A Lot On Your Plate - S3 Ep7: It’s Zoe’s bday party!

Episode Date: September 26, 2023

This week on ALOYP we celebrate Zoe’s 27th birthday! Join us to open pressies, eat cake and talk about all your birthday traditions. Get a cuppa, a piece of cake and enjoy🎈 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Here we go. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Shake, that was good? Yeah. Happy birthday to Zoe. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me.

Woo! I'm dancing by the way. Happy much. She's in a great piece today. Big 27 tomorrow I think this is the best happy birthday song of all time Do you? Yeah

What's the other one that I love? Fucking up if it's your birthday bitch What's the other one that's like? Birthday six Birthday six There's loads Anyway happy Tuesday guys Welcome back to the Polly Waddy Wad Wad Wad

It's 27th birthday tomorrow. Remember she slagged me for not celebrating. So we've got lots of nice confetti here. And cards. And cards. And a few other things. What are the other things?

You're making me nervous. Right, I'm going to go and get it, okay? What do you mean going? Where the fuck is it? The silence is a concern. They're closed. Wow Happy birthday to you

Yes Happy birthday to you Fuck off that's the best thing Woo Wait wait there's one more thing Look at their bumps Smile Wait I hold it

So we've got birthday tiaras And we also have open flames In the gym Which is good. Make a wish. Let me take a picture first. Wow, your eyes are beautiful. Watch your eyebrows, man.

Right, I want you to blow it out. Okay, I'm making a wish. Make a wish I can't tell anyone. One, two, three. Woo! Woo! Woo! That's real.

Do you love it? What a nice cake. Who done it? Pudgy's cake. How good? It's the bums for me. Look at a little bums. It's little piggies in mud.

Yeah, Pudges made it for you. Thank you so much. And... What a greatest prize. I mean, I didn't know if you wanted to eat it because it's so special. And can you freeze it and frame it or what? Well, she did say to me that it's chocolate cake with Kinderbueenna.

I thought you'd like that and she did say that when you cut it keep it in foil cling film but it freezes apparently beautifully right okay

so pudges cakeery we love you well I love pudges they do amazing cakes if you don't know them they're a bakery in Glasgow I actually forgot we were recording

yeah got all carried away in the moment okay we're going to continue the birthday celebrations we've got prezies you can open them on the pod or not it's up to you

but I think you should okay Um, this one's from me Zozzy Pop Close your eyes Fucking hell I only needed a party hat Can I open them yet?

Yeah Right Okay Saw this big cock And thought of you Happy birthday Perfect It's a cock-a-roll

A bud Yeah It's not a cock-a-row as in a willie it's a bird I thought you would call me a pain in the arsh but it's it's me you're from your pain in the arse

correct I've got a joel malone bag here for everybody intrigued hmm smells delicious good I went to the end of the earth for this

did you is this the one you couldn't get Sophia rich has got a lot to answer for I love the box It's cute, isn't it? Wow. It's the new one. Crystal? Yeah, I love that.

And when I say, honest to God, it smells unbelievable when you actually walk out. And you know the fresh air, you know when you go in a perfume shop and you can't smell it, but when you actually walk outside? No, that's so nice. It's amazing.

What is it? Pod Pigs? Joe Malone perfume. English pear and sweet pee. Yep. It's the new one. Peers. sweet pea.

Sweet pee. You can snuff it after. He's a sniff. G. Thank you so much, Jessica. That is so kind. I don't know if it'll be a bit of you, but...

I mean, I certainly wouldn't wear it myself. No, it's not... A nice female fragrance? It's very feminine. It's quite faint in it. It's quite subtle. Soutily sweet,

but it smells so good in the hair. Denty for a little, tiny little girl. And then... Thank you. I spoke to the girls. We have a group chat and we all are very generous, aren't me, every year with our gifting. And I spoke to the girls and they've all agreed that they would like you to open it on the podcast, actually. So there's your card.

And we've got another little gift. This is about much. Right. Okay. I don't expect this today. I said it would be the best day of your life. And it is. Today is all about you

Just like every other fucking day Correct That is you What that we're getting What is in here What is in here? There's a give receipt if you don't like it But we all agree on that

I know you did Wow My new bag So nice isn't it for the listeners it's the cos crossbody real leather bag

and it's fucking gorgeous and what's tan or beige or something like that it says beige online but it looks more like a tan it's the new autumn winter colourways

I've got the black actually somewhere and I love it and for any guys listening it just looks like an oversized bum bag oh shut up gee oh she's a princess that actually looks great

but there is a gift receipt if you wanted to change the colour we like that colour she wanted she wanted she wanted us but we couldn't get them so I don't want to just get the black because one you have and two that's new

that's the new ones yeah thank you so much girls yeah so I just thought people like to know what you get for your breakfast don't miss I thought the girlie's on the pod and the guys if they want any hints you know to buy gifts for someone

I can really smell the perfume and it's so delicious Mm-hmm. So that was... So his birthday celebration's over, thanks for having us. It was great. The cake can be from the podpigs. It's perfect. Never me.

Yay! Right. I'm too excited to chat now. Yes, we'll. And it's your birthday tomorrow. I want to go party. Shall we? Yeah, I know.

There's been a lucky alcohol in this series. No, I know, gee. It's because we record in the morning. I know. And I did think that today shall I get as a wee glass of something, some ink, but... No, I'd got all ahead of myself. Yeah. Oh well, well, maybe we'll change things next week.

Because, you know, last week we did a really long episode, and maybe next week going for it, we'll do some alcohol. Hmm. Okay. I really want to try some of that cake, but... I don't mind if we can cut it. I know, I feel bad, though. Well, I've got a picture. and that's all that mad is

I have an eye I just mean for like future reference so that I can show everyone what is that knife it looks like it's a Japanese knife Nanako Nakano but I will be honest

although it is brilliant nothing beats my global and for everyone listening who knows how has I tried to I tried my best to get some gifting from global knives but they've just patched us it's rude actually

do you know what it is They always reply to my story. They follow me. And I see they work with loads of other foodie people. And I genuinely am their biggest fan. But they did an offer last week on their Instagram. And it was £200 for six. It was like a uni chef charity limited edition set for £200.

I know that sounds a lot of money, but it's really, really not. They are about £1,000 for six usually. And one of them would be over 100. And yeah, I got six, got the bundle. And it arrives today or tomorrow. so I'm fucking buzzing What makes them so good? Well, they're just so sharp

And all the top chefs used them Yeah, my mum was the person that got me into them Because she used them when she was at sheffing school And she bought me one And it's still the, you know, that one knife That you have in your drawer But you always pick out, that is the one I'm saying, mm.

Yeah, but surely you bought. I would honestly cut my fucking spoon I would just make it work. I would make it work. Right. You know, when you can cut something with like the side of a fork or like the side of a spoon That's kind of ideal scenario.

Perfect. Right, let's do this our quick spit or swallow then. I've seen so many videos on Instagram of how to properly cut a birthday cake. Yeah, no, I'm not. Have I ever taken it in? No. I don't think you can really do it wrong, can you?

There's a way of doing it, like slice, slice, slice. I'm leaving this to you. I'm not cutting that. It's the pamper's going to ask for me. Also what a shame because my mum will have made me a cake and... Well, I did think that you're like... Well, does she not make you a special cake every year? Yeah, she does but she'll be like...

She doesn't think they're good but they are really good but she'll be like fucking hell of pressure. No, your mum will make a brilliant one. It's from the heart, you know? I'm just feeling down the middle. Wait! Go! Oh! Wow!

Look at that Bueno. Oh, yeah. I'm so excited. Do you have a bit? Yeah, of course he is. Does everyone like ice? Do you like ice in there? See, that's the bit I kind of leave. Do you like ice?

Oh, I've got to eat just dancing. Really? Thank you. I'm not, see, I'm not that person. Yeah, like when my mum was ever making them, you know, how you would like, you always have left over ice and you cut shapes out and shit.

I would just sit in couple of weight down. No, that's too big. Yeah. Yeah. How is it? Very good. Is it moist? It's cold, which is I'm a big fan of.

Yeah. Get a bowl. Right, spit or swallow test. Oh my God. Right, here we go. Because it's real buttercream, it makes all different at. Mmm. Wow.

That is good. You can really taste the Bueno. Yeah. Oh my God. Thanks, Pudges. She's actually going on maternity in a few weeks So if you wanted to get a cake Be quick

I know thanks pudges This is delicious, won't she? She's always busy to be fair Oh my God Wow Anyway Jess, what's been all on your plate? Emotionally or physically Let's start with physically

Right, well A couple shout outs then Obviously my boyfriend's still not back So I've still been eating out I went to Sacred Tom Tacos in the south side of Glasgow They've been around for ages

But I've never been And I got three tacos for a tenor Well It was just like you couldn't eat in It was just like take away So we stood on the street eating it And it was beautiful I had the fish one

It was really good I didn't have all three So we shared it just We just had like a little bright to eat Because the weight for where we wanted to go was an hour and I was starving. Right, okay. And then we went to Errol's Pizza,

which again has been on my list. I've got a list in my notes, basically. Of all the places I want to go, in Glasgow, Edinburgh, and anywhere, really. But I... Because it's the house side. I don't really go and eat around there much. Never done this outside, really.

And then if I'm going out to eat, like if I plan to go out for dinner, it's always somewhere where I feel like I would dress up a little bit, like I'd make a bit of an effort. Mm-hmm. But there's so many places. on my list that I notice are quite casual places

that I never really... You're never just net them to the south side. Yeah. So because we did Hot Pod, we're going to make this like a thing that every once a week when we could do Hot Pod or some sort of yoga we're going to go and try one of the things on my list and they're all casual places. Yeah, so now you have to come.

I well attend the Hot Pod Jog in the future. So, had it Erel's pizza, it was beautiful. Thin crust, New York style, thin crust. The cheese was amazing. Anyway, I posted about it on my Instagram And I had a couple messages of people They weren't being mean or anything But what they said was that you should read on TripAdvisor

Because apparently the manager is absolutely ruthless And so rude Thankfully, I didn't even know him I had nothing but nice service So if anyone does go And they experience really bad service I don't want people to think that I'm like shouting about how good it was

Because it was genuinely really good But that's such a shame as well if it's only the manager that's like that, because people who are having, well, anyone that served you or other people from messages you got have a great time when they're there as long as that manager doesn't serve them. Yeah. They said that because it's walking only and you have to go in and ask for a table, it's like you're asking him for his kidney,

asking him to eat at his pizza restaurant. I mean, I can't judge him, don't meet him. But I just want to warn people that he might be the soundest guy on air, but there was a fair few people that messaged me like, it's such a shame because it's such good food but the service is bad and they're like boycotting it. Right, okay. I needed to just say that just in case.

Just in case, because that's the thing when you recommend something, isn't it? Yeah. So if someone goes and I thought that was shudder about like, oh. Yeah, and they wouldn't trust my recommendations again. So I said it was such good service and it was. The women were beautifully lovely ladies and I'm like, I feel sad for them that someone else is letting it down.

But whatever, maybe he just had a bad day. Maybe. And that's honestly it, I mean, to be honest. I think I went to my friend's house warming actually at the weekend there it was like a housewarming slash birthday down in London

and she had some really nice caterers and we had some really good food there like jerk chicken they had it all set up to do weddings and things and it looked delicious it was beautiful but that's it

and apart from that this lovely Pudges cake which I'm going to demolish like you um physically I went out for dinner to celebrate my worst

it on Saturday with Jason and we went to Don Costanzo which we all know in love and made a three-cocia and I had a glass of rosy wine as well just to wash it down I was out for my birthday like there was no telling me no anyway so for starter

I had garlic prawns which never had from there before and they were delicious you know when a prawn this is the thing with pawns right there's a lot of variations going on because you buy prawns in the house and the wee skinny flat things. Yeah, the crap.

You get them out and they're big meaty, juicy things. That's what they were like. They were delicious. Jason had the mozzarella fritter thing. Gorgeous with the tomato sauce. Yeah, he loves that. And then the last time I were there, he got meatballs, which was on the special. And he was like, I really hope they are, and they were.

Yeah, they always are on the special. So he had that, so he was delighted. And I got what I always get from me as well. I want to change it up, but I probably will never. Ravioli? Three cheese ravioli. Gorgeous. Dessert, I had white chocolate peripherals.

Wow. And it came with a bit of vanilla ice cream and chocolate, like milk chocolate sauce. Who served you? A bit everyone, actually. Yeah. Or pals. Yeah.

And a guy, and then a younger guy, which I think is maybe a brother. I think it's a son. Yeah, one of the pals son. Ah, yeah. Maybe. But it was a bit about everyone, which was nice. Yeah.

And then, yeah, that was it. I was like a burst fucking ball after it, but it was delicious. I love Don Costanzo. I just don't think you ever go, you never go and think, oh, it wasn't as good as the last time. Yeah. Like, it's always just as good. I think Italian food in Glasgow has done so well. For me, it's Yusebi Deli.

It's absolutely outstanding, seasonal Italian. Then you've got the classic family one Italian Don Costanzo. And another one that I think we should shout out is Santa. Lachia. Yeah. That is really good to do. Unreal. And then you've got Sugo as well, which is your pasta. Would you class that as a classic Italian? I don't know.

Yeah. I don't know if I would say classic. I don't think like the way the business model's classic. Yeah. Obviously like the past is like you've got your basics and you've got your specials. But I do, I hate to be that person but I just think Sugo is great. Sugo is a minute. Why do you say that? I don't know why anyone slags it. No, no, I don't slag it at all, nothing bad to say about it. I think it's more sure that people like if you compared that to Don Castanzo, say you've got like a small family run

like very intimate like everything's so I don't know it's almost like a fast food version of an Italian to an extent you get what I mean

yeah and yes I know I think it's an amazing business model I think it's to go every day yeah same I think it's great I don't know why anyone doesn't like it and if you are you're going for the wrong thing but

Santa Lucia Lucia is great. I think that's a family run as well actually but such good service, the menu, the lunch menu is unbelievable value for money and you see they're opening up a pasta version. Oh are they?

Yeah. It's very restaurant. Love that. Same company. I just think an Italian does so well here as well because you've got like the basics of the basics that will suit everyone, Jason for example. And then you've got

like they still tap into fish. and all that obviously. So you don't need to eat spag ball. Do you know what I mean? You've got seafood linguine and all that nonsense. Anyway, that's what I had on Saturday, so that was really nice. We were actually going to go out for drinks before or after as well,

but then I was just really honest with myself and Jason said, do you know what? I just want to go eat hundreds of food and come back, put my jammies on. Yeah, Disney jammies. That's me just being honest here. And I actually got an early birthday present. from Jason on Saturday to help this come to reality and I got new jammies and

new cosy socks oh I saw them the SpongeBob once yeah so the jammies are SpongeBob as well and if you've been in Premark you might notice them because it's really hard to miss them it's just SpongeBob Patrick Gary which is a snail if anyone's not up to speed with SpongeBob characters and then Sandy the what animal is she a cat I think she's a cat and she wears the

Ashnot head thing oh yeah yeah she is a cat that's why she wear an astronaut thing because she's not she can't be under the sea obviously yes who lives in a pineapple under sea not sandy she's cat

anyway so their characters are covering the whole top and bottoms and it's long sleeve long trousers so you know it's quite out there quite a look and then comes the fluffy socks

which are also SpongeBob It's a two-pick. One being SpongeBob, one being Patrick. Patrick, I love him. So you've got a nice pink pair that really match jammies, and then you've got the yellow and brown pair of that sponge bob. Anyway, that was my early present much I was absolutely delighted about, obviously, and so delighted that I put them on a Saturday night,

and I didn't get out of them until 4 o'clock yesterday. What did you do all day? Which was Sunday, by the way, we're not going into like a few days here, just one day. I watched the whole of Virgin River. Oh, yeah, you like that, don't you? honestly it's shit but it's like good shit but it can't be that shit if it's on season three it's in season five Jess

and a season six is coming out people must like it I think it's people like me I just love easy binge watch yeah that's just all it is but yes that was my only present I also got my balloons on Saturday so the ceiling's full of balloons

in the flat at the moment which I like and then yesterday last night what I had to eat was a chippy perfect but you felt a bit of shit didn't you have to i still feel a bit shit to be honest but i think just all that food is too heavy for me and it was all in a short space of time i did see someone say the day like with the chip shop it smells better and this is so true it always smells better than what it actually is so does a chinese though yeah i i i love chippy chippy chippy's my choice of takeaway

probably just chippy chips i love them but if i really am honest with myself when i eat them when i finish I'm like, I don't know if I really feel that great. No, never. And you know what else? Sometimes you just can taste the oil. Sometimes all you can taste I feel is that oil. Like, you can't get rid of that, like, after taste of, like, the grease. Yeah.

Anyway, I enjoyed it at the time. I had the sausage supper, which... Battered sausage supper. Yeah. Which I still can't get in my head around, guys. You can understand why I'm not feeling the best. I usually go for a pizza crunch. What?

Which is the barred pizza. You never had that before? No, I've never had it, but I know what it is. It's un-unit-eat that. G, do you like that? Put your gym mind and health mind a six percent. 10 years ago, every day, no bother. But as you know the thought of it,

it's actually gives me the bulk. I mean, it's a heart attack in the box. Like, there's no denying that. I just still can't get my head around that you guys serve two battered sausages with chips. That's the only way to get a sausage supper. I don't know why that is either, Jessica. Why two?

I don't get it. Because one's not enough. It really is, though. Especially a battered one. I know, but the ratio of sausage to chips with one sausage is way off. Then it's just a big box of chips with one sausage. And that is true.

I mean, you wouldn't have just one sausage with sausages and mashed, don't you? Because you need to have chips. Yeah, but they're half the size. I don't know, for me, I said this on my story a few couple years back, but if I want, I really crave just a sausage and chips. Now, sausage, it's just a sausage without the batter.

For some reason, Scottish people can't get the head around it. They're like, what, a smoke sausage? I'm like, no, even a sausage. smoke sausage is not a thing where I'm from. By the way, do you know what I never get is the smoked sausage, but someone got it somewhere once recently and I tried it from the chippin? It was unreal.

Not bad. That's Richard's choice of chipping. Not bad, right, and just smoked. Because I like the one you get from the, in the pack of the shawl. Yeah, that's so good. Cut it into wee bits and put it past. Anyway, so really all weekend of just ate art shite. Because on Friday, I went to Adams, my brother's,

for just a wee night in with my family and again we had like pizzas to share like homemade chips homemade nachos and then like battered stuff to start like onion badges and that

so I'm doing a lot of batter here yeah and batter's probably the worst thing I could possibly eat I also went through a lot of cheese again not good for me but anyway it's your birthday I know I think we'll continue this until end of play tomorrow

and then we're back. Well, you went to the gym this morning. I did. I went to space again this morning. Yeah. Which G has liked to point out as CrossFit essentially, so... Just join. All I'm saying to you is, if you join here,

I will come as well. So in turn, we're helping one another. Because we will be... It is true. We can pick the classes we want to go. You don't like we have to come. to a class we don't want to come to. But the thing is...

He gives that a whole week schedule. No, I know, but the thing is, this morning, when I explained what I was doing, part of that was burpees, and G was like, see, it's just... I don't want to do burpees. No one does, but they are good for you. One burphing, I'm out. I actually... Do you know what? I take that back.

I actually really enjoy a burpee. That's fucking weird. I know. It is weird, isn't it? Said no one ever. I know, I really enjoy burpee, and... Because I'm good at them, I think, but I'm not good at a lot of other things that other people in this gym thrive off.

I don't really like a barbell that much. I don't really like a weight. I like the things that I actually imagine crossfit to be. Yeah. Yeah. But G says I'm really good with the bar. True story. So maybe I should push myself.

Strength. Tell you what, I am loving at the moment, G. Yoga. He keeps skiving me little dig, saying, I don't even know why you would bring that out in this conversation. Enjoy your stretch. Jeez, it is the hardest form of yoga. The heat is extreme.

I get that. It could be the hardest type of yoga. It could be the best. It could be, but it ain't fitness. It's still helping your mobility for fitness. You'll still be able to be better at. It's just like a bit. It's toning.

It's actually, it just makes you very strong. I'm giving you. you're really bad evils. I don't even know why you brought up. I don't even know why I'm even talking to him. Look, if you enjoy it, you enjoy it. But I could think of a better use of your time. If you're going to dedicate your time

to go and do a class or something, I can think of something better to help you. Like what? Not just CrossFit, just in general, just better movement, functional movement. No, that's really nonsense, don't you think? Gee, that is nonsense. Like, if it makes you feel good,

you've never done it? I have. Lyer. Yoga. Liar. We don't know in the gym. Lies. Anyway, enough of him.

Why? Emotionally? Emotionally, I feel like I've just been thinking about my birthday and I'm quite a birthday person. I don't know if I mention this maybe once or twice or ten times, but I just think everyone should celebrate their birthday I do.

Yeah, I agree with you on that. I love a birthday celebration. There's just no way that I would ever be okay with being my birthday and not getting taken for dinner. Even like, been like the basics for me yeah if anyone ever had to give me something but not a card again i would rather a card no present because i like reading a card and if they're like funny cute ones i'll keep them yeah um so i've just been thinking about my birthday really and tomorrow when it is

actually my birthday all my family are coming over well because you're voting last week that you didn't have anything to do on your day yeah it was mornings i just hadn't really made plans which is unlike me um but i'm having like my mum's side of the family over tomorrow Um, for dinner. To your flat? To my flat. I can't really decide whether to... Why don't you make a just-just-food?

Right, this is what I was about to say. I was going to say I can't decide whether to cook or order in. Cook being picky bits. Well, that's nice. Cooking's too much. Why don't you go to like Aldi or Liddle and go and get loads of meats and cheeses, pretzels, olives and make a little charcutory board?

Homemade one with crisps, dip. make a big bowl of nachos with loaded shit on it I know I think I would rather do that and get something and to be honest because one or M&S

if you want to be fancy fancy I'm not trying to be like the picture of health I know it's my birthday I'll eat a sliced cake and all that but I don't really want a dirty take away yeah

and two I just think see when you're sitting chatting and all that see just having things to pick away it's better it's just easier yeah than everyone like almost

sitting down for a meal and yeah in socks when we don't have like a dining table to sit at yeah So, my nana and papa are coming as well and I like them, we feel comfortable when they're eating, you know?

Yeah. Yeah, do that, get a little bit for everyone and you could even get some M&S to, like, nice platters and things, you could get something more than. Yeah, like, wee, like gouged ones and that. Yeah, love that. You smile the face, my brother, who knows? Wouldn't be your birthday without that.

I mean, that's really it, but I just, I feel like I'm getting older, but I know I've said this before, but I just don't feel like I'm getting older because you always think I'm older than what I am. Well, it's funny because the Kate Tupper, right? Sarah messaged me and she went, oh, I'll make you a Kate topper. What's her age?

I was like, I actually couldn't tell you. I was like, in my head she's 21. I went, I don't know if she's 26. I don't know if she's 27. I don't know. Turning 27. When? Tomorrow?

Tomorrow. Sammy, I thought you were 26. I am 26. Yeah, I know, but I thought you were turning 26. time is going so fast no I know it is but I was speaking to Molly I think it was yesterday and

she'd said like I said something about turning 30 and she was like wait it's not that long and I was like I only turn 27 like this week I've still got three more years she was like fucking hell so you do I think it's when I think of it like that way yeah because you're all like 30s

and I think it's actually still wee well until I'm even 30 and I'm not trying to project this on to you here but it does keep me young it does keep you keep me young honestly i'm 33 and i feel 18 years old you're not 33 yet i know but i'm more 33 than 32 no because you've not turned 33 yet we don't age yourselves okay anyway that's really all i'm just in my wee birthday bubble i'm gonna take tomorrow off work and everything gorgeous i'm not going to do anything because i have nothing to do and no one to do anything with but that's fine for me you know no one to answer to

i'll stay in my jammies until i need to get ready for the family coming over love that I'm I even have a cup of tea. Gorgeous. At your age. I don't know what. Emotionally for me, not really an awful lot, to be honest. Sleepless nights, spider season. It's keeping me, it's pretty traumatic, actually.

I'm not even a joke. I am petrified to close my eyes every night. And I have these... And I'm seeing you see in this. Night terrors. It happened, it used to happen to me a lot. and Richard used to be pretty terrified because I'd wake up in the night

like screaming could see things crawling over. Like see if you're seeing a spider over there? No, see the issue somebody messaged me about this saying like put peppermint oil around your windows I'm like the issue isn't necessarily the spiders yes I hate them

of course I do but I don't have I haven't seen any in my flat my cats would have them before they'd even get to me probably the issue is I physically see them all over my body no they're crawling over my face the other day

my eyes were wide open when I think they were and I was looking at my blinds I've got a street light outside my shutter blinds and so the light sort of comes in I could see a humongous huge fucking mongous trancella

getting its little legs climbing through the shutter things and I was actually blinking looking at it like this can't be happening like this actually can't be happening and I was watching it like I'm surely I'm having some sort of dream here

but my eyes were wide awake what is that where you have these is it called lucid dreams and it's terrifying and I have to sit up in the bed and convince myself that really wasn't real but it's so real

because it's happening in my bedroom it's not like I'm dreaming of them I see them and it's weird because you're saying that yeah you're scared or you don't like them which no one like I don't like them either but I'm not thinking about it like that

when I'm going to sleep do you know what I mean? Yeah I just see them and it's not helping that every single fucking idiot on any Instagram is posting spiders on their story. I don't get it. Like, stop it.

We get it, we believe you. No, this is stern words. If anyone listening has done that or has ever think about doing it, don't fucking do it. Don't do it. Seriously, just for my mental health. Nobody wants to see.

Nobody wants to see a spider in their own home. Nobody wants to see it in your home either. And do you know when else don't want to see it, when you're chating it up close to skirt and boards you've not dusted your skirt on board for at least three years. Nobody wants to see that.

Do you know what? I have to be honest. I think I'll put it on my story a few years, back so I can't really speak but the reason I did that was because I needed to prove that if remember it fell out my dressing gown and the remember it was and I needed to prove to the world that my cats were fighting against T-Rex because it was that big but aside from that I'm not about that Instagram life with you posting insects spiders flies and moths um no and I said to jeb as well when I got here I was like it didn't help that last night I was lying in bed you know this way when you're sitting there on your phone obviously your phone lies to do anything. in the room and all of a sudden it's a boom a big moth just bounces off your phone I was like Aaron Wilson and then it's like

what the fuck so that really set me off last night and just toss and turn it again I'm not sleeping well because Richard's not there I'm hot I'm having terrible night's sleep I slept awful at my friend's house as well because I saw a spider before I went to bed as well a real one yeah real one

and because she's sitting in like a newish house I thought, oh, well, they're having work done so that, you know, things have been open. I was thinking, oh, well, that's it. I'm done for. I'm done for. And then my mom will message to me this morning. Did you know in your lifetime that you eat around 10 spiders

when you leave your mouth open? Cheers. And also, my friend Melissa Bradley is listening to this because I know you do. After I posted a story, she texts me, she texts me on WhatsApp, and it's like, messages and I can see that they are pictures of spiders underneath a glass

cup. No. I have left you on unread and you will be continued to be left unread. That is unfair that you decide to then think I know, Jess is traumatised, let me just text her the picture that the spider that was in my house a week. So yeah, we're over it being funny. It's not funny. We're not laughing anymore.

So Mel, you're cancelled in my life now. Yeah, like no one wants to joke. Anyway. Oh, Bridges just text me. how's the spider nightmares great can't go away from it please come home

save me he like he just never can go away again because it's just not good for your mental health that's not I'm eating like shit as well anyway

less of that negativity back to my positive life as she says well shuffling cake and her fucking gob anyway we thought we would ask you guys if anyone's got

any weird or funny birthday tradition since today is all about birthdays and me so let's read through some of them shall we? I'm leaving this to you because I'm not read any so you can read them all out to me please. Okay so someone has wrote When I live with my mum, dad and brother when it was someone's birthday would all burst into their room in the morning and wake them up singing

happy birthday with a cake and presents when me and my boyfriend started going out he was staying over the night before my birthday and I forgot to tell him the tradition they all burst in and he absolutely shat himself jumped out the bed in his boxers confused and still half asleep with his fists up ready to fight as if we were being burgled

Poor guy was mortified and realised what was going on We're still together 12 years later So at least it didn't scare him off I love that and by the way We kind of did that too What when you just Like we

Like you had that Stevie Wonder song on That's what we blasted in our house When it was someone's birthday and if they weren't up like we would all go downstairs and wait on the person I say this like I was always up because I was always like presents but say it was like Adam

who boys just sleep and sleep was so annoying we would all be downstairs with presents were out and the song was on and we were like day to date waiting but then we would just go up and fucking barge in. Is Stephen Wonderson alive? Yes he must be making an absolute fortune from that song alone

but like Marikarian what's that song she sings yeah he must make it Have you ever thought about that? I know. A killing. It's such a tune. It's such a good idea

to bring out a birthday song or a Christmas song that's actually catchy. And also, speaking of that song, a few weeks ago we were in a restaurant for my Papa's birthday

and my mum had obviously made a cake, it was sitting in the middle of the table, blah, blah, blah. So it comes to the end, dessert time, we're putting the candles on the cake and we're singing happy birthday,

whatever. My mum puts that song on a loop. On her phone. We're in the middle of restaurant by the way and actually blasts it from her phone and he stood up dancing whilst all of us are just looking I was like mum please turn that down she was like no no no please turn that down look it's so loud it was mortifying anyway I do quite like these

traditions anyway moving on moving on moving on right so someone has wrote I was in London with my We went to this popular vegan restaurant for my birthday. The restaurant was really busy and the tables were really close to each other. They're almost touching the person at the next table's shoulder if you catch the vibe. So I go to the toilet and I'm walking back through the busy restaurant and notice someone has now sat themselves at the table next to us on my comfy sofa side.

Also the girl always gets the comfy sofa side if you've noticed that. I'm thinking to myself that I know that person and then it hits me that it is the rapper slash actor common. We had to look up. who common was just to say no idea who this is but then gee told us he was a big deal so we thought we'd do this out i get back to the table and me and my partner stayed at each other in disbelief and trying not to giggle that's awkward it is awkward that's what people must be like what was jess we were so close that it was uncomfortable because we were trying to play it cool that we most

definitely were not being cool eventually common catches my partner looking at him lull so we get chatting and he's telling us why he's over in the UK we chat about vegan foods my pregnancy has daughter's graduation that he just flew back to the States for and then next minute a cake with a candle comes over to the table and he joins in singing happy birthday and then pays for our whole bill shut up absolute angel of a guy so down to earth and lovely definitely a memorable birthday meal and where was this in this was in a popular vegan restaurant in gascoe London oh wow how old is he jazy an old guy or he's like 50 okay but he's been around a long time that is what a lovely story

I'm so happy for you we should do another episode actually of celebrity sightings and stuff because I feel like people got a little bit nervous this time common the rapper oh see you do recognize

I do know him of course I bloody know him but he's been in he's an actor as well no yeah he was in all the John Wick movies he was in yes I would know him more as an actor than a rapper to be honest. Right, mm-hmm.

Oh, well, he's handsome as well. Yeah, it's quite handsome, isn't it? Gorgeous. Something else wrote in, and this is something I'd like to speak about because I would be annoyed if this was me. Okay. Saying that they have the same birthday as their mum,

and she was her mum's 26th birthday present, right? Yeah. So her mum's had her own of birthday. And she was saying that she fell pregnant last year and her due date was two weeks after her birthday. so then she was like fucking hell this baby's going to come my birthday but turn of events

it doesn't right so that's the story but I just wanted to read that out because I don't want to share my birthday with anyone now me neither oh I'm sorry to tell you anyone that's close to me anyone that matters in this world do I don't want to share it with them and I just I know people are like oh same birthday as my mum

and my daughter and all that would annoy me do you know what else would annoy me especially if it was your child because then it can't be all about you you need to do it for your child whereas if it was your mom I'd be like what's still about me so it doesn't matter you know when I was a kid right

and people would tell me that they were born on Christmas Day I was like wow that's amazing no I cannot stress how much I would change my birthday no but what I'm saying is when I was young I thought that was good but now I feel so sorry for anyone that's born on Christmas Day I truly do

or box in fact or Christmas Eve I feel really sorry for anyone that's born in January or December because no one gives a fuck they don't I can't even pretend that I do because I don't no obviously they care about your birthday but nobody goes and celebrates with you even as a shame like December's just as bad as January because you're out in December for Christmas

yeah not a birthday I'm just racking my brains to make sure no one that important is in December because I'm like pretending I want to be there when I don't Richard is, but not until December the 2nd, so it's okay. No one really cares that much. And also, he doesn't celebrate. Well, that's another thing. If they're not bothered, then you want to watch, do you know what I mean?

Someone, right, so, right. We've had a lot of you saying, Colin the Caterpillar. Calling the Caterpillar, right? And don't get me wrong, you can't beat it. I love a calling. It's a great cake. But why are you writing that in as if it's a tradition? so does the half of the fucking UK.

It's a workplace tradition, I think. That's what I think. Yeah. I think that's for workplace only. Yeah, office traditions. But someone did say every year her birthday cake has to be calling the caterpillar

no limitations accepted so there goes your Aldi version. My family thinks it's slightly ridiculous but it saves them having to guess each year, true. There's been a few near missies though including one year with heavy snow so my dad walked to M&S for it and during COVID

they had to go around a few different M&Sies as it was sold out everywhere but they got it in the end we had one of the miniature collins didn't we on this spit or swallow on this last season? Yeah I think they're great and you know you can get the heads just as the head you know that they'll each off a bit

Eminus they just won they just slay every day have you seen the spread from M&S it's meant to be like that the one that's meant to be like the inside of a Bueno I've seen it on TikTok People posting about it, yeah.

Can't get it anywhere. Because it's gone viral. Anything that goes viral on that app, you're done. Dipping a biscuit into that. The shutter's just going up. Jeez leaving us. Shall we all come out? That means I can have another bite of the cake.

Oh, a bit of laughter. Bit of banter. Got something about him. Ooh, friends. I can't wait to you edit this, G. You hear that it was slagging you off. And you're not cutting out. always back. Stop speaking about it.

You might want to keep that in. That's what. Right. Someone's dad sings. I need to get my... Vocal cause warmed up. Yeah, but I need to work out where, what word goes where, if you don't mean. Oh, I know what. I read this one out, actually. Happy birthday to you. You were born. All the monkeys thought you were one Cause you look like one too Way!

Like that I love V songs like that Um, let's see By the way, right By the way Don't know to be honest if my birthday story is weird or funny But I'm still annoyed at my brothers for it I was 10 years old, 5th of Feb

and it was snowing, never snowed on my birthday So done the whole, sing, sing, blew the candy then I went out to play. I came back to find out my brothers had eaten all of my birthday cake so I didn't get a slice of it at all. What? How fucking long we out to play for? These.

I've never had that issues with brothers. I bring it up every year because I'm like, why can't the birthday of the person, one, get the biggest slice and two actually get a bit of his own cake? Savage. All I'm thinking, he's fucking crazy bastards. That is savage. Not think, I mean, how quickly do you eat?

somebody else's wrote not a birthday tradition but when I was younger me and my sister used to practice for Christmas morning for a solid two weeks before the day like pretend opening presents and being shook at Santa coming to be honest we'd still do it now see to be fair

me and my cousins used to do a Christmas show did you? Yes I used to do down the shows all the time I said this other day I think it was to Jason and obviously no surprise he was like no and I was like right here goes you call me posh again but whatever and it was like it was

a performance yeah and it was a whole thing you'd turn the lights off and you'd make the parents sit on the sofa and you'd be like right you're waiting and then the music would start and then boom you'd enter and just turn shit up and my cousin Talley was was quite serious right so we were doing Joseph in the technical

I dream quote one time that was the theme and obviously she had to be Joseph but then we were two girls two boys so it's like you would just make a boy Joseph but strict dance moves no one out of place no one speaks when she's singing

it's just like the old age TikTok isn't it but obviously there's just no social media if anything we were terrified I actually think we stopped doing it because she was too strict she scared you but we're fucking terrified right anyway that's enough

of birthdays for now until tomorrow until your big day tomorrow so we both actually got a random thought of the week not done on these for a while, but I said to Zeri I've got a random thought and so does she. I actually noted it down because I didn't want to forget about it. Yes. Mine actually relates to your fear at the moment.

Okay. Because I'm really intensely looking about in the flat every time I move because I can handle small spiders but big ones known there was a big one and they're doing the bathroom. Anyway, and whilst I was thinking about this, I thought, why the fuck is there a nursery rhyme about spiders? What is that? incy wincy spider

and up the water spout and I just thought I couldn't stop thinking about and I just thought who the fuck made that up and why? A psychopath Like if why are you doing on these wee actions

of spiders to your child and then he goes D-D-Doole it's one at the end I think you tickle at the end with like all your fingers as if that spider's like Why? Tromatic

Anyway that was my round This is why we're all fucked up I really had to get it off my chest Well, my random thought was And I always thought this was just me But again, this relates to being a child But a friend of mine put on their story About their child being very hungry after eating

After swimming Right? Yeah And I thought, flashback I used to be ravenous after I had to swim So I'd go to the swimming bass And I would go with my dad or whatever And I would be so hungry

like it was not even normal. It's a thing? I've never said it was. No, but gee, is that a thing? Like, is Jacks like that? Um, he's just always hungry but it's probably because

it's kind of technically exercise. I know, but I would exercise. No, but it is a thing. It's just something to do with the chlorine? It must be something to do with the chlorine because I don't get it with the sea. No. But I do kind of get it in holiday

if I've been in the pool for quite a long time which is quite rare in holidays. oldy but after swimming everyone's hungry there must be signs behind them there must be because as a child i just remember being so so hungry and she wrote a story like her son was so starving after always after swimming and i thought fuck me flashback i was like i'm googling it because this needs an answer and also gee of course you're turning your nose up but i swear to god there must be some i'm not saying you're no hungry after swim but there's no scientific reason why are you so hungry oh and it's the first thing that comes up, the first searched

thing on Google. That must be true. Temperature influences appetite. Therefore, while swimming blood flow isn't taken away towards the skin to release heat, but the blood flow to the stomach is maintained. Therefore, the stomach can do its work as usual, which means hunger. Right, so everything else is kind of stopping, slow and down, but the stomach hasn't. So you probably

just feel it more. Yeah. Weird. In comparison to running in cycling, many swimmers can feel extremely hungry after swimming. I'm so glad that I'm you're wrong which may be due to cool cool pool water

context here what you're reading right now is comparing a swimmer to a cyclist as in somebody who's swimming lengths you as a child in the fucking pool was not swimming 50 metre lengths how do you know

because I fucking know which may be due to the cool water preventing a rise in temperature and associated appetite suppression why do I feel skinny after swimming how do I stop eating after really?

Gee, people are concerned. Google has spoken. Why swimming makes you hungry? It's an actual thing and do you know what it reminds me of? There's a whole article there, why swimming makes you hungry? Does swimming really make you feel hungry? No, I'm actually telling you this is factual information at this point. Swimming really does make you hungry than other forms of exercise.

Everyone is starving as if they've never had a thumb in their life when they come out of that swimming pill. And do you know what it reminds me of the thought of it when you would go to Wisher, right? Wish of Swimming. Big up washer. Fucking, probably feel a shite. Anyway, and you would come out and there was a cafe there

and you could smell like the really like vinegary chips. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and it would just, yeah, there was always a cafe and you could, the smell was like,

wow. You're so hungry. I used to go to a place called Beaumuntly's and that was like had all the flumes and that. Oh, iconic. I don't really think

we've got anywhere with flumes. Yes, you have. You've got the one opposite Hamilton. Hamilton Palace? Oh, that's been, There's flumes hanging out of the building. No, there is flumes, right?

And do you know what? I was talking about this throughout summer because I was walking by. And it's actually a shame that they've not maintained that because that's a good place to take your kids. Because there was also a wee outdoor pool bit. So what they don't now then? Well, the swimming pool and stuff still open,

but the flumes and all that are like minging looting and the outdoor bit shut. But see, in summer, like, I'm not trying to be a bloody politician in here, right? But not everyone can afford to take the kids on holiday. And we did have son maybe once a month in summer. You could take your kids there. The outdoor bit was good.

I remember you swim through the plastic, you know the plastic, like, curtain thing. Yes. Which I had to touch that now, I think I'd constantly throw up. And it was quite good, and I'd just think you've just let that go to shit. Where's South Lanarkshire County? I think COVID's got a lot to answer for with stuff like that. No, it probably does, but anyway, your random thought's not random. It's factual information, Jessica.

And G's wrong, yet again Stone cold facts Yeah, stone cold facts And I can't wait for everyone to message is saying Same I know they well They will, that's what we're going to have like I've got a back

fluctuation in matches here Anyway, let's wrap up Let's wrap it up See you on Friday For the big bonus episode Where we discuss what's been a lot on your plate And we've got a few of the things To dissect that I've been in the news this week

There's a lot of news we want to discuss Yes Things that have been banned And so yeah, we're going to just dissect that and go from there. Bye. Bye!