A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 239 - The Florida Georgia Line

Episode Date: May 21, 2021

|| A New Untold Story pres by Dude Wipes: Ep. 239 || The boys talk about many things, but specifically magic... tons of magic! || Producer: Constantine MaroulisYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

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You can find them at Amazon, Walmart, Target, nationwide. Or what we like to do and what you guys should do is go to dudewipes.com and use ANUS15, that's A-N-U-S-1-5, for 15% off your entire order. ANUS15 at dudeWipes.com. Owen, play the fucking music. Is that your reply to what I'm going to say? No, you're just going to say, like, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told?

What? No, baby! That's a new untold story. A new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh-baked untold story. A new untold story. So I've been cucked a lot. A lot. And by semi-famous people.

Semi, you're using that term loosely. There are how many magnetic zeros? A lot. It was like the ninth one. The ninth magnetic zero. He didn't even have any role. He didn't even hum on home. No, he didn't.

And he destroyed my girlfriend. That's tough. Yeah. Which was one thing. Then subsequently, all of the magnetic zeros, didn't they? Yes. Was it simultaneously or just very consecutively? It was very consecutively.

Extremely consecutively. There was like a hot swap going on with zeros. And yeah, I guess she was just attracted to them. That never happens to me, which begs the question, is it worse or better for the person who your girlfriend cheats on you with to have an inkling of fame? Yeah, I guess there's a certain line that if you're that level of celebrity, it's cheating or a hall pass. Right. It's like assassination murder line. At what point is it a hall pass?

Who's like the least famous person who would be a hall pass? Yeah. That's a good question. And we were talking about it a little bit earlier. It's a Florida-Georgia line is that baseline. No, that's an entirely different rule. You think so? It's an unwritten rule for men.

The Florida-Georgia line is if there is a famous music duo, she's only allowed to fuck – is it the least famous one? No, the more famous. Okay, so she would be able to fuck Florida. The more famous or more attractive? It's more famous. Okay. This is strictly fame. Okay.

Okay. So, like, yeah, if I was dating a girl, she could fuck Florida. But not Georgia. Georgia. If she fucks Georgia, she's cheating. If she fucks Florida, it's a hall pass. It's a hall pass. If she fucks Big Boy, hall pass.

No, cheating. You think Big Boy's more famous than Andre? Yeah, he's less zesty. Okay, fair. Okay. Alex Paul from the Chainsmokers. Cheating. You think Big Boy's more famous than Andre? Yeah, he's less zesty. Okay, fair. Okay. Alex Paul from the Chainsmokers. Cheating. Oh, cheating.

Drew Taggart. Very much so. Very hall pass. Yes. But is there any looks equation involved? Would you rather her fuck someone who's hotter or uglier? Right. I call that, that's like a Casey Neistat line.

Yes, for sure. That is a nice, yeah, the Neistat line. Yeah, it's – he's famous undoubtedly. Uh-huh. He's bigger than a lot of people. But he has – Probably not actually. He has cranio issues. Uh-huh.

Yeah, but once he throws the sunglasses on, he becomes a – he goes up in level. Yeah, he does. It's like a Clark Kent thing. Yeah, it is a Clark – it's a reverse Clark Kent. Yeah. You think he keeps them on though? Oh, dude, he wears those things all the time. He almost never takes them off.

He never takes them off. Really? Because then you get a good look at his face and it's just like, I don't want anything to happen. What happened? Yeah, exactly. See, for me, I think it's more about fame. I would be pissed if my girl came home and she was like, Nick, I fucked somebody last

night. He fucked me really well. That's how they always admit to cheating. That's how they always admit to cheating. That's how they always admit to cheating. I got fucked really, really well last night. But, like, he's my celebrity hall pass. I'm just like, what was it? Fucking Pattinson?

Clooney? Yeah. She's like, well, no. It's like, do you remember that viral video of, like, the mentally challenged boy who's like, I'm happy you broke your elbow? It was him? No, no. It's the Hispanic kid sitting next to him. Oh, the kid in the background in the computer class?

And she's like, you know I've always loved him. It was like an unwritten rule. If I ever saw him, I'd let him fuck me. So I didn't cheat, really. It's that line. It's that level of fame. So that's bad, but what was the kid, Alex from Target or whatever? Alex from Target I actually have written down.

I'd be cool with that. Yeah, I think I'd be cool with that, too. Because he's cute enough, and it's just kind of, like, funny. Like, yeah. The whole joke is that he's hot. Yeah. Like, so that was the thing. It's a huge compliment for you.

Exactly, yeah. And that's, like, such a niche brand to have. Yeah, like, would you let your girl fuck Alex from Target? Would you be mad at her? Well, I'm not. He's probably, 30 now no way yeah he was like probably like 17 when that came out something like that yeah 16 had to be so by now he's he's in his mid-20s probably late 20s i'd say late 20s didn't he like he fully fell off the grid like no one knows what that guy you don't even know his name he was on is on the grid. He was on the grid for a bit.

What about... Damn, that was 2014. Who's like a viral sensation that would be your... Jonathan Ware. That was the I Like Turtles zombie boy. I don't know. Oh, I know who... You're saying who I would let my girlfriend fuck?

Yeah. Noah Ritter's grandfather. Is that the guy who was dying while he was dancing musically? Saying like, never give up. No, no, no. No, I was. I would let my girl fuck his grandma. Yeah, I wish.

That's incredible. Noah Ritter was the kid who got interviewed at an amusement park and said apparently every two words. And his grandpa kept trying to be like, no, no, we're not doing media. His grandpa was awesome. So musicians, though, we have the Florida Georgiaia line which is for duos but then they're you have to take in fame and relevancy and relevancy so there's you're thinking of the jaw rule yeah it's the most important rule it's it's the jaw rule it's half her age plus seven

if he hasn't he or they haven't had a hit a billboard song in that amount of time top 200 then not a hall pass not a hall pass it's just cheating so what about what about someone who's like old as fuck but like definitely like so wait how many years has your 20s age so if you were dating like an 18 year old nine plus seven so any like old like anyone like i'm trying to think like eric clapton would he he probably hasn't had a song on the top 200 and like he is he passed he's passed very much yeah he's passed the he's passed just like musician he's just famous yeah all right so i'm thinking like if i'm dating a girl like let's be realistic. She's 19. What's half of 19?

Be realistic. Nine and a half. Nine and a half plus seven is 16 and a half. So 2003, 2004? Gautier. She can for a little bit longer. Gautier. Who else? She can fuck Daughtry.

She can fuck Daughtry. She's telling that Ja Rule. He is. I'm trying to think of who else. What about Simon and Garfunkel? They're just famous now. Are they? One of them might be dead by now.

Paul Simon? Art Garfunkel? Art Garfunkel. I don't want my girlfriend fucking someone named Art. Just on principle. I'm trying to do the math to see whether or not my mom could fuck one of the Dexy

Midnight Runners yeah yeah your mom your mom inspired come on Eileen your mom's cum slut you guys wanna see

Alex from Target now this is great radio he's now he's jacked too so just add that onto the resume yeah he's on steroids that's steroids he's beefy he so just add that onto the resume yeah he's on steroids yeah that's steroids jacked he's beefy he's a beefy boy there's always a discrepancy though

like i was i went with like my i told my girl i was like mine is madison beer yeah you want to fuck madison she's like the like she's my hall pass what did i text it oh and a couple a couple weeks ago like at like at like 3 a.m because we were having this conversation because i was saying that like the because he what was the question what was the trivia question it was like who is the most uh yeah who who would men uh cheat on their spouses with like most like what celebrity and the answer was and i and i said i was like i was gonna say i'm a stone really yeah i was like i was going to say i Stone. Really? Yeah, I was like, I was going to say Emma Stone. She's not even the hottest Emma.

Wouldn't have guessed that at all. No, I think Emma Stone's hot. And then I decided that my top three was Emma Stone, Zooey Deschanel, and Margot Robbie. And I think I said Zooey Deschanel was on the top of my list. Really? Yeah. Okay. They didn't expect that at all.

She's getting property, brother. Yeah. Well, maybe like a younger maybe like a younger so they fuck each other and then they fuck her like the margot robbie one doesn't make sense but like the top two i think how does margot robbie not how does no no no based on his list i feel like you like yeah you have a really more attractive than the girls you're with yeah that's an ego thing no i think zodiac now it is very good looking. Always have. I physically cannot disagree with you, but I do disagree with the list.

It's just all over the place. It is all over the place. It's my list. That's the beauty of it. We were with people and they were like Megan Fox and Sessa was like, What about that girl from Soul Surfer with the one arm? Mine would be like Olivia Wilde. Okay. mine would be like olivia wild okay my girls would be like the guy who voiced the the wild thornberry like creature donnie was like

unfortunately that was the basest of the red hot chili peppers yeah that's flea is that out remember him yeah that's that was the voice that's That's Flea. Wait, was it really? Yeah. I thought it was like a schizo-African pygmy. Nickelodeon poached him. Like Dan Schneider. Yeah, like he's perfect. With those dirty fucking feet. He doesn't have to sit here. He didn't have shoes where he's from.

I love how you could have chose any character voice, and you chose the one that's a famous rock and roll Hall of Famer. I didn't know. I thought for sure it was some actually a real patient at an institute. Do the Donnie again.

I can play that audio. The voice of Stinky Peterson can fuck my ear. Imagine he says that to her. That's really weird. You don't know who I am? He's like some dude in a bar. Oh, you don't know I'm famous? Hold on, let me clear that up for you.

Arnold. Hey, Arnold, that really bites. Your cousin Arnie, he's, what is it? He's slow as nails. Arnold had a mentally challenged cousin. They just couldn't say that on Nickelodeon. Yeah, it was thinly veiled that he was autistic. Yeah.

Very thinly veiled. They said everything but the word autistic while they were describing it. They were like, Arnie, what do you like to do? They're like, he's a moron. The way they described him was so poorly done in an attempt to hide that fact. Yeah, it was...

Can we play an Arnie clip? Sure. Get him talking about the shampoo bottle. Yeah, it was... Can we play an Arnie clip? Sure. Get him talking about the shampoo bottle. Yeah, it was like, I like to read the back of a shampoo bottle. I like to count. And then he blinks one at a time. I like to count a lot.

And he cucked Arnold. He snarled. He snarled. I like to count is just the funniest thing. I like to count. I like to count. I like to count. He's like, he looks like to count. I like to count. I like to count. He's like, he looks like you, but he's not as good looking, and he's mighty plain.

Yeah. He's like, no, he's... Yeah, he's... It's stinky. He's auctioned himself. Deprived when he was born. Yeah. Yeah.

Ken Jack, least famous person you would allow a hall pass for? Least famous person I would allow... It's a good question, because I feel like there's so many people that have declined in fame that would be my automatic answer yeah so i don't know i feel like it would be like everyone i think of is actually famous now or completely off the face of the earth you know i mean i think if my girlfriend came home and she was like yeah like i i like i fucked a famous person like somebody with a verified check and i was like oh god damn it who is it kb yeah no it's like if it's like little terrio oh okay i'd be totally fine that would be too we'd have a girl my girl could fuck little terrio whenever she wants yes but he has like a comey ad nauseum so

when he does the little terrio thing he's scooping the cum off her back and then oh yeah i'm trying to think of that confirmed? Confirmed, he's a cum eater Gross That is disgusting Mine was Halle Berry and my girl's was Barry McCockner She's like super down when he gets suspended That's when they're fucking the most

Oh fuck, Barry got suspended. My girl's pussy is done for. Your girlfriend takes it out on you. She's like, I fucked Rex Chapman. See, that's another one. Rex Chapman posted a video of their sex tape. It's like, look at this cum shot. Look at my wad.

Unbelievable. Walker charge on this doggy style compilation. This will make your day. Unbelievable. Walker charge on this doggy style. This will make your day. Mine was Andrew Anna Kendrick and my girls was the guy at the, the Kendrick Lamar concert who just shout at the N word,

the loudest during mad city. It was at our spring fling. My, my girl got back. We had a Yankee game and she came and goes to the bathroom. She comes back. She's like, I'm really sorry. I just, I just fucked someone while. She goes to the bathroom. She comes back. She's like, I'm really sorry. I just fucked someone while I was out in the bathroom.

I was like, fuck. She just fucked Derek Jeter or something. Yeah, which would be my first thought. Exactly. I'm like, who is it? Who is it? She's like, look, I just want to let you know. First of all, I came.

Second of all, it was Zach Hample. He finished on my face. That's how you would break it. and he finished on my face. And I sucked it all up. Jesus Christ. That's how you would break it. I dated a girl in high school and we had talked about it jokingly. I think we were fucked up

and I was like, Kate Upton, obviously. And hers, it just ended up being my childhood best friend, Mark. She did it? Yeah. Yeah.

The thing is, your girls will never go about their hall passes just because you date ugly girls. That was the one thing. Yeah, you can have whoever as a hall pass. Yeah, that's fine. Dude, I didn't know it was a red hot chili pepper when she fucked him.

Yeah, you just thought, oh, he's the voice of Donnie. I was like, fuck. How low can you go? You're fucking scum. I'll add that to the list. If she can fuck anyone who goes on a first name basis like Flea or Bono

or The Edge, that I think is cool. Anyone cool enough to go by one. If they're anonymous, yeah. Prez. Yeah, great example. Yeah.

I've been in that scenario before. El Prez? Yeah. Oh, no. When people call it El Prez, I always shiver a little bit. Oh, Big F.? Yeah. Oh, no. When people call it El Prez, I always shiver a little bit. Oh, big F. Big F.

Oh, absolutely. My hall passes were Margot Robbie and Megan Fox, and my girls was Robbie Fox. I was going to say, I was like my co-worker. What was it?

What was the most famous or least famous person you would allow a hall pass and most you were gonna say dana beers i was gonna say marty mush but same cat you were gonna say yeah oh no no no he was the one that i was gonna say was cheating yeah that's cheating yeah that's just a co-worker yeah you have easy access to this man just was it a vine or was it a snapchat like of the guy who brought his he went to to Thailand. The British guy who fucked the ladyboy? He was, like, very proudly putting it on in his story.

He did, like, a whole Snapchat story, and it was, like, the compilation has been posted, where he went to Thailand, fucked a... There's got to be a more correct... Ladyboy. Yeah. And, like, documented the whole thing, and, like, taunted her, the whole thing.

And the weirdest thing was... What was he calling her? Like, Jeffrey. Jeffrey. He was like, whole thing and like taunted her the whole thing and the weirdest thing was What was he calling her? Like Jeffrey. You probably have a bigger dick than me. You have a bigger dick than me but don't worry it's sexy.

No he wasn't. He was just like being extremely crude and it was like the straightest thing I've ever seen. Yes. This dude was like

there was never once while he was fucking this person with a penis that I even had an inkling that he wasn't straight. No, he was... He's not bi or gay. It's one of the straightest things.

It was, like, the straightest thing. Yeah, he was, like... He was, like, yeah, like, girls don't suck dick like this. And then he was just, like, posted that on his story. And then he had the most all-time line at the end. Jeffrey can suck a dick. Jeffrey sucks... And he, like, posted it. You could see him getting his dick sucked. And then he was the most all-time line at the end. Jeffrey can suck a dick. Jeffrey can suck a dick. And he posted it.

You could see him getting his dick sucked. And then he was like, yeah. And the lady boy was not showing her dick. And he was like, come on, show me. This is bigger than mine. This is bigger than mine. But at the end, he said, he was defending himself. And he swayed me.

He was like, going to Thailand and not fucking a lady boy. Not shagging it. Not shagging it. A lady boy is like going to Turkey and not having a kebab. My broker who found me in my apartment keeps texting me. He keeps on trying for me to get his magician friend an interview at Barstool. The more I think about it, the sickest it would be.

Yeah, we love magicians. That would be awesome. Barstool magic. We had a magician do a Barstool Idol a few times. Who is like the Vine magic guy? Zach Fox. Zach Fox is funny. Zach King. He's is funny. Zach King.

He's big on TikTok. He has the most viewed TikTok of all time. It has billions of views. It's ridiculous. Special effects. It's incredible. He's the worst actor. You'd think he'd get better.

He's gotten worse. He worked with Kobe Bryant. He was the one who originally did the thing where he jumped into his car. Yeah. But now it's a basic transition. He would pop a kernel on his iPhone, a picture of one, and then the popcorn would appear. It was like, dude, you're just doing special effects on an iPhone. Now there's people who, because he started posting the behind the scenes of how those things are made.

There's people who post them too, and it's like, oh, go to my TikTok to see the results. It's just them popping a balloon of glitter, and the results are just like shit. Oh, dude, those are the worst TikToks. Those are my least behind the scenes. Behind the scenes, and it's like a fucking movie. It's like a Scorsese film production. Like, and then you click on the, you go to the real TikTok and it's got, like, five likes and it's like a piece of shit. Yeah.

But the background, like, the behind the scenes always has, like, ten million likes. It's absurd. And everyone's like, this is crazy. Speaking of Vine, I have a sitcom pitch. You just fart? No. Why would you look at the person furthest from you and ask a question? That's a funny move, actually.

You skip over everybody in the middle and you go to the furthest person and say, yo, you. Had to have been you. That was 100% you were sass. You heard it. KBFC, you fart in the microphone before. I've done that. I did not fart. Someone just made a pile.

Did you fart? Yeah, probably. I did not fart. There's no farts in Madrid. That just shows up to the party. Did you fart like an hour ago? That's a bit. Yeah, probably. Sitcoms. Oh, yeah. So I've had just Vine on the brain, and I was thinking of these Viners that aren't really doing anything right now. King Bach.

He's in the sitcom. King Bach. Yeah, King Bach was the king of Vine. He's an actor now. Jimmy Tatro's in a sitcom now. Yeah, he's doing well. Yeah. But this is, it's kind of like Silicon Valley.

It's a startup. It's three ex-Viners have a house, and they have their own app they're trying to pitch. And it's Jerry Perpadrank who creates the app. Okay. And it's King Bach who is like the best friend and then nash grier just uh jim from the office looks at the camera with his fucking eyeballs and then um piercing eyes perp drank made the app and it's just vine but just audio and so he pitches it just like yeah it's just six second audio clips yeah and he's like yeah it's like vine and they're like

what's the name you just can't call it vine he's like not i got it's like Vine. And they were like, well, what's the name? You just can't call it Vine. And he's like, no, I got this. And so it's a sitcom called Hurt It Through the Grapevine. Okay. It's Perp Drank who's just trying to get his app off the ground. And it's exactly like Silicon Valley. Okay. It's the exact same thing, but it's for this one app. Yeah, and it's Perp Drank.

And so they'll put on the headphones, and you'll just hear like when the booty brings you to life and then it's just like on the next one it's just like oh that was pretty good yeah when you touch the food in the wet food in the sink doing the dishes it's like oh okay waiting for the microphone to or the microphone you don't wait that's an experience i've shared as well yeah Yeah, I get that. It's relatable. When you drop an egg. I guess so, Jerry. Done that. Universal experience.

I like that one. Mom says have food at home. And then you just like a pause and it's like, wait, the food at home. I bet it's gross. Yeah, just audio Vine. Carrying as many chairs as possible during church. Was that a Vine? Very popular.

Probably. I've been watching perp drank Vine compilations all day. Go watch Britney Furlough. They were always like, black people be like. White people be like. When the teacher bends over to help a student, and it always ends in a fart. I can't say that's ever happened to me. That's not universal. Shopping on Craigslist be like.

Yeah, Brittany Furlan used to, the vine would start on her big tits squeezed together, and then it would pan pan up and she would just be making a wacky face being a sixth grader who gets homework oh should we show brittany furlan and curtis lapore should we show a little sass the brittany furlan character reel oh god god maybe it is it is arguably one of the worst things i've ever watched do you remember her thing she's fucking like tommy lee if Lee. If I saw it, I would know who she is. Wait, is Tommy Lee? How old is she? She's probably 30 now. Oh, no.

She's older. No, she's younger than I thought. I remember the last time I looked her up. Significantly younger than Tommy Lee. Not that that means much. Yeah, pull up the video. How old's Tommy Lee now? 60, probably. That dick is 100. It's a wise cock.

Beyond its years. Yeah, I'm not a slut. I just have a wise pussy. I have a pussy that's wise beyond my years. This is my character. I've never seen her before. I think she went viral because her dog put its nose in her mouth.

This is like her SNL audition. Yeah. She's dressed like a young urban boy. Yeah. Sideways hat. Lil' JJ. She's got the grill on.

She licked the backside of her Jordan sneaker. Oh, something's falling out of her mouth. A full-heard grill. Let's fast forward. Yeah. Wow, that's bad. Does she have any other characters? She's got a whole bunch

oh this one's good I just wanted to introduce you to my new dog Mr. Snugglesworth who is the newest member of Phi Kappa Kappa yeah this is I can't do

I can't yeah I know I'm done with this one as well but send me that yeah no that one's bad So who's up next I want to hear more Of these sitcoms

Yeah My idea for a sitcom Is basically It's pretty simple It's just Just a normal sitcom Like any other But the laugh track

Progressively gets louder And louder Throughout the show Until within the last Ten minutes You just can't hear Anything It's a scream track

I love that Excruciatingly loud laughter Maxing out the Just peak levels Everywhere Yeah Yeah until within the last 10 minutes you just can't hear anything. It's a scream track. I love that. Excruciatingly loud laughter. Maxing out the peak levels everywhere. Yeah, yeah. At the end it's just like a terrorist negotiation tactic. You're just screaming with headphones on. Yeah.

I love that one. KB? I'm working on mine now. Okay. I'll go quick. I thought we were going to do it more like draft style, like choosing a setting, actresses, whatever, but so

I'll just go through it. The location for my sitcom is the set of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Bel-Air? The house?

The house in Bel-Air? The house, but from the final scene where Will Smith's standing with his hands in his pocket, so there's zero furniture. Okay.

And we sit on upside-down coolers and watch TV on a laptop on the ground. Yeah, that's good. That's sick. Yeah, you could do a whole sick. You could do scenes like this. And my wife is Danielle something. She goes by Bad Baby. Bergoli.

You snagged Bergoli. Okay. She's the wife Is she a mother too? She turned 18 Six weeks ago How long have you had this right now? You've been working on this

I'm just trying to think You've been telling me This was like a passion project At least a few months now Yeah My mother-in-law I have a sitcom You'd be perfect in

In six months So my wife's bad baby My mother-in-law is Octavia Spencer. Okay. We have kids. I haven't cast them yet. You and Octavia Spencer.

Oh, no. Me and bad baby. Wait. Okay. It's like a family sitcom. okay it's like king of queens almost exactly um i'm like a big wig on wall street and bad baby has a lifestyle podcast she's a big wig too we just don't see eye to eye on anything. You have nothing in common. This is so stupid.

Yeah. I love that you're cracking up. Did you write a pilot? Now he starts to get the casting for the kids. Get it out. I've written full seasons. The theme song is Home by Chris Daughtry, but it drops into the...

The Kassem remix of some 41s in 2D. And that's all I got. Yeah, you're set up for a hit. I like that one. I wrote mine out, like, in depth. Oh, God. Okay, well, I'm just going to start with the cast members, then I'll get into, like, the general idea of it.

So, the dad in my sitcom, his name is Biff. Biff is a gay man man but he's not comfortable owen owen what's the big deal he's a gay man but he's not comfortable coming out of the closet so he needs a way to maintain his cover and so he thinks what does straight men love you guys tell me what does straight men love um kissing yeah i guess it's ball kissing pussy is the word i'm looking for yeah yeah, yeah, pussy. Straight men love pussy. So what job lets you see and touch more pussy than anything?

Gynecology. He's a gynecologist. He uses his job as a beard, more or less. Yeah. And he's going to be played by Hugh Jackman for no particular reason. None at all. Well, the beard. Well, yeah, yeah.

Well, no reason at all. Hugh Jackman's a straight actor. He's a very straight actor. So his wife's name is Claire. And like Biff, Claire is also gay. But she figured no one would make a better beard than a male gynecologist because that guy must be obsessed with pussy. Yeah, he's going to cheat anyway. Exactly.

So he's a perfect, perfect beard. And she's played by Debra Lee Furness. So wait, beards are the male term. Is there a lesbian term? It works either way. Is there a lesbian term? It works either way. Is there a lesbian beard? Like Charlotte Hornets fit it in cargo shorts. What?

Jason Kidd jersey and long and one. I think beard works regardless of gender. And so she's going to be played by Debra Lee Furness. You guys know know who that is not a clue oh let's see jackman's wife in real life oh okay again no particular reason yeah yeah and he has three they have three daughters the oldest is kate and she's like the straight-laced one she has all the expectations of her parents and her younger siblings on her shoulders she's a senior in college when it starts and she's about to go start her semester in italy she's gonna be played by amanda knox in this particular series christ next is nicole nicole wants to be a doctor but she's like more carefree so she about to go start her semester in Italy. She's going to be played by Amanda Knox in this particular series. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Next is Nicole. Nicole wants to be a doctor, but she's more carefree, so she wants to go to the Caribbean. Oh, Jesus, Captain Jack. She just got a scholarship to medical school. She's going to the University of St. Lucia. We're bringing out Natalie Holloway to play her.

Yeah. Lastly, we got Brittany. She's a young, rambunctious kid who Claire wants to be a beauty queen one day. Basically, she's played by none other than the one and only JonBenet Ramsey, who's been held in cryostasis for this exact role. I am trying to think of what the punchline is here. What network is this on? We haven't decided yet. We're still pitching.

And they have one son, Teddy. Teddy's a sweet kid. Him and his dad don't get along, so he hangs out mostly with his uncle Steven more than anyone else. He's a big fan of Green Jeep Liberties, Bonfires, and Wrestling. We were lucky enough to get him on a work release program. That's Brendan Dassey. Probably won't play the song. Okay, so here's the base idea

for the show. We live in a time of sin. Right? And it seems today that all you see is violence in movies and sex on TV. Jesus Christ. Fuck off. One of those good old-fashioned values in which one needs to rely. Luckily, there is a family guy.

So what Biff wants to do to help out society is he's going to open up a fake abortion clinic. And basically people go in and they want to get a procedure from this trustworthy guy, Biff. Instead, it's really a place where they go and he talks to women. He tries to convince them to do something else instead. And when he's naming the clinic, he needs something to fool walk-ins and fool people searching on Google for real clinics like online. And so he figured, you know, gotta

borrow some branding from the most popular abortion pill in the entire world, Plan B. But instead of focusing on the plan, he wants to focus on the cause. So the name of this clinic is The Cause B. Here comes the name of this clinic is The Cause B. Oh, fuck! Here comes the name of our show.

The Cause B Show. Oh, fuck. That's really good. Goddamn. That must have taken you a long time to come up with. No, on the right here. That's good. Do you have an idea?

I'm going to start with the show and try to workshop it, reverse engineer it. Sure. It's either Bill and Ben's Island or Bill and Gin's Island. So Bill Cosby played by the guy who plays Stevie Janowski. Okay. And he's pounding down. And he's on a plane, and it's going I don't know where. And it crashes in the Caribbean. The only survivors are him. And this is where it becomes half animated, half live action.

Him, Ginger from As Told by Ginger. Yeah. Kim from Kim Possible. Eliza Thornberry. The kid. Pippi Longstocking. If Iippi Longstocking, Strawberry Shortcake. Can we use Tawny from Even Stevens? Tawny from Even Stevens.

Chucky Finster. Chucky Finster. Black Beans. No, he died on his back. Blood trauma, yeah. It was a disastrous crash. But Pebbles Flintstone also survived. I've never heard her full name

yeah and they get to this like deserted tropical island in the caribbean um and osama bin laden's hiding out there um and they try to self-govern and there's tension between group think and um what what else happens seal team six comes to save bill and well they they see osama and there is they're not happy with him there's other what else and they're like he's been messing with the wrong rockets wait so bill cosby is being played by the white guy from We Spound and Down? Bill Clinton. Oh, Bill Clinton. Okay. Oh, I thought you said Cosby. You definitely did say Cosby.

Did I? Yeah, the whole time. Oh, fuck. No, it was funnier. Bill Clinton would be more realistic. So you have Bill Clinton flying to a secret island where the flight log's okay here? Everything's hidden well? And then it turns into like the Lord of the Flies plot.

Oh, okay. Who's Piggy in this scenario? I've never... I've never... I've never... I've never... I've never... I've never... I've never... I've never... I've never... I've never... I've never... I've never... I've never... I've never... I've never... I've never... I've never... I've never... I've never... I've never... I've never... I've never... Who's Piggy in this scenario? I've never read the Lord of the Flies. Or it could be Bill and Gin's Island. And that would be Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Okay. And just hiding out on the island. And it's Bill and Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

And the island is called Ruth Conda? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Feel free to go completely off the script and riff with your thoughts. Wait, did you actually do that? Yeah. I thought it was going to be like feel free, the freedom of the band. No, no, no.

Read it like an ad. Do the whole thing like that like an ad. Yeah. Are you feeling like imprisoned by your clothes like they're either too tight or they're painful or like it's not fun to wear them it's more of a chore to get dressed yeah it is mine have been breaking yeah and that will happen and it's like you feel like you're a slave to dressing in the morning. Feel free to go completely off the script and riff with your thoughts on the brand. These starters and additional points are here to help guide you

and are not a requirement. With bare bottom clothing, let us know if there is any item you want to try out and we'll send it over. That was direct. That was for oh fuck okay it's a good copy damn you read that better than you do the real wax yeah i want to try bare bottom clothing does things differently they're not like the other guys they're not like the other guys you're not like the other guys you're different you actually that's the thing about me like i'm not like the other guys like you just gotta trust me

you gotta get to know me i never do this but you actually like make me comfortable like at first glance yeah i seem like a hard ass but i swear to god i'm the biggest fucking softy once you get to know me the craziest white boy tattoos but you're actually just like a teddy bear i'm yeah i'm like a big fucking teddy bear and like they just you gotta get to that point to know me the craziest white boy tattoos but you're actually just like a teddy bear yeah i'm like a big fucking teddy bear and like they just you got to get to that point to know me yeah that's my toxic trait is i fall too hard and often i love too deeply and that's the thing like at first glance you're like who's this cold rough yeah i bet he gets all kinds of girls you just got to get to know me that's the thing sass's toxic trait is that he focuses on getting the girls to orgasm before he does

that's so fucked up my toxic trait is i'm fucking just a really good kisser my toxic trait is like it's just that's the thing like i'll just be i like i'll be hard as a rock on like i will i'm ready to go and girls are like no just keep kissing stay up here mine is that I do a really good put your hard hard cock back I like it yeah I'm sure it feels good but that kiss there's something about that

fucking kiss slide those bare bottom shorts back up and come back up to me just like yeah I get it I'm that fuck boy i'm like i get it but like honestly like shouldn't part of the challenge be trying to tame me that's perfect kyle promo cut um just go to bare bottom just go to bare bottom other girls coming though

i feel like they're like like i've never been afraid to lose a girl but when i met you and now like yeah like i i'm afraid but it's i am genuinely something about it like other girls they just showed up and it was like okay but when i found you it was on the principle that comfortable made to last men wear shouldn't cost you an arm and a leg um yeah we'll just go to this just go to bear block it's barebottomclothing.com it's B-E-A-R like the animal bottomclothing.com use the code ANUS

to get free shipping on your first order that's the thing about a guy like me I've never been afraid to get hurt until now I'm ready put it all on the line just stay with me stay with me tonight let me prove to you

let me fucking prove to you that i'm ready to take this dive because i never have been before it's it's a leap of faith and i couldn't see myself doing it with anybody else but you maybe you're not that rugged and tough it was just a shell i think i think my like my past has just kind of been my defense mechanism i know that sounds crazy and i'm not expecting you to even believe it but it's the truth it's the fucking truth and uh nick i fucked the sound guy from Cute Is What We Aim. He was my hall pass. Jeffrey, your cock might be bigger than mine. My girl came home one day and she's like,

look, I fucked this guy. It's the guy you were worried about. He does a really good Coach O impression. Oh, no. I got them all. I got Fallon, Saban, Coach O, all at the same time. All in one cock. What if I told you I fucked eight men?

You are distraught. Like, every negative emotion is going through your head. Your girlfriend not only cheated on you, she broke your trust, but she, like, she's a whore. A dirty, filthy whore. She's fucked two SEC coaches in one round. Wait. You fucked Gollum from Lord of the Rings and Stewie from Family Guy on the same night?

Okay, so first of all, they don't even like each other. How did you fuck Patrick Starr? And how'd you fuck they don't even like each other. How did you fuck Patrick Star and how did you fuck Fallon? They hate each other. Where were you? The comedy club. And always Owen Wilson for some reason. I was at the fucking laugh castle. Look, I fucked this guy.

He's a master magician. You know him on TikTok as Zach King. All right, so look closely. I'm going to fill this pussy up with my coffee. Three, two, one. Whoa! What is this?

Go to my page for the results. Want to see me make this condom disappear? Zach, does it always have to be a magic show? Zach, can we just fuck normally this time? Close your fucking eyes. We're going to play with perspective to make your pussy look really small

and my cock look really big. Zach, I have like literally 30 minutes before I have to get home to my boyfriend. Please. Can I please just cheat on my blogger boyfriend? Yeah, but first we have to cut a hole in the middle of this table. Why is your bed a green screen? Why are your sheets all green? What is this? is pepsi

pouring out of your iPhone how do you get this popcorn out of your phone do you have a cigarette and he just like

inhales from the outside he comes out what the fuck like fucking parched and he's like he pulls out his

iPhone he's coming and he's pulling out that that Rambo tape stuff that people pull out of their mouth yeah the coil he's pulling out that rainbow tape stuff that people pull out of their mouth. He's just pulling it out of his dick the whole time. She goes to freshen up in the bathroom,

looks in the mirror, and her reflection is just dabbing. Zach, look, I'm pregnant. He just sucks on her pussy and just spits out a baby. He busts on her back and he's like, he comes in her and she's like, told you not to come come in me and he's like oh fine he's like it like reverses it back into the head of his dick it does like the the rewind feature

into his mouth he's a come eater too zach did. Zach, did your magic trick malfunction? Why did it come back into your mouth? You're supposed to do the rewind trick. Zach. All right, stay right there. Stay right there. He runs closer to the camera and just cannonballs into her asshole. Three, two, one. I guess, Al.

Where the fuck is he? I think he's still in my ass. Where the fuck is he? I can hear him. Spread your fucking cheese. Come out here, pussy. They're fucking a week later. He's still in there.

The only thing in this room is this car and this tree. You go to fight him and he's tiny and he's just like... And he inflates himself. Like a Mario Party game. It's my size now. It's like R. Kelly's stuck in the closet, but instead it's Zach King stuck in the pussy. You're going to fight him and

it's just you two. You're just a street fight. He just pulls a gigantic mallet out of his pocket. Oh, fuck. Chinese finger traps your dicks together. What are you going to do now? Oh, baby. Don't tell me it was Zach King. Master illusionist.

You know, everyone calls me Zach, but your girl calls me. Fuck. Idiot. Oh, man. Wait, what is that? What is that? Bobby Valentino. It's time to stop, drop, and order a brand new shaving kit that they just launched.

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Your balls will thank you. I've been looking for the right ball gel for months. Yeah. I need something that doesn't burn. Another function of a ball gel. That's how you know you've got a a ball gel that's how you know you got a good ball gel there really is no shaver that you can actually shave

your balls with until now until now hey football head is that it move out move it football head probably gave him some football head after he used man's head he had 12 inch balls

football head football head after he used man's feet. He had 12-inch balls. Football head. What is that? Football head. She's real prude. Don't get me wrong. She's a real prude. Now, Olga. Whole different story.

She was a verge. Olga was the hotter. She was hot. That's the sound she would make. Olga. Olga. No. She was prim and proper. She was a school teacher's the sound she'd make. No, no, no. She was prim and proper.

She was a schoolteacher in Anchorage, Alaska, if I remember correctly. You remember exactly correctly. She was very depressed, suicidal even. What? Olga? What? I don't remember that at all. Olga Pataki.

I remember her crying. Her only episode. What's Pataki? Polish? Yeah. Yeah, something like that. Big Bob's Big Boss. Who do you think the biggest whore on Hey Arnold was?

I thought it was Olga this entire time. Who do you think the biggest slut on Hey Arnold and Hey Arnoldverse was? Olga popularized. The Arnieverse. Olga popularized like the sexy schoolgirl. Definitely, but she definitely was a prude. Her first episode is her getting engaged. She gets engaged she gets yeah what do you call it engaged to a sociopathic con man named doug lasham what an awesome show that's incredible this is just like somebody's life story like the

writer was like yeah this really bad this is really bad this is is my life. Who else? You were right about Anchorage. Was I right? Yeah. She got engaged episode one. Her first introduction was her getting engaged, and then the next episode is her becoming a student teacher in Anchorage. Her hall pass was for Caillou, right? Caillou, you bald fuck.

He's got the seriously hairless balls, not by choice. The best part about Hey Art, my my favorite part was how the fit. They were all in fourth grade, like Arnold and them in the fifth graders were like three times their size and also like adult German men. Yeah. Like Wolfgang and Ludwig. Yeah. They were three times their size. Yeah.

Oh, it's the monkey. They had like dick bulges. Yeah. Which episode? The Monkey Man episode, where he finds a, it's like basically an adult or teen superhero named Monkey Man, who's like very clearly like not mentally okay, and like he just gets picked on in school and quits school to become a monkey-styled superhero. Chocolate Boy was the best.

Oh, that was the next episode I was on before I had to come do this shit. Joey, Chocolate Boy was the little. Oh, that was the next episode I was on before I had to come do this shit. Joey, Chocolate Boy was the little, he kind of looked like the kid, but he was more like humanoid. And he was always in like vials of chocolate sauce. He was always in chocolate sauce. I think he was like the representation of a

crack baby. Yeah, that was another thinly veiled shot. Have you seen the South Park crack baby episode? Yeah, that was another thinly veiled shot. Have you seen the South Park crack baby episode? Yeah, where they fight him. Yeah, it's so funny. That was, again, another thinly veiled shot

by the Hey Arnold creators. And a socially, quote unquote, less than. They're fucked up. Oh, yeah. I'm trying to think who else they did.

We should just watch Hey Arnold. Yeah. Yeah, we should. We should go live and just watch one of the bedrooms watch Hey Arnold Yeah Yeah we should We should go live And just watch One of the bedrooms From Hey Arnold Was uh

Going vi-vi The other day It's always Arnold It's always Arnold Cause he had the skylight But like that shit would suck Cause your room would be So hot during the day

What was the conspiracy That he was gay? Gay Arnold? No Oh you know He was wearing a skirt What was the conspiracy that he was gay? Gay Arnold? No. Oh, he was wearing a skirt. No, it was a flannel one. A sick-ass look. One of the housemates, they live in like a rental.

A boarding house. Also, he could have pulled off a skirt if he wanted to. Wait, what? Gay Arnold? No, no. What does he live in? Gay Arnold? Yeah.

A boarding house. Oh. That is true. And a boarding house. Arnold? Yeah. A boarding house. Oh, that is true. And a boarding house. No, a boarding house. Gay Arnold would be cool, though. It would be all right. P-Ness 118.

And Stinky Peterson can keep his name. Yeah, he could keep his name. P-Ness. One 18-inch. It's one 18-inch penis. It's Wolfgang's. Instead of school. It was like, why is my dick

three inches like a normal fourth grader's