A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 251 - Goofy Style

Episode Date: August 13, 2021

|| A New Untold Story: Ep. 251 - Goofy Style || The boys award the winner of the skinniest listener challenge, & discuss movies, the Rockies mascot fiasco, embarrassing memories, Buck Cherry, fucking goofy style, Nick's new apartment, waiting rooms, & more || Nick Turani & KB No SwagYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. I knew I told a story. It's a fresh, big, untold story. I knew I told a story. Kyle, why don't you kick us off? Why don't you start us off? Why don't you start us off? Start it off? I think we should acknowledge the winner of the skinniest listener.

Oh, yeah. We've gotten some really grotesque submissions. Yeah. People on the verge of death. Some of you maybe have reverse body dysmorphia. Not skinny. Yeah, we've got some people. Some of you on the other on the flip side too skinny to something

you make karen carpenter look like uh who's give me a fat person uh lena dunham you make karen carpenter look like lena dunham yeah uh do you have the winner is well i picked because i'd you know well i mean my dms look like a mclaughlin montage I got a lot of skinny ones. The winner is Dylan Garofalo or Garofalo from Goffstown, New Hampshire. Yeah, skinniest listener of the week. You look disgusting. He looks like an extra for the boy in the striped pajamas.

Yeah, I told him on Sunday, at least I sent him the DM, like, you win, what's your address? We want to send you a prize. I was lying. Yeah. No response. He may be dead.

100% dead. So posthumous congratulations to the Garofalo family. Yeah. No response. He may be dead. One hundred percent. Posthumous. Congratulations to the Garofalo family. Yeah. Yeah. We're proud of your son. Your parents did something wrong.

Wrong. Yeah. Yeah. They didn't make him finish his meals. Yeah. He can I see a picture of him? Yes. How skinny is he?

What was the machinist? The machinist? The machinist. What? You thought it was the machinist? The machinist? The machinist. What? You thought it was the machinist? I looked up skinny actor movies in hopes I could get that reference right. And you went with a Jim Bale. The machinist. What would that even be?

I was thinking of what is the people who derive pleasure from pain? Masochist. That's what I was thinking. Okay. They rhymed. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter doesn't matter it's a lot of dallas buyers club another one yeah i don't skinny all right let me see here

um yeah yeah that's disgusting i know okay i know yeah he's probably dead may have passed. Rest in the sweetest peace. Dylan? Dylan. With an I. D-I-L-A-N? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'm trying to think of what a super skinny person's casket would be like. I'm injured. You hurt your back? Yeah. You hurt your back just sleeping?

It's just part of being like I regret. There's not one part of me that doesn't regret being a star collegiate wrestler because that's what comes with it that is the only thing there is no there is no upside because you still had to pay for school yeah I lost my scholarship preemptively didn't get one the first you lost your scholarship by not being a good enough wrestler yeah that's what I you hurt your back jumping today I know well it's already hurt The first... You lost your scholarship by not being a good enough wrestler. Yeah. That's what I said. You hurt your back jumping today.

I know. Well, it's already hurt, but it doesn't matter. You have any talking points for me today? Did you see the new Marvel movies? I feel like that's an evergreen statement. No. Actually, so we were on our trip, and I tried to watch the new Suicide Squad. I think it was called The Suicide Squad.

So I downloaded it via HBO Max. I got the one with commercials just like the cheapest one and it was like i paid you paid for the subscription paid for the subscription in our fucking holiday and express hotel wi-fi and i logged into hbo max awful interface and then it recommended to me just like the first really shitty suicide squad movie the will smith one awful movie pete davidson no okay and uh uh i was like no i want the new one so i searched it and uh it said that my subscription wasn't like a high enough tier so i got fucking conned by but you still hbo max i already paid and so then i was like here's the movies that are in like your tier of suggestions. And the first suggestion was fucking Drumline with Nick Cannon.

Did you watch it? Yes, I watched the entire thing. Fuck yeah. And Nick Cannon, that's got to be his most famous movie. That or Roll Bounce, right? Yes. I didn't know he was in any one band, one sound type shit. That's exactly.

You've seen it too. But he's in the most niche hobby movies like i'm trying to think of like another like drum line was was good no it wasn't yes it was it was awful it taught me not to never look put my head down when you're playing the snare drum for your drum ain't going nowhere you why your head's down clowns that wasn't even a lie why y'all got your heads down clowns the job and then he was like it's drumming is like fucking yeah don't put your head down he taught me that he's like yeah you gotta just feel you gotta feel the snare it's disillusioning to put your head down and then

he like sexually harasses the girl drummer he's like look at me solidana no she's the dancer you you were just guessing on actors that's where lando jk simmons is not quite my color nope that's whiplash i believe but i nick cannon like being a niche like roller rink movie and drumline movie i'm trying to think of like what his next niche film would be origami yeah he's in an origami movie yeah called like what would it what would it be called fold star i think they could just use origami no they wouldn't though yeah roll bounce but a drumline was good oh it inspired me to like attend an hbcu what it was always you you wanted to go there was a white guy in it and he they were like why did you go here not georgia tech he's like i just love black people yeah okay welcome that movie

was always on the display screens at best buy yeah on the portable dvd players it was only on the portable dvd they would always garner a crowd like we're looking to see like the battle scene yeah um but you know how like paul rudd like there's videos of people like yelling his most famous movie lines out i'm like yo totes my goats and it'll look is that okay and like the actor is like i'm sure arnold schwarzenegger gets like i'll be back's yelled at him and he has to say it back and like if that's nick carter's i mean nick cannon's favorite like most popular movie like i just imagine him walking down the street they're like yo nick cannon and they're just like playing playing in the drum he's like yeah that yeah that's me

nick over here is that the is that a drum that was me being like his snare part. Yeah. I can't believe you liked that movie. I was also nine when it came out. Okay. And then 19 when I rewatched and then 27 when I third watched it. Third watched it. And has it gotten better with age? There needs to be more movies like that and less superhero movies.

So more. He was a superhero when he had the sticks in his hand. He did. He's an all timer. he was a superhero when he had the sticks in his hand he did he's an all-timer uh the band uniforms though uh that like they wear they look like they're fucking falling apart i i don't remember it that well they were they looked like they were fucking falling apart and i knew for a fact that they weren't made by cuts clothing kyle because they were they were in a million fucking pieces cuts clothing was wasn't even a startup back then.

It wasn't. I'm wearing Cuts clothing right now. If this was any other shirt, this would be shattered on the ground right now because I've had a rough morning. Yeah. I bumped into a door. It would have broken.

It would have just ripped. It's so embarrassing when that happens. Yeah. But luckily, I'm wearing Cuts. Five years ago, Cuts founder Steve Borelli set out to create clothes for every occasion. Since then cuts has become the Tesla of t-shirts, hoodies,

polos, sweatshirts, and more cuts is premium with a purpose. Each piece is crafted with custom engineered fabric and a comfortable fit without compromising on timeless universally flattering style. The shirt is pretty flattering, isn't it, Kyle?

Yeah, it's the fifth anniversary of cuts this month. Did you know that flattering, isn't it, Kyle? Yeah. It's the fifth anniversary of Cuts this month. Did you know that? They're doing a two-collection drop, a product launch, and a week-long special event. You can join us in the celebration and get 15% off site-wide

by going to cutsclothing.com slash anus. A-N-U-S. That's cutsclothing, C-U-T-S, dot com slash anus for 15% off your entire order pretty awesome you know who doesn't wear cool clothes the guy at the rockies game who yelled the n-word which he didn't yell the n-word didn't end up being no but but but if we played the clip people were think would think we were that's playing a clip honestly i like to think that he did say the n-word and he's just like oh like this this kind of makes sense

i'm standing next to that triceratops like the perfect one look it's it's it's like uh it's like making fun of a gay man in front of a french french bakery just like oh this is perfect ah what a twist of fate but that I was just trying to buy long bread. He's either the smartest villain of all time or the, I don't know, the unluckiest mascot lover? It's one or the other. People don't know. The mascot for the Rockies name is Dinger. Dinger, like the slang for a home run.

Yeah, hardly rhymes. So he is right behind home plate. I don't know, coincidentally. And the batter is of African-American or maybe Caribbean. I don't know. He's black. And he is shouting it. And I've, well, I guess the mascot is adjacent.

Yes. And he is looking toward the mascot. Right. But I've watched it I guess the mascot is adjacent. Yes. He is looking toward the mask. Right. But I've watched it a thousand times. Yeah. Nine hundred. Those line. But the phoneme very well.

The first phoneme is an N. Is it? I don't know if it's like a like a dress, like the gold, blue, white, blue, black dress. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like a green green needle an auditory an auditory illusion but wow what a what a controversy mark walberg just expects

like exclusively standing in front of fence stores now wait metal fence stores wait oh yeah yeah yeah thank you got it got it um yeah is that is that your big talking point no you just he just reminds me of someone who wouldn't wear shatterproof clothing that's right we are still in the ad no i don't know maybe it was just his culture he was raised on n words yeah he had to he had yeah he had to say it he couldn't have his he couldn't have his dessert before he said it honey finish your n word finish your word finish your word i did there's still an r on your plate you only finished finished two thirds of your meal. Finish your word.

No desserts. We were going to go to Dairy Queen, but there's still a lot of R on your plate. You know how like right before you go to bed. What's dessert for a family that's dinner is the end? What could it possibly be? Yeah.

He's always just full. He never has room for dessert. Oh, mom. I couldn't say another suffix. Sorry, you were saying? You know how like right before you go to bed, this might just be me. But you get that jolt of like anxiety of like a really embarrassing moment in your life. Whenever that happens to me throughout the day, I will let out like an audible sound like.

Yeah. So I had one last night. It was me. Right. I was just into college, freshman in college. I just like broken up with my longtime girlfriend because she was just going into high school. And so the distance was going to be, no, I'm kidding. She was a senior in high school.

And the distance was going to be. You notice how I didn't even react. You did not even react. I think you're more shocked that she was just senior. She was going into her senior year. The distance was too much is what she said. So you did not, you weren't proactive. Mut proactive mutually broke up with me mutually shattered my heart not non we both sat down and agreed that she was going to dump me but uh for some reason i had just gone to college

it was like a beautiful day like you know it was like the opening of any college movie like there was like a skateboarder ollieing down the steps frisbee at the quad like girls like giggling giggle they yeah it's a mile snicker yeah mile yeah and uh you better be careful you're lucky you're we just got done talking about the rockies i was eating a candy bar yeah but you said it was brown it is um no uh i was like feeling really confident for some reason it was like a beautiful day yeah i had a cool fit on i think i was wearing like an argyle t-shirt that was fly as fuck back then 2011 10 11 okay yeah yeah it was a very brief window that was like hollister was making a run v-neck out v it was an american eagle i was looking fly plaid shorts yep um and yeah i was

wearing a plaid shorts argyle shirt and striped socks i looked like a fucking magic eye walking i looked like an illusion um but i was walking down high street in morgantown there's this pet shop and i was just like walked into the pet shop for just walking down high street in morgantown there's this pet shop and i was just like walked into the pet shop for just walking around high street exploring i walk in and there's this girl that's holding a leash and i like was confident i just like her dog was attached to the leash but it was like around the corner it was like you could have just said walking a dog she was in the pet store okay she was in the pet store and she was holding the leash it was taught so the dog was further away first of all i want i need to know the mortality rate the one year mortality rate of

pets bought by wvu students three months they can't even like keep doors and furniture i went to multiple house parties where the kids had like baby ducks just in a tub they're like yeah i bought a duck it follows me everywhere it's fucking annoying i was like don't buy a duck jesus he stole a duck yeah probably so i walk in and she was like really cute't buy a duck. Jesus. He stole a duck. Yeah, probably. So I walk in and she was like really cute and alone. And like I looked at her and smiled. She smiled back. I was like, oh, I'm going to finally, this is the first time I'm making a move.

What? Okay. Yeah, no, go on. Tell your tale. And I was just like. Tell your epic. Tell your big fish style epic. Just Kyle going, perfect. It was perfect.

It was the perfect situation. Dude, a return smile. Confident, newly single. I thought I was hot perfect. It was the perfect situation. Beautiful summer day. Dude, I returned, smiled. Confident, newly single. I thought I was hot shit. I was a college freshman. You were. I was argyled.

Yeah. You probably had your duct tape wallet. You're like, this is... Man, everything was perfect. I remember I make your purchase and like, yeah, there's like hair and shit in the parts where I didn't completely cover. But I was like, oh my God, what kind of dog do you have? like it was turning the corner as soon as i asked what type of dog it was yeah fucking dalmatian how fucking dumb do you have to be to see a dalmatian like oh what

what type of dog is that and she was like oh it didn't work no she was like she like looked at the dog then looked at me and i was in too deep i was like well it's like it's a dalmatian but i like haven't thought about that in years brutal yeah and i just shot up last night thinking of that yeah that's bad i get that i've been uh dabbling in weed yeah and uh i got too high the first time and you ever see the movie or read or see the movie the giver no i've heard really no i haven't seen the giver like the black and white one yeah where the kids are in like utopian or dystopian but there's like one person who has to uh like endure all the memories of history so everyone else doesn't have to and he like touches books and gets shocked with these memories was it like an electricity

novel or just shocked no matter what i think it's shocked more as in like oh yeah you're dumb the memories jolt jolt electric shock i mean jolted the memories run like course body yeah yeah um but that was like the exact sensation i was having when i was really high i I was, but like you getting like specific memories of embarrassment. Yeah. But like things I didn't even remember, like fifth grade, just asking a dumb question or like stuff like that.

I get like the same ones a lot. Um, my first girlfriend, like I, well not my first girlfriend, the girl I lost my virginity to. I remember once like we were like making out and this is before I ever had sex. And she like whispered to me,

she was like, I want to suck your dick. And it was really sexy. And I panicked. And she like whispered to me, she was like, I want to suck your dick. And it was really sexy. And I panicked, but I tried to be cool. And I was like, me too. She was like,

what? I was like, and I met like eat her pussy. No, you met. Oh, I would have said like me too. Like I want you.

Oh no. I've met like return the favor. Oh. And I was just like, yeah, me too. And she was like, well,

she like stopped kissing me. Like, she was like, what? And I get that one a whole lot i had i had a girlfriend in seventh grade she had transferred in and we were started dating and she asked me if i had ever hooked up with anyone and i said no and then i said wait what do you mean i thought she meant kissing and she said like have sex i was like yeah no that was the same for me especially as i got older to like the point where it's it's embarrassing to be a virgin like 17 we'd go around the room and like how many people have you had sex yeah and i

was like what do you mean like what do you mean like sex yeah like what what do you mean i didn't i didn't get oral sex either or to define sex or whatever the finger sex is called medically finger bang yeah digital sex digital oh i was just like what do you mean by sex like i've watched porn hey is that just the buck cherry hay from crazy bitch hey you're crazy bitch that that song that song counts as buck cherry wrote the syllabus on gaslighting bipolar girls it was like before you even fucked you were like that guy if he applied to be skinniest viewer listener of the week he would win oh my god i'm sure he's skinny as fuck hey that's the most distinct hey it was hey you're a crazy bitch um what are the lyrics do you know how much i would listen to that song on my ipod shuffle before i jacked off to rachel mcadams

were you imagining her as the titular crazy bitch yeah she was like well the rachel mcadams might be the least bitch the least crazy bitch she was in mean girl she was oh you jacked off the rachel mcadams mean girls yeah like her like some like off behind the scenes type photos i was thinking like notebook rachel mcadams and now i'm thinking like a grainy youtube video of like a rachel mcadams notebook compilation with crazy bitches the soundtrack. We'll make that. But you fuck so good. I'm on top of it.

Whatever that means. Do you guys get uncomfortable when you find yourself attracted to a of age girl playing like a 17 year old? Yeah. Give me any examples. Megan Fox Transformers. She played a 17-year-old? Well, that's just unbelievable.

There is no illusion of... No, it's not. It's not even suspension of belief. It's just like, this is... Because she didn't even act young. And that acting young is weird. Like talking... Like that one girl, the OK Boomer girl.

She's like probably 42, but she's a child. Speaking of which, when we were on the plane, there was a baby crying the whole time. And I hate it when babies act childish. I was like, this baby. Is that a compliment? Is the baby advanced for his age? Control your kid. Your baby's acting childish as fuck right now.

Thanks? He's a gifted baby. Your infant's acting like a toddler. Yo, yo. Reign this thing in. He's acting childish right now. Hey, you're a crazy bitch. Was that about something?

I mean... Like Paris Hilton, I think. It wasn't really. She started a porno right yeah but not with the lead singer of Buck Cherry no it was with Rick Solomon I think that the cherries were fucking they were just

recounting the saga the cherries was it cool that I knew who it was that was really cool and I'm impressed Rick Solomon who was he famous yeah he's a professional poker player oh really yeah one night in paris one night in paris it's the blair witch project of pornos i think i used those yeah i bought night vision goggles just so i could watch other porns in that style

i don't know what you're talking about. It was like in night vision. Was it filmed with a shaky camera? No, it was filmed in green night vision. Yeah, it was weird. Can you tell it was Paris? Do you think a lot of people were pumping out sex tapes after Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian? Definitely.

Just like Copycat League, trying to get famous that way? Yeah. That's good for us. Copycat League? Just more porn. More porn for us.'s good for us copycat league it's just more porn more porn for more porn for us that was like the same time like homemade skate videos were popular every everybody was doing it everyone had their fucking camera i was like the shaky cam starts you didn't know which it was gonna be yeah you didn't know what it was gonna be i saw like he would go down a three set and just landed a pussy oh yeah this guy fucks goofy style yeah i fuck goofy

ew dude you're fucking mongo i'm trying to think of what fucking goofy is. I think you're just like sideways. Oh, shit. Or like a cowboy. Switch a nollie. What the nollie of fucking is anal. I think. Yeah. Fucking.

You want to talk about pubes real quick? Yes, please. I'm trying to. I'm trying to think not really good because we're going to talk about the lack of the opposite of pubes the void of pubes and manscaped helps you with that kyle did you know that owen did you know that they get rid of it you can get 20 off manscape today with code anus at manscape.com and free shipping it's an out of this world experience the performance package 4.0 gets you fucking right gets you smooth as hell smooth as what give me give me some sort of manscape 4.0 the lawnmower 4.0 yep that's where you'll find the lawnmower the weed whacker summa cum laude that's right the 4.0 the dean's list of pubic shaving and then yeah 20 off so be sure to do that i i honestly

this product sells itself i'm doing it a disservice by just talking yeah so just get it get it pubes are gross don't have them but you don't you don't have to get rid of them entirely you can get different lengths fairways bunkers sand pits fescue uh greens yeah all of it rough oh and you're like pulling good trivia knowledge yeah yes he's just flexing the three things he like like studied and like i have to weave this into conversation somehow the three solomon and rick solomon fescue you just look yeah you hit like i'm feeling lucky on wikipedia twice. It's like, all right, I'm ready for the pod. I can't believe they brought both of these up. Whoa.

This is just my luck. I'm trying to just I'm racking my brain right now of like what else that could be. You want to say like a Chiron. You want to talk about houndstooth patterns or something? I'm just trying to think of more things that can be done goofy style now. I'm just like, I sleep goofy style, which means I just piss the bed every fucking night. Wait, I need to ask. What is goofy style skateboarding?

That's like left-footed skating. So it's just like southpaw. Regular and goofy. Okay. It's a funny name. It's lefty, but you step on it like you're skating righty, right? No, no, no. That's Mongo.

Oh. You made fun of for that. Oh. That's when you push with your front foot and your back foot's on the board. Gotcha. The other two, your front foot's on the board. It's quite simple, really. Kyle, we'll let you talk about wrestling for a minute.

Yeah. Go ahead and say something. No. I'm not. Yes. Can I? Oh, my God god what do you want to say yeah um well in wrestling a lot of times um if you're a lefty which i am that means you write and do everything else righty that's like that's like hockey we'll transition from the ad into yeah yeah yeah yeah we just need to get off of that topic. Oh, Goofy.

Nah, I'm just fucking Switch. Is he hot or does he just fuck Goofy? So we just took like a 30 second break to get pissed. And in that time, Kyle, you managed to just loop the hay of Buck Cherry. How did you do that? Imagine getting a copyright infringement just from the buck cherry's hay and then buck cherry himself like reaches out you think his name's buck cherry uh no it's josh todd i want it to sound like i didn't know um but yeah he oh my god mr cherry he just sent like his dm was just hey with ellipses you know you know what you did you like take a girl out to like a cliff to make out with her

and just be like hey you mind if i pop your cherry she's never heard the album just came out no but you know you fog up the windows i popped her buck cherry hey hey is this gonna get us copyright uh worth it worth it yeah worth it that it's not even like grotesque but that might be the most crass song ever yeah yeah getting fucking laid all right man getting fucking laid right now he taught us he taught us well like you have listen you have irreversible mental illness that makes you a nuisance to be around you are irredeemably mentally ill to the point where no one can form an emotional connection with you, but your pussy. I was like, we were like 14.

We're like telling girls that. Yeah. That was my truth is to the girl who ended up being schizophrenic. Yeah. Gaslighting girl. When truth is gaslighting girls is, is popping their buck cherry. Yeah.

Uh huh. He called me fucking crazy, but then I fucked his, I fuck the shit out of his dick as revenge as revenge yeah he's a fuck oh i'm crazy how about i fucking lay you getting fucking laid that was probably like blaring and Altoona. Oh yeah. That was, that still is.

They, they would sell out. So I notoriously hate central Pennsylvania. Yeah. But I think the line is Altoona. Cause I love that city. Why do you love it? I think it's the best,

it's the best small to midsize city in America. Why? It can't be overstated that they have 19 different sheets oh yeah yeah yeah you put together like a bar crawl didn't you i did i thought i was gonna troll them so i made this fake bar crawl that loot like it it was a sheets it mapped out yeah sheets crawl that mapped out every single sheets and i like made a fake t-shirt design and i put it in their face the altuna official facebook group and i was like this is gonna piss them off because i was like it was also like charging money 19 of them 19 different sheets

how far apart are they they're some of them are directly adjacent in like their whole their excuse is like oh we we invented sheets i was like well no you didn't no it was just where the first one was and you don't invent sheets because that's a gas station you didn't invent that you just happened to be the first sheets but i think that's an excuse and so they have 19 different what's the population of altuna probably like 40 000 i don't know yeah that's a lot of sheets was she's capital wawa i don't think i don't know um but yeah so i put that up in the the facebook group and everyone in the comments was like overwhelmingly about it they're like yes i can't wait thank you so much and i was like troll failed troll fucking failed our sheets and wheeling well one of them uh is

like down the street from the bar everybody goes to generations it's a hall but my one friend didn't have money for cover and he was like just drop me off at sheets and he pretended to be homeless for like two hours just to get bar cover and then just walk down and went in josh varner he's caught now to get bar cover yeah it was like ten dollars to get in because there was like a band playing like the clarks were playing they always do they always do yeah and he just was like yeah just drop me off here i do this all the time and like during and in like he didn't go to college a lot definitely he just worked on a bread route but he just pretended to be homeless all the time in front of sheets that worked i mean she was like the when you were going out you just went to sheets that was you went out and if you were cool

sheets parking you're cool enough nick you can't relate but you had your own parking lot quadrant where it was you and three other people usually you one of your homies and then two attractive girls you were always with dc banks who like keeps getting on like sports center for hurting himself doing crazy workouts he's a real yeah a daredevil lifter a fitness stuntman he'll do a curl and then backflip yeah good for him yeah great for him for him. Kyle, give me a talking point, asshole. I came with the heavy hitters today. And what do you have? I talked drumline for 20 minutes. I added a lot to that.

You moved into a new apartment? No. I am in a new apartment. I've been there for like four months now. But I realized something last week two weeks ago the nothing wrong with this but i just got home at a different time than i normally do and there was a bus not a school bus but like a like a white like work bus that you would take like i would like it was shuttle bus like church camp bus much much like that it um it wasn't a short bus but it was not a long bus okay and in into

my building is like 12 special needs adults and they all have like the the line leader like rope they're not tethered together that's think that's common for low-income apartment buildings. I have a doorman and everything. I have a nice apartment. But the entire fourth floor is special needs adults. Yeah, that's good. They're making good use of the building. I guess.

What floor are you? The seventh. Okay. So I don't know what I want to call that line. On the curve, you're only like three deviations away from that on like an intelligence bill because what was the ratio of what of the the new uh my building mates yeah they were mostly men oh ratios are the ratio the gooding Jr. is ratio. I was curious because I was moving in and I was using the elevator to move my stuff in.

And there was just an entire Jolly Rancher stuck to the fourth button. Just like it was on their finger and it was transferred over to the fourth button. That makes sense. I've done that before. One time I stayed in the Holiday Inn right next to my apartment. Yeah yeah i remember you did that because you needed a break you said i needed a break from home this is not even a lot there's a holiday in two buildings away yeah i'm a sucker i like hotels and you went about it stayed in the holiday go in and your your entire you beat off the second you walk it's a reason it's like a mood reset like oh no it's not. Because you're conditioned to feel like you're on vacation or a trip and everything.

Try it out one time if you can afford it. No. If you have the disposable income. Why would I ever? But it was playing host to battered mothers, young parents. Yeah. They were all in pajamas on the elevator. And I could tell.

They didn't tell me straight up. You assumed that they were battered women. I could tell what group of people they were. Why? What make? The pajamas. That's it? Yeah.

Women in pajamas, you just assume. Uh-huh. Oh, you poor soul. What? I'm comfy. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I would never do that to you.

The women shouldn't be comfortable. Did you put in noise-canceling headphones to drone out their crying? They weren't. Maybe some Sennheisers? They were sedated. Kyle? Sennheisers? Yeah.

Oh, I would have fucking, that would have made my trip so much better, my trip down the road. Right now, our first 100 listeners who go to Sennheiser.com slash podcast can use the code UNTOLD to receive 15% off the Momentum True Wireless 2 earbuds or any of their amazing headphones. Oh, and you have the Momentum 2s, don't you? I do. They're great. Yeah?

Mm-hmm. Anything else? They sound good and they feel good. They're the best earbuds money can buy. I was wearing mine walking down the street and a real hip dude walked by. You could tell he was an audiophile. He looked at me and he nodded. I was like, oh yeah because he knew he would and i was hearing the treble i was because he knew i had sennheisers in what kind of audio you think he listens to uh the all all of it yeah

but yes you can get yours 15 say you're hypothetically listening to buck cherry you can hear the vaginal discharge in Josh Todd's mouth as he says, hey. On regular phones, it just sounds like he's saying, hey, with a slight rasp. But with the Sennheisers, you can hear the fluids in the saliva. You can smell the pussy on his breath. You can smell the pussy just about. You can just about smell it. And the battery life.

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Rich. We're podcasting goofy style. It really makes anything funny. Yeah, it does. Like, it's just... I fucked her goofy style last... That would be fucking her switch. Because switch is when you're regular foot and you do something goofy.

Okay. So if you were, like, a poser... Like, if you were trying to impress a girl by fucking her goofy style, you'd be fucking switch. Fucking switch? You can't fuck goofy. Yeah, I probably could. No, you couldn't. It would be switch because you're regular.

But I could. Why? I can pitch lefty if I wanted to. That you that is you pitching switch your switch hitter switch switch okay you have to be a natural goofy like myself he fucks goofy so he no no i won't come that's my excuse babe i i fuck you i fuck goofy what else i was thinking just other things. Goofy style. That you could do Goofy style. Play Banjo-Kazooie. Yeah, what with that?

Remember that was... What the fuck? At my dentist office. That was the only game available on the N64 in the lobby. See, my dentist office... It was such a depressing atmosphere. Mine was more. My dentist office...

Mine was my orthodontist waiting room, and they did not have an N64. They had a Game Gear by Sega. A Game Gear? Yeah. You don't know Game Gear? No. It was like a giant handheld. Yuck.

And I just played Sonic. That might be one of the most depressing auras of a room. The dentist or orthodontist? Not the waiting room, but the room you go into after they call you back and then you're waiting it's like there's like a second waiting yeah that remember my i had like a mine i had like a tooth coloring book like the only crayon options were white and like macaroni yellow so either you were like a good boy or a bad repulsive boy or someone who didn't get to use color a tooth coloring yeah it was such a like a ethical dilemma for a boy yeah i want to i want you can't even see the white

why don't you color your tooth i know you want to color go ahead pick up the crayon yeah dentist orthodontist waiting rooms um vacation bible school vacation bible school like any community center any community community center, like after hours, any like school, like elementary school, gymnasium, like at night, especially on a school night.

Weird feeling there. Like a spaghetti dinner. Oh yeah. You want to, you want to know my least favorite aura of any room? Friends, grandma always smells like go in the basement and it's weird the carpet's always green well a lot of things about horrible color scheme yeah a lot of things about old people aren't

charming when they're not your grandparents yeah yeah other people's grandparents is probably like the worst type of home you can be in but every every other like grandparents have we talked about the milky substance in the corner of the mouth? Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's like their walls, like the corners of the room have milky substance. Everybody else's grandma but my own has like a ship in a bottle. Yeah. Every single one. Except mine. I don't want that.

And I always end up breaking. Every time I went to my friend's grandma's, I always end up breaking something. Everything was breaking. Yeah. Yeah. Except my friend Logan. His grandma in her basement had like a hair cutting station. Like the chair and the sink. Really?

Yeah. But still same smell as everyone. And then you're like, wow, why does everybody's grandma's place smell like this but mine? But yours does too. Oh, honey. Honey. Yours does too. It's probably the worst. See, my grandparents were fucking rich and they i still hated going there what do you mean by were they're dead

bummer they went to uh hell mexico mexico for a high risk uh chemo goofy style goofy style chemo that's what that's what steve jobs did okay i could get chemo and treat this cancer or i could go goofy style like bucky what was bucky lasik and uh just eat a bunch of strawberries i think i'm gonna do that that's what he did i don't even know that guy's a goofy style worst most depressing i hate it all like county fairs street fairs especially on school nights county fairs on school yeah because people were like you can't you just couldn't your mind wouldn't let you uh celebrate no you're right enough fun on a on a there was an episode of uh sons of anarchy where there was they found pedophiles at a fair yeah and that just really opened my eyes i feel like that's

got to be their christmas fairs yeah yeah because it's kids that are too poor to go what's the what's the echelon of kidnappable child fair is the most kidnappable then carnival circus amusement park theme amusement park the parents probably care yeah zoo is below theme park no i think zoo is higher up zoo parents are like really clingy yeah helicopter parents helicopter parents honey don't get too close to the glass i think amusement parks is like 70 of attendees are people who got like they won like a pass or a discount okay so that's the only reason they're that's like their vacation so most kidnappable creatures in line and fucking amusement park i think state fairs if you're

like state fairs are bad just get them back by monday yeah there's a 50 50 chance you either get an elephant ear or kidnapped yeah or and then both sometimes both brutal what's your favorite thing to do with the fair I liked the like the crooked house I guess the crooked house yeah it was just like a bridge and then like the tunnel that spun oh yeah no I didn't like the

gravitron the fuck's that thing that spins you like get strapped in move yeah I didn't like that why Why would you? Everyone spent all their time on that. So I was alone often. Kyle, what would you yell to a girl if you're trying to get her attention? All right, guys.

Thanks for listening. That was a new untold story. Or we told old stories. Good podcast. Owen, Kyle, Nick. old story or we told old stories good podcast owen kyle nick we need a cooler sign off what okay before we sign off uh we should hire buck cherry to say goodbye yeah we need a let's we need a buck cherry outro how much would that cost um from his pockets if we had to like ask him straight up probably i don't know three four figures oh figures yeah yeah definitely we're gonna work on that nine thousand all right everybody oh shit that's your reply to what i'm gonna say no you're just gonna say like

no that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? No, baby! It's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. A new, untold story.