A New Untold Story - a new untold story: ep. 261 - it's all drivel

Episode Date: October 21, 2021

kb speaks his truthYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. Today's episode of A New Untold Story. It's brought to you by... feels good this feels good feels uh it's the podcast is presented being presented is a huge honor we used to be presented and then um we weren't for a tiny bit yeah and then uh we're presented again which is great news and we have a new product we we're really proud of we love it and i'm excited about this we're really excited about this we're uh new untold story is presented by dude wipes now and the thing about dude wipes is we've they have been consistent in our lives as our mothers, our fathers.

Our papa. Dude wipe. Yeah, it was like my third and fourth word. Dude and wipe. Nothing but nice things to say about them. We could rape. What did you just say?

We could rape? Did you just say we could rape? Yeah. Okay, dude. Sounds like some... What, do you have skeletons in your closet? We could rape about... We could rave about them for days, and we have.

And honestly, we're guys, and we love to joke. We love to kid. We love to fool. And if we have... I don't know, we've made a trillion, maybe more jokes in the past about everything. And if we've ever joked about this product, that's all it was. Yeah. It was a joke. And if you believed it, I guess you fell for the joke.

Right. And that has to feel pretty bad for you. Not for us joke. Right. And that has to feel pretty bad for you. Not for us. It feels good. It feels just as good to wipe with a mint chill dude wipe. Doesn't it, Kyle? I mean, the scratchy, itchy texture of toilet paper. I mean, that's existed for so long.

It's disgusting because humanity has unanimously approved of this product. Since the beginning of time and we're just content with it? They invented one ass wiping product and we were like, that's it. Forever. No. Not so much. Not so much, honey. Why don't you sit this one out forever?

So Dude Wipes. It's the best product my ass is clean your ass is clean and your ass can be clean at home for those listeners I pointed at the camera your ass can be clean at home you can get on

Amazon dude wipes at Walmart Target nationwide or go to dudewipes.com and use promo code anus15 for 15% off your entire order go to DudeWipes.com and use promo code ANUS15, A-N-U-S-1-5, for 15% off your entire order. That's ANUS15 at DudeWipes.com for 15% off your order. They even got into the bidet game while we were gone.

Yeah. We were never gone. We were always using their products. We were always using the products, and you could tell from my ass. Mm-hmm. their products we were always using the products and you could tell from my ass i you can tell when you look at my ass that it's been there yeah uh-huh um i have a question about your asshole kyle but it was today i walked into the bathroom at work to pee okay and owen walked into pee i was at the urinal he walked in the stall and we heard a fart and i heard you guys giggle we giggled at that part of me that hyped me up we giggled at

the fart and didn't know who it was so you giggled because it was possibly a stranger an anonymous man's fart it didn't matter the ass i thought you knew it was me no we didn't know it was you that's why you laughed it sounded like It sounded like a fart from a fucked ass It sounded like a fucked ass fart What are you talking about? It sounded like a breeze Like a summer gust? There was no resistance from your asshole

But what do you mean It sounded like it came from a fucked ass It was a very very No it didn't The ass wasn't fighting back from the fart But what do you mean it sounded like it came from a fucked ass? It was a very, very... No, it didn't. The ass wasn't fighting back from the fart. When my ass farts, my ass fights back. The fart doesn't want to escape.

Yours just... What? Why? Your farts snap. Yeah. It snapped? Mine snap. Mine snap.

Mine snaps. Mine what? Gusts. Yours ooze out. It's like molasses. It spills? Mine. Mine's snapped. Mine's snapped. Nick's snaps. Mine what? Gusts. Yours ooze out. It's like molasses. It spills? Yes. But what are you talking about a fucked ass?

You have the sound of a fucked ass when you fart. This is why I'm off the wagon. You guys drive me to drink we do yes um there's another thing i want to bring up about you aside from my fucked ass aside from your fucked ass part there's a there's a second thing uh it's october 20th halloween is fast approaching oh Yeah. Remember Mischief Night? We used to dude wipes houses.

Did you? Trees. I like how you kept the like, I would say dude wipe houses. But you said we used to dude wipes houses. We used to dude wipes houses. The houses were dude wiped. Oh, we got the sycamores in front of our neighbors they would be covered

up and oh somebody dude wipes dust yeah i remember dude long-standing tradition and the crazy thing was that when we dude wiped the house uh they were excited it was a win-win because we got the joy parties got the joy well we're prank them, but also we're doing charity. That's right. They're going to get free dude wipes. Yeah, it was a win-win-win. What a product. Yeah, what a product.

What a product. Every time Halloween comes around the corner, Twitter, I see all the time, it's a picture of you and your ex-Asian girlfriend. Currently still Asian. Ex-girlfriend. Asian ex-girlfriend. Her, yes. Named Asia. I don't want to say her name. Very,

not very creative parents. No. Her mother and father were also both named Asia. Yeah. They called me America. Funny shit. Yeah.

The picture of me dressed as a giant bag of cocaine. My girlfriend at the time was a jack of spades. We were Jack and Coke. How did she convince you to do that? It was my idea. It was my idea. Jack and Coke. How did she convince you to do that? It was my idea. It was my idea. You were in love.

She already had the Jack costume because her and her friends did like a whole squad of playing cards. Okay. And I was like, hmm. Guy like me would have gone as a can of Off bug spray. I was just going to say Jack and Off. Jack and Off. No, you could just say jack off. You don't need to.

Well, a guy like me. You're obsessed with ampersand. A guy like me thought outside of the box. And I was like, let's do a classic or not a classic. Let's do an edgy twist on the classic couple's costume. Jack and Coke. She's the Jack of Spades. I'm a giant bag of cocaine. Had never done cocaine.

I was just about to ask. I got a jumbo ziplock bag from Target Filled it with pillow fluff I had one pillow at the time So you gave up your one pillow So we had to fuck on a sheet When she came back to your house We didn't fuck that night

But if we had We had to sleep on A flat two dimensional sheet That night Because I used all the fluff from my one pillow to be the cocaine and i labeled it cocaine with masking tape because it did not look a thing like cocaine jack and i remember jack caught yeah i wore my freshest like all black h&m slim fits my nike roche runs I bought like two bottles of Three Olives Loopy. No dude.

And Sunny Delight as a chaser. Okay. It was like we were fresh into the relationship. She was not from my college. So she was coming to visit. This is the time to come to Kent State. Halloween night. I'm going to show you a blast. I am the

Craigslist troll. I'm a local legend so we're gonna go out and people are gonna be like oh is that that craigslist troll kb no swag is he dressed as a bag of cocaine and who is that asian girlfriend dressed as a jack of spades oh they're jack and coke he did it again and did it in my head did it work no nobody knew and it was just like three hours of they thought she was a playing card in your bag i always had to like summon her because she was off doing whatever i was like come here so i can explain this costume because you were just a bag of cocaine alone and you're wearing like a beanie, right? Yeah. So that photo has haunted you forever. I remember she got like a spontaneous migraine.

So I let her Uber back to my apartment. You left her. You didn't go back with her? No, because it was like it was we're at Brewhouse. What's that mean? It was like a dance club. And I remember like they played like the Chet Porter remix of Broccoli by Little Yachty. And I was like, if they're playing this type of music, I'm going to stay back.

And I stayed back as a bag of cocaine, thinking that it would... It flies as a solo costume. Yeah, it didn't. Because it was huge, and you couldn't really move. It was big. Yeah. So I remember I walked home and... As a bag of cocaine, or did you ditch it?

It started raining. So I was just sopping wet. And I took it off my neck. And I was just holding a bag of... Did you make it yourself? I did. You're like the least handy guy ever. I can't believe it was your idea.

I know. And I think if you look at... The tweet is still up. It became popularized after I got caught with cocaine sure Dave Portnoy yeah they look back through your media for a recent picture and that's the only adult photo of you as a bag

of cocaine just like I guess this makes sense yeah now I've been I kind of want to you have you ever heard the the phone call with Dave yeah yeah so after i got kicked out of my hotel yeah at the cosmo and on the record you 100 had cocaine oh yes people still to this day were like what is the real twist of this story what could it have possibly been with this weird

brain uh i did cocaine that's what it was um yeah and you called him earnestly there are two first off you ghost wrote i did my you were too panicked to write a tweet. Statement. It's filled with coke puns. I did it unintentionally because I text you clowning you. You texted me. You did not clown me because you were still trying to get on my good side. No, no, no. So you were like, dude, I hope you're okay. I hope you're okay.

And then I sent, it's just a bump in the road and like all kinds of shit like that. And then I just opened up Twitter and I was just like, Oh, I saw like you tweeted. I was like, ah, God damn it. So I got kicked out of the hotel for this.

And I was like, Oh fuck, this just sucks from a financial standpoint, but I can like probably sneak to another hotel and be fine. So I was like, I told, I told gas, I was like, this guy seems cool for his age.

Next thing you know, uh, Dave, Dave is calling me and I'm like, this guy seems cool for his age. Next thing you know, Dave is calling me. And I'm like begging him earnestly. Did you think you were going to get like fired? No, I was like, I don't want this to, I don't want to be the center of attention. Because up until that point, I was an anonymous blogger. Yeah, I remember. I didn't, I wasn't at no videos no radio shows no podcast nothing just my like little boy baseball pick blogging and i wanted to keep it

that way so as if we could take a little break from that you started here and you didn't even have a desk here so you worked at the cafe like across i would go to different cafes yeah and so when you came into the office they were like hey, hey, what are you doing? They didn't know who you were. No. At all. No. Back to your story, I'm sorry. That's shocking.

So I won the bracket contest, the March Madness contest, went to Vegas. That happens. The first night, I got kicked out of a Las Vegas hotel for having cocaine residue on my sink. How did you...

You're an introvert. You have Asperger's. How did you manage to land in a city you've never been in and get cocaine so quickly by... Did you do this? Did you... It was unintentionally. I think I blacked out on Pink Whitney, which wasn't a thing at that time. I was just mixing New Amsterdam with pink lemonade.

Okay. And I ended up with it and then did you have a party back at your place or is that not true as well do you think i had a party oh that's what you told everybody i know i had a party you had a party yeah so i had a part of course who did you invite like all of like a bunch of like you it was you did you had just had coke alone in your yeah i didn't i didn't finish it i didn't know how to finish it yeah was that that wasn't your first time doing cocaine it was one of the first that's not a thing it was my first time having like an like a an amount of cocaine did you feel cool no really i was like i don't know what the fuck to do i just dumped it and i was like i don't know what to do uh where are you going with that i don't know yeah the

phone call is public yeah yeah it is yeah and then i ghost wrote the tweet for you i'm like but i got my family like found out that way your family is very very devout and uh clean cut and so yes but then yeah then the whole couple's costume pat popped back up and then did your ex ever contact you about that picture i wish i contacted her about that i was like hey you're probably gonna see yourself in the limelight i just want to i just want to let you know that i'm doing okay is she the one you text when you uh od'd on um synthetic weed about posting on your facebook wall lied about that yeah it was okay um i've actually done a couple's costume as well. What was yours?

It was bad. It wasn't my idea. It was me and my girlfriend at the time. And she went as a cat every single year. And her, and I think her like previous two boyfriends went as a dog with her. And so I was like, all right, I'll fucking be a dog as well. She's like, no, I want to be the only animal this year. And I was like, what? She's like like but we could still do a couple's costume and so she made me a scratching post costume and so i she like made me like a cylinder out of chicken wire and like i had to

put my arms through like two of the the holes of the chicken wire so just cutting into me and just had carpet stapled around me and i didn't look like a fucking scratching post at all no and she was like yeah like that's it's a couple's costume and we had to go to fucking mario's fishbowl in pittsburgh and i just lost her she's like left and i was just alone with like this tube of carpet around me i believe that fully even if that's made up i have photos oh yeah uh i'll probably i'll try to find him for owen um yeah so i've been there but mine has never unless i get caught with like a scratching post in las vegas i think i'm pretty much in the clear that'll never so yeah but i mean the couple's costumes aren't bad they could be better i mean if you're listening to this, you don't have the emotional capacity to achieve or sustain a meaningful relationship with another human.

I don't know. Or the attention span. No, we got a tweet from the girl. The girl tweeted, my boyfriend's making me listen to a... Barstool podcast. Barstool podcast. And she said, shout him out. He's the skinniest listener.

I forget his name. If we look at the anus recent him out he's the skinniest listener i forget his name if we look at the anus recent likes he's he's and i i made sure she wasn't lying because you know how women are he's a he's a rail he is yeah he's skinny as a board um good but yeah so we do have listeners that do have girlfriends so with halloween coming up i guess i don't have do you have any ideas for couples costumes what are the popular ones what's what's relevant squid game yeah uh ryan laundry you could do like a dirty laundry and a busty shut up yeah oh fuck you i'm gonna go into an ad while we fool his name. Think of some more costumes here.

Oh, I have his name. It's Caden Horn. Caden Horn. Shout out Caden. Fucking living piece of floss. Skinny guy. Real skinny guy. Lowercase L.

He's a lowercase L looking ass. Lowercase I. Uppercase I. Without the serifs. Serifs? You want to flex that you knew that? Lower case I uppercase I without the serifs serifs. You want to flex that you knew that everybody knows serifs. Or sans serif. Okay.

But if you don't know that and that's really bothering you, if that's fucking up your mental, Kyle, you can go to crowd health. You know about crowd health. More than half Americans are on a high deductible insurance plan. I guess I don't know what crowd health is. I thought this was a whoopsies. They're on the hook for thousands of dollars of deductibles, copays, and sky high premiums. For many people,

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CrowdHealth is not a health insurance. It's a community-powered alternative. Terms and conditions may apply. May apply. Do that. Do you have any other costumes that you've done? Or what would you do this year? This year.

So what's relevant? Squid Game. Squid Game and Brian Laundry. So... The dirty laundry and a busty... Again, I don't... Yeah. If you wanted to.

Again, like, couples' costumes are lame. A lot of people are into, like, true crime. And they, like, take it way too seriously. So I can see them doing that. I just don't want anyone to do that. I like... A lot of people are into true crime and they take it way too seriously. I can see them doing that. I just don't want anyone to do that. I like creating... If there's any couples out there, I think OJ and a Beyblade would be funny.

What is that? The spinning top, but it's like a Beyblade. A blade to kill your girlfriend. Your Bey? I don't know. I haven't had a girlfriend for a very long time so i wouldn't know a good couple's costume so yeah what's a good what's a famous duo salt and pepper vinegar and baking soda vinegar and baking soda what are something what is something funny that comes in twos your penis fuck

oh you're ranking women now gross yeah you paid for that abortion you funded the whole thing you gave her extra money oh i paid you funded the whole thing to keep the change. First of all, I don't come in twos. I come in women with big tits. Big, perfect breasts, Kyle. What? No, you haven't. Knockers. You have never fucked a girl with Greek weddings. What?

You've never fucked a girl who had Greek weddings. You called breasts Greek weddings. You called breasts Greek weddings? Yes. Big fat Greek weddings? Well, you don't say big fat, but that's implied. Big fat titties.

You've never called titties Greek weddings. Yes, I do. They're Greek weddings. They're Greek weddings. Do they have to be on a Greek woman? No. If a girl has big fat titties, she has Greek weddings.

She has two Greek weddings. Two Greek weddings. It's not just one Greek wedding? What do you mean one Greek wedding? Well, the movie's called Big Fat Greek Wedding. Yeah. Oh, she has two Greek weddings. Two big fat titties.

Or maybe she has a set of comfy couches. You're just taking things that have... comfy couch yeah yeah so she has had two fucking alberts a couple of bad wolves i was sucking on her bad wolf sucking on her red dogs squeezing her cliffords her cliffords oh man that's all right. What do you mean? Yeah. Oh, I've never done this. I didn't. Slurping on her Burton fishes. Tim Burton big fish? Yes.

There's no way anybody would. Her Burton fishes? Yeah, that's instinctive. You know exactly what I'm talking about. I don't at all. Her big fish. Her big fish. No, her Burton fish.

Her Burton fish? Mm-hmm. Is that it? Is anything else with big? A pair of six. Big what? The big sick is a movie. Oh, it's not like you said hero six.

Hero six is. That would work. Fuck, her bang theories. Her bang theories. That's getting better. That's the best one so far. Fucking walking down the street central with our bang theories just pop bouncing around i don't know how to describe titties

popping around popping around like a fucking the middle of a fucking trouble board just like a trouble board popping around do you have anything for ass or a pussy an ass ass i guess you could describe the same as tits tits and ass can use the same descriptors yeah you just want a fat and big oh what a pussy the thing about a pussy is you want it what do you want to put a tight and wet right so you call it like a you know fucked her in her rope walker and her bandit her is that the only two things you want a pussy to be her american summer her hot american summer that could be wet and hot yeah i don't know her uh it'd be pink just fucking ripping apart her floyd with my dick i was just tearing her floyd she had the tightest little floyd

oh my god i've never been in a tighter floyd is there anything else that's pink panther ariel what ariel what's ariel ariel pink who the fuck is that that's a somebody who is that celebrity what have she ever been in no no you knew her name but you didn't know there's an ariel pink that's like the most obscure celebrity we'll wait oh yeah oh yeah you sounded shocked when ariel marcus rosenberg professionally known as ariel pink is an american musician singer songwriter whose work draws heavily from him. What did she say? I don't fucking know.

How did you know who Ariel Pink was? I just had. There's only so many Ariel's. Actually, surprising segue. I guess this works out. Speaking of pussy, Kyle, you are about to buy a cat. Just true?

No, cut this. No one cut this shit. Why? You don't want me to know? I'm not talking about it. You don't want to talk about your future cat? Yeah, no, fuck it. You're embarrassed because the cat you're getting no cut this shit already has a name cut this and so you're going to have a cat that's named aquarius

do you know what i'm talking about aquarius why yeah all right we had uh we're back we had to take a little break because kyle uh did you have a mental breakdown i didn't have a mental break you had a mental break you just sat back and you were like, cut this. Yeah, because I don't want to do this anymore. Because we have the luxury to cut. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to do this line of work anymore. This whole thing.

Every single day is spewing the same drivel. Everyone's talking. Spewing drivel? Yes. Everyone is talking for an hour in five different ways. Right now, Brandon's doing his show. He's talking for an hour. Someone's in the other podcast room. They're talking for an hour in five different ways. Right now, Brandon's doing his show. He's talking for an hour. Someone's in the other podcast room.

They're talking for an hour, and they go do another show. They talk for an hour. They spew nonsense. So you're questioning your entire line of work. Yes. You want to be back teaching kids? What are we doing? This is because you're watching The Sopranos.

Yes, I would rather. It'd be way more fulfilling for me to join the mob. No. Tony would scoff at the idea of talking about your day-to-day life in front of a microphone. We're going to do this every day. Right, but you're not him. He's not real. Yeah, but it's based on reality.

And that's the thing. You would rather join the mob. You'd be more fulfilled joining the mob. Yes. Doing what? Whatever. Doing waste management. For the mob.

Why can't you just do waste management that's not for the mob? People are really going into a studio biweekly, triweekly, quadweekly. And they're like, oh, we're going to just talk about our day-to-day lives are so fascinating. People want to know about what's going on with us so bad that we're going to talk uninterrupted for two hours and people will love this. So that's the mindset you have to have in this line of work. What sparked this? You've been doing it for three years. What sparked this? You've been doing it for three years.

Yeah, what did spark it, Nick? What sparked it? I'm asking you. I don't have this feeling. I don't know. Throw me a bone here, Owen. I don't know. It came out of nowhere.

Yeah. We just got dude wipes back. I know. We got dude wipes back. Hurrah, hurrah. My favorite product. No, they're a great product. That's not sarcastic.

I'm blessed to be able to do this. I can talk for an hour and have a presenting sponsor from Dude Wipes. All we need to do is talk. Yeah. That's what we do. Yeah, and that's what everyone does. Are you not being fulfilled? That's what everyone does. Where would you find fulfillment?

Talk, talk, talk. What is happening? All right. No, no. What would have you fulfilled i'll be fucking damn this water bird ain't bad huh that is 100 our next ad so you are good you know what you're doing it's good that's the one good thing i can say about today it ain't bad goes down easy tasty as. Tasty as hell. The flavors. It's good, but unique. It's a canned cocktail.

At a grocery store, convenience store, or a liquor store near you. Do your ad. Do your little ad read about it. I love the product. You do your ad read. That's what we have to do, right? So you do that thing,

and I'm going to just enjoy the product. What happened to just enjoying, like hanging out with your friends? Now everything has to be a marketing ploy. A sales pitch. Waterbird Ranch Water is made with real premium Blanco tequila, sparkling water and real lime juice. It's the ultimate refreshment.

Waterbird makes their ranch water with real tequila, not from sugar or malt like others on the market. We're enjoying it now. It's stimulating us creatively it makes that we're happy to do what we do because we have good sponsors and people backing us like this you can find waterbirds canned cocktails at a grocery store convenience store in a liquor store near you see that wasn't bad and we can go right back to talking yeah let's

talk let's talk let's give the people what they... This is fun for you. It's our job. Yeah. What would you... Would you rather be doing early childhood development? There is a satisfaction. Isn't there a satisfaction here when you get a laugh? You start, you walk into a home.

You walk into a home. It's filthy. It's dirty. It's a family in poverty. You're not cleaning it. You're not giving them money. You're giving them bad news. You're giving them what they're going to have to spend money on for the rest of their lives. I don't think you know what

I was doing because I would meet the child and that child couldn't speak. That child couldn't use words not only verbally, but gesturally. They couldn't use words gesturally? He could not communicate to his parents any of his feelings, thoughts, wants, or needs. With his fingers, he couldn't point. She couldn't even give a high five.

They couldn't even look at what they wanted to eat. Your go-to move, first thing you did, you went for a high five. Then I would do bi-weekly visits. go-to move, first thing you did, you went for a high five. Then I would do bi-weekly visits. Kind of in the same frequency as a podcast. Except by that sixth visit,

the child was doing the sign for more. That means more? He wanted more food. And the joy on that parent's face, I finally know what my child, the human life I conceived, but okay you went into poverty disgusting homes yeah of maybe even negligent parents and you just gave them bad news

what do you mean you were like yes you were like a an entry-level grim reaper in what way you went into these homes hey i know things are tough yeah your child is mentally challenged yes and that was so satisfying for me just telling them that it's gonna be tougher otherwise they would have had to have found out a different way and what what what can we do to make this satisfying okay what are you saying okay to yeah i'm trying to help you let's just yeah let's let's talk yeah that's what we're doing that's all we have to do this is all we have to do is talk that's what everyone does they just talk you just are going in circles i know what what could make

this satisfying i don't know are you going to give it all up and move to a name of tell me a podcaster someone who podcasts for a living or for a hobby even who is satisfied from it maybe joe rogan do you think he he wakes up every day and he was like today something new is gonna happen to scratch a different itch that's every single job yeah i guess I guess you're right. So what? I don't know. What do you, what, well, what can I, let's make this better.

That's good. It's damn good. This is a true thing that's happening. You know, it's not, we, we took a break to go pee and then you were like i don't want to do this anymore did you feel as if that was dramatic i yeah i was trying to be dramatic do you realize that half the days like we have to work one hour i i know i was trying to make a point. What point? You used the term, we were spewing drivel?

Okay, but that's... Is that... Can you look up if that has ever been said in The Sopranos? Spewing drivel? Has spewing drivel ever been said in The Sopranos? What episode are you on? That's not Sopranos lingo. That's more like nihilistic, like Ricky Gervais talking about the Bible.

What? What the fuck was that? There's a fight going on outside. Some more drivel. But you're saying everybody here just spews drivel. I mean, yes. More, in a more humorous way. I'm saying that more whimsically.

But our drivel sells product. Yes. The mindset you have to have is so narcissistic to go into your day-to-day life. What I'm doing is a service to others. It is. People consume. It's the same thing as a cook.

Just like a cook? Yes. Cooking up laughs. Goofs and gaffes all right it's a service we're not forcing it down anybody's throat no we're not why are you just what are you doing right i don't like when you start to agree i don't like this you know you guys are perfectly you guys are making the best points. I love you guys. Yeah? I love you guys, yeah. But what is... I understand that there is some narcissism.

You guys are always the voice of reason. I understand there's some narcissism around podcasting. You talk me off the ledge and you make me realize, hey. Were you on the ledge? I was on the ledge. Why? What broke you just now? Something about being by you looking at you this is just my fault what are you going as for halloween this year

so what are you so what are you going as do for Halloween? Halloween this year. Does it even matter? It's all the same shit. Everyone putting on a different costume in their heads. It's going to be different and fun and creative. But in reality, who's actually looking? They think they're doing something new, something different. They're throwing drivel on. And they're claiming under the guise of it's a costume. It're they're throwing drivel on and they're claiming in the in the under

the guise of it's it's a costume it's garb it's wear it's a uniform it's drivel it's all the same shit what are you trying to do so every is halloween the same as podcast much just dress up every day you don't need a day to tell you dress up. Oh, this is what I want to do today. I want to dress up. It's a holiday. Everyone. I want everyone to look at me and look at my costume. Do you have a costume?

Yeah. What are you? Um, what are you? Oh, wow. We have, you and I have a group costume together.

We have a group costume? Yes. What is it? Mary Kate and Ashley. You're Mary Kate? I'm a... Oh. Yeah.

It's a secret, but spill it. I'm Mary Kate as in I'm a... You're Prince William. I'm Prince William, the one who married Kate. Just to know, what is he? He's wearing his red tourniquet. Tourniquet? You mean tunic? Tunic.

He's wearing his red tunic. You're going as Ashley. You gotta shave your head. I'll shave my head. Get the Costanza cut. Yeah, sure. That'd be a good costume for you. And you're gonna be Ashley. I'm gonna be a Marvel-themed urn. You're Stan Lee's urn. You're Ashley. He was cremated i thought you're

going as um sudan marina sudan that's what you told me you were going as you you sprint it was the last time there was like it was yesterday you're like i have a halloween costume you're going as sudan marino i can't go as sudan marino why because of thousands of kids in cartoon and sudanese villages when is him so you're going as a kid sudan marino is when like the kids when the dolphins lost the super bowl to the 49ers joe montana whenever that was 80 whatever yeah and they got the dolphin super bowl champion shirt and they put it on they're like i'm dan marino yeah so you're going as a sudanese kid wearing the dolphins that's a good call i'm not going as that the kids from sudan when is that i don't think they went as i don't think they went as that i think

that was just a shirt they wore that was their that was their tunic yeah what did you call it i just called it a turnic that's what i'm saying what does it matter i i add one different phoneme to a word and that makes all the difference we're all spew we're just spewing drivel dude i don't want you to come to dinner with my parents if you're gonna kill yourself so we're supposed to go to dinner with his parents after this and you're just you're this the lowest you've ever been this is the lowest i've ever been all right we could at least when i was sober i had a point like i was like i was progressing in life you're fine with drinking water bird

though right yeah i love water bird damn good product take a big sip it's the one thing that doesn't like remind me of my ongoing issue with alcoholism this This shit. It's damn good. Alright. You know what? We can let you go. I'll just do this last ad. You know what? You do the last ad. Let me just do the ad. Why don't you do the last? Sell a product. Do the last ad. You're more of the face than I am and it's Cuts

Clothing, Kyle. Come on, Kyle. Come on. Do Cuts. Alright. let me pull it up. We wear cuts all the time. This shouldn't be hard. I love cuts clothing. I have a lot of their garments. I don't fucking know what the points to make. The bullet points.

Modern clothes for a modern life. It meets all our demands. It does do that. Founder Steve Borelli, he felt boxed in by his wardrobe. You just stopped looking for the ad. I don't know whether, yeah, because you're not giving me any time. You keep talking to me while I'm trying

to find it. The whole point is talking. I'm trying to search ad in my Gmail until I find it and then things for advent calendars are coming up. We wear our Cuts clothing all the time. You ever do the advent calendars where you get a

pair of titties every day? Titties? A pair of titties? No way. It's online. It's online. You get a pair of titties? I know about the chocolate calendar. Every day you open up the, you flop up the day and you get a piece of chocolate. I don't know about titties.

You 100% need to go to therapy. Jesus Christ. Off the record. I know. Psychiatry? Tony's going to psychiatry? What does he need a psychiatrist for? Well, he didn't raise him right? I know he's talking shit about his mother in there.

We wear cuts all the time. I really like the fit of the shirts it's not that boxy fit that you'll get with like gildan or haynes beefy um never take a day off even when you do that got me off guard that really i scrolled like a secret window plot twist. Say that again. Now I never take a day off.

They're not boxy like Gil Dan's. Never take a day off. Even when you do. Even when you do. It's not just a lifestyle. It's not just a lifestyle. It's not just clothing. It's work leisure apparel for the sport of business. And you guys at home can get 15% off your first order of cutsclothing.com slash ANUS.

That's cutsclothing.com slash ANUS for 15% off your first order. Kyle, we're going to sign off. We're going to grab a nice dinner with Owen's parents. Meet them for the first time. Are you in a good enough mood for this? Sure. That'll be lovely. Yeah? Are you going to be off. We're going to grab a nice dinner with Owen's parents, meet them for the first time. Are you in a good enough mood for this? Sure. That'll be lovely. Yeah.

Are you going to, are you going to be able to talk to them? Yeah, it's fine. Yeah. Same. Yeah. Talking to people. Yeah. Same thing.

Okay. Every day, every single day. We got to go talk some more to people. That is, that's why I get it. Yes. You're describing not wanting to be alive. Yes. I don't want to dress. I don't want to speak.

Every day we get dressed, we go into the same room and we talk to each other. That's what we have to do. This was dark. Say something happy. What's something happy that's going on? What the fuck is happy? This fucking water bird. thank you guys for listening

that's your reply to what i'm gonna say no you're just gonna say like no that's a new untold story yeah hey is that story old or told no baby it's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. A new untold story.