A New Untold Story - Barstool Kush feat. Sas & Nicky Smokes - A New Untold Story: Ep. 365

Episode Date: October 12, 2023

follow @barstoolkush. also, visual pod for the first half hour with nicky smokes. ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Betterhelp - A New Untold Story is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/NEW today to get 10% off your first month.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcast, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. A new untold story episode 368. I think I got it this time. It's 365. Fuck. That's your reply to what I'm going to say. No, you're just going to say, no, that's a new untold story.

Hey, is that story old or told? No, baby. That's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. uh brought to you by our friends over at lucy kyle you love lucy not the show the the the uh it's not this it's not this it's it's like it's way better... It's not the... It's like... It's way better.

It's way better. The texture, the feel, the flavor, the buzz. Yeah. Lucy is the best. Lucy's the best. I like the gum. I like the release capsule one. What's it called, Mook?

XR. I didn't know they had capsules. They have capsules. Yeah, they got it all. But the gum, I like the most. Toss it in. A little nicotine kick. It's the best.

Listeners of Anus can go to lucy.co, L-U-C-Y.co. Use promo code ANUS for 20% off your first order. Shipping's always free. There's a 30-day refund policy if you change your mind. Lucy.co, code ANUS, A-N-U-S, 20% off. Fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age. And every order is age verified.

This product contains nicotine. Nicotine's addictive. And the breakers was what you were talking about. That's the breakers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those rock. What did you call them? The capsules. Yeah, but you used to call them like czar or some shit like that.

No, no, no, no. No need to even make that consonant sound bro uh we're here with sass and nikki smokes the dynamic duo two alphas two alphas in one room young dolphins in 08 a couple of little ricky and ronnie a couple of chats yeah pennington and henny oh shit yeah actually i'm chad you could have went ricky and Ronnie, too, because I had Ricky Williams, Ronnie Brown. That was like the wild card. Yeah, but we went two Chad. I like Chad.

I like Chad. I was just saying that. I'm Chad Pennington. Nick's Chad Henny. That's fine by me. Of course. My career earnings. That makes you John Beck out of BYU.

You really know your dolphins. Which makes sense, because you don't booze. I booze. All right, Elder Smokes. Elder Smokes. All right. booze i booze all right elder smokes yeah elder smokes all right um before we get into the nikki smokes segment that we're going to try to be doing here um everybody could if you could just follow barstool kush yeah we're trying to get that we're trying to get that up off the ground uh you know trying to diversify what we do here at barstool uh it's the weed hub for all stoolies the weed hub it's the

not the weed hub it's the weed hub for all stoolies um i've drunkenly had mook make it a while ago and so i told sass about it and every one of barstool cush's likes is a mook tweet anus and boy dad it is your own tweets it's like your meatball jokes from anus and boy dad. One boy dad. It is your own tweets. It's like your meatball jokes. It's his own tweets from anus and from boy dad. It's an old burner. And his replies to girls. Yeah. No, no.

It's an old burner. Which makes it worse. You had a burner to like your own tweets. And anus and boy dad. But you tweeted. What percentage were your tweets, dude? I don't know. If you take, it might be some, it's probably 50-50 mook and anus.

He deleted them. No, he deleted them. No, he deleted them. No, dude. That blows. Get fucked. It was 50-50 anus and mook tweets and all of the anus tweets were mook tweets. Like mook in them? No.

You could tell from the wording they are mook. Like mook tweeted those. It's all anus tweets that you pen. And then responses from Connor mook to girls. Dating back to to a year i know what you were trying to do you were trying to get the numbers up this is back when if you favorited it it shows up on people it shows up higher trying to go viral with a burner i mean i'm juicing the numbers for anus boy dad and myself i don't think you can count there was one boy dad tweeting this there was one there was 28 likes and one boy dad sass has receipts

I know he went right to the fucking likes I know that was crazy there was nothing on the profile you forgot about what it was you forgot about the likes yeah I mean the kush took over I don't remember I remember I was so drunk telling mook to make barstool kush it was like late at night he was editing the pod I was like dude can you just take

a break from that I need you to like pounce on this domain you texted me i'm surprised it was open yeah you were like i need to get some shit off my chest is that what i said yeah you do that when you're drunk you've done that for me too yeah yeah yeah i just love getting drunk and i know it counts i told mook to pick out an optical illusion for the profile picture and like uh something like dissing reggie weed is the header and both of them he picked were like wrong and so i made him change to a better optical illusion and a better reggie you're picky yeah yeah i like the way i like the um the trajectory of this account let's get high as fuck right now to 420 likes do you want to

craft a tweet let's like let's let's have it be organic let's um i love how the replies are you and blazy tray blazy tray blazy tray might be your first organic follower yeah he might have just like he stumbled upon that and he's like finally finally barstool kush finally barstool is like a weed tycoon yeah his bla His Blazy Susan brand is gigantic. Oh, that's Blazy Trey. What did he respond? Yeah, I know. What was his response?

He just laughed with the emojis. Oh, yeah. That was mad funny. I wonder how many people have pitched weed content to like Gaz. Probably. I bet you a ton of people.

Yeah, hundreds. You should start tweeting about how you guys are looking to get Because We Got High back on the... Yeah, get that back rolling. We're following Barstool Sports,

Wiz Khalifa, Michael Phelps, and Laramie Tunsil right now. Yeah, as we should be. What about Ricky Williams? I have to throw that up to King. That's the second time you've shoehorned Ricky Williams. I love Ricky. Of course. He got scammed to smithereens. $3.5

million. Oh, that is scammed to smithereens. $3.5 million. Oh, that is scam to smithereens. He got scammed or he did the scamming? He got scammed by a legendary scam artist. Yeah, that's fucked up. Who was the legendary scammer? Joanne? A chick. Something like that.

He got finessed by a girl. Got finessed by a girl. All right, this is a good segue. God damn. We're kind of losers here. We're not good with girls. Okay. And, you know know in chicago clean

slate going out going out to the bar um you're probably good at approaching women yes you said your body count would make a woman vomit yeah it's bad off the air you did say that yeah um that's why i always say seven you say seven yeah it's like it's like a lucky number it doesn't sound too high and it's also like believable because if i said if i told a girl too they'd be like you're fucking lying yeah but you say seven and you're just like so what is the real number like 700 it's like are you close to a thousand no no i'm not that big of a whore it's like above you are a little slut yeah no i'm definitely a whore you're a whore yeah like i'm in this give that dick away

i don't wrap it either i just tested after dude oh you said you said like third oh dude rudy just had the biggest cartoon gulp where's adam's apple i think rudy probably has more bodies than me rudy's starting a college tour at 30 this week yeah he's trying to get puss bro you should have saw him at the switch fucking work trip it's the pink whitney college tour we gotta go to fsu like he's trying to get puss. You should have saw him at the Swish though. It's a fucking work trip. It's the Pink Whitney college tour. We gotta go to FSU. He's dreading it, but low-key, he can't wait to pop a Cialis. It's him, Tommy, and Billy Football.

Tommy's gonna get AIDS. His first day, he's gonna get AIDS. He's gonna get AIDS without having sex. It'll be so funny. Tommy getting AIDS would be hilarious. It would be the funniest fucking thing. That would be so funny. Are you hoping for it? Kind of, yeah. Me too. if there was

an aids breakout in the barstool office we've contained it to just tommy thank god season three of the smoke show would be so fucking funny i was gonna say that would like ruin his 30 for 30 or 30 under 30 no it definitely would get on it for sure yeah aids would help him. He would probably go trans, too. Yeah. That would be huge. Jared Leto.

Yeah, go to Dallas Buyers Club. AIDS and trans. I didn't realize he really method acted that. He didn't cut his dick off. But the director... And he didn't give himself AIDS. Yeah, I guess he did.

What the fuck do you think about that? The director never met Jared. He only met... Because he was so... What was his name? Teflon? Yeah. No.

What was it? Rayon? Rayon. Yeah. Good name. But anyway, back to you and your women. So what we're going to do is a segment here. I want you to teach us.

I have a slideshow of women. Okay. And each are different types of women. Okay. And I want you to give us how you'd approach them at the bar. Okay. Okay. Got it. So if we could pull that up, Mookie. And I want you to give us how you'd approach them at the bar. Okay. Okay. Got it.

So if we could pull that up, Mookie. And then we'll just. All right. So number one, this is a woman.pdf. Yeah. Woman.pdf is what the. So is she like real or. Oh, my God.

Yeah. Okay. You see her at the bar. Yeah. My palms are already sweating. This one's tough. Holy shit. That was the most genuine reaction yeah my god he had to cross his legs he's wearing sweats the dude is pulsing like my palms are fucking sweating all right you see her is that ai so you're sweating in anxiety yeah like like that one would get me nervous so you're gonna

approach the bar still yeah no i'd go up to her but like you could just tell by how she looks, she's not going to give you the time of day unless you have money. So I'm just going up and I'm dropping my Amex card right in front of her. And I'm like, let me buy you a drink. Feel that. Okay. That's a Miami ting. What level of Amex are we talking?

That's a Miami ting. Black. Black? Yeah. You got a black Amex? No, I have a fake one. That's a Scott's. You have a fake black Amex?

Do you have it on you? No. I don't have my wallet on me. But you have a fake black Amex? Do you have it on you? No, I don't have my wallet on me. But you have a fake black Amex? Yes, just to like drop. Specifically for moments like that? Yeah, exactly. And then you like, do you have to use sleight of hand to give the bartender an Amazon Prime card?

It's actually a Disney card. McDonald's. It's like a Disney card. Yeah, I got like Daisy, Mickey, Goofy. They're all posted up. Yeah. Do you tape pennies on the bottom so it sounds metal yes so what's what's like let's say i see this girl at the bar what do i go up and say to

her oh my god throw some jet for the rizzler that's so tough i mean you could go cheesy with her to try to make her laugh you'd be like look that chick's not laughing at things no well that's why i said you got to just like dude she's going home to braxton barrios what are we doing like what what oh oh i got you you tell her you're a professional football player all right that's what i do that so you go to like we're in chicago you pick the backup quarterback third string quarterback you say you're him and then boom she'll talk to you but what if i want to date this girl what if i want to marry this girl that's not a girl you want to marry. All right.

Maybe let's scroll the next one then. Okay. Okay. So this girl is just fucking straight up ratchet. You just walk right up behind her and start grinding on her. You just start grinding on her. Dude, he is dead right. She looks back at you, smile, and that girl is going to smile back at you every time and you're in there like swimwear. And then you just go, do you want to get out of here?

Nine times out of ten, that girl is saying yes. Don't waste time with the ratchets. All right, next. This one might be – this one is a little bit tougher, I'd imagine. Oh, that's my favorite right there. Yeah? Yeah, I just tell her I voted for biden all right next sass any thoughts what what would you do i don't know i have no idea yeah you'd panic i'd probably

panic yeah you can't handle all that no oh he's right i can't i can't handle all that i wish i could i that's probably what i would say i would say you know i can't I can't handle all that I wish I could I that's probably what I would say I would say you know I can't handle that yeah like dude if she's like interested in you just like I'm sorry man I just can't do that just like fail to handle all that in the moment yeah well I've had that happen once like this girl had a fat ass and I was just like it's too fat it's like way too big like I don't even feel like I'm hitting it I feel like i'm just stuck in there yeah so i just flipped her over yeah it was a sorry man waste of an ass yeah what a waste of an ass yeah it was too much all right yeah let's go to the next goth girl i'm playing dance dance just go up to the dj tell him to play some fucking song

that you would just discovered fallout boy yeah they're fire he recommended fallout boy to me and i found him because like he was he was naming him on the dozen i was like yo this song's kind of fire it was in reverse too yeah and then i just started playing dance dance all week it's like my new jam so you play dance dance but like what if this girl how does it go dance dance he's right you think that's what she likes though i think nah she probably like i would tell her that like i hate my parents um i don't believe in god she's like i fucking love my parents you'd renounce god for her no i don't think i could do that but if i had to i would like that's just that's just a girl i done to your head like you gotta fuck this girl gun to my head 3 a.m in tally she waddles

no that girl's not waddling she uh she's prancing yeah what does she do tiptoe i don't know she's drinking i mean that girl's definitely down the dump sack so like maybe i would just tell her i have a bag okay and then like that would just be like the gateway back to my apartment okay i think that's the route I would take. Yeah, I should be down a dump sack. Yeah. Or heroin. Next one.

College girl. See, I wish some of these girls had handbags on them, because that's my favorite approach. What's your favorite handbag? You rob them? Give me your money, bitch. No. So anytime a girl has a bag like i always go up so i'm like hey it's my sister's birthday next week i love your bag where'd you get it and then they just start spewing like they'll pull up where they got it and do you have a sister yeah okay so even if

you don't you have a sister okay well where would you what would you rank her out of like 10 solid 8 if i'm fucked up drop drop dead gorgeous for sure. So that is one of our co-workers. But let's keep... She does a Snapchat show. Yeah. No, good to know. Good to know. I fucking knew I was going to get dogged.

You got dogged? Is she single? We don't have HR anymore, right? No. I mean, work relationships are straight have you ever had one before some of them aren't no i mean the closest i've had to one you kind of fucked up like the entire office so we had a christmas party and there was this girl there and what were you doing at the time what do you mean what was your job um logistics okay

so i'd call like use car dealerships to like move their cars and shit. So there was this girl there. She's fine as fuck. Married 37. She was married for like maybe three months and she had a kid and I just started macking her at the fucking Christmas party and we were just going at it, whatever. And then what do you mean going at it? Yeah.

That sounds like bickering. You got into a fight? I fucked her. Just out in public? I was lucky because my office was here and my house was a mile there. A mile? That's not cool.

You only point for across the street. Let's get out of here. It's easier if we jog. To be fair, I didn't know she had a kid. What truth do you learn? And I didn't know she was married. Okay. But so anyway, I'm watching a college football game and she starts like sending me pictures

in the bathroom. And she's like, what are you doing later? I'm like, nothing. I'll hit you up after the game. It's like 2.30 in the morning and she sends me a text. She sends me a text. How old are you again? And like, I knew right away that she knew how old I was. So I was like, oh my God, this has to be like her husband. So I just didn't answer.

I would not have jumped right to that. Yeah. And then the guy called me five times in a row, like off his phone. So I finally answered. He's like the nicest guy ever. He's like, like bro i'm not mad at you i just want to know like do you have something going on with my wife we just got married we just had a kid and i was like no we just worked together and i hung up oh man he's a big stoolie i bet yeah i mean i feel bad like i really did feel bad so he still doesn't know i mean unless he watches his show this guy just just followed barstool kush he's the happiest he's ever been oh no wait i know that guy he worked in logistics with my wife

wait what happened after that she never came back to work wow he probably killed yeah she's dead dude no i don't think i think i i think i saw a dead body on my way to work today by the way okay i don't even never mind yeah speaking of the co-worker maybe so the uh the co-worker thing we were at me and nikki smokes were at the plan brie live show after party of course you were and he texted me the next morning and he said bro i gotta do this he said bro i gotta stop making out in front of my co-workers that's fine i thought he was gonna say something else wait i gotta stop making out in front of my co-workers yeah it's like no you don't you don't at all well i don't but it's just like it's like my move like the clock strikes 12 and i have to grab someone's face every every night is fucking new year's eve yeah yeah but you do

like a bunch in one night no i usually say to like one girl a night that's what i try to do have you ever kissed have you ever french more than five chicks in a night no you don't stack makeouts no i mean i did back in like high school yeah like i remember i broke up with my girlfriend right before homecoming just so i could like hook up with as many girls as i could that day just that day yeah how many did you get that day six in a day so you did break five yeah i thought you meant like five at a time i'm just like no did you what's the most you've ever done at one time i'm only one i stick to one five dude dude i said you guys see nicky smokes after the plant breeze show he was kissing five chicks at once. You thought that's what we meant?

Yeah. As opposed to five different girls on different occasions and whatnot? You were just rotating five girls? How does that even work? I don't know, but I want to find out. Let's go to the next one. So she actually works at Varsity? No.

Okay, thank God. I'm not going to fuck with you. Ooh. You know what side I'm on. Is that an emoji? No, dude, that's a living human face. I do not. Kyle, you thought that was the emoji? I don't have my glasses on, but the face looks like one of the emojis.

There's like 2% face there. Yeah, the eyes. That's a good thing. Emojis are impossible to obtain face-wise. Do I know where she's from? I think you could guess. Yeah, that's why I said you know what side I'm on.

I would just tap her. Arizona. You know what side I'm on. So she actually does work at Barstool. She's in logistics. She's in logistics. She runs the Barstool Kush account. She runs Barstool Kush. She's going to. She's in logistics. She runs the Barstool Kush. She runs Barstool Kush.

She's going to get stoned. She did a lesbian scene, got stoned. I mean, I don't even know how you would approach that girl. I think you just have to propose to her at the bar. There's no way she's letting you hit unless she has a ring. You don't think so? No shot. I don't think those girls...

They like a dominant male yeah i know i could see you with a chick like this no you can't yeah for sure no you can't she has like if you get her a dolphin's burka just walking around with like td on her yeah i mean then i would definitely pipe you would pipe your shoes wearing a dolphin's burka yeah i can't like just rubs me the wrong way. Okay, next. All right. This is just a classic mask lesbo.

The gun's in my head. You have to hit. Just pull the trigger. Yeah? You're not going in with a lesbian? Damn. Dude, guys fantasize about lesbians. Is that a guy or're not going out with a lesbian dude guys guys fantasize about lesbians is that a guy or that's a lesbian is it yeah it was the first google result for lesbian

i mean does does she have a friend uh yeah but her friend's even bigger yeah her friend benches 315 for reps yeah i don't know how i'm supposed to raise that. You could raise that for sure. I really can't. I don't know. That's so bad. All right.

Like bad as in like, damn, she's like, no, I need to fucking get the fuck out of here and call the cops. Call the cops. Like, what are you going to say to the cops? She would raise me. She would raise me. I don't think you were a girl. Dude, if I walked in on you just like fucking a really masculine lesbian,

I would... I got to stop fucking lesbians in front of my coworkers. All right, what do we got next? Is this just going to get harder? I think it's the last one. This one is I would be so jealous oh uh-huh i've seen her in action for real yeah porn hub she's like pops up before the ads you just click it what ad clicked you click the ads i mean i clicked on that one she's a pre-ad yeah oh my god damn yeah she's bad what was it like a game or just like. Yeah, she's bad. What was it, like a game? Or just like a video?

No, she was just like getting her back blown out. By what? By Peter Griffin? I don't know. Some other like anime dude. I don't know his name. Dude, I've been getting TikToks for like that Timu shopping ad. But it's like for Lois Griffin porn.

I was just like, do you want to see Lois Griffin? That's like one of the most popular porn stars on the list. Lois Griffin's the number 16. Yeah, I think it is. She's really top 20. Lois Griffith's a top 20 porn star. So like I... Oh, she's got the bag. She's got a bag.

Yeah, exactly. I would just do that one. I'd be like, hey, where'd you get your bag? My sister's birthday is next week. But she's also like covered in rain. So do you like... I'd probably take my jacket off, put it over. Yeah.

Yeah, that's probably the way. That's my... I would be so mad if one of you guys walk into the bar with an animated chick. Is that like your fantasy? I would love to date an animated girl. Me too. But like in the real world. So I'm like walking around with her. Just put on fucking Rudy's Oculus.

Yeah. It's actually Nick's Oculus. Yeah. Don't look at the search history. Yeah. No, I put it on and it was like I was in Tokyo. It was. Yeah.

My friend had to return his Oculus. Why why was he watching too much porn yeah do they do they accept returns for that yeah jesus christ this guy's like coming up painting with like two carpal tunnel casts i don't want this thing is shot something's wrong with that it's not working keeps on making me google porn dude there's like a stalactite from the oculus i want a refund now rudy was playing like a horror game and i called him and i was like dude if you fail you have to like watch vr porn get of you getting fucked and i've stayed up until 2 a.m to finish that did you beat the game oh i did yeah all right next time you'll have to yeah get fucked by somebody all right smokes thank you i think

we're all better because of this yeah i hope i gave you guys some good insight uh that chick is our our co-worker really yeah all right say less real quick is she a blogger no yeah fuck she writes a lot yeah she writes she's big into creative writing yeah but like serious journalism stuff i can't relate yeah she actually helped dave ghost write his israel palestine blog i've been trying to avoid that but uh yeah i actually googled kb no swag israel just to see what comes up and the first result is biblical smoke show of the week bathsheba sexualize the hell out of her is she bad she has tits can i see them the tits carry um

oh yeah bear tits bear tits i have i have some old tweets from you i want you to help me um help explain them to me i'm fucked not like that it's a quiz actually 2022 recent my girl just made homemade gnocchi yes and it was fire yes what was the next logical conclusion you came to as in like you said should i marry this girl guess it's time to what to marry her no guess it's close to what oh so i said something after you said my girl just made homemade gnocchi uh-huh and it was fire uh-huh guess it's time to wife no fuck no close or no you're getting warmer i guess warmer and i'll give you another hint you ended it with the italian uh the italian hand emoji it's my favorite emoji. I abuse that thing. I don't know.

Knock her up. Oh, it was time to knock. I tweeted that. Yeah, I'm a legend. I feel like. All right. Blank. This was from 2016.

Blank. Oh, God, was a bigger tease than half the girls at Douglas. I'm guessing your high school Stoneman Douglas. Wow. Blank was a bigger tease than half the girls at Douglas. I'm guessing your high school. Stoneman Douglas. Wow. Blank was a bigger tease than half the girls at Douglas. Were there a lot of teases there? Is she a famous girl? Yes.

Technically. What the fuck? Technically. Fuck. She's technically famous. What year was this? It's more of a... Not a person.

It's like a show? It was Hurricane Matthew. Well, they said it was supposed to be a cat four and it didn't even rain. So yeah, bigger tease than the Girls of Douglas. 2017. Need me a wife these hoes. No punctuation. Need me a wife these hoes.

COVID mask emoji. These hoes nasty? I don't know what that means. That means like these hoes are nasty like they're sick. So you meant like need me a wife these hoes. Oh you meant dot dot dot these hoes. Yeah I'm very bad at grammar. Yeah shout out chat gbt. But why the

oh the hoes made you sick? Yeah they make me sick what was the date on that? 2017. Like the month. July it's around like my birthday that makes sense yeah 2017 because hoes were acting crazy in july of july 2017 oh i was in tallahassee july yes yes summer sea yeah they good luck rudy goddamn seasick out there yeah 2017 leo season bitch i did not tweet that i did not tweet that you did three times leo season bitch three times he was up for the revenant i just can't believe i tweeted that what year was that three tongue emojis 2015 you must have

been trying to make astrology yeah no. Yeah, no, no. The girl I was talking to loved astrology. That makes sense. But you were celebrating Leo season with three tongue? Yeah, I just wanted to eat her box. A poll. My mom, dad, and girlfriend all say I curse too much, especially fuck. Do I need to watch?

Do I need to watching my language? I'll give you a hint. In the poll, yes. Dude, you tweet like, like the grammar on a Chinese menu? I probably proofread that. It was like, yeah,

that's in this poll. I'll give you a hint. Neither. Yes, nor no one. What was the third option? That had to have been fuck that. Fuck.

Who cares? Your smoke. Fucking beast. I didn't understand this one. Just please translate it real quick and then I'll have you skedaddle. There's not a girl at the Doug who can flake more than Jeter on astronomy night. Okay. So Doug is Douglas and Mr. Jeter was our astrology teacher.

Oh, it wasn't Derek Jeter. No. Or astronomy. But why was our astrology teacher. Oh, it wasn't Derek Jeter. No, or astronomy. But why was he flaking? Because he would have these like astronomy nights and like you would have to go. And if you went. Wait, what nights would he have? Astronomy.

Astronomy? Astronomy nights. Yeah. Right. That's what it is. Yeah. And if you went like he'd give you extra credit and it was like enough extra credit. So you just get an A for the quarter.

So then he would like plan it. And then we would all like pregame, get fucked up and ride. And then we pregame got fucked up and he canceled it. So I probably sent that out. Yeah. How to do likewise. Do the people. You were getting like lots of likes back.

Was I? 16. Yeah. Are you on the big for your high school? Are you a notable alumni at Stoneman? Yeah, definitely. Top. Yeah. Like, definitely. Top. Yeah, like top five.

Top five? It's like Anthony Rizzo. David Hogg. Yeah, dude. I think you got Hogg there. That guy's a little fucking rodent weasel. You went to the same high school as David Hogg? Yeah, I graduated the year after the show.

Really? Yeah, I'd slap that kid if I ever saw him. He's a fucking pussy. Good on you, man. Good on you to take a stand. He was a liar. Didn't he Really? Yeah, I'd slap that kid if I ever saw him. He's a fucking pussy. Good on you, man. You're talking about... Good on you to take a stand. He was a liar. Didn't he lie?

He wasn't actually there? Nah, he did go to the school. Yeah, but wasn't he not at the school when it happened? Yeah, he was graduating. He... I don't... I don't know if he was in my class or a year younger. If he was a year younger, he was there.

If he's my age, then he wasn't. You've seen some things in your short life. Yeah, I've seen a lot of things. How many winning Dolphins coaches? Suck my dick. There's been 14 ever since the 60s. 12 in your lifetime. That's not bad.

Two with winning records. Oh, that's bad. One is Todd Bowles, who was 2-1. I didn't even know Todd Bowles was a coach for the Dolphins. Were you born in 99? Yeah. Then you saw Jimmyimmy johnson as well jimmy johnson don schula mike mcdaniel brian flores brian flores isn't a winner yeah he is he went 10 and 6 no he didn't yeah he did maybe one season overall now

oh no overall talking about so there's only two seasons i What is it? Wanstead? David Weinstadt. Yeah. He's the boy. He was the boy. Yeah. And there was a Tony. Tony Soprano. There was a Tony Soprano. He died. He died like Gandolfini.

His son is Anthony Jr. What? And he was a dolphin. And his daughter is like a French pastry chef, world renowned. Really? Something Meadow would do. How do you know all this stuff? I just, you know, read a Dolphins fan. And his daughter is like a French pastry chef, world renowned. Really? Which is something Meadow would do. How do you know all this stuff? I just, you know, read the Dolphins page.

I like that. Yeah. All right. Get out of here. Thank you, Smokes. Get out of here. Thank you, Smokes. Legend.

We'll have you on for more segments. Thank you. I'm going to grab a water. Yeah, go grab water. Do you guys need one? I'm okay. I'm good. I'm okay.

We'll clap and do a little break. Yeah. I'll clap and we'll go back into it today's episode is also brought to you by game time uh game time you guys know the deal by now it's uh you can get last minute tickets you can get early tickets i'm going to the bears game this weekend i got those real early though got good ass seats sass went to sizza um last minute tickets flash deals zone deals easy to find and buy tickets of every kind of event in your area all prices show up in your total up front you're no hidden fees you know when you're on like other sites you're like oh 65 ticket then you check out and it's like 210 not here though uh take the guesswork out of buying tickets with game time download the game time app create an account use code untold for 20 off your first Not here, though. Take the guesswork out of buying tickets with GameTime.

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Lowest price guaranteed. GameTime. Love GameTime. Love GameTime. Tailgate with us Sunday. Tailgate with us Sunday. It's a summer year for going to events. I always say that about summer, but I think it's now.

Football, and then when it's cold, you gotta go to an indoor event because there's nothing else to do. Yeah. Yeah. Let's all use the game time app together. Sorry, I'm trying to read the ad, but Barstool Kush is getting so

many followers. But the thing is, I'm not even fucking logged into it so i don't know why i'm getting notifications for it who penned the high of fuck right now uh mook good work yeah thanks that was a nikki uh inspiration though well i told you yeah i guess i just told you to tweet it yeah but there was a miscommunication i took creative liberties with the high as fuck but f u c k k r n but he did high af two f's which is way better i think it's higher yeah it's it's yeah you're acting higher yeah um speaking to that i've been trying to dabble back into weed i have like a pouch of gummies that just stare at me every night, and I haven't done it yet. So you're not trying. It's going to happen soon.

I just keep looking at this bag of gummies. Just do it. I know. Just do it, man. I just did it recently. Much. You streamed on it. That was one of the worst.

You streamed a horror game on it. I streamed a horror game off. On an edible? Yeah. And then the stream crashed and um it wasn't the weed's fault but it made it a remarkably uncomfortable experience one of the worst one of the worst ideas i've ever had but the weed's been great i love taking edibles now and working out it's like fuck off people preach that to me i just couldn't do it i couldn't do

anything but lie down and watch shit yeah that's normal i think i just am like riddled with guilt when i'm high in terms of like i should be doing this i should be doing this so then i just like do it it's like a reverse psychology i have no pain tolerance denver pioneers freshmen 2014 and 15 forward, six feet tall, 185 pounds. Rudy Junda. Yes. 2016. Sophomore. Forward. Six feet, 193 pounds. Rudy Junda. Junior year.

2017. For your Denver Pioneers at forward, six feet, 195 pounds. Rudy Junda. Senior year at forward. For your Denver Pioneers. 5'11", 196. Rudy Junda, senior year at Forward for your Denver Pioneers, 5'11", 196. Rudy Junda, fatter and shorter. That's on the roster page? I brought hell to the person that did that.

I did not shrink. Hey, out here. I did not shrink. Hey. I did not shrink. Who not shrink I did not shrink 511 is not a real measurement no one's 511 what are you talking about you were

no one's 511 you're saying everybody definitely are 511 my dad's 511 what are you doing right now dude nah you just we're all in the fives no i'm sick yeah you're five you've seen the memes no i'm not i'm six foot on my by the u.s government i'm you got sixes and five yeah but the u.s government doesn't really keep good track of that no oh they don't they're not very

strict no you can just say why you just say it i'm six feet tall. The most recent time you got your height checked? On record. So what was your issue with it? This person measured you, right? No, someone I think was fucking with me. Someone probably eyeballed you.

Let's fuck with him and make him two inches shorter. I don't know. Wait, two inches? One inch shorter. That's actually what I fucked up in high school. I thought 5'12 was a real measurement. Brother, keep some things to yourself. You're not doing yourself any favors.

I thought it went 12, then the next one. So I said, all of high school, I kept saying I was 5'12. They probably thought you were funny. Yeah, I know. I was laughing. I was like, I don't know why that's funny. But yeah, that's ridiculous. You shrunk an inch from junior senior.

Did you get shorter skates? No. Hey, put me in coach. I was saying that. Tiny ass Rudy. I was saying that. I'm 5'11".

I'm 5'11". That's a pretty good. You can't touch me. I'm right on here. I'm 5'11". You can't do this. Juggling gumdrops. Yeah, dude. He's skipping everywhere. Wait on here. I'm 5'11". You can't do this. Juggling gumdrops.

Did he skip it everywhere? He wrote a leaf on a breeze into practice. Like a whimsy little gnome. Yeah. I mean, I actually finally did play my senior year, so maybe that was the tradeoff. I want to be a streamer, coach. They probably had to give your actual height enough fibbing. Yeah. If he's going to play, we've got to be honest. Coach give your actual height you're like enough fibbing yeah if he's gonna play

we gotta be honest coach why aren't you playing Junda I don't play liars yeah alright coach you gonna be honest this season

about what I'm surprised he like brought you he probably brought you into his office like no he did a film session in front of the whole team

really yeah he said this is the cost and I said short ass Junda hey that's you playing hockey whole team really yeah yeah he said this is the cost and i said short ass junda hey that's you playing hockey junda i'm sick of sticking my fucking back out for you

i can't keep on you can't keep on getting away with this sit down you're a good kid have you been completely honest with us whatever do you mean that is some of 511 yeah yeah what tiny ass 511 i uh i've been commenting on that yugioh card artwork page a lot yeah but i had a panic because i was doing it at the bar and i just responded shit with a bunch of eyes chorus been in your bag with that one i've been in my bag with that one a lot and uh with a bunch of eyes chorus and you uh in your bag with that one i've been in my bag with that one a lot and uh something happened with instagram but like when i like i must have it reloaded as soon as i hit comment so i just commented on this chick's post and said shit what that probably what did you delete it yeah i deleted it but then i and then i messaged the

girls like hey i meant that for like a yugioh cardOh card. Like I didn't get a response. I didn't get a response. Yeah. Cause that's probably more weird. Yeah. I think so. I think so. Oh, well,

um, what episode is this guy? 365. Three. Really? Yeah. Wow. Well,

I mean, we didn't start at one. Started at like 210. Yeah. Jesus Christ. I always think like, damn, we've been doing this for a long ass time. Not really a long. Three years?

Coming up on three years. That's crazy. 155 episodes. 155 episodes. How are you guys? Didn't we start ours before you? No, no. We weren't getting attention until 80 episodes in.

Yeah. I don't think people acknowledged it interesting much after us yeah i didn't know that i guess what i think we're at like 140 how's it been almost the best times of your life best times of my fucking life dude when i'm not podcasting i'm just thinking about podcasting oh yeah big time i have dreams that i'm in front of the mic rudy we're having dinner the other day and he was like do you think there's a sverlunken podcast and there is one rubber and rice oh nice what do they talk about car rubber and rice rickshaws and brain the description said anything and everything

sri lanka guarding sri lanka but i guess sri lanka's two big things are rubber and rice unless those are the two hosts names like radio djs yeah i tried to find clips no clips channel no no clip channel but yeah i was curious about like i would love to be here on that podcast if you guys are listening they probably are do you think that that that nikki smoke story is going to get back to that dude it happens every time yeah it happens every single time that one's that one's a little rough yeah uh we i'll talk about like the most innocent things and i'll get a d or a Facebook. Oh, yeah. Every single time. And I still use full names.

Yeah. Like I was talking about the best hacky sacker in my grade yesterday. I could have made up a name, but I just used the most. I said Schilling Rodaker, the most searchable name ever. He was the best hacky sacker. Yeah, he was. Was he pumped to hear that or was he? But was he?

He probably hasn't gotten back to him yet, but it will back to him. Yeah. Great guy. He had the best birthday parties yeah they let me dye my hair at their birthday parties oh shit would you dye it pink pink yeah nice nice it was awesome and then my shilling actually choked on a pen cap in music class that was my favorite shilling he may have been mean to me i can't no way no chance who was your bully in high school? In high school?

Yeah. It was your first girlfriend, Bree. Yeah, Bree. I caught, yeah. And Greg George. Really? He would punch me in the arm. Oh, man.

I'm sorry. Sass, do you have any bullies? I would get bullied pretty bad. Yeah. I don't want to go into details. Oh, no. No, it wasn't really great. It bullied pretty bad. Yeah. I don't want to go into details. Oh no. No,

it wasn't really great. It was pretty bad. Are you afraid? You guys talked about it on Boyd. I was the hardest I've ever laughed in the text when you were telling us about it the night it happened. Oh, what? My,

my, my penis was your cock and balls were exposed to a crowd of how many? Like 300 people probably. And your cock was tiny. It was very, is the smallest a penis has ever been. Any penis, any penis. Like it would be smaller than like a tots. Dude, it was very is the smallest penis has ever been any penis any penis like it would be smaller than like a tots dude it was like just the head it was like a dot and

everything else had shriveled back into my body so it was just the dot i mean i was hammered and i was on stage no one's ever been less hard than that yeah it was crazy so but you somebody did send you the video i did see the video and and then the guy deleted it was there enough showing me but did he show you that did he show you he showed me him deleting it but then did he show you the deleted folder i don't know he had like an android he still has it yeah that shit probably lives on forever like the thing is the old the old sask would have been panicked about this no i never really was worried about that your cock just being a dot on stage of 300 people was like nightmare. Nah, it doesn't bother me.

I think, yeah. I'm not really like insecure about my penis size. Yeah. I think it's a weird thing to really care about. In high school, that was everything. Yeah. Maybe when we were growing up, the 2000s, late 2000s was all about dicks. I assumed everybody had like a nine inch dick other than me.

Just thought for sure. Yeah. I never have like, it's never, it's literally never been something that's bothered me. Every friend group I was in in high school, I assumed I had the smallest dick. Oh yeah. I never even thought, I barely ever thought about it. Your dick? Yeah. You don't think about your dick? Never. So when it was

on stage. Just like an attachment. When you saw what the crowds. Wow. Like a cod. Yeah. Cod loadout. Noob tube. Yeah. Call of Duty. Yeah. Yeah. Cod Lodo. Noob Tube. Yeah.

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You got scavenger. You got scavenger. You got scaven it's like it's like having an std it just hurts your cocks opiate shit yeah yeah i've never really been like a big like you've never been a cock i mean there's people that like their entire personality is about like how big they're or how like small it is and they're like they're like they genuinely think about it constantly both those guys love showing their dick yeah yeah stop yeah i went to school with a few dick guys yeah big and small yeah none of my none of my crew was really big into the dicks. No. That's good, yeah.

We were more big into pussies. You were into pussies? Yeah. Big time? Nah, not my crew. Not your crew? No, we were like neither. Neither?

No, we weren't talking about dicks. We were ass boys. But it could go ass male or female? No, no, just any ass. Just any ass? Yeah, we loved to observe. Back to the video video when you saw it like what was your reaction um no the video was more it was funny how i just never broke stride

because i was throwing glow sticks out and i never broke i never like all i did was pull my pants back up and keep and i kept how long how many seconds was it half a second your pants were down it was like as soon as they went down i just leaned over pulled my pants back up and keep How many seconds? Was it half a second your pants were down? It was like as soon as they went down, I just leaned over, pulled my pants up and then kept throwing glow sticks. What were you about to throw in glow sticks? It was like a weird show. It was Colum's Midnight Circus show.

And he gave everyone glow sticks in the middle of the show. The crowd started throwing the glow sticks at Colum. That's awesome. And then I collected a bunch of them and we went out at the end to throw them back at the crowd. That sounds like you were having a blast. It was a great time. So you pulled your pants back up while gripping glow sticks? Yes. So did your cock

have like a green aura? No, it was bright as hell. It was illuminating the cock. I mean, there was a spotlight on my dick. No shadow. Sass, you also mentioned that it took you a second to realize your dick was out. Yeah. I mean, I just felt a cool breeze.

Yeah. It feels pretty good. I had no idea. And then all of a sudden I just looked down and my dick was out. Yeah. I felt it on my ass and my balls first. But then the dick was in the body. Well, the dick was turtle shelled, so it never really.

Right. It was sheltered by the rest of your skin and groin. Yes, exactly. Yeah, it was. I'm just happy that I shaved. I shave my pubes once every six months. I shaved them a week before.

Down to skin? Do you get skin fade? A little skin fade, yeah. I was happy I did that because if it was full bush, I would have been more embarrassed. People might have thought you just had a pussy. If it was full bush, you wouldn't have been able to see my dick at all. Like a Mike and I glued to a koosh ball yeah yeah because it was that was i was happier that it was shaved think of like the like dick size was it like the lid of like a carmex

dude it was lit i don't even know yeah pretty much yeah yeah it was literally just like a dot that was it it was like a clitoris that's what it was what was the crowd reaction done dude your dick was so small you couldn't they didn't care it's just because those crowds are so they were like oh that's standard yeah like we expected to see someone's dick tonight didn't some crazier shit happen at skank fest though that like was it when there's something worse that happened uh joe de rosa like fucked a trans girl okay that's i was watching the shane's podcast you came up i won't mention that yeah yeah yeah you had a good time dude yeah it was fun i had fun um so this dude the whippets thing yeah yeah that yeah i don't really give a shit about that yeah i did i did a whip it one time and everyone's like people, I was saying it on

our podcast that like they talked about it and then everyone was like, I would tweet something and the replies would be like, I was like anyone have any like good fishing spots in Portland? And people would be like, have you ever tried Whippets before? Like trying to like expose me. I was like, dude, it's not. You're an adult.

I tried going hard on them once. I don't understand them. It's like, do you want to have bronchitis for 10 seconds? Yeah, dude, it's not. You're an adult. Yeah. I tried going hard on them once. I don't understand them. It's like, do you want to have bronchitis for 10 seconds? Yeah. I did it one time and I was like, yeah, I'll probably never do that again. Yeah. If you want to listen to Son of a Boy Dad, you can find them buried in the likes of Barstool Kush. Like Waldo.

You just got to weed through the Mucanana streets. They're in there, though. There is one. Yeah, it'll be sick if you find it. Not many have. God forbid I fucking dog it out here and pump the anus numbers. You're just straight up ignoring what we're saying. No, and he kept on being like, there's boy, dad, and anus in there. There's one boy, dad tweet and like three anus, and then the rest are just mook.

Yeah, that's why i love mook that's why i love a rider die for us he's a rider die for us fucks with you a little bit um a little little and then uh heavy though definitely not heavy not heavy definitely not heavy and then he's a big fan of his replies to girls oh yeah that's so bad that's crazy dude that's one that i didn't know that was a reply to a girl yeah not even joking you there should you should feel some amount of shame honestly yeah i'm feeling it right now you should be embarrassed should we tell gas going over to the burner to like a reply to a girl it's insane insane did you think like the girl would want to fuck you more if Barstool Kush liked your tweet?

I'm just trying to juice numbies off. I want you to keep doing that. Who's this popular guy that responded to my tweet? Crazy. He was liking replies to Big Cat. He replied to a Big Cat tweet and liked it from the burner. Yo, chill, Seth!

Now it's like... Were you in your head? Were you like, I'm probably going to get a raise. Big cat sees these numbers. Come back. I would rather my cock be shown on stage.

Find that out about me, dude. Yeah. What? I'm trying to build the brand. All right. I don't blame you guys.

Don't know what else. I'm choosing numbers on YouTube. I'm just numbers on TikTok. Yeah, you're the best. You're the best. We love you. Our accounts grown I'm juicing numbers on YouTube. I'm juicing numbers on TikTok. Yeah, you're the best. You're the best.

We love you. Our account's grown exponentially since you've been on board. I just want to know how many more burners you've been doing that for. Oh, thousands, brother. Really? No, I have a couple. Do you ever rage tweet from them? No.

Do you ever talk shit? No, I never tweet from them. It's just always like, oh, this tweet needs some more love. NBA players love burners. They should just use their regular ones because it'll be way cooler if it was just like, oh, shit. DeMar DeRozan fucking hates this dude. Yeah. I'm about it.

I've never had a burner, actually. Kind of want one, though. Yeah, I haven't had one either. I wish I did, though. I guess I have like I have like five Reddit accounts. Do you actually? Yeah. Just so you can downvote shit.

Yeah. have like i have like five reddit accounts do you actually yeah just so you can downvote shit uh yeah i guess i am only logged into one but there was one there was one post that someone posted like a year ago and i fucking made like 10 accounts and got that shit deleted oh yeah i had one of those it was about me saying something nasty on stage. Really? Yeah. And I fucking got rid of that. How nasty? A hundred times. It was fine. It wasn't bad.

Would you be looking back on it? It didn't matter. Would you be afraid if the community that it was about found it out? No. Was it a community that could beat you up or would they be a little bit prissy about it? It really wasn't a big deal. It was just at the time I thought it was a big deal. Yeah.

Yeah. I thought it was a bigger deal than it was. I have a lot of those moments as well. And then you realize that didn't matter at all. No, it never really does. But you never really want to be the focal point of a Reddit post. No. Never.

No good comes with that. I was going to mention one. Oh, on Mook running the socials, he's doing a great job. Me and Kyle and Rudy have been, and MOOC have been really big into hacky sack. Yeah. It's just filming us hacky sacking. And one dude fucking hates it.

It is like, who's this? Oh, I got to find. Yeah. You got to read the response. This, it ruins this guy's day to just see us hacky sack for three seconds.

Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. That's a weird thing to get mad about. And I'm putting like dumb edits over it. It's like the baby songs. Yeah. Like he's anti-sack.

He's anti-sack. That makes me want to hack you harder. I know. Yeah. You got to use that as fuel. Yeah. Yeah. Find your anger.

I want to drive this guy to the edge. Yeah. Because he probably is trying to sack and he can't. That's what it is. That's probably what he's usually probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack.

He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack.

He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack.

He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack.

He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack. He's probably dropping sack and whiffing. He was like a veteran. Yeah, true. He might be a pro sacker. I've been bringing my hacky sack everywhere.

Yeah. I don't go many places. Dude, I caught myself like reaching for it in line at the grocery store. I was like, oh, fuck, I can't. I pull it out whenever I do something whack. You could get a quick 10 piece in. I could get a real quick 10 piece, 12 piece, 20 piece. Just to scratch the itch.

I did like a 39 out there. I did a 30. I need someone to be watching. Oh, yeah. Whatever you get, 12 piece, 20 piece. Just to scratch the itch. I did like a 39 out there. I did a 30, but I... I would need someone to be watching. Oh, yeah. Whatever you get, I'll get one more. Well, yeah. I mean, no one's going to believe you if you get 120 and no one sees.

No. Do you want to hear the DM? Yeah. Okay, so just like Nick KB hacky-sacking with a dumb edit. He goes, this is fucking embarrassing. Quit pushing out this whack shit of King Nicky. You fucking slur. Whoever runs this account. Slur runs this account so he's on your side no he says king nicky he doesn't he's i think he's looking out yeah he's hating on making nicky because mook is coming up just

like yo can you hacky sack for tiktok no i'm not saying i don't feel like you're sacking no no don't don't don't put that shame on me so that that guy called you an F-slur, I'm assuming. Yes. Yeah. Classical. Because you're making me hacky sack on camera. Yeah. Listen, buddy.

I mean, he's not wrong. Yeah, he's kind of adding up. I'm not making anyone hacky sack. That honestly is the proper use for the F-slur. Yeah. I'm not making anyone hacky sack. If there's one way to use it, that's how you should be using it. I hope this guy's in like middle school.

Yeah. Oh, definitely. A bundle of sticks and slash or a guy who forces his co-workers to hacky sack yep yeah that's the two uses for it you guys are sacking all day long i'm not telling you i know you're not telling us this guy isn't i want to do a hacky sack edit probably let's do our meanest edit yet um yeah we can do with uh us hacky sacking with that comment over top of us or can we be hacky sacking the comment can you have it oh that guy will go spiraling i'll figure out the tech for that and i want you to film me getting

100 and then i want you to post it in slow motion got it down how long would an 100 piece take in real time probably about 1.4 seconds a sack so you're kicking higher than it depends if you do high kicks or not i don't do high maybe less than yeah oh well um yeah i could get i'll get 100 today have you hit 100 and i hit 99 in eighth grade. OK. You didn't know that. I did not know that. I hadn't heard. Yeah. I had to make its way out to New York yet.

Kyle thought he beat Shelton. Kyle thought he beat Shelton Shia's record. I did. Yeah. We had different recesses. No we didn't.

I was only a year older. This was in sixth grade. I was in seventh. Fifth and sixth had different than seventh and eighth that year. Is that true? Yeah. you weren't a hacky sack i remember your hacky sack it looked like an alien eyeball i had an eight ball yeah anyways a new untold story is sponsored by better help do you ever feel like your brain is getting it in its own way like you

know what you should do what's good for you but you just can't do it. Therapy helps you figure out what's holding you back. So if you can work for yourself instead of against yourself, that better helps the best. Rudy uses it. Sass uses it. Look at them. They're doing just fine. Truth. Thriving.

If you're thinking about starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. A brief questionnaire. Get matched on the licensed therapist and switch to therapist no additional charge if you're listening to anus i'm sure you're depressed um any podcast really so try better help uh make your brain your friend visit better help.com slash new to get 10 off your first month that's better help h-e-l-p.com slash new to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash new. I wonder why they wanted me to spell out help but not better.

I think that's the harder word to spell of the two. Very easy. I think they're probably missed by anyone. You see they're doing a collab with Israel? Who? No, they really are. They're giving away free therapy for Israel. really yeah good for them

they're collabing they are that new better help x israel dropped fuck yeah spelling is hard better what i bet you better is more misspelled than the word help why you think people are thrown in to know yeah and that's like a different type like like help you cannot misspell i don't think no no that would be nearly impossible yeah but i'm judging the same intensity if you misspell better there's no mistake you can make i don't even know how you can miss spell yeah b-e-t-e-r b-e-d-d-e-r better yeah okay yeah but like help i don't try to misspell help there's no there's no other way it's in crazy what like nerves can do to you i misspelled graph gra ff i said ff oh i was a bright borderline savant genius student i know fifth sixth grade you and i how many science fairs did you win

you won oh i did yeah that's me four in a row four in a row what was your project my first one was just judaism damn yeah but i went to a catholic school and people were just like they were crowded around my board they're like what the fuck is this that was science yeah it was science for us judas judaism that's crazy i was bought mitzvahs i believe what do you mean you won i don't know if we had a first second third sure did it sure did so i got superior i got superior with the first my mom did all mine and she went all out my mom did mine too oh yeah yeah but you had to like have an even way to do it because i remember logan seidler's mom made him the moundsville penitentiary but she made it out of like actual little stones and it was like i remember that now yes it was sick he only got a good so it went good excellent

superior i think i remember that controversy yep and he stormed out because it was like amazing but did they like do that because they knew his mom there was no logan was not a crafty guy yeah did you ever do it was. Did anyone ever do the volcano? He was my quarterback. We had one girl do a volcano, and it was really sad because she was not wealthy. She was really, really poor. So she made it just not even out of paper mache.

She couldn't afford mache. It was just paper. It was like straight up 2D drawn on a piece of loose leaf. And that was like you couldn't add baking soda to it. No lava. No lava. No, she got a red crayon. You can't do volcano with a lava.

No, she didn't even have a red crayon. The red crayon was down to the nub, so she had to use that red violet for lava. And it was done with a Rosard crayon. Off red, off red, fake red. Yeah, so somebody did do a volcano, but that shit was flat on loose leaf. That sucks. Yeah. The science fair was just how much does your mother love you

how much does your mother love you and how and what is your family's socioeconomic it was so because greg armstrong made a fucking hover train once and then like the dude next to him did what is goop what i was just about to say what is go goop? It was gray. It was a bowl of gray mush. His hypothesis was... It etched in my brain. He wrote it in pen. It was like he couldn't fit the P in goop. We've talked about this on the podcast before.

Yeah, he couldn't afford it. Also, the kids that could afford the headers on their boards, and some people just had to write the title on the board. Oh, sad, dude. I don't remember if I ever did a science fair. You would remember if you did. It was a big day for us. All the priests in our school were the judges.

Fucking Father Dennis. Oh, so they probably hated the Judaism. No, they were just... Judaism. My hypothesis was that it sucks. Oh, okay. All right. Well, that makes sense.

Hypothesis. Hypothesis. In conclusion. Not real. Well, that makes sense. Hypothesis. Hypothesis. Not real. Oh, man. They're like, very good. Very good. That Nick guy is yelling places. We went to a Catholic school and I remember when we did a church tour once and they said

if you sat in the priest's chair, you had to become a priest. And I did it because I wanted to be a priest in like fourth grade and i it kind of weighs on me still that i didn't do it like i wonder if like i'm going to go to hell because they were saying that shit yeah they lied to us oh yeah they just didn't want us to sit in the chair that we were terrified of that yeah shit you guys went to a really catholic school yeah i didn't know that our principals and none damn two of our last two principals were nuns sister kathleen You guys went to a really Catholic school? Yeah. I didn't know that. Like our principal was a nun. Damn. Our last two principals were nuns. Sister Kathleen Dimensions.

She was wider than tall. She was. Yeah. But she wasn't like. Mean as all hell. Isn't that a sin? You would think. Being wider than tall. Yeah.

It's a mortal sin. Isn't being fat a sin? Sloth and gluttony. Yeah. It's a deadly sin. It's literally. She has two of the. Yeah. It's a deadly sin. It's literally, she has two of the, yeah,

it is. Yeah. Yeah. It's a mortal sin. Cause it'll kill you. Yeah. Yeah. Dude.

Oh, who's your favorite teacher? Um, I like Mrs. Loafman. So we had some weird ass names. I, Mrs. Loafman. Yeah. she showed us her disgusting surgery yeah she made us watch her back surgery on like the incision she was a science

teacher she made us watch her back surgery oh yeah we had some weird we had two mrs romantics spelled differently yep mrs hillberry was my favorite yeah she was the typing teacher yeah we had to type out the full this is how old we are we had to practice typing out the full website name like http yeah yeah you had to do that yeah did they take a piece of paper of your fifth grade yeah we had the we had like they built they had these like just things that would go right over it yeah i was fucking great at it do you remember your password to get in your computer mine was pencil no it was changed.

Mine was pencil too. For a while. I swear to God. Shut the fuck up. It was either mechanical pencil or pencil. Was everybody pencil? I think everyone's was pencil. God damn.

I kept that shit. I was, I was tight lipped. We had a lot of music teachers. Mr. Baum. Mr. Baum was awesome. But like Mr. Baum for our Christmas like pageant, he wanted to be like a Nashville singer. TSA has got to be a nightmare for that guy yeah uh yeah like a terrorist like a terrorist like wearing like a usa flag t-shirt but he's still brown with a big beard uh mr mr uh get them boys uh yeah but he

wanted to be a nashville singer like a country artist and so i remember our christmas pageant it was supposed to be the kids singing and we just like played bongos while he sang every single song to like everybody that was his big break i remember that now he sang angels among us oh we thought he was bound for nashville yeah man the nashville music Yeah. Man. The Nashville music scene is pretty dark. Is it? It's a lot of like people who are playing guitar in a fucking hotel lobby at 7 a.m. Yeah. And everyone is just like, please stop.

You just have to be hot. I think. Dude, the airport gigs must be the worst. Oh, my God. They have like full concerts. They have full concerts. Imagine having to go through security to play like airport security to play guitar at like a bar in an airport that would be fucking they don't have like they don't have entrances for employees oh the employees have to like show up

to go through yeah it's like doing stand-up at a shoe store dude a fucking coffee shop in harlem at two you did a harlem coffee shop yeah how'd that go i've done a couple coffee shops not great it was 2 p.m on a saturday so it was just you know you did a black coffee shop yep they didn't have what is the name of that business the wackest and whitest business down the street what's it called coffee hip-hop and mental health oh we're down the street from a store called coffee imagine how insufferable the owner of that has to be. That's got to be a fucking nightmare. I'm combining my three favorite things.

That's got to be the dude that owns that Jeffries coffee shop in New York. What's Jeffries? Gregory's. I hate that logo. That logo is hands. Bald guys love making themselves into logos. Scott Van Pelt. I thought it was Vsauce. Vsauce does it. Every bald dude loves making themselves all glass yeah yeah scott van pelt his i thought it was v sauce michael

v sauce does it yep every bald dude loves making themselves into logos yeah they think they have the coolest silhouette dude yeah your silhouette sucks hand me a compass let me make this silhouette i'll unlock your iphone with a fucking hard-boiled egg dude those dudes roll over in bed and they just go until they hit the ground nothing stopping them oh man oh man i got a cool ass silhouette i love my silhouette you like your silhouette i catch my i catch my silhouette you like your silhouette i catch my i catch my silhouette sometimes and i'm like goddamn dude my forehead who would have thought words i have a caveman forehead i think really yeah now you got definitely got a cool ass silhouette thanks bro yeah you do yeah you do no i you're like what gregory wants to be

yeah yeah you're like literally like gregory sees you in his dreams so he wants hair yes all bald men want hair. Dude, yeah, I guess I'm hair away from being one of those. We're changing the anus logo if I'm ever bald. Perfect. We tried to convince Nicky Smokes to be a silhouette for Halloween. Oh, yeah. He was like, I'm not that retarded.

We wanted him to go as a shadow. Dude, just go as my shadow for Halloween and lay on the ground. Just fully black. Clemmer admitted to being black. Dude, just go as my shadow for Halloween to lay on the ground. Fully black. Clemmer admitted to being black. He admitted to being black? He said he went out with Clemmer and covered himself up. He was like, oh, yeah, I used to go play in a pile of coal.

And rub it on my face. Yeah, that's not standard for Clemmer's age. Yeah, you're right. That's like all there was to do for fun back then was just go play in a pile of coal. dude blackface was like Clemmer was doing blackface back when it was like used in musical theater yeah because they did it was his first improv class yeah uh josh dobbs what aboutbs just let me say Alopecia he interned with NASA

while he played for the Jaguars really dude Kyle's into football now I've heard Ryan Leaf bust

I knew he was a bust but if you don't know him or you want to learn more go to his his Wikipedia is the best thing of all time start with early life and just

read it in sequential sequential order sequence in sequence it's amazing what about what like can you give us a teaser or no spoilers I know it's just a great read okay Wikipedia is the best oh my

what is that this is a fucking crazy place yeah well we're in an office built for 11 people and there's like 55 i found a wrestling tournament that has a 30 plus division come on kyle you got a senior level you gotta do so it has an open division yeah and a seniors division for 30 plus. So the 28 year olds can do open division. And then there's an extra senior level. And it's in April. Is there a cutoff age? And I think I'm going to do it.

Are you going to wrestle like 55 year olds? It's in Westerville, Ohio. Guess what the name of it is. It's called the Wrestle for Autism Invitation. No, it's Wrestle Against Autism Invitation. Oh autism oh dude you're the final boss you do that every day bro you're the nether dragon yeah i was looking at the bracket wrestle against autism rest let me find is that like a bunch of autistic dudes who are like i think it's your five best versus our five best oh Oh, I would not want that static.

No, no. Yeah. 14th annual wrestle against autism. It's not even an invitation. We'll just wrestle against autism. Please do it. I'll go.

I think I'm going to do it. Westerville, Ohio. Is that outside Columbus? Yeah, right outside of Columbus. When is it? April. Please do it. I'll go.

Yeah, we'll get a bunch of people. I would love to go. I love to pull up. We'll get a bunch of people to go. I would love to go. I'd love to pull up. So the weight class is 155 and 170. So I can either... What if I cut a bunch of weight for this? You're like torturing yourself. What are you now?

65? 165? 67, 68. Cut weight to... I'm going to cut to 55. No, I'm going to cut to 38. Oh my... Could you? Probably not not i could probably do

44 but i would be dead yeah and i want to do that in the what the hell i could tell you're kind of excited for this 45 there was uh two it was a round robin with three guys and i'm guessing there's trophies so you'll get a trophy clay Burkle could you be a seal what does the trophy say autism champion yeah I beat autism need that like that yeah it's a would be hype that would be awesome yeah wrestle against autism you think there's gonna be some old heads in there if it's senior yeah it's 30 plus yeah that's like a party ending at question mark yeah yeah you're like right on the 30s pretty young for for the senior title yeah that's tough i know it's way too young probably win you could probably just lie too say you're 20 i have been thinking a lot

about my own potential autism i don't think you're autistic i think you're too social what do you guys think i might be no a lot of people say it a lot of people but like people love you just handing out autism it used to be a joke but now i'm like yeah maybe you know and that kind of like it makes me think back to the my whole life like i could have used that in many situations how so i mean i think you're in a pretty good spot right now uh i mean he could be at like the cia you guys there's a chance you guys can agree that there is a decent chance that i am that i could have gotten with sass that i could have gotten a diagnosis you answer the question pal i have no idea i'm not dude i think you're way too social you're way too like good in social situations we like to joke but i don't think so i mean kb you've diagnosed autistic kids do you think you would have passed that's what i think

about a lot because i can't really remember being two but i can remember being three and four i can't remember being three and four but there is footage of me at three and four and very limited and i'll have to show you guys in private because i don't want to blast this out the only footage of me being three or four is at the preschool graduation yeah where we all stand i might tear up we all stand on the stage in a line facing the crowd and there's there's pictures and videos everyone's standing smiling laughing maybe giggling having a blast looking at their loved ones in the crowd facing straight i'm on the end i'm the caboose i'm moping and my head's down that's one thing but i'm

perpendicular i'm facing them. I harbored this for a long time. I used to lean... I think I would have gotten a diagnosis. Then and there, they would have diagnosed you. And that would have changed the trajectory of my life. For just being sad at your graduation? I couldn't bear to face the crowd. Everyone was facing... I couldn't

stand in the line. I had to face you. You'd be facing the crowd, waving at your mom. And I was looking at you. I don't think that's that crazy. Kids are shy. That's not a huge thing. Yeah, but I was viciously shy.

And I was like, oh, you're just shy. I'm a big believer in you can just beat the autism out of someone. Yeah, you can bully it out. Me too. That's what I'm a big believer in you can just beat the autism out of someone. Yeah, you can bully it out. Me too. That's what I'm saying. I think on the... Not like physically. When did this surface?

When did you find this video? Because I've known about it for years. My mom found an old video of me because she was like going through old like... She was doing some cleaning and looking at cassettes and she found an old skate tape I made in like 8th grade. Maybe 9th grade. I have one too. And it's just like me manualing for like half a second over and over for for the length of the song and i it's this most pathetic sad thing ever i've got a bunch of those i've got call of duty edits

that i made no okay and it's it's not even like screen grabs it's like me like filming it on my mom's ipad like filming the tv of like replays with like commentary over them please find this yeah i got probably on youtube it's all fine i have a similar graduation my safety town graduation i remember that the wellness center at the wellness center you had to just drive the big wheel they were teaching us how to drive i guess i mean dude i pretty much my graduation was pretty much similar to that except i was graduating from high school like i pretty much yeah yeah you but i don't get autism like i'm just super uncomfortable and so i didn't go to my college graduation yeah i just finished class and went home. Like everyone in high school graduation,

everyone does like a fucking like crazy thing. And I just grabbed the diploma and just like jetted across the stage. Wait, yeah, that's you. You. You are atrocious in social situations. Yeah, you are really atrocious. Yeah, I am.

Dude, I'm like atrocious, like just like going into like places that i go every day and seeing people for the first like hour yeah i dread walking into the office and walking past people morning guys i'm so i hate i catch myself making like the mincey like so here's yeah here's it'll just walk around and yeah it'll be like an excited when i walk into the stand at like 7 p.m people are like hey how's it going and I'm like, yeah, that's why I love it. Do you clench your teeth? And then I go into the bathroom

and I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with me? Yes, 100%. I think about it while I'm walking there. Some people might think, perceive it as an air of superiority, but I know you and i know that's not the case oh no some people like like a lot of people like when i meet them they'll tell me a while

after they're like yeah i thought you were an asshole when i first met you because like you were like wouldn't talk to anybody or everyone people think i'm like weird yeah same in in our heads we're like i want it so bad So bad to just say hi. Say hello. Go to the bathroom. Why didn't I say hi? Just say hi. Say, hey, what's up?

Look them in the eyes. Dab them up clean. That's all you have to do. Yeah, but guys like us say like we were born a few years ago. And some dickhead like 24-year-old me comes into our house, observes us. And then we could have easily gotten a autism diagnosis but what and then what that would have done to our psyche yeah if we had that label like it could be like i don't know where i'd be i don't think you'd be here right i'd be like oh yeah i can't i'll never be able to do that. I mean, I kind of, I like missed even just like, I got diagnosed with ADD when I was

in fifth grade and like, that was not a big deal at all. And now it's like pretty much down syndrome. Oh, I thought that was going the opposite way. That's like crazy now. Now everyone's like, dude, like my ADD is destroying my life. Yeah. And it's like, is it? But everybody's like, I was medicated heavily since

first grade. It was like, yeah, good. Yeah, I was. That was pretty bad. Was it bad? Yeah, that should not be a thing. I think Adderall can fuck you up. Oh, is it Adderall they gave you as a kid? I took Adderall, Vyvanse. But I thought it did the opposite effect if you had ADD. I thought like Ritalin calmed you down. It calmed me down, but it made it

so I couldn't talk to anybody. Yeah, you turn into a zombie. Oh, that sucks. My doctor tried to put me on antidepressants on top of Adderall when I was like 13. He probably will let you out. Yeah. You probably were motionless. Yeah. Yeah.

You were such a complete zombie. Yeah, I did it for a week in freshman year of high school. Yeah. And I was like, I can't do this. I need to talk. That might have lasting effects, dude. Yeah, that was crazy, too, because then I was like 115 pounds in like ninth grade. Yeah. You can't eat. Yeah, you can't do this that i need to that might have lasting effects dude yeah that was crazy too because then i was like 115 pounds in like ninth grade yeah and then you can't eat yeah you can't eat the problem is i think that they just over they they give you they didn't get the dosage

right now so you would be a tiny like kid yeah and you'd be taking just like a macro dose of amphetamines yeah so like as an adult it doesn't hit you as hard yeah and also just giving kids that shit when they're so young is insane because it's like my parents made me do it because they were like well he doesn't focus in school yeah and it was like yeah i don't focus in school because i don't want to be here yeah and then i then i would take adderall and i would just focus more on other things that weren't school that's not school yeah you just draw a million of the s thing yeah exactly yeah i would do my binders were just filled with my like the whole outside of my binders every single one of them was just filled with my signature i would just write my signature

like i would do lower i for for some reason i thought drawing lowercase f's in cursive oh yeah fun yeah i thought it was like it was like a joy ride for me it was like uh i was i might as well been playing gta and i was just doing fucking lowercase F's over and over and over in my book. That's my notebook right now. All lowercase F's? No, just my name. Okay. Yeah.

Dude, yeah. People talk shit on cursive. It's fun. So satisfying. It is so fun and satisfying. It's like better than like hunting deer. Yeah, dude. I would put it up.

There's so many fun letters. Yeah, that's nice. Like the whole alphabet. I don't like having to lift the pen to dot and I. Like, fuck a tittle. I don't like lifting the pen. Yeah. The capital L is great.

Capital L is great. Oh, my God. Capital S is the best. I'll go crazy with my capital L. I'll flourish the fuck out of it. The K's are nice. It's like playing Roller Coaster Tycoon when I'm writing in cursive because I'm like building these things and it's- Oh, the lowercase J, all the love.

All the love to J. Ends or whatever. The uppercase Q, they got a little too wacky with that. R is fun. Lowercase R is fun. What's the most fun word to write in cursive? Is it jello? That would be the most fun ride.

Oh, my God. If cursive jello was a rollercoaster, it would be a most fun ride oh my god if that was if jello was a cursive jello was a roller coaster last that's a jello's great i think jello's yeah jello's a solid one yeah there's no we don't have to lift the pen at all no well dot no there is no dot dot the j anything with double l oh but capital j yeah capital j j j Jello. Capital J is nice. Yeah. Do a Jello sesh. So fun. Yeah. This is so autistic right now.

I was, uh, I was out at dinner, uh, with somebody and they called me out for just, I was going like this and they looked down and they were like, what are you doing? I was like, I don't know. I just liked the feeling of my pants. You always though that's good yeah i don't my pants have interesting textures nerves yeah i think it might have been nerves not autism i bet you a lot yeah i think yours is just nerves social anxiety i think that's what it is yours too yeah trying to think you're flirting with it, though. Perhaps.

I think you flirted with it, but I don't think you crossed the barrier. Yeah, you were teasing it. Yeah. Well, maybe. I don't know. Yeah. All right. Anything else?

No, I guess we got to go do the Yak. We got to do the Yak in 15. But we got to hacky sack in four. Shit. I'm going to miss the sack. Anything else, Mookie? No. No.

We're chilling. This will come out tomorrow. So go see Mookie? No, no, we're chilling. This will come out tomorrow. So go see Mook and Sass. You have one show that's not sold out? Yes, in Rosemont, Illinois. Oh, I thought it was at the Zanies here. It's the one closer to the airport. Okay, right on. Yeah, it's tomorrow.

Go see that. Thanks for coming on, Sass. Thank you for having me. God bless. God bless. God bless. Nice. That was fucking nice