A Lot On Your Plate - Your Most Awkward, Embarrassing And X-Rated Sex Stories

Episode Date: July 14, 2026

Hey piggies 🐷💖 This week we're back with the sex episode!! We're reading your funniest, most awkward and completely unfiltered bedroom confessions...From surprise squirting to dogs with terrible timing and a kitchen mishap that definitely killed the mood, your submissions never disappoint 👀We also get into a few more wedding and hen do dramas to round off the episode!Got a story or dilemma you'd like to share? Pop us a DM on socials or email [e-mail]!And remember you can sign up to Patreon for extra episodes every week plus bonus vlog-style content, competitions, group chat, early access to tickets and looooads more! See you there piggies 💖 patreon.com/ALotOnYourPlate Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, happy Tuesday to you. Happy Tuesday. We are back in the hot seat this week to give you all the juice and the goss. Happy Tuesday to you. Happy Tuesday to you. Happy Tuesday to the park, pigs. Happy Tuesday to you. We're going after dinner after here.

We're going to Chelanato's new opening at Art House Hotel. We can any wait. Is it just a reservation we've got or is at an event? it's just a reservation. Oh, I love that. We were, we were invited to the opening of the Art House Hotel, which I think is next week.

But I just said that... You're going anyway. I'm going anyway. I can check it out. You know, it's hard to try and get two nights out. So, exactly. I'm really excited for it, guys. It looks so beautiful.

We should check it out on Instagram if not ready. I'm excited to be your plus one. Yay. We're going to try and make more of an effort to go out Tuesdays. Oh, sorry, that's squeaky, that's my top button. More of an effort on Tuesdays to go out for dinner and just try and get some nice places to speak to you guys about together.

More content for the vlogs on Patreon as well. We really just go home. Yeah. Well, a lot of the times, sometimes I used to go back, didn't I, to swap with Rich. That's with other Wednesday. But now I've got all the evening to myself. We should make the most of it, we hen. Sometimes I need to get back for cooking, but not all the time.

So if we just plan it out on days that we're able to then Bob's your uncle, Fanny's your aunt Exactly I'm trying to think of any more new openings that I've seen recently of you I saw I saw wing stops at the fort Oh yeah so it is I actually think that's a not bad edition by the way

It's a great addition I love the Louisiana rub Oh so good Because I just feel like The only kind of good fast Take it to the car and home sort of vibe It's five guys I love a five guys. Have you seen everyone talking about the lettuce burger from a five guys?

They do it in America at in and out. Yeah. They're doing it at five guys. I really want to try it. Not even for like health purposes. I love the crunch. You're not into that, are you? Sometimes I think the bun can be a bit soggy,

but I just love a good old crunch from the lettuce. Big slabs of icebergs slathering cheese and bergamite and pickles and mustard and mayo and ketchup. Oh! I mean, I would enjoy it, but I would prefer. a soggy bun. I mean, I think we'd all could agree that we'd prefer the bun. I don't mind when things are a bit like soggy and things are a bit...

Wet? No, I don't like wet food, but if it's stodgy and it's a bit kind of soggy like a bun or whatever, I don't mind that. And I also don't mind... See, like mince and tatties with carrots through it, but you mix it all together and put hundreds of sauce over it. I don't mind something that's kind of like a bit baby foodish. Yeah, you've said that before.

You know what I mean? Things that make you tell me feel happy. Like I feel like that after a big bowl of porridge. Oh, I can't wait for porridge season to be back. I mean, I know we could have porridge every day, free will and all that. But you don't. I only enter porridge season for a couple of mornings and then I'm already like, nah.

Over it. Yeah. He's a mix up the toppings. I'm like that just now with like yogurt and fruit in the morning as well. I'm so over it. Yeah, you're struggling with your breakie, aren't you? So struggling with breakfast. I've got avocado-ac.

I've got eggick. I eat yogurt ick. Nothing worse with egg egg egg. But I'm feeling the same about avocado. I had it yesterday with salmon and rice from a lunch and even then I was like... Oh my days. I don't know if it's like hay fever and stuff, but in the morning I'm feeling even more groggy than usual

and I just don't want to eat, but I'm trying to make sure I eat enough. Yeah. And like get my food in for my gains and all that. Do you know what I mean? Protein bro. It's just hard. It's hard to find stuff. And actually I actually just got some cereal for a period of times.

I thought, easy, does a job, and it's not that ecky. Hey, do you know what I've been doing? So, I'm a member of David Lloyd, only until recently because of the crash. And it's only on, you can only get the crash like half nine, half ten some mornings, right? And usually I would always time that for Blaze. Yeah. Never did I step foot in the gym. And it's weird because I'm not someone that's not confident in the gym.

I kind of know what I'm doing on them in there, but I do feel a bit of like rabbit in the headlights, especially in a gym like David Lloyd where it can feel a little bit you know, not cool tea but people have been their members a long time they use it as more like a leisure club so you can feel a little bit intimidated sometimes even though I'm sure everyone just feels the exact same

but it's had a massive refurb like four million pound the one in Hamilton's having like an outdoor pool and that and fucking paddle you name it anyway the actual gym's being done so my Blaze Studios shut for three weeks gutted so I went in, used the app.

Got a couple of apps. I used fitness workouts. And Richard also gives me an app a week, a workout a week on the app. And I've been thoroughly enjoying it. Just putting my headphones in. It's got like cryotherapy, bloody beds in there. The big phone rolling machines.

So I said I'd love to use one of them. So it's really amazing, you know, what they've got in there. Wow. Some of this stuff is incredible. So I've been doing that for the past few days. Back to my weight sessions. I love doing weight.

you know, like old school weights in the gym, headphones in, no one fucking talk to me. I actually really enjoy it. I can't agree with you more. When I have like a PT in my pocket, it makes you feel 10 times more confident. Speaking of Rich, Zoe told me that some people have been asking him to do classes.

He works at the unit in Coatbridge for anyone that's wondering. He does have some availability for one-to-one PT or online coaching. if you wish. However, he doesn't do much classes anymore because he's just so busy. Anyway, I said to him,

Zoe's been told by a few people does rich do classes and he was like, oh, okay, I says, why don't you, why don't you take over some classes on a Thursday?

So he is going to start doing a 6am and a 7am every Thursday at the unit and it's going to be, I don't know, like I guess some sort of like drop and

buy as you go. Yeah, no, it is that. Obviously you can be a member as well, but I'm trying to think of the terminology of what type of class it will be. A bit of weights, high intensity here. Yeah, mm-hmm, yeah. Bit of everything, really.

He makes you work hard, guys. Wet. Yeah, here's one class a week that I do, and he puts on one for me, and it's all, like, lower. Oh, it's solid, guys. I was doing those lunges this morning. Oh, my God, Zoe.

Reverse lunges. But not in a scary way. It's just in a way of like, you know you work hard and that's the thing with the personal trainer. Sometimes, especially when you're with him, you're doing stuff that you don't really enjoy that much but you know it's working well. Like fucking single leg lunges

with one leg on a bench, the other one elevated on a plate whilst you've got two dumbbells in your hand. My core and my balance can't. I'm going to say that's the worst exercise. But it was for me even before I had a baby when I was fit though. No, same. It's always, I mean, I know I'm not had a baby,

but it's always been my worst exercise. And it's weird because you've got glutes of steel. Hate it. I've got a pancake. It's because as soon as you lower, it hurts. Like, it's instant pain. It's not a case of, like, round three. And I'm like two stone heavy. I try to lift myself up on one leg.

And I'm like, I'm like, I'm going to now. I just feel like the weights are our neck. Like, can we do it without the weights. Yeah. Because the body weight. I know, but the body weight's enough. And then he gets you holding a flipping kettlebell. whilst your heels are on a thing.

Not only you're squatting down, you stop halfway up and then you squat up one and a half. It's like quarter squats or some shit. That's why he looks like that. I did that this morning. And then I was on that machine that you sit on, but then you lie right back and pull up, like abs. At the unit?

Yeah, at the unit. So you tuck your feet under and lie right back and you're upside down, then you need to pull your whole body up and down. Oh, that's good. I told him I wanted a sex pack And he was like I was like no I'm telling you

Yeah so get me on that machine This is a serious conversation Actually I don't want a sex pack I just want toned I've got a really untoned stomach Not true No I do have really loose skin in my stomach Okay

Just like flabby Like jiggly texture than it Yeah but I love that What I want it toned Punch me in your handle brake Fucking can't No I think there's nothing sexier when you can pinch an inch

on women. Honestly, I do. I just love that sort of body on a girl though. Like, listen, I love all types of bodies on women, whether you've got abs, curvaceous, whatever. But I do think it is quite nice when you see a woman looking all sexy. I bet of a sheet.

I love it, yeah. In a world where everyone's shrinking, shrinking, drinking, it's quite refreshing. I love shrinking. Let's shrink together I'd mind the honesty Anyway Anyway

Anyway on today's app Fogneuse Losh We've been here for our Talking of sexy We're talking about sex baby On today's episode We're going to do some sex

raunchy stories And then we're going to end With a couple of hendoo dilemmas because we've got some more to follow on for him or just Hindu thoughts and dramas. Who's fucking ready for it? Are you? Couldn't be more ready.

A bit more enthusiasm. Couldn't be more ready! Well, a bit too much. Okay, so the subject to this email is surprise squirting. Hi girls. So one time I slept with a guy and after the actual sex he was then fingering me.

Ooh, I feel disgusting even saying that word. And I started getting sprayed with water in my face. I was so confused at this point but also enjoying myself. So I'm trying to work out what the fuck is happening mid-orgasm. Turns out I've squirted, never squirted in my life. Don't know how he done it, don't know how I'd done it. Straight after I was like, what the fuck, I've never done that before and he couldn't have been any more nonchalant.

I'm an analyser, so I wanted to sit and talk about it, but the fact he was so chill about it, I then also had to act so chill about it I certainly wasn't chill next day I obviously had to then put my bed sheets into wash because they were soaked and had a big wet patch in the mattress later my mum comes over to mine and it is

still a wet stain on the mattress so what the hell did I tell my mum? I squirted or I pissed the bed it's fine I just told that I spilled water law what's worse about this situation is the guy wasn't even that nice looking so I didn't want to see him again I was just in a vulnerable state and wanted sex don't judge Surprise squirting

I need to know I think we've said this before and like season one or two but I'm still convinced that squirting is just piss Yeah I think you're pressing a certain trigger point

inside you and it Activates the feet enters the floodgates Surely Because The fact that it was coming up to the There's a lot of pressure there. It's that a pepper hose.

Any guys at listening to this if you want to make a girl square? I heard that if you pop your fingers in... Right, we're doing... Yeah, we're doing in. We're watching, you can watch. Do not make this a clip Hannah on social media. God, good God. Fingers in.

They're in. Hook. Hook them in. And you'll find a little squishy, squashy, spongy point. And then you just go, Did, did, did, did, did, did. That's make me feel a bit funny, by the way. I think it's, maybe it's your G-spot.

And apparently if you press a spongy bit, you can make a girl squirt that way. I say no more. Okay. So give it a bash. Let us know. Let us know. Or if you are king, queen, squirters,

what you do to your girlfriend or whatever your boyfriend does to you, let us know. Let us know any tips. that's just that messy to me do you know another thing as well no one ever teaches you how to suck a cock they don't right

and all you do is watch things on porn if you do when you're younger right so no one ever actually teaches you because it's all science at the end of the day the phrase suck you don't suck it no you're not actually you're right

oh sorry sorry blow job sorry you don't blow it and you don't really suck it I guess No because it sucks like Like So yeah

You want to suck a Storr the way you suck a penis Where was I reading this information It was like somebody was saying like What of a push pool Yeah But it's like what does a guy like

Like as a guy What would you like If a girl is giving you a blowjob And they have said It just needs to be really wet. Really, really wet. The wet are the better. Right, so we're not eating salt with any of a kiss before.

No. So you just need to spit all over it or pour water or whatever. Sorry, I know this is uncomfortable. It's not uncomfortable. We all need to talk about it. We're all girlies together. But yeah, if you want to know, the guys like it soaking wet. And you know what I'm interested as well, like let's say I was gay. My lesbian fantasies. Like, even though I know. know what I like as a woman. I don't know what I would do to a woman to make them feel good.

Yeah. I don't know. I wouldn't know what to do, I don't think. I know we've got a lot of gay listeners here, but let us know what, like how, the first time you went down on a girl or whatever, or a guy, like, did you know what to do because you know what you like?

No, but I don't think you would, right? Because it's like people who give you lash lifts, doesn't mean they can do it on themselves? Yeah, or like hairdressers and stuff. Like, it's a different angle you're coming at. Like, when they do your hair, they're behind the heads. But when they do their own, it's their head, their own hip.

It's the same thing. You're at different angles. Yeah. Somebody wrote into as well, they were talking about a bit of a dilemma with a guy that wasn't showing them much interest, much interest. They've moved on with another one. woman. Anyway, she was saying, good riddance, he was strange and said guy, let me peg him. What would you do if a guy had suggested that you peg him?

Pegging is essentially a strap-on, correct? And the ass. Well, yeah, in the ass. But would the same terminology be if you were two women and you wore a strap-on, would that be class as pegging? Or would you just say you used a strap-on? don't know but I think I would find that quite comical me too imagine if the girl's trying to be sexy

and started sucking it in that I'd find that odd yeah I don't think a little bit of plastic I don't think strap-ons are designed to be sucked I think they're more just designed to give the sensation of a willy yeah inside you inside you

one department and another But what I would say is like this will never happen but if Jason was like Would you peg me I would probably like do it and find that quite funny Yeah Because it's us But if I was like on a one night stand

Or maybe quite early into a situation A guy asked me I think I would find that very uncomfortable Because we've spoke about this a few times now With like being in a long term relationship Like me and you Or myself where I've been in a relationship for most of my like mid-20s to my mid-30s, right? And who you are as a person and your sexuality

and what you are comfortable with with your body and how you want to explore different things. Must be different. The older you get, like you maybe give less fuck so you want to explore different things and be a bit more adventurous in the bedroom and things. Like it would be quite interesting now if I was single

how I would not necessarily be in the bedroom, but like as a young early 20s girl when I was single, and suppose having a little bit fun, then it would be so different to myself now, though, I think. Yeah, well, I know for a fact it would be. I think when you're younger as well, it's all very, very, very, very alcohol-fueled.

Yeah. So, like, you're not really doing anything. Yeah. You're just having, like, a dath, drunk shag, basically. It's not, like, overly sexual, if you know what I mean? It's kind of just like... And I do think you catch feelings a lot more as well when you're a bit younger.

They even remember, like, what happened there? whereas now it'd be more like you would care about being pleasure than you would care to pleasure that's it yeah whereas when you're younger like I don't think of a monkeys yeah it was the buzz of it

I know that's so true you are right like you are a bit more selfish for yourself and your own pleasure it's actually for sexual pleasure yeah as you go older before it was the excitement of a junk and shag yeah totally different things I'm giving myself away to you

I this needs to be worth it it's for your sexual needs yeah And I think as you get older as well, you're probably more up for casual sex as well. Probably in ways, yeah, because you can't know you're worth and all that jazz. Yeah. So it's probably just, it's for, it's actually for your sexual needs rather than for the plot. And it's giving more like Samantha Carrey from Sex and the City.

Yeah. She was in her early 30s when season one started by the way. And look at them. Exactly. Look at them. They brought out a shite season. Right, next up. Hi girls, I've been hanging on to this story for six years now

and it's time for it to be shared. Oh my goodness. Fuck, people have got stings in the closet by the way. I was casually dating a policeman back in 2020. It was the height of COVID and he was absolutely knackered with all the extra work and people spitting at him all the time. One night he had a really traumatic shift so I told him to take himself straight to bed

and I'd head up and check in on him. Mm-hmm. When I got there his little dog boss was chuffed to see me as usual And I knew he slept in with him So I came prepared and brought a really strong chew toy Thinking that would keep him entertained whilst I looked after PC plodd So off boss goes nibbling away in the corner And I get down to business taking care of the policeman

Next thing I'm on top and bouncing away merrily I felt something a little wet and cold touching my asshole every time I came down and wondered slightly what it was. But actually, I was enjoying it too much to care. Until I realised boss had came to join us. Now, girls, my arse is huge. And all I can picture is that tiny little dog looking up in absolute fear with his tongue hanging out of shock

as a crater bounces on his face. I didn't stop to tell PC what was happening in case that prolonged his finish as my thighs were already in fire. So I kept going until PC and boss or satisfied and then collapsed the effects of giggles Maybe you should have arrested me Because is that illegal? Eek

Anyway, boss clearly consented And PC Plod never got my care again His chat was shite But would often send me a photo of boss telling me That boss was missing him Telling me that boss was missing me Loll What the fuck?

A dog was involved in their sexual encounter Licking her arshall Oh my god Pedy Grey chum bum that's actually sick a dog lick you out is animal cruelty

he loved it no that's a wee shame it's if I actually knew and just fucking kept going to it god no that is revolting I would have jumped off instantly um right

I've got a good one for you when my friend was at uni in Kingston, me and another friend went to visit her for a night out. We didn't go to uni, so we used to visit them for the student nights. We went out to a club and I wore a leopard print dress that had a zip at the front that went all the way from the top to the bottom, which I thought totally slayed in. I got chatting to a guy in the club and he came back to my friend's uni halls with us. So very, very small space. At the time, I smoked so we could have a cigarette in the kitchen, but we had no lighter. So we would use the hob to light our cigarettes.

It wasn't a gas flame hob. It was like the flat top ceramic type hob. After we had our cigarettes and shatty, we got a bit steamy, as I felt like a buddy. I pushed him back. Oh, I pushed him back, stood up and zipped my leopard print dress from the top all the way to the bottom, whipped it open and flung myself back onto the kitchen table like I was Pamela Anderson on the beach in Baywatch. As I did it and put my arms out wide, my hands went down to support me. I thought I was so sexy until the scream. We hadn't turned off the hob after lighting our cigarettes or they hold their heat very well. I had placed my flat spread palm onto the burning hob.

I was mortified. bless him he was so sweet he stood running my hand under the cold tap making light of the situation after a bit of calling i believe we continued with my scolded hand safe distance from anything he left and he left i went to sleep on my friend's bedroom floor and i've never seen kitchen boy again me and my friends still laugh about the hobbes days now oh my god don't that stark bollet naked trying to be sexy she just slept it right off who sounds sexy it sounds like a bit like a sexy cat slater kind of vibe

Next up I'm a huge pan of the pod and thought I would share one of my most embarrassing sex stories. This happened a few years ago. I've been with my long-time partner since we were young and although we've been together for six years we were both still living with her parents at the time

as you can imagine you have to take any opportunity you can get. One day we were in his bedroom while his mum was downstairs in the kitchen which was directly below his room. What we didn't realise was that part of his headboard had come loose and was repeatedly banging against the wall. Suddenly we heard his mum coming upstairs.

We both panicked and scrambled to get dressed while she waited outside the bedroom. Once we finally let her in, she immediately started trying to fix the noise by stuffing pillows behind the headboard. The funny part was they were already pillows behind it, so she looked completely confused as to why it was still making so much noise.

She then started inspecting the headboard before casually admitting she'd heard us having sex because of all the banging against the wall. Safe to say we both wanted the ground to swallow us up. Completely mortified, we left a head. and head straight to the pub for a few drinks. When we got back, she'd actually taken the entire headboard off and tightened all the screws so she wouldn't hear any more banging.

I have to give her credit though, ever since she fixed that screw, there hasn't been a single bang against the wall or any more awkward interruptions. Oh my God, I bet you people have so many stories about parents hearing them shagging. Or hearing your parents shagging. As a mother now, though, how would you feel about them? Weird.

I know he's a fucking baby right now, right? Right. But like the concept of your child. I think it happens though. But do you think as a boy, mum, you'd be like, fucking go on son.

Oh, me hearing him? Yeah. You know, I'm like, I don't know, I don't know how I feel about it. I'd be like,

meh. Don't know until I'm in that situation. I know. Because it's hard to imagine. I think as long as he would be, like, treating whoever's up there well and it was like safe

and I kind of knew that they were up there rather than sneaking them in, I think I would be sound about it. Do you think it'd be hard to not want to, like, barge in and just be, like, be safe? No, I don't think I would. No, I don't think you would, but as such,

like, I don't even think is myself as much of a worry at anything, but if I was to think about my son doing that, I think, and I heard it, I think I had instant panic that, like, you were being safe. I think I would prefer for my child to have sex under my roof than someone else's or somewhere random. Yeah. I'd hope that he would feel comfortable enough to talk to me about anything as well.

Obviously, I want him to be saying to me like, oh, Mom, I slept with... Shack something that he said. I think if I had a daughter, I would hope that we could have that relationship. Yeah. Totally. I think it might be a little bit different with a guy, but I don't know. It might not be. Some boys are really open with their moms.

Yeah. Or I'd like him to be open with Rich. I just would like him to feel comfortable enough to be able to talk to me about it and not be sneaky. Yeah, I know. Lad, lad, lad. But also, it's not really, equally, like, if he's an adult, it's not really my business. I know.

Just as long as you're treating he or she right up there, then I'm not bothered. But what do you think about him having sex in your house whilst you're in? Listen, that happens. I did it. You said to be a bit sneaky.

It was all part of the fun. You want, and I agree with that. But obviously, like, people say, oh, we waited till the mum and dads were out. Like, would you, do you think it's disrespectful if he was doing it whilst you were sitting downstairs. Part of me doesn't really think so because I'm kind of like... I'm only thinking that because with like my exes like

when they... That's why you had to have sex there when you lived at home. Yeah, that's what I mean. And they did hear us and it was a bit awkward but... I don't know. We're all adults, do you know what I mean? Unless you're not, unless you're really young and it is inappropriate, then fine. I do completely understand there if someone finds it really inappropriate though and they would hate it. I completely get that.

It's just whatever you're like. as a parent, I'd imagine. I get it. And also, it depends on how you were brought up. I was really open with my mum. Yeah. If it was, like, completely forbidden to talk about and it was taken quite seriously

or you maybe have different, like, religious beliefs or whatever. Like, I think it depends on that. I just think it's the hearing it because I sometimes hear my neighbours and that even, like, sends shivers down my spine. Because I just think it's such, like, an intimate thing and hearing someone do it's so uncomfortable. Yeah. Even watching the fucking...

Even watching it on TV, heart rate challenge and Lovebound, I honestly watch it through the edge of my finger now. Got a cushion. Honestly, it's like, that tiny wee see-through about the edge of my finger. And Jason's like, you do this every year and I'm like, it doesn't get easier to watch.

I do it's just because you're icked out, you're cringing. Or you're imagining that you could never do that. All of the above. I would never go on Love Island for that particular challenge. The ones that they put ice between their mouths is worse for me. Did you see the clip of...

They're all kissing each other. Is it Paige that was on Girls I've A Herd Pod? Yes. And she was saying that they're all at it, all the time. And that doesn't shock me, because I know in season one and two, you did watch them have sex. Mm-hmm. Or it was on TV.

But... Well, she was saying they've sex all the time? Yeah, she said everybody's at it all the time at night. Wow. It's like a zoo in there. No, I saw her say that, um... the music and stuff really quiet when it's like heart rate challenge

people walking into the villa and having to like strut their stuff because they can't have the music getting picked up from the mics what there's music coming on when people walk into the villa no you know like when people are walking towards the villa yeah it's like their entrance

yeah she says when they are getting filmed they do put quiet music on so that you can like get into the rhythm of it struck to the music that's quite cool but it's so quiet and then the heart rate challenge it's so quiet as well because it can't get picked up in your mic

so that it's not interfering in what we hear because they put music over it and they all smoke and vape as well yeah I can imagine that though I mean they used to fully smoke isn't it weird that you never see them all having dinner apparently the food's shocking oh I've seen someone from this season

that's out now saying it seeing the food's terrible just all like chicken and ice like really like basic yeah basic I think when they eat together they get to like they're not getting filmed then

yeah they're not allowed to talk about yeah they're not allowed to talk about relationships you can talk about your personal life can't you I think so I don't ever watch the bit that's on on the Saturday like the kind of unseen bits

but see any time I see clips of it it's so much funnier yeah it is show that more yeah like we know they're getting on each other we don't see it But anyway, even watching the Heart Rate Challenge kills me. What's that TV show that everyone keeps telling us to watch

when we spoke about swingers? There's something that people keep recommending that we need to watch. I don't know. Is it something on Netflix or Amazon Prime? I feel like there's a lot of TV at the moment. It's a swinging show anyway and it's like quite out there. Here's one. Girls, how the fuck are we doing doggy without queefing?

SOS. That's so funny because sometimes I think that as well. Sometimes I have times where I do quefe a little. And it's like, it's obviously just trapped air. Well, I just see there's a lot going on down there. There's a lot of compartments that are kind of intertwining. And if we're using like lubricants, etc. There's a lot of moisture.

Yeah. It's just a fanny fart. It's like a sloppy fanny fart then, isn't it? I think it's normal, girl. I don't think you need to worry too much. I think it's all part of the fun. I'm going to put it out there and say, I bet you guys like it.

Oh, they will. They'll like any form of kink. I think so. And I think it's a sign of maybe like a bit of wetness. So they're thinking, Oh, yeah. She's a new baby. Fake it till we make it, honey.

I can't quit my situation ship as he's an 11 out of 10. Guys, honestly, that dick got you good. I do think in this situation, when it's a situation ship, you've kind of agreed that you're having a casual hookup. And the sex is good. It's hard to remove yourself from that. Well, that just would pull you in. But the moment you start catching feelings,

you never know it might end up somewhere nice, but... You may both be in the same page here. I love it, girl. one time my boyfriend and I were having sex and my earring fell out and he swallowed it and it was a huge earring oh my days no that might punch in a lung or something

Jesus Christ a big hoop down there What the hell were you doing? You're like Reverse cowgirl You must have you were swinging and you hit You were right on a head around baby I wonder what everyone's favourite sex position is

Listen it depends what mood I'm in you know. Just lie back. You're missionary green. Just fucking line back. Get the feet up. Lie back, get the feet up. Oh my God, we're funny. I wonder like, do people get all tangled up?

What do you mean? Like, like, like, get you go and put a leg in there and a leg out there and in there and up there and it's all tangled. Definitely. There'll be people that will really. experiment with different positions for sure. Especially like sheets in and hang the arms up, hang the legs up. Like 50 shades. Yeah, I don't know.

Karma Sutra was a massive thing. I remember when I was young, not when I was sexually active, but I remember that buzzword was about. And there was books in the shops. And it was like, what is it, 50 sex positions that you need to try before you die. Wow, it's a lot. Or you can get those little boxes where it's like a,

a kinky thing a day or role play of the day. Pick a card and that's a sex possession you do for the night I think that would be quite funny Depends how comfortable you are with the person you're having sex with For sure Yeah But I do think a game of Not a game but when you're giving each other a massage

And you are sort of visualising that that person is a masseuse And you're maybe getting one inch too close And it does make it feel a bit sexier We tip We tip if you get the oil out But I just I've never been that person though where Maybe I'm on own with this

I don't know, but I don't really dress up in kinky underwear. I feel a tit. I do dress in nice underwear sometimes, but I definitely don't do it enough. Maybe it's more of a confidence thing or like how daft. I think I feel like I'd piss myself, but I know that he'd be like, whoa. Just don't remember that leather thing that he bought me

with a chain around my neck. Obviously I never put that on my body. But the thought of like Valentine's Day dressing up in like a sexy policeman or with a wit, like I just, I think I would laugh too much at that. No, I would. But maybe I should give it a bash. No, I would laugh. I think collectively as a couple we would laugh.

Yeah. I think it just, it's how you start the relationship. When you start at daft, it's hard to bring that in. Yeah, it is, you are right. Like, I remember I did get a nice underwear set when we went away one time. And as soon as I walked out the bathroom with it on, I just burst out laughing.

It's hard, isn't it, to be sexy? I actually wasn't laughing, but I was hunched over. With my arms hanging. Like feeling awkward, like, he-he-he-he-he. And it was like, that's just rudicious. Yeah, it's just not sexy, is it? Like, how I'm not walking out, like, da-da-da-da-do. Then, like, posing.

Some people are so brave. My mate walked up to a door one time, fully naked underneath a long-length Mac. And just as they opened the door, she just undid the rope and opened the coat. And I'm sorry, that's hot as fuck. That's a confidence thing for sure though. Like you're not doing that if you're not confident.

Agree. Because then you've got stories of like someone driving to do that and then the car breaks down and you know like there's a lot of things that could go wrong. Yeah, it would happen to you. It would. But then the policeman turn up and he's hot. Oh, and you get in the back of the car. What's that porn that everyone loves?

Is it bad taxi or? I don't know. Where they go in and the taxi driver just absolutely ride some dirty in the back. Is it bad taxi? It's something like that. Yellow taxi? Yeah. Something like that.

And you never see the taxi man's face, but you always see who they're having sex with. Right. Okay. So that's a be many series that's gone to go. Honestly, I'm still a few more with porn though. I have to input all your details and have to do face recognition and all that jazz. Have you tried? Is it still a thing?

I retried it, yeah and I'm not doing it, guys I'm not doing it, it's too long, it kills the moment. I'm sorry. The vibrators out of the side drawer we're in bed, we're ready. Oh my God, I can't believe

I've not told you this. I was showing my friend Sammy round my new house, obviously, she came up to the bedroom and in my room Jensen's walking around the bloody bedroom, being a menace as he does,

Next minute, he's literally walking around, waft in this thing. We're mid-conversation, she goes, Jess, Jess, what has Jensen got? What's he got in his hand? No. It was my dildo. And it's so funny because I'm not embarrassed about it stuff like that, but I went beetroot. I was beatroot. I had to actually sit on the floor with my head in my hands like, I'm mortified.

Get that, your bloody hand. He's like that. Was it like a Willie? No, it's like a big black microphone. Yeah, I thought that. but I was thinking was this a willie? No, no, no. Like a rubbery willie?

That's why she was like, what is that? Because it looks a bit like a microphone. Oh, it's just for the pod. Don't worry about it. We were recording it home now, I'm like. But I'd lost my charge of Frades, but I found it now, thank you. Is that got a very unique charger? Yeah, it's a really thin pin.

Oh, like a kind of old-fashioned charger? Like, a wee... Yeah, it's super thin. It goes right inside it. Rons she from start to finish. The whole experience is just, gets you going, you know. God, you can't believe.

Telling all on the part, I'm hot and flustered. But we all love this chat, don't we? Absolutely. We all do it. It's the way the world continues, I guess. So where the cookie grumbles? I saw a clip Lorde Nose. It might have been Grace Beverly actually pregnant.

She was like me confidently walking around my belly out, knowing that everyone knows exactly how I got to go here. And I thought, it is a funny concept in a way. It's like, hi, like to your parents, I'm pregnant. so you know Add X. Yeah. So you know we've been actively shagging. And obviously they know that, but it's the thought of it.

Yeah. Like it really cements the thought. So we're going to do some follow-ups of some Hindu dramas. We've honestly got so many, but we'll read out some good ones here. I messaged one of my friends to say I wasn't going to her Hindu, which is nine months away. I'd not seen her months and in that time got married and been on my honeymoon whilst the maid of honour was messaging asking for money for said him. We had an intimate way. just the two of us and she made no effort to reach out about plans on the lead-up or offer a date to celebrate my wedding.

So a message saying I wasn't going as I felt my day wasn't recognised and nine months felt so long away and we'd not seen each other. I got told that she has friends, she sees less than me and they are going so she wasn't sure what the problem is. We've not spoken since. It wasn't my intention to fall out completely. This was July last year and she's now married and we don't speak at all. There were three of us in the group chat so I lost them both as friends. That's a shame. I just feel like after all this chat, I'm like, see if you're losing friends over it. You weren't good enough friends. Or one of you don't deserve the other, clearly.

Do you know what I mean? Hi, Jess and Zoe. I love the pod. I would love to share my thoughts on hendos slash planning. I planned a hendu to Marbea for 16 people. And while it all came together well, there were definitely stressful points. I agree with Zoe that when you've committed to go and the location, that you sadly have to suck it up to an extent and not to moan about the cost, especially if you're going to an expensive location.

Surely you know it's not going to be cheap. I tried to give notice of at least a month of payments, but I would have loved to have had more time to plan so that the girls could pay up monthly. We'd also recommend not over-booking their itinerary when there. People always take longer getting ready, taxi delays, etc. And it's not fun feeling like you're always herding cats or going to miss bookings.

Between flights, accommodation, activities and outfits, I probably spent £1,500 from Marbeah, which is insane and we didn't even do it particularly bougie at all. Everything just adds up. However, we had the best time and it was so worth it. That's a nice balance. It is a nice balance, isn't it?

Girls, I have so much to say about the hen wedding situation as I'm currently planning our abroad wedding. I can only speak for us, but we are inviting only the people most special to us and the hope they can make it. But with the exception that not everyone will. Everyone's circumstances and finances, etc., are different and there is no expectation for anyone to come.

we would be over the moon and truly blessed if they can celebrate with us but we are fully aware we are not we are asking a lot of people however when our guests are with us they won't pay for a thing for three days way more than you'd get with a wedding here so she's saying you'd get more of your money wherever she's right yeah because we know how much it'll be costing people to commit to coming but one thing i cannot stand is when people commit to doing the wedding or hen or whatever and then moan the whole time about the expense of it

if you can't afford to come then you should never feel pressure to but to moan nonstop about something you have an option for, I think just ruins it for everyone else who is genuinely excited about it. In our case, we really have thought carefully about who we want to spend our day with and would hope our loved ones would be excited about it and appreciate the gesture.

Even if they are unable to make it, we have had a few people who can't, by the way, and we totally understand and aren't offended in any way. It's supposed to be such a happy time for the bride and groom, and sometimes people take over with their negativity with a simple answer would be, if you don't feel comfortable, just don't go.

Wishing all the brides planning their wedding, their best weddings, the best of luck. It ain't for the week and you'll never please everyone, but you've just got to do what feels right for you and consider your guest's feelings too. I totally agree with that. Me freaking too.

Because it actually is a shame that like, see as the person get mides or whatever, like why don't you want to come? Like, why is me asking you to come in my hand do? So terrible. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, you actually are,

being asked as someone's special person. Yeah. And all you're doing is moaning about it, if you're bringing the vibe down. It's actually quite offensive. Couldn't agree more. Right, we'll end on this one. Let's go, baby. Hi girls, be listening to all the wedding stories and wanted to write in to you as I am a maid of honour who ghosted her bride.

There are years worth of stuff I could go over, but I'll keep it as short as possible. Both myself and my friend, the bride, were experiencing fertility. issues at the same time. She knew she needed IVF but had decided to wait until after the wedding, but I was still navigating what was going on after having three miscarriages. I have a 14-month-old daughter now, so it all worked out in the end. Anyway, I miscarried a month before her hendoo and the week of her wedding. Before the hendu, I couldn't help but think she was secretly happy it happened because I could celebrate the hen the way she wanted me to. God. And when I told her I was pregnant before the wedding, she was not happy in the slightest.

When I had text her on the Monday before her wedding to tell her the news I'd miscarried, all she seemed to care about was whether I was going to make the wedding. Fuck off. No, that's awful. I pushed myself to go and looking back, I really shouldn't have because I was not in a good place mentally. I arrived at the hotel and had a panic attack. Texted my friend to explain what had happened and that I wouldn't be coming down to the bar for drinks. I was so apologetic and the response I got was, okay, see you in the morning.

Even after the wedding, all she wanted to talk about was how great her day was and I couldn't listen to it because it was a really hard time for me. I said to her I wasn't doing great and she just wanted time to myself and she never responded. Six weeks went by and I didn't hear from her once. No text to check in with me, nothing. I knew then this wasn't a friendship I wanted to keep and we eventually had an argument about it all

but she couldn't understand why I was the one upset when I had ghosted her after her wedding. In hindsight I probably shouldn't have went to the wedding because I'm now in all these wedding photos she will never probably use but the only thing I could think about at the time was the non-refundable 400-pound hotel I had to use.

Oh my goodness me. Emotions do really get the better of these bridesillas, you know. It really clouds reality and what's important. Absolutely. There's absolutely no doubt about it that this is your special day and you deserve to have that day all about you for sure, right? But to lack all empathy

and something so massive when you know your friends are going through something important and you should know more than anyone how it feels because you're going through it too is crazy to me because that's what I was going to say I actually think

I don't agree with the bride in this situation whatsoever by the way but what I was going to say is both are situations that if you've not been in either of them you maybe lack a bit of understanding so it's like if she's maybe not being a bride and had a friend not want to come maybe the friends taking that really bad in terms of like

but it's my wedding like we're best friends whatever but if the friend hasn't also wanted a baby or if any interest in children or experienced a miscarriage or any sort of loss they won't understand that so it's kind of like two people battling which by the way I don't think someone going to a wedding anywhere near as bad as losing a child at all whatsoever like it's not on the same level but it's two people

in very different worlds like trying to empathise with each other and it's not working but in this situation she should be able to because she also struggled to have a kid so there shouldn't be the lack of empathy whereas I can understand with two other people that

haven't experienced that to not get each other do you know what I mean? So yeah I don't think you need that as a friend either so guys this week on side dish we have something a little bit different for you. We recorded Zoe's 30 before 30 eating in a Michelin star restaurant at Kalebrook in Glasgow with

the incredible Lorna McNay, which we recorded a whole hour episode for you, video on location pod, which will be on side dish, but we will be making this particular episode available to everybody to watch on YouTube only. Okie dokey. So that's a little special for you. It's about over an hour long. Lovely. We treat. Something a little bit of. bit different for us. We thought it'd be really nice and it's exciting to see Zoe eating some Michelin Star and asking Lorna all about life being one of the first female chefs in Scotland, Michelin Star Chefs in Scotland. We talk about her work life, personal life, a bit about what we like to eat, don't like to eat. It's nice. A bit about our IVF journey. It's a lovely chat. It's a really

nice chat. So you can either find that on Patreon if you remember already or you can sign up to Patreon to get ad free or you can watch it on YouTube. Yay! It's there for you all to see. We're so kind. So kind, but we've got a very exciting couple of weeks coming up and we cannot wait to share more with you very soon. But please remember to like and subscribe.

We would really appreciate it if you're watching this on YouTube to please hit the subscribe button. We are almost at 3,000 subscribers. If you are watching this or listening to this, sorry, on Spotify, please can you like and give us a little five-star rating? We would love it. And if you love us even more, please join us over on Patreon for extra childish episodes every single week, competitions, you name it, all that jazz. You know it and if you've not done it by now, why not?

Why not? Anyway, we will see you next Tuesday. Bye guys!