A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 291 - Seoul Food

Episode Date: May 12, 2022

Kb gon have thatYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. A New Untold Story, episode 281, 91, 291. Kyle, you want the good news or the bad news? Got my ear, boys. Your headphones? I feel like you ignore me for the first 15 minutes of the podcast. Yeah, because I'm just racking my brain for things I can say.

It's not about... I always forget that we things I can say. It's not about I always forget that we have to converse. It's not about conversation. It's just us sharing individual jokes back and forth, just spewing our own thoughts. Well, now I pry, man. I try to get it out. You do. No, I'm really good for you. Ebony, did you just put in

a fucking giant piece of hard candy here? I already in my mouth for how long bite it why does it matter what's in my mouth you're not in my mouth so why would you here's why it matters because it is obstructing the sound of our podcast which is relying solely on sound

it sounds disgusting if this was like a silent podcast that they did in the 20s you're sucking on different candies and apparatuses is only more obvious the candy is the size of your dick so you should be used to it the sound you should be used to the sound

we're just going right to the small dick no no no you knew you were coming on the pod whatever don't smack your fucking lips. My lips are big. You have the fortunate advantage to be in the background

of everything going on. We are in a tense situation at work. We are in a tense situation. It ain't my business to talk about. I wouldn't spoil the wordle one day. He tweeted it from the account. I saw the tweet. That was the actual word for the day. The wordle from the account and he got lampooned. I missed this. I saw the tweet. That was the actual word

for the day. The word will answer was the story. And you did it at about 10 a.m. What time did you do it? Like 1130. What time zone? I don't know where I was. You were on the east coast. You got lampooned? No. You were on the west. You were central time. Yeah. I didn't know people still cared about

the word or whatsoever. You got fucking destroyed. But like, I didn't know people still cared about the wordle whatsoever. You got fucking destroyed. But like, I don't care. That's the most people ever. That's the most people were mad at us and we did the fucking Reggie saga. Anyway, Kyle, we got ratioed. It was bad. We got ratioed bad. We got ratioed

on the fucking wordle tweet. It was a lot of like, go fucking kill yourselves. Yeah. Stuff like that. Good news or bad news, Kyle? I don't fucking like that. It's all bad right now. What is it?

The good news is we only have one ad, but that is also the bad news. It's really bad news, actually. It's bad news. So it's good news for the listener. Really bad news for also the listener if they want more of this fucking show. But luckily it's manscaped or rated R-Ad. Thank God. Ebony, you cunt.

Do you like... Wow, that was harsh. Do you like a hairless nutsack? Well, of course I like a... Tell me how you really feel about the man's pubic region. I don't like hair on anything

in the genital area. Why? Because I like dick in my mouth. I don't want hair in my mouth. Yeah, but what about... I prefer balls and dick. I don't prefer balls, dick, and hair. Girls have been historically strangely cool with the hair in their mouth. That's their... We're talking about me. I don't give a fuck about... They never put up a fuss. What about Velcro? Like a little Velcro.

I could do that too, but it's like I don't want hair on your balls. Like who wants, like I want you to teabag me. I don't want to have hair in my mouth. Like that's weird. I don't want to put words in your mouth, but you would prefer a good trim as opposed to completely naked. You know, as long as I don't have hair in my mouth,

I'm fine. Do you like hair in your mouth? None of us want hair. The bottom line is we don't want hair in our teeth. We don't want hair in our teeth because there's no way to... You look like a hairy type. No, I'm lying. You look like a hairy type of guy.

You're not lying. You look like a hairy type guy. So it's weird that Manscaped sponsors the pod because only half of the members on this side of the table have pubes. What did they call me at Dangerous Curves? What did Whale Earnhardt Jr. call me every time? She called you Kyle Busch. Kyle Busch. Kyle Busch.

And when she waved the checkered flag, what did it mean? It means that I was one lap dance away from coming. And I had pubes. You did. Had. What a weird past tense. I trim them. With the Manscaped 4.0, the lawnmower trimmer.

It's honestly a good product. Yeah, I trimmed downower trimmer. It's honestly a good product. Yeah, I trimmed down to Velcro. It's the Velcro. I think a lot of guys resort to just buying whatever they see in the Dwayne Reed whatever they have available. Yeah, but men don't like to add guards to the razor. This one's easy to just go up and down. I don't want to be

nicked. I'm the one that's supposed to be doing the nicking. And you are a what? That's your thing. That's your main identifier. You do the nicking. You are the... This is a bad episode. Ask me to say this one.

Stop. Stop. What's so funny, haven't he? What am I? Anyways, you guys can get a manscaped.

Oh, what's the promo code? I don't think the ad went through to my phone. Oh, fuck.

No, wait it out for this because I want you guys all to get this product. It is code anus code anus and Code anus. And you get a good ass deal.

I recommend. Did you put the mint back in your mouth? I'm just sucking it. You can't just fucking suck it. What? I can just suck it. I have a mouth. That creates a visual obstacle. I can suck anything. I have a mouth. What do you do with your mouth? You suck shit. You eat shit. I crunch and munch. Don't crunch and munch on my shit.

You don't want crunch and... You sound like a woman who's never been crunched and munched. What is that crunch and munch. I don't, don't crunch and munch on my shit. You don't want crunching that. You sound like a woman who's never been crunched and munched. What is that crunch and munch? Oh honey. Oh my God. I thought I, I thought I was kinky.

Clearly I'm, I've been sleep this whole time. You're vanilla. You're sleep. I actually think you're white. We're all the same. You actually think I'm white. I do think you're white.

You're yes. He said that since, you think I'm, no KB. It's a psychological barrier. Cause I do think you are white. Why the fuck do you think I'm white? Aesthetically you're white Yep both of y'all shut the hell up

Y'all both sound stupid as hell While I continue to suck this mint Enough of the mint That's white of you too You think that mint's spicy It tastes really good I bet you it doesn't need any seasoning in your eyes. You see, you got jokes.

A pinch of salt on your boiled goose. First of all, that's how you guys, how do you season your chicken? That is a good question. Because I'm pretty sure you season it with just like salt and pepper. Cava, sweet green. I let him do it for me. We're not talking about you, Kyle. We're not talking about you.

We're talking about Nick. I like dirty water chicken, so I'll boil it. Dirty water chicken? Yeah, I'll just boil it. You boil chicken? Yeah. I'm a teriyaki guy. In water? Yeah. That's it? A pinch of salt. A pinch of salt? How disrespectful. So the fucking chicken that died

for your ass to eat it just to put some goddamn salt on it? A pinch of salt. A pinch of salt? Yeah, maybe I'll even do like a lemon rind. But like you just pinch it to get the oils out. Rub it. Yeah. Let me cook for you. I'm a teriyaki guy. Let me cook for you.

Even if I'm not doing a teriyaki dish, I'm soy, I'm mirin, and I'm sugar. You said sugar? Yeah. I don't. What the fuck is wrong with y'all? No. You with the damn soy. What are you putting sugar in? Soy, mirin,

sugar, chicken. That sounds like I threw up in my mouth. That's disgusting. I just threw up in my mouth. Okay, let me tell you about Korea. Do I look Korean? Do I give a fuck about that shit? No. You like soul food? Oh, yeah, I like soul food. I like

adobo. I like adobo. I like adobo. I like Lawrence seasoning on my shit. We're all the same age. You have to go home to growing adult children almost. You're a mother of adult children. Nick and KB, we can do whatever we please.

I can go home and have, I can just pop on an R-rated movie. I can walk around the house in the buff. Yeah, I can't do that. I decided to open my legs and have a kid at a young age. You have one or two? Two. How old were you when you had the first? 17.

17? Is your child older than you were when you first gave it up? My daughter's 12, so she ain't popping shit besides that motherfucking pencil on that motherfucking paper. And she's an anime girl. Your girl watches anime? No, no, no.

Don't start with that shit, KB. You remember the anime girls? You remember them? They weren't conventionally whores. So you're trying to call my daughter a whore? You're trying to say my daughter popping pussy and she's watching anime. So she's just outside.

I didn't say that. Does your daughter follow you on Instagram? No, my daughter don't have Instagram. She probably has a Naruto fan account. She has a Snapchat and I've seen her talking to boys. What anime does she watch? Demon Slayer.

She likes Demon Slayer. She likes Demon Slayer. She likes Demon Slayer? How the fuck does she get into that? I don't fucking know. It's because you're white. It's a white household. You're raising a white household. I feel like my daughter only turns white when I bring her in this fucking office and meet all you motherfuckers. Now she likes all this dumb shit.

We're going to make your daughter white as hell. At least she won't be popping pussy. You're going to be on the sands of Hilton Head in the cargo shorts. Everybody in the white tees. That old plaid couch in your basement. The fridge with the huggies in your garage. I don't have no basement.

Why are you being disrespectful? It's a matter of time, Ebony. You have to be so disrespectful. How are we disrespectful? I had a daughter young and then i had my son and i'm good i have a 12 year old and nine year old i'm good they get along yeah is your son named terry no the fuck no his name is aiden okay aiden yeah props for the keepsies you see i'm about to change i'm about to change i'm about to change I've been I've been Is there like a

Deliberation process? No I'm not naming Like why would I name My son Terry? Oh I I'm Yeah that's a good idea That's fucking stupid

Why? No I wasn't Talking about naming him No no I'm No I'm asking you Giving him life No no I gave him life

I made him an Aiden And his name Like what the fuck I hate my little name So he's probably Especially thankful for you around these times. Yeah, okay. He's an asshole. I'm hyping you up.

Yeah, you're definitely hyping me up. You had a choice and look at him. He's doing well. What's he like? Can we babysit? You can't babysit my fucking kid. Why the hell not? Because I don't think he'll like you. My son's a little racist. Against white people? Yeah. That can't be done. No, no. Hot calling the kettle black. No, I'm serious.

Or like people that wear like the what do you call the hijab? Oh, he doesn't. He's like, what is that on heads? Why are they so weird? And he doesn't know even about 9-11. Yeah. Wait until. So he's just pure? He's racist. Yeah, he's pure racist. Is it genetic?

Yeah. You know I'm fucking racist. Against it genetic? Yeah. You know I'm fucking racist. Against white people? Yes. Please. I'm like losing memory of that era, but that was the most racist anyone or any group of people has ever been. Us Americans against the Middle East. You were allowed to be racist.

Toby Keith was like... It was just mainstream. You were probably bumping to fuck. You probably said the boot in their ass line in the red, white and blue guy came to me. How did it go? Put a boot in their ass the American way. I remember you shed a tear for that. I mean, my dad cried

at George Bush's first army. I don't give a fuck about George Bush. George W. Bush. George. I don't give a fuck about George. 9-11 racism is why I'm afraid of flying because my first flight was two months after 9-11 racism is why I'm afraid of flying. Because my first flight was two months after 9-11. And it was to New York.

And I was terrified of 9-11. And it was rows of two. So it was my dad and my sister and then a stranger and my mom and me and a stranger. And it was a man in a turban. And I looked over to my mom. And I was like, Mom, are we okay? I was like, what? Second grade? Third grade?

And I looked and I said, are we okay? And she looked at what? Second grade, third grade. And I looked and I said, are we okay? And she looked at me. She goes, I don't know. She like shrugged. Yeah. Our parents were largely responsible for our inherent racism. Yeah. Yeah.

Thank God I was too poor. I didn't take no flights around that time. Shit. I was just still in the Bronx. Like whatever. Yeah. I mean, how many black people died in 9-11? I don't know.

That is racist as fuck. What? Like we counting all the niggas that died? That is racist as fuck. I mean, a lot of people fucking died. You always count. Yeah, no, I'm more of a numbers guy. How many black friends do you have, Nick? A lot. Good answer. More than you would think, especially for where he came

from. Me, none. I'm not your friend. That's why Kyle and I didn't hang out in high school. Wait, so am I not your friend? I would consider us friendly. So you have a black friend? Do you exclusively talk to me in insults? So there's a little barrier I have to get past.

Wait, but this is how you know I care about you. Because if I don't care about you, I'm not talking to you. I understand that aspect of many friendships. Kyle doesn't understand busting balls like I do. I would like to bust your balls. I have a matching tattoo with my black friend. I want to see it. My boy Cleveland.

Cleveland? Oh yeah, that's a black friend. No shit. I don't want to throw him under the bus because he has a life and a family. He looks just like the singer Lloyd. Really? He's a good looking man. And he's married? Is there a funny picture of him?

Yeah, he was eating a girl's butt. He's married? Girlfriend. Is there a funny picture of him? Yeah. He was eating a girl's butt. I knew that was it. The girl took his phone. He's eating ass. The girl took his phone and sent a snap. Every man has certain situations

that you just look completely vulnerable and pathetic and you never want to be walked in on or caught doing in the act like wiping your butt with like one of your legs halfway up yep eating ass yeah hold on it's in my favorites and I send it to him all the time we're gonna have to bleep his last name because I don't want

his like current no girl to find out but yeah you don't want your this girl we're in a snap group we have been for years and one day we got a snap from cleave and it was from taken from the perspective of the girl. And she caught him eating her butt. Oh, he was eating that ass. Yeah.

You know what's so funny? No, but the funny part is he's looking up to regard. He's enjoying the feast. He's about to eat that ass up. He didn't fully remove himself from the ass. He's still gripping it. It's still spreading. And that position.

It's pleasurable for both parties. I always took you as an ass eater. I always said that. I'm more of it. I just want the girl to be happy. God damn it. I'm out on this one. I don't go below the waist. You don't get below the waist. I won't kiss the navel. This is why you don't you eat ass? I don't go below the waist. You don't get below the waist. I won't kiss

the navel. This is why you don't get no pussy. I don't get below the waist. Why would I ever do that? Because you're trying to please the woman. I was born to finger blast. You were born to. First of all, your fingers are skinny as fuck. You can't do things for you can do nothing for me. It's not about

it's not about what do you want? Pudgy fat ass finger. I want long. It's about it's about the malleability. All right. So you wouldn't eat a girl out, but you want her to suck your dick. That's completely different. The dick is external. No, fuck that. Like

no. You see this is this this goes to show that you're a lazy fuck. Like you want to be pleased, but you don't want to please. I please all the time. With fucking fingers. No, I make them laugh.

Ebony. Oh my God. Beltrand. Oh, you just shot my shit out there. We've done it before. Yeah. We've said it without,

we've said it. I literally said my whole name. Like everybody knows I get tweets and fucking Instagram posts and all types of like people be in my DM. Hey, KB got a head. I'll be posting shit. The boys have been saying it lately. You know, that's a compliment to you. They don't

stop saying it. KB, do you want this? I mean, contextually, it would depend on. Right. Yeah. Say it with your chest, you punk ass bitch. Yeah, you punk ass bitch. Say it with your chest. Come on, Kyle. Say it with your chest. Kyle, you punk ass bitch yeah you punk ass bitch say it with your chest come on Kyle say it with your chest

Kyle you punk ass bitch I would yes I would that's all he wanted to know it's not like I would hypothetically but like you said you said you're racist you're gonna let him I never said I would let him I just wanted to know if he would.

Oh, you walked into a trap now, Kyle. I said I would. I'll let you eat my ass since you like to eat ass, but I don't think I'll let you fuck me or anything. I don't think I can get turned on by KB. Okay. Even while he's eating your butt? Yeah, no.

I can't see him back there, so it doesn't really matter. No, that's the thing about Kyle. He always makes himself seen when he's eating ass. How do you know? Because it is fucking humbling and it is demoralizing when you're pleasuring a girl and you're completely out of sight.

You look like the neighbor from Home Improvement. It may as well not be me. It could be anybody. So you got to see me. You always just have to spell your name on the small of her back. Yeah. With your finger.

Your old John Hancock. So now, you know, I can't even be doing all these like podcasts with you because I'm in a relationship. It's better. Okay, well yeah, you can. I'm off the market. Well, I don't think my boyfriend feel any type of way about you because he know I'm racist and I don't like white guys. Right, right. He knows the

bar still didn't. No, no, that would be a huge red flag if you weren't racist. He doesn't, he doesn't he look at KB like I ain't worried about him. That's right. That's where I thrive. Where'd you meet him? In Bronx. This is a new man? Just out? Yeah. Were you quaking the pool? He's been sliding in my den for like two years.

I've always wondered about that. So there's a part of you who just didn't want him. I'm not gonna lie. He's probably gonna hear this shit. I was bored. And when he was like writing I was bored. So people they wax poetic about how you have to be persistent

with women. And I'm like, no, that means she deep down doesn't really like you. No, you're right. And she's settling. You're right. And it's going to be detrimental in one to five years. Well, he waited two years. He waited two years? Did you ever answer any DMs? No, I left him. I'll read it and

leave him on scene. But did you follow him back? No. What did the DM say? Like, hey, beautiful, can I take you out? You think he was beating off to you the whole time? No, he sent me a video of him beating off to me before. And you were apprehensive about actually going out with him. Yeah, I just thought he was like way too nice. I'm like, I need somebody aggressive.

He sent a picture of him beating off. Was he beating off like a gentleman? Was there a monocle on the tip of his dick? Wait, no. Did he bust into like a teacup? He was too gentle. He wasn't aggressive. He was jerking off with a Livestrong bracelet on.

This guy's a pussy. He cares. He had silly bands on. He had the fucking dolphin pink silly band. I was posting in my stories and I posted up a story of me like a picture of me and he was like you know he's like oh I took your picture

I'm like first of all you're a fucking weirdo why are you still in pictures of me what do you mean stole them like printed out he like copied and pasted and shit and had in his phone I'm like that's weird like why do you have why do you have pictures of me on your phone copied and pasted wait

was he looking at your Instagram on desktop? Do you guys have Androids? Do you have Androids? Don't disrespect me, bitch. I got an iPhone. That's cracked all hell. That's cracked all hell. From doing some shit.

That's why. This is actually from my knees when I leaned on my phone because I was on my knees. But that's besides the point. No, your phone's always cracked. Because I'm always from my knees when I leaned on my phone because I was on my knees. But that's besides the point. No, you all, your phone's always cracked. Because I'm always on my knees. I just said I'm in a relationship. I'm here to please my man.

I'm not you. Okay. But you were. Ronald Reagan introduced that phone screen to your community. You didn't want to even take them out for two years. You were like, yeah, take me to the Space Needle. I'll do a date there so no one can catch me. Nah, I just, you know, I was bored, take me to the Space Needle. I'll do a date there so no one can catch me. Nah, I just, you know, I was bored.

Wait, fuck the Space Needle? It's pretty wicked cool. You don't think the Space Needle's cool? She doesn't know about it. Right. Mount Rainier? Pikes Peak? How about y'all take me out?

The first Starbucks, just like the brew's justws just different so wait so he DM'd you did you respond to the video of him beating off hell yeah I was like that dick big no it could be fisheye lens what did you respond did you say hubba hubba who the fuck say hubba hubba

not me he sent me a video and I'm like wow that's a big dick and he's like you like it i'm like yeah i like it like we should like link up you said this via text we should like link up yeah we should like link up did you copy and paste the video so that i have it in my phone so that was that's what worked his he was too nice until there yeah he was he was being like first of all i think my guy's aggressive he wasn't aggressive enough so that's what worked. He was too nice until there. First of all, I think my guy's aggressive. He wasn't aggressive enough, so that's why I felt like I kept

dodging him. But like I said, I was bored. So it's like I need a little bit of entertainment. Okay, so how are you feeling now? However many months into the relationship? Is it still a boredom thing? Well, he eats my ass all the time. So I feel like I'm... Why do you think I'll be happy? It's temporary pleasure. Does he make you happy?

No, he makes me happy. Throughout the day? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Are you telling him? Your Instagram stories have been... Less. A kind of less. Less. Well, yeah. Like, first of all, he didn't even know I have an Instagram. Oh, no.

Did he find it? No. He found my old one. He sent it to me. He was like, you have an Instagram? Oh, he found Redbone? No old one he sent it to me it was like you have an instagram oh right he found redbone no um it was one i think it was i think it was like ebony beltran or something some shit like that um he found that one i was like yeah that was old but if i if he follows me now oh i'm gonna be single again the shit i'd be posting you post i'd be talking about dicks and all that you're a mother yeah so what i'm a fucking mother dicks and all that. You're a mother. So what? I'm a fucking mother. I agree with you.

You a stepfather. You become. You cannot consider your young children when you post on social media. Fuck these kids. I got needs. What you mean? I post what I want. Fuck the kids. Some of your stories weren't out of necessity

or needs. I wish I... Your last one was disgusting. Which one? of your stories weren't out of necessity or needs. Your last one was disgusting. Which one? Your last four. I don't remember. Even by my standards. I don't remember. I'd be high. You'd be high? Yeah, and horny or just like in my feelings.

So like, has your boyfriend met your kids? Nah, not yet. Gonna happen? I don't know. What if I called him from your phone? He'd probably answer you and? Nah, not yet. Gonna happen? I don't know. What if I called him from your phone? He'd probably answer you and be like, who the fuck is this? I would love to do that. Just letting you know. Wait, yeah, let Kyle call and just have, when he picks up, have Kyle say, Ebony's busy right now.

Oh, well, he has a job, so I don't have a bum broke, nigga. You know, he works if you call at five. Send him, call me ASAP. If he has a good job, he'll have the security to leave at his own volition. You're trying to peer pressure me to have... If he has a good role

at his current job, he'll be able to leave at any moment on his own volition. So why don't you test that? So you're trying to start some shit. I'm not trying to start some shit. I'm trying to test the strength of your relationship. Why? It's still early in the game. He probably would be very...

How long has it been? Four months, five months. That's a long time. That's not long. So give me an example of the first date then. If it wasn't the space needle, then I'm at a loss. I wouldn't say it was really a date. We went to go get drinks and i went back and sat on his face i don't think it was a date like that's why i said like on accident i kind of feel like i

i feel like i kind of feel like i was like really really horny i like i really normally i wouldn't do these things even though i talk shit yeah i needed I drank some Casamigos and sat on his face. The first time the first time I, and you know, after I farted in his face, I felt like he loved me. You farted? You did not fart in his face. I pooted. You were worried he was too nice and you farted in his face on the first date. You're too nice. How nasty

are you? You pooted? Yeah, I pooted a little bit. That's a fart? You shitted? It was a puff. It was like a like that eye, like that thing that sprays in your eye. Yeah, I pooted a little bit. That's a fart? You shitted? It was a puff. It was like a like that eye, like that thing that sprays in your eye. Yeah, it was like a division test. Do you like Casamigos? I didn't. I do now. It's owned by George Clooney.

Yeah. You like Clooney? Yeah. You alright? Yeah. What the fuck you doing for me? You know me? No. Do you like drinking Pink Whitney? No. Not really. Nah, I'm not gonna lie. You know me? No. Do you like drinking Pink Whitney? No. Not really. No, I'm not gonna lie. You've been around it. Yeah, I've been

around it. I've drank Pink Whitney, but it's like that's not something I would drink. Do any of your homegirls have an affinity to it? Yeah, Tiffany. Tiffany likes it. Tiffany loves her some Pink Whitney. Why could you guess that? Is Tiffany's ass growing? Yeah, that ass is getting fat.

And it's already... KB, you know that. It's already... Yeah, it's already pretty fat. It's already pretty, pretty... Well, you've been looking at my friend? You trying to scoop that, KB? I see her in Manhattan on a...

Way too often. Well, she delivers... She's always doing the mail. She delivers mail, yeah. It's a big city, though. I mean, I have to put you on. Look at KB's face. You see anything new?

He got a bump on his lip. Did you know about this saga? Or did you just see it? No, no, no. I've been new. I wanted to ask you, but I was waiting for the time. I was waiting for the right time. So we're like, what the fuck is on your lip?

We were in Madison, Wisconsin in the cold. It's a benign cyst. It grew. It was at its biggest in Madisonison word association you see that one word go herpes i love the yeah people are like but i know but i know that's not what it is people are always like dude that's just herpes uh well guess what this is painless it's translucent and it doesn't ooze it's not herpes it is opaque it crusts over with a golden hue it's painful it itches and it oozes pus so which one is which because i've had both i've had the benign cyst that's currently on my lip you just out here have you eaten ass since you've gotten that bump yes that's you ate ass with that shit the bump is it's a p.e.d it's a p.e.d for eating it's helpful that's an ergonomic

lip for ass eating you ain't eating my ass and i derive pleasure from that because it's like its own little clit so fucking i'm getting hard and it's making them harder it's been getting it got so big in the cold he was just like hanging on to it like when like a woman's driving you have to hold on to that thing up there in the corner how grandma's hold on like a slightly fast turn maybe if you stop like licking it oh no i know how to make it grow and shrink no i know i control it we did it we did a chicken uh wrestling in the pool and i used that as like a grip to climb up on his shoulders so So I thought I was doing cunnilingus on expert mode. Turns out I've been on easy mode with all the cheats. I'm going to need you.

I'm going to need you to like do something about that. I can't stop looking at it. Now you're hyper focusing on it. I was in the same boat as you when I first had it. It was all I saw myself. I didn't see. I've seen that when I first seen him. I'm like, wow, maybe refuses to go to the doctor.

I'm like, maybe he had a tough week there. Do you blame me? Do you blame me for not going to the doctor to get surgery on this? KB. And I'll be rendered to eat nothing but pudding and jello for a week? You eat ass. You might as well eat some fucking pudding. KB, please. You also had five snack packs in the Chicago office.

The Chicago office was filled with snack packs. the Chicago office. The Chicago office was filled with snack packs. Which makes sense because they are all like sentient packs of pudding. Shots of them. Big shots. Big shots of them. I think I would get...

It'd have to be a simple surgery. I understand it. I don't want to get surgery. It is painless and translucent and it is a non-cyst. It's on your face. It's translucent. You'd rather walk around looking like you have herpes when you don't. I sent out a warning. To avoid getting a surgery.

You sent out a warning. I did. I put it on my Instagram story. It's not herpes. I didn't say it's not herpes. I said it's a non-contagious cyst. It's completely harmless, painless. Don't worry about it. But you didn't go to a doctor to get diagnosed. Right. You see, you're a doctor. It was a pretty simple diagnosis that I could have

self-done. Yeah. That you could have or that you did. I looked up every single factor of this cyst in the all the images and it's only the mucous cyst. I just need you to go and take care of that because that shit do not look cute. Like how you can't. I know it doesn't look conventionally attractive.

It's like ruggedly cute. It's not cute at all. Yeah, it's like John Krasinski. Two different color shoelaces. First of all, this is how the sneaker goes. No, it's not. You didn't buy them like that. Yes, I did. You don't even have swag.

So how the hell are you telling me how the hell my sneaker came? Look at the fuck you got on. Got on it. You look like a, these are like child predator sneakers. These are the 550s. Like he climbs through the fucking windows and be like a peeping Tom and shit. Now they're going to eat you alive, man. Yeah.

You're talking about, you're talking bad about new balances on a very white audience podcast. I don't give a fuck what they got to do with me. You know, they're hip. Now they're in vogue. These don't give a fuck what they gotta do with me. But you know they're hip now. They're in vogue. These are not hip. Yes, they are. They're a fashion staple. Elle magazine wrote about these.

Not about the white people. Vogue did too. Yes, they have a vibe. Just because they're a little scuffed. A little scuffed. I have new balance too. I have new balance too. I got you.

They don't look like that. I wish you would just take care of your stuff better. That's it. Because I have new balance. They're comfortable. You know. I don't know. What got you. They don't look like that. I wish you would just take care of your stuff better. That's it. Because I have new balance. They're comfortable. I don't know. What do you mean? There's something off about a grown man scrubbing his sneakers in the bathroom.

People take shits in the bathroom in here. People do all types of shit here. You can't clean your fucking sneaker off. It's just a feminine move. He's in the bathroom looking for different soaps to use on his washcloth, scrubbing the shit out of his sneaker. I expect nothing less from somebody that rather look like they have a toothbrush.

You're wasting a toothbrush. See, look, you already forgot about his lip. No, I didn't. I just talked about it. You don't see it anymore, though. It kind of blends. Wait, Owens, you don't like my shoes? I just wanted to deflect from you roasting KB. This is all out of love. If I didn't roast you,

I don't care about you. Throw up the sex and the... I'm low-key obsessed with Nick, even though he's a dickhead. Throw up the what? Sex and the... ... ...... Throw up the what? Sex and the...

Louisville's up next. Look, I've been saying that the new H-Town... He's been saying it and he's done playing. You done playing? Harlow. So when we going out? Are you going to... I want to feel that bump. I want to see what that bump is all about yeah feel your thing is

it's hard as a rock can I touch it yeah better touch it wait let me solve it okay you had to solve it to tenderize the bump not hard it's not hard you must not be attracted to you

are you not attracted to me look I wiped it on my pants you wife says yeah for like a bump juice i'm like i don't want it i don't want nothing to come out you better not let that bump juice set no it's not hard mom why are you smelling your jeans yours hayden does sound like that no he doesn't sound like that you know what's so crazy i showed a picture of you to my son he's like he's a grown man or is he a child i'm like i've gotten that before that's like the first time like a child's he's a midget nah you don't want to know what he's telling he's seen i'm like oh you can't do that that's so disrespectful yeah i'm like i'm like he's

like wow why are we the same height i'm like a's so disrespectful. Yeah. I'm like, he's like, mom, why are we the same height? I'm like, Aiden, he's a little person. He's like, but he's a grown man. I'm like, yeah. He's like, this is not true. No, I swear that I bring him here for my son's, for my daughter's birthday in November. Did he notice that like Zah's 250 pounds? Well, eventually. I feel like Zah knew

that it was like awkward because my son, Zah ended up buying like my kid's lunch because my son wouldn't stop staring at him. Like he just kept staring. Was your son cognizant of the appropriate proportions of my entire body? He looked at me and he was like, because I showed him when I was on a yak.

He's like, mom, you always arguing with this. Is he a kid? Or is he a grown man? I'm like, I'm like, let me shoot him straight No you know you could ask him I'll bring my son in here he'll have a conversation I want you to bring him in

What are the trends that the youths are into right now Kids like Pokemon I feel like KB Is like a grown He's like a kid so I feel like you know you'll mesh well With my son cause you're childish And you're like socially awkward He has his's degree he could

he could really help this kid help what kid my kid don't need no help I'll let him be the judge take the G out your waffle oh what's that mean all you got left is your ego that was kind of nice

I've been wondering with like I've been weaving childish Gambino bars into our podcast for a while I realize they're not that good yeah I guess like you saying it without a beat oh Jesus we can't talk on that

I was just reading a text. My fault. Who'd you get a text from? You see, we're not supposed to talk about that. You want me to talk about it? No. Exactly. We're not talking about it. No, no, no. But 80 people's a lot. 80 people's a lot. Good job.

KB, you want to touch? You keep looking like he's okay. He does. I get Katie when you're in the fucking studio. Come on, KB. Come on, KB. I don't like this. Come on, KB. KB's girl will have his head on a fucking pike.

KB, girl can't beat me, so let's go. Yeah, she can. She's huge. Let me see. I saw you slap up Tommy. She's the kicker for Vandy. It wasn't great. I didn't want to smack.

It didn't move any needles. I didn't want to smack Tommy because I genuinely, like if I could smack you, I would smack the fuck out of you. You can. What if I told you you could? Can I smack you? I don't know if I like this. Oh! Fuck! Jesus!

You got me. You did do it. You did what I was... There was a thread of hope that you would you wouldn't do what you just did but you said you wanted me to do it do it yeah oh did i smack the fuck yeah i look like it's you know it's a it's a good smack when the cheek isn't hurting but like one of your low like one of your brain lobes is like pulsating so it's a good slap see it's a good slap

why did you do that I did no I did did he say smack the ever living shit out of him I think I did he kind of said he's like you didn't smack Tommy that was like a shit smack I didn't want to smack Tommy I did I was gonna be like yeah

and then he got up it's like you can't you can't didn't want to smack i did i was gonna be like yeah like i and then he got up it's like you can't you can't like tell me to smack you not smack you like i gotta fall through with it how does your face feel i'm sorry i know that you're feeling what is called guilt which is a good i don't feel guilty i actually feel really fucking excited like i kind of want to do it it's not my face that feels nothing it's my fucking brain it shook my fucking brain. I was very caught off guard by that. I don't even think you need to watch this one. If you're listening, you can tell it might be worse

if you're just listening. Yeah, I feel like shit actually got me. All four mics picked it up. I was trying to be tough about it. That shit fucking hurts. I was trying to be tough about it. That shit fucking hurts. I'm kind of mad that I couldn't be a part of the smack off when y'all had it on the yak. That would have been fun.

Yeah, I'm not. I'm glad you weren't there. Summertime's coming up. I'm sorry, KB. No, no, no. We're going to say summertime's coming up. You having any barbecues? You want to come to one?

Bad. KB, you definitely invite it. What about me? Owen, just talk about my shoelaces. What'd you say? We blend right in? McDonald's milkshake? Yeah.

My mom's Puerto Rican, so I have something you could blend in with that side of family. When it comes to the hood niggas, I have to separate. Well, yeah, because we know what happened at Thanksgiving. Yeah. We don't. I don't think we've ever talked about it. I don't think we have either. I've been trying to get you on. What did happen?

I don't even remember. That was in November. Your cousin came with a bunch of stolen goods that he jumped another person on his way you want to take it from me? I'll put that on a tee Jesus how the fuck do you remember this shit?

because that kind of shit does not happen how do you not remember this shit? pretty recently no that was in November bro it's not recent I smoke everyday and i'm arguing and fighting every day okay so what happened here so let me be the judge of how what i can recall what i can recall is for thanksgiving i think my cousin robbed somebody and then came to my dad's

house with all the stolen shit but then i think it was like he robbed our cousin yeah and you're up your cousin who got robbed showed up he He was in the room. Yeah. They were celebrating the robbery while also condoling the robbie. Well, no, everybody was surrounded. That was his name, too. Everybody was confused, like, how you let somebody rob you? And then my cousin Sean walks in like... The guy who robbed him.

Yeah, with all his stolen shit. Do they not know they were cousins? Nah. Now, as the robbie in this situation, is he too prideful to admit that's the guy who robbed them? No, he said, he told him. He's like, this nigga just robbed me. And my pop's like, who? He's like, him.

He's like, Sean. Everybody look, I'm like, Sean. Then what? Then what? It was so awkward. Yes. I can imagine. But like, did you continue to have dinner?

I was eating. I didn't give a fuck. What did the two do? Nah, my father was like, would y'all want to fight? My pop's like, yo, give him his shit. This is your cousin. He's like, that you continue to have dinner? I was eating. I didn't give a fuck. What did the two do? Nah, my father was like, would y'all want to fight? My mom's like, yo, give him his shit. This is your cousin. He's like, that's my cousin. Like, yeah, this is from Auntie Ruth's side. Maybe give him the shit back. Maybe give him the shit back. Give him all the shit back.

Nah, he spent the money. He spent the money. On Thanksgiving Day? Yeah, it was on Thanksgiving Day. Wait, he spent the money in the time it took him to get from the robbery to the party? Did they reach a mutual compromise? They don't talk.

They don't talk. Yeah. Is there some sort of like code? How did the rest of the celebration go? It was awkward. But they remained amongst one another. If I can recall, I think my dad made them like talk and my cousin wants to fight. But yeah, it was, it was, I didn't care. You didn't give a shit yeah it was I didn't care like I felt easy

yeah I didn't give a fuck it was awkward as hell wait your dad being my father's like Terry? yeah Terry here you go so Terry my father's like the scary uncle he's more like nobody really fucks with him so it's like when he says

goes like how he says it whatever he says goes I know what you are I know what's on his feet it's like when he says goals, like how he says it, whatever he says goes. I know what you are. I know what's on his feet. It's like sandal clog things. No, no. I think the house slippers with the backs full of that. Nah, my father got the Debo's. You haven't seen Friday when they have like them house slippers. Yeah. Yeah. My father, those are

his Debo slippers. He bow-headed big buff Debo. Shit. You haven't seen Debo for Friday? That's what he look like. We've asked, but none of your Terry's are put in reverse Terry, D-ball. You haven't seen D-ball for Friday? That's what he look like. We've asked, but none of your Terrys are put in reverse, Terry, right? Nah. You know what? Y'all make me hate my middle name

so fucking much. I always forget your middle name. I actually did forget that. I fucking hate that shit with a passion. Very funny. Like, y'all don't even understand. Every time I hear Terry, I'm like, oh my God. I just want to strengthen. That's probably why I smacked you the way I did. Middle name holds no merit, though. Yeah, but when I'm

around my family, they don't call me Ebony. They call me Terry. So all Terrys we look because we don't know who the hell they call it. So wait, your initials are E-T-B? Yeah. It should have been E-B-T. I don't get that shit. Eat better today. I don't get that shit. Eat better today. I didn't know that was a saying.

No, because you don't get fool stamps. That's fool stamps. I thought those were EBT's. ETB's, I mean. Oh, no. EBT. Eat better today. You wouldn't know. Your privilege is just spilling out.

Good God, I'm embarrassed. It's bad, yeah. What are know. Your privilege is just spilling out. Good God, I'm embarrassed. What are you looking at? You just texting? Yeah, I'm about to go pick up my children. Y'all got to be in here talking about EBT. Y'all got some money for me? Can we just stay rolling and come? Absolutely. I'm pretty sure my daughter got in trouble today.

Tell them to sit in the hallway with the foreign exchange students and the theater kids. My daughter's like a nerd on student council, but she fights boys. So she's like you? Yeah. And she got into a fight today? Every day is something, though. Does your son get into fights?

He smacks him. That's so funny. He smacks somebody on Friday. Yeah, boy. The wrath of 10,000 sons? No, I wasn't proud of that. He just like, mom, he just kept talking and talking and talking. I couldn't take it anymore. So I smacked him. I was like, that's so

stupid. Was it on the school bus? My kids don't take the yellow bus. I think the yellow bus is like for retarded kids. Even though I shouldn't be saying that, but yeah. The school bus. I shouldn't be saying that, but I got kids. What is the hue of the bus that they're taking to school?

My kids get driven to school every day. Is there a different color bus? Yeah. What color buses are there? MTA bus. Oh, MTA bus. And then they got the yellow buses that I see. You don't let them on there? Nah.

Because... Anything can happen on that bus. As opposed't let them on there. No. Because anything can happen on that bus as opposed to the public transportation with adults. But my kids, my kids don't go to school by themselves. I drive them to school so I know they could. Okay. So you're in the bus with them. I ain't in a fucking bus. What are they taking the bus for?

If they go with you? I just said they don't take the. Are you deaf, dumb or stupid, bitch? I said they don't take the bus. They don't take the yellow bus. The yellow bus is for the kids. I just said they don't take the... Are you deaf, dumb, or stupid, bitch? I said they don't take the yellow bus. The yellow bus is for retarded kids. I keep telling you that. Still? God damn. You do keep telling him that. I took the yellow bus. I keep saying that.

That was just the standard color of school bus. It's a smack, Owen. I had no other option. I didn't know there were other color options. Other color options? Yeah, there was... As if color's an option. Other color options. Yeah, there was. Oh, I could only think as if color is an option. Right. Come on, Kyle.

Don't frown. Stop pushing. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't like when I hope it does pop. Now next to you to fuck you. Hope it don't. Yeah, that would go clear through your skull.

Cold day. And what if it pops and breaks your next laptop? Good. Did you ever get a new laptop? Still broken. I can really minimize the Safari screen so I can see it all.

Raspberry is spreading. Does it stink? Is it sticky? No. Fine odor. Odor is a bad connotation. Yeah. Scent. Aroma. Oh. All right. Fragrance. Oh, and how are we doing on time? 44?

Ebony. What? You got 15 minutes. Why don't you promote what you're doing? Rick Ross jeans. What you got on your plate? What you got up next? Well, I got to promote shit.

I ain't doing nothing. I'm trying to go get these damn kids so I can go home and get high. Smoke some weed. You smoke weed in the house? Nah, I go outside and smoke weed. But like, I know they in the house. I go outside and smoke weed. I hear them through the window house I go outside and smoke weed I hear them through the window mommy what you doing out there

I'm like nothing I am a business but anyway I ain't doing nothing what you doing KB why you all in my phone I knew you trying to see something I fucking knew it what do you smoke Ebony who's she texting nah her background is the fucking

Kalahari water park this is the fucking Kalahari water park. It's not even Kalahari. It may as well be. You probably wish it was. What indoor water park is that? If not Kalahari. It's not Kalahari. I'm saying you wish it was.

I went to Kalahari. Just say it was Kalahari. What is that? It's DreamWorks. Oh, is it the one at the American Dream Mall? Yeah. Wait, you went to the Shrek Waterpark? Yeah, with the kids. I'd like to do mom shit. But then you just

walk around the mall wet. When I went there I was just a bunch of wet patrons. No, that's why you go get the cabana and shit. You ain't gotta worry about all that. That's the best place to be wet, but then when you walk around the mall afterwards, you're wet. No, that's why you change your clothes, Owen. I mean, Owen.

Sorry, Nick. Oh, sheesh. I'm thinking about you too much, Owen. Shit. Why are you thinking about me? Because you always, you know, you was, every day, you're like the only one that's been nice to me. I'm nice to you. I'm nice to fuck.

You're an asshole when you want to be. Ebony. You're an asshole when you want to be. I always bring you back lunches. I really, I give what I get. You be nice when you want to be nice. Yeah. Isn't that with anybody? Yeah. KB's never want to be. I always bring you back lunches. I give what I get. You be nice when you want to be nice. Yeah. Isn't that with anybody? Yeah. KB is never nice to me.

Yeah. You're never nice to me. That is lies. I'm not nice to you? I told you today I haven't seen this stupid son of a bitch all fucking week. And I'm like, hey, I miss you. I came back and gave you a big hug. I dapped you up when your kid got diagnosed with rubella. He did dab you up. I dabbed you straight up. The first thing I did, I beel and gave you a big hug. I dapped you up when your kid got diagnosed with rubella. He did dab you up.

I dapped you straight up. That was the first thing I did. I beelined to you. He said, get over here. He dapped you up. I said, I'm... No mom. No mom deserves...

Deserves to see their fucking sweet... Their sweet boy. I'm so over you. Just flushed with rubella. Is it okay if I go get my children now? Yeah, get them over there. 10 more minutes. 10 more minutes. Go get them. Y'all got 10... You said get over it okay if I go get my children now? Ten more minutes. You said get over it. I said go get them.

What do you smoke? I smoke weed. We got you on the edibles. So buy me the edibles. Come on, KB. You seem like a tincture girl. Dropping that under your tongue. Dropping it in your earl grey. I don't like nothing in my mouth.

I was going to say nothing in my mouth. You said put it under your tongue. Dropping it in your earl grey. I don't like nothing in my... Forget it. I was going to say nothing in my mouth. You said put it under your tongue or some shit. That's why it was cat. That's why I didn't say it. Cue bono. Now you can sit here and talk about me when I leave. We're not talking about you. KB, you want me to rub your head?

You look so red. You slapped the fuck out of me. You told me to hit you. I did and you did it. Okay. End of the story. Can I get a hug? I don't need that.

Can I get a hug? That's not going to make it go away. All right, so let me get a hug. Why are you looking at my tits? He's looking right here. I was, dude. Come on, you can put your head right here. You slapped the class out of me.

I'm fucking primitive now. I'm fucking animalistic. Come on. I only see you as fuel. out of me. I'm fucking primitive now. I'm fucking animalistic. Come on. I only see you as fuel. KB. Just fucking leave. You said just fucking leave. No, get your kids.

I feel bad for them. Get your kids. I'm glad you came on. Get your kids. I feel bad for them. All the kids waiting there. All their parents are doing podcasts. Yeah, they're sitting with the Somalian boy. Yeah, I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm over here with these two dumb motherfuckers. They got me late. Because one idiot want to get smacked

and then complain about it. Yeah, make you feel bad. He's guilting you. Yeah, but I do feel bad though. Yeah, you fucked me up. I hope it relays over camera and audio. I don't think, no, I don't think I'm ever going to be mean to you. Maybe tomorrow. Friday, Friday, Friday.

I'll give you some down time. Yeah. Some down time. You gonna clap on that? I'm gonna be nice to you. Why are your hands so sweaty? Are they? Yes, they sweaty. Calloused. You got a lot of shit wrong with you. Your head hurt, lip

fucked up, hands fucked up. You got some fucked up sneakers. What's going on? You should see the other guy. The other dumbbell. I love you, dumb motherfuckers. Love you, Ebony. Love you, guys. You're not dumb. Yeah, we're dumb. That's fine. All right, Ebony.

I'll see you at the cookout. Play your little character on camera. Somehow more demeaning than the slime. You never want to have a girl rub her titties. The fact that it was a windbreaker and it made that noise. That was terrible. I hated every bit of that. You never want someone to forcefully rub their titties on you.

In a windbreaker. It doesn't make you feel better. That was sad. You never want someone to forcefully rub their titties on you. It's a windbreaker. It's not. It doesn't make you feel better. Oh, man. I just can't get a W with her. You can't get a W with her. It's impossible. I feel like I'm giving my best every time. I really come at her.

Tyler said she gives him fear boners. Ty, chill. Did you say that? Shit. Yeah, he did. He did. God damn. Shaky ass kid, dude. Oh, man. I think...

Kyle, we were talking about your lip bump again, always. It's our new crutch. But it was really big when we were in Madison, Wisconsin. Yeah. It was at its apex. And you were so fucking angry there. It was so cold up there,

but what were you the most mad about? I was 40, 40 something hours into sleep deprivation. Yeah. I was just at the fucking, it was 40 degrees. We're outside the bump bigger than ever up rubbing up against all my teeth. It was so big.

You could see the worst part was the little piece of fucking beef jerky that was stuck in my teeth. Like a little fiber was the worst. And is that what set you over? Yeah. And you got really fucked up that night. I overcorrected. Yeah. I was like this beef jerky.

If I don't have dental floss, I need to get high. I need to be like sedated. Fair. Yeah. To tolerate this. and did you ever get the floss forget what happened you'd remember uh do you just like switch it out with a drink it's the same as like getting shot in war like you just you take whatever you can to ease the pain and the adrenaline's pumping from the beef jerky so you barely feel the pain initially no oh man all right uh that's the podcast forever maybe yeah a lot going on we'll see a lot going on maybe well if they like, comment, and subscribe. Yeah, LCS. Five star.

And are you still doing the AMA on whose Instagram? Omi's. Omi. I have a lot of questions to get to. Thank you for participating, everyone. They really, really overloaded it. They did. Felt bad for Omi.

Did he let out an Omi, oh my? I would like to know what he was thinking yeah that's probably it what a good look into oh me's mind what the damn that's a pretty good oh me my boy Kyle does the best

close your eyes oh oh man all right boys