A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 272 - Gay

Episode Date: January 6, 2022

|| A New Untold Story: Ep. 272 - Gay || Nick & KB are joined by Barstool Pat & Joey Camasta from the Out and About podcast and they discuss many things || Full episode also available on YouTube || Thank you for listeningYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. A new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. All right. Three, two, one. Everybody clapped. Fuck it.

A new untold story episode. What is it? We got a guest producer, Jake, because Owen came down with the COVID. What episode is this, Jake? 271. Is it really? I believe so. We've been at it.

Jake looks young and impressionable. Yeah, he's a. Groomable. Moldable. Half Jewish. Oh, so he's cut. Just half. He's half circumcised?

Left side. What'd they do with the bris? What'd they do with the foreskin? We're here with Pat. We're here with Pat and Joey. Joey. Kamasta. Welcome.

You probably know him from Messiness. Yes. And Pat. What the fuck? Keeping up with publicity. Okay. Pat, formerly known as the podcast. Hey, Pat. Anything else? Glam Guru. Formally known as APAT.

Anything else? Glam Guru. Podcast Princess. That's right. Correct. The Culinary Queen or is it... K-W-E-E-N. With the K's. Kiki Queen. Now your show stands for anus? No, anus is what the... Our show stands for a new untold story, right? Yeah, and who picked

that font and color? We did. We threw it together it looks like something yeah why don't you stay a while so yeah because you're already on edge you're already on edge you want something to drink no i'm gonna we're doing dry january except for three dates that we had predetermined so it's not correct january friday saturday and sunday sunday okay once a week um so are you craving what craving? What's your go-to? Is it peanut brie? What?

I love an ice cold Sauvignon Blanc or Sancerre. He had three bottles at the publicity live show. He went to the lady. He goes, can I have one glass? And then he goes, just kidding, two. I love an ice cold. Domtop. Grabengruber?

Yeah. No, I love a tequila. I love.quila I love You like most things We're not very picky But you do get a double drink Whenever you go out I don't care

I don't care at all Not in the slightest bit You guys are gay Correct Is it by choice Or do you like Enjoy hell I think probably

Because mostly I just crave cock Constantly You have no idea It's like KB in these sweatpants today. He walked in. I was basket watching for an acorn head, and I see nothing. Yeah, fuck yeah.

What about the upper bod? He's looking nice. No, no, it's very nice. This is hugging in all the right places. Is this from the International Mail Catalog? Yes. Would you mind standing up for us, please? No.

And turning around. Show us the cake. KB's cake. There's a new Twitter us the cake. Oh. KB's cake. There's a new Twitter out. It's called at KB's cake. No, no, no. I'm not showing you my cake. Can I see the size of this?

Yeah, it's medium. You know what KB has? Cum gutters. You know what those are? That's the- The things that go down. Yeah. The cum gutters?

Do you know what that means? If you shoot a load on your stomach, it has to go drain somewhere. So before I had you guys on- And it's going to be- If it's not Nana's Pile, it's going to be Nana's Pile. You know what I mean? Okay. Am I right, ladies? I said you guys could come on if you toned it down.

And all you did was put on that hat. I'm wearing this for the resurrection. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Are you going? Yeah, I'll be there again. We're going down. I was the one who saw Mrs. Pelosi's little gravel. Okay?

Ms. Pelosi. Yeah, well, that fucking crook. That's really the problem with the Democrats and the way that they're running. Well, Sass and I are going to take, we're taking the Accela train down to D.C. Isn't that interesting that he shaved his head three days before the insurrection? Well, I told you it's very ritualistic. Well, he's got a lot of rituals. One of them is pass around party bottom.

Gay bashing. Pass around party bottom. He told you, he said, bite the curb, faggot. Yeah. Oh. He says you have Milo Yiannopoulos captive in your ass. I would top him. He has Stockholm Syndrome, and he keeps making you come by smooching your pancreas.

What kind of sports did you play growing up? Look at his shitty ears. Show me your gross-ass ears. Wrestling. And you are Stookie. Was it her boyfriend? He was a big Jersey wrestler. Yes.

So we're tangentially... Are you from Jersey? Born, yeah. Fun fact, a lot of people think Kyle was born in West Virginia. Oh yeah, right by the Flawn Park area. He reads West Virginia. I was born over there too. Morristown, Denville, Dover, Rockaway.

That's the one. Did you play any sports? Well, I played tonsil hockey. I was just telling KB. And I play the skin flute as well are you uh are you gold star no i fingered a girl named jen on my couch that gets rid of your star that doesn't count because you asked her to do it so you wouldn't so actually this is funny you bring that up uh i never stuck my penis in a vagina i borrowed kb's ipad to show him a Yeah, and it was a picture of me on it? No, his last YouTube video was a finger-banging tutorial.

Can I say? No. And it was parentheses 18 plus parentheses guaranteed squirt. No, why were you looking that up? I wasn't. I wanted to look up a song by Finger Eleven. No, it was the other way around. Paralyzer.

Pussy or pussy? Have you made anyone squirt before? Yeah. I don't think that sounds... i have what was his name wait when you when you fingered the girl i figured her on the couch well um i don't think it matters it's more pussy than me i'll just like no who smelled his upper lip the other day i smelled pussy you thought that you thought who blitzy was heating up her tuna melt in the kitchen and it was actually Trisha's upper lip. Well, everyone's saying that I went down on a lady.

And you got COVID. Yeah, well, you know. You got COVID from her pussy. God forbid I go down on a lady. Well, we just came off an outbreak. So you are straight. I have done things with women. You dropped gay from your name.

Right. You've never had coffee, which is. I've never had coffee once. Did you know this? What? Pat's never had coffee. I don't like the taste of it. How do you Right. You've never had coffee, which is. I've never had coffee once. Did you know this? What? Pat's never had coffee. I don't like the taste of it. How do you know if you've never had it?

Because I've tasted a tiny bit. I've never like had a cup of coffee. Give me real. Then why are you so high strung? Because I'm gay. And the meth's never left your system. I go, because I had a little bit of Tina for a while. So yeah, meth in the gay community is big.

Yeah, well we have, we just bought, if anyone needs a meth pipe, we have extra. I bought four today. And the guy made me open the case. Have you done meth? No, I've never done meth, but I was in the room with the people doing it, and I tried to inhale it through the air, like through secondhand smoke,

and I didn't get high. Secondhand meth. I was too afraid to do it myself. They were smoking in my... Let's be transparent. You're trying to shop, John. Let's be transparent. They were on my couch,

and they were in the air, so I was trying to go like this, around, so I would get it because I was too afraid to actually take a hit. I left a gangbang. Not a gangbang, an orgy once

because people were doing meth. Rewind. Meth is popular in the gay community? Yes. It's popular. Oh God, yeah. It keeps you up for days.

These people don't know anything with a capital T in it. Like you go on a dating app and someone has a capital T in any part of their profile. That means Tina. That means they're Tina. That means they're into meth.

But why is Tina short for meth? Why is? The sky blue. I don't. Yeah. Why don't you guys just fuck women? It's so much easier. I would argue no.

I would. Well, yeah. Well, if he has to Google how to make a girl squirt, how am I going to do it? I don't know. My first time. Squirting was in parentheses. It was like an extra. No, it was like an add-on.

A bonus feature. What are you doing here? What are you doing? Now, KB and Trish have the same sneakers on. Okay. We have a lot in common. Yeah. Now, on the panel, is anybody here tucked?

What's that mean? What's up? Tucked. Should I show them? No. No. Wait, or yeah. Oh, yeah.

Do you want to show my high heels? Show them your tuck. What is tucked? I'll, yeah. Do you want to show my high heels? Show them your tuck. What is tucked? I'll show you. Do you guys want to actually see? I was trying on some new garments I got. This one here. Like tuck everlasting.

Show me a picture. This is also audio. We're tucked right now. What do you mean tucked? Nothing there. Oh, you're between the legs? I don't like the feeling that gives me. The sensation.

You know when you're on a swinging ship? I get that the same when I tuck. I'm warning you about this photo. I'm not going to look. I'll let Kyle look. The thing about Joey is the high pubic area. It's like a hair diaper. Mine?

The hairline goes up? Tara texted me yesterday. Let me show you. Who's Tara? Tara's my nurse yesterday. Let me show you what's here. Who's Tara? Tara's my nurse friend. Why don't you describe it? It's easy when you tuck your dick between your legs.

Oh, yeah. This is a podcast. Oh, God. It's not even sex. That is the funniest. Now, I am wearing a pump. Now, if you notice, the legs are accentuated.

That helps the pussy pop. Okay? Okay. Can you show it to the camera? The way, yeah. So now, I am tucked. We're going to to the camera? Yeah. Now I am tucked. We're going to have to blur that out. I don't think so.

There's nothing there. That's a fur panty. That's like one of those Google images that is nothing and you can't identify a single thing in it. I don't know what this is. It looks like a crime scene. Are you on Grindr? I don't want to be on Grindr right now.

This guy's 32 years old. He's got a great body. Yeah. How old are you? It says here, wrestler, 5'7". That's KB.

That's KB. Two feet away. Interesting. It says, a non-gooning party pick. They should just have people's exact locations. Pass around party bottom.

Yeah, they should have exactly where you are. You're getting closer. It doesn't tell you exactly where they are. It just says how close you are. Hot or cold. That would be a fun getting closer. This says pass around party bottom. No, it doesn't tell you exactly where they are. It just says how close you are. Hot or cold.

That would be a fun dating app. This guy is 105 feet away. Well, that guy works here. No, he doesn't. He works upstairs. No, he doesn't. He does. He just started working here.

We saw him. He has a girlfriend. No, he does not. Yes. Publicity. We can't have him. We'll cut this. Is this actually a guy who works here?

Yes. How do you know he has a girlfriend? Kyle knows him. That's not his girlfriend. That's got a way to have a crush on him. We'll cut this. Is this actually a guy who works here? Yes. How do you know he's a girlfriend? Kyle knows him. That's not his girlfriend. That's his gay best friend. Yeah, we can't talk about this. Why? Let's out him.

No. I'm going to hit him up. I'm just going to hit him up. Say, hey, come to conference room two. I'll say come to pod two. You don't even have to match with people. You just look at their pictures and send them messages. Yeah, dude.

I fucking. Yeah. That's so much easier. This guy could be good for you. Jay Han, 35 years old. Okay. Is he biopic? He's not biopic,

which is... What's biopic? Black indigenous people of color. Black indigenous people of color, yeah. Oh. Now I'm really... Wait, is that what you're into? BIPOC?

It's not biopic. It's BIPOC. Oh, biopic is a documentary. It's a type of film, yeah. This guy's got a bulge on him. The Freddie Mercury movie. Yeah. I'm going to star him. The Freddie Mercury movie. Yeah. I'm going to star him.

Maybe this will be someone who I can hook up with at the Christmas party. It's over. No, it's not. We changed it. It's in February. He said in his meeting with Erica that the only way I'll sign on is if we do a Christmas party. Wait, are they asking to hire you? Are they trying?

I had a meeting today. How much money are you asking for? Because you have a lot of money already. Yeah, Nana needs- And Pat, it's funny because you guys are on the same show and Pat has none. He has no money. Nana needs six figures. No money.

Okay. That's it? Well, not seven figures. What, are you saying he's going to ask for a million dollars a year? No, but we all make six figures. Yeah. Upward. I mean, Nick.

Jake even. Are you serious? I think there are a lot of people here who don't. Well, we all are very well. Yeah, they'll give it to you they give it to pretty i mean i'm too i'm 250 no you're not so i'm not i'm 350 okay for those that don't know you because our uh our demographics homophobic they will hate you thank you but like can you give them a little quick rundown well yeah i'm well, your hands are cold. I know. Are you nervous?

Yeah. Well, I am. I am a podcaster, comedian, a makeup artist, a beauty guru. Um, reality, um, fallen reality star. Only fan stars. Only fans. You were on Jersey shore. I heard people talking.

You would just come in and cause chaos. Yes. I didn't, I never planned on working here. I was coming in to promote my adventures. Right. So I would go over to the- Kevin Clancy Show. Kevin Clancy Show.

And then the- What's the other show called? Answer the Internet. No, that one too. KFC Radio. KFC Radio. I go to all those shows promoting things. And then I started walking around.

I couldn't believe this was a real place. I said, you guys are actually at work right now? And they were drinking and gooning and doing all different things lucky ass boys yeah so i was like i need to be involved here so then i started trish had me come around you know and we hit it off i made my way i made my way into everyone's hearts and homes did you meet through kfc well he found he's he actually booked me he actually called me to try to get snooki on and i said um she didn't want to come on. Would she come on this? She'll come on this one, not out and about.

Yeah, we'll get Snooki. I don't like having Italians on my show anyway. That's fair. You are racist. I think on certain things. That's racist. That was the most racist response I've ever had.

Italians? I'm not a fan of Italians. I'm not a fan of Australians. I'm not a fan of Australians. You used to hide in the bushes at Fenway. I used to what? You used to hide in the bushes at Fenway with a Louisville slugger. Do you know about the Fens? I'm not a fan of the Fens. I'm just assuming it's people that beat people up.

It's a cruising spot outside of Fenway Park. Did you know our small town in Bethlehem, West Virginia has a gay hookup spot? Road trip. I'm about adventures. It's at the recycling dumpster outside of the baseball. How do you know about this? At my hometown, it was a McDonald's on the parkway. There was a guy on the DL and he was married to my mom's friend.

And you blew him? I didn't blow him, but no. He got caught there by the police. And apparently it's a big... I got caught doing the hookup by the police. Do you think we should go to the Rambles and get caught and go undercover in prison, what it's like to get arrested for blowjobbing in Hollywood? You're like a gay sphinx because everything you say is a riddle or a code.

Well, they just don't know. Yeah. It's true that you brought little Sass on because you were grooming him from a young age. That's him. That's me. Yeah. I told you he was. Yeah, that's what I thought.

That's true. Now, are you jealous that Roan has taken over the throne, if you will? Meaning the throne being... His hole? His hole. Seth's little hole. Seth's hole. It's a pink hole.

Is it pink? You tell me. Are you jealous that Roan has taken over that daddy role, though? Nick jacks off to his own asshole. What? He hovers. He squats over a mirror. That was a rumor on our subreddit.

And our subreddit... Do we have a subreddit? I like wet assholes. Our subreddit. And our subreddit, do we have a subreddit? I like wet assholes. Our subreddit wants me to be gay very badly. Can we be a less overtly gay and just talk about... Yeah. If I be gay,

we should bring him to the Eagle jockstrap night. Yeah, will you come to the goon fest? No. I think you'd have fun. You don't have to go on the goon pit. You can just observe. I'm going to need you... I don't think you understand

I disapprove of your lifestyle. Well, that's why it's even funnier Yeah you're right The goon pit was scary Now it's cash only Okay Okay They have a gift shop

But it's in the elevator The gift shop's in the elevator? You can buy anything you need there You want to do sounding? What do you want? I've never done a popper What? Where's my handbag?

Go grab your bag You have poppers? Yeah do you want to do them? Yeah grab your bag What are they? You just inhale them like a whippet My first time doing it i thought it was like a shot of something so i swallowed it did you really no you did 14 fest in athens ohio yeah and did you get sick what you get sick no but the paranoia and like the the fear that i was like it was worse

than being sick didn't it burn why'd you drink chemical just because, straight guys see them and they think it's like Spanish fly. They were passing it around. And you're supposed to drink it. No, it's just a little bottle of nail polish remover, if you will. And you just inhale it. Go grab it. Should I? Yeah.

Excuse me. Are you going to do a popper, Kyle? I will. What's the effect? You'll find out. I actually don't know. I have no idea. That's good.

All right. Kyle, do you think we can air this episode? No. Yeah, me either. Yeah. I think you can. Maybe it's... So I thought...

It's savable. Should we just keep talking? Yeah. I'll give you something you can air. Yeah, please. Okay. Go on. Go on what?

You said you were going to say something. Oh, I'm waiting to respond to you kyle ask him something uh what's on your nose you got a pimple do i turn towards me a little no way no way yeah no way a little shiner a pimple i got one coming in too 29 i don't get pimples do i maybe it's yeah do you see it no i come on i go what is that oh my god i think it's gonna be funny to you got them we're fine read them in wheat boys what's it's what is it though just shake it up and inhale hold one nostril inhale it have you done it i'll start drinking you up jake have you done don't look at me okay no and then i'll grab it get ready to do the nipple

things also i think i might have gyno. I'm developing it. No. Is that titties? Because I'm getting my nipples. You had a surgery. You had a surgery? Yes. Very dramatic surgery.

What was the recovery time? Don't get in there, KB. Don't be a pussy. What do you do? Hold on to the nostril and inhale. You actually snort it? Yes. Don't let the liquid go.

It's just vapor. There we go. So what's it do? You drank that, Kyle? I did. He's going to come. Just give him one second. I'm going to come? He's going to come. Just give him one second. I'm going to come.

He's going to come. He starts coming. Nick, take a hit. Start massaging him. I don't want to touch him because I don't want to get sexual harassment charges. Massage him. Vice versa. It'll prompt me to do something.

Okay. Rush. Now, should I take my pants down? It's any of us. So I shake it. I'll help you. Doesn't it feel good? I don't want you to get caught.

Oh, God. I spilled it on me. That's okay. You spilled? Oh. Oh, I feel good? I don't want you to get kind of. I spilled it on me. That's okay. You spilled? Oh, I feel warm. Yep, it's going to start. Okay. What's that?

Are we allowed to do this on YouTube? Yes. I don't know. I don't know what the fuck. Is it like Kratom worse? Better? Is your face getting hot?

You probably need to do more. I don't know how to compare Kratom. KB's addicted to Kratom. What do you mean enough? I'm just going to come. Why don't you... Our producer. Okay, what are your thoughts on our film? Well, you you mean enough? I'm just going to come. Why don't you... Our producer.

Okay, what are your thoughts on... Wait, you're going to get a text tonight from Jake saying, Hey, can you... You know that stuff we had in the studio earlier? Jake's going to do it. So wait, what's the effect? All right, Jake, easy. Well, we're not sexually doing it.

It's a fun effect. It's like, hi. But when you're having sex, it's like you come immediately. I think I'm placebo and gay. Oh my God. Wait, is this gay serum? It's just the placebo. It's just the placebo.

This is from the Biden administration. This is from the Biden administration. You guys gave us fucking gay serum. That way it works. Have you ever been to Munich? Yes. Good spot. I snorted those things.

They have my favorite wine. I love the wine there. I know you do. Gruner Vettliner. I'm like Nardwar for slightly less autistic interviewers. When I was in Munich, they have snortable tobacco. Yeah.

What is that? Fights does that. What is that? I did it in a bar. It's called snuff. It's called snuff. But in Munich, it's like white and it's different. So it looks like Coke.

Yeah. I was in Munich and like at the bar and it was literally like an Applebee's and there's people fucking in the back. Like there's like an orgy going. How is that in any way like an applebee's right well it's in bad neighborhoods no but it was like it was like it was like a restaurant it was like an applebee's it was a bar it was a bar but it was like a restaurant everything's everything the cafe munich is very is a there's a big like leather gay seat in munich yeah that's what it was they're being spanked and wild they're wilding out they're right next door like next to people

having dinner i've been to the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco. We want to go this year. It's fantastic. After I get hired. Yeah. You can pay $5 to flog or be flogged. Did anyone piss on you? No, but I saw a lot.

Now, at the Eagle, when you come to this, there's a trough and you can lay in it. You can lay in the trough if you want to. Oh, my God. What did you do at Folsom? Did you walk around naked? No, I just walked around in something like this. He's got a very San Francisco, like grungy gay look going. Like he looks like a guy who'd be into like sounding.

What's sounding? Sounding? It's a furry play. He looks like a furry. No, he's got like a squirrely like mustache. Sounding is where you stick a metal rod up your cock and then you go. Jesus Christ. No, it's not.

No, it's not. There's no way. No, no, no, no. You have to have a big urethra. I don't. Who the fuck just has a big urethra? My urethra healed over. Folsom Street Fair, we're going to do that. We're doing Out About Adventures. So this Pride, we're going to go around

to all these things and hopefully we get Corey Smutlich on the ones and twos. He's the best. He's your boy to help film. He's awesome. Fantastic. And we're going to do that for Out About. We're going to do Bear Week. We're going to go to P-Town. We're going to bring Jake to the jock party. Joey is currently Google imaging cock sound. Okay.

Let me see. Well, the whole thing is to hear it, right? No, it's not a sound. He's just trying to get KB hard because he did the thing. Boys, I'm an ally. Yes. Through and through. Red-blooded ally.

Stop it, dude. I might throw up. Let me see it again. Oh, I'm just ally. Yes. Through and through. Red-blooded ally. Stop it, dude. I might throw up. Let me see it again. Oh, I'm just sliding everything. I feel like... Stop. Is he coming with that end? Stop.

I don't know. That's a take. Yeah, stop it. Hey, man, stop. Hey, man, I hate gays. Knock that off. Yeah, hey, stop sniffing this stuff and playing with it. Hey, bro, that's not cool.

Okay, well, you're showing me A pierced, punctured cock That's not a sexuality thing That's not a sexuality thing You know But we're here to talk about Oprah Winfrey Okay, so now We're here to talk about Kyle Rittenhouse Talk about 2A

On our show we're pro Rittenhouse, pro 2A Pro Ghislaine There was a gay guy who just got like vaguely canceled for like tweeting that if like he was, he would have tried to fuck Kyle Rittenhouse. He sends,

the second he found out about him, he sent me a screenshot of his search history, Kyle Rittenhouse. We thought he was on Leaked Meat. What's Leaked Meat?

You can find any celebrities, Dick, you want, go to leakedmeat.com. Type in KB. KB. We tried to find KB I know

and Nick you couldn't find it like the image was there you just couldn't find it we found that one image of them they saw your like bare groin

but they couldn't find we couldn't find the cock it was behind a two liter so back in my day like pre-porn like we Nick and I I can't

well I guess I'll speak for myself only we would jack off to like fake pictures of nude celebrity. You've been friends for a long time? Yeah, we're from the same town. Same village. They're from West Virginia.

I thought he was from New Jersey. Born, but moved as a very young boy. Taught. And so then you moved back to New York together? No, he got the job before me. Are you roommates? No. We live alone.

Just with your thoughts. So did you guys go to high school and stuff together like best friends we hardly knew each other how did this happen did Dave make you two in a lab I don't know Dave has the scientific ability

have you seen each other naked no you've never seen each other naked now you told me he has a each other you've never seen his beard but now you told me he has a hairy ass correct i've seen his butt nick won most likely to succeed in actually yeah and here you are that's so interesting in our friend words yeah no that's one word gabe won the two word gabe blackman we had a gay black kid whose name was gabe blackman l-a-c-k-m-a-n uh his sister was beyonce his name was gabriel lockman but his

sister's name was Beyonce Before Beyonce was around We pulled Beyonce was around How old do you think we are? How old do you think I am? I think you guys are In your 20s

Yeah but I found Some root cover up In your bag When I was sifting through it Before I invited you on We did You have a gun Yeah no no

I have I use it to cover my beard And also Why I think it's distinguished The gun is The gun is on your persons Do you carry a gun? No I would though's a distinct way. The gun is on your persons. Do you carry a gun?

No, I would, though. If they let me get a gun... But the only reason... I'd have to check it, because I'm going to get some depressive episodes under the covers of the dominoes. I'm going to just take my own life. If I had a gun, I would definitely kill myself. For sure.

If I got drunk and I was hungover... Or I'd kill someone. Where do you live? Do you live alone? Yes, I live alone. On the Upper East Side. Nice place? It's fine. Have you been to pat's

place unfortunately yes excuse me say you have the smallest apartment even this is like really a sore spot for us well he has to he has to climb a ladder to get i have a duplex and it's large a duplex i have a dude literally a west village duplex it's huge it's beautiful no you don't know you live in a tiny little apartment because you and I lived in the same Mine was bigger than yours. So, but then I moved to a two bedroom. By yourself? You live above a school for special needs. I don't want to say. Tell me. No, the whole fourth floor of my apartment is adults with special needs.

Is it over $3,000? Significantly. Oh, it's not. Yeah. But it's in Phi Di. You didn't pay over $3,000 dollars but no what are you talking about he's fucking with you he pays like 1700 bucks 14 and you really make uh seven figures here close not not yeah but no like i've been here for a long time just like a a year shorter than pat oh really yeah no two years do you think i should go upstairs and tell jen my number was

off you should go in right now and just start harassing Jen for the money. Kyle and I make no money. You're lying. Tell us how much. I'm not doing that. Kyle, how much do you make? Because you're always hush-hush about this. I know how much each of you make. Yeah, you have the Excel document. Oh, I don't care. Just take the

I'm just kidding. I have no idea. Listen, this has been fun, guys, but we need to cut to the chase. Dicks out, please. Dicks out for the boys. Now, Kyle did promise. This popper is fake. This is placebo.

No, it didn't do shit. No, it's not. Take another hit. This is nothing. You drank this? I did. Well, maybe drink it again. Have you ever done Kratom?

No. Kyle's addicted to Kratom. What is it? I'm recovering. What is it? Can I see your ear? No. Yes. What's Kratom? Kratom. What is it? I'm recovering. What is it? Can I see your ear? No. Yes.

What's Kratom? Kratom is what people, it's a natural root substance that is used to wean people off of heroin. Kyle has never done heroin, but he decided to start doing Kratom. Interesting. And he does way more than an addict. Where do you have them? Where do you get it?

7-Eleven. Really? You want to get some on the way home? Alright, Joey. I'm going to read three tweets aloud. Okay. You tweeted two of these in the past and one you didn't. Oh, God. Okay. First one. Is this the fight when I got in a fight with that black woman

about her hair? What did you mean? What did you get into a fight with her hair about? I'm going to do this exact game with a little sass after because I screenshotted quite a bit of things. That's what he was doing. He was researching me and he knows all my things. Yeah, so wait. What did you say about the black woman's hair?

Nothing. I just said I hated her hair. And she thought she took it the wrong way. Big Don Imus. I'm a hairdresser though. Take my shirt off. You're everything. Yeah.

I'm a jack of all trades but a master of none. All right. KB, without any further ado. Read those tweets, girl. Matt Stafford is a top five QB in the NFL. I'm going to suck a lot of wang tonight in honor of my birthday. I actually am the biggest F in America

in parts of Bangladesh. Get into it. Which one is not one of your tweets? I think the Bangladesh. Is this not the tweet? That's not the fake one. Can I just say it? Because then it doesn't have the same...

Because we can't say it. If I'm reading it... You can get a pass as long as we can say something about you. But no, I'm reading it. I guess you can pass as long as we can say something about you. But no, I'm reading it. Kyle, you can't say it. I'm quoting. Okay, I guess you can't quote. Wait, did I really tweet that?

It was in response to Silly Nation 2. He tweeted at you, yo, Joey Kamasta, I tried to picture the biggest. Can I please just? Yeah, it's great. It's contextually appropriate. Kyle, you can't say it. Stop. Yo, Joey Kamasta, I tried to picture the biggest in America in my head.

When I saw your pic, you blew past my image with flying colors. And you said you were the biggest poop in America and parts of Bangladesh, the most densely populated and most homophobic country in Asia. Well, now Trish had a pillowcase thrown over her head and almost jumped off a building. Well, I was there. I have a couple little Sasquatch tweets. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Hold on. Which one did you not tweet? The football one I not tweeted. You did not tweet it. The football one. All right. That was a good one. Do you have any more, Kyle?

Uh-huh. Okay. One's fake. One's real. This is from who? One of these is you and one of these is not you. Oh, we're doing it again. Yeah.

Yeah. One more. Okay. Okay. Okay. Take it. Oh, we're doing it again? Yeah, yeah, one more. Okay, okay. Take it. Oh, those poppers. First one. Yeah, I'm fucking high.

Is that better than the fake meth? This? Fake heroin? Yeah, Kyle, how's this compare to your heroin? No, it just made me look really warm. Your dumb ass would get these confused. The body armor? Yeah.

How many calories are in that? None, pretty much. It just made me look really warm. Your dumb ass would get these confused. The body armor? Yes. How many calories are in that? None, pretty much. Were either of you ever overweight? Yeah. You were? Yeah. Were you fat?

Wait, you were just about to say I was fat as fuck and then you were going to ask me if I was fat? I thought you were like big, like back in the day. I was a husky, husky pre-pubescent. Do you have loose skin? No. Ew. No, it was pre-puberty. I was a husky husky pre-pubescent. Do you have loose skin? No. Ew. No, it was pre-puberty. I snap right now. Do you still wear

chocks? Have you ever jerked off in a singlet? I've never worn a singlet. Not you or her. Kyle? Kyle. Me? How do you jerk off in a singlet? You just pull it out of the side. You don't find them erotic? Did you ever go to... Trish and I. Yeah, I saw the pictures of you two in them.

So you were saying? I don't know. I don't know. Can I read some little Sasquatch? Are you actually? I don't know. It might be the placebo. Go.

Go ahead. Go ahead. Here's my little Sasquatch tweet. Tell me. I'm going to read five of them. All of them are true. Pi Day, more like Pi Gay. That's on 3 15 18 fellas is new year's eve gay balls dropping that was a day after pie day you can't be catching me watching that shit that's on 12 30 17 um fellas is it gay to take communion

at church like body of christ dot dot dot you may as well be eating his ass lmao not me damn i love picture he was in like he was probably in like seventh grade seventh grade just like seventh grade tweeting this hey but nothing wrong with being gay don't get me wrong i love the gays i just don't swing that way you feel that was uh 4 16 19 okay it's pretty and do you want one middle school yeah give me one more uh just found out smoking weed is gay puff puff pass question mark more like no thanks more like pass pass pass hashtag promoted nine likes this is a little sass that's really funny good yeah there's more but you know you don't kick a man when he's down okay oh my god i don't know if i'm feeling this popper what should i it should have been gone already really i'm doing another it's only it only works for like 30 seconds. I'm really tired. You're done with it.

I think I'm overdosing. This sucked. I'll do more. Really? Kyle, go for it if you're going to go for it. Get into it. Are you congested? I can't tell. Tea?

You can't tell if you're congested? No, I can't tell if I'm fucking high. Why don't you want to be in this? What? He's going to be... Elissa's a great girl. Kyle, how do you... Now stand up really fast.

Yeah, stand up really fast, Kyle. You know how red his face is getting. Play with yourself. Play with your... Grab your day. Fever dream. Fever dream. Abort.

Are you freaking out right now? No, I just don't... I feel warm and not good. Oh, look at his face. Look at how... Oh, my God. Kyle. Your face is purple.

You're trying Violet, Violet. No, it's not. You're freaking me out. Are you all right? You okay? I've never seen a human that color. Nick, do you want to take a... I'm getting real turned on.

By purple-ass Kyle? Who's redder, the bag of hat or Kyle? It's the same thing. Well, his beliefs are redder. I know that. He's doing the face that he makes when he looks at himself. He bites his cheeks when he looks at himself. His eyes just rolled in his head.

Okay, yeah. I'm fine. You're missing the whole point. You need to kind of at least give yourself a little pat on the... That's what you do? Yeah. I get myself right before... I get to video down where I want to finish,

and I hit the poppers. Within 30 seconds, I'm squirting one of his videos. I haven't understood a word you said. I've never done that alone, a jerk and popper. You never popper baited? No. My Indian sub did it. Enough about him.

Sorry. You have an Indian? Sorry, sir. You were hooking up with an Indian man? Indian sub, yes not dot what's his name feather not dot oh no he was not feather sorry uh i can't say his name but can you say that what you just said i've been told that i made a deal he said if you cut ties with the indian sub i'll cut ties with publicity so that's what we're doing so um was the last name patel submissive i don't know his last name that's the most common in curry ho. Curry Hoagie.

We used to do things where I would go to his house What the fuck? Wait, what? Did he say Curry Ho? Curry Hoagie like an Indian sub. What were you saying? Oh god. What the fuck was he saying? That's what you got to start calling him.

He had to answer the door in a towel. Not around his waist, okay? I'm lost. What? So why did you say... What are you talking about? I did... Like a...

Not around his face. Can you not air this till after Nargini gets back and gives him my contract please this comes out tomorrow morning oh on our day of resurrection that's right

yeah I did have a we would do we would do play we would do door crack play don't say play I don't like when you say play everything is play for you guys

but most things are I went to CCD oh yeah remember what they call it Central City Dub no we were raised Catholic yeah so was I things are. I went to CCD. Oh yeah. Are you guys Jewish? We were raised Catholic. Little Catholic school together. You confirmed?

Yeah, I'm confirmed in confirmation and communion. All that. Now, did you guys get touched by altar boys? We were altar boys. Did you get touched by the priest? Yes. I never did. You know why? Because I think I attained that. I always said that all my friends were touched as boys and the boy scouts because i was chubby ugly boy i was good looking kid but i was just chubby so then you weren't so no one yeah so no one wanted to touch me so all my other friends how old were you when you lost your virginity uh 17

i was 22 in nissan pathfinder i was i was 21 in a Chevy Trailblazer. There we go. What's up with mid-sized SUVs and gay sex? Well, this is the 90s. Crazy things happen. The 90s? I'm old. KB? Yeah, yeah. You don't know how old she is?

Should I show them our ID? No, show them the ID. Could just say you're in. Show them the ID. I guess that would work. Oh my God. Yeah, that's a black woman and this ID is a fossil.

What do you have to do with a black woman? Well, that's my alter ego. That's my black woman and this ID is a fossil. What do you have to do with a black woman? Well, that's my alter ego. That's my real ID. Okay. I don't know why I did that. That looks like a mugshot. Why was the oof? Oh, wow. You are much older than I thought. How old do you think he was? I would have guessed 34.

Reverse. Whoa. Reverse. Reverse. How old do you think I am? You're 32 But you look 43 How old are you? 29

You are KB I thought was like 22 But you're like Old as fuck How old are you? No you're not 29? 29

He's 29 I thought he was literally like 22 Until like a month ago No you didn't He is fresh as a As a spring day What? Well he's

Yeah No you look really good. You gotta get him in the backseat of a tracker. Come on. Stop. Stop. I'd put him in the frontseat of the Trailblazer. Kate Upton didn't work for this. Facts. Miss me with that shit. We're both 29. Same. You guys didn't feel anything

with the Kate Upton cat daddy gif? I don't even know what that is. What is it? The Kate Upton cat daddy gif. I have no idea. She's got a kenmore body there's no hips you don't think she's you don't think she didn't do it for you yes what's a kenmore body like a fridge she uh block oh yeah she's like she's not for the gays even like in a way she's no personality i need someone's body type for the gays. I like fat women. Is that why you like me? Kind of.

Oh, I gotta go here. Oh, stop. Sorry. Let me see. Did you just say his penis? No, it wasn't mine. It was someone sounding. You just said ooh in a gay way, too.

It's the fucking popper. This is a gay serum. That really... I can hate Upton cat? I dare you to do one more. Cat daddy. Cat daddy. Come on.

We're going to turn you straight right now. That? Yes. What does Cat Daddy mean? You keep Google imaging videos. You got to look at the video. I mean, he's 43. With Terry Richardson?

Yeah. I know him. What? You know Terry Richardson? Yes. He's one of the best photographers in the world. Terry Shiava. Get him out of here.

Get him out of here. I don't want to see him doing that. And this ain't it, is it? She was in like Fourth of July Gar. No, no, no. This is the cat daddy. That's a whole different thing. What does she do? She does the cat daddy dance. She's been around. Yep. That's a dance? Yes.

Do you feel a tingle or anything? Look at that. What's this? Show Pat. You know, you're hard just hearing the sound. This is like my sexual awakening. Yes. That? Yes.

This was like the greatest video to ever come out. We don't even know what this is. Show it to me. I can't see. What do you mean what it is? Look at it. She's dancing in a bikini. We thought it was tremendously hot.

How like a homeless guy. I was looking at like gape porn when I was. Well, did you ever see Chris Maloney show his cock in in Oz no in Piss in a Bucket you know I saw Chris Maloney in Oz no oh my god that was my gay awakening

actually my woodshop teacher's arms were your gay awakening was Captain Planet yeah did I say that once no is that true it could have been i could see no power rangers were awakening i think my real one god i don't know what it was i think i never really had when i was just always very gay i was gave a blow job in second grade what's that two don't i feel like you just can't say that i just feel like no the guy was also in second grade we're the same age

can't say that pat why i can't speak my truth here he was he was in second grade. We were the same age. You can't say that, Pat. Why? I can't speak my truth here. He was a second grade teacher, though. He was in the second grade. This is what you're going to run into at Barstool. Gay erasure. Okay? They don't want us to tell our stories. Nope.

They're trying to silence us. No, we did under Mrs. Buckhiser's desk. We did a little jerk. Second grade. What do you mean? No, you didn't. Yes, I did. It was storytelling.

That is biologically impossible. You weren't getting boners in second grade? Fuck no. Anyone? I don't. Maybe it in second grade? Fuck no. Anyone? I don't. Maybe it was like a pee boner, but I had something going on. What's a pee boner? You have to pee so bad your dick gets a little half chopped.

Why are you nodding your head? Because he just got out of middle school. He just had it. You have to pee so bad you wake up with wood? You never had that happen? Yes. No. No.

It happens to me in the morning. I have to pee so bad, I don't have to go all the way down. That's just a morning erection. No, it's not, because I pee and it goes down. Anyway. Do you want to pop that top, KB?

I'm fucking sweating. Take that off. You're crazy. You're pissing me off. Are you hairy? Can I see your body? No. Show him your body.

Show him your body. I just want to see the hair pattern. That's not what I thought at all. Oh my god, you're 12 years... You shave it. I thought you were going to have hair. Really? Go a little lower? I thought he was going to have nice little tux. That's not what I remember. He's very...

Well, you're from behind. You have to remember. We all ran in Speedos together. All down the beach of P-Town. Oh, really? You went to P-Town with these guys? Yes during Oh my god that was my biggest Bojangle I was like you're doing a Rediscovering America there

I was like you need a guide I go Jed you're gonna have to send me there Put me up at the Brass Key You don't even know what a boondoggle is You call it a Bojangle? Bojangle is a Bojangle is a boondoggle You guys have your own road trip show?

Yeah You guys do? Yeah What's it called? Rediscovering America Ours is gonna be Ours is gonna be Ours is gonna be ours is gonna be ours

gonna be called out and about adventures that's good yeah we're gonna do it all yeah we should fuck so we should fuck women hookers on this can you imagine that's my favorite kind of hooker a woman hooker yeah i would do i would do a pussy ply jesus or would you get massages we should get definitely our ass was bleached. Classic. Pat made us wear Speedos. They're so much smaller than I thought they would be.

It didn't work. KB, I'm going to go home. I'm going to go home and goon up to that little video on the internet. Sign me the link. Nick was packing

and has, I can tell you he's got a huge cock. Who? Me? No. Me? No.

It's actually, it's like a public thing. That was the joke after because he had a hat in front of his crotch and the speeder and everyone was like, where's the print, KB? Well, I can't tell because his ear is all mangled. What does that mean? You can't tell the size of a penis? Oh, you look at ears and you can tell the size of the penis?

Yes. Absolutely. It's a proven fact. Can I see your ear? You're welcome. At least you're funny. What the fuck? He goes, I'm joking. You're not funny.

Jesus. What else can we do for you, gentlemen? Are we good? How long has this been? 40 minutes. Nicole. No, I get paid by the hour here. We're going to have a punch in the machine. Six figures an hour. Let KB FaceTime Sn, I get paid by the hour here. Yeah, we're going to have a clock. We're going to have a punching machine.

Six figures an hour. Let KB FaceTime Snooki. I was just she's at home with her children, but she's coming here on the 12th. You can go meet on the 12th. Yeah, you're right. That's a bad time to pick up a FaceTime when you're at home. With her children. Call her ass, Joey. She'd probably get this a lot, right? What? FaceTime Snooki so I can like

Who's the most famous person on your phone? Rihanna. What? You know Jeff D. Lowe has Harry Styles from working GMA? Is that true? Yeah, I saw it. Is it old? Yeah. But you have Rihanna?

Mm-hmm. What do you mean in your phone? I have Mike Leach. We're friends. We hung out with her a couple times in LA. What'd you say? What'd he say? Hey, Pat, why don't you sit this one out?

Hayden Patatierra? I have Mike Leach. I have Dave Portnoy. I don't. I have Sam Bradford. I have Dave Portnoy. I don't. I have Sam Bradford. How come Dave Portnoy doesn't follow any of the works here? I noticed that. He follows me.

He does? He doesn't follow you. Notice the pattern. He doesn't follow any of the other people here. No, he follows most people. I didn't see. Interesting. Well, I was trying to see if he followed me.

You probably don't follow most people. You don't follow me. Don't follow him. Dude, make him earn it. You'll have to unfollow publicity if I'm going to follow you. I only get to follow most of the people. You don't follow me. Don't follow him. Dude, make him earn it. You'll have to unfollow publicity if I'm going to follow you. I only get to follow one per month. I don't like your friendship with publicity. I already said I'll have her.

Should I have her offed? Yes. Should I say that she sexually harassed us all? Jesus Christ. The stuff that she tried to make us do. Call Rihanna really quick. We'll have her decide. I can't. Why not? Her name is Robin. Robin Givens? Robin Rihna Fenty.

From Barbados. The third. From Barbados. She's a national hero in Barbados. She just became that. I can FaceTime Kylie Jenner. Yeah? It's not a high bar.

FaceTime Kylie. She's on an anus. We got Kylie on anus. No, because that's not really. I feel like Snooki could like, you know. I could my aunt kathy bn yeah that works too yeah i just do that brianna chicken fry you should face on one of your like your distant relatives to remind them you're gay i'd be like put me in that coley still here uh colin shooter barstool who's colin shooter colton or is that a hockey player sounds like it

who else do we have why do you have his number i don't know i think we hooked up once what uh are we allowed to have yeah you could you're allowed to say that anthony evans friend john i don't know who that is miss ham english evan pike frat UF. Miss Ham English. Garrett Adden, the first guy hooked up with. You went down to Miami to do a Hooters thing, and didn't you just run rampant? This was at UF. UF.

Let me tell you. He had sex with a boy and then went back out. One boy. Let me tell you. There was, the king was in town. Okay. Everyone wanted a piece. Everyone wanted a piece of old Patty while he was there. And he was giving it out.

So slinging this thing. When the barstool Miami office was going to be a thing. God, we had to stop Pat from applying. Well, we were like, I was like, Pat, like, that's perfect for you. Like, you'd get to go down to Miami. He was like, no, I get AIDS. I was like, holy shit. Jesus Christ.

Why? Because it's so hot and horny down there. I would be slinging. I was at UF and I was slinging it around like I was in Miami. That's what I am. See, Poppy. I know. That's what I'm slinging it around. Do you speak Spanish? I am sea poppy. I know. That's what I'm saying. If I went to Miami, I went there for New Year's last year and that was a disaster.

It's just like the warm weather vacation. I do like warm weather. But we took you to P-Town. We were on the dick dock and you were not getting any. I was standing with you guys. You got no drop. Donnie, Chef Donnie. No. Well, you look at the bodies of the guys there.

I look good with clothes on. Yeah. Oh my God, Chef Donnie. I go to the bathhouse with Chef Donnie. He's my bathhouse partner. You should go to the bathhouse with them. The new one that just opened back up? The Turkish one?

No, no, no. We go to the one down in Fidei. The dirty one. Did someone beat you with a broom? Yes. I'm going to go there. Okay. I have to lose weight if I'm going on a paleo diet and working on Equinox this week.

Starting when? I can't go to... When should I go to Equinox? Tomorrow? KB, you have a... What's your diet that you're on? Are you just on a... He looks week. Starting when? I can't go to, when should I go to Equinox? Tomorrow? KB, you have a, what's your diet that you're on? Are you just on a diet? He looks so good.

You look great. Where do you work out? Limit the calories, Planet Fitness. This one right here? No, by me. No, KB, you're top five.

I don't know. In my book, yeah. Are we counting top five, like, are we doing non-content too? Because we got some lookers who are non-content. In my book, yeah. Are we counting top five? Are we doing non-content too? Because we got some lookers who are non-content. No, content is significantly uglier. Content is hideous. Yeah.

Well, I don't know anyone upstairs. Gross. If we walked around the business world. Is he content? No. Because he's not top five though. Why not? Jake?

You're not an eyebrow guy? I love your eyebrows. That's not nice. No. Jake might be top. Why did you pluralize that? There's just a lot to choose from. Well, this is my top five, not yours. Go ahead.

By all means, give me your top five. Well, you know who's top of the list. Yeah, we don't say his name anymore because it makes him a little uncomfortable. Who makes him uncomfortable? Billy. Billy football. Oh, it makes him uncomfortable? He's number one?

He's my number one. He's his number one with a bullet. But what is that? Your type? Not necessarily. Look at him. Yeah, I'll take anything. He's good. one with a bullet. But what is that? Your type? Not necessarily. He's everyone's type. Look at him. Yeah, I'll take anything. He's good.

Billy Football. Chef Donnie. Big Cat. Yeah. KB. Yeah. Who do you think? What about Jake?

Jake is five. Jake is five. No, Jake is yours. He's your neighbor and I really have a crush on him. I feel bad. We do. We talked about it on the show. But who's your fifth?

It's him. It's you. I'm only kidding. It is. My fifth would probably be I'm only kidding it is my fifth would probably be I know who it is who Nick

oh we need some oh Jake Marsh he likes you like Jake Marsh oh yeah I thought he was cute he loves it like a I love Caleb Presley as well oh yeah

yeah he does I mean if that's that's probably I'd probably kick out Marsh or Kate or Caleb Presley he's actually

top three I'm probably like six he's probably six Kayla Presley. He's actually top three. I'm probably six. He's probably six. You'll get in there. You're top 10 for sure. Thank you. Only because you're nice to me. God damn it.

No, let's do top 10. Let's do top five. Oh, I'm saying a slur. Let's do top five women. Let's do top. Let's do bottom five.

No, let's not. Let's end the show. Thank you. Who do they have question? Would you rather bottom? No, baby.

I want to order some Taco Mahal tonight. It's good. I know. I put you on. I don't think you did. I did. No. Kyle, you've got to try Taco Mahal.

I could search the text. I put you on to a steak salad place yesterday. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. I'm the put-on prince. No, no, no. Is this recording? Yeah, we're still going.

Holy shit. Fuck it. You're not the put-on did. I'm the put on Prince. No, no, no. Is this recording? Yeah, we're still going. Holy shit. Fuck it. You're not the put on Prince. I'll say it on the pod. That's what people called me. For what? I put people on a new music. Prince.

What? Nothing. What do you put? You haven't put me on anything. I was the first person. I was in like the first 20 views, listens of White Iverson on Snapchat. Same with Dynamic Slap by Donkey Fart. What? 20 views listens of white iverson on snapchat same with dynamic by donkey fart you what same with dynamic slat dynamic slat slats with stylized with like three dollar signs by donkey

fart donkey fart what is that it's like three uh like black 12 year olds who just rap on xbox live it's amazing yeah yeah i guess you're the put on prince um are we gonna talk about the the two people that just left uh yeah i don't know if it's gonna play before after that we'll just say yeah because i'm exhausted yeah that's exhausting uh-huh uh i think we're gonna have to edit that heavily because there was some um depraved shit there's yeah there's a lot i'm overstimulated i am too i need like a a sensory clit to chew on honestly i need like that i need an emotional support pussy yeah i might i might have to get life flighted and they're gonna have to have to put a fleshlight around my dick.

No, I want a real pussy. But detached. The science isn't there. The science isn't there. If they can grow a pussy in a petri dish. I need to just chew on a clit. Just the plug and get that. Yeah, because I couldn't fuck her.

She was drunk. She had a whiskey clit. She couldn't was a fucker. I couldn't fuck her. She was drunk. She was drunk. She had whiskey clit. She couldn't get up. She couldn't get a clit. I couldn't make her come. I couldn't make her come. She had whiskey clit. She had whiskey clit.

She had one sip of your old fashioned. Dude, did you make her come? No, dude. She was way too drunk to come. She had whiskey um i know what i want to bring up something that a story you've never told that is you were genuinely embarrassed when you told me okay about you used to not have an iphone right and you would carry around an iPad. Fuck, this could go like four different, very different, but equally poor.

You would carry around an iPad in college. Well, I would vine with my iPad because you could only vine with an iPod or an iPhone. Right. So I would have to fucking carry around my iPad. You wouldn't have to. And that's why I didn't go viral and become a Vine star because it was there's so many limitations to the ipad to the ipad you left like press and hold and it was real big sure you left your ipad at the college wrestling house no i'm not even embarrassed about this really yeah they went through my search history and saw that i was googling

and looking up the new uh crop of freshman gymnasts and like searching. So gymnasts look young anyway. You were looking up the freshman gymnasts. I was a junior. Okay. Yeah. So what were those freshman gymnasts? The only embarrassing part was like they were like going through it in front of them. Because the wrestlers hung out with the gymnasts.

Dating them. Yeah. So they knew I was like looking at. Were you looking up like their routines? I was looking up. Yeah. Like their names, like their routines I was looking up yeah like their names like their roster like pick just so I can put like a face to a name and like learn about like where they went to high school and so you could drop that because I was just I was like

at a party with them yeah so I was looking up like just little tidbits about them and you weren't embarrassed so what was the embarrassing thing you were talking about um so yeah i was looking up the j it was i was looking them up yeah and they knew so i just they also found your porn habits it the it was fine i just had to not ever show my face around them yeah that's fine again yeah uh for those i don't know if this will be at the beginning of the end of the episode uh no ads this week which is uh horrifying career-wise yeah like we were we were popping five ads an episode and so uh i guess this is the episode to show uh no ads man yeah gay yeah you can't these are the only two non-marketable gays yeah companies have been pouncing on the case if they had to like put a this podcast what

we just did with them i don't know what we'll cut and what we use but into like a genre or a category gay would be like the fifth one yeah there was like four more annoying traits yeah yeah they were fine they were fine they were i was high were you actually from that popper? No. You turned purple. I did. I just got really hot. What's the fun in that? There's no fun. You did it.

And? You kind of feel warm and vibrate a little bit. Yeah. There's so many drugs that are just useless. I think people just hate sobriety so much that they just want to feel something. Even if it's worse. Yeah. Because I would do it again.

A popper? Yeah. Yeah, I would too, I guess but like out at a bar i don't get it i don't get anything they do for the guys in the subreddit i don't fucking get it yeah grosses me out of it yeah did you see how bad the subreddit wants me to be a homosexual i don't think i think you're yeah i think you're egging them on i'm not egging them on i think you're like you're making you're like trying to like ease the process of your come out thing my come out thing yeah what's the come out thing you come out of the closet look at this. Oh no. Just everything's about. A lot of it just nonsensical. Them?

Yeah. It can't be fun. I was talking about the subreddit. You're talking about being gay? Oh yeah. What? Genuinely was. It can't be fun.

It's the most fun. Why? He just showed you a picture of a metal rod and a wiener. Yeah. That was like clowning with the boys like that's yeah yeah you know when you go to like a sleepover and just like yo look over here yeah gay gay 43 year olds and like an event diagram with like like ornery adhd 12 year olds are like very similar that's that's very much the case yeah there's always the spastic kid who would show you like rods going up dicks yeah yeah yeah i mean he was just a gay ken jack

he really was yeah hey have you guys ever seen this but ken jack is more in it ken jack no he has an asian girlfriend so yes never mind no but he's been he's been on tiktok forever ken jack he was he was on it before it was finding he would always find like the grossest weirdest subhumans yeah from like deep appalachia who mysteriously had internet yeah they they had like two likes so he was that was his like bread and butter i've actually been heavily i've been addicted to talk and i was talking shit on it for so long i didn't care about it i still don't care about like the tiktok celebrities what i assumed was like shitty about it i was completely right yes but i can't stop doing it so it's such an easy time uh consumer yeah it's just like okay i i've been like i'll'll be taking a poop and I'll just be like, OK, I'm watching this guy draft like the greatest Bengals of all time.

Yeah. Like, hell, yeah. It's like the most. Cedric Benson. It's something that you wouldn't if like you're if you were like out to dinner with like friends and you guys were like kind of tired and wanted to get back to the hotel. Yeah. It's like conversations you would have at that point. Yes. and people just tick tock it and people love it as like it's a hundred thousand likes it's amazing that you can go viral off of being completely normal

that's what it is that's what tick tock is it's yes there's like these two white guys they do a segment called gas or ass they don't raise the decibel level in their voice one bit they don't tell jokes they don't have any charisma and they just eat something are they cute they're just the most average no they're just like the most average looking guys they eat something and they say gas or ass but it's always just like universally beloved food items i'll be like gas have they ever asked they asked to like things that like you know suck like a like an obscure applebee's like appetizer will get ass but like but just like kobe's kobe yeah i would get it gas yeah but it works people love it they go crazy people are in the like the the comments like begging like please do wendy's next because they want to see them rate something that they

they already have eaten yeah so they want to see them rate something that they they already have eaten. Yeah. So they want to see them like eat like a Baconator and be like gas. I don't. And then so they can be like, yeah, it is gas. Thank you. I've been saying that for years. People fucking want.

I've been saying that this incredibly successful burger chain. Right. Tastes good. Yeah. Yeah. I don't I don't follow anybody on TikTok. I don't think I've ever liked anything it doesn't tiktok's not an app that condones like you go viral by views more than likes i think

do you guys believe those numbers no at all no it's impossible i kind of get it no but i'll see something and it's like oh like 180 million people have seen this video it doesn't make any sense but it's the first app that or social media network that will just randomly show you any somebody's content without you having to follow them first or someone like having to repost but i'll see a video that has a million views and then i'll go to one that has zero like in that it's right and the ones that have zero it is it's a creepy feeling watching that it almost feels like I'm prying into their personal life. Twitter, very big platform. Chadwick Boseman died. 4.3 million likes on the tweet was the biggest tweet ever.

Yes. These Charli D'Amelio videos will get 12 million views a video. That doesn't make any sense. So imagine if she died. Right. Those numbers are, I think they're a little out of the water by comparison. Are there billion view TikToks? Let me look that up. There no way why not i don't think there's a billion viewed anything

ever there's a ton of billion viewed youtube videos oh is there because they've been up for like 10 years okay yeah you forgot did you forget about gangnam style you used to love psy i did love psy um you actually did love Psy. You actually did. Yeah. Okay, but a lot of people watch it over and over again. That's, yeah. Do you think a billionth unique views?

Nah. Nah. Just they force everybody in India to watch this thing once. What are you looking at? My feed is like a lot of high school kids

like doing like shenanigans in the hallway really i love it i it's just them being like terrible kids mine got fucked up from following like co-workers and so now mine's all barstool stuff and then tiktok daddy who's a rabbi and he has a super super jewish son he's good but he like torments his very jewish son yeah in a way very much still organic and natural he's not like the roles are reversed because they're like filming his son his son will be like ah you and that technology but a lot of the ones have like the kid doesn't even say anything and it's still is this i don't know if this is probably it's hilarious it's just like a video of him

just doing like a menial task yeah or like just like just sitting at the table. And not even like a Jewish task. And it makes me laugh. Yeah. Out loud. Yep. Just looking at the kid. Yeah. And he's like, that's my Flinny.

I love him. There he is over there. Flinny. All right. I think he was downloading Microsoft Excel in one and I guffawed. I fell on the ground.

It was just like he was waiting for Microsoft Excel to download. So good. Do you guys know who Zach King is? We talked about him on this exact podcast. We fucking hate him. I hate him. Yes.

He's teaching the youth about perspective. Right. So he has back-to-back TikToks. We made up a joke about him jumping into an asshole. It's his homeboy with his ass real close to the camera. This is going to stink. He's the worst actor actor he has no idea how to set it up he's been in the game for so long and he's not yet learned to act like tommy smokes he has two tiktoks back to back one yeah 1.1 billion views and one got 2.2 billion okay back to back back to back and is it some sort of illusion yeah it's him like

flying on a broom like harry potter oh and it has the mirror in front of it i'm one of those i'm a statistic tiktok core audience is like an amusement park so you'll get young kids yeah of every social hierarchy yeah like the cool ones the popular ones the athletic ones they're all on it and then you got a bunch of like parents of the young kids and parents of kids aren't are too busy to develop or hone like a sense of humor yeah or even like a taste for like comedy so they just want to see something that just is something they want to see a thing yeah And that's exactly what he does. And do they think it's funny? I don't know what people find funny. Yeah. I think it's cool to look at.

I like to look at an old map of Zaire. Do you? What's changed in Zaire? It's not Zaire anymore. What is it? The Democratic Republic of the Congo. Zaire is a cooler name. Zaire is a cool name.

Isn't that, when I was running, Dwayne Wade's kid, Zaire? I had a Zaire on my caseload. What? Oh, you had a Zaire.

Yeah. You never talk about your caseload very often. I don't, I don't, never enough. We, at one point, our,

we had nine concurrent nevaeh and heaven twins in the mahoning county ages zero to three you had nine concurrent nine concurrent twins named heaven and nevaeh which is heaven backwards shut the fuck up yeah really well this is like a war i think it's like a war like a american thing like people discovered that like five years ago heaven and nevaeh you had nine that are all nine that's going to be confusing twins in the same county heaven and nevaeh i'll be yeah that's unbelievable i remember i went to this um there was a burmese family okay that only so every once in a while it was in akron this is

when i was interning there'd be families we had to see that didn't speak english yeah what do they speak in so you would have to burmese which is like you had to find a burmese translator there was like one in ohio one in ohio and he was the biggest cunt because he was like so he was very cocky about the fact that he was a burmese translator in ohio yeah congrats i'm sure you're very busy he kept like we had to like we could not visit this child and the mother the poor mother the poor burmese mother yeah because this guy was so busy doing what yeah yeah with other burmese i guess with other burmese what's the burmese population in ohio i guess there's like a community in akron area yeah i could talk about this for

hours well yeah i was gonna like try to like improvise a lie about like the burmese guy like fucked somebody i don't know go ahead that was the extent of the story he fucked somebody yeah he fucked um the berm in like myanmar or whatever it's called formerly burma yeah like or whatever it's called dickhead sure you know for a fact yes napida it's the capital wasn't always what was it fuck no you yang yang gone or something i don't know it's yang yeah i guess it's like burmese customs to like fuck their translators that's why he became one so i you always fuck the translator so that was the lie okay that's a good story that's a good lie should i Should I start from the top? No. That is Burmese mom.

A poor Burmese mom. A PBM. Redundant. You're right. Every Burmese has a child. And like their culture didn't do any favors. Burma? They like sit on the floor. So it's lucrative to be poor.

Oh, no, no. You don't need to buy chairs. They were their culture. They would just they had a fridge full of water bottles and they kept offering us like pairs of water bottles instead of just do you want one water bottle they give us two at once and you take it and at first we were like no and then we're like you would look at their eyes i'm like yeah i'll take them at their eyes yeah look in their eyes and they want you to take them yeah and you sat on the floor there sat on the floor yeah what's a burmese baby like well i i was dealing with

so um they were all right their their nationality did sign us off all right um thank you guys well we hope to have more i guess or not hope to have more ads for us we hope to bring back some fun ads in the future so thanks for sticking with us till next time. Salute untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story.