A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 235 - Teaching Math

Episode Date: April 23, 2021

|| A New Untold Story pres by Dude Wipes: Ep. 235 || The boys, joined by friends from home Niko & Gino, discuss the Mt. Rushmore of Wheeling alum, and pooping your pants! || Producer: Tyler Goochman...You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. Welcome back to A New Untold Story, presented by Dude Wipes. Dudes. Dudes! They're right here. We need to have a serious chat about your bathroom habits. We're right the fuck here. It's time to quit the shitty...
Starting point is 00:00:22 You only speak when I'm speaking. We're all ears, brother brother what were you saying i said i was saying it's time to quit the shitty scratchy toilet paper and switch to dude wipes they're an extra large flushable wipe made with plant force plant sourced fibers designed to give your anus a cleaner more refreshing uh than tp after dropping a deuce out of your little butt. Think about it. When you wash your face, hands, or body, use water to get yourself clean. So when it comes to the dirtiest thing you do, Kyle.
Starting point is 00:00:58 What? Pooping, taking a shit. Why do we use dry toilet paper? Not any longer. Use dude wipes. It'll change your life, and your anus will thank you. You'll never look at an empty toilet paper roll the same way again. I can vouch for that.
Starting point is 00:01:13 They're easy on the hemorrhoids and the rectal itch, too. Yeah. I thought, oh, they're going to make my hemorrhoids combust like geysers, and they don't. They certainly do not. They bathe them And you haven't scratched your butthole At least in public for me to see
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Starting point is 00:02:03 No, you're just going to say, like, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? What? No, baby! Dude wipes. It's a fresh, big, untold story. A new, untold story. We're back. Kyle? Kyle? Alright, boys. I'm on here already. Well, we're recording now.
Starting point is 00:02:38 Okay. Well, we can ease into it. We can do some warm-up. That's why I said we're back. Warm-up laps. Yeah. We're here with Nico and Gino Catalano
Starting point is 00:02:47 Or do you do Anno I think it's Lano Why did you guys never correct me on that Something you just never checked No I hear it all the time and I even say it differently Myself so it could be either or You guys are from LA
Starting point is 00:03:03 Music industry But that doesn't fucking matter one bit self so it could be either or uh you guys are from la music music industry uh but we're not that doesn't fucking matter one bit more importantly you guys are from wheeling that's why we're here yep not no it's not yeah it's the only reason they're here this is why we came here okay yeah you're from wheeling and that's where kyle and i are from and we tell stories about our hometown i mean you guys know right? Oh, we're familiar. You guys know about all... You guys have been to Melty's? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:29 There's been some times at Melty's that I probably shouldn't even speak about. I mean, you're probably just rehashing stories Gino told you and passing them off as your own. Yeah. Gino, you were able to go there until you were, like, 20.
Starting point is 00:03:41 Melty's raised me. Yeah. I've been going. Well, RIP, but, yeah. Pit snoggle night. 8 to batting cages cage what there's one yeah the tuna sandwiches were amazing those were good i don't get them anywhere else besides well i can't anymore so i haven't had a tuna sandwich in a long continuity wise they weren't because we only sold root beer floats and of course we have owen here as well um owen uh you're going to uh just reflect on what we talk about you you were raised outside of
Starting point is 00:04:11 wheeling i was um but yeah today we're going to uh kyle and i each have a mount rushmore of wheeling figures you guys will know all about them um and so we are going to debate our mount rushmore perfect perfect so this is a new idea there's a brand new idea no other podcast has done mount rushmore especially of yeah we have especially here at barstool sports how do we take an idea like a mount rushmore a top four of something and make it so niche that it only applies to 0.001 percent of listeners that's what we're doing we're. That's what we're doing. That's what we're doing. That's good.
Starting point is 00:04:50 And you guys are familiar with Mount Rushmore. It's in North Dakota. One time I went to the Corn Palace in South Dakota. It's a giant palace made of corn, fake corn. It looks like a big corn cob. And they're like, this is the Mount Rushmore of South Dakota. Yeah. I was like, yeah, that makes sense. This is grand.
Starting point is 00:05:09 This is aesthetically amazing. I don't know if you could say that because I think if you say this is the Mount Rushmore of something, it's something with like four people. Is it not? I think it's just an amazing monument. And that's what the Corn Palace was to South Dakota. Okay. Yeah. But let's go back home.
Starting point is 00:05:27 We don't have any landmarks. We don't have anything of note. So if we were to construct in one of our cliff sides of Mount Rushmore, who would be on it? Right. Who are the candidates? You produced Grammy-nominated songs. No, not true. Mixed.
Starting point is 00:05:47 Okay. Nope, not true either. But platinum certified. Platinum. Some golds, some silvers. So I don't have you on my list or my bubble or my backups. You are not even close to making my list. I did not expect that.
Starting point is 00:06:00 Yeah. Your dad is a restaurateur. Yes. In Wheeling. Fuck no, is he not on my list No he's not on it either Do we want to start just some candidates Do you want to do like some bubble candidates Or do you want to do yours I think we
Starting point is 00:06:16 You guys probably know I have a few and you guys can chip in and tell us stories about You certainly have interacted with these people of note Maybe we just go through the candidates And then we did we figure out who was on the mount rushmore yeah okay okay so i'm i will start but i'm sure we have some crossover um undoubtedly 20 000 people maybe less only a few famous people are public figures. Go ahead. First person I thought of was Phys Ed. Do you have him? Our math teacher from Park.
Starting point is 00:06:53 Ed Kyriakopoulos. We called him Physical Eddie. He wasn't Greek. I think he Hellenized his own name. He did. Because he wanted to convince people he was related to Pythagoras. Yes. He was a Polish guy.
Starting point is 00:07:06 And we called him Physical Eddie because he taught, as you guys know, he taught math by touch. He thought math was best learned physically. He was like, there's visual learners. There's people who claim they're visual learners, linguistic learners, and auditory learners. But innately and primitively, every human is a kinesthetic, a physical learner. And I'm going to show you why. And we've talked about this. His PEMDOS was pelvis, elbow, mouth.
Starting point is 00:07:32 Dick-ass scrotum. Dick-ass scrotum. And he was like, D is, and I'd really hate to do this, but there's no other body part that begins with D. I remember someone raised their hand. They were like, deltoid. Physical Eddie, what about deltoid or diaphragm? He was like, get the fuck out of my classroom. It's dick-ass scrotum.
Starting point is 00:07:51 That's how you remember. That's the mnemonic device for PEMDOS. What else? It was all hands-on. Yeah, it was mean-median mode massage. Those were like the four Ms of learning. His penis itself was shaped like a bell curve. Those were like the four M's of learning. His penis itself was shaped like a bell curve.
Starting point is 00:08:14 I remember we were on the chapter of trying to learn the area of a triangle. A squared. Plus B squared. Equals C squared. Yeah. And I remember he made us, he was like, we're going to do a whole activity. He made us dress up like a UFC fighter. Just in our compression shorts, our pro combat.
Starting point is 00:08:26 I was very excited. I got to be Brendan Schaub for a day. And he would make us practice triangle chokeholds, submissions. Triangles, yeah. And then he would do it to us. At the end of the day, we were all woozy and whatnot, bloody. And he was like, the moral of the story is you guys learn through triangles that A squared plus B squared equals C squared. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:49 Asphyxiation plus bondage equals climax. A legend. What else did he do? His tests were really easy because you could just walk in and pretty much just stand there. Yeah. He would do his thing. His tests were his performance. Yes. Or how you responded to his what was pie day uh the pie was the longest do you guys remember didn't we watch american pie that we did we did watch american pie on pie day um I remember he had nicknames for people. There was that girl Colleen.
Starting point is 00:09:26 What was her last name? She had horrible scoliosis, and she was shaped poorly, and he called her Scalene. Okay. What else? What was it? 3.14. 1.5. So, yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:44 Three orifices Mouth, vagina or urethra An asshole One penis, four fingers One thumb, five toes Nine teeth, two balls, six inches Five appendages It worked
Starting point is 00:09:57 We memorized the whole thing We memorized the entirety of Pi just on body parts It was like a jingle he made He would bring his guitar in And he would just sing it for us, and we'd all just sing along, and we never forgot it. Was he award-winning? No. I thought he was a member of Mensa's List or something. Or was that Megan's Law?
Starting point is 00:10:17 Megan's Law. He began with an M. No, he was, yeah. Alive? I don't know Mr. K Is that Can you be on a Mount Rushmore
Starting point is 00:10:33 If you're Still alive? Fuck Yeah Yeah you can Yeah you can He's dead or dead adjacent He's dead adjacent
Starting point is 00:10:44 He's like on his way For sure We all are We all are That's first Anything else on physical Gino Did you ever have him
Starting point is 00:10:51 I was thinking about it Phys ed No you dominated You dominated gym class For sure Yeah You were good at co-ed So with him
Starting point is 00:11:00 Yeah with him I don't remember much I remember I'd see him out Around town Yeah And you know He always had that Just that look in his eye that he was just figuring something out. But he was always pondering.
Starting point is 00:11:11 Everything was an equation to him. Yeah. He would ask me, he'd say, why don't you show up in class? And I said, look, man, it's just math's not for me. I get it. I don't need it. It's not for me. Just let me show you.
Starting point is 00:11:23 Give me a little bit. Never worked out. It's a physical eddie i think to be fair though like everyone's always like oh when am i gonna use this like he showed you guys yeah i use mine i have made countless women we were like oh when am i gonna use this he was like uh you're using it now like on me you're yeah you're touching me yeah right this second you're using it what do do you mean? When are you going to use it? I only lick a pussy at acute angles. And it's because every climax I've ever provided is thanks to phys ed. He's the one you kind of pivoted from him to the five for five for five.
Starting point is 00:11:57 Absolutely. And a lot of people confused him with phys ed class. Not gym class. Gym class was what? Was father gymim he taught latin and then there was p yeah well you showed me you know people used to say like eating out a girl like just do an alphabet with your tongue that that was a common was it a folk lore uh it was a wise legend yeah but um you just write like trig parabolas right that's your trick yeah yes you guys don't lick pussy these guys never never never have but i mean fizz ed taught me a lot about it and and
Starting point is 00:12:37 like i feel like if if i had to do it um i would kill it and You definitely would. It would be awesome for the girl. Easy. You definitely would. It would feel really good for her. It would be a platinum certified. Yeah. I guess. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:54 I guess. So, Physiquetti. He's got the George Washington. What? Who are the heads on the mount rush who are the heads on mount rushmore washington roosevelt lincoln uh we he jefferson okay we got the roosevelt out of the way who's next on your mount rushmore you go with yours because i don't know you go first i take it so you just want me to do all i have no others i just have ed yeah yeah we don't have we don't have we're not a forehead town no we're one we're just yeah he's the only one who would
Starting point is 00:13:34 qualify nico gino we texted you guys did you have anybody or just gave you a little homework just physicality uh you guys text us like five minutes ago so we didn't have a lot of time really did you yeah i hate to rehash yeah never always hated that never never eaten a pussy yeah was that real i never have uh but like it's just one of those things i i know i'm good at it you know even though i've never actually done it yeah i just know that i i would be'm good at it. You know you're good at it? Even though I've never actually done it. Yeah. I just know that I would be really good at it. And the girl would look at me in the face and say,
Starting point is 00:14:14 that felt so good, the way you licked my pussy. No, that's fair. And I just feel like... Why is that fair? How do you just know that? I mean, Michael Jordan's never played trampoline basketball. Yeah, that's... I wouldn't want to play him. No, you wouldn't. That would be the last person I want to played trampoline basketball. Yeah, that's... I wouldn't want to play him. No, you wouldn't.
Starting point is 00:14:26 That would be the last person I want to play trampoline. You can either play against the world's best trampoline, professional trampoline basketball player, Michael Jordan. Who would you rather play against? The trampoline basketball player. But that's not even an athlete at that point. Imagine him just being terrible at it. Like he just gets on a trampoline.
Starting point is 00:14:44 He wouldn't, does he? No. No. No chance. Like he just gets on a trampoline. He doesn't. No. No. You know? No chance. But this works for girls then too. The best pussy eaters have never eaten a pussy. That is a fact.
Starting point is 00:14:52 A hundred percent. Girls though. Girls though. Like you, you can tell like they have to, they have to suck dick. You think they have to in order to be good? A lot. A lot. What the fuck?
Starting point is 00:15:04 What? That seems like a fallacy yes p-h-a-l-l-u-s it is and it's unfair fallacy okay fine it's unfair but no like i love just i think i love looking at oh i love looking at pussy for. For sure. I thought about it. There were times where I was like, should I do this right now? But then I was like, nah.
Starting point is 00:15:29 I just want to look. But do you look at it? Oh, yeah. You stay down there? Five minutes, like tops. Five minutes, yeah. I'm going to interrupt you before you even go and just say, you're good.
Starting point is 00:15:40 You don't even got to do that. Every once in a while, you'll see a girl in your sleep. So you want to see. You want to see. That's why people buy only fans so that they have any type of connection or relationship with somebody even if it's just in passing like a high school classmate you just you have this innate desire to see their pussy and that's why you pay to see their pussy if you can because you can see in there it takes about what six it's six times okay yeah exactly six times you see a girl and Exactly. Exactly. Six times. You see a girl and you're just like, okay, you know whether or not you want to see.
Starting point is 00:16:10 I'm seeing your pants covering it up. It's always. Yeah. What the fuck? Covered by these pants. Yeah. You get the move. You're fucking. Your pants are blocking the view of the pussy.
Starting point is 00:16:16 Like, wait, I've seen you five times before. Take those board shorts off. Yeah. That's the default. Yeah. Yes. I see a pair of board shorts. It drives you crazy. And they know what. They know exactly what they're doing. It's the default. Yes, I see a pair of board shorts. It drives you crazy.
Starting point is 00:16:25 And they know exactly what they're doing. It's the worst. The fucking board shorts. That's how they tease you. You're real fucking, your balls blue as hell. They're really trying to make you squirm. When she's in board shorts. Like, yeah, that's the thing.
Starting point is 00:16:40 When a girl's in board shorts, there's pretty much nothing. She was asking for it. She was fucking asking for it. She was fucking asking for it. She was wearing board shorts. Call me old-fashioned, but leave something up for the imaginary. We were down in North Myrtle on Senior. We had a house. She came around and wore board shorts.
Starting point is 00:16:55 She was fucking asking for me to see her pussy. Slide your fucking board shorts down a little bit. It's right there. There's nothing that turns me on more when I'm just like, bring a girl home and she's like, you know, she has her... Oh, you hear the Red Elk Crow? I just pull them to the side.
Starting point is 00:17:14 And I can't even reach the pussy. She's in the extra long Quicksilvers. There's one millimeter of Quicksilver fabric separating your pussy from my eyes and you know they cut out the mesh they fucking wear those wheat those fucking who were those prudes from benwood that would come around they would come around the boar shorts yeah they knew what they were doing though i'll give them that much yeah all right yeah coming you're gonna come over and fucking try to tempt me in your fucking hurleys it's not gonna fly like yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna want to see your pussy
Starting point is 00:17:48 and it works on instagram they got the fucking pack son ads but fizz ed can't go on about him what else do we do do you guys do you guys do you guys have ever have him we really got off track there but yeah his head uh one thing that comes to mind is uh he told us it was like i thought it was like more of math history it was like yeah it's abacus week oh y'all had to bring in our old school yeah i brought in like the device with the wooden rods and like the beads when i brought it in excited because i i loved fiddling with my abacus oh i i know where this i was always it wasn't what you thought it was i brought it in he was
Starting point is 00:18:30 just like what the fuck is that the fuck is this yeah yeah you do a better ready than i would that wasn't his yeah do it what the fuck is this yeah it was good and he was i was just like it's what you said it was show and tell and And he just put on Dancing Queen. He just gave me a big fucking hickey. You're just sucking your neck. Yeah, he's like, no, what? I'm teaching you about... You want to act out a turn on abacus week.
Starting point is 00:18:56 I'm going to really make you feel it. It was like making your kid eat a cigarette after you catch him. And the thing is, I dreaded that. I a cigarette after you catch him. And the thing is, I dreaded that. I hated getting sucked on by him. But he was a fair teacher. He did punish you accordingly. His son, he was just as strict with him.
Starting point is 00:19:18 There was no nepotism. None. No. No fair treatment. He was just as hard on him as he was with us when we were learning integers and he gave us like a big big homework project uh he went home to you know help his son with it arrested for child abuse he was harder on his son than us yeah yeah much i know he well he tutored me for the sats and my mom dropped me off and i just walked right in
Starting point is 00:19:45 and last thing i remember opening the door he just choked me out and uh i got i came to and i got like a 720 on my my sats and math yeah you you were always his favorite i was yeah i was i mean you had a hickey what every other week i did every I did. Every other week. It was the same. He refused to let it heal. All I wanted was one. I never got anything, not even a peck. I got one, and it was – Oh, my God. It felt really good.
Starting point is 00:20:15 Remember Dad when I came back? He went to Ponderosa. What was the hickey used – What was the hickey – What was the educational benefits of that? Well, it was a perfect hexagon. Yeah, you're right. I remember my dad thought somebody just pressed an Allen wrench into my neck.
Starting point is 00:20:37 And I was like, no. That was quadrilateral. It was equidistant five sides. He was like, every time. Every time. You want me to prove it? Every time. You come home with that hexagon, and mom and dad are going to be really hype.
Starting point is 00:20:51 Yeah. It's a celebration. They cried. Oh, yeah. You've been hitting the books. Yeah. Not quite. You were anemic, so he would just breathe near your neck, and you would get one.
Starting point is 00:21:01 Yeah. I get hives. I have really sensitive skin so yeah and he knew that but uh he still it was just as good as anybody else that he would like suck on for 10 20 minutes do you remember how exhausting long division week was it was a bitch yeah but then what was after that extra long division that was extra long that was that was might as well have been a fucking cross-country meet yeah yeah i remember there's our our cross-country captain was like out of breath yeah he's like this is he's like training in flagstaff for ultra marathons now
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Starting point is 00:23:42 So we reconvened with an old classmate. We're, we're here in Morgantown for rough and rowdy and we bumped into somebody we went to high school with. Yes. And he was a legend, self-proclaimed legend. He thought he started like a,
Starting point is 00:23:56 like a planking type fad in high school, but he didn't. He thought it was like the next cinnamon challenge. He could. Yeah. He convinced everyone that it was, but he was the only one on record who did it. Well, yeah, and then we're going to have to say his full name because that's what he called the fact. He named the challenge after himself.
Starting point is 00:24:15 It was the Hempelman shift. It was the Hempelman shift. And our high school had, our bathrooms were four urinals, two stalls. Yeah, every single one. On each floor, there was multiple per floor, but it was always two stalls. Yeah. And he would go in. And the river kids were always in there, like, dipping Copenhagen.
Starting point is 00:24:36 They were dipping Copenhagen and, like, eating tacos in a bag. Yeah, that was what they did simultaneously. And they were like, you could just do that in the classroom. The teacher wouldn't care. No, they would sneak that. But anyway, like, Hempelman Scott, he would go in there, take a healthy shit. Yeah, he would shit in the one. In one of the stalls.
Starting point is 00:24:59 Pull his pants up and go in the next stall to wipe and flush. Just to wipe and flush. pull his pants up and go in the next stall to wipe and flush. Just to wipe and flush. And he thought that people would be astounded by walking into a stall and be like, oh, he didn't flush. And then when they look again, just deterred. Yeah. No wipe.
Starting point is 00:25:15 He thought he was like some type of agent of chaos. Like that was like the most wild, chaotic thing that someone could do. It was like, no, that's just the same as shitting in the toilet. You could have just done that. You don't need to shift to the other one no one cares everybody like dude no trust me shift yeah like shit and then stand up and walk a little bit with a dirty ass and then wiping the other one like it's gonna blow people's minds he thought it was a thing his occupation on facebook was like ceo or founder of the hempelman Yeah. So you're the only one who did it. And so we, we bumped into him and then he reminded us, reminded us of a time because
Starting point is 00:25:52 we did like him. Yeah, he was cool. When we went out in Pittsburgh together, I was a, it was like our first time going out in Pittsburgh. It was the one time I ever hung out with you socially before we started working together. I think. I was a senior with you socially before we started working together. I was senior. You were a junior. Okay.
Starting point is 00:26:07 I remember it was the week of, uh, the Mac conference wrestling tournament. So I could go, no, um, I didn't qualify for it. So,
Starting point is 00:26:14 um, okay. So I could go out and it was like my first week to finally get crazy. Yes. After wrestling season, it was like me, you, Scott,
Starting point is 00:26:22 Zach's Medicare. And then I don't want to say the guy. We're not going to say his name because this is going to make him look terrible. We were in Steel Cactus. It was the one with the mechanical bull. Tequila Cowboy. Yeah, Tequila Cowboy. This unnamed man went on the bull, having the time of his life grinning ear to ear.
Starting point is 00:26:42 He did it five times in a row. He was like, I've got row he's like i gotta beat my record i got they're not even timing you they're not even timing record are you talking like and there were there were like a ton of girls there i don't know why what the occasion was um and like a good-looking girl in pittsburgh no this was a good-looking girl for anywhere that happened yeah so she was yeah and we were like all right we just got there he beelined to the bull did it like five times. Then he got off. He was like,
Starting point is 00:27:05 yo, this place is kind of lame. Like he's like, I'm like, yeah, it's like, I'm having no fun. And we were like,
Starting point is 00:27:10 let's just bounce. Yeah, let's go somewhere else. I was like, you were having the time of your life. We're having the most fun. We're having a blast. It's the best environment that you can get in the tri-state area.
Starting point is 00:27:21 Yeah. And he was like, well, I drove, so let's go somewhere else. The place is lame. We're like, oh, we're like, okay. And he walked out and I was like, maybe he hurt himself on the bull. and he was like well i drove so let's go somewhere else place lane we're like oh we're like okay and he walked out and i was like maybe he hurt himself on the bull because he was walking like he rode a horse wide wider gate so we get in the car what was i don't even know what his car was i don't fucking know i think it was like an accord something along that was some sort of a cord adjacent and it reeks it was like yeah i've
Starting point is 00:27:48 suspected people have shit their pants in the past but that was the first time that i knew for a 100 fact you could not confuse this with a fart it was a solid i remember we were excited it was like all right this is funny it's hilarious story for everyone finally we had one of my adult friends does it in the public. And we could have, if he would have admitted to it. We were trying to just bust his balls with him, not at him. Go shower, we're going to go back to the bar. And he was like, he would not admit to it.
Starting point is 00:28:13 So we get in the car, and you have to tread lightly. And he's just driving, and we're like, yo, turn the music down. Did you fart? It smells like ass. We wanted to lead into it, yeah. Did you do a... Did you sh? It smells like ass We wanted to lead into it Did you shit yourself? Yeah, did you shit yourself? We noticed your wide gape
Starting point is 00:28:33 What did his pants It was so obvious in his pants Do you know how when you have a hammock for a chinchilla In its cage It looked like you had that Yeah, like you put a Komodo dragon In a hammock for a house mouse. Yeah, much like that.
Starting point is 00:28:47 Because it was just sagging down. He had the Hydroflex Slimfits from American Eagle. We would have laughed about it. Clowned him, moved on. He would not admit that he fucking shit his pants. He was like, no. He was like, no. Like, what?
Starting point is 00:29:01 Like, you guys, I always smell like this. Yeah, he tried to play the card where, like, this is just how I naturally smell. Yeah, like, for real? Like, you guys haven't noticed? You've been telling me for years. Right now, you look worse saying that than just admitting that you shit your pants. I always smell like shit. You want to be the guy who naturally smells like feces instead of the guy who just shit his pants in a funny scenario with his boys?
Starting point is 00:29:27 And, like, we knew he was embarrassed. And so we were like, all right, like, let's just get to his place. But he was like, he wouldn't even have that. He would not even admit defeat. So he was like, he didn't want to go home, but he didn't want to admit to shit himself. So we were driving past, like, a Wendy's. He was like, dudes, like, dude, let's pull in and, like, and like go in there and like get a junior bacon cheeseburger and then fuck around like let's go in the bathroom let's do some clothes let's do some clothes pranks yeah he always
Starting point is 00:29:53 like we've done that before he's like yeah let's go all right or underwear like no he let it he led into that he was like all right let's fucking uh what did he do? Like, draw on our faces. Like, do like, what is the face paint the baseball players wear? Like, eye black. Let's put eye black on and then, like, free ball, like the old days. Yeah, let's, yeah. We never did either of those things. Yeah, like, let's flip our t-shirts in backwards.
Starting point is 00:30:18 It's called peacocking. And then, like, we'll throw away our fucking underwear. And, like, we'll go in one at a time, though. So, it'd be funny, like, when we walk out and, like, look at each other. And, like, you know, our fucking underwear And like we'll go in one at a time though So it'd be funny like when we walk out And like look at each other And like you know just like all the old days Like when we used to bring it all And like what freshman year
Starting point is 00:30:30 Never did that And we were like dude Like whatever you want it Like okay Like and then he kept on He was like no no never mind That sounds dumb anyway And then we pulled over at a Sheetz
Starting point is 00:30:42 And Sheetz have car washes So I ran in to get like dr pepper popcorn chicken i remember this tossed with the the chicken not on the side and uh he filled up gas and then there was the option for a car wash he was like yeah i probably i probably should car wasn't no spotless um and we were like okay man. And he got out and he was hosing off the car. And then you. I was the first victim. You came out from sheets.
Starting point is 00:31:10 What did you get? Like a burger wrap or something? It was the. It's probably like a burger shrap. A burger shrap and a real milkshake. And everyone always fucks with me. They always like try to like, you know, jokingly sodomize me because I was the wrestler. Yeah. with me they always like try to like you know jokingly sodomize me because i was the wrestler yeah so he sticks the nozzle of the hose right up to my anal area and i was like all right you're doing like a a gay rape yeah like something like that yeah and he sprays the water full blast
Starting point is 00:31:37 like up and down your ass crack i think i had plaid shorts on. They were like white and like light blue. Yeah. And I was like, what the fuck, dude? Like now I'm all damp and like seeped through the fabrics. The fabrics are skinny. Yeah. My ass is. And he didn't. I was just like, what the fuck? Like now I think, why?
Starting point is 00:31:57 And he looks at me. He didn't play it that well. He kind of just like was like, oh, dude, I didn't know it would like go off. I didn't mean like. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I got you can get me back. No, I got you, oh, dude, I didn't know it would like go off. I didn't mean like. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I got you can get me back. No, I got you like, dude, no.
Starting point is 00:32:09 Get me. Get me. And then I was like, no, no, I thought you took it up and you like pointed at his chest. He was like, no, I didn't get you in the chest. I put it on the mist setting and I like sprayed him. He like tried to shimmy his ass up. And I was like, oh, that's all you're gonna do, pussy? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:26 You're not gonna get me back, pussy? Like, I didn't spray your arm. Like, I'm gonna feel guilty. Like, just spray my ass. Yeah, like, you're this tough wrestler guy. You roll around with dudes in a leotard.
Starting point is 00:32:38 Get me like I got you, you autistic midget. Like, stop. What are you looking at the ground? Yeah, he was like like get me in the exact spray it's great no look at me pussy stop being a coward no no take that fucking nozzle and spray me in the exact same manner in the exact same body part on the exact same pressure setting as i fucking did and i was just like okay i got his ass sprayed it it's yeah i felt the nozzle like jammed through the shitty pants
Starting point is 00:33:15 just spreading is all wet it was like soaking wet all right good

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