A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 293 - Live from Wheeling, West Virginia

Episode Date: May 27, 2022

|| A New Untold Story: Ep. 293 - Live from Wheeling, West Virginia || Nick & KB discuss IG stories, being back home, Rough n Rowdy, Rediscovering America, the little guy trope, and much more, Ft. Fastoolie as well || Gametime!!! Download the Gametime app, here: https://barstool.link/GametimeApp & redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh big untold story. A new untold story. we good we're recording all right a new untold story owen's not here to tell me the episode number so uh two are we recording now yes where's the fucking microphone you have what are you doing i'm making the instagram story an instagram story yes i send it this is like the fucking one thing that i still have instagram wait the instagram story okay send it off people were like oh kyle doesn't use instagram you post 10 stories a day no i don't post that many but it is a nice why is that a picture of me it's a picture of you i'm getting everyone in because i have to put you in to make it seem like i'm not obsessed with my own self okay posting

three pictures of myself this is a good one so if it comes out while we're still well this isn't a live if it comes out in 24 hours definitely oh yeah i guess you'll be able to see this yeah yeah if you guys can share that and be sure to subscribe to kb's noties whenever he posts a story no caption gang none that's a fly move i learned that from owen he posted the photo dump once no caption it was cool so wait wait. Did it go? Okay. I will update who replies in real time by gender.

Oh, okay. Keep updating that. You're going to be saying dude a lot. Or maybe non-be. We're in Wheeling. We're in Wheeling, West Virginia. Our hometown. We're in a Hampton Inn. Outside in the front.

10 years ago. outside in the front 10 years ago or even wait wait wait outside in the front kyle you're fucked up on moscato that you got from the front desk did you pay for that no did she jesus we're recording a naked boy here oh shit thank you man wait come in chris here's your chance come in in. We had a producer walk in as we're recording. Come on, walk in front of the camera. He's butt-ass naked. Do a lap. You can do it quick. Jet. Okay.

So that got us in the mood. You're good. Thank you. No, I lost my train of thought. No. So we're at the Hamptonpton inn and there's a huge banner out in the front it says best hampton inn in the world in the world voted number one hampton that's not a voting process that's like you winning tallest kyle bauer wait what doesn't make any damn sense if the best hampton inn would be maybe the very very worst closed down

abandoned embassy that would be impressive there was a quarterback for weber state named kyle bauer why was that a wildcat he fucking know we were states wildcat i feel you know that i figured you something you know but uh being the cunts that we are. I can't focus with Fasoli behind the camera. We're on the trip. Never can be replaced, baby boy. We have Fasoli here. In the van. He's doing the heart with his fingers.

With his fucking fingers. He doesn't even know we hate that. I think he's doing that organically. He's a Barstool completionist. He's watched everything. He's watched every episode of Healthy Scratches with YP. I think he's doing that organically. He's a Barstool completionist. He's watched everything. He's watched every episode of Healthy Scratches with YP. I kind of want to just be in here. Frankie.

We're getting off track here. We're staying at the best Hampton Inn in the world. I googled a fact check and see if it was the best. And the first article that pops up is like the day it opened. There was a murder. There was a brutal stabbing. I remember it was like 2001 2001 99 i think if my tooth if my 99 brain remembers a brutal stabbing that it must have been brutal stabbed her 200 times i feel like it would be overkill at 20 and then after like 150

it becomes it resorts back to being okay that's cool you think so i don't know too much too much 20 to 199 then 200 like then yeah do you think you're focused on the stabbing the entire time there's like each one what yeah what does go on in the brain when you are in the process of killing someone i i would imagine just extreme anxiety and adrenaline yeah it'd probably be that or just like pure rage ire i think it starts with ire okay if you're still at ire 200 in then yeah they probably deserve to die yeah definitely oh yeah maybe if you're still irate 180 stab in, then that person doesn't deserve to live. In my opinion, they must have done something even really morally.

That's not what happened in this case. Somebody that irate. This was a deserve to die. We're not saying that's what happened here. That was a psychopath. But yeah, we're on a rediscovering America trip. Pit stop and wheeling. It's been lovely for the first time ever.

We have a big sprinter van, which is nice. But the bad thing is that we have to be in there with nick fasoli um he's truly despicable and the what makes him the worst is that he's he's right here he's he's scrolling through hinge and tinder and he's he's he's just so giddy he's smiling ear to ear can't be literally ear to ear he's unflappable he's unflappable um we've been trying to flap him we've been trying to what did you ask him if he ever i asked him if anybody in high school ever called him dick but holy granted not my best but i tried to put my mind in a high schooler yeah like a local brain so i usually put my mind in the high schoolers. You

do other things. I don't know. But anyway, I asked him if anybody ever called him dick but holy and I was hoping it would stick and he turned around and he destroyed me. He turned around and he said, no. People used to make fun of my gigantic

man titties. Dude, come here. Come here. Come here. Come here. Is this true? He. What happened? And when was this?

It was shorts up. It was shorts up. Shorts up. Okay. Yeah. My eighth grade year, freshman year of high school. I was five foot nine 230 ish pounds as a defensive tackle are you is that like a brag or a what no that's five nine as an eighth grader is gigantic right not really i was four i was 410

you would have bullied me and i would have i would have eventually got back to you but no i was i mean sure you had big i had like double d's 100 100 are you titty fuckable yeah yeah 100 you said you lost your virginity at age 14 so that's eighth grade right yeah so 14 is not eighth grade no that's freshman year sure the fuck is no i was's not 8th grade. That's freshman year. Sure the fuck is. No, I was 14 and 18. You guys are my age's work. They overlap two grades. You had titties when you lost your virginity.

Yeah, mine were bigger than my girlfriend's. Oh, it was your girlfriend. Yeah. Did she care? No. Get out. Yeah, get out. No, but it's good to be back and wheeling um we're a week removed

from rough and rowdy where our boss big cat shouted us out so rough and rowdy legitimately i don't know how you feel but it destroyed my sense of worth yeah it like not not to be dramatic but it destroyed me for at least 48 hours. Well, I feel like, you know, we're on, we're on the come up where our podcast is doing better numbers than it ever has. Thank you guys.

Thank you. Um, but it's not that it was like, it was like whenever it happened in Morgantown, we went in. It was so demoralizing. Yeah. I've never felt worse.

Right. Um, and I had, it's funny definitely continue to make jokes about yes please please i'm over it now the ring girl competition and it was bad it was so bad so many ideas and it didn't it was so bad just don't don't try to show people are like oh dude it wasn't that bad it was bad it was really bad and sasha like dude trust me you guys it was kind of funny it also sucks to say it sucked and it did um i planned a vacation after that like the week after i was like i'll

be back in wheeling i'll just go to house of friends and everybody's like nick had to take a fucking mental health break after that i kind of i we took the private jet back um i did not to teeterborough and i faked asleep for the 45 minutes just so i didn't have to like acknowledge anything that happened to my friends that i look up to yeah yeah because you're surrounded in very close quarters with a boss that doesn't quite understand you at all you're talking about big cat or dave dave oh dave doesn't understand me at all not quite not quite at all um yeah no i'm not being a dramatic person um but we kind of had redemption it was an l we thought we had it was coming to our hometown of 20 000 yeah which is rare

that's how many views we get on a bad anus episode are you oh you're trying to i'm trying to like yeah put this into perspective so big cat there are 20 000 people So we didn't go to it. There was the rough and rowdy in Wheeling and then Big Cat announced us. He said, shout out to Nick and KB. Wheeling's finest. And

about eight seconds past of deafness. Just pure silence. It was... I kept watching it back at first i was like in denial mode and i was like they didn't hear it uh the camera didn't pick up on the audience the audio didn't quite work but then you just heard one guy just like yeah it was one guy yeah it was one and it was the guy that shit in my jeans because he sent me a snap it was buddy

varney said he told me too i didn't want to tell you he told you yeah he sent me a snapchat of him in the stands he's like yo he was like zooming on big cat and he happened to be the same time it was still in like in bully cadence yep yeah because yeah it was brutal is and it's it's so weird like i feel like within the barstool bubble which is smaller than a lot of people we work with think it's got out of the way they're tremendously smaller when all you see on your social media feeds is barstool content yeah you're gonna think it's the world but it's not it's not at all it is such a minuscule like fraction of not just the world but like things even going on in our realm of the internet and i feel like you and i are pretty down

like we have our we're still have our heads and i'm still humbled i'll still fuck any any girl who is claims fandom so yeah i'm still i still very... My humility is probably my strongest asset. Of course. But it's always weird coming back to our hometown because they don't give a single fuck about us in the slightest fucking bit. Which is dope. I appreciate it.

In a way, it is dope. But it's also like there are people in our hometown that have left- wheeling to just not be selected in the NFL draft. Yeah, they just signed up to be drafted. The NFL weren't drafted, didn't get signed afterwards, and they are lauded. Yeah, we have heavily lauded. I don't.

What? They didn't watch Barstool Shopping Network they didn't watch Barstool Shopping Network and now let's see what happens Gonzo anyways though Kyle good news people worried about Anis getting cut we get ads every week we get ads some

weeks and there will be a dollar sign amount on the ads of how much they paid for it just like uh the google apple reviews yeah it's out of five and uh we're usually hovering around the three dollar sign to four dollar sign we got our first five dollar sign today and it's an old friend who is it game time game time they finally shelled out for the anus boys fuck we broke we up everybody broke they they gotta be broke after getting a five-star bag yeah and we weigh up and boys we could really use you to use game time we used it two days ago go to a pirates game um fantastic experience we got right in all you have to do download the app as opposed to going through like going to a scalper security breach yeah we did get right in yeah we got right

in and uh you guys can uh go to game time app uh get last minute tickets you create a login you redeem your code you can use the code untold twenty dollars off your first purchase so we got twenty dollars off uh pirates tickets that means that we got $20 off Pirates tickets. That means that we got to the gate and the Pirates employee paid us $19 to walk in and I got myself a nice hard as rock pierogi. So that was really good.

The Game Time app. Go download that. Use code ANUS whenever you want to get tickets. We highly recommend it. It's a PG-13 ad too, so fuck. My Instagram replies are. I just have just been people sending me a story. That's all I see. Sending it.

That can only mean one thing. What's that? It's Ebony posting about her pussy. Yep. I got like eight people probably in a vile manner. Actually, I'm going to I'm going to check now. I haven't looked. You're not.

It's not about pussy. It was four straight. Yeah, it's not. Sent a story about. Oh, yeah, it was Eb looked you're not it's not about pussy it was four straight yeah it's not sent a story about oh yeah it was ebony yeah it's always and it says i'm so addicted to this motherfucker mf i want yeah let me try that in her i'm so addicted to this motherfucker i want to rub his nut on my gums like coke so not quite about her pussy it's not about her pussy but it's pussy adjacent i feel like if the addiction stems from the pussy area if she's addicted to his ball sack his scrotum you think that's actually rubbing his nuts in her no i think the i think the addiction stems in a sexual way

i think that's fair to deep in the pussy yeah okay so it's a yeah so if i get off on a fetish that doesn't involve my dick it's still still dick based. It's dick adjacent, dick based. Yeah. Dick rooted. Yeah. Yeah. You're right.

I mean, Ebony's your Ebony. Is she, is she for the white man? Yeah. No, you said it last time. Did I?

Yeah. Ebony's for sure. She always says she's never be the white boy. She's for the white boy. She's, she knows exactly what she's in. She's smiling. Cause she knows, she knows, she knows when she puts those stories up, it's going to be never be the white boy. She's for the white boy. She knows exactly what she's... And she's smiling because she knows.

She knows. She knows when she puts those stories up, it's going to be a sea of white men. It's a sea of white men. And she does it for that. There's probably a lot of... I'm going to call her up. You want to call Ebony right now?

She's probably with her kids. You think she'll pick up? I'd punk her son out. Ebony's just been posting pictures of the male woman, Tiffany, at Barstool too. She needs to be a character in our universe. Yeah. Tiffany, she's a postal service worker. With a big fake ass.

Oh, got that. Tiffany is a postal service worker with a big ass. Yes, big real ass. And she's Ebony's best friend. She's always coming into the office, talking shit on me, talking down to me. But I always see her just throughout Manhattan. And she's always giving me the office talking shit on me Talking down to me but I always see her Just throughout Manhattan And she's always giving me the finger

It's unbelievable She's making fun of my small dick It's so strange because I'll walk by and she'll be like hey handsome I'll be like hey and I've never talked to her And then she'll walk by and she'll be like hey fucking pussy Yeah she gets in moods But uh Ebony posted a picture of

Tiffany's bazoongas Just big old boobs and you know i'm a big boob man i want titties so big you can only see one at a time i do want titties big that you can't even tell it's a titty no you almost have to search like magellan for a nipple yeah yeah you have to circumnavigate the titties just to see the nipple. Yeah. And I, if you can, if you're a girl and you can see both your titties, the areola is like an eye spy thing. Yeah. Like you don't,

you don't know it's a titty anatomically. I, you could take a picture of 90% of it and you won't know it's a titty. The epitome of heterosexuality is to be attracted to the, the tits. I want the tits first, but not, you want them to be big. You don't care about quantity quality. I want her tits first. The tits first, but not... You want them to be big.

You don't care about quality. I want her tits to be so big, I don't want her to ever be comfortable doing anything. I want her life to be a nuisance. Yeah. Living hell, even. But that's the thing. If you want me...

I want her to be insecure about them, too. Yeah. I want her to view them as a weakness. Yeah. I want them to be so fucking big. I almost want her to be bed-bound. Like Gilbert Grape's mom. Oh, yeah.

Or like one of the Stephen King hoes. Big titties have me acting like Gilbert Grape's brother. They always do. They got you drooling. I have to climb up and get stuck at a water tower to see both titties. They got you eating macaroni and cheese, crayons for every meal.

There was some dickhead on like Vicer who was like, I'm 27 and have only eaten mac and cheese for every meal for all my life. Yeah, and he gets like scared and cries around like a potato. Yeah. No, but I love big fat boobs. So good. I want them to be so big because when you say

big fat you kind of make them sound round and spherical no i want them to be just an amorphous blob i want them to be beyond shape no like transcend geometry yeah no no angles edges i don't even want to be sexually attracted to no no it shouldn't be sexual titties should not be sexual you know and i can i can wax poetic about this topic for hours i can go on um what is who's jim norton doing his serious show with i don't know i could go on his show jim and sam and talk about like the asexuality of titties for three hours. And still have time to spare. Still go back and eat dinner and have the same convo with a different group of people.

Yeah, that's fair. I know. I agree with you so much. Do you have anything else to say about titties? No. Okay, cool. It feels cool to be back in our hometown though because we were talking about we were just reminiscing and you brought up you when you

got your driver's permit my license no your permit and people were just yeah people at red lights were gawking when i was 15 i looked like i was seven and i tried to they were driving i was very insecure but i was four foot 10 when I got my permit. Yeah. Like at 90 pounds. Cause I remember I had to, I had to go on like a rigorous protein diet just to try to get closer to the lowest high school weight class.

Really? 103. And I got my permit and I remember stopping at red lights. I would look over every time and every time, cause I remember this vividly cause it sticks with you after 15 years. Yeah. Every time the person, the person in the car to whoever was next to me was laughing.

I'm so sorry. Every time, every single, it wasn't like, sometimes it was like a smile on the verge, but it was always like, I think it was the same sensation. Whenever you see like a gopher,

like water skiing and like an above ground pool on the back of an RC boat. Me and a Toyota Corolla driving. It was that same sense of awe. My like young, my youthfulness with, by growing out my hair. And it just made me look like some type of rodent. I was just like a tiny boy with the darkest or the brightest green braces and i just i thought growing out my hair would make me look more hair would like go older and attractive but i didn't know how to tame it so i just looked like you look like a

feral boy that stole a car i didn't even look fair i looked so unintimidating now it's a different story way different story no actually the dickheads on our trip for solely included but donnie uh cory uh chris rob shout out to all those guys great at their jobs yeah i would never like publicly like give them praise but yeah you did so no no but incredible at their jobs except when one thing happens there's one thing that they always find funny what no they do they have yeah go ahead go ahead everything there's something mini they're like kyle sit by this mini thing so we thought we saw there was like a mini piano they're like kyle it'd be funny if you were sitting sitting at it playing this mini piano and then we could

we could take a picture and the joke would be that you're playing a regular size piano but we did it again we got the mini beer shots the joke is you're holding a pint of beer and then it's anything and the thing is frisoli's fucking laughing he's cracking up because he still thinks it's funny and they all think it's funny and people think it's funny and that's my worth i can like come up with i can write a a joke i can write a joke and be able to whatever. But if I'm like, add like a miniature, I don't know if I'm at like, like a Barbie house, like standing by, they'd be like Kyle just bought his first house.

Congratulations on paying these in facility is cracking up in the background because he thinks that's way funny. We ran out of ideas in Pittsburgh to do for this video. So they're like, Kyle, why don't you drop into this teaspoon on this tech deck? Oh, yeah. They were like, yeah, let's go to the skate park. And Kyle, why don't you why don't you ride the tech deck as if it were a normal size skateboard? Why don't you do an ollie on the tech deck?

The little children's toy that you you ride with your finger for a child it's about two inches in length tops it's the size of a scholastic book fair eraser why don't you why don't you stand on that or like stand next to it as if you were tony hawk riding a real skateboard and that would be a humorous thing it's every time it's slightly above average in height or below average in height for a man above average for a human being if you count every asian child and i'm above average for a human being in size and height and it would be so funny if you um what is another example if you so we're going to go to like a medieval fair and we all got armor and they've got you a thimble for a helmet and yeah your helmet is a thimble from the game

monopoly um it's one of the the thimbles yeah and so every time we pass up something mini i just sit back and wait and it's my new favorite thing yeah it is sometimes i'll have to like egg people on i'm just like it's funny because i am legitimately angry about it yeah and i get bitter and i get and i start to get egotistical my pride i can't swallow my pride at all i'm like i'm a i'm better than this and i really get pissed so it is funny no i took off my like my swatch and they were like oh look kyle's at big ben kyle's kyle when'd you get to fucking england dude yeah yeah yeah there was a pothole and like kyle's at grand canyon and so you could do it you could there's an infinite everything is a small something of large even if it's not just like you were eating dinner at like

a place in wheeling and you just had a regular size fork and they're like whoa big old fork yeah it's it's that's undefeated what a huge fork this boy has it's fucking undefeated and it's just and it like fasoli's like cracking up no and it's working um it's working we also uh i don't want to do any many spoilers, but we were going to try to shit for a video here in a toilet, and you said you couldn't do it. Why? Did I say heroin? I was lying. It wasn't heroin.

There's a Pittsburgh potty? Yeah, it's a toilet in a basement. Yeah, unguarded. Unguarded by anything. Not a single door or enclosure. And we were just like, oh, it'd be funny if somebody shit in this. And we offered you because you can fart on command. I can fart on command.

Always could. It's just one of my things. Yeah. So we were down there. Donnie got. Should we spoil it? No, let's not spoil it. Yeah.

But we were going to try to get you to shit in it, but you't because your shits are too what sticky you have the stick and you yeah every toilet you've used it's not it's only one road no it stains the toilet you stain toilets immediately one shit you have a one-to-one shit to stain ratio it always just fucking lingers on the toilet and i tried this is gross I try to like I bundle up a big thing of toilet paper so and I like scrub it and it doesn't come off the stickiest shit

I don't know it's not it's not they don't smell that bad the thing is I don't think your shits are too sticky don't act like you have a sample size to like give any type of scientific conclusion three months at barstool how often you have a sample size to like give any type of scientific conclusion how often you have you seen my you stay you come over to my house we record the bracket i live with you for three months when i got hired at barstool every clean toilet chuck would clean

it out come back in stained you poop stain poop stain you're one to one i do yeah it leaves them i don't know but it's not here's here's what i have to say i don't think your shits are sticky i think you have a high butthole so it hits the top of the part the toilet without water well nick you know this i it's a hypothesis that's the exclusive reason yes i have a high butthole it's fine because your stains are closer to the rim than they are to the water i don't know if you had to look at it from like a map point of view mine would be at northern quebec not the arctic circle quite yeah arctic circles almost just shitting on the rim whereas the normal would probably be at what like new hampshire or i would upstate new york

no not upstate new york No, I'd say Delaware. Maryland. You think it's mid-Atlantic? Yeah. If you compared the average human anus to a map or a globe? Is there a Mercator projection of the... Not even Mercator projection. Of a toilet? That would just make something bigger. Oh, okay.

You're saying Delaware? Yeah, I think that's where the water would start. I think yours is Delaware, but yours is more southern than the average how many how many toilets what's the sample you got that rehoboth beach ass i do that doing beach uh what's the um what's the gay one rehoboth all right um you have that rehoboth beach what the fuck? No. And then with the toilet talk happening, you said you've seen 100,000 toilets in your life.

I was drunk. I said 80,000. I said I would bet my net worth on 80,000 or more. And I would bet my life on 50,000 or more. Toilets I've seen in my lifetime, we even did the math, it adds up to seven a day. Seven and a half toilets a day?

Seven and a half a day. And granted, there's been days that I've seen zero. But there's been days that I've seen a hundred. No, there has. Hundreds. What was your last hundred toilet day? Hundreds. Not true. I bet you've seen 10 000 toilets you've brought nick 50 000 you have not seen 50 000 because there's been days that i've been to events big event but

the majority of your that's convention centers and these you don't see every toilet you don't you you got to see it to believe it you see these bathrooms they are filled to the brim i'm not even talking about airports i'm talking about large convention centers you don't see anaheim convention center when were you there i i hit every single bathroom when i was there just out of boredom just out of boredom you've never been there huh uh-huh you've never been there let me tell you nick each bathroom had it looked liminal it looked beyond it looks it was surreal how many days have you just seen two toilets nick grant i you can't i'm counting i'm counting urinals no no you're that doesn't fucking count you don't have shit stains there we go i'm counting urinals

you can't count urinals urinal a urinal is a toilet no it isn't dude you can't shit in a urinal yeah you can no it's you can toilet doesn't imply shit toilet is a thing it's just a specific thing 50 000 plus i've seen in my life and that's a final answer that's that is so so off base. You probably, the majority of your life, have seen one and a half a day. And you need to see seven and a half. 50,000.

Did you just do some math? No, what's up? What? What do you what? I mean, we're with Fasoli. And he sneezes like 20,000 fucking times a day. Chris DiStefano was just on rogan yeah i know we're in a hampton inn in our hometown where our parents live stop coming at him he's i'm over it i'm over it he's defeating me yeah he was on rogan stop we had our don't talk our

commercial canceled because they couldn't sell yes they couldn't sell a show but there's not it's not a competition in success or popularity. He's defeating me. It's a resounding win for him as far as status and success. So don't come after him, because I feel like he's gathering ammo to prove his original point that I... Am I nobody?

Yeah. That's okay. No, it's's fine we have all kinds of things he had a netflix special um he was on rogan um but i think he's fucked like some really hot girls in the industry not just calm not like sarah silver-remembered like in the hollywood industry really not just or he has kids yeah he is hmm that's funny that i heard that jesus christ that's not true nah it's not but i did hear that um i don't know don't don't like fine don't don't try to ruin his marriage i'm going up to my house tonight. My house I grew up in to get some of my SC stuff. Your what?

My Swedish chef stuff. What? I used to be obsessed with the Muppets. I know Swedish chef. No one was obsessed with Swedish chef. No one had a Swedish chef era. So we went to a private school, but all of the shirts I wore for our dress down day was a with Swedish Chef. No one had a Swedish Chef era. So we went to a private school, but all of the shirts I wore for our dress down day

was a different Swedish Chef shirt. I don't even remember what it looks like. My Swedish Chef era even went into my high school. My first couple days at public school, the first three days I wore a different Swedish Chef shirt. I loved them. I was obsessed with Swedish Chef. And my parents had to get it like custom made on like fucking

Redbubble and Etsy or whatever site you went to back then. And we would like iron on Swedish chef shirts because I was so obsessed with them as like 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th grade. I'm going to go snack one. That looks like an Italian man. That is not a Swede.

Why does he look? That is the least Swedish looking human being of all time why he has like reddish hair he's got a big pink nose no eyeballs i don't have to go to sweden you were also what never no i had him on like probably 80 different pieces of apparel probably probably two max no i'll bring i'll probably bring five with me some of them might not fit because i was a freshman in my latest uh like that's when i stopped being a kid my dad made me quit quit what sweetest chef yeah he's a good dad good father yeah what else you have anything else to talk about let me look at my phone oh yeah check and see any dms from anybody on your photo

no i'm not even looking at that yeah come on what else is i have a list it says guilting girls to hook up with you. What? I think that was just me trying to make fun of guys who do that. Or maybe that's like your to do list. No. Aloe from Houston. Ump TikTok. My biggest. Enemy.

What? Oh, there's this fucking there's an umpire, a little league umpire on TikTok. Who? there's an umpire a little league umpire on tiktok who he wears like a head camera and his whole thing is to like do videos where he throws it really hard back to the pitcher and like people love him he's like a he's a legend on tiktok and he's your new enemy does he know about you i mean what a loser that doesn't warrant enemy, does it? Well, you were a minor. You were a little league pitcher, weren't you? Yeah, well, his thing is he's the umpire

that throws it really hard back to the pitcher. Let me find him. Show me. Show me. That wasn't hard. What do you do? That wasn't very hard at all. This wasn't the point of the video.

What did it say? So he's not worth being an enemy dude he's an enemy his whole account is like being like the really talented umpire and he films himself umping i just saw your photo dump uh it's you shitting you think girls are going to respond to you shitting i think it i think it evokes trust me where is this trust who took that picture who took the picture of you shitting i don't know were you fucked up maresh sent it but i don't remember him ever taking it what bathroom is this i don't know where where was i you were you probably went home yeah probably past your curfew probably tell me any girls just be like oh my god i'm not even looking yeah because no because you didn't get anybody no i'll look tomorrow and there'll be at least eight out of replies

50 000 followers oh man that's why like that's why i gave up social media look at look at what you just you only view only view it as an asset of popularity. That's what it is. I can't just post for my own... Yeah, what did you gain from that? That's honestly the biggest cope. It's like, dude, I post for my own self. Nobody posts on social media for their own enjoyment.

You do it purely so you can get the reaction of other people acknowledging it. Yeah. Every time. So don't act like you don't. Don't be like the guy like, oh, I don't care about my part. I just post for me. I like to do it. No, you don't.

And you would just say it to yourself in the mirror. Or just think it. Or think it. You don't have an internal monologue realize that's embarrassing you you forgot about thoughts i don't have a voice in my head but i i feel like i think well what go i think like i like see i've noticed you have to mouth words when you're reading i do that's kind of and you have to follow with your finger when you're reading but that's that's all i don't fucking laugh you

you're illiterate yeah yeah spell uh uh spell filet yeah well he's wow that's i just can't believe you admitted you can't well you just didn't even know you don't you don't i've i realized this at age like a few weeks ago actually i think owen told me and then you like yeah he was like you know some people can't think of sentences in their head they don't hear a voice and you were just like huh i don't hear a voice i i you don't when i think i see like text like a book really yes and so that's why or or a visual or like an image because i never hear anything but you can't read like a narrator you can't read i can read in your own head you have to read loud. Yeah, you do because we caught you. We were

still mic'd up the first day of this trip and you went up to the sign and we just heard February 24th and you were reading a poster. You were just reading a poster. You're Rain Man. I'm not Rain Man. And you guys are going to regret all the autistic

jokes once this next video comes out we did because we met an actual autistic man and it was night and day yeah yeah yeah it was i looked like richard gear is he the least i'm trying to think of like the least i think richard gear might be the least autistic man um i looked like i don't know who do you think should we do a show where we have to like a bracket of the least autistic i think it's like a kind of like a horseshoot theater i think if you're like the least autistic man you have a lot of like you exhibit a lot of the um the qualities of an autistic person yeah i'm trying to think who would you say who i was my mind went to tony hawk but no no he has a lot of autistic qualities actually the 900 every autist he spent like how many pro

skaters did he make a lot yeah that's an autistic trait making the pro skater video game yeah just developing video games you don't think he did it for the money you think you just did it i mean that's a lot of work you think he developed the game i don't know how that works it's his he's the titular star he probably had some fucking effort least autistic that's a i don't know roan no he does battle rap which is a very autistic yeah thing yeah he shows out and he's awesome an autistic guy I love battle rap I think it's just I think it's a lot more academic than anything oh yeah

it's something that I would be like fascinated in trying yeah I would love to see you do it and you'd be good Ebony's calling me oh yeah pick up fuck I'm no longer in that fucking vibe you got to code switch real quick. Alright, code switch.

What's good? What's up? Are you fucked? Are you fucked up? Am I fucked up? What are you talking about? Guess who I'm with right now. Who you with? Guess. You know her. No, I don't.

Tiffany. What do you mean with Tiffany? I swear to God. She's in the bathroom now. She in the bathroom where? Who is this? Who's that? Is that her?

Who is this? Who is this? Who is this? Does that sound like Ebony? No. Oh my God. You sound fucking retarded. That sounded like something she'd say to you. I didn't even get to my point.

I was going to ask her about her Instagram story. What did she say? Rubbing nut on her gums. I don't even care. It doesn't matter anymore. Fasoli, how long have we been doing this? Fasoli? I can't remember the last point in my card was that.

That's your reply to what I'm going to say. No, you're just going to say, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? No, baby! It's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story.

A new untold story. A new untold story.