A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 258 - Limp Wristkid

Episode Date: September 30, 2021

|| A New Untold Story: Ep. 258 - Limp Wristkid || The boys discuss Salt Bae, the inventor of suicide, T00BMAN aka the McTickler, girls ghosting Nick, Eminem's new restaurant, & we make a few prank phone calls || Nick Turani & KB No Swag || New merch coming soonYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad- untold story episode what owen 258 wow what episode do we actually start on 212 we've only had how many episodes have we had 46 that's it i would have guessed we were closing on like 100 not me because i understand how many weeks are in a year, how long we've been doing the podcast. I don't. All right. So I would guess mid 40s. It feels like 100.

Shut up and let me call a pizza place. You know. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking do it then. Do it. Call a pizza place then. I had a bunch of juicy topics lined up but no you can go ahead

and call maybe the twist this time you could do like a chain pizza i don't want to do a twist i'm gonna play the hits these make me so uncomfortable everybody's favorite segment you gonna jump those are minis yeah can i get a couple pickup pies? I'm sorry? Can I get a couple pies for pickup? Can you say his name? Kyle.

I'm sorry? KB. I'm sorry, I can't hear you, sir. Kyle, K-Y-L-E. Kyle, I will call you if you have... I'll take one pepperoni jumbo, fully loaded, all the works, and two plain cheese minis.

Unloaded, no works. We only have one side. Yeah, then I'll just take the jumbo. No minis. I'm sorry. I'm not sure what you told me, Matt. So no jumbos? This is known as the Santa. Okay, yeah. I'll take then no jumbos? Oh, this is Nona's in Staten Island. Are you calling to my place?

Okay, yeah, I'll take then no jumbos. I'll take three minis. And no drink, but one straw just in case. I'm sorry, are you calling to my place? Uh, this is Nona's? Oh, yeah, in Staten Island. Okay, I'll take two pies. Two regular pies? okay i'll take two pies um well pepperoni fully loaded and uh i guess jumbo size

all right well i need a jumbo i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry it. Sorry. Sorry for wasting your time. Yep. That makes me so uncomfortable. God damn it. When I would give up is like, I'm a pussy. I would have given up when she couldn't hear your name. She was giving me no backlash.

The no drinks but a straw just in case. I like saying You never know. Just in case I come across. I'll take a pepperoni fully loaded what's that mean i don't know pepperoni with all the work all the works all so i'll take a pepperoni all the work so you know you know what that means though what's that mean if a pizza with the works means the toppings but that's for a pepperoni so So it was pepperoni. Yeah, I want to load it with pepperoni. You know what?

You guys know what that means. You want a pizza with the works or loaded. But the works includes pepperoni. Yeah. But you said a pepperoni with the works. I was just specifying. Is it possible to be fully loaded without the works? Fully loaded without the works.

Can you order a fully loaded just cheese? Yeah, load loaded with cheese No works That actually made me hungry Just talking about jumbo pies All the works fully loaded You see me salivating I see you what

Salivating Salivating What is that Today's episode of the good people of manscaped Kyle Celebating. Celebating. What is that? Today's episode, the good people have manscaped Kyle. Love those guys. We've always. We always have, even before they've. Before they were manscaped.

Before they were manscaped. Love those guys. Yeah. Back when they were Joanna Mann and RuneScape. Yeah. It's time to bundle up with Manscaped Performance Package 4.0. man and runescape. Runescape, yeah. It's time to bundle up with Manscaped Performance Package 4.0.

Inside this package, you'll find the Lawn Mower 4.0 trimmer, weed whacker, ear and nose hair trimmer, the crop preserver ball deodorant, crop reviver toner, performance boxer briefs, and a travel bag to hold all the goodies. Manscaped even threw two gifts, two of them, to the Performance Package 4.0. The boxers and the shed travel bag comfy on the go on the comfy on the home on the go this season uh 20 off free

shipping with code anus manscape.com that's 20 off with free shipping with code anus for a clean trinity and beyond your space balls will thank you. That scratch your itch for prank calls? No. What? Because the whole point, the fun of the prank call is pissing off the person on the other line. And she just, that teeny weeny girl just... Wanted to fuck you. She wanted to fuck me.

Any human, any conscious... Why did you have to say teeny weeny? Because she was probably younger. Right, but she was not a flat colossal. No, but she... You could tell by her voice. Teeny weenie? Yeah.

That type of girls that go for you? Yes. Teeny weenies. Size-wise. Yeah. That implies size when you say teeny weenie. Yeah. You could tell like any rational sentient human would have gotten angry and frustrated and conveyed that to me but that person she just kept

taking it all right so if we can go 30 minutes on stopping talking uh i'll let you do one more prank call oh fuck i don't know if i've ever done that. 30 minutes straight. Let's do it. Okay. We got an ad out of the way, so that's... Fuck. Yeah, I know. That would be a good time to go into it right now. Good chunk.

Did you see that Salt Bae quote that was going viral? Let me pull it up. He's still... So Salt Bae was a viral meme like three to four years ago and he has a restaurant in new york he has one in la all over dallas the lunches if you go to lunch it's going to be like six hundred dollars for two people yeah 500 and is it that like it's burgers well i think you can get the steak but i think the burgers are like the lunch thing they're like 250 he doesn't even he's obviously not at them.

He's at one of them. He's at any given time. Their logo uses a default Microsoft font. Like one of the ones that are built into the system. Good. What? Fuck fonts. It's avant-garde.

No, it's not. Fuck you both. What? That's bullshit. Oh, yeah. Defend fonts. Okay. Salt Bae said that now everyone wants to be a butcher because of me

first off not what you are not you're not a but now if you ask a kid they want to be salt bay it's a non-binary kid non-binary kid they want to be so they they see me as an idol i'm an inspiration to a lot of people in a very short period of time. So he thinks there's just a gaggle of kids across the world who want to be Salt Bae when they grow up. Is he assuming or was there a parent that told him? It was probably reported from a parent in denial about their closeted gay son's wrist. He's just flamboyantly moving his wrist like that. He's not trying to be the next Salt Bae.

Yo, Mike, what the fuck's up with your kid? Grayson, he wants to be a butcher. What's he doing with his wrist? He wants to be the next big star in the steak industry. Yo, your son's acting pretty feminine. What? Shut the fuck up. He just wants to be the next Salt Bae.

He's not gay. He wants to be Salt Bae. Yeah, my kid. What the fuck? What are you accusing? What are you? What the fuck? That wasn't a fuck up on my part.

That was just how angry dad.'s how angry that's how they yeah dad's will just be he ain't gay he just wants to be salt bay oh so he so it clears up he's not gay he just wants to be a tight wearing a tight deep v neckwearing, Arabic tanned chef. Salt Bae. His name's Salt Bae. Salt Bae. Well, Salt Bae isn't gay himself, is he? No.

In the article, it says he has 14 kids, and he'll have 18 by next year. The article said that, or they quoted him saying that so he's banking on how many does he have 14 like he's on so he's banking on triplets or multiple women i see my brain can't even register non-monogamy i don't even know what the word is i had to say non-monogamy yeah yo what's up with your kid over there? Dad's in denial. I think you brought it up once. Like a kid that's wearing... A boy that's wearing women's clothes.

And the dad won't acknowledge it. He just calls him his Capri-son. His Capri-son. My fucking Capri-son over there. My son's growing like a weed. None of his pants fit him anymore. Respect the pouch. Yeah.

Respect it. His son's respecting pouch. Capri-son. He's chewing mail pouch. Yeah. Respect it. His son's respecting pouch. Capriza. He's chewing male pouch. Capriza, what were the... That's hilarious that like probably the most homophobic people, like I don't know if it's like a... Have you heard of male pouch tobacco?

Yeah. Every barn in West Virginia has that. Yeah, the barns. They're always homophobic. They're just saying chew male pouch. Yeah. What the... Whoa. Whoa. yeah the barns they're always homophobic they're just saying chew male pouch what the whoa whoa my fucking capri sun painted that he wants to be an artist like lady gaga limp wrist kid yeah that's our next t-shirt put that on a shirt yeah kids just want to be memes these days

yeah when we were growing up it was either astronaut or athlete or fireman or fireman nah my mom wanted me to be gay she did actually didn't she yeah she wanted like she never really officially said it but like uh when halloween i brought this up before when halloween came around i had to make i had to fabricate all of my own costumes you're creative the juice is flowing create your own costume i was like we're in big lots and i was like ma there's like a power rangers thing right here just let me get it she's like no you can make it make the blue power ranger so she got me like blue fabric and i had to do like the i just ended up looking like fucking bubbles from fucking uh power puff girls instead I was a fabric

power ranger did you have any sisters yeah I did yes do I do I still didn't want a daughter she wanted a gay son she wanted a gay son keep trying for a gay son I keep getting straight I keep getting straight girls what color gender reveals like boy girl gay boy gay girl yeah i mean that's probably the case now

you must have a handful with all those straight kids you know how like they see a boy he's like oh he's gonna be a real lady killer your son's gonna suck a lot of cock one day yeah i can already tell he's gonna be deep throat suck a lot of cock one day. Yeah. Facebook comment on the ultrasound. I can already tell he's going to be deep throat and a lot of cock. Is this your little scamp? He's going to get fucked when he gets older. He's going to get his fucking back blown out by another boy. Well said. Hit the nail on the head tracy yeah but uh she would always like she would like force me to be

the thimble in monopoly she didn't want you nicking up your finger so that's what she named me after the only injury you can get when sewing your dad is the one who taught you to shave right yeah yeah how did that go i meant i brought this up it's uh yeah when he taught me to shave all the kids made fun of me for the cuts on my legs i'll get better i'll be smooth as a baby's bottom down there against the grain damn what else is up my kids i'm not my i just i don't want my kid to grow up want to be a fucking meme yeah so kids want to be so i actually believe that kids want to be salt bay why he's like a millionaire they want to be viral kids want to be a millionaire. They want to be viral. Kids want to be viral? Yes.

Kids want to be memes. Yes. So the kids like if your kid wants to be the next Jordan, that means he just cries a lot. He's not good at basketball. He's never played it. My son, he wants to be the next Jordan. He's going to be. What's wrong with today's you? He's bawling his eyes out.

I remember when Michael Jordan was a basketball player there is there's got to be kids who know Jordan for his me yeah they want to be they want to be Michael Jordan in the sense yeah the dad denying that his son is all his gay son is all my son's the next Jordan he's crying all the time

his flu game is is what he cried during... Fuck. No, it's... It's a literal flu game. He pretends to be an air hostess. Dad, can we play the flu game?

No. Yes, you're going to be the next Michael Jordan. Billionaire. What was that? He cried during... I can't even think of a gay movie so straight love cyber um the the cancer one the cancer wedding girls uh walk to remember that's not gay yeah but like if you cry a lot during it. Yeah, my boy's always

watching old Jordan videos, reenacting, talking about no air, referring to the basketball court as the battlefield. I love that. He's a warrior on the court. You're watching old Jordan Sparks videos.

He also has a Sparks pennant. He likes women's basketball, too. He's supportive now. It's a Nicholas Sparks. It's a Nicholas Sparks pennant. He loves a walk to remember. His flu game was when he...

He roots for the Knicks and the Sparks. No, it's the... It's two. It's two. It's Nicholas Sparks. Nicholas Sparks. His flu game was when he cried watching a walk to remember

before the cancer diagnosis he was just at how beautiful Mandy Moore was oh man he cried within three minutes of the fault in our stars as soon as Ansel Elgort came on screen

that dude has no right to be a handsome named onzal el gort yeah that's like a deformed name yeah that's that's on the same level with quasimodo yeah it's just like quasimodo onzal el gort he has lots of radiation here's my son onzal el gort you picture a gargoyle yeah or a blob the mucinex man's name is an amorphous that would make sense and yeah a living piece of mucus not baby driver it's like if anton sugar got elephantitis that would be on that'll be onsel elgort actually i'm picturing arty lang yeah that's all already laying with one of those like you know those like growths that old people get on there

all over their skin yeah yeah kind of look like pimples that's when he becomes on that's that's when you would become an elgort permanent pimples brutal just hanging like it looks like you could just snip them off so yeah you pluck them like an apple yeah just i just let me just get that. You got something. Pluck that. Dad's in denial about their gay son. Oh, him? Nah. My Capri Sun? Nuh-uh. Look at him. He's chewing male pouch.

He's spitting. He's packing. Where are the Capri Sun flavors? Pacific Cooler. Yeah. What else?itting. He's packing. What were the Capri Sun flavors? Pacific Cooler. Yeah. What else? That's all I know. Strawberry Grape. Strawberry Grape. That was the flavor? Strawberry Grape? But no. Gatorade. I may have said this

before, but their flavors were just, they started out Lemon Lime. You know what you're going to get. Grape. You know what you're going to get. Orange. You know what you're going to get. And they're like Riptide Rush. Yeah. Grape. You know what you're going to get. Orange. You know what you're going to get. And they're like, uh, riptide rush. Yeah.

Glacier freeze. Glacier freeze. Yeah. I guess I'll try this. Yeah. I'll drink that. That's not, what's that going to taste like?

It tastes like ripped, a riptide rush. Okay. But it worked. Limbaugh drowning. I think, um, Oh, uh, do do you i was thinking about uh do you ever think about the guy that invented suicide do you think wait what

the inventor of suicide the inventor of modern suicide uh looks up from hell and it's just like oh they're fucking naming drinks after isn't that what's called a suicide whenever you mix yeah graveyard or a suicide when you go to mcdonald's specifically yeah and just fill up the it was always kids that had a cup with five plus it was always the kids that had perma boogers in class that would go and fill up get a suicide at like mcdonald's and they would pretend to love it they should have pretended to love the real thing. Those were kids that love ketchup as well. Yeah.

Ketchup on everything. And then they would pour chocolate milk on pizza. Ironically, the kid, um, sometimes you would make a gross mixture out of your lunch food. Yeah. You would pour the chocolate milk onto like mashed potatoes and mix in some

ketchup and you would offer the poor kid a dollar to eat it. Then there was those kids who wanted to lure you into offering him nothing. Yeah. You guys dare me to do this? They were medically stupid. Yes.

They truly were. It was like the kids that chug milk real fast. What are they up to? I think the kids that chug milk real fast. What are they up to? I think the majority of them work for USPS. Yeah. A lot of USPS. It's a direct correlation.

Painting the red and yellow straws. No, painting the red and yellow lines on McDonald's straws. Yeah. Yeah. Just like, yeah. But it's honest work. You still at McDonald's painting the straws. Yeah.

You could tell when he's nodding off on heroin whenever you get a zigzag straw. Yeah, talking to McDonald's, we haven't talked about the McTickler in a really long time. But I don't really feel like... We've never talked about him on the podcast, have we? Yeah, that was before my time. The McTickler? Yeah. We talked about him on the fake podcast we yeah that was before my time the mctickler yeah we talked about him on the fake podcast yeah that became real never that's no it's not on apple or spotify

okay we'll just put the clip in right here yeah that mcdonald's the one across the street from our school growing up i've been to that countless times after we all did we all it was weird though right a troop of us would just march there after school. Yeah, we would all. But looking back, that McDonald's. Waddle there. Was weird. A lawless place. Remember the bathroom store? The attendant?

Well, he was a salesman of sorts. Yeah, he wasn't employed there. At all. Almost certainly not. But as kids, we assumed he was. Right, but. He would sell, like, just knickknacks. General tchotchkes. Like bags of sandknacks general tchotchkes like bags of sand

i ended up buying one of those bags a lot of people did right town rightfully so they were good bags yeah but aside from the general store in the bathroom i want to bring up the play place oh the guy there was the guy the guy that would he went by many a name that would tickle right and um everybody in my grade called him tube man wouldn't no he was we called him the mick tickler i've heard that but we called him tube man because he was always a tickler his car was always parked out front it was the volkswagen tiguan and it, yes. He had a custom license plate. It said Tube Man. But Tube spelled O-O with zeros instead of O's.

Tube Man. But his thing was always tickling. His thing was tickling, and the McTickler is, to be quite honest, a better name. He was damn good at it. He was the best in the biz. Oh, he was incredible. Tickling was his bread and butter, and he always targeted the soles of our feet. He almost exclusively got... Well, wait, before we get into that, let's do an ad break. Best in the biz. Oh, he was incredible. Tickling was his bread and butter, and he always targeted the soles of our feet.

He almost exclusively got... Well, wait. Before we get into that, let's do an ad break. Yeah, so there was the McTickler, and you painted the lines on straws, right? Was that what you did? Did you do that? No. No, say yes. Wait.

So you painted the lines on straws right yeah okay cool uh you like painting yes do you like your life no oh yeah yeah you do what if you could do both what if you could paint your life jesus not for full price i won't i don't know what that means what if i what if i told you you could paint your life with a little company called paint your life you like that guy that sounds like a decent idea do you explain it to me though sure i will it's like a like a film that's been is it like the movie boyhood in what sense i'm just thinking of like the process of painting your life would take a while you think uh not anymore because you can get professional hand-painted portraits and you don't have to do the painting you can get somebody else

to do it uh you could choose from a team of world-class artists at paint your life and you pick them out you will send them a photo and you receive your portrait in two weeks they a real artist will paint painstakingly paint a picture of you or a loved one or of a thing or of a cherished pet. An action shot of you, your children playing their favorite sport makes the perfect anniversary or wedding gift. Meaningful, personal, and can be cherished forever. Save the trip to the boardwalk or the amusement park yeah and just go to paint your life and get an awesome painting uh that over 64 000 people have used yeah remember last week we were just talking shit on like painting other people were we oh yeah we were but now you don't i like this a lot more

i like the sound of this a lot more because uh at paint your life there's no risk you go go to PaintYourLife.com, and if you don't love the final painting, your money is refunded, guaranteed. Right now, at a limited time offer, you get 20% off your painting. That's right, 20% off and free shipping. To go get your special offer, text the word UNTOLD. Text the word UNTOLD to 64000. That's UNTOLD to 64000. Paint Your Life. Celebrate the moments that matter most. Terms apply.

Available at paintyourlife.com slash terms. The best part about Paint Your Life is that all of their employees are Afghan refugees. That is 100% true. Not all of them necessarily have experience with painting or art, but they were all given jobs.

They were all given jobs. They were all given jobs. That's today's society. Even if they're not experienced, we're just handing them out. Makes me sick. Kyle, you been dating around? I was talking about that in a wholesome manner. I wasn't. You've been dating around lately? Nope. Still sober.

31 days. I was talking about dating. What? I said, have you been dating around? No, I'm still sober. I'm not going to go on a sober date. Why? Especially around. Why wouldn't you go around? Because I'm not going to.

I've said this before. I'm not going to go out on a date. I'm not going to hook up sober. Especially if it's the first. When was the last time you had sober sex? Honestly, especially if it's the first when's the last time you had sober sex um honestly probably like three plus years ago yeah in a relationship were you good at it no i was nervous second guessing every move i keep getting fucking girls really i was going out with this girl i went out with her three times Every move. I keep getting fucking ghosted by girls. Really? I was going out with this girl.

I went out with her three times. Fucking ghosted me. Killed herself. I mean literal ghosting. Yeah. It happens every single time. That does happen to you a lot. Yeah. This fucking bitch.

How many in a row now? It's been like four or five. Damn. Yeah. It's them, not you. That definitely. The common denominator is them fucking dying the inventor of suicide he's in his lab just like a bunch of different rope formations no

yeah like he's like trying to like perfect the ingredients and like a sauce or a beverage like people know he's like yeah that's a suicide scientist and they like they know he had a bad day at the lab when he's there he's alive it's on the tip of my tongue it's a cyanide tablet i'm almost there he keeps shooting him he's, he keeps pointing the gun in the wrong direction. Oh. Thought it would work this time. The suicide scientist. Oh.

You're the inventor of suicide aren't you nope that's not me kyle call somebody yeah i'll give you the call, Kyle. All right, boys. How about Harlem? Oh, Jesus. Oh, God. Yeah. They have no time for goofs and giggles. What do you mean by they? People in Harlem. All right, call me.

Lin-Manuel Miranda. People like him People like Miranda And Immortal Technique The big two Alright Put your phone up there This is gonna make me cringe

Good luck Nevermind I need a guy I need a mean guy Yeah you need a mean guy. Yeah, you need a mean guy. No. Do dudes not work at pizza places anymore?

Yeah, what's the deal? What happened to the common man? What happened to the common man tossing dough? Now we're just getting girls. Girls making pizza? Benny? tossing dough. Now we're just getting girls. Girls making pizza? Benny's?

Yeah, can I place an order for takeout? Yes, go ahead. Alright, I'll take one Jumbo Sicilian, load it with the works, two Margarita Minis, no works, one straw, and no drink. You got the wrong number. I'll take just one pepperoni jumbo. Load it with the works.

And scratch the minis. Just the jumbo. I believe he hung up. What the fuck? No. Goddamn. Wait, he probably listens to the pop. Oh, he does.

He has to. Fucking epic. Hello, Perfecto? Yeah, can I place an order for takeout? Yes, sir. What would you like? I'll just do one jumbo pepperoni pie. One pepperoni pie and one jumbo pepperoni and two.

Do you have plantains? Okay, I'll take a plantain and I'll take. What a twist. What's that? You do have plantains? You have plantains? Excuse me? You have plantains? That's not good. Plantain, right?

Yeah. Yeah, but what do you want? Yellow plantain or green plantain? I'll take a yellow plantain and then two buffalo chicken minis. Two buffalo chicken? Yeah, so the pepperoni is jumbo and the buffalo chickens are mini. You want the two or the buffalo or one? Hold on, you're agreeing with me a lot.

I got to go. That guy just had jumbos and minis and plantains. I just pulled plantain out of my ass. And he had green and yellow plantains. He had options of plantains. No, he didn't. Did he really? Did he say that?

Yeah. Yeah, he's like, do you want green or do you want yellow plantains? Okay. Whatever. I think they have jumbo and mini on them. They have jumbos and minis and they have plantains. Green and yellow. We're having a stroke.

Yeah. This isn't good. You know what is good? Roman. No. No. Brushing your teeth with a fucking quip. I just got one.

I just got mine. They sent one to me. It's amazing. I have the app here on my phone. Actual proof. Look at this. You have to brush your teeth for two minutes right One minute on the top one minute on the bottom

I didn't know that I didn't either My first time I brushed I did 38 seconds on the top And then a minute 24 On the or minute 32 On the bottom You're going longer on the bottom Oh yeah always do Why? I figure that's the dirtiest spot

But look at this this morning 59 seconds on the top A a minute one on the bottom. I'm learning. That's actually cool. Yeah, it's awesome. I went for two minutes. I did 218 strokes per minute. First time I did, 174 strokes per minute.

What's good? Aren't you supposed to brush slowly? No, no. You want to go 200 min. Okay. Yeah, I learned that. Well, cool. And my intensity was one.

You want to go anywhere between one and three. i don't know what that quantifies your intensity was one my intensity is one not that low no no that's like a good intensity okay one okay that's what it says i don't think yeah my intensity is you could say it's pretty extreme. It's a one. Damn, Nick. You're intense. Crank that shit up to one. Damn, Quip. I got to brush harder.

When was the last time you got rewarded for brushing your teeth? With Quip's smart electric toothbrush, good habits can earn great perks like free products, gift cards, and more. The Quip smart brush is what you and I use. It connects to the Quip app on Bluetooth. It tracks when and how well you brush your teeth, and it gets tips on coaching and how to improve your brush. You get points for daily brushing. You get a point for brushing in the morning, a point for brushing at night,

and then an extra point if you do both. And then it can turn into your Quip Points, where you turn in for gift cards or prizes. Very cool. Join over the 5 million mouths who have used Quip and save hundreds compared to other Bluetooth brands when you get the Quip smart brush for just $45. Highly recommend this. It's really

cool. I've been looking at my stats all fucking day. I'm probably the best toothbrusher in this room right now. Fair to say? Yeah. Completely fair. I'm looking around. You guys can do it and you can be as good as me. Go to getquip.com g-e-t-q-U-I-P.com slash untold, U-N-T-O-L-D. Right now, save $10 on the Quip electric toothbrush.

That's $10 off the smart electric toothbrush. Getquip.com slash untold. Quip, the good habits company. And it is. I'm filled with good habits. And I have no vices. Which you say is a bad thing i think if you have no vices you're a rapist or a rapist adjacent what's a rapist adjacent like uh a burglar

yeah yeah yeah i don't know damn nick raped Nick raped somebody? Kinda. He robbed a house. What's a cat burglar? What's a cat burglar? Yeah. Like someone who steals cat kittens? Is that it? That's just, that's what makes them a cat. They were popular back in the day.

What do you mean? That's a term. Like a cat burglar. I don't know. No idea. Construction? So you're, so I need to get advice. You don't have any nicotine? No you drink yeah i drink i'm talking about people who go totally sober and um and that's it okay

so yeah my one vice is just i eat two subway sandwiches a day i believe there's a ton of crossword puzzle oh this guy's bad news he does yeah i uh you just a rapist there's a ton of way crossword puzzle. Oh, this guy's bad news. He does. Yeah, I. You just a rapist. That's a bold, bold claim. Well, not just OK. You're totally sober. You don't do it.

You don't do anything bad. You know what I'm saying? I don't like the way you said that. You're trying to sound bad by saying it like that, but you don't do anything. Forget about it new picture bill cosby just came out he's wearing a umass hoodie do you think like colleges get mad they're all fuck yeah i'm sure the umass is very upset yeah like that's because he used to be like a temple guy not jewish but like um this college in philly yeah yes yeah he's just holding hot dogs he's wearing a umass shirt or maybe not because that's a lot of like pro like publicity yeah but like i don't know this guy is

cosby gets a lot of attention to his sweaters and how he's wearing a umass one just like oh every kid that's wearing a umass sweatshirt is like a nice Cosby sweater. Everything, no brands allow him to wear their clothes. My mom's just making them, fabricate them. Bill, how'd you make your clothes? R. Kelly is guilty. Is he? When did that come out?

Yesterday. Really? Which I was a lot later than I assumed. A lot later. I didn? When did that come out? Yesterday. Really? Which I was a lot later than I assumed. A lot later. I didn't even, it wasn't even like. I didn't know he was. I didn't even see any news about him. I didn't know he was a free man.

Big shout out to our, big shout out to our boy, Aristotle Athari on getting his spot on SNL. That's no way is that's aristotle authority yeah aristotle atari play-doh playstation because i play dough no but it was Aristotle. I was doing philosopher's games. Oh, shit. I'm sorry. Give me another philosopher. Rene Descartes. Is there a French philosopher named James Cube?

How many barstool commoners do you think are taking off work to go to the grand opening of m&m's restaurant mom's spaghetti yeah out of all that actually what it's called it's called mom's spaghetti which kind of a cop-out of lyrics well yeah he has so much better lyrics does he have food lyrics any ideas what he should have named it? It doesn't have to be mom spaghetti. Pull up a two on the nose. Pull up an Eminem song. Like, dude, he's like a lyrical. He's like a lyrical mastermind.

Pull up a song. That's probably one of his worst lyrics. Mom spaghetti. Yeah, but it's a name of a food. But the lyric is about throwing it up. Right. Doesn't he? he yeah that's it yeah that's it was all about it being obviously gross yeah spaghetti yeah you throw up the spaghetti all over your umass sweater pull up another lyric could have named it like come heready, wait a minute. That's my girl dog. Spaghetti? No, that would just be the name of the dog.

Yo, whoa. I'm hungry. What are you thinking? You want to get pizza hot? Where do you want to go, Kyle? You can go to slut. You think I won't choke no more till the vocal cords don't work in the throat no more?

Shut up, slut. You're causing too much chaos. I don't know. I think I want Panera. All right, all right. Well, let's see here we go to panera we go to jersey mics or you can go to like i don't know my words are like a dagger with a jagged edge that'll stab you in the head whether you're or les or the homo sex her math or transvest pants or dress hey the answer is yes homophobic nah you're just heterophobic staring at my jeans watching my my genitals bulging that's my motherfucking balls you better let go of them they belong in my scrotum you'll never get a hold of them

oh yeah that new fop place that sounds good that sounds all right those are real lyrics those are real lyrics which i i didn't even know play play the the real violent one where he's just screaming about uh is he screaming about blood or something are you craving italian food yeah what do you got for me go to this place this new place oh a little mom and pop shop it's called um what's it called oh it's called uh it's the family style one? That's actually that. Good gnocchi. Mom's spaghetti, I guess, works. We have new shirts and hoodies coming out. We'd really appreciate it if you guys all bought two of each. Noah's Ark style.

They're actually cool. How did Noah let mosquitoes on? Yeah, Noah. You really fumbled. I don't know what the kids say. They probably actually cool. How did Noah let mosquitoes on? Yeah, Noah. You really fumbled. I don't know. Fumble. What did the kids say? Well, they probably fumbled.

That's your reply to what I'm going to say. No, you're just going to say, like, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? No, baby. It's a new untold story. A new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story.

A new untold story.