A Lot On Your Plate - S5 Ep19: Help! I'm unhappy in my relationship

Episode Date: January 14, 2025

This week on ALOYP Jess gives us a pregnancy update as we're getting closer to the big day! She gives us an insight into what 'Colostrum Harvesting' is and how it's apparently 'liquid gold'...have you mums listening ever done this? We also chat about different generations and how we think us, millennials, are the last generation to keep the good old days alive! And as always, we dive into a couple of listeners dilemmas, covering relationship struggles and a brutal dumping over text! Enjoy💖 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We are so excited to say that this podcast is sponsored by Watermans. Wait, the solicitors? Yeah, but they're not like regular solicitors, obviously. So not super serious and complicated? Yeah, I would say they're a bit more straightforward kind of vibe, our vibe. I can get bored with that. For straightforward legal advice, remember Watermans. Hi, guys, welcome back.

Have you missed us? We are back recording some fresh episodes and I'm still here. I've made it. I'm not in labour. Yay. Still pregnant. Yes, still pregnant. Still big, mama. So first time back in the studio in 20, 25.

So it is. It's feeling good, feeling fresh. We've got Murray with us and we've got Graham today. Who's annoying us so much already. So we need Alan back. Bring back Alan. Just kidding. How are you, Zoe?

I'm good. Thanks, Jess. How are you? Yeah, I'm good. I'm surviving. Had a nice break Yeah We were off for quite a few weeks

So it felt nice actually to Have some time off the pod actually And just kick back and relax I don't think we've done any kickbacks Or relaxing of you Well yeah I would say I'm relaxing but it's not relaxing Does that make sense?

You're doing chill vibes But you don't feel relaxed Everything hurts Yeah But how's Cookie doing? Cookie's good But she's a lot of work Yeah

I feel like I've not really done much over the last few weeks but at the same time I've noted a minute do you know what I mean? Yeah I have to say like I do think

it prepares you for motherhood a puppy yeah I do think pets in general are a bit like that because you've got a responsibility no sleep constantly watching them remembering to feed them

yeah walk them take them out but she's good she's so cute she is so cute hurts see when she's annoying me

I then just think I know you can't even you don't know you're doing bad yeah it's okay I'm like come on It's okay. I know. I'm like that with Winnie when she's climbing up everything

and being chaotic and pick her up but I kiss her. I'm like, stop that. Stop that, perfect, breath. Love you. The other day, she had a bit of a runny bum

and I was getting quite frustrated with her because I was just like, oh, like your toilet train and I thought you were going to do better and then I'd pick it up and I'd be like, oh, I love you. I love you so much. I'm like, you're the best girl.

She is. Then you feel bad. I need to sniff her. I need to sniff her breath. They just, I feel. I feel like because she's still quite chaotic I don't really take her out much like when we met up the other day

I would have brought her but then I'm like oh it's just too much and I feel like I can't relax in anyone else's house when she's there yeah you'll get like that though she's been puppy school hasn't she so I did I want anyone with Mark Dobby his company is my canine

which quite a lot of people recommended so I thought he'll hit him up and it was so good with her and he loved her as well oh that's good no wonder so cute but we just did like sit lie down down a bit of crate training, but more so that she knows that I'm the boss. Right.

So it's like to build the communication of like you only do stuff. So you're there as well then? Yeah, me, him and her. Oh, right. So he's kind of showing me things to do and then I put it into practice with her. Right, that's good. Yeah. So I've got five sessions with him, but he likes to leave like 10 days or two weeks in between

so that you can put everything we've just done into practice and then it's like on to the next thing. And it's like a test when you go back. But he obviously says things like you would say sit but he says to say sit and then once you sit and you say like yes and then you give a treat so she starts to recognise that we like yes

that little noise so then when we were doing like lie down and then can I create training and things like that I was still always having to do yes and now when you do that she's like oh oh hello what's that but she loves treats so much that it was like you've got it easy

because she will do anything you say for that treat whereas other dogs if they're not that food driven which are not always or if they're just not bothered about treats as such quite hard and I'm like, she's clearly my fucking door, aren't she? Fucking else. She's really. She's actually skinny though. The vet said

you can feel her ribs a bit much so we have to feed her more because she's active. They just shed loads of weight when they're young because they're talking about everywhere and the pouchy said the food were giving her that pouch is meant to be for the day like you can either do it in four meals or three meals but just that one pouch

and she guzzles it in like 10 seconds and I've always thought is that enough but our first vet appointment she was like make sure you don't overfeed her because people do to do that with puppies and you don't want to do that either so we were then about like okay let's just stick to it and then the next vet was like just feed her more

because she's too skinny oh I'm like fucking make messaging and also we're giving her half a pouch for each meal now and then because we're training her there's loads of treats and we dentists and that so I'm just not being precious but the food of the treats and it's better fattening it up and then needing to walk her more to get it off than being skin and bone

exactly. Because I showered on and she was like a wee rat. Oh, when the bag gets all wet. I know she hated it. My God, I've got really being spayed on Monday and I just can't bear the fact that she's going to be put to sleep I hate that. I know. And she's having a whole womb taken out. That just feels weird for me but... How do they do that? So they cut her stomach and take it out.

And will she be, like, is it a recovery for her? Yeah, she has to wear like a little suit for a week. What? Or a cone, but the cone thing will not go well with her. But with the boys, their balls just sort of like get evaporated. Yeah. But, yeah, with Wilson used to have golden bollocks. Do you remember that? Yeah. But yeah, with Willie, she's actually going to have, it's called being spayed.

Yeah. I think for a male, it's neutered. Anyway, yeah, so that's on Monday. You have to leave her from eight or two. I hate that. What's she going to do when she wakes up? Like, help. I know.

I know because you need to get cookie dressed as well. So what it's called dressed. Because they're periods, don't they? Dogs, proper. Nappies. Fuck that, by the way. Yeah. I just can't have that.

Like, I love me fluffy dogs and all that. But see, when it comes to, like, pure dog things. Yeah. It's not for me. Well, do you know what? One of the big perks about being pregnant, I'm going to say, is not having a period for so long. I was just thinking about that because I've got mine right now. It's amazing.

And I spent the toilet and I was just thinking, I wonder if it's worth it. Just for that. Yeah, there's lots of downsides of pregnancy. I want to say downsize, but, you know, things that are changing. Hard moments. But there's some very good positives. Yeah. And that is one of them.

But I've been getting all my hospital bag stuff ready. And if you're over on Patreon, guys, or if you're pregnant or in the future, you find yourself pregnant and you are confused. just as I am, head over to Patreon because in our chat we've had, I basically posted in a bump pick and I said, right, I think I need to pack my hospital bag. Can everyone list some stuff? And everyone was very, very, very helpful. So if you are clueless like me, go and head over there because it's very good chat. And I'm going to be using that list. So anyway, yeah, I'm packing my hospital bag this week. Maybe we'll do another episode if we have time close to the day. because I think that might be quite useful for people just to refer back to, like, essentials and things.

But things that, you know, I never even thought of, that people are saying. I'm like, oh, fucking hell, that's really cool. I mean, you sent me your Amazon basket. Yeah, and you were like, what? Absolutely, yeah, that all looks perfect. Good luck to you. But anyway, referring back to periods, you bleed a lot when you obviously give birth for weeks and weeks afterwards. Do you, right?

I didn't know that. Well, I wouldn't have known that either, to be honest. And then you bleat, I think it's about, well, I could be wrong, everyone's different, but I was speaking to my friend yesterday and she bled for about four weeks, but not like a consistent period. It's just... That sport in here, yeah. So, anyway, there's a lot of discussion around the type of pads or pull-on pants, adult nappies that you use and that people are quite passionate about them. Right. So I've picked certain, like, a mixture of things, anyway. So I'll let you know which ones I like the best. Well, you've just reminded me actually that I think I don't really watch

Sophia and Chinzia, much you've said before but you know how on YouTube just keep going and I just keep up and I'm working a lot and Chinsea was actually wearing pants as period protection there's like a new I think there's a new one that've come out and they're meant to be really good I just don't know if I'm into that

Yeah, they're meant to be brilliant, really absorbent and you can just wash them. Guys, I'm not sure. No, I know, I'm not sure, but imagine how, I hate, I really don't like tampons. I've never liked them. I don't like anything. They're a lot cleaner than pads, but,

guys, this shit we have to do. Why don't you get to go through this? It's unfair. But we're so used to it, though, that's the thing. We're so used to it, and we'll do it. I just think by 20-20-sex, surely don't need to do this anymore. And surely it doesn't take nine months to a child. Well, you can take a pill.

and not have a period or have the coil. Not good speed, though, is it? That's what I mean, it's not that it's, well, it's up to you what you do, but naturally your body has a period every month and that will never change, I don't think. I wonder if, see if you're so set or not wanting kids. Yeah.

Can you get your... Hysterectomy? Can you get that? I don't know by choice. I don't know. So that you just don't get a period? Possibly, because I suppose men can have hysterect, no, not hysterectomy, what's it called, Murray?

Vesectomy. Vesectomy. It's all the septimies. I've been seen a lot of chat actually on, you know, when you have children, and it's like, right, we're stopping now. So the mother's expected usually to go on the pill. And she's like, no, I'm not fucking going on a pill, whatever. And you're going to have a vasectomy. And there's so many people kicking off in like men, obviously.

kicking off like no but that can be reversed you know not for a woman but it can for a man and I think that makes so much more sense 100% I don't know if it's 100% accurate though is it I feel like I've seen that for it but is anything there's always a risk yeah see if you don't want it put a sock on it exactly

control your mend in there that I mean speaking of speaking of babies oh gee you have all seen that Jelly is pregnant. Another baby. Another baby.

We're going to have three babies in the crazy baby chat. We are. Guys, honestly, over the freaking moon. Over the moon, honestly. We're going to have a baby bestie. I know.

That's cute. We honestly speak about it all the time. So when we went to see Wicked, she said to me, meet me in Costa. And I was like, okay. And she went, get me a hot chocolate. I thought, okay, got a hot chocolate ready.

She was late. And she was like, I really need to meet you, like, at least 30 minutes before the film starts because I want to catch you from Miami. Because she just got back from Miami. Yeah, that's right. So I was like, okay, fine. Obviously, she was late, because that's typical Jilly style. And then I saw her walking in, and then she just threw this baby scan at me.

But obviously, I'm so confused. I'm like, I've just dropped my baby. Why is my baby scan here? Like, that's happening in my head in, like, a spit second. Yeah. So I looked down, like, what the fuck? Then I looked up at her, and she's laughing. I'm like,

what? Wait, what? And then I just... And I was having a really bad week that week, wasn't I? Yeah, I was very emotional. It was just, shit was... And honestly, I just burst into tears, like, are you serious? And then I obviously clicked that we were pregnant at the same time

in that she was actually quite far gone. I mean, by the time this comes out, she's way... Over halfway. And, yeah, it was just brilliant. And I thought, oh my God, we're going to have babies together, what the fuck? And it was like a bit of a relief feeling of... of... I'm not doing this alone.

Yeah, and I also know that she looked at me a bit like, well, she's been messaging me every day, like, because she's behind me, she's like, is this normal, is this normal? And then I was the same with Bex, because Lex is ahead of me, so I was like, is this normal. So we've all got each other, it's quite nice. Yeah, that is nice.

And yeah, she's due... Maytime? Yeah, yeah. So there'll be three months between them, which is nothing. Nothing. I can't believe how quick it's going to go for us for her. I know. You know what I mean?

I know so anyway congratulations Julie and Andy we're over our friggin tits for you both we're so excited I just think it's so nice and I'm surprised at how like yay I feel oh why because I'm just so not maternal yeah but same no I know but it's actually nice like I feel like it's not as a family yeah I still a party life yeah I love this wholesome family shirt yeah like give me it all I also think I'll be so prepared if my day ever comes Honestly I was thinking that all the time So basically in our chat

Me and Zoe There's a six of us in it And anyway This is something that I thought We could discuss in the poll as well Because there's certain lingo That I now say in the chat To Becks and Jilly

That three of you Don't really know what I'm talking about And when I thought back about it I thought that is so interesting There's so many things That I think we should list That What the first

fuck does that mean? So I had no idea what induced meant, what forceps meant. I knew what a C-section was, but I didn't really know the whole ins and outs of it. Yeah. I never knew what the word percentile meant. That word has been thrown at me so much. What is that? In the space of a few months in your like second trimester.

The percentile is the midwife measures your bump. And it's like a means percentage, but it's like an average percentage of what you are, like the angle of your bump. of so they put you in like a graph and they're like you're measuring at the 97 you'll hear like the 90 something a lot and when I first heard it at my scanner I was like what the hell does that mean and then I went away and spoke to a few friends I've had babies and they're like oh yeah that's good that's average or below average above average whatever just to let you know or any mom's out there that my bump is measuring way over the 97 percentile which is high chunky baby junkie baby

but what it means is they literally just get a tape measure from under your boob all the way down to your pelvic bone what the fuck does that mean more than likely anyone that I spoke to that's had a growth scan

if their babies bump seems small or big their baby has come out bigger than what they thought or a lot smaller so it's all my friends keep telling me to relax don't worry about it

so I've got a growth scan on Friday I also think you see people and you're like well they're going to have a big baby and then it's not no like the bump doesn't necessarily mean the baby's big Well, no, you've got all your fluid, you've got your placenta, you've got a whole other organ in there.

Yeah. You've got your uterus, like everything is just bigger, expanded. It doesn't necessarily mean that the baby is filling everything in there. But when she was touching me, because their back, if you're looking on YouTube, their back is, their back is here and their head is now down. So she was like... Just it curdled that way. Yeah, she was like, and feel there's a lot of baby there. I honestly still will never understand how a baby can be in there right now.

Like, that baby could come out and be fine right now. Oh yeah, totally. Going to just come at? Yeah, please. So she was like, usually like if I feel a stomach when it's whatever, there's a lot of fluid, but I feel a lot of solidness. There's a big baby. But again, maybe it's just right at the way they sat.

Right at the front, like everything's behind the baby. Yeah. Who would have spoken thought, guys, that we're talking about baby shit if you listen to our podcast in season 2 3, not me. That's for a fact. Anyway, if it wasn't going to happen now, when was it going to happen, really? You're not getting any younger, do you know what I mean? Unsure.

But listen, there is so much stuff that I would love to listen back to when I've had this baby and go back to the episode of what to expect when you're expecting, which is a really good episode to listen to you guys, by the way, if you have no fucking idea what you're doing. Because it just makes, it's just quite relatable because... Well, you're just kind of going through the motions, so it means that if anyone's not sure if what they're feeling's normal, then someone else is experienced it.

but equally you might have a wonderful pregnancy where you don't feel any of those symptoms I know lucky lucky but yeah just all the lingo and stuff it's just like I never this was never been in my vocab all these months ago and now I'm like saying it like you should know what I'm talking about what I was saying another day relates to this see when you want something I know you didn't necessarily want this so bad right but if you want something see once you get it it becomes your norm so quickly like maybe my mum were talking about like, can you believe like there's this wee puppy, like we wanted it for so long

and blah, blah, blah, and now that you've got it, it's not that you're ungrateful, it's just that it becomes your norm. Yeah, you kind of forget what life was before. Yeah, and even though before I had cookie, I would look at anyone my wee fluffy puppy and be like, I want that so bad. Now that I've got it, I feel lucky, but I'm not every day, like

I can't believe my life. Yeah. And I was relaying it to when you really want to drive. Yeah. As soon as you drive, you feel like you've been driving forever. Yeah. You're like, how how did I survive without driving? And I think that's what you probably feel like now. It's like you can't believe that one day you didn't know any of this stuff

and now you probably forget that other people don't know. Exactly. And I am sitting there and my friend came over yesterday and gave me loads of things like breast pump shit because I want to I can't believe I'm even saying all this but I want to harvest my colostrum which is something that I never ever knew what meant. Is that when you do it

before the baby's here? Yes, just in case they struggle to latch. Another word to add to this. latch. I don't what latch means when their mouth around your navel? Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so she gave me the syringes to try and do it, and I was asking her, like, how the hell do I do it?

Do I use a breastful? A syringe on your apple? No, you just squeeze it. She would say she learned it all off YouTube. She's like, you massage your breath and then you would squeeze it out. What do they call it? Is it like liquid gold or something? It's like the really good stuff that comes free breast milk.

Anyway. See, in 10 years, we'll all be drinking it. I know. Keep us young. injecting it into my hip-in-eye bags. Shit, that's good I do it. That's a new business finish right there. Get those fucking tits out and get that in.

We're on to something. We don't need sperm. Whatever that's sperm shit is. Salmon sperm. Get my cholesterol in your lip-in-eye bags, honey. Anyway, she was coming over and I was saying to where they're like, oh, you've got a sterolite. a sterilizer, I was like, a what?

She was like, yeah, and I obviously know you need to sterilise stuff, but I didn't, I'm planning on breastfeeding at the start, so I didn't even think about that, and she's like, oh no, you need to sterilise your breast pump, fucknose. Sterilize your nipple? But did you know you can get sterilising tablets now and sterilising liquid that you can put in cold water that can sterilise things in 15 minutes?

So I was like... Oh, and then you'll just do it in the sink or whatever. Yeah? I got room for any more contraptions in my kitchen. I know. I'm sorry. I feel like I've seen a starrise. sterilizer machine before and all the bottles sit in it and it's a big thing.

I don't have time for that and I don't have space for that. No space. I don't. So anyway, so there's that. And then I was asking, I like, so what's he feeding now? Like, what's he sleep? And then I'm sitting there thinking, how do I know when to feed this baby? How do I feed this baby?

What was if they don't take a bottle? Like, I said to a, you know, in the daytime, where does it sleep? Does it sleep in its crib? Is it sleep in one of those docker-top things? Like, I don't know any of the stuff. And one thing I will say that a lot and lot of people have said to me is this, what I'm saying right now is totally normal to panic. But as soon as that baby comes out, it's like a, you just know.

You just know what to do. And I'm trying my best to calm my mind and thinking, you know what I'm like. I'm quite thorough with things. I've researched things quite well. And maybe I overwhelm myself a bit too much because I look at things and I don't want to be a perfect mom because I absolutely know I don't want to be that either. I want to just be the best I can be but I know that maybe

I'm just trying to do things in other ways when actually I think it just comes naturally to you 100% I just need to chill the fuck out I know because I know I'll know what to do I think because of your job in your brain you love to research and have like the best of the best options

the best of the best like products for you baby everything whereas you just don't need that shit no I know a human just obviously you need stuff and I obviously reading all that all the formula like I want to know

and it's not I don't mean it in a way of and I know you guys all know what I'm like as well it's not because I want it to be like you want the base of the base No it's not that it's just more of like

I like to be knowledgeable on things so then I'll read it and I'll be like right well if I'm giving them a formula what formula do I'll take then I'm sitting reading loads of shit and I overweigh myself too much you need to just think people

going to ask them pick up a for off the shelf and that's what they give their baby and the baby's fine. So a lot of my stuff that I'm doing, I'm just trusting friends' advice and... See, as soon as you get home with the baby in there, maybe needing to go down for a sleep and you're thinking, should I put them there or there? Just text a friend, just get a baby and say, what's the best? Yeah. You've got people around you that can tell you, but also you will know.

That dock-a-ta thing, I think you can leave them in. You can take that with you around the house anyway. Yeah, I think you can just move that about. so I think babies do sleep in that a lot. I didn't even know about car seats. Like, you know if you take your car seat into your house? I didn't know you can't leave them in the car seat for longer than a couple of hours.

Why not? I don't know. I don't know any of this shit. Is it causing it to be lying flat and they're not lined flat in that? Fuck knows. Anyway, I don't want anyone messaging me a load of shit, please.

Just don't overwhelm me anymore. I'll figure it out myself. Yeah. Thank you. But I'm just voicing my opinion here because I'm sure everyone else thought this at some point. How are you to know that? Anyway, sorry guys

that was a lot of word from it but I'm pretty certain we can all relate when you feel overwhelmed with this and going back to you you're going to be a freaking expert you are I know I am you're going to be an actual expert

I think it will be I actually do know quite a bit about it because obviously I'm like I'm an auntie to Jason's sister's wee girls I don't know if I could confidently change an appie myself until I had to do it But I've seen it happen a million times recently.

Yeah. Over the last two and a half years, I've seen it happen. So I kind of know what to look for. And I know the process of like wiping maybe a bit of a sugar cream if there's a bit of an ash, then a nappy. Yeah. Like I know sort of things like that. And I've seen products. Yeah.

You know what I mean? That's true. But I think if it came to me, I'd still be like, like I'm not picking it up because I need to know. I just send the background. Yeah. But. You're quite going to remember in. things as well. Yeah. And also, my brother is also 13 years younger than me. Yeah.

So even though I don't remember him as much of being a baby, I've still seen it around the house, if you know what I mean? Yeah. So I don't know. Maybe that just helps. It'll all come to you and you're fine. Do you know what? And that's why I keep telling myself, you know, when I've said to things like, you know, if I have to, my birth, not my birth plan, but you know, my idea of what I want to happen doesn't happen. I've just got to chill out and trust and know that everything in my life that I've done so far, I've done it as well as I can. I know I'm going to be a really good mum.

I just know that. I know that. And Rich is going to be amazing. Like, I just know it. So I just need to chill out the fuck out and shut up. Guys, buying your own house and flat can be so stressful. So stressful. And I feel like as adults were just supposed to know all this stuff.

Did you know that it's considered one of the most stressful things you can ever do in your life? I can believe that by the way all the paperwork lawyers and all that it's too much it's a total mind field well don't worry I have a solution that will make everything feel easier just let our sponsors

Watermans handle it all will they pack my boxes too not quite Lizzie but they'll definitely take care of everything else perfect I thought we'd quickly talk about Generation Beta

which kind of links slightly into any what we're talking about babies but any babies that are born from the 1st January 2025, it's a whole new generation, Zoe. Do you find that crazy? I just think the generations are fucking weird. Like, why we could be one day apart

and we're a different generation? So the one before this was Generation Alpha, I think. I don't think it was A, Generation A, which I think standard stood for Alpha. I'm pretty certain. Anyway, so I was having a little think about it in my deep thoughts, and I was like, oh, wonder what this generation's going to be?

like because there is such a divide between a millennial and Gen Z, I think. Yeah, I could eat. But Generation Alpha and Generation Beta, or Generation A and B, more so than likely have millennial parents. Yeah. Right? Mm-hmm. Who are the last generation that lived without Internet and Internet.

Mm-hmm. And I just find that really interesting because although I like the Internet, you would never catch my sister deleting TikTok. No. Because it's all she's ever known. She isn't aware of this overwhelmed feeling of... Maybe she is, but she's not aware that it's happening to her. That makes sense.

The answer to her doesn't to delete that? Yeah. We played out when we were younger. We did lots and lots of things that children these days don't. And I feel like this next generation is... I read it's going to be fully integrated with AI. No. Their whole life is going to...

to be AI. I hate that so much. It's going to be surrounding them in many ways. I hate it too. But their parents are people that haven't ever grow up with that. And can't hate it? Yeah. So I feel like, and I could be wrong, this is the last chance for the next generation and

beyond to kind of give that child a sense of how we used to live. That's exactly what I think. Yeah. I think everyone who's having kids now needs to get them out to play we need to get it back to what it used to be we need to try and I think it is going to do that I do genuinely believe that me and Richard

will have that of course I'm I'm not going to be one of those people where there's no screen time listen I used to love playing on the Sims I used to love playing on my play since then you can't avoid all that and also as a parent you need to be able to like shut off for half an hour and just set them in front or something you just need to limit how often it is that's all social media is maybe what

they need to be limited on but my mom used to limit that I just have to dial up the internet to go on MSN but it was still social media it was a different kind and then bBM came in and then my space and bebo that's still the same as facebook and instagram it's just what it was back then it's just less consuming yeah um so I just feel like my job as a parent is going to be to try and find that healthy balance rather than my sister who who who who who's only ever lived with the internet. That's all kind of she really knows. And I'm not saying that that's a bad way either.

My sister's a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful person and she'll be parenting in her own way. But what I mean is I just think it's quite nice to think that we can show our children. Yeah, we still have the thought of how good was that when you didn't know any of this. Yeah. And everything was a bit more blissful and all that. They just don't know it at all. So if we don't keep it alive, it's just going to die.

And it will die one day. Yeah, it will. But not until we audied. But I find that fascinating. So I think that our... Same but I think it's going to be fully integrated with AI. Like I would actually love for everyone in Scotland say, who's our age range to get in a room

and say, we all need to come together. Yeah. And make our kids go out to play on the streets. Then the problem is people don't think the streets are safe anymore. I'm just about to say that, yeah. And as a parent, would I? You will be worried? I was thinking this.

You know, if my daughter wants to go, I say daughter, daughter or son, wants to get into a car with someone that just passed their test at 17 years old, are you fog? Sorry. No, I know, by the way. But then we want to do it.

Because I did that, my mum, let me. And I was like, you'll stop being so strict, Mum, let me get in. I know. Now I get it. I get the worry. Same. You think I'm going to let them go on a chat room?

Or like, even on a night. Even on a night out, I'm like, my heart would be in my mouth the whole time. So maybe we're going to be more strict. I know. I don't know how this is going to play out, Zoe. Maybe it'll be me saying, you're going to just fucking let her go out. Why do we keep saying her and she? I know.

I think it's a girl. I think I've got a sick sense. I don't know, guys. A girlie? Or maybe a wee laddie. I feel like I'm a boy, mum. Who soon, see? I don't know now, I don't know now.

But anyway, I just thought I'd mention that because I find it very interesting, this whole... This world of... Just the world evolving and being older now and seeing the generations ahead of, behind you, and ahead of you. Yeah. The differences.

It's crazy. It's crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy. That's a crazy world we live in. Anyway, we blabbed on there, sorry. I have nothing to say anyway. I honestly have done nothing. because I just think when you're training a pup

you're quite stuck to your house but that's great for you though because you've always wanted a little puppy now you've got a right so a couple of dilemmas for the listeners shall we've got some really good dilemmas and do you know what I was thinking so I remember when we did

season one and two and obviously this is called a lot on your plate and a big part of the podcast was sending what's been a lot on your plate. Are you going to say we're changing the name or something here? God, no, no, no. No. And we got a few in, but not like we do now.

Now, when we ask, we get really big dilemmas. People's actually wanting us to help them. So I feel like we're doing something right is what I wanted to say. Oh, that took a positive turn. I thought we were going back to, we need to get the food back and all that. No, no, no. Okay, great. Love that for us.

I agree. I think that it's good that we're... We must be helping in some way. I think so. I just think when you're in a bit of a rut or have got a sticky situation and someone talks about it, you just get a different perspective. Yeah. Or even if you've shared it, you instantly feel better.

So even someone writing it into us, they might just feel like, I just get that off my chest. And by the way, you don't have to... We don't have to read it out in the podcast. We will ask you if you want us to reply to you personally or if we can share it with the listeners if they're feeling the same. Like we're here to support you no matter what, FYI. Right.

For your information. Yeah. So we had a couple here. Take it away. And also if you do like this sort of chat, we do do this most Fridays on Patreon. Hey Jess and Zoe. You always seem to be my go-to for all things life brings.

That's cute. Brinks a fucking lot. You both inspired me to move to Glasgow. Wow. To get a new job and be with my boyfriend, I am so happy I've done it. Love that. That's nice, isn't it? I remember a previous episode when you discuss relationships getting hard and having to really try to work through it before breaking up.

What episode was that? That was a great one. Was it spiced up your sex life or... I think it may have been spaced up with Shakespeare's life. Or the one before or after that? I'm sure. Look on YouTube. It's a really good episode.

Unfortunately, I found myself in a situation where me and my lovely boyfriend are unhappy, but it's also due to outside factors. My mental health, his new venture of going self-employed, his family being very dependent on him and my job shifts being very draining. I guess what I'd love to know is, do you have any advice to bring us back together? As we both want to get back to how things used to be, but I'm a bit stuck on how to get there. Always appreciated, happy new year when it comes.

Aw. That's a hard one also, I think. It's the episode that's called A Relationship. doubt's normal. That's the one. Just came back to me there. It's all come in bed to me. I can't sound breathless.

It's just dog allergies and all that, you know. I think the self-employed thing's really a big thing to take from that. That our boyfriends went self-employed because I feel like when I did that, we definitely, a rough patch is probably dramatic. But just like clashed a lot more. because I was in the house loads, whereas I used to be out Monday and Friday. So you've not got the same missing each other

or a full day to catch up on at night. You're literally there on top of each other. He was used to being in the house on his own. Nobody was saying going to get fucking dishes done. You know what I mean? You were used to living sort of separate life. Obviously, it might not be at home, and you might not either,

but he'll be feeling stressed and, like, the unknown to him. But I think what you just said there, a lot of other people will relate to that, though. working from home being on top of each other I know so I would like almost because I'm coming from the other end of it I'm coming from his perspective like just give me a bit of

breathing space with it because even though I didn't feel absolutely stressed because it's not really me as person I was always just like when we are good about it I felt very defensive of it's new to me and I don't know what I'm doing and it's stressful even though I didn't necessarily feel like I was giving off stressed vibes

yeah so he might not but he's probably just got a lot going on in his head yeah do you know what I mean and obviously that doesn't mean that you should sit and be unhappy but just maybe like take that one out of the equation because it will get easier and as she said her family is very dependent on him so he's maybe feeling the stress of that as well yeah top of going self-employed but I think from that what I pulled from it was where you said you both want to get back to where you're going yeah that's a really good place to start if you both want it then you absolutely can work to it. And you've called him your lovely boyfriend, you've moved here.

It's going to be a lot of pressures and a lot of change for both of you. Going back to what we said in the episode, having that time for each other where once a week, go and have a date night, whether it's something inside the house or out, have that special time with each other, staying off your phones, just having nice, normal conversations, I promise you that spark will come back. And also, this is just a phase. Every single relationship is never going to be plain sailing for that amount of years. you're going to have a blip, you're going to have peaks and troughs and it's about being working together

and like you say, you both want to make it work and that is an amazing starting point. Yeah, that's the difference. Usually someone's kind of pulling back. Yeah. And like detaching. I think the same. I think you just need to go back to being like,

what did we really enjoy doing together before we both felt a bit distant and stressed and then just started doing those things again? Yep. Because when that kind of happened to us, I felt like I just, I was in my laptop constantly literally for morning tonight no time for nothing else

worked the weekends everything because I was trying to get a routine and that that needs to stop so then it is about spending more time together yeah that's all you need to do also communication having a conversation with each other and just saying right however you want to communicate it

that's up to you but just saying to him like I really don't want us to I can feel this going a certain way let's try and put a stop to it and how can we do this together I also think even if you have a chat about it and it's like quite a deep emotional chat that actually puts you 10 steps ahead

because then you're both like you get it all out don't you? And you feel quite sad that you both feel that way and you're about like I love you so much right now because I feel sad like for you and for me

sometimes you need to have that not blazing wow because that doesn't need to always happen but sometimes you just have to have that sort of heated emotional debate well if this isn't working to be just leaving all that and you feel so sad

and you're like what I didn't mean that and then you do have a period of time where you're both really trying, you don't want to feel that way again, and actually that just puts shunning back to like a normal cycle, I think. Yeah. But if you both try anyway,

you both do the things that you say you'll change. The effort does need to come from both sides or else it will fall apart. Yeah, and also, you're just, like I said, you're going through change here. This is a whole life change. There's a lot of changes that ways. Yeah.

Yeah, so it's just about adjusting to that new life and how you're going to do it together. I think, I think you'll get through this. It sounds like a really nice relationship, very healthy. Absolutely. Ooh. We have a lot of mother-in-law chat here.

People hate their mother-in-laws, by the way. I just honestly can't relate. We've got a lot of... A lot. Advice on how to handle awkward mother-in-law. Disregarded gifts sent to my baby from my husband's dad's family, her ex. Baby was sent beautiful handmade soft toys and mother-in-law was rude and only wanted baby to have the toys she had bought for her.

This had been a reoccurring. theme with her since I'd been part of the family despite his parents being separated for 20 years, Loll. How would you handle this? I'm finding it more difficult now with the baby and with her wanting to be number one grand. She's referred to husband's stepmom as a witch in front of our niece and I'm worried she does the same in front of our child. I just wish she could be happy and not get her back up at any mention of dad slash stepmom. It's becoming increasingly challenging now as I don't want mother-in-law to pass on her negativity towards dad's step-mom to our daughter. if we ever confronted her about any of this

it would not go down well but we feel we are walking on eggshells around her a lot of the time trying not to mention them my husband just accepts this is how she is should I be the same any help will be appreciated love the pod we are beast

I'm a bit conflicted because part of me is like just ignore her and let her be petty and bitter and don't react and just like brush it away and part of me's like have a serious conversation say I don't want that I'm a child I'm not sure do you know it's it's feeling it's giving very insecure vibes it's just given unhappy better petty insecure like

yeah moved on and doesn't really need to be that way no there doesn't need to be a rivalry between who's the better granny I mean I can't relate that because I haven't got that but I know but I could relate to that situation if it was happening because I do have that dynamic. Yeah, me too. But, um, okay, so let me try and put that in my shoes then. And it would be my mum being bitter towards my stepmom, right? Yep.

No, wouldn't. No, it would be Richard's mom being better towards. Richard's stepmom? Yeah. Ooh. I'd let them hash it out. That's between them. I know.

I think when it is your partner side, you just need to put it on them. And she just said her husband just accepts it? I would be having a conversation with him and saying it's fine for you just to accept that that's the way she is but around our child I don't want that to be shown. I don't want her to pick up on this. Yeah, because she'll definitely pick up on those vibes,

won't she? Especially if she's calling her a witch. That's not nice. I've just always had like parents who get along would never badmouth each other for the sake of us, their children. So I just struggle to relate and I struggle to understand

what the point is. Like why do you want your kids or grandkids to feel any hate between the family? I don't get it. Yeah, I'm the opposite to you. I kind of grew up

in a household where there was quite a lot of that and I always felt very piggy in the middle. Yeah. And I told my mum that actually quite recently my mom was doing some

work on her essays and she was asking me certain questions. Oh yes. And I just was honest with her and I just says actually yeah I did feel that hatred between parents and whatnot

and all that all that did was make me feel like pig in the middle and it made my mum feel really sad because I think when you're in it when you don't realise it because all you care about is you're being selfish you're thinking about being bitter and whatnot you never really think about how that's actually affecting the child

and I do think it would take a lot to be the bigger person because if you think about if I think about my mum and dad when they had me and Adam but they were split they were only really like our sort of age so like if that was us right now

would we and say Richard went off with someone else or that's not actually what happened but like if you were a reason to be bitter it would be hard not to so probably as harder it's their first time living life yeah exactly

so I do like have a lot of respect for people who manage to do it And I don't know of respect for people who don't because it must be so difficult, especially if they have done you wrong. I know. So it is a hard one, but I think you just really need to try for your kids' sake.

And I guess it's all just lessons. I wonder if you've said that, your mum would probably think, like say if obviously she's not going to have another kid. But she would do it differently now because she knows how much you feel. I wonder if she knows that the child called him the witch because the daughter came back and told her that.

She said that. She must do. Yeah. so in that case then I would say unless your daughter's feeding back something I would say listen to your mother-in-law I just don't appreciate you saying that about whoever and I really hope we can just kind of not let my daughter be around that

I don't want there to be any her feel any sort of rivalry or negativity I think you can just position it as I understand you feel this way it's fine for you to feel that way etc etc but I'd appreciate when you're around my kids

if you didn't show because I don't want them picking up in it I don't want for your shake or for the other shy to pass it around because kids don't know and they look they take an information like a sponge and they will repeat it

so it's going to end up causing a bigger thing because the kid will pass it on they don't think they will feel like the treading on eggshells as well when they get a bit older they don't want to they don't want to upset the grandma and they don't want to but listen going back to this

the end of the day it's not your mom, it's your husband's mom. So I would tell him how you feel, I'm sure he knows, and just say you need to say something right now. You need to squash it before our kid gets older and takes it all in. But I think you're absolutely valid to feel the way you feel, totally. Yeah. Parents had a difficult situation for people, aren't they? Yeah.

Dumped over text after a year and a half together. Continued for six weeks to arrange to meet for a face-to-face conversation and then either cancelled or ghosted me, eventually had to block him as it was, mentally exhausting. Of course he then messages off another number when drunk, numerous times that I have to unblock him, saying it's not as black and white as it seems and he can explain, said numerous times I'll make this right and you'll forgive me. He's recently launched a new business which involves a lot of socialising. So obviously that's his priority, but I've not to worry

as he's going to be, in quote, become a millionaire and look after me. Right, I'm off. You've got to laugh because I'm all out of tears. Honey, block. No, I think she's on the night thing. Keep him blocked. Keep him blocked. He sounds like a nutter. And just keep blocking the numbers

that he's reaching out to you on as well. Also, why is he telling you, like, I'm going to be... Ew. I can look after myself, thank you, you freak. I think that's honestly vile. I hate that, chat. I hate stuff like that. Don't tell me what you're going to do with my life.

Also, if you wear a million you already, then okay, maybe. But the fact that you're saying... The fact that you're saying, I will become, that's not guaranteed, mate. So I'm not risking it. Do you know what I mean? You'll stay blocked. I'll unblock you in. You can prove the bank balance.

Do you know what I mean? The first sentence for me, dumped over text. Me, you're that much of a coward that you can't tell me face to Facebook. You think you're going to become a millionaire? I feel ill. Get fucked. Honestly. I hate these people.

Keep I'm blocked. Seriously, keep I'm blocked. I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed. But I need you know who that is. I need to know who that is. But anyway, moral of the story is, if you can't find a man or woman that tell you to your face

after a decent amount of time together as to why they don't want to be with you and they cowardly do it over text, then they are not for you. No, not worth your time. Especially in this day and age. I think when I was younger, fair enough. Like, it's how you want to deal with it. It's not that deep.

but if you're asking them for an explanation face-to-face, once saying over the text, maybe I need to chat, I just really feel like they are not worth your time. And a lot of people, we've had a lot of messages from people being dumped over text. And I just honestly could never imagine doing that to somebody that I've been with for a long period of time.

I know. I couldn't. Unless they've really, really done me wrong, which by the sounds of a lot of people that have messias, it hasn't been the case, it's just been a... A carriage. A cowardly, ghostly, look, I'm done here.

Come on, you owe me at least an explanation. I know. I think it must be so hard to not get that sort of like closure chat as well. Yeah, and then they wonder, they wonder why you're then probably acting a type of way because you need to have that closure. Yeah, definitely. You need to look them in the eye and be like, why?

They're not going to, I'm not going to beg for you back, mate. No. But have questions that need to tell me. I know, exactly. Keep him blocked and get him to fuck Smadvice and that one Blocked Okay

Goodbye See ya See you See you've on Patreon I've got more I hope that was a lovely episode back Fresh Fresh Dilemas

We love them keep them coming And if you join us on Patreon We'll see him Friday If not Next Tuesday unless you give birth No Good vibes please I'm still going to be here

We've got a few more episodes in us yet. Fingers crossed. Fingers firmly crossed. Okay, well, thanks for listening. Bye, guys. Have a little week.