A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 294, 295 - Gay II: The Sequel, Fastoolie and his Buffalo Soldiers

Episode Date: June 3, 2022

90-Minute Double-Billed ANUS -- Episode 294 - Gay II: The Sequel -- Episode 295 - Fastoolie and his Buffalo SoldiersYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. It's a fresh, big, untold story. A new, untold story. Are we live? A new, untold Story with Out and About. This is a bonus episode, I believe. This will be out. We're pre-recording it.

What's today? Look, Joe. Is it May? Look what I'm doing. You're putting a tampon in one of the body armors. Listen, this sounds like when you rearrange your girl's guts when it comes out. Listen. Oh, it doesn't get big enough.

This one's not very absorbent. Rearrange your girl's guts. Well, that's light days. Are those the tampons that are given big enough. This one's not very absorbent. Rearrange your girl's guts. Are those the tampons that are given to the women here at Barstow? Yeah. You know how they say it's like macaroni and cheese? I hate that shit. I remember being like a 17-year-old virgin and all of my

peers were like, I just rearranged her guts. I hated that. That's murder. That's what I gotta do? I don't wanna like rearrange her guts. You would do that to someone? My buddy Marcus would like point out girls. They would always use verbiage like that. Like I just rearranged her guts. I think it's disgusting when guys say that. My buddy Marcus will always point out girls and he's like

I'm about to fucking destroy her. That's the grossest thing that anyone can say. Destroy? Okay. What are you doing? They absorbed his test and it failed. Wait, you said you were going to be straight on the show. Well, we are straight women. Oh, fuck.

A loophole. I will. You guys are heavy on props. Yeah. We're prop heavy. We're the carrot top. So for an audio-based medium, you guys are very prop heavy. Well, I have a wig.

I have two panty shields and a ball of water and a bad attitude, girls. You have a bad attitude today? No, I don't. I'm having a lovely day. I can tell. Thank you for joining us today. It's Friday here in the office. It's going to be 95 degrees tomorrow.

What are your plans this weekend? We're going to go to Maresh's and chill on his roof. Maresh's is in. It's always Maresh. It's always Maresh. Is it a prayer group? Well, Maresh hangs out, but every 20 minutes he has to stop and face the sun and kneel down and do a prayer, which can get annoying. Is it a rooftop?

You get used to it. Yeah, it's a rooftop. Do I know Maresh? You'd like him a lot. He works here? No, but he probably will one day. He's all-time best dude. Is he?

Yeah, he's the all-time best dude. Just say it. Can I see a picture? We did cocaine with him at Automatic Slims in the West Village. I did. And then he paid for it, which was lovely. No, I did. He's a very nice man.

I saw that platinum card. I go, why don't you go get the cash, buddy? He probably didn't want it himself. He just knew you were trying viciously to obtain it. He wanted it. So we funded it. Believe me, he wanted it. The thing was, that day you were also going to bring your boyfriend out.

It was a boyfriend reveal. It was. A reveal. You didn't tell us that you had coke coming. And so this sketchy man came in. He's asleep? I thought that was your boyfriend. It was.

What? The drug dealer? Fish sticks? No, I didn't even meet the drug dealer. He went out to the car to go get the drugs. No, the guy came in. Did he? Yeah.

I was over-served. Yeah, you were. I don't remember what's happening. And that's why I blame all my shortcomings on the booze. Well, they say Irish people would take over the world if the Lord didn't invent alcohol. No, I always say, the Irish people, I mean,

they're the worst. They are the dregs of society. Irish? Yeah. What about Italians? Italians have conquered. Joey? Any particular people? Italians have Italians have conquered. Joey? Italians have ran and conquered. They have taken over cities, blocks,

towns, regions. Christopher Columbus. The Irish ran it up in New York for a while. Yeah, they did. The Irish are great. You have issues with Native Americans. I like the Irish way more than the British. Oh, the British are disgusting. There's no charm to the British people.

I think they're funny. There's a charm to Irish people. Do you, babe? What was that? That was Australia. That was a medley. Yeah, you really got them all. What's wrong, babe? That was Indian.

That was I'm Maresh. Hello, I'm Maresh. That's how he sounds, exactly. Now, one of these. So I went out to dinner with Maresh and Hello, I'm Maresh. That's how he sounds, exactly. So I went out to dinner with Maresh and White Sox Dave. White Sox Dave had one sip of beer, and I saw a look in his eyes, and he looks right over at Maresh, and he's like, so. I'm like, oh, fuck. Oh, God. Where are you from?

And Maresh just looks at him. He's like, Connecticut. And no, he's like, but really, from, from. He's like, oh, am I? We were at dinner with that. What is his background? Just so I know. He's an Indian man. That's the way to ask. Dot not feather. Okay, got it. I don't think you're allowed

to say that. Yeah, you're batting like 250 on things you can and cannot say. Yeah, because this is these part two, part one is over on the out and about feed and you guys were blatantly racist. That's not true. Yeah, because this is these part two. Part one is over on the Out and About feed. And you guys were blatantly racist. That's not true. Yeah, it is. This is like Twitter lit.

This is why we must have Twitter, because people like them are trying to curb our free speech. You guys are the most right-leaning in the office. Yeah. Easily. Well, we're evangelical. We just want to keep our rights. Yeah. And we do not want to erase our history. Joey, I'd say you're the most homophobic in the office

Fabs I hate them That's on God I know I'm not joking That's on God And it was my idea Like everyone just copied me And I'm the oldest here

And I thought about sucking dick from a very young age And it was my idea and everyone kind of copied so You were the first gay You were like Reagan era gay Yeah He was a Reagan era gay He was a 90s gay He caught the tail end of the plague. Yeah.

It was very terrifying. Wait, what's an early 90s gay? Early 90s gay. Yeah. So when you watch MTV and Pedro Zamora would, you know, be dying right in front of your very eyes. It was a very scary time. Yeah. Right. He would body roll on spring break as a woman.

Body roll? What's body roll? I don't know. You're dancing. Oh, body roll on spring break as a woman. Body roll? What's body roll? I don't know. You're dancing. Oh, body roll. Oh, belly dance. Was the 90s a good time to be gay? Or is it more never was a good time to be gay?

No, I like... I'm sorry. I'm cutting it out. Is my thing not plugged in? I hear you. Oh, good. The 90s, they were aesthetically gay. Yeah, no, I liked it.

I liked it because I was a little bit taboo and it wasn't so forgiving. I liked that I was different and I liked being the thrill of it. You taboo and it wasn't so forgiving. I liked that I was different and I liked being the thrill of it. You never know if you're going to get gay bashed or the guy was going to give you his dick. You never tell. It was taboo and it felt like I was doing something different. I was being progressive and it felt like I was living in fear

and danger. It was exciting. Do you remember when Princess Diana shook the hand gloveless? I was at – no. I remember when she – Got hit when she ran into that brick wall. I remember. Yeah, I remember when she ran into the brick wall because she – I was at a nightclub.

I was at the Palladium and I came out to get my car. Wait, were you actually? Yeah, I was at the Palladium and I came out to get the car at the garage and it was like all over the news. They were like, oh my god. Was she a gay icon? Not when I was there. I was like, no. Who was gay back

then? In the early 90s? Whitney Houston. Nickelodeon. Summer Sanders. Everything was so gaudy in the 90s. Flashy and colorful. The Gushers. It's not fun to be gay.

The kid with the watermelon head was a gay iconers it's not fun to be gay yeah the Gusher the kid with the watermelon head was a gay icon was he? yeah Doug it's not fun to be gay anymore the cartoon Doug no it's

everyone's gay and these kids don't these kids don't get it do you know anyone attracted to a cartoon character if you had to fuck a cartoon character we do this we do this all the time

I feel like this is podcast 101 like usually by episode 3 they talk about which character would you like to film? Show them the cartoon guy. I want Racket Ralph. Racket Ralph. Yeah.

Racket Ralph. That is the style of- Racket Ralph, and then the dad from that show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a picture of him. Not a bug's life. What is it called? The dad from Upside Down.

Inside Out? Inside Out. I want him to turn me inside out. But I found a gay version of him. This is all over like porns. They do like porns of these characters. Right. Wreck-It Ralph and this guy.

Where is his picture? I'm going to pull it up. Did you show them the picture of Jake Balsek? I did not show them that one. You sent me a picture of an exposed butthole today. I guess that's the only way a butthole can be. Well, you can have a covered butthole. Yeah, I guess.

This one? But that's not picture worthy. Yeah, you can have a covered butthole. Yeah, I guess. This one? But that's not picture worthy. Yeah, you sent me that. This is Owen. Owen's twin. It does look like Owen. Stop. Oh, here he is.

This is the guy. Oh, yeah. Now, who's George Topps? I'm sure you just announced him before and then the Untold... Do you have a name for your fans? Polyps. The Polyps.

So the Polyps have... The Polyps probably know your choices. I know everyone knows what Nick and KB picked. Now, can you refresh my memory? I never heard. Mine is Debbie Thornberry, the angsty flannel tube top. Yeah. You know.

For sure. The one thing that I'm concerned about with her is that she spends a lot of time in the humidity in the jungle. Well, her pH is going to be way off. It's going to be all out of whack. I don't think she was sipping Essentia water back then. Feminine odor, I'm sure, is an issue. And Kyle, is yours an animal or is it a human? It's a human.

We don't delve into zoophilia. I didn't know if it was. I would go with the gorilla from Tarzan. That was probably Rosie O'Donnell. No, from the one with the singing. I think it's called Sing. He's very mask presenting. He wears a leather jacket and denim jeans.

The monkey, yeah. But if he was a human. But I'm attracted to the personality, not the species. I'd get done. I was obsessed with Rosie O'Donnell as a kid. It was my favorite show growing up. I loved Rosie. I did too.

Something about her was charming. She got canceled for being a dyke. I know. I know. They were like, oh, ABC goes, we're going to have to cancel you here. That was all 45. That was all 45. 45?

Yeah. You could be our president. Well, I mean, if you look at the way she treated our president. You could mail in desk designs for her. And I always used to draw Rosie O'Donnell desks. So my sketchbooks as a kid were all filled with desks, potential desks for Rosie O'Donnell. You're like an onion. Every day there's a new layer that's uncovered.

It's a good metaphor. And every one of them makes you cry. No, nickname me. No, I would never. Kyle has made Joey cry. When? Kyle, you make your mom cry a lot. Do you?

It's cathartic. About what? Sometimes you just do it. You're like, one second, I'm going to make my mom cry. You have that ability, yeah. What do you make her cry over? I think it's an important skill set or even just like, it's an important set of traits to have to be able to impact someone's

emotions. Yeah. What would you do if you called your mom right now and asked for money? I should call my mom. She would have, I think she fucking, she's hemorrhaging money from me. Is she?

Yes. Call her up. No. Do you want me to call mine? Yeah. Yeah Call her up. No. Do you want me to call mine? Yeah. Yeah. Tell me. Yeah. What about your mom?

Let's call her. Does anybody have a Ouija board? Wait, you have a dead mom? Oh, no. I'm sorry. When did that happen? 2014 on the night of the Dyke March. That's why he doesn't like lesbians.

Did she get trampled? Pretty much. Was it like the Lion King scene? Yeah. She got trampled. They heard there was a sale at Home Depot and she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. All those lesbians trampled her. No, on gay pride.

I'm glad they died on gay pride. That's why I hate, another reason why I hate the gays. Yeah. Did she actually? Asphyxiation? Crowd crush? No, she got trampled by lesbians who were at the Dyke March or on their way to a lumber sale. No, she died from other things and from other complications.

But it just happens the day of, you know. He holds a grudge. It's very telling. I'm sorry to hear that. Oh, that's okay. I didn't do it. Or you didn't do it. Was like Ronnie like homophobic?

On the Dyke March? Yeah. Or you like apprehend. They were all fine. I'll throw him under the bus. Angelina Pivarnick is. Was anyone a little bit. Out of all the cast skittish

no everyone was really nice especially vinny what did angelina what do you mean by that well i think you can take uh take your imagination around with that right what did angelina do and nothing she's just you know she wouldn't top you sloppy toppy what is sloppy toppy that's just a really, really saliva-filled sucking where it drizzles down the wiener. To the grundle. Yeah, I hate that. Once a grundle's wet, it doesn't dry. I don't like being wet, yeah.

It doesn't ever dry. As a grown man, it should never be wet. I hate getting wet. I'm like a cat. That's why I never shower. Yeah. Do you never shower? He actually bathes

like a cat because i saw you using the dude wipe showers yeah on the bus did you shower on the trip yeah i showered at the hotels um but not there's nowhere to shower in the place right right so but i'm not very often i only did it so people if i noticed people were watching but i hate showering i hate getting wet unless it's like by a bottle of water and i'm drinking like and i'm like in a pool. What's up about you hate showers? Once I get wet, I don't dry. I don't think towels work on my skin. Me neither.

Yeah. I can never get dry from here to here. Yep. Ever. That's the wet zone. And at the gym, I have to use a second towel. I hate podcasters. Now they're on the arc of towels don't dry me.

Yes. What's next? Well, you have to use a ShamWow then. I would. Do you belong to a gym, Kyle? Planet Fitness. It's working. You're looking the best in years. No, it's not. I'm genetically deficient.

My legs will not grow. They'll remain terribly skinny. You're sitting next to me. And me. Yeah. Exactly. We're all wearing the same exact shirt. There's no point in just... You just gotta next to me. And me. Yeah. Exactly. And we're all wearing the same exact shirt. There's no point in just, you just got to try to stay relatively fit. There's no point in trying to be a bodybuilder like me. I agree.

Wait, you're trying to be a bodybuilder? He quits the bodybuild full time? I had type dreams. That's funny. When I was watching AthleanX and Jeff Cavalier in like last October, I was like, I'm going to be a bodybuilder level. Is that when you... By now. And it's so hard to grow.

Read my watch. Do steroids. Yeah, I need to do... And I just can't keep up with... Joey, would you do a steroid cycle with... Are you putting a pad on? I'm not doing that. What are you doing?

I just feel like I'm spotting. I just feel like I'm spotting. I just want to be extra careful. Stand up and show them the pad. I can't. It to be extra careful. Stand up and show them the pad. I can't. It's in my dick. Stand up and show them the pad. In your dick.

Okay. Okay, yeah. I do feel like you have laid this groundwork. I saw some people online. They do think you're trans. Well, I'm not trans. See, that's the thing. Yeah, that's the mystique.

I'll never tell. Because you's the thing yeah that's the mystique I'll never I'll never tell because you have the scars under your under your nipples yes I have a a button a mushroom button as a penis do you a high voice I take testosterone I inject him every once in a while I'm all over the map

yeah I'm definitely trans inside but like I don't think I don't think I don't think I was my body was lazy it didn't go all the way full trans. Well, he wanted to do it. It stopped mid-transition, right? It's, it's, it's. No, I never wanted to be a woman. But didn't you want to transition?

No. I thought you were just afraid to get the chop. No, I got the chop. That wasn't the problem. So. It never took. The problem is finding a lazy Tiva in SAS 13. Turns out I couldn't find clutch.

I had to go back. So yeah, if you were, if you were straight, you'd probably be like in the NFL. Thank you because I'm so big. You have your calves. Yeah, I would like to be. I would like to. I should start working out. Maybe Kyle and I should go to the Planet Fitness one day.

I think you both should. Did you get the chop? No. You've seen my penis. You didn't get the chop. Penis. No. You've seen my penis.

You didn't get the job. Penis. We just got an email from an MTV person saying they want us to cut out the circumcision rabbi talk with Neve Schulman. Wait, the MTV PR. Oh, yeah. You guys had Neve on. Yeah. Who's in it? Fabiani?

No, Katie forwarded it. Marina from MTV. How do you guys get guests on your show? I don't know. They just show up. Do you want me to get you a guest? Yeah. Who do for a guest yeah where are you who's your pipe dreams uh venus williams okay yeah um jason derulo jesse mccartney okay uh vin diesel i don't know any of them personally um who joined it personally don't get nervous i don't know i just don't have any desire to.

It's not for me. Yeah. Guests, you're interesting enough on your own. I think that's what everyone loves about you. I think that's what the polyps like about you. I just want people who know us. Yes. Because when you start from scratch,

you always start it as soon as the podcast starts, and that's 45 minutes of getting comfortable. Yeah. You could be talking to anybody in the first 10 minutes of an interview or like the same conversation. Yeah. So tell me about yourself. Yeah, exactly. At Indiana, you don't say.

Can Kyle FaceTime Snooki right now? She's at Disney with her children. The pads don't stick. Well, you have to put it on your panty, on the actual panty. Oh, it doesn't go on the vagina? No. I can follow Sam Colin Cooper, though. He's on a date right now. Colin Cooper? Well, he works at Barstool. Yeah. We could call him, too, actual panty. Oh, it doesn't go on the vagina? No. I can follow Sam Colin Cooper, though. He's on a date right now.

Colin Cooper? Well, he works at Barstool. We could call him, too, I'm sure. Right. Who else would you FaceTime? Jason Derulo. I don't know his number. Who's the most famous person you have on your phone? Did you guys ever... Rihanna, I told you that. Did the Jersey Shore crew ever meet up with the Buckwild crew when you guys were in similar towns?

No, but I loved that guy. The guy that died. That was him. Shane Gandy. What a sin. He was such a fun-loving... He was essentially the snooki of the show. There's like a curse with that show

because there was like... Shane Gandy. The girl, the Indian girl on the show, she went to jail for like... That was your town. Oh, my God. That was your actual town? It was outside of Morgantown.

No, it was Sissonville, which is way down south. Oh, they all went to... Sissonville. Look how cute he was. Morgantown. No, it was Sissonville, which is way down south. They all went to Morgantown. He was a sweet boy. A very nice kid. He would have hated you. No, he wouldn't have. Yeah, he would have.

So this was just everyone got addicted to pills. I tried to pants off everyone. Right? No, he died from it. He had carbon monoxide. He was muddened. And his exhaust pipe went under. His exhaust pipe was mud.

And him and his uncle and his father all died in the car together. But weren't they shit-faced and fell asleep while they were mudding? No, they were not. I don't know. Their car broke down. Yeah, but they fell asleep in the car. Yeah, because it was cold. Right.

Ugh. What a way to go. Maybe it's not a bad way to go. That aired after the Jersey Shore. They were trying to make that to be the next Jersey Shore. They're doing another one. It came out. Jersey Shore 2.0, they're trying to push out now.

He doesn't want it. I saw that. You're not about it. Wait, did they reach out to you? No. I'm too old. Not even for an appearance? No, not for that one.

But I think the original cast is upset because it's like, you know, it's been done already. Put it to bed. It's up trying to recreate what we've done. It doesn't really work. No. Yeah. Just like 90210, the new cast. It never worked.

Yeah, it's not going to be as popular. No. There was a time and place. It was the perfect storm for that show and it was and like they they are like as relevant as they can be still yes for i agree what that was yeah so it was one of them i don't think it's gonna happen i think they're just getting money hungry the producers and things yeah what's next i've never seen an episode yeah of jersey shore never ever you don't need to see you can kind of get just from just knowing the personality, you can kind of imagine what it's like. Yeah. We were immersed.

It's face value. You know, Nicole, how she gets drunk. The boys are just funny and goofy and are laughing. And then, you know, lots of hairspray. Yeah. That was very funny at your live show when we are trying to get Snooki to go out and she's like, Joey's like, just come out for one. Just come out for one.

And she looks at a dead series and goes it's never just one and then she went and then she went out next you know it's 4 a.m she's dragging 4 a.m she's fucking dragging i felt so bad for dana beers going out to a bar with him on barstool versus america yeah because every time he steps into a bar it's just like shock i should do this to beer guy beer tweet beer tweet he did it to himself. Yeah. He was throwing high noon cans through a basketball hoop at one point. He was dunking them. Yeah.

Trying to. Yeah. We were all four of us were on that trip together. That was a nice trip. Do you think so? I had the best time. I had the best time getting to know my friend, new friends. Like you guys.

It was good bonding. We'll look back at it only positively. Yeah. But I think there was definitely some doldrums to the trip. Some low points. Of course. Absolutely. You had a few mental breakdowns, Joey.

Yeah. I tried to leave every day. Every single time. Every day he'd go, you know what? I'm good. I need to talk to producers. He'd go, Blackman, can I borrow you in a corner for a second? You had your bag packed once and I saw you walking.

You were just like, I have a flight to catch. I have a flight to catch. That's so dramatic. So dramatic. And I said, you know what? I've had my time on the spotlight. Give it to the kids. Give it to the kids.

And then he kept trying. What the hell? Let the kids have it. Thank you. And he kept trying to leave. No, let it go. Let it go. Let it go.

But you have to watch. You have to watch to see what happens. Maybe I did leave. Maybe I didn't. Maybe I'm the winner. Maybe I'm not the winner. He was so. Maybe I know how to do puzzles really well. Maybe so. Maybe winner. Maybe I'm not the winner. He was so. Maybe I know how to do puzzles really well.

Maybe so. Maybe so. Maybe other people don't know how to do puzzles well. Maybe I figured. Well, actually, maybe that truck one. This will be coming out right after the first episode, right? When does it air? I think beginning of June.

I don't know. But I'm just glad to get those out of the way because I don't know. It just feels like we front loaded the summer. We have this. July. I can't wait't wait oh we have our live show in july after the live show i'm doing nothing for a month where is that sony theater july 16 july 16 everyone has to come it's gonna be so fun we're gonna push the limits of content we're gonna lock away everyone's phones here's here's something unique oh we have a very good chemistry. Our fan bases couldn't be any more different. Yeah, it's diverse.

Well. Taboo. Okay. Yeah, because I've met your fans are the Man Mafia. Man Mafia. Correct. And the Pollops. Maybe we get them together for a joint show. I was about to fucking steal some of your girls. We'd love to have you. It's going to be a lot of women there.

Mr. Steal Your Girl. You did. You stole one of the girls in Boston. Actually, I... Who? Oh, they were giving you weed pills. I did the opposite. Did you hook up with someone in Boston? I was trying to, and she was like, I'm here for Joey and Pat. Well, I was like, I'm still trying.

The robbery. Yeah, that's fine. That's fine. You're here for them. But we're not going to get fucked. You're not going to get fucked by them. Yeah, I know. And then I saw you grab her wrist.

It was a very nice rejection from her. You know, you don't, you didn't let her reject you. I never do. Uh-huh. It was, yeah, no. Would you guys do something with us for the live show?

Yeah. A segment. Kyle could probably put on an outfit. Like we said, we're a prop-heavy show. That would be great. It's a great idea. This is going to be happening. If you're okay with it,

why don't we do lots of contests? Why don't we win a date with Kyle? Somebody in the MAM mafia. We'll pick four nice ladies of your choice. Give me a type, age group, and location. Say New York City-based, brunette, 25, or whatever it is. What their race is, religion.

We did a fuck-a-fan contest for Kyle. Well, you can fuck him, too, but date first. He will. Let's just say the winners won. Trish and I will pay for the date and we'll do a nice raffle we're going to have a date with Kyle our fuck a fan wasn't a date it was Kyle randomly chose the hottest one

and then you fucked them hard right? yeah did you rearrange your guts? the submission process was did they have to send photos of themselves? sometimes yeah sometimes it was too side

what kind of themselves? Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes it was too side. Sometimes it was, I don't know. What kind of photos? Dick pics. What if he comes in for the show and it's just all men who were sort of up with it? There's no men in that house. I've heard there's a lot of closeted stoolies. Oh, I just got one. I just got a message.

Closeted people, yeah. Someone on TikTok says, hey, I am a a closet suly and i'm a huge fan of yours i said oh thank you and i said this closet doesn't really mean that you're you secretly like dick or barstool and then probably clarify yeah i mean it's either a really gay guy that secretly likes barstool a really straight guy that secretly likes dick yeah yeah so i had to clarify and it was the latter well every time we go live on our thing we ask followers please send dick pics to joey and they do they do yeah well it's usually the girlfriend sending pictures or like girls on tinder like that guy send them dick pics like if they're flirting and they'll send me like like they know the used dick

pics they're used yeah they're used slightly so they already saw them so it's like oh here's actually i have somebody used dick pics on my phone. Have you ever seen a dick pic, Kyle? No, I've not even, I haven't even taken one. Yeah. I've sent a dick voice memo. What's that mean? Slapping it against the phone? Yeah.

Yeah. It's probably hotter than seeing it. I used to love it. I used to ask for that. Rub it on the phone like this. Really? Just some ASMR? Yeah.

No, no, no. You lost me there there That was my pussy clenching sorry Missed me with that Yeah for real No but So Have you guys sent dick pics Yes I don't take many

I don't have a very Very photogenic like Or savory dick It's like you know It's not savory It's not It's not an impressive looking Well you don't always want a savory dick

No but you You want something You want right You want You're not gonna take a lot If you have something good Like you know It's not savory? It's not an impressive looking. Well, you don't always want a savory dick. No, but you want something. You want right. You're not going to take a lot. If you have something good, like, you know, I know what my features are. I have nice eyes, so I take face pictures a lot. Face pictures. He has a nice body. I will take a face picture.

I think you just call those pictures. Yeah, those are just pictures. You know what your selling points are, and that's not a selling point for mine, nor is not my body. It's like, you know, none of it is. He knows how to pose. Nah, I will pose the house down. How do you pose?

So a lot of- Right to the camera, dude. A lot of our fans are ugly men. Hold on. Well, you want to, if you have a double chin like I do, you want to put your neck on a fence. What's that? Okay, so picture your neck, you're trying to put your neck on a fence. You put it out and then down.

That's good tips. And then it takes away your double chin. Now, are you putting the tongue on the roof of your mouth, too? Oh, sure. Why? You're mewing? Why? Because that, watch this difference.

That lifts the neck. What the fuck? Oh, shit. Turn sideways. Yeah, that does work. So you go neck, and then you go, you always put the tongue on top of it, and it gives you a jawline right away. Well, yeah. Oh, and yours is drastic. Let me see, Ellen. Yeah.line right away. Well.

Yeah. Yours is drastic. Let me say that one. Oh, whoa. Whoa. Don't let your jaw go down. Keep moving your mouth, babe. What that mouth do.

But yeah, so I don't really send dick pics around because I have one good dick pic that I took years ago that I've been using for years. Your dick doesn't change drastically. But is there anything that dates it in the background? The twin towers. The twin towers. You think someone's best dick pic? Yeah. There's like a

2013 MacBook Pro. I was on 235th and that was my best dick pic ever. The twin towers were in the back. I'm going to use this forever. There's a timeless dick photo. Bin Laden having a picnic in the background. Now we'll age it.

Roseanne's. New episode of Roseanne tonight at 7. On the fucking TV behind me. Just being hard as a rock with Roseanne in the background is funny. You can't help it. I don't really send many dick pics. I like to have one at least good one. You probably you can't help it. Yeah. But yeah, so I don't really send many dick pics, but I would, I like to

have one at least good one, you know, for when I'm feeling horny. You probably have really nice dick pics. He has a large penis. Now I have photographed. I have been photographed.

I photographed myself, but I don't really send them. You can't say you've been photographed and it came from your own camera. I've done both.

I've been photographed. Who photographed you? By a lover? A lover has wanted a photo. I've said absolutely. And I've also taken photos, you? On a timer? By a lover. A lover has wanted a photo. I've said absolutely. And I've also taken photos. But I don't do it anymore.

Once you take a good one, you hold on to it. What are you going to photograph your dick every fucking day? Who do you think here in the office at Barstool that people would know sends the most dick pics or is the most like- It's Playboy Marty. By a significant margin. By a large, large gap. I was thinking Tico, Texas.

Now, Marty's doing a reverse brist this spring, correct? He's regrowing. Yeah. Yeah, there's salves for that. Well, he has that special little cage that he puts on it. Yeah. It just stretches it out. Did you guys have fun on our show the first hour?

We had a blast. I didn't. I hated that day. No way. It was a lot. That was good. My dad was so excited that we called. That was fun, baby boy.

That was fun. Now, you're going to be go into a Mets game in Colorado this weekend. Yeah, I fucked up. I bought... I wanted to take my dad out for something fun. And so I bought Mets tickets for this Sunday. And it turns out they're for next Sunday when I'm gone.

Why don't you give them to Owen? All the shit he does for you. I'm going to. Owen, next Sunday, Mets. That was nice, Owen. You gotta take Moresh, though. Of course. Owen, all the shit he does for you? I'm going to. Owen, next Sunday, Mets on Nikki. That was nice, Owen. You got to take Moresh, though. Of course. Owen, why do they call you $5 footlong? Who is this? Why do they call you $5 footlong?

I wouldn't know. I don't ask follow-up questions. That's where it says, Owen, $5 footlong? Yeah. We met Owen's lovely girlfriend in Boston, remember? She's the best. Best. Yeah, she is the best. She was the best. I. She was the best.

What happened? She got her tooth back. She was toothless for a long time. That I was obsessed with. Meth mouth? No, I think she just had a meth. What was it? It was just something she was going to have to address at some point in her life.

It was a dead tooth from childhood. She got it knocked out as a kid. Did she have a fucking... Did she have a... She had met her with a missing tooth? She had a... No, no, no. She had a fake one in, but she would pop it out.

Oh, I used to do that. She would pop it out every once in a while, like a party trick. Oh, then she popped it out, and that got you guys going? But then she couldn't wear the fake one, like, a couple weeks before surgery, and so... Didn't somebody start the rumor that you had a very young girlfriend, and then we came over to your place and you had a missing tooth? What happened to your tooth? Well, nothing.

I opened the cupboard too fast. I misbehaved, right? Do you have a fetish for girls with gap in their teeth? Oh, no. Owen met her when she first lost it. She stayed the night. She thought she tipped him a dollar for letting him crash which is a fire move I've done it before

um why'd you leave a fucking dollar on my bed she just she was an 8 year old girl he had it a one night stand oh my god what's the youngest

woman you've ever slept with now like how old is she how old is she now like what's the have you ever like when you go out and you meet a lady is on you're on a dating app is there like i need to be within like i've never been how old are you 28 29 29 so you're 29 you're like i want girls like 26 to 29 or you're like give me 18 to 70 i think 25 is okay i want two different types of men. Nowadays, yeah. Don't you want two different things? Like if I want to like go out and have to go out to dinner,

take someone out to dinner, like me being in charge, just like I'll pick the place. I want to do this. I want someone like younger and spunky and like hot that I can just come home and have sex with. But like if I want to like, sometimes I want to be taken care of. Like I want someone else to plan the date.

So I don't want like a daddy to like pay for this and like bring that. So I want someone like in their 50s, but sometimes I want like a daddy to like to pay for this and like bring that so i want something like you know in their 50s but sometimes i want like a like a 19 year old kid i don't know well if there's going to be music dancing alcohol and drugs i probably like if that's the bulk of the night 20 well the older lady earlier 20s 24 and then but if it's if we're communicating then late there was a huge discrepancy between early 20s and late 20s oh yeah maybe one of the largest i went through a phase where i would go on dates with like

24 25 year olds 23 22 and just get shit-faced drunk and then just fuck and that was a date and i would do that three or four old fuck i would do that three or i would do that three or four times a week three or four times a week. Three or four times a week? No. For like years. You were at the University of Florida for some sort of NASCAR thing? Yes. And didn't you fuck like a large percentage of the undergrad population? I had two lovely evenings with two lovely gentlemen while I was there.

So that's four guys total? No, they were both undergrads. Yeah. He was a swimmer. He was a three-star recruit. I had a kiss to me. He was a swimmer. He was a three-star recruit. He had a kiss to me. He was a verbal commit. One was a gymnast, and the other was a biologist.

Are you guys pushing triple digits for body count? Oh, no. If you're doing three times a week, then you are. No, that was like a very short stint in my life. Oh, mine's under 10. Yes. For sure.

How many is yours? I don't know. I honestly don't know. What if you included bass hits? What's a bass hit? What's that? Like hand stuff. You taste the penis. Oh, like blowjobs? Yeah. I'm in the force with that. You've sucked over a thousand dicks? I had to.

Over the years. Wait, thousands of dick suckings, but only under 10 fucks? Yeah, if you're counting, we're counting blowjobs? And like fooling around, I'm in the threes. I wouldn't even be able to. No, their name, I don't remember. Oh, there are so many that pop into my memory. I remember that.

I've been in bathrooms with lines of guys outside the lines, and I was on a staircase on my knees just like taking thousands of men. Those are crazy numbers. I'm trying to compare that to an athlete. Who has no home runs but like 3,000 base hits? You're the Ichiro.

I love something, Dick. It's my favorite pastime. Should I tell them about the eagle? You've been trying to get me there. I have been trying to get me there. past time. You got that Suzuki mouth. Should I tell them about the eagle? Yeah, be honest. We went to the eagle. You've been trying to get me there. I have been trying to get you there. You would love it. He's the aesthetic of the eagle. Is the eagle the one with tears? Yes. That's the goon pit. That's what we call

the thing. We were there and Joey goes to me. I'm standing there with someone who used to work here and Joey goes. Like children crying? Joey goes, I'm going in. Joey goes, I'm going in. I go, okay, whatever. I go, I go drink. Where is this? This is on 28th Street and 12th. And I walk, I go get a drink.

I come back. And Joey, do we want to say this? I don't know. Joey was on his knees. I wasn't on my knees. I was squatting. He was squatting. It was not the clothes.

It was in front of the pool table. Like a poison dart for a perch? This is just in front of the pool table. In front of the amphitheater. Can you show us how you were perched? There's no way. That's a hard position to hold. There's like an amphitheater with a pool table. Like a poison dart for a This is just in front of the pool table lights. In front of the amphitheater. Can you show us how you were perched? There's no way. That's a hard position to

There's like an amphitheater with a pool table and he was there with a bunch of gentlemen around him. Now go ahead and show us what you're doing. Put your hair back. I'm losing my footing.

So he was in there and there was three or four gentlemen around him and he was servicing all of them. Were you just spinning? No we take a little here a little here. You know and then they entertain themselves in the meantime. Were you just spinning? No, we'd take a little here, a little here.

And then they'd entertain themselves in the meantime. And then you get back to start back around. Yeah, but what about your clothes? I wear clothes. You start back around. Now, you do always go counterclockwise. Are you going to wear spunky clothes the rest of the night? No, I don't miss.

I'm going to spill a drop, dear. Nick, I want to make Something very clear to you Yeah When Nana's in the mood She will take every drop down Yeah But like Those guys that buy you

A drink afterwards No I don't even get their names He did it as a joke Literally he did it as a joke Because he knew It would make you laugh No there is some law and order You can't do cocaine

In front of anyone We were doing so much I went to the one in Midtown And there were people dropping like flies. He came in Monday and he had a stamp on the back of his hand. We were like, where's that from, man?

People were just passing out and there was no way that people were just getting carried out. Was there a fentanyl outbreak? Yeah, this had to have been some drug-related. Yeah, they were definitely too high. G is what they were probably on. What club was this?

The Q. Oh, the Q. Yeah, that's fun there. The Q. I like it there. Is it just the letter Q? That's a fun bar. Have you been? We went together. The Q? Me and Ryan went there the other day. I gotta go. That was on, yeah, they built that on my corner while I was living there. Yeah, that's my friend Frankie Sharp's place. Yeah, it got gay quick. Your corner?

Well, the rents will go up. So wait, was the bar built with the intent to be gay? Yeah, it was a gay bar. What, the Eagle? The Eagle sounds like a masculine-ass bar. How do you enforce them? The grand opening,

it's just a bunch of straights that come in. What happens now? No, that's a bar that's designed to be gay. Can we do a gay bar takeover just to have one night have all

our straight fans come? Yes. Yes. That would be great option for that. Yeah, I wouldn't do the Eagle. Because girls aren't allowed.

They're not allowed in the Eagle? You swear. You swear. The elevator in the Eagle is a sex store. So if you click the thing and you open it up, you can't wear it. There's two old queens

in there selling sex toys. No girls at the club? It's like no M&Ms and trail mix. I need to fucking at least see them. Well, no. They will be female presenting men.

Yeah. You can feel like a will be female presenting men. Yeah. You can feel like a sissy. I went there once. I hate that, though. Like the straight girls at a gay bar. What do you do? They were doing karaoke and they were singing. She threw the drink in the guy's face and it caused a big scene.

What's wrong with that? If there's a girl at a gay bar, we're not zoo animals. They're going for attention. That's exactly how brave I am. That's a girl who wants to have fun and doesn't care about attracting others that's a girl who wants to say you guys are elite haters no she's using them for like to be in the background oh my god no yeah

I hate girls I'm only friends with guys that's what that is yeah I'm excited for Kyle to be auctioned off me too a shot at love with Kyle so what's the date I don't want it to be like an auction because I don. A shot at love with Kyle. So what's the date? I don't want it to be like an auction because I don't want the highest bidder to win me. I want someone who has money but not that much. My talk is so bad right now. We'll do a real dating thing.

We'll do a real dating thing. We'll do a real dating thing. Holding it. We'll write questions and then you'll be blindfolded or I'll put a wall in front of you and then you hear their voices. We'll pick a hot one. Let him at least look at the ankles. Of course I will.

Let me pick them. And I think what we do for him. You pick them, Nick. You go in the audience. Pick four. Can I host it? Yeah, host this You pick them, Nick. You go in the audience. Pick four girls. Can I host it? Yeah, host this segment. Yes.

Yes. You guys want to come on? We're going to auction him off. Not auction. How will we present him? No, he's going to sit in there in a chair blindfolded. Kyle and Nicholas will go into the audience and pick four girls. Oh, that's great.

And then we'll interview them. We'll say, Kyle, get to ask a question. Test number one. What's your ideal date? And then you kind of ask them questions. Or like, you know, say Kyle. So we're doing the dating game. So we're going to put him on stage.

I think he needs to show off his body though. It's shirtless. But so he doesn't run away. Maybe like hand and foot shackles. We'll auction him off. Well, say Kyle kept his earbuds in during the first date. How would you react? Yeah.

And then we're like, well, I'd leave. I think it's rude. And then if someone says, you know, I would love it and I would definitely hook up with him that's the right girl for him you say now if you want a man whose fair position is prone so kyle's for you kyle also is you're the least my victor my kyle's not a shy guy you you shit in front of girls that's one of your things you fart in front of girls yeah why could you run into the mic i don't care i'm now i will be wearing a lavalier do we do do we do do we do stick mics or i like no you guys got to go like the pop star over the years should we do pop star yeah well we're gonna have we're gonna have the create so many lighting and music cues we're really gonna

we're really gonna push the uh push the limits of our production through here so you guys i'm carving out bathroom breaks yeah we're gonna do we're gonna come out and we're going to do like how flight attendants do. We're going to have voiceover and we're going to go. Ladies, in the event of a spotting, bathrooms are available here. Panty shields are available here. Now, if there's an active shooter, doors are here and here. Be sure to mention active shooter because I will be there. If we catch you separating from your class or race, there you will be, there'll be a demerit.

Hey, I had to dodge. So I would, there's no GD. I would hate to bring up the past of what I went through when I first started. I just need you to open that checkbook sister. 30 grand is all I need. Except for a little hush money. No, I'm excited though. Very excited.

You guys, Pat, especially, you went through the same trajectory as our podcast. We started this podcast and like, I don't think we liked doing it we weren't sure what we were doing we weren't sure as fuck weren't good at it we didn't know what to talk about yeah that's what's so good about you we didn't care we we went in and then like we didn't care about the product um and it was bad for a really long time like yours it was yeah because i i remember once i just forgot to try you forgot to turn your mic on for a pod. But the mic next to you was on. So you put it out?

No. He just cranked up the volume so loud. Yeah. What a save. That was a happy save. I was like, I think this will work. I remember. I was like, okay.

You were like, yeah, it's actually working. So I was like curious. And I listened. And I was just like. I'm just working out the pod. It was like the worst shit. Episode four. Yeah.

But when you get one that's good and you see a reaction from people, it motivates you to do it more and better. Yeah. Me and Kyle were so afraid of not having a joke. I don't think we did. We cared too much. Yeah. We would run back.

We would do like triple. We would do like 10 takes on a conversation. We treated conversations like scripts. And I was like, what if you say this and I say this instead? And we run back the whole conversation. It doesn't that way no it doesn't it's obvious we treated it like writing i got i started podcasting years ago nicole and i had our podcast in 2017 so this is like when i first started popping off we didn't know what it was i thought i guess it's a radio show is it whatever it is yeah i know what it was and you kind of make it make it your own i think

what a podcast is they feel like you're, you're having conversation, listening to a conversation with friends. Right. That's what I've always treated it. Pat likes to do, Pat likes, he types all these things up and he's very nice and helpful, which is good to have.

He just outlines, he does research, all those things. I just kind of, what I've always done. And I, you know, knock,

knock on wood, I've been very successful in the podcasting field, just been myself. And I just like, just, I just say what comes to my mind. I'm not filtered at all. And I just kind of go there and it's, you know hanging out with friends it's just like you know

the people see me as their funny friend they get to listen to and hang out with i think i would stress over about you guys as well it's it's just it's come naturally to us why not just just go in and i couldn't get over the mental obstacle of believing that people would want to hear that yeah yeah right and so that was really hard and And like our, we had, there were some points where we're putting out like 14 minute podcasts. Like I'm pretty, cause we just. Oh, you'd cut it down. We're like, this has to be filled with fucking. There's jokes like every 10 seconds.

Really? We didn't let any, there was no downtime. High brow. Yeah. And we were, we were cunts. Secret joke. Yeah. You get better at it as you go though.

Yeah. And I'm like super embarrassed of like those first Look at the bullshit I put out. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. This is gay. That was bullshit. You guys have been fine the whole time. We're opposites, though, like you said. He's no planning and I'm like stressing out over a segment.

But we like balance each other out. Yeah. Like Cymbalta. Exactly like Cymbalta. And this podcast is sponsored by Cymbalta and BetterHelp. If you go to betterhelp.com right now slash out and about. yeah like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like exactly like like like like like like like like like like like like like like

like like like like like like like like

like like like like like like like like

like like like like like like like like

like like like like like like like like

like like like like like like like like

like like like like like like like like

like like like like like like like like

like like like like like like like like

like like like like like like like like

like like like like like like like like

like like like like like like like like

like like like like like like like like

like like like like like like like like

like like like like like like like like

like to be Crash in 96? Are you guys going to come to the parade? We do have the float and we're very happy. I pictured the DJ in a big meeting. I was in the meeting and I said, what kind of music does Kyle can play? He's a really good music teacher. Who are you meeting with? We met with the heads of... Please let me just get a set.

Just do the whole thing. Are we shirtless though? You have to be shirtless you're not you're not getting the job unless you're shirtless on the back of that it's gay pride

you have to be shirtless yeah I want a flyer advertising that I will be DJing that float for the spinning the pride parade

spinning you can do Molly if you want straight girls would love that yeah I saw that you're gonna see more tits at the gay pride parade

than you've ever seen in your life or if you want to DJ our like after party no the after party in your life or if you wanna DJ our like after party no the after party or the open house like you can DJ at

if we may have our after party there or at Factory 380 we're not sure yet we're touring venues we're touring venues or maybe like before the house

before we go to the show you can be like on the stage as the house DJ playing all the songs as people are rolling in having cocktails doing the meet and greets

we'd be honored to have anyone participate you know it's so bizarre? For the anus fans listening, you guys sell a ton of merch. Yeah. You guys are, yeah, you guys. Decent amount.

Yeah, we have the Man Mafia ice shakers. If you want us to have a gay pride float, buy a hoodie. Yeah, buy an anus hoodie to wear. Perfect idea. Or don't. I don't care. Nah, do. You know what's so bizarre

about that pride meeting we had was we went in and there's like all like these heads of the departments. They're all like looking to us for answers. I was like, what the fuck is going on?

Yeah, I think it's something like comfortable from a business perspective. You have to tread so lightly around. They don't know. Yeah, they don't know what they're allowed to say

or ask. Right. Do you know what your float's going to look like to a Chevy Silverado. Big one with our faces wrapped around it. No way. Well, just one image of us.

There's going to be a barstool logo, but it's going to have a heart in it instead. Now, we were at Niamh's show yesterday, and he suggested we do the, why isn't the gay barstool logo just the barstool flipped upside down so four people can sit? That's funny. Do you know what I'm saying? Oh, cool. Good work, Niamh. That was a Niamh joke? Yeah.

Yeah. See if I cut out that circumcision bit, buddy. That's funny. I was like, oh, cool. Good work, Neve. That was a Neve joke? Yeah. Yeah. See if I cut out that circumcision bit, buddy. Yeah. Neve was. What was he thinking about? You're a depraved people. Yeah.

We are. Yeah. Neve was good. I liked Neve. We gave him a rubber fist. Did he keep it? No. We have to keep it.

Unfortunately, he walked in after the yak ended and he was like, hey, I noticed that rack of dude wipes. And I was like, yeah. He was like, do you care if I take a pack? Do you need a supply? I was like, yeah. Well, bad in supply chain, you can't get a fist.

Yeah. We had to outsource it. You can't get a baby formula and you can't get a fist. That's a Bangladeshi fist? Mm-hmm. It's authentic. I made sure I wanted

to stay true. Right. Oh, man. All right. This has been lovely. This has been great. It's been fantastic. That is a new untold story.

You guys want to plug your butts? Yes. You can listen to us every Wednesday at... You can listen to us about every Wednesday anywhere find podcasts are found. Go to our merch at store.barstool.com and search for Out and About. And come see us at our live show. You can get tickets at sonyhall.com on July 16th.

Correct. I said butts. Butts. I said, do you want to plug your butt? Yeah, I thought you guys were going to plug your asses. Oh, plug our butts.

Yeah. Do you want to stop recording and go plug our butts? Oh, yeah. Let's do that. Yeah, let's do that. Yeah, let's do that. You want to kill it right now?

Cut that and then... AIDS. What? You want me to reject your reply to what I'm going to say? No, you're just going to say, No, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? Fuck no, baby!

That's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story it's a fresh big untold story a new untold story we don't have to do it the whole time because it's loud all right three two one all right a new untold story episode what did you pay him for this yeah worth it yeah this is uh we have a second drone is so loud it is so fucking can you turn down the volume turn down the volume of the drone can you bring it Can you turn down the volume? Turn down the volume of the drone. Can you bring it a little closer to Kyle? Turn down the volume. Bring it closer to me. Do like a sweeping

shot. Yeah. Bring it in frame. It costs like 300 bucks. This is sick. We've been sponsoring Fasoli. $30 a day. Hell yeah. We're here at a Best Western. Don't be shy.

Buffalo. Don't be shy. Buffalo, Don't be shy, Drone Man. Buffalo, New York. What? Buffalo, New York. Here for solely. Let's get a really good ad read while you're doing that. Yeah. Kyle, you know who we're sponsored by today?

We have two ad reads today, boys. We got Manscaped. Whoa, no. Okay. Game time, of course. Game time, yeah. We're going to start out our $5 sign ad. Incredible stuff from them.

We used them to go to the Pirate Game. It was fantastic. Hell yeah. Really liked them a lot. They were... It's almost a scam to them. Yes. It feels like I'm scamming them. Free tickets to games. $20 off first time use if you

use promo code UNTOLD. U-N-T-O-L-D. Download game time for last minute tickets. The drone's too loud. It's way too loud. Shut the drone off. Anyways, they cracked the code on how to for last minute tickets. The drone's too loud. It's way too loud. Shut the drone off. Anyways, they cracked the code on how to score last minute tickets. They really did. One of the two companies I believe in. This and

then our following ad. Okay. Keep a secret. Yeah, maybe land that. Turn the drone off. He can't get it down? It's even louder. That's your reply to what I'm going to say. No, you're just going to say,

No, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? No, baby! That's a new untold story. A new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. You turned the volume up. Thank you. Wow. All all right we don't want the ad we're done with the ad okay we're here in the world buffalo it is the best watch it's day 11 of our trip it's i'm losing

my fucking mind i did the math in 2022 alone we've spent 45 nights in a hotel a month and a half i might be more you maybe more because i was in florida sneaky oh i forgot about my sneaky links you have sneaky links yeah what mine was for work what was mine i'm 47 well you bought a hotel outside of i did i didn't stay in it you're about once a month kyle will just buy a hotel room i do like next to your apartment uh-huh it's when my apartment gets particularly messy. It's not worth it at all.

I think we went to the... I went to a concert in the Brooklyn Mirage and I thought it was like the wisest move to get a hotel right after it. Yeah. Or right by it. Yeah. Because it's... The Uber's afterwards. I think we've talked about this. Fuck it. We have. But we're getting a little bit delirious.

Actually thinking about we've been working like every day has been like a 15 hour shoot. After this two week trip, we'll be back in the office for pretty much good. Yeah, well we're filming three episodes at once. And a bonus episode.

And these episodes are going to be 25 minutes plus. Plus a bonus so yes yeah and so we're we're grinders really starting to lose it i ran out of clean clothes day two i ran out of dirty clothes what i ran out of dirty clothes the clothes were the dirty clothes got so dirty dirty clothes became filthy yeah yeah because like i've i've been on the road so much that i've just been wearing you know like an apple core you can litter it you can throw it out the window an apple core like i don't know or yeah just any apple it's biodegradable yes yeah what does that have to do with i don't know i was trying to make a comparison to what your dirty my dirty clothes they're not biodegradable

i had to throw them out they can't be salv By day three, I was wearing my underwear inside out. By day five, I was wearing my underwear inside out backwards. For one pair of underwear, right side in, right side in, inside out, inside out, that 2-2-2-2-2 day eight. I'm trying to figure out the most disgusting place we've been.

People don't notice. Or they don't mention it. People don't notice I'm wearing it. The the first thing fasoli said to me yesterday he came down oh no he came on the elevator with me which is broken by the way we have to just take this take six flights yeah i don't want to complain about that don't complain about that um fasoli he just sees me it's 9 a.m might be 8 a.m we're getting ready to go out on a shoot and he just looks at me i say good morning he looks at me and goes, I smell like fucking onion, dude. Yeah. Yeah.

Don't offer that up. Ew. But no, I've learned a lot about Fasoli on this trip. He does a really good impression of the lead singer of Disturbed. Come here. He's a pathological liar. He's the most. He is.

He never proves himself right. He was at. But he still wins he was at we were at the bar yesterday was like you know I have the record for put a blouse on yeah like my word you know I have the record for the fastest shotgun and we're like in the world he's like I don't know

he said I said is it your personal record or is it like of anyone yeah he says I don't know he said like there's a chance he has the fastest shotgun of all no he said could be. Could be. Which isn't an answer for a multiple choice question. Right. And he also said and you're going to have to get on the mic to

explain this. You said that one time you drank eight, nine percent seltzers without realizing they were alcohol. You thought it was just a regular seltzer and you didn't realize until eight. That is not true. And you have the world

and you have the world record for shotguns. He wants my mic. He wants my mic. I didn't say world. He wants my mic. I didn't say world record. You did not drink eight, nine percent. You would have been wasted. You would have been observably wasted after three.

I was observably wasted after eight. How did you not realize? That is like 16 standard beers. They were new when I bought them. So you were sober. You started. Nobody's buying used alcohol. No, it was right when the loyal lemonades came out.

No free. They're 9%. Yeah. And you drink eight of them without realizing they were alcohol. They come in 4 packs. So you had to have been tremendously wasted after 4. I was probably drunk after 4, but I didn't realize. How do you not

realize you're drunk? Because I'm always going. This best Western, you walk in the door and did you what was the first thing you saw when you walked in the door? A parrot. It was out of the cage. Out of the cage. They just have a free roaming bird. I like that. And what does the sign say on the wall? Did you read that? It says don't feed the parrot. No. Or what does it say?

It says, hi, I'm Simba, but I'm a girl in all caps. And then like a hard return and it says, and I bite. So it's just like, it's a loose parrot. It's a loose parrot in this fucking hotel. Buffalo is and I like it. They're all aggressive here. They're all they're all aggressive here.

Very. They're all filled with rage. Yes. And in a good way. And they're all very inquisitive. Everywhere we go, they ask a million questions. And everything we've done in this city has pertained to violence. It's awesome.

Yeah. Great. I would hate to live here. I am actually kill myself if I lived here. But it's a pretty awesome city. This is the last video that will be coming out. It'll probably be in September. We had to do a workout

yesterday and we had to do just 50 squats unweighted and I had to take a break going up the steps. I am so... My legs... We got destroyed. Do you want to show your chest? You don't want to reveal it yet? I don't want to reveal it yet. I got smacked by a bunch of professional wrestlers.

What is it? Wrestling Training Center? A wrestling training school. WWE style. And we got just fucked up. You got smacked like twice. Donnie got smacked three times. And they were like, all right, chop train on me.

And I was wearing a shirt that said Polka King. And everybody was like, I want the fucking Polka King. Yeah, they were bullying you. They were bullying the fuck out of me. But this is the trip where I haven't made too many egregious purchases. You, on the other hand, you bought a sweatsuit at Niagara Falls. Yeah, well, I was wet. You were soaking wet.

You refused to wear your poncho. So I needed to buy a change of clothes. Yeah. So I got the made of the mist jumpsuit. It's top and bottom. I think the color was orchid. It's a women's. You look bad.

Well, I rocked it. You think? Yeah. I'm made. She missed. What? Out. I'm made. She missed. Yeah? I don't know no i think you're a maid you clean up hotel rooms and she she was missed she's she used to be a miss but then she married a doctor no i made a bunch of money and she missed out on this no no no no yes no that's objectively true she and what is this on this whole thing no I swore to myself

this year I wouldn't pride month May 31st I said I'm not going to succumb to the gay shit again and I'm like I just cannot succumb to the gay shit this year not this year I wake up June 1st and the first video i see is

barstool sports posting me in like the main the main account posting me in like nipple clamps and whatever else i was yeah it was bad mask that was bad and then it was always remember how you were like oh can i wear it backwards i guess the gayest of the gay wear them backwards because when they're getting fucked from the butt the mask is looking at them everybody's like this dude has to wear it backwards yeah that was a tough look for you and I like

when we were filming that in the moment I was like yeah you got to do this but you could have said no very easily to those two gays yeah I know hello hello okay so wait we just had a little technical malfunction i think the camera was telling you to like miss me with that gay shit that little yeah i'm not even gonna finish the story no it's just gonna make me look even gayer how did you take a gay

shit i'm not i'm not doing this you were the one that brought up memoirs of a gay shit we're not doing this it's just it's just a really, it's when you're mid wipe, it's, it's not a, it's not a straight look. What? When someone walks in on you,

did somebody walk in on you wiping? Not this trip in college. Oh, okay. Yeah. So here's the thing. If somebody walks in on you and there's still a turd in the toilet, do they walk?

Cause I used to, I used to purposely do it. I used to like, I think it was kind of like, I thought it was an alpha move to not care when people walked in. I got ahead of myself and I was

accidentally mid-wipe and someone walked in because I left the door halfway open. What made the wipe gay? How far were you up your asshole? I was watching gay porn when it happened. No, it's a gay look.

Wiping is one of the more vulnerable. Getting walked in on... Vulnerable is the right word. Getting walked in on naked is probably the gayest thing because you're just... Your body like... Because you instinctively react. I'm not decent. Yeah. I used to...

I made this like comic in high school and it was the end frame was always the K the main character was a penis, but he had like arms, his, his, his, his legs were the balls. I've seen your penis.

Yeah. And he has on there. Incredible. Yeah. But I always get walked in on naked, but he was just a penis. So he didn't know what to cover up. We good.

Hold the mic right here. It's cause you're holding... Don't hold the battery pack. Oh. That's what it was? Technology should be so much further. It is disgusting. So here's what I've lost on this trip.

My debit card. I don't have a credit card. Yeah. That's a different story. Smart story. Separately, I lost my wallet with my ID. You don't have a wallet. You have a sticky thing that goes on the back of your phone don't lost it stick i put it on a raw iphone and it doesn't stick to that you need a case you need a case with some grip i lost that i lost my airpods yeah

those are a dime a dozen i lost my cognac striax tinted moisturizer, which is my worst day one day one. You've been pink. Yeah, I know. And I've got so cocky because I thought that was my natural skin tone forever. You convinced yourself that I was just applying it every day. And I still have guys with burner accounts just to ask me where

to get the dudes have been making. I am. I am making striax. I'm not a pronounce itudes have been making money. I am making striax. I don't even know how to pronounce it. Money. Yeah. Money. I'll hit them up. Do you tell them it's makeup?

Tinted moisturizer. It is 100% makeup. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Does it moisturize you though? Does it have the effect? No.

No. I use a separate moisturizer. Okay. Yeah. So your bag when we travel is you have a your own bag for all your products i have a lot of products yeah my orange uh face mask do you yeah yeah i don't know if any of it works no your skin looks good you look great um no but what else we were in put-in-bay and i felt bad because i hyped it i've been there three times and I hyped it up it's a blast you went immediately back to holding it by the battery pack

it took you three seconds fuck man um does none of this even matters why am I even telling these why are we recapping this I don't know man it's just like pretty interesting to whom I don't know

I just think like we were living on a fucking van. Put-in-Bay was disgusting. What did you think of it? The most disgusting place ever. I put on more clothes to sleep. So I knew it was disgusting, but this time it is. Maybe I'm aging and getting more mature. It was our hotel lobby was a subway. You walked in it. It pissed. It made me infuriated for some reason. We got we got to the hotel I'm fucking exhausted

we just took a ferry we took the big van on a ferry over get to the hotel you walk in first to check in because we all take bags off the van and you just beeline into the hotel every time yeah and nothing is like going home at 2 a.m. and like having to weave

through wild boars ordering like tuna melt tuna footlong tunas. It was driving me insane. We were over a 24-hour subway. It was. And subway has such a unique smell and my room was directly above it. It has the most distinct smell. I don't like it. I didn't

shower there. I put on jeans and a flannel to sleep in. And it was just a really, really, really gross place. They're going to come at us for being whiners. Yeah, probably. Because we're living the dream. Yeah. No, I don't think people our age should be at Put-In-Bay for Memorial Day weekend.

No, it was disgusting. Yeah. They warned us. The staff warned us about UTIs in the swimming pool. Like, yeah, you might get a UTI. You don't want to get in there. Scotch tape your peener.

But then Donnie was in there squirting water up in the air. Donnie is the most disgusting man. Yeah. I was going to say I love him, but I do. You can't really say I love him, but he's just disgusting.

We were at the Christmas story house. Yeah. He tried to reenact the pole the the christmas story house yeah he tried to reenact the pole scene yeah unprompted we never were like that's a good idea we weren't even filming and we're like i guess we'll film you and he he didn't he started licking it he started like really low on the pole and went all the way i was like donnie in the scene he just pecks the pecks it with his tongue with the he had his whole face like he just wanted to lick the pole i think you want to lick a pole i think he has like a paint chip thing i think i think you get addicted to lead and then you just have to keep licking poles licking poles yeah so that's

where donnie is now um one more thing i wanted to bring up but it's oh we were at put in bay and it was like three o'clock in the morning and i got a call from you and i was like oh jesus what is this and you're like nick dude like you gotta come out here like this giant dude just i saw him out of the corner of my eye he looked i didn't say he was fucking you said he was this huge dude he said he had like a foot on you and you were just like i'm scared like can you i come to your location you send it i'm like where's the dude i'm still on the phone with you. I can't find you. The guy from I wrestled with? No, no, no. And I'm just like, where is the guy?

And he's like, right there next to you. And I look and there was like a little Lego man on the ground. I was like, well, where are you? You're like, I'm up in this tree. And I was like, what? And I was like, Kyle, that's a piece of broccoli you're in. That's a stalk of broccoli. You were up in a floret.

You're like, yeah. But if I fall from here, I'm going to get really hurt because this is really high for me. Oh, yeah. I climbed the piece of broccoli. Your floret. I'm afraid of heights. Didn't want to jump from the floret. No, I saw a thread.

I'm glad these jokes are still going around. I saw a thread on the subreddit that was just like Kyle next to many things and they were just naming a bunch of things. think we we said it in reverse last time no because last time we said i was always i forget because they would have you like have on a tech deck which was a regular size skateboard so you thought you were in the fucking redwood forest but it was just the produce aisle of a Kroger. You gotta check this out. Fasoli just cracked up, so I know this joke sucks. Yeah, no legs.

Fasoli thought Niagara Falls was bad. Yeah, he asked the mate of the missed conductor person if it was man-made. Yeah. No, he... How do you spell hotel? H-O-L-E-T-E-Y-L. Well, we know yeah okay oh man donnie put up a poll to guess vasoli's race today we realized he ever said it we realize

he is oh so many different races he's everywhere but here you can be very well serbian you can be very well syrian lebanese you want to switch hemispheres, both. South American, any country. Yeah, anywhere but here. Yeah. Go back to anywhere. You claim that your family just runs an entire Sicilian suburb. They do.

They do? He just said they do. Not Sicily. Right under Rome. Right under Rome. Ah. Your family emigrated to Italy. When? Emigrated from Italy.

You thought Bologna was the Oscar Mayer. I remember when I was driving in the van. Jesus Christ. You've been using snus a lot. Golden boy over here. You got me addicted to it why you call me golden boy so you don't do have any vices but you got me addicted

to nicotine that's what confuses me because i always have snooze on me and you'll you'll nicotine and i don't know if you want to snooze or if you're shouting out seeing a girl at the window you want me to look out the window at uh somebody you're interested in there's nicotine and i don't know if you want to snooze or if you're shouting out seeing a girl at the window you want me to look out the window at uh somebody you're interested in there's nicotine nicotine i don't know which one but i always just say let's dip because it qualifies for both and you see i'm like let's get out of here let's get away from these teens these jesus christ but uh yeah that's that's the one you only say one sentence to me no one word or sentence i mean we were close to the the u.s border and uh what about it there is no u.s there's no us with you can no longer say it's us with her

because I bored her so fucking dumb dude what else we got going on oh um nah I don't know what I wanted to talk about

you know I brought up how my favorite tweet I've ever done was like the carpenter jeans with the hammer in the buttcheeks? Have you ever been embarrassed from a tweet and deleted it? Often. Yeah. I remember I did one. It was when the Pokemon Sword and Shield came out.

I did one about complaining about the Pokedex that you couldn't... Fuck. It was like that you could rotate the characters. I was thanking Game Freak for letting you rotate the character models, but I put like on a chop and everybody's like, oh, that Pokemon

looks like a kid. You're fucked up. And so I deleted it. No, you did some pedophile shit. Not not at all. It was a machop. Not a not a child. You sexualized a child Pokemon. A lot of my tweets are sexualizing poke you did a lot of them that's like that's kind of why you're here yeah because i did like the guide on how to identify male and female pokemon jesus i just put the giant titties on girl pokemon on

the girl pokemon that ruled that was a good tweet you've been bragging about being the gym leader every place we go every place we go we were just We were just on a canal tour and you were flexing that you were the gym leader of it. Yeah, because we missed that the host of the tour didn't mention it. Well, I think because I knocked him out of the gym. He was Team Mystic. And that's the thing. We're in these podunk towns and they don't have their shit trained at all. They don't have any perfect IVs and I'm just bodying them with my mega perfect venus you weren't the you weren't the gym leader in every place we went

you weren't even the gym leader of that troll museum and i was a lion so i knocked out the employee that worked there and then she had you guys exchanged pokemon name that's right she had a husband had past tense fuck thanks fuck yeah man um what else has been going on yeah well where have we been since our last one cleveland yeah cleveland has the worst food in the country everything's like they don't have a staple they claim pierogies that's pittsburgh yeah what i don't know what a cleveland cleveland is more fun than pittsburgh yes by a lot I think I do too. It's bigger. It feels, but, um,

Kyle, before we get into anything else, huge shout out to our favorite blue light glasses. They're back. Yeah, they're back. I knew they'd be back. All the free publicity.

It was like, you know, when like that's a t-shirt in the barstool store. Um, yeah, but, uh, yeah, Felix gray, a t-shirt in the barstool store. Yeah, but yeah, Felix Grey. Yeah, I'm so happy they're back. Right. I started rocking them again. They love that

you negated from making fun of them. You always have to get out ahead of things. I told him to not say Felix Grey has only been a company for about six years. And so you knew. Oh, they're back for Pride Month. Yes. Yeah. I know what they're doing. Yes.

Because when they were, when they when they got rid of us after the feel Dix gay thing that made them look a little bit homophobic. It did. Granted, they're not. They're not. They're not at all. I think they had to cover their bases. These glasses are perfect for watching gay porn as you're wiping your ass.

Speaking of the girl that walked in on me wiping my ass, someone tweeted at me the other day. I'm in the middle of a Felix Grey ad. Oh, yeah, yeah. Finish it. Yeah, I sure will. They make prescription and non-prescription glasses, so you and I can both wear them. Specifically designed for lenses that filter out blue light.

It's really good stuff. We all look at our phones all day. Drone screens. All day. Nintendo Switch lights. Playing Civ 6. What would you ever want me to say to that? I want you to say what world leader are you playing? What world leader are you playing as in Civ 6? Genghis Khan.

Does it let you do that? Yes, you choose a world leader. Puffin on loud. Puffin on loud. That's what it stands for. Holy. Oh no. This might be fucked. Are we going to have to edit out some stuff?

We can't do this during the match. Can't do what? Can't have that. But we can have the interference during yeah what does that mean meat and potatoes of the pod the ad read is the perfect time to have interference yeah what Jesus see that thing check check check check hello hello yo yo all right what the fuck hey Alright, what the fuck? Hey, B.

Yeah, I'm not getting anything now. Yeah, so we just had some more interference during our Felix Gray ad read, which Fasoli said we cannot have that during the ad read. He would rather have it during the actual podcast. We just have to have the ads read. He would rather have it during the actual podcast. We just have to have the ads clear. The whole thing can be

static noise as long as the ads are crystal clear. Like the lenses of a Felix Grey glasses. They don't smudge. They don't smudge at all. You guys can go to FelixGreyGlasses.com That's F-E-L-I-X-G-R-A-Y Glasses.com for free shipping, free returns, free exchanges.

FelixGrayGlasses.com slash story. Alright, back to your walking in on shit. Yeah, yeah. So someone tweeted at me the other day. What did they say? They said, my girlfriend went to college with KB

and she said her and her friends went back to his apartment once and he was just in the kitchen washing the same plate for three hours and i freaked out i was like that i think that may have happened because people then i went back to this page now i went back to this page and he all of his tweets are like him coming up with fictional scenarios but i actually believe that happened because every time my roommates would have girls over, especially during wrestling season when I was sober, I would purposely do chores, fake

chores to get out of talking to them and having awkward conversations. I don't think I ever did the plate thing. Good idea. But that's something that I would do. I would just be like, I have to do the dishes and I'd realize there's only one dirty plate and I would just wash it over and over again. So there's been this running joke

on Twitter of people sending both of us interactions they've had with you that aren't true, but some of them are. It's like one in every 50. I don't get it. I don't know how that started. Some of them are true. Yeah. Which scares me. I think you're just pretty easily read.

Right? So like all this is some asia you both yeah no it's it's people can find uh a situation that yeah then it'd be like oh there's a kb moment like oh somebody's dropped all the the toothpicks on the ground and KB will be able to guess how many are on the ground. You know? Yeah. I've had a weird thing happen to me, especially on this trip. It's been happening a lot in New York, but on this trip more often than

New York, somebody will come up to me like, yo, big Barstool fan. You're awesome on Son of a Boy Dad. And I don't know if that's a running joke they're doing or if it's just... No, I think that's the one podcast they know. Yeah.

From guys in our realm. Oh, sure. Yeah. No, I never get that. And they're just like, awesome pod. I'm like, yeah. They're like, good work. I'm like, thanks.

Can you take a picture for them? Yeah. We do want to chill. I'll buy you a drink. At Kettle of Fish in New York, a guy put his arm around me and he was like, taking a picture. He's like, boy, dad on three. I was like, all right. I was with you for him. Yeah. We didn't want to chill. I'll buy you a drink. At Kettle of Fish in New York, a guy put his arm around me and he was like taking a picture. He's like, boy, dad on three. I was like, I was with you for that.

So it has happened to me. It happens a lot. Son of a boy, dad. Hey, hey. I feel like I turned into Frank the Tank. All right. Hey. All right. Yeah, but that's what I was on. I was on the show twice.

So that's enough. So yeah, you are on the show twice. So that's enough. So, yeah, you are on it. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck yeah. All right. Yeah. Let's keep that coming.

What else are we doing? I don't want to spoil anything we're doing in the videos. What can we talk about? Oh, this is the one in Buffalo is the last video we're putting out. And they had this wrestling school had us do a workout. Did i talk about this where i had 50 squats yeah yes no less than 10 minutes i don't remember yeah you were dying i was dying they were definitely purposely trying to uh make us you think so pain yeah because i these were unweighted squats and i still can like not stand up i got stuck on the

toilet this morning yeah the leader of the gym found out I wrestled in college wait the leader of the gym being me oh oh I get what you're saying keep going proceed you said leader of the gym

we were talking about a wrestling gym were you the leader of that gym yes I've been bouncing these dorks out of their gyms coming in busting the door down eliminating them

fuck wait no it's not an ad read it's fine to have static yeah we can get this especially now oh that's probably better all right anyways how long has it been for solely holy shit we suck at this no we just can't talk about anything because we've been I don't know I don't want to spoil anything in the video I will say

I've seen a lot of architecture a lot of like benches and like seats and you could definitely see me like fucking a 10 out of 10 model on them every time I like every once in a while, there'll be a bench or like, are you talking about like a 10 out of 10 girl? Like a model who's a 10 out of 10 on the model scale.

She's a 10 out of 10. She's hot for a model. Go and scream. Jesus Christ. You can break. I don't how do we have drones but we can't just do this i know how is audio so dated i know we're living in the wires on us oh we should not there should be no wires wires i should not have to constantly charge anything yeah how do we have drones and what else do we have? What's the height of our technology right now?

Wireless dock. Which is ironic because the wire is a good show, but the dock part is the worst part. But in tech, the docks are the best and wires are the worst. Pretty good observation. Thanks, man.

Why do we have wallets? I love having a wallet. No wallet. There should be no wallets. There should be no keys. The only thing you should is your phone, your ID. There's no reason you should need a physical ID. There's no reason you should carry a thick ass wallet into me.

Here, go have your rant on my mic. Is it going to be staticky? Have your rant on my mic. it gonna be staticky have your rant on my mic give me your it's not gonna it's not gonna do that for me there's no reason anyone should carry keys in a wallet in these times why because you that should be on your phone but you lose your phone there's no there's no reason for what happens when your fucking phone does no reason that every place doesn't accept apple you're're being your, your portion for the last five months. I've had to use your poor shame and only 50% of businesses accept it.

There is no reason my ID, I should not have to show a physical ID. It should be on my phone. What if your phone dies? Keys? Are you fucked? There's no reason there should be a bundle of keys in every man. Keys are the most archaic of tech.

There's no reason. That's not even tech. That's like the bronze. why do we still use keys i'm gonna feel disgusting in 20 years when we look back at this time and i'm like i remember when i was using keys in a wallet in my in my kids when i'm playing um civ 6 as like genghis khan i'll i'll actually bump the technology track and uh i'll i'll boost tech as much as I can. And what do you role play as Genghis Khan? Yeah.

Was it wasn't he just a serial rapist? I leave that part out. I'm more of the I like I like expanding my empire land, taking over, taking over stuff with my horseman while they're still 30. Yeah, this month. Pretty scary stuff stuff i had the realization today i was like you carry yourself like a 30 year old i think you'll make a good i'll be a good 30 year old but i was thinking like uh i'd have i my parents were young my dad mom had me when they were 23 that's crazy yeah and i was like oh shit if i have if i had heads

at bridge street middle school getting having kids, I know that there was an epidemic of. Yeah, but they they couldn't call it an epidemic because it's unfair to like you're creating human life. So it's not technically. No, if they're kids at Bridge Street, it's not. They're all dead. Those kids are those of 2007. Yeah. So the kids are Danny Herman is still still alive alive i'm talking about the kids oh the kids

that was crazy yeah but your parents were 23 and i'm 30 now i'm gonna be and i'm like if i have a kid now when my kid is 10 which is still like a young annoying fucking kid dumb dumb dumb kid i'll be 40 when that kid's 10 that's ideal you think so you want to be in your 40s I think it should that should be the case you think so you should be in your 40s when you're raising like a teen right so I was my my dad was my age when I was like

just like a boy it's crazy like a probably masturbating no I've been seven okay I wasn't beaten off at seven and they were i don't know i don't think so i don't know yeah i've been coping by when i turned 29 i just told everyone i'm 30 yeah i have been as well gonna be easy transition yeah no but you don't carry yourself like a 30 year old i don't you carry yourself like a 17 year old girl in what way your festivals you you're you have chaotic energy crackhead energy

i got i got sent a picture of you sleeping in central park they yeah that was you can't be doing that yeah flashy fits i got into flashy fits at age 29. Oh, man. What happened? Yeah. And actually, you used to try to get like you like it was just you and I. We weren't recording. We're just sitting next to each other on the van. And you were just like, when you buy clothes, you're a little too tame. You just buy something that's black.

And you're like, you need to be brave. It is fun. Why? It's like it's like you're a different person. I bought a yellow watch. That's pretty cool. Pretty funky. No? G-Shock?

No, it's a swatch. Which is sick. So yeah, I'm getting up there. I have a sick ass windbreaker, a vintage Tommy Ho figure windbreaker. It's purple and green. Don't make me. I would pay $2,000 for that thing. a vintage Tommy Ho figure windbreaker. It's purple and green. Don't make me. I would pay $2,000 for that thing.

Don't make me spoil anything. Don't know what you're talking about. It's my piece. It's not your piece. People will find out soon enough that it's my piece and I will be getting it back. Not your piece. I can't wait till I have it back. You can't.

It's like one of my flashier pieces and you and you have it now. Yes. I got one of Kyle's best pieces you guys will find out how he acquired it I don't know I don't know when weeks maybe I'm sure there it's it's the most alpha moment of my life a reminder yeah everyone's itching to find out how did

get Kyle's piece um no I saw I saw something I wanted and I got it and I alpha it and I alpha'd you in the process making for maybe one of the best moments of my life you were ecstatic yeah and you were pissed

notice how when I got the mic it stopped being staticky are you gripping are you squeezing like this as hard as you can I grip I grip you grip you grip yeah yeah but look how he's holding it look how dainty he's holding it. Daintily. We are living in an age where

technology is so hit or miss and inconsistent where you can't even grip a microphone. How hard are you squeezing that thing? Yeah, I know. I know. Alright. Well, that's a new untold story. Listen to our bonus episode we put out yesterday with the two homosexuals.

Yeah. I forget. Pat and Joey. Good guys. Well, guys, we we go out of our way to call a lot of adult men good people. I hate that. It's like, oh, he's a nice guy. You got to just get to know him. Like, no, like ever. Like he's a nice guy. You got to just get to know him. No. He's just doing the bare minimum to be an acceptable adult in society. I hate that. He's not nice. It's not a diss at Pat and Joey. No.

It kind of is. No. Stop calling every guy nice. Yeah. Or every adult nice because he's acceptable to you. You just got to get to know him. Oh, you just got to give him a chance. No. He says hi to me and he just got to get to know him. Oh, you just got to give him a chance. No. He says hi to me and he smiles at me every day. Yeah.

Yeah, that's just being a human. Yeah, fuck. The bar is so low. I don't know if anyone ever describes me as nice behind my back. No. I don't think you are. Are you nice? I'm just introverted and I don't like I distance myself from a lot of conversations but I think I am

a good person are you a social being no that and that's why you're more social than I am I think I go out more and like drink more and have more fun do you think you have more fun than me why like I do fun things

but yeah I still do I've never seen you have i don't think i have i really don't because i i keep a notes app of times that i have fun just to like keep it in my head it feels good to look back yeah and i keep a notes app of everything in the in life that makes me happy yeah boost my mood because it helps a lot because when I like decide what I'm going to do I go through a very finite list of things that help me be happy or boost my mood and if it's not one of them

I decide not to do it there's like 13 things but it makes me I'm actually curious dude I don't think I have fun but you shouldn't. It's... Would it make you uncomfortable? I think you can enjoy life

without having fun. There's a lot of people that chase fun and that's a sad existence. You can enjoy life without having fun? Yeah. When I'm just chilling in the morning, I get some caffeine in me and I'm on my phone looking at whatever. Yeah. Tearing things. What the fuck is that?

That's going to take off. Kyle's been on Tear Maker. The interface is all fucked up. Once they figure that out, it's going to be addicting. It's going to take over the world. Tearing things is my new favorite. We were at dinner in Niagara Falls

and I was talking to you. You're like, what? I'm like, dude, I've been talking to you for 10 minutes. What are you doing? And you're like, what? I'm like, dude, I've been talking to you for 10 minutes. What are you doing? And you're like, I'm tiering dude activities. Dude hobbies. Okay. Yeah. I've been tiering everything. What was the F tier dude hobby?

Photography. That's creepy. I feel like I know a lot of photographers. Yeah, but guy photographers are creepy. It's not a... I'm going to upset some people. Do it. Some of my good friends are,

they're into that shit. What are you going to say? It's an F tier hobby in my opinion. Okay. Meditation. You tiered them too. What did you have? I had photography as F.

I had, uh, any lawn work as F. That's a chore. That's a chore. Um, I had, uh work as F. That's a chore. That's a chore. I had, let's see, any auto body work as an F or like fixing up cars was an F. Because that's a job. S tier, I had guitar and surfing and reading.

Reading is S tier. Because you can do that alone without the access. Reading is a top, top, top tier hobby. Yes. You said some weird shit. It's kind of wholesome, though. What do you mean? You said you'd only leave Barstool for one job.

Yeah, a zookeeper. And I would leave in one second. And what is your, what is your, sell zoos to to me i think they're great for educating people on animals and i think it's it's awe-inspiring and i think it's a you don't feel awe very often i think it's a rare thing and so going to a zoo and seeing something that is also alive in life but it's so different you don't succumb to like they're in captive they're in captivity you don't you don't know I think that's protecting them I agree and

honestly like they're happy I wouldn't compare it to a prison because that would be different but if I were an animal I'd much rather be in a zoo I have no way of even giving a thought on I don't want my fucking intestines ripped out by through my asshole by a cheetah that is that is a risk that they have to face every single

day that seems like only a very select few species i could send you 10 different animals that are having their intestines ripped out through their asshole by a cheetah every wildebeest every water buffalo i've seen it happen to a giraffe foal i've seen it happen to uh capybaras i've seen it happen to all kinds of what do you mean you've seen it happen on nature is nature is metal the subreddit yeah so yeah um all right well you said you said you would leave your job barstool in one second. If we can get Nick an offer to be a zookeeper, I'm sure is possible. No, I think you have.

I want to be at like an accredited zoo. OK, Columbus Zoo. And I look really good and khaki. What did you? I want to be a crap brother. I want to be Daryl Hannah. No, no, multiple. OK, and I love playing Zoo Tycoon as we got to be Daryl Hannah no no multiple and I love playing Zoo Tycoon as a kid

we do I'm full of Jell-O from the Jell-O museum one more thing I made an impulse purchase at the Jell-O museum and I didn't know what I had until I got back to the hotel I bought a certificate dude you're gonna get people too hyped for this video if you tell them we went to the J. I bought a certificate. Dude, you're gonna you're gonna get people too hyped for this video

if you tell them we went to the Jell-O. What the fuck? I gotta watch this. These guys really let loose. The Anus Boys and Donnie went to the Jell-O Museum? In Leroy, New York? Yeah. I bought a certificate that proved that I was at the Jell-O Museum because

a lot of people probably just won't believe you if you say it. And you hang all say it. And you hang all these similar things that you get on trips on your wall. I think it's pretty cool. And it's for me. It's like a little Nick Museum. Which has all kinds of things.

You have to let someone see the Nick Museum. It's pretty cool. Next episode we'll do live from the Nick Museum. We got to let someone visit it. Okay. One, one Paul up. One Paul up. One Paul up to come to my apartment and we'll go, we'll go through the Nick museum. Yeah. But I bought

a certificate for $1 that proves that you were there and it was signed by Ruth, who was the keeper of the molds. We have Lynn, who is the tour guide the molds. We have Lynn, who is the tour guide. And then one more.

Bill Cosby. It's signed by Bill Cosby. And I bought it for a dollar. Mint? I guess. Like authentic? Yeah. I looked it up. Oh, shit. Yes. Signed by Bill Cosby. Fuck.

$1. That's worth something. Yes. You're going to keep it on your wall. It's going in the museum. All right. Yeah. See you.

Yeah, sure. You want me to read that? That's your reply to what I'm going to say. No, you're just going to say, like, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? What? No, baby. That's a new untold story.

A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. A new untold story.