A Lot On Your Plate - Side Dish: Nagony Mums

Episode Date: August 25, 2023

Our mums are back to answer what’s been A Lot on Your Plate with their wise (old) advice…we hope you enjoy! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome, welcome to our bonus episode called Side Dish. We hope you love this week's episode with our mothers and they are back for a bit of the dish. And we decided to call them our, not agony aunts, but they're nagany moms. That's what they are. A bit of agony, aunts. We're going to get them to answer your questions, your dilemmas,

anything that you want to ask in in future episodes this is the podcast and the episode where we will answer them on the bonus episode every Friday we'll keep it short and sweet so send them in they can be funny they can be serious they can be whatever you want and also I would just like to say from our responses from this time I want more juice

more juice yeah more juicy dilemmas send us all the details yep and also we do like to know what you have had to eat because I know that is part of the podcast as well right but no I want the drama yeah a bit of eating mostly drums sorry i'm picking my nails here so you can you hear that welcome back ladies thank you yes they're two gins deeps and maybe they're a bit looser now from the first many minutes of that episode the nymphs of cams they come i'm going to ask you just to keep it food

related and susan i don't know if you actually have made one of my recipes but i think you may have but mom what's your favorite recipe of mine because you're you know you're a trained chef this is this is a big deal for me well on your on your page i would say that um there's two of mine going on there but uh besides that i like the orzo the chicken orzo the greek orzo i use that a lot especially when i'm entertaining it's a very colorful pretty dish and it's a very colorful pretty dish and it just looks amazing when you have friends around so I really like doing that yeah and I also like the vodka pasta one yeah that's good they're probably two of my absolute favorites um my stepson makes your sausage pasta all the time that's an easy uni dish isn't it the one that everybody loves

yeah um so probably your top top one that was a that was a question from a few people on the last episode yeah so yeah they're probably those I I like baking things and making things that are sweet and I feel like it lacks that because you don't do baking. No, I don't enjoy it. True. Yeah, so the one thing that I think you did on the sweet side

we did it together which was the cheesecake one at Christmas when you came. Probably, yeah. Yeah, so but otherwise, yeah. I love all of them. Basically, she's just implying that everything that she likes in there is either coming up or it's already on there on that's a cheesecake. Yeah, no, but yeah, I mean it's a fabulous page.

Suzanne, have you ever made anything? Well, we did the live, didn't me, Zoe? Well, it was meant to... Yeah, you need to do more lives, Jess, I love that. Oh, no, I'm a bit nervous. I did, I know that was a while ago, but we did that together. Well, Zoe was going to do it,

but obviously I was in the background. I was saying, you know, you were talking about garlic and she was saying, is this a garlic clove? I was saying, no, that's a bulb. No, you actually need to just, you know, so I was kind of in the background feeding her the correct ingredients. I remember this.

And we really enjoyed doing that. that was good fun wasn't we really enjoy doing that together and I love that dish and every single one of your posts I look at it and think oh my god that looks amazing I must make it and I spoke to my friend Elaine about this when I was away in holiday because she she's always having dinner parties and I very rarely do that and it's only Ben and I and he eats rubbish so you know I sort of committed to making something new every week yeah um you should and I'm going to go to your dishes because it all look fantastic how many people say that to me like oh I see your page I love your

recipes I'm not made one yet I'm like, they are so easy to do. I wonder how many people know about the little book because I always try and tell people about the books. Because it takes you quicker rather than trying to scroll. Yeah. The little tiny book icon. There's a little book icon on my Instagram.

If you click on it, it's called guide section. And I've categorised a lot of my recipes. I haven't updated it in a while. But you could maybe just each week make a point of resharing one of them. I know you've done a wee bit more and then it does remind people. And my special request, she's not done my special request. and I'm going to say it again live. I want a fish guide

because I love eating fish and she's got quite a lot of fish laced through but I want to be able to click that book and hit on fish recipes. Nearly every single recipe on my page you send the next slide and I give you the fish alternative. So there you go.

I'm still not happy. Okay. Right. Mom, you also have had the stuffed peppers I used to make them November? Oh yes. Yes. I love that yours.

Yeah, that is my ones actually. Yeah, love stuffed papers. Okay, so we've got a few dilemmas here Let's read them Me and my situation ship Of four weeks ended things yesterday And I've cried more than I did when I split off with my ex three years

We wanted different things He wanted to settle down and I'm basically not long single And in a bit of a party era Normally I would just ignore my head And follow my heart and settle prematurely But it kind of made me feel like he just wanted a girlfriend And didn't care whether it was me or not How do I make myself feel better when I know

I've made the right decision? Help me So let's just quickly touch on what situation ship means before we move on. To tell our mum's, it means what I think anyway, it's like the new word for when you're seeing someone maybe. Yeah, I would say that. When you're not official, but you're early stages, but you're maybe going on quite a few dates a week and... You're courting. Is that a word that you might know? Well, no, I mean, our moms would maybe have used that word.

I think you've got that far back. Thanks, Jess. dating yeah yeah so yeah that's it that's it this is an interesting one because if she's why is she crying so much you know if she's so upset about it then that's her heart you know she's usually go with her heart rather on her head and it sounds as if she's really upset about it but she feels as if he was more just looking for a girlfriend and maybe didn't care as much about her as she potentially cared about him so it's it's a weird one because then she also then says she wants to be in kind of party mode

because she's been in a relationship for a long time. I think you just with all of these things I just think you have to go with your gut yeah

just follow your gut and do what feels like the right thing for you at the time but I'm just a bit confused about why she's so upset about it is she going against her gut

and she's ending it because she thinks she should end it because she thinks it's not going to work out and she maybe should be in party mode but actually she wants

to be with him she just needs to go with her gut. I think a lot of people when they come out of a relationship are so set on, I need to be single for a while and I think you do if you're not over your past relationship because then you're just going to put that into someone else but

people are like set on doing that but if that's not what you want don't do it yeah you can still go out and party when you're with someone of course you can. It's a right person yeah Polly what do you think so listening to the words and I did pick up on the fact that she

cried quite heavily my mind straight away went to that thinking well why if you made the decision are you so upset so yeah my mind went a little bit on that and I'm wondering how much she actually knows herself I'm wondering how much she's really in touch with herself and her feelings so my advice would probably be to perhaps have a little bit of self-exploration about herself and maybe read some self-help books about herself and look and see what she finds interesting but um yeah there's there's certain things called attachment styles i'm going to get too deep um but i think she's perhaps in an avoidant attachment style right so she's perhaps avoiding what she thinks she wants or doesn't

want so i think that there might be a bit of that going on for her. Mm-hmm yes self-help books so he's like oh no um yeah i actually totally agree in the sense of I think if you became newly single and you're at that age where you think I should go on party and you're having a really good time. It's like right guy wrong time sort of thing in your life possibly but I just

don't agree with that. What do you mean? You think that if it is the right guy... I feel like it's the eight guy hoping it'd be the long time. But she's possibly thinking there but she got some vibes from him didn't she where she said she just felt like he just wanted the idea of her but not actually her. So there must have been some sort of lost connection

there where she can tell that she's probably not the one for him either but they had good fun and that short space of time maybe they had good sex I don't know these things are kind of toxic but that's what a situation should be isn't it? Why did she and why the tears? Because she probably enjoyed the party lifestyle

maybe a little bit more when she thought he's maybe a little bit boring avoidant yeah he's a bit boring he's really nice but I'm not ready for that yet he's nice you just don't know that situation do you I think you wouldn't have ended if you were that upset yeah

Like, I think you would have just got over wanting to still be single and whatever if you liked him enough. Yeah, that's true. So, yeah, you might be a bit upset and maybe you're just kind of having like, it almost feels like the breakup all over again because it's maybe quite fresh still. Mm-hmm. But actually you're probably just upset that you're like kind of in this situation again. But she did say at the end of the message though, what I think this boils down to, she said, I know I've made the right decision.

So she's saying she knows she does, but she's really upset. She doesn't understand why. She's still like to say it if she knows she's made the other. And maybe because he was a good guy. She's probably thinking, I'm just not the one for him, vice versa. And she's saying, why am I more sad about this guy than my old relationship? She's probably just confused trying to work out. This is a new thing to her.

She's probably not experienced it before. So, yeah. Self-reflection. Yeah. Interesting. Well, I hope that helped. Yeah. Very mixed back there.

Yeah. Okay, next one. we have started a new job i don't feel like i'm fitting in with the team all older and live a different lifestyle to me with kids etc they all moan about the boss and i'm finding it really hard to stay positive and enjoy working here and i'm not sure i've made the right move what do i do who wants to go first mothers we're now working in an environment where so i am the boss and I've got a boss as well and we've got a mixed

generally speaking they're probably mostly younger it's sort of contact centre so mostly young people that's not necessarily their aspirational job we've had a few older people join the team as well who are in a different stage in their lives and I think from a boss perspective as a manager

I would always make an effort to make sure everyone feels included and you do things that are inclusive and you don't do things that don't allow people to join in and, you know, you sort of try and cultivate conversation and an environment where people can share and just enjoy the fact that they're different. I think if someone's feeling as if they don't fit in,

it's about them maybe taking an interest in the other people. You know, so take an interest. You might not be interested in someone who is married with kids but ask them about their families, about the children they'll then ask you what did you do at the weekend i quite often find i'm the oldest person in my whole department and i actually love to hear by far by the way and i love to hear what everyone else is getting up to what they're doing yeah i do i mean i really like to hear what they've been up to the weekend where they go on holiday about their relationships they're getting engaged

and all of that so as an older person person i really enjoy hearing that so i think if that person makes an effort to be interested in those people that they don't fit in with then those people you know vice versa they'll then take an interest in them and you just start to yeah you don't have to be the same you don't that's what makes an interesting team yeah people are so different and they've got different lives and different hobbies and interests and that's what makes good conversation so just be interested in other people and they'll hopefully reciprocate can I go next yeah but I'm just thinking in terms of because I had to start a new job where I didn't know anybody and I've been in various jobs where there's been a lot of

of older people where I've worked and actually I've found that I do tend to get on a lot better with older people because I find them quite inspiring I look up to them I love hearing their stories and I learn a lot from them so I never found it a bad thing don't get me wrong I always did then draw

eventually find people that are more on my wavelength or in my age group over time but a bit like how we're talking about in the main episode with you both how I am as a person trying to put myself in this position if I was around negative people all the time and how I say about how you are with the true reflection

of the closest people around you. I would try and change the narrative and I'd be like, right, I'm surrounded by five negative people here. If I don't respond to them in a negative way, she's obviously either agreeing with them because she's new and she's feeling like I should maybe just agree with them to fit in,

which is the wrong thing to do. She doesn't want to join in slagging off the boss. Maybe the boss is annoying and she doesn't know that quite yet, but they shouldn't be doing that to her as a new person. I would then try and flip it and be like, say something positive back, and the more you do it,

the more they are aware that you're not, not allowing that negativity, they will then stop speaking to you negative and it will actually help them because it's the same. They are around negative people. If they're around positive people, they will eventually change over time. So I think you're doing them a favour as well. But if she real likes the job, I would say stick at it for as long as you possibly can. Don't throw the towel in just yet because you have the power to change people's minds and enjoy your job for what it should be rather than let it, you know, affect your actual future because of people's opinions.

It doesn't mean that they're bad people. They're just been in a negative space. I mean, yeah, I're in a workplace with a group. You do, when one person starts being negative, it does have a knock on effect. Yeah, it's like a domino effect, isn't it? And you do it, like, well, I always found myself being like, right, we're all just moaning, let's lift the mood, come on. Yeah. And the moment someone does that, you're like, whoa. Yeah. It is true.

So I just think, don't, don't, I know you're probably wondering that you've done the wrong decision, but you're only thinking that because of the people that are in the, you're not mentioned anything about the actual job, and that's why you apply. yeah you apply for that job because you think you're good at it and you're not going to be good at it when you're around bad people those people might be desperate for someone new to bring some positivity as well they just maybe don't know how to get out of that rut so to bring some positive energy they might be thinking yeah absolutely

yeah because you can have one bad egg and it can just spoil the whole bunch so be that breath of fresh air be that good egg yeah what do you think mother so so it's difficult going third or fourth because you've said quite a lot of what I would have said so I'd be repeating that but equally she needs to remind herself she got the job on her own merit she got the job because she was qualified to do the job

we don't know enough about the history because obviously it was just that sentence but maybe the boss brought her in because things were so negative that he wanted some new blood some new injection into the company that he saw something in her that could bring that new vibe. So, you know, she possibly, if it continued and she can't do all the things

you've suggested, I would go to HR, explain how you felt, just share those feelings with someone. I wouldn't walk because many people walk away from new opportunities too soon. And I think she needs to bed herself in. But all the advice that you've just given is spot on, you know, like try to raise your level and be higher than the negativity is just such a good. a good way to go about it. Yeah. But I actually think, you know, if we knew the history, maybe the boss saw something in her

that she could bring to that company. Yeah. Maybe he knows that negativity's going on. Okay. And we'll just finish with a quick one here. Because we can't answer this, but you both can. Going back to work after maternity leave, absolutely dreading it.

How was it for you both? And what did you do to survive? I mean I didn't actually dread it I kind of looked forward to Sorry, but you know Just because you lose a bit of You know, you do lose a bit of that When you have children

It's wonderful But it's hard I did actually have a bit of postnatal depression So that's not that helpful in the situation But I think getting into an environment Where you're just you For so many hours a day I found that really helpful

And healthy for me so I can understand a lot of people do dread it they maybe feel differently and it's you're away from your children you're worried about them all of that but actually it's healthy for them as well to be with other people and for them to learn and grow and develop without you rather than just baby toys

absolutely it's TV yeah I mean it's really good for your children I feel really good for your children you've still got lots of time to be with them and nurture them but for you for your sanity for your development for you as a person it's a good thing and it gives you time and a chance just to be a person not a wife or a mother or someone else's something you're just you and that so try and look if you're dreading it try and look at it from a different perspective and see the positives in it and then just really

cherish the time when you are with your child yeah because that's true because you when you come home surely you want to spend that quality time with your baby then because it's you've missed them yeah you've missed them yeah yeah it's the nicest thing I think there's a few ways, again, not knowing the story, is the person going back to work because they have to financially, which most people tend to do. Is it because they're a career-minded person? Because it might be that they're already halfway up their career ladder, they stop to have children and they're going back and then they want to climb some more. I mean, me personally, I had a fantastic opportunity. I had an amazing job. It was probably one of the most best jobs that I had

when I went back to work after maternity leave so I was responsible for a lot of people so I was full on in the height of my career when I went back and Jessica went to nursery at I think it was eight weeks old so she was young I wonder I'm a social butterfly but I tell you she thrived

at the nursery and so from that perspective and you had to do this because you were a single parent as well No, no. Your dad and I were still together then. You were 18 months when we split up. So at that point, the finance side, we just bought a really big house. So financially, we needed my salary because it was such a good job. So I was going back for finance, really, and obviously the career side. But equally, if Jessica hadn't settled in that nursery and not thrived as much as she did, that would have been heartbreaking for me. because I would have been torn with career and money and actually my child

because my child would have come first but yeah I don't regret any of it because I think she benefited and we benefited financially and my career was the best it had ever been at that point and I wouldn't say, sounds awful I didn't miss her because I was full on in my job but when I got home the quality time we had together

and the time we spent with each other was far beyond sitting at home all day being a bored housewife looking after a baby changing its nappy would not have been for me and that's just the sort of person I am so maybe this person who's wrote in

just need some they're driving the thought because I've had so much time off when they go back in probably after in a week or so they'll be like wow I feel back to my old self a little bit there can I enjoy a routine and enjoy life just be mindful where you're placing your baby

and who with because that will make you have peace of mind sorry sir no sorry we don't know the reasons why because you don't have the backstory but look at the positives you're doing it for whatever those reasons are and just pull out those positives

and relish the time yeah definitely yeah love it very helpful that was lovely that was like naggingy mum's well thank you we'll keep it nice and short and sweet and the bonus episodes going for

won't all be just like that we'll be sharing one of the things that we've been loving this week any juicy gossip you guys want to tell us and we will be answering some of your what's been a lot on your plates but thank you that was really good thank you very helpful again for having us yeah and we will see you next Tuesday hey bye bye bye