A New Untold Story - Bébé Chéri - A New Untold Story: Ep. 381

Episode Date: February 1, 2024

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Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. Alrighty. Hey, is that story old or told? A new Untold Story episode 399. Hold up. Looks like you got the wrong number, buddy. You're kidding me, man. Seems as if that chick at the bar slid you made up math because she wasn't feeling you oh and it wasn't even because you were playing pokemon go when everyone

else was vibing to snooze by scissor she actually fucks with pokemon she beat fire red and leaf green by three days only using mudkip you know beataded at her abuela's beach house in baja fumbled a latin queen fumbled a latina adios see ya um and it wasn't because of the gluten-free ipas or the bootleg birkin bag filled with board games and ninja knives. She actually thought that was delightfully tacky. Yeah, it was something more deep seated than that. Oh, by the way. Oh, by the way, this is. American Indian Republican candidate Nikki Haley.

I don't even want your bitch-ass vote. I'm with your boy Maresh right now. We're at Diwali rehearsal. He's saying he doesn't fuck with you either. Jesus Christ. All right, yeah. In my head, was that the alphabet somehow?

What was... I was like... A lot of alliteration. A lot of... You said the wrong number and I was like, A lot of alliteration. You said the wrong number, and I was like, oh, I'm the dude that you texted, or the girl. Yeah, okay. That was amazing.

That was beautiful. Diwali practice? You have to practice for Diwali? I'm sure. You need to rehearse something. I don't know. Diwali's their Christmas? Let's see if that slow-ass computer can... I had to rehearse for a quinceanera i was a part of that what were you doing i was in the court really i just like the bridal party i didn't grow up next to anybody who would have a quinceanera the victory of light over darkness good over evil and knowledge over ignorance that's a beautiful holiday they do

the colorful festivities. I always wanted to go to the colorful thing, but then I have no desire to go to India. Yet. I would. I would. Fuck it. I think they have beaches. They definitely do. Yeah, it's on the ocean, but I don't know if it's like

time. I don't know if you'd want to lay the towels out on the beaches. Hey. What? No, nothing. Toilet paper, maybe. I don't know if you'd want to lay the towels out on the beaches hey what? no, nothing toilet paper maybe I wanted to go to India when the cosmic barber was still alive when he would suck the bad energy out of you he was like in the back of a car

he was like relax and then he would like rub oil on you and beat the fuck out of your scalp this is the guy who died yeah, cosmic barber died sucked have you guys

done anything like that recently hmm like a like a what like a spiritual like a journey yeah like i have um i went to a peppermint steam room with a cold plunge in the center that's amazing thank you but cold plunge and then peppermint air makes the nipples harder than ever. Was this like a cold plunge that was very cold? 45. So it was therapeutic? It was fun. Yeah.

It was fun. Why? Did you do something? I got a pedicure and then a facial. Yeah? I highly recommend the facial. I got a facial for Christmas. It was super relaxing yeah

i uh what do they do to like 50 of my face is beard they rub it in a way that it lulled me into like a fantastical trance really yes like i was in uh the neighborhood of make believe for was it a couple's facial it was just me you ran solo to the facial the couple what the my girlfriend went too but that's a couple oh it wasn't that she was dual rubbing oh right so yeah she yeah the one hand on her clearly too yeah using both hands and i was out out like a light you fell asleep yeah i did a pedicure and it was like in a massage chair water was too hot and it was just the vibration feature on the massage chair i wanted kneading i like a kneading massage chair like in a sharper image k-n-e-i-d like you're making pizza i've heard about that yeah i'm sure certainly you've sat in one yeah

but no i haven't in a little bit done anything to better myself why no i think that's the move now that i got the facial i was and i was relaxed with the for the when did you get a Sunday you're glowing a little bit. I don't know if that way don't think it works. I think they pop I think my routines are mostly scams. Yeah, they'd that hurt. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, but it was the most it was like the best doze off ever. It was like laughing gas Did they use electricity on you? I don't know they hit me with electricity. I love dozing off. We're talking about that Yeah, they did best sensations. You're right. Mm-hmm. I love dozing off. We were talking about that. Yeah. Best sensations. You're right. Mm hmm.

I was in the neighborhood of make believe on the trolley with Prince Tuesday. And then Lady Elaine held it hostage. Held what hostage? The train? The trolley. Yeah. Lady Elaine. She was like, you can't leave until you tell me six minus four.

And I was like, fuck. Well, I typically would know this, but I'm so out of it. I can't leave until you tell me six minus four i was like fuck well i typically would know this but i'm so out of it i can't i just couldn't figure it out so the land of make-believe was the mr rogers land like the the castle land that was puppets yeah but they never actually went right did they go into the land? I think he was walking around. With Lamb Chop. You remember fucking Lamb Chop? No. Yes. A character? Yeah.

That was her own show. It was a woman in Lamb Chop. What is Lamb Chop? Lamb Chop. Lamb Chop now is predominantly just a dog toy. But the IP has used Lamb Chop show. I don't remember this. Yes, you do.

Is it PBS? Lamb Chop's play along, dude. Oh, you're thinking of Wishbone. No, no, no. It's one of the kooky classics. This looks like it's from the 70s. I would watch this religiously. But what was that woman's name?

Was her name Sherry? Yeah, Sherry. This looks horrible. No one was watching. I was watching tons of lamb chop, and I bet you there's going to be a lot of people coming out. No dudes are watching lamb chop. Dude, I'm a well-adjusted guy. I was watching hella Lamb Chop.

You guys remember this? No one remembers. 0 for 4. I refuse to watch Mr. Rogers too. And then I watched this and I watched this movie Journey to the Beginning of Time and those were the two things I ever watched. I'm sure, have you guys seen that? I've never even heard of that. It was these kids that

went to a museum and talked to a medicine man, and he sent them down a tunnel, and they went to Dinosaur World. This was my favorite movie. See, this looks cool. Yeah, it's cool. That's cool. What year did that come out? Yeah, I don't remember this.

What network was it? That came out in 95. Oh, 1955. Okay, yeah, I was watching that shit. What? i didn't have a lot of vhs's i had that and sherry sherry lewis's lamb chop you were watching tv shows like spider-man i didn't like spider-man i liked angry beavers i liked angry beavers what's that daggett i hated angry beavers actually what the fuck yeah i didn't like it i was thinking of cat dog that cat dog weirded me out that's why you're winslow that was it you guys laughed fuck off you didn't know did you know winslow was their their mouse butler or did you just laugh

don't say don't fucking just laugh like that that made me feel i implied he was a character in cat dog anyways i now though i'm watching the bachelor hanging out with zach got me interested in the show kind of am too uh but this new guy joey so you know who's gonna win probably why i feel like i it's there's a resounding leader i didn't think so oh yeah i think the blonde girl with lyme disease oh. Lyme disease with the cochlear implant. Yeah. But then there's... I saw the... Any girl could win. He hasn't kissed them all yet.

That's when you know the electricity. I saw a graphic that he got a lot of kisses. Yeah, but not as much as Zach. I don't think I got eight kisses. But goddamn, we better bite our tongues. We've been getting destroyed on the Bachelor subreddit. Bachelor Nation doesn't like us.

I thought we were a friend of the program. That actually destroyed me. I hated that. I thought that episode would consolidate our respective audience. Can you pull that up? I thought they would love us. Yeah, so the Bachelor subreddit, I guess, lampooning us, calling us bros and disgusting. That's a compliment

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Drop the M. Yeah, that tedious M. Okay, here it is. Yeah, I'm intimidated by these fans. The fans are probably very similar to Barstool fans. Yeah. What is the clip that they put in there? The 11 kisses.

Oh, yeah. Talking about the 11 kisses. She's whining. Oh, this clip. Oh, no wonder. Yeah, this was you being a douchebag as a bit. Where's my one on one? In your head, you're just like, holy shit.

Is it kiss time yet? That's all. They didn't fuck with that. Oh, I could see what. Is it kiss time yet? That's all. They didn't fuck with that. Oh, I could see what. Wait, what is this? I listened to this whole thing. These guys are hilarious. Oh, what?

Okay. Well, the BRGs came in there. Get the fuck out, Barstool Boys. Oh, thanks. Thanks, guys. Thank you for helping. Off rip, it was an onslaught. And then as time passed,

well, I don't want to be rude and then as time passed, reinforcements came. I don't want to be rude to them. I want to win them back. They are very good comedians. Me too. 25 upvotes on not very good comedians. Men give me such the ick. I mean, that's fair.

We deserve more. I deserve more of that, especially. You deserve the ick. Well, I was laughing too hard at it, so I probably came off worse. Yeah, that wasn't funny. Oh, it was. I hate it how I'm somehow privy to this kind of dude convo.

Oh, I'll take that. Are we paying to be on the sub? Are we paying to be on the sub? This is definitely not doing Zach any favors. No, he's the man. Let's see. I would rather live with 15 cats than one of these dude bros. And I bet it would smell better.

Right? I'm definitely too old for any of these men. I'm sure my age are equally ooh, but ooh? I don't get that. Ooh. We're getting a lot of oohs. Hey, listen. Dude bro is something that I've always wanted to be.

And I've never even been accused of that. We just got called dude bro. That might be the first time I've ever been called a dude bro. All right. Actually, I kind of like this. Yeah, i know way too much about belize to be a dude bro thanks for the atlas you're welcome man how did you pry did you look into it oh yeah spend so much time on it it's because it's everything that i would look up on like wikipedia just in a more condensed digestible format welcome to books man i am into books well atlases i don't know yeah oh is there anything else are we good okay let's talk in a respectful way about the bachelor i'm sure that is the dude uh he's uh i think a lot of people said he's not handsome i think he's

handsome as hell uh i need him in my crew i think he might be the world's dumbest guy he's dumb yeah yeah we will use a pike at Westchester oh is this another one I can't see this is fantastic interview with Zach oh okay but there's 61 comments fuck what's this one I can't read it so is this just Zach interviewing with a pig

of a guy got it which clip is this this Zach interviewing with a pig of a guy? Got it. Which clip is this? This is... I think we would do on a show like this. I think you guys would do... What? I'm the... Are you the pig? I feel like I'm the pig.

Why do you think that would happen on The Bachelor? That happens on the show. Like a girl is crying. No, don't post it. That was actually horrible. What about you laughing? I had no idea what I was... You moaning when you make a...

I was trying to make that work and I just got stuck had no idea when i was moaning when you i was trying to make that work and i just got stuck and yeah and it was a long marooned in the middle of that bit yeah dude you were i don't know what i was you're marooned for a while i know yeah yeah this is the strokes clip yeah that's oh yeah well deserved that yeah wait yeah yeah i deserve more criticism and yeah post who these men are. I feel like I'm having a stroke listening to these idiots talk about these strokes. The room probably smells like ass. Does.

Nick and KB are comedians. Disgusting. Barfo. Barfo? Barfo? Is that a barstool? No, no, it's like Barfo. Yeah, that's dated. There's a big mountain of ew. I see three pairs of unwashed legs.

They can see my legs. Unwashed legs? The hell? We're wearing pants. I actually never wash my legs. Gross, gross, gross. Ew, I'm sorry. The vibes of this podcast reek.

What? There's a lot of smell. Yeah, there's a lot of smell. Odorous. A lot of odorous anything hey ladies just drawing 37 feet away from guys like this oh

oh Kyle you're a pig Zach is such a typical barstool bro I doubt that man has ever had a woman in hysterics because of his strokes that's cappadocia turkey head wait guy in the glasses being the voice of reason alright

I think these are all aimed at me you just said you would moan if your strokes put a girl in hysterics yeah I was kidding obviously alright oh they're britney spears giffing you this is awesome i've never heard of this podcast it's one of the lesser known barstool bro hangout podcasts true true i can smell ball sack just watching this what the f is this guy

i kind of have the itch to be lampooned by more audiences. That was kind of like a fetish. Dude, so I just made a fresh Reddit for this computer here. Oh, nice. We should use it to infiltrate. Yeah. What's a big fandom we could say something about? I think we stick to The Bachelor.

Okay. Yeah. Well, The New Bachelor, I think he's a little bit of a dummy, but I like him. I want him in my crew bad. Joey. He's got real wide, wide, wide thumbs because every time a girl cries, he wipes his wide fucking thumb up across her cheek and he goes, take your time. And they love it.

I was kidding about watching it. You did. I watched it. I saw some clips. He's got the widest thumb. It looks like a big toe. And he just rubs it so grossly across their cheek. And I like that.

He had the girls fight with paint for like a challenge to win his heart. And he like looks at the camera. He's like, we got ourselves a good old fashioned paint fight. I was like, you can't say that for like a thing that's not a thing. It's good old. How do you win a paint fight? Oh, wait. That say that for like a thing that's not a thing it's good old old how do you win a paint fight oh wait that one made it too the whole video yeah oh fuck but this one we didn't get roasted oh okay um people are just confused about the name anus podcast yeah that's understandable yeah men on the show sharing zins with each other oh yeah the fantasy suite with

rachel well i don't know what that means neither do i okay yeah so just yeah that's it i think can i see a picture of this new guy i don't know what he looks yeah he looks very he's a very italian uh jersey guy new bachelor Bachelor Joey. But I need Joey Graziadai. Graziadai. That doesn't sound Italian. You gotta take a look at his fucking thumbs, dude. He's always

wiping cheap. Show me his thumbs. I think he kind of gets off on like clearing tears. He likes the size of his thumbs. Oh yeah, I think he does like the size of his thumbs. Ah, damn. Can't find it. He's good looking. He thumbs. Oh, yeah. I think he does like the size of his thumbs. Ah, damn. Can't find it. Oh, well. He's good looking.

He's a good looking guy. People don't think he is. Brandon said he's not. Oh, Rudy. Biggest slut move of all time that you've done. What? You posted the Stanley Cup to your story. First off, it's my...

Not the hockey cup. It's my Stanley Cup. Yeah. The trending cup when i looked over and you it was in between his legs stanley cup and we're taking a snapchat with it he put it in between his legs where his cock is yep yeah what did you what did he put he was the caption can't believe i bought two of these double lie yeah didn't buy one i did have you gotten responses you did i saw you cook like that's the that's the biggest

whore move of all time yeah that's i used to be much more of a whore but then when i sometimes when i see an opportunity i just it's just the can't believe i got two of these on accident yeah no it's just sometimes you just see the chance for fishing and you go yeah disgusting it's not disgusting are women calling you out yep we got a couple bites no no i mean call i'm calling you out like you're disgusting you're a pig no they're not oh yeah so yeah what do they say i got one already it says pick me boy vibes yes yeah true rudy definitely you have your um i saw it you have your uh your avatar on the snapchat map what i wear a beanie and botiega shades yeah no i don't yeah you got a bitmoji bro

dude rudy updates his bitmoji i think my bitmoji has a shirt that says thug life oh my god yeah oh rudy i hate that it's going to work for you too i never dressed my bitmoji because i was like scared to like customize it so i'm just a green guy you're fearful yeah you're fearful oh i'm i don't i don't even think i have i've snapchat downloaded but no notifications i just have it for my fantasy group chat because some of the boys have androids we're 30 plus kb who you snapchatting bro i don't use that yeah i do not use that uh i saw your score go up by two dude yeah i had to keep a streak alive i uh when snapchat first became a thing i was in college and i didn't have an iphone i had a uh a windows phone i got it

because it looked like a pokedex it was red and i had to use the snapchat like web app on my phone to snap people it was a huge pain in the ass i would like log in every time and it really really fucking distorted and like stretched my face so i no pussy no pussy from it yeah no i know people who've gotten pussy from their avatar oh from just the avatar the avatar i know you were sending half face so boards to people yeah and i would purposely get in the car and drive on the highway to do a really too like i'm driving so it's not i didn't like try too hard to take it'd be like 30 miles away from home. I would every once in a while move the camera so I was blurry

so you couldn't like if I wasn't looking good. I would do that as well. Yeah. Hard to capture those. You gotta try a couple times. Yeah. You ever send one with your cock in it? No. And then you get the replay notification because you know you're getting clowned. Sounds like

you have. No. No, I'm not sending my cock over Snapchat. What do you send it over? Snail mail. Yeah. Yeah. Post it. Good old fashioned snail mail. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. No. Every time you see one of those trucks that say oversized load, they're sent. They're bringing my dick pic. Yeah. That's how I send mine, dude. Yeah, it's tethered down like a wind turbine.

That's what's inside it. Yeah. The Peterbilt 389. I still love you. Yeah, that's what... The wind turbine's a Trojan horse for your penis. Yeah, it's just a Polaroid. A real long Polaroid.

Episode 391. 391. Oh, that was semi-close Episode 391. 391. Oh, that was semi-close. Pretty close. 391. If you add up those digits, what do you get? 13. The 2003 critically acknowledged drama.

13. Featuring sinful seventh graders who dabbled with drugs, sex, crime, and self-harm. Tongue piercing. Starring Evan Rachel Wood. Whoa. The robotic farm whore from Westworld. That was her title, yeah. That movie...

We don't talk about it enough. The movie 13? The movie 13. I watched it on a first date with my first girlfriend. I meant we do talk about it more than anyone in the world. Yeah, we talk about it more than any podcast ever. I watched it on a first date with my first girlfriend who broke up with me uh because i was afraid to kiss her afraid to kiss her and especially she wanted to watch 13 she wanted to kiss

she did and i our i am scratching clawing begging pleading for the 13 cinematic universe to release a sequel or remake 14 i think it think you have to adjust for maturity. Actually, what we should do is we should watch just every numbered movie as if they're in the same universe. We can do that. Is there a movie called One? There's got to be. 13?

There's a 13. There's a 7. There's a 20, 21. Three and a half. All right, yeah, let's do a number movie. Watch along. Yes, Mr. Todd. Yes, Mr. Todd.

Well, that's that's Sweeney Todd. Yeah. I was thinking. Yeah. I was thinking of Sydney Sweeney Toddler. Sydney Sweeney plays a preschooler with D Cups. You were just thinking that. Yeah. Well, I've been thinking about about it but it's not called

sweeney toddler that's too hacky it's called bibichery bibichery bibichery which is sweeney toddler in french oh okay that's good yeah and is that is that the premise of she sydney sweeney preschool but she's in her she's in her adult she. She did in Euphoria. She played a high schooler despite being 20 plus, but yeah, she's playing a preschooler in her adult body. With her double D breasts. Right. And what's the premise of the movie?

Um... That was like the... That was the guiltiest um. Big titty tot, big titty tot, big all around. How are you only three, my dear? Well, I'm actually four. But 34D, oh my, oh me, oh my, oh me.

Something like that. Did you just watch Sweeney Todd recently? I watched the songs. Big titty tot, big titty tot, big all around. What a nice round face. Bachelor Nation is good. Oh, you're done for. I hate that a lot.

Oh, wait, can we post? It's tit devouring tit, my dear. But who are we to deny her in here? So, yeah, I think like Leo's playing the teacher. They're we to deny her in here so yeah i think like leo's playing the teacher they're trying to admit her this they're trying to admit the audience of this has to be very narrow yeah a mook from the burner can you just post kyle singing that to the bachelor subreddit just this fucking dude again how are you only four my dear well i'm actually three but 34d oh my oh me there's more to you than meets the eye but all i can think of is london pie

yeah all right yeah let's uh let's is our next. This is the next basketball shoes. We'll make a trailer for it. Who's the teacher? The male preschool teacher. Jeff Goldblum. Yes. Who can do Goldblum? Yeah.

I can learn a Goldblum. Yeah. All right. Just a real. Yeah. He always says, um, and yeah, right. I mean, her breasts are they're incredible I think that you might and we're trying

to admit her into our daycare okay but I think he treats her like the whiplash music teacher like he's real mean with her okay and he's like raising this to like for her push-up bra yeah bigger yes a little bit tighter now

all right yeah yeah bigger yes a little bit a little bit tighter now all right uh yeah oh yeah that was okay so possibly we put on okay we'll have goldblum as the but they're uh it's so tim burton ask i want them to be like real pale yeah sickly yeah and what's the name of this film uh baby cherry why do you want why don't we just you thinkweeney Toddler's too hacky for a movie about... Let me remind you of the plot. Yeah, the name is too hacky for this toddler with... Adult woman playing a toddler with D-cups.

Yeah, well... And then is there a twist? Is there like a... Does it follow along with Sweeney Todd? I don't know the plot of that shit he's a barber that cuts necks and then he sends them pies until yeah it turns them to pies yeah uh i guess something with pies the like i don't know maybe there's someone trying to use the tits for pie i don't know he's trying to make titty pie titty pie that's all i can think about harvesting yeah there maybe there's a

better Tim Burton movie to put her in oh no Nightmare Before Christmas Edward Scissorhands Batman versus Robin or Batman Robin big tit big tit yeah yeah tit. Is that a big fish? Yeah. We'll do both. Big tit. Yeah. The dad uses his wedding ring to catch the biggest tit in the country. What is the plot of that? He uses his wedding ring

as bait to catch a big fish. Yeah. He uses his wedding ring to catch a big tit. Yeah. Big tit. She can play an adult in this one. That's nice of you. That was so reluctant of you. reluctant yeah the day his son was born he used his ring to catch an enormous tit and matthew mcgrory plays both tits matthew mcgrory's big ass yeah plays like both titties like a lindsey lohan parent trap yes he'll play both titties who the fuck is this guy he was the biggest 7'6 we talked about Matthew

McGroy on episode 2 of Anus whoa okay go back to Tim Burton movies okay okay oh Dumbo Jumbo a baby elephant with gigantic breasts. Gigantic titties.

Ed Wood. Beetle tits. It's E.D. Wood. It's about a guy who can't get hard until he sees Sidney Sweeney's titties. E.D. Wood's Sweeney tits. Oh my god. Sleepy Hollow. Charlie and the Chocolate

Factory. Sweeney and the Titty Factory. What other names for titties are there? Jugs. Beetlejuice. Titty Factory what other names for titties are there Jogs Beetlejuice big titty talk big titty talk he hasn't really done many movies

has he that's a good amount is it thought he did more I think he uh I actually saw a video the other day someone talking about how in like the new cgi age he's not very well accustomed because he's very practical yeah because he's using stop motion and shit oh yeah those titties and like claymation would be awesome not awesome but it'll be i love claymation the titties themselves it would be

indifferent interesting yeah it'll be interesting for sure um Pittsburgh oh yeah the stand-up heard nothing but great reviews yeah yeah um it was fun man so you got to do it more I got to do it tonight oh yeah tonight but the thing is like I'm doing the same stuff that's the the beauty that's the point of traveling I'm not I've done i've done it here before i'm saying you go to a different city it was exhausting i don't know how mook or sass do it man yeah that is i was exhausted after that weekend after talk doing fucking 12 minutes of talking mook will do fucking 20 sass will do 45 it's insane and then sleeping in just a hotel getting up doing nothing until seven o'clock but But was there like a rush about it, like an adrenaline, like after day two, like, all right, I got the hang of it.

Let's let's roll. Less pressure. Let's have fun up there. Try some new shit out. I feel like Friday, that was the day for you to be like, OK, I'm back. Let's do it. But Saturday you were like, I'm gassed. Saturday I was gassed.

Friday ended. I was my first not bad crowd, but just less lively crowd. Because I think it didn't sell out, so they did like $5 tickets. So it was people that didn't know anything. And that was a real eye-opener, because a lot of the times it's Barstool fans, right? And so when it wasn't, I wasn't

quite good. That's part of the game. That was a weird ass crowd. It was interesting. It was in a weird area of Pittsburgh that nobody goes to. It was right next to like a Carhartt store and a Dave and Buster's. Oh, but yeah, it was,

it was a fun, it was a fun weekend. I just like, you're packing up to go to Houston tomorrow, Friday. Yeah. I don't know how it's, it's tiring.

And then Denver the following weekend, I might go up. If you guys would have me in Madison. Oh my God. That'd be a perfect town. I wanted to up if you guys would have me in Madison. Oh my God, that'd be a perfect town. I wanted to talk to you guys about that because I'm supposed to be

in Perth that weekend. Oh shit. I would like to move it. I'll let you move Perth. Yeah, I think the weekend after. The weekend after? I'll let you move Perth

to the weekend after but there's going to be a punishment. Yeah. It's not just going to be all with fun and games now. You're going to lose 24 hours in Perth.

Okay. I'll take it. I want to go to Madison really bad. It's like one of to be all fun and games now. You're going to lose 24 hours in Perth. Okay. I'll take it. I want to go to Madison really bad. It's like one of the best clubs in the country. Yeah. We'll move Perth for you. But yeah, there will be a punishment. I still want us all to go to Perth.

I don't, man, at all. I know. It's such a long flight. Yeah, I know. But it's like for the it's Australia. It's an adventure. It for sure is. but i'll go on my own you're going to italy yeah no qualms that's way different how i'm going to the coliseum and

i'm going to be there for nine days not the coliseum but italy yeah i'm going to be having the freshest wines the tuscany region has to offer i've worked myself into a difficult negotiating position there is no no Rome in Australia. There's no Rome in Australia. There might be. There's no Rome. Is there a city called Rome in Australia? New York. There's Rome, New York? Yeah.

Australia is more my speed, I think. Rome, Queensland. There we go. Oh, there we go. That looks nice. I'll go there. What's the pop? Do you have an itinerary for Rome? Yeah.

First three days, I'm going to be in like Rome. I want to see some old shit. Then I'm going to Florence. Dope. Yeah, that's my itinerary. That'll be a great trip. Thanks, man. Do you have a,'re on hawaii

yeah i gotta decide how i'm gonna do it i'm torn between oahu and the big island oh i haven't taken a vacation in i guess that's if ever i don't think like i've never taken in my adult life i've never taken it i've never taken it gets so comfortable in my own apartment yep i'm gonna i'm forcing myself to leave yeah all right i'm excited about this one on a personal level it's been the most effective for me um talking about rocket money listen do you ever feel and i know you do do you ever feel like money is just flying out of your account and you have no idea where it's going i did well i know where it's going. I did. Well, I know where it's going. It's all of those subscriptions, the random ones, $1, maybe 99 cents, $5, $4.99, and you

forgot about it. Think about it. It's between streaming services, fitness apps, delivery services, parenting apps, endless. I was in so many that i forgot i ever paid for texas a&m football forums sub stacks like erotica pages that i just paid the subscription for a quick gag and then completely forgot about it rocket money what only fans too dude that'll catch up to you yeah only fans that this. That this, yeah, Rocket Mortgage, Rocket Money detects only fans from 2020, 2019. You don't want those women anymore.

There's a new crop of women. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills. So when I do it, I can see all of my subscriptions in one place. And if I see something I don't want, which was basically all of them, I can cancel it with a tap. I never have to get on the phone with customer service, which is my least favorite part. And this applies to you as well no customer service no waiting on hold they'll even try to get you oh i didn't even know this they'll try to get you a refund for the last

couple months of wasted money and negotiate to lower your bills for you huge that's huge up to 20 all you have to do is take a picture of your bill. Don't try to counterfeit it, though. And Rocket Money takes, or try it and let me know how that goes. Psych, psych city. And Rocket Money takes care of the rest. They have over 5 million users. Some responsible, some not even responsible, but this is so easy it doesn't even feel like a responsibility. Rocket Money has saved its members an average of $720 a year

with over $500 million in canceled subscriptions. So again, stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash untold. That's rocketmoney.com slash unfold, untold, untold untold rocket money.com slash untold. They're really hitting that point. Rocket money.com slash untold. Can we, uh, do you know the music? Can you, can you like sing that song over the music? The song is big titty tot, big titty tot.

That's all I have. Oh, what are the, oh yeah. Maybe we should watch the movie then. We should watch the movie. What else is there? Oh, should we Maybe we should watch the movie then. We should watch the movie. What else is there? Should we address Bethany Hamilton? Bethany Hamilton. Yeah, I got the tweet.

I don't know. Rip Curl, a famous surfing brand, have dropped Bethany Hamilton, who lost her arm in a shark attack, from their ad campaigns. She was the spokesperson. They have instead used transgender surfer sasha jane lowerson to advertise women's surfing yeah so bethany is unhappy about it that somebody else that had an appendage torn off is now the seamless transition same exact thing yeah a seamless transition. It's the same exact thing, yeah. A seamless transition transition. How do we feel about this?

I feel bad for Bethany, but I mean... Okay, well, according to the new rule, a transgender woman is eligible to compete in a women's event in surfing by sustaining a testosterone level less than five nanomoles and anomalies nanomole i don't know per liter of blood for 12 months so if she i guess that's fair i don't know i mean balancing on a board isn't just like a gender advantage is it? I bet you the penis would act as a some sort of like pendulum. And she has one

like it's way harder for her to balance on a board. And paddling. Yeah she probably just goes in a circle. But Bethany's vocal like I don't know if she's like hostile more like hey I don't think this is fair. Yes.

Is that the only reason they cut her is to replace her there's more did they cut her pre or post I would sponsor her we should sponsor her reach out from rip curl to anus that's good that's good that's a lateral move

we're on the come up. We'll sign Bethany Hamilton. Sign Bethany. And happy fifth birthday to my nephew, Henry. Henry, happy fifth birthday. Shout out to Big Cat, who got him a Nighthawk electric go-kart. What? And a basketball scholarship to Wisconsin.

What? Yeah. 2037. Full ride. Does he know that your sister and..., does he know that you're short? He got the scholarship. It's in the ads, so it's signed, yeah. Really?

Yeah, so that's exciting. Your little nephew's a badger. Yeah. That's incredible. That's him, yeah. Is your sister, was she thankful? Very much, yeah. More for the go-kart or the scholarship?

They got the hat at the preschool. The hat reveal at the preschool today. Yeah? Where he's selecting his hat? Selecting the Wisconsin hat, yeah. Anybody else at that preschool? Big titty top, big titty top, big all around. Gotta work on some more lyrics.

Let's just call it Sweeney Toddler. Sweeney Toddler, yeah. But I think Bebe Cherie would get like an Oscar nom. Yeah. Right. Like the artist. Is Asad making a cameo in this? Oh.

Maybe if this goes well we can expand the cinematic universe. Yeah, we can have the universe bigger. But right now this is just Sweeney and Goldblum. And who else? Somebody's first acting role. Someone's first acting role. Yeah, I think like Louis Tomlinson

from One Direction. And Victor Wembanyama. Yeah. For scale. Yeah. For scale. Yeah. For scale. Uh-huh. Yeah.

Victor's in the class. Yeah. Yeah, these kids are getting mature. And it's a sequel to 13. Yeah. and it's a sequel to 13 any new foods trending in your lives new foods trending yeah like right now it's jalapeno pimento cheese and cheesecake i can only eat like five things that's right yeah life sucks dick been looking at these cupcakes look Look great. Can't.

Free food every day for lunch. Can't. But you probably feel physically a lot better. Internally a lot better. Or is that. I'm hungry. Do you think it's worth it? Yes.

I was feeling miserable. But yeah. I'm hungry all the time. You've shifted misery. Yes. From physical to. Mental. Yeah.

I've been mental. I've been under mental direct yeah we'll always have issues thanks man yeah we will um we got to do a team dinner soon yes read full-time read full-time mook got a promotion as well got a promotion as well love it awesome we'll do a team dinner a lot of good restaurants and then vegas next week. And then Vegas next week. We got Vegas next week. You got Shin Lim. I got Shin Lim.

I got it for a day that we're not going to be there. Yeah, I won't be there. But you got me Shin Lim. We'll try to rework the ticket date. Leggy ass name. Shin Lim, yeah. Word to wordle, yeah. I know. Shin Lim, that's like...

I'm trying to think of an equivalent name. Olna? Never mind. Shin Lim that's like I'm trying to think of an equivalent name Um Olna Nevermind Like L. Ron Hubbard Elbow Elbow Arm

Elbow Shoulder arm Yeah Jesus Christ big today talk big today talk big all around how are you

okay dude well I'm actually free she's yeah oh I I have a massage tomorrow so I'm on

a massage kick obviously and I had to call to schedule it. Oh, no. And they asked me, do you want it with a male or female? Yeah. And I was like, I don't like it. I don't like how you put it.

What do you mean? Because that felt gross. Because if you said female, they would think you're a sicko. I just hated answering that. Yeah, I would rather them not ask. Right. And she said, male would think you're a sicko. I just hated answering that. Yeah, I would rather them not ask. Right. And she said, male or female? You went with male.

I went with female. Really? What would you go with? Male. Wait, really? Did I fuck up? Yeah. You sound like a pervert.

Yeah. That's exactly how I felt. Yes. You guys would go male? Yes. I went female. I'm in a relationship. This is not like a, this is like a deep tissue thing, I think. Right. You're in a relationship. You should have go male? Yes. I went female. I'm in a relationship. This is not like a,

this is like a deep tissue thing, I think. Right. You're in a relationship. You should have gone male. I know. Is that fucked up? Deep tissue, male.

I will change it. Does your girlfriend know you got a female rubdown coming up? I think we talked about it. You think you talked about it? That means you haven't. We haven't yet. There's no shot you talked about it.

Okay, no, I'll change it to male. I just thought, I thought I would get clowned for doing a dude. And the name of it is Paws Massage. It's called Paws Massage? Yeah. Like P-A-W-S? No, P-A-U-S-E.

Oh, that's gay. You were going to... That's what I'm saying. I was stuck. Oh, that changes everything. If it's Paws Massage... Catch-22. Yeah, wait.

Is it a nice establishment, or is it a shady, a nice establishment or is it a shady seedy establish nice can we look up pause massage so I switch to mail no ask if ask for a lesbian woman that would be best case scenario best case scenario middle it mm-hmm my biggest fear not to call and switch to mail that'll be call right now and switch to mail yeah go to the one star review maybe they won't show

wait there's a KB that reviewed it booked my husband's massage about two weeks in advance provide all the information didn't look over the intake form a lot of ones massage by beginners. Faulty booking system. People who if you don't people who loved it aren't going to review it.

Switch to mail right now. But like ask ask if it's like weird. Like do you ask if your girlfriend would care. You got a man like this. This could be the end of your relationship wait is she getting one too yeah wait is she no it's just me oh switch you've got to go male yeah i do big titty that's what I do when I'm nervous now. Big titty Todd. Big titty Todd. Big titty Todd. Big titty Todd.

Big titty Todd. That's like, what was that? Was it Forrest Gump where she's like, I want to go far, far away? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Big titty Todd. Big titty Todd. Oh, God.

Here we are. I hate it when you call. Thank you for choosing Paul's Massage at Burger North. This is Jessie. Hi, I have a rub scheduled for tomorrow and was wondering if I could make an altercation. And what is the first and last name of the appointment? Kyle Bauer, B-A-U-E-R. Altercation.

What would you like to do? I think I scheduled a female. Could I switch to a male? You thought about it. Yes, you can. Do you think that's the right decision at 6 p.m yes it's just that with a girlfriend you think that's the right move honestly did you ask her if she's okay with a male therapist i think but i don't yeah i don't

i might not have so i'm gonna be completely honest with you i have had women walk out because he didn't ask and i have had men walk out because the wife didn't ask is it a complete surprise it's for you it's for me um it's for you yes so i should probably go male if you're comfortable with a male therapist, sure. Yeah. Yeah. If that one's open. Yeah.

MRI is amazing. He'll take great care of you. He's actually athletic on the side. He's a boxer. So when you tell him where to get, he'll completely understand. He's been in the sports massage world for a very long time. Perfect. Let's rock with him.

Okay. Okay. And so, yeah. So can I count this as your confirmation call? Yes. Because I Let's rock with him. Okay. Okay. And so, yeah. So, can I count this as your confirmation, Paul? Yes. Because I'm actually getting ready to call you.

Oh, perfect. Yeah. All right. So, I will confirm your appointment for 6 p.m. with MRI at our River North location.

And once we hang up, you'll get a confirmation text message confirming everything we discussed and I'll see you soon. Right on. Thank you.

No problem. Have a good day. Yeah, you too. I've done a 180. That's so gay. Yeah. Did you? Yes. we discussed and i'll see you soon uh right on thank you no problem have a good day yeah me too i've done a 180 that's so gay yeah did you yes i'm getting pause massage with amaran who's a boxer on amaran who's very athletic see what i'm saying you tell her fuck i think this is like this is more like you're meeting more amaran pause massage and the you in pause is a pause button. Dude, anywhere you want to get

just let him know. He'll get. That's what I'm saying. They did every option. They made it. They did that on purpose. Can we see the uh, the fellas? Oh my God. Wait, go back. This does look nice. No, look at this. Go, go down. Wait, wait, this. Go down. Wait, what?

Go down. Look at her. What you mean? You're getting that, dude? No, this is a body thing. That's... Oh my god. I'm not... That's a facial. That's a facial? That's what I got. They went inside of your mouth. Oh, I didn't see the finger in the mouth.

Oh my god. That looks like a clockwork orange. This is sexual. See? Where's Amar on? CBD oil. I thought that said Voldemort, not Valentine. Stan to Sean. Amariah.

Amariah. Amariah. Photography and boxing. Nah, he looks good. Okay. Okay. He's about to fuck you up. Yeah, he is. photography and boxing nah he looks good okay he's about to fuck you up yeah he is oh he's such an athlete

he's gonna pick you up put you down like a pizza crust yeah oh fuck this there's no right option you know he's 6'5 have you ever gotten a massage before I got like an athletic one from a lesbian.

It was like, all right, yeah. Oh, this is gay. I know. Big titty talk. Big titty talk. All right, God bless.