A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 270 - Cancer Free

Episode Date: December 23, 2021

|| A New Untold Story: Ep. 270 - Cancer Free || Nick & KB are back in Wheeling for the holidays. We celebrated over zoom || Full episodes also available on YouTubeYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story, listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. Boys. Owen, I think you have a booger. Oh, that rule that we got that. Was it? Did it actually get it? Yeah. Roll it out of his nose like a boy.

If you don't get that. Hell yeah. No, it's all right. You want me to do something even grosser to make you look better? Yeah. First of all, I don't know why you're at that angle. For those listening. Kyle has his computer.

What I'd imagine on the floor. Yes. What's wrong with it. No, it's, it's kind of cool. What's that? You're being that your old profile picture.

I never used it as my profile picture. What was it? Did you just send it to your. I just posted it as my profile picture. What was it? Did you just send it to your girl? I just posted it on my wall. Owen, your nose might be dirty, but I bet your butthole is clean. Yep. Let's get right into it. Well, we have to.

Being the presenting sponsor, we have to do that before we get into that riffing. Let's start the podcast off with an ad. That's what we have to do that before we get into that riffing. Let's start the podcast off with an ad. That's what we have to do. When we're trying to get new listeners, like people, I'm going to check this out for the first time. They hear an ad in the first 15 seconds. They're like, oh, fuck this. That's what I would do.

Yeah. All right. Well, give them a heads up. Explain to them why we have to do this. All right. Well, we're going to start it. We're going to get it out of the way. Then we'll get into the podcast. Yeah.

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Yeah. But do we like them as people? The dude? Yeah, we love them to death. They're just they're mad flaky. What do you mean they're mad flaky? I love the product. I think it's the best product that I've ever tried hygienically,

but I don't know about the guys. The guys are great. No, my favorite products, I don't care about how the guys are. Yeah, I don't either typically, but now that we got to know the Dude Wipes guys, I'm lucky to have known them. Whoever does the social does a really good job. Yeah.

It unironically makes me laugh. Like on Instagram, it'll just be like, it's always like some sort of pipe coming unclogged. And then there are captions like when you poop. Yeah. The punchline is just when you poop yeah it's always the punchline is just when you poop it's so good it's never like when you wipe and feel good and pleasured it's just like when you poop it's always when you poop and i relate to it i'm just like yeah yeah all right and that's why

it's as often as we eat meals. Yeah. It's a one for one. But anyway, you guys can wipe with dude wipes when you poop. But, and you can get 15% off at dude wipes.com. If you use anus, a N U S one five at checkout, it's a great deal.

Quit the itchy and scratchy toilet paper. That's been stressed enough i'd imagine right now we'll play the theme song let's go that's your reply to what i'm gonna say no you're just gonna say like no that's a new untold story hey is that story old or told no baby It's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. All right.

We're doing this one remotely today, so the audio probably isn't quite up to snuff. I just got back from my grandma's retirement home, which is a great place to go in the midst of a pandemic. How are you doing? There's no mask policy there, which is is tight it's a real republican nursing home um although yeah and so i went for bingo night now they play bingo like that they play bingo every wednesday and thursday and dude it's fucking two and a half hours i didn't know that It was the director's cut of Bingo. They added more letters. It was Bingo. I can't

think of something funny to extend the word. I should have pre-wrote that. You love Midnight for them? Right now it is, yeah. They have their dinners at 6 p.m., but it costs money to play Bingo. It's $3 for a card.

I went up there and I gave six and i bought two cards i didn't know that was against the rules so i won they were like what and uh there was like major controversy like well he bought two cards and they don't nobody stopped me though they were playing and i didn't even win like i won the first round i didn't win the cover all dude they love bingo i don't get why they love it and they love it so much it's like they're woodstock every day yeah like my grandma wears a shirt measurable life but like i don't i don't know if it's just like the slightest mental stimulation is like enjoyable to them because they are old

like one of like one of the women just looked like a jar of dust like a dirty mason jar filled with dust that's how old she was fuck her she won the coverall um but yeah yeah fuck her. Fucking bitch. There's no strategy or skill or anything to the game. I mean, once you get... For a while, and then the older and more senile you get, the more strategy it requires. Because you have to be able to identify

a B and an N. Right. This is also a strategy, like a mental game. Yeah. South America looks mad skinny. Is that a flawed map? Yeah, I don't know, because it looks really quite long. For those listening, I have a map behind me,

and Kyle just couldn't help himself. Not sure about the design of that couch and pillow. That's houndstooth. That's one of the most classic patterns to ever exist. Okay. No degree. Thank you. Thank you, Owen. Um, Kyle, how was the bus? We both took the bus back to Wheeling. What? I mean, I, what a, I figured out on the, the onset of the bus trying to figure out that i'm a cancer survivor so the beginning was amazing oh you found out on a bus yeah okay yeah so you know

how like a lot of songs people are born on a bus like a lot like i guess you were like reborn on a bus which is pretty fucking cool congrats on that by the i was like you should be more concerned now because you don't know why you're so itchy it's just yeah so someone on the anus read it was like yeah now he's just now he just has night sweats itchy skin and a kratom addiction but at least he fucking beat cancer yeah so like when you and i didn't beat cancer i just fucking cut an ultrasound on lymph nodes something swollen lymph nodes are like the most common thing anyone can get yeah we dramatize it to a point where people just like i like plan it in their head that i beat cancer dude that subreddit's so funny did you see that they put you in blackface someone tried to

face swap you with kurt angle but it got the black referee in the background it looked dope i would look fly as hell if i was black yeah you would yeah yeah um no so when you got the call on the bus was it a call no that's how that's how like non-urgent and non big of a deal it was it was just like a i had to log into a medical app and it was just like yeah it's fine dude how imagine finding out you have cancer while on a bus it was like right at the beginning of a six-hour bus ride that would be torture yeah but i remember like growing up as a wrestler like the mantra it was a dan gable quote it was like once you've wrestled everything else in life is easy and we live by

that there was like posters at every wrestling club and like we truly believed it and for a while i thought it was true like this is so hard like the rest of my life will be a breeze because it won't compare but the truth is once beat cancer, everything else in life is easy. Yeah. And you beat it so bad that you never had it. And as soon as I got off the bus, my mom picked me up. I think within 15 minutes, I made her cry.

You made her cry? Making your mom cry, that's the hardest thing you can do as a son. No, it's not. That was a breeze for me. That's a great addiction. Wait, how did you make her cry it's always with me and women it's always in a car and she she was we were like we're in pittsburgh and it's like you know like you have to like switch lanes like five times just to go straight it's and she's

texting and driving with her voice she's doing the voice text she's kept like leaning her fucking head into the phone in the middle console like it's a walkie talkie she has to speak into and I snapped we're hitting rumble strips I'm trying to

see my point and then she's like no you're just something's up with your attitude it's not just me texting and driving then i yeah so but it wasn't bad the first time the first time i ever made my mom cry i think i was like six and uh i was mad at her for something and so i know she got like this really beautiful, like chalk pastel portrait drawn of me. And so I just went and I took it out of the frame and I walked over to her and I just tore it up. Jesus.

Yeah, I was fucked up. I feel bad. I feel really bad about it to this day. But there's nothing you can do. You were six. She kept you on a fucking leash. You're right. Fuck.

Have things been better since you've gotten home kyle it's you know as soon as i got home i beelined to the fridge to get a snack graham crackers and yogurt because that's the extent of sweets that we have since i was born yeah i forget that you were like really really sheltered yeah so i beeline to the fridge and guess what is on the fridge hanging on magnets like first off there's pictures of like me as a child me as a wrestler me as a state champion and all my own words and like my sister too and then yeah then my my fucking dad i brought it up it's his it's like men's league softball stats where he had the highest average on the team it fucking broke me it's on this piece of computer paper and next to it is a is a

portrait of him when he's like 45 i was like you can do a throwback pick to when you were like a kid but you can't do it to when you're 45 and like what was that like five years ago like 15 and I was like stupid fucking this where you want to piss you off because he had the highest batting average of 630 and I'm just he has it

circled that is slow pitch softball in a senior league. So what did you say when you saw that? Yes, I was being a cunt. Because like that shouldn't piss you off. Your dad's proud of something.

He found something to enjoy in his golden year. No, fuck that. And you tore it off the fridge. No, it's embarrassing. We're having like family family and the wives of family members who don't even know my parents. I don't want them to see that. You're being protective.

Look, my dad got 630, which is impressive even for slow pitch. They even have the last place guy. What's his name? You know the Gilberts? I don't know. Do you know the gilberts i don't know i do know the gilberts dude he was always such a dick but 200 he batted 200 in slow pay oh no wait let me see the numbers of him because he was always a dickhead he's just frozen isn't it it's pretty funny it's a pretty funny freeze frame i can look at that all

day actually his goatee is looking really pronounced too it looks good no i wouldn't slow pitch like ever on bats 500 at least at least and that guy gilbert he has to be 80 years old, dude. Yeah. I think he's just... Let's just... Tyler's editing this video, right? Yeah. Let's just make that real big for a little bit. Kyle, how is your internet so bad when you live three minutes away?

I think you're muted now too, pal. Are we, what the fuck is this? How many times do you think you've said you're on mute this year? That's like the, just not quote. Yeah. That is the quote of the year for sure. I'm always saying that. So I got home. Excuse me. I got home Thursday and I went out to grab some wings with my buddy, Sean and Kyle.

We bumped into Morgan, the guy. Do you know Morgan? Yeah, don't say it. What? Yeah, yeah. So he was like, dude, you got to add me on Facebook. Oh, we, oh, pal, we have added you. And I had to screenshot one of his, he's like the strangest dude ever.

He's like, he's, he has a very very fat face but just like above his chin strap he has a he's a thin man's chin strap so you can see like the his jawbone but everything above it he has like his cheeks are folded over his chin strap beard which is insane but he posted this on facebook i think i know what it is because i check his page probably like one week he's like he's he's a very odd guy. The daughter reveal. He did it. No, he did do a daughter reveal and then he was holding her and she was like six.

That's like a really late reveal. Yeah. No, he's using reveal appropriately. I hate when people say this is a blank reveal. Like, yeah, you've only had that thing for a little bit. Yeah. You're impatient. He he had the best little bit. Yeah, you're impatient. He had the best reveal ever.

So I did a thing. Yeah, like half a decade ago. No, I'm reading this one. He posted, driving a car like this, I get a lot of looks, positive and negative. Some people think I don't deserve it. Others will. Some people may think I'm flaunting. Others think I'm highbrow. But at the end of the day, you choose your own perception between negativity or positively. To me, this vehicle makes me happy and it stands

for a constant reminder I can do anything I put my mind to. And then I was just like, I put my mind to. And then I was just like, oh, like, that's sick. It's a Ford Explorer. It's just a regular stock Ford Explorer. Is that him saying, like, he's a cop now? I don't know. He gets a lot of looks driving this top, mundane, common car.

Driving like a Lamborghini and wheeling. You'd think. I think guilty about it? You'd think. Yeah. And it just it was like his page is incredible because like he had his car reveal and then he had his daughter reveal. And this guy is just he's got reveals out the wazoo. I love it. He's one.

Yeah. And then, dude, coming back home and like seeing people has me obsessed with going on facebook because there's the one kid that quit his job at cheddars the the casual cafe to work at film industry i know you're talking about uh-huh i remember he posted it and it blew up it was like locally viral they were like did you did you hear about him he got a job at film industry and we were just like what does that yeah because on facebook you get to say the profession the update was works at now works at film industry he didn't even like like capitalize it correctly it was like lowercase i people were just like commenting like i knew you could do it

like this is amazing like i can't believe i knew you could do it like this is amazing like i can't believe i knew you when you weren't when you were like little and it's just like he just wrote that he works at he quit his job and now he works at film oh man but i saw him out as well it was great to see it It's great to see these hometown people. People that won eighth grade superlatives over me. All right. So your eighth grade class. I've vlogged about this before.

We had 20 kids tops. Yeah. So they had a superlative for each kid. Oh, we had 25 superlatives. There was 25 and you got zero. I got none of them. Adam Hammerquist got three. Adam Hammerquist got three. Adam Hammerquist

was a walking superlative, though. He's the fastest kid I've ever seen. But, like, the teachers voted on some of them and there was a best-looking. No, no, no. You could pull it up, too, because I think you still have

it. I have it upstairs. Which is, i think you still have it i have it upstairs which is like you can kind of like rationalize it by being like the yeah they're cute no you can't you can't rationalize it at all but there was best legs best legs was on there actually oh fuck should i go grab it our whole staff it was like a staff vote to like, like, like, like, like, best legs. Should I go grab it? Yeah. All right. Should I do something cool?

Cool. Are you guys fucking with me? Yo, what's up? What up? What was the cool thing you did? Yeah, I couldn't think of anything. I farted.

Did you fart? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty cool. On accident, and then I said, fuck. You farted on accident? That's the thing about you. You fart a ton, but it's never on accident. It's always on purpose, because it's so easy to you feel it coming. For me, it's like

I can toggle between how loud it is, how audible it is, and how silent it is. You can make it silent? Yeah. How do you do it? I just did it. Oh, damn. Where's Owen? Audibly. God damn it. That's disgusting. Party trip.

Oh, my bad. Oh, shit. Owen, are you with like a, just a party of school boys? Oh, my tweet? Yeah. Where was that from and when? It was a throwback I found. Oh, my God. Oh. What was that from and when? It was a throwback I found. Oh, my God.

Oh, that was your age? Yeah, those are my friends. Those are your friends. The Nike Elite socks, man. I guess I could. I thought it was like you were just stumbled upon that party. Yeah. Oh, this sounds lit.

Owen just walks in. So this was how they gave us our senior superlatives yeah 2006 all of our names are on there in word art um there we go so there was like 18 kids in our class and there's five six seven eight nine ten 22 superlatives and i did uh 23 and 24 and i didn't get any which like they but the thing is the worst part is multiple kids won the same superlative too and i still didn't get any that is so hard it is that was the hardest thing ever when they brought this out on the last day of school and everybody like beeline to this page to see what they got and we can like joke about it i was like oh it's nothing no one gives a fuck about eight like in the moment that would have destroyed me yes dude eighth grader like as a middle schooler, all you care about is like accolades on paper

and like physical proof of like... Dude, we had best dressed at a school where you had to wear a uniform. We had a lot of dress down days and sometimes you could like take liberties with the black shoes you wore. You could wear like...

Don't defend this bullshit. And two people won it. Who won it? Alden and Joe. Oh, fuck yeah. shoes you wore you could wear like don't defend this bullshit and two people want it who want who want it alden and uh joe oh fuck yeah yeah they deserve it yeah they were like steezy boys for sure but then like okay are this best oh my god they were it's best eyes best hair best smile best best legs dude i'm wait smile, best legs, dude. Wait, who won best legs? We'll guess. Fuck. I'm thinking

now. So wait, is it creepier if you get it wrong or right? I'm visualizing all of these girls as eighth graders and trying to think of who had the best in my 28-year-old eyes. Because this was voted by the teachers the the whole staff like even mr stokey the janitor

dude he only had he only had like a percentage of a vote yeah he did it's compromised he had a three he got a three-fifths vote um best legs who what what girl no i don't even want to guess come on fuck all right is it a taller girl no wow they gave it to a little stumpy girl she must have thick legs like perfect thick thighs now i for sure can't guess. Why? After that, yeah, no. Well, Devin Eiler won the best boy legs. Okay. Well deserved. Well, they were kind of white.

Very pasty. Yeah, he was a ginger freckled boy. He had freckled legs. Who? What girl? You're going to know when I say it I know I already know who it is

I'm not throwing myself under the bus Alyssa Alyssa yes it's so fucking creepy I know she also won best looking they just had best looking So weird

Adam won that one too Yeah So she won best legs and best looking Let's call her up And ask if she My mom knows her mom Yeah give them a call This probably really helped her out

dude imagine yeah imagine winning best legs then there was cutest couple mr and mrs svs and it went to a kid grade what he was couple in eighth grade yeah so it was it was very weird because they got in trouble for having sex In 8th grade and they had to go down to the nuns And like do a bunch of fucking Hail Marys Our nun was the principal I remember I was clowning them for days Yeah we were making fun of them for having sex

I was like that's not meh You won't catch me You didn't even have pubes at the time Kyle And that wasn't because you used Manscaped. That was a good one. That was a good segue. Kyle, do you, do you shave your, you shave your dick and balls now? So you're now you're finally acknowledging that I do have pubes. No, I was playing. This is, it says it in the copy.

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We're in the crew. Holy shit. Yeah. I I remember when I blogged about this, I was like, oh, I'm going to like use this to brag about myself because the blog I think was about how I was a cooler kid than you, Kyle. And so I was just like, I'm'm gonna like take whatever nerdy superlative i had like maybe most artistic and run with that and i just didn't even fucking have one even use any example it's where will you be in 10 years nick terrani i have president of Kenya. That's pretty funny. That's pretty funny. You still didn't win funniest. No.

Who the fuck did win funniest? Adam. Fucking Adam. He just like fucked Carmen. You can't say their name. We're talking about kids fucking. But where is the line? Is that a gray area? It's a gray area.

I mean, you were a kid when they were fucking. Yeah, it's not like I'm... Okay, whatever. Yeah, that's a weird gray area. Yeah. To talk about my god uh did you have this uh kyle not yeah i think i know i want to i don't know how many up to three kids won the same award like nicest was ryan nathan and casey

i like i couldn't they i didn't get a single thing. Yeah. Nice. This is what they would have. Like they should have. They couldn't even remember me. God. Dude. We're just like strict. We didn't have superlatives quotes like anything i i don't think i've i've never been acknowledged in a yearbook outside of like my little black and white picture that's that's the that's the biggest impact i have you should do the tiktok trend oh they you got guns in my head but they won't go

they're just like they show like the yearbook picture then like what they look like now and this might be a contra they always look worse yeah yeah like nobody nobody has aged well in those and it's tough when they're like class of 2018 yeah it's like yeah do it for a 10 it's like you know three years ago i know doing that in like especially in west virginia would be disgusting it's always shocking to come back home those are the ones that go viral it's like they do like a normal one and the last one is just the kids um it's always like a hispanic kid it's his yearbook pick and then the the reveal is like the sky yeah it's like he always yeah yeah but i've i've seen a lot where the his Hispanic friend is always gay. Yeah. And so they have two choices.

I saw one where it was a group of Hispanic guys and like, never mind. Wait, I know the TikTok you're talking about. Racist. What? Are they still posting up at their own funerals? What do you they still posting up at their own funerals? What do you mean? When they get propped up, the dead person? Oh, yeah, they'll put them in a scene.

Yeah. Yeah, I saw a guy gaming. Drinking a beer. That's funny. Doing what they love. Doing what they love to be doing. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. that's a profound thought eating pussy

just yeah eating pussy that'd be so funny and like my grandma would come in and just be like crying her eyes out as i'm like licking box dude you're well you're just like i just want to eat pussy one last time just be all my homies be like yeah he looks so natural he looks he looks good he looks like him i think i remember oh he was always eating pussy dude um i also bumped into a girl i went out with she was my first ever girlfriend holly um in i'm she was my girlfriend in ninth grade and she dumped me because i was too afraid to kiss her is what i thought but i found out it's because she was she dumped me the night she was going to a hot shell ray concert because uh she was planning on sleeping with one of the members of Hot

Shell Ray. Which she could have done. I think she did fucking New Boys. Wow. That's nice of her. She wanted to be single for that. Yeah, she felt too guilty to cheat. Precautions. But I bumped into her and she

her mom was a Chihuahua breeder and so she was always just covered in hair and she still is she hasn't changed a bit she's still like covered in chihuahua hair dude i remember i was afraid to kiss too i got uh i got called into school my parents and this girl's parents the teacher had found notes and they're like you guys are talking about kissing each other and they were old notes and by that time she had already broken up with me and started dating and kissing someone else oh no so you had to relive that notes to me yeah what were the notes we were just like plotting a kiss it was like third grade

i was dude i said third grade i was like i was in 10th grade when I was like, I was in ninth grade when she told me, cause I was afraid to kiss her. I was plotting. Were you plotting to kiss in 10th grade? 10th grade. Yeah. Were you ever afraid to kiss? What do you mean? Yes. I was 17 when it happened first.

Your first kiss was 17? Yeah. And then I was like, all right, I'm not doing that. I was 15. I was a sophomore. I was 15. Yeah. But I remember I was like, right i'm not doing that no i was 15 i was a sophomore i was 15 yeah but i remember i was like i'm done with that for a while yeah i did it and there was like a year there was probably a two-year gap between my first kiss and my second the next one was so easy because it was a girl who didn't speak english really i remember i had the most confidence in the world we were at the disney like all-star sports resort and there was like a, a field trip of girls and I,

all of my inhibitions and my, my anxiety toward women or girls like went away because like they didn't understand me. So I was on full clown mode and I, you know, I somehow gestured one to go and kiss me and like by like the the goofy statue wait how did you even get to the point of kissing if you she spoke no english i don't remember they kind of spoke broken english but like were your jokes landing like how are you able to get your

flirt on because your your flirt game is no no i was physical you're not a physical i was being a physical clown i was how are you i was my my humor is is so advanced that it transcends language like i can did you fart i can make a girl laugh just any language any language he doesn't have to know a lick of english could she be like from a tribe i will make her not just laugh, but genuinely crack up. Can you make a tribal girl? It's never like cheap slapstick theatrics either. It's always like craft, well-crafted, like kind of like brilliant, gestural or physical jokes.

And I remember that. We should do missionary trips where we just go make girls laugh in like third world countries you can do a speed dating with kyle where he can't speak oh that's great how many good could you do it kyle i used to find love without i used to try to like limit like give myself challenges and limitations on dates. Like what? Word count? Oh, wait. You used to brag that you could finger bang without kissing. Yeah. You used to brag about that all the time.

What do you mean? That's not even a brag at this point. You would come up to me and be like, smell my fingers. I'd be like, ugh, okay. I didn't smell like pussy. You were like, now smell my lips. Your lips didn't smell like pussy. You're like, now smell my lips. Your lips didn't smell like anything. Not once. Yeah, once is enough.

Dude, smell my fucking lips. You would make these fake achievements. You're just like, all right, I'm going to get head, but I'm not going to take my shirt off. you do shit like that i've been told i know i was talking about i would like listen to to music on on dates oh my god have we talked about we've talked about this have we not no a girl a girl came up to me at a bar and she was like hey i went on a date with your on dates. Oh my God. Have we talked about, we've talked about this. Have we not?

No. A girl, a girl came up to me at a bar and she was like, Hey, I went on a date with your friend Kyle. And I was like, coworker, but continue. And she was like, she was like, well, we went out and I, he got there before me. When I got to the table, he just had his AirPods in and you never took your AirPods out. I know. i remember that clearly yeah how would you forget that um you just didn't take them out well the thing was i was like nervous and i was planning i hate intros so i was like if you do something like weird enough to like break the ice and you don't you can kind of skip like the hug and like hey the small talk so my i in my head she was gonna be she was going to call me out.

And it was going to be a funny joke that I'm listening to music while I'm talking to her. And I'd be like, oh, fuck, I forgot it. But she never did. She never mentioned it. So I just had to leave. And I was like, I don't know. Dude, I think you tried that the first time we hung out. I met you at a bar.

I do. It's not like a set. It's a platonic thing, too. Yeah, you just had headphones in in like three spicy marks and i think you were waiting on a comment it was at mexico a few yeah yeah i try to like lure someone into like commenting on something obscure or absurd i'm doing so like what would your aha moment be with that? I think it was like, oh, wait, are you, she would have been like, oh wait, are you listening to something?

And I would have been like, uh, whoops. Yeah. Do you have a jewelry box playing, Kyle? That was really creepy. Did you guys hear that? Yeah, what the fuck is that? Is your, are you in like an old house? Yeah.

Wait, I hear like a creepy old jewelry shop up there alone. Yeah, I don't like it. I don't like that at all, man. You know what I also don't like? What don't you like? Drunk driving. Oh, P.U.

Especially around the holidays, it'll happen more and more. You're a villain if you do it. Yeah. So let's say you're hanging out with some friends and putting back a few drinks and a few becomes too many. As the evening starts to end, people start to head out. You think you're calling a ride. Nah, you live nearby. You can make it home.

It's no big deal. No shot. No shot. Risks about driving drunk. So if you think you're okay after a few drinks, think again. Drive sober or get pulled over. For more information about the drive sober or get pulled over campaign, visit

www.nhtsa.gov. Do you have any homies with DUIs? Yeah. I got a handful and we clown them. We clown them and for good reason. They have no defense. It's not like we're laughing with them either. It's not like it's fucking pathetic. No, I know. I think of you less as a person.

Yeah. That music box is still going on. No, it's not. It stopped. Is it still going on? I don't know what the fuck it i'm in my grandparents old house but are you like yeah because you don't have a house in wheeling anymore do you no we're sharing where there's a bunch of people here it's a mess i have uh i'm in an apartment my parents have uh the basement's an apartment you can come stay here if you'd like. I actually want to. Good.

Fall out the deep end. Are you already? I'm pounding like heavy percentage IPAs. Oh, yeah. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You're getting wheeling Kratom? No, I'm fucking, I stocked up. I love that. Oh, man. You're getting wheeling Kratom? No, I'm fucking... I stocked up.

Oh, man. I love that the Reddit is happy that you beat cancer, but he does have a lot of other problems. Kratom is bad. I'm refusing to get a haircut because I'm self-conscious

about my Kratom hair. I'm googling Kratom hair right now is it now your favorite drug or are you doing it because you feel like less of a thing i don't i think i'm fucking just addicted did you just go for real right now I'm just taking it just to not feel shitty You're addicted dude I don't even feel good anymore I feel like garbage and I'm real pissed and I'm like raging

at my mom about how she texts so I gotta do Kratom Oh no dude Listeners please at my mom about how she texts so i gotta do kratom um listeners please don't do kratom don't do it don't do it at all i just need somebody like tell me their horror story but no one does like no one fucking i just googled kratom hair and the first thing is uh after son's death pennsy Pennsylvania family sues supplier of herb kratom. Maybe you should lay off.

No, the herb is like, that's like the healthy option. I'm doing the... No, dude. It's much, dude. Nah, I don't even need it. I am actually a little concerned. What an embarrassing drug yeah because like if you die

that's going to be so hard for me and Owen to explain like oh was he like trying to get clean off of heroin or like maybe some pills no like when you say like there's always like a solemn air to like the whole conversation once you say oh yo dude oh yeah When you say, there's always a solemn air to the whole conversation once you say, oh, it was, oh,

you OD'd. Oh, yeah. What would be more embarrassing? If I just OD'd to death on Kratom? Or went to rehab in Florida and got clean? I would tell everyone I'm

recovered after a three-month stint in Boca Raton. Yeah, dude. Heroin addicts, they have to delete their phone number. How are you going to avoid a 7-Eleven? They're always fucking open and everywhere.

They let you take cigarette breaks. They're like, yeah, you can do Kratom on your place. I'm relapsing every 10 minutes like yeah like that's so mild like you can like we allow no phones but we allow like cigarettes vapes and kratom and you're in rehab we're're like, fuck. This is hardest for me. Dude, in all seriousness, very dumb of you to start doing it. And I know you should stop.

Yeah, I know. I'm done, dude. I don't need that. Go go flush it right now. Go flush a vial. Do it for the YouTube. Go flush a vial. Do it for the YouTube. Flush one vial. How many vials do you have?

I don't know. Go flush a vial. No. Yeah, alright. Fine. Man, I am a little bit worried. No, fuck this. Are you not flushing it? No, I'm fucking lying. I'm doing a bit. No fuck this Are you not flushing it? No I'm fucking I'm lying I'm doing a bit

I don't think you are Let's just talk about let's debate like real podcasters Instead of throwing each other's personal lives Under the bus which we consistently do While throwing other people Real people We've been saying full names We've gotten so much worse.

My mom is so pissed that you mentioned Brandon Wilson and called him a dweeb. You said he was the nerdiest kid in class because she's friends with his mom. Yeah. Oh, no. My mom's friends with his mom, too. And he won. He won most likely to succeed. That's a dweeb award.

Brandon. Most likely to succeed is a dweeb award. Yeah. Brandon and Stephanie, they're both doctors now. They actually are. Yeah. But all of their,

their payouts. Fucking. All right. What did you want to debate? Something like, well, like Christmas story or die hard. Yeah.

Um, die hard, I guess is a Christmas movie. Christmas takes, takes place. Oh yeah, for sure. For sure.

All right. I don't really watch it anymore. Cause I'm like, it was aimed toward kids. So I don't care. Alpha kind of apathetic toward it. Yeah. I'm,

I'm pretty much apathetic towards all Christmas movies. Christmas movies. Yeah, that was a good debate. We just agreed. Can we clip? We gotta clip that shit. What's your take? On what?

Home Alone. it's good we could get into the abortion laws yeah we could do that too okay yeah yeah i'll take the side of road and row and kyle you could take wade okay that's that's funny that those are two things that you can do in water row v wade is that is there a joke that's been made like you're yeah is it like you want a boat and like me or you're like or you have to get weighed before you go the boat no no i'm thinking like wade like wade like in water oh so like for like yeah no but i like yours too it's yeah you're it's like a fat person conundrum like am i going to get in this boat can i row in this boat or do i have to get weighed first yeah it's just like a decision every obese person has to make like do i take the chance of sinking this boat which is embarrassing or Or do I weigh in beforehand and everybody

knows my weight? That's the real Roe v. Wade. Alright, anything else to add? No, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? What? No, baby! That's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story.

A new untold story. I knew I told you.