A Lot On Your Plate - S4 Ep18: Are relationship doubts normal?

Episode Date: June 11, 2024

This week on ALOYP we take a DEEP deep dive into relationships. We share a bit about our past relationships, chat about how / if you can relight the spark and discuss if we could forgive and forget if someone cheated + SO much more. We hope this helps makes some of you lovely lot feel less lonely in your situation, whatever that may be, as we can guarantee you're not the only one feeling that way. Please share with anyone you think needs to hear this and stay tuned for part 2 next week where we will be talking all things SEX & INTAMICY...Enjoy🫶🏻 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, guys, happy Tuesday and welcome back to another amazing episode with me, Jessica. No, no, you all know who I am. Jokes, jokes, jokes, jokes. Jokes, jokes, jokes. Hope you all had a wonderful week. We've got an exciting episode coming for you. We are going to be speaking all things, relationships. We're going to try and cover every single aspect of a relationship known to man.

And so much so that we're going to actually have to split it into two episodes because there was so much from you guys. And we just want to say a big, massive thank you. for being so open with us in the DMs. We've had some very interesting conversations, haven't we? I just think people get up to some stuff that you just wouldn't know about. But also, I think it's important to say that there's a lot of women out there,

not just women, but mostly women. For us, for us, that say that they feel a type of way or they don't feel comfortable speaking to their friends and it's really nice that you feel so comfortable speaking to us, but you feel alone in a situation and you're absolutely not. And I think this is why it's important for us. We are not relationship experts. that's in the slightest, so we just want to put that disclaimer out there.

I think I am, personally. You've had so much experience in your life at the right age of 27. But I think it is important that we just say that we are just your friends and we want to just, it's like we're sitting in a room with you and what we would say to you if you said something. But also, we like to learn as well. And there's some stuff in these DMs that you've sent us and we're like, Jesus Christ, that's a really good way of thinking of it.

Or it's really nice to hear some success stories or hear things just. Just loads, isn't it? Toxic relationships, things that have you overcome certain things in a relationship. Sex and a relationship is a really important thing and that is what we're going to do in part two, aren't we? Yeah, part two will be mainly the sexual intercourse. Yeah, and loads of other interesting questions that we got sent in that are evolved around intimacy. Yeah, wellies and stuff. Oh, yeah.

Good stuff. And also let's just say this is not a podcast. episode where we're going to be bashing men in the slightest, I personally love men. Like, I'm men's biggest fan. I very much am aware that we are totally two different people in this world and I just think we're wide differently.

So I think when you get that, your head wrapped around it, your outlook on men will change. I mean, you couldn't be women without men. Totally. Scientifically, impossible. Yeah. So there's one part we need to be appreciative of. But you have to

appreciate that our podcast is 90% female female dominant who are mostly in a heterosexual relationship so that's the angle we're looking at from that perspective for sure I'm excited to get rid of it but first

we've got chocolate today for a spitter swallow doubt we'll be spitting oh I highly doubt it but hopefully you can see on the camera not sure if you'll be able to make it out the word that's got on the chocolate from rude cookies so I'll leave that to your imagination if you're listening it begins

with a C and ends with a C and it's just perfect for our episode because it's what we say at the end of it yeah next see you next cheesy I like that right anyway so let's just say what it is by the way it's the viral Dubai pistachio chocolate bar that's going around all over TikTok at the moment and rude cookies have got onto the hype made of their own and yeah this is genuinely the first time I'm about to try it and it's meant to be delicious I think it's It's got filo pastry inside it mixed with pistachio cream, layered on top melted chocolate and then... Right, there I'm in.

I'm in. Oh, it's quite soft. Do you read that sticker on the back and read it again? Fuck calories. Well, we are right now and we're eating this anyway, aren't we? It's really soft. Can we go close to the camera? Can I just show you the...

Oh, I can't wait to get my chops around this. Right. That is good. Is it? Mm-hmm. Wow. Oh my god. Oh no if I can taste a pistachio too much so, can you?

I can't come through for me at all. But then is pastry quite like pistachio? I can't taste a pistachio at all. I can. But it's absolutely 10 out of 10 nonetheless. Mmm. So don't you need a cue to get that? Yeah, they said that the queue was out the door.

out the door on Saturday to get that. And if you listen to this and you're not based in Glasgow, the shop is actually in Southside now. But if you want to go and get a cookie for a friend or a particular occasion, they do some of the funniest stuff. But I was saying when I went in the shop the other day, it had like your ex's tears in like a little bottle. So it's obviously all a cookie.

That would be great if your friend has just split up from someone and cheer up, RIP your vagina for something if your friend's just had a baby. what was one you got i got bj voucher for richard which i said was a great gift i did at the time but i thought i cannot be asked expiry 10 seconds it's expired sorry yeah see ya but yeah loads of loads of good stuff not just all rude there's some funny stuff in there as well doesn't need to be like

too naughty naughty naughty no we like the naughty stuff yeah we do but yeah that's gorgeous that patsascia bar definitely worth the hype just can't taste that patsha too much but i am a little bit congested today so that might be why. It's maybe because it's quite melted as well. Yeah. But there is proper pistachial nuts through it at the back so maybe if you get a bit of that. Oh, you're lovely. So because

this episode we want to keep it all about relationships as much as we can and cramming as much into the hour as possible, we're going to be keeping our catch-ups into the Patreon over the next two weeks. Yeah. We have a lot of exciting things that happen this week and our way tomorrow as well so we'll

have that to catch up on next week. Lots of bits to chat. So please join us over there. if you are interested in that sort of chit-chat because we know you guys love the chin wagon. If you care about what we've been up to then head on over. We've got loads of people on there now. It's such a nice community, isn't it? Are you fam?

Yeah. I absolutely love it. Now, before we get into it, just quickly, a big shout out to someone. We don't do these often, but this girl he deserves it because she genuinely is our biggest fan. Yeah, and she's been very supportive from day one, hasn't she?

She has, and what I love about this girl is even just Jess era for me as well been there since day one every single thing I've done she's supported anything I've posted about she's bought any event that I've done she's there and not even in like a weird way she's so fucking sound genuinely really like her I met her once at a fitness event

a few years ago she's from the same place as where Richard is and I just really like it and when I see her like I get so happy when I see her yeah and you're kind of almost expected to be there now and like a nice way. Yeah, I really, really love it. I think when you are online, you do have people that you speak to quite a lot.

Yeah. And it's not like they become friends, but you enjoy them. You've got like some sort of relationship there. Yeah. So anyway, hi, Jilly. You know this is about you. She's gorgeous and you just got married on Friday.

So congratulations to you and Tom. You looked beautiful. But your lovely friends, Kerry Lauren and Laura reached out to me and they said that this would make your day and to be honest with you I know this would make your day as well so congratulations from me and sauce

biggest congratulations Julie yeah we love you to a lifetime of health and happiness yes and thank you for just being a true girl's girl also doesn't she have a wee food page yes Ginny Cooks yeah this isn't our pal jelly by the way

no it's Julia Adele it's another pal but yeah she's got a wee cook page too which you inspired her to I didn't know that until her friend messaged me yesterday, but that's nice. Very nice. She came to a Mojave Nix event and she was actually there buying her wedding shoes.

She came on her own. Remember when I did that? Yeah. Lovely girl. Anyway, right, let's get into it. Right, so first of all, I think, let's start with the stats from the polls we put up. Okay. Yeah.

And kind of go into them one at a time. Yeah, okay. Let's do it. So we've put some stuff on our stories. and we were very intrigued by the results so and Zoe actually asked initially any questions and advice or dilemmas that you've been going through

so we can just read through them all and see your success stories tips on how you've had an amazing long-term relationship but they also wanted to see the statistics of like what our listeners are yeah like what is your current relationship status yeah so we asked

are you either in a long-term relationship slash married and a newest relationship single but dating or on the apps or single and not interested in dating right now

yeah so 82% of let's just say all of our listeners voted right yeah but this would be probably accurate if they all did anyway

yeah exactly yeah an average 82% are in a long term relationship or married that shocked me I don't actually think I'm not shocked by that

because I feel like a lot of our listeners I would guess are just very similar to us and if we look at our friend groups and stuff that's probably the percentage for us too very true actually yeah I just

I just speak to a lot of people that are single and I just wasn't aware that we had that many people in a long term relationship or married which is wonderful but I just thought it would be a bit less than that yeah and then we were 6% and a new relationship 5% single

and 6% single and not interested in dating right now And by the way, this 6% might sound daunting if you are single and on the apps. But that's still a lot of people that voted that by the way. Yeah, like over 100. Yeah. So don't feel like. You're alone in that situation.

And also that's just the amount of people that have viewed it versus voted is far different. And then, you know what I mean? It's just easy to go on for days. So I think we should touch on maybe we're both in what you would obviously class as long-term relationships right now. both not married but has that been your only long-term relationship no but I would say my that's a hard one really because it just feels very different it feels so different yeah I'm a different person this is my proper long-term relationship yeah yeah but at the time my other one felt I thought that was proper no I know and I think that's what's hard when maybe people are

looking for advice yeah because you just kind of feel like you want to just say like I know it's so hard and I know people do say this but like I know it's so hard right now but one day this won't be your best relationship or your proper relationship because the next one's always going to feel like the proper one or else you wouldn't be in it well I saw a girl messages and she said um that she was 21 and she's been in her relationship with her partner since she was 17 and she just feels like now they're really growing up I think she really wants to travel and I'm not sure he does did you see that one you've maybe got to a stage in your life that you're now realized and you do want different things that is quite definitely and she's like do I like I love him do I and I thought to myself God if I could

tell my because that relationship that I'm talking about was when I was 21 yeah and this person did want to go and travel um I wasn't in a position to at the time if I remember rightly but and also we weren't right for each other either so that wouldn't ever happened that That wasn't the only reason things that would work out. No, no, no, no, absolutely not. But I feel like I wish the fact I could tell myself back then, like, this is not your person. Yeah, it just let it go and don't let it bother you.

Yeah. It's not the end of the world. So to this girl, and I know you hear stories of people that have been together since they were so young and they grow old together and they learn to love each other's differences and who they become, there's bumps in the road, but it's, you know, that's their person. But equally, you're young.

Go traveling. go and fly your wings if you don't want to let them go yeah if it's going to work out you either rekindle or you'll realise even when they're travelling that you can still like keep it going but it's just maybe a bit on looser terms or whatever like it's always going to work out

totally I think who was your first relationship well I had a kind of one year thing going on which felt like a big deal at the time how old be you and I think I was about I think it was like

the year of being 14. Okay. And then I got into like a seven-year relationship. Yeah. At the age of 15 years old. Was it 15? I was an infant. Yeah.

And I was with said person for seven years. My God. On and off? On and off. Yeah. Of course. On and off. But I just, as you know, and people might have probably gathered us,

I'm a very chilled, laid back, like, person. and I think in reflection through that whole time it was more just like habit in comparison to what my relationships like now I really didn't really have any fun yeah like I remember thinking with that person even yeah long car journeys like we wouldn't really speak much

yeah like do you know like things like that and it's probably because we're young too so you've maybe not got your full not your personality but you know what I mean you'd maybe not blossom into like what you'd actually like as a person at that point but I just remember thinking then when I like met Jason and got with him

how different things were yeah but again age just probably got a lot to do with that but yeah it was very on and off and I would say it was toxic to an extent but maybe not in this kind of typical way yeah of course like it wasn't like a young relationship cheating cheating

cheating like back and forth back and forth it was more like not working can split up, see other people meet back, meet on a night out, end up back together. Yeah. Because we met again on a night out, which we were going on because we went to the same school and we're from the same place. Yeah. So like that kind of kept us together.

Whereas I think if we were older, we would have never got back together because we wouldn't have bumped into each other. Also long-term relationships when you're young like I was, it doesn't, it doesn't count. It's not the same. Like it was important at the time, but it was very much like, it was just part. if we feel that way about our next, like not saying we would have a next part, but let's say we split from either of our partners,

we got with another, someone else, we'd be like, oh, this is it now, this is it. Would you think that way? No, I don't think you would because we've lived with them. Yeah. So it's just different, like, we were, like, staying at our parents' house and, like, going between, like,

once a week, probably. But for me, for my exes, I've had four boyfriends, if you count it like that, which is quite weird to think about that, because I did have been with rich for so long. But my first relationship was when I was around the same as you, like 15, loved him so much still to this day's a soul.

And like he's who I lost my virginity to. I did it in all the way that I wanted it to be and really liked him a lot. And he's just, he was a bit of a bad boy at school. And yeah, just got a special place in my heart. You know, one of them that I love. But I actually broke up with him like two years in because he just wasn't for me. And I still just remember this day, like, When I broke up with him, at the time, unfortunately,

we'd lost two friends in a really bad car accident and kind of brought all the friendship group together, but at that time we were having a bit of a break. And I gave him a hug, and we were all upset about the situation, and it was just very much a, look, I love you, and I want to be there for you as a friend right now, but I just can't be with you romantically. And I thought, I'm so mature for my 17-year-old self, do you know what?

That's very mature. It was. And, yeah, I like him a lot. He's a nice guy. and then second one was the one that just it was just chaos toxic everyone needs that toxic relationship i think yeah everyone one way or another just it's a learning curve yeah and that was like same as you like on and off for god i don't even know how many years it was but there was maybe four years they went off to university and there was just also

again a lot of other people involved and a lot of cheating and yeah um when you'd split from them, you'd, same as like you, you'd go on a night out, you'd see someone else and then you see each other and it'd be like, oh, just, I want you and you need me sort of thing. You would never let each other move on. It was just bizarre. But then we did actually split for a good six months and I got with two people in that time. One of them, again, older than me, met him in a nightclub, besotted. Like he was, I was like, oh my God, you are bad boy, but he was a really naughty boy and that became which I'm sure a lot of people listening might relate but there was things he was into that was really bad and we couldn't be together like it would be the

point of like I'd wake up and they went there and then we're still awake days later in a hotel room yeah my car was gone you know things like that and I got a lot of time for this person as well and he's a really nice guy but again not right for me would have took me down the wrong path in life. Yeah. Then I got sort of moved like rebounded to another person again sort of similar circle. Now this guy had everything about him. He was my mom loved him. He had a great job. He was handsome. He was tall. Treated me well. But there was things we'll talk about in the next episode which just didn't do it for me. Bless his soul. Lovely guy, but couldn't happen. Then I was then I was just obsessed with the ex, the toxic, went back to him for another two years.

I also think when you're younger as well when you're in a period of time that there's no one else if the ex is available it just it always happens because you're just out partying drunk texting drunk calling meet up all that and everyone does it I hardly know anyone who's cut an ex and that's it being younger

right okay yeah in the younger years like everything was on and off because you just didn't know what you wanted it wasn't important but it felt like at the time Yeah. So it's interesting when you talk about like with Richard, it's not, so I'm saying to Zoe before we started this episode. Like with women and how we feel about men, I think a lot of it stems from your younger years and how you felt like if you were in a household with a loving like father, figure, brother that treated you well or whatnot. When you start your first experiences with men, if it's a toxic one, it can probably really hit you hard because your whole life, you've been around men that you think. are good or you trust them and that could also I think a lot of how we feel about relationships definitely does stem for our younger years yeah 100% I also think even if you don't feel like something in the past has affected you that much I think if a next person shows a similar trait you would then be like no no no I can't do this again yeah like maybe

like someone who's severely into like patting or like drugs or something like that you you just think, no. Yep. And then, or like, fighting. Yeah. You know, like, just guys can be quite, like, fighty. Like, things like that. And you just think, I'm not even risking going near this.

It kind of is a bit of a trigger, even though you didn't really realise you had that trigger. Yeah, totally. Very interesting. But, yeah, with Rich, I just think it just worked. It was just a totally different situation of a, you're not like any of the exes. Yeah.

It should be well. And I think someone asked us, like, do you believe in the when you know you know thing? No, disagree. I didn't know with Rich at all. And I feel like I've said that that's kind of how I felt when I first got with Jason because, but in reflection, it's not that I don't feel like that now,

but it's like, it's because it was so different. Yeah. He was so different. And like we got on. You're used to. Yeah, and we got on so well. And we actually had fun together and I was totally myself. And then I actually realized, well,

I'm actually a really fun person to be around. Yeah. Whereas I don't think I portrayed that in the past. Right, okay. And relationships. So I was like, that's why I felt that way. But equally, I think you do get that feeling, but that it's not to say that it would last forever.

I think that's why people then think I've not had that yet. No, maybe you have, but it's right for that time. Maybe it won't last. Also, these women that get into relationships with men, they might have had a backstory of where their partner cheated on them or they've got serious commitment issues a lot of people think that

they don't want to settle that's another thing we want to go into as well like settling is there something else better out there which I guess a lot of I don't want to just pin it on guys but think that there's always someone better so what's your thoughts on settling then

so like let's think of an example so you're in a long-term relationship you feel like you've lost the spark a bit you live together you're kind of slightly wondering like what if as you just said there's someone else out there do you think

there is a period of time that you should try and make that work that's happened to me 100% that happened to me in probably twice in the 10 years yeah

um once at the start when I was trying to understand our differences which was very different to me and I think understanding that actually the opposites will work for me as a person again I'm young I don't I don't understand and appreciate that

that will complement my personality growing up but when you're young you think automatically I need to be with someone that's like me party girl and in fact it was all chaos being with someone that's so calm and so opposite it to that for me I thought you're not my person you're not my soulmate as you think everyone thinks

that they should be with someone that's exactly the same that's not true no I actually think that's a recipe for disaster yeah most of the time most of the time some cases yes but we didn't have much in common but then actually when you're with someone you learn that you do have so many things in common it's just different you have to get deeper into it and it gives you such little things little things like it doesn't need to be like your daily hobbies that you like or the sort of movies you like it's like little things that you both just enjoy in life and introducing each other into the things that you like and getting them into it like music taste or types of food or places that you go out richard would never traveled anywhere near as much as he did with me never ate anywhere

near as the food as he did before but it loves him and i listened to his type of music and loads of things yeah but yeah i think there was that and then we did speak about this in the patron episode but the seven year blip was definitely a real thing for me you know you were there at the time it was awful actually and unfortunately at the same time COVID had hit which I know was a real you know challenge for a lot of relationships um but that was like I was really understanding him as a person we we spent an awful lot of time apart in the first few years because of distance and work commitments which again I feel is a blessing in disguise because you actually enjoyed I enjoyed it it it made us crave one another when you were together it was really passionate and yeah you know amazing you messed each other Yeah, exactly. It was never too intense, but then when you do enclose with someone, you live with them, like we said last week, it was a different ballgame. Not only you're living with them, but you're living with them,

and you can't leave the house. You're stuck with them? Fuck me. Yeah. And then I did that climb Kilimanjaro. And I'm not just saying it, but that did change my life, yeah. And I think when you're up there with no signal and two weeks in your own head with other people in the group.

that are all feeling the same way. Yeah. You come back down and you're like, fuck, I ended up quitting my job, didn't I? And Richard, I just, a few weeks later, I just didn't want to be with him anymore. I wasn't sure he was the one for me. I wanted to move out.

He didn't. He's very much, wants to settle all the time and just, he's just comfort, like he finds comfort in just what he knows. He creates his own comfort and like whatever has current saturation as, and then he doesn't want to change it. Yeah.

And I'm the opposite. I'm very, it's not a good thing but I'll always what's the word straight for change no like I want to do impulsive

which I know it can be frustrating but yeah there's all these things we had to learn about one another so what we did which I know we can talk about other people but I said to him

listen I want to split up but I want to try this and make this work because I do believe that we have something special and we started dating every Wednesday night.

We're having a date night every Wednesday and it was something quite active so we'd either go for food but we'd do like an activity. Any sort of activity in Glasgow that there is let me tell you me and Rich have done it. Yeah like many goals. Axe throwing.

He did it all. And I said this to another friend of mine recently that's going through a similar thing. It can come back. I genuinely felt 1% from rock bottom where I thought there is no way I'm coming out from this. And nothing happened.

Nothing happened I promise Like nothing happened I just I don't know I just felt different And I don't know why that was And then it came back

And then some like Yeah And we still have ups and downs But as I said to you last week This past year Especially has Like It's been amazing for us

People are just changing And growing As their life goes on So like Even if you grow apart I grow together It can like come and go Potentially

which also brings other things along the way which is something you probably don't think about yeah do you get what I mean but you're like five years later and you think

I just feel like we're not getting on the same but it's like well I've now got new hobbies you've now got a new job that has different things going on we now just need to make sure we're adapting to that and the right way to adapt to each other where sometimes I think

you don't think about it in that way so then you just think we're not getting on anymore another thing as well that I would definitely recommend is I actually wrote Richard a letter which I don't no that's not for everyone but for me to get my point that was a really emotional time it was but like i don't want to get upset i was like obviously really palely with you at the time and like helped you in that situation but i didn't really know richard that well i'm getting upset

jess is crying for anyone that's not watching she's just emotional but i didn't really know him that well yeah whereas like i feel like i've met him more after that why am I crying I don't know when you say that was a really emotional time I know sorry I triggered you there but actually at the time

it probably feels more emotional now thinking back on it yeah because I feel sad that I felt that way by him, do you know I know and you just feel sad that you ever had those doubts and those negative thoughts in your relationship but as you said

every single person goes through that time like I feel like more than ever just now you moan about something to your pals and they're like oh we've actually been falling out for the past six months but we're through it now and I'm like why didn't you mention that?

Yeah everyone does it like everyone goes to their wee blips of light we're just getting on each other's nerves or you've maybe spent too much time together or too much time apart and like it's affecting your relationship and you think

you just assume it's only you at the time but when I when I sent the letter I just wrote it in an email I actually emailed it he read it and he was like I understand what you're saying I feel the same and I'm like,

it's all about communicating. How would you have known that if you'd done like that? Yeah. And it wasn't like we weren't getting along. We actually love each other so much but there was something missing and I think we both felt it and it was like, right, well,

the problem was we just didn't speak about it. Yeah, and maybe a bit of lack of effort because you were both feeling the same so we're just kind of like going away. And then honestly, it didn't fix everything but it really, really helped and now, this was years ago, mind you, This was like four years ago now.

Yeah, just... It's even more than that, by the thing, because I wasn't adjacent at the time and I'd be my handbook for you. But I just think if anyone's listening to, and you feel that sort of way, like write your feelings down or ask to have a conversation with your partner

and just voice how you say. But I personally felt like it was easier for me to get it all off my chest in my notes. And you can either choose to send it or not. My mom's always said that. Just get everything out on your phone. Yeah. And it's up to you if you want to send it.

And I actually felt it was really well written. and that I thought, it's a shame for me to keep this to myself, I think he deserves to read it. Yeah. And then it helped things, yeah, for sure. Absolutely. Well, let's go into what a few people have sent us in. Yeah.

Um, you can take a deep breath over there. I'm fine, honestly. I just, you know, when you say things like, oh, that was a really emotional time, you start thinking about, oh, fucking it was. But it's weird because I don't, even feel yeah

you're not it happened yeah that's actually just one last thing to point out I think as well

if you're feeling quite unsure like I think when you have those sort of conversations like something's

not working here you can tell in that exact moment if you both want to work for it yeah because the way

you react and like I'm not seeing you need to break down in floods of tears but I'm not

an emotional so if I have a conversation like that and I get emotional like I'm like I want this like I don't want

this fight for us. Yeah. And that's what we both did. Yeah, exactly. There's no way, he was like, there's no way I'm not,

like, letting this go without working on it. Yeah. And going off of that, someone, this goes quite nicely into what someone put in our question box. It feels much lonely in a wrong relationship than in being alone.

Like that. I agree with that. And I hear loads of people say that. Mm-hmm. Because you're, you're feeling like I shouldn't feel alone because I've got someone. Yeah.

But we're so not right. Or you're treating me. this way that I feel even lonelier. It's actually so sad. It is and that maybe stems from like Jason, same for you so well probably, but Richard's my best friend. Yeah. And growing to be best friends with each other.

Obviously. But being best friends is, and being silly with each other and you'll never feel lonely if you have someone to be silly with and talk to and tell them all the gossip. As much as men don't like to listen to all the gossip. rich does he's a little bitch but you know you're not listening yeah but the fact that you're pretending you are enough yeah like I'm still getting it off my chest I'm still moaning I'm still angry yeah for you just to say okay cool then that's fine yeah that's fine sometimes lol la la la la that's what someone said actually be best friends also both have your own

separate hobbies and interest and then once together as well yeah definitely a good Also, what's your thoughts on never going to bed without sort of an argument? You know this answer. Like, that's my biggest thing. We and Rich are really good that way. Yeah. You pointed out the other day.

Me and Rich, like, it'll be like, oh, you're a bloody idiot or whatever. And then I'll be like, oh, shut up, you prick. And then, like, do you want to see? What a couple? I would never sleep on an argument. He's forced that into me. I probably would have in the past.

I would and occasionally still will, if I'm being totally honest. Yeah. Only because I feel like things get heated, it blows up, it blows out proportion on both parts at times. And if it's a situation, all of these are just stupid arguments, obviously, by the way. But if it's one of those things, I'm like, you've really pissed me off. I just can't just click out of that. And I'm not, I definitely am a stubborn person to an extent, but I don't want to keep arguing, but I just can't pretend that I'm over it when I'm not.

Totally. And I will kind of like, I'm not going to bed, like not speaking, but there has been an occasional time I've done that. And I'm like, because there's no option. You've pissed me off and I don't want to speak to you. Don't you think men are quite like that though? They just want to brush past it off and it's like, no. Because they want to blurt out everything they want to say and like shout it and in like the

man rage that they have and not care how like the words are because, they'll just forget about them two minutes later but we don't take it the same way we don't it's different for us words words are harsher than anything I think you women really remember them sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me know that's that's opposite what we've just said fuck knows but yeah I think it's really important to not do it but equally when I've done it in my head I'm thinking you shouldn't go to bed and argument I'm like but we are going to both wake up in the morning yeah sort it eventually so you're annoyed just accept it you're annoyed i think going on to name calling as well

is quite important one having that respect there like richard would never dare say anything to me on a personal level in terms of like my image or appearance or anything like that no and i know there's a lot of people out there that say these sort of things their partners and that for me is an absolute no go If your partner is calling you anything that is trying to... But, I mean, it depends. If you're saying it to him too or vice versa, then you're both as bad as one another. Yeah.

But if it's just one-sided, then I would never tolerate that sort of behaviour. I think people, like a lot of people don't even tolerate someone saying, well, fuck off then. Yeah. I'm bad for that, so I'm not going to say I'm an angel. I'm going to say, I'll be honest. In an argument, I will call you a prick,

and I'll say you're an arshall. and I'll tell you to fuck off 10 million times. And he'll call me a bitch. Yep. But I'm not saying we're a fat fuck. Yeah, you fat slag. At least I'm not a lazy bass. Do you know what I mean?

Like that, I know none of it's okay, right, but we all get heated and we all say things don't mean. But there's name column and it's like, as you said, a personal attack, appearance or personality traits or whatever. And then there's just like your typical, like slagging someone words.

Sure. that are just anger and you know you don't mean I just think if I got cold something like that in an argument I'd never forget it and it would make me feel so self-conscious but you obviously think that then

yeah I know it's such a difficult one because equally at times like if someone says to me you're being such an arshall a lot of the time I'm like I know I'm because you've annoyed me so now I'm treating you like

do you know what I mean so you kind of know you're it's not actually offensive because yeah we are being bitches because they're arguing and shouting each other totally so you just want to think about it do you um how are you in terms of a relationship like are you quite affectionate do you tell each other you love each other every day would you look at each other and say like I love you um I feel like it comes and goes

kind of depends like I feel like we're very like that when we are out and about and having like a really nice time Jason has very very affectionate yeah something that he he's wanted me to be more affectionate but in a sort of probably touchy-feely way not intimate but like just general lying on the couch like I always need you ask you for a cuddle you don't just ever like yeah I do but it's just

maybe not to the extent that he's like that so that's something that I've worked on for obviously the sake of him like to make him happy make the effort yeah because I'm not but I'm just not affectionate I don't imagine people be much by that I'm just not affectionate really in life. Yeah.

You know, you're not him. And I'm much more affectionate lovy-dovey with him than I've ever been to anyone before. My pals were used to actually slag me at the start of a relationship because I couldn't believe what I was like.

So I was like, you've actually got me good. Yeah, exactly. Because we were saying about love languages and stuff and mine would be words of affirmation, but some people might think that I, Richard says I tell him I love them too much. I personally don't think you can ever tell somebody you love them too much,

but I can understand why that would seem that way. get that as well because sometimes like I can just be a bit like we just yeah like we don't what do we keep saying things for yeah but we would never hang up the phone or go to bed without saying love you

and I wasn't a phone love you person either and now I say it to like my mum before I hang up my dad before I hang up and Jason yeah I would never not say it yeah true and affectionate wise because a few girls wrote in as well about they wish they're partner was more this outside of the bedroom and stuff and we'll talk about that more next episode but are you quite touchy would you would you look at would you look at him and

say you look gorgeous today or do you ever look at you and say you look beautiful yeah he he has you yeah and I'm probably more like Richard I would say but I don't think I'm very good I think I think things and don't say them so like he'll walk past and he's just got ready and I'll think let's come out of my mouth though I'm not very very well I'm not very often and it's and I think it and I feel it but I'm not the best with that either I think I'm yeah I say a lot of things in my head that I don't say not just in that maybe a lot of men are like that actually yeah Richard is is good that way he will tell me I look beautiful but I'm obviously that twat where I go oh no I don't I'll never accept a compliment yeah but I will constantly

tell him I blow smoke up that guy's asshole 24 7 you do and I'm always touching him I'm always feeling him up I'm a pervert to him and I'm sure he wishes I was like that in the evenings but it's just funny but I think that's also good to keep that in the spark in a relationship that's how you keep the spark be silly be pinch their bomb I don't know

yeah and I'm definitely am like that like Rich says to me I show you I love you in loads of different ways like his flowers occasionally or the little thoughtful things Lung your bath and things like that there's other guys in the world the bath when I get home that is his way of thinking of me and loving you all that's what I like Like I come in

It's like do you want a wee cup in it? It sounds so small But it's like you don't realise how much I don't think I'm the best at forward thinking And doing I do do things like that But maybe not It's the little little things

That I probably forget about Like I'm not very kind of offering of Services maybe just like Do you want me to do that for you? Yeah I'll get that And I think that's where couples probably need to

Understand one another Each other Yeah communicate like I do love you but by me running you this bath is me basically telling you I love you a million times over no I know and I think it's the reverse is very important that

you see a law especially when we were younger maybe early 20s I would say of people treating let's just say guys to girls right so obviously we're seeing it from that point of view guys like cheating on our girlfriend or massive argument or whatever and then next minute there's flowers at the door

yeah that's where it's wrong you are right like don't get me wrong I think you've had a stupid wee argument you know you've upset someone it wasn't like intentional and then you did the shops and you're like oh get my wee bad of chocolate just to be like I'm sorry I upset you

like that's not the same but I think the big showy off things like a couple of my pals like flowers at the work and all that and it's like they shagged someone else the flowers do not like the flowers are not going to fix it and they've done it so that it's in a public setting other people see oh he's amazing

that's an arsacist it is a narcissist like that's not acts of service that's an artisism but it's quite a difference so I think it's like the love languages need to be like what you do in positive ways

it's not then how they fix things yeah and also you know if you got back with someone right let's say you cheated this is why I know I couldn't get back with someone

I think somebody asks this question could you get back with somebody if they cheated. Yeah. Again, it depends on the situation. I would like to think I wouldn't, but it depends, right? But if I had alcohol,

which I know, some couples drink together, would that then fire it up and you'd constantly have this toxic row every time you've had a drink or if you're out with friends or they then saw another girl and they'll speak to them in a straight way, it's like, oh,

what you speak to that girl for? and that's maybe where I think myself and Richard are quite good I've always had a lot of guy friends I'm a very flotatious person that's no shock to no one he's had to put up with quite a bit in that sense

like I'm very He's accepted of that no no bad intent behind no but for him like he also has quite a lot of female friends we've said before he thrives in a female situation he went and played like tennis with a girl last week and then

I don't know these people but he's got friends through the gym. I am totally cool with that, right? Because again, I think another thing aside from communication in a relationship is trust. And the moment you've got to trust them until you don't. Yeah. And it's like a piece of foil, right? Trust. You crumble it when the trust is gone. It's never going to be fully flat when you open it back up. And it's like you just... What are we to put it? Exactly. And I just think it's, that's how I personally see it. And once that trust is gone, you're always in the back of your mind going to be thinking who's he texting or I'm going to have a little snoop on his I don't know Facebook or whatever yeah and the moment that starts clicking in your brain

not saying that's a wrong thing because sometimes your gut is right for sure that's not a nice way to live I think until somebody crosses the line then that's different you've got to trust them until you don't but you can't constantly want to constantly keep catching them out because of a past relationship that you've had and you're bringing that into your next relationship that's never going to work. You need to try and start fresh when it's someone new and I know people do have like severe trust issues and I get it from things that have happened to them but I think it's so important to as you said like they didn't do that to you but if you voice that to them they'll be more understanding and maybe they'll make an effort to show why you can trust them yeah because if you

maybe don't voice it they don't know that you've got that insecurity yeah but I just think the cheating thing for me as like an adult now would just be a no-go I think you've just lost my respect yeah losing respect is actually worse than trust for me how would you feel that if you got with a guy right and you'd heard he'd cheat on his girlfriend in the past

or you were the person he cheated on it with and you became together would you then trust him do you know what I mean because a lot of people are in relationships because they were they went with that guy I do think people have got a big opinion on that on like well it's going to happen Lippa never change his spots

Yeah, you started in that way, so he's going to do it to you. I don't necessarily think that's always going to happen. I agree with you, yeah. I think people are with the wrong person, and then they meet the right person at the wrong time. And yeah, you should be respectful and break it off, but I don't know. I think if you really don't feel right in your relationship, it's probably quite easy to sway and, like, take it a bit too far. Yeah. But I don't necessarily mean that then thinks that then means that they'll cheat on you just because they cheated to get with you.

Yeah. we've got so much to unpack, but we're going to just finish the episode on a question that we asked on the story is, what's the one thing that you wish your partner would do more of or the one thing you'd really want from your future someone? Or any men, if you're listening, open your fucking lugs because we're going to give you some advice from our lovely listeners of gorgeous women. I wonder if there's any men in here. I said partner.

Now I never said, your boyfriend. Right. Weekly flowers, someone's route. That's a lot to ask for, honey. I think weeklies a lot, but I do think it's people don't need a bouquet arriving at the door, right? You can get tulips for three pound at M&S. Yeah.

I think if that's, like, I personally love a wee surprise bunch of flowers. Or even, like, I'm literally waiting in the car and Jason's away and to get a blood. thing of milk and he's like I pick these up like that makes my day I just think that's nice doesn't cost a lot like they're not fancy

obviously when it's a special occasion I do appreciate an ice bunch right but I just like having flowers in the house it feels homely it feels quite happy I agree with you I don't know so I feel like if that's something you like just voice it but make it clear that it doesn't need you be a big thing

guys go to mud flowers we'll see if you can get any dissount code if you want nice dizzy with you a lot actually a lot of people wrote things like more cleaning and I know this is a massive thing in a relationship where we've said it before you argue a lot when you move in with one another and it's about things like who and loads of dishwasher who's in the washing yeah I do think I'm quite lucky in that sense I'm lazy rich is quite clean but I know a lot of my friends their partners are lazy as fuck just get up and tidy your shit it really those girls um love language is acts of service

and they just want you to just please put your washing away. Do you know what it is? As two adults living together, do your bit. I'm not your mother. Yeah. Or they're not your dad. Yeah. Like, why are you not doing your bit?

Why are you leaving that? Like, or they'll just get it. Why should I? Totally. That's where, that's something that the respect comes into for me. Yeah. I'm like, it doesn't, you don't just respect your partner by being faithful to them. You respect them by respecting their time.

Yeah, it's their time, yeah. Because then if you're not doing it, they are. Exactly. Quite a few mums wrote in things like I really wish their partner would get up with the kids. They automatically think it's their mother's job to do that. Yes, they'd probably look after them. They may be at home looking after them all day,

but let her have a long lie in, will you? Fuck's sake. I'd really struggle if I had a child in Jason kind of just like sat back and let me do it all because I just, it would really tear us apart, I think, because I just don't, like, just get annoyed. And then I'm just like, fuck you. It's important. For us to be able to function, like, God forbid, I just couldn't ever imagine it.

I also think with that one, obviously, a lot of the time, the guy, typically speaking, the guy goes back to work after she two or three weeks, and then the mum's at home. And I think you've then got, or just say one parent goes back to work, right, you've then got the parent who goes back to work, who's shattered because did it work. Yeah. But then you've got the parent who goes back to work. parent who's at home, so the parent at work thinking the parent who's at home is having a great time

because you're at home all day. She's got baby brain. She's listening to toddlers all day. I can guarantee you they would rather be at work. They would than be with this baby all day with no help. My friends say it all the time. They cannot wait to get back to yes they're going to miss their child but they need adult interaction.

Because I think then the parent who's at work comes home and it's like, right, I need to chill out, I've been at work all day not that's your time to deal with the kids because they need to chill out. I think that's quite a hard one. especially when the male mate might be like the sole provider as well they probably think well I'm got the money blah blah but yeah look even she's just asking for one day a week son just do it Saturday morning give her a long line that's what she needs and also tell her if

she's your mother of your kids this is another thing we've got a lot as well you appreciate her you appreciate the dinners that she makes for the four of you every single night or three of you you appreciate her doing the ironing just do things that you say thank you for doing that yeah you know we've been you know you've had a nine to five hard day at work but you wouldn't want to be doing that big pile of ironing mate you wouldn't know so i think that is important that there's been times where i've been like out every night at work things or whatever and i'll then say like i know i've not been here so thanks for like dealing all the washing this week and making all the dinners and blah blah blah and i think it's it doesn't necessarily help if they're a bit pissed off about like feeling they're doing everything but it's at least you've addressed you're aware they're doing it all yeah totally whereas i think if you don't it's It's very like, do they even realize everything that I do? Well, that's the thing with men, I think. Richard, if the hoovering's not done or there's dishes, they only think of the outside basic bits,

but never the dusting, never the things that make that house feel like a home. There's loads of things that I do in that house. I don't need to scream and shout about it and write it on the fridge. I did this today. But he likes to fucking let me hear that he's using that hoover. God fucking damn it, bashing it about. Now, this is a huge, huge one. probably 80% of women said this.

You're listening. Open your ears, Marie. They want you to be more spontaneous. They want you to be planning nights out, doing more organising, organization of things in the future for you both, not just relying on them saying, do you want to go out tonight?

Yeah, where we're going or when they come home, what's for dinner? You come home with the dinner and say, I've bought this for us, I thought this would be nice for us, or I've booked us to go for dinner next week. Not everything needs to cost money or next week, let's go for a nice walk around Kelvin Grove.

That's what I was going to say. Say on Saturday, why don't we have breakfast and bed and then go a nice big walk and then have a movie night. Let me tell you now, there is nothing more sexy than a man telling you what you're doing. It's fucking great. And I'm not meaning all day-to-day life, but if they're saying to you, right, we go in here, we're going there.

It is a huge turn-on. It is... Especially when they send an eye message, you need to blur it out. Oh, I don't mean, I'm not that Gen Z for that, but maybe I'll go on to that. and what about a few people again like in the bedroom like be a bit more like seduce me

or like take control with things a bit more I do think a lot of females still expect the guy to sort of be the dominant one in the bedroom like come into that house I say this to Rich fling me against the wall bend me over and yank my pants down obviously I'd be like get the fuck off me

I'm not showered I know I know that's a problem in it in our fantasies we're like I think I'd quite like that yeah I'll tell you a deep dark see out of mine. See the first holiday me and Jason went on together. It was in yeah it was in COVID times

so we're quite lucky to get away. And we got in back to the room at one point and he kind of like pushed me up against the wall but the mirror was there and it smashed the mirror. Just a crack. Like it wasn't, there was no blood involved in it. But I thought that

was passion. Yeah. That was romantic. Now let's end on this one Now, this is a bit of a deep bit, but I think it's important to mention this today because we are on men's side as well, and we love you men. But a lot of women said things like, he hates talking about his feelings.

He doesn't open up. I wish he was more emotional. Men do a lot of men aren't as emotional with that aspect of the way they're thinking. I'm not going to label them all the same because there are some men that are really touched with their emotions,

which is fantastic. You said Jason's really good with saying how he feels. Yeah, I think he's pretty open about how he feels. Most of the time I could assume that it's all. the time maybe it's not but I do think he's quite in touch with his feelings but Richard's getting better but there was a question that we said um what was that a few seasons ago where rather than asking them saying um how do you feel what was the question

was it how does that make you feel what was it what was it was it was so a better better question to ask it was it was you guys will remember yeah someone reminds us of what that was but it was much better it was say like instead of saying how are you yeah say they then said what they'd been up to you

they'd be like and how'd that make you feel yeah it was something like that it was very much a way of men would answer it so much better because their brain wouldn't think it was too deep of a question yeah but they're still voicing how they feel but it's also men's mental health awareness month

in June so if any men if you do feel like there's anyone around you that don't really open up their feelings or they're not feeling too good I think that's important that there's lots of places and safe spaces for men to speak about things and open up um because i mean these are all aside from the little gestures of

being spontaneous it's all emotional awareness and better communication yeah and i do think we just need to respect that we do men are from mars women are from venus we just have to understand how we can communicate with each other but appreciate that they they aren't as emotionally available as we are yeah in that way i was going to say intelligent but that That would be savage. You should have said it. But, you know, I think a friend of mine's actually up at the moment and he is an ambassador for Strongman UK

for men's mental health awareness in grief. But I will share on our Instagram. I think it's important this month just to share some things as well for any of our male listeners. Absolutely. But yeah, anyway, that's a nice little ep. We didn't really get into any of our listening messages because it's just so much.

And next week we'll talk about the more intimate side of relationships and then we'll read through some of our amazing listeners messages because we've got loads. Yeah, we really hope you enjoyed that episode and if you think this will help anyone or send it to your friends and, yeah, stay tuned for part two. We talk all about sex, baby.

Oh, yeah. Bye, guys. Bye!