A New Untold Story - Big Mayor, Tall Mayor - A New Untold Story: Ep. 332

Episode Date: February 23, 2023

who's the most famous person in your contacts? Ads: Gametime Download the Gametime app or go to gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply) Factor Go to https://barstool.link/FactorKB and use code KB50 to get 50% off your first boxYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. It's a fresh, big, untold story. A new, untold story. Well, Nick, good clap, dude. That clap was brought to you by GameTime. It's the exclusive ticketing partner for Barstool Sports. And for the next 60 seconds, I'm going to tell you about it. It's created by fans for fans.

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you thought you could never buy. Kyle, have you used GameTime recently? Twice. For what? Not recently. I haven't been to an event. That the that's the go-to i have the bookmarks i made the website an app you could just download the app yeah i didn't even do that i made the website an app very cool very cool uh the purchase process just takes two taps in 10 seconds

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This is the time to buy tickets for events. Why not use that? Help us out. Money in our pockets. Anus, a new untold story. Welcome back. You guys mind if I dive right into the news? Woke up this morning.

We're bringing back the news segment regular old news nothing specialized because I've realized that when I was doing the news more regularly it was making me super informed on what's going on who would have thought did yeah who would have thought so here we go South Korea breaks its own record for the world's lowest fertility rate. This has turned the pro-choice community on its head, hearing that it's actually the soul that doesn't have a fetus. What a twist that is. The James Webb telescope can spot evidence of an ancient universe breaker galaxy. The James Franco stop can spot a

young desperate actress in hollywood from miles away a sad news a pride flag was set on fire outside of a new york city restaurant bigots and chefs chefs bigots and chefs alike have said it was well done okay no no no no i ordered a toasted baguette uh critics reject changes to the roald dahl books they were they were censored the old roald dahl books were censored were they they inappropriate? No, there was some. The publishing company has decided to remove any words that can be deemed offensive to marginalized groups. Fat. I, for one, am very excited to reread Charlie and the Factory. Texas death row inmate who cut out his own eyes seeks clemency.

If he gets set free, let's hope he doesn't become a pirate. He will never be able to say yes to anything. Super dumb. Did he really? Yeah. Cut out his own eye? And I feel fine making fun of him because what he did was fucking heinous. He's on death row. Yeah. Yeahina miles what do you do i don't even want to say yeah justina miles a deaf performer who went viral at rihanna's super bowl halftime show she was the

the sign language uh next to the performance uh opens up in her first interview since the game apparently she was very embarrassed from the performance. She had a piece of kale between her fingers. Nobody told her. A little baby girl with a deadly inherited condition was cured with gene therapy. Typical woman. Every problem solved with clothes. Next, she's going cured with gene therapy. Typical woman. Every problem solved with clothes. Next, she's going to get shoe therapy.

Jesus Christ. Hell yeah. Thanks, boys. A CEO middle school, middle school in Minneapolis, held a contest to name their county's new snowplow. The winning name was Blizzo uh named after pop sensation lizzo this is a credible incredibly offensive and unfair set a representative for chevy they were they were mad that uh they thought it was uh i don't know i didn't finish that joke i was trying to imply that

chevy was embarrassed i didn't finish the joke. If I hit undo here, let me try this version of it, but instead, let me go. Okay. A CO middle school in Minneapolis held a contest to name their county's new snowplow. The winning name, Blizzo, was named after pop sensation Lizzo. I don't really get it,

as one is a two-ton beast and the other is a Chevy.vy that better well oh are you saying the snow plow was on a chevy oh oh oh the snow plow was made by chef okay yeah yeah oh i probably forgot about that okay chevy does make snow snow plow okay i didn't know yeah yeah shit yeah i should have, I should have cleared. Hold on. We're back. Hold on. You want to? Yeah, let me go again. A CEO middle school in Minneapolis held a contest

to name their their county's new snowplow. The winning name. You'll never guess. I read this too. It's Blizzo. It is Blizzo named after Pop Sensation Lizzo,

who's from the Minneapolis era era. I don't really get it as one is a two ton beast and the other is a snowplow. Thanks, boys. There you go. I'm glad I ended on that one.

My best. What episode number is this? Three, three, two. Three, three, two. No area code. Again. What? We're in an area code doldrum.

Yeah, it has like an italicized link. It's something with Manhattan even? No, that's not an area code. So we revert. We were going to revert back to the original. So we start from 201, 202. Now we're at 203, and that is southwestern connecticut new haven stamford danbury fairfield norwalk where's maresh he's from this area code wow he called me out when i missed it the first

time on two um wait is his phone number that does he have that area i think it is i think it is shout out to maresh he does a food delivery service i've been on it for months i just entered it and i didn't know i was getting a week's worth of food the chili is phenomenal his turkey chili i just had the chili it was very good yes he has his own sticker of his face on it that's awesome meals by maresh i guess he's trying to expand business so if you live in new New York, hit him up. He'll bring it to your door. Yeah, that's what he did. Unless you're me.

He makes me come pick it up. Yeah, he brought it to my door. Yeah. So, well, okay. So the area code is. Be careful, UPS. There's another brown delivery. That was a news joke. I had that written down. That was a news joke.

I had that written down. That was the last one. Yeah, they're getting wild. The delivery guys. They don't care. The delivery guys are getting wild? Delivery people don't give a shit. If you don't have a doorman.

I do. I don't. I'm batting 600. On getting packages? On getting packages. Kyle, that that's horrible send them to the office spadding 600 i missed so many so many packs it's a it's what it's a roll of the dice what has gotten stolen no because in order to access my building you have to buzz in i have to buzz you in and if i'm not at my apartment they can't get in so they just leave so you're just not

getting your shit and they'll like hit all of the buttons hoping they can get if they don't get in they don't give me my shit and they don't get paid enough to like worry about that as would i i mean fuck me fuck them fuck me um it's all it all works out. But what have you ordered that you haven't gotten? A laser pointer. Oh, yeah. An order, a swag order from ASOS. What was like? That was my biggest order.

It would have came in a big mulch bag. The ASOS mulch bag. And I didn't get that. Was everything was everything swaggy? There was a point when I was buying. I was ordering a lot and only half of it comes. Whatever. Oh.

Speaking of which, I got a package sent here. Some BRG sent me his knife. He's from Westchester. They're trying to help you out. Yeah, so the knife counts now at three. But I bought that. I bought Aragorn's sword. Very cool.

Anduin. I don't know, actually. I bought it. Epic swords dot com. I haven't even gotten a shipping number. I have been fucked. You're fucked. I've been fucked.

Yeah. And you're probably not going to get to 200. What? To be honest. Why? I hate to say this is the hardest thing I've done in a while, and you're probably not going to get to 200. What? To be honest. Why? I hate to say this is the hardest thing I've done in a while to look you in the eyes and tell you you probably won't get to 200 knives. I will. I have three now.

You know how many I had last week? One. But are you G-checking the knife? Like, what if it's not good? What if it's not up to mustard? Knife's a knife, baby. Yeah. But you were very particular about your steel. Until I realized the fiscal hit that I would be taking.

Okay. On the Damascus? You won't get to 200 knives. I'm sorry. You might get to 150, which is easy to some, but you won't get to 200. If I get to 200, you have to... What should you do?

You should have to wear all the knives at once. Start making music. Start doing remixes of country rap songs. That's just what you want to do. Start finding shitty parody songs on Twitter and remixing them into like cool you're just you

just are not confident enough start using the splice app to like make fucking good mashups despite my inability to blend mixer master start doing that should i yeah fuck that sounds miserable but i will if i have to if i get to 200 knives at 100 knives, you have to put out a mixtape. Okay. I have to do like a mashup? Yes. Okay. At 200 knives, you have to replace your pillow in your bed with a pillowcase full of my knives for a month.

Fuck. They don't have to be open. What if like one of my songs gets a hundred thousand plays on soundcloud does that nix the the pillow thing yeah it nixes it okay it's really a time frame though for nick if he doesn't reach by a certain date oh he won't i'm fine you don't think i'll ever get to 200 you will that's the point of 200 knives it's a hard feat i will I'll ever get to 200 knives? I don't think you will. That's the point of 200 knives. It's a hard feat. I will get to 200 knives by the end of summer. No, you won't. Yes.

No, you won't. And if I don't, we have to do an anus live show that's not a podcast. It's you DJing. Fuck. And I have to. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have a DJ name?

No, but I've spent a lot of time making music the past i've been spending hours trying to make music the past week yeah damn so you're really committed to this yeah do you have anything for us it's a convenient uh ultimatum for me can you have anything it's not finished and i use a video editing app so i can't it's just like two sound bites after the other it doesn't mix let me hear it in college i mashed up uh airplanes by bob and i i mashed it up with i want it that way and it sounded sick it's it's an easy game that's the exact crisis that i had the other day i'm like i i'm only getting older this is something that i should at least try right to be a successful dj yeah it's something everybody has to try yeah should i not try it why not we've all fantasized

yeah but should i not try it do you want us to force you to do this thing you want to do i don't do what do you think i think you should do it thing you want to do? I don't. What do you think? I think you should do it. You look like a DJ. And I did Airplanes and Brick by Boring Brick by Paramore. So you combine two Hayley Williams songs? Well, this two other dudes did it first on a piano and then I did it. Yeah.

Wait, did you just take theirs? Yeah. I just, what I, yeah. And then Yeah. Wait, did you just take theirs? Yeah. And then just what? How did you call it your own then? I just mashed up the songs. They actually sang it well. I think it has like 16 million views. So you mashed up a song? Can we play this on YouTube?

No. Did you see the the girl doing the SEC country rap country rap yeah she got obliterated nuked but she what the song wasn't good but she wasn't on did you mash it up i'm i i was i was like i can make this good can we play that i spent hours trying to mash it up the results are horrible let me hear it let's hear but i've spent so long throughout the night two days ago i think i i spent eight hours trying to mash up in like remix this song would you be honest i'll be honest with you man does it have potential i didn't it didn't mix or master okay not mixed or mastered What is this mashed up with?

A little flume? Spicy. That was much better than I expected. I think this one's better. I know how much you love Skrillex. That's not surprising. All I'm saying is. Whoa, what was that transition all right yeah so all i'm saying is what one blow up one blow up do you see kyle that's just somebody else's song yeah but do you see the music industry one blow up people

use it as a sound on tiktok yep and there you go it's easier than ever and i think i'm like very close so why don't we just try to go put a video with our that sound and i have a lot of i have a lot of sound bites that i can work with uh we're anus is about to go viral on tiktok me and mook tomorrow are going to go film uh he's going to walk up to me in washington square park he's gonna be like who's the most famous person in your contacts i'll be like uh it's star you he's like the pokemon i'm like yeah and then i'm gonna call it and star you has the funniest sound that it makes it just goes and i'm gonna call it i'm just gonna make that noise wait yeah go film that now let's see but is yeah kb that was good by the way yeah there's i mean

v1 there's a lot to work with yeah that's it yeah do that i'm just like yeah that's gonna be the most famous person in my contacts you want to tell them the uh other idea the original one yeah the original it was going to be saddam hussein was going to be the most famous person in my contacts but i think having a cartoon is funnier yeah because i went i went uh viral on twitter like six years ago because i tweeted um like i had a screenshot of my Tinder and I had the girl messaged me and she was like who's the guy on your right and it was me and a

picture with my arm around Exodia from Yu-Gi-Oh and that's the funny part of it yeah do that let me know if you need any like audio or music wait we'll do a end credits with that.

That we should probably let's get this timed with the release of the pod tomorrow. So let's put this out. Actually, let's just fucking film this right after we're done recording. Film that. That's a good idea. And then we'll have you with the credits. If you want me to score it, I can. Yeah.

I understand the game i understand why so many delusional artists like keep putting out music and everyone is like this because they're one away because you've in when you're doing it you feel like you have something and then you get into deep you're like i have to let this be seen it sounds great to me other people will like it i think i can yeah we'll see uh you don't have any ashes on your forehead today um oh it's ash wednesday yeah what are you talking about jesus christ i wasn't trying to wasn't trying to fool you. No, yeah. I'll do the evening session.

That's what I'm going to do right after this. What's the episode number? 332. What? What voice was that? Jesus Christ. Did that sound different? The Allstate guy.

I don't know. I was in between breaths. I don't know. As I said it, I was hoping you weren't going to notice. Yeah. And you did. 332. 332.

No area code reverts to 203. I was scouring all the different Connecticut, Southern Connecticut mayors, and I came across a tweet that stopped me in my tracks. Uh-oh. East Palestine. How could I? How how could i how did this fall in our laps how did this fall in our laps last week with was 330 and i even mentioned i went through every municipality in the 330 couldn't find any mayor's worth of shit. Worth of shit. And the fucking town in the worldwide news, East Palestine, which doesn't even show up as a municipality on Wikipedia, has the mayor. Has the mayor.

Have you seen him, Rudy? Have you seen him? Yes. His name is Trent R. Conaway. And I haven't done any further research on him. The picture was all I needed. And we can pull it up. How do we how do you at home pull it up?

It was a tweet sent to me. I retweeted it so you can go to my page. Did you retweet it? I did. Conway or Calloway? Conway. i don't even know if that would be trent conaway someone tweeted i retweeted it um dude all right well first of all someone else pointed this out but he is so large and big and hefty and that is such that is such the focal point of this picture that you don't even know there's a

guy cosplaying as a pirate in the background and you will That's the microphone. Is that the. Someone else tweeted that. It looks like an eye patch. Yeah. Which is even funnier and wackier and zanier. You don't even notice that microphone eye patch in the background. And you won't you won't notice it in 15 seconds because this guy is so big. Oh, my God. background and you won't you won't notice it in 15 seconds because this guy is so big oh my god um

well the poor guy uh he's the mayor of east palestine which i don't know what the credentials are nothing nothing is a town of like 500 people and now he's in the worldwide news he's in the articles he's talking about biden he does he doesn't know what he's talking about he's getting he's getting stuck in tough places um but the heat check oh the size his body is this your first time seeing him see this this is the biggest mayor in the world this is the biggest mayor in the world and the big just doesn't sound natural either it's some it's another word to describe this man his body max or his body mass index wouldn't even wind up on a bell curve not even on the far right you look at him His BMI is 15 miles east

Of the bell His BMI is in Camden, New Jersey There's a Dominican family of five Using his maroon polo shirt As subsidized housing Todo bien, gracias, adios We finally find forever home Come above the Wii of five using his maroon polo shirt as subsidized housing. Todo bien. Gracias. Adios. We finally find forever home.

Come above the Wii. But let's heat check him. Let's heat check him. Jesus Christ. Let's heat check him. Oh my god. I don't even know where to start. We'll start in Sandusky and work our way down to Chillicothe. So we'll start at the fucking head.

This man's head, which isn't even the focal point either, this man's head is a fucking nightstand. It's geometrically and proportionately a Wayfair nightstand. You had to hire a task rabbit to attach the beard. Look at that head. It's a perfect slab square.

You could fucking put a Beats pill, a bottle of Lubriderm, a brick watch, and a couple of Furbies on his scalp, dude. His head is a perfect nightstand. I guarantee you, if you decapitated him, put him next to your bed, it would work as a functioning nightstand. That's his head. And look at the rest of the body. And look at the rest of the body. And look at the angle of his head. I swear I've seen that somewhere, that side portrait of his head. I saw it on the New Hampshire quarter.

Yeah, it's on there. Yeah, he looks like that cliff with the fucking face. His head is incredible. But that's the least incredible thing about this man. Go down to his shirt. Let's go down a little bit south to Delaware County, Ohio. His shirt looks like a literal relief map of the state of Ohio. Look at the wrinkles on the bottom right.

They perfectly correlate with the topography of southeast Ohio. A team. Look at the look at the shirt. A team of elite housewives couldn't iron out those those Appalachian foothills of wrinkles. They look like literal foothills on a topogree. This dude sighs. This dude sighs. His shirt, if he was standing directly at the camera, his shirt would look like,

his torso would look like the state of Ohio. His left breast is a bunny slope at Boston Mills. His clavicle is I-95. Look at that. He tore his greater Toledo, playing long toss with the Christ the Redeemer. Big ass maroon shirt.

Big ass maroon shirt. That shirt is so marooned. The shirt looks like a tailgate Teton College Station you could peek under his maroon polo shirt and catch a group of Aggies fingering each other's class

rings and moaning the war hymn the polo is a maroon 5 XL Sunday morning rain is falling this man needs to steal some covers from the progressive field grounds crew and share some skin with an entire burn ward and he'd still be fine. Big ass maroon shirt. This dude's more maroon than the cast of Lost. The jeans.

Oh man, the DXL warehouse was working overtime on those jeans. Oh, man. The DXL warehouse was working overtime on those jeans. Relaxed fit. Relaxed fit. No, that's a hibernated fit. That's a hibernated fit. The length may not be all that crazy. Look at those jeans.

Length, not crazy, but the width. I'm not even exaggerating. What is the width on that? It's 50 plus. It's 50 plus. It's 50 plus. It's 54 on the waist. His man, his jeans did three rounds in Scottsdale.

Them Wranglers are extra tired. Them Wranglers are extra tired. Like a Wrangler. Like a Wrangler with the tire. He could put a hubcap in his back pocket and it would look like it would fit like a zin container dude the size dimensions of those jeans the length isn't crazy like i said realistically probably Probably 51. Probably 51. 51 W34L. 51 W34L? This dude's jeans. This dude's jeans are about to catch a sick seat out of the East.

The mayor's jeans are about to sign Miles Bridges and give Milwaukee some fits. Take them to game seven. This man's jeans, 51W34L. Down to the shoes. What a guy. Those are double wide 10 by 10 boots. I think Quiggs called them on Twitter. He already called them loaded baked potato fours.

Look at those shoes. It's apropos. Yeah. His boots look like roadside oddities off Route 91 in Idaho. The shoes are probably the most insane part. Look how big they are. Those shoes.

They look like two mobile homes with chimneys. Smoke coming out of the lace holes, like sewer grates. His feet look like a couple of Jeep rings. I don't even have it in me shoes are gigantic you aren't getting the boot with those things are getting mass layoffs he's stomping on enron four thousands this is the biggest man i've ever seen let alone the biggest mayor heat check d wade in the white hot Nike jersey. He passes.

Oh, yeah. Holy fuck. That was amazing. Holy fuck. That fell on my lap. Oh, man. Crushed you. That was your best work. Oh, my God. Dude, you were getting so fired up,

you started code switching. Oh, my God. I know. You went from Britain down to... my god dude you were getting so you were getting so fired up you started code switching oh my oh i know i was you went you went you went from britain down to fucking biloxi i feel high i love and i feel bad for connecticut because i actually before i saw that i did a heat check on the mayor of east haven joseph aa, who is seven foot one. When I was doing him, you can go to him.

The mayor of East Haven, Connecticut is the tallest man in the world, at least on his Instagram. What is his... Do you have another heat check? I kind of didn't want to water down the fucking Conaway guy, but

this Joseph, a Confora, I don't, I didn't mark down his, let me find his Instagram. There are pictures on his Instagram that would suggest to the layman that he's the tallest man in the world. So not,

I don't. So you, wait, you had between the fattest mayor and the tallest mare well uh not fat big he's just gigantic you're right fuck try it oh my god dude dude i thought this was going to be a lackluster heat check week because you put all your time into djing

where the fuck all right yeah now i can't find his instagram oh my does the other mayor i'm assuming doesn't have an instagram he does not oh yeah the hoss yeah he uh east palestine is such a small I'm trying to put that in perspective do you know like oh this guy's huge Cameron West Virginia smaller than that like he's probably like our age and just

you found him you found him look how tall he is the people to his left are soldiers he is the people to his left are soldiers he is the tallest man look how he is just look and there's taller pictures of him i marked them down december 20th he looks like he's on top of a podium what's his instagram rudy oh his instagram oh his instagram is mayor kafora c-a-r-f-o oh car for yeah sorry car for december 20th he looks tall december if you keep going down he gets taller and taller which means he's shrinking in real time but december 9th oh my god he's ultra tall november 19th he's even taller october 21st he's standing with a class of kids

let me find out october 21st mayor okay yeah this is he posts a lot he posts so. And he's so tall in every picture. This one? No, no, no. That's still the 22nd. Look at that one. This one. Yeah.

He posted five times on the 22nd. Then I marked on May 21st as tallest a human has ever been. Okay, let's see May 21st. These are hard to find. He is addicted to posting. Yeah, he posts. I've been scrolling and I'm still in October. Yeah, I don't even know what I'm looking for at this point.

Yeah. I had a lot on him. He's just super tall. He was just outshined by his Palestine. Yeah, he looks cool. He looks like a great guy. I don't think he would have passed a heat check anyway. Yeah, trash fits, but he's so big.

Maybe I'm just short and view him as taller than he is, but yeah, he's... I got to get to this may what was it what i meant may 21st oh may 21st he's it's humongous. Oh my God. Yeah. Oh my God. Look at that.

Look at the people. Those are not, those are not like really short dudes. No. And then April 9th, he's doing, he always does ribbon cuttings. He's doing one at Dunkin' Donuts and there's a police officer is so

self-conscious. He's doing one at Dunkin' Donuts, and there's a police officer who's so self-conscious, he's standing on two different curbs just to look normal next to him. You can see, he's standing on this... Oh my God! He's standing on the sidewalk curb, and then with his other foot,

he's hoisting himself even further up on the parking curb, which is taller. That's a police officer. That's a man of the law officer that's an intimidating man of the law he'll stomp you to death and then then he the mayor is so much bigger than him oh my god what a week for mayors the 203 Connecticut, Mayor Carfora, Mayor Conaway, congratulations. That's the biggest a man's ever been. The same week as this guy is huge. That's the most shocking photo. Terrible fits, though.

Well, it's got to be tough. Yeah, no, big and tall and shit. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. Eric, can you knock out that ad? And then we'll get into a segment. There's a couple of segments I want to hit.

I found a good KB blog. Okay. Well, I made the switch. A lot of people are doing it. Regardless of salary. It's so easy. It's so easy. It's so affordable compared to grocery shopping. And especially to delivery.

We were just talking about using Maresh. Oh, yeah. Fuck. Fuck. That's just one man. Fuck, Maresh is chilly, dude. Factor is even better now that I'm reading about it. With factor, you could fuel up fast with ready to eat nutritious meals.

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Oh, yeah. Any code? Which if you order from a place close enough to you, could be 10 minutes. So it's quicker than that. Call to action. Yes, there is a code. Oh. Okay, now you guys really have to do this.

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simultaneously. 50% off. I've never seen anything like this and it's with code KB50. KB50. Good code. Damn good code. Let's do a new segment, Kyle. This is stolen directly from a blog I used to read in college called The Pokemans Project. And this was a guy whose wife grew up very sheltered

and was never allowed to play Pokemon. Is this like a true story or someone? It's a true story. And what he would do once a day was describe a Pokemon and his partner had to draw it. Ooh. So what I have is the printed out Pokedex description of a Pokemon. Perfect, yes. And you are going to have to draw it. I have to the printed out Pokedex description of a Pokemon. Perfect.

And you are going to have to draw it. I have to draw it? Yeah. So you're not too uncomfortable? I'm so bad at drawing. I think I could describe better and you could draw better. Well, yeah, but I know exactly what it looks like. Yeah.

So to make you feel comfortable, just like your sex teacher, you're going to be drawing on plates. Let's go. Okay. And I will read you the description of the Pokemon. Okay. And you have to draw it. And if you want to take notes here, that's fine. But I'm only reading this once.

Okay. Got it. Got it. The Pokemon you're drawing today is Gerder. G-U-R-D-U-R-R. G-U-R-D-U-R-R. Got it. Gerder is a gray bipedal Pokemon with a large round red dark nose.

It has bulbous features resembling curls of hair on its head. Violet bulges resembling swelling veins pattern its muscular large arms, thighs, chest, and similar thick violet bands adorn its shoulders. It possesses an hourglass shape.

It is known to usually carry an I-beam girder in its arms. The steel frame is used to train its muscles, and girder boasts about its muscles with machoke and other members of its kind. However, if the individual fails to measure up to the others, it will proceed to lay low for some time. It is so strong that it won't even be moved if it is attacked by a group of professional wrestlers. It's usually found near construction sites. Unlike timber, girder is not good at helping

with construction. Rather, it excels at demolition. Actually, fuck it. You can read it. You can have this. Okay. Alright. This might be a little taxing, so if you guys want to talk while I do it. While KB is talking, our untell me i'm sorry

shirts are back on sale untell me i'm story on tell me i'm story those are back up on the store on the site right now yes yeah so i i didn't get the email that we were um supposed to make new merch uh so i guess we just recycled last year's which I'm sure they have plenty left in stock. I'd say damn near all of them. And Kyle, while you're drawing, we also got an email of the talent we have to choose from that will be in the office. So I'm going to read through

and we can say yay or nay. This is a democracy of if we want this person. First up, Ray Romano will be in the office. Yay. There's no way he says yes to us. Yeah, no, that's an option. Because the thing is, we say yes to these people and then we have to...

They email them and be like, okay, here's the podcast that said yes and then they have to approve that. So who said no to us? The one time we got a... Brian Baumgart to approve that so who said no to us but like the one time we got a brian uh bum garner yeah he said no to us uh oh no stone cold steve austin yeah that's he would never say he would never say yes um Daryl Sabara who you may know him as Junie Cortez husband of Meghan Trainor he was the spy kid boy

yeah the curly hair okay let's go yes to that Rainn Wilson if Bumgarner said no there's no way Rainn said it it's not a chance no Rainn blind melon If Bumgarner said no, there's no way rain's saying yes. There's just not a chance. No way. No rain. Blind melon. Marcus Smart.

Dude, yeah. Whoa. Are we spoiling podcast guests? No. Okay. He's to promote his cereal. Darius Garland. Cavs point guard.

Probably will say no. Vernon Davis. We could give Vernon. Yeah. So far, I think just a yes to Junie Cortez. Yes. Cortland Sutton. Who's that?

Bronco. Wide receiver. Chris DiStefano. Please. Yeah, I would take him gladly. Yeah. I don't have any. I'm fine with him, I think.

Do you think he would say yes? I don't know what that is. The only people keeping that alive are really, really in deep yak people. Yeah. I would say, hell yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes to him.

So we'll say yes to him. Yes to the spy kid. Food God. Kim Kardashian's friend. I hate him. You hate Food God? What is it? Shab jeffrey shabban he's the worst how do you know how do you know his name from the he was on keeping up with

kardashians he's a closeted gay really uh smug egotistic he's named himself food god okay all right should we say yes to him, too? Yes. All right. So we got Food God. DeStefano. DeStefano and Daryl Sabara. Those are the...

Can we respond? Do you get those emails or who gets those emails? You do? Can we respond to that? We want those three. On top of that, Kyle, you're still drawing, I'm assuming. Looking really good. I have a good KB blog.

Oh, no. 280 characters wasn't enough, colon, sexual disasters part two. I don't know. It vaguely sounds familiar, but I don't know what it's about. This was written by KB 11-26-2019 So I was digging through my old tweets in an attempt to delete anything that Roan could use as ammo

against me in the future and came across something interesting. And this is a KB tweet from September 9th, 2015. Pretty sure I have the worst luck in the world deleting Tinder and never talking to girls again. Sent from your iPad.

One like. Wait. Okay. I posted that? You tweeted that in 2015. 8 p.m. from your iPad. So you were what? A senior in college?

Yeah, 22. First off, I did not tweet that to the tune of one like i tweeted it yeah my memory of this incident is foggy but i'm going to attempt to jump out in front of this and piece together the main plot points that led me to sending such an embarrassing tweet. Disclaimer. There was never a sexual disasters part one. But I figured the allure of a mysterious sequel. Would increase click percentages.

I don't remember this. I had just moved to Youngstown Ohio. After graduating college. And before I even had enough time. To get settled into my new apartment. And contract lead poisoning. I was eagerly swiping through the local talent on Tinder it's true since I was now in a city that's

kind of like a fun size Cleveland that's expired and cut with fentanyl I didn't it's not even true I it's not even that I didn't feel the need to lie about my bio being a 511 anesthesiologist for once I did do that yeah tried that didn't work.

Like clockwork within months, sparks were clawing with one of my match. Singular. She was inviting me over to watch to her place to watch bootleg Netflix movies on DVD and chill. That's not true. But we, yeah, she didn't strike me as much of a cinephile,

but I didn't question her motives. After all, it had been a while since I experienced a good rising action in Climax. Ha. Like clockwork, within months, sparks were flying with one of my match. Oh, the Barstool

website has pop-ups that moves you around the page. Next thing you know, I was sweating in her bedroom while she admitted to me between camel-scented thoughts that her portable DVD player and air conditioner were both malfunctioning. I guess it could be worse. I thought to myself as the bulge in my bootcut Wranglers reminded me of an apparatus that was functioning just fine. bootcut wranglers reminded me of an apparatus that was functioning just fine. So like a seasoned magician, I swiftly pulled a four-inch iPod

touch out of my pocket and saved the date by queuing up the ridiculous six. If moans were toxic, she probably would have went to jail that night for murdering me. I remember I said that to her. We were sitting close enough together on the edge of her air mattress that I could feel the heat of her syphilis rash without actually touching it. I could taste the cheddar jalapeno flavored Cheeto crumbs on her buttocks without actually eating them.

That was hyperbole. Hyperbole? Yeah, man. That wasn't a lie. That was just slightly embellished. That wasn't a lie. That was just slightly embellished. I could hear her dad's groan of disappointment and smell the liquor on his breath without actually being in the same room or time zone as him.

She was igniting all my senses with the force of a thousand fire hoses. If the sexual energy in the air was visible, the inches between our respective thighs would have been flashing. Admittedly, the large audience of bedbugs watching our every moves was giving me performance anxiety. But nevertheless, I persisted to get hard. We were horizontal, half-dressed and damp from the heat of our nerves

before a Samsung Galaxy buzzed us back to reality. My heart sank as I was receiving... My heart sank as I realized she was receiving a call from someone named Seth, followed by an assortment of multicolored heart emojis. Before I could even reflexively inquire about this Seth character, she loudly gasped and dismounted me with the athleticism of an Olympic gymnast. Do you remember this at all? No, but I remember I always would write in that style, so I did so many things like that.

As their conversation went on, I gradually deduced a terrifying truth. The anonymous man she was talking to on the phone was her boyfriend. And he was informing her that he This is like a fantasy that I wish this happened to me dude i didn't leave my fucking apartment in youngster okay and he was informing her that

he returned early to surprise her for the holidays after being deployed in afghanistan for the past several months in fact he was going to be there within minutes i was disgusted so repulsed that i went completely limp before the conversation even ended. My mind was now filled with other dude and war and death and blood and debris. It was such a big turn off to me that I decided to abruptly leave without giving her an excuse. I didn't understand. I could have sworn she was the one. Everything was going perfectly until that point. She had just ruined the intimate moment by answering the irrelevant call.

He had just ruined the intimate moment by answering the irrelevant call. I guess one silver lining of the experience is now that whenever I last longer, whenever I want to last longer while masturbating, I just think about some random douchebag named Seth fighting a war for a bunch of different dudes. And that was the ending. That was it. That was. Yeah. The that didn't happen. None of that is true. None of it was true none of it was remotely true then the comment is now I want a part

one idiots you were awesome dude what's your dad doing he's achieving my dreams that I used to have.

He's going crazy. He's doing very well on Twitter. And I think up until this point, I would say it sarcastically, but he's killing it. If somebody else had that profile, like a young man, I would push to hire him. Give that gold ring a try. Jesus. Gold ring on the stem. No, no, no.

Yep, there you go. Tighten her up. No, that's all right. Thank you. You're welcome. How's the drawing coming? So bad. Sucks that I made this a segment because I get made fun of every time I say that word. D-R-A-W- I-N-G.

Drawing. But yeah, no, he's been going insane. When I put up a incredible. Yeah, he did. And he just ran about yesterday. He put up like a three figure reply tweet. He I love when he discovers new functions. Like first it was changing the bio.

Now it's polls. Oh, you figured out polls. He's going to run that one into the ground. Yeah. Let's put it up to a Oh, you're figuring out poles. He's going to run that one into the ground. Yeah. Let's put it up to a pole, shall we? He's having a blast. I'm jealous. Where are you getting purple from?

Oh, the violet veins. Yes. You're pretty good. I can't wait to see it. You like drawing on plates nostalgic now yeah i like it what um what have you been doing just practicing for stand-up oh yeah we're coming up on it yeah it's going to be tomorrow when this are you are you having fun with it or are you more just like i want to get this out of the way and then I can have fun with it?

I was going to go to an open mic with Mook yesterday and he was just like, dude, it's just five guys. Not everybody pays attention. It's just so you can get your timing and I chickened out of that. That to me is worse. I think it would have fucked with my psyche. Yeah. No, yeah. No, that's dude. This should

be the first one, but the one where you know the know, the crowd. If you're worried, what is your worry? What is your biggest worry? My worry is like that the crowd does know me like a handful of our coworkers are going to be there. And then like I have to come into work after a bomb. No. OK, that won't happen.

One hundred percent. And going to clip this. Why? Why would I clip? Clip it just in case it does happen. No, people will at worst really like it. But I think it's a good step. No, I'm excited. I wouldn't do it.

Thanks, man. Go ahead. but I think it's a good step I wouldn't do it thanks man I went through the set with Mook one on one yesterday and I feel like I have it like I can talk about it and I think there's riffable parts but we'll see you never know how it goes once you're up on stage I think

have you done anything on a stage have you're up on stage. I think. What have you done? Anything on a stage? Have you ever done a play or anything before? Anus live, which was a huge, huge success. Can't wait to do it again. Any live show,

any video that you've been in pretty much, you could Photoshop yourself on a stage and it will look just like a standup set. You did stand up in boston you just were sitting down so the opposite stand up yeah every live show we've done uh every like commentator video you've done all of like the shit that we you do where people just video you with a camera or a phone if i don't like it i'll never do it again and if i bomb i'll probably quit my job you could be good at crap flip that yeah yeah but the thing is like it's a barst like

there's three barstool employees that are doing stand-up so yeah g sass and myself yeah so like there's not going to be anybody to make fun of in the crowd. Cause it's going to be all white people. That's like the opposite problem of every standup comedian right now. Everyone's just like making fun of white people. Oh yeah. When I went to the stand, that was, that was, that was just destroying us for being white.

It's white guys too, that are doing it. Oh yeah. No, that's, that was the thing. So I, I was really in my head about the standup and I like,

didn't want to call any like people I work with. So called nico um my buddy nico who's out in la and i either a great move or a terrible move i don't know because i called him gave him the whole set uh he didn't laugh once at one point i was like are you still there he was like yep he answered so quick and then he was and then i finished he was like you are you still there? He was like, yep. He answered so quick. And then he was, and then I finished. He was like, you're really sticking your neck out there, huh? I was like, what? And so that's, that's the feedback I have. It's not a, it's not a gauge of anything to say it over the phone and to a rent.

Yeah. Don't do that over the phone ever again. All right, man. Cause that's just, the delivery is impossible. Yeah. It just really you're also going into a show

where people pay tickets to laugh people are gonna be drinking he doesn't even need this reinforcement I know he's charismatic and he's very funny

no but I would no I understand I'm gonna be fucking very drunk it's a very yeah I think people are gonna be mad that you're good at it

they're gonna be like dude I do this every weekend. This is his first try and he killed it. No. I'll retire. I'll retire. Let me see how that drawing is going. You have 30 seconds.

My prediction is Nick is going to crush it and then ask to be on every show that we put on. No. It's addicting. Why? It feels good when you do good. But what's the end goal? To sell out on your own. To tour on on your own make a buff and have fun what's money i'm just gonna buy swords i'll never when did you become addicted to it like what was it the first time no i suck i still i'm

still not great but like i sucked for like the first year what was your first couple sets like awful going up at like two in the morning in like shady bars in Philadelphia. So what was the drive there on after? Like, would you just trying to redeem that one? You're like, I can. Yeah, it's kind of like a self thing where it's like, I want to,

I want to make the room laugh. I want to see if I can do it kind of thing. And then once you get like the first crush, you're like, oh, that felt good. And you kind of keep going back for more. Yeah. What did your friend Mac make jokes about? Mac,

Mac, who has never done any type of jokes or comedy, did it in Chicago. He's a wild boy like that. He just, he was in Chicago for work and he was like, yeah, I did this.

I did an open mic. And what did he talk about? Just for the adrenaline? He told some stories for work, and he was like, yeah, I did an open mic. And what did he talk about? Just for the adrenaline? He told some stories. He said it went well. Really? Would he know if it went bad? No.

Okay. Yeah, he doesn't have that. He doesn't have that brain element. But yeah, he's doing more. Your boy Mac becomes a big comedian he props to him he i guess i i always has he ever made you laugh yeah he's a he's a very wacky dude um it's all about yeah i think if you just go up there and because people at the events they the the last thing they want to do is sit there awkwardly

while you fucking fail miserably and what was your worst bomb move and like what did you do afterwards what was the recovery process like i uh like three months in the stand-up i was like i had a good set the week before so i was feeling pretty ballsy i went up in front of a room and uh the first thing i said was damn there were a lot of black comics here tonight and then i bombed in silence for four minutes oh not even a reaction because like i had a joke after that where i was like i'm so white blah blah blah yeah and like i was so new to stand up and like when you're new people don't respect you whatsoever so they just hear me say the first line and they're like, fuck this white boy. Was there a bunch of black people in the crowd?

Yep. So you make that line. Yep. Intro line. This is hurting me. It gets no no laughs. Nothing. And then you do it.

It got like a it got like a what the hell. Then you proceed to do a whole set. And then I did a whole set in silence. No laughs. Zero. And like when you went off stage, you had to like a whole set. And then I did a whole set in silence. No laughs. Zero. And like when you went off stage, you had to like face the other comedians backstage. Yeah. What did they say?

I just walked out. Did you? But like I knew all the people because it was a Philly. No, that's like. So has anybody said anything about it? Yeah. My friends like shadow me for it. Yeah.

That's dope as fuck. To make it through that, to do that opening line, to bomb for however long, and then keep doing it. And four minutes felt like an hour. I can't imagine. When you're not getting a reaction.

Is this the story you told me where when you went backstage to the green room, the waiter just gave you a beer and a shot and basically was like, hey. I told this on our anus episode. Yeah, we did the zoom episode. But yeah, I bombed so hard in Bridgeport the one night that the wait staff sent me back. Jameson was at a

show that you were. It was a sasket mad at you when you bomb. No, he enjoys it. I think yeah, yeah, I think he doesn't enjoy it. But you know what I mean? It's if I bomb, it makes everyone else's set better. It's that's the bar super low.

If that makes sense when I host. So, yeah, almost like there should be like a comic that just goes on shows to be the worst. That might be my job. Yeah. Oh, my God. That might be why I'm doing what I'm doing. I don't even fucking know. Just cannon fodder.

Yeah. Just taking a hit. It just I wish that my first time wasn't in front of coworkers and like people. I feel that. Yeah. You're bad at this, man. But I think that'll. No, I understand.

But I think that's the best option. You'll get the best results out of that. Yeah. Because we'll we like you. So we'll laugh even if it's not. Right. So you have a fallback. You won't need it, but you have the fall laugh even if it's not right so you have a yeah i guess you guys fall back you won't need it but you have the fallback so it's an automatic success and then if then you

can try your luck at bigger events different events it's the perfect plan do you think with a with titus being hired it disrupts the top five most handsome guys in the office. Or is he like six looking in? Because it's probably me and four other people. He's a good stepper. Yeah. He walks hot. Yeah. That's my biggest.

I can't walk. You can't walk? I walk ugly as fuck. I have a bad walk. I have a terrible posture. You're kind of bow-legged. Bow-legged. I am. I am.

Let's see your drawing. So far. I don't know. Pretty good. Holy shit. Let's see your drawing. So far. I don't know. Pretty good. Holy shit. It said red nose. Why don't you look them up? I got it right here.

That looks good. It's kind of a bad image of it. It's one of the worst. Yeah. One of the worst. Let me get it on here. Pork wall. Yeah.

Pull that up. How do you think you did? Probably bad. It said, okay, I got the red nose. I may have made it too big or narrow so it says round dark red nose so that's is that that's not round the base is okay and that is girder by the way that's girder girder what is it show me him i'm coming i got you one right now

in the ball if you enjoyed the doing this we could give you another one i want to do it to you because you're you can draw and but i know what it looks like but i could do something a different thing okay a pokemon adjacent okay you want to do it right now i would sorry sorry to spring a segment on you no do you know the digimon no so here's girder i know like agumon or something kyle oh okay pretty good that ain't too bad pretty pretty good what it said it had curls on his head right it says it has uh bulbous features resembling curls of hair on its head. Okay, that's what I tried to do. No, I think you did a damn good job.

It's almost the exact same picture. I think you've seen this Pokemon before. Yeah, I Googled it. What? While I was drawing it. And still, that's how bad I am. Yeah, I Google imaged it right before I did it, just to have an idea.

Wait, no, shut the fuck up. I was so nervous that i would fuck up you just looked it up yes you're a dickhead what yeah did you just did you forget the purpose yeah i looked it up and i was like i have to make it slightly different to not be too suspicious so i think i did a pretty good job i yeah i yeah i looked it up oh what yeah how do we miss it how'd you do that so sly i don't even think i did it you could probably see the google result on the fucking youtube video of this did not let me look at the rudy what's going on with twitch in general yeah oh you're like verified on twitch congrats thank you but i saw who is Rudy what's going on with Twitch In general Yeah Oh you're like verified on Twitch

Congrats Thank you But I saw Who is Aiden Ross What is his deal He got kicked He got cancelled From Twitch

No not really He He showed porn to his fans He did yeah So his whole thing is He's become a sycophant Of Andrew Tate. He shaved his head.

First off, every time I've seen clips of this guy, I think he's a likable guy. He has some very entertaining- I think he's pretty funny. I think he's self-deprecating. I think he's a complete moron. He's a moron. He seems like the dumbest guy ever. He weaponizes-

I get the following. And I think he kind of like pushes that it's funny oh yes he'll like read things like he he was trying to read what a uh a fascist couldn't say fascist yeah that seemed fake but yeah no he definitely pushes the envelope on being uh unable to read but yeah so he became a huge andrew tate fan buzzed his head to look like wait so i know he had him on i thought there was like a like a parody element there he actually worships this guy it's hard to tell like how much of it he's doing just for clout or whatever he made andrew tate basically took him under his wing convinced

him to stop masturbating uh was he muslim now he's now you know not full muslim but haram in a right off the bat here what is he black or not he's not okay oh he oh he's not he's not i don't believe so it's i don't know what race he is but uh i don't think he has the pass if that makes it more clear i get it um but yeah then he basically i guess got a call from twitch he said he posted video saying i just got a call from twitch they said that like you know maybe take it a little easy he didn't really reference taking easy on what but they were like we don't want to ban you basically like a warning shot and he's like i'm gonna go stream on kick which is like this new streaming service that uh train wreck is starting which is he said it's like there's no rules on there uh it very much has rules and then he uh yeah just is like you guys want to you guys want to watch

porn is that what you guys want to do i don't agree with any of this and then just like pulled up pornhub uh and was watching porn on a stream yeah and then a lot of his followers are probably kids almost exclusively oh yeah they're very young yeah um so somehow in a roundabout way from trying to quit masturbation, he went to. I have to look at porn on stream, which is almost the ultimate diagnosis of. You should just beat off. So he's kind of just wiring stories like it's good to withhold. Is it retention? But that's like in the same vein as like the polar the ice baths and the shit like

that like yeah i think that might help i think that yeah you should just have a healthy like you should bust probably i think it's good for you in general so that's what's going on with him ultimately yeah um but uh in our little sphere i'm hoping that we can get the crew back together yeah the wow crew yes where are you guys now we start new characters is it redeemable for me to come back in we don't haven't played on those characters we've been saving that for the crew me and nick sort of have a uh a different like a it's like the cinematic universe we're kind of in like the you know black widow so what are the top dogs like aiden Ross and Kai? Kai Sinat. They just chill on stream.

It seems like there's chill. Let's do that. We could do that. Yeah, we could chill. We could do that. But I don't get how are they so good at that? That's a podcast. I got good news for you, brother.

What made these guys so big? They started out in like the 2K, NBA 2 2k realm especially aiden so they were like big in the nba 2k and then they expanded into other things it's not like you just start doing just the chill look at tiktoks they were gamers in the 2k world and then they kind of expanded out of that kai is very entertaining and talented he's doing a subathon right now he's been live what is today's date the 22nd 23rd he's been live for 22 straight days jesus that that i don't get what are they how are they so what are they doing to separate themselves from other people uh mostly just like their energy people yell at kai charismatic yeah people yell at kai

because all he does is scream on stream he yells a lot that's all he does you have to scream a lot but i would say in the screaming in the screamo category he is like i think kai is very funny and entertaining and he puts a lot of effort into it like he'll bring like magicians in he'll make it into like a variety show he'll like you know have like poi people doing poi yeah bring him blue face and his wildebeest girlfriend yes coughing in his she threw a chair through his wall and i am only using the word wildebeest girlfriend. Yes. She's coughing in his... She threw a chair through his wall. And I am only using the word wildebeest because I've seen the clip and that's very fair what I just said.

It is. She's feral. She was wreaking havoc. True definition of the word. Coughing. He has a feral girlfriend. And something about it makes her more appealing. I know.

You're into that. She's missing her front tooth. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. She's... Rudy wasn't... I know but like you can't you can't look away

like yeah you can't look away from her she's viral every day yeah never know what she like I mean there's a clip of her when she's with Kai so she's eating Pizza Hut open mouth and just coughs open I know I've saw that's what I that's why I called her a wildebeest I saw her cough with the food

I saw her there was a chair that she just didn't like didn't like break shit there was a chair this guy's home and just broke his furniture just there was a chair that didn't have any need and she just tossed it and it broke a wall yeah that's a one in a million type type it's the henny it's the henny that's what it actually is the henny yeah the henny was was contributing to that, but he's doing a subathon now. Like I said, he's been live for 23 days and he is trying to go for the record,

which is set by Ludwig for like the most subs. He's at 200,000 now. And I think the record is like 270, but he has this like insane setup where he's, he's like massive house and he has like all these different cameras. How old is he? 21. Jesus.

21. He's 21. Yeah. He's 21 yeah he's 21 he's 21 that's insane yeah no you'll get there no i won't um mook you have some news jokes for us and then we could uh i don't you want to draw one or say oh yeah i'll draw something what do you want me to draw i can pull up a random one we got some uh do you want pokemon oh no okay digimon okay and goromon and goromon okay what's what what is it it's a beast digimon okay characterized by its long ears okay you're retaining this yeah in the fur that covers its whole body okay it hates fighting. Okay.

Has a calm personality. It's... Okay. It avoids battle. We know that. Which is also... Its long ears spin. Okay.

Allowing it to fly slowly. It has a great appetite to maintain its large physique. And completely loses its super hearing. That doesn't matter what the what color or is there any um it is yellowish white yellow um it has human hands with fingers bunny like ears the long ears they kind of look like boomerangs okay um it has a big bulbous round belly torso okay kind of like a a pig or a cow with a pink middle of the belly and it has um paw like uh for the feet it's like dog paws. Okay, fuck. Okay.

And it's wearing a knapsack. A backpack. It's like rabbit-like? Yes. Where are we going? We have one more ad that we can't do on YouTube. You want me to read it while you're drawing or no? Should we save it?

How do we do it? This drawing is going to take long and i'll cut it can you hand it to me nick oh fuck it has my notes no i can pull it on my computer no no i got it i got it okay uh okay guys so shout out to three Chi cannot make any. Oh, that's things I shouldn't say of all the things in life. One of the one of the best has to be getting high wherever you want. That is something that is the goal of almost every American and really any human being that's walked this earth whenever you want without the paranoia of consuming some sketchy black market bunk we're talking grade a what's the best way to do that with three chi three chi of course three chi has the highest quality cannabis products from their delicious delta 9 edibles they actually are very good they are very good they almost should make them less tasty because then you would

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You must be 21 or older to purchase. Please use responsibly. You just described me a big rabbit, dude. I forgot to even mention the face. what the fuck you did it has like a chewbacca head no eyes just uh a brown i'm just done a brown mouth area with it has teeth dude you draw so fast well it's just a rabbit yeah but like all right it's a brown, no eyes. A brown spot in the middle of where the head is with just a mouth in it. A mouth with teeth showing.

I think I know why you picked this Pokemon. I can solve this. It was one of the first alphabetically. Oh, really? Why would you say that? It reminds me of a former dickhead of the week. Yeah, it does. And maybe that was why I did it.

Subconsciously, yeah. Salvage this somehow. KB, can we get a brain and booze check? Booze, I'm doing it. Hell yeah, dude. And it made me

infinitely happier and better just casual drinking nice brain is a one a one no fog zero fog

hell yeah which makes me realize that what I had was something something was wrong for a couple months uh music I'm in the biggest drought of my life haven't found a new what I had was something. Something was wrong for a couple months.

Music, I'm in the biggest drought of my life. Haven't found a new good song in months. Just have to make your own. You should start listening to Electric Callboy. What the? They used to be Eskimo Callboy, but Eskimo's offensive and they're like a screamo electronic band. Okay.

Yeah, that's pretty much it you described it exactly yeah that's better than what it looks like let me see it it's a little more aggressive and like why i had to change its finer details but well it's completely different i wouldn't say well there's a couple different aside from fine details that's it like this one yeah probably digivolve that could be it from a different angle, yeah. Yeah, like this one is... I don't know anybody that was in the Digimon. Nick, what Pokemon does that remind you of?

Diggersby? Yep. A lot like Diggersby. Pretty solid. Pretty solid. Pretty solid. That was good. So we're still working on the nobodies. We've gotten some submissions. Some decent ones.

We're trying to have some people come in. Some of them? Yeah. Yeah, submit whatever you can. It's pretty hard to do. I don't know what your techniques are. I'm just waiting for people to do it for me. Yeah. Ken Jack would probably what your techniques are. I'm just waiting for people to do it for me. Yeah.

Ken Jack would probably has already a list. Yeah. It's kind of what he's been doing forever. Yeah. Yes, I guess. I'm going to have to unblock him on TikTok. No, you don't. It's gruesome.

No, his TikToks are funny. All right. Anything else, boys? No. I haven't responded to Venus yet what hold up you let

could be the play but I would go now alright the last she just answered your yeah it was the how you been right yeah it was yeah V how you been, right? Yeah. V, how you been?

Trying to think of something not creepy but efficient. Efficient. Invite her to your stand-up set. No. So you're nervous for your stand-up set. No, I don't want to show weakness. She's a true champion.

Tell her you're not nervous for your stand-up set. Hey, I have a stand-up set coming up. Not too nervous. What's going on with you? You want to do it? High exclamation point. Good exclamation point. Two in a row. How are you? Oh my god. Don't fucking ruin anything for me

uh i saw her tell her i saw her sister in the the seven days of hell documentary she crushed seven days in hell yeah is that wise to bring up her sister yeah is that wise you don't know it might be reverse wise it's a it's a gamble i don't want it to be reverse wise i get what you're saying yeah you know what i mean yeah i think that could help yeah it's reverse wise seven what in hell days on HBO she's crushing

because I haven't brought up Serena yet I don't know if you're kind of playing fuckboy now delayed response bringing up the sister shut up Mook

do your news jokes no no no I'll save them for later what do you mean delayed response, bringing up the sister. Shut up, Mook. Do your news jokes. No, no, no. I'll save them for later. What do you mean? They're going to be out of date. I'll save them for next week. Why? Yeah.

You can't. We were about to end. I was about to get away scot-free. I want to hear them. While KB's crafting this. I think it's simple and not too bad. Just watch Seven Days in Hell on HBO and your sister crushed it.

What's good with you on hbo max i'm like paying for the subscription i think it'd be a little bit cooler if you didn't even know that okay okay now i'll put in max should i mention like it's been i'm waiting for it to warm up it's been way too cold yeah i want to get back out there yeah leave it open end i want to get back out there yeah yeah say uh it's almost cut off weather good mook give us one okay why why you like dude i've never you got this job full time and now you like are shy no no no i'm not shy the episode was just so good i don't want to fuck it oh my god yeah we were so i can't tell if you're the most confident person in the world or the least

it's a mix of to do the stand-up without any but you also come across as someone who wouldn't even have the bravery to do this segment on our podcast he's also scared of a desk yeah i am scared you're afraid of big cat too right right? A little bit. I'm getting my phone. Wait, why? I didn't mention the weather. Okay. Not too bad. Just watched Seven Days in Hell on HBO Max. Your sister crushed it. What's good with you?

Solid. Thanks, man. Alright, you want one? all right uh the da drops gun enhancement charges against alec baldwin for shooting and rust wow baldwin not enhancing while shooting and rust legend move to go no scope only there we go okay yeah good little video game reference yeah keep going and you added your own personal flair with legend. Yeah. That was a good callback, some would say. Women who seek abortion in South Carolina could face the death penalty, while women in South Carolina who receive abortions will just face Satan in hell.

Yep. Yep. There we go, Mook. Colorado police report says that gay nightclub shooting motive remains unknown motive unknown looks like the detectives are just as confused as the shooter was oh my god rudy what was that club wait this is a they just had a gay club shooting yeah yeah a while ago colorado springs a gay club shooting yeah yeah a little while ago Colorado Springs you guys are like waiting for me to laugh or something no I just you just you just pause mid-sentence yeah that's great that sucks

yeah uh Mook you were doing an open mic yesterday the one that I was supposed to go to but chickened out and somebody the guy was performing and stopped performing and looked at you and said I love your tiktoks yeah it was clearly like a guy who's been doing stand-up for like a week uh and he was like he was so nervous and he went up he's like you guys even know who the host is like i've seen his tiktoks what a legend he's on barstool and i was like thanks for outing me as gay that's a nice compliment but don't do that in the middle of your set in front of like that's not that's like no one's gonna find that what's been the worst set you've ever seen at an open mic good question like that's not that's like no one's gonna find that what's been the worst set you've ever seen at an open mic good question oh that's tough i've seen a lot uh but what's what

is worse than just bombing just getting no laughs worse than getting mad about it worse than bombing is someone uh yelling at you for your set and like think that's better than bombing. I would rather have some disruption with people who are, like, yelling and mad than have nothing at all. If you can't recover from the disruption, though, it's just so awkward. Some people can, like, make the disruption funny,

but if it's just, like, an assault berating you and you still aren't getting laughs... You're, like, folding under it. Yeah, if you start folding, that's when it gets like, I'm going to fucking end it all kind of situation. I'm curious as to what's like the, uh, what's like the, the bit, like the bit that you see run the most, like the concept. What's the most common joke?

I almost pissed my pants. Holy shit. Every, every standup comedian has a joke about white people, uh, has a joke about dating apps and has a joke about dating apps and has a joke about racism in some capacity i was gonna say the dating app one the dating app it's just so yeah it's always i met a girl so you guys on tinder day my tinge date yeah this is how it went so i'm on the apps that's what everyone says yeah so i'm on the dating or i'm back on the apps or i retired from the apps it's uh that premise has gotten beaten into the ground yeah i would say the one i noticed too is like the like point out the like guy that's wearing a collared shirt like what do you do and he says like a very normal job and they're like i can tell by your collared shirt

it's like they love that the the hack crowd work is a big thing now yeah what do you do for work oh you're an engineer you get no pussy yeah it's always a no pussy punchline yeah yeah i'm a mark at comedy clubs dude i i'm i dread going there me too i'm my biggest fear is being crowd worked yeah i have i told you guys about my 16th birthday so for my 16th birthday, my mom very nicely got like a comedy club, like kind of like I don't know if rented out is the right word, but she like sort of just got it for me and my friends. We were the only really ones there. And like my family, my uncle, she got us like, you know, like a limo.

We went there and she just instructed the performers to cook me to roast you just got awesome mom yeah yeah but yeah and all my friends had the best night ever how you were 16 getting wrote yeah just just fried yeah yeah in hindsight i was like very cool but like that was the blindsided yeah just had no idea that was coming did he did he do well i mean we were 16 and it wasn't like comedians like hardcore it was like kind of like actors that do like do the trick of like embarrassing humbling you right exactly so yeah it was that was uh a lot yeah and i had one with sass where uh i uh went to go see sass and uh i saw francis i hadn't seen this before francis got rehired and so i hadn't seen francis Sass and I saw Francis. I hadn't seen this before Francis got rehired. And so I hadn't seen Francis in years.

And I saw him in the front and he was super nice. We got a drink. And then I was with a date and I was trying to get there early because I really didn't want to be front row, mostly because I just didn't want to fuck up Sass. Like, I figured that would be awkward for him. And I was nervous about that. And then, of course, we got in there late. Cause Francis was nice enough to chop it up and give them, buy a drink or whatever.

So they just put us like dead center front row. And I'm like, okay, hopefully SAS just like looks by me and just doesn't acknowledge it. First thing SAS says, he goes, Hey, Rudy's here.

It's pretty awkward. Me and Rudy work together. Uh, Barcelona did like two minutes about like that. And I was just, Oh yeah, that's tough. It was tough

it was yeah i'm surprised you did that yeah i know i i was like man you really for not wanting to make a point of this is we're really going there yeah that was pretty awkward i uh i was in philly last week i was at helium opening up for uh this dude uh sahib singh very funny and uh they put a redhead with the same color hair as mine in the front row oh and it was the best for me oh yeah it was perfect yeah perfect i got like pops for like nothing i like stared at him for like 10 seconds in the entire room like realized what was happening and it from there it was just an easy set i want do you think people plant people in the crowd to say like heckles yes you could see that because that goes more viral than stand-up clips you said sahib singh yeah very funny i

follow him on he's something he is funny yeah kyle you've been you watched the first half of gangs of new york really liked it probably like the first 33 percent loved it so much that like i was like i have to go explore 1800s new york city do you know where it was filmed that's what i'm saying that's how i knew that's why i was like that building looks familiar that's the seaport and guess you know it was filmed rome sorry oh god why would you do that oh sorry man it was filmed in Rome yeah I was like telling people like I was in that building that's that's

the financial district that's the seaport I was in that exact building sorry fuck that I should have told you because you were so excited I'm just lashing out because I got ripped off by a Chinese sword company epicswords.com a out because I got ripped off by a Chinese sword company. Epic swords dot com.

A fucking course I got ripped off. Did you see the epic sword? Yeah. Epic swords dot com. And then I went to a search like you can't even successfully get a sword. How are you going to get the 200 knives? I have I have guys. I'm tweeting some guys right now.

I found a bulk knife website And then there's a website where you could buy The knives that were confiscated by TSA Ooh That's It's kind of dope How'd you find that? My fellas

Do you have a knife group chat? No I don't have a knife group chat I'm the only knife guy in my phone book I can't you don't think that can be true i guess it is uh mook let's go film uh oh yeah definitely film and then kyle can you send us a song to have at the end and we'll put that out right now yeah and then see how should we do it just like no song no song yeah i want you to have end credits no song dude yes i'm not right i still gotta get ableton and mix and master

come on just one it'll be wrong okay uh it'll be wrong they're just like we'll have the end credits just like nick mook score by kb this is for a tiktok you're gonna put end credits just like Nick Mook score by KB. This is for a TikTok? You're going to put end credits? Yeah. Just do the one first. No, dude. No, no, no, no.

Work on my sound. Bro, no. Let me perfect my sound. I want the one that sounds a lot like Skrillex. The one that kind of sounds like, yeah, it samples some of his work. Yeah. Yeah, I could do that. Yeah.

So it's. Yeah. He's the most famous person in your contacts. Ah, probably star you. That's a Pokemon. Yeah. No. Yeah. Yeah. could do that yeah so it's yeah he's the most famous in your person your contacts ah probably star you that's a pokemon yeah no yeah yeah hey he's not real what what are you talking we played pickleball last week call him call him right now and then valid and then just the end credits okay oh my god yeah as you walk away yeah yeah and then we'll roll credits. Okay. Oh my God. Yeah. As you walk away. Yeah. Yeah. And then roll,

roll credits. We'll put that out and see. Yeah. All right. We're going viral. Yeah, I promise. All right,

boys. Thank you for listening. Uh, next week, three, three, three, three,

three, three, three. Wow. Cool.