A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 227 - It's Not JUST The Weight

Episode Date: February 26, 2021

|| A New Untold Story: Ep. 227 || The boys discuss good girls, bad girls, poor girls & fat girls. There is no update on the Reggie saga! || Producer: Tyler GoochmanYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. And so that's the thing between me and you. It's like, I've been out with hundreds, thousands of girls, beautiful girls, but like, you're the only one. You are the only one that makes me genuinely laugh. And it's just like, you're actually funny, you know? Like, everything you say, like, I'll come home from a date with you. And I'll be like, why does my face hurt?

Why does my cheeks and the corners of my eyes, why am I sore? I'll be like ah i was laughing i was smiling for three and a half hours and that's because of you like there's there's so many girls out there and i i could have anyone but you are the only one that makes me laugh like this it's a genuine laugh and you're. And you're not even trying to be funny. It's just like your timing. And it's a perfect combination of your confidence and your timing. And your laugh makes me laugh. I've never, I've never experienced anything like this. Like, and stop me. Like, I'm sure you've heard this so much. Like you are one of a kind.

It's, it's, it is just an added bonus that you have two big fake titties and a big fake ass. It's, it's the, that is just, that is just a bonus.

The real charm is you. You're funny. you're fucking funny fuck i've sent texts just like that word for word almost yeah you mean you're gonna reply to what i'm gonna say no you're just gonna say like no that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? What? No, baby!

It's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. Kyle, for like two years in high school, you dated like a poor girl. Did not date. Oh, yeah, I did. But I had no idea in my defense that she was poor. It was apparent that she was poor. I don't think it was.

You kept on trying. As soon as I found out, I broke up with her. You always invited us to parties at her house. I'm like, where are her parents? And you're like, oh, they're both working a second shift. I'm like, oh, they're both working like a second shift. I'm like, oh, Kyle. No,

I remember the first time I was embarrassed. I remember the first time I went over to her house. We both skipped school and she was like, do you want to watch a movie in the living room? I was like,

why not your room? She didn't give me a reason. I was like, where's your mom? She was like, she's working. And I was like, I think I like? She didn't give me a reason. I was like, where's your mom? She was like, she's working. And I was like, I think I like maybe dry he feels like your mom needs to work. And she was like, yeah, she's an accountant at Brennan Piper and Associates in Canonsburg, Pennsylvania. And I was like, oh, my, your mom needs to work.

She's like, what is your dad doing? And she was like, he owns a restaurant. And I was like, singular? Like just a restaurant? One restaurant. One restaurant here or a tycoon? Just one local restaurant. And at this point, I was like ready to just hightail it out of there.

But we were two years deep. I think, yeah. She shared a room with her sister is why. we were two, two years deep. I think, yeah, you got, she, she shared a room with her sister is why. Yeah. I didn't want to, I didn't even want to bring it up now.

Huge, huge red flag years ago. And I'm still embarrassed. Yeah. I remember she asked me to watch movies all the time. Yeah. And I remember one time she asked me to like pick out a movie and I go to her and it was a dvd rack and it was red flag number one and it was either i picked out either um blair witch project

or a bug's life can't remember which it was it was early to mid b alphabetically. Yeah. I go and take it out and I feel something in the top left corner. It was like a dime or nickel shaped stick residue. Circle shaped. I look her dead in the eyes for the first time in our entire relationship.

And I say, you got this from the Walmart discount bin, didn't you? She peeled the sticker before you came. Was it sticker it was sticker residue i was like you got this from the the five dollar bin that poverty shaped disorganized mess of a dvd bin she puts her head down and just like uh maybe like when my mom was there picking up something else and I was just like, I shook my head. I think I, I dry heaved again. I remember we went over there to drink and like, we were all like, you know, mid high school. So we were like, let's go play hide and seek.

Like I was hoping a chance to like be in the dark with another girl. That's how every guy got his first kiss, et cetera, et cetera. And I was hoping to go hide in the bathtub. So I went to the first floor bathroom. Well, the whole house was first floor. And I went, I was like, where's your, where's your bathtub? And she was like, oh, this is a, this is a half bathroom. I'm like, oh my God, you can't have a full fucking bathroom.

She's like, no, that's down the hall. I'm just like, my God. You can't have a full fucking bathroom. She's like, no, that's down the hall. I'm just like, oh, Jesus. And so then I went and I just hid in this empty closet in the kitchen. And she was like, hey, can you stay out of the pantry? I'm like, how is this? This is just where's your food? Oh, man, you're rehashing old memories. I'm getting like PTSD pangs from just experiencing that myself firsthand yeah i had to date her

jesus she she assumed all cereal was bagged she didn't know that there were boxes of cereal she just no i'm laughing now but yeah i remember having what was how'd you end up breaking up did you break up with her you guys went to multiple like homecomings together. Yeah, I remember the second one. It was the day I broke up with her. She was first of all, she was wearing the same dress from the first one. I remember I went to your house and I was looking through like photos. I was just like homecoming like what 2008. And then I was like, wait, homecoming 2009 is the same picture.

Yeah, I know. And I didn't know it at the time because I never I didn't look at her the year picture. Yeah, I know. And I didn't know it at the time because I didn't look at her the year prior. Yeah. But I remember when I knew, she gave me my corsage, and I was like, this smells familiar. She gave you last year's corsage?

She preserved it? Uh-huh. It smells like 2008. It smells like Hinder, which smells like Lips of an Angel. Yeah, this smells like Hinder, which smells like lips of an angel. Yeah, this smells like hinder and Shinedown. I remember dancing to Shinedown. Buck Cherry.

I was like, this is evoking memories from last year. This is the same corsage. You can't even afford a new fake flower. They're actually like dirt poor now, right? Didn't her dad's restaurant go out of business yeah they went from middle class to like lower middle class that's like the most pathetic thing about her yeah there is his restaurant went out of business he had to get another job well you know why it went out of business um what was it a thousand island recall what was it you think it was a thousand no it's because everybody had an island there

everybody started using promo code story 10 for hellofresh.com yeah no one started no one wanted to eat out anymore after that well absolutely well hellofresh cuts out the stressful meal planning grocery store trips so you can enjoy cooking and get dinner on the table for about, what, 30 minutes or less? And everybody was fat, and now they're not because they're eating healthier, and it's never been easier because you can get the low-cal, carb-smart, vegetarian, or even pescatarian options every week. And no matter what you choose, every single recipe is packed with fresh produce sourced directly from farmers so you can cut down on grocery bills eat healthy and get the flexibility flexibility you need with customizable orders every week i personally i get the meat box i'm having cutlet every fucking night you are yeah you're always texting me like nick what are you

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We don't have to do the ad anymore. Okay. Due to a writer's strike, there is no update on the Reggie saga this week, but we will be back next week. We now return you to a rerun of Two and a Half Men. Yo, my guy. My guy. Yo, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up? What's up? You the, who I think you are?

Uh, what do you mean? Uh, like the, like the plug. Yeah, I guess you could say that. You could say that. Why? What do you need? What's the matter? What's what's what's you need some antidote right now?

Yeah, I don't know, boss. I just feel like I can't catch a Z worth a hill of beans. All right. all right i guess you know i think i just combined street slang with like a redneck yeah yeah yeah i got i got you what uh what do you need i got i got two different types for you i got i don't know something that like mellow me out, relaxes me, and helps me fall asleep at night type shit. Let me ask you a question. Are you at home or are you on the go? I'm a little bit of both. That's perfect because I got just what you need.

I was really nervous to admit that. Yeah, man. Yeah. Listen up. For some simplicity, I got some CBD soft gels from CBDMD. These are simple and a familiar way to add CBD to your daily routine. Do you have a daily routine? Nah, my homies always clown me. I'm like disorganized and type shit.

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premium CBD oil products from CBDMD. Hey guys, uh, you guys. Almost all set. You need me to wrap anything up? No, I think she's still picking at hers and mine. Thank you, though. Just the checks. Just the checks. Nick?

Yeah. The shirt? Crumburlay? We'll get the checks, please. Nick? Okay. You know how things have been kind of weird lately? Between us?

Yeah. Not really. I feel like we're at the peak of our relationship. All right. I'm just going to get out ahead of this before you bring this up. It is not the weight gain, why i'm why i'm ending things what are you talking about it is not just the weight gain no no get that thought out of your head i'm not breaking up because of just the weight gain what weight gain me it's it's not just

that it's multiple different factors that is that is certainly a factor it's so hard to put the other ones into words but they exist for sure like what i don't know you you've been acting what i haven't been acting differently at all no no please stop interrupting me you've been acting heavier and it's it's not just that it's other it's other things too it's just like you're starting to do things without consulting me. And like, I don't know. It was like, yeah, you didn't tell me that you were planning on hitting 120. And that was weird for me.

And like, you know how my homies, you know my crew? Your friends? They've become your friends too, but they love- I love your friends. They're so funny. I know. And you know that they loved a clown right like yeah they're always i love humor we have the same feel like humor i remember you told me that when we first started dating i i did yeah but that was

different then um i just don't want to give them i don't want to give them – I don't want to give them any ammunition. Wait, what? No, it's – What would they make fun of you for? It's – Your glass? No, it's not anything about me. It's like my choices, I guess. Your salary?

You have a good job. It's not – I know, but that's the thing. It's not – I know, but that's the thing. It's not – okay. I know you're going to go and call your friends and I just – it's not the weight. It is not the weight that you've gained. I never thought it was the weight, but now I'm starting to think it is. What else is it if it's not the weight? It's just things have been harder.

I want to be able to post you on Instagram. I just – What? There are so many – please let me talk. There are so many reasons. There are so many reasons, and i just can't form the words right now but it's not it's not it's just me gaining weight then what else would it be is so many i've been treating you so well there are so many more things than that

it's just like i just can can't, I can't, I haven't, just know that it's not just that. Okay. And like, wait, wait, stop. Are you, are we going to get a to-go box? Are you going to finish that? Did you guys see going around on TikTok was Tom Brady saying the N-word? What? Tom Brady?

Yeah. The N-word? Yeah, well, it was like mic'd up him in like the hallway outside the locker room. And it sounds very much like he just used the N-word. But he didn't. No, I think he did. Does he have a pass i love how best part was whether he did or didn't everyone in the replies like including people of color we're just saying like oh brady gets a pass brady's the goat brady gets a pass for each ring. He has seven passes to say.

He has seven passes. Imagine that. He's hit the triple crown. Has he not now? Racism, incest, and pedophilia. He knocked out incest and pedophilia at once. That was almost impressive to me. Yeah, that's rarely been done.

was almost impressive. Yeah, that's rarely been done. Wait, if he gets seven passes, imagine just wasting those. Kyle had a homie. Kyle had a homie, real smooth dude, Alopecia. He had a pass. He did not get girls. No, no, no, no. No, didn't he get a pass? He was a poster. He did not get girls. No, no, no, no.

No, didn't he get a pass? He was a poster boy for keeps. He did have a pass. What did he get a pass for? What did they give to him? What did he do? It was at a Bulls halftime show. I think he drained a three-quarter.

Oh, shit. It was something like that. But he was awarded one awarded did he use it he did but he wasted it um it was at lollapalooza what he was at lollapalooza yeah it was at a chance the rapper set he blew his one pass what song and that's the worst part about it he it was in line before the set even started he got in a fight he got in a fight with a guy and just use it as a slur against him oh jesus and the guy was like pac Islander. He was like, he was from New Zealand. You really am.

He just flushed it away. Not only did he like blow it, but he like used it inappropriately. In like a verbal altercation. And he was like, fuck, I can't sing along to Cocoa Butter Kisses now. Wait. He said it twice because i remember he apologized yes okay so he said it twice the the altercation got heated um and he had to like he got canceled for using it the second time after his pass expired and he had to like like release a statement um i i'm a bigger man than using it that second time in that fight so you have to apologize for the second time

yeah just a second we had to pass owen i know it's just funny yeah he was wearing a riley cooper jersey too wasn't he yeah he was weren't people like clowning him for his clothes oh this fucking dude like they were ignoring that he was racist they were like oh this dude is fucking wearing comments we're like this dude... This dude isn't even wearing bare bottom. That dude doesn't know that they're the most go-to, versatile, comfortable, wearable, everyday clothing for guys like him. Wait, tell me more. Yeah, wait, what?

What was he not wearing? He wasn't wearing bare bottom. You know, bare bottom. V-E-A-R. V-E-A-R. Yeah, because, like like he would have the repercussions would have been way less if he was wearing i don't know premium adventure tested fabrics without a premium price the stretch joggers perchance they're made with the flagship cotton spandex fabric blend and they're insanely soft

moisture wicking tech tea they only make threads'll actually love to wear all day long. And Kyle, Owen, you know they're built for value, right? You're getting comfortable, made-to-last shorts, pants, tees, for a fraction of what you're going to spend with those other guys. We're not even going to name those motherfuckers. Motherfuckers. Fuck those. Fuck them. Shit. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, they're designed to transition from the couch the gym to lollapalooza bare bottom b e a r that's right like the hibernating mammal like paddington corduroy

like bears like that yeah and bare bottom has donated over a hundred thousand shorts to children in need there's a bunch of kids out there that just have pants uh it's the one for them program for a limited time they're switching things up and they're going to donate a protective mask to a first responder teacher or someone in need for every item purchased 200 000 masks have already been donated and right now our listeners get free shipping on their first order of these super comfortable threads at barebottomclothing.com with code anus go to barebottomclothing.com that's b-e-a-r like the animal bottom clothing.com and use code anus a-n-u-s for free shipping nobody likes to pay for shipping don't do it uh kyle uh that's bear b-e-a-r can you uh make a bear noise that was pretty good kyle

that was pretty good man let's uh we'll keep that all right we are in three separate hotel rooms in marquette michigan. How are we, boy? Our trip is almost done. Some of you may not know, we've been driving all around Michigan, the lower and upper portions of the state, doing some things with the Wanton Don. But after this, you know, the fun kind of ends we are flying out of here friday and we will be going to uh our home state and other surrounding parts of appalachia and uh we will we're giving back we are you know to be on a serious note uh it's a really fucked up part of the country it's uh yeah they don't have it's ravaged with poverty and drug use and uh

lack of education they don't have any there's no internet or cell phone service down there this is southern west virginia eastern kentucky in that area yeah bad bad areas and uh kyle and i will be giving back uh you know out of the kindness of our heart. It'll be just me and Kyle and a four man camera crew using the state of the art technology. And we will be going door to door, giving out clubhouse invites for that for the app. And so I'm really excited to, you know, just to knock on a door and just see. The look on their face. Like from four different camera angles that we can use to produce content. The look on their face when we give them that free clubhouse invite. That's right. And just, you know, there will be a tier.

Some families we should probably give two, two. Not that there's probably – there's no successful marriages down there. That's all. No, maybe just one for each home. Yeah. What that will provide for them, it's hard to even put into words. It will be astronomical. for them it will it's it's hard to even put into words it'll be astronomical they'll be able to listen to their favorite personalities and public figures talk about anything from informative to

entertaining and it could it'll i think it'll make their days and we've put out teasers for this and i remember i was like hey if anybody in southern west virginia like send me your address. We can swing by and film, film your poor living conditions and hopefully have you cry and look up to us as like some sort of God. We give you that clubhouse invite. And this woman DM me. She's, she's what? She was, I think 22. She had four kids and she DM me and she said, do you have an extra clubhouse invite for me? And I said, yeah, wait, in person. I get seven a day. And yeah, I can give you one.

But like, what do you want it for? And she was super excited. She was like, you know, I love Pick Central, but I haven't had a chance to listen to the pick central pre show. And she finally gets a chance, you know, she's not working or parenting. Absolutely not. And,

uh, she's yeah. And so she is, uh, she's really excited. Her life's going to change when she gets to hear that. Yeah. You know,

and I, and I can't stress enough how excited I am to finally give back. It's all it's always been about us. Us. Us. We're the center of attention. Yeah. The focal point of every video. But it's going to be about them this time, their reactions. in the video. No, yeah. It'll be, yeah, we will be in front of the camera. We will pan to them and like into their home to show you how poor they are

and how much. Yeah, it will be disgusting. Yeah. So I'm really excited for that. And if you guys want to help out, you can also, you can retweet our videos and say how awesome it is

that we're doing this. Yeah. Mm-hmm.