A New Untold Story - 11 Kisses feat. Zach Shallcross- A New Untold Story: Ep. 380

Episode Date: January 25, 2024

Will you hit the griddy with me, Zach? Follow Zach @ZachShallcross Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Tushy - Get 10% off your entire order when you use code ANUS at https://hellotushy.com Factor - Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/kb50 and use code kb50 to get 50% off.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Zach, can you count down from 5? 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Beautiful. Rudy? 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Cool. Yeah, we're good to go with a clap whenever you want to start.

You want me to reject your reply to what I'm going to say? No, you're just going to say like, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? Fuck no, baby! It's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. A new untold story.

Pretty good one. A new untold story. Episode what? Episode 7. Episode 7. 3-76. No. No.

3-80. I was fucking close it's a Ruger pistol and a Yeezy sneaker those are the only two 380 we're here with Zach Shawcross thoughts on gun control

alright yeah let's get right to it alright Texas would you employ castle doctrine on one of the queens you left in the dust? If she came crawling back to your property? What the fuck does that? What's castle doctrine? Stand your ground.

Would you shoot her in the face? Oh, my God. Off to a hot start. Welcome to the show, man. Former bachelor, former Cal Poly offensive lineman. That's right. Did you know that Kyle? Yeah.

He, um, you were on the line when they were number 11 in Russian. Yeah, I think so. I mean, we were a triple option. I mean, you run the ball 99% of the time, but yeah. And you were much larger. I was about 300 pounds. That's crazy. Yeah.

Yeah. Two 98. Did you have to get the loose skin surgery? No, I didn't nice You weren't fat you were you're ready to beef up, but you had to probably sustain a crazy diet, right? Oh, yeah, I was pudgy. Oh shit. There it is. Oh, that's not oh, that's not nice You're you're that's we weren't that's not a fat man by any means. I think I held it. Okay. Yeah That that one's a little pain. There's like just pain in my eyes. Yeah See the eyes. Yeah, the eyes are a little pain. There's like just pain in my eyes. Yeah. Can't really even see the eyes.

Yeah, the eyes are getting swallowed. Oh, and the forehead too. It's- Oh, you have a- You have a- Creases. You have a crease. I've got lots of creases.

They wouldn't- Hell yeah. I know. I like, that's a good trait. Yeah. And that's my ass getting whooped right there in the bottom left against that guy. Yeah. Oh boy.

Yeah. He fucked me up. What team is that? That was Northern Iowa. Hallelujah. You and I. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, he fucked me up. That was Northern Iowa. You and I. Yeah, Christ. But then you went to become, you were on The Bachelorette? I was on The Bachelorette. When did you get eliminated?

What round? I was, I self eliminated. Oh yeah, that's right, that's right. That's the best thing you could do. Wait, what? Yeah. Self eliminated. It's suicide. Is it because you knew you were is like is it like resigning yeah it's basically you were fucked or well like what's next after that stage that you know i left i was like it's it's either engagement or not and can i see myself

getting engaged with that person i couldn't at that I was like, there's no way it's like, I, you just know that feeling of, you know, if this is your person or not, not it, not it. I was like,

I got to get the hell out. Like I was freaking out. And you, did you cry on camera? Oh, fuck. A ton of times we're on camera every day. Have you cried on camera?

Kyle? Have I cried on kit? No, we're due. Well, have you dated on camera? No, like done anything romantic on camera? No, no, God, no, that take, that you dated on camera? No. Like done anything romantic?

No. Absolutely not. God, no. That has to be so much different. Like, we have to put on goofy apparel. Like, we had to wear Speedos around once, and that was horrifying, but that's vulnerable. We haven't done anything romantic in real life. Never.

Yeah, right. I guess that's right. Dude, I don't think I've ever dated in life. Oh, my God, dude. You haven't. Yeah. have you ever gone on a date yeah i've met you have a long-term girlfriend but you've never been on a date we just drank we just drank together dude you should go you should go on a first date what would you do try it you should try it's fun is this like something you saw yourself doing from a young age never in a million years no no it was it was all fluke how it happened i just got nominated by

a buddy that i met in austin he was an ex-firefighter he used to date a friend of mine he goes on the show prior to me and he's like bro you're single give it a shot and i'm like dude i'm a fucking tech salesman at Oracle. Like, I've got nothing really going on for me. Give it a shot. Next day, get a call. And then like three interviews later, they fly me out to LA. Easy peasy. In your audition video, did you

like sing the fresh? I just did a dance or two. No, it was like the most boring video because I didn't think I was going to get it. You said you recited a poem, didn't you? Your own. You wrote a poem and recited it?

I don't think I did at that time, but I for sure wrote a poem at some point. Okay. Would you sing the fray? Is that what you would have done? I would probably sing the fray. Yeah, I would sing the fray as well. Can you sing pretty well? I hate admitting this, but yeah.

No, dude, you can't what wait that's good thank you i made an audition tape once uh for an mtv show called maze runner did i ever talk about this you may have um it was an mtv show to go along with the movie Maze Runner with Dylan O'Brien. And I won the fan vote of audition tapes. And so I got the callback and I got the role. But then Dylan O'Brien got hurt and they had to postpone the reality show that went along with it. And so I didn't get to do it.

Dude, imagine that. Yeah. It never continued? I don't know if they made the... This was more of a challenge than a reality a challenge it was like a game show reality and so then uh this this casting agency that had my tape kept on calling me um to do other shows they were doing and they were really trying to get me to pair up with an elite member of the military and do like an amazing race but i was the regular guy obviously with like a really elite navy seal which i declined

i would love to see a navy seal work with you he couldn't he would break him i would break him he would use you like a ladder yeah i don't know what would happen he would just use you as an instrument of war yeah but that's that's it for me i had one as well what did you do i had a audition tape for a naked dating show of course wait. Wait, of course. There was a run where a bunch of dudes. Yeah, Chef Donnie did it. In my circle, we're getting that. Donnie, I think Jetski was in the mix. And, um, did you

do the audition tape naked? Yeah, of course. Is this the one where it slowly reveals your naked body? I didn't know. It was in Hawaii. It was on Discovery Channel. I don't think it ever actually ended up getting made. It was naked and afraid, but they made it naked and afraid plus dating that would be way more afraid exactly yeah yeah naked and shriveled and so like we did the audition tape and i was just getting so mad during the audition process because it was during covid so we couldn't we do it over zoom and this

casting director kept making me move my camera like inches up and inches down, inches to the left. I had like a whole Tetris tower of things in my apartment, like putting this thing up. He's like, were you naked and talking to the person? No, I wasn't. Okay. Would you have done it if you got it? No. The audition guy was so nauseating.

He was like the most stereotypical L.A. dude. And I did a pre-audition where I told him that I grew up in Colorado. I went camping with my dad a lot. And i knew how to fish and stuff like that and he was like all right rudy like so i see in your file here that you know how to fish like what's it going to be like when you're walking back into camp you're naked and you got a big tuna over your shoulder and you're walking into camp and all the girls i guess it's going to be just like that and i was like i you just made up a scenario like I don't catching a big tuna And walking back naked. That's the Do you think there's a chance you'd have the smallest dick on the show easily that would suck yeah

I don't know. I don't know the effects of Hawaii on penises Bigger it makes it bigger. I think yeah oxygen in the air. Yeah, I don't know what yeah, you know air I don't know what their stereotype is island time Yeah, I would I would be higher than average I don't know what their stereotype is. Island time. For penis size? Yeah. It could be higher than average. I would err on the side of small, actually. Why is that? I mean, Pacific Islanders are lumped in with the Asians on race fill-out sheets.

I think humidity helps race fill-out sheets. RFS? So wait, you got it the next day i got the call back the next day after the submitting process and then flew the hawaiian penis is 12 to 13 inches interesting my bad all right holy that's not true a hawaiian wrote that you dreaming girl you must be talking centimeters there all right there we go and you're from i'm from anaheim california what type of adversity did you face growing up in northern the north side of ocean of orange county You almost lost me there. Any? What was like tough? What was tough? I mean, it was shit.

It was really... Man, yeah. If you're crazy, you made it to this position. Nobody would have thought. I've been arraigned a few times. What school district? Do you know Trinity League? Trinity League?

Yeah, for like Servite, Mater Dei, all the... Oh, so were you what high school? I was Servite, the all guys. Oh, Michael Bandy.

Yeah, I know Michael Bandy. Yeah, Bronco's receiver. He was on one of my fantasy teams. Yeah, he was on the Chargers before. No, he wasn't. It was a 128 team league.

Him and Raheem Blackshear took me to the Conce Semis. That exists? Yeah, it's crazy. Shout out Michael Bandy. Big shout out to Michael Bandy. Yeah, so I went to Servite, all guys school, and then we played against Mater Dei, which is pretty big. Mater Dei, I know Mater Dei.

Huge, huge. Didn't Bryce Young go there? I think so. Yeah, yeah um but yeah game time it's that time of year you gotta go to an event i can't stop saying it game time is the fast and easy way to buy tickets for all the sports music comedy theater what have you events near you I've used it a bunch of times. The Eagles, the US Open. I've seen the Mets. I've met Mets. I've met Chrissy Metz at a Duke Dumont concert.

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and that'll give you 20 off your first purchase 20 it's nothing to laugh at download game time today last minute tickets lowest price is guaranteed book it book it game time.co as well you can also use game time.co if you don't fuck with that last m if you don't want to type that last m game time dot co so the golden bachelor i i don't follow the show it aired right and that was that was the old guy yeah we were just at the wedding so they live telecasted the wedding and that was like two weeks ago yeah yeah insane dude like the amount of like fanfare and love for that guy oh yeah for sure and i think like maybe do you think the route of specialty bachelors or bachelorettes will

be the move now? Thousand percent. So I made a tier list of specialty bachelors that have potential. And if you could tier these, if you mind. Yeah. You're familiar with tiering? Yeah. So S would be the highest of what you'd want to watch the most.

Okay. So the first one, it's a picture of, is that David Archer? Yeah, Deaf Bachelor. So everybody's deaf. Everyone's deaf? Everyone's deaf. He's the bachelor. Yes.

Because they have Love is Blind. They do. It's a lot of subtitles. Yes. Right? B? B tier? Really?

I think so. You know, I'm curious to see what's left, but deaf it's like people don't love subtitles right strictly subtitle show Think of the fantasy sweet with science on their name with their fingers Anyways Sure, I think these beat here is good with death bachelor um next one is coward bachelor so everybody's a coward and it's in a haunted house everybody they pass they're a huge cowards in a very haunted house in a very or maybe abandoned prison penitentiary okay so they have to date and fall in love. Coward, like terrified of sex. They're scaredy cats.

No, like they're afraid of the dark. Or like spiders. Well, I'm always thinking of like Fantasy Sweet Week. How will that look with that? With cowards, they'll puss out. Yeah. Totally. Not a good season.

Not a good season for cowards. I'm saying C. C tier for coward bachelor. Okay. Do you feel better? I think that was my personal S tier. Serious? I love watching scaredy cats. tier. I love watching Scaredy Cats. I would still watch it.

Leonardo DiCaprio with Younger Women. It would look like a substitute teacher in class. I feel like I just should say it's a C. Are you familiar with his game? Isn't his thing like half his age minus two

or something? I think that's it. And then his his sex game as well. Right. He's over your headphones by Dr. Dre. Oh, yeah.

Yes. Yeah. From the bike. Yeah. Apparently he does vaping. He's a huge rig, though, not like a

like an elf bar. No, a big rig. The one where you can like set the numbers. I never understood the tech on those giant rigs. It's like how they heat the oil. You had one, didn't you? No, I never went that route.

Mook, you never had one? No, no, sir. No, not an elf bar. He's smoking Sauron. It's big. I'm a jewel guy through and through. Still? Yeah.

You keep saying that American made. American made. I know, it's an artifact. He said that the other night like a billion times. American made. American made. It's made in China. Dude, for sure. Yeah. Zen grind. You have to. Oh, it's an artifact. He said that the other night like a billion times. American made. American made. It's made in China. Dude, for sure.

Zen grind. You have to. Oh, he's a six man though. He's a six man. We're a three podcast. Three guy. No, hey, don't let me in with you guys. No, no, no.

Don't let me in with you guys. I'm a six guy. Yeah, I think a lot of three guys are masquerading as six guys. They're putting on a front. They're putting on a facade. I'm not saying every six guys should be a three guy. If you want to feel it, you got to feel it. I mean, like the six hits.

I used to be a grizzly wintergreen guy for like seven years. So this was like my saving grace. Yeah, I chewed like religiously. Football player, offensive lineman, Texas. Were you a pouch or long cut guy? Long cut. Oh, that's the hard stuff. I mean, just like spit cups everywhere.

Amazing. I miss it. That was the first thing i ever did puked everywhere yeah and second and then i just kept on going yeah oh yeah eventually you get used to it yeah you're just like i like feeling sick and i moved to 99 cent kayak grape do you remember does that oh yeah yeah yeah it was the worst work i did kayak i think it was like kodiak is a more expensive this was probably just regional generic oh wow let's let's check out yeah oh wow yeah that shit looks that's that's some good that's that's the good shit i mean if it was in here now i'd try yeah real good stuff great um all right next is mormon bachelor oh totally but i think it'll be one episode.

He marries them all. You have to. Yeah. Because it's allowed. A. A. A. Yeah.

I like it. Also Mormons. Yeah. Safe. Because they're strange. They're beautiful, though. Because in their book, in the Book of Mormon, it says their job is to influence. And so a lot of like huge influencers.

The number one Botox capital of the United States is Salt Lake City. The biggest people on TikTok right now is a group of BYU dance students doing a Try Not To Cringe challenge. Dude, I've seen them. They're Mormon? They're funny as fuck.

The Mickey Mouse girl is funny as hell. Yeah, I've seen this. It's like their job to influence and be beautiful. Every Mormon I know is gorgeous. Yeah. And they're very athletic, very outdoorsy. Well, have you seen those TikToks about them being interviewed about like, would you rather take X over dinner with John Smith or whatever? And I think they're serious.

They 100% are. They would take dinner with John Smith over like $5 million. yeah it's like jay-z or john smith yeah or like would you rather have like a cup of coffee or i don't because they can't have caffeine right they do the soda yeah parlors are huge out there you know about that i know about i get the sugar high the coffee cream in it crumble cookie is a real uh really really, really Mormon company. And they were a sponsor of a show of ours and they did not. Boy, did they hate the show. Yeah, that's a cake. The Crumble Cookie? I'm on your Wikipedia

page. I've got a couple questions. We can get to them whenever. Oh, mine? Here, let's crank out these tiers because I want to know if anything's S tier. Mookie, you forget the password? Mookie, did you get fired? No, no. Mookie's getting bodied by the login, Mookie, you forget the password? Mookie, do you get fired? No, no. Mookie's getting bodied by the login. I fucking hate this. Mookie has been miserable when it comes to tech lately.

Yeah, let's do next one. What is that? Lesbian. Oh, yeah, lesbian. Lesbian bachelor. S. Yeah? The shit's hot as fuck.

No. I was trying to be cool with it. Holy fuck. Would that be the most viewed batch? Mook, you said it would look like a softball game. They would just start a softball game. Yeah, it would just break down directly. Yeah.

Roller derby. The entire time. Roller derby. Next is All Virgins. I mean, that would be pretty good too that's like a lot of pressure yeah i mean what can you do that'll be awkward it would be i mean they wouldn't really talk maybe hand-holding on like the fantasy suite so that would be amazing yeah let's touch let's go i think there's tiers of virgins though like there's the type that are strictly for religious reasons they're horny as fuck and they're doing everything but oh yeah and there's like the i'm afraid virgin right yeah i think this one would be religious virgins religious

yeah because i think they would i think they would be fine kissing up a storm right they love to kiss the religious version yeah yeah they would they're probably the best is there is there spiritual kissing rules like can they only kiss their you can kiss yeah you can kiss you can kiss out of wedlock i think i know yeah i was raised catholic we went to catholic school me freaking too oh let's go that's the boys look at us. Was there ever a moment during your season where she's whining? Like, in my position, I deserve to get a one-on-one. And in your head, where's my one-on-one?

And in your head, you're just like, holy shit, is it kiss time yet? It's like, I'm done listening. Can we finally kiss you don't have to answer that at all man can we fast forward i didn't know can we fast forward to the fucking kiss let's get to the good part oh i might have to defer but i did um uh what was it on on night one i got a little criticized for having the most night one kisses. What? You stacked them, yeah.

I had the most out of any bachelor. Out of any bachelor. How many was it? Oh, shit. I think it was 11. 11? 11? Kisses in one night?

You had to ice up the lips? Dude. Oh, my God. My lips would be so fucking sore. Yeah, my fiance roasts me about it all the time. 11? one of the kisses yes okay okay oh my god of course did you send home any of the girls that you kissed on the first night uh yeah whoa because one of the kisses she forced the kiss on me and i like twice whoa and it was like very like yo no she wanted me to gritty with her so not only did i gritty on national tv oh you did you did it you broke i mean i'm like

i'm at the mansion i'm having fun i'm meeting all the ladies she wants to gritty i'm like oh sure she seems fine but like whatever is everybody pretty drunk oh yeah you're like trying to get a triple double oh no they call it how to lose a guy in five minutes. Oh, yes. Yes Okay, let's see this oh god is this the most cringe gritty ever how did she ask you to do it she's like i'm from minnesota oh yep that's how you start it every time where's this going she's like it would be really cool if I'm from Minnesota. Oh, yep. That's how you start it every time. Where is this going? She's like, it would be really cool if you did like the gritty with me.

Oh, it was about the Vikings. Oh, yeah. That makes Justin Jefferson. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, I'm hammered. Let's do it. And then she like grabs my neck and goes, night one. And I was like, oh, no, you shouldn't have done that.

And then she tried to do it again and i had it was just like we were not vibing let's head home that night yeah yeah yeah force the gritty yeah that's that were you do they like after you eliminate in the cameras cut do you do they stick around and you like have to talk to them like sorry sorry or does yeah you say bye yeah yeah i mean it's like even after like the cameras cut or is it like late? Do they leave the house or like how much awkward silence is there after you eliminate? Oh, those rose ceremonies are very off. Yeah. I mean, it's like you're standing there. You're looking at everyone. Everyone, you know, wants a rose. You don't get to give everyone a rose. Right. don't get to give everyone a rose right so when you give out your final rose and there's you know a few women that are still there you just see like the defeat and you're just standing there because they have to get the camera angles and then they have you ever had to have you ever

stumbled on your words like sending somebody home and they had to read like a second take no but the host uh jesse palmer yeah used to be a. He did that when he was the bachelor. And it was like week two or three. And he says like, Emily, will you take this rose? And he's staring at who he thinks is Emily. And the Emily girl comes from the side and he like looks at her and he's like, oh, I made it. And he tells

like the host at the time and they make a whole swap like he gives the rose back to who we thought. And that girl got set up. So your big snafu was the mulled wine. I've heard about this. I had a bigger snafu. Let's start with mulled wine. We'll stick with mulled wine.

Mulled wine sounds disgusting. You confuse mulled, M-U-L-L-E-D, which is just warm wine. Spiced wine. Spiced wine with mulled as in like fungi. But it sounds so... It's phonetically the same the same what what happened on the show uh you try to offer her mold wine no it wasn't just her i was like i was so it was the first time i've ever had mold wine or mold wine and i was

like this shit's amazing like oh it's sweet wine it's kind of fucking mold but it's gross it's like cheese like cheese is mold right and i'm telling all the girls it's like i'm like some genius it's kind of fucking mold but it's gross it's like cheese like cheese is mold right and i'm telling all the girls it's like i'm like some genius it's like did you know this is mold oh my god and i got my life can you pull up the clip it's it's you reveal uh you found out like at the like a reunion right i found out in a in an interview okay after the fact after i've been spewing to everyone did you tell people off the show about mold wine oh totally i get shipped mold wine now oh hell yeah yeah oh no oh what do i look like

which sounds really gross um but believe it or not it's delicious okay i heard you have this conversation you know it's not mulled wine, right? It's mulled. Like, M-U-L-L-E-D. It's not mulled wine? I thought this entire time it was mulled wine. Mulled wine. M-U-L-L-E-D. Mulled. Are you serious?

I'm not the brightest. Hey, man. But like you could see in your face every time you told somebody it was mulled wine, like it just every memory washed over you. Oh, it did. Yeah. I mean, I was so excited to tell everyone about mulled wine. Why wouldn't you be? The look on your face right there.

If you if you change that audio and said the second plane has hit a tower. Oh, yeah. Wait, somebody needs to green screen that guy whispering in George Bush's ear over top. Yeah, that's true. That's the appropriate reaction. Yeah, we got to get Quigs to green screen that oh man what did you have kyle you're from anaheim hills oh jesus yes quite the roster of stars really yeah i'm hills yes i only know uh i'll give you a sanga from I only know of Topanga from Boy Meets World.

With this outfit, this hair. Hello. Bye-bye. I am so at the mall. What? That was my Topanga. Oh, okay. Topanga Lawrence.

Wait, is that a famous Topanga quote? I am so at the mall. Yeah. That's what she would say. I don't think I've ever seen Boy Meets World. uh who else is from Anaheim Hills I don't let me give you it oh Vladimir Guerrero yeah hi yeah he does not say no that's the next guy I was gonna say that's the worst Vlad wait yeah hi yeah hi yeah from Anaheim hills chuck norris okay is he actually yeah and it's it's fine oh okay so yeah rebecca black lived like down the street from me yeah yeah

and were you do you remember when she dropped that huge like she was the same age as my younger sister and her life just absolutely changed and then fizzled out quite a bit but she was the same age as my younger sister and her life just absolutely changed and then fizzled out quite a bit But she was the hottest thing in like the country for a little bit Yes, and they could have been a bad she had a little bit of a resurgence and she's she a lesbian now Mm-hmm. I think she's a little I should be on her truth before. Yes, so you You knew her was she like no, okay. I didn't know her like just like the kid down the street okay yeah yeah do you know anyone else from man i'm house rod carew baseball oh yeah ashley benson ashley benson she's from the model the model or the actress yeah the actress yeah

wow yeah there we go rebecca black there it is she'll be on the lesbian bachelorette that'd be a great one honestly yeah yeah she'd be good really good what else do we got on the tier list oh yeah of course uh oh this is a new one and i about time we're talking about tushy t-u-s-h-y it is a bidet it's the best bidet on the market right now and god i mean geez i've ruined my shit with toilet paper the scratchy itchy shit i mean this is even this tops wipes i don't think we're a wipes brand anymore this is way better than wipes because it not only cleans it to the to the utmost you'll like you'll think you're done hey next time you you finish wiping if you're not a bidet guy yet go back five minutes later and really dig the paper into your anus and i guarantee you there will be uh there

will be brown not with a bidet and it's satisfying the bidet you've used a bidet right i never have but i've heard on top i'm very excited to use one and on top of this i heard the sensation is yeah it's not euphoric but satisfying i would say euphoric i would say definitely euphoric like a equivalent of like a the best q-tip insertion the best itch scratch um the tushy bidet. What are you going to say? We just got them in the office today. So we have to break them out.

I'm going to hire a task rabbit to install mine. Just to see what he says. The Tushy bidet also stays clean and hygienic with its patented self-cleaning smart spray. And they trademarked that smart spray the nozzle self-cleans before and after each use automatically they weren't doing these with like 20 20 bidets even in the 2-2 this is a new thing the build-up resistant design helps to minimize grime build-up come on with that grime build-up you guys are just dealing with grime build up on a daily basis and that's disgusting um and the tushy bidet also oh it has antimicrobial knobs which i'm giddy

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B. B. With deaf. Next, we have alopecia bachelor. No body hair. No body hair. Yeah. Nothing against alopecia people.

Sure, yeah. D. D. Yeah, definitely. yeah yeah yeah definitely uh this this next one is truly evil people like diagnosed evil so like sociopath evil oh my god i would love that yeah that'd be the best show ever s s with lesbians. Next one is just, I call it love off the spectrum. You can't be, you can't have any quirks. Very regular people.

Just normal. Love off the spectrum. Yeah, way off. D. Yeah, way off. D? Yeah, D with alopecia. D, totally. Next is hideously ugly. Disgustingly ugly.

The flag, huh? Yeah. I had a feeling. A. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my. Yep.

This actually is coming into form. And then the last one is, it's just a, it's a bachelorette. She's a chick, but there's only two contestants, no eliminations until the last episode. One of the guys doesn't have a penis, but she doesn't know. Wait, wait,

wait. So one bachelorette, two guys, the entire time dates them both. Yeah. The entire show is one. And, but one of them doesn't have a,

yep. And she finds out when she chooses. Okay. That reminds me of that other show that came out there's a penisless shut the fuck up this has been done yeah you've heard about that i have there's a penisless yeah it was like the well it was uh no wait let's have kyle tell me about it yeah yeah yeah so it was um they got to the final reveal and oh wait i that was like in the early 2000s right yes and that person this is like somebody that lost their penis in an accident or born without one

but i that was that was pretty problematic because that person i think like harmed themselves i think they ended up dying yeah they died yeah oh and it was like once they chose that person they had final like intimate time like a fantasy suite and the person felt like an idiot because that person never told them yeah and then it was wait go back to that yeah i find it the senseless game show look at the terms for six potential dates are sorted into two groups the people are studs duds and then cruds oh no this is not it i don't think that's it but they sort them into that that's morbidly obese or transsexuals. That's really fucked up. Damn.

So I've done it a couple MTV UK in 2006. I was about the time. So imagine being. So you go there not knowing what group you're going to be in. You find out you're a crud. So much worse than dead. That reminds me of another show that I watched on my stream from the early 2000s called playing it straight, where it was like The Bachelorette, where it was one girl and then I think a dozen guys, but some of them were gay. And the goal was that she had

to pick a straight partner and the gay guys would pretend to be straight. If she picked a straight partner, they would split a million dollars. If a gay guy successfully duped her and she picked a gay man he would get the full million so the whole show is her just trying to weed out who's gay and who's straight yeah it's incredible that is incredible so the gay guys yes almost immediately they probably didn't make a uh full season did it well they made a full season they like buried it and then it like re-came out and then a uk did a version of it it was wildly hilarious one of the funniest scenes ever one of the gay men did an arm wrestle with one of the straight guys at the time they don't know who's who and that's how the gay men would always lose in an

arm wrestling competition you think that the gay man snapped the straight guy's arm oh geez snapped his arm in an arm wrestle and they put it on the show. That sound always fucks with me. That was one of the first internet videos I saw. I believe that gay dudes are the ones in the gym doing the most. Kettlebell, forearms. They are shredded. And they just made them do the gayest dates

to try to make them look gay. Oh, really? Popsicles. What was a gay date? Like wine and paint, probably. A sipicles. What was a gay date? Yeah. They would make them. Like wine and paint, probably. Yeah. A sip and paint?

A paint and sip? Yeah, paint and sip. They would make them. Those sound great. They would make them ride horsebacks, no saddle. Yeah. Yep, super gay. Yeah.

How do you think we would do on a show like this? On like Bachelor? Yeah. I think you guys would do fine actually my biggest fear is like when a girl's crying like i would like moan like like what do you mean by moan instead of like showing empathy i would yeah no not turned on i don't know if she's getting hysteric over my strokes it's's that is like the biggest turn. What, what have you,

what, what, when have your strokes ever had somebody in hysteria? That would be like, why do you think that would happen on the show? Like a girl is crying over the, your strokes. What strokes?

Isn't that the, like, have you ever seen the show? What web have you just weaved? No, no, I'm just curious. I get what you're saying.

Except the stroke part. Right. Yeah. I'm just talking about? No, no, I'm just curious. I get what you're saying except the stroke part. Right, yeah. I'm talking about the strokes. Like the strokes causing, reducing a girl to tears. Oh, okay. That would be like a badge of honor. Not physical strokes. Yeah, I was talking about, yeah.

You're talking about having sex? Right. Yeah, I think that would be my biggest fear, yeah. But why would that... That would be your biggest fear. That you'd be too good. That would make an inappropriate response to a girl, like, crying. Have you ever done that before?

No, but that's, like, the premise of the show. No, it's not. Okay. Okay, maybe we're thinking of different strokes. Okay. Maybe for strokes you mean... no you're right laying into some like like if you're not agreeing with someone you're like having an argument giving her the strokes or you're having a stroke or you stroke you're like laying it down in the bedroom and you... You're so good it has her...

The next morning, yeah, she's like crying. Why would she be crying? Because she thinks you're going to vote her off. That's your biggest fear? I was talking about us competing on The Bachelorette. How far into the show do you think you'd make it? Not far. I don't know. I couldn't

sustain a normal, appealing personality in front of cameras. You would go far. I could tell. Yeah, he would. I think you'd be like final three. I think you have this factor about you. Oh, this is us competing. Yeah.

For one girl. You have this thing where it's maybe a little mysterious, a little bit reserved, but you're hiding something. It would be like cherry picking in a game of capture the flag. And then you would unload at some point and she'd be like, oh my God. Yeah, there would be a sharp turning point. Yeah.

Fall in love. I forget what I said about the stroke. I was thinking of something else. I got caught up. I got caught up for sure. Your biggest fear would be fucking too good. No, just like if that did happen, how amazing that would feel what so when you competed what was your when you got out of the limo what was your first what did what was your thing that made the girl remember you oh because that would be my biggest fear i

wouldn't make it past limo door no so prior to that you're in a hotel room for about a week, like quarantined from talking to family, friends like it's to, you know, get you prepared for what you're about to go do. And you're just meeting with the producer about your limo entrance. And like I I've hardly watched the show. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I was like, you know, like what a cool experience. Let's do something crazy. So I said, like, what if we went like like skydiving in or rode a bull through and they're like oh yeah yeah that's good that's good and so like we're running through all these different scenarios of what i could do and

then it's the night of the event they haven't confirmed anything and they said you know what zach like you're just gonna be wholesome and i was like oh they told you how to act basically like none of the ideas that were coming up for you is going to work and they actually I think had zero faith in me yeah they did they were just more like you're just going to go up there and introduce yourself see how it goes

and so I did and I had a script just to like say my own name yeah just to say like where I'm from and like a little flirty line or something because there's like 16 cameras on you probably a hundred people sitting in behind the scenes and you're at the mansion like you were scared shitless and i just said some phony little thing but i forgot my own name while i did it what did you say what do you mean like i didn't say my name at all like I said hi

Didn't just see just forgot to introduce you nervous. I was so nervous Yeah, and then like I walked into the mansion and she's like you forgot your name the girl and I was like I'm Zach I bet you that work. Yeah, that probably was actually kind of yeah, like that's sweet and wholesome and cute I may be I think I'd Willy Wonka entrance with like the limp and I'd leave the cane standing up and like somersault. That would have worked. Yeah. Well, even that night, I didn't even talk to any of the girls.

I was like, oh, I'm definitely going home. They don't care about me. Like I talked to him. No, because like a lot of it is you can get sent home. Well, this is when he was competing. I was competing. But there's multiple girls. So that was the one season of Bachelorette where there were two leads it was two girls

there's two girls and we got to see who we we gelled with most i didn't even get the chance to talk to either of them the night was delayed till like 11 p.m to when we started and we filmed till about 10 a.m so we filmed through the night and i didn't have a chance to talk to anyone i was like oh i'm going home. And they kept me. They actually felt like keeping most people because they felt bad that not a lot of people got to talk. And then the next morning, we had a group date in the mansion because they felt bad. And they made us do a talent show in Speedos on national TV.

Jesus Christ. That also got cut from what I did. Yours didn't make it what you do so bad everything I did was so bad and then they were like yeah you'll be the lead the next time this happens I guess I guess they like yeah I don't know it was so random they said

you have to do a talent show in a speedo and you had to come up with what you did or did they tell you what to do both I mean but some of these what you do I wouldn't have enough to like like a talent what you do i don't know so yeah you do did you just display your blocking ability no so i'm like so there's these guys that are like oh i can kind of juggle that was their thing some guys thought that they could sing i can't sing then there were guys that were just saying the fray Kyle what's in the fray yeah I should have done that but okay so

I didn't know exactly what to do I was so in my head and I said like oh I can cook decently well like that's something that maybe one of these women would like to know and they're like oh that's perfect and I was like okay so what do we do how do I display that in front of every time you've done a producer voice it's been a horny voice, by the way. Are they horny? They have to be. They're filming kids.

Was it the same dude filming your 11 kisses? They're filming kisses. Oh, okay. I thought you were going to say kids. No, not kids. Come on now. Come on. Yeah, they're dudes filming kisses.

So when you're ripping your double digits in a day. Yeah. Was it the same guy filming each kiss scene? in different cameramen, but Same producers. I had the same producers the entire time. They're still like hyping you up like good kiss Yeah, they're like Yeah, was there a bonus? Beat the record. It's like the last week of the NFL season. Odell's trying to get 86 yards.

It's such a blur. It's such a blur. Yeah. Did you realize you were kissing a lot when it was happening? No, not at all. I was taking everything in the moment just enjoying it. My record for most kisses in one night is one. Nice.

Thanks. But it was long. It was like six hours long. It's so cold out. I feel like in all parts of the country and world. El Nino. Going to the grocery store is a bitch. Whether you're driving in poor conditions or walking, hell no. It's the worst. And it's probably going to be crowded you're going to be stuck in an aisle behind somebody and they're not going to

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At factormeals.com slash kb50 To get 50% off Now would you ever would you ever entertain Another kind of show? Cause I recently got the survivor bug. I'm obsessed with survivor. And I think that you got the bill to go deep. Uh, well there, there's one show that, uh, Kate, my fiance and I want to do. We want to do amazing race. Oh yeah. That would be unreal. Uh, we got offered to do kind of offered to do amazing race Canada. I can't do it because I'm not a Canadian citizen.

They're strict with it. So right now we're shit out of luck, but I would like to do that or the wall. Have you heard about that one? That's the one where you have a partner and I don't know. I forget who hosts the wall. Is our computer crashed? Moot.

I'm going to fucking kill myself. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Hit that force. It's been a rough, rough tech week.

Force quit the app and then force quit yourself. That's all right. Oh, it's okay. We got through it anyway. We got through it. Yeah. So what's the wall? It's like a game show where you have this ball that drops into like a 10 different categories

of like a million dollars, 500,000, yada, yada, yada, kind of random. It drops in there into some specific spot. And your partner is hiding in a room with no sound and they can't see or hear what's going on and see your winnings. And then at the end of the game, you have to like have this trust with your partner on whether you're going to keep the money or keep moving on. And I know I'm doing a terrible job of explaining this, but yeah, that's it right there. Are you afraid though? Like if you do something with your fiance, like this looks like it would lead to fights. Totally.

Yeah. We already plotted it out though. Okay. We would do everything exactly. And then if you go off script, you're a dead man. Oh, it's done. So hypothetically, there'd be people like spouses who would screw over. No, you wouldn't want to screw over.

LeBron James is a producer? But it's like if you think you know your person. Not that one. You think it's the real estate agent LeBron James? Yeah. It has to be that LeBron James, right? Can't be. Totally.

Now it's got to be another. Do you remember who got last place in your season? Last place? When you were the bachelor? Well, I sent home... I think I memorized these. I sent home like nine people home oh that was like there was no 11 11 or 9 yeah um but yeah no that's i mean that's a brutal moment because like

people fly out there for a week and a half for this like exciting opportunity and you go home less than you gotta know that's a that's a possibility people quit their job yeah i was just gonna say what about jobs quitting your job people quit their job before like not even knowing how long they'll make it yeah like for me i took a leave so i had my job when i came back whenever so i got it approved i wasn't gonna like quit my job over something that could be 12 hours long yeah um but people people also pursue it just for the social media yeah i mean it's like we're not dumb like everyone gets that christina from hendersonville tennessee i think she's the one who dropped the little fact that she had a fucking kid oh shit you know about that and what was going through your head christina mandrell yeah she's like oh yeah i have a six-year-old no it, it rocked my world because she just met my whole family.

We had a family barbecue date. Super... Yeah, her. Huh? Mook, you have a mic in front of you too, buddy. He shouldn't help himself. Yeah, so this is post-date, then she reveals

she has a fucking large kid. Like a first grader. Not large. He's doing common core math. Damn, you have a really big six year old. I can't be with you. It was a giant six year old.

Tennessee boy is a little bigger than you have. Yeah. No. So she's she's great. Now we're all on good terms. She's a friend. She actually just got proposed to at that golden wedding I was telling you about. Oh, wow. So her

fiance, right before the wedding and our little ceremony, got on one knee and proposed to her. And how do you feel about that? Is that a dick move? Yes. Well, I'm curious to hear about that. Oh, proposing at someone else's wedding? Yeah, it's making it about you. I mean, that seems like a very much a no-no. That's a big faux pas.

I agree. I agree. I think the cameras change it. Yeah, and it is like all it is a put-together production. Did you know it was coming? I had a feeling and then 20 minutes before they confirmed and they were

like, hey, get ready. But I don't know. It's so unique at this whole reality TV. Shit is strange still to me I've been in it for like two years. What was the strangest thing you encountered even if it's behind the scenes What was the one thing that blew you some of the people that sign up for these have to be sociopaths? Yeah, no that is like the people you meet you just don't think exist in real life they do they do um i think just a lot of the like behind the scenes of like how shows are made and how people treat each other is it's obscene like i don't know how they can get away with it yeah um also the fan bases that's one thing that i never knew oh my god yeah did you did you get hate oh a lot a lot of

hate well it was like reddit right right like oh my biggest thing was oh he's so like boring no drama snooze isn't that like no drama i guess off camera good thing on camera yeah yeah and that's what i tried to do is like i didn't want to have drama because it's like i actually took this seriously like if i could find a fiancee why the fuck not yeah that's cool but i'm not gonna like do that at the expense of my own life kind of thing so i took it seriously i got shit online for it which was fine like people are gonna chirp on reddit or instagram but we're all good now. But people are diehard bachelor people. I got to know that like bachelor nation people.

Oh boy. Did you know that going in? No. Scene. I think I know what you mean. Yeah. Yeah. It's like the NFL time.

There's, there's fantasy leagues for the bachelor, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the best way to explain it's fucking women dude. Yeah, we used to do a fantasy in college You did a bachelor fantasy league. Yeah, we did With he has bachelor so all the girls up and we would we had him like all displayed on the wall And then when they went down we would all have our little groups take him down from the wall. It was fun

It's a huge deal. Yeah, it felt dehumanizing on some level. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. But it was fun. Yeah. Yeah. Make money off it? No, I didn't. I didn't do well.

No? I didn't do well. Of course, the women you'd pick. Yeah. Yeah, of course. I didn't do very well, but it was fun. I just wouldn't have the balls to ever do something like this. Be vulnerable.

You'd cry. I wouldn't cry. Oh. I'd probably cry. Yeah. You'd cry. I wouldn't cry. Oh, I'd probably cry. You would cry. I'd cry night one. Your biggest flaw is you cannot disappoint people. Yeah. Thanks, man.

That is huge. What a piece of shit I am. This show is actually designed to be your worst case scenario. You would want to get all of them. Yeah. Yeah. You'd be buying them gifts behind the scenes. You would end up being annoying.

No one would go home. You'd have 30 women at the end. It would be the longest season. I just have to wait for them to die, and I would just take the last surviving one. Wait, that would be the best one ever. Like how they filmed the movie Boyhood? Give me a 35-year bachelor,

and I just wait them out. That sounds like a Mr. Beast video. Oh, man. Anything else, boys? I have one question. Yeah. How did your boss at work, Zach, feel when you were like, yeah, I'm going to take a leave and go on national television? I couldn't tell him.

So I had to be very vague. All I could say was it was a TV show. So, oh, because of OK. But the thing is, is like this show more more than any other type of dating reality show has such a huge like stir around it or I guess fan base to where I was spoiled or leaked like two weeks after i even told my boss to leave so it was already like a big deal you're a mole oh people okay so i've had people at my parents house scouting it out driving by my mom had to install like drapes holy at our house to like hide our living room because i'm saying castle doctrine it's in california so can't do it texas get them out to austin they try they try but yeah so like that's how much they care and so my boss knew almost immediately and like like through my contract i couldn't say i'm going on the bachelorette or bachelor yeah um and then after that once i was

the bachelor it was i had to quit my job that makes sense yeah yeah yeah no but everyone is cool about it do you want to do you want to do anything else in media or content? There's one thing I do want to get into, and it's following in my uncle's footsteps of voice acting. Oh, yeah, your uncle's fucking... Oh, Joe from The Clam. Yeah. Yeah.

From The Clam. Fuck. That's right. Your uncle did what else? Oh Joe from the clam Yeah From the clam Fuck That's right Your uncle did What else? Cronk from Emperor's New Groove Yeah He was putty from Seinfeld

Why did I think Joe was just Seth MacFarlane? It's not It's not Your uncle's putty? Yeah Your uncle's putty Cronk

Cronk I mean From Emperor Dude I fucking love Cronk Yeah You guys have. Cronk, I mean. From Emperor. Dude, I fucking love Cronk. Yeah. You guys have similar voices. A little bit. A little bit. You definitely should.

Dude, voice acting is the move. And he was the. That is a good. Yes, that's a good. That's the move. That is a good gig. He was Ryan Reynolds' boyfriend in Ted. Do you remember?

Oh, my God. Yeah. I might be gay. Oh, shit. Yeah. I might be gay or whatever. No way. That's rad.

Yeah, wait, that's a great route to go. Yeah, and I've already had one audition and I absolutely bombed it. How do you bomb a voice audition? I was going to ask, did you forget to talk? Yeah, I went and forgot to fucking talk. It was for an anime place.

Crunchyroll, if you're familiar. Yes, I'm familiar. He must be. Heel. Oh! Oh! Show show show! What show?

It was for, they were doing the roster for all of the shows of 2024. Yeah. And I did this a couple months uh ago and last year and i got the invite for the audition it was like come up to dallas you'll be with the director and the sound engineer no need to prepare what and i said okay so excited let me know if i need anything like nope just come in ready for the audition but But you told me not to prepare. All right, whatever. So I'm driving up to Dallas. I'm freaking out. I'm like, this is my first ever audition for anything, really, because Bachelor, it's not an audition.

You're not acting. It's like, who are you? I learn on TikTok. I see some famous voice actress say, hey, just be yourself in these. Oh, I hate that. That's like handsome guy advice to talk to a chick as well right she's like yeah just use your own voice because like the director has what they want in mind already and they just want to hear like what your roots are what's your foundation i was like oh that makes me feel so much better just read the script i get into this beautiful studio there's just 15 different uh booths in there and right as i go in there i meet the director and they hand me a stack of papers and they say, have eight characters ready for us.

You got five minutes to read these scripts. Eight different character voices. Oh, that's fucked. Yeah, but that's not what you're trying to just trying to do. But you don't know anything about the characters. Do they have like a photo of what they look like animated? They would say like pirate. Okay.

And then it would be like romantic boy lead, and you're like okay I got to be a romantic boy lead right now front of these strangers my first audition like my knees are quaking right I'm freaking the fuck out Do you have to do it today boys? I can't have to do it Asian boys. It's like an anime thing With anime you have to a lot of it the dialogue is just going ah yeah it's like sharp very like aggressive okay but all eight of mine sounded the same because i was like sweating my your romantic boy lead also sounded like pirate pretty damn close yeah yeah yeah so i need to practice um but that you should just do your own voice. It'd be like an animated sitcom dad.

I'd like that. I can see that. Or do you have a range of like different... I don't really have a range. I have like this and only deeper. Okay. Okay. Go deeper.

How deep do you want me to go? Holy shit. Yeah, you can get it. Let's get deep. Oh, shit. Ew. Fuck yeah. All right. That was great great that was a ton of fun big you know friend of the program

hall of fame anus guest Zach he'll be back thank you so much we're gonna go down onto the act oh yeah awesome let's do it thanks guys