A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 264 - A Casual Throat F*ck

Episode Date: November 11, 2021

|| A New Untold Story: Ep. 264 - A Casual Throat F*ck || Nick & Kyle, live from their hotel room in Arizona, discuss niche porn reddit moderators, plutonic throatfucks, being sneaky legends, the Chrisagis Brothers, a kratom update, & much more || Full episode also available on YouTube -- Pedophile Dundee coming soonYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. Today's episode of A New Untold Story is brought to you, of course, by Dude Wipes, our favorite product in the world. Fuck toilet paper forever. Dude Wipes are nice enough to sponsor our podcast, but we're also thankful for them because they clean our butts. You, I, Owen have spotless but for them because they clean our butts. You, I, Owen, have spotless buttholes because of dude wipes.

We want everybody to quit scratchy, itchy toilet paper. Every single one of you, drop it right now. I would rather not wipe my ass than use toilet paper. But luckily, I have dude wipes. What did you just say? That would mean a lot to us.

We're simple men. Yeah asked we're asking you to buy a product um dude wipes are an extra large flushable wipe made with plant source fibers designed to give your butt a cleaner more refreshing than finish uh tp after dropping a deuce i've never understood that line i think the words are rearranged um I don't know. They have you prepared for any situation. You can get them on the go. Packets. What? The dude wipes guys. They can't read.

They can only spell. The dude wipes guys can only spell. The people who write the acts. I don't think there's any person. They can only spell. So they'll have a book next to them and they won't know what it is. So they'll have to write the letters in a notebook. I don't know the specifics.

I just heard through the grapevine. The guys from Dude Webs, they can't read. Is there a person that can do that? They can't read. They can only spell. They spell books? So, like, if they were to sit down and read The Goblet of Fire. They would spell Goblet of Fire, I guess. They would, like, transcribe it?

No, they could very well spell the book, but they can't read. I don't know. I don't know anything about it. You're asking me. It's not my affliction. He brought it up. Yeah, I just heard. The Dude Wipes guys have to spell the room.

Fuck. Whoever said KB couldn't handle his three-sheet. KB is loopy as hell right now. I did a little taffy. That's not a sponsor, but it does have you feeling right, like a Dude Wipe. And for those listeners that need to wipe, we got a promo code ANUS15, ANUS15 for 15% off your order at dudewipes.com. You can also get them at Target or Walmart, but we recommend you go to dudewipes.com and use promo code ANUS15 for 15% off your order. Kyle, today is an experimental episode because we're filming.

This is Sunday right now that we're recording this. Sunday night. Sunday night. You're three cheat up. You're a loopy. What are you, the master of propaganda? Why? In what reference?

You're not mincing your words. Between brain and mouth, there's no interlocutor. What are you talking about right now, man? So what we're going to try to do on this podcast, we're going to have it be segmented. Instead of sitting in a room for an hour, we're going to try to do like 15 minutes a night because we're going to Arizona tomorrow

for Rediscovering America with Donnie. And you'll see us progressively get more and more frustrated. We're going to dislike each other more and more by the day. And I'm also going to pitch you an idea that you have the week to think about and make jokes for it's a new character um have you seen crocodile dundee this is pedophile yeah i was gonna ask if that was it we're gonna be i'm gonna give you pedophile pedophile dundee okay oh see look yeah and so you're gonna see kb's pedophile dundee pedophile dundee okay oh see look yeah and so you're going to see kb's pedophile dundee character get better and funnier i'm not going to do the pedophile dundee

that's what i'm asking you with this week well i don't even know what i've never seen crocodile dundee so you have a clean slate i just know the that's not a that's not a knife it's not a knife this is a knife this is a knife all right that's a great launching point that's not an that's not a knife it's not a knife this is a knife this is a knife all right that's a great launching point that's not a penis this is a what he has to be a pedophile you think you're asking me if pedophile dundee has to be a pedophile for sure okay but okay i know i like what you're doing with the penis and penis is he is he like looking at a you said you're setting me up for failure what is your What could you possibly do with that? I just tasked you with it.

I'm not going to be butting in. Okay. If you need help, I could help you. So we're going to be doing that. We're going to be talking about the trip and we're going to see how this goes. Hopefully it goes pretty well. What are some other topics we can talk about this week? I guess we'll just figure it out as we go.

And Owen will be here at home base. Not because he didn't get invited on this trip. True. Well. And he'll be here mashing them all together. And hopefully it's one coherent podcast by the end of the week. Luckily, we won't be doing this much more. So we'll be back in the studio full time next week.

You don't have to explain yourself to these guys. I don't have to, but it's just I don't know. I think this is a cool. Yeah. So they're going to see us progressively get more and more exhausted and fed up with one another as the week progresses. Pretty cool. It is. You get like a rare Kyle on these trips. Yeah, he gets

you get real weird and especially now that you've become a weed guy, these trips. Yeah, you get real weird. And especially now that you've become a weed guy, you're going to be exhausted and loopy and frustrated. How are you right now? It just fucks me up. The three G. Stop saying their name.

They were supposed to sponsor us, you remember? Remember what happened? What happened? We just got an email saying, yeah, they'd love to come on board. And then like 25 minutes later, they're like, ah. We got dude wipes. What are we going to do with them? A lot of podcasts have multiple sponsors.

Maybe there was a bidding war. Maybe. But 3G, for some reason, they're afraid of you. Yeah. All right. We'll see you guys tomorrow in Tucson, they're afraid of you. Yeah. Alright. We'll see you guys tomorrow in Tucson, Arizona in our hotel room.

Kyle. Yeah. I'm fucking high. Three days later. Bro, you think that's the mic plugged in that's your phone what's this it's not plugged into anything stupid ass shit hey is that story over told All right, we're going we on yeah all right all right we're in arizona and this is our setup it's really nice really good stuff um we said we were gonna check in 10 minutes a night from

our trip this is the last night of our trip we We're going to cut that part. About Jake? No, about the, we said 10 a night. No. No, let's keep it. It shows that we're human. We're relatable guys. It will humanize us. That's exactly what we need is humanizing. Part two of the podcast, Kyle, thanks to Bare Bottom Clothing, old friend of ours. And we love Bare Bottom because why why they make the best clothes that's exactly right that's undeniably the best possible clothes uh bare bottom is on a mission to make the most comfortable don't get me wrong they do other things well yeah good they're

good business people they're they are very well they're incredible at communicating yeah what they want to us without expecting too much but yeah their clothes are their best and they're incredible at communicating yeah what they want to us without expecting too much but yeah their clothes are their best and they're one of the few sponsors they dm us and they're like nick you're doing a good job from bare bottom yeah yeah no they do that a lot yeah a lot to me back and forth vice versa too yeah they send it to me and then i'll send it back to them they'll send it to me um Um, cause they know I love comfy season. It's comfy season is here. And, uh, you could stock your closet with comfort without paying the insane markups. And you guys, you listeners can get $5 off your first order by going to

barebottomclothing.com slash a N U S that's B E A R like the animal bottom clothing.com slash a n u s we love them my favorite flannels from them it's a brown and blue it's very thick and like uh you know i'm a flannel guy i might be the face of flannel and that being my favorite speaks volumes all right yeah you killed that one thanks man yeah it probably means a lot to them like yeah i know you can be funny and I'll be the one that keeps us in fucking business. Everyone does. That's what, is that what you want?

We're doing this from KB's hotel room in Arizona. I just walked in here and you are kind of like, you know, like cats, they'll sit down and like tubs and take the shape. When you walk into a hotel room, I didn't know that like cats will be like fluid. They'll take the shape of whatever box they sit in. yeah you when you walk into hotel rooms it immediately gets your scent

what is my scent i was hit with a wall of you and i don't know what your scent is and then i walked into the bathroom to pee and the amount of of ointments and creams that you have. I have a lot of products. Since when? We have one face. It's not going to go away. Is that like the ad from one of the products? Is it genuinely? It's the Tiege Hanley ad.

Wait, he's not wrong. Wait, the guy's name is Tiege? No. His name is Alpha M. He promotes Tiege Hanley. Wait, Alpha M is the guy that's like, he was like, has the funniest thumbnails thumbnails like there's a sigma male and shit like that yeah no he's good no you bought it how is that ad wrong though you have one face you might like that's the first thing that people notice about you that's the thing they judge about you so you might as well treat it right you have like eight products

in there a lot of products why and you said when i was making fun of you for the products you said like that's half of them third it's a third of your products how long is your like you used to not care about it's a soft third a hard fourth we're in the hotel we're in doubles as a student residential housing half of this hotel is a dorm of arizona and kyle was in his fucking glory but what i've noticed is like oh like you're going to arizona like there's like a lot of it's like notorious for like good-looking girls or is that arizona state that's what i thought but i'm walking around like that's how i know that i'm 100 one trillion percent 110 percent um straight heterosexual as an arrow what is walking around campus seeing these girls and that's i know i'm

straight because for every five like i see I only see like two fuckable guys. And that's how I know. Two tops, one bottoms. Yeah. Two tops, one bottoms. Yeah. For every five fuckable girls I see, I'll see less than half fuckable guys. And that's how I know. So that's what that's the straightest possible man of all time.

But before we get into like Arizona and shit going on here, I think I wore this shirt, this blouse on the last episode. A very recent episode. We just started putting things on YouTube and you're already repeating outfits. I can't repeat outfits. All right. Taking that off.

Go ahead. Take your time. No, no, no. I think you just want to be shirtless on YouTube. I'd love to be. Go ahead and take your time. No, no, no. I think you just want to be shirtless on YouTube. I'd love to be. Go ahead. I have nothing. Turn around. What shirt are you putting on?

Stupid idiot. Okay. All right. No, both of us are very straight so if there are any like single or taken girls in arizona in tucson yeah if they ever want to meet up and just have like a casual throat fuck you could fuck them just a real thing if you want to come through me and kyle are here and we each have if you support anything about us like if you follow us on like our barstool videos the yak uh new one told story like you can meet up with us we'll chat we'll have a drink throat fuck you and that's it'll be casual yeah it's like really the idea of like a casual throat

fuck platonic throat a platonic throat fuck it's like yeah like it was a pretty like normal day like you went out we got dinner you throat fucked me and then uh yeah we just went our separate ways i don't know if i'm gonna have a second date it's very very funny to me um i was like i forget what i was gonna talk set bring up i'm gonna throw a fucking stuff buddy are you gonna throw a fuck on somebody. Are you going to throw a fuck on somebody? We each have our own separate rooms. She's sexy, smart. She's Italian.

I'm just going to throw a fuck on her on the side. You're making it sound more casual than like a hug. Yeah. No, I didn't get head from her or anything. We just throw you throat fucked non-aggressive throat fuck sounds like a niche porn subreddit is there r slash non-aggressive there's a list of like 2600 niche porn subreddit we were in the back of the van shoot bob traveling you know going to shoot to shoot and we were just looking through not safe for work subreddits and kyle applied to be a mod of one of them did you

not massive tits and ass wait are the tits just massive or is it the ass massive tits the letter n ass yeah so are the is the ass massive as well yeah it's the the wording doesn't really imply both but it is both it's massive tits and massive ass the massive tits and massive ass is already take there's so many different ones um my favorite one is uh pov cuddle fuck gifs so it's already pretty niche and then i sorted by controversial and then there was one it was just like how it was just it was a pov cuddle it wasn't a pov it was like a guy cuddle fucking a woman but it was a gif so 66 of what it needed to be but then i looked at the comments and everybody was like roasting this guy like this isn't fucking pov that's the thing about like

the niche the the good ones is that they keep each other in check yeah and if it wasn't cuddle fucking then yeah that don't it was cuddle fucking it wasn't pov okay then still yeah that's not acceptable but then the guy responded and he was like no this is the pov of the cameraman and i and i my jaw dropped which is is true. Every porn is POV. Everything is POV. Yeah, I guess. Or it could be POV of the person watching the porn, which is incredible in its own right. So everything is POV.

What other ones were you looking through? Cause you have your list of the ones you have. Did you subscribe to any of them? Did any of them arouse you? I've been subscribed to a lot. Like the juicy Asians. Scoot into frame. Are you,

we're on YouTube now. Are you, what's, what's the deal? Whatever. Juicy Asians. Yeah. So for the longest time,

it was strictly juicy Asians and it was a thrill. So juicy Asian, big tits, fat ass, but fat ass is probably the priority. But as of late, can you be juicy with small tits, fat ass. Okay. But fat ass is probably the priority. But as of late... Can you be juicy with small tits? The Asians have become...

They've started posting themselves as like a promotional tactic for their own OnlyFans. Granted, they are juicy still, but... What? No, they're still juicy Asians. Yeah, of course. But they're posting themselves. That breaks the rules. It becomes a promotional tactic

for their own lonely fans. But it still follows the guidelines. The three top juicy Asians have a monopoly on it. Instead of just passionate fans of juicy Asians posting their favorite juicy Asians from history, now it's the same three. From history? Yes.

Like what? That's the point. You find the best pics of juicy Asians from history now it's the same three from history yes like what that's the point you you find the best pics of juicy asian so it's not supposed to history it's not maybe it's from what's the issue maybe it's from the mongolian dynasty it doesn't matter that's the whole point i don't want girls posting themselves and that's why i should be why don't you want why don't why don't you want to put you so did you apply to be a mod of Juicy Asians? I did. And you take the self-promotion down? But they're still following the guidelines. Are they juicy?

They're still juicy. And that's when the lines get blurred. And it doesn't become necessarily black and white. Or whatever. Don't say that. Don't say that. Don't. It becomes...

It's not just black and white. What's your favorite Wiz Khalifa song? Black and white. It's not, it's not a Wiz Khalifa smash hit anymore. It used to be. And now it's like, what can you police?

Yeah. We need, we need to get that figured out. Is there anything else? Any other happy, embarrassed girls? What's happy? yeah we need we need to get that figured out um is there anything else any other happy embarrassed girls what's happening there's a lot of qualms from like the community because they have to be nude and they have to be getting caught in the act in an embarrassing fashion but also like smiling to how many posts could possibly be on that to evoke happiness that's one of the top ones i

think it has over a million it has the happy embarrassed porn subreddit has more fans than date porn boy what are like the comments on that just like sad embarrassed fan checking in but just like real proud they're just as honest as that they're they're they're that honest they're that honest that's telling you what they're thinking. Say it's the hottest girl and she's very embarrassed. If she's not visibly happy,

then they're going to put that in check, even though they want to see the picture just as bad as anything else. Are they staged? That's the thing. It's all going to shit. It's all going to shit it's all going to all this all the fucking porn um so we're staying on university of arizona's campus yeah yeah and i went out to a bar you went yeah you went to a college club i'm gonna turn your off. Can't do that. I don't want to be affecting. Next, you'll have to call.

I did not go out to college bars. I went out to grab a beer and apparently the upstairs of it was like a club. So I walked up upstairs to get a beer and then he's like you and who else the guys guys we're with. The guys we're with who are 30 plus year olds.

37, 33, 33. And it's not ambiguous. We are definitely on campus. So when you went to this club, like it was, it was known that it would be a college bar. Yeah. And for the longest time I thought I could pass is like 22, I think. But I got there and I, as soon as I went upstairs to get a beer, these dudes at a table were just like old, old.

As I was like, not chanting, there was no like rhythm to it. It was just like, it almost, it was like birds. It was just like, as I like, it was annoying when I remember like back in college, when I wasn't going there, when I was at the top clubs in college it's like a 21 22 year old i didn't want like 28 year olds coming in why what i wasn't trying it doesn't matter i don't want them around me i wasn't around them i was going up to get a beer

and then what i didn't finish the beer uh i put it down and i went back i went back to the hotel i went back to the hotel which was embarrassing speaking of embarrassing though we have to talk about what happened at the airport before we got here i think we have to talk about that right yeah yeah it was all right i get it i get what the guy was doing you think he was doing something he was doing something i think he's just a run-of-the-mill nickhead he's a big nick guy we're at the we're at the terminal we're at the the poor terminal so you know what what's the poor terminal but it was the poor terminal spirit delta yeah and this guy this guy came up he's like yo nick huge fan do you mind if I get a picture? And what I, I, I don't hate when that happens. Cause it's like a compliment, you know, they like, like,

like what we're doing and, um, you know, they're the reason we're employed, but I'm always like, um, I'm uncomfortable just because I don't think I deserve that. And so I'm very humble about it. Yeah. And so what I do is always try to palm them off on you. And I'm just like, I think it's like a special surprise. I'm like, if you think you're excited to see me, wait till you see who I'm with. And you were standing very close to me. He walked past you to get to me. I was waiting for that in anticipation. I was like, yo, Nick, what's up? Do you mind if I get a picture of me and my buddies? Love you. Like, yeah, man, of course. He took it. And I was like, guess what look right there there's kb he's like

yeah all right kb and he walked away i was almost like more embarrassed and it's he was like yeah hey what's up yeah i saw yeah i saw him all right man safe flight he wished me a safe flight he wanted your half of the plane to crash he wanted to like roast you in snapchat with his boys i don't think so man what do you mean? What do you mean? I don't know. Wow. He was like a really genuine guy. He seemed cool.

And he was handsome as fuck. He wasn't handsome. Why would he take a picture with you? What was he going to do with that? Besides roast you to his boys? Just be like, just met the legend. Just met the fucking legend. And yeah, and he saw you.

Maybe before he saw me. I think he saw you. He's like damn i wonder if nick's here where there's smoke there's fire but it also i'm confused of how somebody can like me and not like you considering everything i know those are valid those are valid feelings how can somebody like we do everything together unless he's like a surviving barstool fan but then like there was like a tiktok from our live show that like a fan a sass fan went a girl went to see did you see we got the analytics of our podcast 98 98% men.

No, it was 90. It was 98% men, which is almost impossible. You think about anything. Consume 98% male is almost statistically impossible. Yes. There is nothing.

There is nothing like, so like male centric that it would even be that. I don't know what besides it'll be transcended wrestling. that like there's like girls wrestling is on the come up i think our podcast on youtube transcended like gender role yeah so we got the analytics of youtube that's what it was one thing that's not problematic with gender roles and it's our podcast that's yeah it's 98 to 2 98 to 2 and then the one below it was uh 96 literate so we have four percent they can't they can't fucking read they can spell they can spell but can't read um but anyways we had did that live show in boston with sass and roan and uh there were those girls there to see Sass,

but they got, they were nice enough to like, they pretended, they pretended to be excited to see us. I mean, might as well get the pictures, but they took like, we're in Sass' entourage.

Right. That's what we are. This could be like something. Help me get closer to Sass. And so like, they took a picture with you and me and they didn't even like look at it. Like, yeah,

that's really good. Thanks. Like they took like 80 with sass. But then when that tick tock went up, the comments were like KB and Nick, like actually the most underrated at the school said that or something. Yeah. Like, and then I see it all the time. It was like KB most underrated guy at the fucking firm.

Nick is the most underrated fucking dude at the pirate ship. First off who's rating us like that who's rating us low like a not another teen movie is under is an underrated movie because it got like a whatever 10 on rotten tomato yeah i mean who gave us a low who like yeah what what large conglomerate do they see giving like yeah they're underrated it's not a compliment it is i don't want to be called underrated because it's just like damn kb's so underrated like he should be way bigger he tries his best he does everything he can yeah and he's still not popular damn kb's so fucking underrated yeah like no it's it's i guess it's a huge insult like i don't we're just we're not even rated we're not even rated but every time like uh there's always accounts that have like

28 followers that rank their like hot favorite barstool employees and we're always below we're always we're never in the top 10 the number yeah well they always rate a disgusting amount of employees yeah like every single employee and um we're always like right below like jerry thornton which i like i'm happy yeah like all of like all of like the barstool employees like we're so like they're all so down to earth like there's so much chiller in person so like if you go out to the bar and see them like we're gonna have a drink with you we're gonna throw fuck you and then we're gonna like we're gonna talk to you about it that's the thing about barstool employees like we come across as like oh my god they're these big stars we can't even approach these guys they're so charismatic they're so energetic they have these hot takes

the hottest of takes um but then you meet them in person and like yeah they're still they're so energetic they have these hot takes the hottest of takes um but then you meet them in person and like yeah they're still they're still genuine to their character that they portray online but then they'll talk to you they'll have a drink with you they'll throw fuck you they'll talk like about sports with you like they're your friend exactly and that's like the best part that's why our companies go exactly you'll look through the blogger page it's like oh my god i'd do anything to grab a beer with him i'd do anything to have him fuck me yeah and think like just come up it's not that come up to us and we'll chat we'll chat with you like you we have been best friends with you since junior high yeah we will we will we'll talk about like your favorites like even if we don't

have the same team yeah we'll talk about your team yeah like it's our team because we follow sports like that yeah enough conversationally we'll get like a round of shots i'll buy it we're casual sport fans casual throat fuckers casual guys across the board and it's it's like you don't need to be concerned whenever that happens no we're so approachable and like i love stories of death but like i envy them because like they have it the best well like guys like us that can see us out in their hometown any given moment because we travel the world on company dime and we'll see them and like yeah we'll shoot the shit throw fuck you and all that the whole night and i know it means the world to them it really really really does and uh this this hotel is is a dormitory as well sometimes i like to get throat fucked by caffeine i remember i remember you told me that the first time for the first time first time you told me

that and this is before you remember the first you remember the first time i told you that yeah this before i worked here before you worked here, before you worked here. Well before that. Yeah, I was like, you know, one thing you need to know about me is I like to get throat fucked by caffeine and especially Black Rite Full Coffee because it's veteran owned. Yeah. It's the premium coffee. The CEO is a veteran, Evan Hafer. We know Evan.

He's a near and dear friend and a fan of the pod, big fan of the pod. And they're committed to supporting veterans, law enforcement, first responder causes. But the caffeine intake. More importantly, the caffeine, the coffee. I'm a concert guy. I love going to shows. I take the fucking Black Rifle

coffee before I go to a Deep House concert or a Tropical House concert or a Rittenhouse concert. And all of the above, no matter what I'm doing, I'm going to have more fun on black rifle coffee. That's right. They import their high quality coffee beans from all over the world and roast five days a week at their facilities in Manchester, Tennessee, Salt Lake city, Utah team, black rifle coffees, continually researching, experimenting new roasting methods, coffee origins. And you guys can go to black rifle, coffee.com slash a N U S use code.

A N U S upon checkout today, you get the freshest coffee freshest coffee in America shipped to you. Big word. What? Oh, I thought you. No, just for Tucson is the play. It's sneaky. The play. You think Tucson's like a sneaky legend thing. It's lightweight, goaded, lightweight, goaded, sneaky to play it's sneaky the play you think tucson's like a sneaky legend i think it's lightweight goaded lightweight goaded sneaky to play i think the city the demographics are like 70 non-white and we've only done things we've only been to establishments and events that were exclusively white that's right that is right and it's uh it's odd to see um do you have anything more to add on that or is that

observational um we were in the car today we're the latin the latinx girls why not the latinx girls are hiding as soon as we walk in they don't mind a casual throw five the latinxs yeah they yeah it's we we know that it's been a regular thing amongst Latin X's and us, um, in the car today, we were on the way to an ostrich farm. Are you fucking any Brazilians? Me?

Yeah. No. Are you? No, no. Why did you bring up Brazilian? Um, I'm kind of blindsiding you here today,

like right now, because you did a dick move to me today. I've been very good at trivia lately. Very good. Number four ranked at the company. Yeah. You have not been great. Wow.

You've been quiet. I know what I know. I don't need to know anything else. That's a bad mindset. But anyways, we're on the way to an ostrich farm. And for those YouTube viewers, for those listeners, please subscribe to the YouTube. And we're happy the way to an ostrich farm and for those youtube viewers for those listeners please subscribe to the youtube but and um we're happy with the numbers but uh it's still embarrassing

to see we want we want two million subscribers at least at least um so for the listeners you're not gonna be able to see kb's ostrich bite marks on his arm right now ostrich track marks lift up the arm show it to the camera so you're not even looking bad this is more like a testament to my bicep strength and the ostrich marks but uh on the way there there was a song that uh the guy that was driving us rob was playing and i was like this song's pretty good like do you know who this is kyle and you're like huh i think this is johnny hoopla and i was like what you're like i think it's johnny hoopla and i said kyle fuck you open up safari right now on your phone and what did you have on your phone it was kenny hoopla kenny hoopla doesn't matter

doesn't matter i shazammed it while you were yeah you can't play that right now you think the home button's gonna stop the song yeah so it's kenny hoopla and you pretended to me like you knew it and you pretended like you said i think this is kenny hoopla an obscure artist and then i was like there's no way he knew that pull up safari and what was on safari yeah i shazammed it and looked it up why would you why would you miss what would the downside be the best the worst case scenario is you think i know this obscure artist yeah but i figure like we're not like i thought you'd fuck with that no i would have been like yo i like this song too i actually just looked it up

what doesn't matter oh man What else is going on? Oh. You met a girl at a gas station? Yeah. You fell in love at a gas station? She was a five-on-five girl, which is the ideal girl. I don't know. A five-on-five?

She was a five-on-five gas station girl, which is the one that you save. So you're looking for a girl to save. When you pounce on her, you save a five-on-five girl. Pounce on her? A five-on-five girl. She gets five dollars of gas on a five tank that means she's poor she can only afford five and but she's not obese enough where she's at the one tank because the only fact you can part with the ideal girl is to get three on ten i mean she's very poor very fit she walks she's not afraid to walk yes you don't want like a a ten on one no a ten on one is or like a two on one i remember woken up next to like a like an eight on three eight on three girl yes i remember there was saint patty's day

and then she didn't no we didn't fuck it yeah she was fat but like no we didn't do anything we fucking she stayed in your place yes i throw fucked her we talked a little bit after that and that was it so i didn't like embarrassment avoid it but yeah yeah you want a five on five that's the idea five on four five on five yeah what if they don't have a car? What if they live in Manhattan? That's tough. This is this method. This formula has been, you know, accounted for based on living in the Midwest in Ohio. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. We are from Wheeling, West Virginia, the Ohio Valley. Get back into what? Like, are you not seeing? There's going to be a lot of girls leaving here with a puzzle piece on their ass tatted on their ass what does that mean she got ran through by me a puzzle piece yeah not the logo for autism yeah oh i was at the bar last night and this dude came up to me and he was like kind of a twitchy guy nice guy though and he's like yo please tell me kb's here yeah and i was like ah now he's at the hotel and he's like dude he got me through quarantine

because i have asperger's too i was like first of all you needed like somebody else with asperger's to get you through quarantine and i believe that he has because that's something that an asperger's guy would do yeah i mean it probably did he a good guy, but the fact that like, that is like your identifier. Yeah. That's a tough pill to swallow. You built that or lack thereof. Yeah.

I only try to play characters that are extraordinarily less appealing to women. Yeah. Cause we were walking around the campus today and you had like a bottle of water and this dude came up to you or us he came up to us came up to us he's like oh yo what the fuck guys what are you doing here and we're like oh we're filming a video rediscovering america and then he like looked down at your water and he was just like dude it's so i'd see kb like this i was i was holding and like casually

sipping from a water bottle it's half full i'm an optimist yeah yeah he came up and he's like dude it's so crazy to see you out of character with a survivalist with something that every human needs and like the thing is like in his brain it's just like kb has this very carefully constructed character and one of his archetypes one of his his his traits is that he doesn't drink water i guess that's what yeah like kb finally broke the shtick and had a sip of drink that was that was incredible um i've got a little sidetrack there we're from the ohio valley um let's scoot back scoot in a little bit we're from the ohio valley and uh there is a famous musical duo twin identical brothers that dress like they're from 1981 called the chrysogus brothers um they're a christian band they're a christian duo and you guys just have to google them chrisag

as google them now they think they pause the pod they do music they do they did like a pilot they did a pilot called double occupancy or double booked maybe or something but they uh bought a hotel um they're they said they were like their mom had a disease where they couldn't be born they have 800 allergies including the sun they always like preface that like including the sun like if like i told you to miss 800 things sun would be like number 40 yeah including including there was just an article about them in our local paper last week what was the the sentence or the headline sagas brothers are the twin towers that are still standing which means what i don't fucking know and like i looked at that twins they're twins and they're not like they're like popular twins they're not tall and

they're not quite popular not at all um but like that's just we need to raise awareness to them you need to look at them uh so i'd like to talk about them more but i don't that's just we need to raise awareness to them you need to look at them uh so i'd like to talk about them more but i don't think we can we need people to know about them first first dive into them the chrysagos brothers on youtube they're very real and this is like the perfect epitome of our hometown a very strange place the ohio valley um please look them up and don't don't like roast them or anything they're sweet sweet boys they're allergic to roasting um it's one of the 800 um but i would really like to do like a video interviewing them or like doing a song with them um they're incredible incredible gentlemen that

would mean a lot to them it would mean a ton to them so go support them so we can make fun of them later yes um anything else how what else we're going to do one more support them so we can make fun of them later yes um anything else what else we're going to do one more ad and then we have to get back and do uh some more rediscovering america we appreciate you guys uh like loving this podcast so fucking much especially when we're on the road it's always tough when we're on the road and doing shit all day. When we're on the road, I don't know about you, but my, and I guess my fucking pubes grow a lot. I'm not very good at that.

My fucking pubes grow constantly on the road. Thank God we have Manscaped. We travel with it. And it's the holiday season. And so we're giving thanks to our friends at Manscaped. Do I tell my extended family that I have the performance Package 4.0?

Yeah, I don't know. From the global leaders in below-the-waist grooming, Kyle? Yeah. Inside the Package 4.0, you'll find the Lawn Mower Trimmer, the Weed Whacker, Ear, Nose, and Hair Trimmer, the Crop Preserver Ball Deodorant, the Crop Reviver Toner, Performance Boxer Briefs, Travel Bag to Hold Your Goodies. Think of this as a cornucopia for your balls.

And for our listeners, our loyal, loyal, male, illiterate listeners, you guys can get 20% off plus free shipping with code ANUS at manscaped.com. That's 20% off plus free shipping with code ANUS at manscaped.com. Be thankful this holiday season for the best gift of all from manscaped your balls will thank you it's especially important for the holidays events that are typically exclusively family members yeah exactly you do need to have a bear bear penis a bear fuckable suckable penis a b f s p f s p yeah um kb is off the Kratom. What the fuck? I stopped

shooting Kratom. I think I made that clear. Shooting? You can't say shooting when it comes to a drug that's comparable to heroin. You've been intravenous. I'm not shooting the straight fucking Kratom. You can't say shooting. Drinking. I'm not shooting the straight Kratom anymore.

I'm using mixers. What are you mixing Kratom anymore i'm using mixer mixers i'm making cocktails out of them i'm mixing it with seltzer and water and gatorade and whatnot i'm chasing kratom you're chasing kratom power forward chasing kratom yeah boston who are you i'm chasing what are you i don't know marcus dumb fart kiss shart yeah fuck you and i feel like that trivializes the uh the problem that i had when i just did what trivial i'm merely chasing myratom vials with other beverages. I'm not shooting a straight, like a real junkie. I'm chasing Kratom and your fart kiss shart.

Um, and you see what these, so my pun makes sense because I'm literally chasing my Kratom with other beverages that are better tasting and yours makes sense because you're, you're tongue kissing assholes and you're getting a taste of a far, a fart kiss. And then sometimes they'll poo in your mouth. And that's a shark. That's a fart kiss, shark, shark. kiss shart. That's what we're on. Chasing Kratom and fart kiss shart. That's the dynamic duo. We're going to have some shirzies in the Barstool store with Chasing Kratom and fart kiss shart. Are there actually students around here? I'm like the senior who still lives in the dorms, but lets freshmen drink without writing them up.

That's exactly. Yeah. That's a cool guy. Yeah so uh do you want to go like a noah tannenbaum looking at who's that just sopranos reference you know i've never seen that so i don't know how you expect me to make the references i i generalize my obsession with this show to the rest of the world i expect them to at least laugh. All right. When I make a. Is he an R.A. in the city?

He's an R.A. He's a black Jew. R.A. Remember Tony called him Jamal Ginsburg, the Hasidic homeboy. Yeah, I do. I remember that. I do remember that. All right, guys.

Thank you for listening to a new untold story. Kyle, Nick nick please subscribe to the youtube uh please buy the fucking merch we're getting roasted by sales didn't sell any that's our fault for having poor ass fans um nah but thank you guys and uh if you have any prank call suggestions if any pranks call, please leave them on the YouTube comments or anything else. I don't know. Just bump up those numbers. I know. We're right next to a dorm. We can see some girls.

Look at that bouquiac in the magenta dress. How green was my fucking valley? Is that Sopranos? Alright, cool. Alright, guys. New untold story. Is that your reply to what I'm going to say? No, you're just going to say,, no, that's a new one. Hey, is that story old or told?

No, baby. It's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. A new, untold story.