A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 223 - Laps of Judgement

Episode Date: January 28, 2021

|| A New Untold Story: Ep. 223 || The boys discuss the school bus, the deaf, NASCAR, and Nick opens up about his sexuality! || Producer: Tyler GoochmanYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. I've been, uh, reminiscing lately. In an underrated part of childhood, the school days, getting up early, walking to the bus stop, just being huddled up, waiting for the bus. I don't think that would be properly rated. No, like the excitement you get when you hear the bus and then you see it. Again, yeah.

Yellow. Just there. Yeah. And I don't know, like. You like that a lot? The bus itself was fun. That was the highlight of the school. I think enjoying the bus is driver dependent.

Because I had. Yeah, you needed a good one. I had Mr. Stokely? Stokey. It was Stokey. And. He was the best. He was was the best i was like his special helper i had to he made me start the bus which was really cool uh well you know he'd stop it when i got to the hill and then i had to like blow in that tube yeah it was before like push to start it was just the tube you had to blow it and then it was like so that was cool

i don't know he had he had like he had rules like he was he had strict lapse of judgment he had lapse of judgment yes oh he did have dementia but then he was fired quickly after no no no this is this is before we found out he had dementia he still had it but we just didn't know early onset like signs red flags he was fully fully riddled with dementia. But no, I'm talking about lapse of judgment. Wait. Okay. The MVP. Yeah.

Our school and our buses, the campus of our school, had no boner policy because they were so afraid with everything going on in the Catholic Church. The boys were not even allowed to get boners. Yes. going on in the catholic church of getting the boys were not even allowed to get boners uh-huh to like yes like we want to not have any uh accusations of pedophilia so if the kids were bonerless then no you can't be a pedophile to a soft boy dick no and so um he would do laps of judgment where he would go down the rows of the school bus and he would sit on your lap just to make sure you weren't hard and he wouldn't let you wouldn't let you off the butt get off the bus he wouldn't let you get off in any way in any way but you were not allowed off to my yeah okay so each bus driver had different ways of enforcing lapse of judgment i think mine just was like i'll just visually look and i can probably tell

yeah yours you won't be above and beyond his vision was very bad so he could not see if you're at a bulge but what he lacked in sight he made up for in good times because like he had he would let you get away with a lot is that fair to say um and what like scurrying around and no we intentionally he wanted us to scurry on the bus he we had like uh we would race to the front of the bus and sprint to the back and he would keep time on a stopwatch and like he had a leaderboard and that we didn't know we did the same thing did your bus yeah i was i had the record for my by the record for mine i was like i feel like you didn't i was like 9.8 seconds 9.8 yes i know that's horrific no No, that was the best on my bus. There were poor kids that lived in my neighborhood.

They were pretty fast. I remember the big day when I broke the record for my bus. It was under a second. I was like 0.8. That's impossible. Front to back. I was used to running to the back because I sat on the back and the front. Yeah, so I had the record.

yeah so i was so i had the record i sat in the front not only you know right behind my friend the bus driver but i sat next to miranda okay deaf girl miranda right which was ironic that she was named that because she not only had the right to remain silent she she didn't have the fucking choice yeah she had the affliction to remain silent forever and always yeah i remember she got she she was like the great great granddaughter of frank lloyd right yeah and she tried to flex that she tried to she failed yeah i don't know how yeah she she gave me a blow job on the bus she's with her with her hands oh yeah an american sign language blow swallowed. Rubbing it together. There it is. That conveyed.

I hope it did. I remember once she got accused of being drunk at school. Was that during the field day? Yeah. It was freezing cold. And they were just like, you're drunk at school. You're slurring your words. She was just wearing mittens.

I remember she broke her finger she had to go to, she broke her finger and had to go to speech therapy. She broke her finger and ended up with a lisp. Yeah, I remember that. No, I went to the chiropractor. I'm like, what are you here for?

And she was just like, speech therapy. No, she actually, she broke her finger. She lost her voice at field day playing tug of war. They pulled the rope too hard out of her hands she had her like a real what else do we do it what else do we do a field day on her fingers uh field day they're not to be confused with fields day uh by the what field day like

they didn't understand the past tense of feel oh we had that too that's what just where they was like every thursday they would touch us but no they didn't know what that felt was a word yeah they had no i know they thought felt was just like a cloth but no what a field day we had potato sack rate the the normal ones potato sack races potato sack racist oh you're talking about the guy yeah every time he hopped in the sack he would always whenever he would would lose or his partner would fall, he would just scream the N-word. Oh, hard R. Yeah. They let him back every year.

He never got punished in any way. Do you remember... There was no repercussions. Do you remember the tie-dye year? Oh, the tie-dye shirts? No, no, no. No, we made tie-dye shirts for it. Oh, we did make shirts for it.

For that kid from Bangkok. Passed. Who killed himself he did it was the airbrush and he didn't kill himself he fell into a chasm for some reason i always just assumed that was on purpose but uh no it's hard to just accidentally stumble into a cast into a chasm i thought he leaped no see you never did learn past tense fuck yeah he

yeah well the chasm killed him I don't know if it was on purpose or not are you guys allowed to say all that stuff about deaf people why

why wouldn't we this is a podcast there is no not a book. Yeah. You can't closed caption a podcast. It would be... I would welcome someone going out of the way to transcribe it just to try to cancel us.

I want to start calling books closed caption podcasts. All right. Where is he? Where's Alamo Pete? Where's this Alamo Pete guy? We got him down here, interrogation room C He's preparing him, so give us a second here, boys Preparing him?

Preparing him I'll tell you what, though He was talking earlier He don't go by Alamo Pete no more He don't go by Alamo Pete? What's he go by? Who the fuck does he go by? Big Teeth Pete

They weren't kidding. Look at those chompers. He's got a mouth filled to the brim with big teeth. Yeah, he does. Alright, you want a good cop, bad cop? Yeah. Alright, I'll go good. You go, you go. You good, yeah. Alright, boys. What's the matter? I don't know. I'm cramping

above my knee. Not thigh, but a little bit above my knee. Is it some sort of inflammation or ache and pain? Inflammation or an ache? Yeah. I just said a cramp, I think. No, it should be an inflammation or an ache. I feel like it might be an inflammation or an ache now that I analyze it, the pain that I'm feeling.

Maybe you should go take a hot bath or have a good night's sleep. Wait a minute. I mean, there is nothing better than that. I will admit. But lucky for you, right now, you can resolve it without having to go home and take a long shower or a hot tub. That would be time consuming. How the fuck is he going to do that? You're getting more inflamed by the second.

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Exactly. And the thing is you're leaving as soon as we're done recording this ad. I'm going to go right home. And you were going to take a bath weren't you? I was thinking about a shower or a bath. You take a bath every night, and you're still inflamed as all hell. Ah! Luckily, CBD bath bombs provide a refreshing, relaxing

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off that is one quarter Kyle you are inflamed right now I've been getting inflamed by the second and you're not making this any shorter well luckily you can get 25% off with your next order if you use promo code ANUS. A-N-U-S at checkout. Once again, that's CBDMD.com promo code ANUS.

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De-inflame. Can I do like a cum noise? Here, Kyle, let me just rub this dry bath bomb on you now. Is that better? I'm less inflamed, yeah. Cool. Thank you. Alright, sweet. Don't thank me inflamed, yeah. Cool.

Thank you. All right, sweet. Don't thank me. Thanks, CBDMD. Thanks to CBDMD and anyone who uses... Fuck. Rub it back. Yeah.

Code anus. Big teeth Pete. Why the change in name? Why, I'm glad you asked. It's a count of these big old teeth. That reside in my face. Jesus Christ, Pete. Your fucking teeth are gigantic.

These are the biggest fucking teeth I've ever seen. They're the size of crazy bones. Go-go crazy bones. Bigger even. The size of like two of them. Yeah, two of them. Listen up, big teeth Pete. You might be on his good side, but when it comes to me, Brad, you don't want to get on Brad's bad side.

What the fuck? Excuse me, Pete. I need to talk to my partner here. What the fuck are you doing? What do you mean, what am I doing? What the fuck? Your name's not Brad. Your name's never been Brad.

We were through a good cop, Brad cop. What the fuck is good cop, Brad Cop? What's Brad Cop? That's what I thought you fucking said. I said fucking Bad Cop. What the fuck is Brad Cop? Alright, Pete, don't worry about my friend Brad over here. Fuck now, you got me fucking and Rose off the fucking tongue. We should just stick to that plan.

Alright, Pete, if you don't tell me where the fuck Reggie is, you're gonna have to deal with Brad Brad And you're not gonna like Brad What's up fellas We already met you Why the fuck are you greeting us If you think I'm gonna spill on Reggie I've been working for him for years I'm not gonna spill on Reggie

I'm not gonna rat You're gonna tell us right now where Reggie is. I know you've been buddy-buddy with him for years. Good friend of yours, Reggie. What's up, fellas? Reggie's not my friend. I work for Reggie. I owe Reggie a lot of fucking money.

How much? About 200 grand. 200 grand? For what? How do you think I got these teeth? So why are you kidnapping three, four, five kids for Reggie? Kidnapping kids? I was saving those kids. Reggie's their hero.

Are you laughing at me now? You're fucking laughing? You think shit's funny? Stay calm, Brad. Stay calm, Brad. Come here, big teeth Pete. Is he choking? Are you choking on... He didn't have any fucking food.

What the fuck? He's choking on his tooth. He's choking on his incisor. The fuck? Do you know the Heimlichs his incisor. Choked on his fucking tooth. What are you... The fuck? Do you know the Heimlichs? He's dead. How the fuck did he choke to death so easily? I mean, granted it was tooth, but...

What the fuck was that? You know what they say. I, uh... I told my parents... I don't know how I'm gonna do it here... But I've been... Questioning my sexuality. Yeah. Um. Yeah.

Yeah. No, I'm not. No, I'm not surprised. And I've never like physically experimented. No. But you guys know I fuck a lot of pussy. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

And I was fucking – dude, there's no way you're again yeah i don't know like hear me out yeah there's no chance because you you love you love you always have loved pussy you don't seem that good hear me out i love pussy before i fuck it and while i'm fucking it and don't get me wrong when i see a woman when i see a bear pussy uh i i there's no dick harder than mine it is yeah you could you can count the bpm from five feet away i'll be i'll be wearing jeans and long johns and you can see every nook and cranny did count from a while away. I've heard you. The thing is, I take off my pants. She's shocked by the sheer, not even size, but the throb.

On the Mohs scale, it is beyond diamond. And I insert with ease, and I perform well. You sound straight. Listen. Everything you're saying, you're nothing to worry about. You're paranoid. So I'm fucking, I'm fucking. She comes.

She comes. And then she'll come. And then. Three times. Boom, boom, boom. They're back to back. To back. But like, the only reason I know is because she's screaming that she is.

And then I eventually do. This is the same girl always? No, this is just different girls. I'm experimenting with different girls. Sometimes more than one girl at once. Yeah. That's why I feel you right now. That is kind of –

I'm ready. No, no, no. No. All this is perfectly like – this is like my everyday life. But then I finish and I pull out and fuck, three minutes pass, my dick gets soft. I'm like, dude, you just fucked. Like pretty quickly after fucking, you get soft. Yeah.

That, yeah. Wait. That could be soft. Yeah. That, yeah. Wait. That could. So you're. Be. Hard. Hard. And then you're fucking.

You're fucking. Like. And then you're. I wish. You're hard while you fuck. Rock. And then she comes. And the thing is like.

She comes again. It feels so good for me. Grand finale. And it feels so good for her. Fuck. And then you get soft. And then I get soft. And then I get off after. How quick?

That's three, four minutes after I finish. Jesus. I love you to death. You're like my best friend. You're like my podcast co-host. That could be three minutes. Yeah.

That's, yeah. You're gay. Kyle, you kind of look like shit. Yeah, he does. Wait, what? I mean, can you start it over? I think when the listeners just assume I look good. Well, you don't.

Three, two, one. That was unnecessary. Nick, you kind of look like shit Yeah I do He does Yeah he does Not me and Carl We're wearing cuts

I was wondering what you guys were wearing So I mean shirts, polos, hoodies, crew sweatshirts, etc I'm For those who I'm wearing the etc You are I'm cut up From the butt up

No no no Even below the butt too so obviously new job for me more casual work wear but I think a lot of people are in the same boat with work from home and what Cuts is doing is great because it's casual clothes but made

sleek and modern they've made the perfect t-shirt Kyle give yourself Casual clothes, but made sleek and modern. They've made the perfect t-shirt, Kyle. Yeah. Give yourself a tug. Cuts is the Owens personality of clothing. That's right.

It's nice and casual, nonchalant. Warm. Yeah. Looks good. Looks fucking good. Kyle, tug your shirt. Tug it? Yeah.

Give it a tug. Look at that. It didn't break? Didn't break. Perfect fit. I hate it when my shirt's broken. Oh, shit. My fucking shirt broke. You can run this over with a fucking Dodge Durango and it will not rip or break. Well, they say

not a Durango, but a Ford. A Ford. A Ford Raptor. It could take a Raptor. A vehicle under two tons. An RV, but a Ford. A Ford. A Ford Raptor. Yeah, it could take a Raptor. A vehicle under two tons. An RV, yeah. Fine. Oh, my shirt just shattered. You could throw this shirt off the Empire State Building and it would not shatter.

I throw on a t-shirt and it looks like I put myself together when all I did was throw on a t-shirt. And you can do that too. You head over to cutsclothing.com and we're going to throw in a little promo code ANUS, the classic A-N-U-S, ANUS, for 15% off the only shirt worth wearing at cutsclothing.com. Oh, fuck.

Yeah? Nah, one of my homie's shirts just broke. He's wearing like H&M. I hate when you go up to girls at bars and you lean too hard against a chair. And your shirt. My shirt! And you're picking up the pieces, trying to put them in your arms. That will never happen again.

No, not with cuts. Not to guys like us and not to guys like you at home. Promo code ANUS. But also buy our shirts from the Barstool store. Which might come broken. They might come. Yeah, let's do an ad for ourselves too. You're going to throw on a Cuts t-shirt.

They come in all sorts of colors, black, white. But you won't be able to see the color because you'll be wearing our gray crew neck that we just put out at the Barstool store. So get that, too. It's a very reasonable $45. $45, working on a promo code. God, are we. Yeah. DM it to Kyle.

He'll Venmo you $5 back. Deal. That's a good challenge. Like, get your friend to buy the anus shirt. Yeah. Let's get that trending. Yeah. You know how the share your mom challenge

was going on Facebook? I saw that. The whole point was just posting a picture of your mom But like calling it a challenge Would imply that like The moms have Like She's a burn victim

Spina bifida Gina bifida We had a friend who had gina bifida It was an inside out pussy But yeah Let's do that buy an anus crew neck challenge We had a friend who had a giant bifida. It was an inside-out pussy. But yeah, let's do that. Buy an anus crew neck challenge. Let's get that trending.

The proceeds will go... If I may? Yeah. Can we rewind that a little bit? Inside-out vagina, that sounds awesome. You're gay. You're gay. Um, yeah. Uh... Uh-oh. you're gay you're gay um uh oh

the post your mom challenge is a thing though yeah it was like uh damn it had to have been started by somebody

degrading toward your mom who has a hot mom and they uh yeah just like I wanna I let's get this I just wanna show everybody how hot my fucking mom no one wants to fuck their mom more than those people just like i want to i let's get this i just want to show everybody how hot my

fucking no one wants to fuck their mom more than those people in like redditors you ever see the old school cool and oh here's here's my mom in a bikini my mom my mom in 1973 and it's like the whole point of it is that she's hot 332 fuck we're already late picking up my kid okay my wife is gonna kill me i'm already in hot water with her. She's gonna dice me up like green peppers, throw me in a crock pot, slow cook me for six to eight hours, throw a medley of cheeses on my burnt corpse, serve me in a bowl.

In a bowl? Well, we better get to that school then. No, step on it. Where the fuck is she? Hey, Miss Teacher, where's my daughter? Your daughter? I let her go with Uncle Reggie today. You let her go with Uncle Reggie? Yeah.

I've not even... She doesn't have an uncle? What do you mean she doesn't have an uncle? Why the fuck would you let her go with Reggie? Because Reggie looked good. Reggie came in and gave her the daughter. You know for a fact she doesn't have an uncle. Why? All would you let her go with Reggie? Cause Reggie looked good. Reggie came in and gave her the daughter. You know for a fact she doesn't have an uncle. Why? All my sisters are lesbians.

You knew that. He looked like a lesbian. He looked like a lesbian. Those fucking nose... What the fuck are you doing giving it to Reggie? She looks like a fucking... Reggie! Of all people, you let her go with Reggie! Reggie, they left like 30 seconds ago. They're right there in the car! We're not done with this conversation but i gotta

fucking chase that car planning a bachelor party you're in charge of it right um no i'm just helping plan okay i can see you getting suckered into just doing everything i probably will but no the groom is adamant about going back uh if anybody knows we've talked about this before with donnie um our co-worker uh dangerous curves yeah and people might think we were kidding this is a real nascar themed strip club in wheeling west virginia it's not only nascar themed it's a hybrid of nascar and uh as i said voluptuous women um that's one way to put it. Women that are shaped like refrigerator boxes. Yeah. Because it's slightly bigger than refrigerators.

Yeah. I was trying to think of what's bigger than a refrigerator. What's slightly bigger than a refrigerator? Like boat covers? Like a refrigerator. Like boat covers. Like a statue. Like a sculpture of a refrigerator from someone who had too much material. Yeah, they had too much marble. But they also, I've been there.

Have you been there? Yeah, they used to have 10, their wings were not bad. They had 10 cent wing night. They did. Yeah. But they, the strippers are what i want to talk about because they had a few favorites and they loved me if you get a drink it just looks like jeff goldblum's drink in jurassic park it's always just you're you're looking at the ripples and uh yeah the

dancers though we've uh of course there there's the mother daughter uh okay so whale earnhardt senior yeah but she loved me loved past tense not because you guys fell out of favor no we ended on a high note yeah she's she passed she's passed i was there when she passed she died on the last lap dance um yeah who was it on it was one of our friends it was carter huffman it was carter huffman and she i think internal hemorrhaging her calcified organ it was the wall aortic wall she hit the wall yeah the aortic wall yeah and she hit that and just collapsed it was a pile up yeah a two-person pile up yeah but her But her daughter, Wayle Earnhardt. Carl's Jr.

Well, yeah, she's married. She hyphenated her last name. It's Wayle Earnhardt, Carl's Jr. She was there. Who else? Who else? Denny's Hamlin. Yeah, we talked about Denny's Hamlin, Blobby Labonte.

Those are like the regulars. Hitting the Grand Slam. Yeah. We all know what that means. Denny's Hamlin, Blobby Labonte. Yeah. Jimmy John's.onte. Yeah. Jimmy John's. Son.

Yeah. Jimmy John's. Jeff Gordon. Heft Gordon. Heft Gordon. Tony's Frozen Pizza, Stewart's Soda. Stewart's Cream Soda. Tony's Frozen Pizza, Stewart's Cream's cream soda the gang was all there yeah and i

would just love going it was carpeted it was heavily carpeted uh-huh and uh i don't know i thought it was a football bar at first because the the stripper poles are shaped like goalposts but just they were they were bent yeah they treated those um stripper poles like pipe cleaners or the pipe cleaners were treated as or the poles were treated as yeah they i i would have the talent it would be harder for me to bend a pipe cleaner they were very nice they would let you like choose like your preference of what and with they would use nascar's terminology they'd be like kyle bush um and i'd be like do i have is there any trimmed women there they all have bushes but they would still add they were nice then there was the pit crew the pit my homie worked in the pit crew

did he because that's how that's how we chose this place because it's gonna be very cheap because it already is very cheap but yeah much cheap we're gonna pay five cents for the wings but my homie nathan was in the pit crew uh in the summers in college and pit crew meaning um big women sweat and he just would apply deodorant mid deodorize mid dance i was getting a dance watching a woman get uh get speed stick yeah she got speed sticked i was sponsored by speed stick yeah she got speed stick i was sponsored by speed stick yeah now that so you're going there for a bachelor party yeah and are you taking like a party bus or a limo so the guy who's getting married drives a street sweeper so we rented out a street sweeper are you hooking you up for free yeah that's an expensive vehicle it's his sweeper but he uh he actually ran over a woman oh no and killed her with it the bristles just tossed her like a fucking rag doll and uh the

police went to like see if there was any foul play on the corpse and uh i mean she was too clean they could there was not a mark she was spotless not a mark on her. She was spotless. Not a fingerprint on her. No, but you get the sweeper. Yeah, that's better than a party bus. No. No, now that I think about it, no. I am for real.

I am. Yeah. That's a perfect one for one substitute. a perfect one-for-one substitute. Guys, Valentine's Day is coming up. And, KB, you don't have to worry. Owen, you got a girl. I got a girl. Different girls.

Mine's hotter. Who's the girl you're talking about? The one she's up in. She's hot. Okay. Yeah, she's like the. Oh, yes. Mine on the Alexa's rankings was a little hotter. No. Yeah, she's like the... Oh, yes. Mine on the Alexis rankings was a little hotter. No.

Yeah, yeah. She, like, she... You graded your girl on a curve. She had scoliosis. Yeah. On a bell. Yeah. But, yeah, I'm taking my girl to dinner.

And I got... Yours is smarter, though. My girl? Yeah, which sucks. No, she's dating me. She's a smart move. She's investing in the future, not in the present. She's banking on me getting handsome.

I will. But anyway, Valentine's Day. Coming up. February 14th. Yeah. It's soon as fuck. It's soon as fuck. And I already got my reservations at a dinner place.

And for dessert, I'm going to stand up at our table table and i'm going to show her my hairless dick stock balls head all of it not a bit of hair no hair on the genesis um what about the and she's gonna be like oh my god how that looks like the penis of a small boy uh size and hair-wise, how did you do that? And I said, well, I got you a gift for Valentine's Day. I got you Manscaped. And fellas, it's upon us. You have to make sure you're ready for Valentine's Day. And luckily, our friends at Manscaped are the global leaders in men's below-the-waist grooming.

And I'm here to tell you that you need to use the best tools for the job so you can be ready for anything on that special day. Yeah. Anything. I'm going to do it still even though I don't have a date. Two million men are already trusting Manscaped products to groom and you guys should make sure you're one of them. Fellas, I'm going to keep it a buck with you.

Be a statistic. Two million? That's more than New Hampshire. It is. I used to shave every once in a blue moon you? Be a statistic. Two million? That's more than New Hampshire. It is. I used to shave every once in a blue moon. It was a hassle. You hated it. I did. You were like, this isn't fun. I remember when my dad taught me how to groom myself.

That's what it was. It was never fun. He encouraged tweezing. My dad encouraged tweezing. And I said, there's got to be an easier way. And he said, unfortunately, there's not. Well, there wasn't. There wasn't. But now there is.

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Happy Valentine's Day, friends. Is that a Manscaped product or like John Deere tractor? Does your balls and dick smell like um it's also super easy if you don't have time to mix in a shower before you get home from your mistresses just shave your balls right in the driveway when my my smell like a man i hate it when my dick and balls and hairy asshole don't smell like man yeah oh ew your balls smell like uh lord the singer woman yeah like no no out of all the things in the world you picked that it's the opposite of a man well why don't you say like lavender or like cake i was trying going for the opposite of a man okay lord yeah you. You're right.

Me and Nick use this product all the time. KB's waiting for Kent State to win a national championship to shave. Ayo. Yeah. Yeah, Kyle was cool and all, but his hairy dick smelled like a woman. Yeah, it smelled like...

Oh, my dick smells like a bitch. Oh, my dick smells like Helena Bonham Carter. Fuck. Nah. That sounds awesome. Yeah. My butt... Nothing looks...

Wait a minute. What the fuck? Does that... Does that figure it out, host Summer Sanders? Yeah. And you're just embarrassed in the corner, like, putting your hands over your dick. What the fuck?

Am I about to get slimed out of nowhere? Not after Manscaped. Your dick will smell like Mark Summers. Yeah. All right, it smells like dick in here. It smells like dick in here. That is where he's from. Yeah.

Thanks. Summer Sanders was an Olympian swimmer. Nah, mine smells like Mark Spritz. Kyle. 2004? The Fray? What? I don't know. I thought you were trivia.

I thought that was trivia. No, I'm bringing up... That's a decent guess for 2004. Fray. Hold on. Matt Nathanson. Bring me into – Come on, get higher. Loosen my lips.

Faith and desire in the swing of your hips. Just hold me down hard and drown me in love. No, 2004. Speaking of drowns. Okay. Oh, fuck. So he wasn't – He was – He was all right, like intellectually.

He was all right intellectually, but he did. And he had drown syndrome. He couldn't swim. No, at all. That's how he died. That's how he passed, yeah. That wasn't Marcus, was it? No.

No, it wasn't dead Marcus. Marcus died in a hurricane simulator. Oh, fuck. Yeah. No, he died? That's how he passed, yeah. That wasn't Marcus, was it? No. That wasn't dead Marcus. Marcus died in a hurricane simulator. Oh, fuck. No, he died in Spencer Gifts. 230 episodes. Flipping through the posters, had an epileptic attack. You're right. How quickly you forget.

How quickly you forget about the fictional stories we tell and we spend a long time. 2004. Drown syndrome. Okay, no, no. Don't forget about Drown syndrome. Yeah. 2004. Drown syndrome. 2004 Christmas. You were bad in 2004. You were always in Sister Kathleen's office. Yes. Tardies.

You would tardy and then you would read. I would read. I had several back-to-back tardies. That's when you're late to school. That's when everybody called you. I forget what they called you. So then I remember the first time I did it twice in a row, and I just got ruthlessly mocked. What did they say?

I forget what they called you. The first time I did it, you're tardy. And then the second time, I did it right after that. You did it again, but I forget what they called you. What did they say? I forget what they called you. They did say something. Yeah.

And it just tickled me. That's the wrong word. Tickled me pink is when, like, you enjoyed it. Yeah, yeah. The opposite. That shit tickled you purple. Yeah, something. It bruised me.

It bruised you brown. I remember it. I remember it. Yeah. Yeah, something. It bruised me. It bruised you brown. I remember. Yeah, I forget what they called you, but you were bad and your parents knew you were bad. And that was the year the iPod came out. I know where this is going. Did you not get the iPod? I remember on my Christmas, I sat on Santa's lap and it was like iPod. Obviously.

Every kid during that year was like iPod. Yeah. And I was like ipod obviously every kid during that year was like ipod yeah and i was like uh ipod then coal then nothing and then what i ended up getting that's right what did you get i got the aids ipod the red aids ipod the one that's the red one yeah it was the one that was we we just assumed you had aids yeah everyone assumed i either had aids or like really supported it enough to where you were suspicious i was like if you support aids enough you're just like wait a second i know i think you could you could like run a 5k for aids awareness and get that and was like i am not that aware of aids you know whereas i could get that so you brought that to school and i was like, holy shit.

People assumed I either had AIDS or was extraordinarily aware of it. Or at least you were planning on getting it. Yeah. Yeah. That was the most embarrassing thing. Dead Marcus couldn't jailbreak that. Speaking of that, I went to a tattoo shop this past week. And it showed that it was like a green tattoo shop

So like they had They were hygienic but they would reuse the needles And you know how when like a celebrity goes to a pizza place And it's their picture next to the pizza Same thing at the tattoo Like Bono Like Kevin James