A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 260 - N'Djamena

Episode Date: October 14, 2021

|| A New Untold Story: Ep. 260 - N'Djamena || The boys discuss the warped tour, sprimp girl, clown DMs, college parties, board game conventions, mommy bloggers & much more || Nick & KBYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. A new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. A new untold story. Do you feel like a man when you push her around? Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?

Are you red jumpsuit apparatus-ing me? It's a good band name. I guess. That's an awful band name. What the fuck does that even mean? Hey, nice red jumpsuit. Oh, you mean my apparatus? What?

You think jumpsuit is a descriptor? Warped Tour, how the fuck are we feeling today? Oh, God. Probably pretty young, huh? Young and vulnerable. Probably a little naive, too. Most of you girls are way too young to have to worry about a boyfriend beating you up. But when you get one and he hits you...

So I'll be the first to tell you... This one's for you. If any of you are worried about domestic abuse or you've been a victim and feel like you're alone you can come to our tour bus after this because we in the pop punk community we don't fuck with domestic abuse we don't condone that shit we just statutory rape there it is there. That's the thing, right? All pop punk singers typically have teen girlfriends.

The Apparatus, though, I think they were Christian rock. They became very Christian rock. They were straight shooters. Oh! We're still in the pop punk. Sit tight, I'm gonna need you to keep time. That's Panic at the Disco. The only difference between suicide and martyrdom is press coverage.

Is that what the song is? Hell of a name. Is that what it is? Real mouthful. That's a real mouthful. They've had a ton of mouthfuls of songs. Lying is the most fun a girl could have without taking her clothes off. Yeah.

They had like two sentence song titles. Oh, you motherfuckers. I mean, their band name had two forms of punctuation. Yeah. They added an exclamation point, then took it away, and then they added it. They were going back and forth

on the exclamation point. Thumbs down on what? We're a visual podcast now. I think a visual podcast is just a video. That's something you wouldn't have been able to see that if you were just listening on Apple.

Yeah, you would have just head over to YouTube. Subscribe to the YouTube. If you're watching this on YouTube, thanks. And you'll be able to see visual things. Like you would have typically just heard that fart noise, but you didn't know that there was a thumbs down accompanied with it. So do it one more time for me, Kyle. Yeah, pretty fucking good. This is our 50th episode, you know.

No. You can't. Are you just disagreeing? No, I didn't know. Yeah, it's our 50th episode. Okay. Couldn't be here without bare bottom clothing, too. Did you know that, Kyle?

They're sponsoring us. Right into that? Yeah, why not? We'll knock it out. Because I'm wearing a bare bottom flannel right now. I wear it all the time. It's my favorite. It's thick.

It's awesome. And it works with everything. This is blue, orange, and gold, and I'm wearing it with a black shirt. That's bare-bottom. And then they have the stretch joggers, the tech tee, the loft hoodie, the ace pants. That sounds like the members of an Odd Future spinoff. Yo, I'm ace pants. Shouts out to stretch joggers tech t shouts out the loft hoodie

they get that tech t feature shouts out to sid the dude the scientists at bare bottom are currently working on perfecting the earl sweatshirt that they are kyle uh they're on a mission to make the most comfortable made to last menswear around giving uh back to the communities where clothing is made comfy seasons here stock up uh you can get five dollars off your order by going to barebottom.com slash anus b-e-a-r like the animal bottomclothing.com slash a-n-u-s Dress like us. You can see how we dress now. And it's pretty good. I'm wearing bare bottom.

You look whack as fuck. No, I don't. This is fly. Yeah? Imagine somebody contemplating suicide and they're like, God, give me a sign not to do this. And then they see you wearing that.

No, I'm not saying they'd kill themselves because it's ugly it says just do it oh yeah i thought you were fucking sneak those colors i don't know i would never sneaky diss your colors um so for those of people that watch the yak as well kyle has a date with a clown coming up and not a clown as in like a. Oh she's on like some clown shit Louis. She's. Like mad honest with me. She's not materialistic. Doesn't care about her clothes.

She doesn't act like a witch. Somebody. People have been sending me recommendations. For movies to do. And they sent me major pain. I oh yeah that's the most obvious one because she's uh she's a major pain that's what the movie's a play on that word um yeah they don't understand the subtle nuances of word play yeah like us yeah much like yeah when people discover homonyms we're out of a fucking job what do you want to talk about some uh i brought up twitter bios to you

i've been like obsessed with just whenever i get a new follower i click and like read their bio there's almost like uh a scientific method to it it's like look some it's always like uh there's two types of people. The person I always like is like, um, they just describe themselves very generally like God fearing father, but then they put in like one celebrity interaction that they've had. Yeah.

That's huge. Like, uh, I think some people at the office like always saw something Dave says about him. I think, is it like Glennie says, like Guy Fieri said this to me.

And then like, like that, that's like guy fieri said this to me and then like like that's like their proudest moment in their bio so you'll click on somebody will be like god-fearing father colts fan uh quest love once called me a racist father husband follower of christ coffee aficionado uh miss new hampshire blocked me for raping her sister yeah it's just like one celebrity interaction that they've had and it's like then you have the the wave of uh the wokes uh bipolar horticulture slut defund lapd charlie kirk blocked me for calling him charleston quack just like yeah those that's the two types but it's always there's always some sort of interaction that they've had with somebody on there um yeah it's always interesting to see uh uh 90s nostalgia fanatic lover of all things

vintage i drink and i know things uh you're 42 you're 40 go get your prostate checked it's the size of a furby it's about to explode like a watermelon head from a gushers commercial their prostate's the exact size of the new banjo kazooie vintage tea from ebay you're 42 go see a urologist your dick hole is the circumference of a pog because you keep passing kidney stones the size of Tamagotchi pets. Do you guys remember the tweet?

The guy saying he had never seen Star Wars? Oh, yeah. That guy was awesome. You're missing out. Maybe. You're missing out on being a multi-millionaire. Keep your movie. He has a great bio so he was he was like the guy oh yeah he never saw star wars because he was making millions he was making millions of like sleeping with women oh so his bio is master poe andrew tate emir of the islamic Caliphate of Tatarstan. Genius. K1 world champion. Pronoun, king.

That rules. That's not a pronoun. I teach the deserving how to be rich. That guy's awesome. Was that like some fantasy mixed in? What was the city?

Tatarstan. Is that a place i guess shit who knows um but he came out and he's because he was going re-viral this week saying he makes his girlfriend make him two coffees every morning he drinks one and throws the second out that's awesome yeah what is that he said if he has to be ready to defend her life she has to do her fucking job and make him two coffees every morning that doesn't explain anything why does he throw yeah it doesn't explain it does he drink one coffee then throw it out does he throw it out first i don't think of a fuck um but speaking of twitter what about that thread of like the chick she was just like comedians shocked like like that.

They don't have to say. Oh, I have it. I have a screenshot for sure. Sprimp. Yeah. The Sprimp girl. She was like comedians don't realize that like that the shrimp typo made me laugh harder than any joke. Whenever some rancid comedian goes off about how you aren't allowed to be funny anymore or jokes are impossible without being nasty, I think of how someone posted a menu that had misspelled shrimp as sprimp and how I laughed so hard I nearly threw up.

48,000 likes. It's the population of Saginaw, Michigan. Yeah, that is exactly Saginaw. Oshkosh, Wisconsin. But are comedians just going to get up on stage now and say typos? Just get up on stage and be like, no, they're going to go up and be like, shrimp.

And nobody's going to laugh. And then they'll have to explain, no, no, no. I said it, but it's spelled wrong. It's a typo. Just saying typos. You're saying typos. Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Richards. typo and just saying typos you're saying saying typos they want that's the new uh my new gentlemen michael richards and this crowd is a lot bigger than i expected

you know uh the motherfuckers in san antonio were big but this you guys are bigger you guys are all jesus christ um i feel like we got off track you have a date with a clown coming up i do not have a date with a clown you have a date with or you're gonna well you're have you you follow each other on instagram yes and have you dm'd we have exchanged dms how many over 10 i don't i don't know your jaw juts when you uh when you lie and you just look like the DreamWorks moon. A boy's fishing off that chin. You're lying. How many...

I don't know. So yeah, I was... A clown came in, painted her face, and we all joked that she was into Kyle because we joke that girls are into Kyle. It's never true. Is it always just a big joke? Yeah. It's not stemmed from any bit of reality. No, it's fantasy.

This is the outlier that makes it true. The clown DM'd me. She DM'd you first. She said, I just watched the stream. It was very funny. Do those guys always pick on you like that? a clown saying something funny is the highest form of a compliment but you're going to take her out on you have to

take her out on a date that or do you think it'd be hard to date a clown like whenever I bring flowers she's like you hand them to her and she's mad that they don't like squirter hey these are for you she's just staring at him waiting for water to spritz out from the center

stop what am i pissing you off yeah it's just not she thought you had she thought you drove a limo and it's just like a toyota camry sedan it's the biggest car i've ever seen she is petite you took her to footlocker and she thought it was a baby shoe store she thinks complex sneaker shopping is sad because it's a bunch of baby shoes that are never worn. Okay. Balls or eyes out. No, you should

use. When was the last time you messaged her? People want to hear about this. I don't. I think it's disgusting. It's ongoing on and off hours, sometimes days of a break she just calls the joker movie joaquin oh my god or now i'm not gonna do it can't deal with this oh man i don't know it could be awesome i have more clown jokes if you want okay

yeah what else uh she's gonna put your balls in her hand and then when she opens them up you're gonna have three like the foam uh she's uh gonna be cranky when she's off her cycle because it's a unicycle. Let's hear the third one. I don't have any more. That's it? I just don't know. I think you should go on... I think for my sake, you should go on these dates with a clown.

For your sake, yeah. I don't know. I might. She suggested drinks. Still sober. Okay. So you could go. It's a clown.

That's a great sober. Because when was the last time you were on a sober date? In high school? Never. You used to pretend to be sober and pretend to be drunk in high school. Yeah, I would have to because I didn't drink for the majority of my high school career. But you would go to parties. I would. And sometimes I would have to because I didn't drink for the majority of my high school career. But you would go to parties. I would.

And sometimes I would pretend to be drunk, but I was too shy to actually do like any of the verbal. The verbal drunken. The common verbal drunken tropes. So you're just standing in silence with a drunk face? One time I just pretended to be asleep for 15 minutes to get out of the game of never have i ever that got a little too sexual and remember it was and and did you ever do them did you ever do any of them yeah okay it was one was like i never have ever had they were freaks yeah never have ever like had sex with two different people in the same day

and i was like did you say sex or head oh sex then the no never got never got a blowjob not even one nobody's ever seen your penis so was it awesome they were just like oh he's passed the fuck out yes that was like a mission accomplished. This was once. I remember it was like summer after sophomore year. One of my wrestling teammates from Pittsburgh was having like an intimate grad party. So he just invited like me

and two of our other teammates. You put on your best jumpsuit apparatus. Yeah. And he was like, my parents are cool as shit. They don't care if we drink. And the other teammate was like, I'm cool as shit they don't care if we drink and i was and the other teammate was like i'm bringing my girlfriend and three of her friends great they love wrestlers they're the old school type of slutty what's that mean i remember thinking the same thing but i didn't want to the old question type of oh i remember vividly he was like they're the old

school type of slutty i was like and i was like that might mean something that i should know like mary magdalene you have to just wash your feet yeah they ran through mesopotamia and got syphilis i don't know they fuck elvis impersonated they fuck elvis yeah the old school type of slutty but yeah so we get there and we and they all start drinking and i pretended to mix a soco and lime i remember this but it was all lime in like a a droplet of soco okay i was pretty much i was pounding lime juice like i was like cramming for a scurvy test and uh and i was like all right they're all drunk three guys three girls yeah or four guys four girls and i was like all right they're all drunk three guys three girls yeah or four guys four girls and i was like i don't we start playing like never have i ever and instead of fucking acting

drunk conventionally i just started to like doze off that's like that because to get out of the the conversation and like that's like oh kyle's a legend he passed the fuck out did they like no they they did not think it was legendary they were just like i remember someone was a legend he passed the fuck out did they like no they they did not think it was legendary they were just like i remember someone was like is he off a bean and i was i don't know what that means yeah and you're like yeah i am off and then i just like did like 15 minutes straight of just full-blown passed out where they had fun so i didn't get invited to parties but i pretended to be hung over like the next morning like at school i i was better at pretending to be hungover the next morning at school. I was better at pretending to be hungover. What would you do?

Squint. Fuck. I'm just waiting. Nick, are you alright? I'm just hungover. From what? Party. Yeah.

But yeah, I never drank. My first drink was freshman year of college. Really? Yeah. I did some senior year. never drank i my first drink was like freshman year of college really yeah i did some senior year but it was my first party my i didn't know how to work a keg but i like got in line i paid five dollars for a cup my first ever college party they had like a dj i'm like it felt like a fucking not to be a cliche it felt like a movie yeah walk into this house it was probably made into a movie i'm schmacked it was maybe it was during that same time yeah and so i had my buddy cleveland hold on keep talking hot as shit big kids bop shirts okay all right so i walk in there and i like fill up my first beer

i take my first drink uh i've tasted beer before so i was not surprised by the flavor profile and i just started drinking away i get like through half of my cup i'm like oh man i'm like on my way i'm like my feet are starting to tingle it's gonna work its way up and then uh my boy cleveland my first college party goes upstairs i'm like oh fuck he's like might go get pussy yeah and then he sprinted down the steps he's like we gotta go i just clogged the toilet so i was at my first college party go. I just clogged the toilet. So I was at my first college party, like water started to come through the ceiling. So I was at my first college party for like eight minutes. Eight minutes. Yeah.

But that was that was the lowest point of the night. Right. We just went back. We left. So my first college beer, it was the Saturday that I moved into college. I remember I crack open my first beer i'm with natalie palmer oh yeah wheeling yeah she was the only other girl from my hometown just beauty maybe yeah i remember i bought a beer from a frat guy for like five bucks i crack it open on the

sidewalk and a cop comes and arrests me your first college beer you got arrested were you 100 did you take a drink 100 that i've tweeted about it and i probably had a couple sips so i'm dead sober getting arrested and in front of my wrestling teammates and i freak out and i start like pleading with the officer i'm like i can't i'm on the wrestling team and they that's really do you think about that a lot yes and i and i fucking got in they put us in a van she's crying i'm i'm just dead inside because i think i'm gonna get kicked off the team yeah and i just spent i have to spend the entire night in the holding cell. What was your... Until 5 a.m. A sober and a holding cell.

Yes. Just sitting there? Just sitting there. Did you use the bathroom? No. But the guys with me were on heroin. In your first weekend of college. They weren't shitting, but they couldn't.

But they were trying. They couldn't shit. They were too constipated. That was my first weekend. So it was just a bunch... You and a bunch of constipated, nodding off guys. My first night of college, I took a sip of

what they said was jungle juice. Later found out it was just Everclear orange juice and Xanax. Hit my lips, woke up 14 hours later. My God. Yeah, you could have died. Everclear and Xanax? Yeah, that's just like i think you're

safer hanging yourself no no i'm hanging myself yeah just the wait did you what was that was your penalty um i got in trouble from the team but like nothing i didn't get kicked off just in trouble okay the whole team did did Did you eventually, like... Then, that was my first weekend of college. My last weekend of freshman year. The season's over, so, like, we don't have to... Or, like, the school year's over. So, I don't have to worry about, like, drug tests for wrestling anymore.

So, I finally decide I'm going to try weed. So, I go with my weed boys. Weed boys. There's the May 4th Memorial. Because that's where everybody was shot in that field, right? Yeah. So we go in what I thought was a forest. But if you go back and look, it's a memorial with like three trees.

And we light up a bowl. Cop comes. Immediately. Immediately. I freeze. They're like, let's run, let's run, let's run. Immediately. I freeze. They're like, let's run, let's run, let's run. I don't run. I just drop the ball and then get arrested my last week. Your last week of work. Last weekend. Yeah.

And what was your penalty with that? I lost my scholarship. So the thing that you've worked since fifth grade for? The thing that your parents... Tirelessly from... You had zero fun. Second grade, I went the thing that you've worked since fifth grade for the thing that your parents tirelessly from from you had zero second grade i went to a travel club in pittsburgh so second grade on the thing you traveled the united states every day because the goal of training is to get a scholarship

that's the that is the pinnacle of wrestling success pretty much there's like the olympics but that's like the point zero zero one percent and then there's just you know getting college paid for and you got that yeah but then lost it yeah um i was talking we went out one weekend with one of your childhood friends uh derrick and he said that you guys were next door neighbors you had an 8 p.m bed like you had to go in at 8 p.m every night even in like the summer yeah 8 or 8 p.m 8 p.m time even like when you had friends like right after rugrats so you had to watch rugrats then it was bedtime lights out brush my fangs bedtime your mom said brush your fangs because you're you were obsessed with vampires as a kid i don't think i found that little journal of yours we'll put that in the mystery box the the book yeah all right put your foreskin in my foreskin nah now i'm giving that

to my lady i'm so i'm proposing oh yeah i forgot i want to get some diamonds set in it um yeah i think it's sweet um because he was saying there was one night where they had a tent set up and you had a friend come sleep over and shelton come sleep over it was a tent in their backyard and we're you know we're telling stories having fun in the tent ghost stories i don't know what else but uh my mom like knocks on the tent which is doesn't make it doesn't really do it shakes yeah she's like kyle you have to come it's past your bedtime i was like 10 but you had a friend over and like shelton got to stay. In the tent. Yeah. And I had to go sleep and hear them.

Because your room was... I heard them making fun of me. Stop. Yeah. Because Derek was like, oh, yeah, you always had to go brush your fangs. All right. That was before you had braces. I want to do a quick ad here.

all right that was before you had braces um i want to do a quick ad here kyle you sleepy you have no energy no none what about now that was me hitting me with a black rifle oh shit is that we're on that shit well okay yeah we're on that shit what's wrong with a veteran-owned coffee company serving premium coffee to people who love america veterans veterans ceo founder evan hafer spent over seven years on the ground overseas with u.s special forces as a cia. And now. He's making Joe. And it's damn good. Filled with caffeine. It's high quality coffee beans.

From all over the world. They roast it five days a week. At their facilities in Manchester, Tennessee. And Salt Lake City, Utah. You ever been? What's the population of Salt Lake City? Probably. 200,000.

Probably. The best way to enjoy Black Rif coffee is joining the coffee club you pick your perfect roast and uh it'll be delivered to you uh they'll take care of the rest it's free to sign up you get free shipping discounts on uh on partner brands and it's and uh early access to new products and club expensive exclusive products my phone's cracked every it's i'm trying black rifle sorry uh go to black rifle coffee.com 199.7k so you were yeah sure it's good kids damn good go to black rifle coffee.com slash anus use code anus today get the freshest coffee in america shipped to you i'll do that won't you won't you do this weekend stumbled into a jazz festival after driving my McLaren 765 LTE into the Transylvanian Mountains,

made $35,000, did 350 push-ups, and went home with a couple of 19-year-olds. Who's tweeted that? That guy? That guy tweeted that? Oh, hell yeah. A couple.

He rocks. Is that like, is he playing a character? I think he's serious. Transylvanian Mountains? I guess that is like a real place. Transylvania? Is it?

I mean, you're the vampire guy. I'm the geography guy. And the vampire guy. You should absolutely know. I think it's like Romanian or something. Yeah, but I think Transylvania is still around, isn't it? No, the same day he tweeted that, he tweeted in quotes, I'm a good driver for a woman.

Good for a woman is like smart for a kid still shit we need to hire him yeah he yeah he'll be he'll be hired next sprimp i need sprimp we need to hire the sprimp guy i'm picturing like a table of like teal headed they thems yeah at like a chinese restaurant in williamsburg just snorting and laughter at sprimp on the menu because like the owner who just emigrated from just got here he just came from guangdong and just like had a miss he didn't know how to translate shrimp fried rice proper right but. But they're having the time of their lives. They're just laughing in his face. Oh, it's such a simple word. And they're having well over their caloric limit.

Oh, yeah. They go to Chinese buffets for the smiley fries. And they're like, so Shane Gillis is a literal Nazi. As they're making fun of this guy trying his best to get a sliver of the American dream whatever's left of it only to be ruined

oh my god sorry that you were less funny than when someone says give them the old razzle dazzle what was that? that's that same thread is that her? she kept going she kept going and going you comedy is dead now that i can't say slurs me quiche board luigi board ouija board

i don't understand that one in the slightest bit what because there's a quiche board and there's a weegee board but there's no luigi board what does she think is funny there i don't know what she thinks is funny like luigi sounds like ouija so luigi but why did she say quiche quiche board yeah because there's no such thing as a quiche board either it's just quiche i don't know she said her own personal submission to the spelling error corner of comedy it's just it's beautiful but she she spelled it wrong i laughed so hard i nearly threw up threw up and uh you nearly threw up because you have rotavirus you're four years old you're the reason batman's son is by not not batman superman superman's son is by superman they've made a son by

what's his son i don't know he had a son yeah he had a son i didn't know that yeah superman cishet and then his son by japanese twink boyfriend the fuck yeah what the fuck happened to the old day what the fuck happened superman superman fell off i I'm trying to. Literally. Christopher Reeve walked. So Jonathan, or he didn't. He rolled. So Jonathan Kent could. Is that his son's name? Guys and girls.

Yeah. So Superman's only weakness is kryptonite. And then Superman's son's only weakness is kryptonite. And pussy and wieners. So every person. I'm trying to think of a kryptonite joke. Grip so tight, like a man,

but I don't fucking know. And a pussy Superman's on his butt. Bye. That's fine. He's got a boyfriend. It's fine. It's fine. No, I love the idea of like having like an emotional connection to the Marvel

cinematic universe. Well, it's DC. Yeah. You want to try that again? of having like an emotional connection to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Well, it's DC. You want to try that again? Sprimp. Fucking Sprimp. Sprimp.

I need to learn an Obama impression. No, you don't. Yep. New character. We're going to work on a new character. And this is a visual show now let's workshop it it's a new character called spurlock obama it's morgan spurlock and barack obama combined that's all i have so far though anything on my shell you want to eat these these hamburgers pretty good huh yeah yeah it's gonna take off you like it what the fuck was that i

don't know i just yeah do this burlock on michelle i don't care if about what is what do you childhood obama because morgan spurlock yeah that was like the one thing that you found that rhymed with Barack. Give me one more. Rock. Iraq. Iraq, yeah. Fuck. All right, do Iraq Obama. Iraq Obama. Go do it.

I don't even know how to do that. Do your Iraq impression. It wasn't that bad. Oh, that was good. Thanks. There we go. I don't know. I thought there was some parallels with Michelle Obama

and like childhood obesity. Yeah, there is. There's tons of legs on that. Didn't Morgan Spurlock, doesn't he like follow you? Yeah, we're friends. Big one. He's self-canceled. Really't Morgan Spurlock, doesn't he like follow you? Yeah, we're friends. Big one. He's self-canceled.

Really? He's like, I'm going to get out ahead of this. I have, I've abused women. Do you feel like? I'm just going to like. Swarp toward. Chula Vista, I can't fucking hear you. Scream if you've been a victim of domestic abuse.

Holy shit. scream if you've been a victim of domestic abuse holy shit face down by the red jumpsuit apparatus was written about me hey girl you know you drive me crazy like there are that's the first line of the song so is he admitting to like, yeah, you drive me crazy. This is why. I think that's his, he's giving the reasons.

Kyle. Tell me about how I can get rid of my pubes. All right. Do you know what's spookier than seeing a black cat on Halloween? Why was cat emphasized? Why is cat in all caps? Do you know what's spookier than seeing a black cat on Halloween? Why was cat emphasized? Why is cat in all caps? Do you know what's spookier than seeing a black cat on Halloween?

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in your pants is howling it's time to tackle the problem you sound like shakira do i yes fuck do it no do the rest of you i think you're the rest i think you're fucking with me. No, you sound just like Shakira. Yeah, you do. Did I sound just like Shakira? Let's end it on a high note. Right? Let's end it at that because it's only down from here.

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The performance package 4.0 also includes the weed whacker. You know about that. A total game changer to your men's hygiene routine. So get 20% off plus free shipping with the code anus at manscaped.com. That's 20% off plus free shipping. Manscaped.com manscaped.com it's 20 off plus free shipping manscape.com code anus really really good deal and i need to shave my pubes because i've been combing them i have a bald spot right in the middle yeah and so i just push it over and when girls see that i yeah it's embarrassing they see that yeah yeah what okay yeah you sounded just like shakira do it no no everybody has uh this time for

do it i don't you do shakira once we're not shakiraing what are we gonna do what are we gonna do i could talk oh um my buddy why were you telling uh like vibs and kelly and ria that you were bad at sucking nipples bad oh because i'm fucking it the nipples are elusive you're not bad what you're not yes i am okay what were you gonna say i'm always chasing it around like i'm trying to get like a straw this is probably you're not that bad trust me You're not that bad. Trust me. Right?

Nah. My buddy Logan, his wife is a guidance counselor. And her school, the special needs class, they hired this new teacher straight out of college to teach the special needs class. And they decided to do recycling week. And so when they like recycled enough, they like filled up a bag of like recyclables. They got an R to put on their locker. The special needs class did. Oh, no. And it's like that's like the scarlet letter to.

And this is 100 percent. Hear me out. Would be convenient to integrated public schools into integrated like desegregated integrated that that's what they use and i was in the field oh yeah it's not why would that be convenient i don't know separate you know but you know yeah but that's the they're they're a couple i go to uh i know them logan's a very old friend but we rekindled our friendship because we go to board game conventions together no you don't actually yes you do yeah i go to pax east in philly and then i go to origins is my go to you go to board game conventions plural yeah where

have you been and when i go every year in columbus to origins it was canceled last year and then packs east in uh philly and i just go and i like it's it's what is uh what is the scene there well there's like a pokemon trading card room that ccg trading card game and then there's like the board game room and it's just you meet with the creators i was pitching a board game at the time and then um is that something like that's like an option like there's like a like a series where you can pitch your own or did you do that unsolicitedly i just brought it up i brought it up like you didn't brought you pitched a board game i'll go up and i'll talk to like creators again like oh some of these mechanics are like similar to mine my game they'll be like they don't give a fuck but going to those have you

ever been the most handsome man by a large margin at a group of over 5,000 people? No. Go to 14. Absolutely not. I'm not even the most handsome man. You were the hottest guy there? Oh, my God. I hate that I believe that.

It's very believable. And I don't even get myself looking good. I just go. I roll right out of bed. I walk in there with a mouthful. They were stunned. Yeah. The dudes get pissed the girls there who are the girls there jeez the board game convention girls are they uh board game guy girlfriends or that's no that's that is non-existent um no the girls that go are also enthusiasts but like if they took the time to like you know do

their makeup like get ready like you know took like you know how long to take a girl a couple hours you're ready if they did that they'd be grotesque um but yeah people would go and just like i've seen fistfights over like limited edition meeple which is like the little human cutouts like yeah it's it's awesome i love going it's a confidence boost it sounds like i go there for the love of the game actually you fuck with board games that hard i've made one you made one yeah i made two put that in the mystery box the board game fuck there's like is there a physical board game invented by you there was the first draft uh but it would need some critiquing after some play testing what jesus brave of you to admit it took me this long yeah it's uh it's about like i took a board game i took a board game class oh you're 29 go get your prostate check you it's the shape

of a bop it my prostate what's a prostate regularly shaped like kyle probably like a plum standard plum standard plum probably or a tangerine those are like-sized fruits um yeah it's but they were like make a game of something that you're afraid of it's like a gary v kind of guy but for board games so he's fat and uh he i did one of like it's about public restrooms so like you have to like concept it's called you're in trouble it's a great board game name it's a great board game name and you have to like finish your work day without using the bathroom and you have to like finish your work day without using the bathroom but you have like every time you roll a five or a six yeah it's an

advantage because you get to move more but you have a bladder and you add to that and if you piss yourself you it's it's a really good game it doesn't what do you mean the you have a bladder you have a little bladder how does that you had you had urine tokens to the bladder every time you roll a five or six seven urine tokens you pee your pants you could empty the bladder but then you have to add do one more task to finish the workday it's a race against the clock why don't we play you're in trouble yeah it's not ready yet it's only i've only been working on it for like 12 years so yes but yeah yeah you guys need i want to come i want to tailgate there i'm fine with you going perfectly fine with you going you think i'll run swipe game what's that i don't know what the fuck

is swipe like you're i mean you're gonna purchase the board yeah please do yeah i don't have enough space in my apartment for all the board games i have i probably have like two thousand dollars worth of worth of games some limited edition some expansion packs some crowd sourced some straight i have an autographed copy of a game what what do you think about when you're trying not to come me yeah is that like a is that a proven technique thinking no i love when like gross guys like offer up their techniques like i'm'm thinking about, I think about like a, the yellowish keratin erupting from a malignant cyst, like a water balloon filled with cottage cheese. What the fuck?

That would just make me cum and then puke on the girl. No, I mean, you don't have to look at anything. You don't have to think about anything gross just look down look at you look at your misshapen razor-burned cock sloppily puncturing a three-dimensional flesh wound of a woman of a displeasured woman whose pussy is solely lubricated from the sweat dripping off your chins just look at that look at yourself fucking look at yeah look at your where this come from just thinking about that i'll think about board game guys board game it's just like look at your dick look at you look at you fucking that should be gross

enough the saddest site is board game dads who bring their kids that don't want to be there they'd rather go to fucking gett's. They'd rather do a historical vacation. They have kids? Adopted. Yeah. I can't wait to go this year. Where is it? One's in Columbus. One's in Philly. I'll go to the Philly one. We should do a video there.

You want to? No, because I don't want you to make fun of it. It's awesome. We're a really tight-knit community. We would satize it playfully how so wholesomely how so i mean we'd mock them yeah mock them for having a cool i don't mind that i love board games i think that's fine but yeah i think it's fine all right what would you rather me be you want to be a fucking like a mommy blogger first up mommy bloggers get a lot of shit for people who deserve modicum of less shit what because people what does that mean they do deserve a lot of shit but they get a little bit more than they should mommy bloggers yeah why you're defending i am

why what the fuck like what they're always people are always like oh mommy bloggers are so like corny and like um they're toxic for like publicizing their child's entire life are they not yeah they're fucking they're obsessed with the human life they created and wants to rave about them i mean that's not that's not like traumatic for the child to grow up and be like, my mom loved me so much that she devoted her life to praising me publicly as a hobby. Yeah, but don't try to fight mommy bloggers. The virgin Nick versus the Chad mommy blogger. The Chad mommy blogger.

Well, literal Chad mommy blogger would be fire, though, from the nation of Chad. Like their fertility rate is like nine point five. Not what does that on a scale of? Is that does that like are you reviewing a pizza? No fertility rate. Like that's like the amount of children that the average women in the country have. They have. I don't know if it's nine point five, but it's high.

It's probably six. Really chad yes i was uh they would have content for days like the lindley smith from salt lake city wouldn't hold a candle to mafaditu abdulli from injamina who has who's 20 years old has 13 kids seven of whom are tenured cattle herders already every day would be a different month anniversary like that fucking calendar blanket would be like stained like tubberware a chad mommy blogad the virgin can you tell this little one is is excited for his first day at the textile utah hoes gotta watch out tahoe utah oh utah hoes is that where the mommy blogger is typically based out of their center there's a the core is they need to live somewhere where there's fall it's always fall for mommy

bloggers okay that's the fall archetype is more like southern like yeah north carolina big hat tall boots yeah but the i think the chad mommy blogger has legs. Maybe not. Maybe she stepped on a mine. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah, we could work with that. There might be.

I don't know. What's a city in Chad? Jemina. That's why he's laughing. Because it sounds like it hurt when you said it. Jemina. That's why he's laughing. It sounds like it hurt when you said it. Jamina. Oh, man. What? No, baby! It's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story.

A new untold story.