A New Untold Story - Baseball lll feat. Brandon Walker - A New Untold Story: Ep. 427

Episode Date: December 19, 2024

Brandon Walker joins us to talk ball, home alone 3, david dao, and kb's massage. Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app today and use code UNTOLD to easily score great deals with the new Gametime Picks! MobileX - Go check out https://mymobilex.com or download the MobileX app from the App Store or Google Play. Factor - Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/50kb and use code 50kb to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcast, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. Brandon, you wear a seatbelt when you're out on belts and. Do I wear a seatbelt when I ride his cock? No, I don't wear a seatbelt when I ride his cock. Yeah, but I'm beeping the whole time you're riding me. Are you buckled, dude? Hold on. What if I fuck you New Untld story episode

Episode 4 to 7 I'm gonna be huffing and puffing into the mic. Hi. I'm I have a cold Yeah, that'll do it. It'll hurt the lungs. We're here with Brandon Walker. Mm-hmm. Hello For you know what that means For kids three sons too feisty won the slam dunk contest All true Yes, what were you gonna say? About Brandon mm-hmm nothing okay 427 is not an area code, but it is the beginning of a zip code in the city of

Elizabeth Town, Kentucky. Why? What? Why do you know Elizabeth Town, Kentucky? I researched it based on the episode number, 427. Oh, you just pulled that off the dome, I'm sorry. Very small city, about 30,000 people. The plot of...

In the spleen of Appalachia about an hour south of Is how they say about an hour south of Kentucky ins are like fucking canine bloodhounds for people who pronounce it Louisville like ACC sports analysts am, like release three paragraph apologies. It's so, it's, wah wah. It's, wah wah. Are they gonna be happy with you for this? You have three vastly misshapen and misssized teeth.

That's the only word you can pronounce. Wah wah. Brad, is that accurate? Yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah, he's right. But it is lovel. They'll get on your ass, but it is low vol. They'll get on your ass Lou vol get on your ass. Yeah Lou vol so Elizabeth town, Kentucky is

Or they know bloom Elizabeth town. Yes, there's a movie. Yeah, 2005 rom tragicom. Oh wow Starring Orlando Bloom Kirsten Dunstst so they fall in love and somebody dies Jessica Beale Jessica Beale was his ex Alec Baldwin who is the n-word chef woman Paula Dean is in it she's in it Wow star-studded star-studded She's the n-word chef and Alec Baldwin wait wait who's the n-word chef to you? Yeah? What do you think that was wait were you gonna say a black person? Yeah? I think His name is Jerome McElroy? What's that? What's that to you?

I didn't know he had a name. I didn't either. I thought it was just Chef. Um, yeah. Kind of okay movie. No. What? 27% on tomatoes. Deserved. So I only watched 10 minutes of it, the first 10.

That's the funniest part. Is that fair? No, it's not, but it started out in a way that pissed me off so much that I discredited the rest of the movie. I feel that. So Orlando Bloom is like a young, mid-level shoe designer for a company that's supposed to be like the Nike of this cinematic era. It's Mercury Worldwide Shoes, dumbass name. That's not. be like the Nike of this in mercury. It's mercury worldwide shoes dumbass name. That's not

mercury worldwide Why don't you like that? Should be like Nike or Mercury worldwide shoes was the company and he designed a shoe called the spasmodica the spasmodica It was supposed to be the next Jordan. Yeah, there it is, the third one. Yeah, that was the shoe he designed. And it tanked the company $970 million.

And Alec Baldwin's the leader of this company and gets mad at him. Right, Alec Baldwin, the carrot top of killers. He's a prop killer. He's like. All right, so yeah, so, L'Orlando Bloom somehow, like, the shoe he designed, which is supposed to like... He's like a mid-level guy.

He designed a shoe. And it cost the company $970 million. One billion. And it had to get recalled, which I don't think can happen with shoes. I thought that was food. So I think my head canon is that the shoes were poisonous. The tongues had asbestos.

Yeah, but like, they framed it like it was a brain. Yeah, but like, they framed it like it was a brain. Yeah, but like, they framed it like it was a brain. Can happen with shoes? I thought that was food. So I think my head canon is that the shoes were poisonous. The tongues had asbestos. Yeah. But like they framed it like it was a brand new sports shoe. Experimental, admittedly, but made with like an all new material. Yeah. Had to recall 300,000 pairs. Right, so I think it's a kind of cool shoe.

It's not bad. John Depp? I will say that. Yeah, that looks like a... a spasmodica brain. I could see you buying those It looks like a video game controller, but I couldn't wear something called the spasmodica Why the name itself is all the mercury spasmodic? I was like a outcast album. Yeah, it does You would love that. I don't think the shoe itself looks Better recall it so yeah, so we so people were breaking their ankles No, I don't know. This is all like five three minutes into the movie Orlando Bloom goes back to his apartment Reaches into his drawer of knives which he had

Grabs a chef's knife big one duct tapes it to his stationary bike What with the plan of killing himself? Wait with the plan of killing himself. Wait, he's gonna run into a knife? No, he's gonna peddle himself to death. Into blood slaughter. So he made a device. There's like a montage scene of him building this suicide machine.

And he's like duct taping the knife, he's like cutting things off the bike, and he's like, it's kind of done like weird like Home Alone style, like building booby traps. I was gonna say, that's the way that the kid from Home Alone three would kill him Like he was like extending tape and like winking and he was like having a really good time building a suicide And so he would pedal and the knife would just go like this Those and like stab him in the chest over goal of the there it is yeah, and he hung he hung the spasmodic is off of it

too Hardly the shoe failed with that kind of ingenuity. I know right? He's brilliant. Yeah, the Home Alone Ass suicide. Dude, if the Home Alone kid ended up being like a Dr. Kevorkian and was just killing people in the funniest ways. Or the Home Alone 3 kid wanted to kill himself because he realized Scarlett Johansson is his sister and he'll never be able to fuck her Understand that would be a reason like guys like us at least have hope like maybe one day

Yeah, if it's your sister you could never fuck her someone did like a study on home alone one and apparently Marv and the other guy would have died like 16 times, but if it was a real story They would have killed that boy and maybe fuck second shit Yeah, yeah, everyone would have been dead real quick Yeah, it was a real story the cops would have hung out of the house until the boy came out They wouldn't have left the kid inside now. He'll be fine Once I guess there's plot holes and then they drove by once like we don't see him No, he's not there ma'am. Have you checked the plane again? No, he's not there man. Have you checked the plane again? We're the home alone 3 kid the plot is just him setting booby traps of Rube Goldberg's that like

remove Scarlett's bra booby traps booby-un traps He just really wants to fuck his sister No robbers because have you seen home alone 3 Brandon you guys seem very intimate with this movie loved it Oh, it was my favorite movie. I'm glad he said this to me And it was like it was the most influential movie for me as a kid really it was it was my intro to like rock music When he's like this is my neighborhood. I got chills my nine-year-old the other day said can we watch home alone 3? That's it. Have you seen home alone 2 and he said no, it's more for kids. This is more for kids Okay, it's way more prank heavy. He's like a little ingenious boy, but they're in this movie. They're not the the common crook Do you know they are the terror they're terrorists there's in his remote-control car?

They had the same exact remote-control car at the airport and they put a microchip in it that had a missile guidance system and it ended up going home with him. So this little boy has a missile guidance system. So there's actual terrorists. They went Jason Bourne mode on it. That were trying to kill this boy. It's like Stewie Griffin shit.

It really is. He had me like Masked and he's like waving the chip at him Micro chip do you have the missile chip? This is that fucking bull cut boy? All he wants to do is fuck his sister all he wants to check that out I was very very into one and two this one. I love for kid it had me like into one and two. This one I love. For kid, it had me like,

duct taping my like giant camcorder from the 90s to a Fisher Price remote control car so I could get like spy footage of my parents ankles. You invented the GoPro? I was like controlling, it was like the Fisher Price one with the long antenna. You had to be standing right next to it to control it. Those remote control cars

where the remote's still attached to the car by a cord mom stand still I'm trying to get spy footage of you I was trying to do I was I try to make everything dominoes like I wanted everything to just knock it Yeah, this gives an inspiration Today's episodes brought to you by game time you guys have heard it from us plenty of times But I'm happy singing its praises because it's a fantastic app. It's the official ticketing partner of Bars full sports.

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an account, redeem codes UNTOLD for $20 off. Download the Game Time app today. What time is it? Game Time. Oh, go see Suki Waterhouse. She's had Robert Pattinson's baby. Suki Waterhouse? Yeah. That's a sick name. Yeah. Who farted? That was MOOook's fart. That was Mook. Shout out to you. Have you seen those videos where it's the teacher and they have the kids come up and like say something? She says their names like she faces away and she could tell all of her kids.

Yeah. I could do that with your guys farts. That's Mook. That's Mook. I think you could. Yeah. Audio only. Not even I'd be obvious. Yes. Kiles are vibrant. I think you could. Yeah. Audio only not even. I'd be obvious. Yes.

Kyle's are vibrant. Mm hmm. I'm surprised you didn't fart during a werewolf. That's yeah, I should have. I think you always have one ready. Yeah, I dealt right now. Yeah. Code you and to LD a game time. Yeah. So in the movie, he's about to pedal himself to death back to Elizabeth

Town back to suicide and he gets a phone call his dad just died he has to go to Elizabeth Town where they're from but there was like a comedic thing where the knife fell out of the duct tape and he like he like oh man so he fucked that up too he fucked it up that's the device but like he was like proud of himself they just laughed at comedy with a suicide machine? Yes. But there was a, this is a pretty respected director, isn't it? He has a cult following. Like people do love this movie and love this guy's work, but not for me. What about during the scene, like Alec Baldwin comes in and he's like, a little

bit over the top, don't you think you think you know a little too silly for the gravity of the situation hmm why doesn't our land Cameron Crowe did it yes yeah yeah it's almost famous wait that's your favorite movie it's not not one of them but Cameron Crowe's like big time he looks like he played varsity he does the face of a varsity oh he definitely that's a varsity that's a letterman a lot of jocks like JJ Watt has it. His teeth curve too. Yeah. A real tight tooth curve. Yeah. Yeah a lot of chin on that man too. Oh wow. Jerry Maguire. This man did some fucking pictures. Oh that's Jerry. This man did some fucking pictures.

Elizabeth Towne is okay. He wrote this after his dad died. Oh he wrote a movie after his dad died? I just went to Dollar General and bought some fake flowers. Yeah, really? I can't relate yet. Fake from Dollar General. No, but so, yeah, he gets a call that his dad died. Orlando Bloomfort kills himself. Then I stop watch. That was it? That's all I had in me.

But I was going to say, Alec Baldwin is like... But it's on the way to his dad's funeral He cures to it's an empty plane and Kirsten Dunst is a very annoying flight attendant and talks to him the whole time but then she helps through through his father's death and I don't know I can't I don't want to talk shit on Kirsten Dunst just because the yeah She had the hardest nipples ever in spider-man No, no, I mean I could call her a snaggle tooth below average actress, but her Her nipples were so hard in

and she uh She seems like a nice girl. Yeah, I'll make a horrible crop. You know what's a good one? She's in Wimbledon Wimbledon is a very similar movie. Paul B. At Betany. And she's got hard nipples in that one too. Really? I think she's just a hard nipple now.

Hard nipples were very big in the 90s. They weren't big, they were small nipples. They were small, big nipples. Are hard nipples out now? No, they're back. I think now it's like permanent, but like them, like. We're kind of over, like, oh yeah, I can see through your shirt.

Like I see your titties. Like it's not a novelty anymore. I see your whole titty. You're at the, you're at a red carpet and I see your titties and I, yeah, I can see. Yeah. That's borderline transparent. I can see your whole titty. Yes.

And it's just lost. It's luster. It's diluted. The tootie game has been done. You wouldn't know. Oh, every movie had titties in it. Regardless. It could be a movie about anything. it's gonna have some titties.

The 90s pulled back and just gave you a nipple. Trying to find titties in the 90s as a boy was impossible. Yeah, it was difficult. It was way more difficult. 80s, it was just, titties all over your face. So that's why the nipple was such, that's why there's such an impact. Yeah. A nipple-shaped impact. The nipple or the front door of the titty?

It's a gemstone. The nipple was the front door of the titty, yeah. So if you drive by the titty, you see a good front door. What's the back door of the titty? The shoulder So if you drive by the titty, you see it. What's the back door of the titty? The shoulder blade? I don't know. Yeah, it must be. Someone say if the nipple's the doorbell.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Ring it. I like calling the areola the warning track. That's nice. It would suck if you ring the doorbell and nobody's home. Nobody gets to that point. Oh, and then you look around,

it's just a blown titty woman. Yeah, well, ding, or you hit a ding dong so you look around it's just a lone Anyone there I really thought you were gonna be here The point where you were gonna open the door that's that's my fault Kim Kim's new bra has built-in hard nipples what yeah Kim who Kim Kardashian's gotta be her skims bra is built-in hard nipples for the hard the people who are doing of hard nipples Look at that. How would you want to-in hard nipples for the people who don't have hard nipples. Look at that! Why would you want to have fake hard nipples? Because it drives us fucking crazy. You're right.

Yeah, you're right. I'll be goddamn. But Elizabeth Towne, okay, so the whole movie. But there is a real person in a real story tell me if you guys remember based on a plane in Elizabeth town a Man going to Elizabeth town from Chicago, Oh hair Brutal incident David Dow

69 year old Vietnamese American pulmonologist. Now do you remember? No. Still no. 2017. The incident has its own Wikipedia page. The 2017 United Express passenger removal. Do you remember this? This guy was not just dragged off the plane, he was brutally dragged off the plane.

How you brutally dragged? Bloody, forced. Yeah, he got actually packed. Is it a video? They needed extra... The following footage may be disturbing. Yeah, don't play it. I don't wanna freak anyone out.

I'll just describe it. Okay. Oh my God, there's blood everywhere. How? So this United flight needed four people to get off for whatever the reason. So they ask if anyone know, they do like, they ask if anyone volunteers, no one did.

Then so they randomly picked four people and forced them to leave. David Dow was like, no, I have to see patients today in Elizabethtown. I can't get off this plane. I heard he was polite. He just didn't want to get off the plane. So they, what did they do to him? They struck his face against an arm rest,

then dragged him, bloodied, bruised, and unconscious by his arms down the aircraft aisle. Are these the flight attendants? This is like the, Probably the security that comes onto the plane. Shortly after. So is this an Asian man? Vietnamese.

So this is what Mark Wahlberg would have done if he was on the 9-11 flight? Is that what you're gonna say? I need my notes! It wouldn't have went down like that if I was on that plane. I would have eliminated him. He would be dead. Triangle choke. Anaconda choke.

Look at the picture, dude. The one on the right, that's a... Oh, did he sue? He had to have. So shortly afterward, Dao boarded the aircraft again with blood coming from his mouth, spewing, emitting, repeatedly saying, I have to go home and just kill me. Oh my god dude. Just kill me?

They had him on some prisoner of war shit. They tortured him when they cut him off the plane the remaining passengers were then directed to exit the plane while they cleaned the blood off the Filt He was taken to the hospital it says with non life-threatening injuries Including a broken nose a loss of two front teeth including a broken nose, a loss of two front teeth, sinus injuries, and a significant concussion. They rearranged his jaw. He got Volkanovsky'd.

This guy had to get a billion dollars. So, the Washington Post initially reported that he was Chinese, which, because one of the witnesses just assumed so then it went viral on the Chinese Twitter site which is called Weibo okay which is crazy to think about because they have 583 million users this incident was viewed more than 480 million times on Chinese Twitter which is pretty much bigger than real Twitter did they think he was Chinese everyone thought he was Chinese because one of the witnesses was like yeah, he's a Chinese guy

And then his daughter David Dow's daughter Crystal Dow pepper later confirmed. He's actually Vietnamese. Okay Oh that sounds fantastic the doctor's daughter Is miss missus pepper you'll never you'll never be doctor you little slut You'll never be doctor. You'll always be missus pepper. You're not me Can't pass m3 or whatever you can't pass them I'm trying to think of any the rounds

We'll never survive the rotations Be Mrs.. Pepper She settled did she settle out with Pibb I Don't know what he ended up getting compensated had it said undisclosed amount yeah amicably Compensated so so enough to where he was like all right. We're cool. I just gave him a plane probably Jesus Christ oh Yeah, a billion no Okay, that's another million dollars. Oh he had the concussion. He had the concussion lawyer. Oh wow you don't want that guy rolling in mm-hmm

Dude, that's insane Yeah, that's Elizabeth. Oh what you don't want that guy rolling in. Mm-hmm. Dude that's insane. Yeah. That's Elizabeth. There's one other thing, get it out of the way, they do have a famous landmark on the National Historic Registry and it is called Brown Pussy House. Okay so Brown Pussy House served as a hotel and also included the That and say pucy it's pussy The house is named for William a pussy Dude I've got laid so long I got a will of pussy Will a pussy tonight will a pussy please report to the principal's office will a pussy It was the house is named for William a pussy and his brother Alfred Brown pussy

Pussy was born in Elizabethtown, Kentucky and married to Sally Cunningham How brown pussy So Elizabethtown definitely out kicks its coverage population Certainly has to talk to her offer brown pussy The brown pussy house I went to the brown pussy houses website to Dr. Alpha Brown Pussy. The Brown Pussy House. I went to the Brown Pussy House's website. Did you? Yeah, you did tell me this little look by the curtain. You told me you're going to bring up the Brown Pussy House.

A lot of people get married there. So I was watching a lot of wedding videos of the Brown Pussy House, and they do bluegrass. Oh, of course. So a lot of like a lot of live music and then a lot of weddings. It's not really that great looking It's not that great. Look on the house. It's right on the street. It's probably dope in 1,750 whatever I

Think One of us has to go to the brown pussy brown pussy. Yeah Mm-hmm. Yeah, I don't want to make a scene there. I just want to like get the pamphlet and tour I know right just learn more about brown pussy What if I swear we're dead? Dr. David Dowell is going yeah, what's What are the rooms in the brown pussy house the? You I don't know shit about brown pussy Just pretend I don't know shit about brown pussy. I just pretend to

I just pretend to Don't know I'm trying to rack my right now. I'm singing over rooms. I can't even think of rooms Basement the chorus of smoke alarm chirps and there has to be insane one constant beep Mold problem I have no idea why that happened My Instagram just came up Was Siri Again okay Just came up around pussy. I was making making money on my sir. I was Siri searching brown

Again, okay. Oh Dude the brown pussy house it looks fine is the brown pussy haunted From Elizabeth are listening to this like it's brown pussy and no one has ever stooped that low to even make that joke Even close to pussy Brandon we have you on cuz what I Found a baseball team baseball team. Yeah. All right. I'll do a baseball team the Altoona mountain town The the mountain town is the name. That's the name of the team sick name one season

Okay, I think they went six and nineteen But they it's the council's entire season. They just amount of town or mountain city mountain cities. I'm sorry Yeah, they gave the team the team attendance was so bad. They just gave the remaining schedule to another team I Looked it up. It was like under a hundred Some games were under a hundred which I said was very low, okay But they were so bad the Cleveland Maroons came into town and look at how bad the Maroons beat them St. Louis Maroons After losing 11 straight they had the Maroons come into town. Oh, no they gave up 92 runs and 53 errors this was This is as bad as it gets Oh, no, they gave up 92 runs and 53 errors in one game. Oh my god.

This was... This is as bad as it gets. This was a time where you just... The team was so bad, they gave their remaining schedule to another team. They just said, hey, would you like to play on this baseball team in Altoona? I looked up some of the players. And the wrong guys... I looked up two of the players.

Who we got on the Altoona? And I know they have to be the same people Let me see you have Harry Harry Coons How did Harry Coons die first off? Harry Coons was part of this team was abysmal. Yeah, Harry Harry Coons died in a way He's hit by bus. No, he know in 1932 after's hit by a bus? No, he, no. In 1932, after being hit by a bus driver.

He got punched in the face. By a municipal employee. He got a left hook to death. Yeah, he got hit by a bus driver. He got a whisper, the driver, he got hit by a bus driver. Yeah, at the barber shop. And then who else do you have? Germany. Germany Smith. Nick, how many errors did Germany Smith have in his career? 1000 nine. Germany Smith had a thousand and nine errors and one

of those years he was the best defenseman in all of baseball. Look at him staring mindlessly into nowhere. He committed an error in the photo, dude. He didn't look. He didn't look at the photographer. Just look at the lens. Come on, Germany. And Nick, how did Germany Smith pass away? I don't know.

He was struck by a motorist Not a motorcycle or a car a motorist punch by a guy punched by a driver, dude What a fine go back to the So he committed seven errors when his team decided to punish new pitcher phenomenal Smith Seven errors when his team decided to punish new pitcher phenomenal Smith John Francis phenomenal Smith oh My god some of their other players that like they were so bad. They didn't really have a Wikipedia They had a Charlie man love and then they had George Knopf skr. His batting effort was.04. That's a Seagrams escape. That's one Seagrams escape. He was a Seagrams escape.

.04 batting average. MLB. MLB player. You'll find some good ones. You'll find some fucking good ones, man. The latest... Give me anything with 1880-something. It's gonna be a blast. Did all of them die in hilarious ways?

Yes. Yes. And that one was pulmonary embolism. I was looking up, but I just decided to skip over that one. Rudy, this has me wondering about, like, old-time hockey players. Yeah. So, for this day in history, the first season of the NHL was 1917. Today or 19th. I didn't know they were that old.

Yeah, it's pretty fucking old. But I was trying to just dig into that first season. Remarkably boring compared to the baseball players. Yeah, because you have to have skill and talent to play hockey. When baseball just started, it could be anybody. And I I think what I realized that once you flipped out of the 18 late 1800s of the early 1900s people sort of just like Locked in follow things got more things got locked in having said that the Montreal Canadians in the first season Were all sharing an arena with the Montreal Wanderers

And it's kind of ironic the name was the Wanderers because their stadium burned down. That's probably why they were called that. They would flip names willy-nilly. They were just named after anything that happened that day. Yeah, whatever happened to them. So they then went to another stadium, the Canadians. The Wanderers just folded. Done.

They were like, go wander elsewhere. And then the Canadians were in a different stadium. That one also burned down. It's a building filled with ice. Right? that's the last I think they would put out fire But yeah, there was by the time the fire gets down to the ice the buildings all the top of the buildings always already Right, but then the fire should go out. You should just wait it out Yeah, no no ice rink should burn to the ground agreed. I have a stupid question Hmm is anything colder than ice or is that the coldest?

Dry ice I'll be goddamn because it seems like there should be like levels colder because it's Much colder than I'm talking about an object. It's a sassy sentence right there. That's a thing Nitrogen yeah space Yeah, motherfuckers. Like I'm nitrogen cool as hell. Yeah, well yeah, I guess. Liquid nitrogen, yeah. Space? Absolutely. And when you're flying in like a plane, isn't the outside temp like negative 140? Ice isn't that cold, dude. I know.

But I think some ice is colder than others. But like, ice, some ice is, yeah, that's weird. If ice gets so cold, it doesn't turn to anything else. It's always its final... Just becomes more ice. Does ice get colder? No, it get better ice Yeah, we have what happens if you freeze ice

What happens if you drop ice in liquid nitrogen? Don't you make ice right you ice cubes go bad who the fuck Google do ice cubes go back That was an old ice cube. I was someone on the Titanic who was like, can they just be misbehaving? Yeah. Ice cooled with liquid nitrogen. But no, that- what? That's creating ice by exposing it to liquid nitrogen, right? I don't know. We take ice cubes of regular ice and cool them liquid nitrogen, so it's making ice colder, okay? That would be awesome if hockey is played on really cold ice and it hurt like fuck

Yeah, shit when you hold her hockey you hear him scream colder hockey. Yeah, we put hockey out of business Yeah, for sure it hurts so bad the guys would fall scream. Yeah, they wouldn't even fight at that point They'd be holding each other up Significantly colder hockey back to what you're saying about fire and ice when I was playing juniors And we were playing in Rio Grande Valley, which is a stone's throw away from the Mexico border we were playing the Rio Grande Valley killer bees and they Had a bee for their mascot and for the pregame for the pregame They had a laser show and mascot, and for the pregame, they had a laser show,

and he was dancing to Dead or Alive. By Bon Jovi. By Bon Jovi. Very cool. And what they did is they put gasoline on the ice, and they made a ring around him, and they lit it, and it did a ring of fire around him. Very cool.

Sick. Oh my God. The repercussions of that very cool display was that we had to delay the game an hour. It melted the ice. Because it melted the ice. Yeah, you to delay the game and it melted the ice because it melted Yeah, you caught it on fire. It melted the ice so much to the point where it melted where the Sponsors below the ice were just exposed. Oh, yeah, and then they filled it in kind of and then there was just a divot in the ice I used to paint the ice for the Wheeling nailers really every year

Well, I don't painted their logo. No, I would go out there we'd have to we'd put this they would have the stencils out and me and my graphic class would go every year Oh and paint every sponsor logo. It's a good redemption story. What do you mean? What hell no Have I redeemed myself yet? I just said that you leave I would have wanted like leave like a little Easter egg in the corner now. I was afraid draw like a tiny I've never done anything bad So that was just you take you take a spray no

We got a can of paint and paint it Wow like down on your knees But my knees are really fun about the worst day of the year Yeah, we we also used to do a lot of junior teams would do this for breast cancer month We would they would spray paint the ice pink The entire sheet of ice It's a nice sentiment, but it looks oh, we know I don't know about breast cancer. I saw the pink ice Is terrible oh my god, I had no idea can't sweat Thank God for the answer what I would have never yeah now you know

Thank you. Yeah, then you go about your day. Mm-hmm our stadium kind of half-assed it It was more of like a I got three quarters of it like a mauve. Yeah, I Always say mauve is it move or I don't know. It's mauve because the mauve Avenger was the the the boxcar in Hey Arnold That's mauve because the mauve Avenger was the the the boxcar in hey Arnold None of those words nothing to me nothing you should know them. Yeah, you shouldn't know that the mauve Avenger, huh? Yeah, I think Arnold's boxcar broke and then oh Yeah, they had to combine it with Eugene's because they wrecked into each other He spelled it so my mind goes like a remote control boat in that little pond. I don't remember that Oh, those are sick. My buddy had one of those are always disappointing Road control boats every time I buy not as disappointed as remote control planes

Yeah, those are bad too unless you get like you got to invest like five hundred thousand dollars Hobbyists will invest that much for like a five second takeoff and my dad got into that for a bit We got the yellow which looked like a predator drone, but it was like this big. It was just a glider. Within 20 minutes, my dad put it right into the Oh yeah. You can't, you have to learn.

You have to be like a good ass pilot. Their heart is fucked to fly. Okay. This next one, I think is like a one. It's simple. It's a one for one swap that you can do right now. And you should do it. I don't get why you wouldn't do it. Talking about what's mobile X. It's an app-based mobile phone service

that doesn't have you losing money. That's more money. Yeah, that's the best way to pitch it and it sounds too good to be true. You only pay for the data, talk, and text you use. So like other service plans, probably the one that you're using, you pay for your data whether you use it or not, so not with Mobile X. And it's that simple. Git Mobile X, it'll help you get unfucked, all while using one of the largest, there it is, 5G networks in America,

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That's a huge percentage. A lot, when you switch to mobile X. Go to mymobilex.com or download the mobile X app from the app store the Google Play Store today All right, let's talk food be mm-hmm factor It's gonna taste good uh-huh, and it's gonna add a good price point, and it has a meal for any palette Yeah, and whatever your diet is yeah, so if you want it to be very healthy and tasty Yeah, you got it if you want it to be a little bit less healthy and even more Yeah. So if you want it to be very healthy and tasty, yeah, you got it. If you want it to be a little bit less healthy

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Yeah That's what you're gonna do Do you I'm real into now watching the videos of the guys with the super fast cars the super fast RC cars Oh the ones that do the pit stops and no no no they go in a circle and they have to attach them to a Wire because they'll fucking fly away Those have like the highest land speed record of the person stands in the middle of them And if that wire hits you it's gonna slice you in half so fast. Yeah, he just holds onto a pole in the middle Yes, yeah, I've seen I've seen competitive where they're they're just racing No, this guy would like hit like four million miles an hour. Yeah, I'm joking

But like it's like a hundred they moves like as almost as fast as like a particle collide search like RC cars Circle have you seen the ones where they they do have the pit stop guys or two guys? They're not doing the remote. They're just waiting to oil it up or something. Oh, yeah, they are those are the big cars Luke was the first video This and this is like a big hobby isn't that he's in the middle. Yes, they're car and they call themselves athletes No, that's what it is tether car There's not really like any, it just goes fast. It's just a little car on a metal wire.

Yeah, that's how they started. Oh my God. That's it. That's the car. That's the whole car. And then there's that wire that goes around. They have to stand on that little podium and it's these old ass guys.

And if they fall off, the wire's gonna slice them all the way down. No, these cars are going faster than the speed of sound. Yeah, Moog, turn the volume on. He melted a piston down, so... So he's like going in a circle with it, and it has to stand up on that pole, I think. It's an umbrella! Yeah, it's too wobbly, because if he falls off that, he's fucking dead.

Oh, he gets a gorm of the way. What do you that if he falls off that he's fucking dead. Oh, he gets a garner of the yeah What do you mean if he falls off? He's dead cuz that wire is going around in a circle now below Oh my god, he's standing above a blender on an hour would uh Bicected it would be like ghost ship the beginning of go to follow just on the track and the shit hit me in the ankle What I don't know dude cuz it's going 200 miles an hour Don't know dude, because it's going 200 miles an hour Goddamn Yeah, I said it's kind of sweet and now what like what do you have to wait? During the podcast again, that's three in a row. Is that three in a row for her? Yeah

Yeah, that's insane. She's ready. You know why she wouldn't know our schedule this hobby. I don't think I am tether car What's the I don't get the pleasure? What's the pleasure tinkering and they can't race. I'm going to add this and this tinkering working on it getting like one mile an hour faster. You know the speed records the pride of it's like that's my car. Where's the pussy? Yeah. Yeah. Where's the pussy at the end of this?

Oh, he gets busing. Oh, no, he doesn't. It's kind of cool. That's not cool. Yeah, no, goddamn. It's not cool. That there. If this is going on, there cannot be a ho within 50 miles. I can't hide that makes a ho force field. You think that's a ho force field? I think hoes might be into that hoes aren't into that Hoes like speed hoes would love it like a world record like speed

No, no, no, no, no, no love NASCAR drivers hoes like speed hoes like speed and bingo Hoes don't like bingo's like bingo Like I feel like bingo houses is filled with hoes old hoes No, no, they're just waiting to hold. Yeah old hoes are do yeah, there's like when you decide not a hoe no I don't know I've never been to bingo. I used to go I go to my grandma Do you want to go to bingo? I would like not really it looks boring as hell It is It is the times I've gone. It's always by a priest that thinks he's a comedian mm-hmm

Yeah, but he's got the world in the palm of his hand. Yeah, he's got fucking 25 laughing at everything Widows out there just dying living on his every word. They're loving it. Yeah They're like a priest can just like mention anything that isn't in the Bible like that's in real modern life and people crack up It's I call it musician funny Musicians can say the least funny thing on stage and people will lose their mind as long as it's not a song. A priest at bingo is like 1993 Snoop Dogg to these people. Yeah, yeah, they would starstruck, loon and walk on the walls, and the priests love it.

Yeah, like imagine a priest came up to you and was like, have you seen Gladiator 2? I'd be like, oh, fuck, okay, look at you. Yeah, I'd be like, oh my god, you're this coolest guy for seeing this blockbuster. Fuck yeah. Whoa, you're different. So you get out.

We were talking maybe last episode, I don't know, about how weird confession was with the priest. Yeah. Do you remember the rules of communion? Because I got those satellite waivers and it's been bringing me back to communion. What was the one rule with communion? The rules of communion. You couldn't let it touch your teeth.

Yeah, as you just take your tongue out So you had to get like we want the first church I want to get to get on your knees like on this cushion in front of the priest He would give you the communion. He would tell you no teeth and Like that just hit me Do you think people now do the high go face now that you say? Don't do it That like crazy shit that like anime e-girls anime e-girls to the face or whether it's like crazy hyper sexualized freak shit amazing

No, I do now remember chewing it I guess with my tongue pressing it. I don't remember hearing that like straight up. No teeth. Not great. I had to go up to the- That was me in front of Father Joe with my arms behind my back. No. On your knees was optional. No, no.

On your knees was very optional. The first church I went to, St. Mark's, had a cushion around the altar. Dude, search communion on knees, it's very common. Have you ever been to the Lebanese church? No, they don't speak English. They used me as a skit character once. What do you mean?

I was in eighth grade and I remember they thought I was much, much younger. I played like a little, little boy. Yes, that's how my first church used to be. Ew. much younger. I played like a little little boy. Yes, that's how my first church used to be. Eww. So I don't get, Catholicism was probably big and like Louisiana stuff but I never knew any Catholics. Whoa. And I don't, I'm not familiar with any of this Catholic Church stuff. It's weird that like different sects of Christianity are so different I guess. Yeah, but Catholicism, I'd imagine, is the cultiest? No, probably not even close.

I think Baptist is like, those are the ones who have the camps and the transitions. In West Virginia and the South, they handle snakes. Yeah. That's cultish. Like 10 people a year die from that. Yeah. You know about snake handling churches? I think there's a new documentary on snake handling churches.

I've been watching TikTok. Those priests who drop like flies. Yeah, and they're like, if I leave today, I leave believing, well, that's dumb. They're so trusting in God that they'll handle this poisonous snake and it won't bite them. Yeah. But it always does. The thing with the snake is evil.

Huh? Isn't the whole thing this is about. Yeah, they're not scared of it. They're not scared of it, and they're churches that nobody would rent to them, they won't build these churches, they're all in tents. Like big circus tents. Yeah, West Virginia's a hotbed for. It's like these bars. They won't build these churches are all in tents like big circus tents Yeah, West Virginia's a hotbed for it's like these boss I gotta look into this so I like the idea of like they go to heaven and like this sort of

Imagine like they do go to heaven God exists. Yeah, but they kind of misstepped on the snake thing He's like, what are y'all doing? Yeah, why are you messing with snakes? Yeah, you shouldn't be doing that Where'd I say that? I gave you this life and you're doing that shit literally the first I'm so mad at you It's not yes, that was page one page literally I had to when I did communion. I had to go and I had to do that No, oh You gotta say no. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, they still go up there. Yeah, I don't know why Yeah, that was weird like I'm gonna when you had like an evil homie spend the night And you had to take him to church. He had to go up and not accept.

But like the thing is like, I would have let the homie like have some, but. You probably would have, yeah. But my mom was like, no, you wait here when we go up. Some yes. Or you have to walk up like this, like you're from Wakanda.

Yeah. Sorry, I're from Wakanda Sorry I'm from Wakanda I can't have this communion Yeah, I was always it was weird look I'm thinking about it more and more it was Because then page from Philly she I was talking about it with her cuz you like this tastes like communion, and she was like my bishop Was a pedophile and I was like I know Because your bishop got banned from Philly and sent to Wheeling and that's what they were And she was like, my bishop was a pedophile. And I was like, I know. Because your bishop got banned from Philly

and sent to Wheeling. And that's what they would do? They would just move them from town to town? They would send them to places where I like to say less fuckable boys. So they got demoted to like A-ball? Yeah, like look at, you're gonna literally. They were early on the transfer portal.

Double A-ball? Double balls. Yeah. Yeah. What else you got? Yeah, yeah Yeah What else you got Sunday I had a massage And I'm not like a quirky massage guy every time I get a massage something crazy happens I've had plenty of the last time normal massage your last massage the guys sneezed in your ass

So this is gonna sound fake I didn't wait to bring that up No way you got no way it happened again. There's gotta be maybe four people that have ever had that experience Having been there nobody nobody's ever had an easy has been there yet the worst cold of the 21st century Just stay home, but this one I kind of want to shout I'm imagining your bare ass like tighten up real You say God bless you as soon as you clench your voice tremble How's your massage it was okay You might be the only ass on earth that's ever been sneezed in the history of man You go to the eye doctor and that thing that it felt like that on my ass with his sneeze water

What these water can your ass can your ass be affected by germs or is it too like is that a germy area as is probably No one would know I'd be the first person New disease cuz you have like Asses are probably so fucking They're covered in shit in German Two different types of germ. Well, now I'm pissed because now you're not gonna believe this next one.

I almost wanna like shout him out, but I don't think he's gonna like what I'm about to say about him otherwise. It was a phenomenal massage otherwise. I guess Cliff, no. Ma'am, he farted. He farted. He farted. When you're a guy like, when you're me and your male masseuse farts a lot goes through your head. Like what? First off it's a couples massage. Not like collaborated but my girlfriend is on the next bed. Okay, very quiet very quiet operation

Again my masseuse Has a cold He has a loud mouth Not like his voice, but I'm breathing you could hear like he's a lot go a lot of the shit all like the organs So he's like coughing throughout whatever that's not whatever that I know it happened again and then I Have my underwear on this time, but like 45 minutes in it's dead silent he farts and I am losing my shit. I have a blindfold on and I am like try not to make sound but I'm like clearly like Laughing with my mouth. Were you laughing enough where you were jiggling?

Here's what made me laugh there's two things two big moments that made me laugh Each he farts. It's real awkward. And then I hear his lips Unlock from each other like he's Like he goes to say, excuse me, and he bails. He bails on the air. It was so awkward. He thought maybe he got away, maybe you didn't hear. I heard him about to say, excuse me. Knew my girlfriend thought it was me,

confirmed afterwards she thought it was me. I'm laughing about that. And then a little bit after, he starts massaging my hands, and then he starts pulling my fingers and I die laughing Because I'm thinking of like Sure the concept of him like farting being embarrassed so he tries to pull my fingers Now I'm audibly kind of laughing and it's so awkward

Does he say anything afterwards? No, he didn't know it was the first thing your girlfriend said after the massage like did you fart in there? I actually brought it up. She said I thought that was you. I was like I knew it Well, yeah, was your face at the level of his ass At this point I was on my stomach. Yeah, but you're still on a table Where's it if he table Standing where's his ass Or where's his ass? Yeah, where the fart came from standing? Oh, no, it was away from me. Okay same height. I Don't know. I had a blindfold on

Was it better or worse than the sneeze It was better. It was just funny. You know, it was just awkward cuz you know when you're trying not to laugh Yeah, and that makes it even funnier I like the idea of like trying to think of like ways to level the playing field Could have been me start pulling his fingers. I gotta go into offensive mode here. I can pull one out him Oh, that's great massage beforehand though, he asked me a question. He was like, are there any problem areas that are off limits?

That should be a two part question. Wait. What's the second part? Because like, if you say a problem area that's off limits, there's nothing he can do. My dark beige cock is off limits, but it's not a problem area. You know what I'm saying?

I wouldn't call it a problem area, but don't touch it balls to Not problems, but off limits We didn't get there Yeah, but I need to see a slow-mo video of an ass getting sneezed at. The previous one was worse. The mist, and then it hits the ass, the ass tenses. Yeah.

It's the funniest sequence of events ever. It makes me so good at it. Bless you. Yeah, it makes me so good at it. Also, that's a massage I got abused. Yeah, right. The ass sneeze massage, you said it just hurt the whole time. Happy G- What was was it happy garden or something So oh my god, that's really fucking good. Oh

Mookie what's going on any housekeeping? No, well we're doing bonus week that we're recording bonus week. It's been a busy week We're both all burn out so to make it the best we're going to recording bonus week, it's been a busy week, we're all burnt out, so to make it the best, we're going to put that out early January. We're gonna record it the first week we're back and then put it out the following. Okay, yeah, I love that.

Brandon's wearing the new Plattson crew neck. Thank you to everyone who bought that. Oh yeah. Kyle, I bought this with my own money. Own money. You kept telling me that, I really appreciate it. I know, but it wasn't being recorded. I've told you many times.

Yeah. And then there was a dude who made like a fucking video game about new Platts and a guy made a role-playing game similar to Dungeons and Dragons about new Platts and and we got a him have him reach out to us. Yeah reach out to me That's amazing. It's almost like a DND campaign where you are Who's the who's a popular wrestler wrestler? Yeah, he was using Connor spaghetti and you're his friend you just moved there, and you have to work your way up the social constructs of new platinum Yeah, what I didn't know about yeah, I got a role playing how it were wow. Thank you for doing that's insane That's so cool. Yeah, that is cool. I want to play that shit. Yeah, it's it's uh it's somewhere on our subreddit, so mm-hmm yeah all right, I

Got I got nothing man. I'm just burnt the fuck. Yeah, you've been I need to get back to Philly and do nothing for a week So that'll be good for you. Yeah, you've been going hard. You're going are you going you're not going anywhere? Are you Brandon? No, I'm staying here, but I'm trying to get him by telling me a paintball gun I love paintball. I would I would buy one if I could if I could get it sent to my house I can't get this into my house in Illinois. Yeah, and I don't know where to go to buy one They don't deliver you could go to a day. You go to Dix. I bet I don't think Dix have I but I You what you have a tip in 98 custom. I had a spider I want to tip in I had a tip in 98 cost I had a tip that was everyone wanted the tip in

Well, you had an a4 I bet cuz you were a something. I don't really remember. I had a falling out with people I Had all the gear. I had an extended barrel. I loved tinkering and building it. I was so afraid I was So I'm bad every party. I would go to because everybody paintballs all the rage in eighth grade Everybody would have everybody's birthday would be paintball. Yep, and I Never got hit by a paintball at any of the parties. I pretended to get hit Yeah, I would just like break a ball on me. I'll be wearing the body armor that has like the abs on it So I was this little I was like a little eighth grader And I would just hit a paintball against me and say I was hit

Oh, yeah, now I have I it's not it hurts. Oh, it hurts. Oh fuck. I hated it I hate it. I had to play at Barstool vs. America and it was fine. It's fine. Yeah, I was like up on dude I was just sitting behind like at the spawn point just like oh, yeah It's not doing it, but I had a falling out cuz I will with my buddy I may have told the story before sorry if I have but We went to this kind of new this place We hadn't gone before kind of sketchy and my friend was super into paintball I didn't really care

But it's like he wanted to go so we went and this place had a bunch of older older fellas They were really into oh, yeah, I was double. Oh legitimately be probably 12 at this time Usually there's a mercy rule if I give you sneak up on flank somebody you like mercy I'm you don't shoot him. Yep, but fucking away No, this full-grown man in like full military fatigues was legitimately a Vietnam vet walks up behind me I'm a child and shoots me in the kidney. I was bleeding. Oh yeah, the well will have you bleeding.

Dude, my parents, it's all I ever wanted. I had a full ghillie suit, and then I wanted a, Played Against Sports had the Tippman branded grenade that was just filled with paint. I remember the grenade, it kinda was a bust. My dad was like, don't open it in the car. I exploded in the car. Yeah. Airsoft was where it was at. No, no. I was like, don't open it in the car. I explode in the car.

Airsoft is where it was at. No, no. That's what I'm concerned about with buying Tommy a paintball gun. It feels like right now in 2024, Airsoft is bigger. But the tinkering with paintball, like, oh, I was going on websites buying barrels and I was taking it apart myself, learned how to use like an Allen wrench

and take it apart, the CO2 and like the accessorizing It's like probably like the toy car thing like that was the most fun part for me But yeah, then air stuff, but they look more realistic like real guns Yeah, he has those kinds of but there's like you hit something is tink like it's nothing. There's no satisfaction there Yeah, those things you can you can go though man. Yeah, they fly shorty USA calm That's where I would get my paintball. That the best that's where I had the magazine I was just fantasized about having like a go-kart with a is it down is it oh no shorty USA not a thing anymore this was like this was like oh, just like, oh yeah,

here's a bunch of guns that you can have. Yeah. And. I remember one year I asked legitimately for an MP5. Yeah. Just like, oh my god, Ed, the coolest. I just don't think you want Tommy to be an airsoft boy. No.

That becomes airsoft adults. Up where we are, there's a big airsoft course. I think you let him decide. Oh, that might be better than that. There's a big airsoft course That might be But I don't know cuz I'm scared I'll take my 14 year old kid to there and there will be it'll just be nothing But 35 we're gonna get a fistfight with him my man. Yeah that It ain't fun brother. Yeah, so I want to make sure I keep him at age level get him a slingshot He seems like a slingshot kid slingsingshot he got a slingshot when he was you know seven what about like he could build his own trebuchet or camp catapult

Trebuchet be dope and he gets throw rocks into the lake real far I know what a trebuchet is, but I don't think the move does what is it? It's like a counterweight style catapult Oh, yeah, okay, okay. I got you move. Thanks. Thanks, doc. Yeah, yeah pretty cool shit I was at my high school. Oh Derek your high school. Yeah, we had one at our high school And every year the oil Derek is hilarious like those big devices like Derek, which we named this I don't know. Yeah, I have one idea The engineers just finished this device that will literally change the world pump out oil which we call it Derek you were in charge of this one what you got

Fuck-up About Derek Derek, I wish Steve Jobs done that with the Steve People should just name stuff after their first name that would be way better it would be I'm trying to think Whatever whatever all right one thing. Thank you guys for coming out to the show in Austin. Oh, yeah Yeah, those are really good turnout. Everybody was super cool I was with the second show we were it was started pouring down rain like we were outside meeting people so we had cut that short coming out to the show in Austin. Oh yeah, yeah, that was a really good turnout. Everybody was super cool. The second show, it started pouring down rain like we were outside meeting people, so we had to cut that short, I feel bad,

but a lot of really cool people. We got the fuck a fan. Oh, a guy came up, he's like, hey, Mooc, I won the fuck a fan contest. Which is something we had. Mooc had it. That was Rudy in disguise. And so.

Was that Rudy? It's Rudy and Quigs combined. And Mooc was like, oh, you want it, what do you want? He was like, I wanna fuck you. in disguise and so that Rudy that is it's Rudy and quigs combined and The guy and like Luke was like oh you want it like what do you want? He was like I want to fuck you And we're like no, but like what do you like do you want like just like a pic you want to like yeah? He's like bend over He was insisting on but that was me pushing his dick into your ass. See that yeah, I'm caught in the ass That could be anybody You do look like a man who's getting fucked for the first time.

That's a huge compliment. You look like the Secret Service guys when JFK gets shot, like Russian. Oh, me? Yeah, I'm like scurrying him away, but I'm going in. Oh, you ran into one of the Ballstool Boys. Yeah, what a small world. No way way. Yeah on the trip with you. Yes Yes, yeah, he was cool guy was he at the show no. Oh that is I was walking around South Congress Street I went to an old-timey candy shop to buy those satellite wafers, and I got I ate way too many and got sick Yeah, shout out Scott big shout out Scott

Okay, have a have a good holiday. Yeah, God bless