A New Untold Story - Biceps and Betslips feat. Joey & Pat - A New Untold Story: Ep. 370

Episode Date: November 16, 2023

1st pod in the new studio with joey and pat. Snakes on a plane & the stuttering duece also. Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code... UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Betterhelp - A New Untold Story is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/NEW today to get 10% off your first month. HelloFresh - Go to https://HelloFresh.com/anusfree and use code anusfree for FREE breakfast for life! One breakfast item per box while subscription is active. Marine Layer - For a limited time get 15% off at https://marinelayer.com/UNTOLDYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. Nice. Joey? Nick Trani told me that the AIDS is in the walls at his house now. Yeah, I'm worried. I'm concerned about that. It's in the air ducts. We are ready to go with a clap.
Starting point is 00:00:22 Is that good enough? This is so ritualistic. I love it. I feel like we're doing peyote. It's like we're in the dark room. You want me to read that to you? That's your reply to what I'm going to say. No, you're just going to say, like, no, that's a new one.
Starting point is 00:00:33 Hey, is that story old or told? What? No, baby. It's a new one told story. A new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. Game time.
Starting point is 00:01:04 Let's talk about game time let's talk about game time it's that time of year to go to events last minute tickets flash deals zone deals i had a zone deals phase and i'm still in it game time gives you easy to find and buy tickets for every kind of event in your area. I'm using it for the Bulls game this weekend. I'm going to watch Torrey Craig throw down Terry Taylor. GameTime is obsessed with finding ways to help you save money on tickets. You know this, but GameTime wants you to really know it. They have deals on tickets right up to the start of the event and even an hour after it starts.
Starting point is 00:01:45 It's the place to find last minute seats, find exclusive flash deals and sponsored deals on tickets for anything. Football, basketball, baseball, concerts, comedy, theater and more with zone deals. I told you about zone deals. I love zone deals. You pick the section in game GameTime picks the seats for an average of about 18%. That's big. And the GameTime guarantee means you'll always get the best price. If you find tickets in the same section and row for less, GameTime will credit you 110%. That's an unheard of figure. That's what they'll do. Take the guesswork out of buying tickets with GameTime. Download the GameTime app.
Starting point is 00:02:27 It'll take five seconds, maybe 15. That's nothing in the scheme. Create an account and use code UNTOLD, U-N-T-O-L-D, for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off. A new Untold story episode 388. Episode 370.
Starting point is 00:02:48 And this is a big one. Why? Malaysia. What's Malaysia? Oh, the flight? Malaysia Babydoll Fox. Fox. Fox.
Starting point is 00:02:58 What was that? Malaysia Babydoll Fox. Fox is a very celebrated drag queen. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Unfortunately, she's thrown off the pier. Malaysia Airlines 370. Wow. Went down without a trace, if you recall.
Starting point is 00:03:12 Oh, there's an old one. Oh, yeah, I know. That's an oldie. You know who else disappears in Malaysia? Gentlemen becoming ladies? Me? The gay people. Oh, disappear in Malaysia? They're all gay in Malaysia. That's where they make fake pussies.
Starting point is 00:03:27 Extrajudicial murder. Really? Only 9% of the country accepts... But they're all faggots. Oh. Isn't that the whole thing? A Thai string party? Is that a thing?
Starting point is 00:03:38 That's not Thailand. That's Thailand. Malaysia is mostly Muslim. They're both Southern Asian. Extrajudicial murder. They'll still kill you. Yeah. Huh?
Starting point is 00:03:49 Who was the guy who, so guys check your emails. We got you a plane tickets. Shut the fuck up. Please. You're going to Malaysia. Oh, thank you.
Starting point is 00:03:56 I would go in a heartbeat. All right, boys, there's a little bit more on three 70. Please. Unless you guys know anything. I actually checked the number. No, I don't know anything about the number. I actually checked the number.
Starting point is 00:04:06 No, I don't know anything about it. 370. Is it related to Christ? Maybe. Related to what? Christ. That was Nana's pre-Ozepic weight. Yeah, were you 370 before Ozepic?
Starting point is 00:04:21 Yeah. Oh my God. No, you weren't. Cheatering. You were not. No, I was not. No. Teach me about 370 before it was epic? Yeah. Oh my God. No, you weren't. Cheatering. It's 370. You were not. No, I was not. No. Well, teach me about 370, please. September 2020, Twitter user IconicMassStar made a thread ranking his top 370 porn stars.
Starting point is 00:04:37 Oh, yeah. Who's number one? Mia Malkova was number one. Who's Mia Malkova? She topped off the list. 370. I was interested in the 370th. Who's Mia Malkova? She topped off the list. 370. I was interested in the 370th. Who's the 370th?
Starting point is 00:04:48 Harmony Walker. Who is that? Pull up Harmony Walker. Harmony Wonder. Who's Harmony Wonder? The titular star of Harmony Wonder gets her throat and ass fucked. She's in that? I didn't know she was in that.
Starting point is 00:05:00 Yeah. Tiny fuck doll Harmony Wonder drilled by Big Cock. Oh, wow. Tiny fuck doll? Yeah, she has a TFD. 370. That's her dressed oh wow fuck doll oh yeah she has a 370 that's her dressed as a high school cheerleader she's 370 um okay candelabras there's a subreddit called r slash 370z it's a nissan coupe okay i crashed one of those once my cousin had one oh look at her yeah that's harmony she looks like someone who would come out in support of Palestine.
Starting point is 00:05:26 She looks like she had a clitorectomy. Let's go. No, let's go. But let's fast forward to the cars. Yeah. Okay. Okay. And one of the posts recently, are there any gay slash bi 370Z owners out there?
Starting point is 00:05:41 Oh, my God. Top reply. Take this gay shit off here. owners out there. Oh my god. Top replied, take this gay shit off here. This is a 370Z forum where people generally ask questions about their cars or post their Z. Poor thing. No way.
Starting point is 00:05:52 I think he's just looking for other guys in the community that are into cars. Pat's really into cars. He thinks he's a good driver though and he's not. Driving with him is the fucking worst. You almost killed us twice when we were trying to figure out the moonroof. He almost killed me this morning. You literally almost killed. Brakes are were trying to figure out the moonroof. He almost killed me this morning. You literally almost killed... Breaks are a little sensitive. That's how he thought.
Starting point is 00:06:07 Breaks were sensitive. Pat stayed at your house. And you skipped out? I was invited, but I like my own space. I have rituals at night I have to do. Rituals? Bench eating? I'm pretty OCD.
Starting point is 00:06:24 I like things in my spots. I i woke up i was swiffering this morning at 7 a.m and pat has left a trail of destruction in his wake and he was like don't come in here there's dirt i'm like what are you talking about there's dirt what happened i don't know but he won't let me in the room were you were you cleaning your cavity? I won't let him in the room but I wake up and this is literally what I see. I was bored. You slept for 14 hours. That's because he's the most boring person on earth. He never
Starting point is 00:06:54 goes out. We went out for dinner last night. He got bone marrow and he didn't know what it was. And they brought out a femur on a plate to him. Wait, you went out to that strip mall restaurant? What strip mall restaurant? I googled where you wanted me to go last night. Firehouse Steak is delicious. Firehouse Steak
Starting point is 00:07:10 and Lemonade is a fucking, like a shithole takeout place. I think you googled Firehouse Subs. No, Firehouse Steak. Google it. Google Firehouse Steak Chicago. You got the wrong one. I am such on edge because I had to drive with Pat this morning and I know my apartment's sitting in fucking
Starting point is 00:07:26 squalor at home right now you were mad because the table I bumped into the table and I got knocked off like a half inch off kilter you knocked the table off kilter and didn't push it back whoopsie that's what you said it was firehouse steak and lemonade I think it was called that's where we went
Starting point is 00:07:40 I think I'm a great house guest I was asleep by 845 there it is that's where i thought you wanted me to go i go this is what popped up i was like well i know that you guys don't like to do anything fun so it's like steak and lemonade you can just put lemonade on the menu and you don't have to put it that on in the title no no unless they're making really good lemonade steak in it you could tell the restaurant doesn't care. Or should I? Wait.
Starting point is 00:08:07 That's why I didn't show up. Because I thought that's where you were going. The chicken tastes like it's cooked in old grease. Food tastes burnt. Oh, this is bad. The wings are horrible. Let's leave them a positive review. No, we have to go there tonight before your show. Yeah, that's where we're having the before dinner.
Starting point is 00:08:23 Our good luck dinner. Thank you guys for repping our merch, by the way. Oh, I love it. You know, I never wore purple before, but why not? It's a Discord exclusive. That can't be in the store. So if you're in our Discord, we will send you the link and you can get that shirt. Where are you selling it?
Starting point is 00:08:37 Only a special place? Just said. Literally just said. But what's the website you're selling it on? I don't get what Discord is. I get notifications. It's the same thing as... Rudy, I didn't mention you in Discord. it's the same thing as you in discord it's the same thing as it's like slacks it's like slack discord is also like um like twitch or um it's like an underground messaging or like um like a
Starting point is 00:08:56 tumblr like it's like an only fans but like for but it's much more gamer oh everyone follow me on only fans right now pat.mcciffe. You're actually starting to post. You took a picture. Did you post from my apartment? No, I thought about it, though. Chicago. Oh, yeah. That's what he woke up to.
Starting point is 00:09:13 That's what I woke up to with Nick. Oh, what is that? That's what I woke up to. He's just looking at me. This is insane. Where are you standing? The bedroom doesn't have a ceiling. That is so creepy.
Starting point is 00:09:25 There's no ceiling in the bedroom and he's got this fucking 30 foot spiral staircase and I wake up and he's on the roof looking at me. That's the POV of a bedroom? That's the bedroom POV. Did you put that light in?
Starting point is 00:09:35 No. That was there? Yeah. I was just standing on top of the bathroom. Chilling, having a cig, watching you. Morning.
Starting point is 00:09:43 I was like, what if I was in the nude? Where's your bedroom, then? My bedroom's upstairs. You are upstairs. No, no, no. That's just, I'm on a little, I'm on a platform. It goes higher than that?
Starting point is 00:09:53 Yeah. I live in a, I live in a... A fun house. It's an arena. It's an arena. Yeah, I live, yeah. If you saw his apartment, you would move here. Like, if you saw how people live out here i live very comfortably on madison avenue thank you
Starting point is 00:10:08 this is a girl this is an acquired taste yeah it's it's not really a home it's kind of industrial i live in um a space but what else would you i wouldn't expect anything less from you thank you do you know i mean this is where you can flourish your your um your quirkiness can really thrive here that's thank you joey quirkiness is an insult i will say the one complaint i had about your apartment is you have to do something about your tv is it small i didn't complain about that that's a that's it's a small tv in a massive space that's a thing all girls do they have tiny tvs is it true well they didn't someone do a piece on that jack mack did yeah girls do have tiny tvs but well you say you want you're you are i love hosting i might you're an awful house guest i
Starting point is 00:10:52 wouldn't i wouldn't i bet what what has he done you haven't he's tracked mud and kit kat crumbs he said he's eating chocolate on my couch he doesn't lift a finger i'm like augustus gloop i went upstairs to take a phone call and I went back down. Did he help you with the dishes? No. There's no dishes. But if there was, you would have helped. You filled up a cup and left it out there and didn't drink a single thing.
Starting point is 00:11:15 My apartment probably has AIDS in the air now. Yes. Yeah, you muck up everything. We were watching a movie. I went upstairs to take a phone call. I came back down. You changed the movie to another one. Mid-movie?
Starting point is 00:11:29 No, it was some fucking weird Nazi battle scene movie. You were calling me the gay slur because I wouldn't want to do hot Jack Daniels nips that you brought with you. Well, if someone offers you a shot, you have to take the shot. So he was trying to drink with me. He was trying to drizzly $3,000 worth of alcohol. For what? He said he had no booze in his house. I don't. I was trying to give him suggestions on what to get booze.
Starting point is 00:11:51 He's like, you need to go out, spend a bunch of money on booze so you have it. That way when people like me come over, they can have a cocktail. That was for him to have a cocktail. Not for you. For guests. Future guests. I don't have booze in the house. I don't have any. I don't know. I don't keep booze in the house either. Why would you? My wine fridge is full, i i don't have booze in the house i don't have any i don't know i don't keep booze in the house either why would you have my wine fridge is full but i don't have anything like brag brag you have a fridge just for wine that is 24 bottle sub-zero wine
Starting point is 00:12:13 fridge sub-zero does it freeze it no sub-zero that's the name of the brand that's weird it's what's the top of the line is the top of the line anywhere are you good with money in the continental united states i made eighteen thousand000 just waking up today. You made $18,000 just waking up? Yeah. How? Investments. Yeah?
Starting point is 00:12:31 I make my money work for me. And I'm a new mom. How are the investments going? They're going well, I'm assuming. What have you invested in? I've invested in my mental health. Yeah. I've invested in weedqueen.com. Of course. And I've invested in my mental health. Yeah. I've invested in weed queen.com.
Starting point is 00:12:45 Of course. And I've invested in Somalian children. Oh, wow. That's really nice. I feed, I work so Somalian children can eat. You were talking about driving with Pat.
Starting point is 00:12:56 Kyle, have you ever done it? Drive with Pat? No. Drive with Pat today. He could drive. He can't. He's like,
Starting point is 00:13:02 bet you I could hit a hundred. And it's like, there's a stop sign right in front of us and he'll get up just like 75 excited i mean i guess like when you never afford to be able to afford your own car it's like you once you get a chance to do it you know you shared a car with the town and franklin i was working on the dpw there was it was an f-250 early 2000s no it's i like to drive i like to you're a car guy i like to feel alive and i think going fast and breaking rules makes me feel alive.
Starting point is 00:13:27 Driving with you is horrible. You listen to awful music. That's Rudy's sexuality. And then every guy we passed, you would say smash and then beep. We drove past a migrant tent village and he was going smash, smash, smash, smash, smash. Well, he's got desi fever for many years. He said he's craving Haitian cock. No, it was Panama.
Starting point is 00:13:46 Yeah, uncuck. Panamanian cock? Panamania. You had a Google search for it. It's believed to be Creole last time I checked. Nick said he wanted me to go hook up with someone in the tent village. I don't want you to stay at my apartment anymore, Pat. It's one night and you're not even there. I'm out tomorrow morning.
Starting point is 00:14:01 I think I'm a great guest. I don't think you are. I had to Swiffer twice this morning. You're putting on. Do you think poor is genetic? You can't beat it even if you acquire it well? Joey? Absolutely. It could be.
Starting point is 00:14:14 It's not poor. It's just lazy and not reading the room. Well, let's use poor as the adjective. Yeah, it's low class. And then do you think someone could be wealthy and still have the poor traits what are some examples of like maybe with pat with pat um well he can go to like yeah he even where am i wait what's he saying where are you in the story where are you physically now where
Starting point is 00:14:44 and what were you saying what poor traits do in the story? Where are you physically now? And what were you saying? You weren't saying anything. What poor traits do I have? Things that are poor about me that no matter how much money I get, I can't get rid of. Oh, yeah. It's installed in him. I think you have poor face. I have poor face as well.
Starting point is 00:14:56 You have poor face. At the Bolero event the first time in Chicago, it was a bowling alley. I was talking to Carl and he said, I have a Midwest face. And he's like, you should do well here. You have a Midwest face. Yeah, but you have a Houston booty. That is true. But I think I have a poor face. I can see that.
Starting point is 00:15:14 Thank you. Thank you, Joey. I don't know. Also, your coloring is very washed out. No, no, no. There's certain white people that have the coloring that Nick has, whatever that is. It's white. It's almost like that color hair. Your hair is not reddish. You're not ginger at all, but it reads red.
Starting point is 00:15:30 Bingo. And ways like that. Bingo. And I don't want to say this. Is he even saying what you've been thinking? No, your hair isn't brown. No, it's not. But it is.
Starting point is 00:15:39 It's more brown than anything else. There's something missing in the skin. It's like there's a liver issue almost. Not like jaundice, but there's something that's not coming to the skin. It's like there's a liver issue almost. Not like jaundice, but there's something that's not coming to the surface. It'll always be lower middle class. That skin tone is very lower middle class. And also, there's certain diseases that
Starting point is 00:15:53 only people with that coloring get. Cystic fibrosis. Sickle cell anemia. No, opposite color. Low iron. Yeah. Crohn's disease. Nick looks like he has sickle cell anemia. The weird disease that you never hear Low iron. Yeah. Crohn's disease. Crohn's. He has celiac. Nick looks like he has sickle cell anemia.
Starting point is 00:16:07 Like the weird disease that you never hear anywhere else. Like cystic fibrosis. Rare autoimmune. Yeah. That's what that coloring is really giving. Cystic fibrosis is an awful disease. I am saying that coloring, that's like you wouldn't get like. You're getting dialysis.
Starting point is 00:16:19 Right now you're exclusively roasting him. Who is like a heartthrob with his coloring? Like a celebrity heartthrob. Aaron Carter was. Robert Pattinson. Pattinson. Pattinson, yeah. He has the same coloring.
Starting point is 00:16:29 Ed Sheeran. He's too red. He's too red. Ed Sheeran is not. He's way too red. Chill, my boy. Oh, no. No, not that one.
Starting point is 00:16:37 It's like a very distinctive pale, like orange-ish undertone hair. Frail. A little bit trashy harry styles almost has it but he's an elevated version like if he had less money and like didn't eat for a week he would look like nick his dark hair so red isn't an indication of poor but the thing is i have a ton of doppelgangers a ludicrous amount of people look exactly like yeah they're they uh spawn oh my god rate i was uh in cleveland or not cleveland i was in columbus and my best did i talk about this on the pod my best friend stinky tony walked up to the wrong guy mook i was sending air drop it to you or what uh yeah from the back or front it didn't matter the angle um my best friend stinky just a connor mook or what yeah he walked up a guy i lived with walked up to the wrong guy i had a 20
Starting point is 00:17:36 minute conversation with gaz's friend neil and i thought i was talking to chaps oh yeah that's exactly the same you're an air yeah oh it's oh it's crazy like my glasses um it was no don't put your glasses on okay and my my best friend in the world stinky tony and his fiancee walked up the wrong guy he i that guy took a picture with somebody out in the front of someone else thought it was you yeah oh yeah the whole night he said this of someone else thought it was you? Yeah. Oh, yeah. The whole night.
Starting point is 00:18:03 He said this. What? Who is it? I don't know. Did you get his name? No. He took the picture. First of all, smash the one they're talking to.
Starting point is 00:18:11 Well, that's Stinky Tony. That's your friend, the red? You're going to smash that fucking nose? Wait a second. This is you. That's you, Nick. And I was talking to that guy. His family's from Moundsville, West Virginia.
Starting point is 00:18:22 Oh, that's right next to us. I might be related. West Virginia is very much where your people are from. Or Virginia in general. Look at this guy in the back left. You'd smash the whole squad. I would do you last. Not you.
Starting point is 00:18:36 Your fake doppelganger. The guy that looks just like me in every single way. I would get caught in that exact awkward pose with the hand. Everything is... That could be helpful, though. Do you know in certain situations, you can send your doppelganger to do things you don't want to do.
Starting point is 00:18:54 Yeah, I guess you're right. Like this? Yeah. Like my job in general. You're what? I'm triple booked today. Yeah, you are. I could use a doppelganger.
Starting point is 00:19:02 Your pop? Big Cat. Oh, that's right. I forgot. I don't see that. You don. I could use a doppelganger. You're pop. Big Cat. Oh, that's right. I forgot. Yeah, you guys. I don't see that. You don't have a lot of doppelgangers. All your doppelgangers, I'd imagine, have died young.
Starting point is 00:19:11 Yes, he does. Ryan Don. No. You do have the face of somebody that will get into a car crash. You look like someone who's died trivially. I said it. I said it today on the drive-in. I can see that on a bumper sticker.
Starting point is 00:19:20 Connor, can you Google Keebler Elf, please? Yes. By the way, Nick. You look like a Keebler Elf. That's nice, Joey. This looks like you played one varsity sport. What? That's not a varsity.
Starting point is 00:19:28 That's not a varsity athlete. That's not a varsity face. I said one. One, like golf. That's Travis Kelsey's slow brother on the right. Get down. Get down. A new untold story is sponsored by BetterHelp.
Starting point is 00:19:42 Again, same as game time. It's the time of year for therapy. It's the winter. It's coming up. You might be getting sad, mad. If you're mad, that could be the problem. You need therapy. Well, let me stop going off the top.
Starting point is 00:20:05 I'll pick you up. The gist is this time of year can be a lot. When I'm covering like serious topics, I get a little bit giggly to cope. And it's natural to feel some sadness or anxiety about it. But adding something new and positive to your life can counteract some of those feelings. Hey, therapy can be a bright spot amid all of the stress and change, something to look forward to, to make you feel grounded and to give you the tools to manage everything going on. Listen, a lot of people I know, me included, have benefited from therapy and BetterHelp takes out the extra stressors and
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Starting point is 00:21:31 Is there a young hot version? Doesn't Ashton Kutcher have a slow brother? No, maybe it's not him. Who's the Rice Krispie Treat Kids? That's what it is. That's not going pop? Ashton Kutcher has a brother, Michael. Michael Kutcher, poor kid.
Starting point is 00:21:40 There's one MLB player who looks like me, who I get tagged. It might be a Rice Krispie Treat Kid. Oh, far right. Yeah, you look like one of these kids yeah you do a little bit yeah absolutely that's what you look like it's not bad it's just what it is it's what it is my dear just you can't help it yeah so what can i do to improve myself in what area and also is there any critiques for kyle i can't i have no i have no notes for kyle except thick you look so good lift more or less or let's keep no keep it up i mean don't go big
Starting point is 00:22:11 i wouldn't get bigger than that's what i'm saying i don't your thighs are like power generators no there's fucking may i sticks oh my god there's meat on those bones i don't want you to get too big no that's what i'm concerned about. You look good. Perfect. It's an addiction. Can you pop the top for us, son? You're going to get too big? No, that's the goal.
Starting point is 00:22:32 You want to be like going until I'm too big. Those people like Sam Sulik, though, can't be comfortable ever. That's the thing. You can't get weird. You lose control of what's rational, what's normal. Can you send me progress pics every day? My camera roll is bet slips and biceps. Why can't you send them to me?
Starting point is 00:22:51 It is just, it's insane. Yeah, it's just shirtless pictures of me in parlays. Why aren't you posting them? For inspo. Because I... To other young trans kids around the globe. Are you a natty god? Creatine, that's it.
Starting point is 00:23:05 Yeah. What are you, yeah.? Creatine, that's it. Yeah. What are you, yeah. Crotum and creatine. I take kratom as well. You're still addicted to that? They sell them, there's signs all over the city and they sell them to bodegas. It's, yeah, that's the problem.
Starting point is 00:23:24 They're readily available at bodegas. What is it though? Should I try it tonight? Yeah, do it before at Bodeng. What is it, though? Should I try it tonight? Yeah. Do it before your live show. How do you do it? It gets such mixed reviews. Some people say, if you take a small dose.
Starting point is 00:23:33 Is it a pill? It'll give you, to me, a caffeine-esque boost. Okay. Like a similar mood boost as caffeine. Kind of like an energy boost, almost. So it is a stimulant. If you take a larger dose it will have an opioid like effect how do you take how do you take if it's a pill a tiny sip of this disgusting primordial soil liquid it's a tincture in a little tincture the tiniest sip and i get a
Starting point is 00:23:59 little a tiny little bit but do you like the buzz or do you like it tastes like the dirt nod it does taste like dirt yeah i like no not the nod i think you've forgotten what good feels like precisely is that what you wanted precisely but i do i know what's good and that is the the revolution weed so oh big shout out to the gentleman came in i love it a fucking swag bag yeah i took it last night yeah what oh the scissor? a scissor what a nice treat I love Coke Zero is my jam I put a little trine drizzle on my
Starting point is 00:24:32 Coke Zero I had such a relaxing clean high it was the best Pat had some gummies at my place and he left them everywhere he ripped off the top of the tab I'm being misrepresented on this podcast I'm a great guest. I left the fucking Kit Kat rapper on the table
Starting point is 00:24:47 and it's like I killed a person. Miscategorizing misgendered is worse to you. I better not get misgendered while I'm here. I'm dating people. You guys have a live show. Did your opinion change of Nick when you saw his apartment? I saw his old apartment.
Starting point is 00:25:03 Did you? I made him respect him. I don't think it changed. I think it's exactly what I thought it was going to be. It's his old apartment. Did you? I made him respect him. I don't think it changed. I think it's exactly what I thought it was going to be. It's an awesome apartment. You thought, yeah. I think it's like industrial.
Starting point is 00:25:11 It's decorated just enough. I'm slob presenting, I think, but I really... I knew that about you because the day we went to the bathhouse, we went over to your house for a minute
Starting point is 00:25:20 so you can change your t-shirt. And I saw how you lived and that didn't change my perception. I didn't think anything less of you but it made me understand you that the madness does come to an end at some time nick is just a man he's just like a bachelor the chaos of the the cool chaos of nick tirani is simplified when you see his living space but kyle you should good analysis thank you yeah you. You should go to Kyle's. I would love to. The chaos continues. Is he the one with the couch that's bigger
Starting point is 00:25:49 than the apartment? No, that's Moog. Oh, that's Moog. Sorry. I'm in a similar situation. Kyle has a cat room. Kyle has a room just for his cat. Oh, wait, wait, wait, I heard that. I am a cat guy. She's getting a brother. Oh, in December. An orange brother. Oh, that's a whole different thing. I heard about
Starting point is 00:26:06 orange. Orange is a different ball game. They're more affectionate but they're more risky. So they're more prone to accidents and even deaths. So I want a little fucking fun guy who'll jump off the high elevations. Who uses a treadmill too.
Starting point is 00:26:21 She's an orange teddy. Actually use the spin wheel. Black and orange. Are you afraid that Piper will get upset? The goal is, like I said, either one end of the spectrum would be fine with me. Piper loves him.
Starting point is 00:26:37 What are you naming this cat? I don't know yet. You should let the listeners decide. How old's Piper? Piper is about... She's still a tween. She's about 12. Is she neutered? No.
Starting point is 00:26:50 Is she starting to dress slutty yet? She's 10 months. Is she spayed? 10 months isn't 12 years old in cat years. That's where you carve out their pussies. It sure is, actually. What? I refresh the calculator every day.
Starting point is 00:27:01 Wrong. To know who I'm talking to. Cat age calculator. To know who I'm actually dealing with. I was wondering if it was the same. I think think it's about oh my god piper's 12 wait and she's every she acts every bit of 12 is 15 human years oh wait catch age uh oh my god so first year is 15 years then every year that's a cat years and it slows down oh oh then there's a cat calculator a a calculator. Is this the one you use?
Starting point is 00:27:27 Yes, I think it is. Mobile version. I apologize. I was wrong. I'm an asshole. Yeah, and she has the appetite of a 12-year-old now. What's that mean? She lets it know when she goes crazy when she's hungry.
Starting point is 00:27:40 7 a.m. sharp. If we don't feed her by 7, her meat, her fucking cheddar gravy. What do you have? Some delivery service the scratching on the side of the bed is mind numbing does she sleep in her room
Starting point is 00:27:51 or she like she just goes there it's her playroom you can lock cats out that's her dojo she sleeps during the day oh she's not the nocturnal queen
Starting point is 00:27:57 what does she do at night Tina terrorizes fucking terrorizes she has zoomies and then you're gonna get another one that's more rambunctious
Starting point is 00:28:04 yeah but it's not it's the only one that's more rambunctious. Yeah, but it's not. It's the only time that's annoying. I wish I was not allergic to cats. You guys dog boys? I love, I love cats. Dogs are straight animals. Straight boy animals.
Starting point is 00:28:17 But it's a warning sign if you get it. We were just talking about this. If you get a single guy gets a dog, that's a warning sign. That's a red flag. It's weird. Right. In Chicago is Malasek. Malasek did it. It's giving up on your life. Like, Red flag. It's weird. Right. In Chicago is Malasek. It's giving up.
Starting point is 00:28:28 It's giving up on your life. Like, oh, I got to get back in. You have to go home every three hours. Yeah. I can't do it. My schedule. You need a wife or a kid or my neighborhood of Chicago is all 20 mid 20s couples with a dog. And you can see when they walk it together.
Starting point is 00:28:42 You can see on the dude's face. He's about 25. he got that dog when he was 22 and single with the goal to get girls yeah and it worked too fast and now he's stuck with the same girl same dog same walk route and he's tired of it you can euthanize them both luckily but i would rather get a dog uh but getting a dog when you have a girlfriend is tough because if you do break up, you have to do the split. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you assume marriage, right? Poor little mimosa.
Starting point is 00:29:12 Yeah, I was just going to say that. Who's that? Jeff D's dog? Jeff D's dog. He had that dog with his ex-girlfriend? Yes. He's not married yet. No. He's single now, fully. No, he's not. He's in a relationship with his girlfriend. He's got the's got the dog no ex-girlfriend has a dog yeah but when he comes to new york he sees he sees momo so when he comes back yeah he does
Starting point is 00:29:33 hello fresh it's that time of year i keep saying this but it's true the holidays are coming up they're right around the corner and hello fresh can help take the stress out of dinner. They deliver everything you need to cook up a tasty meal. I'm talking about all the ingredients packaged right to your door, saving you so much time. I can't stress how much time the holiday season can be hectic. You know that. And that's where HelloFresh is. Fifteen minute meals come in. The 15 minute meals, they're quick fixes, help you get a wholesome meal on the table in less than it takes to get delivery. Think about that. Everyone wants to cut back on errands and spending time in checkout, especially this time of year when the stores are packed to the brim. You'll
Starting point is 00:30:17 die of crowd crush. Look it up. So skip that extra grocery store trip and instead get fresh ingredients and delicious recipes delivered with HelloFresh. Just pick your meals, decide on a delivery date, and you sit back. Are you hosting the holiday? Perfect. HelloFresh is there for you. The most wonderful time of the year is also the most delicious. Listen, they have options.
Starting point is 00:30:41 They have options. They have range. You choose from over 45 weekly recipes and over 100 curated picks from HelloFresh Market. I've had it. All of the options are better than something you would cook yourself or get from the grocery store. Go to HelloFresh.com slash anusfree. That's one word. A-N-U-S-F-r-e-e lowercase um you could try
Starting point is 00:31:08 uppercase get back to me if that works for free breakfast for life we're talking about breakfast now that's even surprising to me holy at hellofresh.com slash anus free holy with code anus free um yeah you know i i really need some companionship though yeah well that big house you should get an exotic it's not that big it's just weird why don't you get an exotic like a like a something like um i don't want to be that guy. Yeah, it's too predictable. Yeah, and I don't have to keep mice or crickets in my house. Yeah, that is weird.
Starting point is 00:31:51 You know a newt salesman, by the way? Yeah, I'm afraid to talk to him because he's a violent past. I'm a newt salesman with a violent past. There's someone in my town who's one of the northeast's foremost reptile salesman. And he specializes in newts.
Starting point is 00:32:11 How much does a newt go for? I'm like actually get a lot of play on alphabetical posters for kids. Yeah. No other animals that really begin with N. We probably get a lot of royalty checks. So newts are big. Newts are worth more than you'd expect. They're like Tuvalu. He had an alligator in his bathtub growing up
Starting point is 00:32:37 and we let it go in the Charles River. You did? No, this kid. He had an alligator growing up. There's no other N? Well, there's narwhal but that's almost like too silly and then there's animals starting with n with it which is a breed um a what's nebula nebula nebula that's a space thing it's a space thing oh my god what animals
Starting point is 00:33:01 that start with n how come i can't think of it rudy are you high you took the revolution weed yeah it's good shit i want to get high give me my purse i was off the the cart i love i'm off the cart uh i was last night what's that mean the cartridge oh i forgot mine at home and then pat asked for a hit and fucking took it into my room it was yeah he just took it um um um um do i see do i sense all the sudden i buy weedqueen.com and now pat's starting to take fucking weed i've been smoking weed for ages when did you start weedqueen.com
Starting point is 00:33:34 a couple weeks ago oh that's new what's the end goal i subscribe it's a safe space i want i want to have a landing place so everyone can feel welcome i'm gonna sell i'm gonna share recipes i'm going to share recipes. I'm going to not just read recipes, just in general recipes. I'm going to do exclusive announcements.
Starting point is 00:33:51 I'm going to do right now. Exclusive announcements. For what? Pay for an announcement? It's going to be like a vote. K-W-E-N. K-W-E-N. It's a message board right now. So people leave inspirational quotes on there for young trans youth.
Starting point is 00:34:01 Joey, I can't afford your announcement. Launching soon. Wait a minute, Joey. Is that your high-ass face? Who that? I thought that was Erica. I thought it was Erica Nardini too. That's my trans father. That's your father.
Starting point is 00:34:16 Who is that dude? That's my trans dad. That's right, we had Playboy Marty eating his ass in that last photo. Scroll down. Subscribe. Yeah, I guess. You can send me an email. What even is that? It's Weed Queen.
Starting point is 00:34:29 That's Weed Queen. Are you trans? Frequently ask questions. Oh, you can ask questions. At this time, yes, but that could change at any moment. Oh, shit. I still have to go through and add the other questions. Who's building this website? I don't have anyone.
Starting point is 00:34:41 He's doing it himself. No, I've had thousands of dms from people wanting to build it for me what kind of but i don't know what we have it will offer a variety of features such as groups event you're doing all this groups events and messages to help others connect to share common interests yeah like-minded gentlemen it's for like-minded gentlemen wait so if we do it's gonna be early voter registration will this go directly to your email yeah it goes directly to me i'll get it right now it'll pop up that's pretty annoying how many it's it's literally every fucking email is your phone number on here somewhere i think so scroll down did you boost
Starting point is 00:35:14 the the text the font size i always have that uh but they can change your name of their thing so i get messages from like weird names it's a pretty good website joey so far yeah so far so good maybe we can collab yeah i would love to i need to get a weed sponsor if there's any it's if there's any barstool sales people listening get me a fucking sponsor there are not that's not their thing what do you like to do hi just like the standard shit no the thing is to get high or to when i am high uh when you're high like what do you like to do oh i just vibe i just i'm much a much better space it's much better than alcohol for me because i was taking so many i was drinking so much and the calorie the calorie it's more about like it's called gay math for me it's like i'd rather save the calories from drinking i'm gonna
Starting point is 00:36:00 drink i'm gonna i'm gonna get fucked up and drink a ton to get fucked up and then i'm gonna eat like a pig anyway because I'm drunk. I'm going to do the same thing if I smoke weed. If I smoke weed, I'm not eating and taking any calories. So the food I'm going to eat later, I'm actually saving so many fucking, like thousands of calories. And you're not buying drugs when you're on weed. When you drink, then you buy drugs. When I drink, I want
Starting point is 00:36:17 to do uppers. When I'm high, I literally drink seltzer. I just drink seltzer and Vibe. It's my fucking, it's the best. And that's on period. That's on period. It is the best. How great have our live shows been since I started taking weed? I was just about to ask.
Starting point is 00:36:29 We want to start doing live shows. Joey on weed is a fucking dream. I need to calm down. It helps you socially? Yes. Oh, I can't. He goes on stage before our live show is on weed. Okay.
Starting point is 00:36:39 Now, I want to ask about the live shows. Do you want to start doing them again? You should. Do them in your apartment. We'll see. No yeah you have a balcony that's i don't have a big apartment i have a tall apartment we should do one from your apartment why dude that'd be sick to have the crowd on your balcony the live shows are good we have one more i heard great things about your live shows no we don't get that what'd you say do you have like a great things about your live shows. No, we don't get that. What'd you say? Do you have like a great thing? Do you, do you go off script?
Starting point is 00:37:07 We have, we have a, we have a formula that we, we, um, we change, uh, to every city and situations going on in our lives. So things, the things that will change in the show are the city we're in and like notable things about the city and our experience getting there, all the things. And then we also switch about, um, current events, things going on in our lives. Um, we have a general structure. Now, Pat was kind of being a bitch when he was in between messing up my apartment he was saying like that fucking kit kat rapper yeah my god he was saying like oh joey wants to come out in a wheelchair yeah you let him do it i know he can't come out in a
Starting point is 00:37:38 wheel no it's not a danie's rosemont is not ada compliant i thought via the stage before we go seeing like can i wheel into this thing? So I have to step up with a step. They'd have to give me a special ramp. Yeah. And I have to get coding. I'd have to get. So what, has anything ever gone awry at any of your shows?
Starting point is 00:37:54 Because we're one for one. Yeah, I almost vomited. In Nashville, I almost died. Why? Because I was sick. I caught something. I had, like, a fever. I was flushed.
Starting point is 00:38:02 I was going to throw up. Before you went on stage. Because I had to try to calm myself down. I was losing my mind. I was like, dude I was flushed I was like I was gonna throw up before you went on stage because I had to try to calm myself down I was losing my mind I was like dude what are you doing like you can't
Starting point is 00:38:08 you're not gonna be able to talk when we go on here he's like it's fine it'll be an awesome show I just had something I had like a bug or something I was like fever
Starting point is 00:38:15 I was like gagging I was nauseous it was just like and as they say the best thing to cure a bug is a benzo so that's what we did no I took a shot of tequila
Starting point is 00:38:22 let that be known I took a shot a couple shots of tequila and a Xanax and I was not, I was better. I didn't have any weed at the time.
Starting point is 00:38:29 Philly was our best show. I think this is going to be, I think we actually have to try this one because there's going to be people here like, who are trying to sell the show. You guys sell it out.
Starting point is 00:38:36 I don't need to try. Either buy it or don't. Or get the shit off, the shit will go off the pot. I love that mindset. Your loss. Take that McDonald's. Yeah, man.
Starting point is 00:38:46 So yeah, hopefully things don't go aw't go around what i'm getting a call go ahead and get take it hello thank you joey appreciate that i actually couldn't have waited are you guys gonna come out and party with us yeah we'll come with you guys I'm excited I'm excited to be there we have a show in Tampa I gotta say
Starting point is 00:39:09 yeah Floridians I've always been skeptical of and it's it just goes to prove the point these meth head gun toned
Starting point is 00:39:17 hillbillies can't buy fucking tickets to a show we have we only sold 60 tickets and they sold 300 and did you do the show no it's coming up oh you have time then you don't have to go to the show we always say this tickets and the day sold 300. And did you do the show? No, it's coming up.
Starting point is 00:39:25 Oh, you have time then. You don't have to go to the show. We always say this. Just buy the ticket. Don't show up. We don't give a shit if you're there. Yeah, I guess that makes sense. That's what we say. People being there is just for the ego. What is it? It's a day after Thanksgiving in
Starting point is 00:39:41 Tampa. I'm sure our flight won't be a problem at all. Oh, you guys aren't going to be there. I'm going on Thanksgiving. You're going to Tampa on Thanksgiving? Tampa. I'm sure our flight won't be a problem at all. Oh, you guys aren't going to be there. I'm going on Thanksgiving. You're going to Tampa on Thanksgiving? Yeah. I'm hosting Thanksgiving. There's no possibility. I'm going to do the show alone.
Starting point is 00:39:53 I'm 100% doing that one alone. I'm not flying out on Thanksgiving. I'm hosting. Yeah, fly out in the morning. You are going to get delayed probably. You're going to get delayed. Flying on Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving you don't.
Starting point is 00:40:04 It's the busiest travel weekend of the year rather than on let's make this about us um what could what are some segments you guys do that we could steal uh at the live shows um we do a jerk off competition okay we had to cut you got i'd imagine it's mostly women in your it's all so we have we have to bring fat we have to bring fake penises in for it it's a machine where the it's i'm serious it's a machine it was two like plastic cocks like this and whoever jerks it off the fastest the one dick shoots in the other person's face wait really yeah but we guys have that we cut it out it's like a bachelorette party we cut it out because it was like we did it twice it wasn't even the loads they were shooting weren't big loads i wish it really
Starting point is 00:40:38 like soaked the bitch down yeah but also like two large men being like jerk it off in front of like yeah that was like a little uncomfortable so we cut that but you can have that segment we did anus jeopardy you show everyone's anus through a hole you look like a euro league player so that was like that looked like titus like a straight euro league player yeah thank you you can have tomatoes thrown at you on the stage don't do that and then not get paid at all yeah lost a lot of money what else do we do we do the tea we do our philly tea party or whatever tea party stole that from alissa you know yeah admit that you stole it from her what do we what else do we even do a minute are you you legally
Starting point is 00:41:18 aren't allowed to talk about her right i'm not you have a you have a muzzle you have a gag order a gag order yes and it was one too many comments about gluten. She literally sent a cease and desist. I will fund your gag order. Oh, good. I'll give you a gag order. Go on. Go on.
Starting point is 00:41:32 Talk about it. Talk about it. I order you to gag me, Daddy. I'll pay the gag. That was a cock joke. Why can't you talk about pubs? Precisely. You aren't allowed, right?
Starting point is 00:41:44 No. You had to sit down. You had a know it's just it's a respect thing and it's two as two entrepreneurs it's two women entrepreneurs in the industry you know i respect her space and her her her hustle and her career and her truth and i you know is she uh can she have a page on weedqueen.com if she plays her cards i could put i could put a link to um to um publicity.com okay perfect you could hyperlink it i can hyperlink it and say it has notes of lemon can you can you see who owns a new untold story.com oh does anyone know that out and about that one it's me and jolly we own it come on hopefully it's nothing i'm actually afraid when her name comes up that we're gonna get cease and desist it again oh you can buy it
Starting point is 00:42:27 buy it on GoDaddy yeah check out and about dot com that has to be taken yeah what is it a gay travel blog maybe yeah oh my god it's a gay travel blog it's just this
Starting point is 00:42:44 it's just a photo It's just a photo. Oh, wait, it's a really good photo. Yeah. I bought this too. Yeah. It is Pittsburgh.
Starting point is 00:42:52 My face, my father, my grandfather. Rob Dyrdek on a date with Nathan Fielder. That's a dream couple. There's nowhere to click? No, it's perfect.
Starting point is 00:43:04 It says, welcome back, Connor. In the bushes. Before I forget, I also had to borrow socks from Nick because I forgot to pack socks. Those are steezy. Did you bring hairspray? No, I'm using yours. I didn't bring hairspray and I didn't bring my computer.
Starting point is 00:43:21 He didn't bring anything. Oh, and you used all my toilet paper and you went under my sink, grabbed a new roll and just crammed that roll over top of the empty cardboard roll. Oh my god. You give a gay a couch. Oh my god. Right? They take a mile. How was the accommodation besides it? Was the bed nice? The bed was awesome. It was a little strange
Starting point is 00:43:41 not having a ceiling. How else could I make sure you're not up to something? You wanted to make sure I wasn't. So you're definitely not clapping cheeks at the after party tonight at that house. Yeah, I guess that would be creepy. I look up
Starting point is 00:43:57 there were cheek clapping. I look up Nick is there. Should I do a cheek clapping tonight? I don't know that you can pull it off. I don't think logistically no? I don't know that you can pull it off. Logistically, no. I don't think there's men in Chicago that would want to do that. You don't think there's gay people in Chicago?
Starting point is 00:44:14 Dude, if you're... Dude, that looks... I'm posed like a man who's making sure you're not having gay sex. I'm guarding. I'm guarding your ass yeah you are you're a guardian of my asshole hey buddy not here nick's the prison guard who lets it happen but only if you dome him up after jesus christ am i right fellas yeah this is the hottest clothing brand out right now that not enough people know about it's marine layer i don't dress too well but when i throw on one of my marine layer shirts blouses uh sweaters
Starting point is 00:44:53 and i own a few they're getting complimented a guarantee and my clothes never get complimented so marine layer is on the forefront of my mind every time I scam my wardrobe. And I'll just go ahead and say it. I found the perfect clothing brand. Their stuff is soft and it makes for the perfect gift. That's for sure. All thanks. It's a San Francisco based brand. Bay Area, Marine Layer. Honestly, you can get all your holiday shopping done at marine this is true this is true you need the statement piece the their fabric the design the fit um it's better than any shirt in your closet in your drawers right now i promise they've got amazing gifts for guys and girls like sweaters tees over shirts beanies name it. I'll be getting some absurdly stuff.
Starting point is 00:45:46 Yeah, I'm getting it for Christmas, too. I buy it. I pay money for it. I pay lots of money for it, not because it costs a lot, because I get so much of it. I think we can all admit that great gifts can be hard to find. Yeah, look no further than Marine Layer. Also, they have free shipping and returns for an entire year. No questions asked.
Starting point is 00:46:04 So I don't have to worry about getting someone the wrong entire year no questions asked so i don't have to worry about getting someone the wrong size color yeah you don't have to worry about getting anyone the wrong anything for a limited time get 15 off at marine marine layer.com slash untold that's marine layer.com forward slash untold for 15 off your entire order saving your closet one shirt at a time. Dave. What's his name? Who?
Starting point is 00:46:29 Who's the guy taped with glasses? The one with the short shorts and loafers? David Blattman? Yeah, you look like Blattman and Ubix together. Who, the one in the back? Career day, Nick, for the compliments. Nick, the Nick. My God.
Starting point is 00:46:40 This has been great. I need to fix my complexion then, huh, Joey? Back on that. I can't get past that I'm looking at self tanners give a little something I just purchased what is this
Starting point is 00:46:53 self tanner I purchased I showed you I purchased it Rudy bro glow I didn't know if you were comfortable bro glow my father uses that
Starting point is 00:46:59 I just bought some bro glow will you wear this hat for a second this is the Cholo hat that he made. Wait, you chose that as the font? It's like Southern California.
Starting point is 00:47:09 It's not Cholo. It's supposed to be Irish. That is. What is that? Is that Irish? That's like biker gang. Yeah, that's Long Beach Cholo. Yeah, it's the man mafia.
Starting point is 00:47:19 Here, put this on. Did you hit pan on the right here? Does anyone have live... Is it rosin or resin? We have rosin over there. Does anyone have live raw is it rosin or resin we have rosin over there does anyone have live rosin careful with this shit because this is what fucked my eyes up for this is not at all what made you break out i had fucked up eyes for four months after he put this stuff on my face yeah but then you got a cream and it was gone
Starting point is 00:47:36 you just lived with the fucked up eyeballs here put this on your face the attention was nice squeeze a little bit out it's like moisturizer moisturizer. Put it on like moisturizer. I moisturize every morning. Holler if you hit Pam. Try this on. It's going to change your entire face. This is a glowing lotion. It's called a Glotion. How does this work? That flips up.
Starting point is 00:47:54 That's a cream. Oh, yeah. He's not going to use that just yet. That's too dark for him. It creates reflection. How does this work? Let me see. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:48:02 Start with that. That's a little too dark. Put it on your cheeks and your nose. Dot on your nose. He's in blackface all of a sudden. Nothing to joke about. And now go ahead and put this Kevin Garnett jersey on.
Starting point is 00:48:14 Get your forehead. It looks so good already. Let me see it. It gives you a little tint. It makes you look. Show the mirror. That's essentially what I use. Here, check in the mirror.
Starting point is 00:48:23 It's not a tanner. It's just like a glotion. Okay, that's good. Now you're making yourself red. Open here. How does it? I'll show you. Here, check in the mirror. It's not a tanner. It's just like a lotion. Okay, that's good. Now you're making yourself red. Open here. How does it? I'll show you. You need something to matte it out.
Starting point is 00:48:30 He's not going to shine. I have very sensitive skin, by the way. This is very good products. Here, now look at yourself. That's enough rubbing. Just look at the shine, the glow that your skin has now, and how it just made you look refreshed, hydrated. Completely different.
Starting point is 00:48:43 I know. I'm not kidding. It really works. Thank you, Joey. Thank you, refreshed, hydrated. I look completely different. I know. I'm not kidding. It really works. Thank you, Joey. Thank you, L'Oreal LumiGlow. What else do I have for everyone? Are you jealous? Did you used to do Rihanna's makeup and you don't talk about that
Starting point is 00:48:55 every single day? What? See? I've done her makeup, but I did it once. You touched her. Yes. What did she smell like? She smelled like sugar cookies. I heard she smells good. She smells very sweet. Yes. What did she smell like? She smelled like sugar cookies. I heard she smells good. She smells very sweet. Psych.
Starting point is 00:49:08 I heard she smells like the best. Yeah. She wears a fragrance from Killian. But it's like a baby fragrance. It smells like sweet, sugary, and like... And you've done Mariah Carey's makeup? No. I didn't do Mariah Carey's.
Starting point is 00:49:22 I've worked with her, though. What does that mean? I used to work for a major cosmetic brand, and she did collaborations with us for some stuff. So I've worked with her on designing looks for her collection. So she'd come up with a makeup collection, and I would design looks on models based on how to use the products. What celebrity could you see me and Kyle ending up with? As a date? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:42 Male or female? I think Aubrey Plaza would be great for you yes thank you cool oh yeah i can see that i think aubrey plaza for you i think you would like someone um more you care more about the personality than the looks i would think yeah do you know what i mean like so pretty girl but like i think someone like with a killer personality like a china doll like a some something some some girl who's got who's like really think someone like with a killer personality like a china doll like a some something some some girl who's got who's like really fucking cool like for kb yeah a cool girl like celebrity wise who is that um it's not sydney sweeney i just want to come and say that not sydney sweeney
Starting point is 00:50:16 sorry dude no it's not no tommy's i understand tommy's dating sydney's like a who's like a young hip like a jojo silla Rebel Wilson Rebel Wilson No what about Renee Rapp Is cool The fuck is Renee Rapp She's cool She's from She's
Starting point is 00:50:30 She's cisgendered No she's a lesbian though Oh She's from Sex lives with college girls And now she's a singer Cool How fascinating
Starting point is 00:50:38 An actor who can be a singer She's hot That's literally us Lucy Kyle And she has a cool girl She's an it girl Like but like Understated Oh yeah Totally She's hot. That's literally us. And she has a cool girl. She's an it girl, but like understated. Oh yeah,
Starting point is 00:50:47 totally. She's just, she's a badass bitch. Her looks don't look, her insides don't match the outsides. She's not some like pretty blonde. She is, but she's like a fucking cool chick.
Starting point is 00:50:56 Do you accept this, Kyle? I don't like the face. Yeah, she's fine. I think her face is a little too she's got sweet face green goblin-esque
Starting point is 00:51:07 alright oh oh she's a singer she's a singer and an actress that's cool and a lesbian very cool
Starting point is 00:51:15 I could see Kyle dating a lesbian yeah hold on a recovered lesbian a recovered lesbian have you what else is going on? Talk to us. I'm sorry I have this baby
Starting point is 00:51:28 here. This is my boyfriend in health class. He has to build a flower baby. Is your boyfriend in high school? Middle school. Your boyfriend's in middle school? Yeah. It's a gay trope to have a huge age gap, right?
Starting point is 00:51:43 It's more accepted. Your age gap is large. We have a huge age gap, right? It's more accepted. Well, it's like, you know, your age gap is large. We have a large age gap, but the thing is, once you get to my financial status, that's what happens. You know what I mean? I call it the DiCaprio effect. The more money you make, the younger they get. And you're going to trade him in in a year or two for maybe someone younger. The underneath
Starting point is 00:51:59 of my eyes are burning right now, Joey. No, they're not. Yeah. Okay, everyone relax. I have a 1019 train tomorrow or 1019 oh that's not thinking that's not predictable the 22 year old that i was um with a train no plane uh wants to hang out this weekend but i don't know if i should do it who the guy who i was with over the weekend the 22 year old you sent me a picture of you too yeah because i think you were very very out of your mind is he in college wish you didn't yeah does he wear snapback no he's not in college he's out of college but he he in college wish you didn't yeah does he wear snapback he's out of
Starting point is 00:52:25 college but he lives in bed style does he wear a ski mask snapbacks i don't know he's got hair yeah i am i'm wearing one right now i have one too see it's snapping right here so could you could you date a 22 year old no i don't think so i don't have anything to talk about like what do i have i don't know i used to think I couldn't, but I fucking bet on them. I guess you're right. Maybe I could, I guess. I don't know. It's just tough to
Starting point is 00:52:52 have a conversation sometimes. Maybe you picked the wrong one. Yeah, I did pick the wrong one. Mine's exquisite. What's your age gap? 20 years. Now Nana could be her grandmother. No kidding.
Starting point is 00:53:08 But he knocks the dust off Joey's pussy every night. Is that true? So that's what keeps Nana satisfied. It's not bad. I think it's with the right person. It doesn't matter. I don't see anything. No.
Starting point is 00:53:17 They're actually more mature than I am. Well, you have the famous rule on how to keep a man happy. What is that? My mother taught me this right before her death. How soon before? Well, that was one of her credos. She had two credos. The vagina self-cleaning is one of them.
Starting point is 00:53:33 And then the second one was, to keep a man happy, it's simple. You keep his stomach full, his balls empty, and your mouth shut. Okay. And do you do that? Don't talk back or mouth off
Starting point is 00:53:44 or fucking bitch and complain. Make sure you give him sex and you don't talk back or mouth off or fucking bitch and complain make sure you give him sex and you feed him that's all they need and then and then has been living by that ever since 97 it's my credo it's my credo i'll come over he'll have a teriyaki on he'll have yeah he could be the most delicious meal like a pre-game meal out of trader joe's stuff it was like this gourmet absolutely delicious meal it was that you guys are opposites yeah yeah complete opposite oh yes my dear do you like hanging out with one another kyle and i just experienced it this weekend hang out with that yeah i know it's no i do i just wish that pat we don't we don't we don't have the same ideals like we don't like to do the same thing socially. He has, Joey is, I am like, I like to go in and be, I either go out and I go nuts.
Starting point is 00:54:28 Like on Saturday I was at your apartment until 630 in the morning. So you can't bitch about that. But usually I'm in bed by like nine. Pat's a fun, you're a, you're a fun guy to party with. Yeah. If you, if you, if you commit to the night, are you, you're the guy. Can you read the text you sent me about meeting Nicky Smokes? You're super nervous to meet Nicky Smokes. Who is this guy?
Starting point is 00:54:48 I found out he's a basketball person. Not at all. That's Mark Titus. No, he wears basketball. Dolphins jerseys. He's a sports person. He's like a cartoon douchebag from Miami. But I've never heard him talk. He's absurd. It's funny.
Starting point is 00:55:03 He's the coke guy at barstool he always talks about dumping sack doing lines loves blow and then pat is dumping sack mean pouring out a bag of blow oh i've never heard of us called that uh pat sent me this read your text out loud because i i can't just mine you want the lead up no just go ahead I may dust off the old beak and show the young fella how a real faggot gets down. That was from Kyle? No, no, no. Pat talking to Nick about Nicky Smoke. He wants to show Nicky Smoke how an experienced vet.
Starting point is 00:55:36 Well, is he here? You ever seen a man who's 6'2 and heels take down a bull in about a half hour, son? Why don't you come to me in Joey's green room? He'll show you how. Old man will show you how it gets done. smoke is gonna you call me six in 15 minutes with pat he will lose all his to pat's nose uh get his dick sucked by pat and then get dunked on by pat yeah that's the goal that's the trifecta dude that's the mccall off air learned from my father off the record please try to like fuck fuck just to see because fuck him just try and see if you can
Starting point is 00:56:06 then stop before it happens abruptly but I I'll finish the job uh he was the blank can we also bleep actually i don't give a fuck yeah nikki smokes he was he's a lot wider than i thought like he's more solid i met him downstairs today were you bragging about like sleeping with someone within two sentences of meeting him. I would like to meet him. What do you think he's going to make of me? I think he'll be very good. I'm not intimidated by
Starting point is 00:56:49 anyone in the world. Please. She's a lovely girl, but mother had no chance. Mother knows. Should we get Nikki Smokes in here? We have to go down And do the yak in five Oh shit
Starting point is 00:57:06 I have to tell a story On the yak today Okay That's gonna be interesting When does this come out This will come out tomorrow Oh yeah I have to go wash my face
Starting point is 00:57:14 Underneath my eyes Are burning so badly Good luck Are you kidding me No What is it with you Pale white boys That can't fucking deal
Starting point is 00:57:23 A little with a glotion Why do you make it racial? Because it only happens to white people. White boys that never wear, that don't take care of their skin. I think my son is great. You got anything else, KB?
Starting point is 00:57:34 You had red eyelids for two months. I got some plays for this week. Oh, yeah. Wait, give some plays. Give some plays. All right, I got the
Starting point is 00:57:39 snakes on a plane parlay. This one, I like this one. Snakes on a plane? Lamar Jackson, Deebo Samuel, Keenan Allen. Love it. Samuel L. Jackson parlay this one i like this one yeah yeah snakes on a plane lamar jackson debo samuel keenan allen um love it samuel l jackson and keenan that's like the cast and then i'm doing the stuttering deuce and it's not just because the name uh two two at well derrick henry to a tongue of wallow. Wait, why Derrick Henry? He's number 22.
Starting point is 00:58:06 Okay, okay. 2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2- Yes, I bet my ass off. I keep my head down. I bet my ass off. I exchange blows with the books. I make the odds moan. Sometimes they make me moan back. But I love this shit. And the thing about my drawing board is that it's more of an etch-a-sketch. When I'm doing something and it's going right and it looks good, I'll just add to that, try to make it better. And the thing is, if it's not going well, if it's fucked up, I'll just shake it off try to make it better and the thing is if it if it's not going well
Starting point is 00:58:45 if it's fucked up I'll just shake it off and start again so that's it yeah that's beautiful Kyle god damn dude that's a really great really powerful really really powerful I'm happy for you can you use watercolor on canvas all right that's a new untold story thanks for listening guys

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