A Lot On Your Plate - S2 Ep14: Holiday Sharts, Clenched Bum Cheeks & Divorce Parties

Episode Date: May 9, 2023

This week on ALOYP we're taking you on a trip! We talk about your funny, disaster and traumatising holiday stories as well as share our own. Strap in tight 🫠- - - - - - - - - -Follow us on IG ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@alotonyourplatepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Your HostsJess (⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@JustJessFood⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠)Zoe (⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@ZoeQuinnnn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠)Produced ByCobalt Media (@cobaltmediauk)For Business Enquiries - [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Let me take you to a place I know you want to go. It's a good life, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good life, good life, good life, good life, good life, good life, good life. Good life. That's a happy song. Hello, everybody, happy Tuesday! Thanks for joining our concert. Oh, that was so loud.

That's so kind. We did promise that we'd start it with a sing-song every episode. That's the last time. No. Hello, how are you all? Hope you well. Hope you enjoyed last week's episode.

People liked last week's? Yeah, it was kind of a more chilled one. We felt like you were in, well, even though we were listening to it back, but I felt like I was in the room with us. Do you know, it was the spit or swallow section. It was very like... That we'll have a dinner together?

That's exactly what it was like. A free course dinner? Interesting course she's. Someone in work said to me nothing like describes you more than that crisp not on the plate thing that I said in the podcast and they were like, I can just imagine crisps all over the table and I was like that's exactly what happened.

Yeah, just chaotic as ever. Anyway, what have we got today? well we've got a few things but we want to discuss why we have this selection of snacks on the table so we're going to do a two-parter that we've not done before we're going to do part one is today and it's all going to be about your travel stories a few of hours anything that's embarrassing funny travel stories and then part two next week we're going to do a little bit more of a educational yeah just like how we plan all of our trips tips and tricks essentials to pack

how we book our itineries for our holidays just all the fun stuff because I know a lot of a lot of you guys ask questions as to how and why we book these places so we thought we would share and if you guys want to share any tips with us now is your chance to do it

because we'll be recording in a week's time so you've got until today to send in all your questions pretty please so we wanted to set the mood picture of this you're on a beach. Wait, Zoe.

Get your shades on. Is that why you remember to bring them? These aren't even a good one, I'm embarrassed. Set the scene, guys. I also don't suit sunglasses because my nose is severely large. And if you're listening to this podcast right now,

with your little air pods in your ears and you're sitting on a beach, go and get a phanta limon and a packet of lays and join us. for the ride. Are they style wonky? No, they look kind of.

Right, Zoe. They get damaged on the French Alps. Zoe, set the scene for everyone, please. Are we on a balcony? No, we're not on a balcony at the moment. We're on the beach. We've got sandy toes. You can hear like...

But it's at that, like, half five. It's very quiet. It's like, it's cooling down. Okay. The sun. Golden hour is about to happen. Golden hour is coming on its way and you're hearing the and you put your right hand down. Yeah. Grab and it's your fat and a lemon. Are you ready? Whoa. Whoa. That's the fat and a lemon. But it would be in a can. But we've only got a bottle here in the UK. And then you would put your left hand down and all you can hear is Russell, Russell, Russell.

And we're improvising here because we've got salt and vinegar walkers but what we actually want to have is lace. So we're going to pretend these are lays. What's your favourite lays, everyone? Mine of a paprika actually. Yeah, mine would be as well and can I tell you a heartbreaking story. Mm-hmm. I don't eat crisps on holiday anymore. Why?

Because remember, Jason has a fear of crisps This is why you need to sack him off and come on holiday with me It's honestly a heartbreak experience Right, we're sitting back in the scene Right, okay, so we've got shades on everyone Fanta lemon, oh sorry Zoe Pass the goods It would ideally probably be an apparel

But, you know I know, but you've already had five apparel You're not a wee bit of hydration Do you know what I mean? Refreshing. gorgeous, I can feel the heat Mmm crisp

Oh my god, they're good That's what we mean to these That's actually made That's put me to a place where I think they're lays You've literally hypnotised me to think they're lays We're actually so fucking weird We are But

I also bought one more thing Because I know we spoke about these before It'd be good not to this would need to have a bottled approll to sit with these I think but we bought the Penn State baked pretzels sour cream and chives we've had a few of you guys sending pictures of these little sweet packets of crack so this is what we would be eating on the way to this sunny destination so we should have really ate them first

we're going through all the motions here yeah so yeah guys I hope you enjoyed that little 10 minute vacation do you know what else we should have got a burger king for the way back Wow. Airport, Burger King in Ibiza Airport when everyone's dying looking like vermin in the corner. That actually makes me feel depressed more than anything to be honest me. Anyway. Can I take these glasses off yet?

Because I'm feeling a bit. Yeah. Back in the room, people. We're back. We're back in Scotland. I was feeling about like all over the shop floor. How depressing. Hush. Jake and G, love you.

Right, where we're starting then, kid? Right, well. obviously we're going to talk about some funny stories so I mean I'll start with one that happened to me one time I actually don't know if it's funny or traumatising but we'll share it anyway more of a disaster you know so anyway

I'm in Ibiza with my three friends I really hope there was only three from there and it's the first night we're down that Ibiza strip I believe and we're in the first place there's loads of people we knew there from like back home and

maybe me in my worm era because if everyone doesn't know worm worm what did you think I said the worm as in the dance move

you go on the floor and you warm across the floor like so you're on your belly so I'm on my belly in this like pure sticky floor of like a wee tacky bar and all of this

which by the way I have no recollection of this is just being relayed to me many of times And I do the worm, obviously slip my hands, my face wax off the ground, and I burst my whole mouth open. No, go. Blood everywhere and see for the rest of the holiday. I had like the biggest swollen lip.

I had two teeth marks in it. I had blood dripping down me. Everyone was like running after me. And then I was walking back up from the strip after that. I had scarol down my face because I was crying obviously in the pain. And Reese Miller, who comes to this gym. He passed me on the strip and him being him looked at me and looked to my friends and looked back to me and he was like, babe, that mascara. Because the mascara was all down my face and I was like, I think the bush lips more of a fucking problem.

But I'll put a picture up because eventually I was kind of like, ooh, you've got a lip filler, not I? Yeah, a bit juicy. But that was my disaster story. And it was the first night and I'd fucked lips for the rest of the holiday. They're all bruised and everything black and blue. I think that happens a lot when people sort of like dive bombing. swimming pools and that, don't they? And that happened to Holly,

my best friend, we went to Vegas and she decided to just barely flop in the pool and hit her chin and had a big, massive scab on her chin. Bit of a cup block. Do you know what I'm so thankful for, though, to this day, that nothing happened to my teeth. My teeth did feel,

you know, if you ever bite into something, and it's... Quite sensitive. Hard or whatever, and it feels as if it's almost bruised your gum a bit, as if it's been pushed. It was like that, but I'm at... Oh my God, can you imagine? My tooth was half or something. Can you cope with that? And I actually do think as well I was definitely spiked. Right.

I'm just going to put that out there. Because I went from one each street with the other and I don't remember that and my pals were in okay states. And I'm not lightweight. No, not actually. So if anyone listened to this and they spiked me, I'm coming for you. I should not have this bag of crisps next to me

because these are so addictive. All you're going to hear on this whole episode is me munching. That's fine. Can you move them away from me then, please? Part and partial, is that the same? But they're too gorgeous to... I've not even had one yet. Another funny story I'd like to share,

which is crucial information, is so I won't name names, but one of my friends doesn't have a big toe-nail. Garlic toes! Baldie toe! And it wasn't her that wrote in that time, but she doesn't have a big toenail because it was angry when she got to take it off, right?

And so she'll get... Well, does it never grow back? no if you get your toenail actually removed it doesn't ever come back oh my god like if it's pulled out of like your nail bed or whatever right and also years later she went to something to say about her feet and they were like she'd never got it removed that you could have just fixed it and she was obviously like you fucking joke with me

anyway no tone nail on her big toast so she gets like a fake nail stuck on like to go on holidays and that can't wait to find out who this is so um we've actually had a few holiday situation this week getting lost in the sand and whatever right lost at the side of the pool and we're like, right, your stone heels no on by the we're all looking around for it. Anyway, we're at Ocean Beach

of all places and one of my other friends had big wedged heels on, right? Obviously not me, I had fucking Doc Martin sandals on. Anyway, and one of the big inflatable beach balls is kicking about so I'm trying not to say now, it's quite hard, so she goes to

kick the inflatable ball kicks the toe the nail rips off flies flies flies across the phone

and wailing at his mouth flies across like a few of the big round bed things we're scrambling around looking for the toe nail because she needs it back we're still on holiday

you know what I mean she needs it back her toe is literally splitting like spitting blood everywhere because it's just see with the force

it's ripped like a bit of skin as it's been ripped off blood everywhere she's like holding her foot like oh my god oh my gosh like an agony we're actually can't breathe because we're laughing and then we had to get one of like the helper

people I don't know like first aid or whatever over and they like humped her to first aid but because they thought her real toenail had just been ripped off they were like no no no no no we're not doing it like this isn't a procedure we can do here like you'll have to go at the hospital and all that

and she was like obviously trying to explain not it's actually fine it's just like a bit of my toes basically just cut like it's not as bad as it looks and then she had like a big you know like the big bandages round the big toe holiday and then we had that was the rest of ocean

beach she had that or I wonder who found that toenail no I think we found it oh you did we like fetched it so that we could you know fix the problem at a later date no imagine but that that was Imagine if somebody sucked herto. It came off in his mouth.

No, that was a really funny story actually. I honestly don't feel like I've got many embarrassing stories on holiday. I think I've shared the most in previous podcast, but I think a lot of embarrassing things comes down to the sort of bum area. No, I know. Like, you know, like holiday belly and that. And I did shart my, you know, I did shart. in Jamaica

I don't know what happened but all I remember is I was wearing like a leopard print bikinis It was quite disguised And luckily it happened in the hotel room But yeah I let out a little fart And I shat myself My step-sister at the time was like

What the fuck She had to put the bikini in the bath and everything and hose it down it was terrible but I mean I think that's probably happened to nine out of ten people in a million and percent but that's never a happy before holiday belly's like a diagnosis like there must be something for that as soon as I'm off that playing that heat hits me rumbly rumble and it was like one of those all inclusive resorts as well as you were eating a bit of yeah a lot of like rich food and yeah a lot of it another more recent story that I've got as um me and

Jason were in Malta and he just was like, he just kind of rolled over on the bed and wacked his head off the bedside table and it split open. What, his head or the bedside table? No, he's head Oh my God. And it was like, he was like, I was really so in that way. I was just like, fucking shut

I'm like, why are you rolling about anyway? And then I looked at it and I was like, oh, actually I split open and we were like dabbing it away like for ages but it wouldn't stop bleeding and I thought, see when it's someone's head I get a bit like, should we get this checked out? Like what if you're a concussed like, I don't know you've now got like a brain tumour or something.

And so then eventually... So I was just a bit concerned, right? Because coincidentally, he kept hitting his head around that time, like at home and all that. So I was like, you're going to have brain damage. Yeah. Anyway, we asked the guy, like, we asked the hotel if they could send up something because it was like 12 at night so we couldn't go anywhere.

And I was like, we're not going to the hospital. Like, come on. And a guy came up full first aid, like, suit on, like first aid box and all that. and he went to shave his hair off because he was going to put stitches in it and he was like I'll just shave this bit of your head off

hair off and Jason was obviously like no way like imagine him because it was like right kind of like at the top of his head so he would have shaved like a circle so he never had it done

no he just he basically stuck a plaster on his hair because this was a problem I think we we had plasters I'm laughing so much you've been through that plaster on his hair

No I know Because we had plasters I think But obviously it was right in Amongst his hair obviously So I couldn't get anything into it To like fix it Or even stop it bleeding Because there was so much hair around it

So that guy essentially put a plaster on his hair Oh my God I cannot So that was another I've had quite a lot of like Injuries I suppose Yeah Not really me

Nothing too major But you're that's some funny stories I've got. But you're actually going to... So we're going away again? When? Thursday? Yep, two days from now. So I actually have went quite a lot of places this year. You have?

And I've still got a lot lined up. But you know what? It just shows you, you really can fit a lot into one year. You're going over a long weekend, aren't you? It's Van Collier, isn't it? Yeah, but I actually come back the day before that, but that's quite good because then I've got that day to just sort my life out.

I like that, because I never give myself a day after a holiday. I always go straight back to work. Yeah. And you're going to... I'm going to Palma with my mum for three nights. Gorgeous. And people keep saying, oh, nice and chilled. I'm like, with Suzanne.

With Suzanne? It's no nice and chilled. She wants to be in tapas, bars, drinking wine, all day, all night. Love that for her? So, Dad, but I don't love it for me. I'll send you my little list. Yeah, you need to send me your list. And we will enjoy the sun a bit.

Like, we do have a pool at our hotel. So, like, we just won't spend all day lying there. Do you know what I mean? We're only there for a short time. Yeah, because it's like a city, Palmer, isn't it? So you wouldn't really want to be chilling at. No. It's all too much.

There's so much to do there. Yeah, we want to, like, see things and just enjoy the nice. Yeah, I love it. Places to eat and all that, jazz. And I'm off on my holiday in four weeks. I'm also going to New Yorker. I'm staying in Parma the first night, and then we're going, staying at Bikini Hotel,

which I think most people listen to the podcast will know because I rave about it all the time. But in Port de Solier is where I'm staying. It's my favorite place. I love it, Colway. And I would. like to go for a longer period of time but I'll do that another time you know yes it'll always be there all the time in the world yeah I love it so much cannot wait so we can give all our tips on

next week's episode so let's dive into what everybody else has been saying right straight into the funny stories or disaster stories or whatever it may be we'll start with this one then oh my god right so this is long I was away with my boyfriend in Mexico right and I woke up feeling shy so I went for breakfast and obviously went for the greasy bacon and all of a sudden I felt so bad so I'm walking back to my room and I lean against the wall because I think I'm going to faint out of nowhere I shit my pants it's like running out

my bikini and down my legs stop it so I like hobbled to my room and the fucking maid's in my room so she let me in went into the toilet took my shit of bikini off and put it in the bin in the toilet and bolted to the shower anyways after this day the towel

art stopped and the maid growled at me daily Because she had to clean the shitty bin I also missed a bit out But it's because the maid took The bikini away in the bin Yeah So she lost the shitty bikini as well Oh my God

No way See the shitty situation is a real thing On holiday I can't honestly stress it enough Disaster funny story in coming So years ago my friends and I went to Portugal And three of us decided to go on a boat trip It sounded unreal

Luxury Catamaran Glass Bottom Dingy that went into these caves with a private beach barbecue. Little did I know this was going to turn out to be the worst boat ride of my life and also just to add, I cannot swim. So we got on the boat and I noticed the water was looking quite choppy but no one seemed to bother. So I was like, it must be fine.

But on our way to the caves the water was choppy and I started to panic. But they started putting people on the dinghies. It was coming up for our turn and by this point the water was so choppy and any time they tried to get someone onto the dingy it would be going up and the catamaran would be going down. No, I'd be having a hat-tack. I was like, fuck this. I ain't going on that. Anyway, my pals ended up taking a run and jump and convince me to do the same.

Don't know what the fuck me were thinking. As I was trying to get on, the other dinghy were shouting to turn back. It was too dangerous. Well, too late, mate. I've just jumped onto this dingy. So that was me, Panic Central. And our guide decided to try and go to the caves anyway. That obviously didn't go to plan. And we couldn't even see the entrance to the caves.

By this point, I was shouting to the guy to get me off the boat and take me to the private beach. I was like, I'm not going on that boat again. He was like, it's too dangerous to go to the beach. I was like, it's too dangerous yet you're going to go in. It's too dangerous yet you're going to ask me to perform the splits to get back on this boat. And to top it off, our glass bottom dinghy started to leak and the water started coming in. I genuinely thought I was a goner. So I'm having a full-blown panic attack.

I start spewing over the side of a dingy. Meanwhile, focus starting shouting at me to get in my head, but the spue just would not end. Next thing, I know my face is getting smashed against something. My face hit off the fucking catamaran. So here's me, greeting, spewing, black eye, and trying to jump back on the boat of hell. I got to the boat just alive, and it's like a scene out of the exorcist.

Wayne's... I'm sorry. Wains are passed out, projectile vomits everywhere. Wains are... Eventually got back to the island, everyone was traumatised, and the guy's at the cheek.

As to say, did you have a great trip? Save to say, been back on a boat trip in my life. Honestly, there's so many boat stories I think people have, like, vomiting, spewing. I would say, like, a boat ending up in quite like a messy situation. I'm big waves. Maybe one up there, one of my biggest fears. Yeah.

Because I'm also not a strong swimmer. So I think I would really panic. You'd really panic, yeah. My mum and I went to Foremanteira one year, and we went on the not fast ferry. and she in front of everyone was spewing a guts up in a plastic bag next to me I was so embarrassed couldn't even rub her back I was like oh my fucking God get away from me but yeah it was that sort of sicky stuff is just the worst isn't it um another one here is my ex said he booked a trip to Italy for my birthday

and when it came around said we should cancel because I had no money but I found out he didn't actually ever book it asked where he booked the flights I said easy jet pulled up that to show me the flights and they just stopped stopped and stared at me and said okay sorry I never booked it needless to say I don't know him anymore I've heard that happen to so many people by the way what do you mean like they just don't book the holiday so like say it was your birthday and I gave you a card like oh we're going to Milan and then like it comes to it and you've never booked it and you've clearly no intention of I think that's shocking that is true actually that happened to me with my ex right I got a card one year with a baguette a baguette

A pair of Paris socks and a French flag basically saying he was taking me to Paris but now I've fucking bought it. I think people probably do it and then to think like oh we can decide a day or I'll book it either time or whatever I'll wait until like the prices come down or whatever but then it just the time doesn't come. To be fair my mum actually gave me a full

New York themed cake New York T-shirt little like savings bank and everything for my 21st birthday and she didn't book it though to be fair because she was like, I don't, when would you want to go because I'd never been to New York before. Right. And then that was the year we went with quiz. So then I was like,

let's wait until summer trying because I've been at Christmas now. And then things just happened. I think I actually remember that. I've still never been. And I'm 27 this year. Have you still got that savings account? Oh no, not a penny. I've been in that bank. But we are

going to go next year. So like that's different. That was always going to happen. It just we were always like a priority. other holidays for all that as well you know what I mean but that shite like your boyfriend

doing that to you that's a guy who doesn't expect you still to be together whenever the trip was supposed to be yeah so true definitely so true my friend had me to jump on a car

windscreen in Tenerife along the strip Veronica strip they went fleeing off they went fleeing off they went fleeing off with me hanging on stop

stop fishing the front of the car next thing I know we're back at the strip find my friend who is praying to God that I return safely to her. Then we both, for some unbeknown reason, get in this car with these creepy men who tried to steal her phone, get away from them and run along the beach. A few hours later, we are woken by bin men. My friend had pissed herself and taken a close off. If you don't laugh, you'll cry, be safe out there, kids.

Jumping on a car and they drive off with you on it. That's terrifying. I'm not here for that. It's dangerous. It's dangerous. Right, here we go I was on a girl's holiday I beat a few years ago Went to Ocean Beach for the day

And the next thing This troop of like 50 girls in black And one girl in head to toe sparkle sequence Walk in thinking it's a big hen party Turns out she found her New, very wealthy husband Had been cheating on her So she divorced him

Took him for all these money And took all her pals and family On a divorce party holiday They were honestly having the time of their life It was class I love that. I love that. What is that a thing?

Yes What, like a... Yeah. They're just like celebrating your divorce. Like a funeral for your husband. Wow. Yeah, I know quite a few people that have done that. What a great time.

Or no of people, should I say. Currently on route back from my hendoo in Manchester, one bride's maid is still there in the hospital waiting for surgery to repair a broken leg, and a girl got robbed of all of her belongings after the bride went AWOL to party with her new pals from Essex. Uh-oh. Oh, but I don't know.

Why I wrote that in third person, the bride is me. Oh my goodness, love that for you. Folk really do go wild on henders. They do. I wonder if many people have heard of any situations where, you know, like, stagdos are quite messy, aren't they? And a lot of men tend to be quite naughty on them. But I wonder if any women that have been in hendos have noticed this,

but the bride has been a bit naughty. do people actually like cheat on their stag and hendos do you think but like think it's okay zowie of course they do no it's not okay but i'm just saying like of course they do i've heard of loads of no but i mean like do people is that a lot of people's intention no i don't think so because that kind of like a thing that but look picture the scene right you're going away with all your mates and stag do they all get wrecked hendu stag do both and you're making sure that that bride and groom

gets the most pissed they've ever been in their life I think that all sorts of things happen and things get taken advantage of I just feel the last thing I would want to do. You're staying quite quiet over there Graham. No comment. Well, do you know what I find

interesting about these things, all these situations right? The last thing I would want to do if I was absolutely wrecked to shag someone. One million percent are we? But people are just different, do you know what I mean? Anyway, here we go. In April last year, I went to my first abroad holiday with my boyfriend.

It was our first night there, and we went out and had cheap happy hour huge dine cocktails along La Rambra. La Rambra. Love it there. And then went to a meat restaurant with the raw meat hanging outside from hooks, and I had a burger. We went to bed that night, and I woke up at 5am with what I can only describe as the worst

case of the runs ever. In agony, while my boyfriend was now awake with his fingers in his ears. I thought he by his fingers in her arms. With his fingers and his ears to block the noise of what was flying out me and to make it worse our hotel had a glass door for the toilet door that you could see from the bed. At around 6am and after many immodiums

I went back to bed and woke up to my boyfriend saying the bed was wet at 8am. I heard him slap his hand against the wetness and I said oh my God I must have got my period and then heard him smell his hand. I mean, this is going to burn from bad to worse. Yep, and he said, I don't think that's blood. I turned on my lamp and I'd full scale shot the bed. It was everywhere, including his leg

and in amongst his leg hair. I wonder if they're still together. Wait, let's see. We stripped the bed since we were in a high hotel room or hotel window only opened a tiniest bit and we both had to take shots gasping for air out of the wee gap. I had to leave a note to the cleaner's tray and I had food poison.

I'm sorry, I've shot the bed and we only had five euro cash in us to leave them a tip. I had the cheek as well to go out that day in a lovely floaty white dress and looking cute as ever but had to keep my bum cheeks clenched all day. I need to know if they're still together. I reckon they will be. But you know, just talking about what you said about the glass door,

how many people have been on their first holiday with their boyfriends where they're still unsure about the poo situation? Yeah. And then you get there and then it's like an open plan. And what is with these European hotels where they have like these open plans. Most of them are like that now, though. All see through, showers, never.

Know how comfortable I am. I could never do that with a man. Is have a poo with the door open or whatever. I mean, I would be doing a poo and like Jason would walk in the bathroom and it wouldn't really bother me. No, Zoe! But that's more like I can stop that if I want to. But if you're in a glass box essentially, there is no stopping it.

There's not a choice. there. And do you know what the problem is now though Zoe with me is I simply cannot poo without that towel basket. I cannot. And if Richard walks in the bathroom my feet are up on a towel basket he knows I'm doing a shite. So I can't even disguise the poo if I wanted to. You don't need to disguise that everyone poos. No I know that but it stinks. But this is a problem right? You're pretending you're not doing a poo and then what two minutes later he walks in the bathroom and you're not locked out? No he doesn't Well, that's what happened to me. Yeah.

No, no, no, no. Anyway, that's a shame we're here, and I hope you're still with them and it's over, don't it? That is a shame. Funny story. On our first girl's holiday, lying by the pool after a drunken night and I suddenly remembered my dream

that one of our friends took a piss in the corner of our bedroom. I started telling the story to be quickly told by another friend it wasn't a dream and the friend did decide to take a piss in the corner of the room. Then a couple of days after our bathroom started to stink of pee.

The friend that kindly cleaned up the P forgot what towel she'd used and we'd all been stepping on it coming out of the shower. No. Zoe, do you remember when I pissed in the corner of the room? Well, this is the thing. That's exactly what I was thinking about there.

We were in a room full of how many of us were in that room, at least six. Was it the Shankly Hotel in Liverpool? It was the Shankly Hotel and if anyone's been, you know, that the rooms are themed. So we were in a Wizard of Oz theme room if you remember correctly. Down the Yellow Creek Road.

You're lying in your bed And I was looking at the tin man. I can remember about it's so clear. And during the night, there was just some rustly rustle and some drip, drip, drip. And wasn't it, Molly? She was like, Jess, what you doing? Molly was like, what are you doing?

And I could, like, hear, like, Molly say that. And I thought, what's going on? Because ears were maybe sharing, so she knows she's getting up. And did you actually pee in the corner? Oh, yeah. I had my pyjamas down my ankles and was peeing, squatting in the corner of the hotel room. it was a wooden floor thank God

but yeah I honestly I have this I'm not as bad anymore but I've said I'll pee the bed a lot when I am not in my house and if it's somewhere where I've had drink and I'm in a strange place but that was like a room full of like

six of the double beds and obviously I had too much a drink I got confused decided to think the corner of the room was the toilet well I don't remember about that situation is like what we did about it the next day. I cleaned it up. I think I put a towel down. Put a towel down.

We were all wasted and we thought we'll deal with that tomorrow. Yeah, most likely. It sounds about right. I mean, you're not dealing with the time, do you know what I mean? Get all the lights on. Jilly's actually wrote in a couple of funny ones. Oh, yeah.

So she wrote that Andy once left her suitcase in Glasgow when their flight was in Edinburgh and didn't realize it wasn't the taxi until they were there. Can you imagine an uproar? The uproar of that from her. Do you know what bothers me the most about that, right? It's actually not the going on holiday with none of your stuff. It's the effort that packing takes to then not get use out of that packing.

I know. But also, I think all the disasters that people have, which reminded me because it happened to Julie didn't it when she went to Mick and us, but losing your suitcase is just the worst thing ever when you go away. And this is why it's key, which will mention our next week's episode, but you need to put some like key items in your hand luggage a bikini, a pair of pants, flip flops, denim shorts, the basics because

or buy yourself an air tag but even then it doesn't stop it getting lost but at least you know that it's where it is. But yeah, I think actually well Jilly had an air tag did she not so then she could see where it wasn't I actually think to an extent that done me more. Because you'd either seen that it is an airport but no one can find it or it's no anywhere near the airport

or even in the same country. Yeah. But also it's never happened to me. me night. Touch wood because of where it happens to me this week but I don't think as you said like you don't realize that you would literally have none of what you need yeah like nothing nothing because see if I've got a big case in my hand luggage I've got my passport my air pods and maybe a pair of shoes that couldn't fit my case like I've got no toiletries no pants no nothing I think toiletries is not really a big problem because you couldn't buy that and you can

use the hotel stuff but it's more clothes I think it's more like underwear and stuff yeah because even if you had like if you don't have a change of underwear and you get there late there's no shops open right see the next day you can't even put a fresh pair of pants on no hell on earth it's not ideal my worst nightmare that another one from jelly is oh this one's funny I read this one and they went away

for his pals stag so his first ibiza boys trip ohio well his first one in a couple of years anyway flight was 6 a.m. So he's up rapid, buzzing, ooh, she said. Got to the airport, probably shagging birds at Wetherspoons. Gets to his security and realizes he has my passport

and not his. Got it. I came out, PT, to 6,000 and 9 missed calls. Misty's flight and had to go Glasgow, House for his passport, Edinburgh, Amsterdam, Germany, Tybitha, all the best. Not you, you couldn't go.

Like, it's done. I'd be sitting there absolutely delighted. You've messed the holiday at that point. Maybe she actually swapped the passports. That's the bit she's missed out, psychopath. I can almost guarantee that's what happened. Million percent, Jilly. Don't fucking lie to us.

My husband and I, now both 35, went on our first holiday as a couple to, oh, what's that? Marmaris. Marmaris. Turkey, is it? Never been. When we were 20, my husband,

is fond of an end of the night kebab and thought grabbing his first authentic Turkish kebab at 3am on the way back to the hotel after a night of lots of beer was a good idea. An hour later I'm woken up by him trying to make his way to the bathroom in the dark. I then hear the sound of projectile sick hit the tile floor, followed by him hitting the deck at the foot of the bed. He's still spearing at this point, trying to stand up, slipping about in his own vomit. Imagine Bambia on ice, except it is him in his own sick. so he somehow gets to his feet and slides into the bathroom

only to crash into the toilet take the whole system off the wall there's water scoishing everywhere there's sick everywhere I'm in a state of shock and can't leave the bed otherwise I'm getting contaminated somehow he manages to get the system back where it should be but it's left standing in an inch of regurgitated kebab toilet water

I laugh about it now but at the time I was so fuming I don't know how we didn't get charged for the clean-up safe to say it's not put him off his drunken kebabs though there's really a lot of toilet chat going on a lot of toilet chat and a lot of people love each other in these relationships because that would make me ill forever oh god just like I know it's I know this is just like everyone but you know when your head is down the toilet right and you're being sick

there's no lower point that you feel in life is there there is no point where you literally feel like especially not if you're jumping between fucking mouth and arsh Yeah. On toilet seat? Nothing works when you sit there and you think, I am just disgusting. I hate my life. I need to be in the room on my own if I'm being sick.

Like, I can't stand someone being able to hear it either. Like, I just need to get it all out and deal with it. Because I'm not a silent sicker either. I'm like, whew. I'm not the worst. Like, my brother who says I never talk about him on the podcast and any time I do it's negative, so he ran again. He is the loudest.

Sicker. Sicker. Jason's actually one. bad as well but I'm like there's you're making that noise like you're choosing to go like there's no need I don't know so I actually try my best

and not and I can't but there's a natural sicky noise that everyone does but then there's like a roar that people add out of it and I just don't understand what why that like what's it's not necessary I'm quite a loud person anyway you can't shut the door like could you at least shut the door

and disguise it slightly I'd also like to know if anyone's had any funny dating stories at one that they've been on holiday and they've sort of decided to have a little flick on Tinder while they've been there. Right next. This story is too funny not to share with you, not many know it. So I was in holiday in Turkey at age 21 and met a guy who was 20. Got on so well, went out one night with a group of friends, had a few kisses and dances and

back to his apartment for an after party. He then cut his hand really badly after a picture frame had fallen off the wall and he tried to pick up the pieces. And sissied I walked into the first aid room in the complex and, asked him to take his passport and any documents down just in case for insurance purposes. Anywho, I filled in the forms, they supplied, as his right hand was covered in blood so he couldn't write. I asked him all the details, filled in, all great. However, the doctor took all the documents and his passport, and after several minutes, he came back looking puzzled.

He said, can you confirm your age, please? He replied, yes, 20. The doctor looked puzzled again. See where this is going. Now the guy I was with started to go red. The doctor then said, well, if your children, 20, why did your passport say 16? Oh my God. She said, I was mortified. No. Think about when you were 21 and think about what like a 16, you know, boy would

have been like to you at that time. Bilt her. Do you know what? Fucking good on you, son. God loves a trier. And do you know what? He was getting away with that until. that moment. I know.

We've been done dirty there. Oh, that's funny. Funny, not so funny holiday story. Me and my friend went to stay with our friend in Abu Dhabi. We're out for drinks and these guys started talking to us. One of them asked what age we were and his friend responded, dead ass. They are 30. Look at the size of their hips.

I proceeded to say we must be older because we had wide child bearing hips. No, that's as bad as the guy. That's Hababie for you. The guy grabbing the love handles and saying I love your arm's mind. Love the size of your ass. No, listen, I just need to say this right. If I'm ever feeling low or down, which isn't much, but if I want a little bit of a laugh,

I, honest to God, go on those videos that we've posted on our Instagram, and I am guaranteed, I have tears streaming every single time. Now, how many times I've watched those videos from that episode? That was a good step. So I feel like... We need to do a sex stories part two. Well, this is what I was going to say. If you would like a part two, then...

Hit us not. yeah because and I know a lot of people loved our reactions and that was simply because we didn't read them before and I haven't on this one either but I think that is what makes it as well and we I didn't know it myself

because I honestly couldn't stop laughing and I also hope that because we've done one round of it it would open people up to tell us more stories or knowing that there's really no boundaries going on here because there wasn't at all we've also while we've been sat here

we've had a few messages from people laughing about you saying ohy I feel like that last episode was just there was a few bits that I just really died at myself to be honest sorry that was one of them it was brilliant but anyway you live in the moment someone's messages there eating some peanut butter with some apple this they've got influenced influence pepper nut butter well anyway we'll wrap it up Shall we? What song we're singing? So long, farewell.

No, no, no, scholarly related. I'll be to say goodbye. Whoa, we're going to Ibiza. Whoa. We're going to Parma. Parma, yeah. In the Mediterranean Sea. Little, little, little.

Oh. Vanky boys, isn't it? Oh, we yo, oh, weo, oh, wow, I love that bit. Right, that's enough. Yeah, anyway. So, next week, part two, travel stories, anything that you want to know, send them in right now, like right this second. And whilst you're at it, give us a five-star review. You can write an Apple podcast or Spotify.

Whatever app that you use. I am your host, Jessica Teds, with my lovely co-host, Mary Quinn. Thank you for next week. See you next Tuesday. Thank you. Thank you.