A Lot On Your Plate - S2 Ep17: Picky Plates, Strip Tease & The FIFA King.

Episode Date: May 30, 2023

This week on ALOYP we eat a British delicacy…the picky plate. Zoe spills the tea on why Jason is an overnight celebrity, Jess explains why she went down to london and there’s a mortifying strip tease. We discuss this weeks topic on all the things we hate…that we probably shouldn’t! Enjoy x Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome back. Happy Tuesday. Happy Tuesday. How are all our lovely little pod piggy-waggy-wiggies? Hope you're all good and had a fabulous week and enjoyed last week's episode. Thank you for the love and the shares and the ratings. Keep it up. We love you. We've got so much exciting things coming and we're just like bursting to tell you, but we can't.

But sadly you've only got three episodes left with us Until season is over Wait, so this is episode 17 I think so Yeah No Wow It goes so quickly

Time flies and you're having fun We'll have a little break Not too long and then we're going to be back For season three Bigger and better than ever before Just you wait sisters We're coming for you We've got sisters Jammer brothers now

Oh yeah Well there can be sisters too Jesus Esther Jesus is That's what my mates or the listeners He says So what we've got to hear then We've got a lot on our plate today

Guys There's too many things touching on that plate Shut up So we need to have a little bit of a discussion As to why we've chosen this I can't even call it a spit or swallow Because I'm swallowing everything on that plate I'm not sure of that kind of

Orangey Greeny questionable paste situation. It's not a pace but whatever. So there was a meme going round and I'm sure loads of you saw it but it was like the Greeks call it meze, the Spanish call it tapas and British mums

after it reaches above 12 degrees call it picky bits in the garden and we just did this plate we set it up on our little table and gee went that just looks just like what my granny serves before a barbecue in the garden I was like well that is exactly it Graham

so we nailed it I feel like you're going to need apart from the salt and vinegar sticks and the baby bells you can name everything else on that plate right so I'm really interested to know what everybody

because everybody's mum makes a picky bit or my nan and mum actually call it a plate they're like well go around my nan goes my mom goes to my nan oh mum make me a plate so she makes the plate A plate of random bits. And it's, like, my nans version is, you know, like, rye vitas or rye crisp breads.

Yeah. And she'll pop, make loads of different ones. One will have like cottage cheese and chives and ham. Another one will have cheese and pickles. And then there'll be another one with fuck knows, tuna mayo, God knows. She just makes a complete random plate of rivitas and it's pretty amazing. Our version of a plate, we've got here, well, you said that you, you threw me off a bit. You're not going to like.

Well, I was more thinking of having this for lunch if I was working from home and I would have the rolled up ham. Right. To make it look fancy, as we said. Maybe some little blocks of cheese or a baby bell, perhaps. And then I would maybe have some scrambled egg.

That bit just not me back. But that is very different from what this plate's for. I can understand a boiled egg, halved. But the scrambled egg threw me off a bit. I think that. That was really when I was in, like, the musket of the protein, do you know what I mean, like that kind of stage. I know a boiled egg would do the same thing, but, you know, more filling.

But that was more for when we were talking about it in the chat, it was just like, what would you have rolled up ham with? And that's what I was thinking of. But if I was in the garden, there's no scramble egg. Okay, I'm glad you said that. So I was a bit, I didn't know about the meme thing, because, you know, I'm not very good on the old TikTok. So I was just going off the rolled ham.

Well, I went into our lovely trusty M&S, and this is what I've got today. So I had in front of me, You were going to put them in your mouth there. I was, but then I... I decided against it, put the crisps back. We're not allowed to munch on the mic. So we've got some baby bells, which is a bit random.

But, you know, when you are refrigerating, that's quite a good thing to put on the plate, I think. I think that works. Yeah. We've got coleslaw. We've got hummus. We've got olives. But look at these.

These are olives with pesto, new ones from M&S. It looked very fancy. I tried it. It was delicious. And also you forgot to mention it's Chipotle. Coalce. Oh, Chipotle Coleslaw. Chipotle. And then we've got some ham. This is like breaded around the edges

ham. Obviously we've got pickles, like mini pickles, what are they like little gherkins that come in the jar with the little silver skin pickled onions. Peckled cornich ones. How'd you say that? I don't know. Then we've got the little miniature balls of beetroot. We've got cocktail sausages but these are fancy ones from M&S. They're the honey and mustard sausages. Wow.

Dinky. Dinky. Doinky, donkey. And then we've got salt and vinegar chipsticks. Iconic, the M&S ones. They're the best part. They are.

I actually picked up these. These are a little bit of like a, what would you call it? Fancy. No, just like a bonus. Sweet potato falafel balls. And then it was either between pickle or pickle lily, but I picked

Piccolilly because my nan makes homemade Piccolili with the green beans and it is fucking amazing. I don't know what peccolilly is. So it's like, well this one says what the fuck is in this? I don't really know how she must make it but it's quite like a sweet, it's like a sweet vinegary yellow relish. A chutney perhaps. Yeah, but it's, she makes it with green beans. It's so good. Jard green beans. She needs to give me the recipe before she pops clogs because I'm refuming. So. But see if you ask her, I can guarantee what she'll say. What? Just fling it all in. I know. Don't measure it and don't look at it and just fling it all in.

But how come it's the same every time? That's what I need to know. Because it is. And we've got some Krispies here, crisp breads, cheddar cheese, Krispies and Riveters. I mean, we're not really going to probably eat this on the podcast right now because this is going to be noisy. And we're going to trigger you all. Got quite a potent smell.

But. Gorgeous. I have to just have one. I know you can't help yourself. You've not mentioned day things in the main. middle which are quite nice. The cheesy things. These? Yeah. I did. I just

said. Cheddar cheese crispy. All right, sorry. You're nice. You're nice. So yeah, let us know what you have on your picky plate, please. I'm really intrigued if we've missed anything. I'd like to see picture evidence. Yeah. Surely over the time in, some of we're going to get loads of picky plates. Just send them in, please. We'll compare. Rate my

plate. People might have forgot about it's by then. No, definitely. They won't. We're unforgettable as ours. So anyway, what you went up to, we need to. to speak about something on this podcast and it's about time you told the world what's been going on with our Jason Jack oh no I wasn't prepared I've not asked permission

Zoe it's in the papers and it's on shut up yes right anyway long story short he's been arrested and he's going inside kidding that he would at one day you would think that'd be more likely anyway he um was competing for I can't even get the words out of mouth

in the E championship E is the key word slash letter here is the e-championship for football is FIFA. You know the game that people sit and play for hours and hours and hours in a wee sweaty box room

in that game. So anyway he got an email through from Rangers, he's a big massive Rangers fan and it was like you can apply to compete to be like our representatives. He was like fuck it I'll apply like thinking he had absolutely no chance. Anyway long story short, won the Rangers

side of it so he got a nice plastic plaque thing that now lives in our flat in his wee room obviously a free Rangers top so he was buzzing about that so he is now the representative for Rangers FC. You're not giving him much justice

here like explain what he had to do I know you're underselling it yeah you what I feel like I'm getting to the bigger bit which was that weekend there so anyway it had to play FIFA obviously against all these different people who most of them are pros that game is yeah like full

on gamers. And this is probably the good time to say that Jason actually hadn't played FIFA for about six months. Like he's not a gamer. Like he's good at it when he plays, but he would never sit and play a game if I was in, like to watch telly, do you know what I mean? He would never choose that over it. Anyway, so he's playing all these people, gets to the final. So this was a Friday night. Had to go back on the Saturday to play in the final. So it was a big day. And where was it at? This was in. Hamden. No, last week was at the new building that Rangers have built next to their stadium

which I believe is called Edmondson's house or something like that. So anyway, on the Saturday he finally had to pick an entrance song. Because he walked out on stage everyone. He walked out, right, so... How many people were there? A thousand people were watching this.

See, you're on to selling this, so he? No, and this was before the old firm game so there was obviously a bit of a buzz going on. So anyway, he's to pick a song and walk out on to the stage. and he walks out and as he walks out smoke goes up at the side of the stage. You would have been loving it. And he raises his arms and like fist pumps, didn't he in the video?

So anyway, he then was playing in the final. It went to extra time he was losing. Then he managed to score. So then it took it to penalties. I can't cope to stress that. Anyway, and he won. So it's like on a big screen and there's two people in front of the screen? So he was at one side of the stage, the other guy was at,

they're obviously playing on their own small screens but because this was the final it was getting projected onto a big screen so yet the fans were then watching on the big screen are you laughing jeep so anyway he wins that and penalties it was like 8, 9 or so very close another guy was like a wee 16 year old blessing

Jason's probably screaming and shouting swearing and he wins so he jumps up and here's probably good time to mention the first thing does when he jumps up hugs the women to stand the next time Oh, you're human. Who, she also gave him a massage halfway through the game. Oh, fuck me. Who's a pro?

Yeah, he needs to lose some shoulders. But the sex female didn't get a massage because the guy, the person next to him was a guy. So is it only if you get the woman you get a massage? It's not an actual thing. Or does she just decide to do it? Who knows, right? Anyway, that's fine. So then the next weekend, which was just that weekend there,

he had to go and play in the actual tournament. So that tournament was to become the right. The Rangers' FC. Right. Representative. And then the next tournament was to actually, it was the E-Championship, which is the first one ever, by the way,

which I didn't realise. Oh, I didn't know. Yeah. So he competed in that and it was all pros and that was at Hamden. Brilliant. Which not as much of a professional set-up. It was just very like screens everywhere.

You bring your own Xbox, you plug it in, you play and that's you. So anyway, got to the quarterfinals of that. Brilliant. And he was the only non-pro to get. the quarter final. So will he, is that it now or? That's that tournament done but if there's another tournament he'll be going

to it. Brilliant. Well, and just be there for Rangers. Yeah, and he won't a bit of money and if you win a bit of money. And if you win big, you win what is it like? Well, the most you could win at that was £50,000 pounds. Like I don't think, you're right, I'm actually undershelning it because I would not be on board with this game and nonsense but

when there's... Now you're like, getting your little box room now, mate. Without practice. He said those thousands of pounds out of grabs and I was like that's brilliant. On your ghost then? You go, son. Not going to shell out. So anyway, that was him. Congrats to Jason for getting to the quarterfinals.

Congratulations, Jason. Maybe semi-finals next time. Richard did say, he's like, it's a pretty big deal. And they saw Richard's sister's boyfriend there. Yeah, I heard that. I saw it on his story, but I didn't connect the two. Yeah, didn't make the connection. Yeah, Richard's sister's boyfriend.

What team is he representing? I can't remember what team he was playing for. Jason actually put him out. Did he? Yeah. Oh, dear. But he was there from 9 in the morning until half six at night. That's bloody exhausting that.

That is exhausting. Were your eyes at a screen all day? Well, I'm glad. And he's met a wee pal, a wee 16-year-old boy message him on Twitter today saying, do you want to play a game the night? Oh, so while you're here, he's playing that. That's a sin, isn't it? I love that, Zaz.

Right, well. We're both in the media now, you see. What do you? Oh, yeah, sorry. You are, you're famous. I think I've really been up to much, to be honest. I binge setting sunset. I've not watched that.

You've all put me off at. Drama drama Why have I put you off it Because you're all just saying it's annoying No A few people in it are annoying But they always are It's really good

It's full of drama I recommend it Okay I well watch I need to finish that queen thing first Oh you do need to get on that That's brilliant And I went down to London, didn't I? For the day

I got invited down by the BBC in London To do some media training Podcast training And walk into the camera training. God knows why they asked me but they did, I was very... Because you're right time, Jess? I was very grateful and it was really interested, some very cool people there

across all different sort of industries. And yeah, basically my podcast training was amazing and I'm fucking coming for you bitches on this podcast. We're going to be number one by season 3, just you wait. Right, the play shirt. It's on, Zoe. That was quite a lot. Yeah, but it was really good, actually. I can't believe

I got to go there. I do know who I did see actually? Outside. Is it Denise with the blonde hair, cropped hair, she's on loose women? That's not Denise van out. No, not Denise. Maybe it's not Denise. No, as Denise. I'm for the big breakfast.

It's, it wasn't Denise Van Outen, but. Welch. Is that who it is? She got short. Cropped, bleach, fund hair. She always wears bright red lipstick. She's on the loose women panel.

Loose women building was next door. So I was walking in with my coffee to meet everyone at 9, and all the loose women were at having it. As Denise Welch. That's it. Well, didn't you? so yeah it was them well cool being in there

celebrity spotting who else would anyone know oh I was with that board of lunch if anyone I think we've spoke about him on this podcast before yeah I think we looked at each of and I was like do I know you I know who it was obviously but he was like I was like yeah it's me Jess

and he was like oh my god lovely guy he's the guy that does like all the air friar recipes and he's Irish that's it and he's got cookbooks now lovely guy we had so much fun A few TikTokers there can't tell you then I can't forget

but they were fun there was lots of people I can't remember they were quite young comedians Not that memorable then No they were

They were quite you know Out there That Genzy Yeah very But they were lovely Comedians There was somebody there That people worked already

In documentaries all different walks of life So it was really cool To be around them lot Love that very inspiring Yeah it was And it was nerve-wracking To fuck

Oh, you got through it? I had a major imposter syndrome in the first part. I think I text Zoe like, Zoe, I don't like this. I don't. You know when they go around, they're like, so, like, tell us everyone who you are and what is your why? I can't tell you how much that's my worst nightmare.

And I'm like, I don't know what my why is. My why? I don't know. Why did my mom get birth to me? I'm not sure. So yeah, and everyone was going around. They were so well educated and they're just all coming out

with all this fucking fantastic shite about their job. And I'm like, I like to post about food in travel. They would have been like, get her out. I also feel like you're not, like, obviously you're good at these things, but it's very just like in a chaotic way. Yes. So in that sort of environment, you probably felt

very like, almost like unprofessional, but it's not. It's just that. Exactly, right, Zoe. Yeah. But like, I get why you feel that way, but it doesn't come across like that. It did in my brain. My brain was going, yeah. And they said as well, describe yourself as a perfume. Like, if you were to market

yourself as a brand, what would you smell like? You didn't see flowers no end, did you? I said, what did I say? It would be chaotic. It would just smell of everything you could possibly think of. They were like, like, like that. So I don't know. I just said whatever fucking came out of my mouth.

Oh, well, you've got to be yourself. Yeah, I think I made a lasting impression, that's for sure. So was it just training or was it like a trial? Has it a job at the end of it? Well, this is the thing. I thought it was, but my mum was at the end of it, My mom was messaging me like, oh, don't worry about it. I was like, no, Mom, you don't get in the point.

I wasn't there for like an audition. I was like, I'm actually really grateful. I got asked that they picked 16 people that they had their eye on that basically they think are like up and coming creators or, I don't know. They just have this, honestly, I don't know. I was really confused myself. They can obviously imagine you in that situation. Yeah.

Or needing that sort of experience at some point. Yeah, exactly. I think it's something that this talent works do. And it's a good thing that the BBC offer. So they just offer 16 people every year free training. So it's like a crash course in the BBC training. So it's really amazing to be able to go and do that. And, you know, each section is led by industry leaders in that part.

So the guy that did the walking talking camera piece was a director for all sorts of different documentaries for the BBC for, I don't know, 30 years. So he sort of worked with me and things of me, I'm not very good at scripts. So even though I wrote my own script, I had to do a job. 20 second intro into a program and I had to walk and I did it I said imagine I'm walking down the streets of Lisbon and I did an intro like um it's so easy to get sucked into what did I say I'm trying to think now it's so easy to get sucked into tourist traps um and chain restaurants when you travel abroad but stop scrolling through endless trip advisor dated outdated reviews immerse yourself in the culture and try and eat like a local and that's all I had to say

but I had to say that over and over again by walking and being theatrical with my hands like I'm trying to be now and then I don't walk away from the camera I have to point away and swoop my hand and it's just hard especially when there's literally seven people in your group that you've never met before

watching you as well as a director from the BBC and the main guy of BBC Talent Works was sat there he fist pumped me after he said I did a good job I was like okay mate but yeah everyone listening like you can imagine how fucking shit scary that is and bear in mind I went last

so everyone before me breezed it now it's kind of saying you would gelat just go first get it over with I should have I went first with the podcast thing I actually think I shone in the podcast sign well I'd like to thank so my podcast was really fucking good right they asked me not to do this podcast

so I could have gotten all I had to do was a 20 second intro like this sit there with her sorry the woman that was taking it and she just pressed to record and you just had to 20 seconds ramble on your intro and mine keeping with the theme was the podcast was going to be called Live Like a Local and all I'd do is I would dissect a different city or country every single week

and within that week I would invite onto the podcast somebody that lived their like-minded similar sort of interests as myself or my listener age group and we get them on and they would give us all their tips on their favorite restaurants to eat where they go with their families what we should see while we're visiting and everything to try and encourage people to not go to the tourist traps and eat like a local and then we would just basically be a travel episode each one to be like Barcelona, Lisbon. You've told far too many people that idea now. Someone has going to do it.

I'm taking notes. I know. It's fucking sick, isn't it? But you need to go to the place. You need to go to Lisbon or go to the city and do it on location. We should just do it as a segment. Yes. Well, anyone listening, if you take that idea, it came from me first, okay? That could be the summer break.

You know, if it's a break between seasons as a travel podcast. Bonus X. All these ideas. But yeah, they love that idea. And I was like, I think that's a great idea. I bounced into the podcast studio. They were like, did you just make that up there? And then I was like, yep.

Right, press record and go. I think that's what was different between me and some others, though. I felt like I was, although I wasn't very, is it, illiterate, educated. Is that the right word? Yeah, both of them worked for you. I felt like I bought the sass, the pizzazz and the personality. Other people would have been too serious. They were all, by the way, they all had sass.

as well but I just felt like I was that ditsy one that was like but sometimes the people have rehearsed it all and thought it out too much it just does come across that way like a bit yeah I did I felt a bit deflated not gonna lie I sat at lunch on my own like a little loner in the first segment and just sulked for a bit and I thought right snap the fuck out of it get in there and show him who's boss and I did exactly that yeah exactly you wouldn't be there if we didn't see something in you already and it would depend which show they're looking for because every show's got a different different yeah it's a different type of person so

Exactly. Maybe you'll be on next season, a week in the sun. That's what I want, I'm making myself doing that. That's not what it's called. A place in the sun. A place in the sun, yeah. Something like that, I'd love that. My mom would like to go on that and find a holiday home.

Aw. Did they get it free? What, the home? Yeah. No. Oh, what do they get? You just, you need to go away for a week. And it's just what you see.

They show you around and then you, if you want one, you choose it, and you put a bid in. But it just doing that, you obviously give them exactly what you're looking for, and essentially they just do the hard work for you by finding you like five options. Oh. Or whatever. That's interesting. Yeah.

Okay, I've blabbed on. We said we weren't going to blab. We blabbed. I didn't ever say I wasn't going to. No, I never said I wasn't going to blab either actually. No, I said I wasn't going to. And I said I am. And you did.

And you did. I said, I can't not blab. Right, well, on to the topic, shall we? Sorry, I'll hand over to you, sorry. So we wanted to discuss, and there's a reason for this. we wanted to discuss things that make you like instantly raging and wind you up that shouldn't really that are quite irrational for making you so angry

and the reason we thought to do this was because of one of our lovely friends Haley wrote into explaining something that makes her irrationally angry and we need to try and remember that this isn't like a pet peeve if you want to listen to our pet peeves go back to season one great episode this is something that shouldn't annoy you but it does and you're like this really shouldn't piss me off but it really does.

Right. Like, see something that just gets me, like, irrationally furious, instantaneously. It's see if I'm on the phone to something, they can't hear me. Like, I just get a few men and hang up. So I'm like, how dare you? Like, I mean, it's not as if it's their fault, but I just can't. Like, my rage just goes from zero to 100. Like, if I'm trying to speak to something, it's like, it's cutting out.

I can't hear you. And I'm like, well, fuck off it. That does actually really bother me as well. really because it's like well it's your signal no it's your signal well it's like my life got full bars which mean fuck all it's more for me like on a face time because it keeps freezing and then the sounds delayed and all that that winds me up have you um seen that uh meme going around at the moment

where it says you know you send a voice note to someone but you accidentally delete it but your voice note like ha ha ha ha and then it fucking goes and then you have to pretend to be so enthusiastic the second time you're like put the same energy into it so fucking funny so yeah I can imagine that

would just trigger the fuck out of me not... Do you know something that makes me quite rationally angry and it's absolutely ridiculous when people are severely overdressed for the occasion yeah or even like if I see someone day to day

it just bothers me quite a lot we said that Zoe's been absolutely you thrive in this podcast because... But why are you dressed like that when no one else else is? Because that's how they express themselves. No, I know and that sounds terrible, but that really triggers me. Yeah. It's the same with like dressing wrong for the weather and stuff.

I'm like, it's clearly boiling hot and you've got a hat on. Right, yeah. Like, see people that overly feel the cold, but like too extreme. Two extremes. Like you can't, I just don't believe you're cold. And I don't believe you should be dressed like that for the day. And I feel like another one which is quite common

and again just me being a terrible person people who are too nice there is a too nice Yeah but those people that are too nice aren't nice Well I think that's why it probably bothers me There's no way everyone has bad thoughts Like everyone has people

Everyone gets annoyed by someone they must There can't be anyone out there who doesn't get annoyed by someone Oh yeah Who doesn't want to mourn about something or someone Yeah. I think, well, it's funny because you know selling sunset and we're talking about that, Criselle.

Yeah. She's nicely nice, isn't she? In season one, season two, but this one, she is a fiery fucker. And it's like, hmm, where's that come from then, sis? Because you weren't like that two years ago. Fake? Yes. I like her, but she's coming across fake.

Fake. What, but you, have you getting any? I was honestly trying to think about this and I did struggle. because the lot of the stuff that annoy me are just probably like a pet peeve but I think I'm probably going to get cancelled for saying this but I feel like

slow walkers and slow drivers right generic but I still don't have any sympathy for you if you're old I don't fucking speed up if you're driving behind a wheel and I see like a set 80 year old man I'm like I still don't care

speed up right and maybe understand the car thing a wee bit more because if you're driving you should still be able to drive the same way you always have or else you shouldn't be behind the wheel it's dangerous right but the walking thing I'm not sure

that's okay you're saying that it's not okay I just said that they can't walk faster I'm just like jump jump he's 93 years old and he's got a walking stick get a little scooter I ain't got time for this no I wouldn't actually that's fair I probably haven't

been triggered by old people walking because to be fair they are more so than likely in a wheelchair or a scooter if they're 93 and they walk that slow. But driving, I have never seen rage from myself ever than people that drive slow. You know when it's like 30? I'm like, why are you driving 17 miles an hour?

Surely that's illegal? Is that illegal, Graham? I don't think it's at the way. I don't know. I don't know if it's illegal, but see when you're doing your driving test and all that, I do remember that you can get minors for going too slow as well. is going too fast.

Technically it would be dangerous driving. Like they're going 30 in the motorway. It's dangerous. So technically it would be a lead. Right. Yeah. But yeah, I think that has been a lot of people's triggers is driving situations,

but anything's slow in my life. Anything queuing up, my brain cannot sit still for that length of time. You have just remained me a one and... It's going to be quite obvious of why I'm now saying this. Great. But people who can't really... like people who just can't really understand things.

So you're saying, that's me. But see, like, what can I understand? Like, see, just sometimes, if you're just using you as an example, right, but you're not the only person that does this. But if someone's telling a story, you know, like, and there's nothing, like, confusing, like, about that.

But it's because you've got selective fearing. But, and people are like, but what do you mean? And, like, how did that happen? I'm like, fucking listen at the story. Graham, that is me on. the whiteboard, isn't it, in a gym class? Graeme? But it's like, how can you not understand that?

But I understand that I'm like that. So, let's say, for example, this morning, Jenna, I went to the gym this morning and Jenna, who actually, may I say, out of you, Jenna and Richard, her voice sinks into my brain so much, it's like a soft little pillow when her voice goes into my ears. Like, I take it and absorb the information. I don't know what it is. Richard, obviously, I just blank it out because I hear that voice every day and day out, and it bores me. And then you, I'm just probably used to Graham. But like, I honestly she explains things perfectly and I am at that point now I understand it's my ADHD or whatever it is right I understand that I'm overly thinking about taking the information take it in and I'm like okay wow I'm listening to everything she just said and then bam my mind goes off onto something else and then like the last minute of that whiteboard conversation I have no idea what she says and then I have to say sorry what was the work at again and she's like I perfectly explained it and I'm like yeah I'm I know you did, but I didn't hear it.

So it's not that I'm not listening. It's like I'm not exorbing the words. I don't wish I could change it. I wish I could change it. I've tried to explain this to Richard so many times. And I'm like, I can't actually help it. I'm trying to hard. I do try and patience, but sometimes,

you're not the only person, like, it's in any situation when people are just about, like, and it is things that it's not hard to understand. Or like, I've just said, that so how did you not hear it? I think it comes down to for me personally if I'm actually interested in what you're saying I would absorb that fully but if I'm not that interested

I'm out because I mean I definitely I'm off I definitely zone out of conversations but again because I'm not interested or I'm just not in the mood to like in work sometimes I can feel myself in a meeting being very unprecedented

but it's just I've like lost the energy for the day and I'm like really struggling be bothered but I feel like with you I know you've dozed off and it's not intentional but with other people and it's just stupidity I'm like how can you be so stupid I don't think I'm very sympathetic towards like stupidity stupidness all people you know it's worse fake stupidness oh my god no somebody who acts stupid or acts like I don't know something and they're not actually stupid but girls think that's attractive and it couldn't be less attractive

I definitely have got more stupid over the years though I have I was quite intelligent at school and kind of after school just with like everyday life and even now like sometimes I can't even spell things I don't know if it's just a lack of writing like if you don't do something that often I know I write emails and stuff but I don't

I don't read at all with my phone or anything so I feel like I've lost like I just have blanks of how to spell or say something. Do you know what I find really strange about my reading? I'm actually a very good reader. I can read amazing and I can like a book in my head and maybe out loud. But if I'm saying something that's not, I'm not exactly what I'm just doing right now.

I don't know how to explain things well at all. Why is that? And then also when I write things on a bit of paper, I'll write the word after the word I'm writing. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I'm trying. a word. It's like my brain's too fast. So I'm writing what is the next two words rather than the word that I'm about to write. That's dyslexia. Great. I'm dyslexic, is it? Add it to the list. Fuck me. I've got everything. Yeah, dyslexia. You'd read jumbled up or you can write jumbled up

or I mean, there's a little different. No, but I read perfectly fine. Yeah, but it could be one of the other. See, because we spend so much time on your phone and, like, emails and stuff like that, you can't write as fast as you can type. Yeah. So you're almost like, you're ahead of yourself and your hand can't keep up. Whereas if you're typing with your thumbs on your phone, you're rapid, but when you actually have to use a pencil, that's taking a long-ass time.

You just can't keep up with your brain. That's another thing that triggers me. Do not fucking write my notepad. What do you mean? See, and work. Don't do a smiley face on my iPad. That's my to-do list. And if I make a mistake in my writing,

I'm writing out and I'm writing my whole to-do list again. I am that person. I'm a doodoo, though. And people write on my note. notepad. Why? How have they got hold of your notepad? No, like if they just come over to speak to me, they'll write a message thing that's funny and now people know that I'm like that so they'll do it

and I just see now I've got a diary so I can't do the right amount of the page thing and that's because I like that to look nice and I like to tick it off and sometimes I tick things off that I've not done just so I've completed it for the day and I'll rewrite them the next day. I think you've got a idea what's it called? OCD because I'm one of those people where if I'm on the phone I have I think I've said this before but I've created fucking art in that an hour phone call

and I'm like wow my mom does that and it's the same little like pattern every time yeah I think we have said this before it's like we circles and the triangles around it and you fill them in and all that anyway we've severely went off I do have um yeah so there's one thing that does annoy me

and I think this is probably one that will fit quite well but Richard does it a lot and I've now pulled him up on it because it was boiling my blood but I'll be in one room and he'll be in this room together having a conversation then we won't speak and then he'll literally go and shovel the shit from the cat litter tray and then

as he's doing it it'll be like so what are you doing this week then babe while I'm in the kitchen and fry and submit I'm like I purposely now do not say what because it's quite obvious I can't hear it like why have you chosen the time that you've walked away to start speaking then he goes then he does this most annoying thing now and it fucking triggers me it goes eh oh no yeah I'm like what do you mean Well, you ignore me or what? I'm like, no. What are you doing this week?

Then baby and nothing, silence. Eh? It is so annoying. So I've now started just going, eh, eh, eh, every time he does it because I need him to be aware of. It's so fucking rude. And he's like, yeah, but you just can't hear me. I'm like, no, I'm choosing to ignore you

because you're asking me something about my week in another fucking room whilst you're shoveling shit. so he's getting blanked right let's go on to our listeners and I was just looking at this one it reminds me something that I know another thing that annoys me someone said people playing music off their phone in the house please connect a fucking speaker why do people wear AirPods when they're in the house alone I do that so we why because it's the same volume in your ear no matter what room you go into so if I'm playing a podcast through my lecture in the kitchen,

if I'm folding up washing in my spare room, I can still hear it very well. But I just feel like you could have that on loud. Yeah, but I do. Fair enough if you're doing maybe a bit of housework or something like that and you are moving about. But for example, a work call, no one else is in your house and you're sitting on.

Yeah, but you haven't got to hold your phone to your ear. You can just literally walk around. The sound comes out your laptop. Oh. So why are you when you're the only, earphones are so that no one else can hear the noise why are you kicking about your house

with them in and you could one have it just out loud on your phone or two have it on a speaker like what something could happen and you wouldn't hear it because you've got things right in your fucking ears what happens if there's other people in the house no that's different that is different

that's what I'm saying but people just kick about in their own home on their own with AirPods in right I see I'm sorry I'm that person I don't know. I have the answer for you. I mean, that doesn't surprise me, but also I don't imagine your AirPods are charged often.

They are every day. If I've not lost them. Well, that's the thing. Do you know what else annoys me? This is going to be a part. I know we're not going to get to the list. We are, but this is probably what other listeners are. But my mother, when she tech, oh, any mum's,

I don't know if your mum's like this, or your mum, G, but she literally, messages me on 10 different social media platforms. Just choose one. Just choose one. She sent me a picture on Instagram message this morning and then I've got a Facebook message, I message, WhatsApp, calling, emails.

Just stay consistent, Mom. Just WhatsApp me. No one. But she probably just knows that I don't answer anyone's WhatsApp, so that's probably one. That is true. Quite a few people have said things like anyone living in my clean house.

See if I've done my housework, don't move. Nobody's allowed to move. In the minute you see one bit of dust, I need to like use my finger to get rid of it. No, you don't, sorry. Wait, on the same day of cleaning them. Right. Because you just want it to stay spotless forever.

Yeah. I hate things like that. I can't relate. But that's another pet peeve is things like leaving the toilet roll holder. Men, all men do it. Lead the toilet seat up. All men do it.

Um, one thing that really triggers me is we've got a little basket in the shower. Jason will fail every single day to put the bottles of shampoo or soap or whatever back into the basket and I put them back into the basket every day and then the next day oh look they're out the basket again

why is that so difficult I find my toothpaste in the shower every morning if you do that on the wrong day that could really that's me in a mood we're at Hopkins no I just simply can never that's just not for me I would honestly child line would get phoned a lot

for me I just know I'm not gonna be good at that anyway next are you looking or no I'm letting you do it so I talk too much quite a few people are triggered by triggered by people who post fucking everything on their Instagram stories I quite like that a journey of someone's day only it's interesting though yeah it depends I mean every single thing it's a bit much isn't it but sometimes I go through stages where I want to post stuff sometimes I just can't be bothered to share anything at all. Everything my mother-in-law does. People camping out before a concert. I know. Why, man? That is quite triggering. I just feel like, no matter what, once you're in there,

if you're standing, you can either push to the front if you want, or everyone's going to push you out the way for them to get to the front anyway, so what's the point in the camping situation? Yeah. It's similar to, I mean, it's not really the same situation, but kind of similar, to when people queue to board a plane. Why? I'm sitting down in your queue and that plane's not taking off until I'm on the plane so why are you in a queue? The only thing I can think of is so they can get space for the luggage. They haven't got to put it. Yeah. That's the only way I can think why people do that. But the thing is I don't think they do do that. I know but even at that you would just accept that your luggage is, where do you think it's going to go? Yeah. Like it's not going

to go anywhere. You're in the fucking sky. It's using a pedestrian crossing and waiting for the green man on a quiet road. I must say, see when you wait, see when you wait at traffic lights. Yeah. And nothing's came for ages. And it's still not a green man.

And you have that thought of, I could have went so many times. I know. That is the ick for yourself. That is the ick for yourself. It's like wanting a lollipop man and walk you across the road at age of 26. Sometimes I'm just like,

I need to just cross here because, but then, as soon as you step your foot on it, a car comes, beating around the corner. That's something that I know. me people that strip like that and don't look at the roads. Yeah. One of my pals at work, literally, we'll just walk out on the road.

Every time. Who's her? Rosie. She actually asked for a shout-out, so here's your shout-out. She just walks out, but everyone says to her, like, do you never look? Like, she's going to eat run over one day. Dear Lord.

That'll be her. Here's a long one. Howling, I have so many for you. I swear I get riled so easily. This is a pure niche, but I am a sweaty, I am a sweaty upper lip girly. Like, I can't even explain it. I won't even be that hot, but if I'm stressed or I get warm, I get sweaty upper lip alert, and it winds me up so much.

The worst is before a night out and your makeup is done, but you're having a mare with your outfit. So cue the stress, try and clothes on and then comes the S-U-L-A. What's that? Asula. Sula. What's that? Sweety upper lip alert. I've never heard that.

Yes, you have. Have you never? Never. Never. It's either in Angusongs on Perfect Snoggin or Wild Child or one of the, like, shit girlie films. Oh, now I've never heard of that. So yeah, she gets triggered by a sweaty upper lip.

Oh, and also to add to that, I told my boyfriend about Sula a while back and one day he turns to me and goes, you've got a fooper. Fupa. Fuck sake. Sorry, I need to discuss this in severe depth. People who do exercise in jeans. Who the fuck exercise in jeans, please? I saw that.

Who actually does that? Who does that? I was like, Jason winds me up because the first time Abba went over to his, I was obviously, like, had clothes on because I was out my own house and I had jeans on, but he was still, like, living at home at the time. So we were just, like, you know, like, just lie on the bed because where else are you going to lie? Like, you're in your bedroom. And then, like, we just, like, got under the covers, like, just as you do, it, get cozy and whatever.

And I had my jeans on. But I had, so I had my jeans on under the covers. Which is really weird. what was I meant to do just like what was I meant to do just like what really was my other option and he says he offered me like jammy bottoms or whatever but it was just like the first

time so I was kind of like you know you're just that awkward you're like no I'm fine and now any time I've got jeans on he's like you're going to go to bed with them one this one's funny my neighbour's son coming my neighbour's son coming morning home every two minutes after he's left for school

every day because he's forgotten something it boils my blood oh yeah like a little turt and twitcher looking oh my God

how getting married becomes a personality trait for some yeah triggered I do think anyone who just consistently speaks about themselves

and or like a situation so like if you were getting married that's like all they talk about or if they've got having a big party or whatever I think people that bring the conversation back to themselves

as annoying. I think they're like that with people like that with babies as well. This one's funny. This one is the worst one ever. When someone posts a picture on Facebook of their arm in a hospital bed

with the hospital band on and someone comments saying what's happened and they say DM me. Isn't that fucking annoying? I've seen that one because then she said I mean you've already been an attention see

she may as well just say what's wrong with you. But then I must say that does annoy me but then I'm like, I wonder what it's. No, I know. It's because then I do want to know.

Just tell us. Or I have to say if someone's died or something when they don't say what it is, I wonder why. But that's quite morbid. I'm quite morbid like that. The little plastic bit in between the milk bottle and the lid.

Pointless. Another thing that people struggle for some reason to like, once it's pulled it off to just go into the bin. It just has to get left on the worktop. People as a Jason. Yeah, why is that? Why is there certain things?

that it's the same every time. The spoon that you use for the tea bag gets left out as well. Interesting. People use my mug at work. I've actually gone Toronto before when I've caught folk doing this. People use my mug every day.

I have a mug with ABBA on it. No one else would have that and a mug with pigs all over it. They're mine and people go to Zoe look and then hold up the mug and I'm like, no. No, that's not on. That's not on. But I'm not much of a hot drinker so I don't use my mug often, to be fair.

So it's okay. But it's now their dress that are using it. That doesn't make any better. No. Still shading free lila. People phoning you. This is me. Don't phone me ever.

Unless you're literally dead, then I'll answer the phone. On your deathbed, maybe. I don't mind a phone call, but I don't do it often. I'll speak to my mum, but then she's one of those people where I'm like, right, that's enough, mum. Going now.

Bye. Like, it's too much. Yeah, I only really do it for like my family. I would never phone you. Poor Polly, no, she knows. She laughs now. She's like, okay, that's time's up then. Yeah, I would never phone you, Jess.

But you did phone me once, and I did have a hat attack. Once? Once. Yeah, but I do love a voice note. Why? I do like a voice note, Graham. I only like a voice note if it's appropriate for a voice note. Like, see if that's too long to type.

If it's too long to type. If it's a story and it's too long to type. Then phone? No. Because then you have to type. to have point, then they have to speak back and then it's like a full on chat and it's fucking long. I'd rather just do it face to face.

When my husband has the hiccups. Why is that so like unmanly? And so many people have wrote my husband breathing. A few of people just said men. Men, yes. Here you. What about when people post photos of her naked, pregnant belly? No one wants

to see that. I'm not here for the belly thing. Oh, I love it. I actually do love pregnancy shoots and when it's really big and it's like glossy. They're like, oh, we own it up. No, that actually makes me feel quite sick. I think it's quite nice. I just think

when did it become okay to wear like a tiny crop top that's like basically a bra and then the big belly's out and then you've got like whatever you're wearing on the bottom half is not even half over the belly. It's under and you're walking about like going for dinner and I'm like at you're out in public it would be acceptable if you weren't pregnant no it wouldn't but you know I was thinking this you know if I got pregnant right I would be wearing so many tight clothes because I think that's the only

real time unless you are like really stick then that you would probably look really good in something tight even though you're fucking massive do you know what I mean yeah because you're massive for a reason it's not just like the odd lump and bump it's like a big big rock ship. And it just looks so gorgeous, I think. Advocates the Vyakosha, we'll be about being pregnant. I can't have this conversation for any longer. Yeah.

You can tell we're, uh, really ended up kids, can't you? Fuck me. I've been with Richard nine years tomorrow. Nine years, everyone. That's too long. It's fucking nothing. I'm going to Manchester.

I'm like, we've seen it. We're going to celebrate a Mioka. But I can't believe it. It's been that long. Honestly, it feels like one year. What about artificial plants or flowers? We say as one is right in front of us, don't bother me.

They need to look, they need to look somewhat real. That doesn't know that bad. It's the worst. I actually don't think that looks that bad. I think it's more in, like, restaurants and stuff if they've got really bad, like, foliage.

Yeah. It's all hanging down. You could, like, bits of, like, plastic are hanging off it and all that. Whereas, like, the odd do we plant. Like, we've got a hangy plant in the house that's fake, it looks quite real.

But I think if you get big plants, like in a big pot, that needs to be real. It needs to be real, yeah. Toothpaste marks on the sink. Now, I don't feel like that is, I think everybody would be pissed off with that. The little rings. Yeah.

No, just like when you spit your toothpaste into the sink, you know, wash it out. Just all you need to do is get a wee finger and, you know. Flick it in. Flick it in. But I also don't like rings around, like the sink. Like if something's been left, like a toothbrush, for example.

Yeah. You know the kind of electric one that's in standard. Oh, right. And then you get a wee ring round the bottom. Because, do you know what that actually is, if you really think about it, if you put your mind to it? That is... Gob.

The saliva dripping down the toothbrush. And ringing round the bottom of the brush. And then I can see a little ring of your saliva. Saliva. And I don't like saliva at all. You don't have a nice little snog? With tongues? We don't need to make it personal, but I just, I don't, if someone spits, I would be like,

even an accidental spit, I'm like, oh my God, that's disgusting. Or like, I'm not really here for sharing juice and stuff. Just as in a bottle of juice. Oh, I thought you meant bodily juices. I'm not really into that either, but if you gave me a bottle of juice and you'd be drinking out, I would think about it twice. You are Richard. It's actually scary.

I would definitely subtly put my finger over the top of it. Would you? You wipe the rim? Yeah. I, um, when Richard buys a lucasade orange, which is daily, by the way, I always want a little swig and he fumes at me. I'm like, but you literally like, you know what? Why don't you just fucking let me sip your lucasate?

But especially when I drink like that, because the chances are you putting that whole thing in your mouth. I'm not literally giving it a blow job. I'm just taking a seat. A lot of people have a bottle of that go like... Like put the whole thing in because it's kind of like one or the other. Right. So then it's quite...

Well, that's just fucking weird. When the seam bit in tights moves under your toes makes me want to chop off my feet. How are the fucking people thinking of this? Loads of people have said people that whistle as well. I don't get it. How you can just come out into a little whistle sing song. I can't muscle.

Can't do that at all. It's the same as when people keep sniffing. Like, please blow your nose. That's me. When you wear a longer dress skirt and then a coat on top, that's a weird amount shorter. I agree with that.

Because today, I had this cropped hoodie on and I really wanted to put on my denim jacket. But my denim jacket was longer and I thought, no, that gives me the ick. So I've had to wear a cropped thing with it. No, I think the jacket can be longer. It would be if the hoodie was longer than jacket. Yeah, well, that, yeah, no way.

No, that's actually fine for on top things. I think it's, if you see I bought my dress, I know exactly what they mean. Yeah. No, else I don't like, and I'm actually doing it right now. Nike socks, I did these trainers. Yeah, Richard had you about that the day, didn't they? But you couldn't see, I would never,

you could never see the Nike sign. Yeah. But he still said, but I can still tell their Nike. And I was like, because you actually don't have, He doesn't have life. Whistling and pen-clicking. Oh, this is a good one. The boys with long fingernails.

I think we said this before. Long is not okay. Graham, you don't have long fingernails. You've got a nice length nails. Do you know about your nails? They look like Neil button. I do feel like men should like... No to the point where you're...

Nails for me. But this is what I mean? I'm in no position to talk because I literally have 10 Shrekheads. We've said this before. But I can't, like Richard has pub nails, doesn't he? So, like, that is the opposite end. It's just the literal, the length of pubs on his fingers.

I need to see this one, and I think we should just end it with this one. When my husband's got, just his bum and sniffs it. But why is that the most addictive smell ever? I'm sorry, I'm just going to say it. I don't care. Everyone fucking agrees. It's one of those smells that you just got to keep smelling. It is.

It is, and I'm right, and you know it. But honestly, Richard does it right. So when you say it, you're most likely talking about shite. Do you know that? No, Richard scratches his ass crack right, and I literally catch him going, and he's still doing it, like, look. And I'm like, I've seen you fucking it to your ass.

I know what you're doing. It don't need to be sneaky about it. But I actually do, I know, I know what he means. I'm just going to do it when you start doing it. No, but I've occasionally, like, you know, you've done it and you're like, oh. And it's one of those smells where it's not pleasant, but you just do it again and again. And it's like, why am I doing this? Oh, Lordy, Lord.

I love me. Anyway. Right, well, that was gorgeous. I've just got one little thing to end on. Fucking hell, every time. I promise we can go, but Graham, you'll like this. Whether we keep this in the podcast or not. I think you might know. So Richard has this.

So we know we've got a glass door. A glass front door, aren't we? And we're quite pally with our postman. So Richard, he's a massive Celtic fan. and Richard was playing, his team was playing Celtic on Saturday just there and he's in the shower and he comes at the door, he's like, so he's big man, he's excited for today, I was like, oh no, he's on the bench bowler. But Richard's got this little thing of, so he goes off,

Richard's got this little thing of, he likes to do a stripper dance for me, occasionally in the house, but he likes to be bollock naked as he's doing it. He likes to open the blinds, I'm a ground floor flat, everyone, and he opens the blinds and he pretends he's like a little stripper, and he like flicks his head back, and the whole street will see his bullsack, and he just tries to test it. No one thankfully yet has seen him. Anyway, I'm cooking myself some eggs

and he comes into the kitchen, he waddles in and he starts doing this. I'm going to have to just show you the dance. But he stands there like that and he's straight legs and he sort of like, does that. But obviously his ass doesn't wobble, so it's just like, I'm trying to explain it on the podcast, but I'm doing straight legs bending over

and I'm like shaking my ass. And he's twirking, but straight legs and he's waddling at me like, ooh. The fucking postman's come back, he's forgot to give us a pass, and he's standing right there at the glass door, is he not? And I am like, and I said to him two seconds before, Richard, because I always said him, please, please stop.

Like, stop one day, the postman will see you, or Trish, our neighbour will see you, and then I'll never be able to look at her in the eye again. Fucking lo and behold, he was standing right there waiting for a pass with me that he'd forgot, and he just goes, sticks his fucking double pattern through the door, and then Richard sticks his thumb back,

and he goes, no, that was him. I told you one day that would happen, and I'm so glad that's happening right now. So did he see him shake his back? He saw him shaking his ass like a little, stripper and then they just put thumbs up to each other and then he had to go and watch him fucking go to Celtic Park on Saturday literally two hours later he's probably telling all the fans I saw that lad do a fucking naked stripper dance earlier I just can't do

how much I'd collapse has that happened but we've not seen him yet because this was on Saturday so I am devastated in case he comes he'll know that he'll laugh because he knows what we're like but Richard is too many times now he takes the piss and I am so glad that happened on Saturday because, and he was proper going for it as well. There's also always people walking by, like your actual windows of the flat because you're as you said, ground floor like right on

a road. Yeah. So how? So you know where the radio it is when you're walking in my house on the right? Literally you walk in. I'm sort of at the kitchen so I'm watching him and he's grinding on that radiator like bending over. Oh my God, so he was right at the door. Yes, he was right at the door Zoe. He's at the glass door.

And Richard was bright red to be fair He must have Pretending he wasn't bobbard But he definitely was Like you're fucking awesome That guy's fully seen like his arshole His ball sack Everything

He's a little man Have you uh Did you tell you that you did My favourite He's obviously a name banished I was like So what were you doing I was going to bent over

And I was like What? Why? He's just a little thing I do I think like not many people get to see that side of Richard, you do see it. Yeah, I do something, yeah. But he is so funny.

And some of the stuff I'm like, if people could actually see what the real view is like, honestly, but the postman now knows, so that's fantastic. Love that for him. Anyway, I'll stop blabbing. Keeps you young here. Yeah. Hope you enjoyed that.

Well, thanks very much for listening. Yep. And next week we've got a really exciting episode. Strap fucking end, that's all I'm seeing. Yep. It's part two of your favourite episode so far. It's coming, guys. Here we go.

Let's get ready to rumble. Right, well, I'll see you next week. See you next week. See you next Tuesday. Bye! Bye!