A New Untold Story - 2's A Tragedy, 3's A Cartoon - A New Untold Story: Ep. 354

Episode Date: July 27, 2023

3 is just comical. KB speaks French, Nicky is concerned about Mook's vice, and Rudy might f around and get a kick deal. I guess shoutout to Intern Payton as well. Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app or go to the website, enter your email, and redeem codeUNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Factor - Head to https://www.FACTORMEALS.com/kb50 and use code kb50 to get 50% off.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh big untold story. A new untold story. okay a new untold story um episode 356 and uh close close what at 354 four fuck okay um here with kyle rudy read on the hand the handy. 354 is some new shit out of Quebec. If you don't make me laugh today, during the episode, you have to post, I'm just not myself anymore as your Facebook status. I'll just do that now. The only thing in my notes is like talking French. What? Yes. you're learning french well

354 is some new shit out of quebec oh wow dropped in october on an overlay cool he said seriously facebook's downloading oh you don't even have the facebook app no you're going to open it and find out for your classmates? No social apps. Every time I accidentally click the Facebook app, it's like, ah, there he goes. It's not that. People are resilient,

and it's people that I thought would be dead living better than me. That or happier than me. There's one kid who I thought would be dead. I don't want anybody to find out, but he just posted a picture of plankton sucking on on real women nipples like plankton from spongebob that's what they're on that's that's the shit they're on those are the memes those guys like to share i gotta find it because they were like nice pierced nipples but he's always sharing shit there he is okay

let's see here. Oh, today's his birthday? What else? But what do you got about Quebec? It's an overlay area code that will serve the suburbs of Montreux. Boucherville, Chambly, Juliette, Longueuil, Roussillon, and Saint-Excent. Look at this. It's just his face. This was his status. That was just his status, plankton, sucking

on pierced animated titties. That goes hard. Yeah. Rudy, make this your Twitter header. Or just... I'll make it my avi and you won't be able to tell it's boobies because he's so small. No, I want you to just tweet this. Yeah, I mean, yeah, sure, Nick.

And just, I want you to say, need this. Why don't you embarrass yourself? I'd rather not. Every single day I wake up. No, but really. Often. Nope. 354 is the name of a steakhouse in Cliffside Park, New Jersey.

They're known for their Canadian baby back ribs. What make? Sounds good. Coincident. 354 is the birth year of St. Augustine of Hippo. OK. You might recognize that name from a little town in the Sunshine State.

No. You don't? St. Augustine of Hippo? It's the first settlement in America. You've never known that. Oh. St. Augustine, Florida. You said it, oh, I thought it was, I thought California was the same place.

Hippo is just where he's from in modern day Algeria. Okay, that was the first settlement? Listen to this guy. He's from in modern day Algeria. Okay, that was the first settlement? Listen to this guy. He's had quite the life. His first insight into the nature of sin, he was as a boy, as an 11-year-old boy, he stole fruit. Not because he was hungry, but because it was not permitted. His very nature, he says, was flawed. It was foul, and I loved it.

I loved my own error. Not that for which I not for that not that for which i erred but the error itself so he basically said that sinning is cool and humans are naturally inclined to do it then he goes on he goes on to live a hedonistic lifestyle for a time associating with young men who boasted of their sexual exploits. And he became a saint from this? Does it remind you of anyone? A few people. Every dude. Yeah.

As growing up. St. Augustine would also make up stories about his sexual experiences. Lie about fucking. He would lie on pussy. He's the homie. Despite multiple claims to the contrary, it has been suggested that Augustine's actual sexual experiences were likely with members of the opposite sex only. So he was the man. He was only fucking women.

Yeah. And wait, did he have to come clean about that? I guess so. I guess I was listening. I don't know what they were doing in the 300s. Yo, this dude's never even fucked a guy. At about the age of 17, Augustine began a relationship with a beautiful young woman in Carthage. And a beautiful young woman in the 300s.

I'm afraid of how young. That's a nine-year-old who's 65 pounds. So he goes on to fuck her a lot. I did not say a lot. It says, though his mother wanted him to marry a person of his class. I guess social class. I think i'm in weight class yeah the woman remained his love i thought i meant like great in school he was warned by his mother to avoid fornication but augustine persisted in the relationship for over 15 years yeah so he fucked her a lot he fucked earlier than i started fucking and for a longer period of time. He was fucking a canonized saint.

How did he get canonized? He was fucking for 15 years straight nonstop. You can't have a relationship last longer than your partner's age. Yeah, no, you can't. In 385, Augustine ended his relationship with that girl. She got too old in order to prepare to marry a teenaged heiress. Wow. But by the time he was able to marry her, he had already fucked

her a bunch. He had decided to become a Christian priest. So this dude basically fucked Pete Newby and Gash nonstop for almost two decades. And then when he was in his 30s... Dude, this guy got the PNG.

He fucked nonstop until he was 30. Back then, that was like your near life expectancy. So he fucked for the majority of his life. Then he was like, no, I'm a man of God now. And then it worked. And now he's a saint. And now he's a fucking saint. The most popular town in America is named

after him. Dude. He has like churches named after him. The other saints have to hate him canon yes wow like other saints were just like yeah i got stoned to death other saints didn't sin what did you do yeah oh i lived a life time and then i turned it around hell yeah he had the life i gotta get him on a chain yeah and i guess he's the patron saint of brewers oh my god and printers whatever that He had the life. I got to get him on a chain. Yeah. And I guess he's the patron saint of brewers. Oh, my God. And printers, whatever that means.

That's obvious. Shout out to St. Augustine. Oh, my God. 354 is also the weight of Terrence Pot Roast Knight. Third round pick out of Temple for the Jags. You might remember him. 2013, he sacked Tom Brady in the AFC Championship for the Broncos. So 354, not a rare number, a good number.

Does anybody want a St. Augustine chain? Yeah, get us all one. They're $95 each. My first tap. How old was the girl he was fucking? Because I don't want to wear like... It didn't say i just said young i mean that means four at that time if you just for inflation all right i found

one i found a cheaper one reed you want one no oh yeah i'll get one i got. He was robbing. He was stealing, shoplifting, and fucking. This guy's pretty cool. We'll all be rocking him. Facebook's still downloading. What would you pray to him for? If you're getting like... Pussy? Yeah.

You're praying for pussy. Yeah, I don't understand. Oh, man. Interesting find. Today's episode is brought to you by Game Time, the exclusive ticketing partner of Barstool Sports. You guys know that created by fans for fans. Game Time is the ticketing app that makes it easier than ever to score last minute deals on tickets to sports, concert shows. Guarantee the lowest prices.

I went to Drake Drake I had to hug a stranger Drake pause the concerts like look to your left look to you I'm not singing another song until you hug and show love to somebody you don't know kind of fuck with that you would and then he was also like you guys care if I

take a break from singing and everyone's like I was like yeah I care but was like, yeah, I care. But they were like, I'm going to sip a little tequila and you guys can all dance. And they had Zach Bia come and just spin some records. So interesting show, though. Did you sing along? I don't know. I didn't know.

I did the Kiki Do You Love Me dance. And how did that go? It was like hard hands. Just do the whole thing. What did you do? Do exactly what you did. Kiki, do you love me dance? How did that go? It was like hard hands. Just do the whole thing. What did you do? Exactly what you did. Kiki. Do you?

I was doing that. Check my ass. And I look good doing it. Thanks to game time. It was possible for me to do that in front of Drake. Biggest last minute price drops can be found on your seats that you thought you could never buy. Skip the hassle. Enjoy the moment.

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I might check out the North Coast Music Festival in Chicago over Labor Day. Flume, Alesso, Duke DuMont. There's a lot of good names. If you guys want to go. I think I want to go to Riot Fest. I'm super in. Flume is great live. How about... Yeah, I'm ready to do Molly or something.

I'll drop with you. I think Huberman said MDMA is like, that's cool. Which is wild. That's some of the lowest moments of my life. Part of the protocol? Is that allowed? I guess it's like beneficial in some ways, therapeutic ways for depressed people. Are you depressed?

Not at all. Yes. Do you want to do it? Yeah. Yeah, I do. Bad. Doesn't get better than that. I'll roll.

Mook? Mook. Yeah, let than that. I'll roll. Mook? Mook. Yeah, let's go. I'll roll. I'll get the tickets. Sounds good. Anything you want to talk about right now? I'm feeling good.

Yeah. I'm feeling good today. Yeah, all right. It's been a week of L's. What do you mean a week of L's? A week of, I have a list. Your L's are typically strong, first of all. So last week you were coming off some L's.

They are strong. Yeah. Yeah. You're coming off some big l's the rest of coming off l's and i'm coming off uh v's as well pussy is that yeah what is what else would that mean half w's oh yeah w's half w's what are your half w's uh half w's we shot pool yes and i called my shot i said i'm gonna bank i'm gonna bank this ball and put it into a pocket and it was a tough shot and i ripped it ball went right into the middle pocket white ball scratch yeah that's a v that was a big v yeah that's a v but before that we popped into trailer park lounge and the bartender wasn't joking around he just bullied you he was so mean

to you none of us had to pay for our drinks what was he saying it wasn't you fucking cunt he called me a ginger cunt yeah he hated you like as soon as i wanted you have wrong with you i think his whole shtick was like trying to be the mean bartender but only to you like it was a themed bar but like usually you you pick on somebody that looks like doesn't get picked on a lot that's what i'd do as a bartender like mook is going there to escape and i didn't escape anything no zeroed in on you even brandished a weapon oh yeah he put out a baseball bat he did he and he was like just like he was like if i wanted to just and like he made that sound as if the bat that's the sound your head was arguably the biggest loser in the island of Manhattan.

And he wasn't. He just wrecked you. He wrecked me for no reason. You had so much ammo. Yeah, but I didn't want to. He was hung over. What was I going to do? It was six.

He's like, I'm hung over. Nah, he was probably just trying to like impress. Like I used to lie and say I was hung over in like fifth period in high school. Yeah. He was trying to flex. He's like, I drank so much last night. And I'm like, I'm like, wait, last night. He's like, no, not last night.

This morning. Like cracking dad jokes like that. Yeah. I don't know. That was tough. What else? Before that, I was walking on the street to grab a coffee, saw the intern that dunked on me two weeks ago, and she just started laughing at me. He passes you on the street and his laughed just started laughing and i look back and i feel like what's so funny she's like you're just funny i've had that too that's tough yeah i just didn't know

how to respond to that one i don't know how to respond to these else were you making were you like walking funny or making funny faces? I had my sunglasses on. I had my AirPods in. That is funny. I had my coffee. That is funny. I would have laughed too. I was feeling good.

I was feeling good and she was just like, get rekt. Did she like point and laugh? Made eye contact and just instantly started cracking up. Yeah. Is she still here? Do you want to confront her? No. No.

You're afraid you'll take the L? Is it the longer one? The taller? You mean taller? Yeah I guess Is she still here? Peyton No

Yeah I do I would love to see her find a way to laugh at you right now who are you talking about? Peyton. Peyton, can we go get him? No. Yeah, I do. Yes. No. Yes. I would love to see her find a way to laugh at you right now. I mean, she's going to walk in and just start cracking up. Look at what I'm wearing.

No, she's going to be fucking nervous as hell. She's going to be nervous as hell. She sees the main characters. My Mac's about to die, so before... I don't know why. These are the main characters. She sees the main... Those three. Those These are the main characters. She sees the main characters.

Us three. Us three are the main characters. I was picturing like walking into like a party or anything and being like, what's up? Main characters are here. Oh, shit. Here we go. Yeah. Oh, fuck.

Here, I have some news jokes before she gets here to ruin Mook's day. She's almost certainly going to walk in while you're doing them. I only have three because I couldn't think of any. Three's enough. I was working really hard. Lena Dunham is directing Polly Pocket and I was trying to make a joke about how she wants a hot pocket or

something because she's shaped. I don't know, but I scrapped it. I scrapped it. Am I an idiot? I don't know what Polly Pocket is. What is Polly Pocket? So like with the success of the Barbie, Polly Pocket is like a little doll as well. They're next up. Yeah, they're next. Well, yeah, sure.

But I do have some. It has just come to light 10 years later that the fire was a bit out of control when lit to announce the decision of Pope Francis. Some of the table and two chairs became charred in the fire and you can still see it to this day. But luckily, none of the cardinals were harmed. Cardinals are only harmed by friendly fire. Oh, yeah. Tillman. Transgender patients sue the hospital that provided their records to the Tennessee attorney general.

Transgender patient Sue. Bet they used to be transgender patient Sean. Japan's population dropped nearly 800,000. Holy shit. Sillian Murphy was method acting. Oh, my God. Did it really, though? Yeah, they stopped having sex in Japan.

And then I was trying to think of one. Lizzo did four shoeys in Australia at a concert. Did she really? Yeah. That's it. That's it. I was trying to be like, of course, four shoeys. That's four feet.

That's the amount of party sub she has every day. But I scrapped that one. But see, told you. Great timing, dickheads. And I'll be nervous. Hey. Your name was brought up. Yeah.

That mic works, by the way. Oh, okay. Introduce yourself. I'm Peyton. Hey, Peyton. Do you know the four of us yes do you and when did you meet connor uh why are you smiling what do you go ahead just start laughing now oh it's it's premeditated it's just natural she's she stays up and preps he's he's claiming

there was a routine pass oh yeah that's what he said so you do you do you remember when you passed him on the street and what happened i giggled and it's worse it's worse than a laugh why what was so funny i guess i saw him that'll do it it gets me every time Yeah, that'll do it. It gets me every time, too. I saw him and he just had a milkshake or something.

He was holding a drink. I had a coffee. I had a coffee. It's the most common New York thing in the world. Oh, you were holding a coffee. And his sunglasses. He was standing outside the office and and he just did one of those. I just laughed at him. You just did a head nod?

Did he acknowledge you? Yes, and then he got mad because I yelled at him. Well, not mad, but you were like, what the fuck? I was like, what's happening right now? What is going on? I feel like I'm in the Joker movie. As what role? The Joker.

You are a professional clown. Yeah, man. I guess. I mean, I don't know. So what is it? Is it a nervous laugh or is it just truly funny? It's hysterical. Yeah, it's hysterical.

I know. I kind of feel bad because there has been multiple occasions where I've just like... Yeah, I know. Yeah, we talk about it every once in a while. Didn't you... You blew on my neck yesterday. I didn't blow on your neck. I patted you. Oh, you patted... No, you patted... Oh, God. I was like, no. I it every once in a while. Didn't you? You blew on my neck yesterday. I didn't blow on your neck. I patted you.

Oh, you patted. No, you patted. Oh, God. I was like, no. I thought you were in. I thought you were in. Oh, my head. That's not better.

That's the saddest. Why? He sits in the game. That's like when you say bye to like your cat. Roan blew on my neck. I get it confused because I sit in the cave and the windows open and people just fuck with me all day. And then, yeah, she patted me on the head like i was a sick child

i'd love doing that to sick children yeah yeah patted me on that like a sick child be okay boy all right yeah i got it oh shit all right well thank you thank you that's more than enough we needed that yeah keep it up bye guys, guys. Bye. Appreciate it. Yeah. Thanks for laughing. Wow. Giggled. Dude, that's... You were holding a coffee. No, no, no.

Yeah, it wasn't just his look. He had AirPods and was holding a coffee. Yeah, she saw me. That's horrible. It's okay. And is she the one that makes you do those challenges in the office as well no okay so it's just all these unpaid interns that are or yeah marginally paid minimum minimally paid interns if i was an intern at a company, I would like be sucking up to the full time people. Again, I have no idea.

Right. What is happening? That would make sense. Reed, I mean, Reed is, yeah, it's going well.

He's working around the clock. Reed's crushing. Yeah. Reed's a beast. Reed, why don't you, can you put the camera on yourself real quick? Yeah,

flip it around. Flip it. All right. And then like for the podcast listeners, can you describe your face? Where are you from? Just say where you're from. Uxbridge, Massachusetts.

There we go. That works. Yeah, does he look like most over there? Central Mass. Central Mass. We all just kind of look like this. Oh, Central Mass. That's gritty.

We all kind of look like this. You look like a, I keep saying this a quarterback recruit like a three star three star yeah three star right um all right what else is going on kyle what else is going on i'm about to uh should i post on facebook yeah post on facebook uh what do i post um could use some cheering up um could use some cheering up uh send me yeah send me i don't know no i don't want to i don't want people to actually try all right then something that post like so horny the first post is um how many my aunt beth yeah and then she'd see that and then yeah one of my old boys who died i told you it's not funny yeah this seems yeah this is like a tragic thing yeah i told you wow yeah man i uh i opened up facebook and i got a memory i was i my buddy

cleveland was living with me and so i tried to make this sitcom called my black friend and so it's all these old videos of like me trying to make this like family style sitcom called my black friend and like it's just he hates me he's just taking advantage of my parents and that was like the whole premise of this thing and there's a that's what you have footage of this

yeah I would like to see yes same my entire feed is girls from my hometown selling like clothes on facebook for like 15 is that what they're doing and like like dressers hometown my hometown my hometown hometown hometown smoke a fucking dick i want to uh i want to in uh chic you know, since that's where like all the actors go. I want to hire. I'm leaving New York to go to Chicago to learn how to act. I want to learn accents. I want to go to like a dialect coach.

Very bad. We should have one on the show. I would love that. I need. We all three of us want that. Yeah. I want to be able to do Australian. I want to I want to go like the heavy hitters.

Yeah. And I think that'd be awesome to have have maybe just have them full time on the show yeah i would fund that yeah good shit what else we have going on i i have some news if you want it yeah you weren't done with your l's were you oh no the list is long um hold on okay uh texted a girl saturday night thought we were gonna hang out shout out to that queen and then i woke up the next morning asking if we were gonna hang out sunday and she said you told me you were meeting my parents today. What? I have no idea. You got drunk and told a girl you were going to meet her parents.

Yeah. Is this a new queen? Philly queen. Another one down the toilet. Yes. Was that like a, was it a threat or was it a. No, I think I just like got drunk, called her and like, was like, yeah, I'll come to your hometown.

So you didn't do it. Didn't do it. You got to stop flushing Queens, Mr. Met. Oh, boy. Oh, my God. Holy shit. I have one win. Okay.

Ariana Grande's new boyfriend. Oh, huge win for you. That was huge for like almost kind of everyone. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'll take that dub. She has to be a despicable person because I read the backstory.

He had a family and a wife. She liked his Mother's Day post. To his wife. I know she was shit since she licked that donut. Remember that? Yeah, she said she hated America. Yeah.

Is that when she licked the donut? She was just, no, she was at a donut shop and just licked one. Yeah. By then I thought she's like, I hate America. She licked it and was just like, I hate America. That makes it worse, I guess. Wait, it's just her licking the donut pissed you off? If it was just like, I did it for the thrill of it, I think that's worse.

But didn't she just buy the donut? I don't think so. They're behind glass. I remember the video. She licked the donut, Nick, and she put it back. Don't get mad at me. There's no way she had access to touch the donut. Mom and pop donut shop.

Pull up the video. She licked the donut, put it back, didn't purchase it. There's no way. On camera. I think she licked the donut and said i hate america absolutely it was security cam footage you couldn't hear what she said no dude you have it mook i remember i jacked off oh my god yeah you did jack off there.

Fuck, you're right, man. I jacked off. Oh, yeah. This is bad. I found it. What do you mean it's bad? This is bad for me. What's the headline?

It's horrible and I shouldn't have jacked off. Oh, yeah. Look. Oh, some dude talking about it. That's what got oh yeah look licked yeah they were open there was no counter she licked it and just said and just laughed to her boyfriend and then she licked her boyfriend wait and then she licked her boyfriend oh yeah okay when is that when you started jacking off? I was kidding. I don't fucking know. What do you mean you jacked off? You used to jack off.

Yeah, I did. Thank God I gave that up. Really? We do have a mayor. Oh, hell yeah. The mayor of Juliet. Juliet? Quebec.

His name is Pierre-Luc. L-U-C mayor de juliette is uh at is aristocrat c-r-a-t-e-double-o-seven whoa oh whoa okay hot start right yeah hot start well weird choice of words what's the caption is plus the 150 vehicle d'époque and l'exposition au centre-ville de juliette je suis avec ma buick electra 225 he is flanked by a dozen hoes a dozen eccentric hoes they all like art teacheries they're probably lesbians why do you say that i don't know i think he might be gay but i mean when it comes to the heat shack he is flanked by a dozen fc hoes fc as in french canadian not flat colossal but if the cha-cha fits.

On the street with 12, I'm not talking about pigs. Pigs as in law enforcement, not hefty women. But if the cha-cha fits. What's he wear? What's he wear? Navy blue Lacoste polo performance short sleeve that's 66 bucks on um skin tight xxl freshman of the year quick silver true black surf silk performance board short which is a weird combo with the lacoste

57 and he has some reef pacific leather flip-flops 85 wow and he has some Reef Pacific leather flip flops. $85. Wow. And he has pristine beard divots that he does himself. Yeah. That's what we got. Your French accent's pretty good. Did I read that caption right? Just let me know if I read it right.

Plus de 150 véhicules de poque à l'exposition au centre-ville de Juliette. Je suis avec ma Buick Electra 225. Oh, man. French is funny. He fired off a fit on June 23rd. He's wearing crimson trousers, a Tommy collared, oversized suit jacket. And who is he with? She's showing a tit. Oh, whoa. Hold on.

Let's translate it. They're celebrating St. Gene. Look at his face. How would you describe the face that he's making with this woman? I think he swallowed his lip. He was craving some lip. He's a funny looking dude what is that face he's making i don't know it's like reddit baby what's reddit baby i don't know good question what's the uh handle again aristocrat aristocrat with an e at the end 007

and those are vince camuto axle loafers on bottom yeah he's so does he pass yeah 12 hoes you can't if you post a pic with 12 hoes on the street then you pass that's all that's all it takes for me okay and i gotta start getting better at identifying clothing i think you're pretty fucking good at it man thank you that's what i wanted to hear can i can i uh hear french one more time to something no okay um i'm done with that please um rudy this is your last day in new york uh i am doing a sleepover with maresh tomorrow night so technically i guess tomorrow but why why yeah well because i'm moving out tomorrow morning and then i didn't want to fly out right away i don't know why i just i had to get a haircut okay my guy yeah i'm very tight with my barber have you told him you're going no i haven't

told my doorman i'm leaving yet but he sees me like ordering boxes and bubble wrap i had that yeah and he's like are you headed out i'm like nah man i love you oh yeah i would never admit that yeah i had to i had to admit it. And I was it was awkward and sad. Yeah. But so, yeah, moving out. It's fucking awful. I delayed it so much. And it sucks.

It sucks. I started too early. And now it sucks because my apartment's just a mattress. That's it. Really? Yeah. Mattress surrounded by boxes. Do that. It's like a month left. I know i just gotta i got my i'm a little excitable to be fair are we all excited yes very excited yeah very excited but i'm just gonna be a nomad

because the moving company i'm not disparaging i'm apparently this is the norm the delivery window on my stuff in chicago is 1 to 11 days yeah shit so i'm going from i'm on a couch surfing tour maresh is tomorrow night which i'm actually very excited about and comfy comfy couch i hit him up specifically specifically because his couch is really next level and i fuck with him heavy and then when i get to Chicago, I'm going to Hank's. Well, yeah, he probably has like a nine bedroom apartment. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. You get to stay at Hank's. Yeah. Yeah. Give us the tea, dude. Yeah, I will. I'll be watching closely. Worries about Chicago.

Yeah. Getting shot in the fucking head. I feel like they're very territorial and like they don't they don't like outsiders as much every time i check my apartment on google maps it moves further south i swear to god it's like inching further and further south that's where you don't want to be that's where quando rondo ran up on king von or that was in atlanta quando rondo is locked up now but like king von got shot in atlanta but he was like 12 for 12 in Chicago. Yeah.

What do you mean 12 for 12? They said he had 12 plus kills. God damn. At least on his leg on his under his belt. He would have got he would have unlocked a cluster strike for sure. It's almost a chopper gunner. Yeah. Is that almost chopper gunner?

I've never got I never got nuke. I wanted it so bad. Some dude like made it. What nuke and like call of duty oh we've all we were all talking about it but you just shoo me you poo poo me um some dude made a documentary like alleging that he's a serial killer with a lot of pretty good evidence which is like the dumbest thing you could probably do right i mean being a serial killer is dumb but like the guy is exposing someone for being a serial killer is dumb wait so i thought you said the serial killer made the documentary no some youtuber did oh now is he in danger i would imagine that's probably probably not did you? No, I didn't watch it. Were you afraid that he'd like, I don't even want to watch it.

Dude, I'm afraid to tweet bad about like Elon. I'm afraid to tweet. I was afraid. I mean, a young Dolph joke like a day after he got shot about 12 hours. Well, and I was like, I feel pretty afraid because then someone from Memphis, a comedian got murdered over that week for making a joke in his set on Facebook. Not even...

So I was a little bit... In the back of my head, there is a chance I'm in Manhattan. My office is public. So, yeah. That would be so funny. It would be. It would be. If that's how you go.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, my God. What happened to Kyle? He had a guy. He made fun of me. Young Dolph. Fuck.

God damn, dude. Yeah, I'm nervous about that. Because when I go through the news jokes every single one every other one is about chicago i feel like there's so many references and local like esoteric things that people from chicago talk about and like you need to get in on new york is intimidating though to move to. New York is mostly transplants, especially Manhattan. I know where you're coming from. You want plants.

I don't see trans people unless they're good at it. Yeah. I either don't see them or I see the best ones. Yeah. You either live oh my god I feel like the ones in Soho are like damn good the ones on Twitter you can tell immediately

if a woman is too beautiful I assume yeah maybe that's just me oh man are you worried about the pace of Chicago? What does that mean? You're living in the fastest quote unquote city. Oh, it's faster than New York.

No, it's super slow. Oh, that's going to be. Oh, what does that mean? I don't know what that means at all. Like, I think the consensus is like what? Middle America, like kind of take their time with everything. No one's in a rush. I love that i think i don't understand new york being a fast city i think that means people just drink a lot like go to different bars like bar to bar to bar to bar event event event

i think i'm more very excited for the people yeah like the dive the bars will be a lot cooler the patrons will be a lot like down more down to earth yeah you need you need that specifically yeah you yeah you do you do i need to be around some uggos and just hey now easy what do you mean look at you you're dressed to the nines you look great i look great i feel great they got a great got a great pool of queens i stood next to clemmer at the barstool Bar one night, and I felt fucking good. Yeah, he's a good wingman. Well. He'd be a good wing. Wing, comma, man.

Yeah. Yeah, wings. I never get wings in New York City. It's not a wing culture. I got the worst wings I ever had. I ordered DJ Khaled's Ghost Kitchen, another wing. And it was so bad. Guy Fieri's is trash from what I had.

It was taken. I was talking DJ Khaled, his first. He's like big. He's like hasn't. He's having a resurgence like he did on Snapchat. Well, I was on. I was on his wiki enough. It's funny. Yeah. he's like big he's like has a he's having a resurgence like he did on snapchat well i was on i was on his wiki enough it's funny yeah his first group uh was called terror squad and before he was dj khaled he his name was arab attack and i think i remember he had to change it

at 9 11 yeah like like i think he changed it on 9-12. It's a justified pivot. Yeah, definitely. You can't be big in 2001 with your group terror squad and your Arab attack. But like him watching, he was probably so pissed. We all were watching the news. He was just like another one. Oh, no. But then it was like a light bulb moment for him. The second makes it so much worse. For real.

So true. So true. So, yeah. Facts. Facts, dude. Yeah, man, you're right. Facts. Facts.

Yeah. I know it's played out when we're like, what does DJ Khaled actually do? What is it? He produces the songs. Are rap producers, are they just computer nerds? Do they do it like they just go on to Ableton and figure

out formulas for drums? I think so. I think so. I don't know. Damn, damn yeah that second one was it made it so much worse which is sad because one should have been i don't think one would have been nearly as big of a tragedy yeah it would still be at least half a monstrous tragedy one of the biggest of all time but the second made it to what it is today it's so true thank god there weren't three yeah thank god the reverse effect oh thank god she's with the rest you're right yeah he says three would just be on cartoonish

all right who's doing this? Who the fuck is doing this? Jesus. Oh my god. Today's episode is also brought to you by Factor. Now that we're in the thick of summer, you might be looking for wholesome, convenient meals. Support sunny, active days. Factor is a ready-to-eat meal

kit. Can help you fuel up fast with flavorful and nutritious... What's staring at me, dude? I can feel it. Oh, yeah. With Factor, skip the... I know, I've been getting better at it, right? I don't mind. I'm better at staring.

I can feel it. Yeah. Skip the extra trip to the grocery store and the chopping preparing and cleaning up you are getting better at staring you're so good at it yeah you get dopamine boosts from like

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realization i think i might be a weirdo when you're talking to someone or you're like looking at them don't ask me dude i don't know i'm trying to figure it out too i don't know if i'm doing it too much sometimes well i i naturally just look at people's mouths oh i look at their eyes i don't think yeah i think that's fine like you know it's hard to single in on a like a i look at people's mouths. Oh, I look at their eyes. I don't think... Yeah, I think that's fine. No, it's hard to single in on a... I look at your whole face. I realize I look at mouths a lot.

I didn't know people could detect what specifically you're looking at on them. Because I remember I was looking at this dude. Just staring at tits. I was looking at this dude's... No, no, no, no. Just staring right at tits. Tits on the head.

I was looking at this, examining this dude's hairline. Because I couldn't tell if it was like proceeding or reseeding. It was a wacky one. And he called me out and I was like, fuck. I gotta look in his eyes. He called you out? He said, yeah, he's like, is something wrong with my hair?

Yeah, it's really easy to tell if you're honing in on that but i think like this distance you can't tell what i'm looking at right it's your whole face you're looking at my eyes i'm looking at your whole face look at my mouth if i'm talking yeah i can't really tell that's good i had like a crisis where i was like a people think i must think i like want to fuck every single person i talk to because i think that's like what you do when you want to when you're attracted to someone you just stare at their mouth no way i think that's what you do when you're attracted to someone. You just stare at their mouth. No way. You guys are so weird.

I don't know about that. I'm pretty sure that's a thing. I've heard about that. You stare at their mouth if you want to fuck them. You hone in on the target. I would think sexually it would be more just a good eye contact. Just locked in.

I do get sad. I've days where i like walk out of the apartment and i lock eyes with a stranger and i break it off early and i'm the whole day is hard that's my new thing is i'm not i'm not the one who breaks it and it's really hard you ever get into a battle there's you realize that people stare yes people don't that doesn't make them uncomfortable like on the subway like when someone's right across from you, they'll just stare at you. And then I'll try to stare and I just can't hold that. They probably don't even realize they're staring. They don't.

I'm just so I have a fact real quick. Yeah. The National Institutes of Health dot gov. People with autism show distinct gaze pattern when looking at faces. They spend they tend to spend more time at the mouth oh that's a that's a w dude right now that is so in being autistic yeah yeah yeah i know yeah dude but now like that popular people are getting autism like who's going to take who to prom the problem though is that if i'm autistic i'm like the old school like old school autism yeah

old school like nowadays being autistic you're like brilliant And unique Not in reality I'm old school 0.01% of autistic people I agree yeah literally you're correct But I'm talking about in the culture Yes in the culture

Fuck Yeah that's alright They're giving out those Should I work on it you can't self-diagnose autism that's like a big thing should be against the law yeah yeah self-diagnosing with down syndrome would be funny doing down syndrome face who what comedian said so that that's what's next in the pipeline yeah people were like ADD,

ADHD, autism, and then they're going to be self-diagnosed. Oh my God. The OG was like depression. 2017, you'd be in line for the bar and girls would be singing their diagnoses. It became like a fad.

Singing their diagnoses? Borderline personality disorder. BPD. Depression. Yeah, they would do that. They were like flaunting it. And then you realize they are impossible to form a connection with.

But over 10 years it's been like one up men's ship. Down syndrome's next? I think so. And then they're just dead. Yeah. Oh, suicidal was the first. Yeah. And then depression. You good? These loosies are strong. These are the 8 milligrams. We've had 3 in 30 minutes.

I get sick like in 5 seconds. Oh, that's our sponsor. No, they're great. The lower milligrams are perfect for me. If you can handle nicotine, the 8s are amazing. They taste way better than the competitors. More flavor. They're not like chemically like zins.

Good. Very good. I'm glad you like them. I like them too. They hit real nice. They hit real nice. No, I like them a lot. What are we doing with vice updates on anyone?

Anyone getting new ones? Taking ones away? You are. Ah, fuck. Yeah, cut that. It's like tissue and clean. It's like, you know, it's like Popsicle. it's like it's like tissue and clean it's like you know it's like popsicle that's like the brand name ah fuck yeah just say you're just run it back and say you're lucien i'm lucien you're i'm using nicotine you're in the game yeah i just like i've been so busy i

can't like go out to lunch and like everything around here like i can't have bread so i just that's right yeah It helps me. Yeah, it's fine. And then Huberman said it's fine. I'm getting back into microdosing as well as both marijuana and mushrooms. So mushrooms. I've tried it in my brain feels like a beehive, if that makes sense. That good?

Not it's not good or bad. It's kind of weird. Yeah, it's a fair portrayal i gotta try it more is it ashwagandha is that similar i don't know i've heard of trying that shit you take that wait can't you just buy that at like a fucking whole foods yeah yeah i've heard about it i didn't shut your brain off really shut your brain off i want that doesn't it give you like crazy diarrhea? I've been doing magnesium for hours.

I stopped having diarrhea. Your shits are better, right? Yeah. I had a biblical one last night. They were doing that shit better? When? The BC and stuff. I think Attila the Hun died of diarrhea.

I believe they did. That used to be the leading cause of death. I couldn't guess when toilets were invented within the thousands of years. Do you think girls in line for the bar back then were like, diarrhea? Yeah. Oh, man. No, I've forgotten. Like, I forgot.

I don't want to talk about my bowel movements. Let's keep going. What else do we have? Flush it out. What else we got, Mook? The evolution of KB. Yeah, that was awesome to see, man. I never watched that episode.

That was inspiring. He just watched It's All Drivel. Oh, yeah. That was tough. Was tough. I's All Drivel. Oh, yeah. That was tough. Was tough. I was playing a character. Were you?

No, not really. Okay. I was purposely speaking what was in my head, which is kind of playing. I'm good. I can control that if I want to. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. I know what you're saying.

But we were like really, really dragging through podcasts. It's hard to talk. It's horrible. And then the tungsten meeting last night. Great time at Dave and Buster's. Oh, yeah. We went tungsten crazy. Rudy bailed.

And so we said, Rudy, your penalty for missing the tungsten meeting is every token. Every ticket we win will be go go towards candy. You have to eat all the candy. First off, I think we were as a whole a little bit harsh. You did discover there would be no tungsten federation if it wasn't for you on this podcast. I think some people were harsh with the punishment. If you want to defend yourself. I did. I mean, I pretty harsh on tommy i felt like he was being judas and i was engaging in a lot of hyperbole i was saying i thought it mutiny i said it was a mutiny i said this is i am the don't forget that i am the singularity oh man yeah um but yeah i i missed it judas had the biggest judas of all time he did he did he did holy shit

that's crazy that's a good point never thought of that yeah yeah i missed it i was sad i honestly forgot most of tuesday because i've been so busy with moving and i had to get one last streaming before i moved and then i realized it was the same night as tungsten. Did you see the candy we won? Yeah. How much candy? So I think at a tattoo and eat all the candy. Yeah. You have to eat all the candy we won.

We just won one Hershey bar. So that sounds like a slap on the wrist. It's a five pound Hershey bar. Five pounds. It's 12,000 calories. Huge. I mean, that could kill me.

Yeah, probably. I see. You're going to look like Augustus blue. You're giving me diabetes. That could be one hit diabetes. No way. One tap diabetes, dude.

That's so much. Yeah. That could legit like. No way. Can you fact check that? I don't think that's even possible to eat that. But we're all getting the tattoos, right? Yeah.

But Kyle's getting one without ink. He's just well no if everyone if there are more than one other outlier i will i won't get the tattoo i think there's no way i don't want to be i don't want to be one of one or one of two who don't oh well then you're you're going to be getting it and i think i can get the tungsten only you and tommy are the only people in it that don't have tattoos fuck yeah it's a very common cube to read you have tattoos yeah yeah like everybody it's crazy let's say like 30 the old woman that smells like piss in my building um whenever i walk in she says the same shit first of all i have to hold

my she smells like old piss and um she's just like these youngs and their tattoos every single time oh yeah the old women in Manhattan are great. I think they're banshee. This one is not great. She smells like old piss. They suck. They're mean. You just said great.

They're like banshee. I see them everywhere. The same one. I think there's like 10 of the same one. You know which one I'm talking about. Yeah. A guy followed me into the ATM today, guy to ask for money and i i didn't know what to do so i took out an extra five that can you do that he just did it that's fine really uncomfortable how close did he get he was waiting like at the door did he

have a nose yeah he this one did this one really did i would have thought you would have given more honestly i yeah i probably i don't know if he was more intimidating maybe yeah oh well i haven't given to a homeless person in a long time no i don't ever have cash these days you would give me cash for my movers i did yeah is that why you're in the ATM? Yep. So I owe you an extra five then. Guess so.

No, I'll let that be my philanthropy. Add that to the list of my philanthropy. I've been going crazy with it. Truly. That and weed. I'm the vice guy now. You're sticking with Stizzy's? I can't do Stizzy's.

Did you have a panic attack? Yeah, I did. I know you did. Yeah, I did did a real bad one welcome shot up in the middle of the night thought somebody broke in they're they're truly awful why why do you do what well i didn't i would never thought someone broke in it's always like i'm dying that's yours is way worse you know i'm feeling the effects of being high as hell and i'm like oh shit like my organs

are failing i'm dying you thought you were you thought someone broke in yeah that's worse i shot up and went oh no it was nothing it was nothing at all i'm really afraid of uh my new apartment uh my my room is like upstairs and the rest of the apartments downstairs and if I hear something in the middle of the night I'm gonna have to like do the little shuffle down the stairs I'm a huge pussy I'm a scaredy cat and like

living alone I'm scared all the time like triple check lock the doors have the extra little kickstand thing in front of the door and nothing bad's ever happened to me but yeah it won't thanks man it won't thanks that's that's been my vice recently adderall adderall is the fucking greatest thing on our spaghetti and meatballs yeah Yeah, dude, you're fucked.

Whoa. Dude, keep it to yourself. Because now I'm going to have to get involved because I'm worried. Yeah. I just like starve myself all day and then go full Garfield at night. Garfield likes lasagna. I kind of been doing that too. That is a fucking awesome routine.

It's sick. Yeah, because I feel like shit. And then all of a sudden I'm like, Oh, I'm just going to eat a mountain of food and watch the wire. And then you feel like shit. Probably. I feel good during it.

And then after I'm like, I fucking hate myself. Oh dude. Yeah. Well, you got to get off the spaghetti. I'm worried about you. I can't.

I'm going to have something. All right. Rudy, you were streaming last night, your last stream in New York City. Yeah. And you were talking about how you're going to revamp, I guess, like the aesthetic and design of your of your the look of your stream. Yeah. Background. Yeah.

I was just doing a self suck. I was like sort of just like trying to field ideas i and i really was trying to get a read on if people were into like a new look and i really love the old newscaster quality and like that film yeah the colors and all that so i was looking at old old yeah and so this this is a clip that somebody had clipped and sent yeah um i could loop it in Can you loop it into the screen? Not right now, but over. OK, great.

So this is Rudy. You went to YouTube to find like old news aesthetic. And let's see here. I don't know how to operate this Twitch. So he's looking for old, old news. The Cronkite too old. Let's just go newscast. The investigation into... Like this.

I fucking love this. The high school massacre is slow-moving and dangerous. Of course it's a high school massacre. Why do we got to do this show? I just wanted to do something like newscast. Like, everything is fucking sad right now. So Rudy said, I fucking love this. Okay. He said, so Rudy said I fucking love this okay he said like this I fucking love

this I heard that you heard it now watch it okay hit play go ahead and hit play investigation a high school massacre this was live yeah yeah I fucking love this yeah it was just like This was live? Yeah. Yeah. I fucking love this.

Yeah. It was Columbine. It was Columbine, Rudy. Yeah. It was Columbine. It was Columbine. Look at this. Like this. I fucking love this.

I didn't read what was on the headline. I just saw the aesthetic. Let's go newscast. 1999. And I walked into a buzzsaw like this I fucking love this you posted it the worst time wait wait

what did I'm gonna see what the title of the video you clicked is I didn't even look at the title either the title says mass shooting or something like that it's 1999 yeah you you clicked on 1999 columbine massacre news yes and then i fucking love this i walked people do fuck with that aesthetic like dylan klebold or whatever yeah yeah no people do do that um but yeah i just wasn't even looking i was only focused on aesthetic walked right into a buzzsaw and then this was on the heels of i've i watched a documentary about the challenger space shuttle disaster yeah and so i was like oh maybe

like that'll be an interesting thing for us to like investigate that on the stream uh investigate a terrible idea like you want to find out who did it no i was just like i like watching i was like at one point i was like i'm staying up too late watching these documentaries i should just forcefully i should just do this on stream terrible idea because i was short on ideas because i've been moving and so at one point i was like going through explaining how the o-rings failed and this is why the rocket exploded and like everyone was just like please stop no well shocker they don't really want to watch uh seven people burn into a fiery wreck yeah yeah so that was the beginning and then i went to the aesthetic thing imagine

if there were two yeah two chat like two shuttles two rockets yeah that would be cartoonish no you think i think two rockets well there was columbia a few years later columbia they all died too so yeah wait yeah there was columbia wait so this is a purely hypothetical so this isn't mean to say but how would you react to the second one going oh i would like float in the air i just smelled a pie oh man it was kyle but it got worse i did that and then i tried to power through i was going through i was like okay we just got it i'm still focused on the aesthetic that's old news columbine's old news i clicked another one did the same thing again where i was like this is a nice aesthetic

and it was i clicked play again and it was uh like a mass death of people dying in a Nevada forest fire. Jesus Christ. And then I realized if you're clicking on news, the chances are it's going to be bad. Exactly. Why would they put good and old good news on YouTube? Exactly. Yeah. So, yeah, it was a comedy of errors.

You might fuck around and get a kick deal. Seriously. Yeah. Have you listened to the audio of columbine no yeah that's horrific there's no why i was in that i was in that stage and like i thought it was great whoa what we're like i was like into like very morbid footage i believe i'm in that now because i can't it's addicting once you get sucked in it because it it stimulates you more than anything else there used to be a country song that would play on the radio all the time that were just like the last phone calls of people in the twin towers i listened to the one there's

one from a guy oh it's horrible man as the ceiling fell you hear the whole thing that was so bad yeah i don't know why i'm in that now why would you put yourself through that yeah and it's humans have a morbid curiosity. It's curious. It does more to you than any film can do. It makes you curious. It's a very rare thing, I guess. It's like a high, almost.

And then the viewers don't even know this. I mean, I abandoned the mission of Challenger early because they were begging me, rightfully so. And then they didn't know I had the cockpit footage ready to go you were gonna watch that i mean i was i had a pit footage oh there there is that it doesn't show the whole thing because of the explosion but it has a fair bit uh as well as that the students were watching there was a teacher on there and all the students were watching her cross the country yeah yeah yeah o. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, rings failed. So yeah, that was my night last night. Um, that should have been packing doing that. It seems like you're in a really good spot, man. I'm doing good. Yeah. I'm doing fucking sick. I'm doing sick. I'm probably gonna have to stay up all night tonight.

Not on that. Not on Maresh's couch. Or is that tomorrow? That's tomorrow night. Okay. That's going to be the Nirvana. Yeah. You know yeah you know that i feel like i'm what do you still have packing to do oh yeah oh that sucks dude the kitchen man i'm throwing shit away everything i've been starting to do that i'm gonna i think i'm gonna throw away my toaster because i just i'm like i fuck you i don't have it yeah fuck you you don't have a toaster my little sister got me a bob r toaster. And I love Bob Ross. And it was a great gift. I've had it for a few years.

But the reason it's a Bob Ross toaster is it toasts his face onto the bread. Yeah. Or the waffles. Or whatever you may put in there. But Bob Ross is just an afro. And so it's just I have a big burnt circle in the center of like raw toast. Yeah. Yeah. So it's a I have a big burnt circle in the center of like circles. Yeah. Yeah.

So it's a little design flaw. He'd hate that. He would. Yes. No. He is a professional at depicting things. Just landscapes. He was no just landscapes.

Yeah. Are you for real? Dude, he did wet paint technique. You teach that to anybody. You could teach anybody. Yes. That's his gift. was it was it was it was it's a lot of fine artists you're not about to shit on jabab ross there's taiwanese kids who you chalk on the street and it looks like it's whatever's in front of you and people fall for it yeah you always bring up you always bring up a boy from the east that can do something better

because they're you have them on deck they're more skilled they are what i'm saying is from a skill standpoint he's nothing crazy he was just very likable i think those were nice paintings they were great paintings but there's people that can do that oh yeah 100 we were filming some of the last of the monkey boy stuff we're going to do that. Oh yeah, 100%. We were filming some of the last of the Monkey Boys stuff. We're going to do that tomorrow for the finale. It'll be out. Guys, please come through to the game. We'll hang out. We'll drink with you. Friday, Nashua. But we were filming

this last bit and I had my head turned. Kyle, did you see Clemmer's cock? Clemmer... What? He took off. He was changing and he was wearing boxers and his legs are like this the the the width of the the opening that you of the boxers without leg was like it was it was so inviting it was like the pearly gates you know how like if you're wearing shorts you're like okay at least

it gets dark up there like this the boxers were so wide it was bright. Yeah. Yeah, you could make like a sundial with that gap from like, yeah. It was the brightest, like, it made that noise. I didn't like look away at all. No, it was like the briefcase in Pulp Fiction. Yeah. So you saw,

did you see Clemmer's cocktail? I didn't. Which I don't know what that says. Yeah, I don't know if Mike went because Michelangelo was on his hands and knees like filming and like Clemmer lifted his leg and they were so baggy. Yeah, it has to be on the tape. Right. We'll keep it in. We'll keep it in.

I had to ask. I didn't have the gall to ask when Clemmer was still in the room like, hey man, did you see his cock? I didn't. I didn't. So he has no knowledge of this. I don't know what Clemmer's cock could look like dude. Probably looks gigantic. I don't know if it would look good. I bet you it's all kinky and not like sexually.

I mean like that screensaver on Windows XP. Yeah. The pipe cleaner. I had to do that in fucking charades one time. You had to do the pipes screensaver in charades? I gave that to you. Was that me? I don't know.

I don't think so. I give that one everyone's turn. What? No, I didn't, but I think I did. You got me so crossed up right now. I don't know what to believe. I think I gave pipes. He's not himself. He saw Clemmer's weird cock. His MC Escher looking cock cock it goes up and

down at the same time oh man i want to see it i want to yeah i didn't see it real bad um but no if you guys are up in that area please come through uh or if you know people there we just want to we want to you know get a good crowd we do already video we do yeah we have two thousand we have people pouring out that would be amazing yeah i think we have two thousand tickets sold which would be good shout out to uh bobby costa as well big shout out bobby costa he has a role in great guy great guy yep cool anything else boys uh yeah all right all right god bless you see you next week see you oh one more shout out shout out phenom came through big shout out the phenom the discord join the discord he's the mod of the discord oh man we got to get him on the show because the discord stories are he he was

i learned a lot yeah yeah romances a lot having to ban and you've had you've had a relationship spawn from your discord two that's crazy yeah they're going strong would be comical three would be oh man yeah they're going strong wow all right god bless