A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 266 - Bowling Alley Shrimp

Episode Date: November 25, 2021

|| A New Untold Story: Ep. 266 - Bowling Alley Shrimp || Nick & Kyle discuss their favorite products, tacos vs. titties, the sopranos, bean bag chairs & they call their Moms! || All merch 20% off this weekend || Thanks for listeningYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. yeah why do you have tape on your wrist it's like a 21 pilots thing what i think that's something they do yeah they're always black and red right yeah and they have like the masks gone i don't ski mask they climb did you say how did you say that word masks okay they climb they climb like the towel like the electrical the towers and all that stuff yeah which one of the 21 pilots are you Tyler I don't know who that is star athlete in high school and now he's a

what is he the drummer guy no Tyler's the lead the vocalist with the front man how do you know so much about their Columbus boys aren't they yeah good on them I've only seen him singing somewhere over the rainbow with strangers he's done that. He has his own hits.

He has his own hits. What do you mean? Well, he covered that. The 21 Pilots didn't originally sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Nick. They have their own hit original song. What's your favorite 21 Pilots song? Car Radio. I ponder of something great my lungs will fill

and then deflate they fill a fire excel desire thank you actually i swear to god a few weeks where that was my favorite song everyone had that no no i liked um something of gold heart of gold is that what it was no i just wikipedia them 13 minutes ago oh just so you could come oh wait and you saw like they put tape on their wait did you see tape? I think they have like a tattoo like this. Okay. It doesn't matter. It does matter. Dude wipes.

Yes. Guys, guys, I got to, I never get like this, but I got to talk about a product I really, really love. Kyle, do you know what I'm talking about? Guys, it's dude wipes. And I can't stress enough that I use this product every single day not just on my anal area on the whole rectum on the whole entire rectum and sometimes my scrotum and that's what it's perfect about you can rub it all over your body and it just puts a smile on my my face i had no idea because i was so used to

using toilet paper yes every every single time I used the restroom. I had no idea that it even was annoying. That's the thing about dude wipes. It's the perfect amount of moisture to clean me, and I feel like a new man after every time I have a BM. Do you understand what I'm talking about? And they have the extra large flushable wipes. That's the best part about them,

and we're so lucky that they present our podcast. The plant-sourced fibers, they're designed to give your butt a cleaner, more refreshing finish than toilet paper, part about them and we're so lucky that they present they present our podcast to plant source fibers they're designed to give your butt a cleaner more refreshing finish than toilet paper and my god does it my god does it and the thing is toilet paper is small little squares dude wipes isn't medium sized it isn't large dude wipes has an extra large flush extra large and that's what makes it for me because you know a guy like me I'm always my ass is always smeared with poop and not anymore it is clean as a whistle and when I need you to censor the

a word I just said they had the dude powder and the dude shower body wipes products for the hot and sticky days or when you're on the go and it has me prepared for every single situation name a situation I'm tired of talking about this I want them to get this product right now and I know that they can get it for an affordable price because not only is it cheap, we have a discount

code. That's exactly right, Kyle. Yes. You guys, when you go to dudewipes.com, you can type in code ANUS15 for 15% off your order. And that's a great deal, guys. But isn't it already cheap? It's already really reasonably priced, but it's not too cheap to where you'd be like oh this isn't a good product i don't want anybody to ever think that it's a very good product think of how often you're using the bathroom every day twice a day it's on the same frequency as eating a meal except probably more frequent you wouldn't use a cheap napkin to wipe your face after a meal it's just like how how much how important to your life is eating food it's the most important thing we're slaves to our stomach so why not make this daily ritual more enjoyable less miserable that's right in fact like pleasurable that's what people don't understand

without without poop there's no need to eat there's no need for to be pooping is the most human thing a person can do. People say mattresses are where you should be investing your money because you use it so often. It's flushable wipes. It's flushable wipes. Imagine not caring for your butt. It makes no sense, but it also...

It's not even just caring. It's like, why not have an extra treat to look forward to two to three times a day? Exactly. A little reminder, a little trinket that rewards you for being a good boy. Huh? I like them in chill.

You like them in chill? Yeah. You know what? I, I can't even rank them. If we had to do a draft, I'd take all of them. Number one,

overall guys, I can't stress this enough. Go on guys. I don't want you i don't want it to seem like you've stressed enough guys i can't oh no kyle stressed enough i think i am i think i i was the i've stressed enough anus15 so I gotta I'm Muslim yeah I looked up the apparently it's like as easy

as signing up for a rebel scooter if not easier yeah that's not neither here but it might be there well so so what what what's different what's different yeah i don't know do you feel different you feel good no but you're just you're muslim glad i did it sure but yeah so i bought you the like uh the the knitted Muslim skull cap that they wear. But we all agree for you to not wear that. And the fact that you even bought that says a lot about who you are. No, I wasn't thinking at the time.

I thought it would be a nice gift. You know how you got your rosary at your first Holy Communion? Let me ease into it. I don't want it to be like a Kevin Spacey thing. Like I'm coming out as Muslim to get to cover up for something else. He was gay. He was like, oh yeah, I did do this,

but I am gay. He was getting cancelled online for sexually assaulting a boy. He was like, I'm gay. Yeah, that's why we were clowning you. Fucking being gay. That was maybe the least surprising like, oh, what's Spacey's next move? That's why we were clowning you. Fucking being gay. Yeah. That was maybe the least surprising, like, oh, what's Spacey's next move?

Wait, so he raped a boy? No, no, no. I think he... Diaraped or sexually assaulted? No, I don't think it was an underage boy, was it? Like an 18-year-old boy on set? I thought it was at, like, a party. Like, it was a kid in a movie with him? Was it?

Then it was at, I don Was it? I don't know I don't know It doesn't matter A little bit I guess it kind of does Kevin Spacey But the bottom line is he sexually assaulted a boy right? Yeah

Or had sex with a boy Then he was like I'm gay That was his defense Yeah you are Yeah That's not what I want to do With Islam

Coming out controversy So this guy had allegations against him Spacey while intoxicated Made a sexual advance when he was 14 Spacey was 26 yeah that's not great wasn't it on Nantucket Spacey stated that

he did not remember the encounter but he would wrap the sincerest apology 15 years of abuse he would wrap the sincerest apology somebody else came forward what do you mean he would wrap people what do you. He would wrap the sincerest apology. Somebody else came forward. What do you mean he would wrap people? What do you mean he would wrap the

sincerest apology? I am white. I am sorry. Somebody lay down a beat. I got to come out. Yeah. And then he came out. So that was his I choose now to live as a gay man. I have had relationships with both men and women.

I have loved and had romantic encounters with men throughout my life, and I choose now to live as a gay man. Yeah. That's the point, Kev. All right, Kevbo. Kyle, speaking of hiding that you're gay, I got requested on Instagram from an account and it was only followed by you.

Well, no, it had a bunch of followers but the only mutual follower it had was you. Mini Jell-O? No. The Mini Jell-O fans account. It wasn't her. She deleted her account. Those were crazy boobs that she had.

No. deleted her account that was those were crazy boobs that she had no um trying to think like someone like obscure no no it was an account called tacos and tacos and titties official with underscore and it was a was it tacos and titties official yeah but it didn't have underscores and it was followed by you it was followed no it's tacos and titties official no underscores they keep it simple i've i've been on board with them from the beginning i've been following since their first tray of tacos and then their first post was a tray of tacos like a long plate of talk vertical yeah do you like tacos that much i like the i like the the balance it's a one-to-one they alternate

tacos that's why i like them because it's they don't play up to their crowd they don't try to like chase uh likes and follows by going like a five to one titties to taco they do one-to-one alternate yeah and it's for either the talk it's for if you're a taco lover lover or titty lover there's something for you what have you ever liked any posts no yes and what were the what was it there was the titties if i want to see i'll go to a menu i uh i've tried to fall i tried to search it earlier because why you told me about it months ago i did and uh i accidentally followed tacos or titties. And it's like a game. It's real zoomed in. Oh, yeah. And it's very easy.

It's just like, I see a piece of lettuce. It's green. That's a taco. Yeah, and I'm correct every single time. Yeah, that one's a zoomed in titty ain't nothing either. Just beige. Just beige. You can tell immediately. Because they never zoom in on the nipple. that would make it

too easy but the titty yeah i guess it could be confused with like maybe a taco shell but it never is no it never is easy it never is it depends on the amount of zoom uh but do you know the person like runs the account or something we've spoke which is she she's the titties of she's posted herself oh really was she the first not like that jarring like she could have been a one of the real Which is she? She's the titties. She's posted herself. Oh, really? Was she the first? It's not that jarring. She could have been one of the real submissions. Good girl.

Yeah? Trying to use me for a job. Really? Trying to get hired. Barstool tacos and titties? I think she wanted... Yeah, she wanted... That's exactly what she wanted.

So it's tacos and titties official now. They had to change it because there were some unofficial ones where they posted like i think they had supreme nachos 1700 followers but yeah they are the official they're the official account of tacos and titties if you want both of that they're let's see i wonder how many followers they'll get after this yeah follow them up and don't just like the titties like the tacos i can I can't. I can't. Comment on the tacos. The tacos, they get no comments. The tacos get no comments whatsoever. Not only do they get 10% of the likes, they don't get any comments.

Yeah. I'm afraid they're just going to go to titties. Titties official. That's my biggest fear. And it's not that I don't like the titties or prefer. I do prefer the titties most of the time. But if they were just titties official then it's weird to follow just a titties account sometimes you need some tacos and some of the tacos look great

i would admit i was searching through it i think oh i think i like the tacos more than the titties shit no no i've been out on women i know i found out one of my high school exes uh is now dating an nba player so from like me to that that's like staying at a holiday in and then the next night like colonizing mars it's just like shaving with a regular razor versus like using like a Manscaped Perfect Package 4.0 and then the body wash

afterwards to clean off all your straight pubes. That's what I was going to say. But that's just me. It's like fucking a dick that, don't get me wrong, it is small but it's limp as well. And then fucking a big big hard dick. It's not fair to assume that every NBA player has a giant fucking penis, but he is 6'8".

Yeah. Yeah. It'd be funny if Kyle Kuzma had like a tiny, tiny penis. No, who would be funnier? Like, uh... I don't even know. Who's like the one white guy for the Bulls? He dunks.

You're asking me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's the bald white guy that the bulls he dunks you out you're asking me yeah yeah yeah yeah who's the who's the bald white guy that the bulls got he was on the lakers who's oh caruso yeah alex is he like balding yeah with him yeah he finally gets invited to the cookout and his hazing like they they pants them and then he gets immediately thrown out from the cookout you ever been invited to the cookout? Yeah, I've gotten invites. I played Coheed in Cambria. Got kicked out. Panicked.

I played the suffering. Yeah, you played Welcome Home. Good eye, sniper. You've sang like three episodes in a row now. Oh, no. One thing that's been bringing me a ton of joy. I'm usually the one of us that gets the most lookalikes. And it's just a guy with it's a white man with a beard and glasses.

Very, very easy for me to have a lookalike. I've had a couple that are accurate, but the majority of the time it's just beard and glasses yeah that's all it is there's been there's been an influx of kbs there's been an influx of kbs and did you see the one like potato farmer from like bulgaria no i got this one and i love how people send it to me and they're just like i think i found like an uglier kb whoa which is they said they found an ugly kb an ugly kb did you see the wait did they say ugly or uglier they said uglier damn with the er okay the heart does this guy look like you no yeah he does a little look at the the way. Fuck you. Yeah, he does. Oh, and you see this guy?

It's just like this confidence. He's extremely Balkan. He's extremely Balkan. And that one got me really, really good. I get so many DMs. I also have the picture saved that got me blocked by you on Facebook. Do you know what it is? I blocked you. Oh, yeah. Do you know what it is? I blocked you. Oh, yeah.

Do you know what the picture is? You accepted my follow request at the beginning of quarantine and you blocked me the same day. Was it me holding the fitted cap over your going level? So you were it was that wasn't it, but that's a horrible picture.

Yeah, yeah. It's your all beige wedding fit. Oh, that one ain't bad. looks like you're wearing a bulletproof vest that's that ain't bad that ain't bad that's why you blocked me i saved it and you blocked me you have a black eye in this picture there what happened there it's got southern scuffle is that like a wrestling tournament yeah it's pretty cool i've never had a black eye i believe that shit you know what you know we're on we're riffing really well here yeah let's take a break from our good riffs right now and let's talk about bare bottom clothing bottom clothing you guys

when when i'm dressed head to toe in bare bottom clothing i'm the most confident a man can be the most what's the first thing you do every day and the last thing you do every day dressed and undressed dressed and undressed so why not make that matter in any way possible? I mean, yeah, people say invest in mattresses. Yes, exactly. Why not invest in clothes? This is a ritual that you do on a daily basis. Think of how often you eat a meal. Two to three times a day.

That's how often you're putting on clothes and taking them off. So why not forget about just caring about the clothes you wear? Why not make it a little treat every day? Why not make it a little treat? And the clothes are made with plant source fibers, Kyle. And I love putting them on me because it feels like there's nothing there. Why not?

You know, it's something I have to do. Something you have to do is get dressed. You know? Why not make it special? Yeah. And that's with, this is the bare bottom clothing we're talking about. They make clothes feel good, not just look good. special yeah so and that's with this is the bare bottom clothing we're talking about they make

clothes feel good not just look good and i think that both go hand in hand they smell good too and they taste well what's your favorite color of shirts right now i am rocking the black i wore the chill mint color last week and people were going absolutely bananas for it kyle i cannot stress this enough i know you may have stressed this enough but it's my turn it's my turn to stress a little bit i cannot get enough of these these clothes they're built for value that's what people do not understand kyle they're they're not built just to be built these are built for a specific purpose value to look great while uh you know i'm at a loss for words over this product i think you stressed enough i think i

have but you know what this is completely off the cuff this is you know we're an improv podcast for a limited time bare bottoms giving you an incredibly soft tech tea or natural dye tea for free imagine getting a free tech tea kyle it would be like getting a free another piece of incredible technology yeah like a telescope a doppler yeah and when you get it it's it's it's unlike anything you've ever worn or felt or even seen now i did you did cut me off there you get it for free when you spend 150 dollars on the store now which is pretty it's free it's still free it is still free by definition and i love their products i love i wear their flannels all the time they dm me and

they're like hey we heard you talking about the flannels they sent me more flannels and i can't get enough i wear them pretty much every day their black friday sale has already started and it's their bag it's their biggest yet kyle you can get up to 25 off site wide by going to bare bottom clothing.com now that's a deal you can get 25 off% off. And then if you spend $150, 25% off what that would be, bring it down to $150, you still get the free tech tea. And that's an incredible deal. The worst thing about the day after Thanksgiving,

you ate so much food, you used up so much clothes. You need to use the bathroom, so you're going to need your dude wipes. And you need a new pair of clothes. So you got to go on the computer and buy this for such a cheap price. My friend, do you remember Foggy Bottom in Elm Grove?

It had a tummy full of duck. We just took a break in between the podcast so KB could go get duck. Which is the best meat. It's not the best meat. And it was like super, super oily. I delved into Buffalo. It's game. It's exotic. But duck is the best meat it's not the best meat and it was like super super oily delved into buffalo it's game it's exotic but duck is the best meat no it's too not to podcast on gamey yeah it's succulent you think it's succulent duck is so good they should they should serve duck for thanksgiving they brought you out silverware you didn't use it you just dove in with your hands why they're just like wings

tummy full of duck you're a sneaky fucker you act all innocent then you surprise everyone with a whole storm of ever-loving shit what are you talking about is that a soprano's quote no it was uh the urban dictionary submission of... Under Nick? Under Nick. People always like... Those are just made up and submitted by people and they love to share their name under Urban Dictionary. And every single dude's name has an entry for like, he's got the biggest fucking cock.

Always does. I've never met a Huey with a big cock. Huey Mack probably had a big cock his real name is joey huey mac yeah he just shared it he just shared his urban dictionary on his instagram story i didn't think his real name was huey i'm just no but he's probably has he's a great guy he's yeah he's cool um do you remember Matt Wynn, the Korean kid? Yeah.

What do you mean? Yes. Do you remember him? I thought you were talking about me because that was my nickname. Why? Matt Wynn? Because I had the record for most wins on the wrestling team. Jesus Christ.

Not just our school, but I think the Northern Panhandle. See, now people are going to think this is like a made-up story. Matt Wynn was a real person. He was the korean kid in our school korean his name was win obviously vietnamese he was the only vietnamese kid in our school but um he didn't act or talk vietnamese he talked like william shatner no no uh who was the chinese guy on star trek um the gay one yes he talked like george take Takei. And he talked like that. And he was like, hello? Yeah. And I worked at Foggy Bottom, which was

the bowling alley, mini golf course, and laser tag arena. Batting cages. Batting cages. Mini putt. Mini putt. I said that. And a bounce house. Just a lounge. A general lounge. A general lounge. And I worked at the bowling alley. And he would come there. I've never seen him bowl. And he would be like nicholas hello good to see you i'm like dude like i'm i'm

four years older than you what do you want and every single time he would come there he would get the shrimp at the fucking bowling the shrimp nicholas i think and he always like tried to like change up elm grove lanes elm grove lanes Elm Grove Lanes. They didn't serve shrimp, did they? We had shrimp from 2005. This was 2009, 10, and 11. There's no chance anyone other than him bought the shrimp. No, we had it forever.

I worked with my boy Sean. That's grosser than eating the french fries out of the bowling ball holes. Which people would do. People would put the french fries in the holes and they would like put the ball up to their face suck it out then roll which was fucking disgusting but getting a the shrimp at the bowling alley but this kid just pissed me off because he'd walk in and he's like you always try to like he was obsessed with being a volunteer fire he always wore a firefighter helmet like a

real one too not like a like an actual fireman's helmet he would wear it like in his car yeah and then take it off like it and carry it into school under his own reason yeah but he come up music nicholas uh you know what uh i'm feeling kind of peckish you know i think i'm gonna roll with the shrimp today and i'm just just like, yeah, I know you're going to get the fucking shrimp. And I kind of want to call Sean because he was my coworker at the lanes. And I just want to be like, Matt, when,

what does, what do you think? And he's just gonna be like fucking shrimp. I'm going to doing it. I don't believe it. I, he, he did sound like that and act weird.

I don't even, sorry. I just got it. No, I don't want to like try to prove weird. I don't even... Sorry. I just got to... No, I don't... I want to try to prove this. Hello? Sean, hey, we're recording the podcast and Matt Wynn came up. What's the first word when you hear Matt Wynn?

Is that a kiss and foggy? Yeah. Yeah, shrimp. Thanks, man. He was just coming over to shrimp. I don't fucking believe that they sold shrimp. Yeah, but it was just him that got it. It was a shitty arcade in Wheeling, West Virginia.

Yeah, and we had shrimp. None of our restaurants sold shrimp. Where would they import the shrimp from? I have no idea. It was like so freezer free. It was probably crayfish from like the Wurundjeri Creek. It was crawdaddies. No.

And like, the thing is, he kind of worked there because Foggy Bottom was a bowling alley, laser tag, mini putt, bounce house, lounge. And in October, it was the haunted house. It was called. What was it called? Friday night festival of festival of fright. We had three haunted houses. That was like the social activity. Oh, he volunteered.

This kid just didn't like getting paid because he was a volunteer fireman and he volunteered the haunted house. didn't like getting paid because he was a volunteer fireman and he volunteered the haunted house and uh we had three haunted houses the one in the laser tag arena the one in like an abandoned house and then slasher trail and this kid i felt so bad for him had the biggest aspirations to be like you're gonna say asperger's that too he had both and he wanted to be like a titular horror character he's like he would come up and be like he'd come up to get his fucking shrimp he'd be like oh by the way as i'm like making the shrimp in the deep fryer and he was like i think uh this is the year nicholas i'm like what he wanted to work he wanted to be one of the main you wanted to be a main character i'm like

which granted in his defense that was a big deal it was a huge deal to be that but it was always like we imported weirdos to be like Michael Myers and shit. It was like dudes that were like the white contact lenses, like Hobson, but they were just like white guys. But no, the poor kid, I don't think knew he was a minority because you can't have a Vietnamese Jason. You just can't. You want it to be jason or freddie he's like this is the year i think i'm finally going to be one of the big ones i'm just like dude you can't have a vietnamese freddy krueger it just doesn't work well isn't freddy krueger's face like all marred yeah but you can still you could tell that he was a white guy i think you could you could we could have done but uh every year black he he was no you would know you would still know he was being he was a yeah and then like so instead

of being one of those characters they like put actors in with the groups of people going through the haunted house and he was always like a plant to be in like another group so it was like guys with girls that they were trying to finger bang and then he was just like do you mind if i join your party this kid fucking smells like shrimp like this isn't gonna fucking apply you remember the rule it wasn't like they the workers the employees weren't allowed to touch that's why he was a plant in the group but there was they were allowed to touch each other with no limitation right so it would wallop the other he was always killed first by the jeepers creepers guy and they like snatched him up and be like oh and they'd pick him up the jeepers creepers guy i don't i don't know how the jeepers creepers uh villain kills people but there was like this big plastic

tube you know like those like that go under bridges for like creeks and stuff we had one of those on a hill and they would just pick up Matt and throw him down the tube and he tumbled down. Yeah. And the, the, the thing is it was a vicious circle, a cycle.

Which one is it? One of them is a day cook, a standup circle was Dane. Okay. Vicious cycle was what this was then. Uh, because you paid the volunteers of the haunted house. You didn't pay in boob.

Oh, and you could only redeem boo bucks. Oh, in boo bucks. And you could only redeem boo bucks at Foggy Bottom. Which he would just get more shrimp. He was getting paid for shrimp. Yeah, and so he'd come to me and I would just be like, God damn it, here he comes.

In a way, he wasn't volunteering. He wasn't volunteering because he's going to spend his money on shrimp regardless. Yes, exactly. But based on what I've told you, you already know he doesn't walk his heels don't touch the ground he walks he's just on the balls and so he'd walk up

he'd be like nicholas hey good to see you and he'd have like have a crumpled up hand of boo bucks which was just like very shoddily printed on like neon orange and green paper and had like a little skull and crossbones it was like five boo bucks it's like i think i'm gonna redeem one of these today and he'd like pretend like I think he just wanted the interaction and he would like look at them and be like, no, it sounds good. I feel like I was what

and this kid mind you is like 12. He didn't mention that he was never in high school with us. I think I'm going to have the shrimp. I'm like, how are you getting here? Like we're out in have the shrimp i'm like how are you getting here like we're out in the boonie like how are you getting he was his mom would drop him off and hand she would like i think she would divvy up his boo bucks i think his allowance were in boo bucks

she'd pick him up in the haunted house at like 2 a.m after getting maybe manhandled by a weirdo throwing him down a tube another day at the office i've worked up quite the appetite he fucking always he talked down to us yeah he was 12 i was 17 you were 18 yeah and he had a job at bethlehem volunteer fire department somehow yes i know it's volunteer but you still you still shouldn't be able i don't think we ever had a fire no no but they took it seriously he took it so seriously maybe that's why he wanted the shrimp he wanted me to like put the freezer burnt shrimp into the fryer so it would spark a fire. Let's try it. I think it was a ploy.

But yeah, that kid, I don't even know what he's up to now. But we Facebooked him before this because he just came up. And he looks exactly the fucking same. I think it was his eighth grade trip to wherever in his profile pic was it maybe or it's current i don't know i don't know good for him good for him i fucking miss him to death now i used to like he used to be the bane of my existence like walking up never bothered me you never worked at you never worked there how would how would a boy we hung out in the same social how would a boy that's seven years younger than you ever... Yeah, of course he didn't fucking bother you.

All right. The McDonald's. Okay. I remember at the time, we never even thought it was remotely weird. There was a crew of 22-year-olds that would chill there. Hang out in the parking lot. We thought they were cool because they would have the parties. They would fuck the hottest eighth graders.

The hottest eighth graders. Yeah. They would just chill with like their trucks and sit in the beds of their what how does matt win factor into this i hung out with some of his other friends what are you talking about matt's yeah no i but just him walking in he was he was there at opening the opening of a bowling alley is the saddest time in the world because like the pin resetters who are like cretins. Foggy bottom Elm Grove lanes.

Yes. I was thinking that any duration of its opening was tied for the saddest. It was the crack of dawn. It was the crack of dawn. And like the pin resetters, you never saw them. They were always like hunchbacks. Pin resetters are modern day like bell tower workers, like hunchbacks. That's what the hunchbacks went.

They're now in the back of bowling alleys resetting is that is that a that's still a profession yeah we don't have the machinery or technology to reset it's maybe the most unreliable faulty machinery that's ever been invented have you ever played a game of bowling where that doesn't fuck up yeah it's like a printer it's not like it's not getting any more technologically advanced or efficient with the age. And why would scientists allot their time to help out bowling alleys? The printer would make sense. The bowling alley, I guess. And those guys need jobs.

But he'd be dropped off with them. And he only ever had fucking shrimp, and it drove me fucking crazy. But now I miss him. Bowling pin resetters. Yeah. The guys in the back lanes that are just like, you know, just hunched down there. They're I don't remember. They all look like Igor Frankenstein's

assistant. I think they were all electrocuted at one point, too. They were creeps working at the bowling alley. You met a ton of really, really strange people. We lived in a town of like where we knew basically everyone. But every time i went

to the bowling alley i didn't know anybody it was such a weird phenomenon and then you'd be like where are they from and they'd be like wearing a shirt with your school on it you're like what it was same with like yeah i think every bowling alley is like that it was the same with like the street fairs like the italian fest any of the ones down by the ohio river you would be like i don't know a sick i know everyone in this city we had a giant not a giant here but our biggest festival of the year is the wheeling italian fest at on the on the riverfront and people go there to get the chinese chicken on a stick that's what they go to the fucking italian fest for the chicken on a stick yeah and as you

put on your best like wife beater which was like started out as white but now it's like gray but it's still your best i think people are probably imagining some type of kabob like a shish kabob no this stick was thick it was more it was it was more of a log than a stick um it was it was like wider than the chicken it was oftentimes you had more stick it was the same way but it was like it was the treat you got at the end you know like there's a toy inside of a wonder ball you work to get to this everyone is like carrying or like flopping around it was the treat you got at the end you know like there's a toy inside of a wonderball you work to get to the stick everyone is like carrying or like flopping around it was a dowel rod is what they got like went to home depot so everyone would joust with our chicken sticks yeah oh man good those are times that fly by and then you end up missing them matt win did he have a sister yes but she. No, no, because I had class with her.

Oh, really? What was she like? I thought you were segwaying this. I thought you had at least a relative sense. I thought you had one fucking sentence to say. You knew he had a sister. You knew she was in your grade, and you pressed me for that, and I was wrong. I thought she was younger. What do you have to say about her? I had nothing to say about her. I didn she was younger. What do you have to say about her? Nothing to say about him.

I didn't know her. I didn't talk to her. And how do you know more about? I don't want to like just trash these people who are real humans. Goddamn. Matt kind of deserved. We didn't try. We said the facts.

He was an eloquent speaker and he liked seafood. We laid out the facts. It's up to you how you want to judge him. Just another day at the office. And like he got done working at like 2.30 in the morning when the haunted house closed. Come get shrimp. Nobody wants shrimp at 2.30. Whales don't even want

that. Whales don't want that. And you guys, that reminds me of another product. And here's the thing. I'm always using the bathroom because i'm always drinking coffee kyle black rifle black rifle but what else would you drink what else would i drink and i drink coffee two to three times a day i remember for the first 27 years of my life i

thought i was getting caffeinated with other products yeah and then i tried black rifle coffee and i was like so what was that I was doing beforehand? It wasn't getting caffeinated. Yeah. So what was the placebo effect? I don't think I'm that dumb and naive of a person, but I guess I may as well have been. You know how people say they have a cup of mud? Mm-hmm. That's a common phrase.

That's what coffee, that's what other coffee is doing now. Dirt and water. Dirt and water. Now I'm having a cup of Joe Paterno because this coffee is doing that mal dirt and water yeah dirt and water yeah now i'm having a cup of joe paterno because this coffee is winning championships kyle and it's touching me on the inside yeah you can feel it i can feel it and kyle why don't you take the wheel with the black rifle coffee yeah i know it's so affordable but it's other products they increase the milligrams of caffeine to trick you into thinking you're getting more caffeinated with black rifle it

doesn't do that it's just a better caffeine boost it's a better rush i don't know it's if it's physiological psychological mental spiritual but something about their recipe yeah the proportions they use in their coffee and i don't know what what if the caffeine plays a factor or if it's something else yeah like a granulated guano or something like that it might be it might be their recipe their proportions is the perfect high and i and i kind of feel bad because there's a stigma around the word high you're going off script right now, but I'm not going to stop you

because I'm, to be quite honest, inspired. Yeah. It's incredible. People say invest in mattresses. They do, but you need to invest in coffee,

really. Because it's something you're doing on a daily basis. Think of how often you eat a meal and how much value you put into food two, three times a day. That's how often

you are consuming coffee. Yes. That's what people aren't doing. So why not care? Never even mind care. Yes. Why not make that ritual, that daily thing pleasurable? Yeah.

And that's Black Rifle Coffee. I like to ice my Black Rifle Coffee and add a sprig of mint leaf. And that's something you could do to make it a little mint chill. Yeah. And it's great. And we haven't even talked about the background, how he's a veteran owned coffee company. The CEO, founder. The CEO, founder.

I just met the guy. Yeah. But I already know so much about him as if we were lifelong friends in the line of duty. That's right. Because he was in Iraq behind enemy lines brewing his own coffee. That's right. That's how it started. That's how it started. That's how it started

and you still have that hard work, that heroism in every cup. It is a blue collar. And you guys can go to blackriflecopy.com slash ANUS and use code ANUS upon checkout today.

And I guarantee you'll have the freshest cup of coffee in America. He was brewing that coffee when he first started in Baghdad, in Fallujah. While he was on the job, while he was fighting for our country. And it was incredible. Yes. Everyone said that.

Imagine how much better it got when he got back to the States with a free slate, a free schedule. He wasn't fighting in war. Yeah. And he had all of his time on his hands to perfect this coffee. And that's exactly what he did yes that is my god well the whole world i just i'll just do on the act i'll just do random sopranos quotes yeah and of course you guys won't pick them up yeah and then like somebody somebody in youtube will always be like how do these idiots don't pick up on KB's Sopranos quotes?

First of all, how are they your quotes? Whenever I just quote another thing, another piece of media, they always give me my flower. I was in my apartment trying for hours to perfect the Olivia Soprano. Which is what? I was world okay it's not good i i thought i would have bet everything i have that that was a joker quote because you kind of sound like the joker when you're done so i like say do it again i screen recorded her quote from youtube and then i put it on i put it into this like music movie editing um app and i put it on you're it into this like music movie editing app you put it on technologically

an app so this probably took you hours hours I put it on loop so like it would just keep replaying in my head over and over and I would try to like match my like voice to it what's why what's the end goal and I was because I want to try to perfect it well the whole world's gone crazy wait do you have the, do you have the file? Do you have the file? I probably do. That was in my apartment. Loud as fuck. And I forgot how thin my walls are.

And I get a knock on the door. My neighbor was like, hey, I'm not... He peers into your apartment to see if you're regular and you have no TV, no couch, just a mattress and a really, really I'm not. He peers into your apartment to see if you're regular and you have no TV, no couch, just a mattress and a really, really big beanbag. Big bicycle. Have we talked? My beanbag?

Have we talked about your beanbag when you got it? Because it's the all-time dumbest human being move of all time. Wait, wait, wait. Let me see if I found it. So this is true. You were doing it. The world's gone crazy. Some woman in Pennsylvania.

She shot at three children and set her house on fire. So you do it now? Oh, fuck. What? It was on loop. What happened to it? I don't think it quite. It doesn't matter.

No, no, no. But your impression's not close at all. Not close at all. So wait. So I'm in my apartment. Yeah, this person knocks. Wow, it is fucked. My neighbor knocks and was like, I'm not this type of neighbor at all. So I'm in my apartment doing that loud as fuck. My neighbor knocks and was like,

I'm not this type of neighbor at all. I never do this. But were you just doing Olivia Soprano? Shut the fuck up. Also, are you KB from Barstool Shopping Network? Holy shit. I love you on Snapchat. Well, the whole world's gone crazy.

Saw some woman in Pennsylvania. Shot her three. How are you hearing that and thinking that's close? It's pretty close. Well, the whole world's gone crazy. We need a flashback. None of us have ever been to your apartment. We're your best friends.

We've never seen your apartment. All you have is a stationary bike, a beanbag, a big beanbag chair and your bed right and two podcasts well it's a lofted apartment okay my my bedroom area is in the on the loft yeah my i have a yeah i have a beanbag a big a big jumbo sack it's a jumbo sack right and that's, but that's not just me saying it's jumbo to describe it. That's the brand name. Oh, it's a jumbo sack sack. So you bought it a specific color that you wanted.

You chose your color. Bright red. You were telling me, you were telling me that when you got the beanbag chair in the mail, you opened it up and it was a different color. And so what did you do? What did I do? you assumed it was the bag that it was in yeah you thought your beanbag was inside of this one so you cut it open and all

the fucking beans just flew the fuck out i lost so many beans in that operate that operation so it's not like why did you why would you think that oh my beanbag chairs inside? I know. Beanbags chairs worked. I didn't know the technology behind them. So, yeah, it was. That's so dumb, Kyle. I thought it was in there. It was just like, oh, my beanbag chair, which is the same exact texture on this one. You didn't think they just sent you the wrong color? I didn't know.

But I couldn't salvage all the beans. Not even close. So, when I go to jump on it, I just will hit my ass on my hardwood floor in some spots. It's just a bag now. It's a suede bag. It's like a bag of beans. Because you don't have enough to make it a bean bag, so you have to flip it into a bag of beans. Do you want to go chill on my bag of beans?

Take an afternoon nap? Do you want to go cuddle? And it's just like you're laying on the hard ground and you just like feel like a few beans under you it's very it's horrible it's much worse than just laying on the floor so did you sew it back up how did you it's like you know when you get like a piece or like a rock or like a piece of something stuck in your sock yeah it's like the same sensation it's just laying on like a you're too proud i gotta what did you do the whole take a picture of it i i'm not gonna so try to sew it or take it in it's just it's i think it's taped tape is an underrated invention no it's the best it's used often you just had it on your arm yeah but no one's ever like rating it spectacularly

remember the duct tape era of like everybody was making wallets and suits and everything often you just had it on your arm yeah but no one's ever like rating it spectacularly remember the duct tape era of like everybody was making wallets and suits and everything one you probably made i made them sold and i sold purpose them god damn it i really really did what else i used clear tape for the id portion of it i was really good at it that was like my favorite thing to do oh i made claymations i made claymations oh did you what really yes seventh sixth seventh and eighth grade but i didn't know how to do stop motion so i just press record stop record stop and just slowly move that is stop motion is it but mine was like you knew exactly what to do i thought stop motion was when you put this so you would hit stop and then what would you do? You'd move them.

Then I would move the piece. That's stop motion. Nah, nah, nah. Yeah, that's exactly what I did. I don't know. I can't believe you made claymations as well. I did for hours and hours and hours. Like all summer for three years straight.

I have hours of tapes. I'm going to call my mom. About what was your claymation about? I'm going to ask her. I think I did like star wars i would incorporate like action figures with i made original characters hammer man and mallet boy and they were each like looking like little tools and they would just they were like mallet boy was a villain and hammer man was a hero it was awesome let's see if i have my mom okay let's

see who's mom i'm gonna call my mom fuck who's calling? Is that you? Yes. Okay. Because I pressed. Hello? Ma, hey, I'm sorry if you're sleeping. We're recording the podcast and claymations came up. What was my claymation? Was your claymation Hammer Man?

Yeah, it was Hammer Man. All right, Ma, thank you. What an original name. You did Star Wars characters. How is that? I can't remember. Are you George Lucas? She has passed her bedtime. My mom picked up.

She's going to think yours is an emergency. Yeah, she's going to think I'm dead. Ma, I'm dead. This is going to backfire. She's not going to know anything. I'm going to get a barrage of texts hello hey mom i'm recording the podcast what type of uh movies would i make with our camera unnecessary claimations and what how many a lot

And how many? A lot? Well, I think. Did you have like a couple of those VHSs? Yeah. And what theme? What theme of the claymations? I would make them, then what would I do? I would sit everyone down to watch them, right?

Yeah. Okay. Were they good? Were they good? Gosh. Yeah, they they good? Gosh. Yeah, they were good. Yeah. It was really good.

You were very talented. Thank you. What were they about? Yeah, what was the theme? I can't remember, Kyle. You know how I have a bad memory. Yeah. Just refresh my memory at all.

Did you actually think they were good? Like I had like talent that was budding. Yeah. I thought you were really, it was like, remember when I was trying to like Mr. Bill, like, Hey, Mr. Bill, do you remember that? No. Did you do? But you, you really liked them.

Like you could see, like I had like a creative side. Oh yes, definitely. How old was he when he did? What else would I do in my notebooks? In your brackets. Yeah. You just make brackets. Fictional brackets.

Fictional people. All right, that's enough. I got to go. Love you. I can't believe that's the first thing. He really liked those. I was like, you know, it's my own work. I always judge my own things like very critically.

So I never know if they're actually good. That's like maybe the first thing. People don't know this. We have nothing in common. Nothing. Zero. Our sense of humors are somehow the same. But zero common interests.

We're from the same area. But that's where it ends. Music, TVs, movies, all polar opposites. All polar opposites. I hated the TV shows he likes. I hate the type of books, the genre of movies that he likes. Yeah. The videos he watches.

You don't like fantasy epics. I hate fantasy epics. Kyle likes women. You like men. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is groundbreaking. I'm actually kind of touched.

We finally had something in i would skip school i would too to make claymation no days i would spend i think i spent 12 hours to make like a 30 second i think i remember this at saint vincent didn't you skip uh gym class you skipped the mile why yes instead of running it you literally skipped the whole time i was just thinking of me i thought of me skipping school to like to make movies or fuck my girlfriend you skipped you skipped the mile yeah i did that was your preferred method and you were like top four You skipped the whole thing Senior skip day for me I need to get my hands on these claymations I still have mine

I know I have them They're not good Mine had plot twists and everything Mine did too Mine had climaxes No Alright that was a really touching episode I thought she was gonna like You, she knew she was on the pod and was going

to like try to roast me or something. Nah, she didn't have the heart. She genuinely enjoyed those. Loved them. She loved them. It was very obvious. Because she didn't have to sit through. They were long.

She didn't have to sit through them all and pretend to like them. No. It would have been a lot easier to just brush them off. But I remember she would watch them a couple times. Did she re-watch i don't know did you ever go to like making videos i know she i wonder if she appreciates like that what i do now is art not in the same vein as claymation and like that type of art but it's still art yeah you're an artist i wonder if she i don't know what's your medium what's your new what's your new clay I don't know

yeah are we artists don't artists need a thing alright yeah I feel I feel damn good alright thank you guys for listening

please buy our merch because it's just I would like it. You've been fucking up. I just want to see it out in the wild. And if this is on YouTube.

Oh yeah, I saw a YouTube comment from the Yak. I just wanted to bring it up. Nick is clearly fast tracking himself into Dave having to fire him. Love seeing self-deprecating individuals ruin themselves in slow motion that's poetic what what how many down votes does that have none 22 upvotes um dave okay these are just mean god damn it yeah i don't want to see that reminds me of another product. You know what?

We're riffing really well here. Yeah. And you know what I need the energy for? Shaving my pubic hair. And the thing is, I shave my pubes two to three times a day. It's like the Santa Claus around my dick. The physics and geometry of the ball, it isn't natural to humans. So we're not used to going in those motions to go around the balls, under the balls.

That's right. Above the balls, the penis, all of it. It feels so foreign sometimes. Yes. Well, with other products. That's right. Take it away, Nick. You want me to take it away?

Take it away. You want me to talk about the Perfect Package 4.0? Well, Kyle, the Perfect Package... pat oh my god i'm so excited i this is my job to speak and this has me so excited i cannot freaking just talk i remember the first time you guys i remember the first time my dad taught me how to shave and i was like this, this is a chore. This is tedium. Yeah. This is, it feels like a job.

Yeah. Like manual labor. That's right. And I was like, is that something I want to do? No. At least once a week. At least once a week.

No. So with, with this product, it takes away that tedious, laborious chore of shaving around your balls and dick yeah and it it not only makes it okay it makes it pleasurable that's right fun and that's something you do on a regular basis say like eating a meal imagine not caring about eating a meal with this it'll make you care about shaving your balls that's exactly right

it'll make you it'll make it pleasurable as traumatizing as it used to be i can't even remember life before the right the manscape no exactly right it was like it's like air conditioning we can't fathom how humans lived before air conditioning on hot summer days yeah this is like i can't fathom how did i? How did I shave my balls before the manscape? How did our pops get laid? How did our pops get laid? Our pops get laid. Did my dad like use a tweezer?

Go one at a time. One at a time. That wouldn't make sense. He had to have. And I, I love the product. I think their biggest flaw is they, they compared it to a lawnmower,

but a lawnmower is a chore. This is more like a roller coaster. That's what it is. They should call it the roller coaster an electric guitar they should call it a roller coaster 4.0 and kyle's kyle's and owen they got out of just the pube trimmer game they're in the body wash game now okay so another thing you're doing at least once twice a day yeah uh-huh and people need to start investing in body washes it's your body and a lot of guys will be like oh i i don't even get my feet or i don't even bother with like the back of my neck or ears because it's like a chore to them like like using a lawnmower yes exactly and if i'm going to be showering two to

three times a day why not make it worth it because they have an aluminum bottle with a pump top it's infused with aloe vera and sea salt to keep your skin feeling clean fresh and moisturized is there coconut water in that um there may very well be i would not be shocked it's the aloe vera yeah so it has like a like a little bit of a mint type feel yeah yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so, yeah, it's just great when you're just like, you know, chilling in the shower and you want like a little mint. A little mint.

A little mint. To linger too. Yeah. A little mint. So guys, and guys, I'm not doing this because we have to. No. And that's something that we wouldn't do that. We're talking to all we we treat you like

you're our friends why would we take the time to try out these products and keep using them on a daily basis yes and then rave about them if that was all bullshit why that would be counterproductive to our own lives right and these guys you know they picked us up because they like us. They know the type of people we are. Seeing us be very serious, completely out of a character, that's how people know that we're being real.

They know that we will cut the shtick to talk seriously about these products because we like them that much. That's what people want from us. Exactly. That's exactly it. And guys, guys, you guys can get 20% off and free shipping if you go to manscaped.com

slash A-N-U-S. That's 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com slash A-N-U-S. Clean up your candy cane this year with Manscaped. I like that. I like that. I like that little touch.

That's something like that. They get us. It's our style, yeah. I guess let's start the episode. Episode 266. 266. And that's all we have for time. So that was a good one.

Yeah. All right, guys. Yeah. That's your reply to what I'm going to say. No, you're just going to say like, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or tall what the sweater i saw the picture first now i'm watching the video yeah funny oh it's so much for you those sleeves are so long dude he's trying to like keep the cool guy face yeah with that giant

fucking sweater it's funny as fuck. Oh my god. It's the funniest. What do you think he thought when he put it on? This is a sketch. It's funnier than any sketch. That garment is insane. It's so funny.

He couldn't open the door, so he had like do a whole maneuver just to get his hand out the neck is like to scale as well it's like dripping off his shoulders oh my god He looks like almost disappointed Like he's getting punished

Kuzma you gotta wear the big sweater Alright Alright thanks for listening This might be my last episode Yeah Is that your reply to what I'm gonna say? No you're just gonna say like No that's a new untold story.

Hey, is that story old or told? Fuck no, baby! That's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story