A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 232 - The History of Band Names

Episode Date: April 2, 2021

|| A New Untold Story pres by Dude Wipes: Ep. 232 || The boys discuss the history of band names! || Podcast Hint #1: Third || Producer: Tyler GoochmanYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. And we're going to get into all of that and more on today's episode of A New Untold Story presented by Dude Wipes. What? Yes, that's right, dudes. We have to have a serious chat about all of y'all's bathroom habits. Vibs, I see you with your dry asshole. Did the copy say all of y'all's? No, Iibs, I see you with your dry asshole. Did the copy say all of y'all's?

No, I did that. That's cool. You wrote that in? I thought that they wrote that in. Y'all have been wiping dry, and it's honestly gay. It shows. Are we allowed to say that? No, because it is.

We need to have a serious chat about all y'all's buttholes. Vibs, stand up. Dry as a bone. That ass is dry as a bone. He's actually doing it. Sounds like someone's rubbing balloons together. That's when I hear what's going on there. You sound like old windshield wipers when you're walking.

Because your ass... Your ass. It's not just the perimeter or the interior of his ass. No. It's the cheeks, too. It's the outer cheek. It's like a catacomb. My ass has so many little bits of toilet paper around it, it's like it cut itself shaving.

Well, it's time to quit shitty, scratchy toilet paper and switch to Dude Wipes. Dude Wipes are an extra-large, flushable wipe made with plant-sourced fibers designed to give your anus a cleaner, more refreshing TP after dropping a deuce. Did you write anus? Did you add that in? They did put it in all caps. And wait. You just wait.

Let me read that sentence one more time. Designed to give your anus a cleaner more refresh refreshing finish than tp after dropping a deuce out of your anus they double anus dust in one sentence send the name think about it when you wash your face hands or body use water to get yourself clean so when it comes to the dirtiest thing we do our second dirtiest if you're a sicko like roanan. Yes, yes, yes. Taking a shit. Yes, yes. Why do we use dry toilet paper? Well, everybody's just staring at me right now. I don't like this.

Kyle, don't look at that. Okay. Because I'm staring at you, so I don't give my personal endorsement. Well, actually stare at me because I'm about to change your life. Your anus will thank you. And you'll never look at an empty toilet paper roll the same again. Be prepared for any situation with dude wipes. They come in home and on-the-go options.

I have some in my pocket right now. I actually like them. I use them in shit. Glowing review. I use the mint chill. You use the mint chill? Wait, you use mint on your butthole? Mm-hmm.

Shut up. It's refreshing. It's like poofing a menthol. You can get them at Amazon, Walmart, Target, Nationwide, or go to DudeWipes.com and use ANUS15, A-N-U-S-1-5, for 15% off your entire order. Get them at that bank. Yeah, they replaced the Dum Dum Pops with Dude Wipes. That's convenient. That's fantastic.

Honestly, that would be better. As an adult, I prefer... I think a butt wipe is the popsicle for adults. The lollipop for adults. I think popsicles are the popsicle for adults. Really? Yeah.op for adults. I think popsicles are the popsicle for adults. Really? Yeah. I was thinking lollipops.

Truck drivers love them. Truck drivers love popsicles. Concrete truck, cement truck drivers. And also, so does Travis Barker and Kourtney Kardashian. Yeah. Yes. What are they into? Popsicles.

Popsicles. No, actually lollipops. I've been thinking lollipops, and I've been saying popsicle. Popsicles. Popsicles. No, actually lollipops. I've been thinking lollipops, and I've been saying popsicle. Anyway, I wiped my ass with a dude wipe, and it showed a different lighter shade of brown when the toilet paper had stopped rendering color, and it showed me that I had been unclean

my entire life. For years and years, I've been settling for beige, and that's not okay anymore. No, it's not. You want to wipe until it's white. When I'm using regular toilet paper, I stop, and it's still looking no it's not you want to wipe to wipe till it's white my when i'm using regular toilet paper i stop and it's still looking like a rorschach test yeah i'm trying to just i'm seeing my parents divorcing in my shit but now it's gone the parents divorce honestly that's the best way to move on the thing is there's other wet wipes that you can use but they're not flushable

kb was on that and i just walked it's on the packet the the dude wipes are flushable and i was like i'm sick and tired of fucking having to i saw you hold on to i saw you ball it up and shoot into the trash can walk out of the bathroom with it in my hand like that was getting old as shit the dude it gets stuck to your sleeve instead of your heel toilet paper hanging off your arm. Yeah, you could just flush a dude wipe. How about that fucking Stephen Che? Yeah. That's a read.

Play that on the next meeting, dick. That's your reply to what I'm going to say. No, you're just going to say, like, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? Fuck no, baby. That's a new untold story. I knew I told you. It's a fresh, big untold story.

I knew I told you. We're here with Vibs and Roan, Owen, KB, and myself. And we have you guys in here. Vibs, we have you in here especially. You are on a history podcast. And so we're going to dive into the history of band names. Because last week we uncovered some truths about the band Hoobastank. The band's an acronym.

And the Hoobastank is an acronym. And you know, you listen to the episode. What is it for again, Joe, just to refresh the... Hoobastank, yeah. Hoobastank is... Hold on, our brothers and sisters. The answer's never known. Right. Everyone knows that, but people don't know it also doubles as

a nameplay. Goo Goo Hooba and... There's a word for that. Stankdoll. D-A-H-O. Goo Goo Hooba and Stank Doll. And they were going to combine their first name. Well, they were going to be the Goo Goo Dolls. Take it. Take it.

We're just rehashing here. But then we were like, how many other band names are there secrets behind? And so we're going to dive into that now. And Vibs, if you have any input. I'm sure you know the majority of these. Off the top of my head, I'm thinking of Lynyrd Skynyrd. Do you have that one in there?

I know that one. It was their gym teacher. Yeah, yeah. That's like the popular one that everyone knows. Wait, wait. I don't know that. Lynyrd Skynyrd was the name of their gym teacher that said they'd never amount to anything in life. Really?

It's always a teacher. It's always. their gym teacher that said they'd never amount to anything in life. Really? Every successful artist, band, musician had a teacher that said that. Honestly, bad teachers should be in higher demand because every famous person... You need one. You need one. They were just actively telling future musicians

that they'd never be anything. You never hear the opposite just like some homeless drug addicts it was like oh well they like yeah need their shot yeah like they were right okay i thought you meant the opposite no polar no yeah not a polar opposite that's like a pace to have a home family pay a mortgage i think that that's everyone who hasn't wound up being successful it's because people were too encouraging of them like they need people need to be taken down a peg by mr skinnered 100 i was thinking about this the other day so if i have kids i don't want to have like good teachers that teach them great lessons and are very nice and tell

them they're special i want my kids to have just absolute dickhead teachers that teach them great lessons and are very nice and tell them they're special. I want my kids to have just absolute dickhead teachers that are just pieces of shit trying to fuck them over all the time because that's what life is. You know what I mean? You're going to get fucked over more than you're going to have people telling you you're special. Also, Vibs, and to spin off that, you ever realize how people are like, I want to have

kids and make beautiful children. You just want your daughter to grow up and be hot and be getting stuffed by a bunch of people? She's going to be getting stuffed by it. Yeah. Because she'll be getting stuffed. She'll be getting stuffed left and right.

That's what you're yearning for? That's what you're going to have? Oh, I'm going to have a hot wife so I can get my child stuffed by a bunch of people in fucking 30 years? Seeing babies wearing stuff like Future Heartbreaker. Yeah, that's always the comment on ultrasound pics. Like, yeah, he's a future heartbreaker.

That means they're just looking at his dick. That's like a big baby dick. He's a future emotional abuser. Oh my God, he's going to gaslight so many. If that baby stays proportional, that's a hung baby. It gets proportionally weirder and creepier, too, as they age. Yeah. Like a baby, okay.

What? A seven-year-old, it's like, oh, okay. Well, eyeballs and cocks are the only two body parts that don't grow. Yeah, you're right, Owen. That is true. That is true. And and ears ears too i'm pretty sure are you are you wait your cock is just the same size we don't birth no cocks do grow ocular or pituitary growth i jerked off with anti-aging cream when i was 12 and i just have a 12 year old's dick still. Shut up. In size or in... Maturity.

Skin tone. Maturity. You gotta counteract it. Just masturbate with like a touch of Greg. Just for men. Just brush it into your pubes. I jerked off with some of my mom's vanishing cream and my penis...

I look like a G.I. Joe. Oh my God. Everybody does it. You gotta find something. Let's get into some bands. Kyle, I don't know how you want to do this. I did some research on a few. I can name some scenarios. Should we just keep going around?

We can just shoot them out. Yeah, I'll go first. This is a shitty one. There's no humor in this whatsoever. Group of theater kids in England doing a performance.

I know exactly where this is going. And they were like, Rowan, can you do a... Hey, it's freezing in here. We're trying to perform. That's cold play. I'm trying to do a fellow.

Little did they know. That theater teacher said, listen here, pussy. You will never marry Gwyneth Paltrow. You motherfucker. You're going to be working a nine to five like a sucker. You're going to be working a 9-5 like me. Like me. Like a chump.

They hated 9-5s too. Yeah, they hated 9-5s. Musicians hate 9-5s. Oh, yeah. Like anything to escape that 9-5. Dude, you've been... The musicians, you were 14. You've never...

What is the rock song that's like... What is it? Bittersweet Symphonyphony By The Verve What do they say in that one Slave to the money Then you die Then you die And the crowd goes berserk

At all of the live sets With a $300 ticket Are you resonating with them Yeah what are you talking about You had to be successful enough To see the successful band Yeah It's not you

It's not for you It's not you. It's not for you. It's not targeted to you. Fuck, what was that? I was listening to some fucking sweet-ass pop punk the other day, and he was just shitting on a girl for working the 9 to 5. They fucking hate the 9 to 5. Pop punks? They like 9 to 15-year-olds.

They're always statutory raping young girls, or is that just rape? I don't think you can statutory rape a 15-year-old. It loses the statute. They're always soliciting nudes from minors. All of them. The band Four Minor. Exactly.

The band Four Minor. They printed them out and they constructed. Yep, that was on my list. Kyle? Fort Minor? Oh, no. How did they get there? What bands did you?

Did you talk about Radiohead? Oh, Raymond D. O'Head, an Irishman. Raymond Declan O'Head. Yeah, he... Just an Irishman. Raymond Declan O'Head. Raymond Declan O'Head. Yeah, just an Irishman. And he was creepy. No, his brother Killian O'Head was creepy. Killian. Yeah, but Ray D. O'Head.

This is so dumb. When you put the D at the front, it sounds Italian. So it's like Italian-Irish. Ray D. O'Head. D. O'Head is not a real last name. O'Head is a very common surname. Oh, I was thinking like D, apostrophe, O, apostrophe, head. Ray D. period, O, apostrophe, head.

Yes. Like Ashley DeVico. Like Jeff D. Lowe. Oh, yeah, Jeff D. apostrophe, DeVico. Like Jeff D. Lowe. Remember DeVico? Oh, yeah. Jeff D. apostrophe Lowe. Same as Jeff D. Lowe. Ray D. O-head.

Raymond D. O-head. I'm trying to see if it could get Italian at first. Ray D. O-head. And then get Irish on the second half of it. How would it sound, Vivs? That was Irish on the second half, yeah. That was good. Italian on the front half.

I can't do a good Italian, yeah. The fucking Eastern or the European mullet. Irish on the one half. That's honestly the Delco mullet. Half of Delco is Irish, half of Delco is Italian. I don't know if you knew that. How do you differentiate an Irish and a Scottish accent? Rowan, you do a good Scottish.

I think it's... There's something about the R in the Scottish accent. Rowan, you do a good Scottish. I think it's... There's something about the R in the Scottish accent, and they say didn't instead of didn't. They say didn't. So can you be a character? Can you be a Scottish character for us? I think I

could do it. Do it. I've been working on it. I've been trying to get better. Better. I want him to be Scott. Scott. Scott. Which Scott? Scott Pilgrim? Scott Peterson. Scott Peterson?

I killed my wife. I just had to do it. I didn't know why. Don't do it, Scott. Don't give him the satisfaction. Sorry, I just had to do it. I didn't know why. Fuck, that's trash. Scott Peterson.

Scott Peterson. Dialing 911. I just found my wife. She's dead and I didn't do it. I didn't do it. Yeah, could you do like 22 more minutes of that? The grand jury. I have one.

It was a rock star who initially was doing songs for the Catholic Church. It was Neil Young, but he spelled it K-N-E-E-L. Neil Young. He was just writing really intimate songs About sucking priest dick Neil Young was the altar boy or He was the altar boy, he knelt young What did he sing? I don't know

Old man take a look at my life I've been searching for a boy so young What did he sing? I don't know. Old man, take a look at my life. I've been searching for a boy so young. Is that a real Neil Young song? Yeah. That's searching for a heart of gold, but it's a priest saying that. Yeah, but you were still Scottish? Yeah, I was.

I don't know where I was at. No, it takes a little bit to wear off. It's like helium. I don't know what I was going to say. No, it takes a little bit to wear off. It's like helium. I think if you spelled Neil in Scottish, they spell N-I-A-L-L, which is an infinitely better way to spell Neil. That's just Nile. But I think they say it N-I-A-L. Isn't it like the One Direction kid?

I think it's Nile. We say it Nile, but I think they say Neil. How do you pronounce it? N-I-A-L. N-I-A-L. N-I-A-L. I think there's a bunch of different names. I think they're the same name.

What do you got? I got a few quick ones and a couple that are a little more in-depth. Hey there, Delilah. Plain white tees. Trevor and Tyler from Topeka, Kansas. From the plains, yes. I like to do a plain white tease. When I'm texting a girl when she's about to shower and I say, without me.

That's a plain white tease. That is the standard white tease like when i'm texting a girl when she's about to shower and i say without me that's a plain white that's the standard white it always works every time um the all-american rejects um were of course deported to canada yeah hence their hit single move along expats expats um. This is one you've got to dive into a little bit. So corn is actually like a riddle of sorts. So if you look at it numerically based on the alphabet, 1 to 26, K-O-R-N, 11, 15, 18, 14. You punch those in as coordinates, it brings you to the bar signaka in Chad. Chad. And that's what corn was doing. It was this form of satire on frat culture in Southern California in the 80s and 90s.

That's right. Korn. Yeah. They were making fun of Chad. All Chad. And that show. That's an interesting find. You may not want to dig deeper.

You're going to get some. Who was the Chad of Chad? Who was their, like, Chad culture guy? Is it a bro-y-ass African dude? Like Jon Hamm at UT Austin or something? Jimmy Buffett. This one, people know. But it's, I mean, everyone's been pronouncing it wrong.

It's actually James Illich, founder of Little Caesars. Jimmy Buffet. Jimmy Buffet. Does Little Caesars have a buffet? I didn't know that. He's thinking of CeCe's pizza. You're thinking of CeCe's pizza. Little Caesars is a $5 takeout.

I've never been to any buffet. You've never been to a buffet? That is some Red Bull shit. No, but it was originally cheese pizza in paradise. He's never been to a buffet. He doesn't know what a buffet is. Maroon 5. It's like a what a buffet is. Maroon 5.

It's like a $5 pizza buffet. Maroon 5. Maroon 5. A group of buddies in college who love doing poop dollars. Wait, wait, wait. What?

You've never seen really old poop that turns maroon? It doesn't. Yes, it does. There's a red issue to human poop aged in the sun.

There's blood in the sun. You both have colon cancer. If it's aged in the sun. There's blood in the sun. You both have colon cancer. If it's aged in the sun, no, that shows me that whole dude wipe shit that you were talking about, bringing the unflushable wipes to a different – if you bring an unflushable wipe and leave it in another trash can, it's going to be red in three days. That is not a common fact. That is not true. It oxidizes.

That's not even a common opinion. It oxidizes. That is not. Maroon 5. Maroon 5 was – oh, that has to be the is not. Maroon 5. Maroon 5. Maroon 5. Oh, that has to be the poop dollar. Maroon 5 is notoriously maroon. Your poop is not Georgian soil. It's very fertile.

It's like flying into Cuba. Maroon 5 was a group of college buddies in the D.C. area, and they had season tickets. They painted up for Washington football games, and that's what they were called every time they were on the camera. They were the Maroon 5? I thought they got lost at sea. They were the camera. They were the Maroon 5. I thought they got lost at sea. They were Maroon 5. The Maroon 5. They made their way back.

They wrote shanties before it was popular. What else? What else? Daughtry. That's actually the last name of the lead singer, Chris Daughtry. Oh, I thought it was like a guy who was like... That one's still up for interpretation. I thought it was a guy who was like kind of Daughtry.

He's like kind of sunnish, kind of daughtery. I want to say Chris Daughtery. Daughtery. Daughtery. No, he didn't mean daughtery. Daughtery. Daughtery. Who was daughtery?

He was like somebody that's daughtery. He was someone who was kind of a... Like Kaylee Anthony. He was daughtery. Yeah, or like Timothee Chalamet. Yeah, he's daughtery. He's kind of like a son. He's kind of daughtery. He's kind of a daughter. Or a little bit of. Daughtery. Like Timothee Chalamet. He's kind of like a son. He's kind of daughtery. Kind of a daughter.

Or a little bit of a daughter. Daughtery. Short-term daughter. Now, Kyle, you had a groundbreaking discovery. Sticks was ****. So, yeah. What is it? You can't say that.

What are you talking about? I think my mom was a groupie with the band Styx. I was telling this to Nick earlier. We were going through her stuff one time, and we found an autographed Styx album and REO Speedwagon. She went on tour with them one time. I like to think that she was married to your dad, and she was like, hey, I'm going to go be the groupie for a band.

He's like, absolutely the fuck not. She's like, it's Styx, babe. I don't know how they got their name. Go ahead and get out of here. Go ahead and leave, Con. You have fun, honey. Yeah, yeah. Be back whenever. I don't care. Could not care less. I used to work for a

morning radio station and REO Speedwagon showed up one day and we're in the parking lot and they're like, hey, we'll come on the radio show but we want to do this little sketch. Have someone come out and wake them up on the bus. So I had to go out and wake them up on the bus. These dudes that may or may not have fucked my mom in 1977. I recognize you.

You had to touch them? It might have been one of my dads. Yeah, you definitely woke up one of your dads. They are a good story, though, too. They were Oreo Speedwagon. Their drummer and guitarist were Nigerian, and their lead singer was from Nebraska. No, their lead singer was just from the band Cream.

And he was in the middle. They were Nigerian. Definitely, yeah. What was OAR? OAR is of a revolution, but it's actually paying homage to a pop-punk band from Crystal Palace in the 1540s.

Jesus Christ. Go ahead and say it. You're being shy. The oligarchy's anglicized in reston anglo-saxon restitution. No, you are being too timid. You know what Owen needs to do? He needs to man the fuck up. Oh, yeah.

Man the fuck up is dedicated to helping you keep your man card current and active. You good, Owen? Yeah, I just feel the follicles coming in. You got closer to the mic to clear your throat while father time is constantly trying to kick you in the nuts man the fuck up helps you fight back all of our natural highly effective supplements are designed to work with your body to provide results man the fuck up is more than a brand what is it kyle it's a lifestyle

it's a lifestyle it's a movement there's no hiding the fact that guys nowadays need to man the fuck up there's a bunch of vegan pussies. There's a bunch of pussies that apologize to their girlfriends. Nah, not here. Stop that. Quit your bitching. Stop pointing fingers. And man the fuck up.

Oh, sorry I cheated on you, babe. Oh, here's vibs using the beard filter. No, stop that. Start taking man the fuck up. I do it. And look at me now. I don't need a filter. I have a beard.

Do women like men with beards yes is that copy or editorial they definitely don't like people without beards they definitely do not and uh you can be a man with a beard now and save 20 by going man going to man tf up now.com slash untold or use code barstool, capital B 20 to two zero on Amazon. That's man. T F up now.com slash untold or use code barstool 20 on amazon.com. Damn. We got dude wipes and man the fuck up.

They know that he has nothing to hide. Well, yeah, you can't hide anything because we have one more ad. And it's in the same exact vein. We have dude wipes. We have man the fuck up. What would be the next? Yeah. Grow a pair.

But tested for an F 750. Yeah. Pure human testosterone. Yeah. A Ford F750. Pure human testosterone. Just cum. We're sponsored by cum. I did an ad read today for not getting hit by a train. It was an ad read for

if you go into an intersection where there's a train passing and the bars are down and the lights are dinging, don't walk into it because trains can't stop. That was the ad. That was the whole ad read. Like a PSA or was it an ad for a product or a service? Devlin came up to me and he was like, can you do this ad for people to like not get hit by trains? How many people are getting hit by trains?

Is that happening? I guess people – it's, and it's happening so much that an ad is going to save somebody's life. Someone was going to get smothered. Is it ever happening accidentally? It happens a lot. They're doing it on purpose. It happened to these two guys, and they were just like,

what the fuck? We're going to name our band after this. Oh, no. It was their friend Jupiter. Their blood got... They're plugging all over. Everywhere. So, yeah, it did happen. That did happen. It was their friend Jupiter. Their blood got... They're plugging all over. Everywhere.

So, yeah, it did happen. That did happen. Like, the blood misted, and it was, like, in the atmosphere. He went on his soul vacation. I'm going to read you a song lyric, KB. I wake up every evening With a big smile on my face And it never feels out of place.

This is, I hope it gives you hell. Yes, you sound just like Tyson Ritter. And you're probably working at a nine to five pace and I wonder how bad it tastes. They're clowning people for being responsible. They're clowning for careers. Wait, wait, which band is that? All American Rejects? You fucking got it.

You big time got it. And you know how they got their name. Yep. Oh, yeah. I just learned. Yeah, you did. 9 to 5 is the backbone of business. And I think what we should do next is pitch some business ideas, if you'd like.

Okay. I love a business idea. What are we talking about? Who's pitching who? I have some business ideas for the special needs community. Pitch me. I think they're underrepresented. Oh, no.

I'm all ears. The first one is an adoption agency specifically for children with special needs. A lot of times parents will be overwhelmed with a child that's healthy, that's normal. But, you know, if you have a special needs child, it may be really tough to raise. You may not be able to do it. You just might not be able to do it, simply put. And so it's an adoption agency where people who do have the time, that do have the funds, can adopt a special needs

child. So it's a business called Hand Me Downs. And I've heard about that. Yeah, you go there and they do incredible work. There's a Kickstarter. In the time of COVID you can even do it online commerce-wise. You can sort high to low brow line.

I remember I backed their Kickstarter. This was early on. It took them a while to actually become a legitimate business. What were you guaranteed for backing them? I remember I backed them and tucker max's in book but when you back like what do you get like a tote bag at like a certain level or like maybe you get to like have your name carved in a brick for a higher level or like maybe you get to spend some time or like preferred adoption you get to pick pick your one what'd you get for it what did i what did i get when you when you

were helping out the hand-me-downs hand-me-downs yeah how do you say it out, the hand-me-downs? Hand-me-downs, yeah. How do you say it, though? Is it hand-me-downs or is it hand-me-downs? You're demanding them. Give me. Give me. Give it to me.

Do you think Tucker Max, as he repents and maybe he finds God, and he can write books, like I hope. He was hoping they served beer in hell. As he progresses into a better human, like I hope they serve burgas and purgas. I hope heaven's a dry AA meeting. Yeah. I was trying to – yeah, sure. I thought you were doing – Beer in hell doesn't rhyme.

Yeah. I don't know why I thought that. Both have double letters, double E, double L. We're going. But as for like inclusive adoption agencies, I was thinking with today's technology with deep fakes, like you saw quickly they made like that fake Tom Cruise. It's actually, it's going to be bad. I don't like it. No, I think it'll be good.

I think you could. It'll be good. I think you could soon make more inclusive think you could make more inclusive movies. Exactly. More inclusive movies. So you could have like – What do you mean? Movies that already exist?

You get to see yourself as the protagonist. Or somebody that looks like you. Because remember when Black Panther came out and everybody just was like, finally somebody would represent me. And it was beautiful. A bunch of African-American kids were coming out of the theaters like, he looked like me. And it was beautiful. A bunch of African-American kids were coming out of the theaters like, he looked like me. And it was awesome. And so just movies where they could represent you better by just deep fake technology. So white people, if they want to be in Black Klansman, it would just be Klansman.

But they could watch that. Or I'm trying to think. That's genius. Again, back to special needs. If you're in Star Wars Wars it's now the peanut butter Millennium Falcon what is that that's the ship they fly on

it's just shorter it's a snub nose yeah a short ass spaceship it looks like an escape pod nah it's the whole thing Snub nose, yeah. A short-ass spaceship. Looks like an escape pod.

Nah, that's the whole thing. If you guys have any ideas, because I'm... I'm trying to think of Chewbacca, like chewing on a shirt or something like that. I got gaps I'm trying to fill in right now. How am I going to keep up with the peanut butter Millennium Falcon? You can try, brother. I'm trying to fill in right now. How am I going to keep up with the peanut butter Millennium Falcon? You could try, brother. All I can think of is the movie Tremors and everyone in it has tremors, but that is not what the thing is.

Tremors would be funny if it was like Michael J. Fox starring in Tremors. I guess if you wanted to see yourself in Avatar, they could like portray what we did to the Native Americans that was a take close to home I was trying to think of Avatar 2 though

I don't know why that's like a movie that we just want to include ourselves in but I did want to be included in that universe that blue ass universe what was the other blue Jessica Biel was blue in Jessica Biel? not Biel was blue in... Jessica Biel? Not Biel.

Alba? Was in the Deep Blue Sea. She was in Deep Blue Sea. Or Halle Berry was... Who was blue in X-Men? Halle Berry was definitely blue at one point. Blue in X-Men was Jennifer Lawrence, but before that was... Some other...

Yeah, I don't remember. Titted up bro. Yeah, she was double-titted up. She was tittied out. That was an early boner for me. She was tittied down to the socks. Oh, yeah, because she might as well have been naked. It was a confusing boner. It took her like eight hours to get those scales on.

It was? What was confusing about it? She was blue. That's confusing? Why is that confusing? Owen was racist from a very young age. If you're going to do one thing in this house i don't care if you're black purple purple his parents did care racist i care racist people

purple blue people love purple people yes i don't give a damn if you're black yellow purple or blue i was like i'm gonna like all right dad i'm gonna bring home a purple girl say don't say anything about it yeah they love the purple girl if she's purple she hasn't had oxygen to her brain in like eight minutes or she had that candy from like willy wonka that some of them won't even say black i'll just be like i don't care if she's purple because they jump right into it because they're like black might be racist i don't care if you're yellow definitely racist. Purple. Nobody's purple.

Except for some of our, some people's dicks. Seriously. Not mine. No? Some people. Mine is, I have an astoundingly white dick. Really? Yeah. Like an elephant's tusk? Yeah, it's...

No, it doesn't know. What do you mean, Caucasian or white? A tribute to the prestige of ivory, no. Are you talking Caucasian or white? Like the whites

of their eyes. White. Like milky. It's not... No, milky actually... A ream of paper. Milky sounds appetizing and pleasing to the eye.

You think milky sounds appetizing? Like a milk... I think of a milk chocolate. Or like... Yours is moldy. No, yours looks like... Yeah, like a Like a milk chocolate. Or like... Yours is moldy. No, yours looks like a mold. Or a glue.

Like foam installation. Whip it out. Let's see your dick. Y'all tripping. Alright. If you're not going to show your dick. You know what? I will show my dick because I just use Manscaped. Is there anything better than fresh mowed grass at the ballpark on opening day?

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the code anus a-n-u-s manscape.com and we joke around a lot and that's all fine but these products are no joke they're so easy to use i have all the confidence in the world when I'm whipping out my dick. No, I thought it was your balls. My hairless dick and balls. It's more your hairless balls. It does its job. The ceramic blade cuts through my pubes like nothing. The advanced skin-safe technology, well, let's just say my snags are reduced.

That's for sure. And the Lawn Mower 3.0 is simply the best hygiene tool for the modern man hits the sweet spot in every way possible and again 20 off promo code anus at manscaped.com it's 24 off and free shipping baseball's back don't let your pubes get out of whack. Yes, brother. Stop rhyming, bro. That's not me, bro. I guess I'm reading. Your carpet matches Vin's drapes. That is right.

I don't know if you said this in the ad read. Whoever's writing our copy. Theodore Geisel is writing our copy. Is that a real name? That's Dr. Seuss. Oh. We all knew that. Yeah.

I thought that was common knowledge. We all knew Theodore Geisel. Teddy Geis. I deleted all my files on Dr. Seuss. Oh. We all knew that. Yeah. I thought that was common knowledge. We all knew Thea guys. Teddy guys. I deleted all my files on Dr. Seuss. I assumed his last name was at least Seuss. You didn't think he was a doctor. How many Geisels do you know? One.

Seuss sounds like a fucking name. And you know he's canceled, Owen. Don't even ask. You know that he's canceled. Yeah, he got canceled last week. He said I'd fuck a one fish, two fish, a red fish.

I don't care if you're one fish or two fish. I don't care if you're red fish or blue. If you're a nurple fish or a purple fish. Did he cheat on his wife with cancer?

He didn't cheat on his wife with cancer. He didn't cheat on his wife with cancer. That was Walt Disney. I think... No. Walt Disney, I don't think, cheated on his wife. He just hated Jewish people. And I think he broke up... He dead broke up with his wife with cancer.

He just, like, moved on from her. No, or was that someone else? I think... There was presidential candidate John Edwards who cheated on his cancer-riddled wife. Riddled? Not even ridden, like riddled. She wasn't ridden.

She was riddled. She was like bullets. She was just like all over the place. I think it was a bell curve. I think once it gets to riddled, it becomes more morally acceptable. Riddled? You can cheat at riddled. You can't cheat at ridden.

If she's cancer-ridden, you cannot cheat on her. Or if she's just doused with cancer. What if they're ravaged? Yes. Spritz. Ravaged is yes. Ravaged, yes. Riddled, yes.

Ravaged is not beyond riddled. If you're lightly doused or bathed. I think it's spritz. Garnished. Garnished with cancer. A touch of cancer. That's when it's fucked up. A sprinkle of cancer, then you're an asshole.

But, I mean, honestly, it's not... I don't want to say this, but it's kind of on her. Like, she should have been like, go spread your wings, honey. I'm riddled with cancer. That's exactly what I'm getting. Yeah, like, she – it's kind of like she should be encouraging him to sow his wild oats. I'm riddled with cancer, yes. I can't fuck. I simply have this Adam and Eve promo code that I can use.

My girlfriend cheated on me. She was sucking his fucking dick and all his friends dick. Use promo code BFF. It seems like something that happened. Huh? What was that? Was that an impression of somebody? That's BFF's pod. pod i mean i don't i

haven't heard it yet but bfs pod that's ben the elephant in the room is that josh josh richards are getting cheated on and he has to crank out ad reads and it's like how is he gonna please steven chay with his ad reads if he's so worried about his dick being fucking half a mile no yeah half a mile half a mile away from just half a mile that's what his dick is half a mile. His dick, no. Yeah, half a mile. Half a mile away from... Just half a mile. His dick is half a mile. Is that good for a metaphor for distance or proximity? I was going to say half...

Oh, he was half a mile. At first I was going to say half a mile away from me. And then I was going to say half a mile away. And then I was thinking his dick in and of itself was half a mile long.

Half a mile has never been used to describe any type of length. And I'm saying that he would probably be sad about his dick being half a mile. I'm trying to think when that would be used acceptably. A country mile is the only acceptable measurement for my dick that I like. And that's a unit of weight, too. A country mile. That means he's got a heavy-ass dick. A country mile.

too. A country mile. That means he's got a heavy ass dick. A country mile. I'm still thinking of Dr. Seuss just like in the hospital room just pissed off because his wife has cancer. She's like fucking Christmas Eve. You stole Christmas from her. He's looking at the x-rays. The doctor's

like yeah her heart's grown. He starts like sketching her. Her heart's grown five times the size. He's like oh did she save Christmas? No it's like a big tumor. In the medical world, this is a big deal. It's Christmas Eve. What time is it? 10.

She has like 10. What? Nothing. No, go ahead. Finish it, finish it. Go ahead. Nah. Please, snow is lightly falling outside.

What rhymes with chemo? What would Dr. Seuss rhyme with chemo? Chemo sounds like a little Dr. Seuss character that lives in a tree. Chemo. No, he lives in his wife's brain. Hey, I'm chemo. This is my friend. He's like an impish, like a mischievous character. Yeah. This is my friend He's like an impish

Like a mischievous character Yeah This is my friend Metastasize Oh god Fuck cancer Seriously Horton wasn't hearing

Who's It was just like He had a brain tumor Horton smelling toast Hearing who's Horton smells of toast Awesome Toast. Here and Hoos. Horton Smellin' Toast. Awesome. Drake.

Swimming in the money, come and find me. Nemo. If I was at the club, you know I balled. Kimo. It took me a while to realize what he was getting at. I balled. I balled. Clever.

Yeah, I balled. I hate entendres when they only work one way. A single entendre? Yeah, a single entendre. Doesn't really hit home for me. What was another one? The square of 69 is eight something? And I've been trying to work it out all night.

Eight something. That's like the number eight something, but also he ate something. So that's almost... Was that received positively? That's like the number ate something, but also he ate something. So that's almost... Was that received positively? Was that critically acclaimed? What about, like, they love G's moving silence like the zombie. That one is good. Oh, I guess that's Wayne.

Yeah. Same family. Honey, this hospital food's horrible. The eggs are green. What? Go on, go on. And do you like them? What about the what about the hand they serve them with that's how the hospice girls remember them yeah it was baby spice scary spice and hot spice