A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 275 - KB's Birthday Mystery (ft. John Feitelberg)

Episode Date: January 27, 2022

|| A New Untold Story: Ep. 275 - KB's Birthday Mystery (ft. John Feitelberg) || Nick, KB, & Feits discuss botox, birthdays, bowling... lazy stalkers, sports fans dicks, being good with parents, & much much more || Full episodes also available on YouTube || Thank you guys so much for listening/watching #AnusYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. Hey, man. What up? What's up, motherfuckers? Hey, man. What up? Just really quick. Just for the thumbnail. We just need more views. How you doing?

Doing all right. Yeah? That's good. Is he good? Have you gotten more Botox? No, I haven't. You're getting smoother i honestly have an issue with i've been using fucking like i've been cleaning my face i've never cleaned my face before oh man and i have noticed in pictures i look more botoxy

and i have not gotten more botox and i i am upset about what to do. Is it kind of sad how basic hygiene can change you so much? Isn't it kind of sad? Didn't you and KFC try to claim that washing your face is a myth? Well, I sure have. That's not a thing? Kevin did not come along that ride with me. But I definitely said that I... Skin care is just not a thing.

Not needed. Yeah. I said... Is it? Soap wasn't needed. It's not needed, but it does make a difference. Not needed. Yeah. I said. Is it? Soap wasn't. It's not needed, but it does make a difference. It sure does. Shampoo?

Like I've used like lotions now. It was. Look at that forehead. The forehead's crazy. Forehead's. This is it. Can you move your eyebrows? Oh yeah, you can now.

Yeah, I got a little bit. But the. They will be gone in six months, hopefully, they say. I mean, once you get it but don't you don't want to go back so you feel like the need to keep getting it yeah but i no one wants to go back a little bit you do i'd like a little more i'd like a little more emotion yeah you're not as expressive as yeah i don't know you're apathetic you're like laughing right now i don't know if you're happy or sad. We just

started off the show. Welcome back. 275. You don't have to be on. We don't want you on. He invited you on. I had no idea. He did, yeah. You forgot KB's birthday. I heard about this. There's a quick remedy. I don't like to go right into it.

Okay. When I leave, I'll go. I promise you, I don't care about the sentiment or it. Okay. So I'm like, when I leave, I'll go. Tasteful. I promise you, I don't care about the sentiment or whether or not. Just get it out of the way. Well, now it's a thing. Just get it out of the way. Now I might not ever say it.

But I do have a question for you. What age? Like, you can hit me with anything. Really? Yeah. I think you could hit me with, I'll take 12 to 50. Okay. 29.

29. Probably right about where I would have guessed. Yeah. I think if you had to cut 12 and 50 in half. It might be exactly that. It might be exactly that. Certainly not. No, it's not at all.

But I think we could have convinced him. 26? Nope. I'm going to figure this out. It's 12 plus 14. Which is 26. Oh, so it's close. Or am I wrong?

We're all looking really bad for this. We're all looking really, really bad for this. What are your birthday plans? 12 plus... I don't know. Yeah. You can figure this one out. Like my face. They like booked bowling for me.

I didn't book bowling. Like, hi, we booked the bowling lane. I didn't. I didn't book bowling. Where are you bowling? I hate when people like orchestrate something for someone else without regarding what that person wants. Like you and bowling is like an awful, awful match.

I hate bowling. I'd rather just drink somewhere. Yes. Yeah. Don't the fucking bowl. And we canceled. Now everybody's mad. It's like, oh my god, I wanted to so bad. Fuck you. Wait, who wanted to go bowling so bad?

It's not people here. It's outside. We woke up to a text like, like KB you ready to hit the lanes today we have a ton of other friends I've been out with you guys I've never met other friends our IBM booked it our Indian boy Maresh every time I've been out with you guys we hang out with barstool people

that one time we had a friend in town we do have other friends where do you meet them? You guys aren't from here. I know. Well, we're... Also, I bet I was with like seven other friends. Yeah, we're like personable guys.

You go out a lot and you always meet people. I never do. What do you mean you never meet people? I mind my own fucking business when I'm out. Why go out? Huh? Why go out? It's less depressing than inside.

Yeah. Yeah. It is. Being out and wanting to be home is the best feeling. Yeah. Have you seen Nate? I haven't seen Nate in about a year. I saw him maybe two weeks ago.

Okay. National championship game? Probably about two weeks ago. Okay. Yeah. He looked okay. Okay. Good.

Not much sun, but, you know, when Nate had a tan going. I saw Nate the other day. He looked fucking tan. Actually, the wild thing is he'd just come back from Florida. What? Yeah, he went to Florida for a couple days. He's doing his thing. He went to Florida like me and Owen go out.

He went to Florida and just hung out alone for a couple days. It's a way to go. Yeah hung out alone for a couple days. It's a way to go. Yeah, it's a cry for help. He enjoyed it. You have to ask for so many reservations, like talk to so many hostesses on vacation.

Yeah, saying one that many times. Table for one. I don't think I've ever said that in my life. I don't know if I've ever said table for one. I've definitely done bar alone, like dinner at bar. But, boy, you can really hear the sirens right outside this window. Yeah, you don't. How does it feel to slum it?

You have that fucking huge room. They're just right out there. Yeah. Come on. Christ. This is unbelievable. I mean, they must have, come on. This is unbelievable. They might mean they must have blocked PMTs. No, no.

PMTs. You just hear this. Yeah. That's crazy. How you lose your train of thought 10 times an episode. I bet. Yeah. Yeah.

I think we, yeah. I don't even know what we were fucking talking about. Do we have to do this? I don't want to podcast anymore. And yeah, we do have to do it. Contractually speaking, I imagine. We recorded a bonus episode before our main episode, which was dumb. You got stuff to talk about now?

Nothing. We have nothing to talk. Well, I do want to get down to the mystery, but you don't want to talk about it. But if you want to talk and talk about KB has a birthday mystery going on. Do you want me to frame it? Actually, no, no, because it could be true. There's yeah, I'm not going to bring it up off camera. Yeah, this might be a crime. I don't know what the going to bring it up. Off camera. This might be a crime.

I don't know what the legality of it is. I don't want to get anyone in trouble. We'll be very broad. No. Okay. No. Can I just tell them off the record? Now I'm fucking invested.

A girl you liked in college who never gave you the time of day. That's not true she like never looked twice um literally she's only looked at you once um she texted me happy birth i haven't spoken to her in like 10 years like eight and i was like oh shit i got excited and then she just sends me her tits and now I think it's someone pranking me but the area code matches and the tits match I've never seen them but they have to be her

her skin's the same pan tone you think she's got a 10 year later nude? No I don't think it's her I'm pretty positive but who would send that? and then they're telling you specific stories

about when you were I know out with her yeah so what's the deal and I'm like treading lightly because I don't want to get exposed

as that's a great mystery you should talk about that on the show that is a really good mystery yeah I think we are right now okay I saw the clap

and I didn't know KB falls for the clap every time and we're still talking into the mics the yeah she lifted up her cuts branded shirt so i always talk kyle she looks so comfy in it but she decided to take it off dude if she knows specific instances there i'm i'm this because there was a while where I had a very lazy stalker who has since given up. But occasionally sent me a picture of the front of my apartment. That's way worse. Way worse than a lazy stalker.

That's pretty persistent. He found your address. And it would be like, buddy, that's not lazy. You're a motherfucker. But I would never reply. This guy was sending you pictures of your apartment and threatening you with harassment. Violence. You're on the second floor.

You have a climbable window. My question is, were you a lazy stocky? Yes, that's what it was. You were so lazy, you pretended to not know. The first time they sent me to the picture department, I called the police. And then after that, I was like, this fucking dude's not going to do anything. This is like, you're a bigger pussy than I am. I'm done calling the cops.

This is nonsense. You're just going to talk a big game. And then he got bored very quickly. To my point here is that I also had an unknown number sending me text messages that i was like a little weary about but they were never giving me specific instances of like where i was i guess they didn't know my exact apartment um but it was like not like instances of like i've interacted with you before yes I think that's a pretty clear cut like this is the person. No, it's definitely not. It's in this.

It's like text as if a guy would send a guy pretending to be a girl like loaded with emojis. You can just tell it's not real. But like I think she, he, them don't know offered to FaceTime you when they were off of work.

Yeah, which is like if you wanted to prove it was you, you would just send me like a selfie or something. Good point. Yeah, because you're going to pick up the phone and it's going to be a dude laughing, but they don't know how creepy they are. Well, yeah, who's taking the L there? Send me the titties.

And I'm going to reverse image search the titties. Be screen recording when they FaceTime you tonight. Yeah. Like if it's a guy doing that, fuck you. You are a loser. Just send him your dick right now. That is the lamest thing you can do.

But also, I feel like I'm still getting gutted. Don't even let him ask for it. Imagine if you squander this opportunity, because they're two big round titties. Right? Just fucking throw a Hail Mary. Send your pecker back. It'll be on Barstool Reddit in ten minutes, but who cares? Yeah, because, wait a minute, right? Just fucking throw a Hail Mary. Send your pecker back. Send the pecker.

It'll be on Barstool Reddit in 10 minutes, but who cares? Yeah, because wait a minute. Your number did leak like two weeks ago. Oh, really? I think that's quite a game changer.

We're leaving out. But the area code matches up. It's Pittsburgh. And the story does. So it's someone who is in the circle, which it was such a weird prank for anyone to pull girl or guy especially around our age let me see let me just see the texts

you can even I don't I have no desire to see the titties what if it's one of her friends like pulling a prank on both you guys but it's actually her tits I don't know how to move from here because I am curious but I don't want to to move from here because I am curious, but I don't want to give them any fodder to jack off to.

It is a tough spot to be in. Well, speaking, there's also a Russian girl in the city. You know her. She's harassing everyone's DMs. Oh, yes. Full blown. She probably has searched you. Who is she?

She has DM'd everybody. Nobody's responded. Straight up videos of her getting fucked and her sucking. But we think it's one of our co-workers, Cox. What? And this girl, she's presenting as if it would be clear cut spam. But then you go and you look further and it is a real human. She sent Tommy a sex tape KB

is that on Twitter Instagram I'll show you the girl actually yeah go to your DM's open on Instagram they're not like I don't check there's like plus 99 I don't go up there I don't venture no it's not a good place to wrestle around in there but the

where are we here I don't here i'm mad that you guys are making me do this cross yeah we'll cross reference that i'm just gonna like i'm just gonna look at the eyes i don't want to see oh okay wait i can oh okay uh i hope it's not i hope that's not your penis in this pussy how How can I search names? Go up to the top, I think. Or no, just go to her profile. Go to DMs. Then you go to search.

I don't think I have that. How do you not have that? How do you just not have that? It was show, show, show. This is very exciting. Owen, have you gotten them? No. Oh, sorry. Yeah, have you gotten them? No. Oh, sorry. Yeah, pal.

I got... I got... She calls me daddy. They're real videos. She's a Russian woman running rampant. I'm going to see who... I'm getting full-blown videos. I got a...

Okay. You're just getting pictures. I did just get a picture, and it was... But I'm getting pictures of her getting fucked by a guy It's just like here's my phone number This is a bot no Because mine said I saw you in

Fidei wait wait wait And then what did you do I heard Oh I heard about this I was like oh fuck Is am I being stalked because I'm afraid I'm afraid so I clicked on her profile And she had a store like a story So I clicked it to see if she was in Fidei and like I was afraid. So I clicked on her profile and she had a story, like a story. So I clicked it to see if she was in fight. I'm like, I was afraid.

Nothing. And then I got a DM from a dude and he was like, yo, man, I saw you check that girl's story. And I was like, what? And he was like, yeah, she posted it to her Snapchat that you looked at her story. And he was like, I don't want to say what he said. What did he say? He said, beware of fatso.

She's terrorizing Manhattan with her pussy. We were all saying we would have considered that. No, we didn't say that. She just was too aggressive. We were all saying that. Aren't we?

The Russian... I was actually doing... I was actually doing... You really want a box of a can coming from... I was actually doing a Cuts Clothing ad about that girl's titties. Get Cuts Clothing.

Cutsclothing.com. Promo code ANUS. It's the redefined workwear. Back to the pussy. So you want me to just open these pictures? Why aren't you opening them? What are you afraid of?

I don't know. I don't know if you... I want to see if you got the same one. So this first one, this is from March 2nd. It doesn't have dates on it. Let's see. March 2nd. Tommy's gotten them.

11.50 a.m. Jeez. That's the most asexual time. That's the most asexual time because you're getting hungry for lunch. This just says, would you hit? It's a butt in boy shorts nothing great uh this is this is uh would you hit no this is kind of the same message uh this what here's something i don't like if we're gonna start uh breaking down sex i

this picture i can tell was taken at night so therefore she didn't take it at 11 50 a.m so she's sending me a reused nude and it turned off. Of course I wouldn't hit. Send it to KB first. No, no, no, no. No, that's the thing. I think she sent them to me first. But they weren't very scandalous and she was like,

okay, Nick's unobtainable. Send KB something a bit more. Have you gotten straight phone numbers? I have a phone number. I think you're so fucking hot you're misspelled not so do you still think it's a bot? let's fuck John

wow so that's not very body so far there's nothing that says definitely not bot yet well do you have John anywhere in your profile? No. No, but I've reposted videos where people definitely bought. But how would a bot do that?

How advanced do you think bots are? This girl is not a bot, but she's trying so hard to come across as one. Post shower flick. I got no video. Post shower flick? Nope, here's a video. Okay, I got a video of a dick getting sucked. Did you get that?

Yeah. Oh my god, you're jealous. Some were personalized to me. The guy. Oh, now it's sex. Yep. She probably put my name in wrong. Yeah, she probably put her name wrong.

I'm worried about who hasn't. Whose dick do you think that is? We think it's somebody from this office. It's got to be somebody from this office. You think it's somebody from this office? Yeah. And I zoomed to see if I could see a reflection of White Sox Dave. But to no avail.

Honestly, it does look like someone who does. That looks like the dick of someone who does sports talk radio. It is a sports fan's dick. someone who does sports talk radio. It is a sports fan. Anytime you've ever seen a video from like the like I forget what's what's Buffalo's called now. Highmark Highmark Stadium with like a hand job

on the top. There's some dude like finger in a girl's butt through 17 sport fans dicks are that kind of always cold. Yeah. Yeah. Cold. Cold. is cold yeah yeah yeah cold cold yeah i guess you can say happy birthday now all right now i can't five more minutes on the clock super super early oh i did this this happened to me with uh with kirk minahan the first time we interviewed him, and Kirk mentioned that both his parents were dead.

And Kevin said, I'm sorry to hear that. And he was quick with the draw. And then you. And then Kirk was like, anything you'd like to say, John? And I was like, I'm not going to piggyback. Yeah, you got to wait. I'll get you later. And I got him after the interview.

But you can't just prompt me to be like, here's an emotional thing to say. Yeah. You almost have to wait for the anniversary of the death. Yeah. Hey, my thoughts. It's like when people to wait for the anniversary of the death. Like, hey, my thoughts. It's like when people bring the checkouts. Someone pays for dinner and like, everyone's like, thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. I'll get you in the parking lot.

If I don't get you first, I'll get you in the parking lot. Yes. They don't piggyback on all that stuff. It doesn't make sense. We went to Owen's house. The parents made like a spread of sandwiches. Delicious sandwiches. Yeah. And you guys were all thanking her when we were leaving. So I was like,

I was in the same boat. Yeah. I doubled down. So I waited until I got home. I text Owen when I got home. I said, be sure to thank your parents again. I'm so good with parents.

I skipped the middle. That's weird of me. I'm 30. I'm so good with parents. I could, I should be one. You are. Yeah, I am.

I'm so good with parents. I'm so good with parents. I should be one. I'm so good with my peers. You don't want to bring me home to dad. Why? So you get a friend. KB, call that number. See if there's a voicemail. Oh, good idea.

And if the voicemail is full, I think it's her. It's not her. That's the titties of a full mailbox. Full mailbox? The titties could be. Full box titties. Were they heavy perkies? They were.

I think. I am not. I'm very nervous about somebody answering and me having to talk to them. I'm terrified. Because this is your gotcha moment. Yeah. You could either win here or lose. I'm going to lose. I'm going. Because this is your gotcha moment. Yeah. You could either win here or lose. I'm going to lose.

I'm going to lose. I'm nervous for either scenario. Did you see the boobs? I did not see the boobs. Show them the boobs. If. You want to see boobs? Boobs are boobs.

Well, call that number. I'm afraid. Do it. Let me do it alone. You guys. No, no, no, no, no. I'm afraid. Do it. Let me do it alone. You guys. No, no, no, no, no. We'll leave if you do it. I'll leave.

Yeah, I'll leave. You guys, all of you leave? Yeah. Okay. You need anything? This could be a really good episode, Kyle. Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system. Seven. What was it?

What? What was it? What do you mean? Did you call? No answer. No voicemail? This is the automatic one. So what?

The default one. You know what? I'm glad that came up too. I'm done with the automatic one. I think I still have You know what? I'm glad that came up too. I'm done with the automatic one. I think I still have it. That shouldn't be a thing anymore. I think I still have it currently, but I'm going to change it. Do it right now.

Okay, sure. That's a good idea. Yeah, I think so. Why not? Are they texting you? Let's see. Because this is a... I actually...

This is such a black and white result it could either be hilarious i think it'll be funnier if it is her right because that's the only situation where it would be funny no it would be funny if it was i already think it's somebody else and that's not a funny prank i'm just i'm from the outside looking in. And if those are titties that he just pulled from the internet. They probably are. You think they're. Yeah, I mean, those are really nice.

You think those are internet boobies? Forward it to me. You don't have to reverse. You can buy those on OnlyFans now. Oh, yeah. You can buy a fake set real quick. Oh, my God. You're like jealous. If it is her, you don't want to show.

You don't want to send them to me. Because what if you start dating her and now your girl's titties are on my phone oh i'd remind you every day it'll be my lock screen i could not live with myself you couldn't date her the second this is on my phone you can't date her i'm not you're not i can reverse image search on my own no you can't you don't know how to figure it out you're not, I can reverse image search on my own. No, you can't. You don't know how to do that. I could figure it out. No, you couldn't. You could not.

You absolutely could. You could barely figure out what's between 12 and 50. None of us could. Well, I got it pretty close. So? That doesn't count at all. 26. This is the, like, this is a seminal moment.

Honestly, it was probably right around my 29th birthday Florida State memory? It was What'd you say? I said a seminal moment Like an important moment Yeah that was a Florida State You went to Florida State

Yeah I got the joke You didn't You didn't I sure did I sure did But the Hey who am I? Meow

Meow I had a girl Who I like But the... Hey, who am I? Meow. Meow. I had a girl who I, like, pined after who came to New York. How do you pine after somebody? Oh, lots of late nights. I don't know. You don't know what pining is. You can pine for someone.

I know what it means. But you were crushing on her. Yeah. Or lots of late night what then? Oh, I was going to be like super creepy, like hanging out in trees. But. Literal pining. Yeah. But the.

And then she reached out to me after like 10 years of silence. And then it was like, I'm in New York. Let's meet up. And. Good feeling. It was. It was up and good feeling it was it was real it was real it was real well it should be real adults aren't going around pranking guys like except for me on my birthday yeah so it's on your birthday you're not 100 of this i'm 50 50 split it's definitely a dude too and i I know it's just destroying me.

Did they just not answer? But how do they know these details? You think she just goes around talking about you? It's probably like the guy she is fucking. He's just like, mom. So she's just making you feel worse? This girl you haven't heard from in forever is just talking to the guy she's fucking about KB? I don't know.

That's a dub for you. You're the guy at Barstool? I had this one interaction with him. That would. I guess that is a W for me. I don't know. That's a W for you. You're the guy at Barstool. I had this one interaction with him. That would. I guess that is a W for me. I think most of these outcomes are Ws for you. Well, fall off. I don't think.

I think there's more losing scenarios than winning. So my reply to her original happy birthday text was kind of embarrassing. Wait. Wait. What was it? Wait, what was it? Wait, what was it? So this is the reason why I'm... Get out ahead of it. Now I'm angry at this person.

Wait, what was your reply? It was something about like I've been... No, wait, wait, you don't have to guess, my friend. You can just read it, brother. I'm not reading it. No, it was like something like this, and you're making it cooler. Something like, I'm joking satirically, like, I've been waiting for this text message for 10 years. No, it wasn't.

As a joke. How did you convey that it was a joke? She's never texted me ever, but we've known each other for 10. Do you follow each other on Instagram? Yes. Has she ever like swiped up on one of your stories? I don't think. I think you can only lose in this situation.

Because if it is her, one, I've seen her titties. So has John. So has Owen. If it is her, you've already called her twice when she said she'd call you after work. And you accidentally were trying to copy her number to send to somebody and you accidentally FaceTimed. Yeah. So this is bad. This is a mighty L.

And you had the, I've been waiting. It shouldn't be. So you said, I've been waiting for this text for 10 years. And then called her three times pretty quickly. I hope to God this isn't her. And the first time I tried to like copy and paste the number

and Google accidentally FaceTimed her. Oh, this is fucking awesome. I'm very happy. This prankster is probably creeped out by me. That's why they're not responding. Just like, I'm in trouble here. Like a fucking no.

How many texts have you sent? Oh no, Kyle. A few. I was excited. Ballpark. So was it like happy birthday KB? I've been waiting for this text for 10 years then titties?

No, I said a couple more. How many separate pieces of punctuation did you use? I don't know. I just wanted to catch up. I was like, so what are you up to? What are you doing now? Are you living in Pittsburgh? Any replies in those?

I'm not kidding about that i'll skip fucking joking with you guys how are you guys so easy to get no you're not talking about getting gut you're still getting no you're okay bud okay um that's it felix gray. Okay. And I warned everyone. So the people have been doing the opposite. Nobody heeded. Some people did. And I appreciate.

We don't want to lose this sponsor. Yes. And we've heated people on what not to do. And now they're just doing it more. And I went out of my way to preemptively tell people, do not mock this company in any way. And I gave specific examples of what not to say to them or about them. So give an example of them not mocking. Not mocking would be like, I love the Felix Gray glasses.

That's right. They create eyewear that improves daily screen time. Yeah. And it's like they block out five times more blue light. You can say that. And we encourage you to say that. I was so persuaded by your ad read that i am going to buy felix gray glasses at felixgrayglasses.com where i'm doing them slash story what you shouldn't do

or something you shouldn't do is call them something like feel dicks gay right that's something you shouldn't do because we don't want to lose them no we're happy that they're partnered with us and yet you say that and people are still still using constantly calling them field. It's gay. Explicitly what I said not to do. I don't think you I don't think you've stressed enough. I thought I did. I'll stress it enough.

Don't call them field dicks gay. You guys have like big sponsors, don't you? Let's do some ad reads for you alright thanks Felix Gray whoa buddy I know you have to say don't call them that I know I didn't say it I did want to say happy birthday to you oh that was good

that was good get the hell out of here thanks John he's responding to that girl's DM's as soon as he leaves happy birthday to you. Oh, that was good. That was good. Get the hell out of here. Thanks, John. Thank you, John. He's responding to that girl's DMs as soon as he leaves. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, come here. What are those back pockets?

Oh, crazy guy. Walking in front of the camera. Getting in front of the, I guess, goodness gracious. It looks like you're using them too. To the fullest. It looks like you put two butt cheeks in there.

You could put all of your high school textbooks in there. Somebody's ass is in there. You just walked to class to class. Yeah, man. See ya. Great talker. great talker good talker we could use somebody that's good at talking for this podcast because like now we just

got nothing are you worried about this is a great fodder for for podcasting are you worried about this girl I'm not worried it's just more like kind of awkward if she like finds out we were talking about it but those aren't her titties if it's not her yeah but then if she does find out about it and then he showed and she didn't know it was happening someone's just

no no no i'm thinking if it is her and then you immediately go to the podcast and are just like yeah look at these titties yeah but how would you feel if it's like someone was like sending a girl that you knew like a dick pick and claiming to be you is it a big dick i guess you're right those are awesome those are rocking yeah it's rocking boobage whatever but that would be funny if i text somebody you knew and as you with a tiny fucking dick hey it's kb remember the caller id changer app with that jailbroken ipod yes that was way ahead of its time and illegal we were so mean with it as like freshmen in high school we would like our wrestling friends we would call them from the number of like a college coach and pretend to recruit them and like lead them on and then be like oh never mind we're just checking your your stats and we're not interested oh my god that would break or we'd

call like if there was like a couple like feuding we would call one of them for someone else's number yeah and it would work yeah you probably ended couples yeah man that's i think that's still a thing it has to be illegal yeah it's like i don't know you're a moron if you believe any of that kind of stuff though like messages that are too good to be true any response no i think you creeped them out i did can i look at the i won't read anything can i look at the conversation that you had no no no because you're holding out hope cut okay wow what a good episode that was huh kyle oh are we done not quite is there more not quite i was asking you i was what you thought of the

episode it's our best you obviously know i'm doing a fucking ad i actually did not do that yes why would you have to start the ad with like any and like talk about how the pod you just want to jump right into the ad you don't have to start like oh you know what no no let's recap the whole episode to start this ad wow thanks to jared and fights i was those got two funny guys um they're both ugly which is interesting both bad looking guys and uh jesus this is good all right yeah uh like this energy but they love helloFresh. Yeah? They do. Yeah.

We do too. What do you love about it? Are you bleeding? No. Then what are you wiping? I do have this mystery stigmata that genuinely worried my mom. So every day you're getting a new hole down your arm. Not a new hole. Yes.

Because yesterday you had one hole. It's the shawarma box. What's a shawarma box? It's my favorite HelloFresh meal. I was trying to get to the bottom of your bloody hand. I don't know. No, I couldn't recommend HelloFresh enough. Yeah, I guess I could, but you guys just have to get it, and it speaks for itself.

And we can help you. How many free meals, Kyle? Not too much, but not too little. That's right. 16. You don't want a surplus of food. 16. You'll overeat or it'll go to waste.

Yeah. 16 is the perfect. And so you guys can go to HelloFresh.com slash Story16 and use code Story16 at checkout to get 16 free meals and three free gifts. They won't tell us what the gifts are. You guys will have to just get it and figure it out. That is hellofresh.com slash story16.

Thank you guys for listening. Happy birthday to KB. Next birthday is Owen. Yeah. Oh, when are you? April. When are you? October 23rd.

That's right. Fuck. We didn't do anything? April. When are you? October 23rd. That's right. Fuck. We didn't do anything for that. I don't know any birthdays. Yeah. I never even regard anyone's birthday. Today, people are going crazy for mine. I think there's something we don't know.

I don't like it. Yeah. It makes me feel bad. Yeah. I don't know anybody's birthday. And people are being nice in the comments of the Instagram post. Yeah, weird. Weird.

I guess, yeah, you're the likable one. Thank you. You're welcome. Someone said fat neek. I think they meant neck, Kyle. Someone also commented on... They meant neck. No, they mean I look like a fat neek

no no no they think they meant neck look at the picture I don't know this is how body dysmorphia starts it's not like a wide muscular neck well I don't say I'm they're saying I'm fat fat necks good thing they didn't say neck they said

neeks they're talking about our friend Nico who's been on the podcast they say I'm, they're saying I'm fat. Fat neck's a good thing. They didn't say neck. They said neek. So they're talking about our friend Nico, who's been on the podcast. They say I look like a fat version of him. No, you're not in that picture. Never have either. Not in the picture? Your neck looks a little wide in the picture, but in a muscular way. They didn't say neck. You have the best body.

They meant neck. You have the best body in this room. They said neek. They said it looked like a fat version of him. Respond to that and just be like, did you mean neck or neck? What did you mean? What did you mean? No, now it's going to be the tit situation.

They're going to want to face him after work. No, it's not, because that person has a profile. They commented from their profile. He might string me along. All right, I'm fine. No, no, wait, call them. He's probably saying that because I just housed the pork belly real fast. Wait, do you want me to...

Can't you call people on Instagram? Yeah. Let's get to the bottom of this right now. What does he mean? Is it going to bother you that much? No. Do you want me to call a guy? I actually don't want to know.

Don't call him. What's that mean? Don't. Fat Neek. Let me see what he looks like. He's from Chicago. He goes to Carthage Yeah I don't know how to Send message

And call Don't call him Why not Well we gotta figure this out He doesn't deserve the platform But what if he met Fat Neck I don't think he did What would you rather it be?

No one's phone auto-corrects to Neek. I don't know, man. Maybe he doesn't have auto-correct on. I can call him right now. I'm fucking with you guys. I don't care. You don't care at all? What are you doing right now?

Searching. Searching what? Are you searching him? No. Okay, we're good. We're good? Yeah. Alright, thank you guys.

That's your reply to what I'm going to say. No, you're just going to say, No, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? No, baby! That's a new untold story. Outro Music