot of guys, if you're dating a lot to find someone? Yeah. Because what you're not paying £100 every meal you go on, you probably can't. Either way, I've not even thought about that. Serial daters skinted themselves on women that they don't even like that much. And if they are serial dates.

Or do the way around, sorry. Yeah, you're probably not liking, well, you're not liking 90% because you're still continuing to date. So either they've not liked you or you have not liked them. So you wouldn't want to pay their meal. I wonder if girls actually, or guys go out for dinners with, go out for dinners with people just to get a free dinner. There will be.

Oh, absolutely. I can't tell you that I would rather be in poverty on the street and do that. I find eating on a date horrendous. Yeah. I really do. But as we've said before, we were younger then. Guys always pay.

Whoever asks for the date pays for the date. Yep. Okay, that's kind of what we're thinking. First date split. No one's entitled to anything. If there's a second, at least a discussion. That's from a guy. Right. Interesting.

I would always get myself there and home safe but would expect them to pay. I do offer, but it's really a tricky question. Sorry, but it's really a trick question. I've always taken care of myself, so what use are you to me if you can't treat me to dates that I would normally pay for myself went out on a solo date anyway. Side story, I thankfully no longer need to worry about this.

I met my man at Wonderbar after your event at Dockyard Social. We are matchmaking. And we are going strong. He surprises me with dates and I surprise him with dates, but he always insists on paying and never moans about it. personally how I think it should be. Cute. That is cute.

I think I partly agree with that. Yeah. As a single girl in her 30s, I would want them to offer, but I would only accept if I wanted to see them again. That's good point. And I'd be happy to pay the next time. Taxi paid for is dream world out there, Loll.

Look if they offer to meet somewhere equal distance. Richard's wrote in, I'm not even going to fucking read what he said. Tell us. Tell us. Great, especially when you Pomp on first date and she tells you she loves you.

Yeah, I shagged him on first day and what. When I met my now husband in 2020, the only, and also I didn't tell him I loved him. You touched him. All right, all right. No one said in. Round me up that. Maybe I did.

I just know you're dead. Probably did. When I met my... When I met my now husband in 2020, the only day he had off work, this is... Do not keep us hanging, come on. I'm sorry, this is so funny. The fact you married him. When I met my now husband in 2020, the only day he had off work was a Wednesday.

He took me out for four weeks and paid every time. I realized about a year later it was the eat out to help scheme and he was getting one meal for free every week. Do you know what? Clever. Clever. That is brilliant. I forgot about that. Wow, PTSD.

Always guy pays and I would maybe get around. Oh, God, that was funny. But I equally think after a good few days, I think it's really important. If they have paid for everything that's like big tick, big green flag, that's how I would feel. Yeah, you let me maybe buy one round of drinks

or at least offered and you declined. Yeah. which is even better. But I think when it becomes to maybe four or five, I'm making you let me pay. Because at that point I feel like I'm taking the piss out of you a bit. And I think it's just important to not...

Do you want them thinking you're taking the piss out of them? Yeah. And that's what you expect. I don't think that's a good look on you. No. And they will say that to someone. Yeah. Like, for example, what's happened?

Why we're talking about this? It's like, is that normal? Like, she's not even put her hand in her pocket once. Yeah. That's my worst nightmare. Someone thinking I'm tight. Yeah. That's my fear.

A taxi? Who is demanding their taxi is paid for? No one, FYI. It's just a... It was just a question. No, I'm not bothered about the taxi at all, actually. Imagine. That would be amazing.

Yeah. Like, get home safe. They jump in the front of the black camera. They go, here go, slip in the 20. I'd be like, wow, I'm a princess. No, I would love that as well. But you know what else I would love more if you just drove. I was about to say a shag.

And drove me home. drove me home and came in. Shagging that black cap. No, I just think there's nothing better than getting picked up and dropped off by the person. Yeah. But I know people like drinks. Yeah, but do you know what, Zoe, though? I feel like that's a little bit...

They didn't know where you live. Well, yeah, but also, I feel trapped. Like, I'm like, you're in your car. And you're having to wait for them to be like, right, are we leaving? Because you're waiting on a life. When's the first time you're seeing them? When you're literally sat next to him in the car and you're looking to your right, like, hi-ya. No, that is.

And you're sitting there like that? I've not really done this adult dating, no, really. Yeah. So that is a good point. Do you know what I think is terrible? What? Lutin someone on a train. And getting the train together.

No, I'll meet you there, thanks. No way. I'll meet you there and I'll be 10 minutes late so that I know you're sat down before me. So you can have a little spine and see if they're worth going over to the table or not? Yeah. No, because imagine you're sitting waiting, no. I'm actually getting stood up. Zoe.

No. My heart. break breaks every day thinking about that for people. Guys getting stood up, not... I know. Right, here we go. I went on a first day, we just got coffee and he paid, which was a nice gesture, obviously,

and I wasn't going to fight him over a few quid. We went for food and drinks on our second date, and I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere for a few reasons after dinner. He'd already made a drink's reservation, and there was honestly no way to escape without being so awkward. I told him I'd just have one glass, but he ordered a bottle, also a bit of a wank move,

and kept topping me up, lull. He wouldn't let me pay for a thing. I felt so guilty, knowing I had zero plans to ever see him again. So on that basis, I think Bill should be split unless you actually think it's going somewhere. I like that. I think that's a valid point I didn't really think about.

Yeah, same. Whereas I'm kind of assuming it's going somewhere. But then, do you have to have that awkward chat at the end? Like, look, this has been really lovely. As the bill sat there... I could fucking never, you don't. And it's like, but I don't think I'm going to see you again, so I'm going to pay half.

Like, how do you have that conversation? Or is that the tell tell sign? Like, we're not having a second date? I think you would see it in someone's face. Like, it's either like, no, please let me get half. Like, this has been lovely, but I want to get half. Or it's like, we split it. And you would be like, okay, right, we're not doing this again.

I think it may be quite obvious. And the old manner isn't? But I do think that makes total sense. So if someone, like, in this day and age, that wants to meet people face to face, you go on a date. But that's probably why going on a first date for dinner is quite intense. You could go and meet someone off an online dating app and just go for a walk or something like that. I know. I'd have a coffee.

Could have a coffee. Each day. Yeah. Which still feels quite. Right next. Guys, this is a, this is interesting. I feel the first few dates should be paid by the man. Not out of cheek, but out of basic economic fairness.

By the time as girls show up, we've already invested a full time shift. Shaved our way to feeling like a slippery dolphin, just in case. Tan applied like we've just flown in from the Gold Coast. Hair done, skincare to the shine. Skin to, hold on. Hair done, skin care to shine. Makeup blended to perfection.

Outfit carefully curated. Assessor is coordinated. It's no cheap. We don't get, we don't just get ready. We work. We work, bitch. Meanwhile, he's had a haircut that cost of tenor, splash his face with some aggressive charcoal face worn

thrown on the same t-shirt and jeans he's worn since 2017 and called it a day. I'd offer a few rounds of drinks and I'd get myself home defos. Once I've actually secured the man and we're past all that nonsense, I'll happily tone it down and treat him. But in these early days, it's basically a full production, just hoping you fancy me. Society's got a way of making women feel like they've to look a certain way

or else they are somehow not quite good enough and it's shit and it's expensive. I think that's a good point. It is a good point, my darling. It is actually. And that's maybe not fair on the guy that you're about to date, but it is society that's prejudiced to feel that way that we need to be done up to the nines.

And put on this false facade of who we are when actually men tend to love us the most when we have our hair in updo. We look like a bloody beast in our joggies. Yeah. And we've been twats in the living room doing a dance. Like, they love us like that. But to get to that point, you have to put on this.

Do you know what? It's funny. I was in the car the day doing my makeup, classic. And Richard, I said to Richard, I'm sick to death of doing this same routine every single day of doing my makeup. For years, I've just done this. I'm so bored of it. He went, just go make up free.

I went, Richard, I could never. I couldn't go makeup free every day for like special events or like, We're going to have for dinner. Yeah. Yeah, you can. You can. I went, no, I cannot. He went, oh, it's funny into it, really.

It's just a mask, isn't it? It's just like, you're just putting on a mask every time you go out the door. It's weird, isn't it? And I thought, yeah, fucking I am. No, I know. He goes, you're literally painting your face. No, you are, though. I thought, I am.

This is terrible to say, right, but I'm sorry, it's the truth. Say it, sorry. How many guys have then seen their girlfriend? Because at that point, you're maybe a girlfriend of someone. before they've really seen you and nothing on and thought, fuck me,

you don't like that. Because I'm telling you right now, I do not look like the same person without makeup on. It's like one night stands, isn't it? When you got your eyelashes hanging off here

and your extensions hanging out here. And it's clung to all your dry skin and whatever. Yeah. Because it must happen. From my experience recently, the guy has always paid in the first day

and even the following few, actually. I'll always offer to buy a round of drinks. I wouldn't expect my taxes to be paid for at all unless he had asked me back to his or something. Ooh. I offered to pay or half on the second date

but any guy has said no to me. I think a lot of us are an agreement of for the first few dates the guy does mainly pay. Oh, definitely the first. Yeah. But put your hand in your pocket for a round of drinks or at least offer around the drinks. And you wouldn't expect you to ask.

actually paid for. However, it would be lovely. It would be lovely. And you would also hope that they would make sure you got home safe. Even give you a message to say, are you home okay? I think the message is 100% required. Are you home safe okay? Let's go into some dilemmas. Juicy, juicy, I'm ready. I'm obsessed with your podcast. Thanks, Chika Chika. I'm re-listing to it all now, but I need some advice. Re-listening? Wow.

God, that's a shift and I have. The journey we've been on. I met a boy at work as he works on the maintenance team at one of the buildings I work at. We went on our first date after he got his friend to ask me for my number. Mate, come on.

Ask yourself for a start. He has been nothing but polite. He picked me up from my house, opened the doors, bought me flowers. But when we were out, he started talking to the pigeons. ooing at them, crouched down, started talking to them. I'm sorry, what?

We then went for lunch and he showed me all the accents he could do. He sounds like a laugh. Since our eight-hour long date, he has text me, he has Snapchatted me multiple times a day. Last week he sent me a scented two-page letter delivered to my work telling me how beautiful I am. I've been ignoring him as I'm getting quite. quite scared now, but he still isn't getting the hint at all. What do I do? That's a serial killer right there, I'm telling you that.

Guys. A scented letter. A scented two-page letter to her work. What are we in fucking legally blonde? What did it smell off? Pigeon shit. No, I think block. I think no explanation.

I think we block and delete. It's a shame he's not got the hint either. It's giving psycho. But how are we even? Like, how has this even started with someone like that? Is what I need to know? Well, he works in the same building as her. I just think if somebody asks for the number.

If someone's so bizarre like that, it's really apparent. From the minute you open your eyes to them. But obviously, he's got a weird thing going on. No, I think no explanation needed, block and delete. Great. Agree, sis. But then I'm worried because he knows where you live. Yeah, he picked her up. That's why you don't get picked up, you're right.

But I do agree by keeping someone. hanging right and you're ghosting him, I think you've just got to be upfront and honest in this day and age and just say, I'm really, I had a really lovely time with you, but I just don't see this going anywhere any further. Yeah. And put the boy out of his misery. Hopefully he gets the message. If he doesn't, and then you can be like, right, this is getting a bit strange. But I do, I'm not into the whole ghosting thing. I think you should just be upfront and honest with people, to be honest. What do you think? I actually do I agree, be actually, to be honest. Yeah, I know it's frustrating you just want to be like,

eh, go away, but just send a text hey, look. I think I would feel too bad. What, to be honest? No, to just ignore. Yeah. I think I would feel like a bit bad for them. Like, yeah, it sounds like a fucking weird rule, but

I don't know. I think you can say, look, I've been getting your messages and you're fucking sent his letter and all that, but I'm not interested. And all that. Like, all that fucking weird shit you're doing. I'm not interested, so if you would mind stop contact to me

and then if he doesn't then you can block and delete yeah like you've gave him a chance to be a normal person which I'm fearful that that won't work but at least you've gave it a chance I agree people are fucking weird keen bean no that's weird a scented letter I need to know what it smelled of

to please tell us yeah was it nice was it one million back of a band I love that scent you know By the way, that's a good smell. It's a good scent. I like all the OGs. It takes me back to being 16, but I'm happy. It reminds me because it's footh boy in a bottle.

Delicious. I'm fine with it. So this listener said, can we talk about distancing and friendships? And we said, tell us more. We are in a large friend group and we have all been friends in school. There are 12 of us in total. Since maybe our late 20s, we have naturally distanced and don't see each other as often as the usual.

Some of us are in our own smaller groups within the group. I think some of us are at different stages of our lives and some just haven't slash refused to grow up A couple of the girls are still so immature Love to cause drama on nights out, quite embarrassing Recently I've just been distancing myself from the rest of the group With the exception of the small circle of friends

Five of us that I am still close to Two of the girls from the group, the immature ones Keep moaning that we don't make an effort with them We are never out in a big group etc And I just don't reply as they're correct But I feel that that is just life We're at different stages of our life and I don't necessarily believe that it's a bad thing

to grow up without some people. I'm married and my closest best friend is recently single so it's nothing to do with one's in a relationship and one's not, as I spend a lot of time with her. My husband works away and I see her more than him sometimes. It's more we cannot be fucked with the nights out every single weekend or the dramas that come with it. Do you think it's normal to maybe outgrowsing people

without there needing to be a song and dance about it? Absolutely yes. 100%. Absolutely yes. But it's difficult if they aren't on the same page. They're obviously not understanding that you're purposely trying to distance yourself. Yeah. Like they're not reading the signs here.

They're not reading the room. Which is what's difficult because you're going to have to address it or else it's going to be a drama. Because they're about to start a drama. And you definitely don't want to address it by the way when you're a night out when you've had a few drinks. Because they all really like causing the drama. And then it's just going to end.

It's going to be chaotic. But I was in a very similar situation to this. I had a friendship group where I'm from. And there was people within the group that constantly wanted to cause drama. I just didn't align with their morals anymore. And I could just tell that I just didn't like who I became as well when we were all together. Yeah. It felt just it wasn't enjoyable anymore.

And it genuinely didn't end in a big, massive hoo-ha. It was a case of one day I just thought, I ain't into this no more. And I genuinely thought to myself I think something just switches which probably seems like it's happening to this listener you just think to yourself I don't need this in my life

what the fuck for even if you're causing more drama having you in my life than I would if I've removed you from it so I'm just going to do it and it was very honestly everything changed but did you say anything

yes of course I did so how did you approach that like how do you think she should approach that from your experience Obviously it was alcohol infused where it all sort of began So I'd remove myself from the situation before it went extreme Not knowing that everybody else in the group either would follow or be on my side I didn't actually give a shit to be honest

I still don't give a shit But over time I kind of knew that the toxicness of the group I knew everybody in that group would eventually see it And they did Of course they did Like you would have to be stupid to not see it You'd have to be Stevie Wonder. Exactly.

So I removed myself easier for me as well because I lived in a different country essentially. So I could just come to Scotland, be away and it was absolutely blissful. But yeah, I just think then the next day after everybody had calmed down, it was very much a back and forth text of we just don't ally anymore. I really wish you well. I'll always have love for this person, people. And it's just that we can just go about our ways, do different things, and hopefully we can be civil. But like you're saying, you're splitting up in different groups within the group, which is kind of what happened with me as well. And actually that does happen.

Yeah. And people within my group still speak to that group. And it's fine. I actually don't give a shit. All I know is you were not giving me any value to my life. So I needed you to move and move from mine. And I'm sure that I wasn't adding any value to yours either. We just weren't aligned anymore.

It's as simple as that. The world ain't going to end. It's still going to fucking spin. Let's move on. people have different they're into different things as they get older also like you say

people's different life paths like somebody will be having getting married having kids someone's single living the best life someone's going through a breakup someone's having financial difficulties someone's absolutely thriving financially everybody at some point in your 30s

no one is going to align all the planes aren't going to spend at the same time and it's how you deal with that as a group and how you move forward from it I feel like in this situation you might need to say something because what this girl's saying is she's just not replying to a lot of things and if that other girl's not getting the hint or that other couple of girls aren't getting the hint I feel like at some

point you might maybe need to say look I just don't want to go in a night out I feel like they always end in drama and it's just not what I want to be doing with my time anymore yeah you might have a wee like back and forth argument or disagreement it sounds like you will if they're quite into drama Well, exactly, but then you can just say this is exactly why I'm trying to distance myself. So, like, that's it. I think it's totally normal that you feel that way, by the way. So I would honestly just put the nail in the coffin ASAT before it becomes like a big drama. I also feel like people just like leave chats.

Yeah, see ya. Like just leave a chat or make a new chat and just they do just stop. I know. But would that sit and bother me probably. I feel like I would need to say my piece on like why I'm doing it because in her, mind they're the better, like she and her, close friends are the better people who don't want to have drama

and just want to enjoy life whereas these other girls are the drama-fuelled ones. So I would need to say to them, why do you want to cause drama all the time? I'm not interested. Yeah, I think it all depends on how confident you are as well as a person and how comfortable you are on yourself that you can remove yourself

because you have to remember there is people that probably have anxiety that their friends are going to be bitching about them or they wouldn't have any friends left if they do that other friends like what you're being so dramatic for you have to be so sure of what you want and I think when you do that and like I say something clicks and yet it's like I don't need

this shit in my life no more I'm out of there trust me trust me people will follow suit they will they'll follow suit and they'll be like you know what she's living a drama free gorgeous life I want to get out of this as well and you don't care what they're saying about you anymore because you just simply do not give a shot about them

why does anyone give a shit? Yeah I think just fucking see it Just say you're a bitch And I'm off Hey pod pigs Please keep me anonymous Obviously

Over Christmas I was chatting to this guy Who is from my hometown But lives in London We got on super well And he came around to mine Very spontaneously one night Bootycle vibes Wow

We then went out on a day A few days later Which again was super nice Anyway he headed back to London And we didn't really get in touch with each other until he was recently home. When he messaged me out of the blue, again, this gave off big bootical vibes,

but I thought Yolo, as my situation ship had just ended, I guess my dilemma is, do I reach out to him because we get on really well, or do I just leave it? I don't want to embarrass myself if he's not interested, but equally may need some reassurance that I'm not a big old slag. I think be a slag, why not? Actually. She obviously likes him, Zaz.

I know but that's difficult because would I reach out? No. I wouldn't. I know, same. But then I think in my head I would be thinking, right, if we see each other again. I'm going to say something. Which I'm hoping we do. I'll say something.

But then you're holding on to like when and if that happens and what if it doesn't ever happen? And then it feels like a really unanswered question for you. Yeah. Unless you just reached out and said like, hey, are you home again? because that sounds like a bit of a booty call from your end. You're not really putting much on the table, but then when it comes to it, if it is and you do meet up, you could say, look, I just want some clarity in what's happening

because I feel like we got on really well and I don't know if you feel the same. I'd die. I'll get to the end of that sentence, then I'll drop dead. She thinks that they're both very brutical vibes though. That's what I mean though, so maybe you're reaching out can just feel like casual booty call and you're just feel like casual boo-y-call, not really putting much out there.

So you're not really like making a fool of yourself. Whereas I'm going to object fully against like a big text. Totally. Especially a drunk text. Saying like hey I've been thinking I don't know where we stand. Like we get on really well. I don't think that's answer here. That absolutely cannot happen. Because if I'm being honest I feel like you know it's biblical. Well, she doesn't think it all really well.

But you, well, you're not going to phone someone up for a buty call that you don't get along with. Doesn't necessarily mean there's more. Yeah. But at the same time, there could be. So I think you need to basically arrange another booty call and use that as an opportunity to kind of put something out there. And then you'll have your answer. He'll be back soon. He'll be back.

Also, it'll be back over Christmas. I know that's ages away. but I know but this is the problem I guess with waiting on the next booty call it's going to eat you up until it comes Are you parents going to London any time? Could you go to London? You're like, why can't you just go to London and say, I'm in London by the way?

Yeah. Or you could pretend you're going to London and see what the response is like oh I think I'm going to London a couple of weeks are you around? Yeah, I think I'm going to London for work by the way in a few weeks. What are you up to? I don't know if I'll do that either. No, I don't. But then I don't know, like maybe if I was single and we got along well

and probably a good laugh. Like maybe that isn't that deep saying that? Yeah, I need to know. Like, do you talk at all apart from this? Like, do you message back and forth? I don't just literally... I don't think from the sound of that they do. Yeah.

When he messaged me out of the blue. Listen, he messages you out of the blue. So there's no reason why you can't message him. I think a message to say, are you home any time soon? Or let's like call his bluff and pretend we're going to London. Although I don't know where this girl lives. so it could be in fucking tenive,

and see what the response is and then you need to use your next booty call. Like you absolutely need to use that as the opportunity to speak about what you want to speak about because it might never come again. I do have that mindset there as well where I'm just a bit like, fuck it, just message. Like what have you got to lose?

No, I know. Like nothing good comes from just thinking about something. Like you have to do it. You have to just be like, you know what? I'm just going to fucking message him. What harm is that going to cause? He's not going to think you're a weird thing. you've literally shagged each other

and he messaged you last first twice I know so just say to him like hey when you're next home like why is that weird why do we all think that's such a hit I think that casual message is fine I agree I just don't think a message with feelings

I think that needs to be an in person conversation when it has been so casual and he might think fucking hell where's that game from yeah we're not that deep relax yeah where it's impression you can say look we get along really well like is it

are you wanting to just keep it really casual or would you ever want to don't even finish your sentence just let him pick up. And also how long ago was this? Like if it was last week like let's just hold the breaks and maybe message in a couple weeks

but if you're like really pining for him when you can't stop thinking about it and then why the hell not? Just message. Because like you say you may be what needs some reassurance and maybe he's also thinking the same thing. You just don't know these things do you?

You always presume that a man is not interested in you when he probably is. Yeah but can I just say something Say it If he wanted to he would This is just difficult though Because then I'm like but if you feel like a slag

Then that's kind of how he's treating you No Well it is He's but he calling her So I'm not saying he thinks that Because I don't I think you can sleep with people I think

Yeah I have no qualms about that whatsoever No judgment I think fucking good on you Your holes your hole and your holes a goal Right But I do think if that's the way you feel

then that's also because of the set up that he's clearly happy to have I just don't think he's for you I think you deserve it on this Wow we've taken it's in I do because we both say oh well we're not in this position

because we had a guy who just made us know how he felt that's what she deserves I know but she met him over Christmas when he was home he's moved to London they've had a bit of a fun time He's gone home.

Why not ask me to come visit you in London? I know, but Zoe, these things do sometimes take a bit of time. We don't have time in this life. We could die in the water. True. It is a conflict in situation. I do agree. I'm like dissecting the message as I'm sitting here reading it.

But she did say, he messaged me out of the blue, again, this gave off big, booty cool vibes. But I thought Yolo. Okay, so maybe it was a really late text. This is what I mean. I don't think he's, I don't think he's, Do I reach out to him because we get on really well or do I just leave it? Oh, girl.

Guys, what do you all think? I still stick by, find to reach out, basically arrange another, let's call it the booty call. But there's a lot of intention. And then tell him you love him and then you're... Exactly that. You're in my position, hurry. I think still do that and then in that, use that as a bit of an opportunity for a conversation. and then it's been face to face

there's no mixed signals you're not really sure how someone feels and then off that let us know what happens really keen to know right because I do think that women especially I would find it really hard to have a casual shagging situation ship and not catch feelings

eventually I don't know like I would love to know are there any girl who's listen to this that just genuinely just shag someone right get at their hole and they're happy to just move away. But I always think that there's somebody in that situation

that has more feelings than the other and then it becomes a bit weird and then you have to separate yourself. I don't know how anyone can have a cashful shagging relationship. Yeah, because that's why it doesn't end in the relationship. I think if I was, if I like someone enough to sleep with them, I'd have to really like them where it was where it was consistent should I say. Yeah. And you're telling me that I'm not going to eventually catch feelings for this person. Are you crazy? I know it's because you need to like them to an extent to be sleeping with them that's the thing here but that's how we feel some people don't care that's what i'm saying i want to hear from you i want to know what's it like or has he caught

feelings or if you caught feelings are you stuck in a situation how do you move from it did you end up being a relationship because you actually eventually said i actually think i like you i know or did they freak out when you said that and then they couldn't speak to you again tell us how did your relationship start or end. Right, well let's go over to side dish and chat some more dilemmas, shall we? Yeah, I've got a few. A couple of products you want to recommend as well. I've got some nice clothing items that I want to share with you over there. Wow, what a day. But anyway, thank you so much for tuning in. We hope you are loving the episodes. If you're listening to this on Spotify, Spotify, you will see when you have your phone right in front of you, there's a little

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