A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 244 - Nice Sprites

Episode Date: June 25, 2021

|| A New Untold Story: Ep. 244 - Nice Sprites || The boys discuss promposals, hudl highlights, pokemon go, dubstep, & we need your help with a few things! || Producer: Dan KatzYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story, listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. So for the listeners, they can't tell I'm taking a shit right now. You know, Ken Jack, you know, Owen. Why? I can't. Why? Why am I taking a shit? What stunt is this? I'm I'm only shitting just so I can clean my ass.

OK, and you know what I'm going to use? It's not going to be itchy, scratchy, dry toilet paper. You know what it's going to be? It's going to be dude wipes. What's your favorite flavor? Of dude wipe? Yeah. I like the mango burst. Your favorite flavor

is mango burst? Yeah, what about yours? The mint chill. The mint chill? It hits. And it's not like toothpaste. Definitely not. Like I can have a orange flavored enema before I wipe my ass. Yeah, you're right. It doesn't bother. You can mix flavors and there's no bad combination.

Anyways. Dude wipe. Dudes, we need to have a serious chat about your bathroom habits. It's time to quit shitty, scratchy toilet paper and switch to dude wipes dude wipes are an extra large flushable wipe made from plant-sourced fibers designed designed to give your anus a cleaner more refreshing than tp after dropping a deuce out of your anus think about it when you wash your face hands or body use water to get yourself clean so when it comes to the dirtiest thing we do taking shit why do we use dried toilet paper no not any longer use dude wipes they'll change your life

and your anus will thank you you'll never look at an empty toilet paper. No, not any longer. Use dude wipes. They'll change your life and your anus will thank you. You'll never look at an empty toilet paper roll again. Be prepared for any situation with dude wipes. They come in at home or on the go options and you can find them on Amazon, Walmart, Target or nationwide. But you really should go to dudewipes.com so you can get 15% off with promo code ANUS15. That's anus15 at dudewipes.com. It's a fresh, big, untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story.

My ass is so clean you could eat off of it. Yeah. I plan to could eat off of it. I plan to. Eat off of it. Eat off of a void. Eat off of my hole. It's like a taco. Not out of my asshole. Guess who I ran into at Sweetgreen the other day?

Who? The moderator of r slash tip of my penis. That's the subreddit. It has a million plus subscribers. It's the subreddit for people that can't remember. They can't remember. They have the idea of the porn. Call me naive, but how different can porn be?

Oh, that's fucking hilarious. How different can porn be? Tip of the toe, tip of the penis. And I was trying to strike up a conversation. He was like, no, I got to go. I have to filter out all the people breaking the rules. How different can porn be? I was trying to strike up a conversation. He was like, no, I gotta go. I have to filter out all the people breaking the rules. The descriptions are too vague.

They're leaking nudes. It's a strict process. You have to describe the video you're trying to find with a picture. It's like this girl. She's getting fucked. It's a lot of that Yeah that would work He wouldn't have to remove that

Have you ever seen r slash self fuck Self fuck It's people They post pictures of them fucking themselves With their own dicks Why are you subscribed Because it's amazing How did you have that up so quickly

Yeah you did He hit the back button once so it's so funny finally scored it the comments are so funny because it's some guys saying like i'd love to suck that and then other people just good job uh were you able to come oh fuck well done did yeah oh wait they're putting their own dick dick in their own ass we had a wholesome conversation about the the struggles of moderating the r slash tip of my penis and you bring this in the self-fuck rid I just feel like has more all right I have follow-up question because once you got hard wouldn't it just it'll come out yeah that's the nature of a penis done that still can't self-suck. My cishet dick

goes straight. My cishet dick. You are like a sneaky cishet. I'm a very sneaky hetero. What the fuck's Nick doing with that like six? My sister asked if you were gay. Shut up. No, it's been

asked before. Well, what's the answer yeah sorry i dress fly and i'm hygienic yeah wasn't your promposal and like glitter and like very good script cursive calligraphy yeah it was really really like a very like tapered brush stroke yeah crushed you were early into what do you mean it crushed she said yeah oh Yeah, it was really, really like a very tapered brush stroke. Yeah, crushed. You were early into the Quill pen game. It crushed. She said, yeah. Oh.

Did it go viral? No, I didn't have Twitter at the time. Yeah. I missed the viral promposal by like. I think that started up in like 2014. Yeah, I missed it by about four years. After Project X. Yeah, right about. Yeah, it was post Project X. That was huge. Oh, and missed it by about four years. After Project X. Yeah, right about...

That was huge. Oh, and you were probably in school. Oh, you went to an all-boy school. Oh, and yeah. How old were you guys when Project X came out? That was my freshman year of high school and we entered a competition. No, it was not. That was 100%. Freshman year of high school?

Sorry, college. We entered a competition like our year where we're like, if you win it, I don't know if it was box tops or something, classic Project X, but if you win it, they would throw a party at your college, which I don't know if that made sense because you couldn't really have alcohol there. Almost no one there is. 21, yeah. Did you go to a college, like a real college?

Yeah. Where'd you go? Manhattan College. Oh, sorry. It's in the Bronx. No, that's a pretty fun school, actually. It's in the bronx you know manhattan college makes perfect sense project x came out like perfectly timed for me i was in eighth grade i think and i was just like that's what next year's gonna be next year's gonna be exactly that every weekend yeah it was like every

party was like yeah it's a project x party i was like what yeah everyone had a project and then their name yeah i went to a project krug i went to a project parazo did you do prom posals ken jack god no kb you did no you definitely did no i did i smell it i think it's like told the bra let's like not you had like your wrestling leotard draped over you think it's like you had your wrestling leotard draped over. You had it on your leotard and you were just like, don't let me go singlet

to prom. And she was just like, no. You're short and wearing a unitard. And don't quite understand puns. She like yeah it's it i'm not going with the unitard and you're like i'm it's a singlet she was like i'm not talking about your attire but i missed the boat by one year because that's when you would have gone

loco the viral videos these weren't just viral like the every news local news station covered this it was when it was just the the wholesome video of like the hottest girl or boy taking the special needs well so it started as hot asking out hot and they were like yeah this is awesome but then they're just like oh it's unrealistic because not everybody can relate so then it was like the hot girl going with like a special needs kid yeah and then like the the viral video of them dancing together yes everyone is filming everyone like yeah like like a show and like first of all like the kid who's special needs does probably doesn't want to go no he wasn't enjoying himself but no it was all for the girl gymnasium yeah they go viral the girls were all rolling their eyes before like slapping the front

just like just fucking get this just just go get this so i can get out of here yeah but they wanted to go viral and then like i think it was our school or a school near us like they were the girls were getting in like competitions who could get the most the most special the most so like the hottest girls were taking the most special yeah bustier the petite the more chromosome yeah it was a direct correlation to the busty petite to the chromosome and uh the flatter the colossal the hotter the boy the bigger yeah so so it started to circle back like the ugly girls were getting made fun of for taking like really hot guys either you either have to take special more special or uh more cancerous yeah if you want if you use like a terminally old boy yeah

this was like a really hot girl from our school asked uh like a boy who had probably a month left some sort of cancer that will go viral no no i'll be it did not because she got pissed at him because he got like a toupee and a spray tan and she's like what the fuck is this you're not visibly like and the hottest girls didn't even go to prom because they were dancing in like a hospital room somewhere they're like that was the the uh that was the pinnacle i'll be all the pinnacle but then like there's like the hot kids were getting depressed. They're like, I'm never going to get asked to fucking prom. Too hot. Chiseled jaw.

And then they were trying to make up maladies. Girls love to be able to use old prom pictures for death anniversaries. Oh, yeah. Oh, that gets them off. Like the hottest kid in our school, there was a contract. He faked a cowlick. He was like, yeah, I'm different. And then when they felt his hair with that's pomade yeah enjoy yeah so like the uglier the girl like so like the ugly girl was stuck with like the guy who just had like minor dyslexia

but was hot yeah just a super hot guy ulcerative colitis he's just a star football quarterback just lifting weights in his crotch honey Honey, isn't it prom night? Yeah, I didn't get a date. What? He's like, it's your fault, mom. Six-four power forward. No, no, no. He has Crohn's disease.

No, I swear he does. All right, shit. Where's the bag? All right. Show me the bag. Yeah. All right, why don't you eat this piece of bread? Go ahead.

Shit for me. No, yeah. The flatter the colossal. Or no, the bustier the petite. The grimmer the prognosis, too. they want the the bald boy some like the really hot girls recruited from like yes schools because there was some like private schools that were prestigious it was like you had to be you had to have a certain gpa to go they did not have a special program poaching yeah so they were were poaching from the public schools.

Ronald McDonald House. I think Corinna Kopp flew somebody in with elephantitis from her prom. Yeah, from Eastern Africa. Charlie D'Amelio was poaching from Chernobyl. She sits that kid with

Down syndrome down. She's like, look, you don't look special enough. Can I just shave your head really quick? Yeah, just wax it all off. On a scale of Walt Jr. to Tim Riggan, a buxom shapely nine is going to take like a Donnie Thorne. Yeah, and she'll go up to him. Donnie, she had like her post board wouldn't it be wild for you to go to prom with me and what would he

say perfect like no no no no say that again get this get this yeah so that's a nine an eight is taking like a stinky Peterson a seven a curvaceous seven will take like a beans

from and a common stock six is gonna just take like a cory matthews yeah just like a goof yeah so there was like a weird thing where like the average looking people were just going with their boyfriend or girl yeah that was the middle yeah what's the law it's and it's a law yeah they were going for like oz and like uh they didn't want to walk on the red carpet like oh like his his wheels will get all tangled up in the shag sorry or is that oh oh i didn't see you at walk-ins they're trying to one-up their friends like yeah oh you were at walk-ins no we had to take the ramp sorry we can't take the stretch hummer it doesn't have a bathroom and he he will shit himself

he would he is guaranteed he will shit himself we couldn't rent a tux because he will get spaghetti all over it at dinner that was like the same with military homecomings the more like active military more active the active duty they were. I think one time my dad showed up and just Levi's and a Banana Republic button up. You're like, what the fuck? This isn't going to go change.

You aren't discernible from a regular father. We need you to be bleeding profusely. We need you to be like a Green Beret who parachutes onto her soccer field mid-game holding like an artillery sniper i went with like the youtube boxing matches it to be like a military homecoming so it's just like a little four-year-old girl and she doesn't know who she's fighting

and like the fighter comes out at uh 6 1 225 pounds this giant christmas box and then the bell rings dad beats the shit out of his daughter sweet dad it's your daddy the kid uh like our prom king who was special needs was also it was like no homecoming because the homecoming game before he like or was it the championship game i forget which what which it was it got to a point where it was every game every game it was a trend it was a viral trend so i think our coach found a loophole the more special needs kids he had on the team he could they would allow one touchdown for a viral video so we went like undefeated and like our best players didn't play or our best players couldn't

play yeah it was every team was trying to one-up each other again poaching and just like yeah we have we have one more we gotta get a free touchdown that like that's not a joke that was like the covered by news local news stories in the paper viral wholesome it was like not just football i was wrestling like the kid would let let the kid there was every single sport he was like a hero for letting him win if we had like a darts team they wouldn't know what to do like how do we let him how do we get him a bullseye it's like all hitting the wall was like 200 points yeah you just you just change the rules i think one of the kids from our school, I remember he like,

do you remember huddle? Like H U D L. It was like for your highlight tapes. It was one of the, the kids who got like his 90 yard touchdown. Yeah. He tried to make a, he tried to make a highlight profile of that.

And it's still had, he ripped it from Twitter. They were trying to go viral with it. And he still had his, uh, it's still had like the sentimental music going oh my god yes and on his huddle but then he didn't know how to take it off like wtrv yeah he played it with like was it what song was it it was like a real sad i i found it wholesome i found

it yeah i found his and then he tried to add like an intense pump up song he tried to cut he did not take the song off he yeah i have it he tried to take the song off so wait explain this is his huddle it was just the highlight of his yeah it was like it was corey i'm not going to say his last name um but yeah like 92 yard touchdown run untouched it has his stats in bold yeah like 92 yards per carry yeah he averages 92 yards per carry and he also has the highest average age in the league it was like how are you 21 and still have your huddle highlights in your leapfrog bio he was like uh well that happened last week i week. I'm just 21 year old senior. And yeah, so I've he pulled it from like the WTRF like post with the sentimental song.

And he didn't know how to remove the sentimental song. So he just put like a rock song louder over top. Oh, my. So here he is getting the handoff. Let me see. Oh, he put a circle over himself like we wouldn't know. Yeah, he has a

circle over himself. Yeah, you're the only one wearing a mesh penny. We know it's you. He's 94. Number 94 running back. Wait, shh. Play that again from the top I want to hear the song is actually kind of fire so that's five for fighting

and that's trapped headstrong and he like slow-mo's it at a point but you can't really tell oh my god 20 years old from the 30 and like uh this was the championship game and he did he tried to put it in windows movie maker and it says he put like the text overlay at top over the top but he didn't know how to change it so it still says title so it still makes perfect sense yeah I guess that makes perfect sense oh and then he um his soccer one soccer one it says header at the top

and that makes sense as well yeah he accidentally headed the ball the ball hit him yeah it had no other option they like uh Rube Goldberg into the net yeah you scored header yeah I just need to write above it maybe like Eminem not afraid to give him a goal. Yeah, you scored. Yeah. At her. Yeah.

I just need right above it, maybe like Eminem, Not Afraid. Like a third track over it. Remember the name. Maybe Till I Collapse should be up there. That's a Max Preps classic. I kind of want to just make... This should be a genre. He has one more.

It was all lacrosse highlights using Lord Tennis Court's Flume remix. In their defense, one of my favorite songs. Everyone remembers where they were. Here's one they first heard. I've never seen this one. Is this Skinny Love by Birdie? Birdie cover.

I don't even... This is the... It's like he's having a stout. I just hit his head. Soccer ball. Oh, yeah. No. Yeah!

This is my favorite thing ever. That's what happened when his pacemaker fell out. Jesus Christ. The only helmet they could get him is like an old kicker's helmet with one bar. He's wearing like the old leather helmet. It's his. In a twist of irony,

he actually had an epileptic seizure watching that bad. Yeah, he did. Yeah, broke him. I just sent you guys a tweet. I was shocked to see it still up. Kevin De Bruyne, a very famous soccer player, he tweeted out in support of

the special olympics a photoshop of himself with down syndrome no fucking way doesn't that would come see the special olympics game games because every great performance deserves a great audience and that's not what he looks like. No, that's a picture of him and he had somebody Photoshop it to make him look like he has Down Syndrome. Like someone got paid to do it. Like a freelance.

First response is, yes, he doesn't. That's unbelievable. He's huge. He has 2.7 million followers. This is like a big name. Extremely big name in soccer. He's like, yeah, this is the move. He's huge. He has 2.7 million followers. He is. He's like a big name. Extremely big name in soccer. He's like, yeah, this is the move. He didn't even get ratioed.

No. They're just like me, but can you change my face? Just a completely different face. I think that's like his social intern would be like, can you make me look a little... What? A little what? A little what, Kevin? No, I can help you help you i would love to help you kevin i'm a big fan how can i help you i'm a freelance i can do it for free just a little how do you not delete this not delete that's fucking awesome not delete it you know what gets the what hat was logan paul wearing in the suicide it is the

the most underrated part of that is just like yeah i'm gonna hopefully like like his meeting beforehand he's like prepping in his like his japanese airbnb and he's just like all right so like best case scenario we find like somebody like we save their life uh second best case scenario is we find a corpse the worst case scenario is we find nothing yeah now let's go where the fuck is my dangly toy story alien hat and then i went to ebay to try to find one just because i want to wear it every time i hike it was the alien from the toy story like claw machine yeah and it was like a dangly... He was disrespecting Japanese people so much.

Very respectful people. He's just in crosswalks, like, hadoukening. Yeah. In that hat. In that hat. Yeah, they're like $50 now. Disney was probably low-key very, very happy.

Did you find the hat I found it it cost 50 bucks I bought it what would be something equally disrespectful to do to like wear to somewhere else yeah go to the Holocaust Museum and say we out here

you know I had to do it he actually did that. Yeah, he physically did do that. That's the equivalent. KB's like splashing around the 9-11 memorial Donnie Thornberry-ing. I can't do it. Damn it. Dude, I hate going out near where you guys

live. There's nowhere to piss. Oh, fuck. Every time you try to piss, every tree or sidewalk has a memorial for 9-11. That waterfall in the memorial just makes you want to piss more. They have Hollywood stars for African heroes, too.

It's not a star, it's just engraved, so you really gotta be down to piss anywhere. Wait, like African-American heroes? What race has the least famous? gotta be down yeah piss anywhere there needs to be like wait like african-american what race what race has the least famous because then like their race like step of fame just like like burkina faso yeah yeah step of fame like he yeah he lived to never the joseph coney star in the Walk of Fame. Yeah. Who would have guessed?

Nauru, Samoa. Robert Mugabe, that would be a sick one. They should start making those, yeah, for homeless people to piss. Do you think Joseph Kony was following along the Kony 2012 movement in real time? That's a good question. I feel like he had to be told about it at some point. Did you ever hear about General Butt Naked? What um yes he's this guy smith yeah did linked up with him yeah ran link game with this african warlord that he he would eat people but his his

bigger claim to fame is that he would go into battle butt naked and he went by the name general butt naked you know what i do when I'm butt naked? I use cake. Cake doesn't take itself too seriously and neither should you. Sex is funny. I'm fucking and just laughing the entire time. I think they said fun. Sex is funny.

No, they said funny. Yeah. Don't take it seriously. Don't take it. It's fine to laugh. Yeah. Like I laugh at how good I'm fucking. It's like I'm Nick. It's like, oh, Nick,

you've done it again. Did you snicker yet? Instead of come, did you come? Don't laugh yet. I'm going to laugh. Dude, I had this girl guffawing last night. If you keep sticking

your tongue not even close to my clit into my pussy i'm gonna laugh hard oh man spit my cock what would be the worst condiment to rub on your dick spicy brown mustard yeah probably like a real stone around must i think just dry john would be fine a dry salt no i'm talking about the ones that look like beets. It's just all the... It's grainy. The grains is going to work its way into your urethra. Pickle juice. I'm losing control of my

urethra with age. I am too. Every time I shake it, I just continue to Is that a thing? I am getting... Mine has gone from droplets to drizzle. I'm just full on drizzling every time. I cannot... I think it's a prostate issue. That's actually true. I'm just full on drizzling every time. I cannot. I think it's a prostate issue. That's actually true.

I looked down at my, I was wearing gray boxer briefs yesterday. I just pissed him. All the time. Can't do gray. Fuck. And I'm like past my prime of getting asked to prom. So I'm stuck. Dude, you've been out of that prime for a few months now.

A few months. Would you consider it if you were asked to a prom? Would I consider it? No. Yes. You'd be, they wouldn't think you're cool. I actually did go. Like my, you went with your friend's sister.

I was not a freshman in college. I was a later year. What were you? Yeah. I'll leave it at that. But I did go. Wait. I was like the hero though. No, you weren hero though my friend's sister i just got broken up with three days before the dance how did you get a

tux and i was at his their house and the dad asked me he said he offered to pay me and i said no no i'll just do it how did you get a tux in time we went to just like the men's warehouse in wadsworth ohio or fair lawn and so how was the prom did you dance with her i think yeah i did i did was she good looking yeah she's hot yeah that's why i went i went to a prom uh public school prom uh the girl asked me last minute because she had just uh had this huge blow up where she like cheated on her boyfriend so she asked me like the week of and i was excited because she was like very out of my league then i get there and the entire school refused to talk to her we sat at a table by no way entire thing like she was legit blacklisted fuck you what did you do i just sat there i didn't talk to her either we just sat

sucked um uh let's do the let's the listeners you want to finally feel like you're one of the boys yeah yeah yeah it's like no there's a few things you can do as listeners to feel like us you want to feel like you're one of us. You want to feel like one of us. Send a with us. Send the anus Twitter account of voice memo and you can be the new fuck no baby. You can say whatever you want in the theme song. We'll put you in and you'll be the new fuck no baby. Are you on the drop for fuck no baby?

You send what you want. Be great at for a condom. And we will pick the best. We'll pick yours because there's one person. It'll be one person that that'll do it. It'll that dude from london we sent a t-shirt to that cost us a lot of money yeah yeah we're still in the red so yeah do that and then uh 20 what was it 20 000 five star reviews 10 000 kb's going to get rest in peace dead marcus tattooed on him i'll Marcus tattooed on him? I'll get it as well.

I'll get it as well. Rest in peace dead Marcus. Ken Jack, you're on the show enough. I didn't fuck with Marcus at all. Well, yeah, okay. You didn't fuck with a live Marcus. A live Marcus is still alive. Marcus had big Juice WRLD vibes.

Everyone was a fan once he died. Yeah. I hate to admit it but yes so send what send a voice memo and we'll save it i guess a voice memo audio file something uh just throw that in the theme song well yeah when dubstep was when dubstep came out was it you got humiliated in school what the fuck what'd you do wait wait what you lied and you were like yeah i listened to dubstep because i was a year older than you you were trying to impress kevin kogan yeah well and he's like oh yeah i'm listening to skrillex you're like yeah i love them

he's like okay all right kid uh you like scary monsters and nice sprites you're like yeah fuck you and what did you and he like, so how's it go? And what did you do? I wasn't that far off. Do it. Do what you said. Scary monsters. I didn't know what dubstep meant.

You mean he was like stepping his foot down while he was doing it? Scary monsters. And the sprites are nice too. Yeah, I got lampooned. And the sprites are nice too. Yo got lampooned and the sprites are nice too yo you don't listen to dubstep I was listening to like Henderson and Dear Professor what was it

when I die young marry bury me in sadden they would like do that in the chipmunk voice and then rap over it. It was the coolest thing. When I die young, bury me in sand. Lay me down in a bed of roses. That actually sounded good.

I was a bit of a late bloomer. And my friends in middle school started coming before me. Oh, yeah. And they would rub it in your face. Figuratively. I remember when I wasn't coming. school started coming before me oh yeah yeah and they would rub it in your face well figuratively i remember when i wasn't coming they would like i was lying and saying that i was coming to and they're like oh yeah what noise does it make season troll knew exactly what they were doing not making noise but they convinced me i was right in guessing that the noise was

come as an automata p. It looks like it should sound like that. Yeah. Cum. Cum is an onomatopoeia. I like how all like the most popular onomatopoeias aren't onomatopoeias at all. Yeah. Like growl, bark, meow. Zip.

That's probably one. Woof. What are things I'm trying to think of a verb that could be automata pia eyes um like fuck moan mo mo moan donnie it would have to begin with a W. Or a H. Hurt. Hurt. Nah. Boing is a good one, though. What's the longest one? Is there one? Is there onomatopoeias that are like three syllables?

A two-syllable, a three-syllable onomatopoeia. He just naturally emits from your fucking mouth. You have to use multiple mouth shapes to produce. No, there's not really a lot of monomatopoeias. I can't find any. I'm going to Facebook search monomatopoeias. The longest monomatopoetic word is

tataratata. Oh. That's a palindrome. And that means to knock on a door. Tatterat tat. Tatterat tat. I was on Facebook the other day, and I'm in the Pokemon Go Columbus group. I know.

I didn't know. Why? I lived in Columbus, and I would meet him for raids. He still actively plays Pokemon Go. Yeah, that doesn't surprise me but yeah i'm quite good i have a lot of shinies but let me see if i can find it there was like huge drama in the pokemon go columbus and somebody put like a notes app apology up because they got into a fistfight they met for a trade how does that work? If you're not best friends on Pokemon Go, you can't trade from a distance.

So you have to meet somewhere close. Why don't they just become best friends? Because it takes weeks, months to get to the best friends level. They met up and the person lied about the stats of this Pokemon. And they got into a fucking fist fight. At the big Longaberger basket. at the big Longaberger basket at the giant Longaberger basket they were fighting over a Ludicolo they actually fist fought?

what was the post? he was like, got punched in the face for a trade never trade with so and so he doxxed him? yeah, he was like, yeah the guy got booed, they were like, yeah, he's out of the group you won't have to worry about him anymore that guy made his own post.

Yes. Defending himself or just apologizing? He was like, I never punched him in the face. He's being metaphorically like I could have punched him in the face. And it was just a huge fight over a grass-slash-water-type Pokemon. That's quite common. God damn it. And that guy who got kicked from the Facebook group?

I owe the group a sincere apology like i trusted this man my last post came off wrong i posted out of frustration in the heat of the moment i didn't clearly express things how i wanted to i didn't intend to publicly shame anyone they're not in this group anymore i didn't imply that i'd hit them over a pokemon trade it was a poor joke i posted it poorly out of frustration and they wasted my time at the Longaberger basket. I'm sorry if anybody was upset or offended

or angry at my post. It wasn't my intent. Please don't remove me from the group. Do you guys want to see the picture of the guy? Absolutely. I don't need to. He works at Kroger. I feel bad because you know these people. He's wearing the David S. Pumpkin suit for that Tom Hanks wore.

Oh, yeah. What I'm picturing right now is that the person is wearing, he has dirty blonde hair, like a little bit of stubble, some rear frame glasses, and then a hat that says a new untold story. That's me. Nah, that's him. That's right. I was going to say, I was going to say that Nah, that's him. That's right. I was going to say that guy.

That guy who got kicked from the Facebook group? No, this guy's named Steve Jobs. He ended up being Steve Jobs. Yeah, okay, fine. Kick me out of the group.

I'll invent Apple. Dicks. No, that guy. Those are his only friends. Feel bad. Kudos to the self-reflection in owning it. Oh, he's getting

let back in. we've all spoken in anger it's in the past he punched somebody in the face ever yeah oh thank you for warning us I do let that guy punch you in the face I love seeing your reflection and subsequent subsequent growth happy

happy hunting yeah very proud of OP for owning the mistake. This is what maturity looks like. It's a Pokemon Go group and it's coming from a guy dressed as David S. Pumpkins. Nobody in that group is growing as a person. No, they aren't.

I need that same exact equivalence of drama in the art slash tip of my penis. Dude, the Pokemon Go, in case anybody in the Hilliard area is looking, the Thorn Apple Country Club Pokey, it's a landmark. You spin it. If you get five great throws in a row, you get a number five spinda. Everybody's like, thank you so much, man. You're the best.

Ava Adams isn't Hispanic. She's Italian, you fucking idiot. I'm sorry for snapping. I'm sorry for snapping. It was out of anger. It was on the tip of my penis. Tip of my penis. It's right at the tip of my cock.

You're like, you can only use that for porn. I'm thinking of other. What do you usually order at like Chick-fil-A? It's like right at the tip of my fucking penis I'm gonna try to weasel my way into that community no please don't the r slash tip of my penis boys

get into this one man this one is so much better the self fuck one look at this one comment people are thanking people for like guys are trying to Look at this one comment. I don't know. Look at the comment. People are thanking people for trade. Like guys are trying to ripping that out. What Pokemon go? It's bigger than it's ever been.

Really? Yeah. Not true. Yes, it is. Look at the numbers. Not at all. Look at the numbers. Buxom and Shapely girls were playing that when it just came out.

Look at this girl. There is no hot women playing Pokemon go. Just Jessica just shot a caught a shiny Regigigas. Jessica. Whatever that word was, it didn't sound bad. It's quite rare and I can't seem to get my hands on it. Girl, I used to fuck

we played Pokemon Go together. She would trade me all her good shit. Sing scary monsters and nice sprites again. Scary monsters in spite and the sprites are nice too. Sing Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites again. Scary Monsters. In spite and the sprites are nice too. Wait, can we find a royalty free like folk acoustic mix? Can you?

That would go so well. Remember the guy that sang like Remix to Ignition or what's the window to the wall? He was always doing a coffee shop and every every like it was like weepy glasses white guys yeah like folk are acoustically singing they'll go to coffee shops and be like hey you might want to be filming you might want to film this fuck me with that white ass pussy scary monsters and nice pricerites. But you don't know what you got till it's gone. The monster.

Hey, scary sprites. Hey, scary sprites. Is this royalty free? Sure. Kyle? This is it. This is it. Scary.

Scary. Scary, scary monster. I can't do it. This isn't right. Scary monsters. And those sprites are nice too. Sprites are nice too. That one didn't even sound good it sounded like he was playing like a fucking mandolin that was yeah it was bad finger style guitar finger style i fucked this chick finger style come back to my place what's your favorite position? Fingerstyle. Dude, that's my new favorite position.

Fingerstyle. Dude, I absolutely blew this girl's mind last night. And the sprites are nice, too. Two. I did the wrong ad. But luckily, I get to do my favorite ad which is bare bottom kyle any thoughts on bare bottom i it's just it's time and time again it's not if it's not one tear it's another shatter with my fucking shirts dude not mine because I wear my old shirts dude I cannot get enough of bare

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adventure what's your next adventure. What's your next adventure, Kyle? Are the shirts fixable? Huh? Are they fixable? Nah. Don't need to be. They won't break.

You don't need a warranty because they won't break. You don't need a fucking warranty. Most shirts come with warranties. You have to pay extra for the $15 upcharge. Oh, you want the warranty on this? You have to. Yeah, you better. I might as well. Might as well, sure.

It's those hidden charges. Yeah. Not here. Bare Bottom has the opposite of a hidden charge. They have hidden deals. And you can use it with code ANUS. Because right now you can get free shipping on your first order of these threads at barebottomclothing.com using the code ANUS. Just go to barebottomclothing.com. That code ANUS. Just go to barebottomclothing.com.

That's B-E-A-R, like the animal. Bottomclothing.com. And use code ANUS to get free shipping on your first order. Locust season is coming up. Cicadas. Yeah. They're going to be just, I can't even think of, imagine all those kids,

shirts covered in cicadas. Cicadas. Do you remember when you caught cicadas, you back their back right leg and their head pops off no we're having wars with them you pull the back right leg and it's like i was doing things you were doing hornets flicking paper hornets paper hornets you know at a bare bottom general butt naked he's a liberian general that used to go into battle butt naked and eat people. 20,000 people he killed, including children. He wouldn't have killed anybody if he was wearing the comfortable bare bottom clothing. Greed.

Kyle, your eyes are looking bloodshot. You've been watching too much Wild Thornberries? No. You know a good way? You look like a jungle boy. You know how you can look more civilized with glasses with glasses luckily five years ago a man by the name of felix gray realized our eyes weren't meant to look at screens all day they're designed so he designed glasses

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free returns, free exchanges. FelixGreyGlasses.com slash anus. Let's have a call another contest whose girlfriend looks the most like lisa lobe okay submit them yeah yeah yeah send your girlfriend send your and if she looks the most like the one who looks the most like lisa lobe we will we will make it a one-off t-shirt that says i won the anus Lisa Loeb lookalike girlfriend contest. And we'll fly out her. We'll fly her out. She'll get a guest spot on our show.

Yes. That's the prize. I'm not joking. Send your girlfriend. Send your girlfriend. The one who looks the most like Lisa Loeb will get the prize. Oh, shit. She passed away?

No. Shut the fuck up. No way. She was on the Geico commercial recently. You only hear what I want to you see people on Twitter like trying to find girls that look like a specific episode of Elaine from Seinfeld no

why it's like a screen grab of her in a booth wearing like glasses and a messy bonnet everyone's like if you look like this DM me I'm worried people are gonna confuse that contest a booth wearing like glasses and a messy bonnet. Everyone's like, if you look like this, DM me. That happens all the time. I'm worried people are going to confuse that contest with our contest. It's not Julia.

Dreyfus. We're not looking for season 4 episode 13. We're looking for Lisa Loeb girlfriends. Send them in. And if you don't have one, fucking get one. Get her a pair of felix grace yeah again uh send in your voice memos 10 000 five-star reviews kb gets a tattoo

yeah i will stamp with a swastika on it need it or keep it i'm just gonna keep saying that don't know what it means it i'm just gonna keep saying that don't know what it means is that your reply to what i'm gonna say no you're just gonna say like no that's a new one told story hey is that story old or told it's a fresh big untold story I knew I told a story. It's a fresh, big, untold story. I knew I told a story.