A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 259 - Eleven Spaghettis with John Feitelberg

Episode Date: October 7, 2021

|| A New Untold Story: Eleven Spaghettis with John Feitelberg || The boys complain about their wives, discuss alter serving, pious men, finding the clit, taking steroids, & much more || Nick, KB, FeitsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. I knew I told a story. I knew I told a story. It's a fresh, big, untold story. I knew I told a story. All right. Did I ever tell you about my wife, Kyle? Hold up. Kyle, have I ever told you about my wife?

What are you doing? Have I ever told you about... How do you do it? Oh, you're doing that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're doing the clown shit? Clown shit, Lewis? See, Lewis, I call it clown shit. That shit's dead. No, it's not. Sounds like you're about to bring it back. I'm bringing it back. Oh, yeah. Doing the clown shit. Clown shit, Lewis. See, Lewis, I call it clown shit.

That shit's dead. No, it's not. Sounds like you're about to bring it back. I'm bringing it back. Oh, no. My wife reminds me of the movie Secondhand Lions. Which is, what is even, is that a movie? Secondhand Lions.

The children's spectacle when the boy moves in with his two uncles. Because I call her Secondhand Lions because she never gives me a second apiece. She never lends a hand with the chores, Kyle. And you know what else? She's always lying. She's always lying to me, Kyle. And it's starring Robert Duvall. It's starring Robert Duvall, which is funny because she always robs me of my hard-earned

money when I do all the work. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you for sure. She's got Haley Joel Osment in that film, which is also funny. She makes me park my car outside even when it's Haley out. She never refills

my motherfucking cup of joe. You're going to add an L to that? No. She never refills my motherfucking cup of joe. You're going to add an L to that? No. No, I'm not. She said the worst thing about my mom and dad. She said my in-laws meant nothing to her. No, no, no.

That's my fucking wife, Kyle. Don't get me started on my fucking wife. I'm not going to get you started on secondhand lines. Okay. She reminds me of the 2004 film Euro Trip. Oh, no. She's always in your business. She owes me money.

And she's a fucking trip. She's a fucking trip. And Euro Trip is starring starring michelle tractenberg kyle oh no she's always looking at michelle phone seeing who i'm texting and she yeah yeah she's tracked in who i'm texting and she can't cook for shit she's always making salads I'm not doing it with iceberg lettuce my fucking wife she's like second hand lines in EuroTrip

your wife is just like second hand lines in EuroTrip starring Michelle Trachtenberg second hand lines starring Haley Joel Osment. And Robert Duvall. Robert Duvall's in that as well. A second a time, a second a piece.

That's how my fucking wife is. Oh, shit. We're at the fights today. John, what's up? We're getting ad read out of the way sorry about that I just had to get that off my chest

I didn't know what I was supposed to do there it's fucking hard being around you two do you just like am I involved in this or not you could have joined

just think of a movie if you wanted to think of a oh I can't think like that come on just think of any the first movie that comes to your brain Miracle Think of it. Oh, I can't think like that. Come on. Just think of the first movie that comes to your brain. Miracle.

She's always looking in the mirror. She cares about her looks. Kyle, go ahead. Go take Ickle. She don't even fuck with me. She wants a cool dude. Go ahead. Are you going to try to do Icicle? Is that Miracle? Miracle. MiracleDude. Go ahead. Are you going to try to do icicle? Is that Miracle?

Miracle. Miracle. Yeah. Oh, it's a cool dude. Yeah, I'm tapped out. Simple as that. I was just going to give you like it's just like that. It's, you know, she's put on so much weight since 2006 that it's a miracle I ever get

hard. And who's that starring? That is starring Kurt Russell. Okay. She's always very Kurt with me in the mornings. Yeah. And she goes and makes me rake the leaves, and then I look outside,

and she's always out there rustling in them. Yeah. I'm doing all my hard work. I'm doing the chores. She's just rustling in the leaves. When I see her head to the salad bar, I have to rustle her down. I have to rustle her. Rustle her.

Oh, you stick to the salad and the water. I'll have a sandwich for you. I'll do Van Wilder to The Rise of Taj. She's sending all my money. I'm going to have to end up living in a van i can't do it uh wilder that's too easy today's episode is brought to you by by presented by waterbird you guys like waterbird spirits it's delicious kyle you're always swigging on waterbird aren't you they're canned cocktails you get them at grocery stores or convenience stores right not

no more well you buy them just to buy you like the look of the can the aesthetic is good oh my god all three of you are sober and i got it oh shit i guess this is on nikki oh shit they make high quality canned cocktails with real premium distilled spirits uh waterbirds ranch water is delicious waterbird that's what it says their ranch water their ranch water is delicious the ranch water is made of real premium blanco tequila sparkling water and real lime juice what do you think that is owen he thinks it's the ultimate refreshment tequila and topo chico they make the ranch water real tequila and topo chico they make the ranch water real tequila not from sugar or malt like others on the market and they all make

delicious tequila margarita feel free to riff on these boys yeah we got that tequila margarita one of my favorite things it's one of my favorites and it's and it is also and let me fucking talk it's also one of my favorite things too it's also one of my favorite things you can get them at a grocery store convenience store near you um use promo code anus upon checkout for zero percent off they did not give us a promo code for full price you can still use a promo you can type it in and just try to use it you did the ad read get the credit for it put in anus let them know You can still use a promo. You can type it in. It just won't work. You can still try to use one. Why don't you do that? That'd be great. You did the ad read. Get the credit for it.

Put in anus. Let them know. Let them know. Yeah. Put in anus. Speaking of anus, I don't know how your podcast works, so I'm just going to say something. That was a good segue. Okay.

Speaking of anus, we were just talking about, I was talking about with Josh, who does social on my show. Nope, it wasn't with Josh. It was with Zach, who also does social on our show. Similar. Similar dudes. Yeah. Zach, yeah, they both. Actually, they couldn't be more opposite. They could not be more opposite. One's black, one's white, one's straight, one's gay. One's gay, one's adopted.

So, Zach, Zach was talking about some gay shit as he does let's go adopted into lgbtq plus they should yeah i thought you were saying like adopted's the straightest thing you could be it is the straightest thing you could be just like i'm

i don't know i'm so straight my fucking parents got rid of me i'm so fucking my dad was like this guy's too straight to have in the house he can't have this guy around my wife yeah oh fuck you were adopted this fucking kid's really good at literally

kicking the eye around this woman I love she's gonna get all fucking horny yeah you're done but we were talking about we were talking about you know doing gay stuff and we invented the term butt jobs and butt jobs yeah you get a butt job what do you think what do you think that means so well i mean that could mean a prosthetic a fake it's a fake ass or

somewhere in the dominican republic like a blow job or a rim job of an action it's sexual action a butt job i don't know you put action. A sexual action. For sure. A butt job. I don't know. You put like your credit card to your butt cheek in between. See how we, I was using it in the context

of a fucking butt. Like a riffle shuffle. Like you got, and the fucking of the butt means you're getting the butt job. Because if you're getting a blowjob, that's the, you're going into the orifice.

Yeah, I guess it would be a butt job. It's a butt job. A BJ. Yeah, and if you, so if you got a blowjob, that's your dick going into the orifice. Yeah, I guess it would be a butt job. It's a butt job. A BJ. Yeah, and if you got a butt job, you're fucking a butt. Because when you do the work in a blowjob, it's a face fuck. Right. Yeah. It's not a blowjob.

Fuck. Are you trying to dance around just the term getting fucked in the ass? Yeah, I don't know. We just thought butt jobs sounded fun. Yeah, you're tiptoeing around the rim. Speaking of being fucked in the ass. Yeah, I don't know. We just saw butt jobs. Yeah, you're tiptoeing around the rim. Speaking of being fucked in the butt, we brought you on here. We're talking Catholicism today. Our bishop from Art Wheeling, you can look him up, Bishop Bransfield.

First result, he has his own Wikipedia page, is a disgraced former bishop from our town. There's a picture. How good looking? Not. Not? He's tall. He confirmed Kyle, and there's a picture of him being confirmed he's gripping the back of your head yeah he's close and that'll pop up right kush ball yeah he's holding you on like a kush ball and it was crazy because he got in trouble for um uh being into boys yeah being literally um and he was the philadelphia bishop and his punishment

not he didn't have to quit they just sent him to wheeling to be bishop because like his punishment for what nick for for uh banging kids for banging kids in philly we're gonna send you to wheeling much uglier boys yeah yeah exactly it was just okay we're like no those with much uglier boys. Yeah, exactly. I get that more. Sending them over to Wheeling instead of sending them to fucking New England. We had them all. We're talking about it as opposed to sending them to jail. I think you're forgetting about jail.

You're so Catholic. You're just like, yeah. We should send them to Fall River. I don't think we're breaking news here that the Catholics weren't sending him to jail. They were moving him around. I like that they spread that a little bit.

We didn't know. They sold him to us. They were like, you're going to love this guy. We were like, oh, we got the guy from Philly. That's like getting a big free agent sign in. Have none of you animals seen Spotlight? None of us knew. This was before Spotlight. None of us knew.

The only homos the Catholic Church likes are nims and homonyms and phones. That's the only ones they accept. And lees. And lees. Homonyms and homophones. Because they sold him. They conned us into taking this bishop. We needed one.

He's a great guy. He's going to get the CYO team. They're going to start shooting from the three-point line really well. They were getting us with homonyms because they were just like yeah he prays at night he was like oh that's good for a bishop yeah oh no no he's par for the course like praise and he'll like he'll say the nicene creed when he's on top of you missionary yeah yeah he'll moan the yeah he'll send you on a missionary trip he'll like trip you so you fall on him missionary he's just like yeah yeah he's like

a pious man you said that no i said he said he pied us man came in our buttholes man oh you oh you just said you were no no he's a pious man but he like there's a whole report of like his expenditure of what he spent things on and he paid he like he always had an assistant that was like a 24-hour job and he paid them like three hundred thousand dollars a year like young priests like probably like 1920 not going to college being priests and he would like buy them like gemstones and he it was a very weird thing and he invited affluent wheeling people to dinners at his place and he made you like kiss his rings and shit right very

weird yeah all this stuff is like even the gemstones right away you're buying someone gemstones or you're happy to get jewelry spend a thousand dollars a week on flowers one thousand dollars a week on flowers what? like for the church or for just friends? it went to his house and then his house that he lived in but like this is this guy is just coming off as a homosexual not the predator

the predator is a surprise so far he still he prayed and he was he fucked like young priests he flew them out to Rome and stuff oh wait so young priests so they're of age. No, but he did boys to men. Boys to men. Boys to men.

Nick, tell them about his fucking house. His house. Was that leading me into a joke? No, it was spectacular. His house was enormous. The biggest in Wheeling. So the biggest in Wheeling was him and then the owner of the Pirates, Bob Nutting. Yeah.

Bob Nutting Jr. Yeah. Who was named after how he was made. Yeah. And a billionaire? Those were the top three. He had a bigger house than a billionaire? Yes.

What? He had a bigger house than Nutting, the owner of the Pirates. I imagine he's a billionaire. I don't know. I think he is. The bishop? No, no, no. The owner of the Pirates definitely.

The owner of the Pirates, yeah. he's a billionaire i don't know i think he is the bishop no no no no no pirates definitely pirates um but his he weirdly he burnt down his bathroom the bishop i don't know if he left like a straightening iron plugged in is he britney spears i don't know he burnt down just his bathroom and so he got from the catholic church to fix his bathroom 3.6 million dollars shut the fuck up and then he's redid the whole house so how does that work the whole cat like the global catholic church or just the diocese he was getting it from like rome because the priest they can do that he resigned and the pope immediately was like yeah accept your resignation like publicly said it like he reported like right to the pope he was guided

yeah dude and then there's just a picture of him just palming KB's head like Kawhi Leonard. Are you? Which would be like the funniest picture of like a bishop like holding like a boy. Looking at the camera. For like a New Balance shoe. Did he do anything with you? He confirmed me. He confirmed I was straight.

He confirmed you. Yeah. I didn't like one bit of it. No, but he was in charge of my confirmation. Was there any part of you that was like now looking back like almost like Mac and something where you're like, the fuck? No, I he was in charge of my confirmation. Was there any part of you that was like, now looking back, almost like Mac and Sonny, where you're like, the fuck? No, I never got... He didn't even try. He definitely, you know how they put the communion wafer on your tongue?

Yeah. With their fingers usually on top? He did it goofy style. So he put his fingernail on your tongue and slid it back. Ew! Yeah. I don't know if you're making a joke or not. No, he did.

Why? Also, that's not how they do it anymore He demanded it be that way But it was Yeah I went to a Catholic school So I used to fuck around I used to say fuck with a lot of priests But I did both

But there's been rumors that maybe I got touched by a priest When I was younger Hurricane O'Reilly That's right He was an Irish priest There's been rumors that maybe I got touched by a priest when I was younger. Hurricane O'Reilly. That's right. He was an Irish priest. There is. There's a lot of.

Are you being serious? There are rumors going around that fights from bars stole. Well, we, I mean, we've started them. Me and Catherine. Oh, you started that? Was it a glory hole or a glory bee? It's either I started. Do you call your butthole the glory bee? a glory B? It's either I started drinking. Do you call your butthole the glory B? My butt jobs?

Yeah. The glory B job. Yeah, I don't know if I was. I was an altar boy for a really, really long time. You were? I didn't do that. It was like you had the option. Like you can be one with zero advantages or benefits or perks, or you can just not do it.

I was one until I was too old. Too old. You were too old? I was way too old to be an altar boy. I was an altar. Were you driving a mess? I had pubes. You had pubes?

I had pubes and I was an altar boy. But some of you fucks are weird. You get pubes crazy early. Not me. Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you?

Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? You fucks. I don't know.

I feel like people from West Virginia are probably born with pubes. No. No, no, no, no, no. No, no. Born no no born with pubes come out like no hair on the head but it's got pubes that's like a redneck stereotype yeah yeah i'm just thinking you're hairy crazy pituitary wait i forgot i was gonna say wait so like so you had pubes but that's like yeah people get hairy early i watched the little world series did you have were you Wait, I forgot what I was going to say. Wait, so you had pews, but that's... Yeah, Harry, early. I watched the Little League World Series. Did you have...

He made us be like a traditional You watched the Little League World Series what? Like the showers? No, you see just fucking kids with mustaches and shit. No, I was very, very late to the pube game. Me too. I was so late to the pube game that my high school locker room celebrated.

They were like, Fudge is not a pube! No way. I was a junior in high school. I was late to the jerk-off game, too. I was early to the jerk-off game. You jerked off without pubes? Big time.

You were busting? No. I was busting none was i was busting none okay like that i was i was busting i was feeling the ecstasy but nothing was coming out which is ideal yeah and it's a good thing because i was doing it i've told this story before on kfc radio so anyone listening it's like all right he's telling it but we have zero cross i was i was doing it weird. What do you mean? I just didn't know how to jerk off.

Were you doing, like, the rub your tummy, pat your head, but with your... I feel like even, like, an infant could primally figure out a way that wasn't too weird. Legs up. You don't think legs up is weird? I think a breeze on the butthole is nice. Bro, it was... I remember vividly... Where'd you put your legs? You just held them up?

I just held them up. Bro, I'll show it to you. I love showing it. I like everyone knowing. I had just come back from Providence College Hockey Camp, a Catholic institution, and the counselors who were

PC hockey players... My alma mater. You were just going to let that slide. Why did we have you on the podcast the first time and you sound like fucking oscar the ground you sound absurd it's not even it's getting worse by this yeah it's i just i did the fucking live stream last night i was yelling out there that i just did the podcast yeah but you've been doing this for about a decade is it is it now just shocking your shocking your body? I don't get a callous

throat. But the counselors who are PC hockey players had been talking about jerking off. How old were you? I was probably like sixth grade. You weren't that early to the game. I wasn't. Standard. All right. And then the college

kids talking about masturbating in front of the sixth graders. Yeah, I got it. about masturbating in front of the sixth graders. Yeah, I got it. It was because my parents usually the camp went for one week, but I like to go for two weeks. My parents, despite the fact that I lived 20 minutes away, were like, why don't you stay for that? Because it was like it would end on a Friday, start on a Monday. And they're like, why don't you just stay the weekend?

So I would just stay there with the college players. And they were just kind of like. Wait, wait. So the camp was done. and they just and the college kids were like i'm gonna let this 11 year old just hang out like this like the camp knew about it and shit like that where did you sleep i slept i just slept in my dorm room that i had because it was an overnight camp okay and i just slept in my dorm room that i'd had the previous week so there's one stray sixth grader dorm of college kids.

What are you doing during the day? I watch Cheech and Chong with them. And they're just hanging out with you? Hell yeah. This guy's cool. This kid is cool. I was cool as shit. I think they felt bad for you. These kids' parents don't love him. He's got special needs, clearly.

So they were just talking about jerking off and I just kind of picked up what I heard here and there. I was scared to do it in my dorm room because I don't know. I just... What if someone walked in, even though I had locks? Whatever. But I went home and I... I'm scared to get

on this table. I'm going to do it on the floor. And I went home... Do it on the table, just in case. Just in case you fall. We'll move this mic. And I did it. Oh, gee. Yeah, that's fine.

That's fine. First of all, what, what happened at the camp that led you to try that? I don't know, man. They were just talking. So why was the camp relevant to you doing that because that that's where i'd heard of jerking off first of all oh so you just heard about jerking off you just jerk your dick and did you have any material really good what did you have any material with you uh at the camp in later years yes we would pass around we had magazines and

shit like that but i was younger so we hadn't even had material the time when i had legs up no that was just and thank god i fired nothing because that hit me right in the face yeah nothing to stop it your hand would have been stuck behind your thigh i remember um do you guys remember jerking world.com it was like jerk off techniques no i went to there before i was even jerking off and i learned about like i think it was called the fifi which is like a rubber glove and a hot washcloth rubber banded around yeah i know so the only access to rubber gloves we had so they were like dissection day yeah and so like section yeah so we would always like pretend it was like a heist we would double up on gloves so you throw the one pair away and put the other pair in your backpack we're all just making fifis everybody bro i never heard of a jerky

until we talked to wallow really wallow was talking about making him in jail. Yeah. Yeah, jail and St. Vincent's School. I've told them the first time I jerked off, I didn't touch my shaft. Just the head? No, I was just shaking my balls. Oh, shaking your balls. Rolling dice.

Rolling dice. No. No. I think you could jerk off just rubbing the head. I think you could get there. I mean, in theory, it's just a big clit, right? i mean in theory it's just a big clit right no isn't it isn't the penis just a big clit no no no i have i have i want to be clear about this i have zero understanding of female sex organs i don't clitoris male as well even despite my

pretty extensive knowledge of the piece yeah but i But I don't know what things are. I don't know. Every time I see a diagram of a vagina, it's the first time I've ever seen a diagram. I'm pretty sure a clitoris is an undeveloped penis. Really? Oh, there's somewhat mirror images of each other. No way. That explains it.

Fuck you both. Not you. You're good. Fuck you both. Just organized differently. You know more about pussies. So finding the clit is gay. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. Actually. Uh organize differently. You know more about pussies. So finding the clit is gay.

Cool. Pause. Have you ever licked a clit? Have you licked a clit? I've sucked little dick. It's either you lick a clit or you're adopted. Scientifically, you've sucked the mere image of a penis. The reflection of a dick. here you ever licked clit eating a banana out of popsicle

gay you're good licking clit is sucking a little tiny dick unbelievable you're a priest um while we're on the female anatomy um i've been starting to do this thing where hooters describing titties as hooters you automatically think giant titties so i've just been being like yeah i saw this girl like she had the fattest ass good body tiny little perky hooters and just like just the smallest little bazoonga just tiny little fucking bazoongas that I'm sucking little acorn mommy milkers little perky she doesn't even need to wear a bra

just little I love like an A cup set of jugs just a no like I had a half a mouthful of her honker burger tiny little mosquito bite dumpers my god she was stacked with A cups honker burger. Tiny little things. Mosquito bite dumpers. My God, she was stacked with A-cups.

I've long thought that breasts, we don't have a good word for them. There isn't a single word that's normal to use in public. No, it's the correct answer. There's no normal word for men to call women's underwear. Oh, I call the correct answer. There's no normal word for men to call women's underwear. Oh, I call them underpants.

Your voice got gravelly wrong. When you say underpants, you automatically assume skid mark. That's why I do it. That's the difference between underwear and underpants. Women think underpants have shit. They come underpants that's disgusting to call them underpants in any scenario what kind of underpants you got pull your underpants to the side it is so i can rub your little underdeveloped dick oh she had the tightest pussy right below her tiny little dick but there's nothing like like a dick you say a dick's fine you can say dick to your grandfather

you can say dick to your doctor say dick to your mom you can say dick to anybody dick works someone says breasts yeah you're yeah it's like too medical that's too medical medical creepy and then tits you're, you're a frat boy. Tits is a frat boy. I'm a jug head myself. I say jugs. You say jugs? Yeah.

That means you're a father in 1992. Damn, man. See? Dame has a pair of jugs on there. See? You muted family guy. That's 1990 to you? Yeah.

You're doing it. What? You said 90? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. You're a 1990s guy. I'm going to go

play with my Tamagotchi, see? Go play N64. Right in the middle of a good Peter Griffin joke, you mute and you're like, hey, bae, let me see those jugs. Let's see those fucking jugs. Bring me in a fucking can of beer. She had a fat fucking ass.

Fucking perfect abs. Bald head. Just tiny little jugs just stacked with the tiniest little fucking tiny little hooters took her upstairs it's my new move i'm gonna go to a house party and just like never mind yeah no what's your new move when you go to the next house party next time I go to a house party, I'm going to find like the hottest girl. It's the last time I went to a house party. Then ages, big fat ass,

six pack abs. Like I said, bald is the day she was born. Tiny little jugs. But yo, come upstairs. I'll run upstairs, hide.

And she'll, I'm just like, and then she'll never find me. I'll go back downstairs. She's like, you never found me she'll be like what? and I'll be like come here and kiss me

that's going to be my new move just come kiss me what are the abs so important to this for? I get the bald head stomach full of abs wait you get the bald head? I don't I'm just making up a fictional situation

so I'm just trying to build a hot girl okay bald ass head bald ass head of course um wvu my alma mater got real progressive last weekend and uh instead of homecoming king and queen they did homecoming royalty and it was two women that won naturally yeah well you Well, we have two guys. Yeah, I know two frat guys. They wouldn't know who to date rape rock, paper, scissors, or is it like a boxing match where both boxers like knock each other out at the same time?

Because they, we do make them fuck midfield. So it was awesome. That was two girls. Yeah. You kind of skipped that tradition. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That we, we make them a fuck on the 50. Because the mascot holds their musket. At that point, I'm like, you better both come. Straight, red-blooded American were pissed that two women were holding hands in a football. That's awesome.

Were they a couple or just two straight chicks? Two straight chicks, I think. Shut up. Yeah, they chose two girls. Was they voting on homecoming royalty two women or were there people up for it? It was people up for it. Yeah, they chose two girls. What was the voting? Were they voting on homecoming royalty to women or are there people up for it? It was people up for it. Okay. Yeah, it was like a court.

They won fair and square. You think they got voted? I think it's random. Now, I know I can't. I know I shouldn't and I shan't, yet I must. Where are we at? Attractive level. WVU 8. Pretty hot. No? where we are attractive level uh uh wvu eights pretty hot no i thought what's what it was was a pretty school nick be honest wvu fives oh i think they were i think they were in like um

educational for sororities. Like study buddies? What? Like study buddies? There's like social. I forgot you went to a lot of colleges. There's like academic. Academic sororities. And then there's social fraternities. I was in a fraternity.

I've never heard of it. You were not in an academic fraternity. I was certainly not. No, no, no, no, no. So there's two different types. There's a fun one and then there's like a networking gpa i don't think those ones existed in florida state if they existed west virginia i imagine they must have been they had to but we didn't cross paths you went to florida you were a pike at florida state sure it was yeah you ever see the i'm sure you have but the video of like touring

the house and like the guys lifting and yeah yeah yeah that was, that was his fraternity. That was you. That was my life for two years. Did you lift? I did. Not like that. I think they put on a little something for it. They all looked like they lifted a lot. Did you feel so ostracized by them that you decided to become their hero?

Yeah. I became their anti-hero? Yes. No. They were going to hang my flags. I can tell you you became their anti-hero yes no there was one time we were there they were gonna hang my flags these motherfuckers are gonna hang my flag

one day they were like they were treating you like you were like one day you're telling them I'm gonna fucking they're gonna love me

one day one of these days you were right for the first time oh you're gonna be successful I'm gonna spend all your money on my fucking Sherpa dude there was one time we were there.

This is for the Dixie tour, I think. And we were at a party at Florida State and at the Pike House. Dixie tour was like 2015? I would say, yeah. How did you clear your throat and it became worse? I don't know. I don't know. Sass and I watched the whole Dixie tour back like last week.

Awesome. I was only on a brief. That was mostly busboy Benny, Caleb, Hank, and I think just the three of them. But I went down to Florida State. The water is making his voice more grump. I don't quite understand. I'm going to finish this story and I'll get the fuck out of here. No, no, no, no.

It was the we're at the Pike house for a party and I was just the fuck out of here. No, no, no, no. It was the, we were at the Pike house for a party and I was just telling Pikes, I was like, I was like, yeah, man, like, and like Barstool wasn't big enough for them to know it or be impressed by it. This was just like some people

who showed up with free beer. Yeah. And they were at a bus and they were cool with it. And I was like, I was in Pike here. And they're like, nah, way, no way. No. And it wasn't like, no way.

Feidelberg was a Pike. It was like. No way. You tainted. No. And it wasn't like, no way. Feidelberg was a pike. It was like, no way. You tainted up. Yeah. Yeah. Like, no way. I had to take them into the house and show them my picture on the fucking wall. See, that's me.

Were you the smallest guy? Not really. Really? Oh, was I the smallest guy? Fuck no, dude. Everyone in Florida is 5'5". No, I meant muscular wise. Probably not.

Because I was working out then. Did you do steroids? No, I did steroids before college. Okay. How was that? Good. Why? You feel like stone right away. It really works. Really? Steroids work. Is that working? So if you're not in professional

sports, because you'll lose your job, maybe, do you think every person should take them? Yes i mean you shouldn't drink as much as i drank on them okay but yeah like it's fun bro i can i can do like three pull-ups i was on wind straw for like two days and could do like 50 really it was just like easy that's all it was the like everything i touched i was like oh i'm a superhero but you but you were like 17 or before no it was like it was like it was before college you so and i was at fsu i was like 20 so i probably did it so you're like i did it probably

when i was 19 and then i did i did it again when i was probably like 26 both times okay it works you should do it again i think you're not drinking i'm too old for now i'm gonna start i'm gonna be drinking again soon oh i don't think you're too old so you had a real health scare but you're you're ready to start drinking again oh i saw a doctor the doctor was like he's like oh you're good don't be a poster really yeah okay that's good um i don't know what this company is yet, so I don't know how to segue it. Mystery ad.

It's a mystery ad. Talk about how more than half of Americans, it's health insurance? For many people in the US, concerned about the cost of health insurance, there's no good options. You either go uninsured or pay through the nose for a high deductible plan with questionable coverage,

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a community powered alternative terms and conditions those always apply a priest in my high school got caught fucking a student a male or female student i went to an all-boy school okay oh oh caught implies it was in the act yeah or he got stuck in them which caught is it so fucking which was it um it was in the grand act um the student came out and said that they were in love and that there was oh wow how old is the student freshly 18 max did the priest agree that they were in love yeah but they said but they sent them to Rome. Yeah, that's what they typically do. I mean, that's an upgrade. That sounds awesome. Like the kid comes out,

he's in love with the priest. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no, no. I was assaulting him. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I swear. I'm a God-fearing man. I swear to God I was raping you. Whoa.

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. You were not in love. I was taking advantage of him. I have poisoned his mind to make him think that he's in love. No, no, no, no, no. But also, like, priests take a vow of of poverty and they probably hardly get to

go abroad. So all they have to do to go to Rome is to bust. Yeah. That's what people like save up money to go to the Mediterranean, to go to Europe, go to the Coliseum. You just go, dad's been working really hard.

I mean, they probably put in the time. Well, I don't, we had another one who went to rehab in Rome. Rehab in Rome? Now, when they go Rome, we're talking Vatican. Vatican City.

Yeah, we're talking fucking city of gold. Are we? Yes. We're talking Swiss Guard. So the Pope is just surrounded by rapists. Why do you think he's always so old? It's like the highest level of church. Why do you think young Pope is an HBO show and not young Pope?

Well, that's what Jesus was surrounded by all just like criminals. Yeah, you're right. I guess it's something about the Vatican. The Pope wakes up and just like has to like weave through rapists to get to like dinner. Why all the police in the Vatican are dressed like a clown

is because they just remind them of children a little bit. You can have a little children today. Not all children children but just a little childhood um young pope i just like want to be in the premise meeting at hbo i forgot that was a thing everybody did everybody forgot young pope how young was busy he wants to be a hot cigarette smoking you would have thought they would have started with young president. Young president makes a little bit more sense. Young Pope would be a funny rapper.

What's the fucking Dan Brown novel? Angels and Demons? Yeah. What's his name? The actor. Tom Hanks? No, the other one in that movie. Sean Bean? No.

Keanu Reeves? I don't know. I don't know who's in things. He's in the old Star Wars movies. Mark Hamill? No. Harrison Ford? No.

Carrie Fisher? The new Star Wars movies. You son of a bitch. I saw it. Hayden Christensen. No, but that version of the movies. Qui-Gon Jinn. He plays Obi-Wan, I think.

Ewan McGregor. Ewan McGregor it is! We got there! I think it was Keanu Reeves. It was Keanu. You singulared his name. I think you said Keanu Reeves. I don't know. Neo fell off a horse. It's him falling off a horse like Neo.

Ewan McGregor. horse it's him like falling off a horse like neo like yeah um but ewan mcgregor yeah what about he's the young pope in the angels and demons he has a young pope and angels and demons as well in a different fictional universe he is really trying to young quite the fairy he becomes it how did young pope i've not what was like the twist was he hiding his age i never watched young pope yeah it was he was fucking right pope was oh he was fucking and he was uh an atheist oh and so i remember there was a rooftop scene he brought a cardinal up and he found out one of he i was like he found out one of the cardinals was gay and i think he's like well i don't believe in God. And then the cardinal tried to, I don't know. It was just, cardinal jumped off, killed himself.

Yeah. Yeah. He didn't care about being gay, but he was like, I don't believe in God. This pope looks awfully young. Nope. That's my secret. He was like 44. Yeah.

Jude Law, not that young. Not that young. I want a child Pope. I want him to be in the same class as young Sheldon. I was going to say boss baby. Boss baby. I want boss baby Pope. That would rock.

Just like, you're doing what to my penis? Nah. This Pope seems a little young. Does this Pope seem fucking young to you? That shirt I wore yesterday, the one that fit me really well. What about that? That was

Cut's clothing? That was Cut's clothing. They have the best shirts. Don't they? They do. I'm just being serious. No, they have the best shirts. They're not an i'm just being serious no they have the best shirt they're not they're not an ad this week are they oh actually strangely enough they are so people aren't going to think that's authentic but you were being just genuine you brought that up out of nowhere you were wearing shirts hoodies you were wearing the buttery soft pica triblend t weren't you it was the buttery soft one i noticed i had a bold take on a classic design

yeah is that was that the one? Yeah, that was the one I was wearing. It was the perfect t-shirt. They accomplished that. It's the fabric uniquely engineered for each clothing style. Isn't that right, Kyle? Let me flounder here. Kyle, did it wrinkle?

It did not wrinkle. It was wrinkle-free. That's because of the pika. It won't let you wrinkle. Cuts premium with a purpose. Each piece of clothing is designed with a custom- fabric expert graded for the perfect fit it's not just a lifestyle it's not just clothing it's office leisure apparel will it break no you can wear it at the office you wear the gym it won't break uh 15 off your first order by going

to cuts clothing.com slash anus anus that's uh cutsclothing.com slash anus for 15 off i love how the ad is completely over um so if you're an advertiser listening for your ad that one's over that copy it was it's not just a lifestyle it's not just clothing it's business leisure they like made it smaller like it's not it's not just business leisure it's not just clothing it's business leisure they like made it smaller like it's not it's not just business leisure it's not just clothes it's a lifestyle i said it's not just a lifestyle it's not a lifestyle yeah they nesting dolled it just to get smaller and smaller and smaller um it's not clothes it's not clothes yeah cuts clothes almost not clothes it's a very specific it's a very very niche niche niche thing it's not clothing it's not a lifestyle you know that spot you never go

anymore the office this is a perfect this is perfect for the, the place that's been closed for two years. You wanted to wear it to the movies? No thanks. It's perfect for the office or dates, concerts. That poor guy who was starting to think his Cuts clothing was a lifestyle. Wait a minute, you're telling me this isn't a lifestyle? No, take it off. Give it back. Good thing you got 15% off

only wear this um I have nothing else to fucking talk about let me tell you about my wife what about that t-shirt name a movie Superman let me tell you about my wife

yeah she's super ugly man she's uh she can't cook worth a damn she's always making soup she always gets sick I'm always taking her to the ER the ER I'm always taking her to the ER. The ER. I'm always taking her to the ER. My health insurance premiums are through the ER.

She's got a big old Adam's apple. People think she's a man. She's joined a gang. She makes me wear shirts that say ER man. ER man. She's joined a gang. She's joined a gang. She's a crip. And she always, she just has sex with her. She has a foot fetish.

Every Wednesday is toe night. Oh, fuck. That's fun. That started off with Kyle doing C.S cs lewis the lion the witch in the wardrobe she's always lying she's a witch and she only cares about her wardrobe and then we've just kind of taken that where did that start probably about three months ago oh we've been doing three months no no we just brought it back this I did not want to bring it back. The thing is, like, your voice was...

Was it racist? It was. It was racist. Do it. Thinly veiled racism. Do it. Cheers. Oh, my God.

Just in there, we got the gist. That's audio blackface. There's a whole movie about that. Have seen that no it's called like taikwisha it's about a it's about a guy who wants to be a radio host and they're like nah you're white we want somebody of color and then he submits it's laquisha i think he submits like his voice he does like audio blackface and he gets the job as like a black relationship advice woman actually is it a true story no John well black Klansman is kind of the same thing isn't it is that a true story black Klansman is

is it yeah it's oh no no it's it's they had a black guy on the phone and then they had a Jewish guy who joined the Klan Loquisha move yeah Loquisha Loquisha it is and she becomes like a superstar 1.7 out of 10 and then it's 6 hold on actually let's just can we play the trailer on the podcast no oh i was banking on a yes yeah what uh what did you guys do for your theme song you had one

made didn't you by uh no didn't cal make you guys a theme song i honestly have never listened to my podcast so i don't know you've never listened nope i don't know what the theme song is i thought it was just some kind of like uh fucking i don't know one of those free songs um kyle what do you have to talk about friend um oh no you're back on tinder no i'm not yeah he's back on tinder he had a date with you her profile said she was a competitive eater but i think you got conned you don't have to pretend like i'm the star of this story to tell the story kyle got on Tinder.

His first date, she said she was a competitive eater, but I think he got conned so she could just get a bunch of leftovers. Because you went out to Danico, the restaurant in Little Italy, and she ordered like 11 spaghettis and had one. Shut up. She had one. No. Yes.

And his bill was like $450. She took the rest home. Yeah. Get the fuck out. She was meal prepping, I think, for the week by going on one day. You lost this woman 11. No. 11 spaghettis, John.

No, you split the bill, so you bought five. No, I did. No, this is real. So you bought five spaghettis. No, you didn't. No, she bought 11 spaghettis. She was like, yeah, I'm a competitive eater. And of course, you're like, no way.

I was like, prove it. And she was like, all right, I'll take 11 spaghettis. She was like, yeah, I'm a competitive eater. And of course you're like, no way. I was like, prove it. And she was like, all right, I'll take 11 spaghettis. Shut up. And she took 10 home? She didn't eat. She ate the one. She took like 10 and a half. She had like three quarters of the first plate.

And she paid for a majority of the bill? She took the other 10 spaghettis. No. Well, that's what I'm saying. I paid for it. That's what I'm saying. She's on Tinder conning as a competitive eater. A free meal.

Sure. Do one day. Didn't know. Stars didn't align. This is her biggest heist yet. I got no problem picking up the bill for your salmon, for your steak, whatever you got. John, I paid for 10 spaghetti, 11 spaghettis for this woman. No way.

This happened. And you didn't even bring anything up about it. I can't talk about that until right now. I know. Nick just brought it up. I didn't know I was embarrassed about the story of the girl who fucking conned me into buying her eleven spaghettis. Always conning. John, in what universe would that ever be true?

I fucking can't tell if you guys are lying or not. He fell for the classic eleven spaghettis. We get everybody with eleven sp Spaghetti's on this show. It is. If you play for 11 Spaghetti's. Yes, that was why we made it.

It's not real. I can't with you guys. I never know. He fell for 11 Spaghetti's guys. I never know. He fell for 11 spaghettis twice. Can't tell. I still don't know. Kyle went, that one's a layup. That one's a layup lie.

Nothing's a layup. That's a layup lie. 11 spaghettis? Think of that. Kyle's just going to sit there, not bat an eye for 11 spaghettis? Think of that. Kyle's just going to sit there, not bat an eye for 11 spaghettis. That hasn't ever happened to anyone divided by four.

Kyle matched with a girl on Tinder. That's your first red flag that this is a lie. The second that she was a competitive eater and she's dating people. No. That happens. There could be skinny competitive eaters. Women. The woman scene.'re skinny competitive eaters women women seen women both speaking of competitive eaters uh no no i don't want you out of this so easy actually what do you know go ahead speaking of i'm gonna find it real quick i somehow for some

reason follow um young pat barstool i'm sorry sorry. Nope. Joey Chestnut. What the... You confused him with Pat? Don't worry. It connects. I followed Pat on... I'm sorry. I followed fucking... Jesus Christ. I followed Joey Chestnut

on Instagram. Yeah, of course. And he is straight Pat. Yeah, a little bit. Oh, he looks like Pat. I did not know that. And I know the man well. He looks like Pat. I have my suspicions that gay Pat is straight Pat.

Oh, absolutely. Gay Pat is the straightest person maybe at Barstool. He can dunk. Yeah. The only gay person that can dunk is Brittany Griner. In my brain if a man can dunk he that's dunking is more masculine than fucking pussy oh for sure yeah by so i can't even get net so i that means i'm getting my back blown out in the basketball community he has uh i was gonna say he back blown out in the basketball community. He has

I was going to say, he's like in the office with Michael Scott. I don't know what Dwight is talking about how Phyllis might be a lesbian because she makes no attempts to be feminine. Pat makes no attempts to be homosexual. None. Except for the penises. Yeah. But that's like the smallest part of being gay.

It is. He has a gay podcast, but even he's like, I wish it wasn't a gay theme. Even that, when I go on that podcast, which I've been tricked into almost being a co-host on that podcast. I've been on that podcast like 10 times. It's been around for like three months. You're significantly gayer than Pat. Oh, we make a point that I'm the gayest person in the room.

Yeah. When we're there. It's- Can't dunk. Can't dunk. Can't dunk. I can touch net though. I actually Nick you can't touch net. Hardly. What do you mean hardly? You're 6'2".

I think I can get rim. You think I can get rim? You can't get rim John. There was a time in my life I could get rim. I think I could touch 6'1". 6'1". I think I could touch the bottom of the backboard. Maybe. You can barely get net at 6'2". Yeah, that's actually true.

Backboard's higher than the net. Yeah, but I'm trying to, like, hopefully people forget about what I just said. No, I could probably get backboard. It's really high. Also, I have never, I have not had the need to jump in probably a decade.

And you should, I mean, did you see the Tom Segura video of him trying to dunk? Shattered his leg. That's the least athletic feat of all time. But what people forget is he was dunked. That was nine and a half. Tom is not a big man, and he's an overweight man. And he had just dunked on nine easily.

He was going for nine and a half. That's a pretty incredible athletic feat. No, he shattered his leg. Even the successful dunk at nine is incredible. Sure, that is. I would say Tom's 5'8", probably. I've only met him once, but I would say he did not strike me as a taller man. Maybe he's 5'10".

I forget. People strike you as shorter. People think I'm short. Oh, everyone says that to think I'm short. Oh, everyone says that to me all the time. Oh, I didn't think you'd be that big. I'm like,

dude, is that my personality? It's something. I have a short personality. You have a short head. I have a short head. Yes. That's it.

Is it? Your personality isn't short, but something about you, I would expect five nines. You have the same head shape as Binky from Hey Arnold. What was his name? Who's the bully on Hey Arnold?

Harold. Harold. You have the same gang. You look like fucking Wolfgang Wolfgang head ass. Yeah, I was shocked when I met you for the first time in

years. What do you mean? Oh, yeah. Six to I thought you were the first time we met. You're gonna be five nine. I think the first time we met in person was like right before my interview here. The first time in a while. No, the world's largest Connect Four tournament. That's a true one.

I got bounced in the first round. Paired me up with a... Ray John Rondo? Yeah, the Rondo of Connect. Is he good at Connect Four? Ray John Rondo, he's a big Connect Four fan. I believe he hails himself as. It's a broken game. You can just win if you go first.

If you know how to play, you win if you go first. So at that point, it's why would you play? Yeah, I like that the instructions are also the name of the game. There should be more of that. Another good name is Hello Fresh, is it not? What do you like about that? I like all the variety of the meal options. Yeah, what do you order? Name three things you the the variety of the the meal option yeah what do you

order name three things you order butternut squash yeah uh the loaded nachos yeah those travel well and uh the soup bucket yeah yeah those are the three i typically get um the butternut squash the loaded nachos and the soup bucket um it's all good for fall. Those are my three favorite fall treats. Hella Fresh has recipes that you'd otherwise spend meal planning, shopping, and chopping. You could order just 11 spaghettis if you wanted, Kyle. Prep for the whole week or if you have a date night, get all of them for one girl. Hella Fresh offers the flexibility you need to customize your order on the app within minutes. Easily change your delivery day, food preferences, plan size, and skip a week whenever you need to.

We already shared our personal experiences. Except for you, John. Me? Yeah. Cooking the Bavette steak tonight, baby. Are you? Yeah. I'm a big HelloFresh guy.

Well, once you're out, you can go to HelloFresh.com slash Story14. S-T-O-R-Y-1-4. Use code Story14 to up to 14 free meals, including free shipping. That's HelloFresh.com slash Story14. America's number one meal kit. HelloFresh. Dude, I'm like, I use the MyFitnessPal app and I'm counting all my calories. This is real.

Okay. And it's pathetic. Why? Macros. Do you have a food scale? It's bad when you get a food scale. It is getting bad. You have a food scale? I don't have a food scale. Why do you do a food scale? It's bad when you get a food scale. It's getting bad. You have a food scale?

I don't have a food scale. Why do you do any of this? I went sober. Yeah. So that's enough. No. That's what happens. You become obsessed with yourself and bettering yourself and thinking higher of yourself than you are and enjoying your body.

You don't have to do that. That's not a necessary are you paying for the advanced like are you paying for my fitness pal plus i've almost bit the bullet my little sister is um obsessed with love island and all the love island male contestants do like meal plans and like workout plans after they're off the show she signed up to her favorite contestants meal plan anton his program, no. Antone. His program's called Antoned. And, of course. Guess how much that is a month.

First off, you shouldn't. That's a scam. Yes. Paying for some guy's diet. So you get it because you get one FaceTime with him, and she's still waiting. Oh, Anna. You have to sign up for three months. I'll FaceTime her.

KB from Barstool. Bleed my sister's name out. It's $135 a month. That's cheaper than I thought it was going to be. It's a meal plan? I was thinking she gets the food. We've already figured out meals and diets.

Some other guy is going to just make a new one. He's a short little Scottish man that was on Love Island. Yeah, I'm going to trust him a new one. He's a short little Scottish man that was on Love Island. Yeah, I'm going to trust him with my well-being for a FaceTime with him. He has no money. There's only one diet. Eat less calories than you burn. Or eat.

Yeah. Yeah, you know, you nailed it. That's all you have to do. Seeko. There's no, like, fucking magic secret. I'm on that OMAD. One meal a day. Are you?

No. Intermittent fasting, baby. secret i'm on that omad one meal a day are you no intermittent fasting that's like intermittent fasting is just called eating yeah like that's i i didn't really fast 12 hours a day like yeah oh nine of them i'm asleep yeah yeah that's that's bullshit that was like meal preps and like stuff like that like subscription subscription boxes. Huge scam. Except HelloFresh. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. You've been in the game for a while.

Not me. I tow the line. Other like BarkBox. What's BarkBox? The dog toy one. You used to say dog toy. It's like I'm going to pay $25 a month. It's like, no, it's really cool because I don't get to pick it out. What? Oh, it's really cool. They send it to me.

Yeah, that's shipping. You're paying a lot for like a mystery item. My dog has 700 toys now because I forgot to cancel BarkBox three years ago. Fuck you. I love mystery. Wait, I've been to your place. You don't have a dog. No, I know.

I'm just doing this. You're an idiot. He 11 spaghettied me. I'm the to your place. You don't have a dog. No, I know. I'm just doing this. You're an idiot. He 11 spaghetti. I'm the smartest one here. He 11 spaghetti me. My buddy Anthony has like the mass of the man box, the masculine box. He gets like a fucking Bowie knife every month. That's rules.

That rules. Yeah. What's he going to do with big knives? He just gets a mystery box filled with different weapons. Like the most masculine shit, which is like leather and ropes, which is also the gayest shit. It's like, yeah, masculine shit like leather and ropes. And woodsy perfumes. Yeah.

And you can smell good. Smell like a man should. Smells like whiskey that got dumped on a tree. Yeah. You got drinks poured all over you. You know, masculine shit. Like leather vests. Leather blazers are making a comeback.

Whips. Fuck you. I would love that box. I think the whole appeal is the excitement you get from like, you don't know what you're going to get. It's fun. That was awesome. Birchbox is makeup. That's what you're paying birch boxes makeup i think so what's the what's the masculine knife box i'm gonna get a fucking mystery box right now all right i'll sign up for order then we can

reveal them on the show mystery let's all pick out one subscription sir that's what they are then you're just buying one box i want to buy one mystery box you can't do that big one a big mystery okay by the you quit drinking you have extra money you've been buying fire fits spend three hundred dollars on a mystery box three hundred yes all right they do uh for so it's like man box what do they do um i don't even know where i was going with that sentence. You just started they do. You started a they do without anything. Just in case something came up.

I always start sentences just in case I can fill them out. Instantaneously. You know what? Without thought. They do ones for vintage clothes. Oh, do they? No, no, no. i want him to get i want what do you want me to get i want you to get items knickknacks uh chachkis

okay mystery is there a chachki box mystery box for what about doodads gizmos doodads gizmos i want you to get like a gizmo yeah like a like a metal cog just like this is cool how do you get a box filled with cogs and gears oh there's like a bike chain in here that would be awesome we should do that let's do a mystery box all right you want we're gonna make one anus mystery box that's how we'll sign off today but we're ah fuck they're gonna know we're gonna put cogs in there because i'm gonna put a cog in there i'm keeping my cogs okay um like a bottle cap there's like one yeah all right so how are they going to win the anus mystery box uh just uh the one person who responds yeah we'll just give dm your address

dms your address and you get it you win it congrats to joe owens with four z's he always wins wait is that the guy because we did the uh barstool golf hoodie giveaway where we just wrote anus on it as well and the one guy that won it lived in fucking england us sending that hoodie cost like 35 dollars that's box money that's subscription box money. Which one did you get? I'm looking. Because we'll do a live opening on the podcast. Fuck. Man, search man box. Oh, shit. Fights, I saw something beautiful last night.

What's that? If someone offered you a million dollars, you would take it, right? Jesus. What's that? If someone offered you a million dollars, you would take it? What do you mean? You would take the million dollars. If they just offered it for no strings attached?

That'd be helpful. Yes. Yeah, I'd take that. Now, what if they said you won't wake up tomorrow, but you get the million dollars? Boy, that's like one of those cash on the table things where you're like, man, how do I not wake up? Well, you're supposed to say no. things where you're like, man, how do I not wake up? Well, you're supposed to say no. And then it's saying that

today is worth more than a million dollars to you. Okay, so we got to the bottom of that one. It depends on how you're going to end me. If it's just like a mystical creature being like, you won't wake up tomorrow. You need a mystical creature to tell you that?

You brought up mystical you brought up mystical creature i thought you're going to get impaled by a unicorn no it's just like a wizard it's a mystical creature it's like you're not waking up tomorrow all right it's a chuka cobra he's like yeah you're going to die in your sleep but if like if it was like a person like i'm going to stab you to death tonight i'm like i'll pass on that i don't want to be stabbed to death yeah that's i'd rather be hit by a truck than by a bike oh not me because i know how to bikes are sharp they look like they fucking hurt because then i i first of all then i haven't they're both going the same speed i have an excuse to fight the biker after that was always you want to fight the bike yeah it's a biker hell yeah they're the worst worst. You have a history of beef with bikers.

They're fucking scumbags. As you should. Absolute scumbags. But also, I remember seeing on one of those How to Survive shows that when you're getting hit by a car, you jump at it. It's like in hockey. You get hit. So you try to get hit totally by the boards.

Yeah. It kind of pushes you back out. And that's the same thing with you jumping to the windshield rather than getting your hips and knees taken out do that with a biker you end up just clothesline a cyclist with your whole body kind of sick that is anyone ever tried this no but i'm down go get a city i don't know how physics works so i think the bike would just hit me and then topple i think i i don't know i don't know it would hurt it would hurt really bad it would hurt for sure and it would be more embarrassing because like if somebody sees you just got hit by a car they're coming to help and it's like so much more masculine it's like a

scene like a car's coming and then a bike just like you hear like a wicker basket crumple in the front of the bike tring tring out of the way Alright that's a new untold story Episode number what Owen 259 Sick awesome Play the outro That's your reply to what I'm going to say No you're just going to say like no that's a new untold story

Hey is that story Over told No baby That's a new untold story Hey, is that story old or told? Fuck no, baby! It's a new untold story. I knew I told you. It's a fresh, big untold story. I knew I told you. Bye.