A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 280 - The Nolan Ryan Game

Episode Date: February 24, 2022

A New Untold Story: Ep. 280 - The Nolan Ryan Game || Nick, KB, & Owen hang out for a while // Full episode also available on YouTubeYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. I knew I told a story. I knew I told a story. It's a fresh, big, untold story. I knew I told a story. Yeah, that works. Boys and girls A new episode of A new untold story Episode 280

Yeah That's a milestone KB Do we have to clap? We just did Do I have to do all We just did. We started. Do I have to do all that again? Pay very close attention to who doesn't clap when you win. Are you reading motivational shit?

I like being able to see his phone now. Yeah, yeah. A little change of set. We're here in Owen's apartment. For those listening. Not cramped. Not cramped at all. We're chilling on a couch.

It's nice. We left the studio because it's drab. It's gray. It's bland. It's boring. And now here it's, I guess there's a couch and a white wall. There's a lot more personality. I guess I'm on a burnt sienna throat pillow.

It's a work in progress. It's definitely a work in progress. We're in the midst of a move. We're going to try to do a new-ish studio somewhere. The dimensions are interesting. Of this place? An abstract painting. This apartment has never... There's no shape.

It looks like it's going to start dripping. This apartment? Yeah. Like a dolly painting. Like a An abstract painting. This apartment has never, there's no shape. This shape has never been done. It looks like it's going to start like dripping. This apartment? Yeah. Like a dolly painting. Like a dolly painting. Yes. The layout of this apartment, if I looked at like the blueprints, it looks like a Harry Potter's car. This looks like the architecture I'm in when I'm in a dream. Yes. Not quite R.E.M.

Um, R.E.M. Uh, good band. But not an emo band band for the queen to use do do do do do that's not REM REM is like losing my religion what's

for the queen to use the band yes before we started recording we're going to emo night This weekend And I put on the used Which I think is the best emo band

It was a guy screaming at the top of his lungs First of all that's not a guy That's Burt McCracken Is that his name? Yes He dated the Osborne daughter Still doesn't L?

Kelly? Elle. Okay. That's not what we're going to hear. It's going to be the popular poppy emo songs. They used Mount Rushmore emo bands. Are you going to Brooklyn Bowl? I went to Brooklyn Bowl with Katie. He must.

You reached out to the guy DJing and you said, he's my guest DJ. What are you going to play? One mystery song. Is it going to be emo? It's going to be a mystery song. But it's emo night. People won't know what the song is while I'm playing it.

It's that mysterious. Well, can we have a hint? I was actually trying to learn the lyrics to Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites, the actual lyrics. And I kept playing it back, playing it back, trying to replicate. And then I just realized it's just lyrics in reverse. So you were trying to like... Not words. Well, when you search the lyrics, what are the words?

I was just going off of sound. Why didn't you think to just search the lyrics if you're trying to learn the lyrics? Well, it's not about that. You can tell when someone looked up the lyrics and tried to replicate it. You can't. What? No, it's memorizing all... No, it's all about how it comes out of the artist's mouth.

Burt McCracken could do it. All right. Okay, Owen and I are drinking Red bulls kind of tired long day kyle is having an 18 ounce glass of whiskey yeah it's a big glass of whiskey no what is that it's voodoo ranger juice power juice power is that what it's called it's called juice force juice for it's become a parody of itself is that that intentional? You're sitting on a juice force. Voodoo ranger juice force. Okay.

Is it good? What? Oh, I feel like we owe people an update on the fake or real titties, innocent or guilty. Okay, okay yes i am still waiting for the update i'm owed he hasn't he hasn't reached out to you anymore has he no he went dead silent so after the podcast he called again still in full-blown panic mode still trembling

and i assured him i was like hey i'm not going to do anything nothing legal is going to happen no one's going to get exposed you're good we were just curious then he kind of like felt relief i guess it seemed like and then he stopped hitting me up i think he's guilty then yeah i've gotten so many conflicting responses to this well like just innocent or guilty? It's pretty black and white, right? That's what I'm saying. It's such a very strong he's innocent

opinions, very strong he's guilty opinions. Leaning more toward guilty, but that just could be because that's what people want. That's fair. I don't think you would entertain the phone calls if he was innocent. Exactly. If you feel like this is an asinine people are all accusation i'm done with it a lot of people are like yes there is the technology to spoof texts um but it seems like this really advanced process you have to

like master and then figure out yeah and the hoops and bounds and leaps and obstacles someone would have to go through just to like maybe it was all four of those things it was then gizmos yes in a dark room yes and bounds yeah so and someone told me well his messages were i message blue okay and then someone, well, if someone's using that spoof app or whatever, it wouldn't come across as an iMessage. Then some people said yes. Listening back to it, I wanted to just do a little bit more research, innocent or guilty. And I couldn't get through it because of how much of a fucking pushover I am. It was as soon as he was like, it wasn't me.

I was like, okay, leave him alone. You didn't want me to just leave him alone. I think you wanted me to, like, promise him some type of tangible reward. Yeah, I wanted you to compensate him. I did. Like, oh, you should have sent him the titties. Yeah. And, like, for someone.

Like, sorry, man. Like, these are the titties i was talking about they are all right yeah like i feel like i could trust you here's the titties have you looked at that photo anymore the titties no i deleted it i felt like that was like the legally and morally the right i know it's i have it you have it in multiple different filters, not beaten off to. What do you mean different filters? You put it on sepia or are you adjusting the levels to see the area? Not sepia in particular,

but yeah. You're talking about shadow, contrast. Contrast. A lot of hue play. You ever go all the way down in the water? No, I don't touch the warmth or saturation. You're into Hugh play? I'm into Hugh play.

Like Jackman on Broadway. I'm trying to remember the conversation. He didn't freak out, obviously, until I mentioned the fact that I would expose him, put his number out publicly. And then he freaked out. Someone was like, why would anyone innocent care about that or like why would they entertain that so much yeah yeah you are right like but like i can see like if he is innocent and that was like that was like the the panic of someone who knew that i had a barstool following and could actually ruin his life. Yeah, what? And then there were people calling out like,

oh, he said brother. Like you guys say brother. Yeah. Whenever you say like a phrase that's been used since humanity started, people are like attributed to you. You invented the word brother. Yeah.

Which is probably the first word ever used to Seth. I mean, there were two brothers before him. Yeah, well, yeah, you know what I mean. Anyway, I didn't get to the bottom of it. A lot of people send me ways to reverse look him up. I never did that because I don't know if I want to know. Deep down, you still want the titties to be. I think I would be melancholic

if I discovered this. Yes. Has it opened up a way of conversation? Have you masterminded this whole thing to talk to this girl? Yes. That's a talking point. I'm keeping it going. Still not trying to make sense. That's five. You sent her five messages unresponsive.

And that's a long paragraph you sent her. You got to get used to this new setup. Nah, boys. Oh, yeah. This is great that I can see this now. You're sending her long things. I'm trying to get to the bottom of it. I saw a kissy emoji from her.

The bottom of what? I saw one from her. It's infuriating that she doesn't she doesn't care about this like i do which makes me think she's guilty how would she be guilty of saying like hey you up like aren't you still freaking out about this how do you have to say you up because it like late if they answer they would be up i'm why don't i'm wide awake if they answer they're especially the night after i didn't get a wink of sleep. Not a wink of sleep, boys.

Because I was thinking about who this could be is somebody getting one over on me. Am I getting duped? Did you look at the picture to see if there were any clues? If she's not concerned, is it not her body? She's the only person. You know when you go through trauma, like a private jet crash

with one other person you guys have a lifelong bond yeah that's like when you're grieving like that's the only person you can talk to that's how i feel with her wow and i feel like she feels the same way so this was 100 set up by you to make this inseparable bone don't start this people will believe that no no no people do give you a lot of credit for like these mischievous like they credited you with riggs raheem the baby they're like oh this has kb written all over it like a fake sign anything that's just and i wish that was you out of the ordinary because it's a shame that baby is riggs raheem there is a baby named riggs raheem um do people want the uh lord of the riggs t-shirts do they want lord of the rigs they're

begging for them where'd you see that uh when we posted them no but i didn't oh i didn't know i looked and nobody even saw like the oh i got some dms fuck yeah all right put out lord of the rigs i submitted it for like a saint patrick's Day shirt. And the person in merch was just like, this isn't green or like St. Patrick. This just says Lord of the Rigs with his eyeball at the top of the Tower of Sauron. Thank God we can add featuring Lil Sass to the pod. All right. That's great. So your apartment layout, he had to go through like a labyrinth.

You just have to keep your hand on the right wall in order to get out of here. Yeah, it's tough. It's definitely inclined. Yeah, yeah. But like all good apartments have a slope. That's what they say. Or is that penis? Yeah, that could be it too.

Yeah. yeah that could be it too yeah um before we get into another uh kyle i don't even know what to call it they're like i got something from the fridge yeah all right you don't have to move i can just reach over to you yeah we are in the kitchen i get something out of the oven real quick now i'll stay put i don't know i'll stay. Don't you dare stand up. What do you want? I think it was just fucking that you have a kitchen in your living room. You fell for that, though, huh? For sure. No.

Okay, so, boys, this podcast wouldn't be possible. You guys mind if I cut that joke? No, no, no, no. We're keeping that. This podcast wouldn't be possible without cuts clothing everybody knows that we saw the first cuts t-shirt and how high tech it was we're like oh shit we gotta start a podcast and uh ever since like cuts is what inspires us to get up every day i think i'm speaking for everybody here and uh kyle are you in a cut shirt right now i wore the milky mocha long sleeve out to the bar you were were you with

it was friday not saturday okay no we drank saturday um and yeah somebody did like come up to me was like hey is that the cut shirt i want one for my boyfriend and i was are you like asking for this one in particular and she was like, no, I want him to own his Cuts shirt. Then I explained how affordable it was. Yeah, but high-tech as well. They reinvented pretty much the tea.

Guys, you can get the Milky Mocha Cuts shirt and a whole lot more at cutsclothing.com and with cutsclothing.com slash anus, guess what? What's up? Take a guess.

5% off? A little bit more? 8? More. 7.5% off? It's 15% off. That's a chunk. That's a chunk of change. If you were missing 15% of your body, you'd probably die. If you lost 15% of your body in an accident,

that's just showing how big of a percentile that is. 5% pleasure. For the sake of this ad, yes. You don't win. Absolutely not. What percentage could you lose and live? Not more than half. Early 60s, yes.

You could lose 60% of your body and still live. In an accident. Not surgically removed. There was like that semi-boy who lived. His name was Colin. Semi-Colin. No, he was legitimately semi. Like hit by a truck?

Like not just like the northern hemisphere, just the Arctic Circle. Oh, i do know who you're talking about wasn't he uh like an influencer yeah he was on vine and it would look like he was like coming through the ceiling he was he's a semi-influencer um yeah so he has nothing below ribs yeah so he's a semi-person wait a minute how does he live exactly no dick or like asshole or yeah the the his body stopped like where like you would think you would need things things to live well yeah what's the least amount of boy you can be search least person those look like quotes Charles Spurgeon yeah sincerity makes the very lead no those are inspirational quotes I don't care about that. Neither do I.

All right. So we got back from L.A. How long ago? Two weeks ago. Really productive trip. I think we've talked about it. We did that video outside of the Super Bowl. Towards the end of the video,

we met a African-American woman. She was black. Still is. Could have been Dominican. Okay. We met a black woman. She was black. Still is. Could have been Dominican. Okay. We met a black woman. We interviewed her. Asked if she was single

because you were eyeing her up. She was thick as fuck. She was alright. She wasn't like an SJW, but she was... A sexy juicy? Sexy juicy wife, yeah. She was a wife.

She was a wife. That was the issue. She was the whole last wife. The whole last?? Whole last? You can't deny that she was. She was hot. But you can't deny her thickness is the thing. No, I wouldn't do that.

So you were eyeing her up from afar. We're like, all right, let's go talk to her. And I went up and I was wingmanning for you pretty much on camera. You did a good job. And I said, hey, my boy over there has been looking at you and you work she looked and you would look back and we asked if she was single married older than we thought looked good but she said she had a daughter and then the video cut and it showed her you like on the film with the daughter and she said damn kb you're decent looking or something yeah i don't know what she googled because i don't know if what comes up when you google

it she actually said damn kb you're fine as hell she did which was a lie so she googled and that's actually a fair question what comes up when you google yourself yeah kb no swag it'll probably be like did you mean nick Google yourself. Yeah, KB no swag. It'll probably be like, did you mean Nick? Images. It's like me.

It's a baby picture. It's nine-year-old me. It's me doing the, if you're ass fat, I'm going to have that video with the goatee. There's no, where's the most recent hot photo? There's me and Dave. Okay. It's fuckable.

That's just a photo of me. This picture of you is nice. Yeah, there's fuckable pictures of me. There's fuckable pictures of you, but not... You're not page one fuckable. There's no page one fuckable KB. What's your page one? We're gonna have to, like, slap these on the screen or something. Honestly, probably pictures of...

Probably just hot pictures of me. You think? Yeah, probably. Let's see. Oh, come on now. Come on, boys. God damn. I don't know what you look like.

Dude, you kind of took over the internet the night of that uh purple stuffed animal what was that that you cut up oh yeah i cut off the tag of the princess diana yeah yeah yeah yeah that was uh i found out it was like the expensive one too it wasn't in condition so it wasn't worth like 20 grand but like the only way to realize if it's one of the real ones quote unquote or like the first makings is the type of bead on the inside and so i cut it open and it lo and behold god damn yeah so i flushed a little bit of money down the toilet those were supposed to be worth like millions yeah that one wasn't mint or gear um and the thing is like i got like 124 concurrence. So that's pretty good. What?

Concurrent viewers on the live. 124 what? Thousand? No, no, no. Total. Only like 124 people tuned in. In my memory of it, I remember you taking over the internet for the night. No, no. And then I blogged the whole thing.

And it was like I got like one comment. Damn. But I titled the blog. I'm not good at titling blogs and it does not it's not uh conducive for clicking which is confusing with being my name and all very i think that's the thing it's like a trust-based thing like ignores titles just just click it and you do it now anyway back to la kyle you got that daughter's number and you've been texting her. I did. Yeah we've been keeping in touch.

It's like we're both like old. That's a good question. What? Something you haven't asked? It's a good question. I trust that the mom wouldn't give me the number of an underage girl. The like the thing is she didn't

know how old you were. But our texts were strictly platonic. You said the first text you said yo correct? Well yeah. That was to play it up for the camera. The camera. And I didn't think that was way after. She was like text me and I did. And I said

yo and then she says hey hey sends me two pictures of herself. Two pictures in a row. You didn't say that. We're taking on different days. That's the thing. They weren't current. These could be from years ago. Yeah, those don't move the needle. Um, tatted. That's a Gucci dress. That's a Gucci dress.

She's definitely my age. Older. And I said, oh, shit. I think she might be late 30s, Kyle. I said, okay, with 8Ks, beautiful. Boys, that is just social etiquette. You said how many Ks? One, two, three.

Like a fucking Nolan Ryan gang. One of them is backwards. One of them is, yeah. She caught me looking. And I thought I was gonna strike out looking but lo and behold she what was you doing?

I went on a texter this is why I don't accept nudes in real life because what do you say? nudes in real life is just sex with a woman you don't accept nudes in real life and also you didn't get nudes you gotta fully oh it's the same thing

when a girl sends you pictures of herself like hey look at me this is a good picture of myself what do you say you hyper up I would just be like I would compliment the outfit or like good style

or like nice to put I didn't want to code switch I didn't want to code switch completely so I like kept it like what do you mean code switch I would compliment the outfit or good style or nice to put a picture to a maid. I didn't want to code switch completely. What do you mean code switch? You were going to act black? I didn't want to do that. You said okay with a bunch of whys. How would you say that verbally?

I said you should have went to... Can you just read those three texts? Read them out loud how they're tight. She sent a picture of her in a dress. Two. One is showing the contours of her ass that's right so I'm like okay

we can throw these up on the youtube please subscribe I said okay beautiful no that's not how the okay is how is the okay okay I don't know how that would be should have went to the game I should have How was the okay? Okay, okay, okay, okay. I don't know how that would be. Should have went to the game.

I should have. Thank you. I didn't respond. Played hard to get. Next day, February 14th. Happy Love Day, handsome. Wait, what? She said that to me, but she only has seen your Googled photos, right?

I'm sure she saw the video by then. Does she follow you on Instagram? Does she think she's adopting you? I don't know. I said, happy V-Day, beloved. She sold it off to your mother. What you doing today? Long work week.

I said, had to fly back to NYC, sadly. Hopefully, I'll be back in LA soon. Scratch that. I will be back in LA soon. You're like flirting with her. And that's not a promise. That's a guarantee.

Which is a guarantee. I wanted to sound cool. I am. She's like, you're live in NY? Or you live in NY? Threw me off guard. Said, yeah, I was out there for work doing sold out live

I don't know now it's evolved into more of a friendship pen pal she's a podcaster does she have a name she said I'm good working right now recording a podcast in about an hour

what do you have going i said oh word you're doing a podcast i can relate doing the same shit had to record today actually had to record two podcasts today you're flexing and another one tomorrow oh my god she said yes it goes on my YouTube. How was your session? Didn't like how she called it a session. What's her thought about it? Kind of trivializes it. I just asked her. So we'll see. We got to get her to come on this. Yeah.

I'll let her on. Or at least go on there. Make her day, make her month. So are you happy with this friendship? What's her name? Chelsea. Okay. With a Z.

Where at? Just throw it in the middle. It's like how you spell it, but then the Z is you can be moved. Yeah. That's that. Does she know that your podcast is sponsored by HelloFresh? You're pulling out to see if you brought that up.

Just play along. Just play along. You know, HelloFresh. The flexible. I know, the company that offers flexibility. Don't describe them as flexible. HelloFresh is flexible. Describe them as tasty, good, nutritious,

affordable. It offers the flexibility you need to easily customize your order online. When it comes to food, flexibility is the number one thing I look for. Why do I want my curry box to be bendable? Yeah, I want my food to be 72% cheaper and flexible. HelloFresh offers goat's head. I want my turkey to have its legs behind its head. Hell yeah. I want that goat's head turkey, dude.

Remember that era of college what no era of college that was a kent state thing what the rotisserie craze oh just eating rotisserie chicken yeah yeah like a very popular grocery store menu. Sexualizing them on your Snapchat. This was pre- story mode. You weren't even around for this. When you could only just send it to people. You were sexualizing your rotisserie chicken.

I had a Snapchat when stories became available. Wait, you guys can go to HelloFresh.com slash story16. Use code story16 for 16 free meals and 3 free gifts. Great deal. What, Kyle? What, did you finger them? beautiful story one six story one six for sixteen free meals and three free gifts great deal what Kyle yeah but it was there was other foods it was like sexualizing

foods but rotisseries were like the dominant force oh so it was like art was that like setting you in the bar this was just when snapchat just came out we're like what the fuck is this what the fuck is this we just sent disappearing photos when snapchat first came out and we were like, what the fuck is this? What the fuck is this? We just sent you disappearing photos.

When Snapchat first came out, I had a Windows phone. Me too. I had to use my iPhone. I found a Snapchat. It was a third-party Snapchat. It was very strange. It stretched all my pictures out. I was just Quasimodo

for the first six months of Snapchat. Then I switched over to an iPhone. But I bought a Windows phone because it looked like a Pokedex. It was big and red. Square. It was awesome. Real. Kyle, you just shut down.

I doubt it's mine. People are mad at me. Why don't you let Nick talk about Pokemon, you pussy? What a sentence that is. You unathletic pussy You unathletic pussy let Nick talk about Pokemon Did you see Oh today You guys said you didn't see the guy

Outside of our office At the door He was loitering there So first of all It's odd that like It would make sense that you could find our office on Google Maps if we had like a big front window where you could like look in and see stuff.

You just can't get in. You can just see it and like can't get in. So there was this guy Googled the office. First off, I'm still like in active DM fights with a bunch of guys. But I'm like healthier ones. I'm still in active DM fights with a bunch of guys. Healthy.

But healthier ones. No, no. I'm not outbursting. I genuinely think what you're doing is healthy for you. Yeah. He was like, well, he just roasted my basketball ability. This guy in particular. What's his name?

Then he said, let's do Kratom here till Saturday. I guess we meet in New York. Then he said,'ll let's do kratom i'm here till saturday i guess you mean new york then he said actually just fight me so i i sent back weight height bench kratom tolerance he said 5 7 125 i can bench like 105 and never taken kratom in my life i smoke gas for a living basically though that's a winnable fight for you. I was like, yeah, I just stopped responding. How do you smoke gas for a living? That would be a crime if I beat him. Yeah, I'm not going to entertain you in any way. 5'7", 125 is like you, though.

Right? Yeah, I don't know. 150. No, 125. So I was walking in today, and this guy stared at me with, it was the oddest stare. Like, through you? It was like, I don't know, like, when a blind guy finally gains sight, but the first thing he sees is, like, Lena Dunham.

Why are you only looking at Ellen when you're talking? Because we're actually friends. You're means to an end fuck off he stared at me like so weird it wasn't like intimidating or threatening but it wasn't cordial and I was like what the fuck

that was weird I go back and I get a text from that guy he said I was outside the HQ and saw you but didn't know if I was supposed to say what's up or talk shit to you. So he just made weird eye contact. Didn't think a D1 athlete would be scared of someone that weighs 125. Are you telling me I actually just alpha'd you without meaning to?

Self-confidence going through the roof right now. So you're not actually going to fight me? And that was him. No way. not actually going to fight me? And that was him. No way. You're going to get yourself murdered. Yeah, that was weird. Yeah, you should not do that anymore. He was just outside of her office.

His look was sinister. Not sinister. I know exactly what eyes you're talking about. It was off-putting. Dead in the eyes. You know some people's eyes at Brooklyn Mirage when they're just lifeless? Yeah.

It was like that. I don't know. That is... That makes me uncomfortable. Damn. Right. You gotta stop doing that. You gotta stop challenging strangers to fights. Unhinged people to fights because it doesn't matter

their fucking incline bench to failure if they have a gun you're right I don't know I don't know especially when you're so findable yeah this is the reason we had to move podcast studios.

Yeah, I'm going to get... Something's going to happen. I don't think so. Are you concerned at all? Not like in danger, but... Uneasy? Yeah, I didn't like that, now that I think about it. You don't have to think about that.

I wouldn't like that one bit. Wait, what are you double checking? What did you say to the kid before he showed up? Did you be like, if you're in New York, fight me? No, I never said fight me. He challenged me to a fight and I just jokingly asked him height, weight, bench,

Kratom tolerance. And was it aggressive? Were you guys going at each other? I can't tell. What's your Kratom tolerance? It's low. What do you mean? Like a vial? Yeah, it's only like a...

I don't know. You always wall us off when we talk about cravings. It's low on the bottle. Yeah, he drinks the bottle to the lowest point. Is someone who... Close attention, boys.

Pay close attention to what? Who doesn't clap when you're winning? A little tiny pee break. We all pissed at the same exact time. You're good at it. Thank you. Oh, shit.

Yeah, I actually... i'm bad at peeing um believable um i put don't know what that means though alert i put you on kb to what pony boy you didn't i did you put me on the andy negative there's two tiktokers. Ponyboy and Andy Negative. Ponyboy is this completely jacked, horribly tattooed... Maybe just the cliff notes because I've got to meet up with Axe. Axe Weber?

Did you get his number? Yes. We're going to run LG, yeah. No. He did not fuck you at all. Axe? Can't run lg baby boy

baby boy wait did you see the fan art on the subreddit of owen is the sun i know we were ourselves i just threw owen on the sun oh like the star sun that's the one

no but for those listening you gotta look at he's this like emo bodybuilder horrible tattoos and like people will just be like hey my wife just left me and he'll like throw the caption on the screen of just him doing push-ups to like to like seether and he'll do a playlist of the day it's just three bands that's awesome his voice he's like intentionally sexy he has like eight piercings he's like the playlist of the day. It's just three bands. That's awesome. His voice, he's like intentionally sexy. He has like eight piercings. He's like, the playlist of the day is Seether, Shinedown, and Trapped. Let's get it, baby.

Headstrong. Bangs him out. And it's so sick. He's a legend. And I sent him to Kyle. Put you on to him. And then I put you on to Andy Negative, like the 40-year-old wannabe pop punk guitarist. No, that guy's the worst.

Yeah, I forget. But the best way. He's the worst. They're both worth looking up. They are the future of entertainment, without a doubt. Yeah, I said this a while ago. Yeah, you said it right after I said it. I said this a while ago on my – what was it?

I did like an email chain where I would just give KB subscription-based updates free of charge. I think I predicted like comedy and entertainment alike are entering this mode of irony, post-irony. And then we are circling back to where our favorite comedians, our favorite entertainers are people that are bad at what they do. Yeah. That's what we see because we're so tired of, oh, he's talented.

She's funny. It brings you down to see that. That's like, oh, that's been done. That's boring. Now I want to see people who just suck. Pony Boy does not suck. He's a beam of positivity. And you've been on it.

You should start an email chain. And I'm going to start one too. My put-ons are yours. Weekly put-ons. That's how people used to go viral. They just had to hope that, like, you know how hard that would be? Like, they had to get enough friends to email their content do you remember the other people the chain emails of like hi my name's elissa i'm 12 years old i died 10 years ago you have to send

this i was never getting that used to scare me i was never getting i wasn't 12 year old girls emailing me she was long dead she was like it goes with email from a ghost and it used to scare me like how who sent it then it would be like your How? Who sent it then? It would be like your curse if you don't send it off. No, it would be like my friends who would email it to you. How did the girl... Who sent these emails from her account? Like relatives?

Looking back, I don't think she was actually a dead girl. I think it was some sort of spam. I mean, if she's a ghost, you would imagine she could. I don it was some sort of spam. Maybe if she's a ghost, you would imagine she could if she wanted to. I don't know, man. Are you going to start fucking with Axel? He's the star son. Today on the Yak,

we had Axel Weber come in. Owen is the blanket of this podcast. He's like the blanket of our trio. What do you mean by that? The blanket? No, like he warms us up when we need it and we'll dangle him out the window. He's acting up.

Like blankets off the new. Damn, my fucking blanket's acting up. Are you being like Michael Jackson with his sun blanket? Was that a right reference? That was very correct. Michael Jackson dangles his sun blanket up? Yeah. Oh, very nice.

Goddamn, KB. Show me the view. Axel Weber, did you talk to him after the show like are you talking to him so axel weber is he like how known is he four million followers yeah everything that everything that means nothing to me views yeah so that means something more popular than anybody in our office. Okay, but like I'm speaking to my audience. Do y'all know him?

If they live in New York, I bet. You won't have wasted an answer. He got famous for... If they live in New York, I bet they've seen him. Yeah, he lives in a tiny apartment. The smallest in New York City, boys. 100 square feet. Mine was smaller.

Mine was smaller. Yours was smaller. Yes, mine was truly the smallest apartment in New York City. But the thing is, he'll do apartment tours, and he has a queen-size bed, and above it, he has a twin. He's just trying to take up space so it looks smaller. And everybody's like, well, why don't you get rid of one of the beds? He's like, well, my sister comes over and i it's undeniably small though with tiny cooking appliances that he doesn't need but just get who needs a waffle if your apartment's that small you can't afford the

space for a waffle maker no but so he's like documenting his life being poor like he's like scavenging for like free peanut butter goes to Chinatown and barters barters for one jar of peanut butter it's like his daily sustenance and it's essentially a Gary Vee like video where it's him making a woman who needs

the money give it to him for a dollar yeah you're right and he's obviously a millionaire and his family like Owen showed us pictures of him on tropical vacations there's no way his name's actually Axel Weber like everything is so planned with that kid

but it shows how big of a pussy I am I said I hated him and then he walked in the office like yo man shook his hand twice he made sure he was comfortable you guys are talking about moving in together. That doesn't piss me off. No, but he's like...

He's appropriating poor. Is he not? He's made millions on pretending to be poor. Yeah. There's people actually being poor who don't get the millions that and like today on the yak he was talking about like why would i spend money on pizza when like the dollar can get me a jar of

peanut butter which has so much like more nutritional value and like he's like trying to sell it like he's fighting for his life yeah he's uh the face of the i guess samsung deal yes about that tinder as well yes and samsung is like one of the most powerful companies in the world oh he tried to claim that he hasn't seen any of the money he's made yet from tiktok that's not true at all and he hasn't seen any tinder money or samsung money he's waiting for no like brianna said she pays rent with her uh tiktok creator fund and she has two fireplaces and four bedrooms two larger breasts now too thanks to the money yeah the views paid for that so like they're they're shareholders yeah share yeah Cheryl yep yep yep oh man

what are you guys gonna do? I don't think we can do much spatially he can't be seen doing anything luxurious now he's bothering me now that I think about it he made it sound like he like oh I found this piano in this very

crowded corner and like I just started playing but then I realized I didn't have it but you guys can wander he made it sound like he like oh i found this piano on this very crowded corner and like i just started playing but then i realized i didn't have a chair so i had to go rent a chair from a food truck like that's written yeah that was a script is in his appearance he's so beautifully and perfectly unnaturally disheveled. Yes. Yes. Every single hair is placed. I'll have that one day. One of these days you're going to grab my thigh, call me a stick in the mud.

But it's actually, Sass does that with his hair, dude. You know how Sass's hair looks like he got out of bed? Yeah. He spends 30 minutes pomading it. Really? Yeah. You'd never know. Yeah, but Axel's is like the front is kept.

And then like back here. Which you said is a telltale sign. He looked up poor hair. Because like poor people, they can only leave the sink on to like wet the front of their head. They're just like, oh no. They're just sleeping on a pillowcase.

Oh my god shit yeah that kid's a multi-millionaire he has to be good for him it reminds me of back in the punk community outside of Pittsburgh

and outside of Pittsburgh the Ohio punk community was that Pittsburgh and outside of Pittsburgh. The Ohio punk community was... That was a thing in Ohio. We only had a punk community. They would purposely do their shows at the most disgusting places in the world.

The shows were at this... We had the Nelson Jordan Center, where adopted kids would go play basketball. Foster kids. They had a foster kid basketball league that's awesome and then um but that's where they did punk shows they also did they should be learning how to do taxes how to code not wasting their time we gotta teach the orphan that don't have any correlation with general athleticism that's right.

I mean, who's the most athletic orphan? Was Like Mike an orphan? Oh, he was. Was he? A little bit. Wow. Yeah. But the punk community, it kind of reminds me of what Atul Weber is doing.

Because, like, my dad was an assistant city manager. My mom didn't work. And so I was lower middle. And I was still... No. Until later on. Until later on. And so the punk community,

they would not accept me. Because I lived in a ranch-style home. You had to be dirt poor to be, like, a real punk. Yeah. And so, like, the king of the punks was Jay Hirshfield. And he had, like, gauges in his ears. I don't remember him. He worked at China Walk.

Like, he would have to, like, leave school. He'd be like, I have to go to China Walk and work. He always smelled like shit. He was filthy, disgusting. Like, he was just, like, kind of yellow. He skate like shit. He was filthy, disgusting. He was just kind of yellow. He was the only kid that could drop into the 12-foot part of the bowl. He was like a legend.

Then we found out his dad was a doctor. He had to fucking switch schools. He was excommunicated. You guys believe him now? You're not fucking poor. That's what we're doing now. That's the internet now it's become like people

hate anyone with money that's why I want I wish this kid would just say fuck everyone and flaunt his wealth it's like ridiculous like the people who are considered industry plants

even like the please don people who are considered industry plants like uh even like the uh please don't destroy sketch comedy group like aren't their dads like producers or something yeah so then they're like oh you had like infinite resources but then if they didn't do it people be like the same thing you had infinite resources didn't do it yeah like what the fuck do you want so i've actually now done a 180 on axl. If you describe anyone as an industry plant, what are you talking about? Billie Eilish's dad had all- But she's selling out shows

and massively successful because people like her music, not because the industry told her to. They have these resources and they could have been trained from a young age. You still are entertained. Yes. Like, Bronny Jr. has the best resources in the world.

In 10 years, the NFL will be 100% nepotism. It'll be 100%. Well, it's not. It's good genetics in sports, really. But, like, there's this whole trope going around with, like, indie bands. Like, why does this indie band's, like, dad have a boy and girl on Wikipedia? Like, Julian Casablanca is of the Strokes. His dad was, like, a very famous fashion designer. why is this indie band's dad have a blue on Wikipedia?

Julian Casablanca's of the Strokes. His dad was a very famous fashion designer. And his mom was a model. It's a ton of bands. So what? Fuck that. I don't give a shit. He does not use the resources. If you're the child of somebody

who has means, you should not be successful the woke skulls were like Maude Apatow gets a pass she's one of the few good nepo kids shut up shut the fuck up

Maude Apatow is probably a good actress because both of her parents are amazing actresses and actors and comedians. That's how it works. And then there's the flip side of the coin where it's just like, Chet Hanks had it all and this is what he's doing. What the fuck do you want?

They want all Chet Hanks. They just want to complain about Chet Hanks. Right. Who was it? Some people even changed their last names. Fucking Emilio Estevez, dude. The Mighty Ducks coach. Mike Stubb.

He's a Sheen. That's Charlie Sheen's brother. Really? Yes. Estevez is a Sheen? Yes, Estevez is a Sheen. Estevez is a Sheen. Maya Rudolph is a Ripper 10.

Who is that? The list goes on. And Alex Webber is a McGraw Hill. That's right. Of the book. Yes. He's worth trillions. He's worth trillions. He's worth trillions and trillions of dollars.

I don't know. I don't even know what people want anymore. I think they just want scrappy underdogs. They want scrappy underdogs. Dave just is giving us love, which is means the world to me. Yeah, it's nice. But now it's like people don't want us. I was't want us four times last night

yeah baby boy real stoked um but now i mean we're a scrappy underdog story right we gotta remain scrappy yeah and underdog sass come from a tiny apartment in the best neighborhood in the world. Sass is a nepo kid. Owen, you're sneaky and nepo kid. What do your parents do? Yeah, you are too. Grocery store and nothing.

You have a spare bedroom. That was the biggest sign of wealth. And your dad posts in Facebook groups. My dad is a expert you were trained to do this he just sends me updates I don't want to reveal him but he's been doing well

he showed you the Swiss Army knife of comedy what you didn't like that one I don't know we're meshing well together we have good chemistry i just don't know where i think where our minds are all over the place the anus boys are hitting their stride i don't know now people are starting to take notice and sales is trying to get in on this yeah i don't want to have a sales meeting today they want us to do segments yeah you know it's bad when i'm in

meetings dude speaking for us and it's just like, hey, can you guys do segments in your show? This thinly-veiled racism brought to you by talkies. I'm not a segment guy. I hate anything that has a clear-cut ending. Really? I want something limitless. Okay.

I prefer rambling conversations. I don't want a test like, oh, you can only get a 100% on this. Oh, okay. You want to get higher than a 100? Yeah, then I'm like, all right, other kids, at least one other classmate of mine

will probably get 100, but I still think I'm smarter than them, more skilled than them, more determined than them, so how do I prove that my 100 is better than their 100? You can't. You could say it was easier.

Oh, I guess I'm smarter than you. Yeah, I guess that was a pretty easy test. Simple as that. Yeah. What was your favorite subject in school? Shit, this is like a blunt to talk about this yeah do we have a fucking blunt can you talk like fez for the rest of the episode is that from euphoria yeah is that angus cloud he's an industry plant too for real um yeah they needed a like fucking drug dealer and he already was one oh yeah, his parents probably were.

To name him Angus Cloud. Is that his actual fucking name, dude? Yeah, I guess that was a pretty easy test. So what was that? What was your favorite subject in school? This is a video

of Blunt. Yeah, do we have a fucking Blunt? Do you talk like Fez for the rest of the episode? Is that from Euphoria? Is that Angus Cloud? Who are his parents? He's an industry plant too. For real?

Yeah, they needed a fucking drug dealer and he already was. Oh yeah? His parents probably were. To name him Angus Cloud. Is that his actual fucking name, dude? I guess. Why do we believe Angus Cloud but not Axel Weber? Yeah, you're right.

Because there's photos of Axel Weber at fucking all-inclusive resorts. True. Should I call up that guy who texted me? No. Check in? Wait, which ones? The innocent are guilty? I don't call him. Why?

Because he's guilty. I don't think. Or yeah, I do. I don't know. That's why I need to call him. We need more clues. We can't do it. Let's do it. Let's wait a long time. I'd rather face on your... Let's wait like a year.

I'd rather face on your show. So many people. So many people. So many... What are you doing? I'm being in the schedule. So many people want to know. They want to get to the bottom of this with us.

Here's what you should do. And they don't need like a, they don't need an answer. They want more of us. Do you need to send, do you need to send that the picture of the titties to like a Photoshop expert to see if they can tell who was at it's destroyed me how this girl won't just ask me to see the titties. So she can tell me if they're hers or not. Maybe you should ask her to be like, can I see your titties?

She kind of just accepted that and, like, didn't care. Yeah, you're right. Wait a minute. Yeah. Why didn't she ask? If somebody was like, hey, like, some, if a girl was like, hey, like, some guy's impersonating you, pretending to be you, texting me, and he sent your dick, the first thing I would be like, send me the picture of the dick that he sent.

Well, what if it's humongous? Are you going to claim the dick? It's not even that. That would be the only thing pressing on my mind. So wait, then this girl has to know something. Because you'd ask to see the titty. I didn't even think of that. You'd ask to see the titties.

I'm not going to throw her in the bus. The more I think about it, the story he gave about me smoking a cigarette and getting kicked out of the bar. Repressed memories are coming back. There was like four people around me that night. I think she was one of them, her friend. Maybe a couple others. I've never told a soul that story.

Yeah, but you're a legend in those parts of these things. But nobody, like, probably telling us. It wasn't like a crowded bar, like, no one, like, there was not some random arrogant guy. So wait, but like, that doesn't explain the text messages. So do you think it was her and him together? I don't know. No, because then she entered the number on, like, Snapchat. Oh, boy.

Maybe it is a guy that she knows. And she knows he fucked with me and doesn't want him to, like, get exposed by Barstool. I don't know. We gotta hire, like, a PI or something. I think we should. Actually, we legitimately should. Should we like a PI or something. I think we should. Actually, we legitimately should. Should we expense a PI? I bet you we could.

We got to get to the bottom of this, dude. Probably private investing. What did you think PI meant? What was the first one? Pussy I like. Pussy I like? Is that it? Is that your first one? Damn, not you. Alright, you boys want to call it?

What? What is it? What? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it?

What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it?

What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is what? What are you doing? I tried out like three different personas during the duration of this. What were they? So I was like getting motivation. I liked that one. Yeah, that got me amped up when you were looking into the camera. Did no one ever acknowledge that you were doing something?

No. I was like, I'm not doing anything. I'm just going to do this. I'm just going to do this. I'm just going to do this. I'm just going to do this. I'm just going to do this. I'm just going to do this. I'm just going to do this. I liked that one. Yeah, that got me amped up. When you were looking into the camera? Did no one ever acknowledge that that was a joke?

But you've been like alternating through personas for a long time. Uh huh. Yeah. Do you like the way the tattoo looks? People treat you differently. When I was dressed all crazy in LA. Yeah. Like a really unique, all crazy in LA. Yeah. Like a really unique, absurd, bold outfit. Yeah.

And people are way more respectful to you for rent. Yeah. You think they assume you're important? No, there's people like that guy's always bold. Always different. I did. Did you with me? Did they think you were important?

Not that when we saw that guy in a full red velvet suit. Yeah. He looked awesome. If someone's wearing some wild shit, I'm not going to disrespect them. I'm going to be very kind to them. No. No, you're forgetting one thing. They're usually good looking.

Okay. Maybe that's it. I think that's just it. And you in LA, you were tan. You were shredded. You were anorexic. No, but no. No, I've been getting fat. You know you are, right?

You actually think you're getting fat? My face. Drinking too much, I think. Your face hasn't changed. You have a chiseled jaw right now. No, it's... I think the little double chin on my face. Fluff.

Get fluffas. Fluffs. Did you think fluffas? Did you say get fluffas? I was trying to think my face. Fluff. Get fluffas. Fluffs. Did you think fluffas? Did you say get fluffas? I was trying to think of the... Fluffas? Fluffs, yeah. Puffs.

Nah, you have dysmorphia. Are you still using your makeup? Yeah. Makeup, I think that's like a red velvet suit. I think that's cool that you wear it. A lot of undercover burner accounts were DMing you. They were like sporty, tough guys. We're like, yo, what's the, what is that product?

What's the one? Like what hue are you using?, what hue are we using? What hue are you using? So I just put a bunch of guys on to make up. And one guy was like pissed. He was like, what the fuck? This is fucking makeup. I thought it was tinted moisturizer. Oh my god. Wait, really?

He said, this is just fucking makeup. What did he say? This is just fucking makeup. What did he say? This guy. This guy's been saying this behind my apartment lobby. What? Jesus, dude. Jesus. You gotta stop this.

Where the fuck are you? In my beard. Your doorman won't let me in. Can't believe you left me homeless, but I'm more raging. You gotta stop this. I'm more raging. You didn't take beer. Your doorman won't let me in. Can't believe you left me homeless, but I'm more raging. You gotta stop this. I'm more raging you. You didn't take beer. You motherfucker. I'm drier than a nun's cunt because you redacted the beer.

I hope you get a splinter in your left ass, chief. I was at your, he proceeds to say, my apartment building. He says the building. Yeah. Wait, how does he know? This is going on. This is you. That's how you got us, y'all. No. How do they know where you live going on. This is you. That's how they got us, y'all. No.

How do they know where you live? It's the make room. You send a lot of DMs. Are you on 8th floor? Do you even know where I live? There's some barnstead boys in your building? Yeah. They're cool.

So, have you been over to their apartment? I think you're thinking about the next question. What'd he say? You said a ton! Are they all dudes? Wait, scroll to the top. Do you have two unread DMs for me? Oh, that's not me.

Make sure to subscribe to the YouTube. Please do. And we need to get our reviews up on them. Just like the... The pumpkins. Yeah. KB, I tried that strikes, and it's just certified makeup. What the fuck?

I had to wipe it off instantly. Maybe I got to use a little less next time. Any tips for wearing that shit? You still try to make it cool. He's still trying to be like, that's cool. Yo, what's up with this makeup shit? I don't even know how to fucking use this shit. Yeah, what the fuck?

But, like, for the next time, I had to wipe that shit off instantly. This shit you told, this makeup you told me to buy is fucking, like, makeup. I fucking wiped it right off. Dude, I look way too good. I want to fuck myself. What the fuck, dude? Are you trying to make me, you're weird as fuck for making me hot. Anyways, for the next time I apply, any tips?

And did you give him tips? Yeah. What did you say? I told him I wanted to make an army. Are you worried that you're going to make an army of pretty men? That's what I want. Why? I think I'm going to be that pretty boy flopping.

I think they needed someone like me to be the spokesman. Hey, yeah, you can do this. It's fine. pretty boy flopping i think they needed like someone like me to be the spokesman hey like yeah you can do this it's fine yeah yeah dude it I've just been saying shit. You have been saying shit. I'm not putting anything on. Usually I try to like think of what to say. Yeah I don't know I think this environment is too disarming. Are you looking for the persona you like the best or do you like the character? I like switching it up.

Do you know who the real you is? I love when I'm like very in charge, in control of how I act and it up. Do you know who the real you is? I love when I'm very in charge and controlled of how I act and someone's like, KB's spiraling. He's like, has something seriously wrong with him or worried about him.

He's stewing. I want a podcast where Nick just tells interesting facts and KB2 cool for everything, no swag, sits in the back stewing while having an existential crisis. E. Schmidt. You know exactly who I'm talking about. No, this guy I fuck with because he always covers on our podcast. It's always like, it's a dig at me but it's like it's based in a lot of truth and it's

kind of humorous even though he clearly hates me. He hates you. But they're like good digs. They're not true. He's like, he's saying things that are like semi-true. I don't understand how these, I don't think they actually hate you. No, I don't either how these... I don't think they actually hate you. No, I don't either.

I like the tough. But you give it right back. Not to him. I didn't say anything back then. That's the thing. He's a good guy. You're a Christ-like figure because you're getting all this hate

and you just want to make everybody beautiful. It's awesome. Are you worried about your luck with women? If you make all the other men pretty. Well, no, they'll know you're the prince. For real. Are you still trying to do that? You're still trying to be the put on Prince.

That's old news. It is. No, I don't want to lose the title. I'm terrified. You should be terrified of Mr. Monster, my new personal name. Oh, yeah. Nick rebranded as Mr. Monster this weekend. He rolls up to Donnybrook.

Isn't that cool? When a 29-year-old comes up with a nickname for himself. That's awesome. That's the reason I was late to the bar. And Nick rolls up. Wait, were you narrowing it down? What were your other options?

Sorry, boys. Me, him and I, me and I were just chilling. He's like, I'm, I'm Mr.

Monster. We like cracked up like the heavens. Funny. But he just like kept, kept doing it. Introducing himself to others as Mr. Monster. What was the short list? Nicknames? It was all iterations of Monster. Monster Man. Mr. Monster, which was chosen. Mr. Spell Out Monster. You know there's no Pokemon

You know there's no Pokemon that classify as monster. Pokemon means pocket monster. Wait, then which one would you call a monster? Grimmsnarl. He's not a goblin? Goblins are monsters. And a lot of different lores. This is your shi- you- Yeah, I don't know any lore that uses the monsters.

Let's get over to the- let's get over to the monsters. What do you want me to talk about? Anything, anything. I don't know what to talk about. I've been playing a lot of Pokemon Go, just trying to get some steps in, and I finally got a shiny uh, squirrel with sunglasses. And I sent it to to you and you didn't even respond.

You sent it to me with invisible ink. I sent you all my Pokemon with invisible ink. I want to make you... It's like you're catching up yourself. I didn't like rub the invisibility off of it because I knew it was going to piss me off. Rub it off. I want you to look at it right now. Are you actually doing well with the PokeBomb? Yes. Are you like insanely look at it right now. Are you actually doing well with the Poké Bomb game? Yes, aren't you insanely good at it? Or did you learn at some point in your life? Some of the games, yeah. And I have a lot of hours in Go and I just do a lot of research.

You said New York is a cheat code. It's a big city so there's a lot more options. Yeah, but that's just cooking on Go. There's also other things. There's other things. There's the cards, which I'm doing well at. And you're doing well at cards. That's just collecting.

What do you mean you're doing well with cards? I'm building a very strong collection. You're not doing well until you win. Well, yeah, because that's weird. Nobody would say, like, I'm doing well at collecting. Yeah, like, collecting. I'm being very, yes, yes, you can. Really?

Yes, I've gemmed in 10 base editions of a lot of cards. You're not doing well at collecting something. You're just spending money. Yes, I've gemmed in ten base editions of a lot of cards. You're not doing well at collecting something. You're just spending money. Yes, I'm doing well. You're not winning. What are you winning? You're not winning. That's the only thing you're winning.

That is. Your deck isn't. It's not about the deck. And I have a good deck. You're trying. I think you're doing well if you can collect something. Thank you. So maybe he's right. There's like, yeah, and I'm like, I just did the Sporkle quiz of naming every Pokemon move

from Gen 1. Did it. Every move. So what's the point of growing your deck? You don't grow your deck. You can only have so many cards in a deck. So you need to interchange cards. Then what are you doing with your deck right now?

Are you gearing up for, is there like a final battle where you'll need everyone's just going to come with their decks and whoever has the best collection i'm out of the competitive game um a lot of my cards are are not like uh this is out of the meta really so what about you what did you do i've heard i didn't i've heard the sub story before the yugioOh? I'm living above an Arby's in Columbus. I'm out of the comedy game. Head Express. Yeah, that was your accent. I'm out of the comedy game.

I'll never do anything, any more comedy videos. I'll never do a podcast. Did I say that? I was like, I motivated you to keep your head up. Yeah, and here you are. Thank you, dude. Yeah, you're right. Here I say that? And I was like, I motivated you to keep your head up. Yeah. And here you are. Thank you, dude.

Yeah, you're right. Here I am. And I'm thankful for that. Forever thankful. I'm going to put a good word

into Dave for you. I remember you walked into my office in South Boston without selling insurance.

You were selling insurance. And you showed me your pay stuff. And I came and worked for you. And we smoked crack in a phone booth. That's right. And you fucked your cousin.

You're Jonah Hill from Wolf of Wall Street. Jesus Christ. Kyle was like thinking back through his cousins. The saddest part is that I had somebody in mind that I thought you may have been talking about. And I was about to explain how we are not related.

Oh man. Oh man. Alright, boys. I thought that was pretty good. I think so, too. All right. I knew I told you It's a fresh big untold story I knew I told you I knew I told you