A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 233 - the Inaugural PG-13's

Episode Date: April 9, 2021

|| A New Untold Story pres by Dude Wipes: Ep. 233 || The boys take part in the Inaugural PG-13's Award Show!!! || Producer: Tyler GoochmanYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. We have a few categories that this will be a yearly thing. And we're immortalizing like historical winners yearly. Yes. It's like a lifetime achievement award for some of them. All lifetime achievement awards. All lifetime.

And so we have 13 categories. And I think we should just run through them, and we'll see who it is. Very exciting times. So the first award is somebody who got secondary pussy. Somebody who got trickle-down residual pussy. That Reagan shit. Oh, so like if you're a crew with somebody and they're getting pussy and you got off like when Glennie Balls goes out with Dave or whatever and he's just at the table sitting there getting

secondary pussy? Secondary pussy. Run off. There's a ton of nominees. There's a lot of little brothers that hang out in older brothers friend groups. There's a lot of people that get not undeserving pussy because, you know, they're there. But there is one standout.

And Kyle, do you want to say who it is? Are we talking about? Wilb. Wilb Chamberlain. Wilbert Chamberlain, the younger brother of Wilt. Young Wilb? Yes. He was always getting that.

So Wilb Chamberlain had two, maybe more. Maybe. But Google says Oliver and Wilbert. Yes. But we know about Wilb. Wilb. Wilb the Stilb. Now, Wilb, hisb the Stilb.

Now, Wilb, his older brother would clown him, just be like, you've gotten.2% of the pussy that I've gotten. You've got 1% of the pussy that I've got, little bro.

He's like, I've still fucked hundreds of girls, statistically. And like, we're in Pennsylvania. You're fucking the grossest girls

in Carlisle and Harrisburg. I'm fucking attractive girls. Yeah, yeah. So, Wilt, 20,000, give or take. That's the population of our hometown. Of Wheeling. So, if you want to do the math, not only are, like, 90%, like, 18,720 of them, like, I wouldn't want to fuck. They're physically unfuckable.

Physically unfuckable. What do you mean? They're all sealed up? Clothes, flaps, the works. Form without an orifice. Yeah. Oh, you couldn't get into it if you wanted to. Toxic runoff.

Yeah. And that's all genders. That's not even just things with pussies. So Wilb is being enshrined because he was picky. So 1% is that official? So he fucked 2,000. 1% of 35,000 would be... 350.

350? 350. That's like the max that something can be cool. Like the amount of sex that can be cool. 350. Yeah. The max. So you're saying anything less than that would be cool. 350. Yeah. The max. So you're saying anything less than that would be cool?

No. 350. Anything more than 350 is like, I don't believe you. That's gross. You're nasty. You need to go to rehab. I understand.

That sort of thing. So where's Tobey Maguire fit in all this? The Pussy Posse hit king himself. He was in the Pussy Posse, and he was a nominee. He was in the Pussy Posse because he hung out with Leo. He hung out with Leo. I was getting Leo's residual.

E from Entourage was there. Yeah, but E. But Tobey Maguire was famous. Tobey was ahead of E. Yeah, right. No, the pecking order, that was another residual pussy kind of ladder almost, and definitely E's at the bottom of that. That's my question.

How famous do you have to be to officially count as secondary pussy like was aaron carter to nick carter is that a trickle-down pussy that's not trickle-down independent pussy that is not trickle-down pussy so same with mr mcguire then probably that's his own pussy mcguire it's his it's mcguire's own pussy meanwhile with will mcguire would be assassinated not not murdered. Wilb would be murdered, not assassinated. That's a good way to... And poor Wilt. Yeah, he said he regretted it.

He scored his 100-point game was in Hershey, PA. Brown, you've been around those parts. It's the sweetest place on earth, but that's because the women are diabetic. Oh, the women. Yes. What was he going to, Chambersburg? Definitely. There's no doubt in my mind.

Yeah. Who were the other nominees? Toby was on there. So he was. Yes. Toby was on there. It is still trickled down from Leo. Everybody's secondary to Leo. It's like a water table almost.

It has to start somewhere. But this is the inaugural class. So we have to take the best of the best. And that's why for the second award we're giving out tonight, the second of 13, is for Tertiary Pussy, who got the trickle down of the trickle down. Tertiary Pussy, wow. You've been saying that like once a month for the past two years, and I pretend to know what it means. The word tertiary? It's third in line.

Third in line? And that's why we're giving this to Oliver Chamberlain. Ollie. Well deserved. Why was Ollie getting less put than Wilb? How did he wind up third in the pecking order if they're both brothers? Phonetically. Oh, I went home with... Just miscommunication.

Girls bragging, I went home with W. Chamberlain. You assume. Nobody ever thinks Wilb first. Who'd you with W. Chamberlain. You assume. Nobody ever thinks Will first. Who'd you talk to? Like, oh, Will Chamberlain? What was that? Will Chamberlain? If you just started through it, it sounds a little bit more impressive.

It's like when someone at a festival takes a picture with a random person, they're like, dude, I took a picture with Kanye West, just not Kanye West. Not Kanye West. Yeah, dude, I'm Steve Aoki. Like, no, it's an Asian dude with long hair. And Oliver was also younger. So the- Third in line, yeah. Wilt and Oliver probably weren't close friends.

Oh, and there's probably chances where Wilt didn't want to fuck someone, but it was between Wilbur and Oliver, and since Wilbur's the older brother, he could kind of bully him off the ball. Easy. That's my pussy premonokton. Right. Yes, exactly. So Oliver is going to take that title.

There weren't very many competitors for tertiary. Well, yeah. The Artful Dodger must have had some trickle-down pussy going on from him, from his whole tree. But it's like, how can you tell who's secondary and who's tertiary in the Artful Dodger's world? He was probably good at fingering girls. Oh, yeah. He could steal that pussy. Yes. He's like, I get off when you get off. He was probably good at fingering girls. Oh yeah, he could steal that pussy. He's like, I get off when you get off. He was that type of guy. In the world of

Will Chamberlain, Will Chamberlain come and he's gone. He's like, fuck the girl orgasm. But Wilbur, he's like, I'm gonna try and Ollie, all he wanted to do was make a woman. Every time Oliver fucked, he fell in love. Oh really? Hopeless romantic? And Will was like, Ollie, Ollie, come here.

Sit down. That's your Wilt? That's my Wilt. Sounded like him. Ollie, why don't you come here? He was six feet tall at age 10. Wilt was? He was in Google.

Early on before he, I don't know what deodorant was like at the time, but he must have been one of the smelliest boys in his class. Easily. If he was just hitting, his pituitary glands must have been overloaded. And he was probably sweaty from fucking his teachers. Oh yeah, the pheromones. For 20,000 women, you have to fuck since two years old?

One and a half a day, they said, was his pace that he was at. I don't know if they, they must have distilled it down to a certain amount of years that he was fucking. Sure. One and a half a day. Maybe Jerry Thornton was getting trickle-down pussy from Wilt Chamberlain.

Seriously. You're paying my salary. Unlimited blogs. Yeah, it could be tertiary. If Jerry Thornton makes enough money by blogging about Wilt Chamberlain's pussy, and then eventually a woman marries him for his wealth, then he— Fact. Congratulations, Mr. Thornton.

Congratulations. You're a nominee. Let, Mr. Thornton. Let's get to the third award. We have the Pussy's Pussy award. This is somebody that you know, Pussy's Pussy. Low standards. Oh, just any type. I thought you were saying it in a way that it's a guy's guy.

No, no, no. Pussy's Pussy. Pussy's Pussy. Isn't that like a popular Myrtle Beach boardwalk shirt? Yeah, pussy's pussy. I'm not gay, but $20 is $20. They love that, which is weird. I'm not straight, but pussy's pussy.

They're like the most homophobic people, but they love that shirt. Yeah, they do. Why, I wonder. So we do have some runner-ups. Jack Antonoff Of the Bleachers Oh Lena Dunham

That's right And you know He's famous in his own right Hey you're abusing a dog I don't care Pussy's pussy He's in a band Fun and the

And Bleachers And he's recorded In the Rolling Stones But he's also like One of the most successful producers Like he produces Every song for everybody. He's so successful.

He's fucking missed that. And then, is Jezelnik on the list? Anthony Jezelnik is number two on the list for Runners Up. Why? That's a sexual act that would be performed on you. Dated Amy Schumer. Jezelnik did? Yeah.

Long time. It wasn't like he was getting jokes written for him. He was writing her jokes. He literally wrote inside Amy Schumer. Yeah, but I think he's a cynic, and he was just like, how can I hate myself more? He probably felt himself being unfunny, and he was like, I need to hate my life stat. Yes. And so he went to a pussy's pussy mode.

He loves it. Pussy's pussy. And then we also have Hugh Jackman, notoriously swamp thing looking wife. Oh, man. He's gay. He's gay. He's a gay man. And that's why he's just a runner up.

And have you guys talked about any historical presidents specifically, Roosevelt's and Lincoln's? We do have some categories that will be historical. I mean, Franklin Roosevelt was a president and he dated his cousin? Married his worst-looking cousin. Like an ugly cousin. Not even a straight cousin.

That's the ultimate pussy-pussy move. Yeah, and who was saying everybody has a marriable cousin. Like, if gun to your head, there's one that comes to mind. You know, there's one person that immediately comes to your mind. Yes. And that's first cousins. And they get exponentially more every year.

Was Lincoln's fucking? Yes. Mary Tyler? No. Mary Todd. Mary Todd. Yeah. The first clinically depressed woman, I think.

Yeah, ever in history. Yeah, she was the first one to be clinically depressed. She invented it. She bagged Lincoln. How are you depressed? Or was it after? Because it's not everything that is cracked up to be. You never take me out, Abe.

You never take me to a movie. Fine. Fine. Fuck this bitch. Marry Todd Lincoln? It's a game. Yeah. I mean, it's a...

Who would you Todd? Marry fucking... Marry Who would you... Todd. Mary Margot Robbie. Todd, Kate Upton, and I would... Lincoln, Jessica Alba. Lincoln, Jessica Alba. Damn, dude. What do you mean to do? We're going to cut that.

We're going to cut that for sure. I guess. Damn. Damn. But there is one winner, and this is somebody... I forget what award this is. Pussy, pussy, pussy. Pussy, pussy, pussy. Pussy, pussy, pussy.

It's a man named Jeff. He was the winner of the one and only season of the John and Kate plus eight second spinoff. So there was a spinoff with just Kate plus eight, and this was a spinoff from that. This is called Kate plus date. This was men that were competing to go on a date with Kate from John and Kate plus eight. Okay. And this is the guy that won. He did a whole season and all they did was kiss on the show.

No shit. And he won Jeff. She's unfuckable. She's, she's unfuckable. Like you guys are talking about. There is no bigger pussies pussy guy than, Hey,

do you want to be on TV? I mean, that sounds horrible dating show that sounds horrible yeah who who's the who's the who's the prize who's the girl at the end oh it's like a tv star oh that sounds awesome television star yeah does she have like what is there any baggage yeah uh does is she like is she does she have good pussy? No. No, it looks like – A Stargate portal. Yeah, it looks like a broken taffy pool down there.

Just a malfunctioning – just stretched in all sorts of ways. Like a parachute from a gym class. Yeah, and you have to compete for her affection. That's real, and then what? And her ex is a DJ at Chili's now, too. He kissed her a bunch. He kissed her, and then they're very closed lips about if they're still dating. There's nothing closed lips about Kate.

Yeah, so that is our first winner of Pussy's Pussy. With all due respect, I'm going to let you finish, but Tiger Woods, world-class athlete, fucks almost exclusively Denny's waitresses. Yes. He's an all-time Pussy's Pussy guy, but he was not born it. And he also fucked models. Right. The second you fuck a model, the second you're disqualified from Pussy's Pussy.

Big porn star guy, too. Yeah. I feel like that also excludes you from Pussy's Pussy. Absolutely. Big time. But yes, Jeff, congratulations. And what's the next category? The next category is something different.

Yes, it's Pussy's Pussy. So this is our lesbian category. Okay, so it's different than Pussy's Pussy. Spelled the same. Spelled exactly the same. One is possessive and one is... Contraction. Contraction is.

So the last one was Pussy is Pussy. And this one's the pussy's pussy. A pussy that belongs to a pussy. We can bring back Eleanor Roosevelt again for you, Rowan, if you want. Is she a lesbian? Oh, yeah. Big time. See, I think now, the more Rowan says it, I do think FDR should have been on the pussy's pussy list

because he married his lesbian first cousin. Like, that is as pussy's pussy as it gets. I think it was like fifth. I think it was a deeper cousin than first i could be wrong about that but at the same time it was before he had polio he was walking around strutting around he could have had his pick of the pussy fifth cousin is weird though because first second third fourth that's like very much your cousin you find out somebody's your fifth cousin just like find somebody else there's no there's no fetish there it's just like yeah just like nah it is fifth cousin good call rome but he went from fifth to sixth cousin he

also fucked his sixth cousin he cheated on his fifth cousin with his sixth cousin he was obsessed he thought that was the only pussy pool that he could his literal gene pool if i had to go back in time i would go back and be like frankie listen bud you can fuck anybody you want and uh he wouldn't have heard it he wouldn't have he wouldn't have listened there's no chance that Listen bud You can fuck anybody you want And uh He wouldn't have heard it He wouldn't have listened There's no chance that he would have listened He wouldn't have heard a word of it

He wanted to fuck his cousins He did But we're not talking about that We're talking about lesbians We're gonna have you know Women can be immortalized I'm trying to think of promiscuous lesbians Promiscuous

We have some runner ups Miss Degeneres. Degeneres. Ms. Degeneres. She's faithful. And you could also include her wife. Also a lesbian. What are the odds? Wait, wait, wait.

Let's be generic. Wait, wait, wait. Yeah, they both are. Yeah. Yeah, just Google it. Yeah, who's on this list? Ellen is on the list. Young Ma.

Young Ma. She has a lot of sexually explicit... She actually... She fucks vertically. Michaela Atkinson. Is it really? That's what Ma stands for. It's a...

She started as a white girl. Yeah, that's what an acronym is, I's a acronym. She was a little white. It's just her initials. She started as a white. Yeah, that's what an acronym is, I guess. Young Michaela Atkinson from Little Blossoms Montessori School in Naperville. Her dad's Rowan. Mr. Bean. Rowan Atkinson. Wow. Take the stage. And then we also have as a runner-up Megan Rapinoe.

Handsome-ass bitch. The most handsome. West Side Chicago. The most handsome bitch. Woke queen. Beat that pussy up. A woke queen. She friends with Michelle Obama. Her and Michelle Obama tight.

I think they have a pod. A pussy pod where they fuck women. Yeah, they fuck women. Ken Jack, you found a revelation about Megan Rapinoe. Her name literally says Peen No. She says no. She was born to be a lesbian.

She was no. Wow. She was born to be lesbian. She says peen? No. She was born. She's the Dikembe Mutombo of peen. Yeah. Oh, no. No, no. Not today. Yeah, because she even sounds like that because when she sees a dick, she's like flemming up,

just about to puke. She's allergic to that straight shit. Megan, come up to my room. He's allergic to that street shit. Megan, come up to my room. It's quieter up there. Okay, okay. I like to come up. And then he whips out, no, no, no. She just turns into...

What was that voice you were just doing? Dikembe Mutombo. It's Dikembe Mutombo from the commercial. Maybe Fat Albert? Yeah, he's like a little bit Fat Albert. Hey, hey, hey. maybe Fat Albert yeah he was like a little bit hey hey hey

yeah uh Sappho uh the uh from the Greek island of Lesbos oh true yeah

the first the first dyke the first dyke I'm sorry Dicopolis a poet who wrote of her

yearning of women uh famously uh a true pussy's pussy wait is that what makes a lesbian loving women I think so fuck oh no gay who wrote of her yearning of women. Famously. A true pussy's pussy. Wait, is that what makes a lesbian loving women? I think so.

Fuck. Oh no. You have anything to announce? I think I might be a lesbian. Fellas, I love women. But there is one pussy's pussy that stands out. Oh? A brave woman.

Tall. Strong. Red-headed. Oh. Politician. Cynthia Nixon. Sex and the City actress. Politician. Cynthia Nixon. Sex and the City actress. Really?

That's right. Blondish. Was she blondish? Do you have red hair at the show? Was she the one without a chin? She's chinless, but that's even harder. It's harder to mount between thighs. Betwixt thighs without a chin. Or I guess you don't have a perch.

You're rolling off the Mon's pubis. You just slip right off. Right off the puzzle piece. Just hold the Mon're rolling off the Mon's pubis. You just slip right off. Right off the puzzle piece. Just hold Mon. Right off the MP. Just can't get, yeah. She has no,

that's what the chin is for. That doesn't stop her. Did she run for mayor of New York City? Mayor of New York. She did? Yes. First off,

I didn't know she was a politician. Her governor? Governor. Or, uh, she ran against Cuomo. I know that much. She ran against Cuomo.

She did lose, but she lost with Dinkley. Which is anti-Italian, by the way. Yes. Don't run against Cuomo. That's fucked up. did lose. Which is anti-Italian, by the way. Yes. Don't run against Cuomo. That's fucked up. Fucking Yang.

Yang is anti-Italian, too. Yeah, exactly. Don't do that shit. Oh, no, he's running against de Blasio. But that's also anti-Italian. Exactly. Is this Nixon broad, Cynthia? Is she famously active sexually?

She is. She came out, I believe, later in life. After her sex scenes on Sex and the City. Yes. So, you know, that's awesome. Real awesome. She looks like Tilda Swinton kind of, if you're having trouble picturing her in your mind. Kind of looks like Ronald Weasley

a little bit in the face. She looks tall. She might not be tall, but she's got the frame that looks very tall. And she chose to be into women. Didn't choose. Halfway through life. She switched over to women. tall but she's got the frame that looks very tall and she chose to be into women i didn't shoot halfway through life she she switched over to women but her attention her background her her background doesn't scream lesbian she followed her like what kind of lesbian watches sex in the city and like politics none none none of them that's the only demographic those two

things don't hit. Yeah, wow. She's in separate circles. She truly is a pioneer. That's right. So Cynthia, congratulations. No pies in her. Wow, yeah. Young Ma beat the pussy up like Bam Bam. She ate it while it was leaking. But that was what she would eat it the whole weekend.

With her having a strap on though, doesn't it kind of complicate things? She's simulating penis. You can't cream with a strap-on. Yeah, you can't cream with a strap-on. You can't cream pie a woman with a strap-on. That's just a fact. That's a Myrtle Beach shirt.

Why did she say beat it up like Bam Bam? Bam Bam was a kid. Also, you haven't been paying attention to the strap-on game. I guess not. Was that like an ode to the Flintstone boy? Yes. Who else could that be? The mallet. I thought it was just on him on a penis. Oh, wait an ode to the Flintstone boy? Yeah. Who else could that be? The mallet.

I thought it was just onomatopoeia. Oh, wait. Wasn't there a UFC wrestler, a fighter that was Bam Bam? Something Bam Bam? Yes, there was definitely a fighter with that moniker. Bam Bam Bigelow? No. I don't want to beat it up like Fred Flintstone.

That dude's for sure, Fox. Foreign in a foreign. She's a mixed breed. Hips on parentheses. Oh, I like that. I like that. It's a good one. She a foreign. She's a mixed breed. Hips on parentheses. I like that. She drives stick. It's a six speed. And then yellow in the inside.

Swiss cheese. My bitch is like Pemdas. What's the yellow in the inside? I don't know. Yellow. That can't be what young Ma was going for. Young Ma was going for that yellow. That wordplay. Yellow on the inside. That's definitely what she was going for Young Ma was going for that yellow Yellow on the inside

Swiss cheese That's amazing Gross I don't want my I don't want my pussy on Swiss cheese Dude That shit was on Munster It's like a dippable American

It's like p Dippable American. It's like pimento. Or fucking a girl named Bree. But her pussy. But her pussy. Sharp cheddar. What's another good pussy chip?

Monterey Jack pussy. Monterey Jack. This is dumb. Next category is All A.D. All A.D.? A.D. Time period. Time period. Demi-dominus. next category is all ad all ad time period time period demi dominus yes that's probably not right um anno domini okay there is no domini that sounds right yeah that's year of our lord wait ad is after death yes that's that's that's uh that's not actually it's not actually it's definitely a latin thing it's like in the year but that's not actually it. It's not actually it. It's definitely a Latin thing.

It's like, you know, in the year of our... But that's an easy way to keep track of it, just after death. So, Kyle, you were the one that discovered this man. He's nobody famous, but he's related to somebody famous. Oh, I thought this was a different era. Dustin. O-E-D. Dustin Newton.

Dustin Newton. Now, the listeners are probably like, what? It's Isaac Newton's dickhead cousin. Dickhead Dustin? Dickhead Dustin. Dustin Newton. Yeah. And he just had the residuals of being friends with somebody famous.

The famous person. Relatives. Yes. And this is in the 17th century when there was only one famous person per lifetime. Right. So like Isaac was just a celebrity. The only celebrity. But noted virgin.

Fact. Died a virgin. Died a virgin. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. Who got all the pussy? Dustin. His dickhead cousin. I forgot about that. Who got all the pussy? Dustin. His dickhead cousin.

Yeah. Holy shit. You want to come over? You want to slide through the crib and watch Isaac think? We're going to think a little bit, then roll to the ale house. Yeah, but just like, yeah. Get a cup of brown. Know him.

He's my cousin. I was watching him think before he could fucking walk. Dude, I taught him how to think. Thinking was like the wrapping of that era. Then there was like then there was like local thinkers soundcloud soundcloud thinkers which was like dustin but like he wasn't going to give up the next most famous person was like the blaze pascal pascal's triangle he's like are you the triangle guy he was like no it's it's more than a array of coalitions uh mathematical and gravity was okay here to grasp gravity was just he would just drop those nuts you're the

triangle yeah you're a triangle guy i invented moving motion force where'd you get that apple isaac well actually and then dustin's like hey come here i'll tell you about it steals her away classic dustin he just told all the stories like they were his own stories you wouldn't believe and then Dustin's like hey come here I'll tell you about it steals her away classic Dustin he just told all the stories like they were his own stories what's he gonna do after this you wouldn't believe the shit that happened

to my cousin they were drinking heavy back then too big time that's when like sparkling wine was invented everyone was

Dominic Perignon he only popularized it they strictly strictly smoked mids. That's where the phrase think out loud came from. Literally. The phrase think out loud. That's right.

That makes sense. That makes a ton of sense. So Dustin, obviously. Isaac's quiet. Yeah, don't fuck it. Yeah, he's thinking. He's doing his thing right now. Was there a cutoff for the AD?

Because that's up until today, right? That's like right now. Yeah, he's doing his thing right now was there a cut off for the AD for the cause that's up till today right that's like right now so this dude beat out like fucking Frank Sinatra yes he literally beat him off he fucked the most god damn and what did he do to fuck just brought people around

to watch this boy think. There it is. Crazy. Where was Newton located? Pisa? Lincolnshire. He's an English boy. Oh, he's an English fella?

Lincolnshire, yeah. So he just had some... You know who should've, could've, Magellan. Magellan was the only runner-up. He circumnavigated the entire world. Right. It took him three years.

Isn't that, like, bizarrely low for that time period? Yeah, he whipped around pretty fast. I don't think if someone was like, go to Omaha, you can't use your phone. Not making it. It would never be. You can't even use a sex app. I would, like, never get there. Yeah, and, like, imagine, like, Magellan of all.

He could be anywhere in the world. And you're taking your girl out to a bar at Port. And he rolls up and you're just like, Oh, no. You're in the West Indies. That's why they killed him in the West Indies. They were like, Oh, fuck, Majestan. I think he died before it completed.

But his fleet was all 300 men. So he got off ready to fuck. And got off nonstop. I think he realized the significance and magnitude of his achievements halfway through. And he was off ready to fuck and got off nonstop. I think he realized like the significance and magnitude of his achievements like halfway through and he was like

I gotta fuck. I just got these guys. And he like blamed it on the scurvy. He was like oh dude my fucking vitamin C was mad low.

What the fuck happened last night? I was hallucinating vaginas. He bought one of those shirts at like Port Lucia like hey

pussy's pussy. Like literally like What are you talking about And he was super jealous He just brought like Disease bearing rats everywhere So no one else could Fuck in his wake

Exactly yeah He just ruined every town That he went to Who should have gotten Pussy to? Copernicus Think about this Newton

He can't physically prove Anything he's showing to To any of the girls around But Copernicus You show a girl Like a telescope Someone who's never seen A telescope in their life,

you instantly wet. Yes. Oh my God. The stars. You show them a star in a telescope. Yeah, the first person to show a girl a star.

And 1.0.1 magnification and that girl just creamed immediately. Like, I'm fucking you right now. I heard that he liked dudes though. Copernicus? Yeah, I heard he was trying to tell people something

when he said that he stargazed. He put the gaze in stargaze. Starernicus? Yeah I heard he was trying to tell people something When he said that he Stargaze He put the gaze in stargaze Stargaze Yeah stargaze That's what I heard But Fibonacci should have been in that conversation Nice sequence No

No bitches No bitches No bitches like sequences Not one bitch Okay He should have been in the But he wasn't Presley fucking Michael Jackson

Literally he wore sequins all the time Oh that's true Sequins Fact Okay. He should have been in the... But he wasn't. Presley fucking Michael Jackson. Literally, he wore sequins all the time. Oh, that's true. Sequins. Fact. Oh, the Fibonacci sequins. The Fibonacci sequins. Yeah, that's what it actually was. Nice sequins.

It's an awesome brand. Fibonacci. Fibonacci does sound like a wild gay designer. It sounds like Liberace. The mid-90s, yeah. The Fibonacci sequins. So that's A.D. Dustin. Congratulations.

Now we've got to go to B.C. And again, Kyle, you've got to take this one. It's Seth. And I hate you. It's the easiest thing. There was one runner-up. Not Solomon? King Solomon isn't in the conversation?

No, I can't stress enough that Adam and Eve had a third son named Seth. Okay, that's true. But who was he fucking at the time, though? He's responsible for all lineage. So he was just fucking everything. No, Eve. He had the best in with bitches. He had the best in with bitches. Do you know who my dad is? Look at his family tree. Yes. Do you know who my dad is?

Yeah, he's mine. Yeah, he's mine, too. Wait till my father hears about this. Our father. Oh, that's mine. Yeah, he's mine too. Wait till my father hears about this. Our father. Oh, that reminds me. But Seth, if you look at the family tree. The family tree. It's like Seth, all humanity.

Sam. But who is he? All right. I like how the most religious people in the world take the Bible at face value, but they draw the line at Seth. They just don't acknowledge him. A guy named Seth? Is he a saint? No.

Saint Seth wouldn't roll off the tongue anyway. I don't like that. There is a Sethianism, though. Yes. People that worship Seth. Bacchus was our runner-up. Bacchus, right? Bacchus.

The Bacchus theory. Bacchus. I just invented the Bacchus. Is Bacchus a god? I think Bacchus was our runner-up. Bacchus, right? Bacchus. The Bacchus theory. I just invented the Bacchus. Was Bacchus a god? I think Bacchus, was he a Loki a god? I know he got too drunk to fuck a lot of the time. And he was such a winehead

that he had ED back. He was loopy. He was loopy and you could see him. He was portrayed as such. Yeah, he was portrayed with ED. He was portrayed dickless in the Michelangelo statue. Like gave David the microbe. He was a e such. Yeah, he was portrayed with ED. He was portrayed dickless in the Michelangelo statue.

Like gave David the micro penis. He was a eunuch? No. No, just a really tiny dick. He gave Bacchus no dick, just a sack. And I looked at it, and it looks way more pleasing and attractive than having a small dick. Like the dickless balls looks good. Well, a penis and balls are so busy.

It's just like so much going on down there. One less thing to look at. It kind of streamlines it just having one thing there. It's like a chin. Just like one. Yeah. Wow. It's a nice set.

But I just can't believe Solomon, 700 wives, 300 concubines. Nah, if you're a wife guy, you're not going to pussy get her. 700 wives. Seth. He's going against Seth. You can't. Seth. Or what about Lamech? Was the first guy in Genesis to have two wives? I mean, he's at least a pioneer. Seth. He's going against Seth. You can't. Seth. What about Lemick?

Was the first guy in Genesis to have two wives? I mean, he's at least a pioneer. He's a pioneer for sure. But they were wives, like you're saying, Kenji. Yeah, if you're a wife guy, you don't count. Seth. Top five human. All right.

Seth it is. The step sibling branch of porn dates back to Seth. Cave drawings? Yes. Yeah, people think that's a trend now. Wrong. My sibling branch of porn dates back to Seth. Cave drawings? Yeah. Yes. Yeah, people think that's a trend now. Wrong. It's like page three Genesis.

The beginning of time. Right, like it's this newfangled thing that's dangerous. Right. I asked the Bible walk tour guide, her whole entire existence is the Bible. And she was like, I don't know Seth. Seth, Eve can't know. Next category, our seventh category is newcomer of the year. Two words, newcomer of the year. This could be, you know, Finn Wolfhard just turned 18.

Yes, huge moment for the – Huge moment for him. He's a runner-up. Kyle, Cole LeBrant. Cole LeBrant. He's a runner-up. Kyle, Cole LeBrant. He won in 2018. He did. This is just funny. He was the Dem white boy's

blonde dancing boy. Marries a conservative very hot girl. With a kid already. He's a virgin marrying somebody with a kid already. With a kid, yeah. So he's a virgin marrying somebody with a kid. And he tweets on his wedding night,

no longer a virgin, 100 emoji, hashtag marriage rocks. Shut up. I'm so happy for him. I feel like I just fucked. What was the, is there like a grace period?

Like was it immediately after he fucked? And she was like what do you go tweet it out honey what are you doing on your phone nothing I bet he asked

I bet he asked for permission and she was like go do it go have fun let the people know that you're my fucking love like the group like the

yeah like he's going to the arcade what if he didn't and he like she like just saw it what she was asleep he was asleep like that night and she was like

oh fuck oh my god she said that he didn't fuck at all what that night, and she was like, oh, fuck. Oh, my God. She said that he didn't fuck at all? What? That he didn't ask her that he didn't fuck? No, she saw the tweet hours later. I mean, it'd be devastating. But he didn't win.

Not this year. Not this year. Damn. We have a new newcomer. Mid-30s. We have Elliot Page. Well-deserved. Well-deserved. Well-deserved.

Fresh onto the scene. He was wearing boots to a Home Depot once, and that went viral on Twitter. And has a lot of catching up to do. And he's doing it. I would imagine. Thoughts on Elliot? I just don't... I'm taking umbrage with

newcomer i think that elliot's been in pussy in a different way yeah elliot no elliot elliot is a new person the counter resets to zero the counter resets to zero is that is that true? I mean, yes Who'd you hook up with last night? Elliot, it was his first time It was his first time Yes But not a new human That's good semantics Yes, so

Newcomer Obviously EP Well deserved Joe Paterno He knew a comer Oh, he knew Didn't say anything though If he would have said something deserved. EP hitting that DP. Joe Paterno. He knew a comer. Didn't say anything, though. If he would have said something, he would have been enshrined

in these halls. Statue would not be taken down. But unfortunately... There was statutes. Tory something happened. Yes. Yes. Anyone on the bubble? Just Cole and Finn. Okay.

Anything else? I'm trying to think of newcomers. I just haven't... I've been doing a bad job of keeping tabs on who's come yet. Yeah, of course. And that's on me. I mean, you can tell. Yeah.

Someone come in, like, just looking anew. Yeah. Yeah. Fresh face, sticky hands. That's right. That's exactly right. Crush the laptop. Like a Rocky Dennis sequel.

Create a movie star, get some pussy? Someone around here... I'm trying to think of what would make a 30-year-old come for the first time. Rapidly. I mean, coming due to sex. Okay. Dick to vacuum. There might be like a...

There's sex comms. Sex comms. Yeah. S.E.S. Yeah, sex comms. I would throw Big T in there. No, he's fucked. No, I know, but freshly.

Has he? Oh, yeah. Is he fresh off a fuck? Yes. You can't tell in the glow he had? Right, and he's standing up straight. Yes, he has something about him. He has this film of grease on his face.

A je ne sais quoi. Yeah, just a stink around his loins. I thought that was just his glow was an actual reflection of the orange he's always wearing. It could be. That's easily mistakable. You can't tell who at Tennessee's fucked before. Yeah, like that whole student body has a post-coital glow, and I just don't know what it's from. Arian Foster, has he ever fucked?

Who's to say? Peyton Manning? Probably not. Maybe there's like a tribe in the Amazon or something that's like undiscovered by humanity and they strictly do anal sex. I think there literally is. We are literally getting there. Oh, okay.

You were here for the meeting of that. No. I forgot. Yeah, that's the next one. The Innovator Award. Yeah, that's the next one. The Innovator Award. And that's going to a tribe in the Amazon, the Trobriand Islanders.

They discovered a new pussy. What? 4,000 years ago, located between the butt cheeks. They invented butt sex. Shut up. Yes. How? They thought that fucking to completion in the ass was a second. They thought they discovered.

That's like a Christopher Columbus. They thought that's what provided milk for the breasts. They thought that filled. So they think babies suck semen out of titties. No, they just thought that was like the seed for that. That hole was birth. That hole was sustenance. What's the noise, Owen? Gross. No, they just thought that was the seed for that. That hole was birth, that hole was sustenance.

What's the noise, Owen? Gross. They are like a Magellan. They circumnavigated the taint to get to the foot. They were more like Columbus. They thought it was a second pussy. They thought it was a pussy and it wasn't. They probably called it the pussy. The south pussy.

They thought they discovered the the pussy. The West Indies. The South Pussy. They thought they discovered it. The South Pussy. They still think that because they're isolated from technology. But like Howard Zinn writes about it. Can you do a Sir David Attenborough? And the second pussy. You'll notice upon stepping on the island the stench of their penis. Quite stinky. What is the name of the tribe?

These are the Trobriand Islanders. The Trobriand Islanders found a new pussy. In fact, they called it the South Pussy. Till this day, they still fuck in the arsehole, thinking that it's a pussy. The 80s and Stinky ladies walking around with the stinkiest dicks in the world. They have to. Nobody's wiping

disgusting penises to a man. Do you think if you do you think their penises stain a different color if they fucked it in the butt enough? It has to give a hue to it. It has to gray out or brown out your penis a little bit.

It's like Tupperware with spaghetti in it. It's like activated charcoal and toothpaste more I like it. I think it whitens the dick. It's an island of African men with just glowing white dicks. And none of them are circumcised so they just have like little fecal matter stuck underneath their dick. Glowing white dicks. And none of them are circumcised, so they just have, like, little fecal matter stuck underneath their dick flaps.

Yeah, it looks like a Dalmatian. Yeah. But the friction probably cleans it, though. Yeah, you're right. The friction of the foreskin kind of... Good for your skin. It's like a coarse soap. Yeah. It just gets...

None of them ever get pet. Ever. Why would they? Yeah, their dicks smell like shit. No one ever gets ever get pet ever Why would they? Yeah And their sperm They have like genetically speaking the biggest loads

in the world because the only way anyone gets pregnant there anymore is if like a semen load kind of drips out of the person's ass

and gets to the vagina So the people making the biggest loads just by like you know whatever the survival Darwinism sort of stuff they're the ones

who survive So every man there just like Verlander-style loads. It behooves them to have bigger loads. Wait, is there a Justin Verlander load video? Oh my god, you never see Justin Verlander's load? It's a still photo of Miss Upton's back. Well, it's Kate Upton. It's Jackson Pollock.

Oh, really? There's like cigarette butts in it? No. It was a CIA plane. Like if the seaman was blood colored, you would think it was a murder that just happened. Like a vicious murder. He should go to the doctor. Because loads are so big.

That was the innovator to the Trobriand Islanders. That's a group award. Next is innovator. This is people who have made their name in an elevator. Elevator. That's right. Of course, there's Ray Rice, and then there's the – right afterwards, there's Neve Schulman, co-host of Catfish.

What is his elevator? He put out the safe elevator pledge. After the Ray Rice incident, he took it upon himself, like, listen, after this, all women are going to be horrified to be in elevators with men. And so he'd hand over his heart in front of an elevator and he said, this is my pledge to women. You're always in a safe elevator. This elevator will remain abuse-free. What the fuck would he have done

if it was him and Ray Rice in the elevator and that woman though? Like it's Ray Rice's vascular enormous forearm and you just see Niamh Shulman's little hand. Just grab. No, not today. I took the oath.

I took the oath. He's just like buckling. Like what is happening? Solange Knowles is like looking for Neve Schulman. Where's Neve? If only Neve was. He's like, you know, Mark Wahlberg said he would stop 9-11. That's Neve.

He's like, if I was in that elevator. If I was in that elevator, that fist was not crashing into that woman neve would have got knocked out too is neve does neve shulman live in an elevator like how how applicable is that pledge like you have to be in it one with him and like he's a fit guy like he probably is like i'll take he he's just like gonna take the stairs he like sees a jack dude getting an elevator he's like i'm gonna take the steps it He sees a jacked dude getting in an elevator. He's like, I'm gonna take the steps. It's for, like, health. He didn't win. He didn't. It's gotta go to Steven Tyler,

who wrote the song about fucking in an elevator. And he's an expert fucksmith. But he's statistically fucked everywhere he's been for a duration of longer than ten minutes. He's probably fucked on escalators Wow, I'm probably moving walkways. I feel like the time you need it must be a long escalator Or sure for Tyler though. No, I think he was walking up a down

I like to walk up down escalators just to fuck longer? He like jams it. It's going to go forever. I like to walk up down escalators just to fuck longer. He jams it for the scars that he overloads in. This guy's going forever. You see him like going towards the down escalator

and he's like, oh, he's about to fuck for a long time. This guy has such good stamina. From the walking steps at Dulles Airport.

We did it at the mall. So that's our innovator. The next is the Statistician Award. Somebody who's fucked so much it's a statistic. Of course, runner-up, Genghis Khan. But we have morality clauses here. And he's not a great guy. So that's why we went with Fidel Castro for this one.

Great guy. He's claimed, this is public 35 000 35 000 almost doubles up will chamberlain who's at a 1.5 i love how 5 000 women to you is like just a negligible in this case in this case that's why he's the statistician you just made 5 000 women a statistic yeah they barely even count so there are at the time in the 80s, probably when he was the most active fucking, 70s, 80s maybe, I think there was 9.8 million people in Cuba. Wow. So let's say 5 million were women.

Of that, he fucked 35,000. That's almost 1%. That's.8. And that counts as a stat. That's a stat. If there's as a stat. That's a stat. If there's only one decimal, it's a stat. But we can rule out non-fucking age. Well.

We can rule out under 14. Yeah, under 14. 13. Oh, he fucked 15-year-olds. He fucked 15-year-olds. So. There's no statute there. So cutting out that demographic.

He made this statute. Demographic. We can say that he's fucked over 1% of all the women in Cuba. Nice. And we look the same. You look exactly like Fidel Castro. You're a more persuasive Fidel Castro. If you're swimming in a cigar right now or something, wearing some khakis, hand-rolling something up,

at a playa somewhere, bro. You'd be fucking... You'd be swimming in Cuban pussy. Did he have like a bang bus or something? A Cuban version of that? No, an old-timey car. Exactly, because they can't have new cars. He's driving on an old-timey bus. VW bus. I was trying to just

think of one thing that was Cuban. I was like, Sobe. That's not... sophie is like the restaurant so be he had his own like like the other overweight women he fucked was like his bay of pigs yeah no no it's like it's like queen of hearts that was his bay of pigs historic a historic time for Mr. Castro Next category is the Gone too soon category

This is somebody who was right on the cusp Of just destroying Tearing it up Tearing up the town And it was cut short So there's a few people here That could have made it Roberto Clemente

Of course Because once you get your 3,000 hit There's a few people here that could have made it. Roberto Clemente? Of course. Roberto Clemente. Because once you get your 3,000 hit, that's when the hoes start taking notice. That's when it's a whole different caliber that starts rolling in. Exactly. You get to Hall of Fame. A good runner-up. What's his pounding potential at the most?

On the athletic front, I get still Oscar Pistorius on the cover of Wheaties. Yes, definitely. Progressive. I mean, I'd imagine he liked being pegged. He had two. A lover of holes despite not being a whole person. Yes, Progressive. I'd imagine he liked being pegged. He had two. A lover of holes despite not being a whole person. Yes, exactly. Wow, beautiful. And I mean, imagine the leg technology

that they were getting towards. He was probably just about to come into his own. Yes, exactly. And Haley Joel Osment, his fame was too big for a boy. His puberty was at the same time just long enough for him to become irrelevant and fat. Yes.

If he was two years older, he would have cashed. But when he was applying to NYU, he probably thought that he was going to have not only the entire NYU student body and every woman in each of their dorms at his disposal, but all of New York City. And then he got fat-faced. The Sprouses did, yeah. The Sprouses took great advantage of that. They did almost the same exact career path and it worked out for them. Yes, and they even showed their penises on the one they did.

I don't know. Cole and Dylan. Cole showed his penis, I think, and Dylan said that they were identical except for penises. Yes, which seems to make sense. That checks out. His brother's penis. It's tough if your twin brother leaks a nude and it's not flattering.

It's essentially leaking a nude of you. It's fucked up. It's actually revenge porn, kind of, in some ways. Another runner-up of the Gone Too Soon is Jokar Sarnev. Oh, the Boston Bomber? Sarnev, yeah. Well-deserved.

Cover of the Rolling Stone. You think, wow, there were women fawning, yeah. Well-deserved. Cover of the Rolling Stone. You think, wow. There were women fawning over him. Big weed smoker. Was he? Oh, yeah. He loved to smoke weed and have some bitches over to chill. Insane volume to the hair.

Loved barstool sports. Dude, you assume so? He was in Boston. He would comment nonstop like, yo, this wouldn't fly. He was on the block. He was at the blackout floor. He was at the bar. He was at phone parties but we couldn't make we couldn't have him just because of his atrocities so uh but outside of that but he was on that cover after he did that yeah why would he be on before because this dude likes weed this This moderately attractive guy.

Smokes, and he's from Boston. No, it was, yeah. He bumped, I believe, Jim Morrison from the cover. Shut up. Yeah. Legend. But yeah, we got to go, though, with Lance Bass. Oh, yeah.

Well, he fucked a banger. Lance Bass fucked a banger? Yeah. You know, Rowan Topanga. Lance Bass fucked Topanga? Yeah. You know, you're wrong. Do you really want to say that? No, I think that's fine. I think it's known. Yeah.

Or maybe they at least have a romantic picture together. Wait, wait, wait. What's their... Bass, Fishel. And then her new guy is named what? Carp? Bass, Fishel. Carp? Wow.

She likes fish men. Who's this cutie? Who's the lead of The Shape of Water? Who's the guy that plays Morpheus? He's cute. Yeah, you got to give it to Lance Bass. He was probably the number three on the cuteness rankings in NSYNC. And that's nothing to say.

You podium on it. If you podium cuteness rankings NSYNC. Timberlake, JC. Timberlake, JC Bass. Fatone, Chris Kirkpatrick. He would have been the top of the hierarchy for every girl. Yes. If it was personality, Fatone makes it in there.

But it's not. You can't move the goalposts. Yes, it just looks. Right, and so Lance Bass, boy band, maybe the biggest boy band in the world, competing for it, and gay. Damn. And he definitely tried it out. There's no doubt in my mind that he tried it out, but he just had to back away from the ball. It wasn't for him.

He just couldn't bring himself. You ought to wonder what could have been, yeah. You. It wasn't for him. He just couldn't bring himself. I don't wonder what could have been. You always wonder what could have been. I would say right now if I was in that position I definitely would have

fucked girls. Because that shows how gay he was. Because if he was even a little bit straight he would have just taken advantage of it. Or even questioning it

or just like not very gay. He would have just fucking... It's almost privileged, right? I'm stuck on Topanga going from bass to carp. Yeah, what a finding that is is you see her in the stands of a baseball game guy in a bright orange dude i looked at this picture you're talking about it looks like they got married she's fucking marlin's man

marlin's man how'd you pull Topanga Mr. Lundgren what's Dolph short for yeah so Lance Bass congratulations she loved Tim Salmon at the fucking Angels game childhood crush was

Trey Anastasio That's the lead singer of Fish Of course it is But of course Is that like a Greek word for fish? The next one's going to go to a woman And this is a paradox What is this?

This is hairiest pussy Hairiest pussy Riley Reid? No, no, no, no We're talking the herodox What is this? This is Harry's pussy. Harry's pussy. Riley Reid? No, no, no. Harry's. You're thinking the wrong way. We're talking the Herodox. Oh, okay.

It's the theory that no woman at any moment in history is less than two degrees of separation from, sexual separation from two men named Harry. No women have fucked two Harrys. That's what I was getting at. Every woman that has ever fucked a Harry has stopped and said, I'm never doing that again. Ever.

It's more unconscious. It's more involuntary. It's a passive thing. It's like the birthday paradox. So it was like a what? 750,000 way tie for the Harry's pussy. What do you go? Status? Well, you-way tie for the hairiest pussy. So we have to go. What do you go?

Status? Well, you have to go with who took a hairy dick the best. And you could say Olivia Wilde with Harry Styles now. You could say. Olivia Wilde, Cockburn. Ginny Weasley. Yep. Calista Flockhart was married to Harrison Ford.

Does that count? Yeah, of course. Harry, I guess, in some ways. Of course, but there is somebody with more status than Harrison Ford himself. Taylor Swift. More. Is it Bess Truman? It's Bess Truman.

Oh, fuck. It is Bess Truman. Saw that coming. Harry was dropping the bomb every single night. Yes. Damn. Instead of a mirror over their bed, it was like that newspaper that he was holding up. Dewey defends Truman.

He just hate fucked every night. Fuck Dewey's wife. So she has to be the hairiest pussy. Of course. Wow. I don't even know how I didn't think that. By magnitude. By magnitude. pussy. Of course. Wow. I don't even know how I didn't think that. By magnitude. By magnitude.

By atomic number ranking. Yes. Yes. I'm trying to think of who fucked Ms. Tubman. Harriet Tubman? Yeah. The government. The government.

In some ways. But she was a Civil War general. Was she really? Ms. Tubman. Yeah. I don't remember that part from the movie. An historic general. So, I mean, but it depends on who was fucking her.

I think the best true man is... Above ground railroads probably put her out of business. Yeah, that's a strike against her. Wait a minute, after all the work I've done, you're just going to fucking put these on land? What the fuck? We have bad infrastructure in America as a nod to Ms. Tubman. We don't have that many above ground railroads because it would be a slap in the face to all the workers.

So congrats to her for posthumously winning Harry's pussy. I know she would love it. At the morgue, they're like, should we shave it? Speaking of Harry pussy, if you have a bush, you definitely haven't tried the best products from our sponsor today, Manscaped.

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Manscaped Change that bush you've got Alright it's time for our final award Again thank you guys for joining us You know you guys have come on here a lot You guys are probably the two most recurring guests It's almost a tradition at this point And that's what this final 13th award is the pg-13s the final one the keeper of tradition somebody who's kept an old tradition alive and go go ahead mr bauer the oldest form of getting

pussy in the world of humanity is by purchasing it. Adam paid with a rib. Sheba literally paid for it. Romulus, Remus, they both had a whore mother. Ruth, yeah. Mark Antony. Et cetera. We know more old whores

than any old women that we know. But ironically, it's not just traditionalist to pay for pussy. It is progressive. Now it's become the most progressive thing you can do. It's sex positive. Sex positive. Yes.

If you don't pay for pussy. Only fans, et cetera. Yeah, of course. If you don't have only fans, you're stealing pussy away from the sex worker industry. It's fucked up. Yeah. pussy away from the sex worker industry. It's fucked up. Who keeps tradition more and

publicizes buying pussy more than Dan Bilzerian? Oh, yes. Wow. He's famous for it. He keeps a harem of women around him at all times. His mansion. I would argue a surplus. Too many vast surplus.

It's constant house parties. You could slip and stumble Too many vast surplus. Too much. It's constant house parties. Yeah, he's like, oh. You could slip and stumble into pussy. Yeah, his next door neighbor. I like to think that he has two next door neighbors, and the one's just like, he has a wild rager, and people are drunk and passed out,

and there's some overflow of passed out women, prostitutes, in the neighbor's yard, and he goes out to get the paper and he's like, he's not looking, he steps in some pussy. He's like, ah! Knocking on the door. He's like, Dan, I understand I was your age once. I get that you're having fun,

but if you could please just stop leaving the pussy in my yard. I'm sure it was an accident. I'm sure she just got out. I was taking my trash out last night, slipped and fell. He's holding up a slipper, and they're just like... You fell into one of your naked woman's pussies.

Yeah, and again, I'm sure it was an accident. Just be sure to be mindful, and just pick it up next time. It's fine that you... It's fine. That's not your pussy, is it, in my yard? Goes back inside his wife's side. What's that smell?

I wish there was more... It's his fucking neighbors again. It was Dan. Stepped in pussy. I don't want to talk about the bylaws with the homeowners association. And the other neighbor is like a real curmudgeon, has a big fence. And like Dan's knocking on the door like a boy that just like threw his ball over the fence. Just knocks.

He's like, hey, I was on my roof and I threw some pussy off. And I went to your yard wondering if I could get that back. And the neighbor's like, no, it's my pussy now. There's a pussy graveyard. In my yard. And there's like the friendly dad joke guy. neighbor's like, no, it's my pussy now. There's a pussy graveyard. In my yard. And there's like the friendly dad joke guy. He's like,

oh, new pussy there. Yeah, like Dan. He's like, he's fucked her all night, so he's spraying her off the front yard like he's cleaning. He's like,

oh, when'd you get that? Might as well take her first. Is that the new model? I'm just kidding. You thinking about getting a new pussy yourself? I've been pestering the wife for me to get one of those

and she said maybe once the kids are in college. Don't swim for 30 minutes after pussy. Spraying down as a naked girl. Trimming his Rachel bushes.

It's like a leaf blower. It's like borrowing a leaf blower. Dan sees the guy in the back of his garage like some of Dan's pussy. He's like, wait, I let you that pussy, what, last December? I saw my pussy chained up in your garage.

You're just not using it. If it's in my yard, it's my pussy. That guy probably should be on the award for the trickle-down pussy. Oh, absolutely. His neighbor would just get the pussy thrown over the fence like a frisbee. Stepped on pussy. His wife is like, honey, why do you keep taking the trash out so late at night? Just sniffing his slippers.

Oh, yeah. Danny. Or the dude that's just pissed off and is angrily stacking the pussy on Dan Bilzerian's lawn afterwards. Passive-aggressively putting the pussy back in his face. Pussy again? There's kids that live here. Daniel Alexander. What did I tell you about leaving your pussy laying out in the yard?

Come outside, pick it up. Rub his nose in the pussy. This will teach him. Stacks him in a corner in the garage. Like, no, put them away. Put them in their drawers. Spring cleaning time. So that's the PG-13.

That's the PG-13.