A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 281 - GECKO (ft. John Feitelberg)

Episode Date: March 3, 2022

|| A New Untold Story: Ep. 281 - GECKO (ft. John Feitelberg) || Nick & KB are joined by Feits and banter about tons of stuff || Full episode also available on YouTube-- Cheers!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. What percentage is in so I could tell? I don't want to tell a lie. A 6% is in. Welcome back to A New Untold Story, episode what? 281. Really? Mm-hmm.

That's a milestone. Anyways, Kyle took a 6% zen. He's used to the 3%. It was zenner time is what he said. He said that to me verbatim. And he sat down, immediately had to go throw up, came back, sat down, immediately had to go throw up. So he said, start the show, get the ads out of the way. You know what makes a good podcast?

What? No ads. Correct. Like Smartless. The best. the show get the ads out of the way um you know what makes a good podcast what no ads correct like smartless the best but we're not a good podcast and also we usually have ads but they've been dropping like flies who knows why uh but today we have an ad that's the good thing we have one ad that's the sign of a successful podcast ads. Ours is one, so it's not great, but then there's a bad thing. Our ad is for the barstool store. So I don't think that's really,

I think that's just, they threw us a bone. Yeah. We're just moving the money from our left pocket to our right pocket. Now I do love the barstool store because our stuff is on there there's a lot of other good stuff on there but especially our stuff there are some other good stuff and i don't know if you're on the email our saint patrick's day merch she was like hey you guys pushed eight units of your merch if you guys could push it again and i responded eight units like i figured

there was like a hundred shirts in a unit i was like what's a unit she said she said that's one shirt so we sold we sold eight shirts now is it because we didn't promote it dude shout out to those eight guys shout out to the eight guys probably girls um now i'm trying to figure out is it because we're not popular is it because we're not good is it because we didn't promo well is it because it our podcast uh is the name of a butthole or is it because the shirts are dumb like uh untell me i'm story or maybe they're just an ugly shade of green now everybody's tough the name you guys never planned for this to be a real podcast that's the thing we wanted to see this all started uh i don't know if we've ever brought this up before over quarantine me and kyle were uh looking at um the copyrights because it was during the whole call her daddy suit man stuff of like yeah the ip barstool is the ip and so we're

like what if we made ours the name of a butthole to see if a company like barstool where we work would pay a copyright lawyer. I don't know how much it is to do that, but I'd imagine it's expensive, to copyright the word anus. And it started out as that fake podcast. Because whoever worked on that deal was embarrassed about themselves. Was embarrassed. And he's like, I went to law school for three years and I had to pass the bar, and now I'm fighting to own the word anus.

And we kept on refreshing the website. It's when everybody was looking at the Call Her Daddy stuff. And we saw anus barstool sports. And we were like, this is hilarious. There's no way this could backfire. And we have to sell this. And now. Flash forward.

Flash forward. One of the most successful comedy podcasts in the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That. But also, you know, seeing your or you know you know younger buzzcut boys hit their merch bonus time and time again and we're trying to sell sell shirts with a butt maybe that's it um or maybe it's just that we are uh just not good at our jobs and i think that's really what it is maybe like you know some people

focus on podcasting and some of us decide to have zinner right before the podcast and leave the less exciting of the two to run a solo show but anyways that was my ad for the barstool store be sure to uh go to sports dot what the fuck i want store.barstool.com. Search the anus collection. Also, if you don't want to get that stuff, we have some really cool stuff coming out. It's just taking a while because it's embroidered. That's right.

We got embroidered shit coming out, and it's going to be fly as hell. Is it the logo you've shown me? Yeah. It's sick. That's going to be our coolest stuff. It's our coolest stuff, and then we're also putting out,

because we waited, those Home Alone hats that we had. We wore those. Those were sick. Yeah. That's going to be our coolest stuff. It's our coolest stuff. And then we're also putting out, because we waited, those Home Alone hats that we had. We wore those. Those were just the prototypes. We wanted them to be more tech. We were like, is there any way you could add wires, make this more technical? So they made them a little bit more technical, like a Cuts shirt. And now it's the most high-tech hat probably in the store.

Yeah. Yes. I'm thinking through. Yeah, it's probably the most high-tech hat in the barstool store maybe on any sports blogs websites i know the deadspin hats are pretty tech i know they have like a usbc slot but ours are the highest tech hats in the store anyways let's play the theme song and by the time it's done kyle we'll be back we'll be back we'll be we'll be back theme song hey is that story old or told so the theme song's over and Kyle's still not here. I figured he would be, but it's been like 20 minutes.

Yeah. He just sent me a video of him hunched over the toilet, kind of like heavy metal screaming. Nothing's coming out. Overstuffed with the zen or something. I don't know what it is, but he always has a problem with too much Nick. Play that one. He's got Nick poisoning. He's got Nick poisoning.

Oh, no. Play that noise again. That's coming from like his colon but out his mouth that's like all right i closed it and it's still playing that's strange jesus um yeah so i guess uh i guess now is a perfect time um for me to talk about the pokemon starters or should i wait for kyle new Pokemon game announced. I was going to take a shit. Oh, yeah, go for it. Yeah, I'll wait for you. No, I can wait.

No, no, no, I'll wait for you. I want Kyle to hear about it, too, because I want to hear about what he's... I think all of us are kind of one of the... The three of us, all of us kind of relate to one of the starters. Really? Yeah.

You have them picked out already, you think? Yes. And for everybody saying that I'm Quacksley, Kyle's Quacksley, I'm Sprigatito. What is Sprigatito? You serious, bud? I sound like such an idiot. Yeah, you sound like a fucking moron. Such a fucking loser.

No, he's... Let's just say he's a little capricious. And so that's right. I get it. Yeah, I get it. You're Coco. Naturally. Yeah.

We'll see, though. We'll see how Kyle, how fast to open up his weather app. I guess let's play the theme song one more time. Yeah, let's. That's your reply to what I'm going to say. No, you're just going to say like, no, let's. it's a fresh big untold story all right we are back kyle how you feeling, my guy? Awful. Are you feeling awful, or is it lovesick? No, what? Because the girl who we interviewed at the end of the video.

Did you hear the sounds I was making? You sounded like a heavy metal singer. It was coming from deep within. Prehistoric sounds. And have you thrown anything up? No, that's way worse. You had too much Zinner? Yeah, we already played it, buddy. We've already done it.

We're nine minutes into this podcast. You guys are? Oh, yeah. Yeah, dude. This is already not our shortest podcast if we stop now. I think early on we put out a six and a half minute and we were like, but the jokes in it make it worth it. God damn.

That was our formula we're back in studio so the audio audio quality is probably noticeably better um but very you know only audiophiles noticed the last episode didn't sound great um unless you listen to apple podcast and then you didn't hear a podcast at all correct didn't get put up there. I said, are you lovesick because the saga of you and that girl's daughter, who is also a girl. Chelsea. Chelsea. The woman we met in L.A. and interviewed that was trying to hook you up with her daughter. Her daughter thought you didn't make enough money, but you're fine as hell.

That's the abridged. She's been texting you more. This is insane. Has she sent more pictures because the ones i saw um okay so she gave me a huge update so the last podcast i was i recapped and i forgot to text her back i did she was like send me your podcast when you get free she does her her own. Yeah. She's finished up a session. So last Wednesday I said, my bad. It's called the yak. What about yours?

Fast forward to this Monday. She finally gets back to me like, you know, six, five days later. Yeah. She's probably not about it anymore. Yeah. She tells me her podcast and just says, my bad. I'm like, it's over it's over and then like two minutes later you want to go to saint thomas with me for my birthday what a twist what a twist and are you i thought she meant like saint thomas aquinas college in

upstate new york i was like yeah okay. Are you going to see Echo Smith and Grup Love at Spring Fling? Like, I would consider it. She was talking about the Caribbean. The Caribbean island. And what did you say back? I was like, oh, word eyeballs. That's a big commitment. She said, LOL, it is, huh?

I should get to know you better before we do that. Black girl things emitting from her head emoji. Do you know how old she is? You sound awful. She said, I said, maybe, maybe, but that's awesome. You're going there for your birthday. I always wanted to go. She said, yes, I need to get away ASAP.

Sent me the screenshot of the amount she paid, $2,272. I said, okay, okay. When are you going? And how old did you turn in? There it is. She said, this is insane. I'm July 21st to 25th and 29th. So we're the same age.

Same age. I said, oh, thought you were going like next week, LOL. Well, hell yeah, same age. She said, oh no, LMAO, not next week lol well hell yeah same age she said oh no lmao not next week oh nice when is your birthday send me some pics and that's where we left you didn't send some pics i was in the bathroom when she she is way too hot for you you don't even know what she looks like yeah she obviously doesn't know what i look like because she's a safe everybody around here calls you the best things because you you come in twos and your ex girl looked like a lizard which was ironic because she avoided scales

and i always thought that was funny uh gecko what what fuck you oh shit what and what you're too sick to make lizard jokes that's how i know it's bad you just said gecko and why were you why were you late to get here i was talking to shane gillis out there no no before that you were you had you like skipped you skipped town for a little bit yeah i had to had to leave the office. I had to go. To do what? To take a shit. Yeah. Why would I shit here? To take a shit. Yes.

I was just in a single bathroom spread out making those noises. Yeah. Listening to Blatt and talk about Wordle. I was. Oh, no. The worst thing in the world is when you're nauseous. Yes. On the verge of throwing up and you overhear something else.

A conversation. And it just destroys you. Yeah, so you know, I walked through Penn Station, which is awful. The amount of homeless has now outnumbered the amount of homed people, staging a coup of Penn Station. And I paid $2.75 to get on there,

drove the train down to Five Eye, and they let me drive the train. That's embarrassing. I would have rather you have traversed to Park Slope to catch a shiny Zapados. So, glad. Great segue. They announced the new Pokemon games, and the three starters are the three of us to a T. The three of us to a T.

So y'all know I'm the most capricious out of the bunch. Right? More like Caprice Sun. There it is again. That's how I know you'm the most capricious out of the bunch. Right? More like Caprice Sun. There it is again. That's how I know you're ill. And so I'm the grass cat. I'm taking you pants shopping. I'm the grass cat.

Remember when you shit your pants? Oh, someone else shit your pants, which is more embarrassing somehow. Yeah, that was Buddy Varner. Yeah. Yeah, he also- He should have got you capris. Buddy wouldn't have even- So I'm the capricious one out of the bunch and so i'm the new sprigatito the grass cat pretty cool huh no yes and owen owen my boy

what how would you describe that's the one you that's yeah i am and that's you though fair and kyle you're gay and so that's why you're quacksley that's you to a t kyle's such a quacksley when i saw the three of those emerging from their pokeballs i was like damn i've known a quacksley my whole life. You're like a little green kitten. Yeah, Sprigatito. Mine is an evolution of Hitman Lee. No, it's not. Quackley? Quacksley.

Oh, yeah. Hitman Lee doesn't evolve. It evolves from a Thai rogue. Give a shit. But yeah, so we've had a lot of cool things going on in our life. You're texting newbie and princesseses and I saw three new starting points. Deesa Baba Mama. Which is, I took some liberties there.

She's Eritrean, which is a neighboring country. But still in the continent of. I called her the Deesa Baba Mama. I was. Oh, yeah. deesa baba mama um i was oh yeah uh this morning you were like yo buckle up i'm testing out some new material and then you walked in today and i didn't realize you were being literal you were wearing a leather jacket that was the new material so that's your new material that's that's all that doesn't matter people don't want they don't want jokes they don't want laughs they don't want funny anymore that was funny they want wheel and gimmicks and pain and splashes yeah

it seems like it now put it on put what on the new material you got it you got it handy um i already got the ad out of the way we're doing really well what do we got we got these hello fresh cuts clothing manscaped no feelings gray which i started wearing in dude wipes uh-uh um and you and by this point you think you'd be right because we usually have multiple ads per. But no, we just have one today. But I'm sure they like shelled out a ton of money for it. What was it? Barstool Store.

The ad is just Barstool Store. And there was no copy. It was just like, talk about Barstool Store. Oh, man. Yeah. This might not be good for us. because they were talking about like cutting pods she's like if you have ads though that's a good thing we're like we got ads yeah they're talking 65 to 34 maybe number of podcasts yeah we're at 65 now there are too many podcasts

there's more podcasts i mean we have one listeners yes yeah yeah i think we got in good at the right time yeah everything else is like everybody wants to get in right as the bubble is bursting which is what we did and uh luckily we're not marketable and we're uh not cute and we don't fuck and we don't, we're not, I don't know, exciting. But we also don't do anything. We don't have segments. But hey, we

do wordplay occasionally. Can we replay that Kyle Gecko joke? I made a play on the homonym scales and then Kyle just said, Gecko. And I made a play on the homonym scales and then Kyle just said, Gecko.

And so, no, that's better. And we're only getting better and better. And I owned you. Gecko? Because it's like, I don't know,

was that wordplay or am I? Your wordplay was like when Indiana Jones, he does the fucking tricks with the whips and then Kyle just pulled out a gun and shot you with Gecko. And he hit me with the whips and then Kyle just pulled out a gun and shot you with Gecko.

And he hit me with the Gecko gun. I compared your girl to a lizard. And then you just hit me back with Gecko. I couldn't compare your girl to anything. That's right. She's one of a kind. One.

Come on. I'm nauseous yeah i was like no like uh is it from the zen i think that definitely um catalyzed ignited the nausea but i've been like diarrhea liquid yeah that's what diarrhea is i've been diarrhea and solid i've been having the hardest diarrhea s-shaped hard as a rock dry look at this diarrhea turd in between like filming clips of me throwing up just in case i did throw up and you never did what did somebody send me what and i don't want to turn this into that me reading dms bit sure it's not even a bit it's just quite literal you reading dms but did you get anything exceptionally you are so it's not even that people are just so offended and disappointed over the wheel stuff on the act so we do a bit where we i don't think you need to explain it because like

i'm sure i want to explain it because like I'm sure there is some crossover I want to explain it to the people who know exactly what it is we do a bit where we spin a virtual wheel and if it lands on a certain like piece of the wheel we have to go shower in our office and come out soaking wet yes

and yeah and then I didn't do it and geez just got wrecked and I I didn't do it, and jeez, just got wrecked. And I really didn't, because I was lucky enough, after some controversy, Barstool posted a video of this dude bowling that looked exactly like me. Oh my god, yeah. Yeah, my mentions were just like, dude, bowl much? And I was like...

Some people were telling me that. Make sure to tell... They always relay messages for me to say to you. You're way more approachable than I am. Your DMs are off. I'm this giant. Tell Nick he looks like a boulder. What do you think my DMs look like?

My DMs are just all show this to Big Cat. Show this to Nick. Show this to Kyle. Yo, you don't have a big enough following. I'm sure you'll respond. Show me something. No, it's just, yeah, it's awesome because they go through you, Kyle, because I'm like this big hulking figure,

and they're kind of afraid of the backlash. They know that you're like the approachable one. I get that. Yeah? So there's the leather jacket. Is that real leather? Yeah, what did we get? What did we get? Can you stand in a three-point stance on the desk for a

second just for the thumbnail yeah the the superhero landing no no just do a superhero landing so it'd be like like you jumped off a building yeah you just landed. Yeah, you just landed. That's how you land if you jumped off a building? Yeah, that's it. That looks sick. All right. Thanks. And what's this new character? Dude, just the way it like waves.

There's no reason to make jokes anymore when you can just do that. And for those listening, Kyle just looks like... I swear, he looks so funny. Not like the singer, Keanu Reeves. Yeah. Have you ever seen The Matrix? No. I don't watch things.

So I just got a DM. With love and appreciation and disappointment, I say this. You tried to say something at the end today, but you might not understand. You welshed on a bet to the audience. The bet was one you all devised in the form of a wheel. If you wanted to push it to Friday, you could have done it with excitement and saying you wanted to do it right and people would have accepted it.

Instead, you complained and blamed the audience for caring. You got upset people care about the thing you want them to care about your content caring is cool we care you looked at the ones who care about what you all do and shrugged and then got mad at them for caring i'm out someone welshing is a deal breaker for me won't matter to you but i leave shows when they hit this kind of low it's different than falling that falling failing the tasks in la that some were going on about because you tried them. You didn't try on this. You complained and it wasn't even funny.

I don't care about the wheel. It was never about the wheel. It was about the brotherhood. I care about the integrity. There isn't any integrity. As small and unimportant as that wheel was, it was enough. Watch the episode from when it lands on wet. Listen to you all talk except brandon and you

will hear people whining do or don't do it but definitely avoid sounding like that again be well best wishes from a former follower and listener god damn and did he unfollow or she yeah unfollowed huh oh man you ever think about the guy that named it ping pong he was probably racist what do you think he was doing he was watching i think it was table tennis fucking over there it was over there the fuck's over there fucking you can take the wheel i don't know if you want to say ping and pong or just ping pong. I was going to say, yeah, I don't know. I didn't really have to think it out that much. I was just trying to get past that.

Yeah, what else? It's just weird. I do think the yak's just been in a weird thing where it's all punishments. Yeah. Yeah, I think the charm, the original charm of the yak is that it was guys hanging out, and we were just having a good time. Yeah. Yeah. I think the charm, the original charm of the Yak is that it was guys hanging out and we were just having a good time. Yeah. And then that good time was lost along the way. Some of the stuff was gross, but it was funny.

We had a good time when like one person was miserable and that's just guys being boys. Yeah. It's bullying. It's bullying. And now it's just all of us miserable. And I think, I don't know. It's kind of like, I don't know. You used to listen for the joke know it's kind of like uh i don't know used to listen for the joke it's kind of like what happened to kyle he used to spend all this time crafting these

meticulous beautiful uh unfathomable how the mind thought like got to these jokes or how he links these two things and now he's just burping and wearing sunglasses. Counterpoint. Hey, come on in. Heyo. Happy Morpheus Day? Is that what it is? I don't know, John. I don't know.

We've lost our way. Yeah? I'm drunk. Are you drunk? Oh, you were doing Friday Night Pints. It's Wednesday. I'm drunk. It's Wednesday. I'm drunk. It's Wednesday.

I'm drunker than you guys are. Oh, let's get you a mic. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. Let's get you a mic. It's cool that you guys had Shane Gillis on a live show that happens on a weekend. Yeah. It's nice.

Yeah. It sucks that we have to do that. People don't want to do it live anymore. Why don't they want to do it live anymore? Because who wants to waste their Friday night doing a Friday Night Pints live? Yeah. Who wants to waste their Wednesday day with you? John on a Wednesday?

That's not our idea. We just do it whenever people want to do it. What's not your idea? Like when we do it. But the premise of it's your idea idea right the premise of it is but like doing on a wednesday i think kfc has a bartending fantasy he loves to lean on that thing doesn't he he does he like this i'm just trying to figure out it's obviously not real thank god because i call peter but what is what's the deal here what what's your deal? I was just trying to get a new fit.

Yeah? I think it's fun. Kyle's been taking on new personas. He also has tatted up. Get any tat? He's testing out a naked woman. Yeah, that was good too. We were saying,

why do people get permanent tattoos? There are options where you can get ones that go away in several months. Because we don't care about ourselves. Right, but hear me out. We have permanent tattoos, and all of ours are bad, especially yours and mine. Correct. And especially yours.

But also, let's not forget me. They're all very... But they're all permanent tattoos. But the thing is, I'm embarrassed of a lot of mine. I wouldn't say I'm embarrassed. I got a mom heart to piss off my mom. Dude, that's a funny... But that's funny.

It serves a purpose. That's one of my favorite tattoos of yours. But here's the thing. They hurt. They're expensive. Don't hurt. They feel good. They're itchy all the time.

Mine still rays and itch all the time. And I have them forever. What's the difference between what I have and what kyle has uh he can experiment so yeah like with like fashion i'll buy like i'll buy a new piece a garment a set a jumpsuit whatever you've been buying rails rails with the whatnot and the likely then etc and they after a year i'm it's out of my closet i wore this probably four to eight times in a year uh-huh and then that's too much i'm done yeah no you're speaking logic so why why yeah the tattoos are illogical to get yeah very expensive they're not the most pleasant feeling you wouldn't want to feel that feeling all the time i wouldn't want to feel all

the time but i like it no that's a lie that feeling all the time. I wouldn't want to feel it all the time, but I like it. No, that's a lie. That's like... When I'm getting it, I definitely like it. Why? I don't know. I just kind of like the... It's like a burn and a paper cut at the same...

What's to like? It's oddly enjoyable. I don't know. I like to feel something. It's like when I put my hand on the stove. And have you ever had a good conversation with a tattoo artist? Oh, no. Because I'm always drunk when I'm there.

Yeah. They're miserable. Kyle applied that himself. They're like this fucking drunk asshole who's just mumbling on about how it's like, with a tattoo artist oh no because i'm always drunk on there yeah they're miserable kyle applied that himself they're like this fucking drunk asshole is just mumbling on about how i was like yeah this is gonna be sick why fuck it this would be a great thing for my dead friend he'd love this yeah you yeah yeah i just i don't know why i'm doing it and at least you have dead friends i don't only one of them the rest of them are dumb well they're all they're all marcus i can't i'm well yeah if this podcast lassie enough if this podcast gets to 100 episodes do you have

a bunch of new tattoos kinda i don't think i've even seen those yeah it's been a little bit of a crisis what are those ones these are all from books oh yeah what books uh lord of the rings some kurt vonnegut captain underpants hell um stephen king arthur c clark i have some uh i have some red wall ones uh the works you have a lot of the tattoos yeah i think they look cool no the podcast has been blowing the fuck up we have an ad today yeah yeah what was it from barstool store yeah. And they gave us the bag. No, I told Pilar embarrassed me in an email.

She was like, hey, you guys need to bump your merch. You sold eight units. I was like, sick. How many are in a unit? She was like, one shirt. We didn't get double digits, dude. Combined, we almost have half a million followers. And we didn't sell 10 shirts we didn't sell 10 frank has a shirt with a permanent mustard stain for a show where he

doesn't put condiments on his hot dogs and his he's probably hitting 10 merch bonuses this is cathartic yeah we liked it and i don't want to hear it from you you're selling fucking shoes dude i'm not i'm not saying anything you're not hearing want to hear it from you. You're selling fucking shoes, dude. I'm not saying anything. You're not hearing anything from me. No, no. You're playing along like you're one of us. You're not. You're not one of us, and you never will be.

They're giving you corduroy. They're giving you the corduroy option. They made us revert. We can only sell wife beaters now. Oh, someone yesterday DMed me, you're making special educators look like dweebs due to your yak performance. Be better.

Your profession is teaching kids whose ceiling for learning is nothing. That's your requirement. Imagine being a cool special ed teacher like a dude coming in in shade smoking a cigarette he's teaching you like fucking what is edible or not like a cigarette do we um i i have a question for you because we just did a test there's a viral tweet um that i saw yesterday maybe and we just did it on the podcast and um it says something to the effect i going to give you the exact quote for you.

But the – it was something to the effect of an autism test, okay? And it wasn't a test for autism. It was to show how autism feels. Here it is. Oh, yeah. You saw this week. Yeah. Okay.

That's how autism feels Yeah so we just did this On the podcast It's actually not as hard As it sounds It says one time My school I didn't think it sounded hard

Hang on a second That sounded rigorous Like a mensa tune Yeah One time my school Did an autism simulation They had us write down The lyrics

To Mary Had a Little Lamb While singing the ABCs Same tune And they flicked the lights the entire time on and off That doesn't sound that hard to you In theory that sounded very hard You write the lyrics to the Mary Had a Little Lamb While singing ABCDEFG

It depends on how fast you can write You want me to get this shit? What do you mean? Did you guys do it? Do we have pens and paper? We did it You did it this week? No, no, no

Because I don't want to take all your viewers. Just be like, no, I don't want to watch Kevin and John. We did it. We had Shane Gillis on. He's like, I'm not doing this. So he sat there and drew the Notre Dame symbol over and over, which I think proved that he's the most autistic. Yeah. I don't know if that's like a test of autism.

That's what I don't get. Like a fun little fun challenge. Why don't know if that's like a test of autism. That's what, well, I don't get the viral. It's like a little fun challenge. Why don't you look to your right, and then statistically, one of those people will have autism. Riddled. Filled to the brim. You took the red pill, didn't you? Look at you, dude.

Riddled? Look at you. No, I'm, this is a sign of anti-autism who is that i accommodate to different environments i uh i switch up my persona um my talking points to to like acclimate with who i'm around you're like if elliot roger like maps instead of pussy you look like that bowler yeah I do look like that bowler KB's been getting flamed by the yak fans

and everybody on the yak except for me because right after that yak ended there's been some drama not even fuck it now but right after the yak ended Barstool posted like a video of this dude bowling on a first date he looks exactly like me. And so everybody's just like, KB, fucking kill yourself.

You give a bad name to special educators. And everybody's DMing me, just like, dude, bowl much? And it's the best. I got so lucky. Why do you give a bad name to special educators? Just because of who you are as a person? I didn't get sopping wet at work yesterday. I didn't take a shower with my clothes on yesterday for our show.

How would you give a good name to special education? Oh, yeah, that was weird. Someone was talking about how he'd pretzel me and how embarrassing I am. Then I went back and read all of his old DMs to me. Were they praising or did he always fucking hate you? He's been through, I've been through the ringer with him. He's been a roller coaster. Kyle's been having this real, he's been having some

fan, he's been a buttonhead since LA. Stripper, like getting like a traumatic brain injury video. A guy came here to try to fight Kyle. What the fuck are you talking about? What happened in LA? Kyle was, got blacked out and fucking said the crowd sucked,

and then he was talking shit on all the fans. It was funny. I saw the video of you. You were just drunk? I was blacked out, yeah. Oh, with Benoit's walk-in song? It was the... I could tell you were drunk, but there were no other drugs?

No. You were drunk? No. All right. I saw that. I was like, oh, boy. This is a dangerous game to play getting on stage this drunk. It was.

But I didn't think you said... So just so you know, I feel like that's one thing in social media we all feel like everyone knows about this. That hasn't gone outside that bubble. So no one knows everyone's mad at Kyle. No. No.

There are some people calling KB cunt boy, but cunt with a K, which is like the least creative name. I kind of like that. You like cunt boy? Cunt boy is almost like a compliment. I like cunt boy. This guy who's been like trying to pretzel me and shit.

January 22nd, he responds to my Instagram story. I'd said, put me on to something. He just said, can't swim. I think he confused like the put on prints for the, the fun fact facilitator. Can you not swim? Then two hours later, schizophrenic rapper.

Incredible. What? I don't know. And he spelled schizophrenic S K I T. Like, Oh wow. Like an English. Did you challenge him to a fight? Super wrong.

Then he said, oh, after LA he said, I like you much more after this week. A week later, Nick is all around more talented than you. Yeah. What were you going to do? So he doesn't sound too bad. Really? I remember when men used to be afraid of war famine and disease no he doesn't what no he doesn't i knew you don't

nowadays we got pussies like you afraid of getting wet or putting out a tweet but you're also still afraid of famine 20 minutes later also did you live in dumb bar hall when you went to kent girl i match with on tinder lives there if you have any tidbits or shit about the dorm i can impress her with oh he's like what tidbits could i possibly tell you about a college dormitory that would increase your chances of even remotely what now what did you say i didn't no i'm not that was a little mean oh jesus i still can't get over giving a bad name to special educators you were like a success story you made it out of the program you ran the program and now you've evolved past that and you're not doing anything with the special needs anymore besides doing a daily radio show to them you fucking pussy you afraid to get a little wet you dumb bitch fucking pussy bitch wait wait i fuck out of you small baby boy this is from teddy shapiro

he looks like somebody ben would cuddle with before bed why looks like a teddy shapiro why didn't you get wet yesterday that's the question i guess somebody Ben would cuddle with before bed. Why? He looks like a Teddy Shapiro. Why didn't you get wet yesterday? That's the question. I guess. We didn't feel like it. Oh, you both didn't. No.

So we spun the wheel, landed on wet, but Roan and Big Cat weren't there. So we're like, what should we do? Because it's usually we spin until there's one person dry. So instead we spun until there was one person wet. Okay. And people were up in arms. That's not the craziest thing. That they're up in arms? one person wet and people were up in arms. That's not the

craziest thing. That they're up in arms? No, no, no. Well, I guess both aren't the craziest things. Sometimes you don't feel like getting wet and I understand, but it's a fun thing. I don't know. I don't want to harp on it too much. My argument for getting wet would be, and this office is so much to change into. They need to put on different clothes and leave those moldy clothes in the corner.

My whole thing is it's not funny. It's not. Or it's not funny. It's not. Or it's not. Yeah, that's the hard part. It is. There's no like reward anymore. Fights, you see this Quacksley yet? Now you're selling me. Doesn't that remind you of KB?

Fucking Quacksley, dude. What is a Quacksley? It's like a Hitman Lee. No, it's not, dude. It's like the, it's one of the three new starters, but like they all have personalities and that's the earnest one.

The starters of what? The new Pokemon game. Oh. Yeah. I i didn't know but he's like the earnest of the three and that's my boy earnest as hell you are pretty earnest aren't you would you say you're earnest what's like sincere genuine yeah yeah would you just list the definition for a word you clearly knew the definition wait is that is that like this? Language of origin? Do you mean 14th century Latin? Yeah, so we're out of things to talk about.

No, what else is going on? We're about to be traveling. Where are we going? There's a lot on our plate. Wheeling. We're going to Wheeling for a video with paul bissonette are you really yeah to do was it the wheeling is the warriors was the nailers willie nailers yeah so we're going to be joining him for that um we'll probably our track record of doing things

uh in west virginia is bad and uh especially with people that are way more successful and better at their jobs than us. Wait, what happened in West Virginia previously? Rough and rowdy. Oh, you guys were ringside. Yeah. And that didn't go well. It didn't go well.

Why not? We just didn't know what we were doing. What's your track record in West Virginia? My track record? Didn't run. Mine's like 15 marks left arm yeah that is how it is there that is how it is there no that that was track and wheeling they had like an they had a nod off off

yeah yeah do you ever do heroin? Me? Never had heroin. Never got into really pills, really. Okay. No, as far as drugs go, wasn't a pill guy. I'm getting a ton of DMs about kids dying, like high school kids from Kratom. A ton. Yeah, but you're also, every single article that exists has been sent to us. Yeah.

Which is like probably... Because you're a pro-crate, right? Probably 12. He is addicted. Probably like 10-ish. Yeah, every... You know how many people do Kratom? There's been some like viral TikToks

of like a crying mom and she was like, he didn't do anything else. One mom, she keeps making the same TikTok. He didn't drink. I actually hit her up. He didn't smoke cigarettes. I reached out to her.

Were you mean to her? I was not mean. She lost her up. He didn't smoke cigarettes. I reached out to her. Were you mean to her? I was not mean. She lost her son. Yeah, like, stop generalizing your son's afflictions to the rest of the community. But you do other things and Kratom. He passed from just Kratom. And that's probably why. Nothing to counteract or temper the high.

Are you concerned? What other things do you do with Kratom are you confident in this new fit I was you look incredible I think you look great yeah you look sick

I think you look great but we are going to the movie theater to see Batman after this and I'm worried that they won't let you in what the fuck they'll let you in. What the fuck? They'll let you in for sure.

They think they'll keep someone with a sniper on you. Yeah, yeah. If you walk into the movie theater like that, people are going to leave. He's ready to go Aurora fast. That was a one-time thing though. There was no shooters at any of the sequels, were there? No, but there was extra security at Joker.

Well, this is is the first yeah this is really the first one since no no no in the same universe right that was dark knight rises this is not in the same universe as robert pattinson well it's not the same universe but it's a dc movie right yeah but joker wasn't dc was it joker is dc joker was it okay yeah i don't you you uh you are successful with a nice apartment and bed women. I just showed you a quack slate. I'm a Batman fan. I just don't know.

I get confused with all the universes. When we brought universe into the terminology of movies, I kind of started. Movies shouldn't have sequels. That's why I like DC. They have a clean slate every time because they fucking suck. Yeah, you should watch the movie and that's it. Yes. There should be like ongoing puzzles where you have to remember what you watch. Remember this Easter egg and this and this and that.

And I'm not watching fucking Shang-Chi and the Ten Rings. I'm just going to wait for I'm not going to watch like 100 hours of other things to watch. Enjoy movie. Do you see the ad on the stair on the subway all the time of it's wayne gretzky and it's for a unnamed gambling website and he's spinning a puck on his finger no and every time i walk by because he's like he's in like a turtleneck in a blazer and it looks like something shang chi wears and i haven't seen the movie but i haven't either he sees he wears in the trailer and every time I'm like is the Shang-Chi trailer

still up and it's just Wayne Gretzky promoting gambling. Can he spin? Can he actually spin a hockey puck on his finger? No chance.

There's no way he can. Maybe he's balancing it. It's a picture. That wouldn't even be that cool to watch. Yes it would. You couldn't really see the rotations of it.

It could be spinning very fast. You wouldn't know. You wouldn't know. Or it could be stagnant. That's maybe one of the worst things to spin. A puck? Yeah. It's up there. Or it could be stagnant. That's maybe one of the worst things to spin. A puck?

Yeah. It's up there. It's a solid black object. Yeah. It doesn't have any. Frisbee's way cooler. An infant. An infant.

Do you know you can fit three beers in an upside-down frisbee? No way. That's what I heard once, and I've been repeating it every time a frisbee comes up. I don't even know. There ain't no way. The concave of a frisbee could hold three beers? Of a, like a... I would guess a half a beer.

That's what I would have guessed. I've literally never checked it or tested it. Like the contents of a can? How many ounces can you hold in a upside down Frisbee? You want to leave this as a cliffhanger for the audience? What, you have to get puke again? I think it could be like a fun thing to reveal the next episode. Yeah, let's not talk about it.

Let's talk about what's going on with your face, John. Okay. We either said there's a lot of things going on or just one big thing, but we're not quite sure. I would say... I would say... Uh-huh. It's hard, isn't it? I would say...

I'll go for a lot of things because I have two pimples right now. Empathy wise. I'm trying to put myself in the shoes. I wouldn't like to hear that. What? Like if someone was like, what's going on with your face? But I think with you, it's a good enough question. Yeah, no, I'm aware.

Because it's almost intentional. I own mirrors. It's not a surprise. It's almost intentional. And you have been one of the few. You've had a handsome face And you know what it's like It's better to know what it's like And lose it

Than never have it at all Oh man I would I would I don't think I've ever Had a handsome face Yeah you used to be handsome But there

Maybe when I was like three When I was When I was younger Damn that Todd is Like ruggedly handsome Yeah Good god Look at that baby's jaw.

I can see. As a kid, you'd be like, oh, you're going to have to beat the ladies off with a stick later. You know the creepy things you say to kids? Yeah. Maybe as a kid, I got that. But then I kind of put this thing on, and it's like, I know it's bad. I know it's awful. You're not an ugly man.

I know it's. But the beard doesn't help. You have great hair. It's. A wrinkle-less forehead. Yeah, I did get Botox. Which should be running up soon, I think. Lift up a bit?

Because I think I got it in... I think it was October. Yeah, yeah. You still are wrinkle-less, but you are moving your eyebrows. I can feel it more. I can feel the movement more. So I think it's three to six months, I say. I got it in October.

So yeah, we should be coming towards the end of it. Are you a Baptist preacher? You're not even remotely sweaty. No, it's just my tinted moisturizer. You admit it's makeup. Oh, you're going full Morpheus. Oh, yeah. Sorry, my black face is dripping.

It's a full Morpheus. No, have you put men on makeup so many so many burner accounts asking me for the link we use so many are using it so many are misusing it they're like what the fuck there was this one dude he's like you said this was tinted moisturizer this is fucking makeup yeah buddy Yeah, buddy. That's exactly what it is. Dude, I took it right off my face. Do you use the war paint? What? It was like the first popular, I guess, men's makeup line was called war paint.

And it was like, look, any guy who's willing to use it doesn't need to be called war paint. No. One of those is going to be the first guys to go in on using makeup. He's like, yeah, sure. Call it pretty boy. I don't fucking care. I got my fucking, oh, my war paint. I get ads for one that looks like a pen.

Oh, yeah. Like, and they put it over their eyes. Yeah. This has changed my fucking life. And have you noticed a change? Yeah, it does. Like, well, my thing was like redness rosacea and it definitely helps a little bit with that i love it when stuff is marketed just for guys because like when the

dr pepper came out and their tagline was just like not for women i was like fuck yeah this is just a pop this is just a can of pop no no no what was the line? It was 23 calories or something, but there were like, other diet drinks are for chicks. This one, quite au contraire. Not for women. We were sponsored by Dude Wipes. Dude Wipes. Dude Wipes. You can't wipe a pussy with this.

No, no, because they added some sort of chemical that burns the pussy. Oh, really? So we wouldn't even let you pretend you wipe the pussy with this. You can't wash your asshole with shampoo. It recognizes if it's a man ass. You can't? What? You guys didn't notice that? Shampoo burns the

asshole. Yeah. To smithereens. You know how when you don't wipe well enough, your butthole itches? It's a common thing. Or if you wipe too much. And sometimes you go to the bathroom and you have to dampen up your butt

or wipe it with a wet toilet paper or even a dude wipe. I did this and my butt was itching and annoying on my way to eighth grade. I did this and my butt was itching and like annoying like on my way to like eighth grade and I was in the back

of my mom's Envoy XL and I had gym and so I she was taking you to see the movie eighth grade no no yeah it was recently

it was recent but my butt was itching no it was school and so I didn't have anything and it was driving me insane and I was afraid to use the bathroom in like kindergarten eighth grade and ninth to 12th.

And so I had today and today I had to go home to shit. I sprayed ax in my butthole. I think we've all done that. And I burnt so bad that I had to miss school when I got in so much trouble. I sat on a hemorrhoid pillow. Maybe we've all done that. I don't think I've done that. Maybe I've gone down the pants.

No, I went directly think I've done that. Maybe I've gone down the pants. The green one. No, I went directly in. But there should be something that like freshens your butt to like where your butthole smells just good. Because I think even a clean butthole smells bad. I would. It kind of smells like a chocolate dish. A chocolate dish? No, I don't know. I wouldn't say a chocolate dish. A chocolate dish? No, or like a, I don't know. I wouldn't say a chocolate dish.

Not a chocolate. Like an affogato? Like some type of Italian dessert. Sometimes it smells. Yeah, an espresso drowned cake. It's not an affogato. Yeah. Like the best it could be is like,

it's the same sensation as smelling like a dishwasher. It's not pleasant and you want to avoid it, but it's like, I know it's cleaning. I know it's the same sensation as smelling like a dishwasher. It's not pleasant and you want to avoid it. But it's like, I know it's cleaning. I know it's clean. But it should be like one of your least priorities. Cleaning your asshole? What the fuck?

The specific odor. Nobody is going to smell your asshole. But the thing is, if they do smell your asshole there's no confusion it for anything else you smell asshole it's asshole it's ass you can't be like oh it's like my fucking what else you can't have a my armpits have never smelled like my butthole yeah okay uh by the way i did did confirm three beers. It's confirmed. Confirmed by an article in... In what?

The Gilfordian? Did you know how many beers fit in a Frisbee? There ain't no way. I don't know what you're talking about. John, what's your phone case? Three beers. It's a picture of me. Oh, yeah.

It is. I bought this on RedBubble.com. I bought a Jeff D. Lowe sticker real big on redbubble.com huh oh i bought a jeff d lowe sticker real big off redbubble.com and someone the whoever made it was like oh we'll take it down uh sorry for using your likeness and i was like i'm so we are only we are presented by the barstool store so watch what you're saying please but can you call it bootleg if it's nicer it is it's kind of bootleg if it's nicer? It is.

It is kind of bootleg because I'm eating like a chicken nugget. And I was. Wait, wait, wait. Turn it around. I don't think I've ever seen. Yeah. And you're doing like a. I'm eating something.

What's the base picture there? The base picture is real, I think. I think I remember. But they have like a. Yeah, there's something. You're. Hmm. It's a good drawing of you.

Yeah, it's alright. Yeah. That was a totally normal way to handle a comeback. Don't even worry about it. There's been a lot of derivatives to the Saturdays are for the boys movement that you started. Yeah, did you see the one upstairs? They have a bootleg one upstairs. I just see them everywhere. Saturdays are

for the engineers. You're sure as fuck didn't make that. Shut up. Yeah, there's one upstairs they have a bootleg one upstairs i just see them everywhere saturdays are for the engineers yeah then what you're sure as fuck didn't make that yeah shut up yeah there's one upstairs upstairs next to like the next to like the the tech guys nice good for them glad doesn't that make you want to yeah yeah so i quit yeah there's a bar like in manhattan they said like saturdays are for like the rugby team yeah just like that and every time you see that's the boys still yeah it's still the boys yeah that. That's the boys still? Yeah, it's still the boys. The engineers are still the boys. Still the boys. Saturdays are for the doctors.

Saturdays are for the presidents. Saturdays are for the athletic. Saturdays are for the higher paid. Saturdays are for the the cops that can do something Saturdays are for the front line need I say more you can just buy the original

they had custom ones in the store I tried getting Saturdays are for eating pussy they didn't let me that's fucking gay I tried that toos are for eating pussy. They didn't let me. They didn't let you? Yeah, they wouldn't rule though. That's fucking gay. I know. Why wouldn't they let you? I tried that too. That is actually gay.

I tried Saturdays are fucking gay. They allow Saturdays are for sucking dick, but they don't allow. Welcome to 2020. Exactly. Exactly. Saturdays are for the theys. Saturdays. Saturdays are for the they's Saturdays Saturdays are for the them's That's a fire show

Saturdays are for the them's Yeah that's amazing That's selling 10 units at least Oh my god I'm getting emails just like you doubled your sales Welcome to the teens Speaking of welcoming to the teens Kyle Speaking of welcoming to the teens, Kyle, this weekend. Welcome to the what? We went to emo night.

You were dancing with teens. No, I wasn't. Was I? We got low. A boy kissed my mouth. A boy kissed me. Oh, Nick. The guitarist of all time low picked me up and kissed me on the mouth.

Was it the guitarist? This guy comes up. He was belligerent. Yeah. And he just fondled the fuck out of you. He just picked me up and he was like, I'm taking you with me on the mouth. This guy comes up, he was belligerent. Yeah. And he just fondled the fuck out of you. He just picked me up and he was like,

I'm taking you with me. Shut up. I was like, what? I was like, wait. And he kissed my mouth. I was like, put it down. He picked you up?

You're not a pick-up-able person. You're not a person you've seen. KB called me a mountain of a man. Yeah. I guess. You're not a guy

you've seen. I'll pick him up i'm not a pick-upable guy and i imagine nor am i a gay guy and nor is he i don't think uh i don't know enough about him i don't know about if either i'm gonna guess no but i don't know for sure i mean in a pop punk band he likes like just young young girls but yeah we went to uh emo night and i was moshing and kyle was just somebody stole my fucking hat i had the sickest hat it was a cup of lean but with the pokemon ditto coming out it was so sick and somebody and i was i saw everybody eyeing it up and like just some dude yoinked it just ripped off your head yep and you went i'm a pushover and i was like what

and he was like nice hat it was it just brought me back to like high school and college and yesterday just like hey nice hat and he just put it on his head and i was like oh see ya i apologized to him because like it was too tight on him here's how you move it i'm sorry that sucked i got it from etsy first thing i ever bought from etsy i felt gay doing that and it was like a it's like a man's hat but it's like wish though yeah i'm up from wish because we did buy from wish we've we've dropped paychecks on wish yes we have and it waited like six months and just like oh why did i do this all very ill-fitting yeah but i've graduated to etsy and i was just like can you ship this like secretly like i'm buying like a sex toy they make sure that like they the sellers whoever the, make sure to let you know you're gay for buying from them.

I got JC Chazet merch, and the package was wrapped in twine with a handwritten note. Twine is the gayest of tying things, I think. I was trying to get those bleach sweatpants from TikTok they were making last year, and they wouldn't give it to me unless I put BLM in my bio. Yep. Yeah. They wouldn't sell it to me. i put blm in my bio yep yeah wouldn't sell it to me dude i i won't touch twine i'll hold the spool spools are straight twine is gay i think the gayest thing a man can do is make that like heart symbol with his hands yeah i can't even do like that it's not even gay. That's just the worst thing somebody can do.

And it's bizarrely popular. It's never worked. It's never hit. Soccer players do it, which I guess is a bad argument. But people do that all the time. DJs do it. Yes. It's never landed.

It's never won. Has a hot dude ever posted that and girls are like, I need to have him? I need that. I think it's no. He's not interested in me. I bet you Shawn Mendes has done it in multiple of his posts. But he's gay.

I know he's gotten very upset about the rumors that he is gay. That would upset you as a straight man too, I think. Nah, who fucking cares? I bet it'd be cool though to do the LA with your hands once in an Instagram. Once in an Instagram or the blood with both hands.

But I worked at a zoo and I can do a bullfrog. LA with your hands like once in an Instagram once an Instagram or the blood with both hands. Yeah. But I worked at a zoo and I can do a bullfrog. And so that's the bullfrog is probably the straightest thing. I can't do a bullfrog. Oh, fuck. Whoa. What? Frat.

Oh, yeah, dude. I know. How'd you know? I didn't even heard of the bullfrog. You never heard of the bullfrog? No. I figure as much. You silver spoon having ass.

I had to go bullfrog out on the streets for dinner. Pop star, do a leap with DaBaby. That was my DaBaby. Yeah, that's pretty good, DaBaby. Left foot, right foot, levitating. Pop star, do a leap with DaBaby. You like DaBaby? It's all right.

You liked his comments at that one concert. Yeah, you thought that was pretty cool. What did he rap? It was something like Shout Out Charlotte? If You Don't Have AIDS. Was that him?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine like you're on a date with a girl and she puts her hand down at that concert. You're like,

what the fuck? We just fucked in the car. I should need to look at that footage. For all the people that put their... Yeah, were the hands up? He was like, put your hands up. Everybody's up. Unless you have AIDS.

Just like a girl grinding on you. No, oh no. What else? No. Anything else? Emo night ruled. ruled yeah it did you guys saw a side of me you've never seen yeah you were dancing singing i wasn't singing you were singing no i was it was a wonder year song and i was like whining there was no yeah you're right there's no noise you were actually you were singing no you were you dancing, which I've never seen. I wasn't dancing.

You were trying to get me to go on stage with you. So we were in Brooklyn, and it was Gunz that was hosting, and he likes Barstool. He was like, we got KB and Nick from Barstool. We're at Emo Night in Brooklyn. Everybody's like, no! Fuck no! He was like, we got KB up here for a guest set. You were going to play a song, and you chickened out.

No, nobody wanted that. What set and you're gonna play a song and you chickened out i'd know nobody wanted that no i was just like i was just playing like the best case scenario in my head if i went on one stage we got barstools kb no swag it's like okay so he's not dave's not big cat and so like so you know how like if a president's assassinate goes to vice and there's that thing when it comes to barstool dave obviously president and like it's like the secretary of state you might be uh secretary of state i'd imagine so i don't i i am less familiar with the uh american situation than i would be with the barstools yeah um but i would guess secretary of state's pretty quick right it's like third No, I'm further down than third. Senate majority leader, Senate minority leader?

I would say maybe like, it's between six and ten probably, somewhere in that range. I think you're probably six. Six maybe? But like Kyle's comparison, if he were to like be, you know,

known at Barstool, would be like what in politics? Like a city planner? I would be like a Nancy Pelosi. You would not be Pelosi. You would be a Colin Powell. Like a city planner? I would be like a Nancy Pelosi. You would not be Pelosi. You would be a Colin Powell. Like a Colin Powell. This guy.

Pow! Goes your colon. Pow! Right in their colon. Not with my penis. With a fist? Yeah, it would have to be. With a fist.

It would have to be. That's the only way you can pow a colon. He died. He did. Did he? Yeah. I don't think I knew that. Yeah.

Are we sad or happy about that? Which one do you tell me my emotion to have? I think you can be sad any time somebody dies. No, I disagree with that. What about Kony? What a sad story that was. What a horrible life. What an evil man.

What a waste of a human. Oh, okay. That's just me, though. I was a little sad when Aaron Hernandez died. So I get it. What Kony did was so absurd

that it made me just feel like treat him like a parody. This is the most comfortable you've ever been. Is it because Fights is dressed like a train conductor? It certainly is. I look like an Oshkosh B'gosh. You really do. comfortable you've ever been? Is it because Fights is dressed like a train conductor? It certainly is. I look like an Oshkosh Bogosh. You really do.

Was it Annie and the redhead? I had these dogs. Raggedy Ann and Andy. Yes. I look like a Raggedy Ann. I made a joke about how there's a black Barbie and a black Polly Pocket but there was no black Raggedy Ann and I called her Do Raggedy Ann and Jeff made me cut the joke from the podcast.

That's funny business. Good joke. Makes sense. What about Raggedy Ann? This is what they were wearing. We were talking toys. I forget where. Isn't it funny? Were we talking to you? At teddy bear night when people were throwing teddy bears out on the ice for kids with cancer? There was a rundown yesterday.

Teddy bears are the worst toy. Kids with cancer deserve way better toys. And they're just getting wet teddy bears from this hockey game. And the doctors are like, put them in the microwave. You'll like it when you hug it after that. Yeah, people do say. People do that.

It's to get rid of the germs, but also warming up teddy bears. And then they made it like microwavable teddy bears. And yeah, but that's the worst toy. Nobody wants a teddy bear. But I'd argue that maybe because it is the one that all weird people keep until they're adults. Yeah. Everyone's running to but like this going to bed with someone like here's a fucking toy i have here's a kid with cancer dying in the golden age

of toys there's like you're bed bound here is entertain yourself for the rest of the day with this ice covered bear from somebody and he's like what you couldn't get me anymore like like i'm connected to like technology can you get me any more? I'm connected to technology. Can you get me some of that? It's particularly mean because it's like, you're not going to live long enough to become emotionally connected to this. Yeah, you're right.

Nick, remember we saw... Giving a teddy bear to a sick kid is fucked up. It is. Remember we saw the children's hospital with a mural of a clock? Yes! Where were we? LA? No. Uh... Yeah, the LA children's hospital outside of the windows of the children's Hospital with a mural of a clock? Yes! Where were we? LA? No. Uh... Yeah, the LA Children's Hospital outside of the windows of the Children's Ward is just a giant clock on like a Dalmatian

It's like a beautiful mural of a clock. But it's like reminding them, it's like, you know, this is the enemy. Time. And it runs in reverse. Yeah, this is... Kid cancer though. Get them better toys. So maybe that would be the meanest thing to get them, like a G-Shock.

Today's date. You get them like a savings bond. Hey, I paid for your first semester of college. Please. We should start doing that. The bar is still fun. The bar is still fun. Futures for the Super Bowl. They could cash out their pen stock.

That's fucked up. It is. But that's the thing. That's us. We find the humor in some of the darkest of topics. Oh well. We good? Oh yeah. How long have we been running? Buck 30? God damn! Double that. oh well uh we good oh yeah how long we've been running buck 30 god damn double app this is a triple app this will be spread over four to five weeks we are done for the month

so uh thank you for listening i guess now would be the end of part five of this episode uh and thank you again to the barstool store. When those guys reached out to us that we could be partnered with them, it meant the world. And it's just really cool that a company that we've loved for a long time finally gave us the opportunity to promote something that they have and that we believe in. And we've been working with these guys for a little bit now. Yeah, and getting to know them, seeing how it's made. And seeing, it's always nice when we sell a product and we see it fly off the shelves.

And this is awesome to see. We're going to see a bunch of Feidelberg shoes. We're going to put more money in Feith's pocket by doing this. So you're welcome. Thanks. My pleasure. What? My thank you. My pleasure. Yeah. My pleasure. What? My thank you.

My pleasure. Yeah, your pleasure. It is. All right. 281. I know you got a put on real quick. Do you have a put on? No, I think you just leave the...

All right, name a put on. Sign off with a put on. Name a put on. You put somebody on. I think you're vying for the title. No, you put on your put on. No, you put on. You on. No, you put on. You're the contender. He's the reigning

champ. Alright, open up your browser window and play Jezball. J-E-Z-Z-B-A-L-L. Addicting fun game. He misses like a wife. Fuck you! Almost forgot. I almost forgot. Good joke.

Is that your reply to what I'm going to say? No, you're just going to say, like, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? No, baby. That's a new untold story A new untold story It's a fresh big untold story A new untold story A new untold story