A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 276 - Tickling (Bonus w/ Jared Schwartz)

Episode Date: January 28, 2022

|| BONUS ep. for the people || Nick, KB, & Owen are joined by NYC comedian Jared Schwartz || Full episode also available on Apple/Spotify/etc. || Thanks for watching/listening! #AnusYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. A new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh big untold story. A new untold story. A new untold story podcast um you guys asked for an owen cam guess what so we got jared we got jared owens also we also have owen on the panel uh nobody is running the controls right now which i don't i don't know what you do back there, but the ship is running astray. I think the wackest part as a listener, when podcast hosts spend time introducing the guest

and we get to know all the irrelevant details about them, we're not going to introduce you or say anything about who you are. Yeah, I think we just start talking. Hey, thanks for having me on. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. None of that. Nothing like that. You just walked into the office and it is 548.

Is that the funny part? The time is funny to you? It's 548 and you go straight back to the kitchen and you say, can I grab some snacks? So first, when people come into this office, they usually want a picture next to the sign. They want some merch. You go back. Maybe just throw up a V. Throw up a little V for Viva. But you go back to the kitchen

and out of the corner of your eye, you saw Scooby-Doo branded Scooby snacks. And you grabbed like four bags right in front of me. And so, you're poor. You grabbed a bunch of Scooby snacks. So I'll say you're a comedian.

You're a stand-up. Stand-up. Writer. Voice over actor. All right. You came here, and I think you don't want to be on this podcast. You saw it as an opportunity to eat. You also live at home you

live at home my mom buys me a lot of snacks but you needed ours well i'm out for the night does your mom not buy you scooby snacks is that what did she quit what snacks does your mom buy goldfish that's a lot just goldfish uh she's been buying chewy bars okay that's been uh oh she had some wafers a couple weeks ago what kind of kind of wafers wait for no i'm gonna wait for a guy okay so she buys dry ass snacks yeah uh she hasn't bought chips she used to buy chips for me back in the day when they were 25 cent you know we would have a bag you live in stat island i'm set on born and raised is that a good thing stat Island comedians doing pretty good. But do you feel like that ship sailed?

No. Just like, oh, another one? No, the crop is rising. I'm here to save us. Okay. Well, yeah, because Pete Davidson is like, has he fallen off? He's dating the most famous person in the world. He's at the top of the mountains.

I mean.in jost he just he procreated with uh scarlet joe scarlet joe no but you're up next and i mean yeah it's very nice for me one's dating kim k one knocked up you know scarlett johansson and you're stealing scooby snacks from the barstool sports office dude i gotta I got to say, those M&M cookies look pretty good, too. They were soft-baked, and you grabbed those, too. I just didn't want to throw you under the bus, but you did grab some bags of that, too.

I actually went back with Owen to fill my water bottle and grabbed another bag. And the thing is, you haven't had any. You just took them for later. Yeah, they're for the ride home. I'm out here late. I stay out here late.

I live in my car. You're making the right moves. You'm out here late. I stay out here late. I live in my car. You're making the right moves. You finally have a platform like this. We're going to debate whether or not I'm the put-on prince. No, no, no. It'll be a good platform for you to showcase your comedic talents. I have to say, I'll get into the put-on prince thing. You're going to get into the put-on prince right now?

Yes, I'm going to have to. Why? I have a queen who put me on, my girl Karen Fian. She puts you on? Of all new Fians. You let a girl put you on? Hey, you got to let these women put you on, bro. You bring up, we were just at the bar across the street having a beer and you

brought up like meeting women and you said, have you ever been to Ray's Bar? You recommended a bar in New York City and it was Ray's. They should sponsor you guys. Sure. What was your selling point? What did you say about Ray's bar? Guaranteed to meet a girl.

Meet a girl. You said it in the cool boy cadence. You gotta get to Ray's. I meet so many girls there. That just means you were shut down like six times. Oh fuck fuck. What happened? Did I fucking

did you meet someone? Fuck what? Oh, my God. Yo, dude. I think I met a fat girl. No, they don't get through the door. No. Ray says, oh, I can't believe I

met so many girls. You smell your palm in the morning to see how many hands you shook. Oh, my God. I met like four girls last night. I didn't get their names or numbers. I just shook their hand. Yeah, Raze sounds sick, man. But they do not have strawberry drinks.

Is that the big issue? Yeah. I asked the bartender. I was like, I want a drink. She's like, I was like, what do you got? And she's like, what do you like? I was like, strawberries. And she's like, I can't help you. When she asked you, what do you like?

Did you forget that she meant drinks? Did you just mean in general? You don't know, just like an icebreaker? Like if you go to the bar and the bartender's like, yeah, what do you like? I don't know, like Monday crossword. Like fruits. I like fruits. Not all Monday crossword. Yeah. Like fruits. I like fruits. Not all fruits because we were also at the bar.

This is insane. This was insane. And I wanted to. But now I feel like I know you better and I can make fun of you for it. But at the time. I didn't want to say anything. Really, I was seething. You asked for a berry.

A very berry truly. You said it too. We were sitting at the bar where i'll order in beers and whatnot and you said you have white claw and they were like no do you have high noon they were like no do you have truly they were like yes do you have black cherry truly and they were like no but we have the citrus flavors and you were like then never mind i'll just sip this water yeah you went from wanting to get a drink to not wanting to drink at all because they just didn't have berry flavor. Are you anti?

What's up with you don't do citrus? I know what I like. No, I like oranges. That's it. Yeah. I like lemon. That's what they offered to you. I just wasn't feeling it.

But you were so disappointed. Like, I'll just have fucking nothing then i guess you just won't have my service like a water would have been better than a grapefruit truly at that point yeah you just went completely like yeah i'll just have water like if you ask for a pep coke and they're like is pepsi okay and you're just like now i'll just have a pepsi guy i'll just have a fucking a white monster energy instead. Who's a Pepsi guy? Who's a Pepsi guy?

It leaves a coating on your teeth. You're a Pepsi guy? Does it leave a coating on your teeth? Yeah. I think they all leave coating on your teeth. KB, you're a Hep-C guy. I'm not a dark Hep-C guy. Show me your notes, Sap.

Deal. A Hep-C who's been in there for a long time. I've just been waiting for you to bring up, Pop. You have Hepatitis C, don't you? No. Who don't? I feel like see you has been in there for a long time You have hepatitis C don't you I know don't if you don't what are you? What are you what healthy? What are you fucking healthy not meeting women? What I'm actually only doing two coats a month so Iokes a month i ran that up already yeah why why did you have to limit yourself yeah i used to be really addicted yeah but like you're thin yeah what what's what's what was the deal with i had kidney stones really too much coca-cola you've

had kidney stones plural pleurisy uh there were multiple kidney stones in there yeah that's my that is my biggest nightmare. No, it should be until I tell you this. I had six hemorrhoids at once. Oh my God. No, I've had hemorrhoids. You know those,

you know those like stress balls that are the impulse buys that Spencer gifts with like the netting around it? Yeah. That was my butthole. When you squeeze it? Yeah.

Oh my God. I've had hemorrhoids and they were never that bad. Mine were exterior. It was always just like, oh, there's a little treat getting to itch them.

How do you get rid of them? I don't even know what they look like. They put a rubber band around some and then they lanced some others. They lanced? Yes. What does that mean? Lance Armstrong? They fucked my ass.

I guess it's all in my butt. It's a bass or an Armstrong. It's a bass or an Armstrong. They fucked your ass and they removed one of the hemorrhoids. Yeah, that's right. Where are hemorrhoids? The butthole. Inside the butthole.

Sometimes out. There's interior and exterior. You were an eight out of ten and then they lanced them and you went lance to ten. Yeah, they pranked me. My ass doctor pretended to die. Lance to ten, un-reference. That was good. Lance 2 Lance 2 10 Unreference That was good

Lance might be the Woted name Just based on the history Has there ever been A good Lance? You've been Lance'd? The final Pokemon Of the Elite Four

Is Lance The dragon leader Is he good? He had two dragonites Gyarados Aerodactyl So you tell me I don't know what

They're talking about He was easily beaten. Bug type. Fade out. I got that off my chest. People, I've gotten like three DMs like, yo, I appreciate the Pokemon talk. Yeah. Yeah.

Or YouTube. Sure. YouTube demographic. It's like 94% white males and 6% Asian women. Yeah. It's incredible. Dude, diving into our demographics is the most it's sad i think it's like k-pop stan girls who are like not even asian but they move to south

korea for that like the fucking asian guy yeah which is the worst i i want there to be japanese guys that move to america for like the culture like the opposite. The inverse is happening a lot. Yeah white guys move to Japan because they think they can get women but they don't. Look at Colin Jost Did he do that? No it's Scarlett Johansson. That was an Asian joke Oh she's Asian. Oh fuck

See this is like. She's Asian? I thought she was Swedish No she played like an Asian and her eyes are like round. She played it? Round, round. She lead on Aziz? What?

What do you mean? She got cast as like a role that was originally like it was a comic that was an Asian girl, but she got cast as it and people were up in arms at actors pretending. That tends to be how I deliver jokes, where you have to explain them. Yeah, that's a sign of good comedy. That's a sign of good comedy. A good joke, like the people shouldn't understand it at first.

Good jokes make people laugh. Great jokes make people not. Exactly. And that's what makes you a great comedian. Because we saw you were an and friend

at the Sasson Friend Show. I was. Huge honor to be an and friend. Yeah, definitely was. Co-producer. And you had the room silent and I was like, this guy's crushing it. This guy's fucking crushing it. Because you can control the room.

He had it so he could hear a pin drop. That's the ultimate control. fucking crushing. The way you, because you can control the room. Yeah. He had it so he could hear a pin drop. That's the ultimate control. Yeah. The ultimate control. The tempo was in your hands. It was like, Name of the Comedian

was very good at crowd control. They can like get you to do whatever. You, yeah, like getting them silent is the hardest crowd control. Because people are, they're excited.

They want to laugh. They're eager. They're drunk. It reminded me of like bill burr like performing in like portland yeah that's a good that's a good selling point so we went to your show was really good that's it's it's always wild when a comedian is funny to me it always catches me off guard you and you made me laugh it always catches me off guard. I've seen you and you made me laugh a lot. It always catches me off guard when a comedian's funny. Shut the fuck up. But then you work in the school system?

I do. That's not good. Yeah, it's not. Are you a sub? I am technically a sub, but I just got a role for indefinite position, which I'm very ecstatic about. Yeah. Yeah. So it's one on one. One on one. Special ed. General ed.

It is general, which I love. But the client is he's a problem. Is he your boy? Like a diagnosable problem or. Yeah. I mean, it's just about him being like, you know, it's like him controlling his emotions. Is it an inner city school? Is it a is it a bad school? No, it's's actually like a real good school it's actually my alma mater different

not exclusive slip of the tongue uh so when you're when you're talking to this this boy yeah you're the one that's telling him how to control his emotions yeah you qualified Are you qualified? I took the test. What's the emotion control test? What's the test? No, the test is the certification for a paraprofessional. Oh, it's paraprofessional. You guys know what that is?

Yes. My mom's a paraprofessional. Is that right? Yeah. My mom is, then i i did something similar did not have one kyle used to diagnose kids with autism i worked with the early childhood special ed early intervention birth to three wow risk oh so you guys are very familiar he is kind of him a little bit more than i i don't talk to my mom about that

it's a it's uh yeah the kid that i'm working with has like uh trouble with script following like orders do you have any reward systems in place like a positive reinforcement when he is doing the right thing he puts a cheerio on his nose and makes him stay real still i've had some incidents where the reward system was quite drastic a drastic reward system yeah it was a kid who had sensitive issues. Sensitory. Oh, okay. And one of his reward systems was to be tickled.

Okay. So you're working as a paraprofessional with, like, what? A fifth grade boy? That was a nonverbal student at at the time with tickles but this kid right now you had to tick like how did you get interviewed for that the reward was getting you tickled him I had to

under the pit show us yeah but are you a good tickler I'm pretty I'm pretty ticklish myself but yeah I'm a good tickler yeah it takes a tickler well who's in charge of saying like that that flies you have to like meet with someone in new york city like it's okay for you to tickle this little boy the city it's a sensitive so you got paid to tickle i i wasn't

getting paid to tickle that's amazing i know was he in like some people do not think that was that your easiest laugh you've ever gotten it was a stand-up show where a comedian just goes out and tickles everybody that would play if you were tickling a kid on stage I was laughing no if like he came out

and tickled you I would crack up I would crack up yeah I laughed some crowd work but the worst was like sometimes I would

tickle him and he wouldn't show any emotion and I'm like you're making this you're making this that's way worse than getting like

a negative reaction you're making this worse tickling's way worse than getting a negative reaction. You're making this worse for both of us here. Tickling an indifferent boy would be like hell. Yeah, I was like, you wanted this. So A, you're not good at tickling. And B, you're a creep. No, I was good. He was just tickling an indifferent boy.

I would much rather tickle a boy who's screaming at the top of his lungs. Like, get off me. What position was he in? Oh my gosh. No, was he like sitting down? Did you like, all right, raise your arms or did you just go on? Did you have any rules in place when you tickled him? No rules. I would sometimes ask the teacher to do it.

It was a female teacher. I was like, you gotta do this. I told him I was uncomfortable. I just, but then I got used to it. When she did it, you would leave the room or you would watch? I would watch. I had to learn. I had to learn. Yeah, I guess you do. That's a... That was old part.

That was, you know, I'm past that. Yeah, didn't they ask you to not tell that story? Yeah. Yeah? It's got to be a HIPAA violation. Yeah, I got to... I actually have a paper right now. I can't wait to get it framed.

What race was he? So I can just get a... He was an Asian boy. He was black. Oh, he's a black boy? I should not even say that. Oh my gosh, I'm fucking retarded. I've never... Oh my I should not even say that. Oh my gosh, I'm fucking retarded. I've never...

You should say that. I've never tickled a black person. No, wait. No, you haven't. I've never tickled... I haven't either. You have? Yeah.

Who have you tickled? No one was going to believe that. Yeah, you look like somebody who's tickled an African-American. Oh, my God. But we don't have any reward system set up for this new kid, but I'm finding some. I'm finding some. He likes watching, like, you know, Fortnite videos. He likes Hershey's.

I just found out. So I'm figuring things out. They don't have a reward system set up, but I'm working on those. I just, you know, I'm just getting Fortnite and Hershey's. That's like every kid. But just not the tickle boy. Not the tickle boy. He didn't like.

No, he liked actually spelling. He liked spelling with magnets. Dude, one time. I mean, that's awesome. Way more fun than just writing words. He got these magnets and he just spelled like. Like some Spanish. I don't even know what spanish word he yo soy uh really yeah and we're like you speak spanish and he's like no said no he just threw letters together i think he was roasting you

he wrote like k and i was like this is what you wanted why are you saying what so you telling that story is funny but when that kid grows up to be a comedian his story is going to be so much better from his point of view the best part about that

is he's nonverbal oh he'll be oh my god I'm making this even worse dude you are don't put my name out there him like tweeting that

good thing you didn't say who I was oh yeah that is great you know what you go ahead and say who you was. Oh, yeah, it is great. You know what? You go ahead and say who you are. Plug everything. Why don't you plug everything?

Jared Schwartz, please follow me on Instagram at The Kid Jared. Please check out my animations. Those are cool. Those are on TikTok. Good animation. TikTok and Instagram. Good stand-up. Please come check out my show.

And OnlyFeeHands. I mentioned that already. I don't want to give her too much credit. Absolutely not. It's your show. So why do you talk as if the dynamic is her 75%, you 25%? That's exactly what it is. But you've been on the show since episode one.

But you're on the show. So how is it different? If it's up to word count. She pays $125 and I pay $25. For what? The producing. Okay. Your producer makes $150,000. I know25. For what? The producing. Okay. Your producer makes $150,000?

I know you guys make money over here. We pay. We certainly don't. No, no. We are a huge, huge, huge loss. We finally had this really cool and profitable glasses company. Felix Gray. Somehow lost them.

Somehow. Well, we're trying to get Crystal Geysers. Crystal Geyser. So we got a glasses company to sponsor us. Felix Grey. Somehow lost them. Somehow. People were trying to get Crystal Geyser. So we got a glasses company to sponsor us. Felix Grey. Because I'm like the face of glasses people. You are. I love that. How did we lose them? KB, the first ad read, called them Field Dicks Gay. No, I didn't.

I specifically say don't make fun of them in any way like you do to like dude wipes and people of the past. Do not roast them. Do not like you do to like dude wipes right people of the past don't do not roast them do not harass them on twitter and i gave examples of what would constitute harassment and what wouldn't for example saying i love your glasses i'm gonna buy felix gray would not constitute harassment no but calling them something like feel dicks gay would constitute harassment that's what i don't want right and i

think it almost i think i think it almost backfired a little bit because now people are adding them on twitter and calling them feel dicks gay well if you want to come and see me in your new feel dicks gay glasses there we go don't do this yeah don't do this. Don't do this. I told myself in my head I wasn't going to do this. Yeah. But yeah, Mama's Boy Comedy. That's the last plug. No, M-A-S. No, you're a very funny stand-up comedian.

Thank you, boys. I appreciate that. That's right. And you do talk about your experiences in schools. You talk about living at home. Yeah, with my mom. How old are you? 20.

I just turned 25 in December. No, that's fine. Gross. I'm also from from born and raised in staten island so it's like i live in the greatest city in the world is that true staten island i've never been the city you're talking about like new york city you're kind of yeah that's like the joke the joke is i uh i can't relate at all right growing up and is it in the staten island nice it's not it's great, is it? It's great. No, no, it is.

I live in a good neighbor. I grew up right next to the mall. Can the camera say your last name again? Schwartz. Oh yeah, he lives in a good neighborhood. Okay. Oh shit. Word, word, word. I have like four temples in a mile radius. I did get bar mitzvahed.

Yeah? Yeah. I'm very bar mitzvahed. Yeah? Yeah. I'm very American. Well, Jewish people can be American. What was your bar mitzvah money situation? KB's trying to... You're trying to be an anti-Semite a little bit. I'm not trying. You just are? He is.

I love that. I put people onto the situation in Curious Yoil. It's a town in orange County, New York. And it's all Hasidic Jews. It's all Hasidic Jews, which is, it's amazing.

It's fascinating to me that like the city of 20,000 plus is all of one religion. And the boys tend to be rapscallions. The boys are menaces. Yeah. So they're imps. They're not fucking with you? I don't know. They're fucking with us. I think it's hilarious. Yeah, they just go

and harass people. They steal golf carts from people. They'll just stand and watch barbecues. Go to neighboring towns and then just show up at their backyard barbecue. In heaps. They roll very deep. And they have a very distinct look. Why do you think I took all those snacks?

What are you, Orthodox? No, I just said I'm American. No, I'm conservative, I guess. I don't know. I never thought about it. I don't know the sex of Judaism. The sex? The sex.

The sex. I have a list. When you see a Hasidic Jew, are they going hard or is that too much? The Hasidics? It's too much. It's too much? It's too much.

I didn't say that. No, no, no. You didn't say it. He's allowed to say it. Religion is too much. I've been to a bat mitzvah. It was okay. But a bar mitzvah, I think that would be fine.

You've never been to a bar mitzvah? Never been to a bar mitzvah. What? I'm from West Virginia. They don't have those out there? What do you mean by those? Jewish people. None. No. None. None. We had one.

Joel Palachetti. And he was a redhead, so his redhead... And he had a family with siblings. You gotta watch out with that arm right there. He was the only one. We're talking about... Yeah, this was bad. This was bad timing. Pittsburgh is mainly Polish, right? Pittsburgh's very Polish. And Wheeling's bad. This is bad timing. Pittsburgh is mainly Polish, right?

Pittsburgh's very Polish. And Wheeling's Italian, and there's Italians. Pittsburgh has a lot of Jewish people. But Joel was so red-headed that we forgot he was Jewish. He caught flack for that more. Right. But we do have a temple, Temple Shalom. I did a science fair

project on it. I went to a Catholic school. It was a social studies fair and I did it on just the Torah. First place. I won the science fair four years in a row. No, I did. We were in different grades.

There was no winning. I got a superior and a first place. There was a 20-way tie for first place. Absolutely not. I won every single year and I won the States once. Wow. No, you didn't. Yes, I did.

No, the States was an optional thing. No, you had to win your schools. Go through a rigorous application process. Why are you trying to take this away from me? So there was only three people. You didn't know this about me. How many people did you compete against for the state title? None.

I had to hit a certain point threshold yeah because there's nobody else in my category but i did win giddy um my mom and i did some pretty sick science projects your mom and yourself like for school or just fun school what did you what was your best science fair project you were a volcano kid no mount acon gaug. You chose an extinct volcano because you had an aversion to baking soda and vinegar. No, we did one with plants where we used detergent to see how it would grow.

And? You killed it? It didn't grow. It smelled great. Do you think you were the first person to try it? I don't know. My mom probably found it on Google. Probably. But the look was great we was like just fucking trifle borders it all comes up to the it all comes to the board it's it doesn't matter what the project is right mine was so elaborate and it was so

obviously done by my mom what was your project she wouldn't let me do it oh my yeah no it was so obviously done by my mom. What was your project? She wouldn't let me do it. Oh my God. No, it was like that's mom's love. That was like gave them purpose. Dude, I did this exit project in social studies once. And we did, you know, Majpaj. I was doing, who's the inventor in the printing press? Who was that? Translucentish paper. Oh, you don't know Majpaj?

Gutenberg. Yes, Gutenberg. I know Gutenberg, but I don't know Majpaj. You don't know Mod Podge? Gutenberg. Yes, Gutenberg. I know Gutenberg, but I don't know Mod Podge. You don't know Mod Podge? It's where, like, it's a clear, like, coding where you can put, like, newspaper and then, like... Is it, like, to save puzzles? It's glue. It's glue.

But clear glue. Okay, okay, yeah, yeah. So we did that for my board for Gutenberg. What a great idea. Yeah, printing press. Printing press, right. And I presented it, and from the back, as I'm presenting it, a kid screamed out, his mom did it. No.

His mom did it. Fuck. I'll never forget that, dude. What'd you do? And I was like, what did I do? To him. To him? I was like, you were right.

Yeah. Yeah. But everybody's mom did it. Did you know that's why we have uppercase and lowercase? He kept the bigger letters in the uppercase of his contraption. Really? Yeah. Wait, he kept?

Yeah, like all the upper letters, all the big letters were in the uppercase, and all the smaller letters were in the lowercase. He started that? Yeah. I thought. Interesting. Well, you know the person who invented the uppercase Q? We do. The cursive Q. You know the person who invented the uppercase q we do well the cursive he went to the his his grandson great grandson went to our school we claimed it yeah he said

we were like a probably not and b like that's no one cares and the cursive q is very similar to just the prince well you you're done i'm claiming you as the Prince of Put On because you just put me on to that. I'm the Put On Prince. I just put you on to upper and lower case. And I'm going to say something. And you just glanced off your body. See, Put On Prince isn't the quality of the Put On. It's how influential you are as the Prince.

So, for instance, I'm going to lose my shit today. I did a risky Put On with a song. Quantity versus quality is the argument. My quality is better. No, it's quantity over quality. It shouldn't be that way. So for instance, people are giving me shit like, oh, Kyle, you didn't put me on to Labyrinth.

Euphoria did. That's a popular show. Well, guess what? For as many people who watch Euphoria, way more don't. In this whole time, the past three years. You think more people listen to you than watch Euphoria? No,'t in this whole time the past three years you think more people listen to you than watch you no i'm not saying this wait so for the past three years euphoria has been in existence and no one has ever told me kb you should listen to labyrinth

and i would have killed for that so that's what i'm doing to you i if i put you on to labyrinth it doesn't matter how popular you're putting on. You're putting on the amount of times you're in their face telling them. I got you to listen to Labyrinth. You're putting on people to listen to a song once or twice. I'm putting on people to obsessions, to life changes. Like what?

The music. The people who are listening to Grayscale left and right now. Their streams went up tenfold. Okay. so for instance and people people are trying to police the prince and it's driving me fucking insane so today i put on a risky put on yeah you've been putting songs on your story a bunch of dudes are destroying you don't have garbage you don't what well part of being the prince is making risky moves and guess what not all of my put-ons are going to appeal to specifically you. And that's what the barstool dudes don't understand.

They think that all of our content should be catered toward them as individuals. You're preaching, brother. So if you don't like my put-on, guess what? It doesn't fucking matter because other people will. Weren't you asking for put-ons the other day? Me? Him. I was.

He came to see if- I don't think the prince- The prince asked him for put-ons? That's weird that's yeah I did see on your you've been going real create mode on Instagram

create mode you've been going with a gradient background but you don't have the technological ability to link the song so you just screenshot it

and want them to search the algorithm loves you so I did some like some indie pop hyper pop type deal and of course like a 35 year old

who listened to fucking Bon Jovi for his wedding song. You're not going to like it. I think your put-ons are nefarious. I think you put on for pussy. I put you guys on to raise. You put us on to raise? Yeah. If I ever want to go network with a girl. Yeah, you put on for pussy.

I have some ulterior motive. For me, being the prince, I just do it all for pussy. What don't you on for pussy. Do you think I have some ulterior motive where I, for me being the prince, I just do it all for pussy? What don't you get about nefarious, Kyle? You're nefarious. Who do you do it for? Who do I do it for? The boys.

That's pretty gay, bro. What I could easily do. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not even gonna get it. It doesn't fucking matter. You want it? I've been listening. No, no.

I put on some boys to the band No Pressure. That's Parker Cannon from the Story So Far side project. They're putting out new stuff. It's great. And the boys appreciate it. And that's something they're going to wear out, listen, go to shows, buy merch. What are the girls going to do? They respond to fire emoji to you?

P.U. Hard eyes? No, he's not getting hard eyes. KB and I got a mutual friend, and I hear he's doing pretty good with her. So a girl went to your show, followed you. Saw she was cute. You followed her back. Put it into my DMs.

Mutual follow KB no swag. What? Always a bad sign. Always a bad sign. Does she have a fat ass? That's the thing. I don't know if she does. Kyle?

I know she got a rack. I don't know if she does. Kyle? I know she got a rack. Well, I don't know who this is. I know she got big boobs. But the thing, dude, I love when a girl slides in and she will give a reference to my jokes. Is that a good thing? Yeah. So, fellas, if you're listening. I don't know if I...

That's a good thing. Yeah, that means they were listening to me. I don't know if that's a good thing. No. Well, when you live at home with your mom, that's a good thing. Yeah, that means they were listening to me. I don't know if that's a good thing. No. Well, when you live at home with your mom, it's not the best. I feel like anything's better than just distracting you from eating goldfish and chewy bars, which is a bad combo. She's making me breakfast, dude. It's great.

What kind of breakfast? Eggs in a frame? It depends what I want that day. Really? Yeah. I'm coming over. Is she a patient woman? Very patient.

Very, very. I mean, she didn't even want my brother to leave at 28. And he just, and he did? He made the right, he made the great fucking move at 20. Like, he was like, hey, mom, moving out next week. Didn't even, like, inform her or anything. And, like, you know, that just, over time he learned, like, he can't. I feel like this is a Staten Island thing, too.

Is it a Staten Island thing he has to like is it a Staten Island thing work up the courage well no the age of adolescence is going up is it it is but that's not the definition of adolescence well he is from Long Island so it's okay are you saying kids are maturing faster or slower slower

really yeah look it up oh who's our guy we don't have a fucking guy to look things up I think people are maturing probably faster but just staying young Really? Yeah, look it up. Who's our guy? We don't have a fucking guy to look things up. I think people are maturing probably faster, but just staying young. Like 30-year-olds act like that's what it is in the 20s now. So people are becoming

21 at 15, but people are staying 21 at 30, because I very well am. I disagree. I disagree. I just came into consciousness three years ago. What was the moment?

Adderall at Mardi Gras. I guess so. That made you what? Were you in New Orleans? I was in New Orleans for Mardi Gras. And you did Adderall. Shout out to my ZBT bros. What are your ZBT bros?

Zeta Beta Tau- Shout out to my ZBT bros. What are your ZBT bros? Zero Blog 30? What's ZBT? Zeta Beta Tau. Yeah, shout out to them. Shout out to ZBT Tulane. My boy, my boys hooked me up. I was honorary brother for that weekend.

And what did that do to you? How did that change your life? When I discovered Adderall, it's the drive. Well, I was able to focus on what I wanted to do with my life because I had no idea

what I wanted to do. And now do you take Adderall regularly? I am now prescribed Adder life. Because I had no idea what I wanted to do. And now do you take Adderall regularly? I am now prescribed Adderall. I basically prescribe myself. I went to the neurologist though. I was falling asleep at work and I was like, there's something more to this. So I went to, I was like, hey ma,

this is how I had to convince my mom. I was like, hey, I'm falling asleep at work. There's something more here. It's something in my brain. I'm getting eight hours of sleep. What were you doing for work at the time? Same thing. So you were falling asleep mid-tickle is that is that more pedophilic or less pedophilic to fall asleep comfortable that you're like i'm gonna catch some like like like like a low level

a low level pedophile is nervous when they're tickling. And then an experienced pedophile is cautious. I can do this in my sleep. Mass or pedophile, that's the moment where he's at most eat. This whole episode is just going to be bleep bleep. No, not this. You can do whatever.

You're just like, I'm going to make it. Exhausted after doing one raspberry. Yeah. You were doing raspberries yeah the wool the wool sweater was too heavy to lift up to do a raspberry that's how lazy you were the weighted vest did you ever go to day camp no i never did wheeling park pool day camp yeah but i went to one where you had an art class beforehand me too but i was never a member so like the members had like guest passes. So I'd only go every once in a while.

Oh yeah, yeah. Remember one of the counselors, one of the counselors, he was beloved. Like all of my friends, my male friends loved him. I know who exactly you're talking about. Did he invite you on? Did he invite you somewhere like outside of camp? Not me, but he had this thing where we'd go in the pool

and he would eat our chests. What? Yeah. Chests. He would like, who's ready to get their chest? It was like a raspberry type. Kind of. But it was more of like a, like a bulldog kind of like.

Yeah. Am I eating your chest? Yeah. He would like lift you out of the water and go. Yeah. We were like 10. I did just get my nipple sucked up. I think I was like, when I was like 18, I was like, what the fuck was that?

You tried it? I've tried to get my nipples sucked on. You've had it done? I have very sensitive nipples. I hate it. Really? Why would you want that? Have you ever had a girl do that?

No. She just started doing it inadvertently. You didn't ask? No. And did you stop her? No. Was it fire? I was into it.

Huh. I was into it. Was it during sex or was it just did it? Right after. Was it during sex or just did it? Right after. Oh, absolutely not. It was great. I'm not attracted to anything once sex is over. Oh, God, it's going again.

What? Yeah, I was rock hard. Was it a suck or was it like a kiss around the chest? She was kissing all over it. Yeah, yeah. No, no, no. The nipple. Did you meet her at Ray's? I bet.

No, no. I did not meet her at Ray's. Kyle, I feel like we cut off something. You were trying to really get something off your chest. About this guy in your chest. I actually don't. And I know we use his name a lot, but Carter Huffman. Carter Huffman, yes. We had a vacation with him. Yes. I think they went we use his name a lot, but Carter Huffman. Carter Huffman.

Yes. I think they went down to his house in like Richmond, Virginia. We were in seventh grade. And like me and three friends went without their parents to this day camp counselor's house in Virginia. True. What was the name? I don't know. I don't want to say it because like it's at that weird ground where I don't know. I don't want to say it. Cause like, I'm, it's at that weird ground where I don't know,

like your age difference weren't that much. What he did was, I just, I don't want to, uh, a guy I follow. Maybe a good intention. A guy,

a friend. I want to, yeah, he's a friend, I guess. He came to my show a few times, follow him on Instagram. Some vice article just came out and like about like pedophilia at a camp.

And he was all up in it. He was just asophilia at a camp and he was all up in it and i was he was just as a pedophile yeah he was all up in one no no no no like he was the one being like oh oh he was a yeah have you guys ever had a i was on there if there's the same camp have you guys ever had a follower uh or somebody like yeah just like a follower turn out to be like a really bad person how so the guy The guy that sold Mac Miller fentanyl follows me on Twitter. Oh my god. No way. How do you know? Because they put out his Twitter and I clicked him and he followed.

Follows a ton of Barstool people. Follows you. Really? Yeah. Jesus Christ. In his defense. In his defense. That's like what all the Pittsburgh drug dealers are doing. No. Of course. Yeah, but no, that's fucked up. Shit.

Apparently, I kind of have a Pittsburgh accent that I didn't know about. I didn't even know that was a thing. I had to do a voiceover with Hank. Drawing? Drawing. What? That sounded all right. Yeah, so I had to do a voiceover with Hank and he said, you said that wrong.

What word was that? I don't know. It comes out. Every once in a while I have like a... I didn't realize it was Pittsburgh. I just thought you enunciate words nicely. Yeah. It's the glasses.

It's the glasses that make me enunciate. I don't even need these things. Actually, I do to protect me from harmful blue light rays from my computer screen. Thank you, Felix Gray. Felix Gray. Come back. It was nice knowing you.

What else, Kyle? What else is going on? I feel like you had something we had to bring up. What did I have? So I'm looking for them for now, Kyle. I have another story about how a teacher pressed me for my mom doing my work. Oh, yeah, please. By all means.

Okay. Well, the best part was i was presenting an art uh this was actually freshman year of high school freshman year of college and i was big difference yeah you did a science fair project your freshman year wait the science project was where'd you go to college the college of staten. So you're really just there. You're just there. I got denied from the colleges I wanted to go to. Which were? Johnson and Wales. There had to have still been others.

There has to be. I didn't apply to any. West Liberty and West Virginia is enough. I didn't apply to any. Johnson and Wales? That's a good school. Where is that? Providence.

There's a few. There's one in Florida as well. Did you go for creative writing? No, it's a culinary school. Oh, really? Yeah. Johnson and... Like, they're the Jawbreakers.

Is that... Is that their nickname? The Jawbreakers? I don't know. I wanted to go for culinary back in the day. J-A-W, yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You just wanted... Okay, yeah. No. Yeah, it don't really count. Did you guys ever... I used to, for history assignments, I would dip the paper in tea bags. And then burn it.

You get an automatic A. My mom did that. I did that for like a year. Always worked. Yes. It makes any standard printer paper look like the Declaration of Independence. An old piece of papyrus. It's a great aesthetic. And it works?

Yeah, of course. Teachers show so dumb. I don't know if we've talked about it on the podcast, but one kid's science fair project, I felt so bad. What is goop? What is goop? Oh my God. And he just like mixed a bunch of stuff together to figure out what goop was. What was his conclusion? The goop.

Elmer's glue is very close to goop before it dries. We went to a Catholic school in a nice area. So 90% of the projects were done by an intelligent mother or father. And then the juxtaposition of the 10% who had to do it on their own. Created like, yeah. I want to know where that guy is now. There was one girl that made a volcano but it was 2D

she just drew it on loose leaf paper don't say it we've said her name before it haunts me say her name if she listens to this show and it gets back to us that she does you'll Venmo her $2,000 $2,000

say her name. What did you say? It was Ashley Flatley. You called her Astley Fatley and I never did. Oh, what a scumbag. She had a big juicy butt. Ashley Flatley? Fatley. Fatley. That makes sense. That's way better. This was like pre...

An ass being fat was an insult. It was a fear back in our day so we did call her assly fatly what was the breaking point where fat asses became in vogue Kim Kardashian it had to have been before that

it was anaconda that was it what about Sir Mix-a-Lot I did just get into big butts not for me I thought Sir Mix-a-Lot's song was like a parody song. You thought it was like Weird Al? Yeah, I was like, who could possibly want a fat ass?

Me. You get sprung. You get sprung. I remember when the teachers found out we called her Assly Fatly. It was right before eighth grade graduation. And our graduation walking song was Time of Your Life by Green Day. So our punishment was we weren't allowed to have that as our graduation walking song was a time of your life by green day so our punishment was we weren't allowed to have that as our graduation walking song so we had to have uh

anaconda no no we just had to have god bless the usa as our graduation song huge bummer incredible and then after graduation uh we had this big graduation party and we were all driving there my dad got pulled over for a rolling stop. Missed the entire graduation party. What was the party though? It was at Generations. It was a bunch of pierogies. Bunch of pierogies. We were just talking about that earlier.

I missed the first half of a state championship game I was in one time. You were in? What sport? What do you mean in? Flag football. I was like six years old at the time. Whatever. It? What sport? What do you mean in? Flag football. Wait, wait, wait. I was like six years old at the time, whatever. It's probably fake. That situation always felt like something you only had in

nightmares where it's like the thing you're looking forward to most. A state championship? I played flag football for one year and they put me on the offensive line but you weren't allowed to touch. So you just had to crouch and then stand up. And that was it. You couldn't even touch the

thing. You were just a cone. I didn't even have to wear a flag. You were a human cone. I didn't have to wear a flag. You didn't have to wear a flag? There were two people on the offensive line and four cones. No, that is true. There were six cones. Those were at the back of Bridge Street School.

Yeah. Wow. And i was by far like this the scrawniest kid and they threw me on the offensive line wow the west virginia the junior state tournament has an age division of four and under for wrestling yeah so four and under it shouldn't be illegal it's like four and under six and under 10 and up till 15 and under four and under so these babies were like on the mat and I remember like life or death there has to be

and the parents would just brawl it was like when you put like 2 it's like if you put like 2 turtles on like a piece of cardboard and like try to like coerce them to race. That's like getting three-year-olds to try to do wrestling.

And then they crowned like a champion? And they did. And it was serious. And the refs were serious. The parents were fighting each other. You guys got to make a documentary. I would bet on that. I would bet on that.

Dance moms. Four and under. And under. Look that up. I think there was like some two- what yeah four and under and under look that up like that's like there was like some two-year-olds in there yeah and they're they're like not good at walking yet no like that's just a kid that will fall and you just ignore like it today as a kid like as a 10 year old i was never like this is weird that's just an age division now that i think about it it's like yeah were you in it did you ever no i was in like the i started in eight and under wait are they never wrestled he was just like are

they on their hands and knees yeah are they on their hands and knees the kids well they crawled they crawled to the mat if they're do any other states do that is that like a common i'm gonna that's so great you guys can talk i'm gonna i i got recruited to wrestle my freshman year of high school what do you mean recruited? Like why? I was so skinny and small. Oh, yeah. I was a 96 pounder. They do.

They like poach on like the smallest of people. Yeah. Like the shrimpiest little of people. They're like, there's no way this person's playing other sports. Yeah, but I was. I got, I was playing. Right. But like sometimes they'll strike gold and find somebody like minuscule.

You know what turned me off? The having to weigh myself in front of everyone in my underwear in the ninth grade. That's got to be traumatic. That's like.2 pounds. So if you're cutting it close with weight... We would never weigh in with underwear on. Really? Sacrifice.

Do you want to know how light you would weigh in? Do you ever weigh in with pubes? Yes. Did you shave your pubes? Would you weigh in with pubes yes did you shave your pubes what would you weigh in with pubes as in college yeah well you but i've had pubes in high school i had no you didn't stop trying to start the rumor that i didn't have pubes you got them you went home you went home the night before thanksgiving sophomore year no i didn't your pubes are still trying to start this i had pubes in high school. Your pubes still kind of come in here.

And I still do. No, you don't. No. No one believes that narrative. That you don't have pubes? Where is this? You're awfully hush-hush when we have manscaped. I have pubes.

You don't. That's right. And I have eye-witness accounts. I was a late bloomer. I'll admit it. I was a late bloomer. How late? Maybe sophomore year of high school.

Nice. That's four years before Kyle. Sophomore year of high school for pubes? I was probably that as well. And I was later for like- I was trying to shave them like early in high school. Early in junior high. I think the first girl I kissed was sophomore year of high school.

Were you cutting before you went there to try and get it to grow in? You had to, right? No. All right. Here's the thing. No. There was a four and under 32 pound division. I'm looking at it right here.

And there was a top six. And there was a podium. How much does a bag of dirt weigh? This is 2004. Four and under, 32 pounds. First place, Luke Martin. I know who he is. He currently wrestles for Fairmont State.

Before you hit play, can you play Hellenbeck by Kid Ink and play it at the same time? I know who he is. You know Luke Martin? He currently wrestles for Fairmont State. He's in Division II National Team. Before you hit play, can you play Helen Beck by Kid Ink and play it at the same time? Play what? Just make it a hype video? What am I playing? Luke Martin, this guy really wrestles. Oh, we'll tweet it out. We'll tweet it out.

I don't have a video. Well, there's got to be a video out there somewhere. Someone got fifth in the four and under 32 pound division. He's all state. He's all state. That's unbelievable. Did these kids go on to be good wrestlers? Please pull video up.

This one did. You got to pull video up. I don't know if I, I don't know where I would find video. Do you think wrestling at four helps you become a good wrestler? Or is it just a three? There's no way that helps. No, it doesn't help.

That definitely just sues you throughout the world. Traumatic. Yeah. I mean, we play peewee football and hockey. At like eight, nine. No, like probably five. No.

Yeah, there's hockey at five. Hockey at five? Hockey at five, yeah. I played hockey in kindergarten. You did? Yeah, I was playing hockey. But when it's like a one-on-one combat where there's like trophies for top four

and whoever can get to the blue line. I started skating at three. skating at the five podium. When did you start wrestling, Kyle? Like six or seven. That's still... That's early. There should have been a documentary on the junior wrestling state champion.

Wait, let's... Do they still do that? You should make it. Let's make it. It's probably more progressive now, but back in the day. I bet you it's not. Put on prints if you make make it. Let's make it. It's probably more progressive now. Make it. Back in the day. I bet you it's not.

Put on prints if you make this one. If you make this one. I'll make it. This is the oddest. He said I'll make it. I'm like, no, you're the put on prints. Because I'm like, you're like the funny writing guy, but I'm like the video. You're the face. I'm like the personality guy.

He's the behind the scenes. There's nothing against you. What's your writing process? What? I don't even write. you have some good blogs out there you're a good writer i'll give you that i've been working on that i'm trying to trying to get to that level no i just know how to like write sentences oh that's my problem okay what do you write words barely barely write words i just say like like audible sound i wish i wrote more but it's just like wish it were easier i should start writing more but i don't i can't think of ideas i haven't had an idea four months yo i haven't had an idea in four months what are you going through

nothing break up no i've just run out. I think ideas are finite. No. No. Yes. Tell me an idea right now. Yeah, there's only so many. I got this one I'm cooking up right now with a missing pet. What is it? Missing pet Support Group.

Pretty good idea. That's sad. It's funny. Is it something you want to start? Or is there a bit? A little bit of both. A little bit of both. I like it.

You told me. I did tell them. Yeah, but that's an idea I told them already. So what do I got cooking up? That probably exists. Yeah. You think so? Yeah.

It's just honestly, it's very sentimental to me. I really want to make it. It's about my turtle who ran away. Got away. Got away? Got away. How old was it? He was like eight, nine years old.

That's young for a turtle. It is. Very young. It was a red-eared slider. It was a Chinese red-eared slider. Yeah, I could tell. Bought him in Chinatown. Did you really?

Of course. Bought him at the size of a quarter. It grew to be like a fucking size of this water bottle. As growing typically goes. And, well, the thing was, the other one wasn't growing as much. And then we actually didn't name them at first. And then when one started growing bigger than the other, we were like, we should name them. And we went Biggie Smalls.

That's a good name. And then. Was one Biggie and one Smalls? Yeah. That's good. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Which, okay. The big one was Biggie and one smalls. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which, which,

okay. The big one was a biggie. What was your first pet Kyle? Um, the hamster that I did not kill. That sounds like you killed him. He killed it. How'd you do it?

You flushed? No. Flushed his hamster. We would just put it in like the bowl. What'd it do to you? Roll it down. Oh, well,

that's fine. I had hermit crabs first. Regis and Kathy Lee. What is that? Very nice. Herm's fine. I had hermit crabs first. Regis and Kathy Lee. What is that? Very nice. Hermit crabs. What is hermit crabs? That's a name? No, no, Regis and Kathy Lee. Oh, that was a name. That was their names, yeah. Sounds like a...

Hermit crabs? Yeah. Hermit crabs were like a trend in our school. Everybody had them. You'd bring them to school. It was also fairs. I feel fairs right yeah fairs i feel like at the jersey oh yeah with like the jersey shore yeah or it was a little it was exotic it people didn't know about hermit crab that was like such a the lowest common denominator of having like a living pet yeah like having like a furby would be more like rewarding

furby is more of a toy that speaks would be more of a pet yeah hermit crab is like it's like having crazy bones nah you just collect them yeah that's it when they die they're disgusting when they die i had so many crazy bones these high noons are really hitting right now you fucked up you got a show later too feeling good i'm feeling yeah i i performed on acid once how oh what oh that's so wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. You decided to tell us about your science fairs. My turtle. And your turtle over you performing on acid?

It was nothing crazy. That was probably my best say yet. Acid, yes. Grapefruit, truly, no. Yes. What did you... So it was your best show? It was in Houston.

They weren't trying to chill the first couple shows. And then the third show, I was like, all right, I got to fucking... I got to pander to them. And I started calling them gay. And they were like, yeah, we love that. Oh, really? Yeah. That's what they're...

People in the South. Oh, shit. It was at a skank fest. Skank fest. Great time. So we need to learn this because kb and i want to try to stand up yeah you should i we were talking about a great bit you had earlier about you know what are the emoticons that's a great bit i have a girl what bit it wasn't even

a bit it was being honest if a girl sends you like a hand-built smiley face colon she wants to fuck colon hyphen you already fucked she's. You can count that to your body count. Putting in the effort. Yeah. Let's count it. Why not? Yeah. Because you know when you get that. Yeah.

Just send her the money for the plan B. Yeah. Might as well. So I thought I had a big break for us today. When you brought me on? No. This was a story I had this morning. Our next guest we're having is significantly bigger are you you

should give their you should give their name just because you didn't give my name you should prepare for it who is it it's uh say it owen it's all you yeah we have the kid laroi i don't know that not shut the fuck up he probably doesn't. What's the breakthrough? Oh, um, so my new year's resolution was to get up earlier in an attempt to feel more productive. So smart,

but we don't like have any work to do. Who? For me. No, but for who? For me. Okay. Um,

but we don't have anything to do before the yak and my other job is sportsbook I do stuff for games at night so I've been smoking weed walking around lower Manhattan from like 8 to 10am pretending I'm in a movie and it's been great it's been doing wonders for me

I do that too do you? are you writing? you do that? yeah well I'll get there so then today I'm walking down on like McDougal Street and I'm pretty high because it's like eight in the morning and I usually wake up at noon.

But I saw a script on the ground and I walked past and I tried to like nonchalantly read it because we were right out. I was outside the cellar and all these. Big fat liar. Cafe Raw. Oh my outside the cellar and all these big fat lie oh my god yeah this is like big fat liar and so i walk past it and there's cops that dealing with another crime and i'm like fuck dude what the fuck is that and then so i go around the block and i go around to get it you have the script yeah whoa you have the script you found on the ground? Yes. Let's go.

Because I'm like, it could be anything. Cafe Wah, who's performed there? Legends. Big names. Legends. I haven't performed there. I haven't performed there either. No, no.

Like, music legends. In my head, I'm like, this could be a huge comedian. Well, the name's on there, no? Well, yeah, that's what I'm about to show you. I'm like, this could be anything so i put it under my jacket because i had to walk past the dude that's like oh my god it's like water damage that looks that looks like it looks like he dipped it in a teabag yeah so i walked past the police with it under my jacket i get out to the corner and it's uh it's zero dark 30 it's a book played a zero dark 30 yeah so i just like

stole a free zero dark 30 book wait can you pass it down yeah do you think that's evidence to a crime yeah this is like i want to put why did i put my fingerprints on i'm old and weathered oh my god there's like blotches on each page. But like there's notes on it like somebody was like prepping for the role. Are they rebooting it already? I don't know. Is that not out already? Oh, it's out. Zero Dark 31. This might be the original. Is it that

when LeBron goes into playoff mode? I don't. Yeah, it is. There's notes. Islamabad traffic. Wait, so wait, did they circle their part? Yeah. Did they? What's their part?

Kind of off-camera pre-credits. This is like, yeah, this is like stage direction notes. But like the parts they're circling is their part, right? This is somebody, this belonged to someone who was in the film. No. Had to have. They got an aim up front. But like, why are they carrying that around still?

Find an aim. Wow. Yeah like, why are they carrying that around still? Find an aim. Yeah, this is really weathered. How old is that script? Is there a year? Are they redoing this as a play somewhere? That would be the worst play. Oh, it's like covered in ash. He was on a crime scene.

Wow. Yeah, what was the crime going on I don't know multiple cars multiple officers it kind of smells bad too you had to why dude that ups dystopian

who played Maya is that Rene is that blood that's what I was wondering is there no notes of the guy's what I was wondering. Is there no notes of the guy's name? I'm looking up Maya, Zero Dark Thirty. Wow. That's the role that was circled.

Oh. Interesting. You guys writing any screenplays? Oh, there's more notes. I'm writing a book. Are you? Yeah. About what? It was more notes. I'm writing a book. Are you? Yeah. About what?

It was played by Jessica Chastain. Does she live in New York? She's hella titted. Oh. Yeah. She has her own production company called Freckle Pictures. Who's this made by? Not her.

No, she wasn't making that. Yeah, this is Chastain's. Yeah. If we get to we'll do a giveaway you send us a receipt that you bought if you send us a screenshot that you bought that you gave us a 5 star review

you get the chastains zero dark 30 this was chastains all but proven check it out check it out plug yourself one more time uh thank you very much for having me on you can find me at uh on instagram and twitter at the kid jared

t-h-e-k-i-d-j-a-r-e-d uh please check out my uh comedy show at mama's boy comedy that's m-o-m-m-a-s boy comedy uh and listen to my podcast, Only Feehan. My podcast, Only Feehan. There it is. With Karen Feehan. Thank you to her for giving me a career. And please check out my cartoons on Instagram. My animations.

Those are really cool. Those are really unique. Nobody else is really doing that. Thank you very much, man. Yeah, I'm very excited. We got a lot of things in the works coming up. Thank you guys for having me on. Yeah, man.

This is fun. This is some of the funnest I've ever had on a podcast. We had you. I had you genuinely laughing. Crying. I had you genuinely like, I felt like I like struck a chord. I had you know, you were cracking up. How do you guys do it?

How do you say these statements? That's what I'm working on right now. I got to stop asking questions. We're not really good at this. Are you asking for advice? Gotta stop asking questions. We're not really good at this. Oh, man. What are you asking? Are you asking for advice? I was like... I was rendered speechless by that.

Oh, boy. That was so funny. That was... That's your reply to what I'm gonna say. No, you're just gonna say like, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? No, baby!

It's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. you