A Lot On Your Plate - In-Laws, Family Politics & Expectations

Episode Date: June 23, 2026

Hey piggies 🐷💖 This week we're catching up on everything that's been going on lately, including an update on Jess' police investigation, her trip to Donegal and some recent food spots we've been loving.We also chat anniversaries, Zoe's teeth journey and a show she's been desperate to see for ages.Then we get into a big conversation about family relationships, in-laws, grandparents and the expectations and dramas that can come with family life.Got a story or dilemma you'd like to share? Pop us a DM on socials or email [e-mail]!And remember you can sign up to Patreon for extra episodes every week plus bonus vlog-style content, competitions, group chat, early access to tickets and looooads more! See you there piggies 💖 patreon.com/ALotOnYourPlate Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello-de-Duna! Happy Tuesday! Happy Tuesday. Have you all had a good week? Welcome back to a lot on your plate podcast. We have a big episode for you today. It's larger and in charge. Larger than charge, baby. We've got to what's on today's app.

Yeah, I have a little catch-up to tell you about the pie investigation about my car crash. I went to somewhere nice to eat last week and I went to Donnie Gill. it was great. And we want to talk about the World Cup. Love it. Oh, and the main topic is we're going to talk all about family politics, in-laws, efforts of grandparents, lots of things to dissecting.

You know what, I love. When we put something out there, you guys honestly deliver. Deliver, you do. We ask you deliver. And what have you got to tell us today? I've got to tell you about my overnight. that I went on at the weekend. For your six year anniversary.

Six. Six years. Yeah. I also got my teeth done. Seriously, now I've got a lisp. I finished my teeth journey and they're so sensitive still. So sensitive. That I can't really speak properly.

Right. It hurts. Okay. Okay, so just bear that in mind And I went to a show that's been on my list for a while So I'm going to tell you about that Okay, dokey So can we start with your police investigation

Because I don't know about this So I was in Donigol And I was driving and I got a phone call On the speaker You thought it's the popo? I could tell it was Because they knew they were gonna call me off a withheld number Anyway, it was the lovely guy

That I was with I could tell by his voice Sadly guys, the worst thing has happened to the point where I am the one left in the shit. You're joking? No, they couldn't, they couldn't, there was not enough evidence on the cameras that they,

the images on the cameras that they saw from the timeframe that I said, because I'd said it was a Kia, and I don't know why I kept saying a Kia, I think it may be the girl that I saw had said that, but had Kia in my head. But I did keep saying to them, I'm not sure of that model,

I don't really know my car's all that well, just know it was black car. Apparently was in the time frame at the bank, they managed to pull the CCTV from the Royal Bank of Scotland and they said that two black cars did come down at my time that I'd said but one of them they thought that's it, that's definitely it but they said at another camera angle which they managed to get hold of that they saw that car was parked up later down the street

and they just drove personally I think that car went around the corner and parked up and then drove off a bit later because they probably were also a bit like what the fuck have I just done? Why does that mean the can't investigate it though? Exactly, you tell me. I was really frustrated on the phone to be there. And then the other car was, they looked at something like half an hour either side of the time frame. And this one was before the time that I'd said.

So I said it must be between 140 and 145 because I took the picture at 146. I don't think I was stood there for any longer than five minutes in the shock. Maybe I was. I don't know. But again, they can't investigate that because the camera didn't pick up the number plate. Honestly, it sounded like they're big. I cannot be fucking bothered type of shit. And it's about disappointing us, isn't it?

It's a shame when I was quite confident that they wanted to do it. And I just said to them on the phone, I said, I know, I'm just really interested to know that if my son was hurt or I was quite hurt, if you'd be taking this bit more serious and you would go and investigate those two cars or go and look at another CCTV to go and get the number plate of that car and go and check their damage on that physical car. Apparently, you know, there's so many loopholes. They can't go and do that. Anyway, yeah, so I am now in a position where I have got nobody's insurance to claim on. And apparently some insurances either swerve the excess or they have this policy in place where it's called like unclaimed. Like the driver hasn't got insurance. So they sort of front the cost for someone like me in that position where it would be really unfortunate and you couldn't afford it, let's say.

some insurances do that but they have to have the person the person has to be caught without the insurance for them to be able to do that right because F not I could just I could just say that I can't hit me yeah okay

so yeah I am really fucking annoyed about it to be honest but so you're just going to need your fax it yeah brilliant I know it's horrible isn't it so annoying so you are you bitch

thanks Honestly, what a fucking bitch That is really frustrating though by the way But you can't just do that Well, clearly you can But you can And she got away

And what I think what's annoyed me the most Is they've actually got away with it That's what I mean I just wish I in that moment I looked at the number plate And at least remember the last three digits Or something But I just can't

And I'm also like You're in fucking shock You just get it by car I don't know why we're laughing Anyway, then I went to Donigall On my last trip with Logan Air, so beautiful. Do you know that was voted?

I don't know this until I got to the airport, but the most, the best scenic landing in the whole of Europe, and I can definitely see why it was beautiful. Wow, really? Yeah, it was really, really nice. Europe? In Europe, yeah.

And it's a tiny airport, and they only fly to two destinations, one being Glasgow and the other being Dublin. That is it. One Air Lingus flight and one Logan Air Flight. It's an easy job that. So even when I was there speaking to some, like waiters, waitresses and all that.

They had asked us, oh, did you, did you fly to Derry then and drive over? Or did you fly to Belfast and drive? It says neither. I drove into Donogne. They couldn't believe it. They were like, wait, what? There's a flight from Glasgow. I think a lot of them probably know that they could fly to Dublin if they want.

But I guess it might be really expensive for people. So they'd just drive across the border if they go and do like a long flight. But a lot of people would fly to Dublin, get connecting flights to, because they got really good connecting flights in Dublin. Did you know that? Yeah. You've got an American embassy within the airport. I've done that before. Yeah, me too.

So easy when you get to the side of America. You literally walk out like domestic flights. So yeah, beautiful, beautiful county. It's huge. I had a car, thank God, because I wanted to explore so much, but it's very spread out. But, yeah, it really took me my surprise. I was just, I've only ever been to Dublin.

I know I've said it on this before. I didn't really love it that much. I really loved Belfast. Belfast, I know Northern Ireland, but it gave me that proper Irish feel. But this was like real original pubs from like the 1700s, where they do all the proper like,

what is it called? What's the Irish music called? I don't know. Is it trad? Anyway, it's traditional Irish music where they basically all just sit in the pub and they all just pass around like a violin, saxophone guitar,

one by one and they always do the original. And they were doing that? Yeah. I love that. But sadly, we didn't get to go to a pub where they were doing that. There was live music on, but there wasn't the traditional music that night, but we went to a pub at the last day just before we got a flight.

And they said we don't actually have singers, but people, the locals just come in and they all bring their own instrument and they pass it around. So we don't even need to hire anyone. Everyone just does it. And I guess that's roof, all they're really low. It's just so much stuff around on the ceilings, on the walls. It's amazing.

That's cute. Went to a really nice restaurant called the Old Glen Pub, which I definitely recommend if you go on the Michelin Guide, great value for money. The food just kept coming. It wouldn't end. And it was just great. Because it's the Euro, so it's expensive. It's Euros, not the Euros, it's Euros currency.

So it was £76 for a three-course meal with snacks. But when I say snacks, I mean... No bit of meal. There was about five at the start and then three at the end. It just need to stop. So great quality. like proper seasonal amazing food. And yeah, I really recommend

you go if you want to experience Robert and you know what everyone's so sound. Everybody had connections to Glasgow. Everybody had Glasgow family or were from Glasgow. So I think that's why there was the flight. They've made it. Yep. For that reason.

And then my last update was I went, just before I went to Donegal, I went to 5 March to try their new Bergenite which was excellent. I got invited in and it was very delicious. I had the smash burger. They've got a new starter on the menu. It's the hummus with like dried apricots and it is so good.

They're classic iconic potatoes. Farties, yep. Nice cocktails. So yeah, it's only on Thursdays. So check that out as well. That's a nice little foodie update for you. Oh, you burger? Yeah.

So you tell me your update, Missy Pants. Right. tell you mine so I got my teeth done on Wednesday yeah I'm going to give you a proper update on that because I need Dr Andrew to tell me the details of exactly what you had done yep exactly that they're gorgeous they are really lovely yeah at the moment okay then on Wednesday night I went to miss Saigon yeah in the theatre Glasgow and Glasgow and the Kings really good show was crying where are you Zoe's I've had a lot recently.

I think I'm like getting to that age where you cry more. You've come off the pill though, haven't you? Yeah. Maybe it's your hormones regulating. You never know. Also I came on my period that day. Oh, that way. Or maybe the day before.

It's quite good by the way. I don't have to wait long for that to happen. That's brilliant. I'm coming off the pill. You mean like your like a proper period, so you say, yeah. Yeah. Six weeks it was. That's amazing.

It was sad because I didn't actually know the story. I know the songs, obviously, sing them in the car. Didn't know the story and unexpectedly to me a wee boy popped out on stage. Like a wee like five-year-old boy. Right. And it was just so cute that I got emotional. Okay. It was a sad moment in the show as well though.

Yeah. And then the rest of it's kind of about the mother and the son. So it was just quite, like the wee boy was just a wee soul on the stage. And he just stood like so stiff. Like he didn't need to speak in anything. He was just like there. I think he was really nervous. I thought no, but it was fucking sin.

So I went to see that, which was good because I can tick that off my must-see list. Yes. And then at the weekend, Jason and I went to Gledic hotel and spa. Years and years ago, I went to Gledic before it was done up. Oh. Quite nice. But the spa is good. Oh, right.

I wasn't expecting you saying that. No, it's good, the spa. I say spa, the pool area. Yeah. Pool, there's a few different, like, saunas and. steam rooms there's a bar like in that actual

like spa area so you get like apparel strawberries dachs you know whatever you want wow that's brilliant and then there's actually an outdoor like jacuzzi and spa bit

which was shut annoyingly they're getting like a renovation or something or repair like kosher on this fucking weekend anyway that was nice nobody wants me to get in a pool and I don't particularly want it either but I'll tell you that

I'm Jason does He loves a pool He loves a pool He does a strawberry dackery He was fucking buzzing What I will say is though The restaurant was quite limited In terms of choices

Right Like there was things like fish and chips Which we both got There was a steak There was like some sort of pasta But there wasn't just like See if you're quite limited I'm like just put a tomato pasta on there

Yeah You know like just something that would suit everyone We both got fish and chips because it was so salty, I couldn't eat it. So salty? I don't add salt to anything, so I really feel when it's, like, really salty, do you know what I mean? But Jason actually thought the same, it was really salty.

But we just did a really chill day, to be honest. Drove there, we lay in the room for, like, three hours before dinner, just literally lying about it, like, on our phones, chatting, like, literally just chill. Yeah. But if you're in the house, don't do that, because we've got this to do and that to do. Yeah, no, yeah. Then the spa was actually after dinner, between 8 and 10,

which is quite nice. a couple drinks and then went back to the room, chilled and then it was one of a cup night. Of course it was. Did you say you up to watch it? No. No. Rich didn't watch it either.

I would have felt hung over the next day if I stayed up to that time. I'm not doing that. Have you seen all the videos of of people in Glasgow at like 5pm and it's like light as anything? You would just need to continue a day, I think. It's giving me the fear.

But honestly, well done Scotland. I cannot get over the videos. One of my friends is over in Boston now and she said it's just amazing. She said the flower of Scotland was a core memory for her and they sung it in the stadium. And just all the videos that I'm seeing,

honestly, I was crying my eyes out watching them, you know. I just thought to myself. What I'm happy the fans are. My heart bursts when I think about Scotland and I don't know what it is. Like, I just, you know I love this country so much but I was watching thinking like, I actually can't believe how amazing everyone is.

No, I know. It makes me emotionally even talking about it. I just love Scotland so much. And I just thought, you're actually going around the world to, like, heal people. No, I know. I'm crying.

And what's so funny is, the amount of content that I've seen from not Scottish people there, also saying, like, Boston is now Amani Glasgow. Yeah. Like, they love it. They love all the people.

Like, they love the vibes. How could you not? No, I know. And I also think it's just nice that Boston, though, has accepted that behaviour. And I saw a video of them putting cones on statues And it was like, this is the highest form of flattery, just like embrace it.

It's not vandalism. And they're like, oh no, it's brilliant. And I don't know, I just think it's really lovely that they are, you know, you're so grateful that you got into the World Cup and you're just embracing it. And I do think Flower of Scotland is the absolute best national anthem though. I also just love the content that comes with it. Yeah. Like Louis Capaldi and the Didis football ad.

That was brilliant. Susan Boyles in an advert. Like just all of that is so good. A bagpipe. Oh, they pull up my heartstrings. I know. I love them. I can't believe.

I can't believe it. You are so lucky to be Scottish. I feel it. Guys, Jensen's got a Scottish accent. Thank God. I said, do you want some toast? And he went, toast. Oh, wait, talk.

Honestly, I kept saying, say it again, say it again. You know, I keep trying to get him to say Zerwe and he won't do it. And I said, Rich, he's just said toast. Even Rich doesn't say toast. But at nursery, they have toast every single. So it will be, oh, honestly, I just loved it so much. Toast. He said Winnie this morning.

Yeah. Because every morning it's cat. The first thing he does is pointing it goes, cat. And then I shouted, oh, Winnie saying he went, we. It'll just pick up every word now. I have a little sod. And he's obsessed. You know how last week or two weeks ago I said that he's not that bothered about reading a full book?

He'll read books. He loves reading books. But they have to be just not many words on the page or maybe a little bit interactive. because I've read to him basically, me or Rich has read to him nearly every day since he was born. And it's definitely paying off now. And he goes over and gets, what's the book? The Tiger that Came to Tea.

And it's my least favorite book to probably read, but he freaking loves it. And he will sit through every single page. And this morning we went down to the living room and I said, come on, he goes and gets me a book. He walks over to his bookcase. And he tries to get up on the sofa. and I pop him next to me.

And as I was reading to him today, it was the first time where he kept looking up at me, like laughing after I said certain words. So we're like... It's kind of understanding what's happening, though. Yeah, and I go in there's a big, stripy tiger, and he's looking at me like, oh, what, this is so cute.

But it's that book. He loves that book. And Paddington. Yeah, he likes Paddington. Well done, Scotland. Can't wait. Two more games to go. Fingers crossed.

I think they'll do. well. I feel it in my bones. And even if they don't, they've had a fricking blast. And you've healed America because that place needs healing. No, it does. It needs some love. I need some series, something. Tell you that.

And who better to send over than the Scots? Why not? I bloody love you. Right, well, we get in about our topic. Yeah. Family politics. We had a lot. I said, text over this morning and saying,

I'm really overwhelmed with the amount of men. We've got. Not that I don't appreciate it. It was just a lot. So, the subject is overbearing in-laws slash grandparents. I'm currently on Matt leave. My own parents are retired and live just down the road, so I see them very often for a cup of tea and lunch.

My parents are elderly with health issues, so I don't feel comfortable leaving my baby with them. Like, I'll maybe leave her for an hour or so for an appointment, but that's it. My husband's parents are in their 50s and still work. but they are desperate to see our baby whenever they have time off and often pop round multiple times per week take care for an overnight

or make plans for us all together sometimes this annoys me but it annoys my mother even more Oh fuck right She is so jealous of this She makes snyny comments all the time And gets upset saying we don't trust her with the baby I am due to go back to work in a few months

and childcare will be a mix of nursery and my mother-in-law My own mum is adamant That she'll be taking her one day a week too but it's just not feasible and I keep avoiding the conversation. Any ideas on how to navigate this? Oh, that's really tough, don't you think?

Yeah, that is hard. I feel sorry for your mom. I know, same. But like as a mother. I know, you just be anxious. Yeah, would that, like, would you give in to your mum if that was your mum or would you not because you're so... Depends, like how serious the health issues are that they're saying

and like if they are... visibly like unable or yeah you know what I mean oh that's a real hard one how are the how is your mum

and mother-in-law's relationship yeah because couldn't they like communicate and check up on each other yeah and like tackle it together one day well it sounds to me like her mom's really jealous of yeah

but I wonder if one of the days that your mother-in-law's got your kids if like they could maybe go for a coffee that day together or something? Yeah. Or could your mom go over for an hour? Mm-hmm.

But your mom's no going to want to go to your mother-in-laws, are they really? I know. Because then she'll feel even that it's more obvious that... Yeah. She's unable. Is there a way that you could trial it just for one day or even half a day? Because you've not even probably, by the sound of things, giving your mom that option just to prove it.

Yeah. Oh, I don't know. listen you want the best for your baby don't you in like the safety of your baby and if you're anxious about it then I'll probably like say put yourself through that but I know um equally for your mom like that must be really hard so you could you could try it for a couple of hours or like you say suppose you do do an hour here and there but she's probably more than able and all you remember just about what eat yeah as a hard one to navigate you know best at the end of the day. But I would try not to be too hard on you mum because that would really hurt.

Yeah. And I always think with older people, they probably feel more able than it maybe looks to us. Yes. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And I guess like she's been a mum obviously so I think I would probably force myself to try it because my people please her and I'd feel bad. Same. And if she really was struggling she would let you know. Do you know, there is some people though that are real firm, no, like maybe it's not going to their house because they're maybe a bit of a drink or they smoke or something or they just maybe have some past issues with their parents that they don't trust. Or they maybe just don't think they'll do enough with them, just stick them in front

to telly or whatever. Yeah. But then sometimes those people take you massively by surprise. That is difficult. Let's know how you get on with that and hope. She settles into nursery okay. I'm sure she will. Takes a beer of time.

But it's great for them. Good for learning. Very, very good. I think all this depends on how you go on with your family and in-laws as I am and was a very different person before my husband. I have a very small family circle. I cut a lot of them off over the years and just have a handful that I make contact with. Whereas my husband and his family are very family-orientated.

I used to think it was weird But now I just go with it They have a really good bond Which I think is lovely And I have adjusted to that We see his family at least once a month I would say minimum And that includes parents and siblings

And it is normally a night in with food and drinks And we also go away with them one or two times a year I'm very close to my family That I still have but just in a different way For example Maybe a phone call once a month My dad and not spending as much time together in person But that is how we are

And I still think that is okay Everyone has different dynamics but I think it depends on relationships. They also all texts a lot and have group chats, etc. And check in now and then, whereas it's not really what my family are like. But I don't think it matters as long as you're on the same page. My dad would die if I phoned or text him daily or weekly.

I do think that's true. People do just have different family dynamics, I guess. Yeah. I think for me it's more, like in that situation, it sounds like they're all on the same page. So it's working. whereas you've got people who are really judgmental of the effort they receive or give their family

and that's when like the politics come in do you know what I mean? I'm really difficult to find that happy medium though don't you think yeah definitely but I think in her situation she's looking at it right she's like yeah okay my boyfriend's got a really close-knit family they see each other a lot they communicate a lot

but that wouldn't work for me and my dad and that's so fine what I'm like yeah yeah so I think that's nice you've recognised that Yeah, because a lot of people do compare. Yeah, and force it upon your dad. Because as you said, they'd be like, why the fuck you've own me? Yeah, it's too much. Me and Zoe were saying just before we recorded this episode

that we think this ep will be really good because I know that you can always compare your situation to other families, especially if you've got children and with the effort of grandparents, let's say. And you're probably in a circle of friends where all of their moms and dads make such an effort. Or maybe you don't have a mom and dad or maybe you don't have a good relationship with them.

And you're maybe compared to you. maybe comparing it all the time, but honestly, some of the messages that we've had, we've had so many. So you're all mixed bag. It's real mix. A lot of people saying that one side has really shocked them. Yeah.

In a good way and the other side that they thought had been terrible. So you're definitely not alone. Some people are like, I love the distance. It's absolutely perfect. It works for us great. Yeah. So, right. Hello, girlies.

I love, love, love the pod. Wow, a fan. Three loves. Just finished this week's ep and I felt I had, in capitals, to message about the effort from grandparents' topics. Please keep me anonymous. I've never been super close to with my mum. My dad was always my closest parent, but he died a few years ago

and my relationship with my mum definitely got worse since then. I have two gorgeous wee boys, two under two, help. And they are my absolute world. When my eldest was born, my mum had came to visit while in the hospital and then again once we were home and settled. But then I just didn't hear from her for months. Wow, right, okay. Oh.

Although we weren't close, I really thought my mum would come to visit and check in on us. She took early retirement after my dad died and so she doesn't work. I was so hurt and felt so alone trying to navigate being a first time mum, breastfeeding, my partner being away for work, etc. And it seemed like my own mum just didn't even care. My mother-in-law is an actual angel on earth, though, and would text slash phone and pop over to give me a hand whenever I needed it. So shout out to her.

Once I was in a bit of a routine that I could actually get out of the house, so I took my wee boy over to visit my mum. When we were there, she made some comments like, he's changed so much. Fucking no shit. And I just wish I could have held him a bit more when he was still so tiny. As if I had been hiding him away from her when we are literally 20 minutes down the road

and she hadn't once asked to come over or even check on how he's doing. I then heard through my siblings, who are all older than me and have their own kids, who my mum watches throughout the week. Oh, this is harsh. That she had been talking about me to them and saying I never make an effort to see him. her and that I'm keeping her out of my son's life. I explained to her that this wasn't the

case and that I'd just been getting used to having a new baby and adjusting to being a mum, but now I was able to be up and out and I'd make more of an effort. I did this for a couple of months, but then after a while, quite another low period of feeling really lonely and without much support for my family, my fiancé said he didn't think it was fair that I was always the one trying to make plans with everyone to see us, and me being the one to go over to visit my mum all the time. When I was about six months pregnant with my second baby I stopped trying as much as everything felt really one-sided and it felt like I couldn't deal with the stress of it all.

My youngest son was born in December last year. My mum had rushed over to visit once we were home from the hospital and was gushing over both boys and in front of my in-laws. I couldn't even hide my rage but tried to keep calm and enjoy the newborn bubble. My son had severe reflux and was neither of us slept for honestly about three months until he was on a metpresol. I was constantly tired and stressed

and felt so burnt out during these first few months. Then the messages from my mum started. The same shite of, you're keeping them away from me and why won't you let me see my grandsons? Oh my Lord. I was human.

She didn't even know the extent of things because again she hadn't bothered to check in since the first visit after getting home. I'd had enough and ended up phoning her and going off my nut about the lack of effort from her and that if she wanted to see them she could bring herself over to my house

to visit once in a while. Weeks went by. And no visit. text or phone call. I now only see her at big family events when we were all together. She doesn't even look at me. Oh my God. Or try to speak to me, but she, but will chase my elders about and take the baby for a hold. But only ever when someone else has been holding him, she never asks me directly. My sister has said that my mum cries to her about how unfair I've been and that I'm horrible to her and she doesn't understand. I honestly just feel like she is really

manipulative and I'm done with the entire situation. I get so upset sometimes. thinking of my dad was still here, none of this would ever happen, and he loved being a granddad, and I just know how much effort he would have put into being part of the boy's lives. The lack of effort from my mum was so hard to deal with at first, but I'm now in the mindset of whoever wants to be part of my child's life will be. My own little family will always be my number one priority and my mental health is more important than a visit from my mum.

Keep up the good work, girlies, lots of love. God, that really took a turn. That is a thing. With family, it's almost like sometimes, you force a relationship just because you've got the same bloodline. And I don't think that you need to do that. Sometimes people in your family are absolute dicks. And it is best for your own mental health, sanity, your family.

Also, bear in mind how hard that would be for your child if they were in and out of his life all the time. Yeah, it's like, I was really close to my granny for a bit and then she pulled back. it's difficult. Joma I thought with this one though as I'm like there's a misunderstanding somewhere. Yeah. Because how come she's still got such a good relationship

with your siblings and their kids but not you and your kids? But it's upset about it. Yeah. And you wish she was in your life more? Well we did until obviously like you got fed up. Do you think she's maybe a bit jealous about your mother-in-law? Yeah like there's something here that

is making her not getting touched. or as one of your siblings maybe told or something because you both want the same thing but neither of you're making it happen and this isn't directed at this listener solely by the way but what I will say is even though you're the new mum and I know you'll have a lot to deal with

I don't know that I would stop reaching out to my mum either because I had a kid Yeah. Like, I don't know that all the effort can come from them. Yeah, true. Do you know what I mean by that? Yeah, I don't know what you mean. Like, obviously when you're fucking a few weeks after having away

and you're not texting your phone book, check how they are. Yeah. But as time goes on, like, I don't know. It's hard to relate because I just know naturally I'd pick up my phone to my mum. Yeah. And you'd probably like send photos of your baby to your mum. Like, I was sending them every hour. I know.

So that's why I'm struggling with this because I just can't relate to that. but even if you've got some sort of relationship like is there a reason you weren't doing that because it doesn't sound like you were it sounds like their relationship was strained after her dad passed away yeah so maybe you she didn't feel like wanting to keep her updated but maybe that's why your mum's pulled back

maybe because maybe you're sending pictures and updates to maybe your siblings maybe all she's used to is your siblings being quite forward with her yeah she's not used to that I know it's totally your call isn't it what you want but if you've made that decision and you're happy with it then sounds like it's the right thing that you've done it feels a shame because she is obviously still interested in your kids yeah i mean it's weird that she won't even come and say hi to you and like

take your kids off of you it needs to be off someone like that seems all about at family events by like ridiculous yeah that's all about ridiculous to me i'm like come on it's your your mother's your daughter yeah but the interest in your kids is actually there. So it's more between you two, which is a bit of a shame. Maybe if you just let the dust set, it'll have maybe like six months of just

not feeling disappointed in one another, then something might rekindle it one day. Maybe you'll have a wee girl. And you'll be like, I'll watch my mum my life again. Yeah. You never know what could happen. Right, you read out as well.

See my parents once a fortnight and my in-laws three times a week since I look after her daughter so we can work. Mother-in-law goes in a huff when we're on holiday if we haven't kept in touch. They're good to us, but sometimes I just need a break from them. I feel like I can't speak up if I disagree with something my mother-in-law does because I should be grateful for her help. For example, she gives my daughter chocolate and says, don't tell anyone. Which really pisses me off is I am the strict villain mum and she's the fun grand. I feel like my husband should address her. rather than me since she's not my mum.

Yeah, he should. A hundred percent agree on that one. I kind of like that she's saying don't tell anyone. But also, that's kind of what grandparents do. I know. But it is disrespectful, though. I think she's saying she's quite a strict mum. Right.

No, she's saying I think she's being perceived to be that way to her child. Well, Granny lets me do it. Oh, sorry, as if I am the strict billing mom. Right, okay. Uh-huh. Yep. Which is unfair, because when she's trying to be, she's being, trying to say you're not having any chocolate you've, I don't know, whatever.

Well, Granny lets me. She's trying to gain granny points by allowing her to do things that mum doesn't allow her to do. Yeah, I think that's a bit twisted and shite. Yeah. But also makes mum life more difficult, though, when you're trying to say no. Absolutely, yep. You've kind of all got to be on a bit of the same wavelength. I know.

With some rules. Yeah, I think you can be like. I do like that when you went to your grandparents, she did. That was what it was all about. I know. I think it's just as long as it's not done in quite a twisted way, which maybe that seems like it is a wee bit, then it's fine because you do want to be

the fun auntie and the fun grand and stuff like that. Like, that is part of it. Yeah. But yeah, that's a bit of a shame. Also, it does kind of seem like she's just really quite involved this mother-in-law. And you know what I find difficult about these dynamics? Obviously, she's saying that her mother-in-law looks after

their daughter three times a week so that they can work. It's kind of at the point that like she's, doing you such a favour. Yeah. That you do feel you've got a wee bit of like, it's a bit cheeky to start like making comments or... No, I know, like she is doing your massive favour. Like she's a great help.

But then when you go on holiday, she doesn't hear from you, whatever, you're like, oh, give us a break. But equally, she's used to see... She has your children half the week. I know, so she'll miss her so much. Of course, yeah. I know. It just becomes maybe a wee bit overbearing, but I think that's just a case of like,

take a deep break. and always remind yourself what they're doing for you because a lot of people don't have that. Yeah. And that's the same as saying, like, be grateful for a roof over your head, right? I know, I know. I'm not saying you can't be annoyed.

It would fucking drive me up the wall as well. I've got no tolerance for any. But I just think, like, a deep breath, and it's not your mum, so just allow your partner to... Yeah, just let him deal with it, by the way. Yeah. I would be saying to him, though, tell your mom, like, we don't want our kid to have chocolate all the time.

Yeah. Or, like, things like that, because... I tell my mum, also it's really confusing the little one as well I know she's with the granny half the week

and then she's doing one thing and then she's coming home it's going to be like your mum was the big bad wolf isn't it? Yeah, definitely yeah I definitely think there needs to be a conversation there

just saying look like can we just be a bit more of a team? Yeah and especially if you feel that it's in purpose yeah like the intention is to make you out

to be like the strict mum yeah Val and just like I know you're not really like this but like he's just a way bit. I see my mum three to four times a week. I have two young kids so she helps out a lot with

them. We're really close so she's someone I can talk to without judgment if I'm having a crap day. She also helps round the house with housework and washing etc. Or will take my baby if I'm exhausted. I don't think it would work as well if he weren't as close and couldn't be honest with each other. I see my in-laws once a month so they can see the kids regularly. Most of their focus has been the fun grandpaints to my toddler. My husband, baby and I don't get much attention and they don't help around the house either so it makes me a bit annoyed and therefore once a month is fine with me but i do think if you are coming over once a month you're not going to be doing all that other stuff though you are going to come and really soak up that time with your grandkids because you know

it's not very often and i guess they want to almost it's a bit of like a it's like creating a memory because it's not that often that you're you're trying to do things that you're taught there's going to remember. And you're comparing it to what your mum does for you. So it is always going to feel that way. Yeah. I think it's definitely valid what you're thinking but I do think it is a different situation for them. I think the expectation of parents to come to the house and see the kids but also do stuff around the house as a difficult one. Yeah. It definitely depends your dynamic because a few of my friends, this is without kids. Parents would go and like, help. help them deep clean their house.

Yeah. My mum would be like, fuck off. Maybe wouldn't if you had a baby though. She would do it if I asked her. Yeah. No doubt about it. She would do whatever I needed. But I don't know if my expectation would be for that to be why she's over.

I think I would rather she dealt with the kids. Yeah. See, Richard's mum, when she comes over, she is a cleaner by trade. Yeah. So she honestly does not to stop. and I feel guilty but it's almost like she wants to do it

so I can't just leave it too. That's what I mean though I think it's very person dependent but I think She's brilliant She's really good with Jensen I think being annoyed that they don't's a difficult one

I think it's like if they do amazing you appreciate it you thank them and you'll always like be grateful for that but if they don't and they're just spending time

with your kids then I kind of feel like that's okay too that's super important I know that's what I mean that do you want them to be coming over but you're still left with the kids and they're not in the room because they're doing stuff around the house?

Yeah, I know what you mean. But I do think it depends how often they see them. So I actually think in your situation, you've maybe got a bit of resentment that you feel your mum's given 100%. 110% seeing the kids, helping you around the house, being your like free therapy basically. And then your grandparents just get to do the fun bit and fuck off.

I can get one. you would resent that a wee bit. By the way, I'm not looking forward to retiring, by the way, if this is what my future is going to hold. I'm having to do this all over again and be someone's freaking cleaner. I know. I think it is so dependent

and I do think it is quite typical for the woman's mum. Yeah, it is. If you're fortunate enough to have your mum still and be close by it. Be close enough to them that they just act more of like a do whatever you want them to do.

Just the maternal instinct in people and actually. Because their baby girls had a baby now. Yeah. Whereas like a son doesn't have... But some parents are... They're still living their life. They're like, see ya, I'm off.

I've been retired now. I'm going to go and travel. You've all flown the nest. I'm off to travel the world. Having grandkids is so special but they're not making it their whole life. Yeah, some people are waiting for grandkids. Partly I do... I get that as well though.

My mom and dad would not become full-time grandparents and they've never even had to say it in black and white. I know they wouldn't because they're very very. very social with her pals. And they've both got two young kids. They've still got young kids. I know. They would not be those parents.

They need a break. Yeah. Like I wouldn't even want to put that out there to like come and basically sort my house out. But then Jason's mom is amazing like that. It's like the opposite, isn't she? Like my mom would do it. Absolutely. Yeah.

I know she would. But I would. She would do if you had a kid. Of course she would. But I wouldn't. It's hard to say it's not in that situation. But I wouldn't expect her to stop her very social life. I think you're preempting that you.

your mum's going to be that way, but your mum's not been a grandparent yet. No, I know, but I know. So it might completely change it. She's like, oh my God. No, I think it would because you know what she's like. She fucking loves everything. Yeah. So I think she would get like right in about it.

She would. She would. But she wouldn't give up her life for it. Yeah. That's the difference. And I think the difference is as well is there's people like yourself that expect that their mom's going to be that way. Like I'm suggesting that she might.

And then they're not. They continue living their life like your mom, like you think your mom's going to. And it hurts their feelings. right on today's question about senior in-laws my situation is a bit different because both of us have lost a parent and there's an added layer of a sense of guilt and responsibility that comes with that on my side we live 10 minutes from my dad

and I try to see him at least once a week but right now my brother and his family are living with him so I feel less guilty if I miss a week but on my husband's side his mum is on her own lives about 40 minutes from us and 25 from his sister we struggle to see her weekly but try at least once a fortnight but still feel really guilty. But with that being said,

it is always us going to her. She will never come through to us unless specifically asked to. And it really kind of annoys me. I don't mind seeing her every other week but my husband obviously wishes we could see her more and feels guilty when he doesn't. But it's hard because we both work full time.

We need our weekends to do stuff even like housework. We don't have kids yet, but I'm pregnant and I know she will make more of an effort when the baby's here which I will appreciate. But I also kind of resent that. Like she couldn't just do it for us but we'll do it to see a grandchild. I've randed about this to my husband so many times

who always finds it frustrating that she won't just make a call to come through but he ultimately just lives with it but still with the guilt and sends responsibility that's on us to make an effort to go and see her. Well, some people find journeys a lot. I notice that with people.

Yeah. Like I could drive an hour to you and I wouldn't even bat an eyelid. Yeah, we both like driving though. We do both like driving. But what I will say is having a newborn or a baby, getting out of the house, it's a whole military operation. So for them, they're probably thinking,

am I going to be expected to do this when I've got a baby? It's too much. Whereas it might naturally flip when the baby has here? Well, I think it might because she's going to be thinking, you could actually just say like it's not that easy for us to do this now, so you're going to have to basically start coming to see us. And if it's more of an incentive for her to make that journey, sad, I know, but she probably will.

And maybe your relationship will change. You know what it is as well? She might just, you guys are feeling really guilty. for her because she lost her partner. Yeah. Both of your parents have lost their partner and it's actually the opposite on each side so one's got a dad, one's got a mum. And you're maybe feeling

that like overwhelming guilt that you don't see her that often but maybe she's okay. Maybe she just wants to be on her own sometimes. And maybe she's actually just aware that you to are living your life. Yeah, she doesn't want to intrude. And is actually okay not seeing you that often and doesn't want to feel like a burden to you. Yeah.

And maybe it's that she doesn't want to ask to come to you guys. because maybe she does feel then she's been a bit of a burden. Yeah, potentially. Whereas I wonder if you made it more of a kind of, not a formal invite, but like an invitation to come. She probably doesn't want somebody to pity her. I know.

I know. And maybe if you just asked her to come more, she would, rather than maybe just kind of, you've maybe just got on a routine of her assuming you're going to her. Yeah. But she's probably fine to come to you as well. I think you do get like that, though, like you quite often either, you always go to your parents or they're going to.

They always come to you. Yeah. Right. I don't have any kids, but my brother and his girlfriend have won my niece and she's the first grandchild for my mum,

so naturally my mom is obsessed. And so am I. I love my niece to bits, but my brother and his girlfriend's behaviour towards my mum annoys a life out of me. From day one, they've always just landed my niece

on my mum whenever they felt like it so they can go on last minute days and nights out and holidays, etc. Now, I totally agree with parents still having a social life, but my God, they take the Mick. My mum will drop plans with her friends to take my niece

and has occasions change plans with me which obviously doesn't bother me as much because I love to see my niece as well. However on the odd occasion my mum does say no to having her they act like it's the worst thing in the world. I told my mum previously they were treating her like a mug and she simply replies but she's my grandchild and of course I'm going to take her. She also said when I have kids she would do the same for me and I simply told her the point with me is I would never expect this of her. Also just want to add my mum still works full-time Monday Friday it can have my niece sometimes Friday night until Sunday. If you do read this out please keep it anonymous.

Yeah, I think that's a bit of a piss take Yeah, we had another message as well That's a seven day working week basically for your mum When you think about it like a kid does it's hard work And you've almost like, gotta remember that sometimes Your parents are old and this is gonna take a toll on them big time No, I know And the fact that they kick off if she can't have them, that's so tight

I think for me it's like The assumption that Because they love her so much they want it all the time. Yeah. That they don't need to go hand in hand. Like, I love Jensen,

but I wouldn't be to fucking take him for a week because you asked me to. Do you know what I mean? I don't expect you to. I know that's a different situation, but people assume yeah, because you love them or they just want to have them all the time.

But like, where's their life then? I know. The problem is, from your point of view, it's difficult because your mum hasn't got a backbone in the situation so you're kind of fighting her corner when she's not

oh no bless her she's so brilliant do you know what the thing is though love will probably override all though so she'll be thinking I can't wait to see my granddaughter I love her so much but oh my God I'm knackered by the end of it I think what the issue is here is how they're treating her maybe it's not necessarily the fact that she's doing it

seven days a week I think it's more of the fact that they're getting arsey with her if she can't do it or lumping on her at last minute and not even checking if your mum's got plans or bless your mum's counselling plans. Yeah, that's a shame. I think it's definitely if you're really stuck and something comes up.

Yeah. And you need someone. But it's interesting that you send that in because I think it throws in a different dynamic of the frustrations of how it's affecting other people in the situation. I think I would really struggle if my mom is never available because she was always looking after like my bellar's kids.

Yeah I'd be like Hello I'm I'd be like Well I'm your kid They're not even your kid mom Yeah God save

They're grandkids I'm your real kid Remember me Right let me That is strange I can find a good old juicy one Yeah we'll do one more Now we'll go over to Patreon

Yeah because we've got a few Basically we've got quite a few That have sent in some good ones But they have asked for it to be on Patreon only So Okay we'll do that We'll need to read out the juicy ones over there I'm afraid girly pot

And if you do come over to Patreon if you're not there already. You get an episode extra a week or a side dish episode. You get a monthly giveaway, which are pretty fucking good if I say so myself. You get early access to tickets. You get a monthly special. You get our three group chats. Our Patreon pig chat are booked and busy for the readers out there and are binged and busy for the...

What do you call people that watch TV a lot? Square-eyed. That's you You're a reality square ride Love reality TV So it's a good place to be If I do say so Myself

So come on and join us For more chit-chat More juice I hardly saw my in-laws Before we had kids Probably every month or so But now we have kids I see them weekly

So they can see the kids I always saw my parents At least once a week Normally twice I now see my dad Once a week and my mum comes around and helps with the kids around three days per week. So I see her a lot.

My mother-in-law is lovely, but she gets very jealous about how much my mum sees the kids. The thing is, I like hanging about with my mum a lot. She's my mum, but I don't really want to hang about with my mother-in-law on my own with the kids several days a week. I make the effort and go on holidays with them, etc, and I do like the in-laws.

I just don't want to spend loads of time with her on my own. She's not my pal, if that makes sense. what do you guys think? Should I spend more time with her on my own with the kids even though I'd rather spend it with my mum or my friends and their kids? I just feel like as a couple, like you deal with your parents

and I'll deal with mine. I always feel like the dads always just get away with this shit, you know? That's what I mean though, because it's like if you've got a great relationship with your in-laws, fine, right? Yeah. Good for you.

We love that. It's the awkward. small talk. Yeah, if you're feeling like this and your in-laws feeling left out, like it's up to their child to involve them, in my opinion. Yeah. Like, it's not really up to me to make sure my mum's seen my kids, my dad's seen my kids, your mum's seen her kids and your dad's seen her kids.

Yeah. And then it's happy family. Sometimes I'm fine. But it isn't my sole responsibility to also have that guilt laid upon me as well. Yeah. And I'm the one having to actually be there. and do all the talking with your mum when I'd rather be with mine.

Yeah. Where the fuck are you? I mean obviously he's probably working, right? But it's a bit like, come on. Surely also she probably wants to spend time with her son rather than you and all. Yeah, because then she's going to see you and your kids but never her son and then it's...

Yeah. Yeah, the guys, the dads just get a wee easy with us. They do and they love it. And they don't care about the politics. No. I would never make Richard text my mum. I mean, they do. but I would never make him be like, right, you deal with my mum

like you need to go and see her today, on your own, you need to go for lunch with my mum. Can you imagine? Yeah, I wouldn't do that either, never. Not that there's a problem with that by the way, but I would never think, even think that he would need to even do that. I don't think that he would think I need to do that with his mum either, but. No, I know.

I think it's just as women a lot of the time, you're just kind of left to basically make sure everyone's like happy enough with the dynamics. Yeah, for sure. Everyone's seen each other enough and everyone's happy and we hang about enough and I spend enough quality time

with you and you but not together because both moms need their time with it's like... I do spend a lot of time with Richard's mom when she comes up because she comes up for like a week at a time every let's say like four months or whatever

and I do notice that I am spending a lot of time with her but I do actively make the effort to leave in a way of, not where she's on her own I'd be like, right, Richard, you're back now, I'm out. Yeah. You need to have the... this quality time with your mom as well.

She's not just coming up to look after Jensen and clean our freaking house. I know she wants to do that, but I don't think she should. I think she wants to also spend time with her son. Yeah. And they have a lovely time. But I make sure that I remove myself from that situation sometimes. Yeah. And it gives myself a break, you know. Not from her, just in general.

Yeah, I get that. I just think as well, like, the conversations that I would have with my mum one to one, they're not all conversations I would have if my brother was there or if Jason was there. Yeah, they're very different. And it's not things that they don't know, but it's just maybe like...

A conversation they're part getting included in. Or they don't give a fuck about. As guys, like, maybe like, she's asking how all my pals are getting on because she grew up with, like, they all grew up at my house. Yeah. They don't care about that.

And he's that. But just that kind of thing. It's like, not everyone's designed to be together. Also, a very good point here is just because you and your partner love each other and get along. It's not like a optimist. thing that you're going to want to be with their parents.

Yeah. You're in a relationship with them, no the mom and dad. I agree. I just, I'm glad I don't feel like I've got overpowering parents or in-laws. Yeah. Because I would find that really difficult. Because a lot of people do overstimulate me eventually. I think, I'm the opposite where I think my parents would think that I'm not overpowering enough.

What in what way? I don't text back. Right. Yeah, okay. You're not giving enough. Sorry, Mom. I do love you. I just get overstimulated.

But yeah, there's a lot of messages. Would you say they check in most days? My mum, yeah. I have a group chat with my dad, stepmom and my sister. Yes, it's about more than you not. It's called Jensen, but we do speak about. Other shit, isn't it? I'll send photos a lot.

I mean, back in the day, it was every day. Sometimes, like I said, hourly. but as time goes on I'll send like a set of pictures to my mum, dad through chat and my nan maybe once or twice week do you find that your conversations are

like have you found a shift at all and their conversations being all about him versus you? With me and Richard yeah hi how is he okay great bye see you um with my no but like if you ever had moments

is your family you're like, yeah, Jensen's fine like, is anyone going to ask about me? Not at all. Not at all. You don't, you don't care or they do it. They do ask. No, my mom, my mom wants to ask about me, me, me. More than Jensen. Yeah, yeah.

Which I don't, my mom obviously asks about Jensen. She's every day, like, how is he? But if we're FaceTiming, she would just chat to him for us, they can't have a conversation. Well, exactly, yeah. But she's asking about me, updates with my life. She's very fascinated in my life.

because she doesn't get to see much about it. Yeah. My dad doesn't, it's not a big texter, but my stepmom, yeah, yeah, honestly it's a mix bag. That's good, done.

I've noticed a shift with my nan. I was my nan, I am my nan's angel, right? Yeah, she takes show all the time, don't you? It's a single day since I left Lester to move to London, which was 12 years ago.

She would text me every single day. You used to laugh about the messages. You said it was like a, like an old school MSN. MSN chat. And she's still texting me that same thing But now it's

Hi Boodles How's My Gorgeous Jensen It's not about me anymore Yeah But I know she doesn't mean it I know I'm my number one I think there's people that you don't mind that with No

She loves him so much But she loves me more But I can imagine some people Finding that Maybe treading to an extent No yeah Totally A bit like what we were saying last week

about friends though. Yeah, exactly. When you may be like a bit of self-awareness where you think, oh my God, they've not made an effort with me, but it's like, yeah, but how often have you been asking your friends how they are about their business or about their life?

Also, some people become parents and all they want to talk about is their kids, so they're not going to care that everyone's only asking about their kids. And then we've got other people who don't want to talk about their kids all the time, so they're probably like any chance, like, I can not talk about my kid today. Yeah, I'll tell you what I've been up to. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, that's true, yeah. I think it's very important to have friends that have kids. Yeah. So you can chat about that in depth. Yeah. And then it's important to have friends that obviously want to ask about that too so you can vent in a different way. But also friends that you can just chat utter shit with.

So you can actually just stop talking about kids for a minute. Yeah. This podcast honestly saved me in those early stages, I think. Because I know I spoke about Jensen, but it wasn't solely an hour podcast about that. About, like a baby? I was talking about stuff that we'd seen and it was keeping me a bit more in the loop at the time.

Do you know what I mean? Anyway, yeah, so let's go over to Patreon and just talk about a few more of these messages because we've got some good ones. And next week we'll talk all about Hindu dramas, wedding dramas. Excited about that. Oh my God, you guys have sent us some juice. Love it.

It's going to be good. So please remember to like and subscribe if you're watching on YouTube. please like and rate us on Spotify. The Spotify Awards are very soon. They are in like a couple of weeks. Thank you all so much for voting for us. We'll soon see how we did. Who knows.

But yes, thank you all so much for the love. We'll see you next Tuesday. If not, we'll see you over on Side Dish on Patreon on Friday. Yay. Yeah. Bounds of applause to us. They get it. Bye, motherfucker.

Bye, guys. Thank you.