A New Untold Story - Best Guy To Ever Exist - A New Untold Story: Ep. 480

Episode Date: January 1, 2026

Happy New Year, BRG's.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon music. Rudy, where's Duke Dennis been? I do not know. Crashing parties. Is he crashing parties? That'll be the coolest shit of Duke walked into my place.

Duke. Just took over your party. He's got one of my favorite clips of all time. Isn't that commercial he was in about jeans? No. Have you seen that, Kyle? I haven't seen that. They gave him one line that was two words and he couldn't quite get it.

That's awesome. He couldn't quite get the reading. It's like, it's another chick. It's like a black girl and she's just like, you know, it's the denim that defines us or something like that, something corny. And then Duke has to say like three words. And he's like, but you can't understand what he's saying. And just, uh, and then I'd imagine that was the best take. It was still aired?

Yeah. He just couldn't do it. He just couldn't quite get it. I think he was trying to maybe be too hot. Like it was it like? True legend, true legend jeans. Oh, it's Glorilla. It's on five little rooms.

We rewrite them. He couldn't quite get, we rewrite them. We rewrite them. You want to pull it up? Oh, no, it's fine. I just, that's hilarious. That's hilarious. Yeah, but imagine him walking into your place.

Just, oh. He didn't say word. No, it was just a mumbo-jumbo. That's my guy, dude. You get too high, yeah. I mean, you've seen the, when I was talking about, was the, you always getting full. What is that? Oh, it's like, a, all-time clip.

He's doing, like, he's on stream, and he's doing a muck-bang. And someone just random guy in his chat, just, he just goes, you always getting full. And he just goes, I don't know you And then for like 10 minutes Just like loses his mind Funny diss Yeah

Shit that made Dennis Yeah It's fine Luke we're not starting yet Is it not getting audio Hey I got it now What's he eating

Is that a whole lobster Yeah it's like a muck bang Skip ahead a little bit Why is he Who's watching these? Right here, yeah. I'm getting kind of fool. Debo, what is wrong with this?

What Debo is? Wait, is he having lobster and spaghetti? Yeah. What? This is it right here, I think. You always get fooled What hell are you talking about, bro? I don't know you, nigga?

What's talking about? Bro, what the fuck is you even talking about, bro? Oh, he's pissed. Yeah, he gets pissed. It goes on for so long. You can't be, you can't get defensive ever that. Look at the bowl of sauce he has. That's an aquarium.

Yeah. And then, like, years later, they found the guy. that wrote it. No shit. You'll be your reply to what I'm going to say. No, you're just going to say, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told?

What, no, baby? That's a new untold story. I'm new untold. It's a fresh big untold story. I knew I'm told. always it's just a funny thing to say to a man yeah i don't know if i would take that as as that's like a compliment you never go hungry but he did he take it like getting i think it's a pretty funny insult yeah you're always

you're just always fool that is funny i'm up are you guys always full never you're never satisfied never satisfied damn When I'm hungry, I eat pretty quick. I'm typically satiated when you see me. Yeah, and that's why I don't get why people are always drinking juice. Oh, yeah. Are you anti-juice? You've been anti-juice for about a decade.

I get hungry, sure, but you should never be thirsty. Unless you're on like a trek or cutting weight. No man should be thirsty. Water is everywhere. So I don't get why people are like, oh, I'm craving lemonade. I need a lemonade Really But like a lemonade

It hits a it scratches an itch If I'm at a county fair I want a lemonade Yeah a little sugar I don't believe I'm never thirsty You're never thirsty for lemonade I'm never thirsty period

You was last time you were thirsty Do you wake up thirsty? Unless you go through like a grueling workout Maybe but like still like as a grown adult Outside of sports like you should never be thirsty Dude I'm thirsty all the time You're not drinking, like, water a lot? I don't carry one with me.

Like, I'll get home and I'll chug a water. Yeah, I don't have that. You're always, I don't have that gene. I'd love to see you thirsty. If someone gave me a water, I've never been like, I'm good. It always is like, I always am thirsty. You're just always drinking? Yeah, I'm always thirsty.

I'd be like, if I have a water and someone gives me water, I'm like, oh, that's nice. I've never been like, oh, I'm full on water. Being thirsty is so trashy and low grade. Is that the trashiest thing that you can Craving a Like needing a beverage Honestly like if you came over to my place

And you're like dude I'm so thirsty I'd be like turned off a bit Right what the fuck are you get out of my house Don't be in my house thirsty for like begging me for water I'll offer you Oh yeah and then if you are thirsty If you came to my house and you were like chugging a water bottle Like enough to where it was like crinkling

And then you were like breathing heavily afterwards I would like I don't think I'd fuck with you anymore No it's embarrassing Like, you know, when you're, like, huffing and puffing after, thanks, man. Like, that would, that's really off-putting. And, but at least it's water. But I'm, I'm thirsty. Like, someone's like, oh, I need a snapple.

We've talked about. Kiwi strawberry snapple, you think is, like, is that. What has anyone ever said, I need a snapple to you? New York, New Yorkers is a romanticized snapple. They do. It's just. They go into a bodega and grab a snapple. I used to romanticize snapple a lot when I was young.

Just the pop. The pop is. Nice. And the fact on the top. The fact. Yeah. I haven't run into a Snapple in a long time. I think it's a New York bubble thing. Snapple hasn't made it off the coasts. No. Yeah. People go to, in New York, people get a bagel and a snapple. I was drinking bug juice as a kid or a guzzler. Remember bug juice and guzzler? What is that? Bug juice was in the, yeah, was that farm fresh. That was, yeah. That shit was syrup. I would walk up, I would buy a bug juice and a homie. And then I'd go home, come home with like my little Mexican man and a bug juice. Yeah, that's the shit right there.

I've never seen. All the, all the bug, their pictures aren't even big. None of them fit in the photo. No. Yeah, dude. And then I, then I evolved to guzzler. And I thought that was like a, like a bad boy drink. What is it? Guzzler, dude. It's a guzzler drink. Did you have guzzlers, Kyle? Or you, you were having little hugs to you were a junior in high school. No, I hated hugs. You were having little hugs to. No. That's, yeah, that's, wow, why do I like small image pictures? Why do I like small image drinks? Yeah, Blue Guzzler.

I've never seen that. And then you, yeah, Kyle, I remember he would have the stain from his little hug. I never know. I was never that guy. Did you guys have little hugs? I never had that either. Did you Luke? You got a whole new drinks. Look up little hugs. Uggies are massive. Yeah, they're little hug fruit barrels. Oh, I do know. Oh, yeah, dude. I do know those. Why were they in a barrel and called little hugs? Those were big at the pool, I remember.

Oh, yeah. Those were good. I'm glad they're still doing all right. I could see Kyle drinking that putting both of his lips in the... Inside of the hole. Oh, you have pissed you off. No, dude, I'm not that. I'm just, I just got done saying I'm not that guy.

But like, I'm not the guy who craves high sea. Retired from wrestling. Was it like, I'm ever going to be thirsty again? I want to. It's the best feeling in the world to have your thirst quench. There is nothing better. Rudy, no, not even that. What do you mean not even that?

Head. Sandwiches. Oh, sandwich. Oh, yeah. I'll die on that hill. Oh, my God. I think a big bite of a sandwich when you're hungry is better than a drink when you're parched. You've never been.

That's what I'm saying. You've never been truly parched. It is the best thing in the world. It is. Would you recommend it for people, get yourself a little parched and then have a, what was yours? You were a blood orange San Pellegrino? Yeah. Nothing better. Get yourself really thirsty. The problem is you have to be torturously miserable for 12 to 30 hours.

You went 30 hours without a drink? I remember, yeah, I was going. I was eating. How long can you go without a drink before dying? I think like three days. I would go to the sink just to wash my mouth out, just to fill it with water. Oh, just to get. Were your lips like shattering? You were just microwressing water? Dude. Way-ins for wrestling tournaments where kids' lips were falling on. Dude, if I was feeling like that, I couldn't stand, let alone fight. Yeah, that's why I was like, it wasn't about wrestling for me. It was about making weight. That was the sport.

What a, what a goofy sport. I'm sorry, what a goofy sport. I'm sorry. Parched boys. Dehydrated. Dehydrated boy on a mat. Damn. Yeah, a mat rife with herpes. Dude, you actually, I convinced myself every time, like, I convinced myself I had herpes probably five times, ten times in my, not between five and ten times in my life. I've convinced myself. I used to be like OCD about my cock. I would like stretch it and like look for any sort of lesion. I went there too. It's a dark place. But I wasn't, I wasn't fucking at the capacity to worry. But I was still looking at my dick under a microscope, which is embarrassing. worried about what STDs? Yes, I was horrified, horrified. Dude, just like stumbling upon? Like toilet seats or anything.

I was very afraid of AIDS. I went, I like, rightfully so. Yeah, I think that's a... Statistically, men should be. No, like AIDS, I like, I got in my head that it was like way more common than I thought. And I remember like going home to Wheeling from college.

Like, and I would like convince myself. I used to convince myself of all kinds of diseases. You were checking yourself for AIDS. I was feeling like my lymph nodes all the time. I went to the doctor to get like blood tested once. I got tested for the pediatrician. But my fallback for STD was always the priesthood. If I ever got one time I had like a bump on my penis from like it was just dry skin.

But I went to the doctor. He looked at it. He was like maybe. Like he gave me no like. solace and like it's an ST, not an STD. And I, I, I, I, I mean, maybe, you tell me. Yeah, tell me. It's the next step after doctor.

He took my blood. And then, uh, I went home and downloaded the Bible app and I was like studying the Bible app to prep for like the fucking seminary. I was, like, that was my fallback if I ever got an STD. Because of the shame or the pain. I wouldn't want to disclose to anybody so I would just give up sex. Right. And so I figured

I feel like I'd be a pretty good priest And I watched the new Knives Out movie And I was like that This seems like a pretty fun gig Like getting sent out to a church Yeah he's a cool priest with tattoos He has a neck tat He's a neck tat

He killed a guy in a boxing ring Where's a G shock? Where's a G shock? Where's a G shock? Yeah Dude I watched that with my mom And they were like He's like the new Hawkeye

My mom did the funniest thing She goes Why wouldn't they cover up that tattoo? And I was like mom It's part of it That's part of it Yeah he's not like He's an actor.

My mom's text me. My mom text me yesterday. She was like, you need to watch the new Diddy Doc. Apparently, he's a real bad guy. I was like, okay. Yeah, shit. Apparently. That's the least.

Oh, I had no idea. You guys weren't like afraid of diseases as a kid. Oh, terrified. I convinced myself, I was in the eighth grade poetry declamation. I memorized the. entire book Parts as my poem. You remember the book Parts? It's about a boy whose body's falling apart, which I guess is

also apt, but I memorized that book I was ready to present. I was going to win. It was a hilarious book, and I memorized the whole thing. It was a rhyming book. I had a Pepsi blue that morning, and I didn't remember cracking the bottle, so I was like, fuck, this was already open.

And I convinced myself that it was like, I got, like, I thought it was anthrax. So I had my first panic attack, the day of the poetry declamation. And I didn't go to school so I memorized this book for nothing and Stephanie Pockel was my alternate and she ended up fucking winning. Yeah I got yeah I got second in my age group. It was probably was I in that one no I don't yeah because I was home having a panic attack you remember you memorized a book though yeah that's like extreme reading no it's not because like each page has like seven words

that was my favorite book as a kid yeah recommend so you have a kid at home read read your kid parts Okay Yeah, I remember being scared of There was like that rumor going around That you could get an SD from the toilet Yeah, that's that fucked with me If you get a witch's kiss And then I'm in like, I'm in fucking

A freshman year dorm sharing I got scabies My first week of college What? Yeah We both had horrible freshman years Scabies? Yeah, it was the worst thing

That's what pirates get? I would rather Or is that scurvy Scurvy, that's lack of vitamin C Like your gums No, I had scabies My first week of college It's the most miserable

I think what is it. I don't even know what it is. Bugs that like fucking live under your skin. Ew. But they're active. It's intense itching until you like bleed based from heat. And so I'm in a fucking dorm and every night I was just scratching my whole body. After every shower I would have to spend an hour

scratching. And then you have to like put on a cream all over your body. So I was like just this glossed up college freshman covered in salve itching with like same. Same. Yeah? I was my first week

I got poison ivy ass burn ass sunburn infection from tanning and arrested, sober and I got herpes obviously without fucking I talk about herpes like 10 times a year about nine times more than

It felt good for me Yeah, it felt good for me to go off my chest But wait you got you had a You got ass burn infection Mm-hmm I remember I wanted to look tan for syllabus week and I hit the bed for the first time I did that too

I went naked what you're supposed to and but your bare cheeks are on the glass the only thing they got burnt was my ass cheeks how red was your ass was like baboon-esque

it was bubbling dude I had a bubbling I had a bubbling ass yeah you got seared and so that had to be horribly painful

I went home got poison ivy where so wait you went home your first was this your first Was this your first week of college?

My first week? I got arrested. Why'd you go home your first week? I got arrested. Oh. So you had an ass cheek burned, poison ivy, and an erecting. How did you get poison ivy? You went home to just play in the woods?

I don't know. That was like, I just got every disease. I got bronchitis. I got double pink eye. Dude. No play. You had to have been, you had to have looked disgusting walking around, which is like a seeping ass.

Did no one. Mouth herpes. I know. Nobody could see your ass, but like, coughing, covered in a poison ivy. Pink eye. Dude. Yeah, the ash cheek burned from the tanning bed. I've been there. It's a bad feeling. Did you get scabies? That was in grad school. I got scabies. Okay. Dude, I, am I wrong in saying it's the worst thing that could happen? Scabies is, is the worst. I also got bedbugs. That's bad too. Bedbugs, scabies, herpes across the

Are we dirty guys Yeah these are like all like Orphan ailments I think these are just like Yeah yeah these are This is some low class shit Thirsty with scabies Yeah

Poyson Ivy Damn That's the type of thing That's like that would make me Download the Bible app Yeah oh yeah Download that But like

I don't think there should be any shame In downloading the Bible app Because if you take it at its core That's an ancient text And I think that's the coolest thing Somebody could be into is ancient tomes Yeah, people place it in the They make it too religious

I think it's too accessible I do that a lot I think it's too accessible If the Bible was rare That would be sick It would be especially the old The Old Testament is a good read It's like Game of Thrones

Yeah dude It's just slaughter after slaughter Dude the story of Solomon He uh Samson I think wants to marry's daughter and he's like oh yeah I'll let you marry my daughter

if you go to this other town and get me a hundred four skins that's damn I was the priest reading that like that would have kept me they skip over that one a lot yeah which they shouldn't because it's so fun

that sounds like a world of warcraft quest yeah it does like you go to this town go to the end just like I need a hundred four skins yeah I don't remember all the details but I do know that Samson I think it's Samson and then he goes

and he's like got it I'm in he know what he does He does. He doubles it. He comes back with 200 four skins. Yeah, 200. That would be the most embarrassing thing for like, get caught. Get caught at TSA. What's all this, man? Hundreds of four skins. These are little, these are, this is little little, little chunks of penis skin. Yeah. Baby penis skin. Yeah. Baby penis skin. Dude, when you called and asked your now, feel I don't say his dad for, like, his daughter's hand. What if he hit you with something like that, a quest? Yeah. You got to go on a quest first? I think I'd say no.

You're going to retrieve. Yeah. 3,000 cranberries. Something. Mama granite seeds. Go find me this. No, I'll just date her forever. Dude, speaking of ancient, ancient text, I did the biggest dickhead move, not even by

accident for our secret Santa. Oh, that was a dickhead. I didn't mean, I don't know what I was thinking. Like, they sent out a Google form, and I was, like, distracted. It says in the Google form for your Secret Santa, like, put your interest to make it easier. And I was like, I don't know what a fucking interest. And then I just, like, wrote the first thing that came in my head and I just put artifacts. So, like, you sent somebody on a goose chase.

To give me an artifact. And I think you're a guy within these halls that, like, that people want to get the respect of. You're a cool guy. And the thing is, like, if that, like, if Big Catpooled your name, that would be fine. He would get you a fucking artifact. But I think our salary spectrum in this building is pretty, pretty wide. Yes. and so the odds are you're getting a kid

straight out of college. And you did and you sent him on a task to get you an artifact. That's fucked up. I totally forgot. Yeah, because you're not really that into it. Kyle told me he's like, dude, you got your secret Santa kid just absolutely sweating trying to find an artifact. I didn't help either. You didn't help

him? Just make sure it's rare. But the thing is, I don't even know like what artifact, but he did it. He did a great job. It was Jack and he got me a piece of the Berlin Wall. That's fucking incredible. Yeah, it was pretty cool. And it has like a little case and it's like, I mean, it could be like, it probably is just some guy.

Have any other artifacts? No. I guess not. So where do you have it now? It's in my office, my little gaming studio. Yeah. And you looked at it since? Yeah, it's cool.

I mean, it could be just like any piece of, it's a piece of cinder block. I believe it. But I believe it. Is it in a packaging or did he just hand you a raw? No, is it a package. Okay. Then I believe it. Yeah.

He did a great job. I don't know how he sourced that. Like, I don't know who's the proprietor of Berlin Wall pieces, but... I think, like, art of... Dude should want artifacts. I agree. Like, have you seen Marty Supreme yet?

No. He brings his mom home a piece of the pyramid. See, that's cool. And they're Jewish, and he threw it to his mom. He's like, we built this. He swaggily tosses a piece of the pyramid to his mom. And he's like, we did this. that's pretty funny

it's a hilarious plotline we did this what would the Albanians give as an artifact yeah like we built this dude I'm pretty I'm pretty jump suit I'm not yeah dude I'm not to like a piece of Liam Neeson's daughter's hair yeah

I don't know I think dudes should like I think there should be a an instinctual desire to have loot yeah it is you don't think so Kyle that's like my card

collecting is functional loot though people people want it loot and primitively for survival yeah but like but like big dogs like one like the holy grail there's something I think I think there's something masculine around hoarding loot

yeah like the cool rich like crypto guys all want to loot cause pieces and that's their artifact is a little bear that's camo is that what they want Yeah, that's what they want. I want like ancient shit, I think. You want ancient? Yeah, I would prefer ancient.

Yeah. It's like the same thing as like a Roman coin would be sick to have. I want a chest of artifacts, I think. I would like that too. I wish I could get into that. So I think it starts with like card collecting and then memorabilia and signatures because you don't care about signatures either. Zero.

Why? I wouldn't. You got that shack ball on the yak, a ball signed by Shaq O'Neal. And you just started dribbling it and shooting it. Yeah, because I don't, that's nothing. Like, as a kid, like, you want it because it's like a symbol of pride. You get to show it off to other people. And when they come to your house, they gock and like, oh, like, he, wow, that's so cool.

No one enters my home. That's a good point. But it's for you. It's not a prerequisite. And you, I don't know, like, if I, I wouldn't want to look at like old soil when I get home. Really? See, I would love to have, like, a fucking, I would. love to have a clump at home where it's like this is from you know the fucking this is

a dinosaur bone or something we're surrounded by artifacts they're not necessarily artifacts they're just little knick knacks yeah but you don't want like a battle axe from like a viking or something no you wouldn't want that no that's like very european of us to like see something you guys are like all into weapons and i don't dude if i had like if you came over my house And I was just like, I have a saber from a pirate. Do you want to go see it? Would you be like, no, thank you? I'd be like, let me go to the bathroom first and then chill on my phone for seven minutes.

Then hopefully when I got out, you wouldn't, you'd forget about that. You wouldn't want to handle it and like think of everybody that's touched it. I'm not trying to go down to the other room to see your thing. Just keep that in your back pocket. really don't never be like yeah let's go upstairs and you can see this thing i have so like i got my buddy assigned uh it's it's frodo sword from lord of the ring signed by eliza wood and sean ashton sam and sam and froto it's so cool to feel like the guy that played this in the movie held this and it's like it's a connection to them i know it's cool and that's a great gift

and you've been giving phenomenal gifts you got me a state-of-the-art globe what did you what did you got me He's assigned... Christmas gifts is kind of a dickhead move. For your boys? Yeah. And he does it early on time. Like well thought out. He got me assigned Bamargera hardogram element boy.

Oh my God. Which is like... It's lime green. It's sick. It's so sick. And he gave it to me and I literally looked at him and I said, fuck you. Yeah. Yeah.

That's the response I want when I give a gift. Yeah. He does. He gives fuck you gifts. They're too good. And it's like he knows you have... You're mentally indebted to him. Like he's like, like,

Money couldn't, like, even match. I like doing it. And that's not for anything in return. I just, no, it's to piss you guys off. It's working. It's to piss you guys off. It angered me greatly. My goal in 2026 is to be, like, such an amazing dude that you guys hate my guts.

You're doing great. I want to be the best guy of all time that you just, like, see me. You avoid me. Because I'm so great. Your New Year's resolution is to be the best dude of all time. Yeah. And I have competition, I think. Like, Mr. Rogers, Buddha.

Oh, you're going for best in history. Yeah. Mr. Rogers and Buddha. I hate that, like, it's, like, maybe he can do that. It's, and then there's this one kid with Arfid on TikTok named Torin Wolf who dresses like Willie Wonka. and his he's like really ripable skin

he's always getting torn what T-O-R-N-Woof on TikTok his Arfid what's that it's like a food texture thing he's he's a really good boy oh if you have a disease

that's like a seven-letter acronym you're done he only eats honey and peanut butter and like he talks he rips and he doesn't care about bullying he just keeps tates are you going in full regalia

well of course it's just that there's going to be some new people there and obviously okay keep this dude away for me no he's the best guy oh of course I shall retrieve the satchel he keeps a satchel of nutrients I'm and uh he eats honey and peanut butter every day oh he has autism yes but he's like a great guy

yeah he's gentle it's he's classy like that was more of a role playing video no no he dresses in regalia was it I don't think his mom was actually sending him off to school He's the man. And I am autistic and have ADHD. And I am also asexual and a romantic. That's my competition. Simplify that I have no attraction to anyone, nor do I have any interest in a relationship.

I also fail to comprehend what makes someone attractive. How do you compete with that, though? He has no bias going into any human interaction. He has attractiveness. He should be the most productive person in the world. world. Yeah, because he's he's just fueled by honey. He has no idea what he's

attractive. He's like poo bear. He's a guy in like a Wayne's coat and a top hat fueled by honey that doesn't, that has zero judgment or zero incentive like no, no secondary goals when he meets somebody. You think he's not just putting that

on for TikTok? No. He's probably doing his mom runs living. He's doing numbers. He's making a full time salary pretending to not like pussy no he's not pretending to like pussy dude he's too busy

ripping open he'll scratch himself and his skin just rips if he has an itch it's a gash of all the things that he's got going on I like how he in his bio and everywhere else he like throws in ADHD I feel like one of those things

is not everybody has that everything is like saying I have freckles yeah you can't say you can't say that You can't be like a Down syndrome, HIV positive, freckles. Arfid. And ADHD.

Yeah, Arfid. Arfid's like a common thing online right now. It's usually just picky boyfriends. And the girlfriends are like, have something other than a chicken tender. And he's a dickhead to the girlfriend. I've seen some. Yeah. Yeah, I had a friend who couldn't eat vegetables.

No, he just won't. That's what we said. There are so many people that just don't eat vegetables. And then they act like they're maybe. I'm being, maybe I just can't comprehend it. I can't comprehend like being medically averse to foods. There are some dudes that eat strictly beige

like their whole plate. Like oatmeal? No, like chicken nuggets, potatoes. Uh-huh. Just that, and that's it. On the flip side, I hate when people try to prescribe to you foods for an ailment. Like what?

Like, oh, I have, oh, you have brain fog? Eat a bunch of walnuts and blueberries. Oh, you're lethargic eat a bunch of dates I don't people are assigning superfoods You can't sleep, eat a bunch of almonds No, I'm gonna take medicine Yeah, never tell me to eat a bunch of walnuts For as obsessed I am with Eastern culture

Holistic medicine is something that'll never get me I like if I go to the doctor Give me a pill Oh yeah I want to ingest a pill That fixes everything Yeah I love medicine

I love it. Medicine's awesome. Like somebody, I hate it when somebody's like, dude, I have the worst headache. And I was like, here, do you want a Tylenol? Because I'll have one on me. I'm like, no, I don't like taking Tylenol. So why? Yeah. Fix your headache.

That's annoying. Yeah. They're like, no, I don't do it. Oh, I try, I try not to. I don't do Advil. Are you kidding me? Do it. Dude, I want, I want to live in a world where you can do casual anesthesia.

Yeah. I totally agree. Dude, that'll be so awesome. The best drug I've ever done is anesthesia. I love it. That's why I love getting. Yeah. I want to be like I want to put myself under

time travel exists in the form of Xanax yeah you just hit a loading screen yeah that's it that's it uh huh yeah I see that as like a safety it's it's really reassuring to know that it exists like I can rest easy at night like you know you know when you have like thoughts in your head that keeps you up at night like or like what's going on with the world

Xanax exists you could just go Get that. You get accused of something pretty bad. Zanax. Don't run away into the woods. Just. Do Benzos.

Yeah. Do you imagine that back on Diggs right now should just be having Xanax. Oh, yeah. What's going on with Diggs? Bad year. He choked out. He's a felony strangulation yesterday. What?

Yeah. Choked out his chef, allegedly. for recommending almonds I don't know I don't know I don't know damn I didn't know that

yeah no no no Bueno yeah yeah don't do that female chef which is is an odd thing for me to be

sexist about in my head I couldn't I never I didn't think when he's choked out a chef I thought

you think athlete chef athlete chef you think is a guy yeah me too or like cook in a restaurant you think I but then if somebody's making me a meal at home that's a lady that's a lady

it's interesting if a dude if I got ever got super rich that's number one by female chef just chef like imagine how nice that be just to have like my diet consists of burritos and sandwiches that would be the greatest luxury ever is just having a live in chef I think and you get like salmon and like there's so many foods I just avoid because I just don't I'm too lazy to have access to dude it's so nice i was living like that in naples at my fiance's family what how's that dude i was living like a a boy hero king oh you're saying that last part it was just i'd wake

up and i was just getting served and receiving gifts all day around the clock indulge they pampering i was indulging basking imbibing one day i woke up i was served prime rib mac and cheese lobster curry, scalped potato. Right when you woke up? Dessert. Then I fell asleep by the pool. Okay. Is it nice weather? Yeah. 75 and sunny. And then I woke up to a masseuse. What?

They ordered one to the house. Got my massage. Woke up from the massage and was served pinocaladas and like these cheesecake cupcakes. Then I'd fall back asleep. That would have to be the best day ever. You're like a, that's like how, you're getting treated like a prince. Did you have a single thought that day? No, it was just pure pleasure.

It was just pure physical pleasure. I just got better and better. That sounds like they were going to, you were going to get fan by them. And then like, oh, here, open this gift and it's an amazing jacket. Really? So like. And I dry a spoon. So in between your time of having.

Yeah, just to make up for it. For payment. Let me get that spoon from the sink. So like, you. Like, you would, you would sleep and to, to distract yourself from humanity, you would have some of the best tastes that human can have. And in the meantime, while you digested, you were being touched. You were being, being massaged.

Gently rubbed until the next meal. Until the next meal. And then you got alcohol. Naps, alcohol. That's all you need in life. That's a lot. And that's it, man Life's pretty simple

Lay by your Yeah, I don't know why everyone's so bummed these days Have lobster and cheesecake And to aid digestion Have a masseuse come All you need is a court of butlers To carry you through the day Was everyone getting that treatment

Or was it just you? No, there was like There was other people there Because if it was just you That means they don't They actually don't fuck with you He'd be like let's distract them.

Yeah. But we have family time about that weirdo. Look, I'm getting rubbed out there. Yeah, they have radio. No, it wasn't just me. But it was so nice. That's insane, dude. I didn't know you could get a masseuse just come to your place.

Yeah. That's amazing. They brought the table? Yeah, they said, I didn't even said it. Was anybody watching you as it was happening, though? Oh, in a private room. Yeah. Because I don't think I could, I don't think I could, I don't think I could,

truly getting a massage in front of your future in-laws would be hell. Getting a massage in general is hell for me because I'm terrified. I'm going to get a owner. Dude. You will. You will. My biggest fear during a massage is they try to drink me off. That you, I think it would be so uncomfortable.

I have zero desire for a rub and tug. Zero. I think it would be soulless and you would feel awful afterwards. It would feel too medicinal. Yeah. I think I would be too afraid to say no if it was about to. start happening same that's my fear like you say no to that what do that's awkward how does it end right chased out or what if she starts crying yeah you make her cry yeah please yeah I don't know

no I'm terrible I that's my fear is like I god I hope they don't try to jerk me off but yeah like receiving that treatment you can only say like thank you so much so I was just like moaning out of respect throughout the whole you have to yes you're eating the food you're like mm sipping the pinia collata oh was that that your most moaned day just like deferential moans throughout the day and i feel like that wasn't even enough how much of your audio uh your things that you made from your how many how much of it was moan how much language did yeah i didn't really i wasn't what percentage of your sounds were yeah it was it was probably like 60% moans oh god it's like the intro that's the best day of all

time yeah a 60% moan day is i don't think any humans had a better day it was a fucking moan i can't believe it i can't believe how good of a break it was that's awesome man thank you i just had to keep my dog from fucking torpedoing into my 91 year old grandma turning her into dust she would just go immediately your dog was open to doing that oh yeah but my grandma couldn't hear him coming because my grandma something happened with her hearing aids and so her ears are like dripping wax she can't hear and there was like it was like a you could see it seep and she can't hear anything she has two broken ribs already and you could see the seepage you knew yeah you could see it like it was like um it was like a baking soda volcano at like one eighth speed you could see it growing she would

she's so waxy because they did she ever wits about her and she like uh no okay no every time i stood up she waved by so like I was like holding my piss so I wouldn't have to like you know you know how sad it is to like leave your elderly grandma because you know what goes through your mind maybe the last right yeah and I had to experience that every time I

stood of like her saying goodbye to me and getting upset maybe she just didn't she was trying to like will that into yeah she's like all right come on now yeah it's a good tactic just keep saying bye to someone honestly

Yeah. Dude, if you ever have people in your home and you're hosting a party, you might stand up to grab another drink. And you're like, all right, man. That was fun. That's what she was trying to do. She wasn't fucking with me or the dog. Do you converse with her in any way? She couldn't hear. She was too waxy. And you like back and forth play or? I got my girlfriend a Pilates set. But my grandma thought it was, I said karate. So she was always trying to bringing up karate a lot to my grandma. I mean to my girlfriend. She knows about. karate she knows about karate yeah that's old school been around she's talking but she couldn't hear herself um she was smiling she had a good christmas i think but she got she did get upset that she couldn't hear she because they keep delaying her de-waxing oh that's kind of that's that that would piss me off too yeah like she found out like the day before christmas eve that she wasn't going to be able to get unwaxed uh until the 27th of of this month

they're making her way oh well of of January I'm sorry yeah that's tough they bumped her a month who can't be bumping them you can't be bummed not a month yeah yeah but it was nice it was nice I guess yeah it's it's it's hectic yeah it's a lot of like getting kind of annoyed but then convincing yourself you're it's family time yeah yeah that's the thing you really like before you get mad instead of like saying something snarky and cunty which I do I have a pretty short fuse for it. You have to like take a breath. Mm-hmm. Just open up the Bible app. Read a

passage. You're in that state. Grounded you with a passage. Yeah. You're like growling under your brother. I'm growling but then I get up and grab the Bible up. That is pretty much Christianity. Honestly. Just dudes withholding rage to their family. That's what it is.

Yeah. Yeah. Something heinous than you read the Bible. I didn't do anything heinous. But yeah, yes, that's pretty much it. Uh-huh. Yeah, dude, my brain damage uncle had, he had the, he was the best behaved of anybody. He was great. Just sat in his little wheelchair. Is his behavior too? You didn't have to say little wheelchair. It's pretty big, actually. Yeah. He's a big ass wheelchair. He's a big ass wheelchair. Is that where he prefers to sit or? Nah, he's just been prescribed it. I don't know if that's choice. Yeah. That's the best seat in the house. Yeah, mobility. He's slowed down quite a bit, but he just

sat there, watch football, and then every once in a while you'd say someone, he'd be like, rock on. He says rock on. All he says is rock on. That's badass. Yeah. And then my girlfriend was like, oh, do you like, do you like Joe Namath? And he goes, never met him. Yeah, dude, how could you form an opinion? Yeah, he was like, I was like, damn, George, all right, cool. And then he would

Why'd your girlfriend ask your brain damage uncle if he likes Joe Namath. I don't know. Dude, they were watching football. Start easier. Yeah. That's like chapter 10. If you're going up to a brain damage uncle, I was going to be if he likes the color red. Yeah, you don't lead it with Joe, Joe Namath. Your uncle would be like,

you actually, if you look at the numbers, he doesn't deserve to be in the whole fan. Yeah. He lucked into a super bowl. Oh, hey you. Yeah. Do you like Joe Named? I mean,

Garyl Strawberry. Yeah. But yeah. That's your girlfriend. Is that her first time meeting like your family? Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. She was panicked.

Yeah. She thought of the first football on. I'm going to ask about Joe Namath. Was he a Jets fan? And like, how's your girlfriend going to return the conversation? What does she know about Joe Namath? I mean, I mean, she was like, they're watching the Cowboys,

and they're from my mom's side of the family is from D.C., so he's a big, he's a big commanders fan. Joe Namath is a Jet. I know, but she was just spamming whatever, like, the 70s. She was in utter panic. And you should have gone in to save the day, but you just watch that unfold. Yeah.

That's a bad movie. She did make a smart play, though, because her family is Cowboys fans. Okay. George hates the Cowboys. Yeah. And she read it pretty quick. So the funny thing is they were sitting there watching the game,

and you just kept going, cow bums, hate the cow bum, and she's like, I hate them too. Nice. Yeah, that was good on the fly. Yeah, good on the fly. She read the room and didn't say that she likes the Cowboys. And then she brought a Paul McCar.

I knew that he met, he, this is kind of sad, but he met Paul McCarthy one time. McCartney. McCartney, excuse me, from the Beatles. It was an impersonator. Oh. But he doesn't know that. But obviously we don't tell him. And I was like, oh, do you like Paul McCartney?

He's like, oh, great guy. also funny nice dude like there's nothing wrong there's nothing wrong and playing along with that stuff with like older no he's stoked on it yeah he's like let him let him live that yeah no and I've seen the picture of the guy

you can't tell the difference really yeah okay that's pretty good that's pretty good then he was cool man yeah nice he was cool I'm glad to be back though I'm so glad I couldn't stand Denver and I feel bad but I feel like it's a right you not stand Denver. You seem like Denver incarnate. I can't fucking stand Denver. It's such

like an expanding circle of mediocrity. Denver? Yeah. People always say this. Denver is some people's mecca. If something is new and nice and growing, it's always a hellscape, a monument to man's ignorance. That's Austin right now. Culture. Austin. Yeah. Phoenix. Yeah. Phoenix. Yeah. Phoenix, which is 480, the area code for this episode. Hmm. Sometimes things are just, pretty good in a lot of ways. It's not like some things are... It doesn't have to be horrible or great. Phoenix is good.

I think Scottsdale is... That's probably a different area code, but... Phoenix area, yes. One of my favorite places I've been. Yeah, people's like, oh, it's... Unlivable. It's hell. It's just nice. Like, you get incredible dining,

incredible nightlife, great recreation, golf, professional sports teams, massive events and concerts. And you get the best weather in the country for the majority of the year. Yeah. The one thing people always say about

people, some inherently don't like new, because they're just like it doesn't have a soul. They're always like it's soulless. So what do you like it? What do you get in soul? Tell me the last time you went out and found, we're searching for soul. Exactly. You're on R slash geography.

You're not a soul seeker. Why does this like end up? Are you talking about you? A place has to have culture and soul. A soul is a cope for something that's shitty. I want a nice gastro pub sometimes. I was built two years ago. Yes. Oh, you'd love that.

I want a nice cocktail. Yeah, I don't need an abandoned theater in a gazebo in an old factory. Right. It's all, yeah. I don't need an art store. I'm sorry, Nick. I don't need a store with a bunch of art. I'm fine with that.

Dude, I like, I don't need an old, I don't need a knick-knack store and then like, oh, that was built in 1850. People are super anti-luxury apartments. It's a luxury apartment. You have a pool, a gym. I think yours has a podcast studio. It is, that is the pinnacle of humanity of a one-stop living people with your community. And it's like a woke sentiment that's ironically very anti-woke. Like you're coming from such a place of privilege to think like these nice cookie cutter homes are hell on earth.

Yeah. Go to Appalachia. Oh, people hate McMansions. Oh, that's a neighborhood where they're building McMansions. Those are affordable giant homes. They're awesome looking. Yeah, come on. Dude, you're getting a house for like one tenth of the price you would be able to in, like, a major city.

And you're getting six bedrooms and four bathrooms and an acre backyard. Big back yard. And everything in there is brand new. You got a top golf down the road for your kids. Yes. Yeah. I mean, I love that shit. If I go to a town, yeah, dude.

Dude, I was in Cleveland over break, and they were like, yeah, they'd put in this new indoor miniput place. I was like, let's fucking go to it. And we did. And they were serving like, like the waiters were dressed up like, uh, like gangs of New York extras. You know, like they were just like vests with stopwatches and shit. And I was taking in every bit of it. The drinks were $35 for a, uh, not a Moscow mule, but they called it like a different name.

And I was, give me that. I was enjoying every second of it. The crushed ice was stacked 12 inches tall and I was putting around inside. Give me the novelty cocktail. Ruled. Oh, my God. Ruled.

See, I guess that's a thing. I just don't like that. Like, Denver just feels like government approved fun everywhere. It's like hatchet throwing. True, but like, I'm saying like sometimes that's just fine. Yeah. I don't know. It just makes me more.

Like, what do you want? Like, you want to see like an old concert venue. Yeah. Like Red Rocks. But you want to go to a crowded musty dive. that has a dollar beer. Uh-huh. Why?

I guess because I maybe... I want a delicious cocktail where I can also put a golf ball. Yeah, that's pretty cool. But like the putt... I like dives. I like dives for like escaping. But like it's like the vibe in there.

Like everyone, that's fun because like if we went, it'd be fun. But like everyone in there is like, I guess I'm doing my approved fun time and I'm playing Jenga. Jenga. Jenga. Jenga.

Exactly. You don't want to play. Like that, dude, every brewery in Denver has giant janga. And then, like, these, everyone just, like, kind of goes over. And they're like, I guess we'll do janga. And it's so loud. And it's, that is just, like, the lowest bar. It's just like an adult daycare.

It's just sad. Yeah. Like, drink on your own. Just sit down and drink and share its bad opinions. But, like, the same people that bitch about, like, oh, they're putting in a new, like, Dave and Busters-esque kind of place are the same people that complain that there's nothing to do. True.

I never understand. That argument makes no sense. What is there to do anywhere? Do you know what I would have done To get a Dave and Busters near Wheeling? I'm saying Wheeling, yes. I had to drive an hour to Chucky Cheese I, growing up, I went to Chucky Cheese

three times in my life And it was the greatest experience ever. Oh man, the only went to, dude, I did Dave and Busters in my neighborhood. That's insane. I loved it. That's the best. It was awesome playing time crisis. But like, that's the thing.

Like, when they put in something new in Wheeling, when they put in like a Buffalo Wild Wings, people went berserk. They were so excited. Yeah, maybe I'm jaded because I just grew up in Like in Chicago here like like I live in Lincoln Park if they were putting it if they were putting in a new Buffalo Wildlings I think people would be pissed oh they're tearing down the old shoe Shoe fucking lining factory yes the old Aglet factory there that's I love that plate

And then there would be there will they think of the cobblers there would be posters to save it Mm-hmm and it's like no these should be uncomfortable apartments that are freezing with 40 inch 40 foot ceilings no put in dance dance revolution I don't need the shoelace mill I just feel like

you should it's like a god-given right to shit on your hometown like you should just do that yeah yeah I think so I think men we get yeah we get sick of everything you just you just

I feel like you know that's how America was founded was just dissing London you get sick of everything Kyle you're a phase man P-H-A-Z-E-N rest of Klan Yeah.

Rest and peace, yeah. Besides my own thoughts. Oh, nothing better. What? Than thinking. You like thinking? Thinking in my bed. I don't, but like, I can't think without overthinking.

Will you like, is that your favorite time of the day is thinking in bed? Yeah. What do you think about? Transform. New Platson. Honest to God. So much to it. Yeah.

I just like completely changed the layout of Bull Ridge University. And it's like, was it a pretty expensive. It's just like, I'm pretty much playing. a video game in my head that's completely yeah I think and I just had I'm finally realizing at this age at 32 that that's what I like to do

that's good man just thinking or just like specifically think like but like you said it's like playing a video game are there obstacles or is it boundless no it's more like like roller coaster tycoon in my head that is obstacle building yeah like you don't have like a budget do you no no

Well, got to think about the budget Yeah, fuck, raise taxes I do that But I kind of see what you're saying Before I fall asleep I'll just be thinking about If I were in Game of Thrones And like writing a dragon

Really? Yeah Dude, I just fall asleep I just think about like What my storyline would be It's pretty fun Like Kyle for you Are you like

With your eyes closed just smiling I'm in complete bliss Really? Yeah Are you high? Yes. Okay. Okay.

So it's not the thoughts. Yeah. When I'm off the weed, I'm just pissed. I'm thinking about how much I hate everything. Are you laying in bed like before you would fall asleep or you just like go to your bed fully clothed and just lay there to think? Yeah. I go to bed early like at five and lay down to think. I think my fiancee thinks it's whack that I get under the cover.

like during the day. Really? I'm always doing that. I love getting under covers. Okay. If there's a cover, it's called a cover. I want to be covered.

That's a good point. I'm under a blanket. 1 p.m. it's cool. I'm under a blanket the majority of the day. Yeah, I'm with that. Like, when I'm down on the computer gaming,

blanket. When I'm sitting on the couch, blanket. Oh, I don't play. I actually usually lay on blankets. There is, I think my girlfriend has a little

like a starting and out. Dyslexic. You just said you lay it on blankets? Yeah, couldn't figure it out. You're the cover, dude. I had it backward. I'm like,

well, I run hot. Okay. No, my girlfriend has like multiple photos of me looking eerie because I'll get up. I think it's like probably the biggest ick a girl could have is like I scoot to the bathroom to pee with a blanket over my shoulders. And I'm like ghostly in nature. And you're little slippers.

Yeah. My slippers, but like boxers. And like. And you're like, oh, God, my nose. I look like nosferatu. Dude,

I, your girlfriend shared a picture of you with me that is my favorite photo. I own is that me taking out the garbage oh I didn't I didn't have my coat I can I was in my boxers and no shirt I didn't have my coat and so I put on slippers and her like long puffy coat and I look pretty I look I look I look horrifying he he literally looks like Nospharatu or nose for it I oftentimes do I'm like so white he looks like a ghoul it's incredible but also somehow at the same time feminine I'm see if I can find it he looked like a feminine ghoul

like the hardest thing to accomplish it looks like a flamboyant orc I do it I don't know where it is I have it because I get it sent to me daily I have it somewhere my phone is like I'm laughing at this it's an all time photo

it's she I don't like it when she shows it to people it's like a breach of trust it is but it's so good it had to be shared yeah I'll find it whatever what about

what else about Phoenix Kyle with that all said it is like 120 degrees for like four months is that like deadly I think that's like you can't even step outside weather what happens to like do things just die

like creatures and I don't know I found it do they have homeless I don't know imagine being a teacher in Phoenix why you like you live for your summers off oh yeah and you're getting paid you're getting paid

poverty wages especially a teacher these days teaching these kids yeah kids that you just don't give a fuck kids that don't respect you their parents don't respect you yeah you're making no money the legislators don't respect you

when I was a kid and like my parents went into a parent teacher conference my teacher had the authority and I think did told my parents what to do with me and they obeyed yeah the teacher

told the parents yes you do this at home like your kids and then they were sucking ass your kids sucks lately yes

fix it at home now it's the opposite yeah kids uh and they're they can't read yeah I think it's pretty bad I don't know what it is

I don't know if it's that happens yeah I guess so they have no attention span yeah they're just scroll they don't know what a I don't know what the extent is I'm sure it's not horrible

but I think a lot of kids they don't know how to like speak to teachers my sister said like they'll just give you a thumbs down really like text react and they're they are just on their phones gladiator they're not even trying to hide it they just give up the fight they have like emotional support iPads

and like they're registered by the state not like because they have to like um yeah It's weird. It's almost like You just described everything that I was like Yeah, without the technology But I've seen parents

I didn't know how to communicate And I used to snap at my teachers Because I had something to say I was around like nephews and stuff And you'll see it in like restaurants I've seen kids Get their iPad taken away And it is like that of a drug addict

Like Oh it's like killing their dog It's like that Like you have to wean them It's just like that Yeah I'm a bit of a screenager I always have a YouTube video playing. Always. If I'm cleaning the house, I'd like to have like a long one go and I'd listen

to it, but I guess it's like a podcast. Yeah, I always have a screen going. I don't, I don't leave any room for my own thoughts. Yeah, I guess I'm the same. I kind of am the same way as well. I'm just always, I'm trying to speed run. That's me as news. I don't even know. You look like the hunchback of Notre Dame mixed with like slender man. Well, the coat is so black and I am so white. And I'm the my like shins are like so funny. Dude, your shins are toothpicks. Yeah.

You look like a, tell me if I'm using this right. You look like a banshee. You're using that correctly. Okay. You look like in Mad Max, the like crow people that are in the bog. It's yeah, like with stilts. It's not good. Oh, it's such a good photo.

That picture could land you a gig. I think more of a phantom. Yeah, Safty needs to see that, dude. Yes. Yeah, this definitely could get, this is gig worthy. Oh. Sorry, to distract.

I just had to show you. No, no, that's fine. Oh, my God. 480. Flashback to April 1980. That was probably one of the best times of humanity. You think? It seems like it.

I didn't really look into it. I think like the 80th. You were about to flash us back. I was going to, and then, I think the ball is yours. I just think the 80s, especially early 80s, were probably pretty fucking awesome. Yeah.

Financially stable. Was it Ronald Reagan? I think that's Reagan, yeah. He was... Or Carter was late 80s? April 1980, not 83. But Zimbabwe gained independence. Yeah, see?

And I was reading... They used to be Rhodesia? Rhodesia. Robert Mugabe, the first prime minister. his personal life had an interesting tidbit on Wikipedia during his early life he had an operation on his genitals which generated rumors that he had only one testicle or half a penis

or it's a massive or it's one testicle yeah you don't bat an eye at one testicle half a penis I would love to meet the reporter that was just guessing at that but apparently like spread like yeah he's imagine if you just had a small dick and they saw it and he's like, oh my God. What happened? You, what happened to the other half of your penis?

Dude, if I ever, if I'm pissing next to a dude, I might say that too. Holy shit, dude. Where's the rest? In Mugabe's case, it might have been the opposite. It might have been like, oh, I only need half a cock. Yeah. Fuck this country. You got a cut in half.

Darren Ravelle bought it. it's in Darren Ravelle's sunroom Robert Mugabe's How could I be racist If I have Robert Mugabe's Halfcock Yeah

There's an artifact Oh my God If you came home And my wife Opened up my artifacts chest And it was bouncing on Robert Mugabe's half cock Dude

She needed She needed Robert Mugabe's half cock To come Oh I'd be Devin' Stated. His half is better than you're full. Oh my God. His half bloodless.

It's a cocky move, ironically. I only need half. Yeah, right. But then the dude, honestly, you know how like some celebs will be like Ariana Grande needed a kidney and she had a celeb do it? Like I want to me and you in a hospital bed, I gave you half my cock to put on the end of your fool. you put out a plea that you needed half a cock not that you're missing yours you're in beds next to each other holding hands my brother for love we were a match the hue was just right I had to give you half to put on your end so we could be the same like did you see that

picture where someone don't like some family unfortunately their their kid passed away and then they donated his heart to someone else. The two parents are like holding the old man and they're like holding his heart. Yes. Your parents are just resting. Just resting. Donating apococque. It was a match.

It was funny. We were a mathematic, perfect match. I could give you half to where we could be the same length. That would require. Me to have a two No, I couldn't give you half I hypothetically had two If I gave you half

You would have a bigger cock Because then if I If I have a six inch penis I give you three You have two You have a five inch penis I have a three It's mathematically impossible

Yeah You would have the bigger cock But then I could throw an inch No what if I had a three incher And you had a 12 incher No no no Never mind Right half

It's tricky It's really tricky Yeah well the math's hard yeah we got a little sidetracked yeah we were learning history

yeah that was yeah oh that was funny to me yeah and then the first president of Zimbabwe was Canaan Banana

no come on this from his media tickled me in 1997 banana was accused of being a homosexual after a highly publicized

trial Banana was convicted of 11 counts of sodomy and unnatural acts. Oh, Christ. Janet Banana, his wife, just later discussed her. Homosexuality, not a crime,

but like a banana being accused of a heinous crime. It's so funny. You can't be like a bad guy named Banana. President Banana of the Republic of Zimbabwe. That could not have done well for people's interpretation of Africa. No. a law was passed in 1982 banning Zimbabweans from joking about his surname so he oh he didn't like being named banana oh that sounds like something my racist uncle be like

oh they got a president now probably president fucking banana yeah passing a law that people can't make fun of you for a certain thing I'm sure that had the intended effect yeah um prior to the trial banana split from his wife and fled to Nigeria to hide out with his cousins on a plantain farm no he fled to the other wait his cousin the bananas lived on a plantain farm his cousins were he went back his cousins were the plantain oh that's their last name yeah so banana split from his wife um banana was eventually sentenced to prison and served over three scoops of ice cream uh not the harsh

a sentence, but it was a shameful time for his family. He escaped so he'd appeal. He had a peanut peel. Yeah. His biological children were ostracized and bananas foster son was caramelized. That's all I. That's pretty funny. Yeah. Yeah, President

Banana. That's unbelievable. How'd he die? AIDS. Yeah. Oh, really? You died of AIDS? Yeah. I was trying to do like a ripe old age. Did he die? No.

No. I don't, I think a heart attack. Okay. But his wife confirmed his homosexuality. Okay. Janet Banana. Even though she can, yeah. I probably bruised him.

Okay. Okay. Mm-hmm. That's really fucking funny. Oh, man. Anything else, boys? What else? What else do I have in my notes?

I really want to play Boulder Dash again. Oh, yeah, let's do that. I think we're going to do like a biweekly game series, and I like the crew we had. I want to see you play. I would love to play. I'd love to play. We'd have to find another. I just have to keep things in order with you fucking clowns.

You fucking douchebags. I mean, I think we actually, I was surprised by the, it felt like we were good at it. You guys all were. I was really impressed. I thought it wasn't bad. Well, I mean, David, it was a compliment to you because we know you so well. We know your, I guess, the word be vernacular, the words you use. Yeah, which means I don't have a diverse vocabulary.

No, I think you have a unique one. Well, you kind of towards the end, we're like taking your ball and going home. You were throwing a bit of a fit. Yeah, you were doing ooze and then I loved it, though. Yeah, you can't. Yeah, you ooze. All right, yeah, everybody, happy new year. be on the lookout for me being

the greatest dude oh yeah you're gonna that's like self abuse I think yeah probably it'll end up bad all right

God bless