A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 271 - brackish

Episode Date: December 30, 2021

|| A New Untold Story: Ep. 271 - brackish || Nick & KB discuss many things, etc. || Full episodes also available on YouTube || Thank you for listening!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. I knew I told a story. I knew I told a story. It's a fresh, big, untold story. I knew I told a story. Boys, welcome back uh i could dive right into who is presenting our podcast but kyle you don't quite like that so go ahead and give us a talking point so i don't do this ad oh you want to do it off the top do the do the dude wipes off the top you want to do wipes off the top are you sure yeah all right today's episode is brought to you by dude wipes off the top. You want to do the dude wipes off the top? Are you sure? Yeah.

All right. Today's episode is brought to you by dude wipes. Kyle and Owen, it's time to quit shitty, scratchy toilet paper and switch over to dude wipes. Dude wipes are made of a, what kind of fabric? What kind of, I thought I had this ad memorized. Plant source fibers. Plant source fibers. Corduroy.

What about it? Corduroy. Corduroy, yeah. Yeah, um, quarter. Yeah. What about it? Corduroy. Roy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The albedo of the sun.

That's right. It has all of that and more, and you guys can go get it and wipe your butt clean with it at dude, wipes.com and use promo code anus 20 and us twoN-U-S-2-0, at checkout to get a really good deal. I've been using them. Tweet the screenshot of the receipt at Riggs. Yes, tweet the screenshot of your dude wife's receipt.

Don't, don't. He'll be like, what the fuck is this? Why are they tweeting it at me? Yeah, do not tag us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every tweet Riggs tweets out. Send him a dude wipes receipt. A little mental warfare. Psychological.

Yeah, this will finally break him. After everything we've done, this will be the one that gets him. Do you think he knows your first name? Fuck. Don't do this to me, man. Do you have his phone number? He probably doesn't. I didn't know you were back in New York. Yeah, we'd be in luck.

Why wouldn't I be? Because we were talking about you were back in New York. Yeah, we'd be in luck. Why wouldn't I be? Because we were talking about you getting back to New York. And it seemed like you were enjoying yourself. No, I was not. Were you just babysitting the entire time you were home? I actually thought, yes. Yeah, wait, were you on the carpet the whole time? What do you mean?

Every picture I saw of you, you were on carpet. Yeah, yeah, you never sat. You were just sitting on the ground the entire time? What do you mean? Every picture I saw of you, you were on carpet. Yeah. Yeah, you never sat. You were just sitting on the ground the entire time you were home. What do you mean every? How many pictures did I take? Every story. Every story you posted from a first person perspective. Yeah, I was always a sloppy crisscross applesauce

too. Fuck you. But a casual one, like in a cool way. Yeah, I was playing. there were third graders and third graders are such a gray area who are the third understand middle family i have i have um cousins who have kids who have friends so there's just a class of third graders and i was just giving them trivia questions and they they were fucking dumb. Well, you gave them trick questions.

You asked them what Shakespeare's last name is. I kept saying, what's William Shakespeare's last name? No idea. No, you led them astray. You said, what's Shakespeare's last name? They said, what? And you said, what's William Shakespeare's? You led them astray.

You knew exactly what you were doing. But I asked them this. I said, what country is the Grand Canyon in? you led them astray you knew exactly what you were doing this is but i asked them this i said what what um country is the grand canyon in and they were like alaska uh california and i was like it begins with the u so i know you're telling the truth because those kids have deeper voices than you that's my impression of a third grade girl. Yeah. No, no, you really got them good. The country begins with you.

And they said you, Nork, or one of them did. I was just like, it's you're useless. Damn, damn, man. Were you fed up? What? Like I you were three minutes away from me. Our homes are very close. I didn't see you once i know you were a stranger i wasn't a stranger i was just i've been a recluse

withdrawing from kratom yeah and i've been babysitting my grandma dude she is 86 but she acts at least double that yeah what do you mean yeah she does have 172 everybody knows that yeah she does and she comes over and we just have various soups and then today we were having soup and i was having mine um and she just like started she just sat there and just like closed her eyes halfway and was just sitting and not doing anything. I was like, grandma, what are you doing? She was like, I just like doing that sometimes. Just, just like zoning out. And I thought she just died in front of me. trust me if I could get away with that I would do it just sitting there and just like yeah ignoring my family and just under the guise that I'm zoning off due to my senile brain and old age I would admit it and she knows she's smiling because she knows oh she knows uh-huh no I uh she I'm trying to describe to her where I work. Wait a second.

Go on. No, what do you want me to wait a second for? No, go first. I'm trying to describe to her where I work. And I told her, like, barstool. And I was like, oh, they post stuff. So I showed her the Twitter account to explain to her. And I showed her the tweet.

Air Force, more like ankles force force because Air Force is breaking ankles. And then she's like, oh, I get it now. You're mentally challenged. Wait, what was the tweet? Can you read that back? Barstool tweeted a video of a player from Air Force running the football. It was a bowl game tweet. And they tweeted Oh my God. Let me get to it. It was

Air Force more like ankles force. Hold on. Where the fuck is it? Do they take it down? What were they going for? You know, instead of Air Force, it's more like ankles force. What does that even mean? Air Force, more like ankles force because they're breaking ankles left and right today.

That doesn't make any sense no matter what direction it was trying to go. So look, Air Force flies planes, and so that wouldn't make sense. So this is more like ankles force. So they fly ankle. They... Oh, boy. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little, yeah. I don't know, just like, take everything you know about Air Force and apply that to ankles force. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little, yeah. I don't know. Just like take everything you know about Air Force and apply that to ankles force. Yeah. I'm trying to think how we could use the Undertaker gif as well. Twist your cap off. Nah, dude.

What? Did you get a haircut all right so getting a haircut in west india is a real roll of the dice you know what my grandpa says every time i get a haircut what do you say he goes i hope they didn't charge you for that oh brutal so they barely did for this haircut because the place i normally go to it's called friends and they just use the actual show. The friends logo. It was by my answer. They just use the friends logo. How many hair salons are in that like 100 yard vicinity?

I'm not joking. I think five. There's six. So the one I went to main attractions, they changed the name to friends and they just used the friends logo and I asked why and they were like well it's popular I was like yeah yeah so um but my beautician Lisa that works at friends got her kneecaps removed so she's needless right now so I wasn't able to go to her on account of her not having knees yeah because i guess her knees were bad and then there's like three months in between

her dad or just taken out and and then they gotta be thrilled robin yeah so i couldn't go to lisa so kyle there's a place up in bethlehem um called fiesta every lisa in wheeling is a is a cut's hair for lisa seidler yeah then there's lisa my lisa lisa's harem yeah lisa's harem which is weird h-a-i-R-U-M? Mm-hmm. What's that? I don't know.

But we asked your mom about that because your mom is friends with Lisa from Lisa's harem. And she was like, yeah, it's just a harem. I think someone asked Lisa what she wanted the name of her place to be, and they just transcribed her name. It was like Elton. Lisa's hair. And it's right next to the tractor supply plus but then right across the street from lisa's harem is lisa's harem too i know i know about the secret why it's right across this i understand having multiple locations but directly across the street yes you know how there's a lot of like um like car dealerships or uh like mechanics yeah like cbs and walgreens are always like she tried to take use that like business approach but it

was with herself so okay yeah yeah for any more you can google map this it's it's 100 true i always shop barbers before i pick one yeah well would you go to the harem or harem too? Um, the sequel probably. Yeah, definitely. That one's right next to like a, a car dealership and a pasta place. Right. Or is that the other, I just, I'm constantly picking my skin and I'm just bleeding everywhere. This is a, this is a regular thing. Why do you keep doing that? Is it because you're itchy? I don't know. I'm not itchy anymore, but that my skin is crocodilian and somebody even warned me about that. Is it from Kratom?

Yes. First off, when I start, when I started, when I announced publicly that I'm like, I'm doing Kratom now, casually recreationally, it was all jokes. No one cared. And then once I finally admit it to being addicted to it, everyone comes out of the woodwork is like, Oh, like, here's how serious it is. Here's an article. Here's my, a link to an obituary from my friend who died of it. Here's all the detrimental, um, effects that it can have on you. Where were you guys in the beginning? Yeah. They waited for you to get get hooked and now i see where the rage comes from because i watched a video of a guy explaining it it says it's it's unbridled rage for no reason

it's irritability it's a lack of zest are you not are you are you zestless i've done if i never had zest for life that's you you're not is there a part of you that thinks maybe cancer would have just been easier yes yes why did it because now there's like a blanket like when you have cancer everything else is out the window like you you're just somebody like you know what i mean well kratom addiction is similar to cancer like with with like, I guess just the hair loss. Really? You have more sympathy for the cancer victim. Yours is funnier.

Ah, they're both equally funny, I guess. I don't know, but both would have been hilarious. I wish. Yeah. Both a Kratom addict who's, who's getting chemo as well. Yeah. Um, I wish I was bald because the hair place I had to go to was bad. What happened? So I was going to go to Fiesta up in Bethlehem by us. They changed the name of

Fiesta as well. It's now called holiday hair. I think it's a seasonal name change, but I didn't go there. Uh, I went to Walmart and the woman, I made an appointment online and the woman was just like, oh, that woman's busy. I'm a student. Can I cut your hair? I said, yeah, I guess. And all I wanted was for her to take the bulk off the top and just like get rid of the flippy things on the sides. And she just like got, uh, trimmers and just went like around the sides of my head and didn't touch this at all. And I have to take my glasses off when i'm getting my hair cut so i couldn't see it and she was like really meek and she's like oh is this good like and then like i was like yeah it's perfect i love it thank you i left and then it

dried and it's just like hold on oh it's not even blended no. Oh, yeah. I scheduled a haircut. Wearing a French beret looking ass. Wait, tell me you squat over Amir and jack off to your own butto without telling me. Jack off to your own butto. He's anti-Nick, man. They're getting you, dude. Even throw Owen under the bus, he caught a stray. Not me.

Yeah. Dude, they've been getting brutal. Yeah, they really... Yeah, she didn't blend it. She just went around, and that's it. And I scheduled another haircut as I was paying for this haircut.

This haircut was $8. Dude, not i scheduled another haircut as i was paying for this haircut this haircut was eight dollars let's stop uh just saying yes to things you had that tattoo that you let somebody give their first tattoo right vibs oh an actual real one yeah did you talk about that yet my mom heart yeah no no no the one you just got that took yeah an apprentice so he's never given a tattoo before he's never given a tattoo and i was like getting tattooed for like three hours for a tattoo this big we did talk about it i think did i ever tell you about my when i got the mom heart tattooed on me no it was my buddy uh well not my buddy a kid i went to school with

and he got his degree in design, but then he went to become an apprentice tattoo artist. And I was his first person he's ever tattooed. Like, like he was patrolling like a fake skin. I was like, just give me something timeless, like an anchor.

Imagine like my little arms with an anchor. It would almost be like wrapped all the way around. But, uh, he was like, how about like a mom heart? And I was like, yeah, okay all the way around. But, uh, he was like, how about like a mom heart? And I was like, yeah, okay, that's fine. Um, I was like, I didn't, I don't really care about like what tattoos are on me. So I, he did the mom heart.

And as I'm getting tattooed at the shop in Pittsburgh, I'm looking around and there's just a ton of Nazi memorabilia. Like, dude, like, what is this? He's like, yeah. Like shop and wheeling. No, no. Pittsburgh. Oh, I know.

Right outside of Pittsburgh. Yeah. And I was like, dude, like what is, what's all up with this? Is he like a historian? Like, is this guy like a history buff, the owner of the shop? And he's like, nah nah we're just all nazis here and i was just like and he said we're like him as well and so like my sentimental like my mom like hated that i got a tattoo but like she loved that i had her name this is a nazi tattoo it is

pretty yeah it is yeah you have a nazi tattoo i will i guess two nazi tattoos because i have the map of pokemon red on my thigh and it looks like a swastika so where am i that's why i don't wear shorts where the shorts looks like a swastika i'm wearing i'm wearing pants you have time? Okay. So, and how was your break? So, with, like, my shorts, you just see that. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I mean, it's adjacent enough. That's tough. Dude, the latest one I got, three of the letters just peeled off and they're just gone. Where'd you get it? Me. It's on my thigh. I got, do you remember that Smurfs rally they held in France? Yeah.

Wasn't that like the first victim of COVID? Yeah. But the mayor said, like in response to them still having it he said we must not stop living you can't you can't cancel the smurf not that on my thigh but then the l i and v all just are gone really yeah how bad does it look can't stop that's bad. Can't stopping. We can't stopping. We can't stopping. So I gotta fix that.

But now we can pick any word, I guess. You can add like an S. We must not stop sing. Stop what? Sing? I have I-N-G. Oh. I don't know.

Ingrid Michelson? Dude, I was looking through my Spotify because I'm anti-female vocalist. I don't like girls singing to me. It's weird. That's the one thing I will allow.

I love a good... I don't have a single female singer saved to my, I have like 2000 save songs, not a single female singer. KB thinks like the best voice is Halsey. Probably. Yeah. Her singing outside of a hot topic.

No, fuck you. It's Alanis. Alanis, your favorite girl singer. That's the best voice in the world Alanis Morissette I firmly believe that

dude I can't listen to her without thinking of her like sucking Uncle Joey's dick I can put that aside I can hear it in the back of her throat I can't deal with it you brought up the subreddit again the anus subreddit. They want me to be gay.

Yeah. They're like constantly writing fanfic about you being gay. Considering sexuality is a spectrum, who is the most gay? And it was Nick, KB, Owen, or KB Wrestling. And KB Wrestling was obviously set up to be the winner and it did win. It got 162 votes. But just Nick, me, got 110.

That was close. It's a little, yeah. They want you to be gay and they want you to watch me fuck so bad. So they've never brought that up. Yeah, they do. They've never brought up me. No do. They've never brought up me. No. What?

Owen is straight as hell. Terrible look for Nick here. Nick has that personality. What's that personality? They want you to watch me fuck. No, they've never said that. They've never

said that. So you won the most funny vote, but I won the gay vote. I claim you saw we concurred that you're gay. Are you smoking a cig? Oh, fuck off. I'm trying to cut down on nicotine. Are you smoking a cigarette? Yeah. Inside?

Yeah, the apartment's all empty, so. What do you mean you're trying to cut down? You only do it indoors now? Well, I happen to be indoors. Oh, yeah. I'll smoke this less than I'll hit a Juul. I've never run a key. Kyle,

did you get a booster shot in a wheeling? Yeah, I did too. Where'd you get it? Ohio. Oh, no. What the fuck?

Yeah, pretty much. I got mine, uh, in an empty Michael's craft store at the, up at the Highlands. Dude, what? That's where they, that's the spot where that you get the vaccine. It's not aael's craft store at the up of the highlands dude what that's where they that's the spot where that you get the vaccine it's not a michael's craft store no it used to be it still

has the signage it still has the shelves so it's just an empty michael's craft store like with like three nurses and then i just had to like they had like the metal seats like set up in like some of the aisles and i just got the vaccine there. Dude, did you ever get to pick out like a little treasure chest or birdhouse and paint it from there? I did, but I chose not to paint it. Cause I thought no matter what I did, it would look the best wooden. It wasn't like that was an option there, but I did that. I got the little treasure chest and painted it with my mom.

You take it home. Yeah. That wasn't like a thing yeah it was on our own accord yeah but those were bought to be that was like that was the thing that or a birdhouse was it a thing for boys to do it we all did that i did i did it too it's just coincidental that or you could buy like like all white like ceramic like figurines and paint those like I had like a hippo or something I was a crafty boy my mom had me doing crafts left and right

same you went to a catholic school Owen did you have to do the cross made out of matches um no we didn't our big project was you went to a Catholic school and did you have to do the cross made out of matches? Um, no, we did. Our big project was, it was hilarious.

Like it looked cool. It was a cross made out of matches. I might still have it lying around somewhere, but then at the end, it's just a burnt cross that you have like hanging up. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to make burnt crosses.

Cause you had to like light the match and then blow it out and then do it all. Kyle, do you remember doing that? Yes. Mrs. McGlumpy. Mrs. McGlumpy, the world's shortest art teacher. Did she give me stitches or vice versa? No, I gave myself stitches. You stitched yourself up? I cut myself during a project. I had to miss the junior state wrestling tournament because I had to get stitches.

Mrs. McGlumpy. Nice lady. No? I don't remember. There's been so many more important and remarkable people I've met since her that... Than McGlumpy? And all of my memories of her have vanished.

I just knew she was really, really really wee I think she won shortest I don't know why Shortest teacher Shortest teacher No she was just shortest Maybe in Wheeling She was nearly dwarven Oh man

Dude I remember I had a teacher who was so Fucking annoying She was nearly dwarven. Oh, man. Dude, I remember I had a teacher who was so fucking annoying the year she got married about correcting people about her name. Oh, yeah. And then they got divorced like five months in. Jokes on her. Our hot teacher. Who was the hot teacher, Kyle? She became Mrs. Romantic.

Yeah, I'm not fucking saying her. I'm not doxing her. I just did. Shit. Oh, I'm not fucking saying her. I'm not doxing her. I just did shit. Oh, I know her actual name. Not because I feel bad, but she doesn't deserve any more. The boys? Yeah, the boys would be hooting and hollering. This fucking stoolies,

man. Did you get any good or bad gifts this year um my taxi uh my taxi ride from the airport home last night the best taxi ride of my life why what'd you do it was like this middle eastern guy i think he was indian i don't know who's who am i to say yeah he could have been one i am the guy to say he was very indian indian accent he was he was one of the extroverted ones which you know he started like talking to one of the extroverted what indians oh yeah what the fuck

you good say what you were doing is that Brandon? is that Brandon? imagine if we walked in on him doing something he did! I did alright fair enough you ruined the whole flow of the show man that did piss me off though

I've been getting like rage fits and usually I can just go to the gym and max out about it shut the fuck up i maxed out three times at the gym this week alone oh that's too much went to planet fitness and uh read i hope they serve beer in hell on the free massage chairs then i went back and finished the trilogy. What's the, wait. So it's, I hope they serve beer in hell. Nice guys finish last.

And what else? And assholes finish first. Okay. That's what it is. Wait, what's the third one? Hilarity ensues. Oh, that's not as good. No.

Yo, can we just clear up that Cook is hilarious? That what? That Dane Cook is hilarious. Oh, yeah. He's funny. I'm just making sure. He's funny, yeah. Yeah.

Didn't you read up on stuff? Tucker Max is a good storyteller. Is he? Yeah. I just remember, like, the only story I remember of Tucker Max is he's getting a blowjob on a white couch and he said like he didn't wipe his ass and there's just a bunch of shit on the couch

yeah and I like at the time it was like the most believable thing in the world it was like a Mad Libs with just like types of flatulence and bodily fluids and alcohol like I could yeah he included so many details and I appreciated that as a reader.

Yes. Even though he is blacked out. Yeah, it was always him blacked out, like so drunk and he had every single minute detail. He drinks a full camelback of Everclear and then remembers everything. He remembers, yeah.

He remembers that he blacked out. Tucker Max is one of the flyest guys. You know why? He's wearing cuts. Oh my God, you finally understood why. He finally is Vermont wearing cuts. Yeah.

Everybody loves cuts, clothing, elite athletes, entrepreneurs, smut authors, and they're all wearing what GQ magazine calls the only shirt worth wearing. You're wearing a cut shirt right now. What color would you say that is? Am I sleep shrinking? This is, I don't know, like translucent pink. Wait, Dan, is your fit really going that hard?

Is his fit good? Stand up, Kyle. What's the slack situation? What slacks are you wearing? I'm wearing Cuts pants. Are you? Jeez. Yeah, man.

Damn, dude. Big penis, too. Penis. Oh, yeah uh go on um you guys can dress exactly like oh no i'll let you finish but hurry up why are you gonna forget it oh cuts uh you guys can get 15 off cuts which is a damn steal you go to cuts clothing.com slash anus a-n-u-s cuts clothing.com slash a-n-u-s for 15 off don't miss it this is my favorite shirt and it just if you have a body type like well you probably don't but i feel like it would work on any body type.

You can be scrawny. Your dick looks good in that shirt too. It looks real good in that shirt. And people don't talk about that enough. Yeah. How garments north or south of the body part can still accentuate it. The dick is more about the shirt than the pants, honestly. Thank you.

Yeah. That shirt really accentuates it. Okay. shirt than the pants honestly thank you yeah that shirt really accentuates it okay uh you have anything else to talk about kyle uh my shitty apartment it just my door automatically locks whenever i shut it and i lost how is that shitty that's like advanced tech well i always lose my key and uh i finally lost every single key so i have to like just prop it open with a like a hair straightener wait why do you have a hair straightener um in case like a girl comes over then she thinks that i've had a girl like stay with me for an extended period of time like i'm that like i'm no ready enough for a girl to stay with.

I bought it myself. You have it there so you can convince girls to shower there. That's like your fetish. Girls cleaning off in your shower. Don't worry. You can straighten your hair afterwards. That's one of my tips. Another tip.

I just blindly like every Humans of New York post as soon as I see it on my Instagram feed. Because every girl follows Humans of New post as soon as i see it on my instagram feed so because every girl follows humans of new york yeah they love it like by kate dude i got a humans of new york like coffee table book for christmas for my sister i could give it to you if you want that i mean you have a coffee table kyle what you have a? No. You only have a beanbag chair. Yeah. With a big hole in it. I have a stationary bike. That looks like a Peloton.

It does. Yeah. So I had my underwear this close to the camera and you guys didn't say a word about my penis. Huh. I forgot you had a penis. Huh? I forgot your penis. That's,

I don't know. Just Kyle was like further away in black pants. I was wearing horizontal stripes. Yeah. Didn't quite say a word. Wider. Yeah. Yeah.

Huh? No, that's good. It's cool. I'm a, I'm a member of a adult fans of harry potter on facebook and they go like through these phases and right now they're saying wands up it means like prayers up and like they're just posting their dead pets and then one person like posted like an ultrasound

of their miscarriage and we all had to do wands up for their baby oh jesus everybody didn't comment what do you mean we all had to do that because you know that you comment wands up wait wait so you're in the facebook group and you're you're part of the the group collectively saying wands up so i don't like harry potter i joined this for like a blog that i did yeah but i stayed in it and yeah i, of course I felt guilty and I said, Juan's up for a dog like five minutes ago. So I had to for this unborn child. Yeah. That is the etiquette. So Juan's up to the baby.

So many Facebook groups that I did as a joke. And now I'm just like, I'm like connecting with the people of Nye County, Nevada, like the neighborhood watches of billings montana my dad my dad is trolling the snake identification facebook group and it's the easiest people in the world to troll well what's he sending pictures of if you post he sends pictures random pictures he finds of like somebody holding like a, like a, like a really dangerous snake. And he, with just the caption, is this poisonous? Cause A, like they lose their shit when someone just holds like a snake.

Yeah. Picture of it like that. And then B would, if you ask if it's poisonous, they go berserk because it's venomous. Yeah. Yeah. That's something that would piss me off too. I can see you're probably in it. Yeah. Um, yeah, no that would piss me off, too. I can see. You're probably in it. Yeah.

Yeah, no, I'm like a douchebag like that. Like, remember when we were taking the train up to Boston and I innocently asked you guys, like, hey, do you think that water is salt water or fresh water? Yeah. I think you were just like, I think it's salt. Yeah, it's probably salt. I was like, I think it's brackish. No, it's salt i was like i think it's brad no it's brackish

no one gave a fuck all of us instantly forgot what brackish even meant we didn't even know it was a word when we arrived in boston you could have said brackish and i would have been like what is that a name is that a child's name and then you had the entire thing prepared of like a cbs spinoff of blackish with yeah it was called brackish you were like i'm gonna show these guys i'm gonna like initiate the conversation myself just to prove to these guys i know what brackish is and you guys i'm gonna it's gonna introduce a stellar bit a spin-off on tv show blackish which rhymes with brackish i don't know what did you reverse engineer that? Did you see like, did you read blackish?

They were like, I'm going to turn this into brackish, but how do I do that? I have to talk about brackish and tell the guys about brackish. And then they'll, they'll love every bit of it. They'll be very informed and thankful that I told them about brackish water. And then they'll love the fact that I did a whole spinoff off the top of my head. Yeah, that was pretty much it. You pretty much have that nailed.

And look at that. It's a talking point. I don't know if it's Kratom or TikTok because I'm addicted to TikTok now too. And I think it's TikTok. That's the rage inducing. It's turned you into an incel, right? Nah, because I fuck fog.

A vol cell maybe i definitely like you definitely what it's it's not just hot girls it's hot people they just i knew prior to tiktok i knew that they lip synced i was like all right but i didn't know they were all lip syncing the same thing. Yeah. It's like they use a sound. There's like a specific sound. It's not just a song. It's like something from a movie or TV show, and they just all do it.

Yeah. That's it. Are you new here? Yeah. There's just like so many hot hot girls all they do is they I don't even know what that is gorgeous gorgeous girls eat soup I don't know

I like the 16 missed calls one oh the glow up one sir they never glow up no they lose like 8 pounds and they're just like no longer like yeah you're not pubescent anymore the internet has been fascinated by aging since its conception oh yeah there was like the 10-year challenge oh yeah it was like we're all like 21 year olds

doing it was like yeah you look way different than you did at age 11. Yeah. And it's just always been a thing. Like the one where it's like the yearbook posts. We've talked about that. Like people are just love showing that time has passed. Like the fucking movie boyhood. Yeah. How long did that take? Like 10 years, eight, 10 years.

Yeah. Get over yourself. Everybody did that. There's a guy who like clearly isn't fat and like gross anymore and he's obsessed with that fact so he like makes all of his friends like do it and like with the yearbook one they all act like they're being filmed like without their knowledge and yeah laughing with their friends like if a girl does it it's fine but when i see a guy do it i i lose i lose i don't know if i'd be pumped that like i used to be fat like i would try and just well because

it's probably like weighed on them and been like the bane of their existence for their entire life and they finally yeah but don't you want to shed that isn't that the whole point yeah yeah you're right like nobody yeah it's like that you the... Oh, dude, and then if the people who go up to people on the street and like interview them, like I have fantasies, recurring fantasies where they get pulverized by like a city bus.

You're just mad because you got a TikToker came up to you and asked you a question. No, no, no. These people, they go up there like, what do they say it's always so stupid that's the only other voice you can do like just yo does size matter oh yeah what it's like a red flag and a girl would you suck a $25,000 gay son or thought daughter no no this dude yeah yo kiss me or slap me that

yeah kiss or slap it's like all right i'm gonna slap the shit everybody would pick that if it was real no because that dude's really cute i guess i guess i slapped up my shit yeah there's there's there's some good tiktokers like there's this like this is like black guy who can't read you know how you can like put the comment yeah on the video and respond to it and word that's like longer than two syllables and he just like completely fucks up the pronunciation that's pretty awesome have you

ever been to mozambique and he was like have you ever been to ma's barbecue there's him and there's the the flag girl oh yeah. You found a cockeyed flag girl, didn't you? She has quirky eyes. Don't disrespect her. And she's very... What does she like about flags? She's obsessed with world flags and geography. Do you follow her?

Yeah. What about her? She's one of the good ones. She's one of the good ones. All right. This is the last podcast of the year. I'm glad we didn't put out a best of. That would have been embarrassing.

Yeah. That would have been embarrassing. Yeah. That would have been embarrassing. Yeah. We got to link up in person. Yeah, for real. Been too long. Next episode. What are you doing for New Year's Eve, Kyle? Are you getting a kiss?

What are you doing? You want to go to Rufus to Seoul? Yo, I do want to go to Rufus to Seoul. I kind of want to. I want to hear Inner Bloom live. I want to hear it twice. Eight minutes. I'm going to a nailer's game

on New Year's Eve. Oh, Jesus. You're not even going to be in the city? Nah. You're sticking back? I hate New Year's Eve, man. Dude, the last kiss I got on New Year's Eve was my boy's long-term girlfriend who kissed me on the cheek

because she felt bad. That sucks. Yeah. But she was the only girl at the party, so she had to kiss all the homies. Who wants to kiss all the homies who's like who wants to kiss who's like dude let's go like come on that was like the eighth one yeah that's sort of dry as a bone by then dude she was probably frothing up yeah dude kissing your own girlfriend when you're drunk is probably one of the top five

wackest things you could possibly do. My god, yes. Dude, yeah, but remember when it was unreal, like in high school? Yeah, I remember. Yeah, I remember that well. Well, yeah. Yeah. That wasn't real at all.

I didn't do it. Did you ever kiss at the lockers? Yeah. I never in. Yeah. Did you ever kiss at the lockers? Yeah, I never did. No, those are the grossest kids. The locker kissers. Yeah.

They were so confident with their like sexual performance in public. Yeah. Wasn't me. Kyle, you made out like the entire homecoming dance though. No, it was, I was on ecstasy. Yeah, you were. And your date.

It was not ecstasy. Looking back, it was nothing. I don't know, because the picture, you're very sweaty. I was just sweaty. Yeah, I was 17. It was not MDMA.

All right. You guys want to call it? Good puss? Never mind. What? Let's call it. No, no, no. Good what?

Well, cliffhanger. Cliffhanger for 2022. Holy shit. God damn. All right, boys. cliffhanger cliffhanger for 2022 holy shit god damn all right boys that was uh episode 271 all right What? No, baby! It's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story.