A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 249 - Terry Schiavo Goes Sneaker Shopping

Episode Date: July 29, 2021

|| A New Untold Story: Ep. 249 - Terri Schiavo Goes Sneaker Shopping || The boys discuss the statute of limitations on tragedies, Quasimodo, the lympics, Soulja Boy, jerking off, celebrity "essentials," LGBTQ+ allyship, & more || Nick, KB, KenJac, OwenYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. That's your reply to what I'm going to say. No, you're just going to say, like, no, that's A New Untold Story. Hey, is that story old or told? What? No, baby! That's A New Untold Story. A New Untold Story. I feel comfortable admitting at this point that I burned down Notre Dame.

You burned it? I burned it to the ground. If you came forward with it, I don't know if there were any, like, what would happen? If it's past the statute of limitations. The statute of limitations for burning down Notre Dame. Yeah. There's definitely one that exists in France, like past a certain year limit. There's like, oh, it doesn't make it do anymore.

Who were the pilots? Who were the pilots? Who were the pilots? Who hijacked the... Well, they were the pilots at one point. I guess they were pilots for a very short amount of time. Technically speaking. Muhammad Atta? Yeah. Was he... What? Wait, was he the

mastermind or the pilot? He was the mastermind of the whole crew as well as one of the pilots okay i don't know if it's fair to call he wasn't licensed yeah he was he was a licensed pilot yeah that's why um he had to he went to pilot school in florida just for this yeah i mean just for that use the word just to describe the 9-11 attacks he was like yeah if this doesn't i didn't know if it was like hitler with art school oh the memorial the 9-11 just for that

i know i i like you know like hitler like if it didn't get into art school like he was trying to be a pilot but he wasn't muhammad atta he learned to be a pilot just for the most significant i i didn't quite airplane travel of of all time i misspoke was there what if he didn't work out yeah it becomes a pilot he like had no idea what do you mean if he didn't learn to be a pilot and then did the the hijacking oh and fucked it up well i mean it's not how hard is it to crash a pilot and then did the hijacking. Oh, and fucked it up? Well, I mean, it's not... How hard is it to crash a plane? Well, it's probably easy to crash, but to crash into something you want to, and to navigate...

He had to derail the whole... Divert the flight. Divert the flight. Find New York City. One of them could barely do it. They're all shaky. Yeah. It would be hard to crash into a building.

Yeah, I would imagine. I would definitely miss. On purpose. On accident. Easy. Still hard. Ask Harrison Ford. You're in the sky flying a plane. Yeah. You don't think you think just buildings are just up in the sky

everywhere? No, but I'm saying it's not hard to crash a plane. Into the ground. Yes. Okay, to crash a plane into the ground. Okay, but then buildings are on the ground. You just fly a plane down. 95% of the earth is not covered in buildings.

If you're over a city, it's not going to be hard to hit a building. Don't downplay his work. I'm not... But they didn't find... They weren't above New York City when he hijacked it. They were like far away. They had to divert the flight Was it from Boston? One of them was, yeah. Two.

Two? Okay, the one Mark Wahlberg was almost on, yeah. That one. And the other one that Seth MacFarlane was on. Of course he was almost on it. Oh, you didn't hear about this? Mark Wahlberg was almost on it? Yeah, no, he was supposed to be on one of the 9-11 flights and then he later on said, if I had been there I would have stopped the hijack. Yeah, no, he was supposed to be on one of the 9-11 flights. And then he later on said, if I had been there, I would have stopped the hijack. Yeah, I know he said that, but I just thought that was a hypothetical.

No, no, it's because he was almost on it. Seth MacFarlane, too. And another person. That was before Family Guy, too. Yeah, well, I think Family Guy had started in 99, 2000. So I think it was already in partial swing. All right, geez, Lois. okay so i think it was already in partial swing all right geez lois um i don't know about this no but i think the stat you know that there's no statute of

limitations for like the the arson for pilot like the 9-11 pilots like if one came out like ah shit we yeah that's true like what if like one of them parachuted out and we never found him? And he came out now and said, like, oh, I actually flew the plane, but I bailed out before the crash. Like, we couldn't prosecute him. I'm pretty sure that terrorism doesn't have a statute of limitation. I don't know. As with burning down Notre Dame. Killing Quasimodo.

Arson is totally different, though. Arson is totally different than mass murder and plus nobody died it's but it's a huge landmark did nobody quasimodo quasimodo definitely died he was probably happy to yeah has any hot guy ever been named quasimodo how do you know quasimodo means it's quasi means like partially right on quasi means like not really yeah like you're halfway there sort of uh so it means low sunday it's the sunday after easter it's quasi moto sunday why did so he got born this this hideous creature and his parents decided doing him zero favors just that he i'd like

to think he was like a triplet two hot ones it was like mark and bryce and then they were just like saw this one he's like and uh you're quasimodo one one word they're like quasimodo having a regular last name i bet you that sounded slick back then i think your perception of it is just one ugly creature so you think it's an ugly name so you think there's hot quasimodos out there not now there were probably see can you say quasimodo the french accent just i want to hear if it sounds sexy quasi quasi yeah but like one that doesn't have like a speech impediment if that's a french quasi modo quasi i can't do it quasi quasi modo quasi moody yeah still doesn't sound very hot Maybe they give it a chance

Is there any hot Quasimodos Well I looked up rule 34 Quasimodo He looks hot in some of them Well he's jacked from ringing the bell And this one Esmeralda is riding Quasimodo but she put a bag over his head He is ugly but he is jacked

Red hair That's not good He has the middle part though that's back in writing quasimodo but she put a bag over his head he is ugly but he is jacked like red hair and that's not good that he has the middle part though that's back in he's dressed exactly like shaggy from scooby-doo as well he is wow that's very true yeah and he's but again that i think the hairstyle he's got a full head of hair sort of i mean yeah he's... There's no... Yeah. Oh, I saw... You're talking to a new boy. Is he cute? What's his name? His name's... His name's Quasimodo.

My boyfriend, Quasimodo. I wonder if he had... He didn't have, like, a deformed penis, did he? He was a bodily... he was a lumpy man. He was sort of a lumpy man with a weird eye. He had like dead legs.

Speaking of which, did you see the guy that broke the record at the Paralympics for... First off, if you have the fake legs, you should, that should be illegal for the real Olympics. Fake, oh, fake legs, yes. That's a cheat code.

Yes. Especially as science advances. You've got the cyborg legs. You can't feel pain down there. You can't get sore. They shouldn't even be allowed to compete in the real Olympics. No. The Paralympics should just be called the Olympics, first of all.

And second of all i don't really have any other points it's well you're correct both of you so what is paralympics just handicapped they're jumping out of planes a bunch of paraguayans showed up yeah able-bodied and they're like yeah what's going on ready swept it see a bunch of people in like wheelchairs they're like what the kyle would you medal in a paralympic event um is there paralympic greco-roman wrestling or maybe that's just bumper cars any event what are the events just like track it's just like track, right? Oh, I forgot about that. There's that one wrestler that doesn't have the lower body that was... Yeah, but he's good.

He's heavy. He gets to be in that weight class and he's heavier. He has the torso of a guy 10 weight classes above him. So you think he has an unfair advantage in life? Well, then you go for legs in wrestling and they're just diving at air? Yeah, that's the main attack is to go for the legs. Then what? So you think he's... Is that a huge advantage in wrestling?

To have no lower half? A huge advantage. That's how people cheat in wrestling. They're trying to get into traumatic car accidents and getting pinned. What are the other events? Okay, archery. I've seen that where the people pull back the string with their toes. Yeah.

What the fuck? Canoe. Okay. Yeah. That I mean, that same sort of guy would be great. Or would it propel? No, you would not be great at. No, never mind.

Goal ball. What? What do you think you could medal in any of them? Any Paralympic event. Some of these people are in wheelchairs, correct? Yes. Yes. Like wheelchair basketball is on here.

No. No. The wheelchair dunk contest. It's just an X-factor ramp at the free throw line. You jump through a flaming hoop. That'd be amazing. What about wheelchair fencing? No, I couldn't.

I couldn't. You would not have an advantage. No, we're not saying like, oh, I couldn't you would not have an advantage we're not saying like oh I couldn't do that like no you could you definitely could I could not wheelchair rugby depends on the length of the turf come on you couldn't go for a score no because I would have to be in the wheelchair

no no no I don't think so compete as yourself yes You couldn't go for a score? No, because I would have to be in the wheelchair. No, no, no, no. I don't think so. No, compete as yourself. Oh, as myself? Yes. Yeah. Yes. So all of these are saying wheelchair tennis, wheelchair, how does wheelchair tennis work? The reaction time needed for that to work.

They play in like a half pipe. I would be like the Mark Sanchez of like wheelchair sports. Meaning what? What does that mean? I'd be the hottest. And I would be average. Slightly below average. And the most statutory rapist.

Is he? Yeah, that's got to be on the resume as well. Well, yeah. I guess. Good comes with the bad. There needs to be Olympics for people with just injuries. Or allergic reactions. Olympics for people that are allergic to them

what else would just like hinder your ability you're in the middle of anaphylactic shock and like you have to just compete so like in between paralympics and olympics there needs to be a stage a level yeah there needs to be tiers okay

so like heavy people olympics i would love that i would definitely be part of that the heavy people olympics yeah i would love to be part of that just like you have to have a you have to have a bmi over 30 to compete anything under you're not allowed it doesn't matter how short you are you need to raise your bmi to a universal level so basically you have like certified chodes competing against each other. Heavy people Olympics.

Just women Olympics. Yeah, I mean, obviously. Yeah. Their hurdles are heavy. The hurdles are just like workplace equality. That's their hurdles. Only women. Only men short under six feet under six feet olympics would be awesome yeah oh that that's it would just be the olympics in some that wouldn't change you don't think yeah you think like swimming basketball swimming it'd be impressive how about over six feet Olympics?

That would be more entertaining. You have like a six foot two jockey trying to do the course. Racing is in the Olympics. Shouldn't be. Yeah. Can I talk to the listeners for one second? Listeners, you're listening to this show, right? I think it's safe to say you love listening to podcasts.

Well, you'll find a ton of binge worthy podcasts including ours on amazon music amazon music has more than 10 million free podcast episodes to listen to and it isn't just for people listening to podcasts they have thousands of music stations and top playlists to stream for free kyle what do you like to stream on On Amazon Music specifically. On Amazon Music specifically. Numb. Numb by Linkin Park. This is our royalty-free version.

You can listen to the real version on Amazon Music. Yeah, they got all the royalties. If you're like me, you want your music on demand and ad-free, you have to try Amazon Music Unlimited. It gives you unlimited access to over 75 million songs as well as podcast music videos and more.

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cancel anytime terms do apply my dick bigger than numb numb and my dick are the two most limewire songs of all time they have to be mickey avalon like floated that company for years the first thing i ever downloaded off of limewire i was trying to get the grease soundtrack because i was i was a gay boy okay and i didn't know like file sizes so i searched like grease soundtrack and i got like grease but it was like lowercase g cap it was like alternating it was like i downloaded it was like 500 megabytes but i didn't know and it was just a virus but i had one mp3 and i clicked it and it was just like microsoft sam and it just went grease and that was the entire thing but then my computer just broke

but that limewire was the best with an intense numb has to be by far the with the jay-z numb on cool i did a music video with my friends in the basement it still exists where is it is it on youtube no it was like pre youtube it's on a cassette tape 30 some numb on numb encore let's see i'm looking up just songs most downloaded on limewire no it has to be numb welcome to the black parade no way that was later than that wasn't it i was using limewire in high school crank that by soldier boy that actually was because soldier boy was a limewire technician was he not like what he like he like would legit would like rename songs he'd be like yeah into club uh by 50 cent but then the song would actually be crank that soldier boy so if he

would incidentally download his music but he did it for like every song on the top like 500 exactly he was like a wizard with this wow he was brilliant um to jay-z like collaborating with lincoln park yeah that's when i knew like if we yeah that knew what that was more that was bigger than like the little rock nine for segregation for sure that's when i knew like i could cook and roll with like brooklyn boy yeah like that's when i knew i realized that's when you knew so before that before that you knew you didn't think you guys couldn't mesh didn't think and then all it took was Chester Bennington and Jay-Z. Yeah. I was like, whoa.

I can do this. Yeah. And do wait, do what? Hang out with the black. Oh, man. That's your reply to what I'm going to say. No, you're just going to say like, no, that's a new one. Hey, is that story over told? Oh, man. It's a fresh big untold story. A new untold story. You and I have a lot in common, but we actually don't. We don't.

Because I typically jerk off like this. Both hands. I can't. And then like when I walked in on you jerking off, this. Both hands. I can't. And then like when I walked in on you jerking off, you're just like. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So it's I walk past and I was jerking. How did you jerk off? How do you jerk off? I caught my dick so big I can catch myself jerking off. Whoa. You caught your own. So you caught yourself jerking off. And that's how that's like our biggest difference between me and you. Like, that caught yourself jerking off.

That's our biggest difference between me and you. That's how I jerk off. No, you don't. My balls are always hitting my ankles. That's not even close. Then I walk past you and just... Does that feel good, Kyle? No, that's cinematic exaggeration. You sound like a windshield wiper.

You sound like Steven Spielberg. That's not how it goes. Jeff Goldblum's looking at the glass of water shaking when I'm pounding my dick. That's just not true. And that's probably our biggest difference between you and I. That... Fuck. Fuck you.

Why was mine just rubbing what because you don't have your your fingers you don't have the tactile ability to grab your dick it's so small you can only just feel where it is so that would you just have to get in the vicinity be a tactile issue yeah because you can't pick up like you know how like if I dropped a tic-tac

on the ground, you'd be like, you couldn't, you don't have the ability to pick it up. An infant couldn't. Like a toddler couldn't pick up a A toddler couldn't touch your penis? A toddler couldn't jack me up. No, no, no. It's not about the fine motor skills. I'm not rubbing. And how

are you doing it? So basically what i have to do is no one can see no one this is an audio podcast so what are you doing i'm uh barely i'm not able to like touch my i have to use two hands but i'm not able to touch my fingertips or my thumbs just because i'm so like fucking my dick's always like long but the more turned on i get the wider my dick gets yeah and so it just goes further and further so it's like it's like manual labor yeah yeah collar labor you probably don't have the stamina i use one of those really nice frisbees as like a cock ring what are those called they're really quality ones you can throw for like miles and miles you probably get

a lot of work-related injuries you probably what what what does your hands look like my hands you don't have the fine motor skills to jack your little penis off so you you over you're just flipping back what i said yes yes no i you you i i was caught jerking off and they're like by whom myself what does that mean it's that big i can walk that is not that is not a way to like even like comically depict how big you're but it doesn't make any sense my dick is so big i can catch myself explain how that that would make sense so like joke format it's so like it's like how you can see the uh a great wall of china from space i can see myself yeah so you're you're catching yourself yeah whoa what are you doing i'm just

i'm getting embarrassed every time that's that's like a brain problem no it's not making those sound effects it's not making sound effects no i have to use a whole bottle of fucking Pantene Pro V every time I decide to jerk off. You haven't fucked since the Obama administration. It's actually I wish I could find a pussy loose enough. Yeah. Is that your issue? Yeah. It's too scary.

It's awesome to like have a giant penis to clown on the homies, but the chicks just too scary. They'd rather rub you down. Okay. All right. Today's episode is brought to you by. Yeah. What's it? What is it brought to you by?

Can you read your phone or is your dick in the way? You know what? My dick's in the way. I got to move it out of the way. Let me take my dick off. You know, know mgk let me take my fucking bracelet before uh that he kept he kept that in the song i'm gonna take my fucking bracelet that's me he did the sheepish before a podcast cool guy went for let me take my fucking my fucking bracelets get in the way of these guitar strings mine's the same way i have to take my dick off before we start podcasting. Okay, take it off.

Oh, it's fake because it came off. Now you don't have a dick. You don't have, oh, you don't have a dick. I never, I never had a dick. What is it brought to you by?

My dick that can screw off is brought, oh, it's manscaped. Oh. Kyle, you got tons of hair all over, just your lower half.

And it's gross. You don't clean it. Your hair is filled with poop. Old poop. It's gross. Your butt hairs are filled with old poop. All right. That's like a late 20s thing that every guy experiences.

Old poop smells better than new poop. Actually, that's weird. Yeah, it does. It does. My southern hemisphere is... It smells less. It's still bad, but less. It's appe My southern hemisphere is... It smells less. It's still bad, but less. It's appeasing to the eye.

It's exotic. The crazy thing about you, though, your old poop smells like new poop. And it just cakes up and builds up. It doesn't cake. Like paint on an old school wall. Yeah, it does. And you're disgusting and you don't know how to get rid of that. Well, Kyle, good news, friend.

Does Manscaped have the tools to get rid of old poop? Old pieces of poop? It's like you have the tools to get rid of old poop? Old pieces of poop? It's like you have the ad right in front of you. Manscaped has the tools to get rid of old poop out of your ass and other hair. Like a sedimentary rock. You don't have to do the exact read. No, you have a stalactite of turd hanging from your tank. And you have a stalagmite of...

Which one goes up? You have both. You have mite and tight. Mite goes up, okay. You have mite and tight of turd. I'm a tourist attraction. The Olympics, Euros, basketball, major championships and concerts

all this summer. You know what isn't? A wild and hairy bush. Was that on the copy? Yeah. Yeah, nice, nice. Tame your pubes with the help of our friends at Manscaped, the leaders in below-the-waist grooming.

And that's true because they have the Lawn Mower 4.0. Guess how many RPMs, Kyle? 40,000. Less? Oh, yeah. That would be embarrassing for the program. We're trying to hype them up. I guessed a small number to try to like build up the suspense

of how fast the rpm actually yes 40 000 if you have five manscape 4.0 okay so you might as well get five so buy five sucker right now and you can also get the weed whacker with it to crop the worst weeds out of your nose and your ears uh take rpm what does that even stand for rotations per minute oh what did you think um rachel patricia maddow not quite imagine uh 40 000 of her yeah lucky us lucky us uh you can get 20 off with free shipping with code anus anus at manscape.com that's 20 off free shipping with code anus. Manscaped.com. Achieve pubic glory with Manscaped. Kyle, any interesting... What have you been doing lately? Been on YouTube or some shit?

Yeah, I have. Yeah? Yeah. What have you been doing on there? On top of some mom shit. I've been just checking up on MGK. Is that what you do? Yeah, you check all his socials and then check his... His YouTube.

His interviews. Why? He does cool guy voice and he does it well. Like the bracelet. I'm going to take my bracelet off. Is that the only example of cool guy voice you have of MGK? I'm going to take my bracelet off. You knew.

He knew he was about to record a song and he still wore his bracelet. He's a musician. So he knows that the bracelet affects the guitar strings. But he did it anyway. Went to that studio. Is that what it was? I thought he was just taking his bracelet. No, it was fucking with the guitar strumming.

Okay. He should have known. Let's leave that. You should have known. Let's leave it in the studio recording. Yeah. I'm sure there's like a viral tweet that's like when MG mgk said let me take my bracelet off i felt that that's when i knew when i knew knew what knew what he mgk understood the assignment is the assignments

taking your bracelet off then yes remember when he called us keep ith, keep it down, boys? He's like, you're a shh, keep it down, boy, and I'm a fuck you, blow that loud, boy. No, I don't. Yeah. He accused us all of being shh, keep it down, boys. No, he definitely did not mean me. Yeah. Well, he used the pronoun you as in everyone else. No, not me.

Nah. You're a shh, keep it down, boy. He's a fuck you, blow that blow that loud boy as if that's the opposite of be wanting blowing blow exhaling smoke is is uh that was like a rap trope for like five years where like smoking the highest strain the highest quality weed and getting as mellow as possible was like equated to being a rambunctious hellion and everyone was like smoking they were trying to find the strongest strains to like to rage while they mellow out yeah yeah it's just that's not how that works at all no and loud just describes the smell right like it smells loud is that what it is owen yeah yeah smells loud okay i feel like it would it's

it would smell strong it would sound loud maybe colson uh why don't you sit down i don't think there's something you're not confusing the senses very simple wow what would what would the good weed be for sight the weed is 2020 the weed is clear the shit but they use that smell that smells i don't know yeah like what's i don't have no idea we can workshop that uh what else have you been watching just just mgk shit um no i've been fucking with those um 10 things that they can't rappers can't live without like the pitchfork yeah yeah whoever who does it gq yes i've watched i've watched mgks yeah yes they're all really funny they're like supposed to be survival essentials like 10 things you cannot live without yes and they are just all things you could live with they're maybe

the most things there's things that you you can only live i've watched probably 10 of those i didn't have a single of the things i should be very dead yeah like if little uzi vert asked like by the transitive property you should be dead by the transitive the 10 things you can't live without series yeah yeah if uh if little skies uh looked through my things i owned he'd be like oh this is a dead guy oh this is the items of a dead man he pulls out his first one i'll slide and it's like a big he's like this is my fucking the first thing i can't live without is my fucking and they like giggle as if like having items is like daft it was like

it's my fucking my red gucci bag my bold red wait what did he say it that he said he's like it's my red gucci bag one word bold red um and it's like a fucking it's like a cabinet to me because i like put my shit in it it's like you can't argue that i mean that that's a bag something you can put items into but his bag how he described his bag is like a cab it's like a cabinet and other bags are not he i remember he said this guy i travel with it i travel with it everywhere type shit i don't think i don't think colson knows what a bag is yeah he's like my bag most bags aren't like cabinets no colson that's that that's a sheet my lou Louis bag is like a cabinet to me.

I'd be putting like shit in here. Type shit, type shit. What the fuck? Feel me, feel me. Wow, he is successful. His bag is like a cabinet in which it has items. Shit. What are you trying to think of something? My car is like a van.

My car is like a van to me because i like fucking i hop in the driver's seat type shit i travel i travel places in it like a fucking van like a fucking like you fucking would in a van who was his other ones on his what's in his bag it was a like you said like every celebrity does a cologne well but he was especially proud in that he's in he's into smells he's like i'm he said it multiple times like i said i'm reeling in smells right now i'm reeling to smell first of all were you are people ever out of smells just like now i don't like i don't like i don't like smells dude or shutting it down did he just did he discover smells like late i think he did he was

he was like from like what the fuck is this the polluted side of cleveland everything smells like a fucking packing peanut he never he then he like that's like the strongest scent in cleveland he went to la and he was like holy shit i'm into this y'all i'm i'm really into smells right now. Fucking Megan. Megan. What else did he have? I'm big into sensors. Was it Macklemore that was just like, I have my Android charger. Psych, it's an iPhone charger. Yeah, but in Macklemore's defense, that's like, I can see you needing a charger. Yeah, that is actually a pretty...

I think he scrambled. He only brought nine things. He missed count. He was like, oh, fuck. needing a charger. Yeah, that is actually a pretty... I think he scrambled. He only brought nine things. He missed count. He was like, oh, fuck. Uh-oh. He made the joke. Yo, I got this. Yeah.

But Coulson had two... He had... Do you have incense? He had incense. He had obscure comic books. Okay. And like the... He cannot live without them.

The guys at the camera were like, how'd you get into comic books, Coulson? Machine? Mr. Gunn. He's like, yeah, I popped into this low-key comic book spot in Thousand Oaks. And I went up to the guy and I was like, do you have anything deeper than conventional superhero comics? Something that alters the mind, makes you think,

and he pulls out this, I don't know. Well, deeper than a comic book's just a book right so yeah like he wanted a comic book that was thicker and had no pictures but what was the comic book and i don't know he's like this is some heavy shit heavy shit like this is stuff for your mind like it'll alter your view of life but you don't really read comic books more than one does but he's traveling with them yeah he's like i can't live without these i can i cannot live without this comic book they should do other celebrities like that they can't live without my god like terry shivo what would her all right all right i got electricity

terry shiva goes sneakers terry shiva goes sneaker... Wait. Terry Shiva goes sneaker shopping with Complex. We're going to see what she's feeling, what she's not, and hopefully she'll buy some shoes. Miss Shiva, you worry about like creasing these forces and she just looks at them. She gym looks to the camera. Hopefully she'll buy some shoes.

I don't stand. We're going to see what she's feeling, what she's not. What are your thoughts? Hey, what's going on, guys? I'm Sean Evans. Welcome back to Hot Ones. It's a show with hot questions and even hotter people. Today, we're joined by international legal euthanasia star, Terry Scheidler.

Welcome back. It's Sean Evans with First You Feast. Welcome back to Hot Ones. It's the show with hot questions and even hotter people. Today, we're joined by international feral superstar Donnie Thorne. Oh, yabba, yabba, yabba, yabba, yabba, yabba. This first one isn't bad.

Do Donnie Thornberry after he tries Debalm. All right, so a lot of people are saying this is the worst one. Let's give it a shot. Is that the last one? No, no, no, but people say it's the worst. Tasting. So why don't you try it? I like him having like cool guy mannerisms up until he's like dabbing his head. He's looking over to his crew.

He's like, that first one wasn't bad. I can do that. I can do that first one. But I'm worried. I'm worried about how international Feral is. It's Sean Evans with Hot Ones. Today we're joined by international Feral superstar Donnie Thorne.

Yabby, yabby, yabby! Alright, Donnie, you did the dab. Why don't you tell the people at home what's going on? Anything going on in your life? Anything you're here to promote? Yeah, man! Sean Evans, like hot ones, we get it.

You got celebrities, you got superstars, they're going to be cool with the first one and then they're going to start sweating and having trouble answering the questions. Hot Ones doesn't need the wings anymore. They need fictional cartoons. Hot Ones needs to go to cartoons. Do Roger Claw.

Introduce me. Today we're joined by a two-time platinum winning Bluffington High School's superstar, Roger Claw. today we're joined by a two-time platinum winning bluffington high schools superstar roger klotz yeah thanks for having me turd nugget let's get to it i've placed i'm going to the beats concert tonight with fucking patty i'm gonna wait i'm gonna finally get i'm gonna finally fuck patty oh man the one what are you what are the other like novelty you know how celebrity like what's in my bag you know how you can't ask for more wishes when a genie gives you three wishes yeah

megan rapinoe's first first thing on her 10 things she can't live without was her 20 pairs of sunglasses wait that was one thing i can't live with the one thing i can't live the one thing i can't live without is 20 sunglasses she was like like i fucking low-key have 20 but i only wear like the fucking i only wear the louis yo i'm not really a materialistic guy i only need one thing to live and that's everything i need i need tons of things and that's all i need to live uh yeah the what's in my bag is like always it's like the hipster version of uh of um uh the 10 things i can't live without so it's just you follow like an indie guy into a record store and it's always like mac demarco and he's just like yeah what's in my bag i got like this fucking wreck he had like xanadu which is like an 80s musical with olivia newton john that's there's no fucking chance he listens to that mac that's the one you want mr demarco that's the one you're gonna go home and listen to yeah i want to go home

and listen to fucking xanadu welcome back to ants for the internet donnie would you rather get ten thousand dollars for every dick you suck or only be able to speak in yab sounds YAB sounds. Fights. You good fights. Would you only be able to fuck your uncle from behind every time you have to pee or only be able to speak in intermediate exotic jargon? Scratching his head. Every time you get hard, good for you acoustic plays. Your choice is yours.

I'm going through them all on GQ. Dan Levy led off with Boba T Oh Jesus I can't live without Boba T Bad Bunny has a WWE championship belt in his top 10 Well I can see someone like from the

Caribbean like a third world area needing that to like survive in some way Needing what? A big metallic belt yeah yeah true to get his food what's the other one they had the co-founder of ruka do his 10 things he can live without rvca yeah is that what we're calling it now it's ruka that's r-n-l-c-a no what is ruka well imagine what he looks like. Yeah, what does he look like? I'm looking at him right now.

What's he look like? His number one was a jade necklace. Yeah, of course. He cannot live without. Oh, his number three is a gold tooth. He has a gold tooth. I can't live without my tooth. Yes.

You did the majority of your life number four is this his black ruka belt you you literally have an infinite supply of those yeah he can't live without the one black one then you just reword the show then name the show something else 10 things i have 10 things i happen to have circumstantially for the show. That I can travel with. 10 things I can travel with and that I'm kind of into right now. What's the one we do here? It's just like the five things you bring to a desert island. Oh, yeah.

People immediately turn into like... They instantly think they're survivalists the second. It's like, I need a tarp because I can double as like shelter and I can also catch rainwater. They think they're primitive warriors. They do. They instantly think they're survivalists the second she's like I need a tarp because I can double as like shelter and I can also catch rain they think they're primitive warriors they do they instantly think you gotta just bring different parts of Megan Fox's pussy if it's a list of three on a desert island what five parts of Megan Fox

are you bringing tongue whoa one one is pussy but it has to you can catch water it doubles as a cup or bowl depending on how packing Kelly is. Tongue. Why? You can flick your ass with it.

Only the horniest dudes would be like, yo, that's Megan Fox's tongue, isn't it? All right, five pieces of Megan Fox you're bringing to a desert island. Number one. I mean, I guess there's still a survival a survivalist you got to bring the asshole because you can still use the turds like fertilize your crops no you're gonna fuck the ass you're not you're not growing a single way you're gonna you have no green no yeah but if you're bringing the asshole you're bringing a void you're pretty that's that's negating one of your picks all right so you didn't you've been stumped you didn't bring anything are you bringing as two of your

items the ass the ass in the asshole or as two of your items the ass and the asshole or is zero of your items the asshole? So if you just bring the ass, it doesn't come with hole? Alright, we'll do a dog walk. We'll do a dog walk. One reproductive organ, one bone, one muscle, one miscellaneous.

I'm going to have to veto butthole. That's nothing. That's a void of anything. How do we put that on the graphic? You just lost. You just probably killed yourself. You're not surviving because you because you chose to bring the asshole. All right. I'll bring the ass that doesn't come with hole.

So what are you going to do with that? Realistically, what are you going to do with the ass? Is that a pillow? What? You can't catch a fish with that. You're dying. You're dying. You just killed yourself again. You killed yourself twice. I killed yourself twice uterus and an air fryer okay yeah everybody always says

air fryer on those yeah they do they like it oh man if i ever get sent to a desert island promise me uh you'll have a painting in my memory i feel like that was just so contextually irrelevant that this couldn't possibly be about the segment we're currently doing. Why don't you just play along? Yeah, but how? Yeah, don't you guys have a painting of me? No. I wish.

I don't wish. But there's a way to clown you. Well, just go to Paint Your Life. Would you like to ask me? Oh, I'm glad you asked, Kyle. Paint Your Life is our friend's... They do professional hand-painted portraits created from any photo at a truly affordable price.

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Right now, there's a limited time offer. 20% off your painting. That's right. 20% off with free shipping. To get this special offer, text the word UNTOLD to 64-000. Text UNTOLD to 64-000. Paint your life. Celebrate the moments that matter the most.

Kyle, I got you a painting on the way. Do you jerking off your little tiny penis? They really captured how tiny your dick is. They used they used a brush with one one fiber. No one one hair. They're like, yeah, that's that too big. And they're like, there's nothing we could do. It's not true.

Is it? Yeah, it looks like a caricature because your dick's only tiny they exaggerate your your features your day they were like yeah we actually made it extra small no no no there's like yeah we had we had to bump up his dick to make it tiny we had to go up two scales um i was walking home from the bar the other day you want to you want to fucking use a tissue i've had a cold for like this entire fiscal quarter. But like you actually you could have gotten rid of your cold if you just blow it out of your nose. You have not blown your nose once.

Well, that's the thing. You're just bubbling like a science fair volcano. That's obnoxious. Go on. You're walking home from the bar. Wow. Wow. Yeah.

What a unique human experience. I wasn't done. I was interrupted by your fucking phlegm. The bar. I was walking from a bar. Okay. Yeah. What a unique human experience. I wasn't done. I was interrupted by your fucking phlegm. The bar. I was walking from a bar. Okay. Yeah. Fuck you.

And I saw, it was garbage night and there was all the bags out on the street and everything, which is gross. Smells awful. But I saw. Chicago has alleys. Chicago has alleys and they keep all their trash in the garage. Yeah.

But continue. I saw an ally shirt, like a gay ally shirt in the garage yeah but continue um i saw an ally shirt like a gay ally shirt in the garbage and it was like the funniest was it a shirt that said ally and it just looked gay or was it it was an ally it's an ally and it had a rainbow flag on okay then it was a yeah yes it was undeniably a gay ally and i was just wondering the circumstances it takes to like oh to throw out an ally yeah because it was just it wasn't a bag of clothes it was just one shirt so it was either losing your ally ship there's only so many like combinations of ways yes i i think he like just like tried chick-fil-a and they're like yeah these guys are right he just took off his shirt he loved it that much threw it away no disagree with the

finale of rupaul's dragon yeah this is bullshit this is all commercial bullshit what else uh he just i mean you can't he maybe became gay that would be a way because you wear your ally shirt to a bar and like a like you'll see a gay guy and you're they're gonna assume your sister and you're just gonna choose to talk to him there's like hit it off walk him home and it's like all right you can come upstairs with me but but you got to lose the fucking shirt. You got to lose the fucking shirt. If you want to fuck my man ass, because you can't be gay and an ally.

You can't be an ally to yourself. No, you cannot. You can't be an ally. Do you get that? That implies a difference. Have you ever met a straight ally? Yes.

Ew. You thought about it really quick. How did they support you? How did they, how did they support you how did they how are they an ally to you the barstool what do you mean to me yeah like uh well you're straight how are they an ally to you how are they an ally what do you mean allies support allies help that's the nature of an ally so as a straight ally yeah just like anytime somebody's been a wingman to's the nature of an ally. So as a straight ally. Yeah. Just like anytime somebody's been a wingman to you.

That would be an ally. Yes. Painting me correctly. Yeah. Anytime a girl has let you had sex with them. That's right. We're still in the ad. Yes.

Painting you correctly. And you know who does that? Well, it's paint your life. Text that away. Code untold. We have anything else to talk about is there a hetero heterosexual flag yeah it's the fucking stars and stripes motherfucker point to us of a baby oh i thought you were talking about the stools and the stools and stars no no no it's the us of a that's my straight pride ain't nothing gay about a bunch of stars

ain't nothing gay about opposite flashy colors and yeah all right the red will represent pride in the white unity just like perfectly drawn stars and yeah they are in just a circular order that just look so aesthetically pleasing. Oh, you're talking about the stools and stripes. Oh, you're talking about the... And there's nothing gay about a bar stool. There's no gay bars.

Oh, man. Have you guys been to gay bars? Ben is a strong word. He's never left. He's always in one way or another at a gay bar. Musically, always. Sexually, sometimes. Spiritually, mostly.

Yeah. Is that your reply to what I'm going to say? No, you're just going to say No, that's a new untold story Hey, is that story old or told? No, baby That's a new untold story A new untold story It's a fresh, big untold story I knew I told you.

It's a fresh, big, untold story. I knew I told you.