A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 241 - The Summer of Chris

Episode Date: June 4, 2021

|| A New Untold Story: Ep. 241 - The Summer of Chris || The boys discuss Chris, chick ass, and timid bullies! || Producer: OwenYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. Welcome back to A New Untold Story, presented by Dude Wipes. Dudes! We need to have a serious chat about your bathroom habits. It's time to quit shitty, scratchy toilet paper and switch to Dude Wipes. Dude Wipes are an extra-large, flushable wipe made with a plant-sourced fiber designed to give your anus a cleaner, more refreshing finish than TP after dropping a deuce out of your butt. Think about it.

When you wash your face, hands, or body, you use water to get yourself clean. So when it comes to the dirtiest thing we do, Kyle, which is? Taking a dump. Taking a dump. Why do we use dry toilet paper? No, not any longer. Use dude wipes. They will change your life, and your asshole will thank you.

You'll never look at an empty toilet paper roll the same way again be prepared for any situation with dude wipes they come in at home and on the go options you can find them at amazon walmart or target nationwide or on the go but we recommend you go to dudewipes.com and use code anus15 that's anus 15 for 15 off your entire order it's a good deal yeah and i was talking to one of my hygienic homies and he was like you anus 15 for 15% off your entire order. It's a good deal. Yeah. And I was talking to one of my hygienic homies and he was like, you don't have to wash your hands after this. Really?

Well, after you wipe with the dude wipes. Oh yeah. Cause the other side is also wet. You literally don't have to. Your hands will be cleaner than before you took your shit and wiped. Imagine your hands coming out from the crevice of your butt cleaner than when they came out. Yeah. And he pulled me aside to tell me this. So I this, so he had to get it off his chest.

Yeah. He told me to smell his hand. I was like, yeah, it smells good. He was like, guess what I just did? I was like, I don't know. He just wiped with dude wipes. Sprayed cologne on your hands? Yeah.

No. I just wiped my ass. Rubbed flowers all over him. Did you just rub a bunch of flowers in your fucking hands? Did you just catch a bouquet at a wedding? No. I just wiped my ass, though. Yeah. Yeah, a wedding? No. I just wiped my ass though. Yeah.

Yeah, he was. No. Anus15. A-N-U-S-1-5 15% off your entire order at dudewipes.com. That's your reply to what I'm going to say. No, you're just going to say, like, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? Fuck no, baby!

That's a new untold story. A new untold story. I went to the uh My toxic trait What's yours? Is that I'd let you Hurt me more If I get to have you longer My toxic trait is that I can't just fuck you soft

I have to fuck you As hard as I can and i'm not going to apologize for breaking your little pussy what do you mean breaking a shatter pussy shatter it i'll shatter pussy that doesn't even sound like cool or desirable no it feels uh no trust me it's like girls will come back like girls pass that information on so they'll go back to their friend groups and just be like, I went home with Nick. And they're like, oh, no, Nick.

We've heard about him. Is it true? He's like, yeah. It's irreparable. My pussy shattered. In pieces. Smothery. She'll pick up shards of pussy off the ground.

Did you cum? No, it broke. Immediately. Yeah, you shattered it No, it broke. Immediately. Yeah, like you shattered it. Yeah. You have any other toxic traits? When I fall, I fall fucking hard.

I don't think that's a toxic trait. Toxic traits, when people always say my toxic trait, it's always like a brag. It's a big brag, yeah. My toxic traits, I care too much about my friends. My toxic trait is that my dick is enormous, but it still doesn't hurt when I'm fucking.

Like, it won't hurt you, but you'll notice how big it is. That's my toxic trait. My toxic trait. I can't even speak. We unironically are friends with well we just know a guy who's like the worst person ever and he just tweeted out of nowhere just like i fucking love tipping big to waitresses i was like what what up what dude yeah fuck you i fucking love my toxic trait is that i tip so big my toxic trait is that I'm racist.

No, no, that's not how it works. Yeah, I guess my toxic... It makes racism sound like innocent. Just be like, yeah, I'm going to just say that, my toxic trait. The next time somebody gets in trouble for using a slur, just be like, yeah, it's my toxic trait. Oh, okay. Oh, it's their toxic trait. There's no retort. My toxic trait is i guess i'm i guess

i'm fucking racist oh my toxic trait i hate i i only like people that look like me color wise yeah yeah i guess that is i guess that's toxic yeah my toxic trait is i just hate disabled people i just see them on the street you you know, just it's on sight. Every time. I just take a sledgehammer to ramps in the middle of the night. You know, that's just me. Me and my homies would go out and break ramps all the time. Ramps, yeah.

You want to go break some ramps tonight? Yeah, we'll bring them home. Yeah, we'll skateboard on them. We vandalize the entire prosthetics factory. Arson in the prosthetic factory. The first thing when I Google my toxic trait is, I can have my heart ripped out, stomped on, and shoved down my throat, and I'd still be there for that person if they needed me.

That doesn't seem toxic. No, it's never toxic. Yeah, like, they're not even traits. They're just things. It's like people on Twitter, they don't know what unpopular means, what opinion means. They don't know what toxic means. They don't know what trait means. Yeah.

They just adopt that. There's always like a viral tweet that's like unpopular opinion, but like McDonald's actually slaps. It's like it's the most popular restaurant in the world. Yeah, it literally is. That's like somebody calling themselves a geek because they like star wars the most profitable movie franchise of all time yeah you're a real nerd real underground shit real underground shit my toxic trait is that i discriminate based on skin no they're not racist just like a toxic trait my okay my toxic trait is that um i like wake up on time like early enough but then i lie in bed until i'm like late

yeah and then yours what is yours yeah i guess my toxic trait is that like i just i guess i like just don't respect black people. Okay. Okay. Yeah. My toxic trait is that I've picked up and murdered over 30 prostitutes along I-95. Oh, yeah. That's his toxic trait. It's just my toxic trait.

I have two. One is that I care too much. And then my second one is that I think women are inferior. Okay, mine is that I know how to love, but I don't know how to believe I'm loved. That's so toxic. That is so toxic. I told you I went to that American Dream mall. My toxic trait is that I got raped.

I was 12. Yeah, don't hang around with them. They're toxic. They got raped when they were a kid. Jesus Christ. Yeah, don't hang out with them. They're a bad egg. They were.

They're a real bad egg. In a way, that's true, but... Oh, honey, don't hang around with him. Did you hear what happened when he was a boy? He's a bad egg. Got molested. He's fucked up. No, I went to the American Dream Mall.

Which one is that? It's the giant one in Jersey. What do they call it? It's in the Meadowlands. Oh, okay. They claimed it was a huge failure, right? One of the biggest commercial failures of all time. Well, I went just to get Auntie Anne's, and they just were...

First off, let me stop you there. Why? I like Auntie Anne's. I like a cinnamon sugar pretzel nib. Okay. You probably had to park and walk for 20 minutes just to get to that Auntie Anne's. No, wrong. I had to take a 30-minute train, and then I had to take a 20-minute Uber.

Okay. And then they just had Wetzel's pretzels. Oh, my God. Yeah. But I went with Jeff D. Lowe. He was really excited to go because he loves shit like that. Okay, that all makes sense. First of all, it does suck.

It's a horrible, horrible mall. But they have two theme parks in it. They have a Shrek water park and a nickelodeon nickelodeon universe which has like roller coasters and stuff in the mall and uh everybody having a water park in a mall everybody was soaking wet just like in spencer gifts just like yeah you come right from the water park just wet because they would go do that first and then go shop. And that is like the worst idea ever. Well, the people who attend and go to water parks are like from a different dimension.

They're creatures that you won't see in any other public place besides like maybe a bowling alley or a county fair. They emit radiation the way they look. They are – It's ironic because it's the place where you have to take your shirt off as a male or show as much skin as possible. And when you're at a water park, you always see – The freshest wounds. An overload of physical anomalies, surgical scars. There's lumpy-ass people. They just have lumps. And there's always lumps and divots

and they're always like a couple. A lump will always be coupled up with a divot with a disgusting ass kid as well. Or a lesion with a dent. Yeah, then there's a wound with a sore. You had open heart surgery yesterday. And now you're celebrating at the fucking

Blue Tube Aluba. The Blue Tube Aluba Sandcastle. Yeah, but this was a Shrek theme park, water park. And it was just like weird branding. Like, whenever theme parks get the branding for something, it's still the same roller coaster, but they'll just be like, yeah, now this is like the donkey's slide.

Okay, well there's like Disney bought Disney buying like Star Wars, and now they have Star Wars roller coasters. Universal has Harry Potter. Six Flags had Warner Bros. or something. Do you remember... This is a throwback. Do you remember the Summer of Chris in Pittsburgh?

Yeah, there were two Summer of Chrises. No, no, no. The first Summer of Chris was 08 or 07. Yeah, 8th grade. And so our Pittsburgh has a really rinky-dink amusement park called Kennywood. It was the plot of Adventureland with Ryan Reynolds. The actual place, yeah. Ryan Reynolds.

Adventureland is on Long Island. No, no, no. A movie Adventureland. Yeah. That's based off the place in Long Island. Right, but it was filmed at this Pittsburgh park. It was filmed at this place that we thought it was the best. I thought it was like Disneyland.

They had that theme park, and then they had a water park nearby called Sandcastle. Sandcastle was weird because it was right in between a really polluted river. Sandwich in between the Monongahela, which was dark brown. Disgusting. It was maybe the most polluted river in America. The consistency of Aunt Jemima. That had the most disgusting people there. The sandcastle.

That's where I got... They had the most... Half of the people looked like the Ephialtes from 300. Just strange-shaped humans. I remember there was a biggest splash competition, and you could not judge which direction these weird-shaped people splashed. They had inverted splashes. The splashes would go underwater instead of up.

Yeah, they were shaped so weird that the splashes would go down underwater. Yeah, it was just like, yeah, that was like... Abrasion, scars, everything. It was disgusting. Bumping into them in the wave pool was disgusting. These rides rule. The steel curtain, Noah's Ark.

You're looking it up. So you're looking at the rides now. So they bought the rights, so just much like this nickelodeon universe in the america was it was ridiculous they it was called the summer of chris they bought the rights to everybody hates chris and it made no sense because that that you can't market that to theme park goers in any way or kids and it's just it it was so strange because they tried to copy the Disney World method of just having Mickey in costume, and it was just like they had Chris walking around.

But yeah, Chris Rock never stepped foot on... Nor did the actor that played boy him. It was just like sophomores from Taylor Alderdice High School who were like skinny. Yes. And unpaid. And I'm trying to think of, I remember the ads. It was just like Kennywood.

It's going to be the Chris-ists. Yeah, your summer's about to get a little more Chris. No, they were like, we're going to Chris your world. Yeah. And I was like, you could have used rock your world. And that would have played perfectly. And then they like rebranded the ride. Your World. And that would have played perfectly. And then they rebranded the ride.

So the ride, The Phantom's Revenge. Was that just called? They couldn't quite understand puns. At all. So it was like The Phantom's Chris. And then they called their hot dogs Hot Chris. Hot Chris. Like Chris Dog would have been way better. I mean, or you could have just called it, like, the Chris meal.

But they did have the Chris-ing booth. But that was weird because it was like a photo booth, not a kissing booth. So they didn't even get that right. And you just sat in there with, like, an African-American teen getting paid, like, $4.50 an hour that has the build of teenage Chris Rock. The same, like, physique. Kind of? He's as skinny as Chris Rock. 450 an hour that looks has the build of teenage chris rock the the same like physique like kind of as he's as skinny as chris and you just do not look like and he would just like i guess say a catchphrase from the show i don't even know one it was just a picture so you got a picture so it just says mouth like in the middle of saying something oh yeah and you were just sitting in

the christening booth fucking what else that only lasted like two months. And they were like, yeah, this doesn't work. No, because they tried it again the next summer. They doubled down. What year was this? 7 or 8. The show was almost over at that point. I think the show ended in like 09. I don't know when it ended.

So they got the rights at the tail end of the show. It was a colossal failure. But then they doubled down the next summer because Kennywood also has a water park called Sandcastle that we were talking about. And they hopped on. I remember the ad. It was just like, you thought last summer was Chris? Well, this summer is about to get a whole lot more Chris. And it was the rapper.

I remember the commercial was like a kid like boarding class. And it was like the countdown to summer. commercial was like a kid like bored in class. And it was like the countdown to summer. He was looking out the window. And did he like write a note to a girl? Yeah, he was like, will you – I forget what it was. Will you go on a – it was like, yes. Will you go out with me this summer? Yes.

Yes. No. And then Chris. And there was a box that said Chris. And she checked that and handed it back to him. And then the alarm rang at the end of the school day. It was like you heard the clock and everybody was just looking. It was just tick, tick, tick. And then the alarm rang at the end of the school day. It was like you heard the clock and everybody was just looking.

And then it like zooms in on the school bell. But the bell made like it went like Chris. Yeah. They just like inserted Chris into everything. But it wasn't everybody hates Chris at Sandcastle. They got the rapper Hurricane Chris. It was Hurricane Chris at Sandcastle. And um the rapper hurricane hurricane chris and so it was there was hurricane chris at sandcastle and then everybody hates chris at kennywood and what were i'm trying to think of the attractions because i went for my birthday on hurricane chris had like a residency

he did a celebrity lifeguard for like a week but then he did a residency that's another thing we they renamed the they renamed the wave pool which is they called it hurricane chris but then this his section of the park was called a bay bay bay right yeah it was it was a bay bay bay and it was just like a little man-made pond yeah and he was just there used water from the monongahela river yeah it was gross and they're just like you never went there yeah. But he did a celebrity. They experimented previous years with celebrity lifeguards. That was the best part. That was the worst part. Very dangerous.

Oh, the wave pool. The wave pool having celebrities. That was the most dangerous thing I've ever been in or to or at. It was disgusting. It was like 10 feet deep and it was dense. It was the only wave pool I've ever been to, so I don't know. It was always congested and there was like fried Oreos floating around. There was always fried Oreos floating in the wave pool.

They let you buy the VIP tube where you got to eat. Having a tube in a wave pool, I don't know if that's normal. Ken Jack, have you ever been to other wave pools? Yeah, of course. Do they give you inner tubes? They gave us like a donut tube. This is at Splish Splash Water Park in Riverhead, which may have closed by now. But they give us a big tube.

But like you had to buy it. Rent it, I guess. You had to rent it. So there were other kids that didn't get tubes. So if you went underwater, it would almost be like you went under ice. You were just drowning and you were like scratching and flying, trying to pull people's tubes. I had like a near-death experience. My buddy, like the lifeguard, had to jump in but like he was saved himself because it was a celebrity it was fucking like uh

it was fucking rupert grint that was like as our ron weasley but they weren't allowed to say that because they didn't have the rights to harry potter so it was just like rupert grint night and i remember it was him and like chevy woods yeah it was like yeah it was him and, like, Chevy Woods. Yeah, it was like, yeah, it was so fucking strange. But then they, the summer of Chris 2, he would go perform, like, songs at A-Bay Bay. It was, like, right next to the Blue Tuba Luba, which was insanely dangerous. And I think, oh, fuck. I'm trying to just remember, other i remember the pit the remember the pittsburgh plunge it was the real wet one yeah they called it the pittsburgh chris

didn't they call like it could have been the chrisburg the chrisburg plunge would have been better but they called it the the log flume was named after the other guy from everybody hates chris yeah they called it the Terry Crews. Yeah. C-R-U-I-S-E, which was way better. They finally got that one right. Kind of. That was just the name of the man. I think they had to freelance someone with a master's degree to figure that one out.

Yeah, they hired Bailey Carlin to write that one. Terry Crews pun. What else was some, like, you went more often than I did because I'm afraid of roller coasters You guys apparently had an entire Thomas the Tank Engine section Yeah they did Ah yeah

Cranky's Drop Tower That was the kid world Yeah they did get the rights To Thomas the Tank Engine later on The Jackrabbit The Jackrabbit the Racer The X-Terminator Everybody Skates Chris

Everybody Skates Chris That was a skating rink They had an outdoor You know those fake ice r there's, like, fake ice rinks. And they advertised that it was, like, the biggest Chris Rock shaped ice rink. It was the shape of his head. But it was just a fucking oval. It was, like, it was a little bit more inconvenient than just an oval. It, like, tapered a little bit.

But they advertised, like, you could, like, everybody skates Chris. You can now skate on Chris Rock's head. Yeah. It worked. This summer, summer of 2008, you thought last summer was Chris? It's about to get a whole lot. They didn't even say

Chris, or they said more Chris. More. I think Charlie Batch or Tommy Maddox did a commercial. lot and they didn't even say chris or they said more craig i think like charlie batch or was it or he was at like the ribbon cutting the backup the third string quarterback charlie bat showed up he was he was in his defense like one of the more famous third string quarter when it comes to like he did it right like he used to come to our school and just like he would give be like a motivational speecher which like what what are you doing i think you would just shoot free throws yeah yeah like he's a football player but can make free throws free throws

down the whip chris he did say that in the commercial did he say that in the commercial down ready set chris chris In the commercial. Did he say that in the commercial? Ready, set, Chris. Set, Chris. Kenny Woods, Summer of Chris, part two. Remember the cover bands? Oh, so they had, what was like, okay, I do remember that. There was like a stage at Kenny Woods in between like the Arrow 360. It was like in that slingshot ride. So it was like right in front of the lake 360 it was like in that slingshot right so it was like right in front of the lake it was a good spot they paid a lot of money for the rights to everybody hates chris because i think it was like the top sitcom on like the cw or whatever so they really milked

every cent that they paid yeah so they even made like the cover bands rebranded it was like they called it chris and roll night Could have been Rock and Chris Rock. Or no, they said Rock and Chris maybe? They could have just made it Chris Rock and Roll. Or just Rock and Roll Night. It was damn near intentional.

It was so fun. It was ridiculous, but they had cover bands. They had rock cover bands. So I just remember they had a Kiss cover band, but they painted their face like Chris Rock,

which was very problematic. And instead of calling Kiss, they were just Chris with two S's. Yeah. I remember that one. They just painted, they had their face like Chris Rock, which was very problematic. And instead of calling Kiss, they were just Chris with two S's. I remember that one. They just painted it like they had Chris face. Yeah, Chris facing. Remember A Chris, D Chris? Yeah, I remember.

Yeah, Detroit, Chris City. I want to Chris and roll all night. Chris Gunn. Yeah, Detroit, Chris City. I want to Chris and roll all night. Chris Gunn. Yeah, they were crushing it. Back in Chris. Chris and Black, maybe. Thunder Chris. I remember the park was a lot more open.

The lines were way shorter because all of of like the racist pittsburgh residents just like boycotted they hated that all right fine we'll deal we'll deal with chris rocks yeah we'll go to ida wild fuck you guys i'm part of the set list we will chris you yeah uh chris you like a hurricane yep i love chris and chris what else we got oh yeah for those about to chris we chris we chris you chris you What else we got? For those about to Chris We Chris you For those about to Chris For those about to Chris We Chris you

They just replaced every word with Chris For those about to Chris I Want a Chris and Chris. Oh, Chris. Back in Chris. You've been Chris. They didn't even have the syllable count.

They just did it. Chris. Yeah, the summer of Chris. They had a Chris climbing wall, which is kind of cool. Yeah, they did. I remember they called Sandcastle. It's the fucking... They put all their eggs in the Hurricane Chris basket, which is not a good thing to do. He had like

He had A-Bay Bay. Yeah, he had A-Bay Bay. So they got the A-Bay Bay Bay in, but he didn't have anything else. I think they just were like, okay, Hurricane is an aquatic thing. He has a song called A-Bay Bay. Let's get him. Yeah, that's all they did. They thought he was like, and they thought his genre was like aquatic rap.

Aquatic rap? Yeah, it was like aquatic rap. Like, no. Disaster rap. Weather rap. Yeah, he was weather rap. And then after they lost him, they just tried to market it as the Typhoon Lagoon of Allegheny County. I was like, you could just say the only water park in the state.

You don't need to advertise. I'm on a highway to Chris. I think they said, no, they said, I'm on a Chris to Chris. I'm on a Chris way to Chris. No think they said, no, they said, I'm on a Chris to Chris. I'm on a Chris way to Chris. No, just not even way. Just I'm on a Chris to Chris. I'm on a Chris to Chris. Yeah.

Yeah, you're right. I think it might have been easier for them. A Chris, D Chris ruled. It might have been easy for them to get either fish or real big fish on board than hurricane chris like they're they're not that they're all equally they wanted to appeal to like the younger generation and like at the time looking at his trajectory you're gonna think hurricane chris had the trajectory of jay-z yeah okay which they should have gotten him the jay the jay-z river would have been made a lot more sense that was the chris's yet. We all agreed.

Wait until next year. We did not see that coming. I'll be the first to admit that. I was torn between Taylor Gang and the summer of Chris. Yeah. You had to decide quick. If you were around Pittsburgh, it's like either Taylor Gang or die, or I go to A-B-A-B.

Do I listen to Kush and Norton juice or just immerse myself in Chris. And then it was, what did I choose? I saw, I saw you at hurricane Chris, the wave pool, not the way, but the celebrity guest lifeguards was a terrible idea.

In theory, it got people in the door, but they, but I don't even think they could like, some of them could legally save you. Like, I don't think like they try, you know, in the door, but I don't even think they could legally save you. I don't think... You know the prank videos where it's a celebrity

as your Uber driver? Yeah. They tried to do this huge production where it was a celebrity guest life card. You didn't know it until they saved you.

Yeah. They saved you. He would wipe the zinc off his nose and you were like they saved you oh like wipe the zinc off his nose you're like oh i'm rupert grint all right thanks for saving disorient it oh fuck yeah yeah but they try to get like uh i remember i think i went it was like zachary quinto who's from pittsburgh and he was yeah and it was just like he was trying to be undercover and like heroes what year did heroes come out uh i would say 2005 okay so he was like kind of like known it was before star trek after heroes and it was just like he went back he always

talks about going back to pittsburgh but uh he was back for the celebrity lifeguard and he had like so much zinc on his nose but you could just tell it was like him yeah we knew it was like you're zachary quinto you knew you either knew it was him immediately or you just don't know who he is yeah that's it there was just like there was no reveal there was no shocking yeah you can't reveal if it's just you know them or not you're like you're wearing less clothes than a disguise like i'm going to be in disguise by like being just wearing shorts i found a drink menu from your guys' time there. They had like a whole, I guess they had a bar there.

Yeah. At this place. You could get, if you really wanted, they have like a nice vodka there. They called it Secris. I wasn't old enough to. Secris on the bar menu. I was not old enough to drink. That makes sense.

But you could get it straight or you could get it on the Cris. On the Cris. Yes, on the Cris. You're like, what the fuck does that mean? Yeah, I guess I can get it on the Chris. On the Chris. Yes, on the Chris. You're like, what the fuck does that mean? Yeah, I guess I'll get it on the Chris. Chris was just like any now. I remember the gift shop tried to like sell like the wardrobe from the show, but it was just like normal. Yeah, they just wore different outfits of that time period.

Yeah, it was just like, okay, you bought like a striped t-shirt and a green vest. I'm at a Gabe's right now. Yeah, it felt like I was at a Gabriel Brothers. Not your souvenir gift shop. It didn't even have any like branding on it. It was just like,

wear what Chris wears. Wow, I'm at a water park. I'm not gonna wear this sweater. It's fucking... Dude, it's too Chris. Like, we gotta go. Yeah, yeah like we gotta beat the my one complaint we should leave it's almost uh rush how we gotta beat the go beat the chris yeah it's and it where we all started just like interchanging every now and with chris yeah

it was the summer came our vernacular even when i Sandcastle, it was the summer of Chris. It was the Chris of Chris. It was the Chris, Chris, Chris. We started getting verbs and pronouns. Yeah, you could tell what word you meant by the inflection of the way you said Chris. It wasn't, do you want to go to Sandcastle? It was like, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris. And how would you respond Chris

Chris Chris Chris 2011 for me I think was the summer we did this thing where we'd say that's a neck so when someone said something stupid you slap them on the neck that was just you not even a regional thing that was just you you could Not even a regional thing That was just you

No but here's the thing though You could You could pinpoint that To like your address That was regionally specific To your bedroom Yeah the only people That would do it

Was other people to me Like they would let me Do it to other people I would say something dumb And be like that's a neck And smack me right in the neck I don't That's a neck

I said Lego Like in 2010 Cause I think there was Like a rap song That like started Like with that Like Lego Yeah Lego Lego what was that fuck apple bottom nah that was you that was not it lego dun dun lego what was that that was when like the cool

thing was like speeding up sad songs and like doing the chipmunk voice and making it a rap. Yeah. I remember like, if I die young, bury me and say, lay me down. Yeah. He made,

he put chipmunk. I fucked with Roscoe Dash too. Yeah, you did. Remember Roscoe Dash? He wore like glitter in his hair. He wasn't sick with it. He was so sick with it. Whatever is popular in music

always changes, but you know what stays the same? What's that? Uh, a timeless t-shirt okay like the i love new york that's iconic no no no like a solid like the salty dog men's fashion staple the plain t-shirt the hard rock half a refined plain t-shirt with premium quality oh one that doesn't shatter to pieces like a pussy like a pussy it doesn't do that well let me introduce you to cuts shirts cuts has shirts polos hoodies and crew sweatshirts that are made for for a man who works hard plays hard and never settles for less so all

of us pretty much um and they're all in the sport of business built for performance in the boardroom the bar or the gym cuts clothing keeps you sharp wherever the game takes you. Oh, fuck. I'm at the boardroom and my shirt keeps... I'm going to do it again. You're going to do it again. Go ahead. My shirt keeps breaking.

How do I prevent this? Well, here. They have a simple formula. And I'm reading this verbatim. Take a plain tea, but make it Tony Stark. Oh, no. The bleeding edge of fabric technology meets the man confident enough to wear it. Cuts clothing.

Is that not enough? I actually do. They sent us a care package, and I've been wearing the shirts. I do like them a whole lot. I don't feel like Tony Stark, but I do feel like myself in a good shirt. Okay. Let's have wars with them, like airsoft gun wars, except we're just throwing cut shirts at each other.

You like talking history about wars? Let me tell you something. In 2016, the Cuts founder, Steve Borelli, set out to create clothes ready for every occasion the modern man faces. He started reinventing the T-shirt. The end result? the modern man faces. He started reinventing the t-shirt.

The end result? Well, the end result was what GQ Magazine calls the only shirt worth wearing. Did they? Really? Yeah. That's a bold statement for them. It's not that bold when you feel the signature buttery soft P-Y-C-A. Oh.

Nope, it says pronounce that P-E-C-A. The signature buttery soft P-E-C-A. P-E-C-A is the disorder when you eat shit that you peel you peel paint chips off the ground it's pika okay this is pika pika uh it's it's buttery they have pika pro it's a tri-blend tea it's a bold new take on a classic design combining the ultimate blend of high quality polyester and spau. I just ate my shirt. That's fine. These are edible. You never need to take it off. It's wrinkle-free,

and it keeps you fitted for the office, the golf course, the home, the gym, or your next hot date. And guess what? You may think these are really fucking expensive.

They are. They're reasonably, yeah, they're pretty high up there. They're well-priced. But guess what? You can get 15 15 off your first order by going to cutsclothing.com slash anus that's cuts clothing c-u-t-s-c-l-o-t-h-i-n-g dot com slash a-n-u-s is that you typing it in it's me pecking on my keyboard i'm like i'm beat i'm a like a senile like early stage dementia, typing it into my big fucking computer, and I'm going to buy a shirt.

What are you typing in? Cutsclothing.com slash anus. For 15% off the only shirt that's worth wearing. You got to do it. It's office leisure apparel for the sport of business, baby. Hi, I'm Karen Kay Dixon. I'm Riggs. I mean, realistically, he couldn't have said anything different.

Nope. That was the most appropriate thing he could have said. And you're cracking up. He could have said it. You're laughing at his namesake. He could have said and. Yeah, laughing at his namesake. He could have said and. Yeah, I think that's it. Hi, I'm Keira K. Dixon.

I'm Riggs. Hi, I'm Keira K. Dixon. I'm Riggs. And. You don't need a conjunction. Why do you need the word and? It's already because you want second it's a different voice i'm riggs i'm riggs what do you mean

i don't know what the fuck what does it mean i'm riggs i'm tyke redmond and i'm a remember tyke redmond what was he a the pirate center fielder he was a celebrity celebrity lifeguard and he wasn't even like one of like the bottom tier celebrities it got much lower than him i remember i think cowers nephew bill cowers tyke redmond was one we went there he i don't think and i can't stress enough that this wave pool had celebrity guest lifeguards in an already way too congested and way too dangerous way too powerful and deep wave pool it was like 12 feet 12 feet deep and the wave pool was just way too there was no like there was no age limit there was no maximum capacity so you're just

just it's dog it was it was of lord of the flies you had to like pop people's tooth it was the tyke redmond law uh weekend we went with garrett labrosse it was his party it was his party he had the party and they advertised like the invitations were like party at sandcastle water park yeah we've come to find out it was just the parking yeah that's where sandcastle was they didn't they didn't find out it was just the parking lot. Yeah, that's where his party was. It was Sandcastle Park. They didn't pay. Yeah, it was like Sandcastle Park was what the lot was. So the non-poors went in afterwards.

Actually, we called our parents up and they got us in. And the poors just hung out in the parking lot? Which they could have done it anywhere else near their house? It was a flat area for sure. Okay, but I know where you're going with this. We were with... Where?

It was the Tyke Redmond lifeguarding, and then we went really far out with Garrett and one other guy, Shelton. Okay. What happened to Garrett? Who was it? In the wave pool, something happened to him. It was when the waves were the most pool. Something happened to him.

The waves were the most intense. Yeah, it was like they sounded that alarm. And then like... Oh, he fucking drowned. Oh, he drowned to death. To death. Yeah, he died. That's what it was. Yeah.

He fucking died. We had him... Yeah. Just left. I think we put his initials on our lockers or something. I guess. Afterwards. Afterwards. GL.

Shelton, nothing happened to him. He was a daredevil. Yeah, he was good. He was crawling under tubes. I think he may have accidentally killed other people. Yeah, it happened all the time. Tyke couldn't swim well at all. Well, no, he couldn't swim well.

But they didn't know they were supposed to save people. No, they thought it was just more of a photo op. You sit in this. It's like an honorary degree from college. Like, you get it. They're not expecting you to perform surgery. Exactly. You're not an alumni because you have an honorary degree.

But they were just like, yeah, we paid so much money. You're doing the job. Carter Huffman still claims to this day that he got he lost his virginity in the wave pool i bumped into him he didn't no maybe accidentally yeah no but no not accidentally no it didn't happen but i bumped into him recently and he's still always wegging. We're 28 years old, 29, and he's still doing that whole thing where he's bragging about his sex capades. Yeah, it's pathetic. Yeah, it's like we get it. I know him kind of.

You're way close with him. And still, when I see him out, he won't even be like, hey, what's up? He'll just be like, dude. Yeah, he's always like, dude, last night. And he looks at you, he shakes his head, smirks, and he's like, he needs you to say, oh, what happened this time, Huffman? And it would just be like, dude, don't get any closer. Like, I haven't showered since last night, and I went home with somebody, and let's just

say my dick smells like ass. And then I look at him, and I'm just like, what? You want to? And then he realized the mistake he made. He was like, whoa, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, dude. No, no, no, no.

My dick smells like chick ass, dude. It's chick ass. And I'm just like, yeah? Does it? Let me smell it. And then he's like, no, no, no, no, no. Because he was afraid. He thought it was the ultimate safe. Like, no, it was chick ass. And I'm just like, yeah, it does it. Let me, let me smell it. And then he's like, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, and then like and then like he was like I hung around with him because I didn't know many other people at the bar and he was like bumping into other people he's like does it smell like chick ass are you guys smelling chick ass right now I kept saying chick ass you could just say

I fucked a girl in her ass that would have ended it there we get it yeah he had to go that route it reeks of chick ass around my dick

do you guys smell that coming from my dick I think it of chick ass around my dick. Do you guys smell that coming from my dick? I think it's chick ass. Ken Jack, you're our guest producer today. Do you have any TikToks that would play over a podcast? You showed me the really nervous Dom guy. Yeah, nervous Dom. He's not like Dom Torreto. He's a dominant. Is that what it stands forous Dom. He's not like Dom Toretto.

He's a Dominant. Is that what it stands for? Yeah. He's not a Dominatrix. He's the Dom. Doms and subs. The name. Oh, which one is he?

He's Dom. He's Dom. His name is Dom. No. He's a Dom. I'll just say Dominic or Dom is a very confident name as well. It is. Very true.

Yeah. There's no nervous people named Dom. But this guy's a nervous, a timid dominatrix. A very timid Dom. A Dom. Not a dominatrix, but just a Dom. He's a dominant. Oh, that's what that means.

He likes to dominate women and sexual partners, whatever they may be. But he's very nervous and very scared all the time. So it sounds like he's about to cry whenever he does these videos where he demonstrates how to get down. And he's doing videos. Yeah. All right, so that's the ultimate paradox. Exactly. He's wearing like a big suit.

Show me the screen. Shut the fuck up. On your knees. Now. She's got a degrading kink. Try this on her. So he's like, shut the fuck up. Okay.

I gotta do this. Get off my lap. We're at work. Holy shit. time yeah what the fuck have i told you about bringing people over here huh i don't give a fuck if we know him holy shit he's like beating the fuck out of the camera what the fuck are you wearing no i said the red one not the blue look at me you think that's gonna why must you always disobey me huh no? No, he's like nervous to play this character Probably because he's at like a semi-public place Yeah, he was in like a target Is he getting positively reinforced by this? Like are girls thinking that's sexy?

What are the comments? The comments are mostly like You're a weirdo, we don't like you And then he like makes videos every now and then Where it's him saying like Like yeah, you guys call me a weirdo But you know, it's just my toxic traits I'm a a dom along those lines my toxic trait is that i will hit you i will physically the closer i get to you the more aggressive i become my toxic trait

that's like one of the worst things you could be though and be like nervous about a nervous he's like very nervous about having a short fuse and just like snapping on women yeah physically on your fucking knees you disobey me I'm not gonna like what I become a really anxious gas lighter like that was actually your fault

like do you do that was your fault no no I'm sure like I'm sure, like, I'm sure, like, you sound so crazy. Like, you know you're being crazy right now, right? Like, I never said that. Did you hear yourself? I never.

Do a nervous gaslighter, Kyle. A nervous gaslighter. I don't even know what it means anymore. It's been so warped by. Gaslighting is just fucking hoes. Yeah, getting laid. The coolest dudes are gaslighters. Yeah, I think that is my toxic trait.

You gaslight or you're a cool dude? I guess my toxic trait is that I'm like a cool-ass dude. Gaslighting is... I don't know. Couldn't tell you. Hands in the air, gun to my fucking skull. I swear to Christ, Father, Son, Holy Ghost, I couldn't tell you what gaslighting means. Hands far in the air.

I'm sure I've done it. I'm sure I'm good at it. What does it mean, Jack? Gaslighting or being cool dudes, though, we're talking about. What does it mean? To fit, To gaslight? It's to emotionally manipulate someone It's their fault

Yeah, cool dude Mutually inclusive terms here Gaslighter and cool dirt Cool dirt You don't even know how to describe one You're so uncool You can't say the word dude I'm so nervous about you You're so uncool you can't say the word dude. I'm so nervous about you.

You're so uncool that you can't say dude. I'm a timid dude. You can't even say it. I can't say it. You barely got that one out. I'm a real cool dirt. I look at the smudged writing on my hand. I'm like, I'm a cool dirt.

What's the funniest type of person to be timid? A rapper? A timid rapper. Bully would be bad a bully hey give me your fucking lunch money he's like wait what i said give me your fucking give me your fucking lunch money i just want to cram you in this i want to cream you you say this is sorry i just couldn't hear you I'm sorry I said give me your fucking lunch money

or else I'm gonna fucking cream you you're gonna cream me did I fucking are you bullying are you trying to bully me right now did I fucking

alright hold on why aren't you looking at me hold on there's people looking I said okay I'll wait no go ahead

take your time I said give me your fucking what ahead Take your time Can you please Just look at me When you talk It's weird Look at me When you threaten To cream me

I get lunch money Right now Fucking Fucking pussy What the fuck Does lunch money Even mean I have some cash

It's not Mutually exclusive But lunch shut up shut up the bell's about to ring hurry give me your fucking money i don't get the bell's about to fucking ring give me your fucking money why are you scurrying away are you gonna like get it from me or do you want me to chase you and give it to you it's really hot in here. Yeah, you're sweating profusely. Alright, nerd. You fucking asked for it, fucking nerd. Your ass is mine. Do it, your ass is mine, except in that voice, but like a voice crack at the end of mine.

You better give me your fucking money or you better give me your money or else we're gonna have a real problem fucking nerd your ass is mine your ass is gonna be your ass is gonna be mine it's either you give me the money or i take it from you fucking pussy what are you what are you looking at he actually wants to know what you're looking at what are you looking at pussy seriously what are you looking at are you on the the side of the argument where if like someone's like an aging virgin like late 20s, just get a hooker or just get a prostitute? Are you on that? It depends on where you go for the prostitute. Because every city has different genres, styles of hooker. So it's, what is it?

Atlantic City is the cheapest. Cheap prostitutes. Miami is the hottest. Hottest. Vegas, they have the longest pussies and then reno reno yeah reno has very very meek prostitutes they have like the meekest hookers the meekest real meek hookers what do you mean like they're shy they're just like not very confident oh they're like timid yeah cowardly so like you have to pull up you have to pull up

and they're in like type b personality hookers. You have to pull up and they're in like... Type B personality hookers. They're like... Introverted hookers. They're like dressed. They're covering more skin than anybody else. That's how you know they're ladies of the night. And then you have to like stop your car and you knock on your window. They're biting their acrylics.

You knock on the inside. Yeah. They're chewing and spitting their acrylics. And they're like... You knock on the inside of your window and they come up to your car and you're just like, so like. Yeah, how much? How much?

Mm-hmm. She's just like, I don't know. Head down. You're real pretty, huh? I don't think so. What are you, so yeah,

what the fuck are you, what the fuck are you gonna do to me? What am I, or what am I gonna do to you? What can I do to you? Stop, I don't know. Stop it.

Well, I mean, come on. There's got to be a give and take here, whore. Yeah, that's Reno. Yeah, so you don't want to fall in love. Go to Vegas. For the long. Just go up the road to Vegas. Down the road.

Down the desert. Down the desert. Go get them. Long pussy. That pussy stretched for miles. And it's not long as in... It goes like... It's up and down vertically. Yeah.

The Nile goes north to south. Yeah, it's a Nile, but it's not a deep pussy. And it's... The Amazon of pussies would be like... The Amazon of pussies... Atlanta has deep pussies. But like shallow pussy. Atlanta. Atlanta has deep pussy. But the Vegas pussy is like the Nile. It's long north to south, and it's very densely populated.

With pubes. There's communities. There's communities of pubes. Of popular pubes. But each spot has like a different culture. From the clitoris to the anus. There's suburban sprawl. Urban sprawl.

Down the pussy. Yeah, you build it just because it was a fruitful area. And again, if you're... It was easy to get supplies up and down the pussy. If you're looking to check a box or achieve a milestone, don't go to Vegas. Go to Reno. No, no, no. Don't go to Reno.

No, you never will get anything done. Mm-hmm.