A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 310 - Yo Yo Ma

Episode Date: September 22, 2022

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Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. We good? Yeah. We skipped over an episode number. In the thumbnail, yeah. Yeah, that's okay. We, uh, the title was...

Okay, two, two, are we 2-11? 3-10. 3-10, but we skipped 3-09?9 yeah last week we said it was episode 310 but it was 309 okay i posted it as 309 we good hey is that story old or told? What? No, baby! It's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh-baked untold story.

A new untold story. Where's my doll? I don't know. Episode, a new untold story, episode 311? 310. Ah, fuck,

I was about to sing Amber. Oopsie. 311? 310. We're 310. We're about to be 311. We've definitely done 3.10 because I correctly

guessed that it was Southern California no we said 3.10 so shouts out to Peoria we skipped 3.09 and Bloomington but now it's 3.10 and that is

Rey Mysterio 3.10 shitty bar 3.10 3.10 Bowery yeah And that is Ray Mysterio. 3-1-0. Shitty bar. 3-10 Bowery. I don't like it, but I went there once and Gaz was there. That was me, Gaz, and Rudy. So those guys were going to have sex. And he came up to me.

Right. And it was... Not with each other. But he came up to me, Gaz did. Tray of tequila shots. Put it down. He's like, you're not buying anything tonight because I know you're not getting pussy. I was like, thanks.

He did. Yeah. Thanks, Gaz. He was right. Yeah. He was right. He was very right. Yeah.

He was. I'm trying to. He was maybe wrong. No, he wasn't. We are going to New Orleans tomorrow. So it's early in the week. I usually write my news jokes wednesdays today is tuesday so what we could do is i don't have news today what what are you serious i am serious these are uncomfortable as fuck

KB gets to take it away hold on are yours working? your headphones? yes let's start from the top no but no no

yours doesn't work? they just don't wow yours don't work the padding is like fucked up or something. Test, test. Just start it over.

No, it's fine. Yeah, because it'd be hard to sign the same head. I was looking at my phone anyway. I can't do this. I want to redo the part about the 310 anyway. No. I'm not joking about you knocking it. Switch me.

I don't like this fucking thing. Why would they work on me? No, they're uncomfortable on me and your ears probably don't make it. I don't give a shit. God damn it. Well, look. Yours has extra padding, dude. Why?

You're so fucking stupid. Switch back. You're so, so, so, so dumb. I kind of like that extra padding. I'll let you put it back in when i'm done um so i think our podcasts are better edited and uh and better uh sounding when we do it earlier in the week i mean later in the week oh no earlier in the week i'm tripping right now um but later in the week our jokes are better so i don't i don't know but we got to

do this my jokes are really bad today um but let's get into the news yeah sure all right probably game time is an app created by fans for fans. Did you guys hear about this? It's a ticketing app that makes buying tickets easier to your favorite concerts. We sold the segment, boys. This is part of it. It's so easy to use. You get amazing deals. Download the GameTime app.

Go to the account tab to create a login. Redeem the code untold. $20 off. You can go to all kinds of to create a login. Redeem the code untold. $20 off. You can go to all kinds of events like drag races. When I do my ads, when I post my ads for game time, don't reply like this is a scam.

I know it's an inside joke. You are tagging the game time app. It makes game time, they don't know. Probably pisses them. It looks bad in the replies when it's an inside joke you are tagging the game time it makes the um it makes game time they don't know probably pisses them it looks bad in the replies when it's all like this and everybody said that to you didn't yeah um cool now the real news thanks game time pennsylvania governor tom wolf who represents a state with one of the largest af American to Caucasian prisoner discrepancies has now broken the record for signing over 2,000 pardons releasing

many inmates wow freeing African American prisoners and signing a lot this dude hates it when black is in the pen there we go good job on Tom wolf for uh yeah for getting those guys out of there uh finnish bishops are disobeying the vatican by marrying same-sex couples the pope said don't they keep doing it the catholic church made an official statement

saying uh straight people get married gay people become priests that's all i have for that my priest was a gay man he got sent back to the vatican uh it was a true story our most recent uh saint vincent's priest which one uh he was like a few like a few come to mind yeah there's a there's a few um which seems like a bonus yeah yeah with bad early reviews of the new adams family reboot director tim burton admits that in this stage of his career he may be trying to be too ambitious and he worries that his best work is behind him being known only for big fish and biting off more than you can chew i know a career tim can relate to it is is that of Bethany Hamilton. Pro surfer and all-you-can-eat buffet for

sea predators like 14-foot tiger sharks. In college football news, Michigan blew out Yukon 59-0. Big blue and husky? Why do those descriptors ring a bell? Ah, never mind.

Why do those descriptors ring a bell? Ah, never mind. Never mind. Adnan Saeed was released from prison. He is known from the popular true crime podcast, Serial, where they looked into the case of the murder of his girlfriend, Hye Min Lee. A man with a taste for blood appearing on Serial? Is he a murderer or fucking Count Chocula? That's it. That's the one.

A teenager with cancer was surprised with tickets to the Green Bay Chicago game this weekend. It was a dream come true because she actually roots for both teams. To show her support, she wore a Packers jersey and a bear head. Oh, shit.

It was kind of a boring game to go to. It was never close, and the stadium wasn't at capacity. So much like her, Lambeau should worry about a low cell count. Oh, shit. Alright. Man charged with

assault for shouldering somebody while waiting in line to see Elizabeth II lying in state. That's a bad way to lose a spot in line by checking somebody after they lose their queen. But it's a great way to lose a spot in line by checking somebody after they lose their queen. But that's a great way to win in chess. God damn. God damn.

Oh, that would look cool, bro. That definitely would look cool. Kyle? Do you have any my friend what do you got for me, KB? Slow news week. Yeah. Hollywood actor Ben Affleck was pictured out in L.A. this week enjoying a cigarette and an iced coffee after dropping his youngest child, Samuel, off at school where he is one of the top students. In fact, Samuel Affleck, just 10 years of age, was already offered a scholarship to Penn State University after administration found out his father enjoys Morning Joe and was caught with

a little butt in his hands. I remember reading that. Yeah. The Lower Colorado River Authority is urging stubborn pet owners to keep their dogs out of Lake Travis after toxic algae was found in 10 different spots last week, which has resulted in several local dogs becoming sick. The exact source of the toxic algae in Lake Travis. Start that one from the top. Very top? Tippy. Oh, no. I didn't like that. I'm taking my Zin out.

Did you put it in your pocket? Yeah. Where else? For now. The Lower Colorado River Authority is urging stubborn pet owners to keep their dogs out of Lake Travis. Because of the toxic algae, right? After toxic algae was found in 10 different spots last week, which has resulted in several local dogs becoming sick. The exact source of the toxic algae in Lake Travis that's causing so many of these poor pups to yelp in pain and come down

with a variety of illnesses is still up in the air what's not up in the air however are the Travis Barkers who undeniably came down yeah dude yeah so did you if we could break character here yeah did you just like I'm gonna make a Travis Barker joke and then reverse. Yeah. I was going to do, there was like a dog show. I was going to do trap like Barker's runway. And I was like, what? Lake Travis.

Wonder if something happened with dogs. And coincidentally, yeah. There's that. Yeah. They're dying. The thing about doing the segment is I've learned so fucking much. Yeah. I read just news all the time.

I am just consuming news. Anyways. In college football, I think my favorite matchup of the week, maybe the best one, is number 10 Arkansas taking on number 23 Texas A&M at AT&T Stadium in Arlington. Yeah. Arkansas coach Sam Pittman is confident in the matchup and claimed he has no problem going to Texas for the quote-unquote neutral game and boldly exclaimed he would actually prefer

for the 10th-ranked Razorbacks to travel to A&M's campus to play them at Kyle Field, citing that 10s historically have no trouble coming to Kyle. Do you feel like that joke could have been a lot shorter? Like significantly shorter? The first part was actually word for word so i had to he didn't actually say that no no i get i get that yeah yeah yeah be crazy pat and oswald takes on mega clowns and and

this is the title pat and oswald takes on mega clowns and his own woke self in new Netflix special titled We All Scream, which uniquely highlighted the 53 year old comedian exposing his vulnerabilities and expressing his difficulties with being trapped in his home during the COVID pandemic without the accessible platform of the stand-up stage to expel his dark thoughts. In an interview with Jimmy Kimmel, Oswalt stated that after the sudden death of his wife, Michelle McNamara, in the spring of 2016, he was forced to look inward, in which Kimmel replied, me too, I was also forced to look inward.

Is that a blackface joke? A Kimmel blackface joke? Yeah. He forced him to. Yeah. Kanye West admits Kim Kardashian raises their kids 80% of the time, but he still gives her advice. Wow, what a consolation.

Kardashian claimed that she was originally excited to raise kids on her own for the first time, although the stress of it is finally starting to get to her head. Hmm, I think raise kids has gotten to Kim Kardashian's head in the past when she begged him to cum on her face. This one isn't finished, so I'll try to do it. Let's try to finish it right now on the fly, man. Another college football matchup, number five, Clemson is taking on number 21, Wake Forest.

Two incredible teams, but two of the acc's worst offensive lines i disagree i think acc's worst line was at the florence kentucky location when the chain offered two dollar buffets and it took 45 minutes to get to finally get to the front oh a cc's like the pizza buffet yeah that's ready to go i think you can just stamp that seal it that's what you're ending on yeah can you mouth mine yes so you can just lips up and down or however. Just days into 1999,

Heyman Lee, a Southern Maryland high schooler was killed. Initially, her ex-boyfriend Adnan Syed was arrested, convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison plus 30 years. Today, 23 years later, thanks to serials coverage of the true crime,

Adnad Syed walked out of prison a free man, proving yet again you don't need an alibi for felonies committed early in January in the greater D.C. metro area as long as you have a podcast climbing the Spotify charts in the name of quote-unquote freedom. There it is.

I was too busy trying to match the lips It was like a uh storming the capital kind of joke yeah i already have the rogan in the capital meme so i'm just gonna throw it out these are getting pretty tough and i think it's almost time to shift from bethany hamilton as well to tell you who we're not shifting to hold on though Let's get back into formation. We good? Yeah, so we're running out of Bethanyany hamilton i like i've used every we've used every term for arm there's no more misdirections possible and i don't know who we can go to next

i know one person we can't go to it's venus williams my new jesus jesus you were trying to get so into tennis and i was just like all right well no let me dabble part is that i did get so into tennis yeah and so i decided i i decided to put in effort for like seven minutes i dm nick curios not even asking him to come on any of our shows to go on pmt because i think he'd be a good fit so I was did that yeah so no you really try to get into tennis and I just I went to a match yeah a couple right or you were there for like till like 2 a.m yes and watching it and following the ITF tour random tournaments Serbia and shit and uh I got Venus Williams to follow me on Instagram so we're both crushing

I figured we could use this. So she followed me. I waited a little bit, followed her back. She did it first. So you did an ad for like a swipe up for Barstool's Instagram account. So for the past year, I don't like doing any of the Viva La Stool stuff where they come up and they're like, I don't like doing any of the Viva La Stool stuff where they come up and they're like, who would, who's, would you want to share a bowl of spaghetti with? Yeah.

And so I just. Poor daughter or DJ song. Yeah. Yeah. And so I always just try to circle it back to Venus Williams. I've been doing it for like a year and it was just like, oh, like what's the perfect date movie? And I was like, King Richard. And they're like, what actress would you want to most likely go on a date with?

And I'm like, the girl from King Richard when she's grown. And then it just I finally like they asked me where I spend too much money. And I just Googled if Venus Williams had a website and she sells tennis apparel, which is smart. As she should. And it's fucking fly. Vent's trying to do venture capitalism. Yeah. Yeah. You don't know what you're doing.

I was just like, I always shop at, I'm a man. I look like a fucking slob in that video. I was wearing sweats. My hair was filthy. My face looked long for some reason. And I said 11, her brand with a capital V. And she loved it. Followed me back.

She's sending me a package of, of, of 11 gear, which is tennis skirts and bras. And then she's like, use promo code bar. So you did that swipe up. And then how did she respond initially with her own Instagram story? She posted that reposted that and she's like guy number two with hard eyes oh my god oh no to her one with her 1.8 million followers and so i was never expected this to happen and i didn't know what to do and i still don't but she followed me on instagram, you got to be strategic. I want to use today to workshop my first message to her to start the correspondence. OK.

The end goal being to have her here as on the show as my wife. I hate the fact that that's semi-realistic it kind of is she no she's like 42 that's so it's so it's oh you're the one who'll be doing the denying so you're the one who has qualms oh man the shit i guess you're right insane um yeah but i was thinking we could all pull our heads together um and what was her exact response with guy number two and she said something about barstool she used promo code barstool to get free shipping from 11 merch um but if you go to her following she has 1.8 million followers she's following 600 it's uh laurie harvey bella hadid megan trainer she's only like a sub 1000 followers

uh-huh that's all abby womback uh uh rob gronkowski uh vanessa hudgens nick terrani tom brady this is on what on instagram and on instagram yeah uh know, so it's just like me and the guys. Steph Curry, Clay, myself, you know, John Legend. What did you think of the pumpkin? Oh, she follows 666? Yes. You were this? Uh-huh.

Oh, no. Uh-huh. Oh, no. Uh-huh. That's hot. Isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Fucking Bella Hadid. Yeah.

You're compared to Bella Hadid. You're up there with Bella Hadid. If you click on her following, it's- I also got unintentionally compared to Bella Hadid. How? There was a viral tweet that was like, guys who wear tank tops without tats just look like Bella Hadid. tweet that was like guys who wear tank tops without tats just look like bella hadid and i was in the process of walking to the gym home in a tank top oh no well you're at the gym at least

kendall jenner well you need to get tats then yeah so it's just like and happy fucking womp bobby flay oh there's like some random outdoors guys too rebel wilson easy money sniper easy money snipers set a war hero that's kevin durant yep it is doesn't have his name on there yeah um all right so that's an accomplishment i don't are you content with that no i'm gonna message her right now so you gotta lie you gotta be like okay um hey the guys at barstool love your website we want to do more we want to work with you more no no i want to be as casual as possible well i'm just looking for the guaranteed response first and then get into the well see the thing is she already follows me if i send something

trying to be friendly and she unfollows me that's funny too that would be funny as hell so i don't know i'm really nervous i don't know what to do okay give me some help i mean like the coolest move but the biggest risk would just to be like a very casual yo and if you got a response to just yo then you're in do you think i should just do yo send her a pumpkin so yeah like imagine like if she responded to yo that'd be awesome you think just yo that's that's a try that's a cocky move because yo you can follow up with more and be like oh i actually just one oh yeah oh as opposed to what two no no no no No, no, no. Ew. No, no, no, no.

One O and then if you overthink it, just send another follow-up. This is big. What if I say yo-yo ma and I send a little cello emoji? Well, it's like when Owen texts us yo-yo ma. But I'm calling her ma in the sense that she's like a thick black woman. Yo-yo ma? Okay, please do that. You have to do the yo-yo ma now.

Because it'd be funny if she didn't respond and you had to like backtrack work your way out of the yo-yo ma cello emoji mess oh dude i'm actually really nervous if she responds to yo-yo ma cello emoji then it's it's it's downhill from here but if she doesn't still funny you can work your way out of it i've seen you work your way out of harder things should i send yo-yo ma what is there a cello emoji i don't know what in it what if she got the joke and she probably does i think they were like they did like piano and classically trained yeah i think so i don't know are you looking her up right now yeah just some give me yeah some little things ah shit should it be yo-yo ma yo-yo comma ma it has to be and

thank god there's like a two-day like window before it gets posted because like the the people are gonna blow her up with yo-yo ma yeah or just anything all right i'm doing it yo yo that might work as well if it if you got a lot of just that is there the emoji if, like a musical note. Cello. Yes. Perfect. Oh, dude, I'm kind of nervous. That is the worst DM ever, but you have to.

Oh, I'm kind of nervous. Ah. Oh, my God. Let's see. Yo, yo, ma. Oh, let's see. Wait, wait wait does she have any yeah is there anything better everything is better

but you're gonna have to do that one here it's send can I show for proof yeah hold on I'll just I want to do, at least I have some role. Fuck.

There we go. I just sent Venus Williams. Yo, yo, ma jello emoji. Oh no. Oh my God. Oh fuck

I'm freaking out Alright this is good You didn't send it right? It's sent Don't unsend That's a worse sign No I think it's gonna work Oh shit

Unsend it in two days If she doesn't see it They separate followers Like people you follow So that she'll 100% see it. Yeah. And she's active on Instagram. She goes live all the time.

Yes. Yeah. So this whole Venus thing has started, like whenever she would go live on Instagram, we put, we'd try to get Venus, which is you comment, you ask her questions and see if she'll answer it on live. She's very active. I was like deep into her Wikipedia trying to like, like provoke a response and something like very near and dear to her heart didn't work.

Right. I think like three years ago we were like, who's the most like ridiculous person for Nick to – that we pretend that Nick has fucked? Katherine Heigl. Katherine Heigl. The real answer is Venus Williams. Without a doubt. But that would have been so – That is the funniest slash perfect celebrity

for you to be fucking. It's hilarious because we have to have nothing in common. She's very famous, I think. I would give her the very adjective, yeah. I think regardless, she's very well... Everyone knows Venus Williams. Yeah, and I just sent her Yo-Yo Ma. Yeah. I think regardless, she's very well, like everyone knows Venus Williams. Yeah. And yeah, I just sent her Yo-Yo Ma.

Cello emoji. That was necessary. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Unless she doesn't know who Yo-Yo Ma is. That just makes it look worse.

If you look at my message DMs, it uh i was tagged in a barstool chicks mother's nose best tagged me in a reel and then uh venus williams sent just now there's there we go anything for uh let's see let's see what let's see i mean she might respond soon yeah it has to be pretty quick i mean what else she's been. I mean, she might respond soon. Yeah. Who knows? It has to be pretty quick. I mean, what else she been doing? She's in Phoenix right now. It doesn't say seen yet. Another strange thing has been kind of happening to me. I have a new doorman at my apartment.

He's an old man. He's racially ambiguous, but for sure not from here. And I was walking out one morning it was sunday i was like hey i'm grabbing a coffee do you want one he said yeah brought him back a coffee super touched so then i uh was out this weekend came back a little drunk and he was working it was like probably midnight 12 30 and he grabs my forearm he's like oh fuck that's my bleep that yeah he said my apartment he called me by my apartment number grab me by my forearm he said you have to come with me i was like what he's like follow me and he took me uh back to where like the storage is on the first floor where he keeps like his stuff

goes into his backpack pulls out a bag he's like i need you to share a fig with me and so he me and him went outside at like 12 30 at night what and he we were he gave me a fucking from like from newton fame yes oh i didn't know it and he just we were eating figs together and i don't know if that's like some sort of cultural thing are we bound now yeah what you're that's essentially a date yeah that's super weird isn't that weird yeah and so now every time i come back into my apartment he's working oh there's more stuff for me to try he grabbed my forearm would what provoked this you probably i brought him gifts i brought no i brought him back coffee okay the coffee fit what um is that yeah is that a cultural i don't know but then he grabbed me look gross and he gave me these three pastries last night that's better than a fig and

he says you gotta have these with coffee he's right that's a good that yeah but it all started with the fig and he and i were both i drunk, eating them in front of my building. Just like eating naked figs with this man. And I don't, I need to get to the bottom of it. I want to learn about it. I don't know if I'm like. See, I would have been, I would have questioned it immediately. Why?

Oh, I would have said, why are you offering me this fig? Why do you want to enjoy this fig with me outside of this building? But he said, he didn't really give me a choice. He said, Nick's apartment number. You must enjoy this fig with me. Yeah. Yeah. And he said it, looked me in the eyes.

He was grabbing my forearm. My apartment's weird. Given the fig's prominent role in the generation of humanity as we know it, it's no surprise that figs are often associated with sex and fertility. Really? Getting back to ancient Greece. Really? In what way?

Figs aren't sexy. Figs are sexy, dude. Look how pink it was. I think the fig is basically like a clone of our organ. That looks like a bloody organ. We're built the same way. That looks like a bloody organ. We're built the same way. It looks like a testicle. Yeah, but it didn't taste good at all.

And they were pretty hard, very seedy. It was almost like a bigger pomegranate spore kind of thing. Right. But I shared one with him. He just had them in his Ziploc bag. That's kind of wholesome. It's probably the best he had to offer. You think?

That's how they used to. That was, that's like how friends were made. Someone gives you something, then they give you what they have. I guess you're right. It happened to be a fig. Yeah, it happened to be a fig.

But no, it was pretty, I was pretty touched, I think, unless I have to like marry this guy's daughter. Hmm. Already spoken for. Fuck. You got a, you have a venus I have a pagina

no I don't you just said it okay she hasn't seen it yet I'm fucking nervous what's the green dot there that she's online no no you can take that off I think you can fuck Is the green dot there? What's the green dot? That she's online? Yeah. No.

No, you can take that off. Oh, you can. I think. Yeah, I think you can. Shit. Fuck. All right. We'll see where that goes.

But in the meantime, guys, our favorite company is back on board. There's a little speed bump. Hello, fresh guys. It was a tiny speed bump, but my hello fresh went flying once i hit it you know it is the the summer corn shatters spilled all over the street yeah but we got them back no and the thing is don't google them but uh we love we love hello fresh here on this podcast it's safe it's easy it's delicious it'll have you feeling really good and um What's coming up for the fall? Squash. Butternut squash.

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Repeat. Oh, HelloFresh.com.com story 65 we love them there uh and maybe maybe one day if we get enough promo codes used we'll do our own little like we'll power rank our favorite hello fresh me oh i would love to do that a tier list of our draft of our hello fresh meals um all right so i brought to the table one of the most famous athletes of all time and a real zany story about my doorman kyle what do you got um let's see i had marion berry cheesecake uh you're wearing a temple lacrosse shirt shout out to zach lawrence he's a huge fan and supporter of our show and the yak other bars so he's uh you weren't here when we got those sent

to us i opened it because i wanted one and i took one of the everyone on the act right i took one but i took the letter to you as well and i didn't tell you this but it was handwritten very sweet but it said thank you for the very generous donation yeah what did you give i donated to the the temple lacrosse team how much you don't have the money to give he's been supporting he's always sent he's right but we have a free program he buys our merch he buys yak merch anus merch um he said a very generous donation very dude you do you don't have the funds to no to support um yeah and i said that's the i told i still told him that's the least i can do because all that you've done for me after the the donation do you think you gave back more money than he spent on barstool stuff no he's he's constantly buying okay yeah

but is it close how generous is very generous um what's like give me like a small college temple no like a like a little like alderson broadus alderson broad like their endowment speaking of donating though I want to if somebody wants to reach out to us I really want us to sponsor like an intramural team and I want us to be the Maresh Mareshes for the front and back yeah

those fucking Velo dickheads think they run the shit it's like this new york intramural sports club oh they always pack into three sheets saloon hog the fucking pong table so you you've been bringing around your own pong ball for the three sheets the worst pong tape they had the who are you going with the worst have you gone with them owen uh no are you playing pong are you going to play pickup pong well originally yes long and it's embarrassing because well i went with a girl originally okay my female friend sure and it's a blast you'd play um one no no one-on-one and it would always like there'd

always be like some fucking dorks that would want to play. Yeah. And ask them for the rules. Elbow. Yeah. And there's one couple. They were clearly on their like first Tinder date and he kept calling elbow on her. Oh, no.

It was so awkward. It wasn't so. And we weren't. We were just like fine. I bet you he was really a hot guy, though. For a guy to call elbow on a girl on the first date, he has to just assume pussy. They were a hot couple. Yeah.

And I just wanted the game to be over. I wanted to lose so bad. Because if he was calling elbow, that clearly means something to him. I just wanted the game to be over. And we won and it was so awkward. He called elbow three times three times three elbows yeah but then i was like oh i have the itch to play more but i don't have any partner so now like i have to get drunk enough to be comfortable to play alone so do you go to a

shoot around and try to impress so i went uh no i won't get picked up so i'll walk in and if it's like if it's too crowded i'll i'll leave which is awkward because there's a bouncer that takes your id and the pong tables are in the corner so i have to go to the corner then immediately leave if people were going to be watching when i when it's like a slow night or day like a wednesday i'll go in set up the cups and just who gets into beer pong at 30 shoot on my own and it's not like the drinking game i'm not like drinking when i make it one or miss or like don't make one you're just dying to compete yeah all right it's fun i like accuracy based games okay yeah that's fair i just think it's a it's a funny idea of you just like going to an open gym to play pong alone yeah it's pathetic oh man god damn that i will tell you uh i made the leap from delta eight to delta nine big job it

helps it puts me to sleep like i've been falling asleep at nine ten and sleeping like eight hours yeah but are you getting too high um i don't know because i usually just immediately fall asleep are you still vibrating d9 no i'm off of that shit i had a panic attack in anchorage i did a worm and then oh he's like this did i tell you yeah he said this is he was having a meltdown and he said he text our rediscovering group never again with all of the gummy worms in the toilet he flushed them like it's hard being a drama king but the worst part is that was necessary because if i threw him just away in the trash i would have dug him up next day um yeah it's so jarring to be vibratingly high and then seeing fasoli's black giant uncle that that was that was no i mean i wasn't it was i was yeah i was confused yeah yeah yeah i wasn't still this planet? I wasn't upset by any means.

I mean, you walk into a kitchen, you think it's going to be co-workers, and you see Fasoli's babu? His black Alaskan big uncle? Donnie made, we talked about this already, Donnie made a bunch of tacos and food, and Fasoli made the fucking street corn, which was phenomenal. It was the best street corn I've ever had, better authentic mexican it was perfect he made it and then his he flexes on us with that and his black uncle who played in the nfl is chilling only laughing at fasoli's jokes um yeah so you had to go have a yeah but the leap from delta eight to delta nine i'm doing like regulated three chi which is our delta 9 i'm doing like regulated 3g which is our yeah our sponsor here sponsors here is is a is a what is a what a leap that is so why didn't you just start doing more delta 8 you just wanted to i didn't know delta i didn't know the tech was there yeah the tech is there and it's

crazy and now i get sweet tooths every time i'm on it which i sweet teeth, I guess. It's tough. That one's iffy. It's like hanged, hung. Yeah. Hanged is just hanged. It's like pictures are hung. People are hanged, hanged. People are hung.

People are hanged to break the law. Yeah. Um, Mrs. Clary is going to be pissed. Yeah. And that's lie, lie and lie,

lay, lie, uh, whatever. Um, not that kind of podcast. No, we're just as boring. Yeah is that so you yeah that's what you did yeah it's just oh my god i could taste the mary and mary cheesecake so it like not just with my mouth my whole body was like my ankle was like

enjoying it not this is not like a stupid like oh this is stupid you said your ankle was enjoying the cheesecake 30 and getting into pong and munchies went high for the first time but yeah i missed out i missed the boat yeah not for lost time dude i would love to like delve into being a weed guy i've never can't do it i just want to have like a tray line around my place yeah i like just started this year i used to be so bad with it yeah i can't i can't do it. I just want to have a tray line around my place. I just started this year. I used to be so bad with it. I can't do it. I would love...

When I'm with weed guys and I do smoke, I'm pretending and they know. Let's see you exhale. I pretend like I'm holding it longer. Tyler watches so closely. Oh, yeah. An experienced pottsman. And I just... Tyler watches so closely. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

An experienced potsman. Tyler. Mr. Potts. You married to the fucking fat teapot from Beauty and the Beast? You have a child named Chip over there? Mr. Potts? Boy, this show sucks. Uh-uh.

Kyle, go grab that Snapple i'm glad people uh do you see the subreddit that hit that resonated with a lot of people somebody moved the needle do you see somebody serena williams only found me because she meant to search for rick for rackets online and then type this type type it oh shit i wonder um um oh the guy who's doing those crazy like mash compilation videos oh of us oh my god he's very good but unshareable unshareable keep doing them yeah make them worse but we'll never ever be able to share. Yeah, I guess this is the extent. If you maybe omitted some of the things you could play, but you have some material that we cannot show. What was the most recent one? Were we bombing Hiroshima?

Yeah. Hiroshima? How do you say that i don't know hiroshima and nagasaki yeah they had i think they had us um kyle you have a stuffed animal that's one way to describe a doll of me yeah i wouldn't say it's an animal it makes animalistic sounds american girl doll oh yeah yeah i'm very excited about that that'll be hitting shelves the kb doll yeah i'm very excited about that launch kb toys i guess is something we could have called i didn't know they uh included me singing like the fray in it

that was embarrassing what song uh fucking cable cars i didn't know the't know how they got that in there. Is it a voice actor? I don't know how they got the audio. So you squeeze it and it goes, if that ass fat, it goes, I'm a blue raspberry guy and fuck no, baby. And then me just singing

for a while. How do they get that i don't know and it's so it was because all the other ones are your voice i wanted to promote it so bad but like not like not if that's included so every squeeze yeah you just hope it's not actually that should be a new drinking game for uh people that buy the kb toy uh You pass around. It's like Russian roulette. If you get cable car, you have to do a shot of Kratom. No, fuck that. We got to get a new one without that on there. Why?

Because it has me fucking... Is it the full length? It's so stupid. It has me being like, so embarrassingly being like, let's rearrange. I wish you were a stranger. Why do you sound like Halsey?

You just sounded like Halsey. I know. You sound like Halsey? You just sounded like Halsey You sound like Halsey when you sang Do it again Let's rearrange I wish you were a stranger I could disengage Say that we agree And it never changed

So I'll fan a bit Until we all just get alone let's disregard find another fruit in a discard say the truth

I don't know why they had that shit in there that shit was so sus as hell I don't even know how the fuck they got that, dude. That's so embarrassing. Today's episode is brought to you by SoCo, Southern Comfort. Big pumped. Big pumped.

We're actually going to be in a commercial for SoCo. And it's going to be with the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. And we're all in regular attire, except for you, Kyle. You have a prosthetic for it yes oh yeah it is i got the whole script for it's a big budget like huge we're gonna like rent out like a party mansion to film it and then they're all and then like everyone's like we can't spoil it too far but you everyone's role is like a normal drinker. Very cool guy. The average person who enjoys Southern comfort, and I have to play...

No, don't even say it, but Kyle has a full-body prosthetic. Yeah. I get it. But anyway, whether you're tailgating or relaxing after midterms, SoCo is ready for anything. It's the best whiskey money can buy. Try SoCo shot today. It's easy to make. It's one-thirdco plus uh two-thirds

sour done uh click the link in the description on the pod uh to see more cool stuff from soco thank you guys uh for for for helping us uh yeah dude the it hey there is a we could blur it but i want to see owen and tyler's reaction to your mock-up of what you will be in this. Do you have it? Wait, I don't have it. I didn't even, I didn't see this. Oh, dude. It's so, so bad.

Oh, well, no, because you just sent it to me. You're sick. The director sent it to me and said, would Kyle be cool with this? I said, yeah. So, we'll blur it sass yeah this is the call sheet for it on the bottom of it roan myself these are fucking these I look forward to these because these are the only

piece of content that's gonna be incredible these commercials are the only piece of content that like girls will enjoy you have to these are pre-rolls and they're like

they're it's cool you look hot in the Revitalite one yeah and I've been growing out my torso and arms all summer and I could have done a shirtless role as a party it's the only time the opposite sex sees you in the air like good lighting production value oh my god that i knew okay i'll say over they told me i would be bald and i'd be like yeah whatever and they'll get me the prosthetic yeah dude yeah just show it no uh no we can't we'll get in trouble um yeah we'll blur that but

um yeah dude so it's like why well it's like these guys will be normal party animals and Kyle will be this. And even I read the whole script. It doesn't contextually in context. Doesn't make sense. No, no, it doesn't. Yeah. Next week, I think we're trying to film it. But yeah, it's it's very high budget kyle your your look will be movie quality um you're gonna have to get there at like 5 a.m

it's gonna they're gonna have like a time lapse but you're gonna have to get there so early it's probably gonna take like seven hours what i saw yeah that will it'll take a whole shift for a makeup artist and they're gonna have to do that thing where like they case your face with like the two straws and that's the only way you could breathe for like three hours i think i'll have like four different people like yeah like doing shit and they'll probably be making overtime but you're just gonna you're and then i'm gonna roll up and they're just gonna be like here's your cool suit how much do you think you're gonna weigh on the scale you're gonna get get probably 80 pounds more? I don't know.

Yes. And then if that takes multiple days and you're already run hot. Every time I have gotten makeup for like one of these things like twice

like I've completely flubbed like the conversation with the makeup artist. I don't have anything in common with makeup artists. This is going to be like an eight hour job. Other than the fact that

I do use to use makeup. Right. That's a new talking point, but that's going to be three hours of- Longer, longer. I'm going to pretend to fall asleep. I've done that before to get out of conversations. Where?

I remember I was like, my neighbors, the tailors, would always have like parties with like a bunch of girls and guys sometimes we'd hang out on their veranda okay would you pretend to get too drunk and sometimes some people would be go to the pool next thing you know just me and like another girl and i'm like i'm gonna pretend to fall asleep so i don't have to talk to her dude yeah but like i'm getting a free suit out of this and they like are they're asking me for like my measurements they're making me a suit um because i'm playing like a really cool a free suit out of this and they like are they're asking me for like my measurements. They're making me a suit.

So I'm playing like a really cool penthouse owning guy. Fuck this. Two more planes collided yesterday. Yeah. And you got to fly to New Orleans. It happens. This is twice now that it's happened the day before I fly. We got to fly into hurricane territory tomorrow.

Yeah. I'm God damn it. Is it hurricane season right now? When was Katrina? October. Yeah. God damn it. Is it hurricane season right now? When was Katrina? October? Yeah. A typhoon just hit Japan. I learned that.

I was trying to write a joke about it. Couldn't do it. I was trying to make it into a chitty bang joke. Japanese are hard to roast. Yeah. That wasn't it. Yeah, you're right. They're tough.

They're put together. They're the most straight as an arrow. Yeah, they're put together. Yeah. I arrow yeah they're put together yeah uh i think you're trying to work a joke no i'm not they're just yeah um yeah what else do we got boys hold on one second all right uh sorry i had to take a pee break uh let's get let's talk about ridge wallet i know we just talked about soco is one of our sponsors uh ridge wallet it's a slim minimalist wallet uh you can't yeah i can't say enough it's like you don't want to the weight and the feeling of a full wallet in your left or right pocket especially if you're wearing like tighter fitting pants yeah is the worst it sucks and then you

can't i right now i have this i'm waiting for my second ridge wall to come in yeah this stupid thing yeah which you can't rely on the cards will come right out so here's the thing ridge wallet came to us they're like hey boys you want to do this thing i was like i carry around 12 cards they're like that's perfect it holds up to 12 cards plus room for cash there's 30 colors and styles i got the i only carry four cards yeah but it don't worry it it fits keep some snug they won't fall out it's not loose go to ridge RidgeWallet.com. Use code UNTOLD for 10% off your order. For every dollar spent on the website before September 30th, you'll be entered to win a

brand new upgraded Ford Bronco. Wow. And you can put whatever in the Ridge Wallet. You don't have to put money in there. If you don't have money, you can still use and buy the Ridge Wallet. Yeah. You can use whatever. Yeah, that's right.

It's more of a fashion accessory. And if you see me, ask to check out the one I have. It's burnt titanium. One more thing. I did some research on Venus just to make sure. I hate to go back to this, but do you have anything more interesting? I mean, I understand you had a new ice cream flavor last night, but I got followed by a very famous person. And then she replied to Yo-Yo Ma, cello emoji, yeah?

Because she's on Instagram around the clock. She has no priorities, no job. No, it was sent, but it was not seen. But no, she could see the whole message in the preview. No, there could be more. You could, yeah, you're right. You could see the whole message in the preview. That's not great.

But I looked up her previous boyfriends because she's a single woman um i think her last boyfriend was a cuban model but his last name a cuban model tough to compete against um but his last name was piss oh so that's she she probably she probably loved him but she couldn't be venusiss. Venus Williams hyphen piss? That's even worse. Venus Williams piss. Is that real? I think his last name was Piss. That doesn't sound Cuban.

Piss? Piss? Venus Williams was dating Mr. Piss? Yeah. I think she broke up with Mr. Piss. Hold on. I'm searching Venus Williams piss. I can just hit the back button with Mr. Piss. Hold on. I'm searching Venus Williams piss. I can just hit the back button.

Elio piss. Yeah. Elio piss. He kind of looks like a chunky you. What? Yeah. Elio piss. Shit.

Yeah, but she. Yeah, they broke up. I wonder how. Let's look. I'm gonna google venus williams dating history that will help her sister you know reddit guy married married the reddit guy okay venus william dating history a past look into her relationships so nicholas hammond 12 years younger than her so she's 42 oh 12 years younger yeah they attended serena's wedding together uh they split up in 2019 he is the heir to a vast communications empire okay elio piss so piss was 24 she was 32 uh younger guys yes a guy named piss he modeled for her clothing line uh let's see here where does she live serena orlando scottsdale i think could you see yourself like raising a family there etc elio. I think this is more your choice than hers.

Riley Opulka. He was a. They were. He's another tennis player. She hasn't really dated around, but I'd argue that my photo next to those guys wouldn't look too out of place. No, the Cuban model doesn't look like a model. No, that's Elio Piss. Which one's Piss? Elio?io is either one on the right or the left

piss is on the left okay yeah venus williams piss all right uh that's good enough uh let's that was a new unsolved story thank you guys episode two three ten